4:21:41 > 4:21:48.
4:21:53 > 4:21:59Norman Stanley Fletcher, you have pleaded guilty, and I will now pass sentence.
4:21:59 > 4:22:04You are a criminal who accepts arrest as an occupational hazard,
4:22:04 > 4:22:09and presumably accepts imprisonment in the same casual manner.
4:22:09 > 4:22:17We therefore commit you to the maximum term for these offences. You will go to prison for five years.
4:22:54 > 4:22:59Oh, yeah? What's all the rush? Getting released today, are ya?
4:22:59 > 4:23:04- Nah. Been looking forward to today. - What's happening today?
4:23:04 > 4:23:09Only one good thing about a new day here it replaces the old one.
4:23:09 > 4:23:15We're going out today! Trees, walking on grass, sound of birds...
4:23:15 > 4:23:18Don't get so flaming lyrical, Wordsworth!
4:23:18 > 4:23:23We're only digging drainage ditches for the council.
4:23:23 > 4:23:27Stooped over a shovel, doing a job only prisoners do,
4:23:27 > 4:23:32'cos a respectable geezer would tell 'em to stuff it.
4:23:32 > 4:23:36I don't care what we do. It's a whole day out!
4:23:36 > 4:23:39You're like a kid on a school trip.
4:23:39 > 4:23:43You don't fool me, Fletcher. You just MASK your enthusiasm.
4:23:43 > 4:23:50- If you're so indifferent, why did you bribe your way in? - Yeah, well...- Yeah, well(!)
4:23:50 > 4:23:57I admit I'm looking forward to it. Get the smell of disinfectant out me nostrils.
4:23:57 > 4:24:00Not to mention your festering feet!
4:24:00 > 4:24:05- I change my socks every day.- Yeah? Pity you can't change your feet!
4:24:05 > 4:24:08I don't mention YOUR personal habits.
4:24:08 > 4:24:12What personal habits? I don't HAVE any.
4:24:12 > 4:24:17- You have.- I haven't.- Yes, you have! - I haven't!- You HAVE!- Like what?
4:24:17 > 4:24:24You talk with your mouth full. You whistle out of tune. You snore, spit...
4:24:24 > 4:24:28How DARE you! I do NOT whistle out of tune!
4:24:29 > 4:24:34You've got a flamin' nerve! This is supposed to be a single cell. Mine!
4:24:34 > 4:24:40You've got a nerve talking about MY habits. You, who was dragged up in a back street!
4:24:40 > 4:24:46I had a good upbringing. We didn't have money, but we were spotless.
4:24:46 > 4:24:53You ain't NOW! You're covered in gravy stains. So don't give me stick about manners!
4:24:53 > 4:24:59Everyone at our table is. It's YOUR gravy! I told you, you talk with your mouth full.
4:24:59 > 4:25:04- I'm warning you...!- You're doing it again! I'm covered in toothpaste.
4:25:04 > 4:25:07Cheeky young nerk!
4:25:07 > 4:25:09Don't let's fall out.
4:25:09 > 4:25:15We don't want to spoil things THIS early. Today's a big day.
4:25:15 > 4:25:18Not THAT big. It ain't a trip to Southend.
4:25:18 > 4:25:25A wander up the pier. A nosh-up and reduced rates at the local knocking shop.
4:25:25 > 4:25:26No.
4:25:26 > 4:25:34All we're gonna do, is go across some moor to some village, to dig drains for the council.
4:25:34 > 4:25:42With the remote possibility that a district nurse might cycle by and give us a glimpse of stocking.
4:25:42 > 4:25:45A woman... A woman on a bicycle...
4:25:45 > 4:25:49- I said "might".- No, I can see her. Plain as day.
4:25:49 > 4:25:52..In her uniform. On her bicycle.
4:25:52 > 4:25:58Yeah. Some old spinster with brogues and bike-rider's buttocks.
4:25:58 > 4:26:02No. She's young, Fletch. And nice-looking.
4:26:02 > 4:26:05Well, more than that. Beautiful.
4:26:05 > 4:26:10And the uniform can barely conceal the voluptuous figure within.
4:26:10 > 4:26:15- Voluptuous figure within, is it? - Which her uniform cannot conceal.
4:26:15 > 4:26:17Barely.
4:26:17 > 4:26:20Her face is both innocent and knowing.
4:26:20 > 4:26:23Oh, yeah... I know them innocent faces...
4:26:23 > 4:26:29- Primitive passions stir deep within her breast. - It's a deep one?- Definitely.
4:26:29 > 4:26:35What's this deep-breasted, voluptuous bit of nookey doing HERE?
4:26:35 > 4:26:42- She's nursing her dad, who's got a fatal disease. - Fatal, is it? That can kill you!
4:26:42 > 4:26:46- She gave up the bright lights out of duty.- She would.
4:26:46 > 4:26:53- She could've been a cover girl or a model, chased by Arab playboys. - Instead of which...
4:26:53 > 4:27:00She returns to nurse her dad and tries to subdue these primitive stirrings all the time.
4:27:00 > 4:27:07Until fate decrees that she gets a puncture right opposite the drain I'm digging.
4:27:07 > 4:27:10I saw her first!
4:27:10 > 4:27:12Naff off! Age before beauty.
4:27:12 > 4:27:20I pick her up and dust her off. Not failing to notice the prim, firm contours of her body.
4:27:20 > 4:27:24She's sprained her perfect ankle, so I pick her up,
4:27:24 > 4:27:29and I carry her across several miles of ploughed sludge.
4:27:29 > 4:27:34Until finally we walk into her lonely cottage, just the two of us.
4:27:34 > 4:27:38Thrown together as night falls.
4:27:38 > 4:27:41- Where's her dad?- He's dead.
4:27:41 > 4:27:45It's just her and me, alone together.
4:27:45 > 4:27:50She pours a drink after slipping out of her uniform, slip, slop...
4:27:50 > 4:27:56Then she makes some food, and I eat while we talk...
4:27:56 > 4:28:00- There you go.- What? - Talking with your mouth full.
4:28:02 > 4:28:09- How did you manage to get onto this? Bribe a lot of people in high places? - Now, listen!
4:28:09 > 4:28:15- You're not a working man.- Listen! - I'm a working man, always have been.
4:28:15 > 4:28:18Stoker. Paid my dues.
4:28:18 > 4:28:22Tankers. Persian Gulf. Big sweat, I'll tell you!
4:28:22 > 4:28:25Listen, Navyrum. I do my wack.
4:28:25 > 4:28:29I had a job once. With a road gang on a motorway.
4:28:29 > 4:28:36Nothing job, that was. Lived in a caravan with the wife and kids. Worked in mud, came home to mud.
4:28:36 > 4:28:39Should feel at home today!
4:28:41 > 4:28:44- Allo, Fletch! - Gentlemen. All right, Scrounger?
4:28:44 > 4:28:50- What's this conniving little runt doing on this work party?- Listen!
4:28:50 > 4:28:54Can't shovel his PEAS without getting tennis elbow!
4:28:54 > 4:28:57- I'll do my share. - He's a skiving git!
4:28:57 > 4:29:01- That's just what he is. And how are you?- All right.
4:29:01 > 4:29:05- This is my cellmate, Lenny Godber. - Hello, son.
4:29:05 > 4:29:14- Me and Navyrum were in Maidstone. One day he'll let you read his tattoos.- Who are we waiting for?
4:29:14 > 4:29:17- Dylan.- That lazy anarchist nerk?
4:29:17 > 4:29:23What a bunch! A seven-stone weakling and the King of the Huddersfield Hippies.
4:29:28 > 4:29:33- Hello, Dylan.- Hey, man, my name's Melvyn. What's this "Dylan" scene?
4:29:33 > 4:29:39It's affectionate, not malicious. You see, you do remind us of Dylan.
4:29:39 > 4:29:44- BOB Dylan?- No, the hippy rabbit on the "Magic Roundabout".
4:29:44 > 4:29:48- I'm not a hippy! - You're the nearest thing we've got.
4:29:48 > 4:29:56You wear an earring. You were thrown out of art school. AND you've tie-dyed your uniform.
4:29:56 > 4:29:57Man!?
4:29:57 > 4:30:03- So you watch "The Magic Roundabout"? - Yeah. There's nothing else to watch.
4:30:03 > 4:30:05"Magic Roundabout"?
4:30:05 > 4:30:09It's given innocent people a lot of pleasure!
4:30:09 > 4:30:12And us guilty people too!
4:30:12 > 4:30:17- Simple pleasures are important. - Like this day out.
4:30:17 > 4:30:20It'll be great... The grass and flowers.
4:30:20 > 4:30:25You should join our botany club. I run it during the summertime.
4:30:25 > 4:30:30We go out and explore the natural phenomena of our countryside.
4:30:30 > 4:30:34We'll explore the natural phenomena of our nurse!
4:30:34 > 4:30:40Which nurse? She's MINE. He stole her. What're we waiting for?
4:30:40 > 4:30:41Mr Mackay.
4:30:41 > 4:30:46- Scotland the Brave? Is HE coming? - He's in charge.
4:30:46 > 4:30:49- Git. Pig.- Anarchist nerk.
4:30:49 > 4:30:54- What's going on?- Mr Mackay. We've just voted you Man of the Year!
4:30:55 > 4:30:58On your feet, all of you.
4:30:59 > 4:31:02- None of your lip. - You'll get none today.
4:31:02 > 4:31:04Now!
4:31:04 > 4:31:09As this work party is composed of such a spineless, delinquent rabble,
4:31:09 > 4:31:13let's make a few things crystal clear.
4:31:13 > 4:31:20There will be no skiving, no fraternising with the public, no kipping.
4:31:20 > 4:31:27And no visits to the pub, masquerading as Irish labourers working on a mythical motorway!
4:31:27 > 4:31:29Clear?
4:31:29 > 4:31:32- Any questions?- I've got a question.
4:31:32 > 4:31:36Is the ball and chain worn inside or outside the boots?
4:31:58 > 4:32:01THEY CHEER
4:32:30 > 4:32:34ALL SHOUT LECHEROUSLY
4:32:34 > 4:32:37Quiet, the lot of you! Get on with it!
4:32:38 > 4:32:41Ives! Put some effort into it!
4:32:41 > 4:32:45Everyone's getting at me. I'm doing my share.
4:32:45 > 4:32:49You'd have us in chains, wouldn't you?
4:32:49 > 4:32:51With the greatest of pleasure.
4:32:51 > 4:32:54- Pig!- Did you speak, Bottomley?
4:32:54 > 4:32:58- I told Fletcher to DIG. - Who are you calling a pig?
4:32:59 > 4:33:02- You watch it!- Can we sing?
4:33:02 > 4:33:05- Sing?- What've we got to sing about?
4:33:05 > 4:33:10It'd help. Like the negro slaves on the plantations in the deep South.
4:33:10 > 4:33:12THEY sang.
4:33:12 > 4:33:16Work songs. Kept their spirits up.
4:33:18 > 4:33:20We're in a gang, like THEM.
4:33:21 > 4:33:26If you chuck much more mud about, we'll LOOK like 'em, too!
4:33:26 > 4:33:30We used to sing in the Gulf. Stoking. We sang opera.
4:33:30 > 4:33:34# My tiny feet are frozen,
4:33:34 > 4:33:37# Won't you warm them next to mine?
4:33:37 > 4:33:40# Da-da, da-da-a-a... #
4:33:40 > 4:33:44- Oh, dear, oh, dear! - There will be no singing.
4:33:44 > 4:33:47Thank Gawd for that!
4:33:48 > 4:33:51Now! I'm just, er...
4:33:51 > 4:33:56..popping down to the village to get some...parts for my lawnmower.
4:33:56 > 4:33:59So, er, take charge.
4:33:59 > 4:34:05- You'll not be long, will you? - You're perfectly capable, man!
4:34:05 > 4:34:08But there's a lot of them, and only one of me.
4:34:10 > 4:34:13Pull yourself together, Mr Barrowclough!
4:34:16 > 4:34:19THE MEN CHEER
4:34:22 > 4:34:28- Where's he going? - He's after the nurse. He's not as fussy as us.
4:34:31 > 4:34:33Now, listen.
4:34:37 > 4:34:40Now, let's knuckle down.
4:34:40 > 4:34:43My approach may not be as rigid as Mr Mackay's,
4:34:43 > 4:34:48but there's work to be done and it's my job to see that you do it.
4:34:48 > 4:34:54There'll be no slacking, shirking, or taking advantage of my good nature.
4:34:56 > 4:34:57..Right?
4:34:58 > 4:35:01ALL: Right, Mr Barrowclough.
4:35:01 > 4:35:06THEY ALL START CHATTING
4:35:16 > 4:35:18It's great, this, innit, Fletch?
4:35:18 > 4:35:21Being out.
4:35:21 > 4:35:27Yeah, makes a change. But I wish there was more to write home about.
4:35:27 > 4:35:31Beautiful pub down the road... Wouldn't half like to be in there...
4:35:31 > 4:35:36Or popping to the village shop for some sweets and a Reveille.
4:35:36 > 4:35:39- Ain't possible.- It's been done...
4:35:39 > 4:35:44Now, come on, men. You've had a nice, long smoke break. Let's get back.
4:35:44 > 4:35:47You shouldn't smoke in here, really.
4:35:47 > 4:35:54We've got to sit somewhere. We can't sit on that damp grass. It's bad for your...
4:35:54 > 4:35:58You could sit on the earth you dig. Form little piles.
4:35:58 > 4:36:01That's what worries me the piles.
4:36:01 > 4:36:04Really! Come on!
4:36:04 > 4:36:10We must get back. One, two, three... We're one short. Where's Ives?
4:36:10 > 4:36:14- He's desecrating holy ground. - What do you mean?
4:36:14 > 4:36:16Having a slash in the churchyard.
4:36:16 > 4:36:20IVES SCREAMS WITH PAIN
4:36:27 > 4:36:32- I've been stung. - How much did they charge you?
4:36:32 > 4:36:39- Was it a bee?- How do- I- know? I'm not a zoologist! - Could be a wasp, or a hornet.
4:36:39 > 4:36:45- It makes a lot of difference. A different degree of poison. - It was big.
4:36:45 > 4:36:48- A hornet. Fatal.- What do you mean?
4:36:48 > 4:36:50Let's see. Oh, dear, yeah.
4:36:50 > 4:36:55Tell you what, gents. If someone don't suck the poison out...
4:36:57 > 4:37:00..poor old Ives is gonna die.
4:37:02 > 4:37:08- You're gonna die, Ives.- Listen! That's not funny.- Don't joke.
4:37:08 > 4:37:12He's in distress. It's probably just a gnat bite.
4:37:12 > 4:37:16- I could DIE! OOH! - The spasms are coming on.
4:37:16 > 4:37:20- Permission to make a suggestion, Mr Barrowclough.- What?
4:37:20 > 4:37:25We need some TCP or ointment. Then we need a volunteer to rub it on.
4:37:25 > 4:37:30- I could go to the village to get some.- AHEM..!
4:37:30 > 4:37:34- Go to the village? - I'd go if it was a mercy mission.
4:37:34 > 4:37:38Well, if you went straight there and back...
4:37:38 > 4:37:42Certainly! A man's life may be a stake.
4:37:42 > 4:37:47- I'll need money for the antibiotics. - I've only got a pound.- That'll do.
4:37:47 > 4:37:53Come on, Mr Barrowclough. Time is of the essence. A man's life is at stake.
4:37:53 > 4:37:56Every second counts!
4:37:56 > 4:38:00Thank you, sir. You look as though you need it. >
4:38:00 > 4:38:04I haven't had one for ages. I've got an ulcer.
4:38:04 > 4:38:09I'm not supposed to drink. But occasionally I have a little sip.
4:38:24 > 4:38:27Fill her up, will you?
4:38:27 > 4:38:32- And six packets of crisps, please. - With an ulcer?- No, cheese and onion.
4:38:34 > 4:38:37No...I mean... They'renotforME,you see.
4:38:37 > 4:38:40- They're for thelads.- Lads?
4:38:40 > 4:38:44The lads that are... workingonthemotorway.
4:38:44 > 4:38:45Motorway?
4:38:45 > 4:38:48The new bypass.
4:38:48 > 4:38:51- I've not heard of a new bypass.- No.
4:38:51 > 4:38:54I've only just heard of it myself.
4:38:54 > 4:38:59But that's outrageous. Thearea'sNational Trust.
4:38:59 > 4:39:03- What would we needabypassfor? - Don't ask me.
4:39:03 > 4:39:07I only work here. I'masconcernedas you are.
4:39:07 > 4:39:13Despoiling our land. CourseI'm worried. That's how I got my ulcer.
4:39:13 > 4:39:16- Morning, all. - Did you hear the thunder?
4:39:18 > 4:39:23It's gonna pi... It's gonna pelt down in a minute.
4:39:23 > 4:39:29- Have you heard, Vicar?- Heard what? - They're building a bypass.- Where?
4:39:29 > 4:39:36- Over the back there. - Why? There's nothing TO bypass. Except the prison.
4:39:36 > 4:39:38What prison's that?
4:39:38 > 4:39:41600 criminals on our doorstep!
4:39:41 > 4:39:48- Now, now. They're serving their penance.- It's public revenge an eye for an eye, a tooth for a nail.
4:39:48 > 4:39:53We must be tolerant. Without being pious we must keep an open mind.
4:39:53 > 4:39:58My mind, like my church, is always open.
4:39:58 > 4:40:02"More joy in heaven over one sinner that relenteth..."
4:40:02 > 4:40:07- Repenteth. Indeed! Would you like...?- Thank you.
4:40:07 > 4:40:09- Same again, please.- Oh.
4:40:09 > 4:40:13Fine. Do the honours, Frank.
4:40:13 > 4:40:19I was going to ask if you'd bring your chums to evensong on Sunday.
4:40:19 > 4:40:21What? Er...
4:40:21 > 4:40:26- Don't...- No, I was just standing... I was...er...
4:40:26 > 4:40:31The trouble is we may not be able to get out...over...across...
4:40:31 > 4:40:36I tell you what, we'll come if we're free, all right?
4:40:36 > 4:40:38- Ta. Cheers.- Cheers.
4:40:40 > 4:40:43Here's a different view. Morning, Mr Mackay.
4:40:45 > 4:40:48Morning, Mr Mackay. Morning, Mr Mackay.
4:40:50 > 4:40:53- A different view to what? - To our friend...
4:40:55 > 4:40:57He's vanished.
4:40:57 > 4:41:00I'll have a whisky and a pint chaser.
4:41:00 > 4:41:03- Are you on duty?- Only half on duty.
4:41:03 > 4:41:10- I've got a work party down the road.- Work party? - Yes, they're digging ditches.
4:41:10 > 4:41:12- Prisoners?- Yes.
4:41:14 > 4:41:17Verger, why don't you pop down to the church?
4:41:17 > 4:41:21- But it's going to pour! - You've got your bike.
4:41:21 > 4:41:25- Pop down and lock the church.- Why?
4:41:25 > 4:41:30You heard him there's a bunch of criminals loose in the area!
4:42:01 > 4:42:05SHEEP BAAS INDIGNANTLY
4:42:05 > 4:42:08This one was done in South America Chile.
4:42:08 > 4:42:13It's a religious country hence the religious overtones.
4:42:13 > 4:42:18What's her name? Daphne. That doesn't sound very Chilean.
4:42:18 > 4:42:23No, she was from Bootle. She was stranded there with a juggling act.
4:42:23 > 4:42:28I'm from the 'Pool, so we got on. Hence the affectionate overtones.
4:42:28 > 4:42:31"I'll always..." Not out loud in here!
4:42:31 > 4:42:34What are you still doing in here?
4:42:34 > 4:42:42We heard the thunder and Navyrum said we were due for a heavy storm him having been in the Navy, he knew.
4:42:42 > 4:42:45Where's the ointment?
4:42:47 > 4:42:51Oh, the ointment. Well...I'll tell you...
4:42:51 > 4:42:54Come on, Fletch, this is killing me!
4:42:54 > 4:42:59The thing about the ointment is... that the shop was shut for lunch.
4:42:59 > 4:43:05- But it's only 11.30!- Well, they shut early because they get up so early.
4:43:05 > 4:43:08Come on, my backside's ablaze!
4:43:08 > 4:43:14- Stick it in the font! - I could die!- Oh, dear. Anyone know the burial service?
4:43:14 > 4:43:19- I buried a bloke at sea.- That's OK there's a reservoir up the road.
4:43:19 > 4:43:23This day's turning into a disaster.
4:43:23 > 4:43:28Come on, the storm's passed over. Let's get that ditch finished.
4:43:28 > 4:43:31Crafty nerk! You've been to the pub!
4:43:31 > 4:43:37- You have!- All right, you don't think I'd forget my chums?- Cheers, Fletch.
4:43:37 > 4:43:41Not you special diet for bee stings.
4:43:41 > 4:43:45That'll put hair on your legs.
4:43:45 > 4:43:47Is all this out of my pound?
4:43:47 > 4:43:51Yes, that's your special lot there, Mr Barrowclough.
4:43:51 > 4:43:56On behalf of us all, I thank you for this magnaminous gesture.
4:43:56 > 4:44:00ALL SHOUT THANKS
4:44:00 > 4:44:03Now we've got some protein, we can dig.
4:44:03 > 4:44:08We've done precious little digging this morning! Come on!
4:44:09 > 4:44:12Come on, Ives, you're not dead yet.
4:44:12 > 4:44:16- That's funny, this door's stuck. - Let's have a look.
4:44:21 > 4:44:25It's not stuck, it's locked.
4:44:47 > 4:44:52Someone's stolen my bike. I bet it's one of your lot.
4:44:52 > 4:44:53Nonsense!
4:44:53 > 4:44:59My lot are hard at it. Without my say so they wouldn't dare move.
4:45:01 > 4:45:03All right, you lot!
4:45:09 > 4:45:11They've scarpered!
4:45:11 > 4:45:17The vestry door's locked as well. There's no other way out.
4:45:17 > 4:45:19Why don't we break a window?
4:45:19 > 4:45:24You what? These windows are 400 years old, you nerk!
4:45:24 > 4:45:31This is a church! Ain't you got no reverence? You're a PALESTINE, that's what you are!
4:45:31 > 4:45:38- A PHILISTINE, I think you mean. - That depends whether you're Jewish or not.
4:45:38 > 4:45:41Why don't we ring the bell?
4:45:41 > 4:45:44Oh, no. They never use this bell, you see.
4:45:44 > 4:45:47It's ancient, like the tower.
4:45:47 > 4:45:53The last time it rang was to warn the villagers of marauding Scots.
4:45:53 > 4:45:58- Marauding Scots, was it?- That would have been in the 16th century.
4:45:58 > 4:46:02The rascals used to come over the border
4:46:02 > 4:46:07pillaging crops, stealing cattle...and ravishing the women...
4:46:07 > 4:46:12 That bell would put the wind up a few vests!
4:46:12 > 4:46:17They'd flee with their possessions strapped to their Vauxhall Vivas.
4:46:17 > 4:46:21Some of the women would probably stay though!
4:46:21 > 4:46:28Don't be flippant, Fletch. Can't you think of something? You're in for breaking and entering.
4:46:28 > 4:46:34"Entering" is the operative word. I've never broken out of nowhere.
4:46:34 > 4:46:40We get one day out of nick and what happens? We get locked in!
4:46:45 > 4:46:49Chief Officer Barrett? Mackay here, sir.
4:46:49 > 4:46:51Mackay!
4:46:52 > 4:46:58Something has occurred, sir, which I think needs your attention...
4:46:58 > 4:47:01- Just down here, are they? - Not any more.
4:47:01 > 4:47:08- You should have put out a full-scale alert!- I still think your judgment is impaired.
4:47:08 > 4:47:16I'm not making a fool out of Slade, nor burdening the tax-payers with an alert until I've verified the facts.
4:47:30 > 4:47:35See? There you are, Mr Barrett. I told you. I told you, didn't I?
4:47:35 > 4:47:41ALL: Afternoon, Mr Barrett. Afternoon, Mr Mackay.
4:47:46 > 4:47:53Good afternoon, Mr Barrett. Mr Mackay. All present and correct, sir.
4:47:53 > 4:47:56Pull yourself together, Mr Mackay.
4:48:04 > 4:48:10I have been dropped in it, Fletcher, have I not? And from a great height.
4:48:10 > 4:48:15I'm sorry to hear that, Mr Mackay. Can we help?
4:48:15 > 4:48:20When I'm in it, Fletcher, I absorb it with a stiff upper lip.
4:48:20 > 4:48:23You would if you're in it up to here!
4:48:23 > 4:48:27I absorb it with cool Celtic calm,
4:48:27 > 4:48:34- and then I relieve my frustrations by making sure everyone else suffers.- Pardon?- SUFFERS!
4:48:34 > 4:48:42- That's not fair!- Fair?- It wasn't our fault we got locked in.- We'd still be there if it wasn't for that funeral.
4:48:42 > 4:48:46What were you doing in the church if you weren't skiving?
4:48:46 > 4:48:51Taking advantage of Mr Barrowclough's laxity.
4:48:51 > 4:48:57- I didn't know Mr Barrowclough suffered from laxity.- Poor fellow.
4:48:57 > 4:49:04- Godber!- Sir. - Don't imagine you'll be excluded from my spiteful resentments.
4:49:04 > 4:49:09Over the next weeks you will both suffer some terrible indignities.
4:49:09 > 4:49:12Your feet, Fletcher,
4:49:12 > 4:49:14will not touch the floor.
4:49:14 > 4:49:19- I'm not a mealy-mouthed liberal, - I- HARBOUR grudges!
4:49:25 > 4:49:28- He means it.- Yeah, well.
4:49:28 > 4:49:33- It was worth it though, wasn't it? - It certainly was, son.
4:49:33 > 4:49:37Yes. A day out. A bag of crisps.
4:49:37 > 4:49:40A few beers...for some of us.
4:49:40 > 4:49:46Old Ives in agony and Mackay dropped right in it. We did all right.
4:49:46 > 4:49:49- You did better than most, Fletch. - Naturally.
4:49:49 > 4:49:54- I got something out of the day myself.- Oh, yeah? What?
4:49:54 > 4:49:56Something I nicked from the church.
4:49:56 > 4:49:59It's a surplice.
4:50:00 > 4:50:03You STOLE...from a church?
4:50:03 > 4:50:08Yeah. It's the only place you can get them.
4:50:10 > 4:50:13What do you want it for anyway?
4:50:13 > 4:50:18This will satisfy a need I've had for a very long time.
4:50:19 > 4:50:21What's that?
4:50:23 > 4:50:27It's to protect me when you talk with your mouth full!
4:51:04 > 4:51:08Subtitles by Alison Roberts and Sue Walker 1992