0:00:25 > 0:00:28APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:33 > 0:00:37Gooooood evening!
0:00:37 > 0:00:41Good evening, good evening. Welcome to QI.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44This week, we'll be recycling some old rubbish
0:00:44 > 0:00:46as we're going green!
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Joining me tonight on our "solar" panel,
0:00:48 > 0:00:51we have the sustainable Bill Bailey!
0:00:55 > 0:00:58The recyclable Danny Baker!
0:01:01 > 0:01:04The impossible Jeremy Clarkson!
0:01:07 > 0:01:11And the 'ickle vegetable, Alan Davies.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19And in the interests of reducing our carbon footprint,
0:01:19 > 0:01:24- we've switched off the electric buzzers and given our panel... - ALAN CLAPS
0:01:24 > 0:01:29Yes! ..a selection of fully renewable wind and calorie-powered woodland whistles
0:01:29 > 0:01:31to attract my attention. Bill goes...
0:01:31 > 0:01:34MELODIC TUNE
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Excellent. Thank you.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Very good. Very good. Danny goes...
0:01:44 > 0:01:46CUCKOO CALL
0:01:47 > 0:01:50Thank you very much.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Jeremy?
0:01:52 > 0:01:54SHRILL MONOTONE BLAST
0:01:55 > 0:02:00- It's abandon ship!- You'll get a constable in no time!
0:02:01 > 0:02:03- And Alan goes... - DUCK QUACK
0:02:03 > 0:02:07- APPLAUSE - Of course! So...
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Stand by to offset your emissions
0:02:12 > 0:02:16as we venture into Question One. Tonight's easy starter. What colour
0:02:16 > 0:02:19- was Frankenstein? - CUCKOO!
0:02:20 > 0:02:21Green.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Oh!
0:02:26 > 0:02:30Frankenstein was a baron in a novel, who was a scientist who made a monster.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Yes, and the monster's name?
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- The monster's name.- The monster has a name in the book.
0:02:35 > 0:02:36- Tell us!- Adam.
0:02:36 > 0:02:40Adam. Of course he's called Adam. He's like the first man.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44What colour, obviously, was Frankenstein's monster?
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Green. No - purple!
0:02:51 > 0:02:55- No, he wasn't.- I assumed a grey colour, but I only saw him in black and white!
0:02:55 > 0:03:00- I don't know what colour he was.- She didn't write a black-and-white book.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03Except the print was black and the paper white! She used coloured words
0:03:03 > 0:03:09- and she did describe, Mary Shelley, who wrote the novel...- Puce. - ..in 1818...- Jaundiced yellow.
0:03:09 > 0:03:14Yellow is the answer. "His yellow skin scarcely covered the work of muscles and arteries beneath.
0:03:14 > 0:03:18"His hair was of a lustrous black, his teeth of a pearly whiteness."
0:03:18 > 0:03:22- "Scarcely covered." There were gaps?- Yes, a dead body brought to life.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24It was hanging.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Like the mummy. When the mummy in the movie gets...
0:03:27 > 0:03:31- Bits come off. Imhotep! Imhotep! - Imhotep!
0:03:31 > 0:03:34- Imhotep!- Imhotep!- Imhotep!
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Yellow skin, apparently.
0:03:39 > 0:03:43Amazing, Mary Shelley's novel sold how many copies, do you think?
0:03:43 > 0:03:46- 1,200.- No, just 500, it was not considered a success.
0:03:46 > 0:03:51One thing made it a success a few years after it was published. Theatre.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53People realised it would make exciting theatre.
0:03:53 > 0:03:58TP Kruk played the monster, made him famous, he was the Boris Karloff of his day.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02Over the next four years, 14 separate production in London, Bristol and other cities took place,
0:04:02 > 0:04:05and then the book just took off and became so famous
0:04:05 > 0:04:09that by the time cinema was invented it was one of the earliest subjects for cinema.
0:04:09 > 0:04:14- And then when colour cinema came out, for some reason he got a bit green in the face.- Round the gills.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18But when the Incredible Hulk was created, what colour was he?
0:04:18 > 0:04:22- Green.- He was green when he was the Hulk, he was not originally.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26- Wasn't he a purply colour? - No, he was grey, oddly enough.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30Stan Lee created it and his monster wasn't green when he first appeared in '62,
0:04:30 > 0:04:34he was grey cos he wanted him not to suggest any ethnicity,
0:04:34 > 0:04:37but green doesn't suggest any ethnicity!
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Is it Japanese or Korean or something,
0:04:39 > 0:04:42the director of the movies, what's his name?
0:04:42 > 0:04:43- The Hulk movie?- Yeah.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47Ang Lee. He did all the movements, did you know that?
0:04:47 > 0:04:49No, I didn't know that.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51They CGI'd the Hulk in, so every time he goes, "Argh!"
0:04:51 > 0:04:55- He put on one of these suits... - Oh, like at the circus, yeah.
0:04:55 > 0:04:59And then they had him doing lots of Hulk stuff,
0:04:59 > 0:05:03but he wasn't really very Hulk-like, he's about 5'4", quite narrow-hipped.
0:05:03 > 0:05:08- Yeah.- So when the Hulk leapt out the building, he kind of went, "Heeey!"
0:05:08 > 0:05:10LAUGHTER
0:05:11 > 0:05:16When the Hulk comes out, if you go, "Ah-so!" It really, really works.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19And he jumps, and he kind of goes, "Hee-ow!"
0:05:19 > 0:05:23In the first three Superman comics he can't fly. How lame is that?!
0:05:23 > 0:05:26- He ran to his destinations. - Did he?- Yeah!
0:05:26 > 0:05:29- Superman did?- Superman couldn't fly in the initial comics.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32He became flying after a while when they realised
0:05:32 > 0:05:35him waiting for traffic lights to change is all a bit pedestrian.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38- Then he began flying after that. - Goodness.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41- Along with Beppo the superdog and the superhorse...- Yes.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43And Supertramp.
0:05:43 > 0:05:48- And Supertramp!- It couldn't have been a cost thing in the comic, could it?- No!
0:05:48 > 0:05:52Cos in Star Trek they had to invent beamings. They couldn't afford
0:05:52 > 0:05:55- to land the shuttle on the planet every week. - Oh, is that why?- Yeah.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59Cos otherwise they'd have to have their model going wobbling down on cotton...
0:05:59 > 0:06:03Sorry, Jeremy, you're saying it's a model? What do you mean?
0:06:03 > 0:06:04LAUGHTER
0:06:04 > 0:06:10- Oh, dear. Energised, isn't it? - You know who made Star Trek? Lucille Ball. I Love Lucy.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- Well, it was her studio, yeah. - But even so.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15And Mission:Impossible, too.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Lucille Ball met her husband on the set of RKO. What a great story.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Five years later they bought the studio.
0:06:20 > 0:06:25Chucked out the name RKO, called it Desilu, made Star Trek. Lucille Ball.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28And therefore invented teleporting.
0:06:28 > 0:06:32So Lucille Ball invented teleporting, as we've just discovered.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35Frankenstein's monster was yellow, in the book, anyway.
0:06:35 > 0:06:39Where is the best place to mine gold in the UK?
0:06:41 > 0:06:44- Who got there first?- Underground. - Underground!
0:06:44 > 0:06:46LAUGHTER
0:06:46 > 0:06:51- You'd think, wouldn't you? - Can't be anywhere else! - You'd think underground.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53But that's not the answer.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56- Probably the dentist. - An interesting thought.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Jimmy Savile's toilet.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02That's where he keeps it, stuffed up under the rim!
0:07:04 > 0:07:06You get... From a tonne of...
0:07:06 > 0:07:08From a tonne of...
0:07:10 > 0:07:12"Eh, up, now then. Where's my rings?"
0:07:16 > 0:07:21All his furniture's got drawers in it.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24"Now, where did I put that thing?"
0:07:27 > 0:07:30- That's only jealousy. - Sorry I said it.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34For a tonne of mineable ore, you get five grams of gold.
0:07:34 > 0:07:38Whereas a tonne of what I'm thinking of will yield 150 grams.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41- Dead bodies?- No.- No.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Mobile phones.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47Mobile phones, of which we throw away 1.5 million a year.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50So much gold can be got from them that in Japan in particular
0:07:50 > 0:07:54where there's not much natural resources of any kind,
0:07:54 > 0:07:56they have cornered the market in eco-recycling.
0:07:56 > 0:08:02Mobile phones is a big one. They get it from sewage plants as well.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Tiny specks of it from industrial effluent.
0:08:05 > 0:08:10Used in so many processes and little bits of it can be recovered.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12- Isn't that amazing?- It is.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16From a tonne of mobile phones you may get 150 grams of gold,
0:08:16 > 0:08:18but how much copper?
0:08:18 > 0:08:22- 300.- 100 kilograms!- 100 kilograms of copper! I raise you!
0:08:24 > 0:08:30- That's pretty good, isn't it?- Yeah. - And three kilograms of silver! - Is there anything in a mobile phone
0:08:30 > 0:08:34that isn't a precious metal? Mine's mostly plastic!
0:08:34 > 0:08:38It seems that way, but inside, look, there's a lot going on.
0:08:38 > 0:08:42- Is there a bit of fondant, right in the middle?- There is.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44- Fondant.- Just in the middle.
0:08:44 > 0:08:48Isn't it that if you got all the gold in the world, it would form a cube the size of that screen?
0:08:48 > 0:08:53A bit bigger than that. I believe it's 55 feet, side to side.
0:08:53 > 0:08:54All the gold ever mined.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57Yes. A cube of 55 by 55 by 55.
0:08:57 > 0:09:01- And the coffee. Gold Blend. - Not counting Gold Blend there.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05We'll break the bad news to you later.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07In all of human history
0:09:07 > 0:09:11the amount of gold that has been gotten out of the land
0:09:11 > 0:09:16amounts to 3.3 billion ounces.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Which is a heck of a lot.
0:09:18 > 0:09:23But in the oceans, they reckon there's 25 billion ounces.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27- In the...?- In the sea water. - BILL GROANS
0:09:27 > 0:09:30- It's like ten parts per trillion. - Disgusting.
0:09:30 > 0:09:35- Isn't it?- That's something a Bond villain should be getting on to.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37"I am stealing the oceans, Mr Bond.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41"All of them, and there is nothing you can do about it."
0:09:41 > 0:09:44- BILL:- "I have the biggest sieve in the world."
0:09:45 > 0:09:50Of the 1.5 million phones that are thrown away each year in the UK,
0:09:50 > 0:09:53most of them go to China, to a place called Guiyu -
0:09:53 > 0:09:56the largest electronic waste site on Earth.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59- There are an estimated 150,000 e-waste workers -- Wow!
0:09:59 > 0:10:02there they are. Some of them -
0:10:02 > 0:10:05earning an average of 1.50 a day. Which is like, what,
0:10:05 > 0:10:0810.50 a week, if they work seven days a week?
0:10:08 > 0:10:12More than 80% of local children suffer from lead poisoning.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16So, it's nice to recycle, but that's clearly not the way to do it.
0:10:16 > 0:10:22- But they are very useful, mobile phones, aren't they? That's what we mustn't forget.- They are.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25This is obviously very bad, but there is an upside.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28- You wouldn't know. You haven't got one.- No, I haven't.- But...
0:10:28 > 0:10:31- He hasn't got a mobile telephone. - Really?
0:10:31 > 0:10:34- No. I know, it's extraordinary. - Have you ever had one?
0:10:34 > 0:10:38No. I can't think of anything worse than being contactable all the time.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41The easiest way is to have a mobile phone and no friends. That's what I do.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43APPLAUSE
0:10:43 > 0:10:45I find that very easy to believe.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50- It just shows the price we pay, though.- We do.
0:10:50 > 0:10:56- It's pretty astonishing. - I've got no conscience about it. - Have you got a computer?- Have I...?
0:10:56 > 0:11:00- No, have YOU got a computer?- Yes. - Well, look, there's computers there. - Not mine!
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Not mine!
0:11:05 > 0:11:09Now, cars... Something you know about. Catalytic converters. All new cars have them.
0:11:09 > 0:11:14- What do they give the atmosphere? - Carbon dioxide in huge quantities.
0:11:14 > 0:11:20Yes, they're not green in that sense. But also they give off so much of this element
0:11:20 > 0:11:24that quite soon we may be able to harvest it from the roads.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27- It's dust that comes out of the exhaust.- Platinum.
0:11:27 > 0:11:31Platinum is right. UK roads are now 100 times richer in platinum
0:11:31 > 0:11:34than they were before the catalytic converter.
0:11:34 > 0:11:39People think it would be worth harvesting the platinum. How would they do that? It's weird.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42- Hoover?- No, they use...- Mice!
0:11:42 > 0:11:44- It is biological.- Yes.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47- Not mice. Much, much smaller. - Insects.
0:11:47 > 0:11:48Even smaller.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Bacteria.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53Bacteria is the right answer, yes. E. coli.
0:11:53 > 0:11:58- E. coli?! On the roadside? - It's not the dangerous E. coli. It refines the dust.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Anyway,
0:12:00 > 0:12:04a tonne of mobile phones contains more gold than a tonne of ore from a gold mine.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08Talking of valuable commodities, this particular lady
0:12:08 > 0:12:12was in the same business as her mother and grandfather before her.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14You have to stop me
0:12:14 > 0:12:17when you know what it is they sold as a business.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19I'll give you some clues.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21We all want more of it.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Some of us keep it better than others.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27- It's invisible. - CUCKOO!
0:12:27 > 0:12:30- Time.- Yes, it's the right answer.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33- They invented time?!- They sold it!
0:12:33 > 0:12:38- I remember what William Hartnell looked like.- No, they sold it.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42- They sold it?- How would you sell time? Make a living?- What period?
0:12:42 > 0:12:45They started in the 19th century and went up to 1940.
0:12:45 > 0:12:50- Four generations.- Time shares. You get a flat in Malta for two weeks.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54- No.- Is it something to do with Bristol being 11 minutes behind London?
0:12:54 > 0:12:58It's not exactly, but it's to do with the fact that in the 19th century
0:12:58 > 0:13:00it became more important to keep time.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02There was only one clock,
0:13:02 > 0:13:07the Greenwich clock that keeps the official GMT, Greenwich Mean Time,
0:13:07 > 0:13:12and this woman would go with her very fine pocket watch
0:13:12 > 0:13:16and go, once a week, and put the time right. Then wander round London
0:13:16 > 0:13:19and people would pay to look at her watch!
0:13:19 > 0:13:25She made money giving people the time. Businessmen had a subscription to her business.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28It sounds very much like a scam! Some sort of euphemism!
0:13:28 > 0:13:32"What is going on here?" "He's just looking at my watch, Officer."
0:13:33 > 0:13:36- "In this dark alley?" - You'd think, wouldn't you?
0:13:36 > 0:13:41- People would stop her to look at her watch?- Ruth Belville.- "Her watch."
0:13:41 > 0:13:45A John Arnold pocket chronometer. Number 485786.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49- They cornered the market from 1836 to 1940.- Only three of them did it?
0:13:49 > 0:13:53- One person at a time. You'd be lucky to find them!- That's the thing.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57You could buy an annual subscription. They'd go and visit them
0:13:57 > 0:14:01- just as a sandwich company goes round to a firm. - Like an alarm clock?
0:14:01 > 0:14:05They'd go round with the clock and say it's now exactly this.
0:14:05 > 0:14:10- The firm would set all their watches by it.- Why did they decide on an hour?
0:14:10 > 0:14:12What was that?
0:14:12 > 0:14:16Why an hour? Why not just half an hour and make that an hour?
0:14:16 > 0:14:21- Because 24 is divisible in so many different ways. - It's very factorisable.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24- Divisible by two, three, four, six, eight.- So is ten.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27No, ten is only divisible by one, two, five and itself.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Only on one dimension!
0:14:29 > 0:14:34If you go into another dimension, you can have anything you want!
0:14:34 > 0:14:37- Unfortunately we weren't in another dimension.- Oh!
0:14:37 > 0:14:42- Sorry!- Oh!- Sorry, but why was it important to divide 24 by eight?
0:14:42 > 0:14:43Yeah.
0:14:43 > 0:14:47- No, to have as divisible a system as possible.- Why wasn't it 100?
0:14:47 > 0:14:49Have 100. Make it all up to ten.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52If you want, you can have a plan to decimalise time.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55I'm going to make my own.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57I'm going to cross two of these off!
0:14:57 > 0:15:00- Let's do it.- I'm with you on that one.- Let's have a vote.
0:15:00 > 0:15:04I'm going to get rid of three... Three and eight.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06ALL TALK AT ONCE
0:15:06 > 0:15:11You can't do one to ten, cos then we'll never have elevenses ever again!
0:15:11 > 0:15:14- We'll leave that in. - We can do nineses.- Nineses?!
0:15:14 > 0:15:19- What is your system? How many hours are in your day?- 20.- 20 hours.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22To make it nice and simple, we'll call it a "horare" or something.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24- Or a "hoor".- A whore?
0:15:24 > 0:15:27- SCOTTISH ACCENT:- A whore! A whore! - Splendid.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Time is a whore, I think.
0:15:29 > 0:15:3120 strumpets!
0:15:33 > 0:15:37- Aye!- There are a number of objections. I'm not the one to make them.
0:15:37 > 0:15:42- Originally it was 12 hours because the Babylonians... - What do they know?
0:15:42 > 0:15:44They had a base-12 counting system.
0:15:44 > 0:15:48- The French did try decimal time after their revolution.- Did they?
0:15:48 > 0:15:52- Yeah.- You see!- It didn't work. - Why did it not work?- I don't know.
0:15:52 > 0:15:56Maybe because the rest of the world just didn't like the idea.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00Is it not like Betamax and VHS? They all went with 24, but the French should have gone with 20.
0:16:00 > 0:16:05- When were the French ever worried about what the rest of the world thought?- Absolutely.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09We have ten fingers and ten toes.
0:16:09 > 0:16:14You could count off the bits, the sections of time, using one of your digits.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17What a way to tell the time. "What time is it?"
0:16:17 > 0:16:19One, two... Three-and-a-half.
0:16:19 > 0:16:24- Two minutes past four. What would that be, then? About six? - About six, yeah.
0:16:26 > 0:16:30Good luck. There could be a good line in merchandisable metric clocks.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34- Yes. - The Bill Bailey QI metric clock.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37- Metric clock. Fine, that'll do me. - Anyway,
0:16:37 > 0:16:39we've just done an hour on that topic!
0:16:40 > 0:16:43By whose system?
0:16:43 > 0:16:45I think you'll find it's an hour and a bit.
0:16:45 > 0:16:49There's only one thing. Time to move on!
0:16:49 > 0:16:54The Belvilles gave people a good time by selling them a look at their watch.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58The Belvilles never went to this place, but what time is it at the South Pole?
0:16:58 > 0:17:01- It's no time at all, isn't it? - It's every time.
0:17:01 > 0:17:06- It's every time? It's no time? - It's the penguin Public Enemy tribute band!
0:17:12 > 0:17:15Yes, because all the time zones,
0:17:15 > 0:17:19obviously, which are like that way, meet at the South Pole, don't they?
0:17:19 > 0:17:22- Yes, they do.- And it's not true about the compass.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25If you're at the magnetic North Pole - nobody knows quite where it is -
0:17:25 > 0:17:29but I wanted the compass to do that thing where it can't find South
0:17:29 > 0:17:31- or anywhere, but it doesn't. - How boring!
0:17:31 > 0:17:36- It is boring, yeah.- Is there a red-and-white striped barber's pole there?
0:17:36 > 0:17:39There's nothing. Nor a shaft of light. Nothing.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43- Maybe it works at the South Pole. - It's a lot chillier. It's always noon or always midnight.
0:17:43 > 0:17:48- Why do we have to have north, south, east, west?- Oh, hello! Hello!
0:17:48 > 0:17:50He's drunk with power!
0:17:52 > 0:17:54EVIL CACKLE
0:17:54 > 0:17:59All the time zones converge at the poles, but the default time in Antarctica is GMT.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02That's what they use. But now,
0:18:02 > 0:18:04time to eat up your greens now.
0:18:04 > 0:18:09According to the Vegetarian Society, why are people who don't eat meat called vegetarians?
0:18:09 > 0:18:13So we can identify them as fools and mad men! I don't know.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20- Where does the word come from? - Presumably the word "vegetable".
0:18:23 > 0:18:27That's not why they're called vegetarians.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29What, when people who only eat vegetables...
0:18:29 > 0:18:33- That's not why they're called it. - Is it a star sign?
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Very good!
0:18:35 > 0:18:37- No, it's...- Saggyhairyass!
0:18:37 > 0:18:38Say that again.
0:18:38 > 0:18:43- Saggyhairyass.- Thank you. - It's my favourite star sign.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47- Are they named after dinosaurs? No, they're not.- No.
0:18:47 > 0:18:48Herbivores.
0:18:48 > 0:18:52An "-arian" is an enthusiast or a practiser of "vege-".
0:18:52 > 0:18:54- I know why.- Yes?
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Because if you said you had a herbivore coming to dinner,
0:18:57 > 0:19:00the children would be frightened.
0:19:00 > 0:19:05So they've called themselves vegetarians to make themselves seem normal and not pallid.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08I know what you mean. But the surprising point to most people
0:19:08 > 0:19:11is that the original word from which "vegetarian" comes
0:19:11 > 0:19:15according to the Vegetarian Society, is not the word "vegetable".
0:19:15 > 0:19:19- It's nothing to do with vegetable. - We're talking about the root word.
0:19:19 > 0:19:23Oddly enough! It's really bizarre,
0:19:23 > 0:19:27I grant you. It's the word vegetus, which is nothing to do with vegetation.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31It's a Latin word meaning "whole, sound, fresh or lively".
0:19:31 > 0:19:35I don't call them vegetables. I have a different system of naming them.
0:19:35 > 0:19:36Yes!
0:19:40 > 0:19:46The official UK Vegetarian Society, VSUK, the oldest vegetarian society in the world,
0:19:46 > 0:19:50they say that's the origin of it, vegetus, not vegetable.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Name some famous vegetarians for me.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54- JEREMY:- Hitler.- Oh, dear!
0:19:56 > 0:20:01- He wasn't a vegetarian? - I don't think so.- He is in my mind!
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Napoleon. Robert Mugabe.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06I don't think so.
0:20:06 > 0:20:12- My tortoise died the other day... - Oh!- ..and I honestly considered having its leg on some toast.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16I thought, "I wonder what it tastes like?" Some people don't think like that.
0:20:16 > 0:20:21I know. We had a tortoise once, and it had bad arthritis in its leg.
0:20:21 > 0:20:25They said, "We can operate and replace it with a wheel."
0:20:25 > 0:20:29- Fabulous.- They do that. They do that, don't they?- Castors.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32- They can go in all directions. - Did you do that?
0:20:32 > 0:20:36- We thought about taking all its legs off and putting wheels on all of them.- No!
0:20:36 > 0:20:40And a little engine on the shell.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43You could send it down the shops!
0:20:43 > 0:20:45- JEREMY:- With an aerial on a spring!
0:20:45 > 0:20:47What a great idea!
0:20:51 > 0:20:55But you couldn't. I bet someone would object if you motorised a tortoise.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57Really?!
0:20:57 > 0:20:58The RSPCA!
0:20:58 > 0:21:03- You could have lorries, like trailers... - Political correctness gone mad(!)
0:21:03 > 0:21:08- You can't even mutilate a tortoise any more!- I'm not suggesting you mutilate it.
0:21:08 > 0:21:09You had a tortoise?
0:21:09 > 0:21:13It could keep its legs. It could keep its legs.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16I'm thinking of like a bigfoot truck in America.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20Big wheels that could be detached so it could be a tortoise and eat weeds
0:21:20 > 0:21:22- and then...- The legs go up.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25..when you wanted, you could send it to the shops.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27- A transformer tortoise.- Yes!
0:21:27 > 0:21:31- Nothing wrong with that. - The big ones in the Galapagos Islands.- They're terrific.
0:21:31 > 0:21:35They could bring substantial pieces of furniture back.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38- You could put wings on them. They could take off.- Yeah.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40The tortoise's tum.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Brum! Brum! Brum!
0:21:44 > 0:21:47Anyway, that's good. Good talk. Mad, but good.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50The Vegetarian Society claims "vegetarian" comes from the word vegetus.
0:21:50 > 0:21:57Everyone else thinks it's because they eat vegetables. But why are vegans called vegans?
0:21:57 > 0:22:00- From the planet Vegus?- That seems to be the suggestion there.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02- BILL:- From the root "vague".
0:22:02 > 0:22:07"What do you eat?" "I don't know."
0:22:07 > 0:22:10They're probably the least vague eaters there are.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Hardcore.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15- Vegans are allowed what?- Vegans are different from vegetarians.- How?
0:22:15 > 0:22:19- Vegans don't eat eggs or cheese. - BILL:- It's dairy, isn't it?
0:22:19 > 0:22:22Anything dairy. Anything from an animal, yeah.
0:22:22 > 0:22:28- Look at Peter Tatchell at the end. There's the advert!- These are vegans. Can you recognise them?
0:22:28 > 0:22:30- DANNY:- Thom Yorke.- Bob Marley.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32That's not Bob Marley! What are you talking about?!
0:22:32 > 0:22:36No, it's Benjamin Zephaniah, the poet. And on the left, the pneumatic lady?
0:22:36 > 0:22:41- Pamela Anderson.- Is she a vegan? - She's a vegan, yes. And Peter Tatchell, yeah.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45- Are they all vegans?- Yeah.- They're not a healthy-looking bunch.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Her breasts are made of plant matter.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51Otherwise you can't feed your children, I mean...
0:22:51 > 0:22:53They're stuffed with pulses and beans.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55- BILL:- How do you know that? Pulses?
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Well, they must be if she's a vegan.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00They can't be made out of leather, can they?
0:23:00 > 0:23:05I don't think they actually remove their own flesh from their body and replace it with plant material.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07They're allowed to have their own flesh.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10You can have a couple of cows' udders strapped on...
0:23:10 > 0:23:15But anyway, how did the word arise? What's it from? What's its origin?
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Is it an anagram? Is it a mnemonic of some sort?
0:23:17 > 0:23:22Not a mnemonic, no. It's actually the first three letters of "vegetarian"
0:23:22 > 0:23:27and the last two of "vegetarian". Cos the beginning and end of "vegetarian" is "vegan".
0:23:27 > 0:23:31If vegans knew that, they'd stop calling each other vegan.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34- Marc Bolan did that, of course, with Bob Dylan's name.- Yes.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37Marc Bolan, Bob Dylan - he just cut it up.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39- And he was a vegetarian.- Was he?
0:23:39 > 0:23:42Yes, he was. He took cocaine, but he was a vegetarian.
0:23:42 > 0:23:47- Which comes from a vegetable.- It's a plant.- Yes.- It comes from a leaf. - And he's normal, so there!
0:23:47 > 0:23:51That was the worst ever time that a hero's death was broken to me.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54My dad told me. I was a huge T. Rex fan, a massive fan,
0:23:54 > 0:23:56and the night he died, tragically, over in Barnes,
0:23:56 > 0:23:59I went to bed early and I was woken up the next morning by my dad,
0:23:59 > 0:24:02who didn't have a lot of time for your pop stars,
0:24:02 > 0:24:05but equally, he was a fairly straightforward fellow.
0:24:05 > 0:24:10I don't think he knew how much he hurt me when he came in with my cup of tea the next morning.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12"Here's your tea. Oh..."
0:24:12 > 0:24:14I'm like, "What? What?" "Who's that bloke you like?"
0:24:14 > 0:24:17"Who?" "The one with the stars on his face."
0:24:17 > 0:24:19"Marc Bolan." "Yeah, gone, dead."
0:24:21 > 0:24:24That was how I heard of the passing of Marc Bolan.
0:24:24 > 0:24:28- BILL:- It's like how my neighbour broke the news of our cat dying to me.
0:24:28 > 0:24:32It was so insensitive. He was trying to be friendly and he said,
0:24:32 > 0:24:37"Is your cat the one with the coloured collar?" I went, "Yeah."
0:24:37 > 0:24:40He goes, "Oh, I think it's dead. I think it got hit by a car."
0:24:40 > 0:24:44I went, "Oh, why do you think that?" He goes, "Well, it's completely flat."
0:24:47 > 0:24:49All right, good, well done.
0:24:49 > 0:24:53So, it was woodwork teacher Donald Watson
0:24:53 > 0:24:57who coined the word "vegan" in 1944. It's the beginning and end of "vegetarian".
0:24:57 > 0:25:02Now, all four of you are obviously babe magnets. But what's a cow magnet?
0:25:02 > 0:25:05A bull with a big horn? Sorry!
0:25:08 > 0:25:10- Very good.- A hedge.
0:25:10 > 0:25:14- A hedge?- A hedge. Cows gravitate towards hedges.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17- Do they?- I've got a mate who's afraid of cows.
0:25:17 > 0:25:22- A lot of people are, quite rightly. - He's really afraid of them. He says they can rear up.
0:25:22 > 0:25:27I said, "They can't rear up!" I said, "You're being ridiculous!"
0:25:27 > 0:25:32He goes rambling. I said there's no attacks of cows on people.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34- I've seen a bull rear up on a cow. - One day I saw him,
0:25:34 > 0:25:40he said, "I've got something to show you!" He'd got a clipping out of the Metro, a free paper,
0:25:40 > 0:25:43and a man had been knocked over and assaulted by cows.
0:25:43 > 0:25:48- They do!- He was an off-duty policeman and he'd phoned the police helicopter to rescue him!
0:25:48 > 0:25:53They sent it straight out. It landed in the field and scared them off.
0:25:53 > 0:25:57He was lying there with broken bones and he was in terrible pain.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00They gang up on you. This happened to me in a field in Norfolk.
0:26:00 > 0:26:05- Were you being herded by cows? - They tried to mount my Land Rover.
0:26:06 > 0:26:12I've got a black Land Rover and there were 50 or 60 around,
0:26:12 > 0:26:16- all over it. I thought the top might come in. Terrifying! - BILL:- You're thinking of lions!
0:26:16 > 0:26:19No, no. I'm thinking of cows.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22I'm thinking cows, Bill. These cows surrounded the car.
0:26:22 > 0:26:28I tried everything. When I say everything, I put on show tunes and opened the sun roof!
0:26:28 > 0:26:32- Show tunes?- A Londoner tries to clear some cows.
0:26:32 > 0:26:37The farmer's chewing straw going, "He'll put some music on in a minute!"
0:26:37 > 0:26:39I'll tell you what it was.
0:26:39 > 0:26:43- It was Defying Gravity by Wicked. - "Let's try some heavy metal."
0:26:43 > 0:26:48- It was Defying Gravity by Wicked. - No, they respond to Galvanize by The Chemical Brothers.
0:26:48 > 0:26:52- Yeah?- That's what you should have played.- Whatever, I couldn't do it.
0:26:52 > 0:26:56My wife said, "Get out of the car." I said, "The cows won't let me!"
0:26:56 > 0:26:59- BILL:- I know the answer. Danny Baker is the cow magnet.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03Very good! I can't deny it.
0:27:03 > 0:27:04SPEECH DROWNED BY APPLAUSE
0:27:06 > 0:27:08But here is the real cow magnet.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11Pass it on to Jeremy. Everyone can have a look.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13How would that work? It is a cow magnet.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Made in Denmark.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17It's just a magnet, Stephen.
0:27:17 > 0:27:21It basically is a magnet but this is a cow magnet.
0:27:21 > 0:27:26- Is it cows with bells round their necks?- Is it to do with the fact it's made in Denmark?
0:27:26 > 0:27:29- Not particularly, no. - Is it a cow as we know it or...
0:27:29 > 0:27:31No, no, it's a real cow.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40- Bill...- That was weird!
0:27:40 > 0:27:43We'll have to call you Buffalo Bill!
0:27:45 > 0:27:49- Bovine Buffalo Bill. - HE MOOS
0:27:51 > 0:27:53No, this goes inside the cow.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55- Ah!- That goes in the cow?
0:27:55 > 0:27:58- Not the way you're thinking. - Only one way, surely!
0:28:02 > 0:28:06Is it when you want the cow to come to the milking shed,
0:28:06 > 0:28:09if you turn on the magnet in the milking shed and that's in it,
0:28:09 > 0:28:11the cows would come.
0:28:11 > 0:28:15- What about the abattoir?- Not the abattoir. It is simply that
0:28:15 > 0:28:20a cow in the course of its daily grazings will often pick up metal in fields.
0:28:20 > 0:28:24Bits of wire in tyres that are used to weigh down tarpaulins on silage pits.
0:28:24 > 0:28:26- Barbed wire and things.- Gold.
0:28:26 > 0:28:30They can cause inflammation in the stomach. Gold, yes!
0:28:30 > 0:28:34So a magnet is put into their stomach and it attracts all the metal they eat
0:28:34 > 0:28:38and eventually the gastric juices cause the metal to dissolve.
0:28:38 > 0:28:42- Funnily enough, Bill mentioned something about them being attracted towards hedges.- Yes.
0:28:42 > 0:28:47But someone thought, "I wonder if cows have a sense of magnetism themselves.
0:28:47 > 0:28:51"How can we tell if cows face one particular way or if they're aware of it?"
0:28:51 > 0:28:56They used that old standby Google Earth. This was an academic from a German university
0:28:56 > 0:29:00and he studied 8,510 cows.
0:29:00 > 0:29:05He found they tended to face north or south, a fact that's eluded mankind for thousands of years.
0:29:05 > 0:29:08Only Google Earth would allow you to see that. "They're all looking that way."
0:29:08 > 0:29:13- Only when the satellite was flying over.- True, but over a large patch of Earth.
0:29:13 > 0:29:18- What do you think they're looking at? - Who knows?- The satellite. - They must be looking at something.
0:29:18 > 0:29:23- They were looking north or south, not east or west. - Or "narth" or "thwest".
0:29:23 > 0:29:25Ah, new ones!
0:29:25 > 0:29:27Let's press on. We should.
0:29:27 > 0:29:31Cow magnets sit inside cows' stomachs to attract bits of metal.
0:29:31 > 0:29:35All right, let's be brutally honest, what do you think the Green Revolution has achieved?
0:29:35 > 0:29:38Um... THEY SIGH
0:29:38 > 0:29:44- Many, many things. - It's done wonders for the expensive light bulb business.
0:29:44 > 0:29:47It depends what you mean by the "Green Revolution".
0:29:47 > 0:29:52You're probably thinking of the general fact that people are trying to be eco-friendly,
0:29:52 > 0:29:57- but there was something that was called the Green Revolution. - Is it in Africa or Asia?
0:29:57 > 0:29:59All over the world, actually. There's a man
0:29:59 > 0:30:04who you probably haven't heard of. His name didn't trip off my tongue - Norman Borlaug.
0:30:04 > 0:30:07It's probably cos he's never been on Britain's Got Talent,
0:30:07 > 0:30:11but he won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1970 and in the citation
0:30:11 > 0:30:16it was said, "Dr Borlaug has saved more lives than any other person who has ever lived."
0:30:16 > 0:30:19- Oh! Has he done something about the tsetse fly?- A billion people.
0:30:19 > 0:30:22- So more than Fleming? - A billion people, they think. - He saved a billion?
0:30:22 > 0:30:27- A billion people are alive because of him.- Clean water or something? - No, a new type of wheat.
0:30:27 > 0:30:31It simply tripled India's supply of wheat. India, suddenly, in a short time -
0:30:31 > 0:30:35ten, 15, 20 years - became capable of sustaining itself.
0:30:35 > 0:30:38When I was young, there was enormous starvation in India and Bangladesh.
0:30:38 > 0:30:42- That's why you weren't allowed to not finish your tea.- Yeah, absolutely.
0:30:42 > 0:30:46I was forever posting my mashed potato I hadn't eaten off to Biafra.
0:30:46 > 0:30:50Your parents would always say, "Biafrans could eat that,"
0:30:50 > 0:30:54and I'd think, "They're right. I don't want it," and I was only little, so I'd post it off.
0:30:54 > 0:30:57- Yeah.- So he invented wheat which has saved a million lives...
0:30:57 > 0:31:02- A billion.- ..or means that a billion people are alive now that wouldn't otherwise...?
0:31:02 > 0:31:07A billion people are alive who would otherwise not be and would have died of starvation.
0:31:07 > 0:31:12It's hardier and higher-yielding, basically. This was christened the Green Revolution.
0:31:12 > 0:31:17Of course, there are downsides. It's a monoculture, this wheat. It's spread everywhere.
0:31:17 > 0:31:20Although enormous numbers of lives have been saved, it has been a big threat
0:31:20 > 0:31:26to biodiversity, obviously, and the reliance on pesticides and things is not all good,
0:31:26 > 0:31:28but it is pretty astonishing, isn't it?
0:31:28 > 0:31:31How do you get wheat to mate?
0:31:31 > 0:31:33Pollination?
0:31:33 > 0:31:35Well, how does that happen?
0:31:35 > 0:31:37- BILL:- Well, you turn down the lights...
0:31:37 > 0:31:40Ask the barley to leave the room.
0:31:43 > 0:31:45SPEECH DROWNED BY LAUGHTER
0:31:45 > 0:31:49Anyway, Dr Norman Borlaug is the father of the Green Revolution
0:31:49 > 0:31:51and may have saved as many as a billion lives,
0:31:51 > 0:31:55but has never been on Celebrity Big Brother, so we've no idea who he is.
0:31:55 > 0:31:58But from little green shoots, to little green men, gentlemen.
0:31:58 > 0:32:02Imagine you've just received a signal from outer space. What's the first thing to do?
0:32:02 > 0:32:06Phone Sky News immediately so they can get a camera crew round.
0:32:06 > 0:32:08No, that's not the first thing to do.
0:32:08 > 0:32:10Don't tell anyone, keep it to yourself?
0:32:10 > 0:32:15- There is SETI. Have you heard of SETI?- The Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence.
0:32:15 > 0:32:18- Very good! Points for Bill. - How do you think we found him?
0:32:18 > 0:32:23- APPLAUSE - Indeed.
0:32:23 > 0:32:26- SETI...- GERMAN ACCENT: Here's our finest example!
0:32:27 > 0:32:30We never will get a message from outer space. Is that the answer?
0:32:30 > 0:32:37- No...- Why shouldn't you phone Sky News?- Because there's a declaration of principles concerning activities
0:32:37 > 0:32:41following the detection of extraterrestrial intelligence that SETI have put out.
0:32:41 > 0:32:46- One, check it's real. Important.- OK.- Two,
0:32:46 > 0:32:50tell all the signatories to the declaration and your national authorities.
0:32:50 > 0:32:52- Not the press.- Oh, right.
0:32:52 > 0:32:56You then tell astronomers, online or via a central bureau or something or other,
0:32:56 > 0:33:00and then the discoverer has the privilege of making the first public announcement.
0:33:00 > 0:33:04- That's the fourth step.- By the time I'm about to make the announcement
0:33:04 > 0:33:06the authorities that I've previously contacted
0:33:06 > 0:33:11have put me in a dark basement somewhere under the MI6 building for life!
0:33:11 > 0:33:14- Probing or whatever they do. - This gentleman's from America.
0:33:14 > 0:33:17US ACCENT: What exactly did you hear, sir?
0:33:18 > 0:33:20There are reply protocols as well. That's to say,
0:33:20 > 0:33:22if you get the message, how do you reply?
0:33:22 > 0:33:26No-one should reply without checking with everyone else first.
0:33:26 > 0:33:30- "Fine, thanks."- How do they do that?
0:33:30 > 0:33:34The United Nations should finally decide if we reply.
0:33:34 > 0:33:38We should reply on behalf of all humanity, not one country or corporation or company.
0:33:38 > 0:33:42The message should be published before transmission. Plans should be put in place
0:33:42 > 0:33:47to create an institution to manage the conversation as replies might be a long time in coming - centuries.
0:33:47 > 0:33:51And somebody recommends the alien contact Max Clifford.
0:33:53 > 0:33:57- It's such a very, very long way to the nearest place that it's... - That's the point.
0:33:57 > 0:34:01You could spend as long as you liked planning all this. There's no need to rush.
0:34:01 > 0:34:04- Who's made these rules?- SETI - the search for an extraterrestrial.
0:34:04 > 0:34:08They've got plenty of time on their hands. Let's be honest.
0:34:08 > 0:34:12What we know from cinema is that there's a kind of beardy, techy guy doing this
0:34:12 > 0:34:16in the place where there's the computer screens and the stuff and he's like that,
0:34:16 > 0:34:20and he's usually got a takeaway coffee and suddenly something goes...
0:34:20 > 0:34:22- HE BLEEPS - ..and he goes like that.
0:34:22 > 0:34:26"Oh, my God, oh, my God! I gotta..." Like that. Then the film starts.
0:34:26 > 0:34:29- Then he gets up and treads on his own indoor golf set.- Exactly.
0:34:29 > 0:34:33Blows the dust off his telephone and calls the authorities.
0:34:33 > 0:34:38- What's wrong with being a bit beardy? You know...- Nothing wrong.
0:34:38 > 0:34:42- Take it up with Hollywood casting. - Would the Americans call the Bangladeshis
0:34:42 > 0:34:44if they heard it there? Cos that says
0:34:44 > 0:34:47if Alan hears it when he's going shopping one day,
0:34:47 > 0:34:49he's got to call SETI in New Mexico
0:34:49 > 0:34:54- but I'll bet you...- No, it says check it's real and tell the signatories to the declaration.
0:34:54 > 0:34:58Let's just assume for a moment Bangladesh is one of the signatories.
0:34:58 > 0:35:02I bet you the Americans wouldn't call up the Bangladeshis and say, "We've heard from outer space."
0:35:02 > 0:35:05- They'd deal with it all by themselves.- Well...
0:35:05 > 0:35:08SETI say that if you hear from ET
0:35:08 > 0:35:12you should check that he's for real, then tell the authorities, astronomers,
0:35:12 > 0:35:14and then tell Joe Public.
0:35:14 > 0:35:18But why was Lord Hardwicke's Marriage Act so good for the Scottish tourist industry?
0:35:18 > 0:35:22- Something to do with kilts? - Something to do with Gretna Green.
0:35:22 > 0:35:25Green is our word. Gretna Green. Yes.
0:35:25 > 0:35:28- Where's Gretna Green? - Just inside Scotland.
0:35:28 > 0:35:32- It's where you elope to to get married.- It's just over the border.
0:35:32 > 0:35:36Up until 1753, in Britain, you didn't need your parents' permission to marry.
0:35:36 > 0:35:39There were only three conditions to be satisfied.
0:35:39 > 0:35:41You couldn't already be married.
0:35:41 > 0:35:44The girl had to be 12 or over.
0:35:44 > 0:35:47The boy had to be 14 or over. They mustn't be brother and sister.
0:35:47 > 0:35:51- And that was it. You didn't even need witnesses.- No?
0:35:51 > 0:35:57You'd just get married. But after 1753 because of inheritance and various legal wrangles,
0:35:57 > 0:35:59because it was so hard to prove people were married,
0:35:59 > 0:36:03the Hardwicke Act came in. But it didn't apply in Scotland.
0:36:03 > 0:36:08So couples would elope. The nearest place on the main road to Edinburgh was Gretna Green.
0:36:08 > 0:36:14In Gretna Green, as in England before this, you didn't have to be a priest or a mayor.
0:36:14 > 0:36:17And these blacksmiths, they were called anvil weddings,
0:36:17 > 0:36:20blacksmiths would perform thousands.
0:36:20 > 0:36:235,000 weddings a year are performed in Gretna Green still.
0:36:23 > 0:36:28- People think it romantic to go. - Knock up a couple of rings while they're doing it.
0:36:28 > 0:36:34- So, continuing our green theme now...- Why are you wasting electricity?- Sorry?
0:36:34 > 0:36:38Why do you have two screens on? Why not turn that one off?
0:36:38 > 0:36:40Then Bill can come and sit next to me on my knee.
0:36:40 > 0:36:44Which is what I've been hoping for all along.
0:36:44 > 0:36:47You on for that? Go on! Move!
0:36:47 > 0:36:48APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:36:49 > 0:36:51Come on, Bill.
0:36:53 > 0:36:57- I'd better come by you, then. - Oh, it's you now!
0:36:57 > 0:36:59There you go.
0:36:59 > 0:37:02I'm still far away from him!
0:37:02 > 0:37:06Like when you go to a restaurant and you want to sit next to someone
0:37:06 > 0:37:08and end up at the other end of the table!
0:37:08 > 0:37:11You can gaze at him across...
0:37:11 > 0:37:12I love you - pass it on.
0:37:16 > 0:37:18I love pooh. Pass it on.
0:37:19 > 0:37:20You do kung fu. Pass it on.
0:37:23 > 0:37:26- Paid three and fourpence for going to a dance.- Very good.
0:37:26 > 0:37:29Excellent work. This is rather good.
0:37:29 > 0:37:34- We're saving...- Saving power. - That whole screen now is off. Good thought.
0:37:34 > 0:37:37- People say you're an enemy of environmentalism.- Rubbish!
0:37:37 > 0:37:41- You have no idea! - We could take this further.
0:37:41 > 0:37:43You at home - turn off your sets!
0:37:45 > 0:37:47Steady on here! OK.
0:37:47 > 0:37:50Let's have a musical clue for this next question.
0:37:50 > 0:37:53MUSIC: Colonel Bogey's March
0:37:53 > 0:37:57- Colonel Bogey's March. - Yes. Colonel Bogey's March.
0:37:57 > 0:38:01Why, the question is, did Colonel Bogey go one over par in 1925?
0:38:01 > 0:38:06- A bogey is one over par, in golf. - The extraordinary thing was, in Britain,
0:38:06 > 0:38:13the way you set your par was to imagine the perfect player you were playing against
0:38:13 > 0:38:16who got an exactly perfect score without dropping any shots.
0:38:16 > 0:38:22And he was called Mr Bogey. So that meant par, not one over par. It meant par, bizarrely.
0:38:22 > 0:38:28In the United Services Golf Club, they didn't want a Mr Bogey, so they called him Colonel Bogey.
0:38:28 > 0:38:33So you imagined you were playing Colonel Bogey. So Colonel Bogey gets four on this hole.
0:38:33 > 0:38:35And I got five. So you're one over.
0:38:35 > 0:38:37But if you got four too, that was Bogey - par.
0:38:37 > 0:38:42But America, who had newer courses because they'd only taken to the game more lately,
0:38:42 > 0:38:47they used the word par and when they played on British ones they found ours were easier,
0:38:47 > 0:38:51- so if they made a British one, one over was Bogey.- Easier here? - Complicated.
0:38:51 > 0:38:55I literally have no idea what you're talking about.
0:38:55 > 0:39:01- I know it sounds complicated. - In America they played on large courses, 18 holes.
0:39:01 > 0:39:05- Here, you had to get it past the windmill... - APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:39:05 > 0:39:10But essentially bogey meant par until we joined in with the Americans in 1925
0:39:10 > 0:39:13and we agreed to use Bogey to mean one over.
0:39:13 > 0:39:19All of which brings us rolling off the green and into the bunker of general ignorance.
0:39:19 > 0:39:22- Have you got your instruments still? - Yes.
0:39:22 > 0:39:26You're on a tropical beach. You've got a screwdriver in one hand, a rusty nail in the other.
0:39:26 > 0:39:31A crowd of huge male mosquitoes descends on you. What are they after?
0:39:31 > 0:39:34- Yes, Bill?- Drinks, I was going to say.- Ah, sugar.
0:39:34 > 0:39:36- Ah.- Sugar.
0:39:36 > 0:39:40- They're not after anything. Only females bite you.- That is true.
0:39:40 > 0:39:44That is a fact. That's correct. They're not after your blood.
0:39:44 > 0:39:49- They're after the...- Orange juice. - Orange juice.- In the screwdriver. - Yes.- Points!
0:39:49 > 0:39:51- JEREMY:- Why is there...?
0:39:51 > 0:39:55Orange juice. The males sip juice. They don't use blood at all.
0:39:55 > 0:39:59The blood is for the female when they're in egg. It helps the eggs develop.
0:39:59 > 0:40:02Female mosquitoes are attracted by moisture,
0:40:02 > 0:40:05lactic acid, carbon dioxide, body heat and movement.
0:40:05 > 0:40:09- For the cocktails. What's a Manhattan?- Red Bull and egg nog.
0:40:09 > 0:40:11Oh, dear!
0:40:11 > 0:40:16- JEREMY:- I want that.- No, it's whiskey, vermouth and bitters.
0:40:16 > 0:40:20- Cuba libre?- Cuba libre.- Cuba Libre. - Oh, that's rum and Coke.
0:40:20 > 0:40:22- That will make you pregnant. - Daiquiri?
0:40:22 > 0:40:26- Daiquiri.- It's the bar where it was invented.- Where? What?
0:40:26 > 0:40:28- Floridita in Havana.- Very good.
0:40:28 > 0:40:32I can't remember what's in it but I can tell you it's fantastic.
0:40:32 > 0:40:35I could play the piano, I thought, afterwards!
0:40:36 > 0:40:39Very good. Rum, lime juice and sugar.
0:40:39 > 0:40:42It wasn't even a piano, it was a table!
0:40:42 > 0:40:46- Margarita.- Margarita.- Salt. - Salt round the edge.- Gin.
0:40:46 > 0:40:51It's very unfair to taunt us with these drinks when we're here without so much as water!
0:40:51 > 0:40:55Do any of us drink cocktails? Does anyone outside of...
0:40:55 > 0:40:58ALAN: Only at half past ten, or half two in your time!
0:40:58 > 0:41:03A banana Daiquiri for breakfast is one of the greatest luxuries a man can have.
0:41:03 > 0:41:06Sex on the Beach?
0:41:06 > 0:41:08A banana Daiquiri?
0:41:08 > 0:41:10Anyone know what's in Sex on the Beach?
0:41:10 > 0:41:15- Vodka, peach schnapps, orange and cranberry juice. - I like peach schnapps.
0:41:15 > 0:41:17And a little bit of crab sweat.
0:41:19 > 0:41:21- Anyway...- Get things going.
0:41:21 > 0:41:25It's the lady mosquitoes who bite. The men sip fruit juice and nectar.
0:41:25 > 0:41:30- What harm can a wind turbine do? - Kill birds.- Yeah.- Kill birds?
0:41:34 > 0:41:39The Royal Society for the Prevention of Birds recently announced
0:41:39 > 0:41:41that they can't kill birds.
0:41:41 > 0:41:43Oh, you spotted that? Good.
0:41:43 > 0:41:46- But they do harm another flying creature.- Bats?
0:41:46 > 0:41:50- Superman?- Superman? No. Bats. - JEREMY:- And goats.
0:41:53 > 0:41:56The goats that hang on to them?
0:41:56 > 0:41:59A man in Taiwan reported recently
0:41:59 > 0:42:02that he lost 400 goats cos they could no longer sleep.
0:42:02 > 0:42:08- Have you ever heard one? They make an unbelievable racket.- Is that why they attract bats?- No.
0:42:08 > 0:42:12They don't get hit by the blades. It's the drop in pressure that is caused.
0:42:12 > 0:42:16They have, as mammals, like humans, soft lungs
0:42:16 > 0:42:18unlike birds who have harder lungs.
0:42:18 > 0:42:21The capillaries burst in their lungs and they die,
0:42:21 > 0:42:24just by the pressure change near the turbines. Nasty.
0:42:24 > 0:42:28Which brings us to the scores. Oh, my heavens!
0:42:28 > 0:42:31- Really?- Yes, now look at this. Oh, dear me, Lord!
0:42:31 > 0:42:34In first place, with minus five,
0:42:34 > 0:42:36is Bill Bailey!
0:42:39 > 0:42:42So close. So close.
0:42:42 > 0:42:45Doing really well with minus seven is Alan Davies!
0:42:50 > 0:42:53The man who usually soars into the lead on our show
0:42:53 > 0:42:58and gets enormous numbers of points, is in third place with minus 13, Danny Baker!
0:43:03 > 0:43:08I'm sorry to say, way off the pace with minus 27, Jeremy Clarkson!
0:43:15 > 0:43:18That's all from this edition of eco QI,
0:43:18 > 0:43:22our special one-screen edition for your pleasure and entertainment.
0:43:22 > 0:43:24Good night from Danny, Jeremy, Bill, Alan and me.
0:43:24 > 0:43:28This thought from American comedian A. Whitney Brown -
0:43:28 > 0:43:30"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals.
0:43:30 > 0:43:33"I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."
0:43:33 > 0:43:34Good night!
0:43:51 > 0:43:53Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:43:53 > 0:43:55E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk