Episode 1

Download Subtitles

Transcript

0:00:02 > 0:00:06This programme contains some strong language.

0:00:06 > 0:00:07- # Whatever it takes - I'm gonna be there

0:00:07 > 0:00:09- # I swear it's true - You know I'm gonna be there

0:00:09 > 0:00:12- # It's pure and simple - Uh-huh-huh

0:00:12 > 0:00:14# I'll be there for you

0:00:14 > 0:00:16# Pure and simple Gonna be there

0:00:16 > 0:00:17# Wherever you go

0:00:17 > 0:00:19# I'm gonna be there

0:00:19 > 0:00:20# Whatever you do

0:00:20 > 0:00:22# You know I'm gonna be there

0:00:22 > 0:00:24# It's pure and simple

0:00:24 > 0:00:26# Yeah, yeah, I'll be there for you

0:00:26 > 0:00:29# Pure and simple Gonna be there

0:00:29 > 0:00:32- # Whatever it takes - I'm gonna be there

0:00:32 > 0:00:35- # I swear it's true - You know I'm gonna be there... #

0:00:35 > 0:00:37PHONE RINGS

0:00:37 > 0:00:41- Morning, hiya.- Hi! Morning. - What you up to?

0:00:41 > 0:00:44- What YOU up to? - I'm just driving in.

0:00:44 > 0:00:45You're missed.

0:00:45 > 0:00:48- Oh, yeah? Are you missing me? - Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

0:00:48 > 0:00:50Oh! I'm walking.

0:00:50 > 0:00:51All the way?

0:00:51 > 0:00:53No, to the bus stop.

0:00:53 > 0:00:55Oh, right. Is it far?

0:00:55 > 0:00:57No, nearly there now.

0:00:57 > 0:00:59I need the exercise anyway.

0:00:59 > 0:01:02Keep doing this every morning and I'll soon get all my weight off.

0:01:02 > 0:01:05What weight? There's nothing to you.

0:01:05 > 0:01:08Hmm. I wish. You've not seen my muffin top.

0:01:08 > 0:01:11- Seen your what?- I ate a full pack of Maryland cookies last night.

0:01:11 > 0:01:13It's easily done.

0:01:13 > 0:01:15And too many Babybels.

0:01:15 > 0:01:17I don't know what's the matter with me, John.

0:01:17 > 0:01:18It's not even me lady time.

0:01:19 > 0:01:22Yeah. I can't eat anything after sunset any more.

0:01:22 > 0:01:25Lies too heavy on me.

0:01:25 > 0:01:28I felt like I'd swallowed a brick. Then I couldn't sleep.

0:01:28 > 0:01:29Indigestion?

0:01:29 > 0:01:32No, Mandy's got thin curtains.

0:01:32 > 0:01:35- She's got what?- Thin curtains.

0:01:35 > 0:01:38It lets all the light in. Does my head in.

0:01:38 > 0:01:40- Do you not just shut your eyes? - Well, I do.

0:01:40 > 0:01:42But I secretly know it's still light.

0:01:42 > 0:01:45I need to have it pitch-black, me, I'm like a mole.

0:01:45 > 0:01:48Then I was awake for ages, sat up watching YouTube.

0:01:48 > 0:01:50Oh, aye? What were you watching?

0:01:50 > 0:01:53Kittens dancing and Carpool Karaoke.

0:01:53 > 0:01:54Oh, that'll do it.

0:01:54 > 0:01:56So much addictive shit.

0:01:56 > 0:02:00Tell me about it! There is nothing but shit on YouTube and you sit up

0:02:00 > 0:02:02for hours watching it.

0:02:02 > 0:02:04Then I was watching your Chameleon.

0:02:04 > 0:02:05Who?

0:02:05 > 0:02:07You, your band.

0:02:07 > 0:02:09Compendium.

0:02:09 > 0:02:10Compendium, you and your mate.

0:02:10 > 0:02:12# In the city

0:02:12 > 0:02:15# Feel so fine here tonight. #

0:02:15 > 0:02:17Yeah, then our Mandy's Steve was up at half-six,

0:02:17 > 0:02:20revving his effing bikes. Woke up half the street.

0:02:20 > 0:02:21Half-six?

0:02:21 > 0:02:23Bit early for that carry-on.

0:02:23 > 0:02:25I know. He's a right freakoid.

0:02:25 > 0:02:28Then the kids were up, Misty was barking.

0:02:28 > 0:02:31Then I had to queue for the bathroom, which has no lock.

0:02:31 > 0:02:34I have to shower with my foot on the door handle.

0:02:34 > 0:02:36My left leg's going to stink.

0:02:36 > 0:02:39- SHE SIGHS - I can't carry on like this, John.

0:02:39 > 0:02:40It's driving me mental.

0:02:40 > 0:02:42You've only been there two days.

0:02:42 > 0:02:45I know, and I already feel like this.

0:02:45 > 0:02:47No wonder I'm comfort eating.

0:02:47 > 0:02:49Carry on like this, I'm going to be a right bag of doughnuts.

0:02:49 > 0:02:51I'm so out of condition.

0:02:51 > 0:02:54- Are you not there yet?- Hang fire!

0:02:54 > 0:02:57I'm in court shoes here, I'm not Zola Budd.

0:02:59 > 0:03:00So...

0:03:00 > 0:03:02So...

0:03:02 > 0:03:04- Did you play it, then? - Did I play what?

0:03:04 > 0:03:07The CD I got you. Did you listen to track two?

0:03:07 > 0:03:08Did you listen to the words?

0:03:08 > 0:03:11Erm...the CD?

0:03:11 > 0:03:13No, I've not had a chance yet.

0:03:13 > 0:03:15Oh, right.

0:03:15 > 0:03:17But I will do.

0:03:18 > 0:03:20- Track two.- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

0:03:20 > 0:03:23- Track two. Yeah. - Listen to the words.

0:03:23 > 0:03:25Yeah, I will, all right.

0:03:27 > 0:03:29Anyway...

0:03:29 > 0:03:32how was your Monster Trucks at the weekend?

0:03:32 > 0:03:33Noisy.

0:03:33 > 0:03:35Ben and Sophie were terrified.

0:03:35 > 0:03:38Frig-a-dig, how loud were the monsters?

0:03:38 > 0:03:40"Monsters"?

0:03:40 > 0:03:42The creatures, the puppets?

0:03:42 > 0:03:44What you on about? What monsters?

0:03:44 > 0:03:47- It's Monster Trucks.- Oh.

0:03:47 > 0:03:49I thought it was monsters IN trucks,

0:03:49 > 0:03:52- like it was some telly programme they liked or something.- No!

0:03:52 > 0:03:55Have you never seen them big American four-by-fours,

0:03:55 > 0:03:57with massive wheels?

0:03:57 > 0:03:58So, what do they do?

0:03:58 > 0:04:00Just drive round and bash into things.

0:04:00 > 0:04:02And that's the show?

0:04:02 > 0:04:04Well, you know, it's for kids, isn't it?

0:04:04 > 0:04:06They'd all the favourites there.

0:04:06 > 0:04:11They were all there - Afterburner, Grizzly, Nitro and Glycerine.

0:04:11 > 0:04:13It was packed out. Timberwolf ended up on its side.

0:04:13 > 0:04:15Got bloody disqualified.

0:04:15 > 0:04:18It sounds like it's more for BIG kids.

0:04:18 > 0:04:20Anyway, me bus is here now.

0:04:20 > 0:04:22I'll speak to you later.

0:04:22 > 0:04:24- OK, bye-bye, bye, bye, bye. - Bye, bye, bye.

0:04:26 > 0:04:28# ..and simple Yeah, yeah

0:04:28 > 0:04:29# I'll be there for you

0:04:29 > 0:04:32- # Pure and simple - Gonna be there. #

0:04:32 > 0:04:34HE EXHALES

0:04:36 > 0:04:38MUSIC: Never Had A Dream Come True by S Club 7

0:04:38 > 0:04:40What's this junk?

0:04:44 > 0:04:45# Ooh... #

0:04:45 > 0:04:49S Club 7, Never Had A Dream Come True.

0:04:49 > 0:04:50Crap.

0:04:53 > 0:04:59# Everybody's got something they had to leave behind

0:05:00 > 0:05:04# One regret from yesterday

0:05:04 > 0:05:07# That just seems to grow with time

0:05:07 > 0:05:10# There's no use looking back or wondering

0:05:10 > 0:05:12# Or wondering

0:05:12 > 0:05:15# How it could be now or might have been

0:05:15 > 0:05:16# Or might have been

0:05:16 > 0:05:23# All this I know, but still I can't find ways to let you go

0:05:23 > 0:05:27# I never had a dream come true

0:05:27 > 0:05:31# Till the day that I found you

0:05:31 > 0:05:35# Even though I pretend that I've moved on

0:05:35 > 0:05:39# You'll always be my baby

0:05:39 > 0:05:42# I never found the words to say

0:05:42 > 0:05:45# You're the one I think about each day

0:05:45 > 0:05:50# And I know no matter where life takes me to

0:05:50 > 0:05:58# A part of me will always be with you

0:05:58 > 0:05:59# Yeah. #

0:05:59 > 0:06:02PHONE RINGS

0:06:02 > 0:06:03Did you miss your bus?

0:06:03 > 0:06:05..yeah, sometimes they move us around.

0:06:05 > 0:06:08I've been at three different stores. I like where I am now.

0:06:08 > 0:06:09- WOMAN:- She's been over in Preston.

0:06:09 > 0:06:11She's been there since...

0:06:11 > 0:06:13- KAYLEIGH!- Oh, is she?

0:06:13 > 0:06:16Kayleigh, you've dialled me by accident!

0:06:16 > 0:06:17She can't hear me.

0:06:17 > 0:06:19Kayleigh!

0:06:19 > 0:06:21- What do you work in?- Promotions.

0:06:21 > 0:06:23Head of promotions.

0:06:23 > 0:06:25Yeah. Busy, busy.

0:06:25 > 0:06:28I'm just getting me head round Christmas at the moment.

0:06:28 > 0:06:30Christmas already? Oh!

0:06:30 > 0:06:33- I know. I've got to get a Christmas team together.- Right.

0:06:33 > 0:06:34Oh-ho!

0:06:34 > 0:06:36There's a whole new range coming out this year

0:06:36 > 0:06:37that I've got to oversee.

0:06:37 > 0:06:40- It's not just about hanging balls these days.- Oh, no.

0:06:40 > 0:06:43- Yeah, they picked me because I've got big vision.- Yeah.

0:06:43 > 0:06:47I don't normally get the bus in, I usually have a driver.

0:06:47 > 0:06:50- Really?- Cheeky bitch!

0:06:50 > 0:06:53Oh, my God. What have I done?

0:06:55 > 0:06:57Such a bullshitter.

0:07:02 > 0:07:04PHONE RINGS

0:07:04 > 0:07:06- Hello!- Did I just call you?

0:07:06 > 0:07:09- Yes, you did.- Sorry, it must have rung in me bag.

0:07:09 > 0:07:11Yeah.

0:07:11 > 0:07:13Can you tell me, am I speaking to the lady in charge of

0:07:13 > 0:07:16the Christmas promotions, by any chance?

0:07:16 > 0:07:17You what?

0:07:19 > 0:07:21Oh, yeah.

0:07:21 > 0:07:22- Yeah, yes.- Yes, you are.

0:07:22 > 0:07:24How can I help you, Mr Redmond?

0:07:24 > 0:07:26I'm just surprised you've got time to talk to me

0:07:26 > 0:07:29with all that extra responsibility you've taken on.

0:07:29 > 0:07:32Mm-hm. Yeah, well, you know how it is.

0:07:32 > 0:07:34- Time's money and all that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

0:07:34 > 0:07:37You're such a balloon, you!

0:07:37 > 0:07:41Speaking of balloons, I'll need 500 red and green

0:07:41 > 0:07:42by Tuesday week, pronto.

0:07:42 > 0:07:44"Tuesday week, pronto" - how does that work?

0:07:44 > 0:07:48- Well, let's just make it work, shall we?- Oh-ho!

0:07:48 > 0:07:51- Can't get the staff. - Ha! "Can't get the staff"?!

0:07:51 > 0:07:54- Tell me about it. - I- can't get the bloody staff!

0:07:54 > 0:07:57I'll also need 200 and odd tins of Quality Street.

0:07:57 > 0:07:59- Do you think you can manage that? - I'll do my best.

0:07:59 > 0:08:02It's John. One of my minions.

0:08:02 > 0:08:03I'll minion you.

0:08:03 > 0:08:05I'll kick your bloody arse up and down Quality Street

0:08:05 > 0:08:08- when I get hold of you, lady. - Will you now?

0:08:08 > 0:08:09You and whose army?

0:08:09 > 0:08:11You're so going to get it, you.

0:08:11 > 0:08:13Just remember who you're talking to.

0:08:13 > 0:08:16Just remember who YOU'RE talking to!

0:08:16 > 0:08:19I will do when it comes to t'staff appraisal, don't you worry.

0:08:19 > 0:08:23Just pull your finger out your arse and crack on!

0:08:23 > 0:08:25What?!

0:08:26 > 0:08:28He's for the high jump.

0:08:31 > 0:08:36'Forever FM, playing timeless hits now and forever.'

0:08:36 > 0:08:39MUSIC: We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off by Jermaine Stewart

0:08:50 > 0:08:52PHONE RINGS

0:08:52 > 0:08:55- Hiya.- Oh, hi.

0:08:55 > 0:08:56What you up to?

0:08:56 > 0:08:58Well, I've just been busy getting my finger out of my arse

0:08:58 > 0:09:02- and cracking on. I nearly crashed twice.- Oh, yeah, sorry about that.

0:09:02 > 0:09:04I got a bit carried away.

0:09:04 > 0:09:06Yeah, I know. I heard.

0:09:06 > 0:09:09So, how have you been?

0:09:09 > 0:09:10Yeah, I'm all right.

0:09:11 > 0:09:13What was that?

0:09:13 > 0:09:15I don't know. Hang on.

0:09:15 > 0:09:17Can I help you, buddy?

0:09:17 > 0:09:19Just having a breather.

0:09:19 > 0:09:21Yeah, did you just bang on my roof?

0:09:21 > 0:09:23I put my drink down.

0:09:23 > 0:09:25Are you all right? Are you having some kind

0:09:25 > 0:09:27- of a funny turn? What's up? - No, I'm just having a drink.

0:09:27 > 0:09:29- What's YOUR problem?- Who is it, John?- What's my problem?

0:09:29 > 0:09:31It's a car, not a coaster. So, get it off!

0:09:31 > 0:09:34All right! Someone got out of bed the wrong side this morning!

0:09:34 > 0:09:36- John, who is it?- Someone should have stayed in bed,

0:09:36 > 0:09:39- by the looks of things. You're clearly knackered!- You what?

0:09:39 > 0:09:41Get it off my roof! You want to have a ride down Halfords,

0:09:41 > 0:09:43- get yourself some stabilisers.- Eh?

0:09:43 > 0:09:46- Get your bottle off my roof!- John?

0:09:46 > 0:09:47John, who is it?

0:09:47 > 0:09:48Just some chancer.

