0:00:23 > 0:00:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:30 > 0:00:33Goooood...evening!
0:00:33 > 0:00:36Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening!
0:00:36 > 0:00:39And welcome to QI, the quiz show that glows in the dark.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42Tonight, we're peering through the gloom
0:00:42 > 0:00:46at subjects of illumination and invisibility.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Joining me under the covers with a torch, a packet of crisps
0:00:49 > 0:00:51and the latest edition of The Gentleman's Magazine,
0:00:51 > 0:00:55- we have the enlightened Jack Dee! - APPLAUSE
0:00:58 > 0:01:01- The illuminating Chris Addison! - APPLAUSE
0:01:04 > 0:01:08- The incandescent Rich Hall! - APPLAUSE
0:01:10 > 0:01:15- And that bright spark, Alan Davies! - CHEERING
0:01:19 > 0:01:23Now, should any of you wish to draw attention to your brilliance,
0:01:23 > 0:01:25you can light up my life in this manner...
0:01:25 > 0:01:30- Jack goes... - LIGHTSABER WHIRRS
0:01:30 > 0:01:34- Chris goes... - FIREWORKS EXPLODE
0:01:34 > 0:01:37- Rich goes... - LIGHTNING
0:01:37 > 0:01:40- And Alan goes... - SWITCH CLICKS
0:01:40 > 0:01:42'Oh...'
0:01:42 > 0:01:44BOOM!
0:01:44 > 0:01:49Good. Now, each of you should have a set of cards.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53During the course of the game, I want you to see if you can find out
0:01:53 > 0:01:57what these international symbols stand for.
0:01:57 > 0:01:58You can decide for yourself.
0:01:58 > 0:02:03You can write underneath each... On top, beside.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06They are all recognised international symbols
0:02:06 > 0:02:09for some very real...
0:02:09 > 0:02:11That's Lady Gaga!
0:02:11 > 0:02:14You've already made your mind up.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17You've also got a question-marked joker card.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21One of the questions I ask tonight
0:02:21 > 0:02:23has the answer "nobody knows".
0:02:23 > 0:02:25- If you can guess... - FANFARE
0:02:25 > 0:02:29- 'Nobody knows!'- There you are. - LAUGHTER
0:02:29 > 0:02:31- That caught you by surprise.- Yes.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34If you guess which question it is to which there's an answer nobody knows,
0:02:34 > 0:02:36you'll get extra points.
0:02:36 > 0:02:41Now, in 1879, the Blackpool Illuminations began.
0:02:41 > 0:02:46They were visited by up to 100,000 people from all over Britain
0:02:46 > 0:02:49and were so bright that they were described as "artificial sunshine".
0:02:49 > 0:02:54My question simply is, how many lamps did they use?
0:02:54 > 0:02:57I love that the people of Blackpool consider this to be like sunshine.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00- Are you saying we don't know? We do know.- Ahh!
0:03:00 > 0:03:03- We know precisely how many they used.- Damn!
0:03:03 > 0:03:06- Hang on. 1879?- Yes.
0:03:06 > 0:03:11So, this is before the invention of the bulb?
0:03:11 > 0:03:16Well done! Certainly before the invention of the filament bulb by Thomas Alva Edison, yes.
0:03:16 > 0:03:22He didn't have the idea for the bulb, he had an idea for something else. He went, "Bing! Oh!"
0:03:22 > 0:03:27- "Hey!"- That's very good! - "I'll do that instead!"- Yes!
0:03:27 > 0:03:30- But it, isn't it?- It wasn't light bulbs as we know them.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33They were carbon arc lamps.
0:03:33 > 0:03:37They were still used by the film industry up until the 1980s.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39100,000 people visited.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42How many lamps did they use to draw that many people?
0:03:42 > 0:03:46- 12.- 12 lamps! You're damn close. It's eight.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49- Is it?!- Yes! That's what's so extraordinary!
0:03:49 > 0:03:52Eight, at a distance of 370 yards apart,
0:03:52 > 0:03:56it was still astonishing enough, no-one had ever seen anything like it, to draw crowds.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59Back then, there wasn't much to do, was there?
0:03:59 > 0:04:03Everything else was gaslight, which this was a different sort of light,
0:04:03 > 0:04:06and this was a white, bright daylight sort of light.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08What did moths do before then?
0:04:08 > 0:04:11I don't know what moths... Moths... I mean, how...?
0:04:11 > 0:04:15Why don't moths come out during the day if they're so fond of the bloody light?
0:04:15 > 0:04:18- I mean, really! - They could just sit still and go,
0:04:18 > 0:04:21"Wow! This is amazing!"
0:04:22 > 0:04:24It's very peculiar!
0:04:24 > 0:04:26You know, Edison electrocuted an elephant.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28- He did. - My favourite fact of all time.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Do you know why?
0:04:30 > 0:04:32It was a death sentence, it was an execution.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36- I think you might know this cos you saw it on QI!- Yes!- Really?
0:04:36 > 0:04:41The problem with joining you people so late is you've covered basically all human knowledge!
0:04:41 > 0:04:44While you were saying it, I thought, "This rings a bell."
0:04:44 > 0:04:46- Maybe that's how I know it. - "I heard this before."
0:04:46 > 0:04:51You are absolutely right. There is film of it, which you can see. It's a very tragic sight.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54- Elephant snuff movies?! - Yeah, I'm afraid it's true.- Wow! - It's very sad.
0:04:54 > 0:04:58But Blackpool were keen to attract people and it worked,
0:04:58 > 0:05:02as you probably know as a lad from the northwest.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04In fact, from all over Britain people, every September,
0:05:04 > 0:05:07go just as the season is ending,
0:05:07 > 0:05:10the Illuminations go up and they attract millions of people.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13Of course, fabulous celebrities come to turn on...
0:05:13 > 0:05:16Can you name some of the...?
0:05:16 > 0:05:19- I think Jayne Mansfield did it. - Very good, Chris!
0:05:19 > 0:05:23- Way, way back.- There she is. Jayne Mansfield came.- Whoo-hoo!
0:05:23 > 0:05:26Then the lads from Top Gear, so they've maintained the quality(!)
0:05:26 > 0:05:30The bloke on the left can't believe it!
0:05:30 > 0:05:32- That's the mayor, I think. - "This is terrific!"
0:05:32 > 0:05:36- Even the mayoress is delighted! - She is rather!
0:05:36 > 0:05:38But other people have opened. Red Rum.
0:05:38 > 0:05:44They made a special pedal so that when he trod on it, it turned on. That was in 1977.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47And then they electrocuted him.
0:05:47 > 0:05:52Michael Ball in 1997 and in 2006, Dale Winton.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54They should've electrocuted him!
0:05:54 > 0:05:57I think they've peaked! Where can they go from there?
0:05:57 > 0:06:00- Dale's definitely peaked. - They've reached the top.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04- It cost them £50,000 worth of electricity...- To get Dale Winton?
0:06:04 > 0:06:07No! Of electricity to run the Illuminations.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Not any more. They use low-energy light bulbs.
0:06:10 > 0:06:14There's no point going for the first 15 minutes of the Illuminations.
0:06:14 > 0:06:19You have to wait for it to warm up. "Three, two, one...!" "Oh."
0:06:19 > 0:06:24"Come back in 15 minutes. They'll be lovely."
0:06:24 > 0:06:25Costs over £2.4 million to stage,
0:06:25 > 0:06:29but apparently brings 275 million to the economy.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32Because so many people come to watch.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35- But it's free, innit?- I know, but they buy fish and chips, they...
0:06:35 > 0:06:38£275 million-worth of fish and chips?!
0:06:38 > 0:06:41It brings 3.5 million people
0:06:41 > 0:06:44and they don't have to spend more than £7
0:06:44 > 0:06:47for that to be the amount of money that they brought in.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50The original Blackpool Illuminations consisted of eight bulbs.
0:06:50 > 0:06:55Today, they're six miles long and use 200 miles of wire and a million bulbs.
0:06:55 > 0:07:00Now, if you can dispel the shadows on this one for me, I'd be very grateful.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04Why did Mexican revolutionary Pancho Villa
0:07:04 > 0:07:05have to wait for the light?
0:07:07 > 0:07:08There he is, Pancho Villa.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11He had to wait till the banks were open before he could rob them.
0:07:11 > 0:07:16- Well, Pancho Villa was part of a war in Mexico.- He was. He was a great...
0:07:16 > 0:07:19Quite a tremendous stature but now reduced to a...
0:07:19 > 0:07:24chain of tawdry Mexican restaurants, where suburban bimbos go
0:07:24 > 0:07:26and drink margaritas for 2 a pitcher and...
0:07:26 > 0:07:28- That's it. - ..weep into their guacamole.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31This is why you didn't get that gig in advertising.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33Yeah.
0:07:33 > 0:07:37There was a three-part war, the government of Mexico against two revolutionaries -
0:07:37 > 0:07:38Pancho Villa and...
0:07:38 > 0:07:40- Is it Zapata?- Zapata, yes.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42"Shoe," I think, in Mexican, isn't it?
0:07:42 > 0:07:45- Yes.- Yeah, in Spanish. - Whereas Pancho Villa means...
0:07:45 > 0:07:48- "House of Pancho."- Yes, I suppose.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51He wasn't called Pancho Villa, was he?
0:07:51 > 0:07:55He took his name from his grandad, the best name I've ever heard.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57- Which is...- Aston.- "Aston Villa"?
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Perfect!
0:07:59 > 0:08:00It was Jesus.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Jesus Villa, which just sounds like the Pope's holiday home.
0:08:03 > 0:08:04"We go to..."
0:08:04 > 0:08:06- "Jesus Villa."- Jesus Villa, yeah.
0:08:06 > 0:08:11It so happened that the American public were rather fascinated by this Mexican war,
0:08:11 > 0:08:16and different American film companies paid
0:08:16 > 0:08:21the different sides for the rights to film their battles.
0:08:21 > 0:08:26And Pancho Villa got 20% of the box office of the Mutual Film Company,
0:08:26 > 0:08:31who were on his side, as it were, but he had to wait till the cameras were set up and the light was right
0:08:31 > 0:08:33before he could begin the battle.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36AND they made him dress up in a general's uniform.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Usually, he went casual.
0:08:38 > 0:08:42But they made him dress up in a general's uniform to look like that.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45- So just before they charged, did they get make-up and everything?- Yeah!
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Well, it wasn't quite that bad,
0:08:47 > 0:08:51but it was an extraordinary, bizarre war, run for American studios.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53And the strange thing is that, actually,
0:08:53 > 0:08:54the reality wasn't that exciting.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57And they would re-enact it back in America
0:08:57 > 0:08:59to make it look more bloody and dramatic.
0:08:59 > 0:09:03But they would use the footage of him, pointing in his uniform.
0:09:03 > 0:09:04He... He...
0:09:04 > 0:09:09Lots of the Mexican revolutionaries sort of operated as bandits, as well, didn't they?
0:09:09 > 0:09:12They were sort of political armies AND...
0:09:12 > 0:09:14But they were bandits to raise money for their armies,
0:09:14 > 0:09:16and he held up a train.
0:09:16 > 0:09:22And he took 122 silver ingots AND a bank employee -
0:09:22 > 0:09:26a Wells Fargo bank employee - hostage, and then
0:09:26 > 0:09:30forced Wells Fargo to help him sell the ingots with the hostage.
0:09:30 > 0:09:34- It's fantastically clever. - Very good.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Can't cope with two intelligent, interesting people on this show.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39- It's good, isn't it? - Yeah, it's very hard.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41He didn't just say 120, it was 122. I like that.
0:09:41 > 0:09:45- Well, it sticks with you. - Scholarly of you. Very impressive.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48We said on QI... We told you what Pancho Villa's last words were.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51I don't know if you remember. Alan, you were definitely there.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53"Turn the lights out"?
0:09:54 > 0:09:56"Ouch"?
0:09:56 > 0:10:00No. "Don't let it end like this. Let me at least say something."
0:10:01 > 0:10:04- It was apparently... - "Hang on, I've got it."
0:10:04 > 0:10:08We've since discovered that this may be a myth
0:10:08 > 0:10:11as his car was hit by 40 bullets and he himself by nine dum-dum bullets
0:10:11 > 0:10:13so he was probably killed instantly and said nothing.
0:10:13 > 0:10:18But I like the idea of someone being disappointed that they didn't have any last words to say.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21- Maybe it was "Reverse." - "Don't park here!"
0:10:21 > 0:10:25- "Tell them I said something," was his supposed last words.- "Cut!"
0:10:25 > 0:10:26Yeah.
0:10:28 > 0:10:33Can you tell me the war where the first film footage was ever used?
0:10:33 > 0:10:36If you run past the Bayeux Tapestry really fast...
0:10:36 > 0:10:39- It kind of looks...- It's not one of our better-known wars.
0:10:39 > 0:10:45It's the Greco-Turkey War of 1897.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49And there was a British film cameraman called Villiers who took the footage and then got home
0:10:49 > 0:10:53and was really annoyed to find that someone else had re-enacted
0:10:53 > 0:10:57the battles in England and they were playing in the newsreels.
0:10:57 > 0:10:58Re-enactment?
0:10:58 > 0:11:01Yes, the whole things was that newsreel was so new
0:11:01 > 0:11:04that people were incredibly excited
0:11:04 > 0:11:09and they didn't really know how reality looked far away in battles.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13And if you lived in London or Bradford or wherever it might be
0:11:13 > 0:11:16and went to a newsreel place, you believed what you saw.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18And so in the naval battles of the Spanish-American war,
0:11:18 > 0:11:23there was a guy who cut out battleships and pasted them
0:11:23 > 0:11:27on bits of wood and put them in a tank of water just an inch thick
0:11:27 > 0:11:30and had little bits of gunpowder that he lit
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- and had an office boy blow cigar smoke.- Michael Benting!
0:11:34 > 0:11:37And it played to packed houses.
0:11:37 > 0:11:41People thought they were watching a real naval battle.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43- They just re-enacted them back home?- Yes.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46They just took it on faith in those days, early on.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49And to be fair, to some extent, even today,
0:11:49 > 0:11:55most journalists who work in war zones will tell you they kind of sex up their video footage.
0:11:55 > 0:12:00They do a lot of "whhooooaaa" with the camera just simply to catch our interest.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03I often wonder whether people who report at flower shows,
0:12:03 > 0:12:08whether they are just slightly cowardly war correspondents,
0:12:08 > 0:12:12working their way up, but they're just working with the gentle stuff first.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15- Yes, start with the azaleas. - Something not too scary.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18They say that the number one rule of battle photographers
0:12:18 > 0:12:22is you always run toward the gunshot when everyone else is running away from it.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26Which I think, you know, weeds out a lot of people right away.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29"I'm going to shoot weddings."
0:12:32 > 0:12:37The earliest we can date back this idea of faking war photography to make it more interesting,
0:12:37 > 0:12:41to give it human interest, is in the 1857-58 Indian uprising,
0:12:41 > 0:12:49where a massacre was photographed and the photographer bestrewed it with human bones.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Those were added by the photographer.
0:12:51 > 0:12:56- Did he carry them in a bag?- Satchel? - I don't know where he got them. I suspect he dug them up.
0:12:56 > 0:13:00But you can see, literally, skulls and femurs and ribcages.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03I mean, it certainly tells the story of some death going on,
0:13:03 > 0:13:04but it was a fake.
0:13:04 > 0:13:09That guy did my wedding photography. I wasn't pleased with that either.
0:13:09 > 0:13:14He was old, too, wasn't he? Let's be honest. Very, very old.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17What is this man about to do?
0:13:21 > 0:13:23LAUGHTER
0:13:23 > 0:13:25It's to do with our theme, one of our "I" words.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27- Invisible.- Yes.
0:13:27 > 0:13:31I mean, if I said, "They're going to turn invisible"
0:13:31 > 0:13:34you'd imagine they're going to disappear completely.
0:13:34 > 0:13:39Nonetheless, it is technology that is on the way to invisibility.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43It certainly creates a transparent coat, as you will see.
0:13:46 > 0:13:50- Oh!- That's not a post effect.
0:13:50 > 0:13:54That is happening in real time and is being filmed.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57And that's the coat and that's it being filmed.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00- There are two cameras, aren't there? - Yes. What's happening?
0:14:00 > 0:14:05- Superimposing the front camera onto the picture on the back camera. - That's the technique.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09It has interesting applications that are beginning to be developed,
0:14:09 > 0:14:13allowing pilots to see through the floors of their planes, for example.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Why, to scare the shit out of them?!
0:14:15 > 0:14:19"Ugh! Got to keep my mind on my job! Holy shit! Keep looking up!"
0:14:19 > 0:14:22That could be the reason!
0:14:22 > 0:14:25It's quite a good effect, isn't it?
0:14:25 > 0:14:30He's called Professor Susumu Tachi and the cloak is made of a material called retro-reflectum.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34As Jack rightly spotted, it projects an image onto itself of what is behind the wearer.
0:14:34 > 0:14:39The computer generates the image projected, so the viewer, effectively, sees through.
0:14:39 > 0:14:45- That would really screw them up at airports.- Wouldn't that be odd?! - Going through security!
0:14:45 > 0:14:49It'd be great for talking to boring people. You could look at what's going on behind them.
0:14:49 > 0:14:54Cloaking technology, as we know, is at its... It's at an early stage.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57- The Romulans have it, I believe. - Harry Potter.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01Ron Weasley's car can go invisible, his dad's Ford Anglia.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04- Yes.- It can go invisible. - That's true.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07- But that does wear the battery out. - Yes! Exactly.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11- And Harry has an invisibility cloak. - Invisibility cloak!
0:15:11 > 0:15:15There are interesting technologies that make things invisible, which have limitations.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17One is, it's only infrared.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20Or one is on objects which are so small,
0:15:20 > 0:15:24they are already invisible to the naked eye!
0:15:24 > 0:15:28"You see that thing you can't see? Ta-da! I just made it invisible!"
0:15:28 > 0:15:30That doesn't work, does it?
0:15:30 > 0:15:32Interesting, of course, in nature,
0:15:32 > 0:15:36they've got round this problem, not exactly of invisibility but...
0:15:36 > 0:15:39Well, there is camouflage.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41- Chameleons can change... - I saw an octopus
0:15:41 > 0:15:45- and it appears to change the colour of its skin and just looks like a rock.- Yes!
0:15:45 > 0:15:48It's amazing to watch.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51Other cephalopods, notably the Hawaiian bobtail squid,
0:15:51 > 0:15:54like your octopus, can camouflage itself.
0:15:54 > 0:15:58But the one thing that might give you away if you camouflage yourself is your shadow.
0:15:58 > 0:16:02This clever chap can even make his shadow invisible.
0:16:02 > 0:16:07- He's got iridescence that he can use to light behind him.- Yes!
0:16:07 > 0:16:09You're very quick-minded!
0:16:09 > 0:16:13He ingests bioluminescent food that goes into his stomach
0:16:13 > 0:16:16and his stomach controls, by the use of oxygen,
0:16:16 > 0:16:19how much the bioluminescent food in his stomach shines,
0:16:19 > 0:16:24and it shines out and casts a light over his shadow, thus dispelling it.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26It's a lot of bother to go to, isn't it?
0:16:26 > 0:16:30It's a magnificent piece of evolution, really.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34- Jim Lovell, who was a... - The astronaut.- Apollo 13.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37All his instruments died - he was a naval pilot.
0:16:37 > 0:16:41He was at sea in complete blackness, I think there was no moon that particular night.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44How could he find his aircraft carrier?
0:16:44 > 0:16:49And he could just see this very faint phosphorus wake
0:16:49 > 0:16:52of the aircraft carrier, which was over the horizon.
0:16:52 > 0:16:57So he followed it and, eventually, he got to the aircraft carrier and landed on it.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01There is a lot of luminescent life at sea. It's quite beautiful.
0:17:01 > 0:17:05It was a very rare occurrence. That luminescence happened every so often.
0:17:05 > 0:17:09When it happened to Lovell, it was a coincidence.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11It wouldn't always have happened.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14- So a doubly lucky man.- Very lucky. - Surviving 13, as well.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17- So, you knew the story already? - I did. The moon is my thing.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20I'd forgotten that! You're very much a moon chap.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23Extra points all the way to Chris Addison.
0:17:23 > 0:17:27- We're beginning to get a little bit humiliated by him! - Yeah, I might as well...
0:17:27 > 0:17:31Chris, do you know what these mean?
0:17:31 > 0:17:33I think I've got a guess!
0:17:33 > 0:17:37During the Indonesian Confrontation, as it was called, in the early '60s,
0:17:37 > 0:17:42the British Army were very puzzled as to how the Indonesians could travel in the darkest forest
0:17:42 > 0:17:45and they'd all stay together in single file.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49They would tuck a rotting leaf into the back of their hats
0:17:49 > 0:17:54and it gave off just enough phosphorescence for them to see the person ahead
0:17:54 > 0:17:56and they could stay in absolute line.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59- Is that any rotting...- I don't think it's any rotting thing.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01I think they knew which leaves to pick.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05What do these people do for a living?
0:18:05 > 0:18:08This thing's going to go off, isn't it? Ninja.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11ALARM WAILS
0:18:13 > 0:18:15- Are they not ninjas? - No, they're not ninjas.
0:18:15 > 0:18:19The darkest clothes ninjas have ever worn have been blue, possibly at night.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22But ninjas never wear black. The reason -
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Why? It's so slimming!
0:18:24 > 0:18:27I always thought ninjas might be fat and that's why they...
0:18:27 > 0:18:32- Yes, they want to look better. - "Is that better for me?" - It's a sort of odd thing.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35There is a tradition in Kabuki Theatre
0:18:35 > 0:18:37that if anything is black, you can't see it.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40So people can move furniture around,
0:18:40 > 0:18:43because they're wearing black, they are stagehands.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46And then, as a rather wonderful surprise in Kabuki,
0:18:46 > 0:18:50they might have a stagehand suddenly kill someone!
0:18:50 > 0:18:53They'd be a ninja, because ninjas were the secret assassins!
0:18:53 > 0:18:57And so this pop association appeared
0:18:57 > 0:19:00that ninjas wore black, but they never did.
0:19:00 > 0:19:04They didn't fight, though, did they, ninjas. They would run away a lot.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07- Yes, well...- It was all distraction techniques,
0:19:07 > 0:19:10was how they used to overcome their foes.
0:19:10 > 0:19:16They would throw talcum powder, or whatever, and whilst you're distracted with the lovely skin,
0:19:16 > 0:19:18they'd run away going, "Moisturise!"
0:19:18 > 0:19:23Or they would throw cards and then run. They didn't want to engage.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Yes, they were the exact opposite of the samurai.
0:19:26 > 0:19:30Samurai were all about honourable man-on-man sword fighting
0:19:30 > 0:19:36and ninjas were about, as you said, scouting, spying, deceiving.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40All kinds of different little tricks of one kind or another.
0:19:40 > 0:19:45Those things you mentioned were part of their repertoire. But what they never did was wear black.
0:19:45 > 0:19:52Staying with Japan for a moment. Tell me something quite interesting about the original geishas.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54- They were all men.- Yes!
0:19:54 > 0:19:57Oh, God. LAUGHTER
0:19:57 > 0:19:58Absolutely right!
0:19:58 > 0:20:02- APPLAUSE - Bravo!
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Until 1751, all geishas were men.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08Originally, geishas were almost like court jesters.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12They were not courtesans, as they're considered to be now.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15It took about 100 years before it was an even number,
0:20:15 > 0:20:20and then female geishas overtook and now they're all female.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23How about an ingenious interlude?
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Have a look at this glass tank behind me
0:20:26 > 0:20:30and tell me how many balls there are in there.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32One...
0:20:32 > 0:20:36- Two, three.- Well done, Alan. - Four.- So far, so good.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39Yep, five. Yep.
0:20:39 > 0:20:40Five.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43This is the worst episode of the National Lottery ever!
0:20:43 > 0:20:46So, how many are in there, would you say?
0:20:46 > 0:20:49- Five?- Five. - It looked like five, didn't it?
0:20:49 > 0:20:51ALARM WAILS
0:20:51 > 0:20:55But you might be rather surprised to know
0:20:55 > 0:20:58- that there are actually over 1,000 in there.- Fail. Fail.
0:20:58 > 0:21:02We can show you a better view of how many there are.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04- ALL: Ahh!- They're all invisible.
0:21:04 > 0:21:09In fact, we have an example of precisely these kinds of...
0:21:09 > 0:21:13- There they are. - They're gooey.- They're weird. They're called hydrogel beads.
0:21:13 > 0:21:17- I can see them.- We've deliberately allowed them to be visible.
0:21:17 > 0:21:23- But in large glass tanks, they wouldn't be visible.- If I push it underwater, it goes invisible.
0:21:23 > 0:21:27- They have the same refractive index as water.- Light can pass through at the same angle.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31So they appear to be invisible in water.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34- I can't see it! - LAUGHTER
0:21:34 > 0:21:38- Quick, a hairdryer! - It's gone down the set.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41You're going to start floating away!
0:21:41 > 0:21:44- Is there a use for them? - I've got a glass there...
0:21:44 > 0:21:47- Are they worth £500 each? - Are they edible?
0:21:47 > 0:21:53- I wouldn't want to take responsibility, but I don't think they'll do you any harm.- Try one.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55What are they used for?
0:21:55 > 0:21:57- They have a commercial use - - I broke it!
0:21:57 > 0:21:59- Oh, no. Is it burst?- It burst.
0:21:59 > 0:22:04- It's sort of gone into pieces. - It's rather strange material.
0:22:04 > 0:22:08- Can you guess their commercial use? - Packing things. - No. Flower arranging is one.
0:22:08 > 0:22:13- Is it for packing goldfish? - LAUGHTER
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Why aren't they making battleships out of it?
0:22:15 > 0:22:19- All kinds of new uses may be found. - Make a submarine!
0:22:19 > 0:22:23- This feels gorgeous. - It's quite good, isn't it?
0:22:23 > 0:22:25It's quite addictive.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28There's something quite gorgeous about that.
0:22:28 > 0:22:33- I might have a play around with that later.- Yep! You might!
0:22:33 > 0:22:37- Another use is the manufacture of... - LAUGHTER
0:22:37 > 0:22:40- Behave!- You're disgusting.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43- Another use... - LAUGHTER
0:22:43 > 0:22:46Jack's going to put his willy in it.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50- Oh, dear! - I've already put it in that one.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55It's weird because when he put it in, you couldn't see it!
0:22:55 > 0:22:59- Ohh!- That's the refractive index -
0:22:59 > 0:23:02Give me time to think of a comeback!
0:23:02 > 0:23:05The other use, apart from flower arranging,
0:23:05 > 0:23:08is the manufacture of contact lenses.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12You'd really freak people out if you put them in your eyes!
0:23:12 > 0:23:17- Yes. Not necessarily in the round... - Marty Feldman's contact lenses!
0:23:17 > 0:23:21- Any of these coming up in any of this?- Not yet, no!
0:23:21 > 0:23:26Nearly all the light in the world, of course, comes from our sun.
0:23:26 > 0:23:30In which month is the sun closest to the Earth?
0:23:31 > 0:23:33It must be July.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35ALARM WAILS
0:23:37 > 0:23:40- No.- Isn't it the same distance from the Earth all the time?
0:23:40 > 0:23:43No, because it's an elliptical orbit.
0:23:43 > 0:23:47January, February, March, April, May, June.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50Yes, you were right first time - January.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53Yes, people make the mistake that summer is somehow the time
0:23:53 > 0:23:57- when the Earth is closest to the sun.- (AUSTRALIAN ACCENT) That is summer, mate.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00It's not when the Earth is closest to the sun.
0:24:00 > 0:24:04It happens to be in January in the southern hemisphere, their summer,
0:24:04 > 0:24:08but in the northern hemisphere, the sun is closer to us in January than it is in July.
0:24:08 > 0:24:13The tilt of the axis, when the maximum amount of sunlight is on and you have the longer days,
0:24:13 > 0:24:18that's what makes the seasons, not the closeness of the sun to the Earth.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20What is interesting are the Tropics.
0:24:20 > 0:24:25The first person to reason the Tropics were not hotter because they're nearer the sun
0:24:25 > 0:24:32but because a smaller area is lit by an equal amount of light compared to other latitudes was George Best.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36It was! Absolutely true, it was George Best who worked that out.
0:24:36 > 0:24:40You've lost it now. You've lost it, you'll have to hand this over to someone else.
0:24:40 > 0:24:45It was George Best, who was killed two years later in a dual in 1584.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47- He was an Elizabethan scientist. - Another George Best.
0:24:47 > 0:24:52Just for a second, didn't you think the Northern Irish hero might have...
0:24:52 > 0:24:55You come up with interesting stuff when you drink that much!
0:24:55 > 0:24:59You do! He might have come up with that. Nice thought.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01IRISH ACCENT: "Do you know what I reckon?"
0:25:03 > 0:25:08My next question is this - why can't blindfolded people walk in a straight line?
0:25:08 > 0:25:10They can't see where they're going.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14Next question.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19- Because... - I'm afraid the chance has passed.
0:25:19 > 0:25:23- The fact is, nobody knows! - THEY GROAN
0:25:23 > 0:25:28There you go. Although it is a recognised phenomenon and people have theories,
0:25:28 > 0:25:31nobody's really quite sure why it should be
0:25:31 > 0:25:35that one's ability to walk in an absolutely straight line is completely compromised.
0:25:35 > 0:25:41Even in short distances, people don't just go off straight, they actually curve.
0:25:41 > 0:25:46It was discovered by a fella who saw it in amoebas and thought, "I wonder if it's true of humans?"
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Who's blindfolded amoebas?
0:25:48 > 0:25:51- How do you do it? They're so small! - How do you do such a thing?
0:25:51 > 0:25:55"Come here, you bastard! It's gone again."
0:25:55 > 0:25:57He was called Asa Schaeffer.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00He asked a friend of his, who he blindfolded,
0:26:00 > 0:26:05he instructed him to walk in a straight line across a field and he plotted his track,
0:26:05 > 0:26:09which was a clockwise spiral until the man happened to stumble into a tree.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12But it was a complete spiral. This is what people do.
0:26:12 > 0:26:17We've covered this before, but more research has been done and we have a little film.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20Someone made a cartoon. We didn't. We don't have the budget.
0:26:20 > 0:26:23This is what he told him to do, walk in a straight line.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26- Is that how he walks?- Apparently.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29- He was practicing to be a zombie. - This is exactly it.
0:26:29 > 0:26:35He was convinced he was going straight. Spiral, spiral, spiral, till he hit the stump.
0:26:35 > 0:26:40And that is how we will all do it. We will swear, "I'm going straight!"
0:26:40 > 0:26:42We hold our hands up, as if that helps,
0:26:42 > 0:26:46and for some reason, we need a visual cue, a mountain or the sun,
0:26:46 > 0:26:49but nobody knows why that should be.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52- Could it be, and I'm being quite serious...- Yes.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55Well, as you'll see, it's not funny what I'm about to say.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Could it be a preservation thing, er,
0:26:58 > 0:27:01so that we have an inbuilt device
0:27:01 > 0:27:05that makes us go in a huge circle, and we can't see where we're going,
0:27:05 > 0:27:08so you always get back to where you know where you are?
0:27:08 > 0:27:11- I think I've cracked it. - That's a very good point!
0:27:11 > 0:27:13- I like it! - APPLAUSE
0:27:13 > 0:27:16- I mean, it's... - Can we make a bonfire, please?
0:27:16 > 0:27:20It's as convincing as anybody else's theorem.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22Further proof that the world is flat!
0:27:22 > 0:27:28- Maybe that's what it is. - Preservation device to stop you walking off the edge.- Now...
0:27:28 > 0:27:32let's try an experiment. I would like you all -
0:27:32 > 0:27:35and when I say all, I mean everyone - to close their eyes.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38Audience included. Close your eyes,
0:27:38 > 0:27:43and all you have to do, with your eyes closed, is point north east.
0:27:43 > 0:27:49- What?- Just point north east.- North east?- Yes, in a north east direction.
0:27:49 > 0:27:50Everyone do it. OK.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56KLAXON BLARES
0:27:56 > 0:27:58I hadn't moved! I'm not pointing!
0:27:58 > 0:28:03- You were pointing down for some reason!- I was scratching my leg!
0:28:03 > 0:28:06It's almost directly behind me. Closest was definitely Chris there.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10< Don't tell me Chris gets points for that!
0:28:10 > 0:28:12Unless you happen to belong
0:28:12 > 0:28:18to a very rare, unfortunately diminishing, Aboriginal tribe in Australia,
0:28:18 > 0:28:21we do not have an instinctive and automatic understanding
0:28:21 > 0:28:23of north and south wherever we are, at whatever time.
0:28:23 > 0:28:27And it's linguistic. This particular tribe, in their language,
0:28:27 > 0:28:29they have no word for left and right.
0:28:29 > 0:28:36From the earliest age, their children will be told, "The salt's at your south-east elbow."
0:28:36 > 0:28:39Everything is in absolute relation to north and south...
0:28:39 > 0:28:41They don't eat with salt cellars!
0:28:41 > 0:28:43Well, whatever!
0:28:43 > 0:28:45LAUGHTER
0:28:47 > 0:28:48The point is they always know,
0:28:48 > 0:28:54wherever they are, whether inside outside, instantly, north south, whether it's dark or light.
0:28:54 > 0:28:59And they use it in all senses of directions, including their own bodies.
0:28:59 > 0:29:02If you flew these people to the other hemisphere,
0:29:02 > 0:29:06- would they think it was the other way? Like water going down a plug.- I don't know.
0:29:06 > 0:29:12They're called the Pormpuraaw People and their language is called Kuuk Thaayorre.
0:29:12 > 0:29:16Unfortunately, it's a dying language, as so many of these Aboriginal languages are.
0:29:16 > 0:29:20Around the world, over 100 languages a year become extinct.
0:29:20 > 0:29:25Our prepositions that we tend to use in terms of space,
0:29:25 > 0:29:28we also tend to use in terms of time.
0:29:28 > 0:29:31We have this idea that the future is forward.
0:29:31 > 0:29:36But the Imara Indians in South America think that the past is ahead and the future is behind.
0:29:36 > 0:29:38That must make bill paying a lot easier.
0:29:38 > 0:29:42It's just a different way of looking at things.
0:29:42 > 0:29:45They're thinking the future is behind, is the unknown.
0:29:45 > 0:29:47We don't know what the future is, it's behind us.
0:29:47 > 0:29:50These things are stuck in our language so much,
0:29:50 > 0:29:52we assume they're natural and right,
0:29:52 > 0:29:56so when we come across another culture that thinks in another way,
0:29:56 > 0:30:00it gives us great pause, cos these aren't necessarily natural and right.
0:30:00 > 0:30:04- I still think they are right.- Do you? - Yes. I won't be swayed.- Fair enough.
0:30:04 > 0:30:09- When they say, "Back in the day," they mean something that hasn't happened yet.- Yes!
0:30:09 > 0:30:12How can you look forward to stuff if it's all behind you?
0:30:12 > 0:30:14They would find you just as weird.
0:30:14 > 0:30:16Now you're being rude.
0:30:18 > 0:30:20It's time to admit I had a sip of water
0:30:20 > 0:30:22and I did swallow one of those balls.
0:30:22 > 0:30:24You won't see it when it comes out.
0:30:27 > 0:30:30Now, what happened when Colonel William Rankin
0:30:30 > 0:30:34got stuck for 30 minutes in one of these?
0:30:34 > 0:30:36Ohh!
0:30:36 > 0:30:39Oh, it was a puzzle and he had to try and solve it.
0:30:39 > 0:30:41You haven't got one of those.
0:30:41 > 0:30:45But that is an example. You've got international symbols.
0:30:45 > 0:30:48- Is it a diving bell?- It's not.
0:30:48 > 0:30:51- It is an international... - It's an expired parking meter.
0:30:51 > 0:30:56- Any other thoughts?- Kaiser's helmet? - An igloo with a loft conversion?
0:30:56 > 0:30:59These are all good answers.
0:30:59 > 0:31:03When I say it's the tallest structure that we know on the planet...
0:31:03 > 0:31:06- Manmade?- No.
0:31:07 > 0:31:09- Is it beneath the ocean?- No.
0:31:09 > 0:31:12It's in the other direction.
0:31:12 > 0:31:15- It's in the sky?- Yes.
0:31:15 > 0:31:19- A cloud.- Yes! It's a particular kind of cloud.
0:31:19 > 0:31:21That kind of a cloud,
0:31:21 > 0:31:24- if that was its symbol. - A fluffy cloud.
0:31:24 > 0:31:29It's a Cumulonimbus. It's an anvil-shaped.
0:31:29 > 0:31:32- He was stuck in there for half an hour?- He was, yes.
0:31:32 > 0:31:35He was a US pilot and he ejected.
0:31:35 > 0:31:41- He'd opened his chute, then? - Yes, but it was half an hour inside this thing, being buffeted about.
0:31:41 > 0:31:44So, how tall was the pole this sign was on?
0:31:44 > 0:31:46LAUGHTER
0:31:50 > 0:31:55You may've missed the point, Jack!
0:31:55 > 0:31:59They get up to about 23,000 metres high, which is fantastically high.
0:31:59 > 0:32:03He was buffeted about in it. He did survive. His eyes and ears were bleeding.
0:32:03 > 0:32:07He was pelted with hail. He was in a terrible state!
0:32:07 > 0:32:13But he's the only person to have fallen through one of these structures and survived.
0:32:13 > 0:32:15Anyway, listen, while we're with clouds,
0:32:15 > 0:32:18what use to a pilot is a morning glory?
0:32:18 > 0:32:21- Ah, now... - If your joystick fails...!
0:32:21 > 0:32:24LAUGHTER
0:32:26 > 0:32:28Oh, dear! He's smiling, isn't he?
0:32:28 > 0:32:31I think it was the co-pilot's joystick!
0:32:31 > 0:32:36That's why they always sound so relaxed. "Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.
0:32:36 > 0:32:38"Welcome on board."
0:32:38 > 0:32:43- Aside from the possibility... - It'll be something to do with the sunlight coming over the horizon.
0:32:43 > 0:32:48It's an annual event that takes place in Northern Queensland, Australia, called the Morning Glory.
0:32:48 > 0:32:51It's a remarkable cloud system. It's really amazing.
0:32:51 > 0:32:53We've got a picture of it.
0:32:53 > 0:32:56It can be up to 600 miles long - as long as the United Kingdom.
0:32:56 > 0:33:02Look at that. It's over Burketown, which has a population of 178.
0:33:02 > 0:33:06But lots of people come. The reason is, if you're a gliding pilot,
0:33:06 > 0:33:09you get the ride of your life.
0:33:09 > 0:33:11It can go at 35 miles an hour,
0:33:11 > 0:33:15and inside, it's the most exciting thing you can experience.
0:33:15 > 0:33:19Then you bump into a bloke with a parachute. "Get off!"
0:33:19 > 0:33:23- His eyes are bleeding! "Help me!" - < "Didn't you see the sign?"
0:33:23 > 0:33:26APPLAUSE
0:33:26 > 0:33:30- Oh, dear!- And that's the only place where a cloud like that forms?
0:33:30 > 0:33:33Yes. It's the mother of them all.
0:33:33 > 0:33:36Apparently, soaring along it is the greatest experience.
0:33:36 > 0:33:38Indian Granny Clouds...
0:33:38 > 0:33:42- What can you tell me about them? - Did it win...?
0:33:42 > 0:33:43LAUGHTER
0:33:43 > 0:33:46Did Indian Granny Cloud win the 2:30 at Kempton Park?
0:33:46 > 0:33:48The, er...
0:33:48 > 0:33:51Is it a fart in a restaurant?
0:33:51 > 0:33:53LAUGHTER
0:33:53 > 0:33:57- I'm so disappointed in you! - When an old lady does a pump in a curry house!
0:33:57 > 0:34:01Do they go up in the sky and can't remember what they went up for?
0:34:01 > 0:34:03- Now... - LAUGHTER
0:34:03 > 0:34:05Think of cloud in the 21st century.
0:34:05 > 0:34:09What other use has "cloud" been put to as a word?
0:34:09 > 0:34:11- It's a computer thing.- The internet.
0:34:11 > 0:34:14This is a scheme whereby grannies in England,
0:34:14 > 0:34:17using Skype or similar technology,
0:34:17 > 0:34:24teach and educate and inform and enlighten children in India all the way from England.
0:34:24 > 0:34:27- It was started by Professor Sugata Mitra.- "How To Make Jam".
0:34:27 > 0:34:29"How To Make Jam", possibly!
0:34:29 > 0:34:35- They tutor Indian classes where they're short of teachers. It's an enormous success.- Why grannies?
0:34:35 > 0:34:39They've got time on their hands and because they care!
0:34:39 > 0:34:41"Drop one, purl one."
0:34:41 > 0:34:45Imagine the exports of Werther's Originals to India!
0:34:45 > 0:34:48They're all listening to Michael Ball records!
0:34:50 > 0:34:54What we're looking at, with your symbols,
0:34:54 > 0:34:59are part of what is known as the International Cloud Atlas.
0:34:59 > 0:35:03- And can you tell me what they are? - Do they represent countries?
0:35:03 > 0:35:07- No, they represent...- On an atlas. - No, no!
0:35:07 > 0:35:11- God! - I don't really listen enough, do I?
0:35:11 > 0:35:13They represent types...
0:35:13 > 0:35:17I bet you're a teacher! "He reminds me of all my kids!"
0:35:17 > 0:35:19They represent a type of cloud.
0:35:19 > 0:35:23- It looks like simpleton snap. - It does! I know.
0:35:23 > 0:35:27- What did you think they were? - I had this one. - Had you written anything on them?
0:35:27 > 0:35:31I thought they were things to help traumatise children.
0:35:31 > 0:35:33"Tell me what you think."
0:35:35 > 0:35:39- I have "Elderly Use Handbrake". - Yes! "Elderly Use Handbrake".
0:35:39 > 0:35:41- That's my handbrake!- Very good.
0:35:41 > 0:35:45"You call that pregnant? THIS is pregnant!"
0:35:46 > 0:35:49Very good!
0:35:49 > 0:35:53That's actually ET being quite rude. LAUGHTER
0:35:55 > 0:35:59- You don't know what it means, but it's rude!- Absolutely!
0:35:59 > 0:36:02Well, there you are, the International Cloud Atlas.
0:36:02 > 0:36:05- There were three forms, the cumulus...- The stratocumulus.
0:36:05 > 0:36:08- The stratus.- Nimbus. - And the cirrus, the fluffy one.
0:36:08 > 0:36:11And then there are all the mixtures of those in between -
0:36:11 > 0:36:14the altocumulus, the stratocumulus, and so on.
0:36:14 > 0:36:19It's that time when we grope our way towards general ignorance at the end of the tunnel.
0:36:19 > 0:36:24Fingers on buzzers, please. Name the largest black body in the solar system.
0:36:24 > 0:36:27Oprah Winfrey. >
0:36:27 > 0:36:30Whoa! Ohh! Ohh, Rich!
0:36:30 > 0:36:33Ohh! Ohh!
0:36:34 > 0:36:38LAUGHTER
0:36:38 > 0:36:41- Within the solar system.- Black hole? - ALARM WAILS
0:36:41 > 0:36:45If there was a black hole in the solar system, we'd be in real trouble.
0:36:45 > 0:36:50We would. I don't know any other black things in the solar system.
0:36:50 > 0:36:53- The strange thing is, it's the sun. - I see.
0:36:53 > 0:36:57A black body, in cosmology, is something that doesn't reflect,
0:36:57 > 0:36:59and the sun only radiates,
0:36:59 > 0:37:03so it is the blackest body in the solar system.
0:37:03 > 0:37:06- That's cheating.- It seems to be a little bit of a cheat question,
0:37:06 > 0:37:09but had you known the answer, it wouldn't have been.
0:37:09 > 0:37:14If you were to shine a light on the sun, which would be pointless, I accept that...
0:37:14 > 0:37:16It wouldn't reflect off it.
0:37:16 > 0:37:20In the solar system, there is no other body so unreflective.
0:37:20 > 0:37:25- The moon is nothing but reflective. It gives off nothing, but reflects all the light.- The same as us.
0:37:25 > 0:37:28But the sun reflects nothing.
0:37:28 > 0:37:32How long does light from the centre of the sun take to reach the Earth?
0:37:32 > 0:37:35- EXPLOSIONS - Yes?
0:37:35 > 0:37:37Now, I know this.
0:37:37 > 0:37:40- LAUGHTER - Right!
0:37:40 > 0:37:44It might not be the centre, it sounds like a trick, but the light from the sun takes eight minutes.
0:37:44 > 0:37:48- Mm... - ALARM WAILS
0:37:48 > 0:37:51Ahh! Oh, dear.
0:37:51 > 0:37:56The thing is, it actually takes 100,000 years
0:37:56 > 0:38:00to get from the centre of the sun to the surface...
0:38:00 > 0:38:03to the surface of the sun.
0:38:03 > 0:38:05Eight minutes!
0:38:05 > 0:38:09But he was absolutely right. From the surface of the sun...
0:38:09 > 0:38:12to the Earth takes eight minutes.
0:38:12 > 0:38:16- I added that qualifier! - You did. You were right.
0:38:16 > 0:38:18It's 8 minutes 26 seconds, roughly.
0:38:18 > 0:38:24The photons have an enormous amount of work to do right in the middle of this gigantic system.
0:38:24 > 0:38:28How many Earths could you fit in the sun, were you able to do so?
0:38:28 > 0:38:30Four.
0:38:30 > 0:38:35- Easily!- Easily, yes, you could.
0:38:35 > 0:38:38That's quite true! I can't deny that.
0:38:38 > 0:38:40400,000.
0:38:40 > 0:38:43- The maximum number is 1.3 million. - 3 million Earths!
0:38:43 > 0:38:46It's responsible for 99.8%
0:38:46 > 0:38:49- of the mass of the solar system. - Really?
0:38:49 > 0:38:52- That's extraordinary! - It is. There's a lot of it.
0:38:52 > 0:38:55What happens to alcohol when you bring it to the boil?
0:38:55 > 0:39:00- Ah, you boil it off, don't you, Chef?- Yes, you do. You waste it.
0:39:00 > 0:39:03- ALARM WAILS - Whoa!- That's his.
0:39:03 > 0:39:06It's nothing to do with me. I didn't touch it!
0:39:06 > 0:39:12There's this idea that it all evaporates and so on. In fact, it takes a very long time,
0:39:12 > 0:39:15three hours, at least, before you get rid of it.
0:39:15 > 0:39:18Flambeing only gets rid of... If you like a crepe suzette,
0:39:18 > 0:39:23if you light the brandy, that only gets rid of a quarter of the alcohol.
0:39:23 > 0:39:25So the idea that you're burning it off...
0:39:25 > 0:39:30It's not particularly important, unless you're drinking carefully so that you're under the limit,
0:39:30 > 0:39:35then you have a crepe suzette and drive and are surprised that you're over the limit.
0:39:35 > 0:39:36We've all been there!
0:39:36 > 0:39:40The same goes to a Christmas pud when you put the brandy on,
0:39:40 > 0:39:43- give it to the kids and say, "There won't be alcohol."- Exactly!
0:39:43 > 0:39:47- That's right.- And a 20p piece that might choke them to death!
0:39:47 > 0:39:53- Could you get done for eat-driving? - Yes, if you had enough of it!
0:39:53 > 0:39:56Eat-driving! It's a heck of a thought!
0:39:56 > 0:39:59Interestingly, if you add alcohol to a recipe
0:39:59 > 0:40:02and you don't heat it at all, just leave it uncovered overnight,
0:40:02 > 0:40:05it will get rid of more alcohol than by flambeing it.
0:40:05 > 0:40:0830% of it will go just by natural evaporation.
0:40:08 > 0:40:12If you leave a glass of wine out at night, the alcohol will evaporate?
0:40:12 > 0:40:15- Some of it.- Or someone will come down and drink it.
0:40:15 > 0:40:19LAUGHTER DROWNS OUT SPEECH "..it's gone."
0:40:19 > 0:40:23How much alcohol are they allowed to drink on US navy ships?
0:40:23 > 0:40:25- A tot of rum.- A tot of rum per man?
0:40:25 > 0:40:30No. All US navy ships have been dry since 1914. No alcohol at all.
0:40:30 > 0:40:36- The French riot police are...having a riot over not being able to drink at lunchtime.- Are they?!
0:40:36 > 0:40:41Yeah, they have been told. They've always been allowed to have...
0:40:41 > 0:40:46FRENCH ACCENT: ..just ze beer or some wine at lunchtime, it's not really drinking. Does not count.
0:40:46 > 0:40:50And they've always been allowed to do it and they still do it
0:40:50 > 0:40:53and now the government's said, "We don't think it's such a good idea
0:40:53 > 0:40:56"that you should sit in your van drinking beer."
0:40:56 > 0:41:00There was a photograph taken of all these riot police...
0:41:00 > 0:41:02"Where is ze riot?"
0:41:05 > 0:41:11There you go. How many eyes does a no-eyed, big-eyed wolf spider have?
0:41:13 > 0:41:15- EXPLOSIONS > - Yeah?
0:41:15 > 0:41:18- Eight. - ALARM WAILS
0:41:22 > 0:41:27- None.- Yes! After all... - A no-eyed, big-eyed wolf spider!
0:41:28 > 0:41:33All big-eyed wolf spiders do have eight eyes, except the no-eyed, big-eyed...
0:41:36 > 0:41:41I feel genuinely really stupid because you gave me the answer in the question.
0:41:41 > 0:41:45- It's the worst one to have... - It's a member of the same order of eight-eyed spiders
0:41:45 > 0:41:49but it's evolved to live in a cave with no light and so it's lost all its eyes.
0:41:49 > 0:41:52There it is. A rather grim-looking creature.
0:41:52 > 0:41:58- These are in Kauai in Hawaii.- Kauai. - And they're getting very, very rare.
0:41:58 > 0:42:00The little things have no eyes at all.
0:42:00 > 0:42:03Bet they can walk in a straight line, though.
0:42:03 > 0:42:06And so from the caliginous shadows of general ignorance,
0:42:06 > 0:42:09we emerge into the unforgiving light of the scores.
0:42:09 > 0:42:12My goodness me, aren't they interesting?
0:42:12 > 0:42:15Well, tonight's indisputable illuminatus,
0:42:15 > 0:42:19with three whole points, is Rich Hall!
0:42:19 > 0:42:21APPLAUSE
0:42:22 > 0:42:27Burning brightly in second place with minus one, Jack Dee!
0:42:27 > 0:42:30APPLAUSE
0:42:32 > 0:42:35Despite his stunning knowledge in so many areas,
0:42:35 > 0:42:38he did fall into a few of our little Heffalump traps,
0:42:38 > 0:42:42so in third place, guttering and spluttering a little on minus nine,
0:42:42 > 0:42:45- Chris Addison! - APPLAUSE
0:42:45 > 0:42:49But cast forever into outer darkness,
0:42:49 > 0:42:52with minus 45, Alan Davies!
0:42:52 > 0:42:55CHEERING
0:42:59 > 0:43:03That's all for this frankly brilliant edition of QI.
0:43:03 > 0:43:06It's lights out and good night from Chris, Rich, Jack, Alan and me.
0:43:06 > 0:43:10I leave you with this from Steven Wright: "Light travels faster than sound
0:43:10 > 0:43:14"and isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?"
0:43:14 > 0:43:18- Good night. - APPLAUSE
0:43:22 > 0:43:25Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:43:25 > 0:43:28E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk