0:00:26 > 0:00:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:29 > 0:00:32Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening,
0:00:32 > 0:00:35and welcome to QI.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38Tonight, we're all going to be pretty infantile.
0:00:38 > 0:00:42Playing mummies and daddies tonight are Daddy Cool, Dave Gorman.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Yummy Mummy, Ronni Ancona.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:52 > 0:00:55Happy Pappy, Lee Mack.
0:00:55 > 0:00:59- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Thank you.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03And the curse of the mummy's tomb, Alan Davies.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:06 > 0:01:11So, erm, why don't you give me a ring some time? Dave goes...
0:01:11 > 0:01:13PHONE RINGS
0:01:13 > 0:01:17- Ronni goes... - CONTINUOUS RING
0:01:17 > 0:01:21- Lee goes... - ENGAGED TONE
0:01:21 > 0:01:25- And Alan goes... - "For sales enquiries, press one.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27"For service, press two.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29"For two hours of irritating music, press three.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33"For more options, press four. For fewer options, press five.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36"Or to speak to one of our operatives, emigrate to Mumbai."
0:01:36 > 0:01:41- LAUGHTER - Thank you, Alan. And don't forget your Nobody Knows joker.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43- FANFARE - 'Nobody knows!'
0:01:43 > 0:01:47Yes, there may be a question tonight to which the true answer is that nobody knows
0:01:47 > 0:01:53and if you play your Nobody Knows joker, you get extra points. Your ignorance might indeed be bliss.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55So here's an intimate question to start with.
0:01:55 > 0:02:00What did the Pope's father say to the baker's daughter?
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Who is the current Pope?
0:02:03 > 0:02:07- He's German, is he? - Ratzenberger.- Ratzinger.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11He was born in Germany, he's a German Pope.
0:02:11 > 0:02:17- There he is. That's him on the right with those killer eyes that he still has.- Some would say the far right.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19- Yes! Some would! - LAUGHTER
0:02:21 > 0:02:23And his father, too, was called Joseph,
0:02:23 > 0:02:27so Joseph Ratzinger Senior married a baker's daughter.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31That's the mother in the middle. The question is, how did they meet?
0:02:31 > 0:02:34- On the interweb. - Yes. It was the equivalent...
0:02:34 > 0:02:39- Speed dating. They were speed dating.- Before the interweb and speed dating, there were...
0:02:39 > 0:02:42- Singles adverts.- Singles ads.
0:02:42 > 0:02:48- Would like to meet... Good sense of humour...- Absolutely! This is what the Pope's father, Joseph Ratzinger,
0:02:48 > 0:02:51who was a Bavarian policeman, wrote.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55"Middle-ranking civil servant. Single. Catholic." That's a relief.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58"43. Immaculate past.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02"From the country. Is looking for a good, Catholic, pure girl
0:03:02 > 0:03:04"who can cook well, tackle all household chores,
0:03:04 > 0:03:07"with a talent for sewing and homemaking
0:03:07 > 0:03:09"with a view to marriage as soon as possible."
0:03:09 > 0:03:13He added, "Fortune desirable but not a precondition."
0:03:13 > 0:03:15LAUGHTER
0:03:15 > 0:03:19He was 43, she was 36. She was called Maria Peintner.
0:03:19 > 0:03:23They met up at a coffee house and were married four months later.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26- Life was simple then, wasn't it? - Life was simple then.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30- Not so much a singles ad, but more a job.- Yes!- Basically. LAUGHTER
0:03:30 > 0:03:35It would be great if the Pope actually had an entry himself in a lonely hearts column,
0:03:35 > 0:03:40because it would be something like, "Single guy, likes to wear a dress,
0:03:40 > 0:03:43- "drives a slow forklift truck." - LAUGHTER
0:03:43 > 0:03:45"Expects you to kiss his ring."
0:03:45 > 0:03:48LAUGHTER
0:03:48 > 0:03:52EYTKHR.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55- That would be it, wouldn't it? - Because they've got abbreviations.
0:03:55 > 0:04:00- Haven't they got three-letter... - I have a list of abbreviations to test you on
0:04:00 > 0:04:04to see how much you use these singles and wanted ads
0:04:04 > 0:04:06and Craigslist and similar.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08So D/D, what would that be?
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Divorced deviant?
0:04:11 > 0:04:15- LAUGHTER - Nice idea.- Divorced...
0:04:15 > 0:04:18- Does it stand for large breasts? - LAUGHTER
0:04:18 > 0:04:21That may be perhaps quite... Oh, I see, double D.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24- LAUGHTER - We haven't got all night, Stephen.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27- LAUGHTER - Not quite my area of expertise, but I do understand.
0:04:27 > 0:04:28LAUGHTER
0:04:28 > 0:04:32- Drunk and disorderly. - No, it actually means drug and disease free.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36- Does it? - Yes. In the code of these things.
0:04:36 > 0:04:42If you feel it necessary to put that, that's just going to raise suspicions.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44LAUGHTER
0:04:44 > 0:04:47- NK.- No knickers?- Massive knockers.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50- LAUGHTER - Sorry, that's M.
0:04:50 > 0:04:54- Nassive knockers. - NK?- Yeah, it's no kids.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56WE?
0:04:56 > 0:05:00- Weekends. - That would be nice, but I'm afraid it's a little bit more physical.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03- Well-endowed.- Yes! - LAUGHTER
0:05:03 > 0:05:07- Why would you write that? - APPLAUSE
0:05:07 > 0:05:11You'd just put that, wouldn't you? Just put "well-endowed" and the box number.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14LAUGHTER
0:05:14 > 0:05:19Possibly. ALAWP might be the thing to do with WE.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22- A large and wavy penis. - All letters answered...
0:05:22 > 0:05:25- LAUGHTER - All letters answered! Sorry.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29ALAWP, all letters answered with...
0:05:29 > 0:05:32- A penis. - LAUGHTER
0:05:32 > 0:05:36- Photo!- Photo!- Oh, sorry, photo. - Dave is earning points.
0:05:36 > 0:05:40- You know an awful lot about lonely hearts columns!- IPT?
0:05:40 > 0:05:44So you might get, for instance, IPT BBW.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47- Big breasted woman. - Oh, so you know BBW! Very good!
0:05:47 > 0:05:52- LAUGHTER - Very good! Is partial to.- Right.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55- IPT BBW. Is partial to.. - I don't know if this is going to help me or not,
0:05:55 > 0:06:00but some of these acronyms are shared by the world of pornography. LAUGHTER
0:06:00 > 0:06:04So take your pick as to how I know them. It's either from lonely hearts or porn.
0:06:04 > 0:06:09- That's right, yeah.- Which would you rather we assume...- I'm going to leave you guessing, Ronni.
0:06:09 > 0:06:16So what would be WE SHM WLTM BBW for NSA fun?
0:06:16 > 0:06:20- Does that stand...- No strings attached fun.- Very good, Dave.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24- NSA is...- A big breasted woman. - Yes. So WE...
0:06:24 > 0:06:29- Well-endowed.- SHM. H is an ethnic type in American in particular.
0:06:29 > 0:06:33- Hispanic.- Brilliant. So well-endowed single Hispanic male...
0:06:33 > 0:06:36- WLTM.- Would like to meet.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40- BBW.- Big breasted woman. - Big blue whale.- For NSA fun.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42LAUGHTER For no-strings attached fun.
0:06:42 > 0:06:47- Exactly.- Which is when you're into puppetry, but of the glove-puppet variety, not...
0:06:47 > 0:06:50- LAUGHTER - Exactly! That's a sweet way of looking at it.- Absolutely.
0:06:50 > 0:06:55Presumably, you would charge by the letter in newspapers, so that's why...
0:06:55 > 0:06:58- To save money?- Yes. But you don't need that on the internet.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01- You could say, "I have an enormous dong". - LAUGHTER
0:07:01 > 0:07:05- You don't have to go WE, do you? - But tiny testicles.
0:07:05 > 0:07:09LAUGHTER
0:07:09 > 0:07:15- BTT.- In fact, it's actually an average-size dong, but the testicles make it look enormous.
0:07:15 > 0:07:19LAUGHTER It's a trick of the light!
0:07:19 > 0:07:22- They're like ball bearings. - LAUGHTER
0:07:22 > 0:07:26- It's only the top of the show. - LAUGHTER
0:07:26 > 0:07:31Let's try to swim for the surface before we hit the depths. Yeah.
0:07:31 > 0:07:35- Man gasping for air seeks BBW. - LAUGHTER
0:07:35 > 0:07:38There used to be, in San Francisco in the late 70s,
0:07:38 > 0:07:42- there was a handkerchief code in the gay community. - I've heard about this.
0:07:42 > 0:07:48- Yeah. The yellow one? - It was also which back pocket it was in. If it was left, passive.
0:07:48 > 0:07:53- If it was right, it was active. - What did it mean if you tied four knots and put in on your head?
0:07:53 > 0:07:56That meant you were a homosexual from up north. LAUGHTER
0:07:56 > 0:07:59You're from Blackpool, from the Golden Mile.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02No, if you had yellow in your back left pocket,
0:08:02 > 0:08:07- you liked being peed on.- What does it mean if you wear a yellow thing round your neck hanging down?
0:08:07 > 0:08:10LAUGHTER
0:08:10 > 0:08:13APPLAUSE
0:08:15 > 0:08:18I like the idea of someone going to a club
0:08:18 > 0:08:22and he's got the yellow hankie, and everyone else thinks, "Urgh! Weirdo!"
0:08:22 > 0:08:27LAUGHTER I like the idea of a group of Morris dancers going to San Francisco.
0:08:27 > 0:08:32Sending off very mixed signals wherever they go. LAUGHTER
0:08:32 > 0:08:37Honestly, in the 70s, there used to be cards. You'd go in a shop in Castro in San Francisco
0:08:37 > 0:08:41and there'd be little laminated cards telling you the code so you didn't make a mistake.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45- They'd have to be laminated. - LAUGHTER
0:08:49 > 0:08:53All right, I don't know how this conversation's gone in this direction.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Anyway, the Pope's parents met through a lonely hearts ad.
0:08:56 > 0:09:03What did the Viceroy of India's daughter like doing with flipperty flop and jumpkins?
0:09:03 > 0:09:08- Is this...- If they're not rabbits... LAUGHTER ..then something's amiss.
0:09:08 > 0:09:12Yes, they do sound like rabbits, don't they? Flipperty flop and Jumpkins.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15- Are they body parts? - They're not body parts.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18- Who are we talking about? - The daughter of one of the Viceroys of India.
0:09:18 > 0:09:23In the Days of the Raj, a man would be appointed viceroy, vice-king of India.
0:09:23 > 0:09:28The last one was Lord Mountbatten before the independence of India.
0:09:28 > 0:09:33This man was Lord Lytton and his daughter Emily was an extraordinary Victorian figure.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37And she eventually ended up marrying Lutyens, the architect.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41He designed most of New Delhi, the huge pink palaces of New Delhi were Lutyens.
0:09:41 > 0:09:46That's him there as an older man and that's Emily Lytton.
0:09:46 > 0:09:50He looks like she's just told him a really dirty joke. LAUGHTER
0:09:50 > 0:09:55This flipperty flop and jumpkins, she had an evening playing flipperty flop and jumpkins
0:09:55 > 0:10:00and I'm going to ask Ronni to read out how she describes the evening of flipperty flop and jumpkins.
0:10:00 > 0:10:05"I assure you no words can picture either the intense excitement or the noise.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08- "I always scream in describing it." - SHE LAUGHS
0:10:08 > 0:10:11- LAUGHTER - She could be in the room. There you are.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14This was a description of when she was 17 years old.
0:10:14 > 0:10:20She played this game, alternately known as flipperty flop or jumpkins, and has a much better name.
0:10:20 > 0:10:24- BOTH: Tiddlywinks.- Yes!- That was weird.- You said it at the same time!
0:10:24 > 0:10:27Absolutely brilliant! And I will give you each a little cup.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30It was originally called tiddledy-winks.
0:10:30 > 0:10:35For some reason, the second D got dropped, so tiddlywinks. Try hitting it into the target.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37So we have to try and get it in the hole.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40You have the big one and the little one is called the wink.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44- Is this called the squidger? - I think I went too hard.
0:10:44 > 0:10:49- Surely if that's the wink, this must be the tiddly.- You'd think so.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52I do give a point to you for knowing it's called the squidger.
0:10:52 > 0:10:56- Off the lip!- It's meant to be yellow and green versus red and blue.
0:10:56 > 0:11:02- And they do have lots of different... There's a squop.- Yes.- And a boondock.
0:11:02 > 0:11:09And my favourite move, there is a move in the official language of tiddlywinks, the Good move.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13- Right.- And it's not called that because it's a good move, it's named after John Good.
0:11:13 > 0:11:18- Oh, how wonderful!- So it's named for him.- The squop is one of the most basic things. What is a squop?
0:11:18 > 0:11:23A squop is where you're trying to tiddle your wink so it lands on top of somebody else's.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25- Exactly. And if your wink... - LAUGHTER
0:11:25 > 0:11:28I can see why you're using those lonely hearts columns now.
0:11:28 > 0:11:32LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:11:33 > 0:11:38- How do you get the lift? - You get the lift, to be honest...
0:11:38 > 0:11:41- Oh!- Oh, God! - LAUGHTER
0:11:41 > 0:11:45- You have to play on felt and then it works beautifully. - Then you've got some purchase.
0:11:45 > 0:11:51- Yeah.- This is my ideal gig, where I come on QI but I don't have to talk, I just have to play tiddlywinks.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53- Oh!- This is bullshit! - LAUGHTER
0:11:53 > 0:11:58- You can't get the lift!- I had plenty of lift there. You've ruined it.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00The Good move is named after John Good.
0:12:00 > 0:12:05Do you know what a page ranking is? This is similar. You know, in Google terms, a page ranking.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09- Absolutely, yes.- Do you know why it's called a page ranking?- Yes!
0:12:09 > 0:12:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:12:15 > 0:12:20- So...- I honestly thought you knew the answer to Dave's question.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Finally, I've got one! I know why!
0:12:23 > 0:12:27Are you telling me that a page ranking is not because it's a webpage?
0:12:27 > 0:12:30It's named after Larry Page, one of the founders of Google.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34I'm going to hand out some more toys so there's even more fun to be had.
0:12:34 > 0:12:38- Quoits.- I ought to tell you, the winner gets the teddy bear.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41- Well, fluffy toy. - You've got to be joking.
0:12:41 > 0:12:45- LAUGHTER - Wow, you've really raised the stakes!- You will get the fluffy toy.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48- We'll start with Dave. - OK.- OK. Good luck.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52ALL: Ohh!
0:12:54 > 0:12:57- ALL: Ohh! - It's like being at the fairground. - Ronni, come on!
0:12:57 > 0:12:59I've just got a bit of dirt in my pocket.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Let's have a read.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05LAUGHTER
0:13:09 > 0:13:11- LAUGHTER - Oh, the tension!
0:13:13 > 0:13:16- Ohh!- Did you see that?
0:13:16 > 0:13:18- I saw it!- It nearly went over! Did you see that?
0:13:18 > 0:13:21- I saw it.- I was there! - LAUGHTER
0:13:21 > 0:13:25- He'll be unbearable.- It's all right, he's already unbearable.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29- LAUGHTER - I was only joking, I've got my own dirty mags in the dressing room.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33- LAUGHTER - Don't let him get it! - Watch out for the bloke!
0:13:33 > 0:13:34LAUGHTER
0:13:35 > 0:13:38CHEERING
0:13:38 > 0:13:41- In the net! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:13:45 > 0:13:49- And you get the fluffy toy!- Oh, no!
0:13:49 > 0:13:52- And here it is. - Oh, it's like the fairground.- Yeah.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55- It's like the fairground. - I never said it'd be that one.
0:13:55 > 0:14:02- I never said... No, no.- Anything off the bottom, anything off the bottom. LAUGHTER
0:14:02 > 0:14:06- If Lee was a nice man, he'd give that to you, Ronni. - That's true, I would.
0:14:06 > 0:14:11- LAUGHTER - Congratulations, Lee. - Thank you very much.- A bullseye. 25.
0:14:11 > 0:14:15OK, why, oh, why, oh, why did they ban rifle ranges
0:14:15 > 0:14:18inside pubs in Birmingham?
0:14:18 > 0:14:21- LAUGHTER - Yes?
0:14:21 > 0:14:26- Was it, er, common sense? - LAUGHTER - You'd think so, but no.
0:14:27 > 0:14:32- Price of ammunition. - No. We're talking about the early 20th century
0:14:32 > 0:14:37when it suddenly became very important to have soldiers who were good at firing rifles. Why?
0:14:37 > 0:14:43- Cos of the war. - The Boer War, exactly. And so they started having rifle ranges in pubs.
0:14:43 > 0:14:47- Adds a new dimension to getting a round in.- It certainly does!
0:14:47 > 0:14:53And Birmingham was the very centre of the world's gun-making, BSA and other such rifle companies,
0:14:53 > 0:14:57and so all these pubs would have rifle ranges inside the pubs,
0:14:57 > 0:15:03sometimes literally inside. You'd fire over the heads of customers at targets. But they banned it
0:15:03 > 0:15:07- and I want to know the reason why. - Because there was an accidental death.- No.
0:15:07 > 0:15:12No, the answer is not what you might say today, which is health and safety.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15It was another more puritanical reason.
0:15:15 > 0:15:20Either that picture's been mocked up or they are really casual, those diners.
0:15:20 > 0:15:24There are still pubs with rifle ranges in them. In Devises and places like that
0:15:24 > 0:15:30they still have pubs with rifle ranges. There's one. You pull away the centre part of the bucket
0:15:30 > 0:15:32and there's a tunnel with a target at the end.
0:15:32 > 0:15:38Somewhere in the world there's a giant dog with stitches in his neck looking for that.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40With a very small neck.
0:15:40 > 0:15:45- Cos people were gambling on it? - Yes, Dave Gorman. That's the weird thing about Britain then.
0:15:45 > 0:15:51They didn't care about the fact that live rounds were being fired over people's heads,
0:15:51 > 0:15:56- it was that it caused gambling. - Is that why they introduced the curtain over the score board?- Yes!
0:15:56 > 0:16:01- LAUGHTER - To hide it.- It's like the British version of a speakeasy.
0:16:01 > 0:16:07- LAUGHTER Nothing here.- A beautiful curtain it is, and immaculately measured.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11- LAUGHTER - In one Worcester pub, until quite recently, you'd shoot from a bar
0:16:11 > 0:16:16across a passageway and into an outhouse. And some teams still shoot in the open bar.
0:16:16 > 0:16:22We've got Swindon, Devises, Newport, Hinckley, Nuneaton, Worcestershire still have pubs with rifle ranges.
0:16:22 > 0:16:26- There you are. Isn't that quite interesting?- Very interesting.
0:16:26 > 0:16:32Ah, that's more than we were hoping for. Otherwise it would be called VI. It's only quite interesting.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35They did try to ban darts at one point cos of gambling, as well.
0:16:35 > 0:16:40Cos it was deemed a game of chance. I think it was in Leeds. And it went to the magistrate
0:16:40 > 0:16:46and the landlord of a pub who wanted to keep his dartboard brought in a local expert
0:16:46 > 0:16:49and made him play and demonstrate that it was a game of skill.
0:16:49 > 0:16:54The idea was you were just hitting the board like a fairground game and whatever you happened to hit
0:16:54 > 0:16:57was your score and well done you, you were lucky.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01Then he came along and hit a few treble 20s when asked and they proved it was a game of skill.
0:17:01 > 0:17:06Very good. There are lots of pub games, of course. I'm sure you've played pub games in your time.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09- You may be familiar with some of them.- Too busy drinking.- Of course.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13But see if you can explain the rules of milking cromock,
0:17:13 > 0:17:18hanikin can'st abide it or laugh and lie downe.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Laugh and lie downe, that is a box full of rohypnol.
0:17:21 > 0:17:26- LAUGHTER - Er, no. No. That's...
0:17:26 > 0:17:28APPLAUSE
0:17:32 > 0:17:37- Well, milking cromock, I would've thought that was a card game. - We know that laugh and lie downe
0:17:37 > 0:17:39and hanikin can'st abide it are card games.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42- Oh. So I managed to get the only one that isn't a card game.- Yes.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46Possibly. Because the time has now passed. Oh, just in time!
0:17:46 > 0:17:49Nobody knows is the answer. Nobody knows.
0:17:49 > 0:17:53- FANFARE - 'Nobody knows!' - Extra points for Dave.
0:17:53 > 0:17:58The fact is, we only know these games exist because they're on lists of games that have been banned.
0:17:58 > 0:18:03So there is statute that says it is illegal to play milking cromock,
0:18:03 > 0:18:05hanikin can'st abide it or laugh and lie downe
0:18:05 > 0:18:09and all you can do as a games historian is look at it and try and work out...
0:18:09 > 0:18:14- But there is some evidence that those were card games.- I love the idea of a barman just going,
0:18:14 > 0:18:17"Hey, are you playing milking cromock?" No.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21- LAUGHTER - But there are some we do know...
0:18:21 > 0:18:23LAUGHTER
0:18:23 > 0:18:28- Two blokes running round and probably just one cow going, "Mooo". - LAUGHTER
0:18:28 > 0:18:33There are dice and card games and dominos, but also games called guile bones, noddy board,
0:18:33 > 0:18:38- penny prick, hide under hat.- Hide under hat, that'd be a great game. - LAUGHTER
0:18:38 > 0:18:40- I like it cos it's self-explanatory. - It is!
0:18:40 > 0:18:44- You need a massive hat or a small person. - LAUGHTER
0:18:44 > 0:18:50- Both, really.- Yeah. - In 1938, a priest wrote to the Times complaining that there was a pub
0:18:50 > 0:18:54where they had on the billiard tables tortoise races with little toy jockeys on top.
0:18:54 > 0:18:59- LAUGHTER It's the jockeys that makes it lovely, isn't it?- Yes, sweet.
0:18:59 > 0:19:04- They could've used giant tortoises and real jockeys.- If only they had. That was in Weymouth.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07- Competitive smoking was very popular.- Oh, come on!
0:19:07 > 0:19:09- LAUGHTER - Seemingly.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12- And... There you are. - He's a bit smug.
0:19:12 > 0:19:16- Yeah.- He's the champion.- He blows smoke rings.- It still exists.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19You now have to do it in an outside place or a smoking shelter.
0:19:19 > 0:19:24- But who would win a smoking competition?- I guess the first person to finish the pipe.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28- No, the last person to finish the pipe. It's keeping the pipe alight for longest.- Oh.
0:19:28 > 0:19:35It's a real skill. It's how you pack the tobacco into the pipe and then how few puffs you take of it
0:19:35 > 0:19:39- so you don't burn it down. - You're telling me this didn't become a televised sport?
0:19:39 > 0:19:42I know, it's shocking, isn't it? Terribly exciting.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44But it still exists, competitive smoking.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47- Wow.- So there are other games we can think of.
0:19:47 > 0:19:53There was an ancestor of darts you may be familiar with, a Belgian game,
0:19:53 > 0:19:56Struifvogelspel. There is it.
0:19:56 > 0:20:01You use a duck and the duck has the sharp beak.
0:20:01 > 0:20:06It's rather weird. It's tied on the end of a line. It's peculiar. You swing the bird round on a cord
0:20:06 > 0:20:11- until the beak gets stuck in the board.- That'd be a good thing for a murder in Midsomer Murders.
0:20:11 > 0:20:15- LAUGHTER - Actually, that would be brilliant. - That's a good plot there.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19- Is that the dartboard?- Yeah, that's the back of it. You swing that round
0:20:19 > 0:20:23- and wherever the beak lands is your score.- She doesn't want to play. He's making her.
0:20:23 > 0:20:27- LAUGHTER - There was a distressing betting game in pubs called lark singing
0:20:27 > 0:20:32which was very popular in Britain, but also on the continent.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35The one whose lark stopped singing last won all the money.
0:20:35 > 0:20:40There was the terrible belief that if you blinded the lark, it would sing more.
0:20:40 > 0:20:48There was a campaign to stop the blinding of larks which was led by World War I blinded veterans.
0:20:48 > 0:20:52- And some larks.- They knew that being blind wasn't a lark.
0:20:52 > 0:20:56But that was unfortunately a popular sport. Humanity's often been very cruel.
0:20:56 > 0:21:00I don't know why this reminds me of it, but there was an old variety act
0:21:00 > 0:21:02who used to have a dancing duck on his piano.
0:21:02 > 0:21:07And he'd play the piano, an upright piano, and he'd play a tune and the duck would dance.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11And they worked out he had a hotplate in the top of the piano and it was triggered by him playing.
0:21:11 > 0:21:16- So when he started playing, it heated up and the duck would have to sort of...- Ohh.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20- That is awful. - Yes. And there's a magician who's still working, I think, in Spain
0:21:20 > 0:21:27who does a trick where there's a goldfish tank on top of a load of face-up cards
0:21:27 > 0:21:31and he forces a card on you and then his goldfish selects your card by swimming to it.
0:21:31 > 0:21:36And he's basically sewn a little magnet into the goldfish and he moves his knees under the table.
0:21:36 > 0:21:42- Good lord!- Yeah, I know. The entertainment world is cruel with animals.- It is, isn't it?
0:21:42 > 0:21:46Anyway, the fact is, the rules of milking cromock are lost forever, but it doesn't matter
0:21:46 > 0:21:52because we're not allowed to play it anyway. The most popular entertainment venue in the world
0:21:52 > 0:21:58used to be the Coney Island Amusement Park in New York. What was its longest-running attraction?
0:21:58 > 0:22:01- Is it an elephant? - No.- The bearded woman?
0:22:01 > 0:22:06- No.- There are lots of that kind of thing.- Was it a bearded elephant?- No. - LAUGHTER
0:22:06 > 0:22:09There was one particular woman who came to see this every week
0:22:09 > 0:22:13- for all the 37 years it was on show. - Cliff Richard.- No. - LAUGHTER
0:22:13 > 0:22:16HE LAUGHS
0:22:16 > 0:22:20- It was not what you might call usual entertainment. It's very... - Ah. Cliff Richard.- No.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22LAUGHTER
0:22:22 > 0:22:27I'm trying for a way of framing this to which Cliff Richard isn't the answer.
0:22:27 > 0:22:31- LAUGHTER - It was a really peculiar, unlikely... No, that's not...
0:22:31 > 0:22:35- LAUGHTER - This is not what you'd associate with entertainment. No...
0:22:35 > 0:22:41- Barry Manilow.- What about, "It's something you go and see on your summer holiday"? No...- Ah!
0:22:41 > 0:22:45- LAUGHTER - I'm just going to have to tell you. It was children in incubators.
0:22:45 > 0:22:50The infant incubator with living infants. Premature children
0:22:50 > 0:22:54were put in incubators, there they are,
0:22:54 > 0:22:58and the public would come and see them, they'd pay a quarter, 25 cents.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02- Is there a grabbing hand? - LAUGHTER
0:23:02 > 0:23:05APPLAUSE
0:23:08 > 0:23:10You are an evil man.
0:23:10 > 0:23:15LAUGHTER It's Angelina Jolie pick 'n' mix.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18- LAUGHTER - It does seem really weird to us.
0:23:18 > 0:23:22But the fact is, it was a recent invention, it was invented in 1880,
0:23:22 > 0:23:26and no hospitals had them in America. It was a French invention.
0:23:26 > 0:23:30And the French inventor went round trying to persuade people they were a good idea
0:23:30 > 0:23:34and this park thought, Coney Island, what a great thing to do.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37We'll get all the premature babies that are born in New York,
0:23:37 > 0:23:41we'll put them in incubators, people can come and look at them and watch them thrive.
0:23:41 > 0:23:46- And they did thrive. - It's literally just warm air.- Yeah, it's a ventilated, sealed-off area.
0:23:46 > 0:23:53It must have been laid open for abuse for pushy stage-school mothers
0:23:53 > 0:23:57who were desperate to get their kids in. "Get into the incubator, Lorelei!
0:23:57 > 0:24:02"Go on! Get into the incubator!" "But Mom, I'm 11." "So squidge up a little!
0:24:02 > 0:24:07- "If someone comes to look at you, do your shuffle three-step." - LAUGHTER
0:24:07 > 0:24:10If someone was seven months and their waters broke,
0:24:10 > 0:24:14were they then driven to the funfair instead of the hospital?
0:24:14 > 0:24:18- Yes, because the hospital didn't have any incubators.- Yeah.
0:24:18 > 0:24:23It was only in 1940 when the New York City Hospital invested in incubators
0:24:23 > 0:24:27that they kind of went out of business as an attraction. It seems utterly weird to us
0:24:27 > 0:24:31but it was the longest-running attraction at Coney Island.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Anyway, staying with our infancy theme, here's a parenting poser.
0:24:34 > 0:24:40Eleanor Roosevelt considered herself a very modern mother. Where did she keep her baby?
0:24:40 > 0:24:43- In a drawer probably. - LAUGHTER - It's almost as weird.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46It was a fad in the 1930s.
0:24:46 > 0:24:51- Was it permanently attached to one of those things? What are they called? Papoose.- No, no.
0:24:51 > 0:24:56That'd be fairly normal. We'd consider this weird now. In New York, space is at a premium.
0:24:56 > 0:25:00There's a limited amount of space in Manhattan, hence the skyscrapers and so on.
0:25:00 > 0:25:04And where do you put your baby? Well, hang it out of the window in a cage.
0:25:04 > 0:25:08LAUGHTER
0:25:09 > 0:25:13The baby cage. It caught on for a while.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17- Was this the question that Michael Jackson was trying to answer? - LAUGHTER
0:25:17 > 0:25:22Probably. It is a bit disturbing. The baby cage. But there were 12 of them in Poplar in London.
0:25:22 > 0:25:26They died out during the Blitz because they were obviously not suitable.
0:25:26 > 0:25:32- LAUGHTER - Eleanor Roosevelt got severely criticised for it and got upset.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36She recalled, "It was rather a shock for I thought I was being a modern mother."
0:25:36 > 0:25:41You get extra points if you can tell me Eleanor Roosevelt's maiden name. Before she married FDR,
0:25:41 > 0:25:44- she was Eleanor what?- BOTH: Rigby LAUGHTER
0:25:44 > 0:25:47Both said at the same time. No, she wasn't.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50- Roosevelt.- Yes! Well done!
0:25:50 > 0:25:56- Oh!- She was Eleanor Roosevelt. Very good. - APPLAUSE
0:25:57 > 0:26:03She was the niece of president Teddy Roosevelt, who was a fifth cousin of the man she married.
0:26:03 > 0:26:09- So did she...- There was no incest involved, fifth cousin is a long way away, but an amazing coincidence.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11Do you think she actually changed her name?
0:26:11 > 0:26:15Seriously, do you think she said "I'm officially changing my name"?
0:26:15 > 0:26:19Then you've not officially got the same name, you've got the same name,
0:26:19 > 0:26:24but it's not the same as registering it as a changed name. Do you know what I mean?
0:26:24 > 0:26:28- You should be a registrar. - I ask, "Do you know what I mean?" because I'm not sure I do.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31- Do you see what I mean? - I sort of know what you mean.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33- She missed out... - LAUGHTER
0:26:33 > 0:26:38- She missed out on the excitement... - APPLAUSE
0:26:38 > 0:26:42Nobody knows what you mean. She missed out on saying, "I'm trying out my new name."
0:26:42 > 0:26:46She may have written her signature in a different way.
0:26:46 > 0:26:51Now, describe the miraculous secret machinery that the Chamberlain family used
0:26:51 > 0:26:55for delivering babies for 100 years.
0:26:55 > 0:27:01- BUZZER - Was it... What's that thing called that you suck a baby out with?
0:27:01 > 0:27:07- What?- The ventouse. - The ventouse. Did they invent that? - No, that was after.
0:27:07 > 0:27:12- Was it forceps?- Yes. - Because that's... - Yes, they invented the forceps.
0:27:12 > 0:27:18And they realised how brilliant they were but they were terrified, this was in the 17th, 18th century,
0:27:18 > 0:27:23for 100 years, there was no patenting laws, so anybody could have copied it.
0:27:23 > 0:27:28And so what they would do is go into a house with this huge box, covered in a cloth,
0:27:28 > 0:27:32and say, "We've got our secret device here." They would blindfold the mother,
0:27:32 > 0:27:38- She was sat going, "One, two, three, four, five, coming!" - LAUGHTER
0:27:38 > 0:27:44No-one else was allowed in the room, and then they'd play all these sound effects to make it seem...
0:27:44 > 0:27:48- Machinery?- ..like a piece of machinery, then they would get out, here's an early...
0:27:48 > 0:27:53They're pretty disturbing but there they are. That's forceps. There they are.
0:27:53 > 0:28:00But for literally 100 years, they kept their secret by disguising this simple device.
0:28:00 > 0:28:04They'd get them out and smirk at a barbeque, just turning things. LAUGHTER
0:28:04 > 0:28:08Nobody knows. Nobody knows.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11Now, epidurals. Do you know when the epidural was first devised?
0:28:11 > 0:28:14- I would say...30s.- 1960.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17He died in 1949, he was a man called August Bier.
0:28:17 > 0:28:23And he first had this idea that if you put a painkiller into the spine itself,
0:28:23 > 0:28:26then anything below the pain signals wouldn't get there.
0:28:26 > 0:28:30He tried it on an assistant. He injected his assistant's lower spine with cocaine,
0:28:30 > 0:28:35- which is a topical anaesthetic. - She fell over, said "It worked, let's go".- It was a he.
0:28:35 > 0:28:39- Then they'd laugh and lie down. - LAUGHTER
0:28:41 > 0:28:48- APPLAUSE - It could have been worse, they could have played Milking Cromock.- Yes.
0:28:48 > 0:28:52He almost did. He made sure the area was numb by pulling the man's pubic hair,
0:28:52 > 0:28:58- yanking his testicles...- And he said, "Hanikin can'st abide it!" - LAUGHTER
0:28:58 > 0:29:03He hit him in the legs with a hammer and singed his thighs with a cigar.
0:29:03 > 0:29:09- And sure enough, the assistant felt no pain. So that is how the epidural...- He never walked again.
0:29:09 > 0:29:13- LAUGHTER - A broken leg and terrible burns. - Somewhat bruised.
0:29:13 > 0:29:19The first woman in history to have a baby under an aesthetic, which was chloroform,
0:29:19 > 0:29:25she was so thrilled by the painlessness of the experience, she named her baby...
0:29:25 > 0:29:29- Not chloroform. - Not chloroform, no. Anaesthesia. - LAUGHTER
0:29:29 > 0:29:33That's actually quite a nice name. It's like semolina or tapioca.
0:29:33 > 0:29:38- Lil-Let.- It does sound like the most boring dinner party guest ever.
0:29:38 > 0:29:42Anaesthesia's coming. Oh! LAUGHTER
0:29:42 > 0:29:45Not again! Oh!
0:29:45 > 0:29:50There were stories about this, it's hard to know how accurate, there were biblical objections
0:29:50 > 0:29:54to the idea of chloroform being administered to women in childbirth. Do you know why?
0:29:54 > 0:30:00- Cos pain is good for them.- It's a very specific reference in the Bible. It's right at the beginning.
0:30:00 > 0:30:04Do you remember Eve gets Adam into a bit of trouble by making him eat the fruit?
0:30:04 > 0:30:08And God says, "Oh, you ate the fruit of the tree whereof I spake thou shouldst not."
0:30:08 > 0:30:14- And to the woman he says... - You will marry Tom Cruise. - LAUGHTER
0:30:14 > 0:30:19No. Unto the woman he said, "I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception.
0:30:19 > 0:30:23"In sorrow shalt thou bring forth children."
0:30:23 > 0:30:25- Yes.- So it was as if God cursed women to have pain.
0:30:25 > 0:30:29Some ultra-religious people felt that it was basically God's curse
0:30:29 > 0:30:32and they should scream in agony while giving birth.
0:30:32 > 0:30:36But then Queen Victoria had Prince Leopold when she had chloroform
0:30:36 > 0:30:42and then the habit caught on, and then the epidural and various other such things.
0:30:42 > 0:30:46- I didn't know Victoria had a Prince Leopold. - She had nine children, I think.
0:30:46 > 0:30:49They're all named after pubs. LAUGHTER
0:30:49 > 0:30:54Da-ding-ting! Very nice. Excellent.
0:30:54 > 0:30:59Here's another intimate little secret for you. How can you tell a French baby from a German baby?
0:30:59 > 0:31:03- BUZZER - Yes, Veronica.
0:31:03 > 0:31:08The German baby will have wrapped itself in a towel before the midwife has had a chance to fetch it.
0:31:08 > 0:31:11LAUGHTER
0:31:11 > 0:31:16It's not often you can do the same joke twice in one show but is the German baby on the far right?
0:31:16 > 0:31:18- Hey! - LAUGHTER
0:31:18 > 0:31:22- Is there a difference in cry? - Yes!- They have an accent?- Yes.
0:31:22 > 0:31:26- No!- It's not an accent exactly, it's a melodic cadence.
0:31:26 > 0:31:30In the womb, the baby is hearing its mother tongue,
0:31:30 > 0:31:34and the different languages have different stresses and cadences and melodies,
0:31:34 > 0:31:39and you can actually do tests in which someone will say, "That's a German baby, that's French"
0:31:39 > 0:31:42just by its gurgle. It's heard the language.
0:31:42 > 0:31:45Not only that, they like their mother tongue. You show them videos
0:31:45 > 0:31:50and there is someone speaking a language that isn't the one their mother and father speak,
0:31:50 > 0:31:55and someone else speaking in their own mother tongue, and they will stare at the one that's theirs.
0:31:55 > 0:31:58Even if it's not their parents, they actually are drawn to it.
0:31:58 > 0:32:05- So they pick up on the rhythms very early on.- Glaswegian babies go, "Get me out of that bloody cage!"
0:32:05 > 0:32:09But it is fascinating that that early on, in the womb,
0:32:09 > 0:32:13they pick up on the melodic cadences of their mother tongue.
0:32:13 > 0:32:18- I think that's rather sweet. - Yeah, beautiful. - I think it's beautiful, too.
0:32:18 > 0:32:21How long do the best hugs last?
0:32:21 > 0:32:28- 20 seconds.- That's a very long hug. I would get embarrassed and restless if someone hugged me for 20 seconds.
0:32:28 > 0:32:32- Do you want me to test that? Shall we test that?- No! Please.
0:32:32 > 0:32:36- Oh, hello. Here we go. Aww! - APPLAUSE
0:32:39 > 0:32:42That was lovely.
0:32:42 > 0:32:45I'm on the clock. I'm on the clock.
0:32:45 > 0:32:50- Yep.- I'm on the clock.- That was... Oh, God, this is too long. - LAUGHTER
0:32:50 > 0:32:56- This is too long. - Dave, did you turn on the clock? - LAUGHTER
0:32:56 > 0:33:01- Lovely. That's got to be at least 20 seconds, that was embarrassing. - That was very uncomfortable.
0:33:01 > 0:33:06- See if you can beat it!- Oh, God! - LAUGHTER
0:33:06 > 0:33:10APPLAUSE
0:33:12 > 0:33:14Come on, Alan, come on.
0:33:17 > 0:33:20- APPLAUSE - Heavens above!
0:33:22 > 0:33:28- I've been waiting years to do this. - If you're all hugging, I'm playing tiddlywinks. Sod the lot of you!
0:33:28 > 0:33:35Right. That was lovely. That was unusual. I wasn't expecting that response but it was charming.
0:33:35 > 0:33:40- You're both wearing nice aftershave. - Do you want your watch back? - LAUGHTER
0:33:40 > 0:33:43- Did you like my aftershave? - I certainly did.
0:33:43 > 0:33:49- Now, there have been tests, it seems weird...- Four or five seconds.
0:33:49 > 0:33:53- Well, three seems to be the answer. - Three is the perfect time, you mean?
0:33:53 > 0:33:59It seems to be that there is a kind of inbuilt human moment which is three seconds.
0:33:59 > 0:34:04If it's less than three seconds, it really is a bit like, that wasn't really a proper hug.
0:34:04 > 0:34:08If it's one, two, three. That's nice.
0:34:08 > 0:34:13It's just a rhythm that seems to be built into the human race.
0:34:13 > 0:34:17The three second period is known as a moment. And it happens in a lot of what we do.
0:34:17 > 0:34:23- Don't say it! - I just can't wait for my great aunt to come round and give me a hug.
0:34:23 > 0:34:27- It's all very nice and I'll go, "That was four seconds, you bitch! - LAUGHTER
0:34:27 > 0:34:31"Next time you'll keep it tight or you don't come in."
0:34:31 > 0:34:34What spoils hug is when the other person goes, "..and break."
0:34:34 > 0:34:39- LAUGHTER - Yes. Well, have you heard of the five second rule?
0:34:39 > 0:34:41- Food.- Yes, what is it?
0:34:41 > 0:34:47It is where, if you drop food on the floor, it's OK to eat it if you pick it up within five seconds.
0:34:47 > 0:34:51- Right, do you believe that?- No, it's nonsense.- It is complete nonsense.
0:34:51 > 0:34:56It could be OK after five minutes. It just depends on whether the floor is contaminated.
0:34:56 > 0:35:02And human beings tend to, if you drop chocolate, or a biscuit, people will pick it up and eat it easily,
0:35:02 > 0:35:07- but if it's broccoli or cabbage or something they go, "Oh..." - LAUGHTER
0:35:07 > 0:35:12With a big splat like that, you just think, "Oh, I probably won't worry."
0:35:12 > 0:35:17- Do you eat food off the floor, presumably?- As a rule, I do! - LAUGHTER
0:35:17 > 0:35:20- Oh, yes!- Is this what you do at speed dating? - LAUGHTER
0:35:20 > 0:35:25Do you eat food off the floor? Move on! Do you eat food off the floor? Move on!
0:35:25 > 0:35:29- Ah, you've got a yellow hanky, perfect. - LAUGHTER
0:35:29 > 0:35:36- It was a presumption. It wasn't... - "You eat food off the floor!" She's quite disgusting.
0:35:36 > 0:35:40It's not yellow, it's a white hanky, I've just cleaned that up, thank you very much.
0:35:40 > 0:35:45- Once you've got a baby, food on the floor really is fair game.- Exactly.
0:35:45 > 0:35:49- If you didn't eat food off the floor you're wasting about £90 a week. - LAUGHTER
0:35:49 > 0:35:54Now, buzz when you know what's so damn interesting about this photograph.
0:35:56 > 0:36:01- BUZZER - Yes.- You said "dam interesting." - Oh.- What is it that's interesting?
0:36:01 > 0:36:06- Yes, I've got it.- It's a dam, yes. - It's got the goats walking across it. - There are goats walking on it.
0:36:06 > 0:36:12- Where? Where?- There. They scale... - Oh, yes!- Now why would they do that?
0:36:12 > 0:36:16- That is pretty impressive! - That is.- Do you know what kind of goat that is?
0:36:16 > 0:36:21- Ibex.- It's an ibex. It's an Alpine ibex. An extraordinary thing.
0:36:21 > 0:36:27This is a south-facing dam in Italy, the Cingino Dam, and to get a salt lick,
0:36:27 > 0:36:31they walk on what is an almost sheer rock surface.
0:36:31 > 0:36:37- Isn't it amazing, though?- Have their little hoofs, sort of, adapted?
0:36:37 > 0:36:44Well, you can see there. Yes, I mean, they are, ibexes, like all goats, are incredibly sure-footed.
0:36:44 > 0:36:48And they're Alpine and they can scramble up rock faces and things like that.
0:36:48 > 0:36:52- But it's astonishing, isn't it? - Do they fall off sometimes? - I hope not. I doubt it.
0:36:52 > 0:36:56- "Baah!" - LAUGHTER
0:36:57 > 0:37:01- There's a kebab stand at the bottom. - LAUGHTER
0:37:04 > 0:37:07Terrible and believable at the same time.
0:37:07 > 0:37:10"Occasionally one does fall off."
0:37:10 > 0:37:16Do you know what the Pyrenean ibex, this is the Alpine ibex, this is in northern Italy,
0:37:16 > 0:37:21but do you know what the Pyrenean ibex did in the noughties, between 2000 and 2010?
0:37:21 > 0:37:27- There's a Pyrenean ibex. - Fell off something? Got to the top, couldn't get down?
0:37:27 > 0:37:30Something fell on it, or on her, in fact.
0:37:30 > 0:37:34There was a violent storm on January 6th 2000 in northern Spain.
0:37:34 > 0:37:38Celia, she was the last ever Pyrenean ibex.
0:37:38 > 0:37:44And the branch crushed her skull and she died, and the species was declared extinct,
0:37:44 > 0:37:48but in 2009, nine years later, she made a comeback
0:37:48 > 0:37:54when she became the first cloned animal that had been extinct from a piece of her skin
0:37:54 > 0:37:57that was preserved in liquid nitrogen
0:37:57 > 0:38:02and a little kid was born, but lasted only seven minutes, and died.
0:38:02 > 0:38:04But it is the way forward with extinct species.
0:38:04 > 0:38:11There are a lot of frozen arks with highly endangered species whose DNA is being kept
0:38:11 > 0:38:16in the hope they will be resurrected one day and this is an example. For seven minutes, isn't that weird?
0:38:16 > 0:38:21Talking of things that only show up if you look closely, it's General Ignorance. Fingers on buzzers.
0:38:21 > 0:38:25Where was Louise Brown conceived?
0:38:25 > 0:38:29- BUZZER - Yes.- In a test tube.
0:38:29 > 0:38:32ALARM BLARES
0:38:32 > 0:38:35As soon as it was coming out of my mouth, I thought, "You fool!"
0:38:35 > 0:38:41Louise Brown was indeed the world's first in vitro fertilised baby.
0:38:41 > 0:38:44But it wasn't a test tube. It was a petri dish.
0:38:44 > 0:38:48She's a fraud! She's told everyone she's the first test tube baby!
0:38:48 > 0:38:52- She was the first petri dish baby. - The news claimed that she was the first test tube baby.
0:38:52 > 0:38:58There's another Louise Brown, who's 91 years old, and lives in the Stewartry of Dumfries in Galloway,
0:38:58 > 0:39:03who has a record, we think, in the United Kingdom, which is rather extraordinary.
0:39:03 > 0:39:07- There's no way you could guess it. - It must be the oldest something.
0:39:07 > 0:39:10- Well, she...- Oh, is it too late for this?- No, we definitely know.
0:39:10 > 0:39:13LAUGHTER We could ask her.
0:39:13 > 0:39:17- We could ask her if she's still alive. - LAUGHTER
0:39:17 > 0:39:23We think she is the most prolific library book borrower in the country.
0:39:23 > 0:39:28- LAUGHTER - She has read...- That's too much of a leap from in vitro fertilisation.
0:39:28 > 0:39:32Just happens to be the same name. She has read just under 25,000 books.
0:39:32 > 0:39:37- Well, she says that. She's borrowed them.- No, no... - LAUGHTER
0:39:37 > 0:39:42- Yeah.- 12 a week. 12 a week and she's never once had a late fine.
0:39:42 > 0:39:46That proves she doesn't read them. The fact that she gets them back on time.
0:39:46 > 0:39:51It's charming. They're mostly Mills and Boon romances, war stories and historical dramas.
0:39:51 > 0:39:54Barbara Cartland was writing that many.
0:39:54 > 0:39:58- Yes, exactly, just..- Just for Louise to keep reading.- Yeah.
0:39:58 > 0:40:02I was going to say, if Louise is watching, but she isn't, she's reading a book.
0:40:02 > 0:40:05We salute her in the world of dying libraries.
0:40:05 > 0:40:08Where did marsupials come from?
0:40:08 > 0:40:10- BUZZER - Yes.
0:40:10 > 0:40:13- Marsupia. - LAUGHTER
0:40:13 > 0:40:18- It could easily have been the right answer.- They only live in Australia.
0:40:18 > 0:40:21- ALARM BLARES - Not true.
0:40:21 > 0:40:23I knew that.
0:40:23 > 0:40:28We'll let you off. They don't only live in Australia, there are marsupials in the Americas.
0:40:28 > 0:40:32- Are there?- Yeah.- Yes.- What are they called?- Oh...- They're cute.
0:40:32 > 0:40:37- We'll show you a photograph. They're the mammals with the tiniest babies. - The echidna?
0:40:37 > 0:40:40- Not the echidna, no. - Are they Fingerbobs?
0:40:40 > 0:40:42LAUGHTER
0:40:42 > 0:40:48- They look like the Clangers! - They really, really do look like Fingerbobs.- They are opossums.
0:40:48 > 0:40:52I didn't know, I thought that they were born in the pouch.
0:40:52 > 0:40:56I didn't realise they're born and have to crawl up and get in the pouch.
0:40:56 > 0:41:00And in the case of the opossum, you could get 20 baby opossums on a teaspoon.
0:41:00 > 0:41:03- They are absolutely miniscule.- Wow.
0:41:03 > 0:41:07And the mummy licks her fur to make a line,
0:41:07 > 0:41:11from where they're born and they crawl up into the pouch.
0:41:11 > 0:41:14Cos the babies then develop further in the pouch.
0:41:14 > 0:41:19- But they first began... - That's bizarre because I was under the impression, wrong as ever,
0:41:19 > 0:41:25marsupials evolved separately on Australia because Australia was like Madagascar, separate from evolution.
0:41:25 > 0:41:30No, but like Madagascar and New Zealand, they all originally belonged to a super-continent,
0:41:30 > 0:41:36- which was known as?- Australasia? - No. It was known as...- Essex. - Someone from the audience will know.
0:41:36 > 0:41:41- AUDIENCE SHOUT - Gondwanaland! It was a super-continent that broke off
0:41:41 > 0:41:43and is now South America, Africa and Australasia.
0:41:43 > 0:41:47- Or so the scientists say! - So they say.
0:41:47 > 0:41:52But the first marsupials came from the part that is now South America, that had been Gondwanaland.
0:41:52 > 0:41:58But they crossed through Antarctica while it was still one continent and into Australia.
0:41:58 > 0:42:03So there you are, that's your marsupials, actually originated in what is now part of South America.
0:42:03 > 0:42:10- Which brings me to the matter of the scores, and they make fascinating reading.- Oh!
0:42:10 > 0:42:15In first place by quite a long way with plus ten points, it's Dave Gorman!
0:42:15 > 0:42:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Thank you very much.
0:42:19 > 0:42:22I'm speaking almost now like a proud father,
0:42:22 > 0:42:27- with a magnificent six points, in second place, Alan Davies. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:42:31 > 0:42:37- And only just behind with plus five, Lee Mack! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:42:39 > 0:42:43But with a very creditable minus seven,
0:42:43 > 0:42:46- Ronni Ancona! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:42:51 > 0:42:55So, all that's left is for me to thank Ronni, Lee, Dave and, of course, Alan.
0:42:55 > 0:42:58I leave you with this thought from Leo Burke,
0:42:58 > 0:43:02"People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one." Good night.
0:43:02 > 0:43:05APPLAUSE
0:43:07 > 0:43:11Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:43:11 > 0:43:15E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
0:43:15 > 0:43:15.