0:09:48 > 0:09:51Chancer? Piss off.

0:09:51 > 0:09:52- Come again?- You heard!

0:09:54 > 0:09:56Hey, watch the paintwork, all right!

0:09:56 > 0:09:58I told you, I'm just having a minute.

0:09:58 > 0:10:00- Oh, my God. What's happening? - "A minute"?

0:10:00 > 0:10:03- Well, on your bike.- I AM on my bike.

0:10:03 > 0:10:04Are you winding me up?

0:10:04 > 0:10:07- I've told you, I'm just having a breather.- "A breather"?

0:10:07 > 0:10:09You won't be able to breathe when I open his door

0:10:09 > 0:10:11- and knock you on your head. - Are you threatening me?

0:10:11 > 0:10:14- What do you reckon? - Why are you being so aggressive?

0:10:14 > 0:10:16Wh...wh...why am I being aggressive?

0:10:16 > 0:10:17Are you deliberately thick?

0:10:17 > 0:10:19What's all this about, eh?

0:10:19 > 0:10:21Aggressive? I'll show you aggressive when I undo this belt.

0:10:21 > 0:10:23- Oh, will you now? - Yeah, I will. Yeah, yeah.

0:10:23 > 0:10:26- You started it. - Yeah, and I'll ...cking finish it.

0:10:26 > 0:10:27- Yeah?- I will.

0:10:27 > 0:10:29- Get your bottle off my roof.- Yeah?

0:10:29 > 0:10:31- Just go, go.- Yeah?- Go!

0:10:31 > 0:10:32- Yeah?- Yeah.

0:10:32 > 0:10:34- Yeah?- Yeah, yeah.

0:10:34 > 0:10:35- Yeah.- Yeah?- Just go and take a running jump.

0:10:35 > 0:10:37CAR HORNS BEEP

0:10:37 > 0:10:40That's it, drive off, arsehole!

0:10:40 > 0:10:43- You're the arsehole, dickhead! - You're the dickhead, you dickhead!

0:10:43 > 0:10:45Did you hear that, eh?!

0:10:45 > 0:10:47- Jesus wept!- Oh, my God.

0:10:47 > 0:10:49- What was all that about?- I know!

0:10:49 > 0:10:52Put his bloody bottle on my roof! World's gone mental.

0:10:54 > 0:10:57- RADIO JINGLE:- 'We'll pick it up.

0:10:57 > 0:10:59'Call Keith on 08081 570 075.

0:10:59 > 0:11:03'Well, good news is, it's all pretty quiet out there the moment.

0:11:03 > 0:11:05- 'Not...' - PHONE RINGS

0:11:05 > 0:11:07- Hello.- Are you all right?

0:11:07 > 0:11:09Have you calmed down now?

0:11:09 > 0:11:12Just about. What an arsehole he was.

0:11:12 > 0:11:14Oh, I hate road rage.

0:11:14 > 0:11:17- Did you hear him? - Yeah, anyway, forget it now.

0:11:17 > 0:11:19- Are you all right?- Mm.

0:11:19 > 0:11:22I've got a bloody bad head.

0:11:22 > 0:11:24- Where are you now? - I'm on t'Metro now.

0:11:24 > 0:11:27Bloody hell, you get about a bit. What's next, rickshaw?

0:11:27 > 0:11:29- Who?- Rickshaw?

0:11:29 > 0:11:31Rick who?

0:11:31 > 0:11:33It's not a man, it's a bike with a seat.

0:11:33 > 0:11:35What? You broke up there, what did you say?

0:11:35 > 0:11:37Not here, not me.

0:11:37 > 0:11:39Four bars here, love.

0:11:39 > 0:11:43- Hello?- I said, I've got four bars here, I've got a full house.

0:11:43 > 0:11:44It's you who's breaking up.

0:11:44 > 0:11:46You what?

0:11:46 > 0:11:47- BREAKING UP:- Hello?

0:11:47 > 0:11:49Are you there?

0:11:49 > 0:11:50Hello?

0:11:53 > 0:11:54Call failed.

0:11:54 > 0:11:56SHE SIGHS

0:12:00 > 0:12:02User busy.

0:12:02 > 0:12:05'The person you're calling is unable to take...'

0:12:07 > 0:12:09SHE SIGHS

0:12:09 > 0:12:10PHONE RINGS

0:12:10 > 0:12:11Hello, finally!

0:12:11 > 0:12:14- Finally!- Christ, I've got a bad head NOW!

0:12:14 > 0:12:16- You what?- Hello?

0:12:16 > 0:12:18CALL BREAKING UP

0:12:18 > 0:12:20It's gone. And again.

0:12:21 > 0:12:23SHE SIGHS

0:12:24 > 0:12:28PHONE RINGS Bloody phones, do your head in.

0:12:28 > 0:12:30I know. Tell me about it.

0:12:30 > 0:12:32- SHE YAWNS - I'm knackered.

0:12:32 > 0:12:34It must be taking it out of me, all this travelling.

0:12:34 > 0:12:36You've only been at it an hour.

0:12:36 > 0:12:39- Is it a dear do? - Is it a dear what?

0:12:39 > 0:12:42Is it expensive, travelling?

0:12:42 > 0:12:45It's not bad, actually. £14 for a weekly Ranger.

0:12:45 > 0:12:47That's more than what you were giving me.

0:12:47 > 0:12:50- I wasn't giving you anything. - Exactly.

0:12:50 > 0:12:51Hey, cheeky. I did always offer.

0:12:51 > 0:12:53You said work paid for your petrol.

0:12:53 > 0:12:55- Diesel.- Diesel.

0:12:55 > 0:12:58They do, I'm just winding you up, that's all.

0:12:58 > 0:13:01Anyway, I got you those vouchers for the garden centre as a thank-you.

0:13:01 > 0:13:03You did. I just need a garden now.

0:13:03 > 0:13:06I've only got a window box.

0:13:06 > 0:13:08- Have you used them yet? - I have, as it happens.

0:13:08 > 0:13:12I got myself a crinkle chip cutter and a couple of hanging baskets.

0:13:12 > 0:13:14You're such an old woman.

0:13:14 > 0:13:16So, why did you get yourself a chip cutter?

0:13:16 > 0:13:19- Take a wild guess. - You shouldn't be eating chips, John.

0:13:19 > 0:13:21Why not?

0:13:21 > 0:13:23I'm just thinking of your health, your cholesterol and that.

0:13:23 > 0:13:26Jesus, I only have them once a month as a treat.

0:13:26 > 0:13:28Look, I like chips. So, shoot me.

0:13:28 > 0:13:31And proper old school chips and all, with the chip pan.

0:13:31 > 0:13:33I know it's controversial in this day and age,

0:13:33 > 0:13:36but get yourself a good five pound bag of Maris Pipers

0:13:36 > 0:13:39and forget oven chips, stick them, get these lads parboiled.

0:13:39 > 0:13:42The secret's in the double dunk. That's it.

0:13:42 > 0:13:44And I use rapeseed oil as well, I'm not a lunatic.

0:13:44 > 0:13:47Get them just right, nice and crispy.

0:13:47 > 0:13:48I bet your mouth's watering already, eh?

0:13:48 > 0:13:50It's only ten to nine.

0:13:50 > 0:13:51Eh?

0:13:51 > 0:13:53Kayleigh?

0:13:54 > 0:13:57'king call failed. Honest to God.

0:14:03 > 0:14:04RINGING TONE

0:14:06 > 0:14:09- Yes?- Hiya, have you missed me?

0:14:09 > 0:14:12Haven't had the chance, you've rung me eight times.

0:14:12 > 0:14:14You're funny. I'm shattered.

0:14:14 > 0:14:17I don't how people do this every day. What a ball ache.

0:14:17 > 0:14:18Is it busy?

0:14:18 > 0:14:20Packed!

0:14:20 > 0:14:22Oh, hold on. I don't know where I'm going now.

0:14:22 > 0:14:25- Is it the one near the precinct? - Yeah.

0:14:25 > 0:14:28Right, well, come out, turn sharp right.

0:14:28 > 0:14:30- My right or your right?- Just right.

0:14:30 > 0:14:33Right, OK. Right.

0:14:33 > 0:14:35OK, just walk down the road.

0:14:35 > 0:14:37Can you see The Bar on your left?

0:14:37 > 0:14:39- Where?- It says, "The Bar".

0:14:39 > 0:14:41It's called The Bar.

0:14:41 > 0:14:43Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

0:14:43 > 0:14:46Right, keep going past that, walk towards the junction.

0:14:46 > 0:14:48Oh, it's like Treasure Hunt, this.

0:14:48 > 0:14:50Stop the clock, Kenneth. I've found the clue.

0:14:50 > 0:14:53- Yeah, keep walking.- Yeah.

0:14:53 > 0:14:54Right, you'll see a chemist.

0:14:54 > 0:14:58- Is there a payphone? - Yeah, seen it, got it.

0:14:58 > 0:14:59Right, go right round the bend.

0:14:59 > 0:15:01Can you see a white car parked up?

0:15:01 > 0:15:03OMG, yes!

0:15:05 > 0:15:07See a bloke waving?

0:15:07 > 0:15:09Oh, it's you!

0:15:09 > 0:15:11Jackpot. Fancy a lift?

0:15:11 > 0:15:13Aw!

0:15:13 > 0:15:16Come on. Your chariot awaits.

0:15:19 > 0:15:22'..precious scrap metal. For all your scrap needs,

0:15:22 > 0:15:23'whatever the weather.

0:15:23 > 0:15:25'Forever FM weather.

0:15:25 > 0:15:27'Well, it doesn't know what to do today, does it?'

0:15:27 > 0:15:29Aw! What a lovely surprise!

0:15:29 > 0:15:32You had me then. I thought, "How does he know all this?"

0:15:32 > 0:15:35- I thought you'd gone all Darren Brown.- Derren.

0:15:35 > 0:15:37Come on. Clunk-click, every trip.

0:15:37 > 0:15:39'..highs around 19 degrees.

0:15:39 > 0:15:40'Forever FM weather.'

0:15:40 > 0:15:42Well, I don't think I can get used to that.

0:15:42 > 0:15:46'It might be dull metal to you, but it's shiny scrap to us.'

0:15:46 > 0:15:48This is nice.

0:15:48 > 0:15:51- Just like old times.- '..570 075.'

0:15:51 > 0:15:53Right, we're here.

0:15:53 > 0:15:55'It's the Forever FM Golden Hour.

0:15:55 > 0:15:56'All the hits from one year.

0:15:56 > 0:15:58'But what year is it?

0:15:58 > 0:16:01'Well, this is the year that Terminator 2: Judgment Day

0:16:01 > 0:16:05'was packing people into cinemas across the UK and it was also

0:16:05 > 0:16:08'Judgment Day for the Birmingham Six, as they were finally released

0:16:08 > 0:16:11'from prison, just in time to see this group topping the charts.

0:16:11 > 0:16:14'But who are they? And what was the year?'

0:16:14 > 0:16:171991, Enigma.

0:16:17 > 0:16:18Remember those monks?

0:16:19 > 0:16:22Speaking of enigmas, what's this lad up to?

0:16:23 > 0:16:27MUSIC: Sadeness Part 1 by Enigma

0:16:27 > 0:16:29Gardening now. What can't he do?

0:16:29 > 0:16:32He can strim my bush any time he likes.

0:16:34 > 0:16:36Where's his hard hat?

0:16:36 > 0:16:38I can see it.

0:16:40 > 0:16:42It's not on his head, that's for sure.

0:16:46 > 0:16:49- So, busy day?- Not bad.

0:16:49 > 0:16:52I've got that big meeting with Alan Campbell about the Christmas team.

0:16:52 > 0:16:54Well, if he's making the final decision,

0:16:54 > 0:16:56I can kiss goodbye to Christmas.

0:16:56 > 0:16:58He's not, I am.

0:16:58 > 0:17:00I've just got to run it past him, is all.

0:17:00 > 0:17:02Well, how's it your decision, then?

0:17:02 > 0:17:06It's protocol, all right? Just leave it to Beaver.

0:17:06 > 0:17:09- Well, don't forget about me. - I...

0:17:09 > 0:17:12Kayleigh Kitson, I'll remember you until the day I die.

0:17:12 > 0:17:14Yeah, and that'll be this afternoon

0:17:14 > 0:17:16if I don't get on your Christmas team.

0:17:16 > 0:17:18Anyway, I thought you'd already be on it.

0:17:18 > 0:17:20Seeing as you're now head of promotions.

0:17:20 > 0:17:23- Oh, funny. - How many tins of Quality Street

0:17:23 > 0:17:26- did you want me to order for you? - All right, leave it!

0:17:26 > 0:17:28What were it, 2,000 tinsel?

0:17:28 > 0:17:30- Yeah, yeah.- Charlatan.

0:17:49 > 0:17:53Quick, get in! You're going to get soaked! I'll drop you off.

0:17:53 > 0:17:55No, no, no. I just meant Kayleigh.

0:17:55 > 0:17:57Sorry.

0:18:04 > 0:18:05Oh!

0:18:06 > 0:18:09I nearly dropped a right bollock then.

0:18:09 > 0:18:11- That's a bit tight, wasn't it? - What are you talking about?

0:18:11 > 0:18:13I meant you!

0:18:13 > 0:18:15Christ, it's coming down now, isn't it?

0:18:15 > 0:18:18God, it's filthy. Urgh!

0:18:18 > 0:18:21Did you hear it before? I thought the roof was going to come in.

0:18:21 > 0:18:23It has in Leigh. Oh, aye, they've closed the store.

0:18:23 > 0:18:25Four grand's worth of fish underwater.

0:18:25 > 0:18:27Do you think the Metro will still be running in this?

0:18:27 > 0:18:30Oh, you don't want to be going on t'Metro.

0:18:30 > 0:18:33- I'll drop you to your Mandy's. - Oh, don't be daft.

0:18:33 > 0:18:35It's chucking it down, no bother.

0:18:35 > 0:18:36Oh, are you sure you don't mind?

0:18:36 > 0:18:38I'm sure.

0:18:38 > 0:18:40Oh, thanks.

0:18:40 > 0:18:42It's supposed to be clearing up later.

0:18:42 > 0:18:45No way. This is in for the night, this.

0:18:45 > 0:18:48MUSIC: One Step Further by Bardo

0:18:51 > 0:18:54# One step further and I would have been there... #

0:18:54 > 0:18:55I love this!

0:19:01 > 0:19:05# Can't seem to get your attention no matter how hard I try

0:19:08 > 0:19:12# I just want you to prefer me to the other guys... #

0:19:12 > 0:19:13I didn't know you knew it!

0:19:13 > 0:19:17# So when you looked at me, you only turned away

0:19:17 > 0:19:20# So I walked up beside you

0:19:20 > 0:19:23# But I forgot all the things I had to say

0:19:23 > 0:19:26# I don't know if I tried to

0:19:26 > 0:19:30# I could have taken one step further and I would've been there

0:19:30 > 0:19:34# You could've turned around and hit me and I wouldn't have cared

0:19:34 > 0:19:38# All this time I didn't get anywhere

0:19:38 > 0:19:43# I could've taken one step further and I would've been there. #

0:19:47 > 0:19:50- IN JAMAICAN ACCENT:- Beer can. That's really good.

0:19:50 > 0:19:52- Beer can.- Yeah, beer can.

0:19:52 > 0:19:55- Jamaican.- That's really good.

0:19:55 > 0:19:56Have you got any others?

0:19:56 > 0:19:58Try this one...

0:19:58 > 0:20:00Kipper tie.

0:20:00 > 0:20:02- Kipper tie.- Kipper tie.

0:20:02 > 0:20:04It sounds like "cup of tea" in a Birmingham accent.

0:20:04 > 0:20:08Kipper tie. I'd like a nice kipper tie, please.

0:20:08 > 0:20:10I'd like a nice kipper tie.

0:20:10 > 0:20:13PHONE BEEPS

0:20:13 > 0:20:16- Oh, did you go off as well, then? - Yeah.

0:20:16 > 0:20:18Oh, it's Cath Hilton.

0:20:20 > 0:20:23- She's text you? - Yeah, has she text you?

0:20:23 > 0:20:25- It's a link on YouTube. What's this? - Oh, let me see.

0:20:25 > 0:20:28- I can't do it on mine.- Hey-up.

0:20:28 > 0:20:29Oh, it's you.

0:20:32 > 0:20:34- 'Well, on your bike. - I am on my bike.'

0:20:34 > 0:20:36What the...? 'Are you winding me up?'

0:20:36 > 0:20:38'I've told you, I'm just having a breather.

0:20:38 > 0:20:40'A breather? You won't be able to breathe

0:20:40 > 0:20:42'when I open this door and knock you on your head.'

0:20:42 > 0:20:44That's this morning! That's that cyclist!

0:20:44 > 0:20:47- He must've been filming it. - Oh, that's not fair.

0:20:47 > 0:20:49'Being aggressive? Are you deliberately thick?

0:20:49 > 0:20:50'Eh, what's all this about, eh?

0:20:50 > 0:20:53'Aggressive? I'll show you aggressive when I undo this belt!

0:20:53 > 0:20:56- 'Oh, will you now? - Yeah, I will, yeah.'

0:20:56 > 0:20:58When was he...? 'And I'll ...cking finish it!

0:20:58 > 0:20:59- 'Yeah?- I will.'

0:20:59 > 0:21:01I can't believe this.

0:21:01 > 0:21:02'Just go. Go, go!

0:21:02 > 0:21:04- 'Yeah?- Yeah.

0:21:04 > 0:21:08- 'Yeah?- Yeah, yeah. Just go and take a running jump! Yeah?

0:21:08 > 0:21:11'Hey! Drive off, arsehole!

0:21:11 > 0:21:13'You're the arsehole, dickhead!'

0:21:13 > 0:21:16I can't believe that, that's out of order.

0:21:16 > 0:21:19It's all right. No-one's seen it. Look, it's only had 300 views.

0:21:19 > 0:21:20300 views?!

0:21:20 > 0:21:23- That's more than Compendium's ever had.- Who?

0:21:23 > 0:21:25My band!

0:21:25 > 0:21:28- Let me watch it again. - Don't be watching it again.

0:21:28 > 0:21:29301 views!

0:21:31 > 0:21:35'Brillington College, where "brilliance" is almost our name.

0:21:36 > 0:21:38- 'Scalpel?- Scalpel.

0:21:38 > 0:21:40- 'Clamp?- Clamp.

0:21:40 > 0:21:42'Catalogue?

0:21:42 > 0:21:44'Catalogue.

0:21:44 > 0:21:46'Hmm. This is more complicated than I thought.

0:21:46 > 0:21:48'What is it, Doctor?

0:21:48 > 0:21:50'Well, do I go for the wooden double door shed

0:21:50 > 0:21:52'or the plastic single door shed?

0:21:52 > 0:21:56'Both are a snip a £499.99 plus fitting from the Shed Surgery.

0:21:56 > 0:22:00'At those kind of prices, you can't go wrong.'

0:22:00 > 0:22:02- HEART MONITOR FLATLINES - 'Try telling that to him.'

0:22:02 > 0:22:04Jesus wept.

0:22:04 > 0:22:07'Don't get stitched up. Get a shed from the Shed Surgery.

0:22:07 > 0:22:10'Visit theshedsurgery.co.uk today.'

0:22:10 > 0:22:12# Whoo-hoo

0:22:12 > 0:22:14# Yee-hoo

0:22:14 > 0:22:16# Whoo-hoo

0:22:16 > 0:22:19- # If I could escape - Escape

0:22:19 > 0:22:22# And recreate a place that's my own world

0:22:22 > 0:22:24# My own world

0:22:24 > 0:22:26# Then I could be your favourite girl

0:22:26 > 0:22:29- # Forever, perfectly together. # - I can't get over that.

0:22:29 > 0:22:31He's made me look like a right bell end.

0:22:31 > 0:22:32And he was the one who caused it.

0:22:32 > 0:22:34'The big, big drive home, this is Forever FM.'

0:22:34 > 0:22:36- PHONE MESSAGE BEEPS - Oh.

0:22:36 > 0:22:39Christ, now what? Who else has seen it?

0:22:39 > 0:22:43Oh, it's Pamela from Non-Foods. It's another link.

0:22:43 > 0:22:46- Where's your phone? Quick. - Jesus Christ.

0:22:46 > 0:22:47Look on yours.

0:22:49 > 0:22:53TO THE TUNE OF Jump (For My Love) by Sister Sledge

0:23:03 > 0:23:04What's all that?

0:23:04 > 0:23:05'I'll knock you on your head.'

0:23:08 > 0:23:10How's he done that?

0:23:16 > 0:23:17Oh, no.

0:23:20 > 0:23:22It is very clever.

0:23:23 > 0:23:25"Clever"? That's outrageous.

0:23:25 > 0:23:28Look at that. 8,000 views now.

0:23:28 > 0:23:31I've gone bloody viral.

0:23:31 > 0:23:33'..so, you'll just have to see what it spits out.'

0:23:36 > 0:23:40'Forever FM, playing timeless hits now and forever.'

0:23:40 > 0:23:43MUSIC: Sweet Little Mystery by Wet Wet Wet

0:23:45 > 0:23:47Hey, how'd you get on with your Christmas team?

0:23:47 > 0:23:49The meeting was cancelled.

0:23:49 > 0:23:52Alan Campbell's wife went into labour three weeks early.

0:23:52 > 0:23:54Huh. Any excuse.

0:23:54 > 0:23:56- Straight on?- Yeah, keep going.

0:23:59 > 0:24:01It's up here on the right with the green gazebo.

0:24:01 > 0:24:03Green gazebo?

0:24:03 > 0:24:05Don't ask.

0:24:05 > 0:24:08Oh, glory be, still out tinkering.

0:24:08 > 0:24:10- Is that Steve?- Mm.

0:24:11 > 0:24:13Oh, God. Don't give him eye contact.

0:24:13 > 0:24:16If you get him talking, you'll be here all night.

0:24:16 > 0:24:18- I love an old bike.- Oh, yeah?

0:24:18 > 0:24:20Anyone I know?

0:24:20 > 0:24:23- I'm in here.- Oh, God's sake.

0:24:29 > 0:24:32Hiya. Nice to meet you. I'm John. I work with Kayleigh.

0:24:32 > 0:24:34How do? Steve, Mandy's fella.

0:24:34 > 0:24:38Oh, aye? Hey, you've got your work cut out here, bud.

0:24:38 > 0:24:40Oh, my work's never done, pal.

0:24:40 > 0:24:44Yeah, my dad did up a few bikes. A Triumph and a Land Devil.

0:24:44 > 0:24:46Oh, classic, the Land Devil.

0:24:46 > 0:24:49Yeah, took him nigh on six years.

0:24:49 > 0:24:52- Aye, mind you, thirsty girl. - Oh, yeah.

0:24:52 > 0:24:53Drink you under t'table, that bitch.

0:24:53 > 0:24:55John!

0:24:55 > 0:24:57What?

0:24:57 > 0:24:58ENGINE REVS

0:24:58 > 0:25:00- Do you see what I mean?- Yeah.

0:25:02 > 0:25:05- Still sings, though, doesn't she? - Like a bird.

0:25:05 > 0:25:07Yeah, I'll have a look in t'garage for my dad's old kit,

0:25:07 > 0:25:10- see if he's got any bits bobbing about for you.- Thanks, mate.

0:25:10 > 0:25:12- No bother.- Come on, I'm missing Corrie here.

0:25:12 > 0:25:14Lovebirds.

0:25:16 > 0:25:17Nice fella.

0:25:19 > 0:25:22Oh, look, there's your Now CD. It's in your door.

0:25:22 > 0:25:24Oh, yeah. So it is.

0:25:24 > 0:25:26Did you read my note?

0:25:27 > 0:25:28I might have done.

0:25:28 > 0:25:30And did you play track two?

0:25:30 > 0:25:31I might have done.

0:25:31 > 0:25:33And?

0:25:33 > 0:25:35And, uh...

0:25:35 > 0:25:38- I'll pick you up for work in the morning.- What?

0:25:38 > 0:25:40You don't have to do that. It's miles out your way.

0:25:40 > 0:25:44I know it is, but maybe some things are worth going out your way for.

0:25:45 > 0:25:48Besides, I said I'd drop off some bike parts for Steve

0:25:48 > 0:25:50from my dad's old kit.

0:25:52 > 0:25:53Yeah, you're funny.

0:25:53 > 0:25:55Yeah, I know.

0:25:55 > 0:25:58Hope you manage to get some sleep tonight.

0:25:58 > 0:26:00Yeah, me too. If not I'll just...

0:26:00 > 0:26:03# Jump! On my bike. #

0:26:03 > 0:26:06Funny, aren't you?

0:26:08 > 0:26:15# And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

0:26:17 > 0:26:23# And I can't fight this feeling any more

0:26:23 > 0:26:29# I've forgotten what I started fighting for

0:26:29 > 0:26:34# And if I have to crawl upon the floor

0:26:34 > 0:26:37# Come crashing through your door

0:26:37 > 0:26:46# Baby, I can't fight this feeling any more

0:26:46 > 0:26:49# Ooh. #