0:00:25 > 0:00:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:30 > 0:00:32Go-o-o-o-o-od evening,
0:00:32 > 0:00:36good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening,
0:00:36 > 0:00:37and welcome to QI,
0:00:37 > 0:00:42where we have an ill-assorted imbroglio of interesting items
0:00:42 > 0:00:44initiated by I.
0:00:44 > 0:00:49Here for your immediate inspection are the inestimable John Bishop...
0:00:49 > 0:00:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:54 > 0:00:57..the inimitable Frank Skinner.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:00 > 0:01:04- The incomparable Sean Lock. - Thank you.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:07 > 0:01:11And Alan Davies is also in.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:16 > 0:01:21Now, this evening the buzzers are intentionally irritating.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23John goes...
0:01:23 > 0:01:26MOSQUITO WHINE
0:01:32 > 0:01:33Frank goes...
0:01:33 > 0:01:37SMALL DOG YAPPING
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Can I ask, how long is this show?
0:01:48 > 0:01:51LAUGHTER It depends how often you use the buzzer.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Sean goes...
0:01:53 > 0:01:56TODDLER SCREAMS
0:01:59 > 0:02:02And Alan goes... "WRONG AGAIN" ALARM
0:02:02 > 0:02:05LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:02:12 > 0:02:15As John and Frank have never played the game before,
0:02:15 > 0:02:19I should explain that each of you has a Nobody Knows placard.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22- You might like to show it. It's a question mark.- Nobody knows.
0:02:22 > 0:02:27That's it. There will be a question tonight to which nobody knows the answer.
0:02:27 > 0:02:32If you think, when I ask it, that this is the question to which there is no known answer,
0:02:32 > 0:02:35you wave your card and you get extra points.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38It looks like they had Strictly Come Dancing one night,
0:02:38 > 0:02:41and someone did a dance so experimental...
0:02:41 > 0:02:42LAUGHTER
0:02:44 > 0:02:45You can consider it that way.
0:02:45 > 0:02:49Now, to warm up the new boys, here's an easy one to begin with.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52What's the French for "innuendo"?
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Is it "double entendre"?
0:02:55 > 0:02:58"WRONG AGAIN" ALARM Ohhhhh!
0:02:58 > 0:03:02No, I've just remembered, "double entendre" is French for "big tits".
0:03:02 > 0:03:05LAUGHTER
0:03:05 > 0:03:09"Double entendre" means nothing to a Frenchman. You could say "double entente".
0:03:09 > 0:03:12- "Entente" is like a... - Two-man tent.
0:03:15 > 0:03:21No. Or "double sens", double sense. But they don't say "double entendre".
0:03:21 > 0:03:24So it's a French phrase that the French don't use?
0:03:24 > 0:03:25- So it's not French.- Exactly.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28That's precisely what this round of questions is about.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31There are other examples. If you're at a performance,
0:03:31 > 0:03:34someone is very brilliant, you want them to perform again...
0:03:34 > 0:03:39- Encore!- You'd shout "encore". What would they shout in France?- "More".
0:03:39 > 0:03:41No. But good thought!
0:03:41 > 0:03:46But "encore" is a French word meaning "more", but they don't shout it.
0:03:46 > 0:03:50They shout a Latin word which means "twice".
0:03:50 > 0:03:52- Mm. Mm.- Anyone?
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Anyone in the audience? CALLS FROM AUDIENCE
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Bis. B-I-S.
0:03:56 > 0:04:01- Bis! Bis!- That's crap. - They should try "encore".
0:04:01 > 0:04:04You'd hate to do a show, wouldn't you,
0:04:04 > 0:04:06and at the end, everyone goes "Bis".
0:04:06 > 0:04:08"Bi-i-i-i-is!"
0:04:08 > 0:04:10- It's like that. - MOSQUITO WHINE
0:04:14 > 0:04:15APPLAUSE
0:04:15 > 0:04:19There are other phrases which we use, which sound French,
0:04:19 > 0:04:21but again mean nothing to a Frenchman.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24"Cause celebre" is not a French phrase.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Like "en-suite" for a bathroom, the French would go, "What?"
0:04:27 > 0:04:29What about "bidet"?
0:04:29 > 0:04:35"Bidet", they do indeed have, though it's easier to do a handstand in the shower, to be honest.
0:04:35 > 0:04:36LAUGHTER
0:04:36 > 0:04:40And if you want the expense of-of a bidet...
0:04:40 > 0:04:44- "Easier"? - If you're as nimble as I am.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46I'd pay good money to see that.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51I'd like to see you with a camera, going, "Tweet this."
0:04:58 > 0:05:01The trouble is with the handstand in the shower, though,
0:05:01 > 0:05:05it's like when you see a mountain stream, and you think,
0:05:05 > 0:05:08"The water looks all right but I don't know where it's been."
0:05:08 > 0:05:12When you're upside down and this water is pouring across your face,
0:05:12 > 0:05:16lodging in your nostrils, and you know that it's been...
0:05:16 > 0:05:19LAUGHTER Well, that's a worry.
0:05:19 > 0:05:25I had a friend who had read somewhere that if you slept upside down, it made you more intelligent
0:05:25 > 0:05:29- because the blood went to your brain.- Went to your brain.
0:05:29 > 0:05:34And I became obsessed with the idea that he would have a wet dream and die.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36LAUGHTER
0:05:38 > 0:05:44Oh, that's so... In so many ways, a horrific image.
0:05:44 > 0:05:52This guy also told us, that a Chinese Burn, is called a Chinese Burn, because in China,
0:05:52 > 0:05:54it's a form of torture.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57- I was told that at school. - It's the sort of thing school...
0:05:57 > 0:06:01So a student in Tiananmen Square is stopped and a soldier says, "You,
0:06:01 > 0:06:04"Come here, come here, arm out."
0:06:04 > 0:06:06LAUGHTER
0:06:06 > 0:06:08"Be careful, next time..."
0:06:08 > 0:06:09"Next time, it be dead leg."
0:06:13 > 0:06:17- I like the way you resisted the opportunity to go "dead reg."- Oh!
0:06:17 > 0:06:20- Yeah, we're not ready for those jokes yet.- Oh, no, no, no.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24So yes, there are words we use, "decolletage", for example, we use for the...
0:06:24 > 0:06:27The French use "decollete" for that.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Excuse me, when you say "we", you mean you.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31LAUGHTER
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Well, it's not a common phrase.
0:06:33 > 0:06:38No, it's not. Nobody says, "Look at the decolletage on that."
0:06:38 > 0:06:40You never stop learning.
0:06:40 > 0:06:45I've already learned how to say to my teenage sons, "Look at the knockers on that"
0:06:45 > 0:06:47without their mum getting annoyed.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49And now you can say "decolletage".
