0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:18 > 0:00:21- Oh, great! - LAUGHTER
0:00:21 > 0:00:23Be careful!
0:00:40 > 0:00:42SCREAMS ECHO
0:00:48 > 0:00:51VOICES ECHO
0:01:11 > 0:01:13DOOR CREAKS
0:02:01 > 0:02:02< Come along!
0:02:05 > 0:02:06DOOR OPENS
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Put them on my desk.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17The problem with Halloween these days,
0:02:17 > 0:02:20is that people treat it like Christmas.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23It's lost its true meaning. For instance,
0:02:23 > 0:02:26do you know the real reason that you're wearing a mask?
0:02:26 > 0:02:28Because you said my breath smelt?
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Well, yes, it does.
0:02:31 > 0:02:36But the real reason we don masks at Halloween is to ward off evil spirits.
0:02:36 > 0:02:43It's the one night of the year when the divide between the living and the dead is at its thinnest.
0:02:43 > 0:02:50Wearing a mask disguises us as dark spirits, and thus we avoid harm.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Where's your mask then?
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Oh, I don't need one.
0:02:54 > 0:02:58PHONE RINGS
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Yes?
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Good.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07The trick-or-treaters have arrived.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11Let's go and offer them a special Halloween muffin, shall we?
0:03:11 > 0:03:15It's important to keep up these old traditions.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Oh! I nearly forgot to set the alarm.
0:03:46 > 0:03:50< Trick or treat!
0:03:50 > 0:03:54< Oh, how marvellous! Let's have a look at you!
0:03:54 > 0:03:56< I suppose you all want a treat?
0:04:05 > 0:04:07N-No.
0:04:11 > 0:04:12BOY: Sorry.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30ALARM RINGS
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Right. So here we are...
0:05:04 > 0:05:07round the back of the building.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Er...there's a door there.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13I'll get some shots round the, er...
0:05:13 > 0:05:18front later on and get a sense of the scale there.
0:05:18 > 0:05:19Argh!
0:05:19 > 0:05:20Sorry I'm late.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24- That's OK, I've only just got here myself. Drew, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:05:24 > 0:05:28Phil Walker, Goldfish Bowl Productions. Although I was involved in that.
0:05:28 > 0:05:33- We spoke on the phone?- That's right, yeah.- Thanks for getting in touch.
0:05:33 > 0:05:37We've been looking everywhere for a spooky location and we've had no luck. We've even been to Stoke.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Well, I think this place might be just what you need.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43It certainly looks it from what I've seen so far.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47You wait till we get inside.
0:05:48 > 0:05:52Health and Safety would have a field day with this.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55So you want to use it for a Most Haunted, is that right?
0:05:55 > 0:05:59Oh, no, you said the M word! No, this is a totally different idea.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03We've got a team of psychics investigating haunted houses,
0:06:03 > 0:06:06and we're going to film them with night-vision cameras
0:06:06 > 0:06:11- so they're totally in the dark but the audience can see everything.- OK.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13So how is that different to Most Haunted?
0:06:13 > 0:06:18Well, I haven't seen that show so I don't know if it's similar or not.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22- But the big difference is, of course, we've got Dale.- Winton?- Yep.
0:06:22 > 0:06:26He's sick of the balls, he wants to get back to something edgier, like his early stuff.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28- What, like Supermarket Sweep? - Exactly.
0:06:28 > 0:06:32So the plan is I get some shots tonight, you give me a bit of a tour. I take it all back to the director.
0:06:32 > 0:06:36If he likes it, it could end up on Dale's Overnight Ghost Hunts.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39- Catchy title. - Do you think? I'm not sure about it.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42If the place is featured, you get 250 quid and a credit on the end roll.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44I don't care about all that.
0:06:44 > 0:06:45It's just...
0:06:45 > 0:06:48when I saw your advert,
0:06:48 > 0:06:50I knew I had to get in touch.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54I grew up opposite this place.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58It's a massive part of my life.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02But there's such horrible memories too.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06That's what Dale says about Pets Win Prizes.
0:07:09 > 0:07:14- I told you I met the Governess who ran the place.- When you were a kid.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Well...
0:07:17 > 0:07:19..this is where I met her.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25No. Get... Stop it! Get off me.
0:07:25 > 0:07:26Put me down!
0:07:26 > 0:07:28All right, Mitchell, let him go.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31Do you have a name, child?
0:07:31 > 0:07:34- Drew.- Drew.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Well, thanks to you, I've had to reset my alarm.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41What were you doing creeping around in my office?
0:07:41 > 0:07:48Answer me, child, or I'll attach you to Goldilocks here and set you both off screaming.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52It was just a dare. For Halloween.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55I had to take something.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Did you indeed?
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Empty your pockets. Now!
0:08:16 > 0:08:18Who do you think you are?
0:08:18 > 0:08:21Creeping in here and taking private property.
0:08:21 > 0:08:25Do you know what this is worth?
0:08:25 > 0:08:28Or what the consequences would be should it be lost or stolen?
0:08:28 > 0:08:31I'm sorry.
0:08:31 > 0:08:36- I didn't think.- No. People rarely do.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Sit down.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46I'm going to tell you something about stealing.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48And about consequences.
0:08:56 > 0:09:01Something to make you think twice before contemplating such an action again.
0:09:01 > 0:09:06And I don't tell you this story in the hope of frightening you...
0:09:07 > 0:09:10..but I'm afraid it probably will.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16It was Halloween, just like tonight,
0:09:16 > 0:09:19and a man who didn't think about his actions
0:09:19 > 0:09:22was soon to be taught a terrible lesson.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Nice costume.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27It's not a costume! These are me work clothes.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30It's Halloween every day for some people, pal! Idiot.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Look at that.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34What a waste.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37I'll have that when I get in.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44DOORBELL RINGS
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Trick or treat!
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Oh, you look scary!
0:09:48 > 0:09:50- How old are you?- We're both seven.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52And can you read yet?
0:09:52 > 0:09:54What does that say then?
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Shall I read it for you?
0:09:56 > 0:09:58No tricks. No treats.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Where's your mother? Is she hiding in the bushes?
0:10:01 > 0:10:05Oh, yeah, so you send your kids out to do your dirty work for you?
0:10:05 > 0:10:09They should be in bed. And she shouldn't be having any chocolate by the size of her. Piglet!
0:10:09 > 0:10:12What are you supposed to be anyway, green elephants?
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Don't you have any treats for us?
0:10:14 > 0:10:19Don't push your luck, kid, I've drowned bigger cats than you.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29Sorry about that. What time can you come round?
0:10:29 > 0:10:35Well, let me have a think. I was going to have me tea now so it's not laying too heavy on my stomach.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38Then I was going to watch Exorcist 1 and Exorcist 3.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40I don't bother with Exorcist 2, it's shit.
0:10:40 > 0:10:45Then I'll probably do the pots, just beans on toast, that's just a pan and a plate.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49I think I'll be ready for you by about midnight, the witching hour!
0:10:49 > 0:10:51And how much are we looking at?
0:10:51 > 0:10:5380 quid!
0:10:56 > 0:10:58Yeah, go on then, I'll treat myself.
0:11:05 > 0:11:06Perfect.
0:11:06 > 0:11:11- DOORBELL RINGS - Trick or treat! Trick or treat!
0:11:18 > 0:11:21Go on, say it, then.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26How old are you?
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Can you not read?
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Where's your mother?
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Sod you then.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Look, I'm not giving you things just because you've turned up at me house with masks on.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59I work hard to earn money to buy treats for myself.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03All this trick or treat, penny for the guy, Cancer Research...
0:12:03 > 0:12:06I don't do any of it. Go and beg somewhere else.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12Are you deaf as well as stupid? I'm not involved in this night.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Me no likey.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Are you even doing trick or treat?
0:12:23 > 0:12:28You're weird. All right, trick then. Piss off.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30That doesn't mean shoving dog shit through my...
0:12:55 > 0:12:59'And so he settles in for a night of unalloyed male pleasure.
0:13:01 > 0:13:05'A potent mixture of horror films, junk food and a visit
0:13:05 > 0:13:09'from a certain lady of the night and I don't mean Florence Nightingale.
0:13:09 > 0:13:14'In short, it was all treats, and no tricks.'
0:13:26 > 0:13:29Eh? I don't believe this. Where's the other one?
0:13:33 > 0:13:36The Wiggles! Worse than Exorcist 2.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Must have put them in the wrong boxes.
0:13:57 > 0:14:02Some five-year-old's going to be shitting themselves tonight.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07CRUNCHING
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Argh! ..Bloody little bastards!
0:14:33 > 0:14:35- MAN'S VOICE:- Hello?
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Hello, yes, I want to make a complaint.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40- You want to make a complaint?- Yeah, I've got kids here tormenting me.
0:14:40 > 0:14:45- Tormenting you?- They put a rat in me Pringles and a load of beetles in my chocolate.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48- Beetles in your chocolate?- Yes! What are you going to do about it?
0:14:48 > 0:14:50What are you going to do about it?
0:14:50 > 0:14:54- Why are you repeating everything I say?- Everything you say?
0:14:54 > 0:14:57- Who is this? - CHILD'S VOICE:- Who is this?
0:14:57 > 0:14:58Who is this?
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Trick or treat.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05HAMMERING AT DOOR
0:15:41 > 0:15:45- Boo!- Aargh!
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Sorry about that! I'm Janet.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Busty Janet?
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Well, what do you think?
0:15:51 > 0:15:57It's nearly midnight and I've brought some pumpkins for you to play with.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00You're my last trick of the night.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03You're my biggest treat.
0:16:08 > 0:16:14- So how many different attachments have you got then?- 16.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Oh! Better than a Dyson.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Yeah, speaking of Dyson's, when are you going to start...?
0:16:19 > 0:16:22All right, give us a chance, I've not even taken me coat off yet!
0:16:22 > 0:16:26- Sorry, sorry, it's just been a weird night.- How come?
0:16:26 > 0:16:31- Never mind. So it says on your card you cater for all disabilities? - Yeah, that's right.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34They're much more appreciative than most punters.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38And they do all the work for me, especially the epileptics.
0:16:38 > 0:16:43I have a chap in Chorlton-cum-Hardy gets me to wee on him once a fortnight.
0:16:43 > 0:16:48I don't think he gets off on it, it just helps with his psoriasis.
0:16:48 > 0:16:53Now then, let's get them trousers off, and get you latched on.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56GRUNTING
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Careful!
0:17:01 > 0:17:03Ow, you're biting me.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Oh, it's too much! Ow!
0:17:05 > 0:17:08You're scratching me! What are you doing?
0:17:17 > 0:17:20What's the matter, don't you like it?
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Trick or treat!
0:17:31 > 0:17:33I told you I haven't got any treats!
0:17:33 > 0:17:36What's that in your pocket then?
0:17:40 > 0:17:42Maisie, come on.
0:17:42 > 0:17:47I've got to go now. Be careful, mister, it's dangerous on this road.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50Some children died.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22I'm putting it back.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24All right?
0:18:24 > 0:18:27I'm sorry.
0:18:27 > 0:18:28I didn't realise.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Hey! Where are you going? Stop!
0:18:43 > 0:18:44Trick or treat!
0:18:49 > 0:18:51She was right.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55She scared me to death with that story.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00But I never stole again.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04Sorry, I hope you don't mind. That was just too good to miss.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07I can just imagine Dale telling that story on the programme,
0:19:07 > 0:19:09sat in a big armchair like Ronnie Corbett.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13- It's terrifying.- I know. So what's the story with the locket?
0:19:13 > 0:19:17I've no idea. Probably sentimental value.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Though she didn't strike me as the sentimental type.
0:19:22 > 0:19:27- What is all this stuff? - Medical equipment mostly.
0:19:27 > 0:19:32There were rumours she used to do experiments on the patients.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35- Like putting shampoo in the eyes? - Possibly.
0:19:35 > 0:19:41We'll never know now, will we? Didn't she burn to death in a big fire or explosion or something?
0:19:41 > 0:19:45So they say. Some people think she's still here.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48- What, as a ghost?- Yeah.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50There have been several sightings.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Brilliant, I'll get our researchers onto it.
0:19:53 > 0:19:59I say researchers, it's one big girl with an NVQ in Media Studies, but she gets some fascinating stories.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Like what?
0:20:01 > 0:20:08Well, apparently there was a patient here that had a doll, and she treated it as if it were a real baby.
0:20:08 > 0:20:09Yes, that rings a bell...
0:20:09 > 0:20:13- Joy Aston.- I don't know, we usually make the names up.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15But you'll never guess how she came to be in here.
0:20:18 > 0:20:23'It was the day before Halloween, and this woman, Joan or Joy, was trying to sell her house.
0:20:23 > 0:20:27'It'd been on the market for weeks, but she was rubbish at cleaning and they couldn't shift it.'
0:20:27 > 0:20:32If you come through to the kitchen or morning room, if you prefer...
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Well, I'm sorry about the mess.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42My wife was supposed to have tidied up before she went to work.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Women, eh!
0:20:44 > 0:20:47But it's a very bright room. We're south-west facing.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51Oh, hello! Don't mind me. Just pretend I'm not here.
0:20:51 > 0:20:57I won't shake your hand as I've been elbow deep in wombs since 6 o'clock this morning.
0:21:00 > 0:21:04There's plenty of room here to spread yourself around.
0:21:04 > 0:21:09Can you look after Freddy please, George, while I set up the breast pump.
0:21:09 > 0:21:13I've got to express some milk, I'm bursting.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16So, how many children do you have?
0:21:17 > 0:21:18Just the one.
0:21:25 > 0:21:29Well, shall we have a peek upstairs? I'll just shift some of this stuff.
0:21:29 > 0:21:34One of these days, somebody's going to break their neck.
0:21:34 > 0:21:39Oh, dear, Freddy. Looks like Daddy's cross with us again.
0:21:39 > 0:21:47Now then, let's have a look and see if we can't extract a few dribbles for your din-dins.
0:21:47 > 0:21:48Here you go.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51MACHINE PUMPING
0:21:53 > 0:21:57Well, we've a few more to see so we'll have a think and let you know.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00OK. Well, fingers crossed then, eh!
0:22:00 > 0:22:01Hope to hear from you soon.
0:22:03 > 0:22:07Cheerio! Safe journey home. Bye!
0:22:20 > 0:22:23- Do I look like a pig, Joy?- Sorry?
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Do I look like a pig?
0:22:25 > 0:22:31Well, sometimes when you've just stepped out of a hot bath...
0:22:31 > 0:22:34Why am I living in a pigsty? You've got to keep on top of the cleaning!
0:22:34 > 0:22:37A place for everything and everything in its place!
0:22:37 > 0:22:40Well, it's not that easy with a toddler in the house, George.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43Freddy messes up the place as quick as I can tidy it.
0:22:43 > 0:22:4648 viewings so far.
0:22:46 > 0:22:5048 people have walked out that door and never come back.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52Don't make me 49.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06Great, we'll see you later then. Thanks. Bye.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10Well, miracle of miracles.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12That was the couple from yesterday.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15They want to come back for a second viewing.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Well, it's tidier than it was yesterday anyway.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20I went through the night, George, just like you said.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22A place for everything and everything in its place.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Yes, you've done a good job, Joy.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27I'm very pleased.
0:23:31 > 0:23:35Right, I'll just clear away these breakfast things then.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Just pop them in the recycling.
0:24:04 > 0:24:08No! No! No! No! No! You've put the shell in with the bread!
0:24:08 > 0:24:12- But they're both food, George. - No, they are not.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Bread goes in the green bin, biodegradables.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16Shell is like bones and goes in the...?
0:24:16 > 0:24:20- Yellow?- No, that's plastics!
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Shell goes in black, general waste.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Oh, what's the red for again?
0:24:24 > 0:24:26How many more times?
0:24:26 > 0:24:31Paper and cardboard, magazines and newspapers, milk and juice cartons, tetrapaks and pizza boxes.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34- Waxed paper, tissue paper, foam trays, tin foil.- Tea bags.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Not tea bags! They're biodegradable.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38- Blue.- Green!
0:24:41 > 0:24:44Reduce, re-use, recycle!
0:24:44 > 0:24:47Can't you get that into your thick skull, Joy? Can't you?
0:24:47 > 0:24:51Can you not get this one simple thing into your thick, thick skull?
0:24:51 > 0:24:53I'm trying, George, I am!
0:24:53 > 0:24:56- Reduce, refuse...- Not refuse...
0:24:56 > 0:25:00- Re-use. Reduce...- duce...
0:25:00 > 0:25:03- Re-use...- use...- Recycle...- cycle.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08I'll be back later for the viewing
0:25:08 > 0:25:13and you'd better have this place spotless, Joy Aston, or so help me God...
0:25:18 > 0:25:24'So she cleans the whole house, top to bottom, and then sits down to play with her...baby.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26'But then she notices what day it was.'
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Oh, it's Halloween today!
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Oh, we should do a pumpkin.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34You got to promise not to make a mess though?
0:25:34 > 0:25:39Now let's see, it's 11 o'clock now...
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Yes, we've got plenty of time!
0:25:47 > 0:25:52And...out. And...bumph!
0:26:05 > 0:26:09That's it. We put the sharp knife in.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18Cut it.
0:26:18 > 0:26:22Slurp. ..Slop.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25And slop.
0:26:30 > 0:26:36Ooh. Quarter past 11. Right, I think it's time you had a little nap
0:26:36 > 0:26:39while Mummy has a quick tidy.
0:26:55 > 0:26:59DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES
0:26:59 > 0:27:04Come through. If you wouldn't mind popping your shoes off for me. >
0:27:04 > 0:27:07We have just tidied and cleaned. >
0:27:07 > 0:27:12And this, you may remember, is our spacious kitchen/morning room.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26It's just not as big as we remembered it. But thanks, anyway.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28Yes, yes, cheerio.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52Oh, George! You gave me quite a fright there, George!
0:27:54 > 0:27:56What, um...
0:27:56 > 0:27:59- what time are they coming to look at the house?- They've already been.
0:27:59 > 0:28:02Oh!
0:28:02 > 0:28:03And...?
0:28:03 > 0:28:06Not interested.
0:28:06 > 0:28:08Right.
0:28:08 > 0:28:14Oh, well. Did you mention the south-westerly aspect?
0:28:15 > 0:28:16Well...
0:28:16 > 0:28:22what's the point of mentioning the aspect when they can't even see out the bloody window!
0:28:22 > 0:28:27Why don't we go the whole hog and just throw everything on the floor?!
0:28:27 > 0:28:30That'd be easier for you, wouldn't it? Much better system!
0:28:30 > 0:28:34There has to be some mess, George! This is a family home.
0:28:34 > 0:28:37No, it's not.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39Because do you know what, Joy?
0:28:41 > 0:28:45There is no family.
0:28:51 > 0:28:55Let's see how you manage on your own.
0:29:05 > 0:29:07George?
0:29:11 > 0:29:13George!
0:29:18 > 0:29:23Oh, what a mess you're making...
0:29:29 > 0:29:33Now then, that's better, isn't it, my little Freddy Fruitcake?
0:29:33 > 0:29:38Everything's nice and tidy, just the way that Daddy likes it.
0:29:38 > 0:29:41Reduced...
0:29:41 > 0:29:45re-used...
0:29:45 > 0:29:47and recycled.
0:29:48 > 0:29:51Happy Halloween.
0:30:05 > 0:30:10Where did your researcher get that story from? A friend of a friend?
0:30:10 > 0:30:14I don't think she's got any friends. (Like I say, she is quite fat...)
0:30:14 > 0:30:16Why, do you think she made it up?
0:30:16 > 0:30:22Joy Aston lost a child to cot death then was institutionalised by her husband after a nervous breakdown.
0:30:22 > 0:30:25Well, Dale did say he wanted to do edgier stuff.
0:30:25 > 0:30:28FAINT SCREAMS
0:30:29 > 0:30:32Did you hear that?
0:30:32 > 0:30:33Yes, I did.
0:30:33 > 0:30:37Did you bring anybody else with you tonight?
0:30:37 > 0:30:40No. It's Kenchington's ghost! She's come looking for that locket!
0:30:40 > 0:30:42Don't joke about it. It's not funny.
0:30:53 > 0:30:56- I'm going to film this in night vision. It'll be just like DOGH. - What?
0:30:56 > 0:30:58Dale's Overnight Ghost Hunts.
0:30:58 > 0:31:00Oh, God. Can't see a thing.
0:31:00 > 0:31:02Just wait.
0:31:02 > 0:31:04Your eyes have to adjust.
0:31:04 > 0:31:07- Only takes a minute.- I can't imagine Dale doing this, to be honest.
0:31:07 > 0:31:09Stumbling round in the dark. He might scuff his shoes.
0:31:09 > 0:31:13We'll need him in a studio somewhere. Like an anchorman we keep going back to.
0:31:13 > 0:31:16- Like Paul Ross you mean? - What?- Nothing.
0:31:18 > 0:31:20I've got a story for you. A friend of a friend one.
0:31:20 > 0:31:27It starts with a blind man who's just had an operation to get a brand new pair of eyes.
0:31:27 > 0:31:34He was a toy collector, name of Oscar Lomax, and he just couldn't wait to see his latest acquisition.
0:31:34 > 0:31:36Morning, Mr L.
0:31:36 > 0:31:39How are your eyes this morning, still itching?
0:31:39 > 0:31:43Aye, I can't wait to get these bloody bandages off.
0:31:43 > 0:31:45- I brought you some Roses.- Ah.
0:31:45 > 0:31:47Tealeaf.
0:31:47 > 0:31:49Can I smell them?
0:31:51 > 0:31:55Oh, your package came this morning, the one you've been waiting for.
0:31:55 > 0:31:57Open it up then, open it up!
0:32:06 > 0:32:11- What? Is there something wrong with it?- You could say that.
0:32:14 > 0:32:16Do you know how offensive this is?
0:32:16 > 0:32:24I know, I know, it's got an ink stain on the collar, but you'd never find one in mint condition, Tealeaf.
0:32:24 > 0:32:26It's a very rare commodity.
0:32:26 > 0:32:31This is one of the only five remaining original Robertson's Gollywogs.
0:32:31 > 0:32:33It's priceless.
0:32:33 > 0:32:37- Where did you get it from?- I had to delve into the black market.
0:32:37 > 0:32:39No pun intended.
0:32:39 > 0:32:43And when you do that it's best not to ask too many questions.
0:32:43 > 0:32:46Some folk would do anything for money.
0:32:46 > 0:32:48Here, let me hold him.
0:32:52 > 0:32:57You're going to come and stay with me aren't you, Jamjar?
0:32:57 > 0:32:59I can't wait to make you part of the family.
0:32:59 > 0:33:02You're worse than Madonna, you are.
0:33:02 > 0:33:06Now do me a favour and put those roses in some water, will you?
0:33:06 > 0:33:08I've got a vase on the side here somewhere.
0:33:20 > 0:33:22Do you want a little tip, Jamjar?
0:33:22 > 0:33:26Bicarbonate of soda and half a teaspoon of vinegar.
0:33:26 > 0:33:28Pearly white for life.
0:33:33 > 0:33:35That's better.
0:33:35 > 0:33:40Now then, let's get you to bed, and tomorrow I'll take you home to my holy of holies.
0:33:40 > 0:33:43Where are you? You've not fallen down the toilet, have you?
0:33:43 > 0:33:46Nurse? Oh, this is ridiculous.
0:33:46 > 0:33:48Wait a minute.
0:34:01 > 0:34:02Hang on.
0:34:02 > 0:34:05Better just turn this light off.
0:34:13 > 0:34:16Now then. Let's see what we can see.
0:34:26 > 0:34:30Oh. There you are, Jamjar.
0:34:31 > 0:34:33Ohh!
0:35:02 > 0:35:05I can't believe you took your bandages off. What did I tell you yesterday?
0:35:05 > 0:35:10I'm fine, I'm fine, stop fussing, you're like a nagging wife.
0:35:10 > 0:35:13I'm not going to need you for much longer, Tealeaf.
0:35:13 > 0:35:15I've got my independence now.
0:35:15 > 0:35:18- Yeah well, we'll let the doctor decide that.- He can wait.
0:35:18 > 0:35:20I've got business to attend to.
0:35:20 > 0:35:23Come on then. What's on the agenda for today?
0:35:23 > 0:35:26You've had a request for an estate valuation.
0:35:26 > 0:35:28What is it?
0:35:28 > 0:35:32Small collection of period and modern soft toys. You want me to pass?
0:35:32 > 0:35:34No, No, No, time to get back on the horse.
0:35:34 > 0:35:36You never know what you might find.
0:35:36 > 0:35:41Arthur Negus once found a first edition Mandy in a chiropodist's waiting room in Buxton.
0:35:41 > 0:35:43Tell them I'll do it.
0:35:43 > 0:35:47Cool. I'll go and find the doctor and get you discharged.
0:35:47 > 0:35:55Ask him yourself, he's standing right there.
0:35:55 > 0:35:57- Where?- There.
0:35:57 > 0:35:59He's just been examining me.
0:36:01 > 0:36:03There's no-one here, Mr Lomax.
0:36:03 > 0:36:06Only me. Your eyes are playing tricks on you.
0:36:16 > 0:36:17Who are you?
0:36:20 > 0:36:21What do you want?
0:36:38 > 0:36:42No. No, the problem here is that there's nothing left of the original stitching.
0:36:42 > 0:36:46There's at least three different types of cotton in her crotch.
0:36:46 > 0:36:48It completely devalues the item.
0:36:48 > 0:36:50It is very old.
0:36:50 > 0:36:52Old and worthless, I'm afraid.
0:36:52 > 0:36:57Fine for a family heirloom but useless to a serious collector.
0:36:57 > 0:37:01My husband thought there might be one or two things of worth.
0:37:01 > 0:37:07No. A bear with stitch-nose and cut glass eyes, a ninth generation Andy
0:37:07 > 0:37:11Pandy with indigo instead of the original candy-blue stripe, and a
0:37:11 > 0:37:14Happy Meal Pluto.
0:37:16 > 0:37:17Car boot fodder, I'm afraid.
0:37:17 > 0:37:22I'll offer you five pounds for the lot, and that's only because I'm curious about your Bagpuss.
0:37:22 > 0:37:27Doesn't seem much. She collected these since she was a little girl.
0:37:27 > 0:37:30I know. But she played with them.
0:37:30 > 0:37:36And hugged them, and squeezed all the worth out of them.
0:37:36 > 0:37:39Now they're just husks.
0:37:39 > 0:37:40May I?
0:37:46 > 0:37:48Can I ask?
0:37:48 > 0:37:51How did she die?
0:37:51 > 0:37:53She died in her sleep.
0:37:53 > 0:37:58Quite sudden, really, she was just in her bedroom watching Eastenders
0:37:58 > 0:38:01and by the time I came up with her Bovril
0:38:01 > 0:38:04she was just sat there. Slumped.
0:38:04 > 0:38:09- Did she by any chance carry a donor card?- Yes.
0:38:09 > 0:38:13Her heart was no good, but a kidney, they took.
0:38:13 > 0:38:15And her liver.
0:38:15 > 0:38:17Even her eyes.
0:38:40 > 0:38:42Night night, Jamjar.
0:38:46 > 0:38:48LOUD THUD
0:39:05 > 0:39:06Is anybody there?
0:39:31 > 0:39:33Who are you?
0:39:54 > 0:39:56What do you want?
0:40:06 > 0:40:08EASTENDERS THEME PLAYS ON TV
0:40:30 > 0:40:32- Murdered?- Yes, I believe so.
0:40:32 > 0:40:38I think I was given your mother's eyes and I'm seeing what she saw just before she died.
0:40:38 > 0:40:40She was watching Eastenders, you say?
0:40:40 > 0:40:43I think so, yes.
0:40:43 > 0:40:45That makes sense.
0:40:45 > 0:40:47I've done a drawing of the man I think killed her.
0:40:47 > 0:40:49It's not perfect, but...
0:40:52 > 0:40:54Does that ring any bells?
0:40:54 > 0:40:55Not really.
0:40:55 > 0:40:59But why would anybody want to kill her, she didn't do anything to anybody.
0:40:59 > 0:41:01I only know what I saw.
0:41:01 > 0:41:03She was killed, I'm telling you.
0:41:03 > 0:41:06- I think we should call the police. - All right,
0:41:06 > 0:41:08I'd better just tell my husband.
0:41:08 > 0:41:10Eddie! Ed!
0:41:29 > 0:41:32'My husband thought there might be one or two things of worth.
0:41:32 > 0:41:34'I had to delve into the black market.
0:41:34 > 0:41:36'Best not to ask too many questions.'
0:41:36 > 0:41:37Hello there.
0:41:37 > 0:41:40'Some folk would do anything for money.'
0:41:40 > 0:41:46Now, what's all this nonsense about a murder?
0:41:46 > 0:41:49Jamjar.
0:41:54 > 0:41:56Oh, that is brilliant, we've got to use that!
0:41:56 > 0:42:02- I know someone on 'Enders, actually, wait till I tell them that. They'll piss.- Can you see better now?
0:42:02 > 0:42:03Uh, yeah.
0:42:04 > 0:42:06What do you think that noise was really?
0:42:06 > 0:42:08I don't know.
0:42:08 > 0:42:12When I was little, I could hear screams coming from this place at night.
0:42:12 > 0:42:16My mum used to tell me that it was just the seagulls.
0:42:17 > 0:42:22- Seagulls go to bed though, don't they?- Yeah. But the mad don't.
0:42:24 > 0:42:27No rest for the wicked.
0:42:27 > 0:42:29Let's head out.
0:42:29 > 0:42:31So what happened with Kenchington?
0:42:31 > 0:42:33Did she let you go after she got her locket back?
0:42:33 > 0:42:35No. She took me on her night round of the wards.
0:42:35 > 0:42:37- Oh, my God!- Yeah.
0:42:37 > 0:42:40She saved the best till last.
0:42:52 > 0:42:56If I was scared before, I was petrified now.
0:42:56 > 0:43:01She led me down the corridor introducing me to all the patients.
0:43:01 > 0:43:04Then we came into the final cell.
0:43:06 > 0:43:11Now then. I think you owe this poor creature an apology.
0:43:17 > 0:43:22Hello, David, how are we this evening?
0:43:22 > 0:43:25Can't sleep.
0:43:25 > 0:43:26I'm not surprised.
0:43:26 > 0:43:32- This young man fired 400 volts into your brain.- Sorry.
0:43:32 > 0:43:35I can smell a wet mattress, David,
0:43:35 > 0:43:39have you been having bad dreams again?
0:43:39 > 0:43:41Tell us about it.
0:43:41 > 0:43:47I'm sure the child would love to hear what's going on in your head, wouldn't you?
0:43:47 > 0:43:52There you are, David, you have an audience.
0:43:52 > 0:43:54Now what's on your mind?
0:43:56 > 0:43:58Well, in the dream,
0:43:58 > 0:44:03me and my mum are on our way to a party at Uncle Peter's house.
0:44:03 > 0:44:06But there's a problem with the car.
0:44:06 > 0:44:08And we get stranded in the woods.
0:44:17 > 0:44:19Stupid bushes.
0:44:19 > 0:44:21I hope you haven't weed on them boots, David.
0:44:21 > 0:44:25- I don't think so.- Good. I borrowed them from Mr Hayward downstairs.
0:44:25 > 0:44:26Apparently his son's a pinhead.
0:44:26 > 0:44:29Skinhead. Didn't want to wear this anyway. Babyish.
0:44:29 > 0:44:35Yeah, well I'm sorry, David, it would have been in bad taste to go as Fred West. It's too recent.
0:44:35 > 0:44:37Well, why couldn't I go as Ed Gein?
0:44:37 > 0:44:39No-one would have known who you were.
0:44:39 > 0:44:41Yes, they would. Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
0:44:41 > 0:44:45A belt of lady's nipples and a silver vagina on my face.
0:44:45 > 0:44:47And where were you going to get one of them?
0:44:47 > 0:44:51- Could have made one?- Out of what?
0:44:51 > 0:44:56- Chamois leather.- David, you are not using my chamois as vaginas.
0:44:56 > 0:44:58You look good anyway as Frankenstein.
0:44:58 > 0:45:01Humph, Frankenstein is the Doctor and I am the creature.
0:45:01 > 0:45:03Yeah, and I'm your bride.
0:45:07 > 0:45:10Look! There's a car coming. Maybe we can get a lift.
0:45:10 > 0:45:12Check them out first though. They might be weirdos.
0:45:21 > 0:45:24- Everything all right? - We were on our way to a party.
0:45:24 > 0:45:27Our car broke down. You couldn't give us a lift, could you?
0:45:27 > 0:45:31Of course. Jump in.
0:45:31 > 0:45:35So I suppose you want dropping off at the castle, do you?
0:45:35 > 0:45:37No.
0:45:37 > 0:45:4052 Birchwood Avenue.
0:45:40 > 0:45:45I told David to join the RAC, and he disappeared to Stratford for three months.
0:45:45 > 0:45:50Yeah. I did A Winter's Tale with Simon Russell Beale.
0:45:50 > 0:45:53He's a good theatre actor, but he's too big for telly.
0:45:53 > 0:45:57And Anthony Sher's the same.
0:45:57 > 0:46:00So I take it you're going to a fancy dress party?
0:46:00 > 0:46:03Yes, David's uncle does them. He has parties all year round.
0:46:03 > 0:46:05Remember that Easter one and we had to go as eggs?
0:46:05 > 0:46:07Yeah. It was shit.
0:46:07 > 0:46:10What's the matter with that lady?
0:46:10 > 0:46:13Oh, that's my wife.
0:46:13 > 0:46:15We've had rather a long journey I'm afraid.
0:46:15 > 0:46:17She gets quite car sick.
0:46:17 > 0:46:19The best thing for her is to sleep through it.
0:46:19 > 0:46:23- She looks pale. - Well, she's just taken two Valium.
0:46:26 > 0:46:28Mum, pass me your mirror.
0:46:28 > 0:46:30- What for? - I don't think she's breathing.
0:46:30 > 0:46:35- I want to check.- Look, David, the nice man's offered us a lift. Don't be calling his wife dead.
0:46:35 > 0:46:38I just want to see.
0:46:38 > 0:46:40- Please, I don't want her waking up. - I won't wake her.
0:46:40 > 0:46:42- She needs to rest. - I'll just take her pulse.
0:46:42 > 0:46:43DON'T TOUCH HER!
0:46:52 > 0:46:57Police reports today confirmed the discovery of a fourth body on wasteland in North London.
0:46:57 > 0:47:01- Not another one.- Shhhh! - The victim was badly mutilated and the attack bears all the
0:47:01 > 0:47:07hallmarks of three other murders that the newspapers are dubbing the work of the Stanmore Slasher.
0:47:07 > 0:47:10Police are asking...
0:47:10 > 0:47:12Rather morbid.
0:47:12 > 0:47:15- If he does one more he'll end up on your wall, won't he?- Maybe.
0:47:15 > 0:47:19- What's that?- Oh, David's hobby.
0:47:19 > 0:47:21He collects serial killers.
0:47:21 > 0:47:23Don't collect them.
0:47:23 > 0:47:29- Study them.- He's actually worked out who Jack the Ripper is, but won't tell me, will you?- It's confidential.
0:47:29 > 0:47:31Most of them are rather pathetic individuals, aren't they?
0:47:31 > 0:47:33I disagree.
0:47:33 > 0:47:37From what I've read they're usually your average Joe Bloggs, just like you and I.
0:47:37 > 0:47:40There's always signs.
0:47:40 > 0:47:43You've just got to know where to look.
0:47:44 > 0:47:48But don't they always get careless, give themselves away?
0:47:48 > 0:47:51I mean, for example, if I were going to dispose of a body
0:47:51 > 0:47:56I wouldn't flush it down the toilet with a portion of Kentucky Fried Chicken to disguise the smell.
0:47:56 > 0:47:58Dennis Nilsen, 15 victims, 1982.
0:47:58 > 0:47:59- 1983.- '83.
0:47:59 > 0:48:01Is that what he used, Kentucky?
0:48:01 > 0:48:03Dirty pig.
0:48:03 > 0:48:08- David mixes in a couple drops of my perfume if he's done a really stinky one, don't you, David?- Yeah.
0:48:08 > 0:48:11Tweed by Lentheric.
0:48:11 > 0:48:14Makes it worse. Really sweet.
0:48:14 > 0:48:18So, who's expecting you at this party then?
0:48:18 > 0:48:21- Is it just family? - I don't know half of them myself.
0:48:21 > 0:48:26Just various uncles. There's a whole load coming in from Penzance dressed as The Addams Family,
0:48:26 > 0:48:28though I'm not sure I'll be able to tell the difference.
0:48:28 > 0:48:32- Are you all right, David? You look a bit green?- Yeah.
0:48:34 > 0:48:36Can we stop the car?
0:48:36 > 0:48:38- I want to use that phone box.- Why?
0:48:38 > 0:48:40- Do you need a wee?- Tell Uncle Peter we're going to be late.
0:48:40 > 0:48:45- No! I can't stop just yet. - Stop the car! Now!
0:48:45 > 0:48:46Come on, Mum. You too.
0:48:46 > 0:48:48I'm not getting out. I'm settled here.
0:48:52 > 0:48:53Mum!
0:48:56 > 0:49:00The man drives away with Mum still in the back of the car,
0:49:00 > 0:49:02so I go and phone the police.
0:49:06 > 0:49:09Hello, 999 Letsby Avenue?
0:49:09 > 0:49:12Yeah, I think my mum's been taken
0:49:12 > 0:49:15by the Stanmore Slasher.
0:49:21 > 0:49:22Here, drink this.
0:49:22 > 0:49:24It'll calm your nerves.
0:49:24 > 0:49:27No, I just want to go back and get David.
0:49:27 > 0:49:29He doesn't like being on his own.
0:49:29 > 0:49:32He has to leave the door open when he's doing his number twos.
0:49:32 > 0:49:33Can we not go back for him?
0:49:33 > 0:49:37I'm afraid not. Look. You must understand.
0:49:37 > 0:49:40I was only thinking about my wife.
0:49:40 > 0:49:43Where is your wife? Is she still asleep?
0:49:43 > 0:49:46MOBILE PHONE RINGS
0:50:05 > 0:50:09Hello? Oh, hi, Mum.
0:50:10 > 0:50:13Oh, we just got back,
0:50:13 > 0:50:15I think.
0:50:15 > 0:50:18I don't know, I was out cold.
0:50:20 > 0:50:23Yes, it was fine.
0:50:23 > 0:50:26I went as a bride of Dracula
0:50:26 > 0:50:29and Adrian went as Dennis Nilson,
0:50:29 > 0:50:31you know, the strangler.
0:50:32 > 0:50:34He gave me the creeps.
0:50:34 > 0:50:36Yes. Police, please.
0:50:36 > 0:50:42So my David is the Stanmore Slasher, you think? Well, I never.
0:50:42 > 0:50:44Just goes to show,
0:50:44 > 0:50:47you never really know who you've got under your roof, do you?
0:50:49 > 0:50:51You really should have let me go.
0:50:59 > 0:51:01HE SCREAMS
0:51:07 > 0:51:09Ahhh!
0:51:22 > 0:51:26It's a full moon tonight. She'll change again.
0:51:26 > 0:51:29You've got to stop her. Please. She'll change again.
0:51:29 > 0:51:31All right, David. That's enough.
0:51:31 > 0:51:34Your mother's not a monster.
0:51:34 > 0:51:38You are. Come along.
0:51:39 > 0:51:41No. No.
0:51:44 > 0:51:46Now then...
0:51:47 > 0:51:50..this is interesting.
0:51:50 > 0:51:52Look in here.
0:51:55 > 0:51:58What do you see?
0:51:58 > 0:52:00- It's empty.- That's right.
0:52:00 > 0:52:08That's because this one, young man, this one, is for you.
0:52:13 > 0:52:14Get him!
0:52:15 > 0:52:18I'll find you! I'll find you!
0:52:18 > 0:52:23You can't leave now, you'll never leave.
0:52:23 > 0:52:25SHE CACKLES
0:52:31 > 0:52:36I want some closure on this. I thought being involved in your programme might be able to help me.
0:52:36 > 0:52:41We need to get some celebrities wandering round here. I'm sure the Dingles would do it.
0:52:41 > 0:52:44And I'd love to get Frank Bruno. He'd tick a lot of boxes.
0:52:44 > 0:52:47Anyway, I've taken up enough of your time already. Thank you.
0:52:47 > 0:52:49Do you need me to show you out?
0:52:49 > 0:52:51No, no, I'm going to go and get some shots round the front.
0:52:51 > 0:52:52I've not even been round there yet.
0:52:52 > 0:52:55OK. I'm going to grab my bag.
0:52:55 > 0:52:57I don't want anyone knowing we were here.
0:52:57 > 0:52:58Except the ghosts!
0:53:06 > 0:53:10OK. So I'm just going to walk round the front of the building now.
0:53:22 > 0:53:24What is that?
0:53:35 > 0:53:39Is there a spirit in this room?
0:53:39 > 0:53:41If there is a spirit,
0:53:41 > 0:53:43good or evil,
0:53:43 > 0:53:46commune with me.
0:53:46 > 0:53:47Give me a sign.
0:53:47 > 0:53:50EERIE KNOCKING
0:53:50 > 0:53:56What are you doing snooping round in my office?
0:53:58 > 0:54:00Well, it's a simple question.
0:54:00 > 0:54:03Who sent you?
0:54:03 > 0:54:05Are you the spirit of Edwina Kenchington?
0:54:05 > 0:54:08Yes.
0:54:08 > 0:54:10Well, I was.
0:54:10 > 0:54:13Not any more.
0:54:13 > 0:54:15Do you remember me?
0:54:15 > 0:54:17Should I?
0:54:17 > 0:54:19I met you.
0:54:19 > 0:54:22Years ago.
0:54:22 > 0:54:25- When I was a boy. - Well, you can't be a former patient.
0:54:25 > 0:54:28You can form sentences.
0:54:28 > 0:54:30It was Halloween night.
0:54:30 > 0:54:32I stole your locket.
0:54:32 > 0:54:36Oh! I remember.
0:54:36 > 0:54:39Why was it so important to you?
0:54:39 > 0:54:43- Why have you come back? - Unfinished business. Who sent you?
0:54:43 > 0:54:46Andrews, or Stroheim?
0:54:46 > 0:54:49- My money's on Andrews. - I don't know those people.
0:54:49 > 0:54:52- Where is my locket?- I don't know.
0:54:52 > 0:54:55Don't lie to me, boy! You took it before and you're back here again.
0:54:55 > 0:54:58- Who do you work for?- Sainsbury's.
0:54:58 > 0:55:00What are you doing here?
0:55:02 > 0:55:05I came looking for you.
0:55:05 > 0:55:07I just wanted to see a ghost.
0:55:10 > 0:55:12Well, that can be arranged.
0:55:12 > 0:55:13GUNSHOT
0:55:32 > 0:55:34'I received an anonymous letter,
0:55:34 > 0:55:36'explaining that my mother had been murdered
0:55:36 > 0:55:38'and a list of those responsible.
0:55:38 > 0:55:43'I took it to be a confession from someone who could no longer bear the guilt.
0:55:43 > 0:55:44'David.
0:55:44 > 0:55:47'He was always the weakest link. Goodbye.
0:55:47 > 0:55:51It wasn't David.
0:55:52 > 0:55:55- It was me.- Mummy!
0:55:56 > 0:56:01You won't believe what I've just seen... Oh, my God, what happened?
0:56:01 > 0:56:05Kenchington. She shot me.
0:56:06 > 0:56:08She's not dead.
0:56:08 > 0:56:10What? Come on, we'll get help.
0:56:11 > 0:56:12MUMMY!
0:56:15 > 0:56:16Look!
0:56:22 > 0:56:24You idiot!
0:56:35 > 0:56:37- And this is all of it?- Yes, Ma'am.
0:56:37 > 0:56:41- How many dead?- Four dead, including those two. And two more critical.
0:56:42 > 0:56:45What a mess.
0:56:45 > 0:56:47Please tell me we found it?
0:56:50 > 0:56:53No, Ma'am. No sign.
0:56:54 > 0:56:57- Well, we can't proceed without it. - I know, Ma'am.
0:56:57 > 0:57:00So deal with it, Kelvin. We can't have any loose ends.
0:57:00 > 0:57:01Yes, Ma'am.
0:57:22 > 0:57:25- Sorry, Ma'am, I just need to get the file back.- What?
0:57:25 > 0:57:27Um. Can I get the file back, please?
0:57:27 > 0:57:29I'm burning it!
0:57:29 > 0:57:32That is our only copy, Ma'am. We do definitely need it.
0:57:32 > 0:57:34Oh, for fuck's...
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