0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains some strong language
0:00:07 > 0:00:10- Happy?- No.- The only problem YOU have with these properties is that I'm in them!
0:00:10 > 0:00:12- You think...- Is it worth it? - I'm not sure it is.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32Hey.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Oh, morning.
0:00:36 > 0:00:37So...
0:00:37 > 0:00:41So... Last night was...
0:00:41 > 0:00:42Yeah.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46What was it? What were you going to say?
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Well, I thought it was great!
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Oh! Good!
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Why? What were you going to say?
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Same.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57Well, I'm glad that we.... Are you not?
0:00:57 > 0:01:01Oh, yeah... And I'm glad you're glad.
0:01:09 > 0:01:13- I've got work.- Oh, OK. Can I see you later for lunch?
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Yeah, I'd like that.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18Cool. Well, I've got to pick up Emily but then I'll call in.
0:01:18 > 0:01:19OK.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26Jamie, are you going to tell her?
0:01:26 > 0:01:30Er...no. No. She doesn't tell ME anything.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33So who I see is none of her business.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Oh, OK.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43BABY CRYING
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Yep, I know, I didn't sleep either.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52OK. Aw! Sh...
0:01:52 > 0:01:55KNOCK ON DOOR
0:02:02 > 0:02:06- Jamie!- Hello! Nice place.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10Lots of space! But then, that's what you wanted, wasn't it?
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Look, I was going to call you but...
0:02:12 > 0:02:15But you left it up to the estate agent to fill me in?
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Isabel told you?
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Yeah, well, we talked.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23OK, look, I know you must be upset...and that this possibly
0:02:23 > 0:02:26wasn't the perfect way of doing this but...
0:02:26 > 0:02:28- Possibly?- We can talk about it.
0:02:28 > 0:02:29I don't want to talk about it!
0:02:29 > 0:02:31In fact, I don't want to have to see you right now.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33I only came to pick up Emily.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Oh... OK, well, look maybe if you...
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Yeah, yeah, got to go.
0:02:38 > 0:02:39OK.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Say goodbye to Mummy.
0:02:41 > 0:02:42Bye!
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Bye.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53KNOCK ON DOOR
0:02:55 > 0:02:58House-warming! Woooooo!
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Woo-hoo!
0:03:03 > 0:03:04Hey, Beth.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06OK, great, I'll see you tonight.
0:03:06 > 0:03:07Great, it's a date!
0:03:09 > 0:03:12Great. See ya... Hi...
0:03:12 > 0:03:13Who were they?
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Just some new friends.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18Yeah, right! Like you can make friends with people!
0:03:18 > 0:03:20I don't want to break your heart, Beth
0:03:20 > 0:03:24but I think they were probably just humouring you to get a free coffee.
0:03:24 > 0:03:25Actually they want to hang out.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29I'm meeting up with them later tonight.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Yeah, well, I might just tag along, see how it goes.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34You can't just tag along.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37You have to be accepted and trusted before you can fit into their ecosystem.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40What and you want to be part of the food chain?
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Whatever it takes to be part of their world!
0:03:43 > 0:03:46Pretty weird looking world.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49Yeah, well, it's better than the barren wastelands of Planet Mike!
0:03:51 > 0:03:53I think I've really upset him.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55I've never seen him this pissed off before.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58Oh, God, If he's going to be grumpy, just let him!
0:03:58 > 0:04:00We are intelligent, independent women!
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Why do we always end up talking about men?
0:04:02 > 0:04:03It's beneath us!
0:04:03 > 0:04:07Yeah, you're right. He'll get over it.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Damn right! Now, no more boy talk!
0:04:10 > 0:04:12It'll give us a chance to catch up.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14I need some Laura time. I've missed you.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Awww.
0:04:16 > 0:04:17PHONE RINGS
0:04:17 > 0:04:20Oh, erm, I've got to get that.
0:04:21 > 0:04:22Hi, Adrian.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26- 'Did you make it OK?' - Yeah, just got in.- 'Great, OK.'
0:04:26 > 0:04:28This is nice, I've not noticed this place before.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Oh, yeah, it's great. Nice coffee, they play good music.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34We've always loved it here.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37We?
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Emily and me!
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Because of the great pram access,
0:04:42 > 0:04:46and the nappy-changing facilities are amazing.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49It's one of our favourites, isn't it?
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Yes, it is!
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Oh! Well done, sweetheart.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Oh, I'm out of wipes.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Erm, I'll just grab some tissue from the toilet.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Take her for a minute?
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Oh, really, I don't think I can.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10Oh, it's fine. Just support her head, and give her this.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13You'll be fine. I'll be back in two secs.
0:05:16 > 0:05:17TEXT
0:05:17 > 0:05:22- Who keeps texting you? - Oh, er... Professor Armitage.
0:05:22 > 0:05:23Why is HE texting you?
0:05:25 > 0:05:26You're SEEING him?
0:05:26 > 0:05:28A bit.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30Ugh... wow!
0:05:30 > 0:05:32He's a bit intense but he's really interesting.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34And my grades have picked up.
0:05:34 > 0:05:38I mean, he has been marking a lot of my stuff but...
0:05:38 > 0:05:42- Are you listening?- Oh, look, Emily, it's your mother. Hopefully she won't see us!
0:05:42 > 0:05:44KNOCK ON WINDOW
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Nope, she's definitely seen us!
0:05:46 > 0:05:47Hi!
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Oh, crap! Er...
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Er...
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Ooooh, how adorable!
0:05:55 > 0:05:57I'm going to come in. I'm coming in.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Oh, come on!
0:06:01 > 0:06:02Jamie!
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Hiya! How are you?
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Oh, great.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13And who is this?
0:06:13 > 0:06:16Hello... Emily?
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Aha, yeah...
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Oh, er, are you with Jamie?
0:06:21 > 0:06:24Yes! And I'm really sorry you had to find out this way.
0:06:24 > 0:06:25I said he should tell you!
0:06:25 > 0:06:28What, sorry?
0:06:28 > 0:06:30You meant - am I with him here?
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Yes. That too.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38Right, let's clear this mess...
0:06:38 > 0:06:42- ..up!- Laura's here...
0:06:42 > 0:06:46Laura. Hi. This is...
0:06:46 > 0:06:50I know what this is.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53I guess I'll just take our daughter and...
0:06:54 > 0:06:56..let you two get on with your...
0:07:03 > 0:07:04We're leaving.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19You sneaky little bastard!
0:07:22 > 0:07:25It's so over the top!
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Oh, hi, Beth!
0:07:27 > 0:07:28What are you doing here?
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Oh, I come here all the time!
0:07:30 > 0:07:32They all know me here, so...
0:07:37 > 0:07:40All right, Carol?
0:07:40 > 0:07:43Squeeze in here... Hi, I'm Mike.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45So, who are you?
0:07:45 > 0:07:48So anyway, she keeps saying she's going to kill herself.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51But I say, if all you're going to do with your life,
0:07:51 > 0:07:55is spend your time writing vampire fan fiction, then good riddance!
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Yeah, so I was thinking I might get a tattoo.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03I've got this birthmark I thought they could incorporate. It looks a bit like Mickey Mouse.
0:08:03 > 0:08:08- See, I'm halfway there, if you have a look.- Yeah... We're leaving.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11I don't understand, where does she write this?
0:08:11 > 0:08:14She writes it on like vampire forums.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17I'm just going to go and get a drink from the bar - do you want anything?
0:08:17 > 0:08:19She...
0:08:19 > 0:08:25Like nobody appreciates her art, you know, she's all moan, moan, moan.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27INAUDIBLE
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Hi there!
0:08:37 > 0:08:40Hello? Whenever you're ready...
0:08:45 > 0:08:46Hey!
0:08:48 > 0:08:53It's really sweet that you brought your friend along to check me out.
0:08:53 > 0:08:54Mark, was it?
0:08:54 > 0:08:58Mike? Oh, no, he's not a...
0:08:58 > 0:09:01I didn't invite him!
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Yeah, right, admit it!
0:09:03 > 0:09:07He was the parachute, in case you didn't like me.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10But I assume I've passed the test?
0:09:11 > 0:09:13What test?
0:09:13 > 0:09:17You are so adorable! But you don't have to pretend.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21I really like you.
0:09:21 > 0:09:22And you really like me.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28Er, yeah...um,. but...
0:09:28 > 0:09:30But nothing!
0:09:30 > 0:09:33This? This is perfect.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45I just cannot believe!
0:09:45 > 0:09:47I know!
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Maybe I should call him.
0:09:49 > 0:09:53Erm, no! Do not drunk-call him!
0:09:53 > 0:09:56No, you're right, you're right.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Maybe I'll just call him tomorrow.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02Yeah, or, maybe you should talk to HER!
0:10:02 > 0:10:06Yes, yes! This is all her fault!
0:10:06 > 0:10:10Yes! Ignore the monkey, just go straight to the organ grinder.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13- She IS the organ grinder! - What a bitch!
0:10:16 > 0:10:19I'm so glad that you're here for this day!
0:10:19 > 0:10:20That's OK.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Hey, why don't we just stay up all night, get really,
0:10:23 > 0:10:27really drunk and just talk all our relationship problems out?
0:10:27 > 0:10:30And then we can move on.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Yeah. No. I think I'm going to go to bed.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36I really haven't slept since I moved here.
0:10:36 > 0:10:37Could you watch Emily?
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Er...
0:10:41 > 0:10:43I guess I could.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49If you are going to, maybe I should just...
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Because you can't, you know.
0:10:51 > 0:10:56Errrm...yeah. Of course.
0:10:56 > 0:11:00- Good night.- OK.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02- (ON SCREEN) - 'Oh, my God! This is huge!'
0:11:02 > 0:11:04It is not huge!
0:11:04 > 0:11:06'It explains why she wasn't into me!
0:11:06 > 0:11:07'It makes sense now.'
0:11:07 > 0:11:11It doesn't make sense. It's not like I encouraged it!
0:11:11 > 0:11:14Yeah right, just look at the way you dress!
0:11:14 > 0:11:16It screams sexual ambiguity.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Well, I did not lead her on!
0:11:18 > 0:11:23'Really? The girl you're desperate to be around, who's incredibly cool and smart?'
0:11:23 > 0:11:28Well, she is great! And it's not like I'm anti-gay.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Maybe going out with her would be fun.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34'Just as long as you're ready for the reality of lesbian sex.'
0:11:34 > 0:11:37It's a subject I studied in great detail.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Mmm, I'm not sure what you've studied accurately reflects
0:11:40 > 0:11:42the lesbian experience.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44I'm just saying it's not all motorbikes
0:11:44 > 0:11:46and cupcakes and Charlotte Bronte.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48And this girl's going to have expectations!
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Maybe I should just say something?
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Yeah, it starts off as saying something,
0:11:52 > 0:11:53and then it's doing something!
0:11:53 > 0:11:56And then a couple of months later strapping something on.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Why am I even talking to you about this?
0:11:58 > 0:12:01This is why I need a female friend!
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Sounds like you're about to get one.
0:12:03 > 0:12:04A very special one!
0:12:06 > 0:12:08BABY CRIES
0:12:08 > 0:12:09MOBILE PHONE RINGS
0:12:14 > 0:12:17I know! He's far too possessive!
0:12:17 > 0:12:20But I can't dump him just before he marks my assessment!
0:12:21 > 0:12:23I am not using him!
0:12:24 > 0:12:25If anything he is using me!
0:12:26 > 0:12:28All right, we are using each other!
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Look, how about a bedtime story?
0:12:32 > 0:12:34The Pauper Prince.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36I'll read this, and you can stop judging me!
0:12:38 > 0:12:41'One day, the Princess was walking through the haunted forest
0:12:41 > 0:12:43'when she met a nightingale,
0:12:43 > 0:12:45'who told her that the Pauper Prince
0:12:45 > 0:12:47was her one true love.'
0:12:47 > 0:12:52Hmmm... Blah, blah, blah.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54So, summarizing,
0:12:54 > 0:12:57the Prince gets cursed by the witch,
0:12:57 > 0:12:59and then he has to dig turnips for ever and ever.
0:12:59 > 0:13:03So now not only is he broke, but he is also in a dead-end job!
0:13:03 > 0:13:05So, what a loser!
0:13:07 > 0:13:09OK, you're a baby, what do you know?
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Hi!
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Hey, what are you doing here?
0:13:17 > 0:13:21I've been thinking about you ever since we kissed.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Yeah, it's been on my mind as well.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27I'm so glad you feel the same!
0:13:27 > 0:13:30Beth, there's a table over there still waiting to give their order.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33Yeah, I should really do that!
0:13:33 > 0:13:36Welcome, how can I help?
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Just wanted to talk to Beth, really.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Right, well I'm sure I can help with anything she can?
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Well, I was about to ask her out on a date.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47Oh, right, um...
0:13:47 > 0:13:49I'll get her for you.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Er, Beth, I'll take this order.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Why don't you serve the other customer?
0:13:56 > 0:13:57Um, Poppy...
0:13:58 > 0:14:02..there's something you should really know.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04I might not be...
0:14:04 > 0:14:07..quite as gay as I seemed.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10The way you kissed me
0:14:10 > 0:14:11there's no mistaking.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Really?
0:14:13 > 0:14:16Look, everyone is somewhere on a sexual continuum,
0:14:16 > 0:14:20- and it's scary taking that next step.- Right.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23That's why it's really important you do it with someone you trust.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26And I'm so glad you picked me.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28The thing is that...
0:14:28 > 0:14:29Shh, shh, shh.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Don't say anything.
0:14:31 > 0:14:32This is too perfect.
0:14:33 > 0:14:37We are going out tonight, I know this great place!
0:14:37 > 0:14:39I...I think Nigel needs me to work tonight.
0:14:39 > 0:14:40Hmm? No, nope, I'm fine.
0:14:42 > 0:14:43Oh, great!
0:14:43 > 0:14:45See you there at six!
0:14:45 > 0:14:46Great!
0:14:57 > 0:14:58Yeah...
0:14:59 > 0:15:01..definitely.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Yep, bye.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Laura, hi.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20I'm not going to make a scene
0:15:20 > 0:15:23because this is your place of work.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25OK, good to know.
0:15:27 > 0:15:31The last time I saw you, I was a bit on the back foot.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34I think that was because I was just surprised
0:15:34 > 0:15:38to see a strange woman holding my baby.
0:15:38 > 0:15:39I'm not that strange.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41Well, that's debatable, isn't it?
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Anyhow, I am in a better frame of mind now.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Oh, good.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50Because now I realise you're an arch, little bitch.
0:15:50 > 0:15:54No, I'm not, actually an arch, little bitch.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57I'm just someone who actually knows what she wants.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Yes, someone else's family.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05If you're trying to make me feel guilty, I'm sorry, I just don't!
0:16:05 > 0:16:09You don't feel guilty about wrecking our relationship?
0:16:09 > 0:16:12Er, you wrecked the relationship.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14You were looking for an out, I gave it to you.
0:16:14 > 0:16:15I wasn't looking for an out!
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Everyone's better off!
0:16:17 > 0:16:19I'm happy, Jamie's definitely happy,
0:16:19 > 0:16:23and you don't have to worry any more about not appreciating him.
0:16:23 > 0:16:24I did appreciate him!
0:16:24 > 0:16:27Na, I don't think you did.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29The point is I want him, you don't.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31You don't even know what you're talking about!
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Go on, say it, say you want him?
0:16:33 > 0:16:34I...I...
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Er, sorry, I can't hear it!
0:16:36 > 0:16:38I am not just going to perform like...
0:16:38 > 0:16:40"I'm not going to perform like..."
0:16:40 > 0:16:43God, you can't even say it to me never mind him.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Look, you have no right...!
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Bzzzzzz! Oh, sorry Laura,
0:16:48 > 0:16:49you're too late!
0:16:49 > 0:16:52The market moves on!
0:16:52 > 0:16:55So, what, you're gazumping me?
0:16:55 > 0:16:57OK, yes, if you like.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00I have a better offer in place, and I am ready to move.
0:17:00 > 0:17:04Look, Laura, Jamie isn't interested in you anymore.
0:17:04 > 0:17:05He's moved on.
0:17:05 > 0:17:09Well, if that's what you have to tell yourself so that you can sleep at night...
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Haven't actually been sleeping that much...
0:17:11 > 0:17:13But, hey, what my boyfriend
0:17:13 > 0:17:15and I get up to is really none of your business.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17PHONE RINGS
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Then she starts talking,
0:17:19 > 0:17:21and suddenly she's in my mouth!
0:17:21 > 0:17:23It's like you're doing it deliberately now!
0:17:23 > 0:17:25I'm not!
0:17:25 > 0:17:27It's like I can't get her not to want me.
0:17:27 > 0:17:28Weird!
0:17:28 > 0:17:31You alienate girls all the time!
0:17:31 > 0:17:32How do you do it so consistently?
0:17:32 > 0:17:34I dunno...
0:17:34 > 0:17:37I mean, she'd reject you in an instant.
0:17:39 > 0:17:40Hmm...
0:17:44 > 0:17:46EARPIECE: This is Puppet Master to Pinocchio.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Testing, testing?
0:17:48 > 0:17:50I can hear you!
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Stop blowing in my ear!
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Sorry!
0:17:54 > 0:17:56And don't call me Pinocchio. It's really annoying.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58And I don't even have a big nose.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00Shut up! It's go time!
0:18:00 > 0:18:01Hi!
0:18:04 > 0:18:05Nice!
0:18:05 > 0:18:07WHISPERING: Shut up!
0:18:07 > 0:18:10OK, so...
0:18:10 > 0:18:13..the witch gave the Prince a poisoned orange,
0:18:13 > 0:18:16which made him forget about the Princess and fall in love with her instead!
0:18:16 > 0:18:18I know what a bitch!
0:18:18 > 0:18:22Oh, I'm sorry, it's just that you should really read this!
0:18:22 > 0:18:23DOOR OPENS
0:18:23 > 0:18:25How did it go?
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Yeah, fine, yeah.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30Isabel explained everything.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Jamie, is an idiot
0:18:32 > 0:18:35for shagging that manipulative, little slut!
0:18:35 > 0:18:38He has fallen right into her trap!
0:18:38 > 0:18:41And that's because he was thinking with his...
0:18:41 > 0:18:44- Yes, well I'm not going to say "penis" in front of my daughter. - Well you just did,
0:18:44 > 0:18:47- and slut and shag. - I'm very stressed.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51And you also said "trap", which I think is worse.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53- I'm going to call him!- No!
0:18:53 > 0:18:57You're probably right, but I don't think that telling him he's an idiot is going to help anything.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59It'll help me!
0:18:59 > 0:19:01No, I mean, what if he's got a reason that he's acting like this?
0:19:01 > 0:19:05Maybe he's been given a poisoned orange?
0:19:05 > 0:19:08I'm just saying you don't know what's going on in his life.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Maybe he's hurt and he's trying to get back at you?
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Well, now I'm going to get back at him! Give me the phone!
0:19:12 > 0:19:15No, trust me! I know what I'm talking about!
0:19:15 > 0:19:18You're shagging your tutor to improve your grades.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Of course you don't know what you're talking about!
0:19:21 > 0:19:22- Now give it to me!- No!
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Then I'm just going to go and see him!
0:19:25 > 0:19:27You can't stop me doing that!
0:19:27 > 0:19:28BABY CRIES
0:19:30 > 0:19:33So, what do you want to do after this?
0:19:33 > 0:19:35I have a friend in this play.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37It's a monologue about female circumcision.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Oh, that sounds...
0:19:39 > 0:19:40Awful!
0:19:40 > 0:19:41Erm...
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Say it, Beth! If you want her off your case.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45That sounds awful.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48I know, the plight of these women!
0:19:48 > 0:19:50No! Tell her you mean the play sounds awful!
0:19:50 > 0:19:52It's a really important two hours of drama.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Two hours?! Jesus, get the hell out of there!
0:19:55 > 0:19:57No, I mean the play sounds like...
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Like it's going to be a fucking snorefest!
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Like it's going to be...
0:20:01 > 0:20:03a fucking snorefest.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07OK, so what do you want to do?
0:20:07 > 0:20:09There's this gallery...
0:20:09 > 0:20:11No!
0:20:11 > 0:20:12No, not that!
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Three words. Transformers. Box. Set.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19We could watch the transformers movies?
0:20:19 > 0:20:22Aren't they about robots or something?
0:20:22 > 0:20:23Er....
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Yes! They're robots that are at war with each other.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Except they're cars and...
0:20:28 > 0:20:30..planes and things as well.
0:20:30 > 0:20:31Right.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33That's the clever thing about it.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35That they're cars?
0:20:35 > 0:20:36And because they transform...
0:20:36 > 0:20:39It gives you literally limitless narrative possibilities.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42Because anything might be a robot.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Yeah, maybe not that.
0:20:45 > 0:20:46OK, OK, I've got a good one.
0:20:46 > 0:20:50Say, "Why don't we drink Jeagermeister until we can't feel our faces and then..."
0:20:50 > 0:20:54..try and complete Grand Theft Auto in one sitting?
0:20:54 > 0:20:57Why would you want to play Grand Theft Auto?
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Why would I want to play Grand Theft Auto?
0:20:59 > 0:21:02Why would I want to play Grand Theft Auto?
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Duh, because you can nick cars!
0:21:05 > 0:21:07..and commit crimes for money.
0:21:07 > 0:21:08You can literally...
0:21:10 > 0:21:14..beat up prostitutes with a baseball bat...
0:21:14 > 0:21:17..and steal their cash.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20That is appalling!
0:21:20 > 0:21:22OK, now bring it home!
0:21:22 > 0:21:25Tell her that beating up hookers is a deal breaker.
0:21:25 > 0:21:29If you don't like the idea of beating up hookers,
0:21:29 > 0:21:33then maybe we don't have that much in common after all.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35Bingo!
0:21:35 > 0:21:38OK, Beth, I think I know what's going on here.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40You do?
0:21:40 > 0:21:41We're burned! She's on to us!
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Abort, abort!
0:21:46 > 0:21:48You don't really mean any of those things you said, do you?
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Yes, I...
0:21:50 > 0:21:51No, no, you don't.
0:21:51 > 0:21:52I know you're scared,
0:21:52 > 0:21:56but you can't let other people's judgements hold you back.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58I don't care what other people think!
0:22:00 > 0:22:02I just don't think I'm gay!
0:22:02 > 0:22:03Have you ever tried it?
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Well, no.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Then how would you know?
0:22:07 > 0:22:09I don't, it's just...
0:22:09 > 0:22:11What? Not as valid as a heterosexual relationship?
0:22:11 > 0:22:13No, it's just as valid!
0:22:13 > 0:22:14Is it me?
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Do you not like me?
0:22:16 > 0:22:17No.
0:22:17 > 0:22:18I think you're great!
0:22:18 > 0:22:20So, I'm not pretty enough for you?
0:22:20 > 0:22:23You're very pretty! You're beautiful!
0:22:23 > 0:22:24It's just...
0:22:24 > 0:22:27You don't like gay people?
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Because really,
0:22:30 > 0:22:32that's all that's left, isn't it?
0:22:34 > 0:22:35SHE SOBS
0:22:35 > 0:22:38'And then, the nightingale said,
0:22:38 > 0:22:42"Nothing matters without love."
0:22:43 > 0:22:45I know, I know!
0:22:45 > 0:22:47SHE SIGHS
0:22:47 > 0:22:49That talking bird is right!
0:22:50 > 0:22:54Oh, It's just hard you know!
0:22:54 > 0:22:56Because what if I've missed my Pauper Prince?
0:22:56 > 0:23:01What if all that's left out there is just frogs and trolls?!
0:23:04 > 0:23:07All right, all right.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09I'm going to do it!
0:23:10 > 0:23:12SHE SIGHS
0:23:15 > 0:23:17WHISPERING: I can't shake her off!
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Yeah, I think you're going to have to sleep with her.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22I'm not going to sleep with her!
0:23:22 > 0:23:23She's got you!
0:23:23 > 0:23:26Like she said, you either boff her, or admit you're an intolerant,
0:23:26 > 0:23:28uptight, sex fascist.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Yeah. That's it!
0:23:30 > 0:23:33That's exactly what she's saying!
0:23:33 > 0:23:34Yes.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37I'm going back in!
0:23:38 > 0:23:39Beth! Beth, your Bluetooth!
0:23:43 > 0:23:45So, should we just get out of here?
0:23:45 > 0:23:47No, I don't think so.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50Oh, come on, Beth, we both know this is happening.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52No! It's not happening.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55You know I liked you but I never fancied you,
0:23:55 > 0:23:57and there's a big difference.
0:23:57 > 0:23:58Beth!
0:23:58 > 0:24:00I can't let you do this!
0:24:00 > 0:24:01I'm not doing this.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03You brought Mark?
0:24:03 > 0:24:04Mike!
0:24:04 > 0:24:06Beth, you're coming with me!
0:24:06 > 0:24:08No, I'm not.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Come on, you know she's just a side show.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Deep down you are still crazy about me!
0:24:13 > 0:24:16It's fine, I've got this!
0:24:16 > 0:24:19No! It's either her, or me!
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Is this guy serious?
0:24:23 > 0:24:24This guy...
0:24:24 > 0:24:27..is the guy that she really cares about.
0:24:27 > 0:24:28I doubt that
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Tell her, Beth.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33Tell her I'm the only one you've ever slept with.
0:24:34 > 0:24:35Is that true?
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Technically...
0:24:42 > 0:24:43Ha, wow,
0:24:43 > 0:24:46I see why you're questioning your sexuality.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50You know what, Poppy? I'm not!
0:24:50 > 0:24:52And I know we're all on a continuum,
0:24:52 > 0:24:54and maybe I'll turn out to be gay.
0:24:54 > 0:24:58But right now, I'm just not gay for you!
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Come on Beth, we don't need her!
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Get off!
0:25:02 > 0:25:04I'm not gay for you either!
0:25:09 > 0:25:12KETTLE BOILS
0:25:25 > 0:25:27You should have called.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29I would have called, but I...
0:25:29 > 0:25:30I don't want to talk.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Look, Jamie,
0:25:36 > 0:25:38I know you're angry with me.
0:25:38 > 0:25:39But I...
0:25:39 > 0:25:44I really cannot believe that you would have sex with bitch
0:25:44 > 0:25:46just to get back at me!
0:25:46 > 0:25:49It wasn't anything to do with you!
0:25:49 > 0:25:53Anyway, what difference does it make why it happened? It happened.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56But she played us off against each other! She's manipulating you!
0:25:56 > 0:25:58- No, she's not!- But...
0:25:58 > 0:26:01But what? Do you want us to get back together?
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Do you want me to move in with you?
0:26:07 > 0:26:11What happened to, "When you're ready to join me just let me know?"
0:26:11 > 0:26:13I got sick of waiting.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17I guess there's nothing else to say.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19I've moved on, you don't want to.
0:26:24 > 0:26:30I'm just surprised that you're letting yourself be a victim.
0:26:30 > 0:26:31I'm not a victim.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34Yes, you are! She obviously gets off on stealing other people's men!
0:26:34 > 0:26:36That is the only reason she is being so nice to you
0:26:36 > 0:26:38and having sex with you!
0:26:38 > 0:26:41Yeah, God, what a bitch!
0:26:41 > 0:26:44How can I possibly stop her from being nice to me
0:26:44 > 0:26:45and sleeping with me?
0:26:45 > 0:26:47But it's all about her, it's not about you!
0:26:47 > 0:26:51Right, so I should just dump this girl who makes me feel happy,
0:26:51 > 0:26:53and go back to waiting for you to decide
0:26:53 > 0:26:55whether you can stand being in the same room as me?
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Yes! Yes, that's exactly what you should do!
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Are you actually showing me the door?
0:27:03 > 0:27:04Looks that way, doesn't it?
0:27:22 > 0:27:25No, you're not listening!
0:27:25 > 0:27:27I don't want to be with you anymore.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29PHONE: Why not? Is there someone else?
0:27:29 > 0:27:32No, there's no one else. I...
0:27:32 > 0:27:33Then why?
0:27:33 > 0:27:36Because, Adrian, I deserve better!
0:27:36 > 0:27:38Now piss off, and leave me alone!
0:27:38 > 0:27:40I can't believe you're...
0:27:43 > 0:27:45Damn straight!
0:27:54 > 0:27:56It's over.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58It's really over.
0:27:58 > 0:27:59Oh!
0:28:01 > 0:28:03I'm sorry,
0:28:03 > 0:28:06I'm really sorry.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11Mum! Bloody hell! You're back!
0:28:11 > 0:28:13Well, it's lovely to see you too, darling!
0:28:13 > 0:28:14Who'll start the bidding on this...
0:28:14 > 0:28:16young lady?
0:28:16 > 0:28:19Hey, listen,
0:28:19 > 0:28:20I don't even care how hot you are.
0:28:20 > 0:28:22Oh, my God.
0:28:22 > 0:28:25Why don't you love me?