0:06:49 > 0:06:52"Decolletage"!
0:06:52 > 0:06:57Also, "en-suite", which is used commonly these days for a bathroom connected to a bedroom.
0:06:57 > 0:07:01- In France, they didn't use... - (COCKNEY) And of course, the en-suite.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03- It's- commonly- used.
0:07:03 > 0:07:09There's a Greek phrase. The Greeks say "Katatraya stayeftika", I think it is.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11And it means, "Who gives a shit?"
0:07:11 > 0:07:16But literally, it means, "There is trouble in the gypsy village."
0:07:16 > 0:07:18LAUGHTER
0:07:22 > 0:07:24It's true.
0:07:24 > 0:07:29Depending how high you are up socially, it's right, isn't it?
0:07:29 > 0:07:32Posh people wouldn't give a shit.
0:07:32 > 0:07:37Anyway, that's the point. You can ask a Frenchman for a double entendre if you like,
0:07:37 > 0:07:39but you'll be lucky if he gives you one.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Not to some... LAUGHTER
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Thank you very much.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Now to some I-tunes.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Who wrote the songs, I'm Leaning On A Lamppost
0:07:49 > 0:07:52and When I'm Cleaning Windows?
0:07:54 > 0:07:55SMALL DOG YAPPING
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Definitely not George Formby,
0:07:58 > 0:08:04even though his wife Beryl insisted George had a credit so that he'd get money.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07You're absolutely right, and you're a bit of a fan of George Formby?
0:08:07 > 0:08:09I am indeed, yeah.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12I'm Leaning On A Lamppost was one of his big hits.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15Wasn't When I'm Cleaning Windows a bit dodgy?
0:08:15 > 0:08:18Well, there was a phrase, "The blushing bride, she looks divine
0:08:18 > 0:08:20"The bridegroom, he is doing fine
0:08:20 > 0:08:22"I'd rather have his job than mine
0:08:22 > 0:08:24"When I'm cleaning windows."
0:08:24 > 0:08:25The BBC banned it.
0:08:25 > 0:08:31However, George Formby was invited to perform at Windsor in front of the Royal Family in 1941,
0:08:31 > 0:08:34and some troops, during the War, obviously,
0:08:34 > 0:08:38and the Queen Mother insisted he sing the song properly, with no cuts.
0:08:38 > 0:08:42She loved it, and asked him to sing it another three times. But the BBC still banned it.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46There's a George Formby lyric, my favourite double entendre,
0:08:46 > 0:08:49and he says, "I wonder who's under her balcony now,
0:08:49 > 0:08:52"Who's kissing my girl. Does he kiss her under the nose
0:08:52 > 0:08:56"Or underneath the archway where the Sweet William grows?"
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Whoa!
0:08:58 > 0:09:00You're a special group, George Formby fans,
0:09:00 > 0:09:05and it's usual amongst George Formby fans, I believe,
0:09:05 > 0:09:09that they teach themselves the banjolele, and as you are one,
0:09:09 > 0:09:11we have a banjolele.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Can you delight us with some Formby?
0:09:13 > 0:09:16- Am I on the spot? - I don't know if it's tuned but...
0:09:16 > 0:09:20Don't worry about that. "My dog has fleas", is what you need to remember.
0:09:20 > 0:09:24# My dog has... # Oh, this one doesn't have fleas, he has distemper.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26LAUGHTER
0:09:26 > 0:09:32That, um, When I'm Cleaning Windows has got another bit that goes,
0:09:32 > 0:09:36# Eight o'clock, a girl awakes At ten past eight a bath she takes
0:09:36 > 0:09:40# At quarter past, my ladder breaks When I'm cleaning windows. #
0:09:40 > 0:09:43LAUGHTER
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Er, there's a bit that goes...
0:09:50 > 0:09:54# There's a famous movie queen She looks a beauty on the screen
0:09:54 > 0:09:58# She's more like 80 than 18 When I'm cleaning windows
0:09:58 > 0:10:03# She takes her hair down all behind Then takes down her never mind
0:10:03 > 0:10:07# And finally takes down the blind When I'm cleaning windows. #
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Cheeky!
0:10:09 > 0:10:11APPLAUSE
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Brilliant!
0:10:16 > 0:10:17Thank you very much.
0:10:17 > 0:10:24So, what is it about George Formby? He was one of the biggest film stars of his time in Britain, wasn't he?
0:10:24 > 0:10:28I went to his grave, and
0:10:28 > 0:10:32there's a massive great, white stone, and the big face and it says,
0:10:32 > 0:10:35"George Formby." And it's a massive monument,
0:10:35 > 0:10:39and when you get closer, you realise, it's his dad.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41He was Junior, wasn't he?
0:10:41 > 0:10:44His dad was a massive music hall star, and at the bottom it says,
0:10:44 > 0:10:47"Also George Formby, OBE." Blah, blah, blah.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50So he got terrible billing, even on his own grave.
0:10:50 > 0:10:54And the wife you alluded to, Beryl, was fanatically jealous.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57I mean, if a make-up girl on a film so much as smiled at him,
0:10:57 > 0:10:59she'd have her sacked, wouldn't she?
0:10:59 > 0:11:03Indeed, but I think George got away with quite a lot of saucy...
0:11:03 > 0:11:07- (AS GEORGE FORMBY) Turned out nice again.- Exactly. It turned out nice quite a lot!
0:11:07 > 0:11:12George used to say that Beryl only gave him five bob a week pocket money,
0:11:12 > 0:11:15but his brother claimed, after George died,
0:11:15 > 0:11:18that that was something that George came up with,
0:11:18 > 0:11:21so when he was in the bar, he'd say, "I'd love to get a round in,
0:11:21 > 0:11:24"but Beryl only gives me five bob a week."
0:11:24 > 0:11:27There is a tradition, I don't know if it exists in other languages,
0:11:27 > 0:11:32or whether it's peculiarly English, of the tradition of Frankie Howerd, Carry On.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34It must exist in other languages. It must.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36I guess it must.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Even in America, it doesn't really.
0:11:38 > 0:11:42- They don't seem to set the same store.- They seem a bit more mature, maybe.
0:11:42 > 0:11:43Maybe they are more mature!
0:11:43 > 0:11:47More sophisticated. They've got over it.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50"Yeah, that did us until we were about eight."
0:11:50 > 0:11:53In other countries, that symbolism is terribly sad,
0:11:53 > 0:11:54portentous and awful.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58- All of Ibsen's plays are about... - Yes, true.
0:11:58 > 0:12:02The Master Builder's about towers and erections,
0:12:02 > 0:12:07and it just means the man's sad and lusts after women he can't possibly have.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11Everyone sits in the theatre, going, "Oh, God, this is awful."
0:12:11 > 0:12:14In England, it would be Benny Hill going....
0:12:14 > 0:12:22They can be clever, those innuendos. There used to be a joke, "She was only a so-and-so's daughter...
0:12:22 > 0:12:26She was only a road-mender's daughter but she liked having her ass felt,
0:12:26 > 0:12:28- or whatever it was. - That's it. - LAUGHTER
0:12:28 > 0:12:33She was only a fishmonger's daughter, but she could lay it on the slab and say, "fillet".
0:12:33 > 0:12:36LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:12:41 > 0:12:45Does anyone recognise the photograph behind you, where that's from?
0:12:45 > 0:12:46That's from Round The Horne.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49A hugely successful radio series of the 1960s.
0:12:49 > 0:12:55That's Kenneth Horne in the middle and they pushed the boundaries of innuendo, probably further
0:12:55 > 0:12:57than they'd ever been pushed in British comic life,
0:12:57 > 0:13:02especially with Kenneth Williams and Hugh Paddick who played a couple called Jules and Sandy.
0:13:02 > 0:13:07who basically used gay slang, in the 1960s, lunchtime Radio 2 comedy
0:13:07 > 0:13:11at a time when millions were listening. They were doing extraordinary stuff.
0:13:11 > 0:13:15But that was the great thing. They'd got that Polari thing going,
0:13:15 > 0:13:18they had their own language, so they could say, "Oh God,
0:13:18 > 0:13:23"my lallies are so tired," and people literally had no idea.
0:13:23 > 0:13:24But it sounded funny.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26- That's right, yeah, I know. - And as long as you go,
0:13:26 > 0:13:28"Oooer," every now and again...
0:13:28 > 0:13:32I know. I know. Anyway, there you are.
0:13:32 > 0:13:37That's probably enough innuendo.
0:13:37 > 0:13:43If I see another double entendre, I'll whip it out and probably stick a blue pencil through it.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Now to an initiative test.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49I want everybody here, and I'm including the audience,
0:13:49 > 0:13:53our lovely audience, I want you to think of your favourite colour
0:13:53 > 0:13:59and on the count of three, I want you to shout it out, as loud as you can. All right?
0:13:59 > 0:14:03It affects everyone in the room. OK? One, two, three...
0:14:03 > 0:14:05ALL SHOUT
0:14:05 > 0:14:08OK. So, Frank. What did John shout?
0:14:10 > 0:14:12LAUGHTER
0:14:12 > 0:14:14I was mainly listening to me.
0:14:14 > 0:14:15Yes.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18- Do you know what Frank shouted?- Pink.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23- Did you shout, "Pink?"- No.
0:14:23 > 0:14:24Do you know what Alan shouted?
0:14:24 > 0:14:25Red.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27- Did you shout, "Red?"- No.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30- Do you know what Sean shouted?- Blue.
0:14:30 > 0:14:36- I thought you shouted, "Yellow." What did you shout?- Blue. - Oh.- That was a guess, wasn't it?
0:14:36 > 0:14:39I thought he shouted blue. He was really loud.
0:14:39 > 0:14:45The fact is, it's very common, and these are use in tests for teamwork,
0:14:45 > 0:14:50it's very common for people not to listen to other people when they are speaking.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53It's not unusual, if you're making a noise yourself,
0:14:53 > 0:14:56- to be...- Sorry?- What?
0:14:58 > 0:15:01- Sorry, I wasn't... - Oh, I beg your pardon!
0:15:01 > 0:15:05And as there are, as you know, people who make money out of paying management people
0:15:05 > 0:15:10to take courses in teamwork and it seems it's very, very important, that
0:15:10 > 0:15:13even when you are shouting, you should hear what the other person is saying.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15What a load of bollocks!
0:15:15 > 0:15:19I know. You should have seen me when I first saw this,
0:15:19 > 0:15:23because if there is a profession, it is that of people who basically
0:15:23 > 0:15:28get management people to pay them, to tell them the art of
0:15:28 > 0:15:30the so obvious, it makes your nose bleed.
0:15:30 > 0:15:35"When you're speaking it's really important that people hear what you're saying.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39- "You know, we do a four week course on this."- The one I like, is the
0:15:39 > 0:15:42people who come to your house and give you advice on what to do to sell it.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45- Oh, really?- Especially when you don't want to sell it.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48- Yes! That can be annoying. - Went in the toilet.
0:15:48 > 0:15:52Put the toilet lid down, and said, "Lid down when showing."
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Oh, really? So no floating solids?
0:15:54 > 0:15:56LAUGHTER
0:15:56 > 0:15:59- I always tell my clients that. - Flush it first!
0:15:59 > 0:16:04And I would stop the family doing hand stands in the shower.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06It's a living bidet.
0:16:06 > 0:16:11Pay the full price for colonic irrigation, don't do it like that.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14We're being very critical, but the next time I'm in a situation
0:16:14 > 0:16:18where I have to shout out a colour, simultaneously with a lot of other
0:16:18 > 0:16:21people, I'm going to pay a lot more attention.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24That's good to know. You're advancing.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26ALAN: I said, "Blue" but really, I meant, "Red."
0:16:28 > 0:16:30That's really difficult!
0:16:30 > 0:16:33I also don't think that works, because I think
0:16:33 > 0:16:36if you're making a noise, you can't hear a noise.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40I think that would make choral singing an impossibility if that were true.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42- LAUGHTER - That's true.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44It is...
0:16:47 > 0:16:51- Especially when they do that "I Can Sing A Rainbow" song.- Yes.
0:16:51 > 0:16:55It might surprise you, but I've not been in a lot of choirs.
0:16:55 > 0:16:59That's a good point. But I've lived that life where we've had...
0:16:59 > 0:17:03cos I used to have a normal life in a corporate world,
0:17:03 > 0:17:05and I've been on training days...
0:17:05 > 0:17:08Oh, you've actually been on the bloody things?
0:17:08 > 0:17:12- And were they all absolute...? - I mean, there's some part of it that you think,
0:17:12 > 0:17:14this could be good. I can see what's going on,
0:17:14 > 0:17:17when they say, "There's an issue within the company,
0:17:17 > 0:17:21"you've all got different views, why don't you draw a picture?
0:17:21 > 0:17:24"Instead of talking, let's draw a picture,"
0:17:24 > 0:17:29"What are we going to draw?" "Anything that comes into your mind. Not a cock."
0:17:29 > 0:17:32- Apparently that's... - LAUGHTER
0:17:32 > 0:17:36Getting to the bottom of a corporate infrastructure,
0:17:36 > 0:17:39cock drawing, saying, "That's you," doesn't really help.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42We had all these things, and honest to God,
0:17:42 > 0:17:45you do get to it and you start looking at people and think,
0:17:45 > 0:17:47"You live your life like this."
0:17:47 > 0:17:50You can see them going home to their kids saying,
0:17:50 > 0:17:53"Come on, I could make your tea, but wouldn't it be better
0:17:53 > 0:17:54"if you made your tea?
0:17:54 > 0:17:57"Wouldn't you feel better as a team if we made tea together?"
0:17:57 > 0:18:00"Wouldn't it be better if tea didn't exist?
0:18:00 > 0:18:02"Let's all think. Draw your tea.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04LAUGHTER
0:18:04 > 0:18:07"And let's remove it as an issue."
0:18:07 > 0:18:11Well, it's becoming rapidly more clear, there are many people
0:18:11 > 0:18:16who need to be killed and nearly all of them are management consultants. However, hopefully...
0:18:16 > 0:18:19LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:18:19 > 0:18:22Hopefully, that classic piece of management school trickery
0:18:22 > 0:18:26will have taught you all a valuable lesson about the importance of listening,
0:18:26 > 0:18:29so listen to this. What is an interrobang?
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Is it the way you ask a question,
0:18:35 > 0:18:38like the Australians finish all their sentences like it's a question?
0:18:38 > 0:18:41- It's the lift. - As if everything's a question?
0:18:41 > 0:18:43- Yeah.- Yeah, and goes up at the end?
0:18:43 > 0:18:47No, it isn't that. They sometimes call that the AQI, the Australian question intonation.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51But that's not it. It's a punctuation mark that had a brief vogue
0:18:51 > 0:18:57and it consisted of a question mark, which is the "interro" part,
0:18:57 > 0:19:00and a "bang" is a printer's name for an exclamation mark.
0:19:00 > 0:19:04- And there it is, that's how it looked.- I love it!
0:19:04 > 0:19:06It's rather good, isn't it? We should use it.
0:19:06 > 0:19:11You know sometimes when you're typing a letter and you want to go, "What the heck?!"
0:19:11 > 0:19:14It's not really a question, but because it begins with "What the..."
0:19:14 > 0:19:18You think maybe it should be a question. That's the symbol they were using.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21You do see people, they'll put a question mark
0:19:21 > 0:19:25- and then an exclamation mark, to kind of make that point.- Precisely.
0:19:25 > 0:19:30In the 1960s, they had a brief vogue and there were typewriters that had it as a character.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34And it does exist as a Unicode character in the Askey set.
0:19:34 > 0:19:39What does that mean when sometimes you see a question mark upside down on a text?
0:19:39 > 0:19:41- Well, in Spain, they do that. - Put one at the start.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45- JOHN:- It means someone's in the shower!
0:19:45 > 0:19:47LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:19:50 > 0:19:55In Spain, a question begins with an upside down one and ends with a right way up one.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58And indeed, they did an upside down interrobang,
0:19:58 > 0:20:02which was known as a gnaborretni, which is just interrobang backwards.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05- Gnaborretni?- Gnaborretni.
0:20:05 > 0:20:06# Do doo do doo-do! #
0:20:06 > 0:20:09LAUGHTER
0:20:09 > 0:20:11There was the sarcastrophe.
0:20:11 > 0:20:16Which is a little like the circumflex accent the French used to have,
0:20:16 > 0:20:20what's called a carat, you know, a little sort of hat shape.
0:20:20 > 0:20:24You'd put that - "Oh, that's really funny" - outside the "really",
0:20:24 > 0:20:27would indicate you were being sarcastic.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29What's always frustrated me
0:20:29 > 0:20:32is that on a standard typewriter keyboard,
0:20:32 > 0:20:37- when you hit the semi-colon... - Ye-e-es?
0:20:37 > 0:20:41..you just have to hit the key, but to get the colon,
0:20:41 > 0:20:43you have to press that other key.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47If I was a colon, I'd think, "Surely I take precedence?
0:20:47 > 0:20:51"You are merely a semi version of me,
0:20:51 > 0:20:53"I should be the one that just needs one key!"
0:20:53 > 0:20:56- I share your pain, Frank.- Yeah!
0:20:56 > 0:21:02I've stayed up till dawn with whisky, going, "Why?!"
0:21:02 > 0:21:06No, but I'll tell you, it's led me to an overuse of the hyphen.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08- As might...- Instead of going
0:21:08 > 0:21:13- all round the houses to the colon, I think, "Oh, I'll put a hyphen." - Don't go down that track, Frank!
0:21:13 > 0:21:16Get off the hyphen now, Frank!
0:21:16 > 0:21:19There's people here for you, you don't have to go "hyphen"!
0:21:19 > 0:21:23We can support you, we're friends here, Frank.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25APPLAUSE
0:21:27 > 0:21:30You know, your hyphen will just wear out.
0:21:30 > 0:21:35- Unless you regularly put some cream on it.- The alternative is to use...
0:21:35 > 0:21:37It'll be hanging down by your knees before you know it!
0:21:37 > 0:21:40I don't want to be using a semi-colon
0:21:40 > 0:21:43instead of what should be a colon, just out of laziness.
0:21:43 > 0:21:47I wouldn't know when you should use a colon or a semi-colon.
0:21:47 > 0:21:51No-one uses a semi-colon, that's why you don't have a semi-colonic irrigation.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55- Messy!- That's the technical term for standing on your head in the shower.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Yes, the interrobang might be a useful new punctuation mark.
0:22:00 > 0:22:04Now, let's play... WA-WA-WA-WAAAA
0:22:04 > 0:22:06How Ironic Is That?
0:22:06 > 0:22:10Mm, yes. I'm going to outline some situations,
0:22:10 > 0:22:16and all you have to do is tell me how ironic they are, and why.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Is it out of 100?
0:22:18 > 0:22:25No, you can just give me a sort of sense of just exactly how ironic you think they are.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27I'm just worried about how we grade the irony.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29I would say shiny...
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Shall I tell you...
0:22:31 > 0:22:34..down to rusty.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37Shall I tell you what the shades of irony supposedly are?
0:22:37 > 0:22:41I think what we're getting at is, "irony"'s often weirdly misused.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44People say, "Ironically, he wasn't there."
0:22:44 > 0:22:47- You mean, unfortunately. - The invisible man.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49LAUGHTER
0:22:49 > 0:22:52There's verbal irony, the opposite of what's...
0:22:52 > 0:22:56"As clear as mud", "Oh, this is a fine state of affairs".
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Slightly less than sarcasm, that's verbal irony.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01There's comic irony. Dr Strangelove.
0:23:01 > 0:23:06"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here, this is the War Room," for example, is an ironic remark.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09Dramatic irony.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Little does he know that I'm about to...
0:23:11 > 0:23:16Yeah, the audience knows Oedipus is the very murderer that he's hunting, as it were.
0:23:16 > 0:23:21- Dramatic irony. - As in, "Dive, thoughts, down to my soul. Here Clarence comes."
0:23:21 > 0:23:25Yes. That's just the kind of thing. Richard III and others.
0:23:25 > 0:23:26APPLAUSE
0:23:28 > 0:23:33Ladies and gentlemen, an all-round entertainer!
0:23:33 > 0:23:37And then there's Socratic irony, which is pretending to be dumber than you are,
0:23:37 > 0:23:39like Socrates, or like Columbo.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42Lieutenant Columbo, the greatest ever detective. There you are.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45God, that's the greatest ever show.
0:23:45 > 0:23:49Is that it? Like Socrates or Lieutenant Columbo?
0:23:49 > 0:23:53- I would be hard put to say... - I know they both did that, but beyond that...
0:23:53 > 0:23:56I would be hard put to say which was greater.
0:23:56 > 0:24:00I think Columbo is the greatest TV series ever made. I worship it.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02- I absolutely agree with that. - I'm glad.
0:24:02 > 0:24:07I once spent a long night with David Baddiel having an argument
0:24:07 > 0:24:10about whether Columbo had one eye or not.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Peter Falk, you mean? Yeah.
0:24:13 > 0:24:14Well, no, this was the debate.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18My argument was that Peter Falk does indeed have one eye,
0:24:18 > 0:24:22but in Columbo, that eye plays the part of a real eye.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Yes! LAUGHTER
0:24:24 > 0:24:26I think there's truth in that.
0:24:26 > 0:24:30- Columbo has two eyes. - That's how good he was. I agree.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33How did this argument go on for so long?
0:24:33 > 0:24:36- Was it like Women In Love? - He wouldn't have it.
0:24:36 > 0:24:40Were you wrestling naked in front of a fire? Women In Love?
0:24:40 > 0:24:44That was how we had to decide it in the end. We couldn't find a coin.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48So, is this ironic? John Kendrick was an American sea captain
0:24:48 > 0:24:51who put into Honolulu Harbour in 1794
0:24:51 > 0:24:56and was killed by the cannon which was fired to salute him.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58GROANING
0:24:58 > 0:25:02Now, we understand situational and arguably, comic irony,
0:25:02 > 0:25:05though the audience was very sympathetic.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08- That's fairly ironic. - It's pretty ironic, isn't it?
0:25:08 > 0:25:10It's almost up in the spangly section.
0:25:10 > 0:25:15Yes. What about Clement Vallandigham, who was an Ohio lawyer
0:25:15 > 0:25:21who died in 1871 while defending a man who was accused of murder during a bar room brawl.
0:25:21 > 0:25:25To show the jury how the pistol might have gone off accidentally,
0:25:25 > 0:25:28this lawyer grabbed the gun, put it in his pocket,
0:25:28 > 0:25:33and re-enacted the events as he imagined them.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36- And sure enough... - He was shot by a cannon.
0:25:36 > 0:25:42No, the pistol went off and he was killed by the gun in exactly the way he was describing.
0:25:42 > 0:25:47Just before he died from his own wounds, his client was acquitted.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50And the good thing is, his client didn't have to pay.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53No, exactly. It's perfect.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55Situational irony, I think that would be called.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58But, now, what about Abraham Lincoln?
0:25:58 > 0:26:01He was shot while sitting in Ford's Theatre,
0:26:01 > 0:26:04while Kennedy was shot while sitting in a Ford Lincoln.
0:26:04 > 0:26:09Many other coincidences like that. That's just simply coincidence.
0:26:09 > 0:26:14- Not irony.- Reagan was shot in Washington, and Washington was shot with a raygun.
0:26:14 > 0:26:15LAUGHTER
0:26:15 > 0:26:19If only that were true.
0:26:19 > 0:26:25It would almost be worth inventing a time machine and going back with a raygun just to do that.
0:26:25 > 0:26:30It's true. But nobody knew what a raygun was then, so they just went, "What's that?"
0:26:30 > 0:26:32LAUGHTER
0:26:32 > 0:26:37I have a picture - is this ironic? Is there something ironic about that?
0:26:37 > 0:26:41That you basically cut all the wool off a sheep
0:26:41 > 0:26:44- then knit it together again. - A sheep in sheep's clothing!
0:26:44 > 0:26:48More ironic that we look at it and go, "Awww,"
0:26:48 > 0:26:52- then go, "Um-num-num!" - "M-m-mint sauce!"
0:26:52 > 0:26:59I saw an advert for a meat supplier and it said, "Caring for pork, from farm to fork."
0:26:59 > 0:27:03LAUGHTER
0:27:03 > 0:27:06I thought, there's a certain point where you go, "You're not really caring."
0:27:06 > 0:27:09I wouldn't call that caring when you're just going...
0:27:09 > 0:27:13MIMICS NOISE OF A MINCER
0:27:14 > 0:27:19With the eyeballs, to make sausages. Phhhhfffft!
0:27:19 > 0:27:21"Aaagh! Phhhhfffft!"
0:27:23 > 0:27:25This is rather ironic.
0:27:25 > 0:27:28In 1989 in America, convicted murderer Michael Godwin
0:27:28 > 0:27:31had his sentence reduced to life imprisonment
0:27:31 > 0:27:34after five years awaiting the electric chair.
0:27:34 > 0:27:39But he was then accidentally electrocuted while sitting naked on a steel lavatory seat
0:27:39 > 0:27:42in his cell in Columbia. He was trying to fix his TV set.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45He bit into a wire and was electrocuted.
0:27:45 > 0:27:49- That is a kind of cosmic irony, really. - That's not irony. That's God's will.
0:27:49 > 0:27:53It's God's will. I think you may well be right.
0:27:53 > 0:27:57That's irony for you. The things we call irony often really aren't that ironic.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59Ironically. Or not.
0:27:59 > 0:28:05Now, um, for some inside information. What's inside this?
0:28:05 > 0:28:06Can anyone tell me?
0:28:06 > 0:28:08It's a natural thing.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10Well, it looks like a coconut.
0:28:10 > 0:28:14- It could be an elephant turd, couldn't it?- It could be. It isn't.
0:28:16 > 0:28:18This thing is actually a nut.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21Weirdly, the things inside it are not nuts,
0:28:21 > 0:28:26but the things inside it are familiar to all of us as nuts.
0:28:26 > 0:28:29This is how these grow.
0:28:29 > 0:28:30Here they are.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32- Oh, Brazil nuts.- Brazil nuts.
0:28:32 > 0:28:37They grow inside... These are seeds, but we call them nuts.
0:28:37 > 0:28:41Biologically, these are the seeds, and they grow inside this, the nut.
0:28:41 > 0:28:43They grow on top of the tree.
0:28:43 > 0:28:46They're very heavy, they've been known to kill people.
0:28:46 > 0:28:49But it's a very strange life cycle they have.
0:28:49 > 0:28:52This tree cannot be cultivated, so they're only wild.
0:28:52 > 0:28:57Only wild trees produce these nuts, inside which are the Brazils.
0:28:57 > 0:29:01And they can only be pollinated by a very particular bee,
0:29:01 > 0:29:04and that bee will only be able to pollinate it
0:29:04 > 0:29:07if there is in the area a very particular orchid.
0:29:07 > 0:29:11So there's a really strange chain of necessary life situations
0:29:11 > 0:29:15in order for us to get our purple Quality Street, essentially.
0:29:15 > 0:29:18There is something unique as well about the Brazil nut.
0:29:18 > 0:29:21As you know, there are people who are allergic to nuts.
0:29:21 > 0:29:26But the Brazil nut, uniquely, amongst all the nuts...
0:29:26 > 0:29:27This is really unfortunate.
0:29:27 > 0:29:34You can sexually transmit Brazil nut to a partner.
0:29:34 > 0:29:38That is to say, if a male has eaten a Brazil nut,
0:29:38 > 0:29:42and they inseminate a person who is allergic,
0:29:42 > 0:29:47that person's allergy will be affected by it.
0:29:47 > 0:29:50That's a good murder plot, isn't it?
0:29:50 > 0:29:52LAUGHTER
0:29:52 > 0:29:54It is amazing.
0:29:54 > 0:29:59I actually feel right in the middle of an episode of House now.
0:29:59 > 0:30:04Cos how on earth has that been found out?
0:30:04 > 0:30:07Surely the woman would feel the Brazil nut?
0:30:07 > 0:30:09LAUGHTER
0:30:11 > 0:30:13I think you may have slightly misunderstood...
0:30:13 > 0:30:15The man would too, really.
0:30:15 > 0:30:18May contain nuts!
0:30:18 > 0:30:19LAUGHTER
0:30:19 > 0:30:24We must ask the QI audience, both the physical one here, and those watching TV,
0:30:24 > 0:30:26to be our experimental cohort,
0:30:26 > 0:30:30and I want you all to eat Brazil nuts and then make love to your beloveds.
0:30:30 > 0:30:32- I'll eat the nuts.- Yep.
0:30:32 > 0:30:36LAUGHTER Sean is volunteering on that side.
0:30:36 > 0:30:40I'm happy to eat the nuts. You line up, I'll eat the nuts, let's check it out.
0:30:40 > 0:30:46- There you are. - Let's do this!- Let's do this thing for science.- Yeah.
0:30:46 > 0:30:50Incidentally, does anyone know, in a packet of mixed nuts,
0:30:50 > 0:30:52why do the Brazils always rise to the top?
0:30:52 > 0:30:56Surely nobody knows that.
0:30:56 > 0:30:59TRUMPET FANFARE You're right!
0:30:59 > 0:31:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE I'm very impressed.
0:31:03 > 0:31:06It is a known and observable process,
0:31:06 > 0:31:11that in bags of muesli and nuts, the Brazil nuts do go to the top.
0:31:11 > 0:31:14Scientists have worked hard to try and understand why.
0:31:14 > 0:31:19At first they thought the little ones settle down through and leave the big ones at the top.
0:31:19 > 0:31:24You may say, why should they waste their time? There are all kind of good reasons,
0:31:24 > 0:31:26like sorting rubble after earthquakes.
0:31:26 > 0:31:29I've got to be honest, I've never heard of an earthquake victim
0:31:29 > 0:31:32being crushed by a load of nuts.
0:31:32 > 0:31:36No, nor have I, I'm talking about the science behind the lodgement
0:31:36 > 0:31:38and the dislodgement of solid objects.
0:31:38 > 0:31:42You'd think, because they're the heaviest nut in the bag...
0:31:42 > 0:31:46- It seems counterintuitive. - In a box of muesli, it's the larger items, for example,
0:31:46 > 0:31:49the currants, that go to the bottom.
0:31:49 > 0:31:52- You get a lot of currants in the last portion.- You do.
0:31:52 > 0:31:54Nobody knows precisely why it happens,
0:31:54 > 0:31:56but it seems to be an observable phenomenon.
0:31:56 > 0:32:00But if you get almonds in mixed nuts,
0:32:00 > 0:32:04I find they rise to the top, above the Brazil nuts.
0:32:04 > 0:32:09- And I'm starting to think it could be...- TOGETHER:- Alphabetical order!
0:32:09 > 0:32:14- Almonds, Brazils...- Cashews...
0:32:14 > 0:32:18Cashews, dates, maybe. And so on.
0:32:18 > 0:32:21- Walnuts at the bottom. - And walnuts right at the bottom.
0:32:21 > 0:32:24Good, you're all doing extremely well.
0:32:24 > 0:32:27What do the signal bars on your phone mean?
0:32:27 > 0:32:32Well, it means how much... signal... you can...
0:32:32 > 0:32:34LAUGHTER
0:32:35 > 0:32:37Don't be scared.
0:32:37 > 0:32:40They mean how... how...
0:32:40 > 0:32:45the thing with the thing in the sky and they come through,
0:32:45 > 0:32:49- not there, all gone. - I need it in English, I'm afraid.
0:32:49 > 0:32:53- It's got... - Talky talky power all gone away.
0:32:53 > 0:32:57Sky no fly down in the air here.
0:32:57 > 0:32:59Big bird in sky.
0:32:59 > 0:33:01You're either connected or you're not connected.
0:33:01 > 0:33:06So levels of connectivity are a bit irrelevant.
0:33:06 > 0:33:10Yes, I would have accepted a Nobody Knows card, too late now,
0:33:10 > 0:33:14because basically, there is no standardisation between manufacturers,
0:33:14 > 0:33:17and different handset makers have different ways of showing
0:33:17 > 0:33:19what is apparently a full signal,
0:33:19 > 0:33:23and we're all really thrilled, "Oh, look, I've got five bars."
0:33:23 > 0:33:25Absolutely meaningless.
0:33:25 > 0:33:29How many Nobody Knows questions are there in this tonight?
0:33:29 > 0:33:30Ah! Nobody knows.
0:33:30 > 0:33:35What I find really annoying is when you're talking to someone on the mobile phone and it cuts out,
0:33:35 > 0:33:40then when they call you back again, they say, "Dunno what happened then."
0:33:40 > 0:33:43In the past, I've always said, "Well, it must be you,
0:33:43 > 0:33:46"because I've got five bars." But now you're telling me...
0:33:46 > 0:33:50- Exactly. I'm afraid that is... - You've pulled the rug from under me, Stephen!
0:33:50 > 0:33:54I'm sorry to do that, but that's one thing we do on this show.
0:33:54 > 0:33:58Nobody knows quite what the signal bars on your phone really signify.
0:33:58 > 0:34:01And now we sink our claws into the soft underbelly of knowledge,
0:34:01 > 0:34:05and tear out the fetid entrails of general ignorance.
0:34:05 > 0:34:07So fingers on buzzers, please.
0:34:07 > 0:34:10What use is an inflatable anchor?
0:34:11 > 0:34:12MOSQUITO WHINE
0:34:12 > 0:34:14Yes?
0:34:14 > 0:34:18Is it for hot air balloons?
0:34:18 > 0:34:23Very smart answer. No.
0:34:23 > 0:34:25SMALL DOG YAPPING
0:34:25 > 0:34:32- Yes?- Is it to stop submarines from, um... going too low?
0:34:32 > 0:34:35LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:34:37 > 0:34:39That's so sweet.
0:34:39 > 0:34:42When the surface is incredibly sandy,
0:34:42 > 0:34:46and a standard claw anchor would have nothing to catch onto,
0:34:46 > 0:34:49you send down an inflatable one.
0:34:49 > 0:34:54It's a spike. It goes into the sand, and you inflate it with fluid, not air, in fact.
0:34:54 > 0:35:00And it lodges in the sand. That's what they use. Now you know.
0:35:00 > 0:35:04Which animal did Richard I have three of on his shirt?
0:35:04 > 0:35:06Now, can I suggest that at this point in history,
0:35:06 > 0:35:09no-one in England had ever seen a lion.
0:35:09 > 0:35:10Is that possible?
0:35:10 > 0:35:12So, it's not a lion.
0:35:12 > 0:35:17- What did Richard I spend most of his time doing?- I don't know.
0:35:17 > 0:35:18- Crusades.- Crusading.
0:35:18 > 0:35:22- There weren't any lions in Arabia, were there?- There were in Africa.
0:35:22 > 0:35:24Bloody everywhere, they were.
0:35:24 > 0:35:28Zoos. The Tower of London had a menagerie, a little later, I grant you.
0:35:28 > 0:35:31In a picnic in those days, not wasps, lions.
0:35:31 > 0:35:32Millions of them.
0:35:32 > 0:35:35GET OFF ME SANDWICH!
0:35:35 > 0:35:36The point is...
0:35:36 > 0:35:41Seen some lions! Swans are the bastards.
0:35:41 > 0:35:46He looks like he's going, "Ooh, get you in your suit of armour!"
0:35:46 > 0:35:49He looks like he's doing a sort of, "Ooh!"
0:35:49 > 0:35:53This is the badge of English royalty that was first used by Richard I,
0:35:53 > 0:35:55and it's three...
0:35:55 > 0:35:58Well, I'd say, not lions.
0:35:58 > 0:36:01You're right to avoid the word lions.
0:36:01 > 0:36:04They were known as leopards. They called them leopards.
0:36:04 > 0:36:09They were not familiar with the difference between a leopard and a lion.
0:36:09 > 0:36:13And leopard really just means a bearded lion, and it's a heraldic thing.
0:36:13 > 0:36:18If they were that shape sideways on, those were leopards.
0:36:18 > 0:36:20So there was a song, wasn't there?
0:36:20 > 0:36:22- Wasn't there, Frank Skinner? - There was.
0:36:22 > 0:36:24And that would have caused me a lot of scanning problems.
0:36:24 > 0:36:27Yes. It was based, however, on a lie.
0:36:28 > 0:36:30No, it was based on a lion.
0:36:30 > 0:36:35- "Three leopards on my shirt." - Were they rampant or couchant?
0:36:35 > 0:36:37- Good question. - AUDIENCE: Oooh!
0:36:37 > 0:36:40It's gone a bit Sale Of The Century!
0:36:41 > 0:36:44They were actually passant gardant.
0:36:44 > 0:36:48But the rampant lion is the sign of the Kings of Scotland.
0:36:48 > 0:36:52- Very hairy knees, the Scottish one. - Yes, they have rather, haven't they?
0:36:52 > 0:36:54They would be called lions in heraldry,
0:36:54 > 0:36:58whereas the three lions on the shirt would be known as leopards.
0:36:58 > 0:37:04So, which years did your song chart, Frank Skinner and David Baddiel's Three Lions?
0:37:04 > 0:37:09- It was number one in... - '96, and then again in '98.
0:37:09 > 0:37:11Yeah. It charted in...
0:37:11 > 0:37:15And then it charted in, er, 2000.
0:37:15 > 0:37:172002. It missed out 2000, I'm afraid.
0:37:17 > 0:37:21- Did it?- Yeah. 2002, 2006 and 2010.
0:37:21 > 0:37:24- That's quite impressive. - I must check my platinum discs.
0:37:24 > 0:37:26Ooh!
0:37:26 > 0:37:30Yes, I think we can safely say we milked it.
0:37:30 > 0:37:33You milked those leopards.
0:37:33 > 0:37:37Can I ask, was it big in any other country?
0:37:37 > 0:37:39It got to the top ten in Germany.
0:37:39 > 0:37:41The Germans, when they actually won Euro 96,
0:37:41 > 0:37:44which is what the song was originally written for,
0:37:44 > 0:37:47they figured they'd won the song as well,
0:37:47 > 0:37:51so they were on the balcony in Berlin, leading the crowd
0:37:51 > 0:37:53in Three Lions On A Shirt.
0:37:53 > 0:37:54My God.
0:37:54 > 0:37:56Now, that's irony.
0:37:56 > 0:37:58LAUGHTER
0:37:58 > 0:38:00Very good.
0:38:00 > 0:38:02APPLAUSE
0:38:02 > 0:38:06The fact is, anyone can get a Grant of Arms.
0:38:06 > 0:38:08You only need £4,225,
0:38:08 > 0:38:11which is cheaper than some cherished number plates.
0:38:11 > 0:38:14Sir Christopher Frayling, former Chairman of the Arts Council
0:38:14 > 0:38:17and expert on Clint Eastwood movies
0:38:17 > 0:38:22took a motto, which is "Perge Scellus Diem Perficias".
0:38:22 > 0:38:27- "Go ahead, punk, make my day"? - Yes! Very good!
0:38:27 > 0:38:29APPLAUSE
0:38:30 > 0:38:35In heraldic, "Proceed, varlet, and render perfect the day."
0:38:35 > 0:38:38On my coat of arms, its says, "Katatraya stayeftika".
0:38:38 > 0:38:40"There is trouble in the gypsy village."
0:38:43 > 0:38:45What's the Latin for "Nick nack nocky noo?"
0:38:45 > 0:38:47LAUGHTER
0:38:47 > 0:38:49Frank Skinner's career as a pop star
0:38:49 > 0:38:53is, in fact, built on a lamentable terminological inexactitude,
0:38:53 > 0:38:54or lie.
0:38:54 > 0:38:57LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:38:57 > 0:38:59Now, name...
0:38:59 > 0:39:01APPLAUSE
0:39:01 > 0:39:05If you can, see if you can name a living animal
0:39:05 > 0:39:11whose scientific name is exactly the same as its common name.
0:39:11 > 0:39:12SMALL DOG YAPPING
0:39:12 > 0:39:15Isn't a gorilla called Gorilla gorilla?
0:39:15 > 0:39:16"WRONG AGAIN" ALARM
0:39:16 > 0:39:22I'm afraid so. Unfortunately, it's called Gorilla gorilla, but the common name for it is just gorilla.
0:39:22 > 0:39:24There's only one animal we can think of
0:39:24 > 0:39:28where the common name for it is exactly the same as its Latinate...
0:39:28 > 0:39:30Does it sound a bit Latiny?
0:39:30 > 0:39:32- In a way.- Is it rhinoceros? - No, that's Greek.
0:39:32 > 0:39:35- It's not that, no. That doesn't sound Latin at all.- Horse?
0:39:35 > 0:39:39No, that's equus. No, it's not a mammal, OK?
0:39:39 > 0:39:42- It's not a mammal?- Frog.
0:39:42 > 0:39:47No, it's not. It's herpetic, it's ophidian, it's long and narrow.
0:39:47 > 0:39:52- Snake.- Snake. It's a kind of snake. - Oh, it's a kind of snake, not snake.
0:39:52 > 0:39:53LAUGHTER
0:39:53 > 0:39:56- No, no, it's a species we're after. - Monty Python.
0:39:56 > 0:40:00Oh, I see, cos if you know about them, you don't go, "Look, snake."
0:40:00 > 0:40:03You go, "Ah, it's Snakus curmuncunus."
0:40:03 > 0:40:07- Exactly. There is one where precisely...- Boa constrictor.
0:40:07 > 0:40:10- Boa constrictor is the right answer! - I was thinking it!
0:40:10 > 0:40:12APPLAUSE
0:40:13 > 0:40:18The scientific name for the Boa constrictor is Boa constrictor.
0:40:18 > 0:40:22As far as we can tell at QI, there is no other animal where that's true.
0:40:22 > 0:40:25There's some plants where it's true, Aloe vera, or whatever,
0:40:25 > 0:40:29but no living animal, as far as we know, except the Boa constrictor,
0:40:29 > 0:40:32has the same common name as scientific name.
0:40:32 > 0:40:35What's wrong with these bananas?
0:40:35 > 0:40:37They're upside down.
0:40:37 > 0:40:39Yes, they're upside down.
0:40:39 > 0:40:41Bananas do not grow like that.
0:40:41 > 0:40:43They grow like... that.
0:40:43 > 0:40:46- They grow upwards. - It's my area of expertise.
0:40:46 > 0:40:49I'm impressed. I'm very impressed. Well done.
0:40:49 > 0:40:53You probably know something else interesting about bananas.
0:40:53 > 0:40:56They have a quality, you might call it a negative quality,
0:40:56 > 0:41:00which some other foods have, including these.
0:41:00 > 0:41:03And that is, they are faintly radioactive.
0:41:03 > 0:41:06Not that there's any harm in eating bananas.
0:41:06 > 0:41:11The isotope in question from potassium, K40, is present in our bodies in any case.
0:41:11 > 0:41:15Especially in men, in our little naughty areas.
0:41:15 > 0:41:17Is that why they look like bananas?
0:41:17 > 0:41:18No.
0:41:18 > 0:41:23- No, actually, within the epididymes, the...- Speak for yourself!
0:41:23 > 0:41:27- Actually, yes!- I'm waiting for mine to stop being green.
0:41:27 > 0:41:29Oh, no!
0:41:30 > 0:41:33I'm more in the line with the Brazil nut.
0:41:34 > 0:41:38How long is the half life of the radioactive component of a banana?
0:41:38 > 0:41:42- I'd say six hours. - 1.25 billion years.
0:41:42 > 0:41:45You were only a bit out, then.
0:41:45 > 0:41:49It was going to be one or the other.
0:41:49 > 0:41:54Brazil nuts contain radium, and are 1,000 times more radioactive than other foods.
0:41:54 > 0:41:59We're told that if you walk into a nuclear power plant with a pocket full of Brazils,
0:41:59 > 0:42:02it's liable to set off the radiation leak alarm.
0:42:02 > 0:42:04True story.
0:42:04 > 0:42:08- And get a bit of a reputation. - Yes, definitely.
0:42:08 > 0:42:13"Here he comes, cheeky chappy, with his pocket full of Brazil nuts."
0:42:13 > 0:42:18And an easy one to end with - which country is the world's largest producer of Brazil nuts?
0:42:18 > 0:42:22- TODDLER SCREAMS - Costa Rica!
0:42:22 > 0:42:25- No.- Ah.
0:42:25 > 0:42:28- Nice idea.- Brazil.- No!
0:42:29 > 0:42:32- Brazil is the second largest. - Bolivia.
0:42:32 > 0:42:35Bolivia is the right answer!
0:42:37 > 0:42:42I suspect you were thinking of Bolivia Newton John, which isn't quite the same.
0:42:42 > 0:42:44I often do.
0:42:44 > 0:42:46Bolivia is the world's...
0:42:46 > 0:42:51- Surely with all that radiation, it should be Bolivia Neutron Bomb. - You'd think!
0:42:51 > 0:42:55Which brings me to the nutty scores.
0:42:55 > 0:42:58Well, my goodness, my gracious, and my word.
0:42:58 > 0:43:03- We have a tie for first place. - Fight!- And would you believe...
0:43:03 > 0:43:05We're not Harry Hill here.
0:43:05 > 0:43:06Wonderful as he is.
0:43:06 > 0:43:10Would you believe that our two winners, our tie for first place,
0:43:10 > 0:43:14is our first-time players, Frank Skinner and John Bishop, four points!
0:43:14 > 0:43:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:19 > 0:43:22And in third place with minus 14 points, it's Sean Lock!
0:43:22 > 0:43:26- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Thank you.
0:43:26 > 0:43:33But I'm afraid that the currant that settled at the bottom of the box
0:43:33 > 0:43:35with minus 21 is Alan Davies.
0:43:35 > 0:43:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:42 > 0:43:46Well, that's your lot for this week. My thanks to John, Frank, Sean and Alan.
0:43:46 > 0:43:49I leave you with these wise words from Groucho Marx.
0:43:49 > 0:43:52"He may look like an idiot, he may sound like an idiot,
0:43:52 > 0:43:56"but don't let that fool you, he really is an idiot." Goodnight.
0:43:56 > 0:44:00APPLAUSE
0:44:15 > 0:44:18Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:44:18 > 0:44:21Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk