0:00:24 > 0:00:26APPLAUSE
0:00:29 > 0:00:32Goo-o-o-o-d evening!
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Good evening, good evening, good evening!
0:00:35 > 0:00:37Goo-o-d evening and welcome to QI,
0:00:37 > 0:00:41where the composition of our panel is intentionally international.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44From Denmark, Sandi Toksvig...
0:00:44 > 0:00:47APPLAUSE
0:00:47 > 0:00:51From Germany, Henning Wehn...
0:00:51 > 0:00:54APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:54 > 0:00:58From Scotland, Clive Anderson...
0:00:58 > 0:01:02APPLAUSE
0:01:02 > 0:01:05And from God knows where, Alan Davies!
0:01:05 > 0:01:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:11 > 0:01:15Tonight's show is all about inattention and ineptitude.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Alan, what is tonight's show about?
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Inattention and ineptitude.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21- (SIREN SOUNDS)- Oh-h-h!
0:01:21 > 0:01:23AUDIENCE LAUGHS
0:01:23 > 0:01:26That's ten points off for a start, because tonight's show
0:01:26 > 0:01:28- is all about inequality and injustice.- Oh, of course!
0:01:28 > 0:01:32And so we unjustly took 10 points away from you,
0:01:32 > 0:01:35because this is a show in which nothing will be fair,
0:01:35 > 0:01:36from top to bottom,
0:01:36 > 0:01:39so let's get it over with and go straight to the scores!
0:01:39 > 0:01:43In first place, with -54,
0:01:43 > 0:01:44it's Sandi Toksvig!
0:01:44 > 0:01:47APPLAUSE
0:01:47 > 0:01:48(BUZZER) 'Whay-hay!'
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Congratulations!
0:01:50 > 0:01:53In second place with +7, is Clive Anderson!
0:01:53 > 0:01:56(BUZZER) 'Objection, m'lud!'
0:01:56 > 0:01:58In third place with minus sechzig, is Henning Wehn...
0:01:58 > 0:02:01(BUZZER) 'Don't mention za var!'
0:02:01 > 0:02:05And lastly, obviously, with minus one gazillion, is Alan Davies!
0:02:05 > 0:02:08(BUZZER) 'Boooo!'
0:02:08 > 0:02:12LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:02:14 > 0:02:17CLIVE: So that's it, you've done the scores already?
0:02:17 > 0:02:20The scores are already done, but we've still got questions to ask.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23And don't forget your nobody knows joker.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26BUGLE CALL
0:02:26 > 0:02:29There's a question, maybe two, or three,
0:02:29 > 0:02:31to which the correct answer is, "nobody knows".
0:02:31 > 0:02:34If you wave your nobody knows joker you get extra points,
0:02:34 > 0:02:36or maybe you lose them,
0:02:36 > 0:02:39or maybe you don't, because the scores have already been given.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43It's an unjust game tonight. The first question is easy,
0:02:43 > 0:02:47so I'll give it randomly to my old friend, Sandi.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50What can you tell me about this chap behind you?
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Ooh! Er, well, do you think that the words give it away,
0:02:53 > 0:02:55or is that going to be unfair?
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Er, the fact that it says, "The Puritan."
0:02:58 > 0:02:59Well...
0:02:59 > 0:03:03SIREN SOUNDS
0:03:03 > 0:03:05- That seems unfair! - It does, doesn't it?
0:03:05 > 0:03:09Because what it is, is the 19th century IDEA of a Puritan,
0:03:09 > 0:03:12and in fact the 19th century idea of a Puritan,
0:03:12 > 0:03:15which we retain to this day, is completely inaccurate.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18The steeple hat, the clothing, no evidence
0:03:18 > 0:03:19they ever wore...
0:03:19 > 0:03:21They wore a beanie hat, did they?
0:03:21 > 0:03:24They wore ordinary clothes, but if having a portrait taken,
0:03:24 > 0:03:26they usually wore their Sunday best,
0:03:26 > 0:03:28which tended to be black.
0:03:28 > 0:03:32- So he's not a Puritan at all?- He's a 19th century idea of a Puritan.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36- You were right to say he was a Puritan...- I was merely reading!
0:03:36 > 0:03:38..and I was unjust. You've lost 10 points,
0:03:38 > 0:03:41- but it doesn't matter because you've already won!- Yes!
0:03:41 > 0:03:45- Do you know, I'm quite relaxed about the whole show?- Exactly!
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Now, what can you tell me about the Puritans, in America?
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Er, they went over on the Mayflower?
0:03:50 > 0:03:53- No...- I keep expecting the thing to go off again!- Yeah!
0:03:53 > 0:03:55They didn't go on the Mayflower?
0:03:55 > 0:03:57No. The great American myth, if you like,
0:03:57 > 0:03:59is the Puritans arrived on the Mayflower,
0:03:59 > 0:04:03and they came to avoid religious persecution.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06In fact, they came in order to be able to persecute.
0:04:06 > 0:04:10- Yeah, but they hated the Quakers. - They objected to religious freedom in England,
0:04:10 > 0:04:14that meant you could have all kinds of ranges of religion.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18In 1660, they hanged a woman just for being a Quaker.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21- Mary Dyer.- That's right, the very one.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25Obviously many people did come to America to avoid persecution,
0:04:25 > 0:04:27but the idea the Puritans came to avoid persecution,
0:04:27 > 0:04:29they came to persecute,
0:04:29 > 0:04:31they wanted to build a country
0:04:31 > 0:04:34in which there could be no dissent from Puritanism.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Puritans, they regarded luxury as sinful, didn't they?
0:04:37 > 0:04:42Some of them set off to America and the others opened B&Bs in Britain!
0:04:42 > 0:04:45- Hey!- Yeah...
0:04:45 > 0:04:50B&Bs, breakfast until seven - don't call it B&B, just call it B!
0:04:50 > 0:04:51LAUGHTER
0:04:51 > 0:04:55If you've got no intention of serving breakfast, don't call it B&B.
0:04:55 > 0:05:00Do you know, I once sailed all the way round Britain,
0:05:00 > 0:05:03and we finally got to Northumbria, and on the coastline,
0:05:03 > 0:05:05there was a house with paint saying,
0:05:05 > 0:05:08"Bed and breakfast, hot and cold water."
0:05:08 > 0:05:12I thought, "Only in this country, would you feel you must advertise you have both."
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Oh yes. Pride!
0:05:14 > 0:05:17It used to be hot and cold running water.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Not just a bucket lying there, there's pipes and everything!
0:05:20 > 0:05:23In this painting, did the native there, on the left,
0:05:23 > 0:05:28- did he bring that tree to hide behind, because he looks... - LAUGHTER
0:05:28 > 0:05:31He doesn't look happy!
0:05:31 > 0:05:34- See which way the wind is blowing. - I think he knows what's coming!
0:05:34 > 0:05:37It's true, Stephen, the Puritans went on the Mayflower.
0:05:37 > 0:05:42They say they landed at Plymouth Rock, but it was Provincetown, so none of it is true?
0:05:42 > 0:05:45I'm afraid, yeah, it's a myth.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48Every country likes to build up a legend of its own foundation.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Really ugly baby!
0:05:50 > 0:05:52LAUGHTER
0:05:52 > 0:05:54It IS a rather ugly baby!
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Like a tiny person standing behind that woman.
0:05:56 > 0:06:01It's not any use... don't learn that expression, "really ugly baby".
0:06:01 > 0:06:04There's never an opportunity to use that in real life.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Little tiny... I'm really enjoying this painting...
0:06:07 > 0:06:10They've come all the way over, brought one pickaxe and a hat.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12LAUGHTER
0:06:12 > 0:06:14It's no basis on which to build a country, is it?
0:06:14 > 0:06:16The guy on the right brought a girl.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19300 years later, it was the mightiest nation on Earth.
0:06:19 > 0:06:23- Extraordinary! No offence! - Don't think the man in the hat had much to do with it!
0:06:23 > 0:06:26Anyway, that was our first unfair question.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Puritans didn't really dress like that. What key role
0:06:28 > 0:06:33did a Puritan pig play in the trial of George Spencer in 1641?
0:06:33 > 0:06:36- Is that the actual pig we're looking at?- No, that is not the actual pig!
0:06:36 > 0:06:42Because that's a photograph of a modern pig posing as a 1641 pig.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44A rather similar picture of myself at a spa!
0:06:44 > 0:06:47LAUGHTER
0:06:47 > 0:06:51Oh, now! You've got two fewer nipples!
0:06:51 > 0:06:56Well, certainly, the nipples were a surprise!
0:06:56 > 0:06:58- But that look of contentment! - Yes.- Absolutely!
0:06:58 > 0:07:01- One happy pig. - That's a pig in clover.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03A pig in clover, absolutely!
0:07:03 > 0:07:06- George... When did you say, what year did you say?- 1641.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Are we talking about witchcraft?
0:07:08 > 0:07:11We're in New Haven, Connecticut, the centre of the Puritan...
0:07:11 > 0:07:14- Is this a bit like that monkey they hanged in Hartlepool?- Well...
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Because they thought he was French, didn't they?
0:07:17 > 0:07:20The monkey was hanged because they thought him a French spy.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24They knew French people spoke a different language and were small,
0:07:24 > 0:07:26and cartoonists had made them look diminutive and nasty,
0:07:26 > 0:07:30so they see a little monkey, they buy the propaganda!
0:07:30 > 0:07:33- When the monkey was in the dock it was thoroughly evasive!- Yes!
0:07:33 > 0:07:37It didn't give a straight answer to any question!
0:07:37 > 0:07:41This, on the other hand, is a Puritan world, and I would remind you of Leviticus 20:15.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Not eating pork, presumably?
0:07:43 > 0:07:45No, "If a man lie with a beast,
0:07:45 > 0:07:49"he shall surely be put to death, and ye shall slay the beast."
0:07:49 > 0:07:53- He laid with a pig!- Did George have his end away with a piece of pork?
0:07:53 > 0:07:56He just fancied a bit of crackling, that's all!
0:07:56 > 0:07:58It's even unfairer than that.
0:07:58 > 0:08:03It so happened that George was a rather ugly fellow, who was bald and had one eye,
0:08:03 > 0:08:09and one day a sow farrowed, I think is the word, a litter of piglets,
0:08:09 > 0:08:14one of whom was strikingly similar to George,
0:08:14 > 0:08:17and had one eye, and so George was immediately
0:08:17 > 0:08:21put in front of the Puritan court, accused of having lain with the pig.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24He didn't have the chance to get a super injunction?
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Disgraceful!
0:08:26 > 0:08:30He denied it strenuously, as you might!
0:08:30 > 0:08:34Typically, the Puritans then said, "There shall be mercy shown,
0:08:34 > 0:08:36"should you be open and honest."
0:08:36 > 0:08:39So he thought, "If I say yes they'll let me off",
0:08:39 > 0:08:43so he said, "I laid with the pig", and they said, "The mercy will be shown by the Lord, but not by us."
0:08:43 > 0:08:48For there to be a capital offence there had to be two witnesses to it,
0:08:48 > 0:08:50so they included the pig.
0:08:50 > 0:08:55So they brought the pig into the trial to speak against itself,
0:08:55 > 0:09:00or squeak against itself, and both George and the pig were executed.
0:09:00 > 0:09:04- Both got the chop.- Both got the chop! - Did the pig shyly look at George,
0:09:04 > 0:09:07in a kind of I-remember-that-night way?
0:09:07 > 0:09:09I think the whole thing was just...
0:09:09 > 0:09:13The pig came in and said, "That bastard, he never rang...
0:09:13 > 0:09:15LAUGHTER
0:09:15 > 0:09:17"..he just used me!"
0:09:17 > 0:09:21Some 50 years later, there was the famous mass hysteria in Salem...
0:09:21 > 0:09:26- Salem witch trials...- The witch trials, but this was before them,
0:09:26 > 0:09:28there were the bestiality obsessions as well.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31- Who's the other witness, though? - George. George said yes.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35- So his confession...- His tricked confession was counted.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38If you'd been there, he'd have got off, Clive.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Of course, I'd like to think so,
0:09:40 > 0:09:42but these days, you convict people on a confession,
0:09:42 > 0:09:44you don't even need the pig!
0:09:44 > 0:09:46There was a man caught
0:09:46 > 0:09:49in an intimate situation with a donkey in 1710 in France.
0:09:49 > 0:09:53He was caught in the act with a female donkey,
0:09:53 > 0:09:57and character witnesses appeared - this is what was so sweet -
0:09:57 > 0:10:00- on behalf of the donkey... - LAUGHTER
0:10:00 > 0:10:02..saying, "This was an honest donkey
0:10:02 > 0:10:05"and a modest donkey and a decent donkey,"
0:10:05 > 0:10:09so the man was executed and the donkey got off scot-free.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11The law is an ass!
0:10:11 > 0:10:14It seems very unfair to execute the pig.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18- Totally!- If the sin is lying with the beast...
0:10:18 > 0:10:19No, Leviticus, I remind you,
0:10:19 > 0:10:22"If a man lie with the beast he shall surely be put to death,
0:10:22 > 0:10:24"and ye shall slay the beast."
0:10:24 > 0:10:25- Ah!- Does anyone know,
0:10:25 > 0:10:29why did the New Haven Puritans abolish trial by jury?
0:10:29 > 0:10:34Well, the Bible has stuff about, "Judge not, that ye be not judged."
0:10:34 > 0:10:36I think it's in the gospels.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40Does that go on to say, "..and don't be on a jury, either."
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Oddly enough, you're in the right area.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45It's simply that juries are not mentioned in the Bible.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48They thought they had no place in life
0:10:48 > 0:10:51as they didn't have them in biblical times.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55What about a propelling pencil? They wouldn't have that either.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59Well, quite. There are Amish communities and various other Brethren who don't.
0:10:59 > 0:11:04- It's a sin to use a propelling pencil? - Well, it's very hard. I agree.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06It's a very peculiar world, the world of the Puritan.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09America's full of those strange rules.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12Did you know that it's still the law in Alabama that it is illegal
0:11:12 > 0:11:17to wear a fake moustache in church that causes laughter?
0:11:17 > 0:11:19LAUGHTER
0:11:19 > 0:11:20They got Groucho Marx on that!
0:11:20 > 0:11:22It's fine otherwise.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24It's OK if it's serious?
0:11:24 > 0:11:29If people take it seriously, but if it causes laughter in the church, you're out.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32I think under Thatcher or maybe just after, under John Major,
0:11:32 > 0:11:37- there was a Lord Chancellor called Lord Mackay of Clashfern - do you remember him?- Fine man.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39He was a member of the Order known as the Wee Frees,
0:11:39 > 0:11:44who are a very extreme sect of Presbyterians.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47And he was actually expelled from the Wee Frees
0:11:47 > 0:11:51for attending the wedding of a friend who was a Catholic.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53It was the funeral of a judge who was Catholic,
0:11:53 > 0:11:57and that's consorting with the Antichrist, unfortunately.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00- Just going to a friend's funeral... - He was an elder of the Kirk,
0:12:00 > 0:12:03and had spent his whole life in the Church and he had to go.
0:12:03 > 0:12:07Expelled just for going to a friend's funeral. There was a good story about him
0:12:07 > 0:12:09- I'm not saying any Scottish mean jokes,
0:12:09 > 0:12:11but he was apparently quite a frugal man.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14Apparently he held a tea party for various lawyers
0:12:14 > 0:12:17and procurator fiscals, or whatever they're called in Scotland,
0:12:17 > 0:12:22and there was tea, and there was a tiny pot of honey and some toast.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26Someone had this little pot of honey, and one of the lawyers looked at it and said,
0:12:26 > 0:12:29"I see Your Lordship keeps a bee."
0:12:29 > 0:12:31LAUGHTER
0:12:31 > 0:12:34- A very good line. - He was a fine man, though.
0:12:34 > 0:12:38..and a good lawyer, no doubt. Or he wouldn't have risen to his eminence.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42We have odd flashes of Puritanism, because I was listening to
0:12:42 > 0:12:46Radio 5 the other day and they had an actress on, not Angelina Jolie,
0:12:46 > 0:12:49but the one who's Lara Croft in the latest Tomb Raider film.
0:12:49 > 0:12:54Cut a long story short, they airbrushed her nipples out of the poster.
0:12:54 > 0:12:58Her nipples were showing through her costume, just the two little...
0:12:58 > 0:13:00But this was radio!
0:13:00 > 0:13:01LAUGHTER
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Not just for the radio!
0:13:03 > 0:13:06And she had complained about it and said,
0:13:06 > 0:13:10"Why have you airbrushed my nipples? That's ridiculous. Why not just leave them?"
0:13:10 > 0:13:15And the presenter said, "Well, perhaps they thought they weren't suitable for children?"
0:13:15 > 0:13:16LAUGHTER
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Nipples not being suitable for children!
0:13:18 > 0:13:23- She said, "Are you being serious? My nipples?"- They are expressly designed...
0:13:23 > 0:13:27..for the purpose of the continuation of our race!
0:13:27 > 0:13:32I did a sitcom for Channel 4 with the lovely Mike McShane. And he played a sex expert
0:13:32 > 0:13:35and we decided his apartment would have lots of sex things in it.
0:13:35 > 0:13:39And he would have a coat rack made entirely of penises.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42And this went the Channel 4 lawyers and they said,
0:13:42 > 0:13:45"You can have the penises, as long as they're not erect."
0:13:45 > 0:13:47And I said, "Well, how will it work as a coat rack?"
0:13:47 > 0:13:48LAUGHTER
0:13:54 > 0:13:57Not my specialist area, but nevertheless!
0:13:57 > 0:14:00You have to excite your peg before you can hang your coat up.
0:14:00 > 0:14:04Right. Royal unfairness, now.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07Who got the blame when the Prince of Wales misbehaved?
0:14:09 > 0:14:13Seeing we're in Britain, usually the Germans.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Well, they are Germans, so... LAUGHTER
0:14:15 > 0:14:18- Is it this Prince? - It's not actually this one.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20- Is it another Charles? - It's not, actually.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23- All princes of blood. - Edward VIII was always in trouble.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26Queen Victoria said, "If I get the right..."
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Earlier ones were often in trouble.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31What I'm really talking about here, I suppose,
0:14:31 > 0:14:35is the business of corporal punishment.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39Until very, very, very recently in human history
0:14:39 > 0:14:42has it become unfashionable and indeed considered wrong
0:14:42 > 0:14:45to strike a child for a misdeed.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47- It's now illegal to do so. - Is it?
0:14:47 > 0:14:50- I believe so. - LAUGHTER
0:14:51 > 0:14:54Just on the way here, a small urchin annoyed me!
0:14:54 > 0:14:56It used to be considered,
0:14:56 > 0:14:58it used to be considered
0:14:58 > 0:15:01not only empirically but in every other sense a good thing to do.
0:15:01 > 0:15:06How is he holding that child up? He's got his thumb wedged in his...
0:15:06 > 0:15:08It's the only way of holding him up. It's like a bowling ball.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10LAUGHTER
0:15:10 > 0:15:14Don't know whether that's Dotheboys Hall from Nicholas Nickleby or similar.
0:15:14 > 0:15:18Generally speaking, almost everybody was agreed it was good for children to be beaten.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22There was the Bible, "He who spareth the rod hateth his son.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25"Withhold not correction from your child.
0:15:25 > 0:15:30"Beat him with the rod and thou shall deliver his soul from Hell." Apparently.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33Children were always beaten. We're the first generation...
0:15:33 > 0:15:36- I'm not. I was beaten hugely as a child at prep school.- Were you?
0:15:36 > 0:15:39God, yes. From the age of seven till 13, at least twice a week.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41I was a bad boy and I was always being thrashed.
0:15:41 > 0:15:47- What for? - Oh, stealing, lying, cheating, being cheeky, being a nuisance,
0:15:47 > 0:15:49- evading games... - Bit of a smart arse?
0:15:49 > 0:15:53- Being a smart arse. - Bit too clever for your own good, that sort of thing?
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Always telling everybody what was going on?
0:15:55 > 0:15:59Well, they certainly beat that out of you, didn't they?
0:15:59 > 0:16:02And I was beaten a great deal and it did me no harm...
0:16:02 > 0:16:04HE GROANS
0:16:04 > 0:16:06It was common practice.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09It was outlawed in state schools when?
0:16:09 > 0:16:13When was it actually made law that you were not allowed to strike a child?
0:16:13 > 0:16:15- Later than you think. - I'd guess under New Labour.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17- Er, no.- No?
0:16:17 > 0:16:19- '70s?- It was 1986.
0:16:19 > 0:16:211986?
0:16:21 > 0:16:241986 when it was made illegal in state schools to beat children,
0:16:24 > 0:16:27and it was a very close vote.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31- Under Margaret Thatcher? - 231 to 230.- In state schools?
0:16:31 > 0:16:34By just one. Do you know whom state school children have to thank
0:16:34 > 0:16:37for the fact they were not beaten from that day forward? It's odd.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40- Michael Howard or something? - No. It's even weirder.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43- Ann Widdecombe? - No, it's just too weird to be believed.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Fergie, Fergie, Fergie. Dear Duchess of York, Fergie.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48The manager of Manchester United?
0:16:48 > 0:16:51No, the Duchess of York, Fergie, as I just said.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53Black Eyed Peas?
0:16:53 > 0:16:56That, I will repeat, Duchess of York, Fergie.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59I hadn't finished my Fergie material.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02A tractor? LAUGHTER
0:17:02 > 0:17:06A massive Fergie, yes, you could say.
0:17:06 > 0:17:07- Why? - That Fergie.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11Well, it so happened the vote was on that day that she was marrowing...
0:17:11 > 0:17:16- Marrowing? Marrowing Prince Andrew. - LAUGHTER
0:17:16 > 0:17:19She loved to marrow Prince Andrew.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21I think marrowing the prince is illegal.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26What a great expression. "Have you time for some marrowing?"
0:17:26 > 0:17:28I'm going to Google that when I get in.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31Apparently, the traffic held-up enough Tory MPs,
0:17:31 > 0:17:35who were likely to have voted to keep beating,
0:17:35 > 0:17:37for the anti-beating measure to go through.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40- Was this a whipped vote? - Wa-hey!
0:17:40 > 0:17:43I thought you meant she campaigned for it?
0:17:43 > 0:17:46No, no. It just so happened the vote, no, happened.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Entirely inadvertent, she did something useful.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51By mistake. By mistake, she helped.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54When was it, or is it, indeed, illegal in private schools?
0:17:54 > 0:17:57You have to pay extra, though. LAUGHTER
0:17:58 > 0:18:01- I think it isn't, now. - It isn't. - It's very recent.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05- Under the Human Rights Act, it must. - Yes. In 1999, basically, is when that stopped being legal.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Until then, children were beaten.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10They were beaten for making mistakes,
0:18:10 > 0:18:12they were beaten for all kinds of reasons.
0:18:12 > 0:18:16But there was this idea also that you learned better,
0:18:16 > 0:18:21that things could literally be beaten into you, knowledge could be beaten into you.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23So, what happened when it came to a prince?
0:18:23 > 0:18:27You can't have a commoner, even their tutor, beating a prince
0:18:27 > 0:18:29because he's made a mistake in his algebra.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32- You beat his teddy? - Well, you appointed someone.
0:18:32 > 0:18:37A child, a friend of the prince, who,
0:18:37 > 0:18:40when the prince made a mistake, you whipped him.
0:18:40 > 0:18:44And that phrase, which is in common currency, is whipping boy.
0:18:44 > 0:18:48- They become peer then, later on, don't they?- Yes. That's the point.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50It was actually a much sought-after post.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53Fathers would want their sons to be whipping boy.
0:18:53 > 0:18:58They were close to the Royal Family. Charles I, for example, had a whipping boy when he was a prince
0:18:58 > 0:19:01and he raised him to the Earl of Dysart, a title that still exists.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03They became quite powerful people.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05The idea was, of course, they would be friends,
0:19:05 > 0:19:08that the prince would like his whipping boy,
0:19:08 > 0:19:09so that he would try hard.
0:19:09 > 0:19:14Obviously sometimes they might think, "I don't bloody care!"
0:19:14 > 0:19:16It's a most peculiar idea,
0:19:16 > 0:19:18but that's where whipping boy comes from.
0:19:18 > 0:19:22Is there an official title? There are titles like Silver Stick-in-Waiting.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24This could be Crimson Bottom.
0:19:24 > 0:19:29Gentleman of the Stool was an existing one, as you know.
0:19:29 > 0:19:34It was the one who had to wipe the King's bottom under Henry VIII.
0:19:34 > 0:19:38- Can't they do anything themselves? - They seem not to be able to.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41Um, erm, yes... There is a part of...
0:19:41 > 0:19:43LAUGHTER
0:19:45 > 0:19:49- I presume he'd have a long stick. - Yes, I'd assume they would.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51A stick with a rag, do it from a distance.
0:19:51 > 0:19:52LAUGHTER
0:19:52 > 0:19:55- There's a part of Germany... - Oops!
0:19:55 > 0:19:58- LAUGHTER - Sorry for all the mime.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00- I've always wanted to be a mime. - LAUGHTER
0:20:00 > 0:20:03This is the only opportunity I get.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05It's more fun than walking into the wind.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07I suppose you might be, I don't know!
0:20:07 > 0:20:11You may think British schoolmasters are amongst the most sadistic,
0:20:11 > 0:20:13but it's to Germany we turn
0:20:13 > 0:20:16for really good examples of how to treat children.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18In Swabia in west southern Germany,
0:20:18 > 0:20:22there was a headmaster there who logged all his punishments in a book.
0:20:22 > 0:20:26And over his career as headmaster at this school,
0:20:26 > 0:20:31he logged 911,500 canings
0:20:31 > 0:20:33121,000 floggings,
0:20:33 > 0:20:37as well as numerous other punishments during a 51 year career.
0:20:37 > 0:20:41That's nearly 400 chastisements a week.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44Some would have been delegated - he would've been exhausted.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Other punishments he logs include
0:20:46 > 0:20:51700 boys being made to stand with peas in their shoes - not too bad -
0:20:51 > 0:20:56and 6,000 made to kneel on the sharp edge of a stick.
0:20:56 > 0:21:01- This was not a nice man.- It's not about the education. There's something more going on there.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04And Eton College had a famous headmaster called Dr Keate -
0:21:04 > 0:21:08there's a Keate's Lane in Eton - who was known as Flogger Keate.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11He once flogged the entire Eton cricket team
0:21:11 > 0:21:13for losing to Winchester.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16Including the scorer.
0:21:16 > 0:21:17LAUGHTER
0:21:17 > 0:21:19So that was the whipping boy.
0:21:19 > 0:21:24There's a kind of religious equivalent. This poor boy who takes the sins of the prince,
0:21:24 > 0:21:27what was there in the Jewish faith that was the equivalent?
0:21:27 > 0:21:31You've got the lamb or the goat. The goat famously known as the...
0:21:31 > 0:21:35- Scapegoat!- Exactly.- I was expecting the thing to go off there. - No. That's exactly what they were.
0:21:35 > 0:21:40Scapegoat. There's the famous Holman Hunt painting of The Scapegoat.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43This was during the day of atonement, Yom Kippur, the goat would be sent out
0:21:43 > 0:21:48to carry the sins of the people, it bore the sins of the people.
0:21:48 > 0:21:53And then Christianity is just a refinement of that, where Christ bore the sins of the people.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57It happens in a lot of religions that you offload your own
0:21:57 > 0:22:00wickedness onto something else.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02So, it is there from whipping boys to scapegoats.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05They exist in the language still,
0:22:05 > 0:22:08this idea of offloading one's own guilt.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12In the Isle of Man, they had corporal punishment until 1976.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16What type of wood did they administer it with?
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Well, I know I'm going to get a buzz on this
0:22:18 > 0:22:20because it's normally called birching.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22KLAXON
0:22:22 > 0:22:24It doesn't matter anyway!
0:22:24 > 0:22:27So did it depend on how bad you'd been?
0:22:27 > 0:22:32If you were really bad, it was holly, and they left the leaves on,
0:22:32 > 0:22:35but if you weren't so bad, it would be like willow fronds.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38- Balsa wood. - Or balsa wood.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40- Hazel. Yeah, they used hazel. - Hazel.
0:22:40 > 0:22:44In Britain, birching, as it was known,
0:22:44 > 0:22:46was banned in 1948,
0:22:46 > 0:22:49but they didn't stop it until the 1970s in the Isle of Man.
0:22:49 > 0:22:54They tried to keep it by saying, "OK, what about if we let them keep their trousers on?"
0:22:54 > 0:22:56In America there is still the tradition
0:22:56 > 0:22:58in some parts of birthday spanking.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00Really?
0:23:00 > 0:23:03Yeah, where you go to school and because it's your special day,
0:23:03 > 0:23:09as a special treat, the teacher takes the paddle out and you get a few.
0:23:09 > 0:23:13Some people say, "We have to ban it. It's cruel."
0:23:13 > 0:23:16Others say, "No, we can't. It's a tradition."
0:23:16 > 0:23:19So they have to carry on thrashing the kids.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Weird.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24It's like family Christmas, no-one likes it,
0:23:24 > 0:23:27still, because it's a tradition, everyone has to go through it.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29LAUGHTER
0:23:29 > 0:23:33We get the idea of bringing a tree in for Christmas, that's a German idea.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36Yeah, I don't know. Did we invent Christmas?
0:23:36 > 0:23:38A lot of elements of it.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41I say, come on. Either we invented it or we didn't.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44It's like that terrible joke, I'm sure you must have been told,
0:23:44 > 0:23:48about the couple who adopt a German baby.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50- HENNING LAUGHS - You know it. You must know it.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53Is there only one joke that involves a German baby?
0:23:53 > 0:23:55LAUGHTER
0:23:55 > 0:24:00It doesn't speak. Is that the one where he doesn't speak until he's about five?
0:24:00 > 0:24:04- They take him to be tested. - Want me to say the punchline?
0:24:04 > 0:24:07- They think, "Is he stupid, deaf, dumb?"- Everything functioning normally.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10ALAN AND HENNING TOGETHER: Then one day...
0:24:10 > 0:24:12We're all going to say it together!
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Go on, Alan.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17Then they give him, he has some apple strudel.
0:24:17 > 0:24:21- And he says... - "This apfelstrudel is a bit tepid."
0:24:21 > 0:24:25And they say, "Wolfgang! You've never spoken before!
0:24:25 > 0:24:29"After all these years, now you finally speak? Why haven't you spoken before?" And he says...
0:24:29 > 0:24:33"Up until now, everything had been satisfactory."
0:24:33 > 0:24:35LAUGHTER
0:24:35 > 0:24:37APPLAUSE
0:24:37 > 0:24:40It's a great joke.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44- Very pleasing. - Like a relay joke.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46It was.
0:24:46 > 0:24:51This is the most fun a Danish person has had with a German since 1945.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53LAUGHTER
0:24:53 > 0:24:54DON'T MENTION THE WAR BUZZER
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Oh, dear. There we go...
0:24:58 > 0:25:00The war. I mean, I have to chip in now. The war.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02"The war".
0:25:02 > 0:25:06It's always World War II, it's never any of the more current ones.
0:25:06 > 0:25:11"The war". And everyone in Britain takes personal credit for Britain winning it.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15Even people that weren't born at the time of World War II,
0:25:15 > 0:25:19they still take personal credit for Britain winning it.
0:25:19 > 0:25:23I'm personally a lot more annoyed by Brits that are now in their 70s
0:25:23 > 0:25:26and they bang on about how they helped win the war.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Let's quickly do the maths. If you're in your 70s now,
0:25:29 > 0:25:31how old were you at the end of World War II?
0:25:31 > 0:25:33- That's true.- 10-years-old?
0:25:33 > 0:25:37How did you help win the war when you were just 10-years-old?
0:25:37 > 0:25:40- You did not help win the war. - By not eating bananas.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Yeah, yeah.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45You were nothing but a drain on British resources.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47LAUGHTER
0:25:47 > 0:25:49You've got to admire his guts, haven't you?
0:25:50 > 0:25:54Effectively, effectively, every 70-year-old Brit
0:25:54 > 0:25:57effectively fought on the side of Nazi Germany...
0:25:57 > 0:25:59LAUGHTER
0:25:59 > 0:26:02..and lost the war every little bit as much as we did!
0:26:02 > 0:26:06- LAUGHTER - Yes, well. Moving on.
0:26:06 > 0:26:10Manx birches were actually made from hazel wands.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14Now for a bit more international injustice. Name a French book
0:26:14 > 0:26:17that can never be translated into German.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19This book was written with the express
0:26:19 > 0:26:24orders of its author that it was never to be translated into German.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27And, let's be honest, if this book originally was from France,
0:26:27 > 0:26:30there will be a very, very small market in Germany for that anyway.
0:26:30 > 0:26:31LAUGHTER
0:26:31 > 0:26:36They can translate it at all they want, they will just would not find anyone who buys it.
0:26:36 > 0:26:37LAUGHTER
0:26:37 > 0:26:39Somebody who hates the Germans?
0:26:39 > 0:26:43He heated Prussians. That might date him better. Why would a Frenchman hate Prussians?
0:26:43 > 0:26:47Because of the Franco-Prussian War - another war, I'm afraid, we don't want to mention.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49At least it's a different one!
0:26:49 > 0:26:51LAUGHTER
0:26:51 > 0:26:54And we weren't involved.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57Well, we would've won it, had we been involved.
0:26:57 > 0:26:58BUZZER
0:26:58 > 0:27:00- Yes?- 1870s.
0:27:00 > 0:27:031870s is exactly the year the Franco-Prussian War. Very good.
0:27:03 > 0:27:07- I remember that from school. - Absolutely. Very good.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09- He was a scientist, a great scientist.- Pasteur.
0:27:09 > 0:27:13Louis Pasteur is the right answer, who was responsible for...
0:27:13 > 0:27:16He didn't invent pasteurisation, but it's named after him.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19- Why did he take the Germans? - I think it really was the occupation
0:27:19 > 0:27:22and the attack into French territory. He just was very patriotic.
0:27:22 > 0:27:26- Just narrow-mindedness. - And narrow-minded!
0:27:26 > 0:27:30But, after the war, the Germans discovered a new form of yeast
0:27:30 > 0:27:33that allowed them to store beer extremely well,
0:27:33 > 0:27:36and the German for "to store" is?
0:27:36 > 0:27:40- Lagen.- Lagen, and so they called the beer "lager" beer.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42And it became hugely successful.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45And this annoyed the hell out of Pasteur
0:27:45 > 0:27:48that the Germans that he so hated
0:27:48 > 0:27:51had basically started to conquer the world of beer.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54- So he set about... - He needed to move on!
0:27:54 > 0:27:59Well, he set about studying how brewing worked -
0:27:59 > 0:28:03the science of the yeasts and the whole business of making beer.
0:28:03 > 0:28:07And he came up with some really, really, really good yeasts
0:28:07 > 0:28:10that made even better beer. And he took them around the world.
0:28:10 > 0:28:14He took them to America, to Belgium, to the Whitbread company,
0:28:14 > 0:28:16he took them to the Carlsberg company in Denmark,
0:28:16 > 0:28:20but he refused to take them to Germany. And he wrote a book all about it,
0:28:20 > 0:28:24instructing that it must never be translated into German, that Germans
0:28:24 > 0:28:27must never get their hands on the secrets of this new better beer.
0:28:27 > 0:28:31- And, of course, the German beer industry collapsed. - LAUGHTER
0:28:31 > 0:28:36Unfortunately it didn't work that well. It turned out rather nicely for the Carlsberg people.
0:28:36 > 0:28:40There is an irony about the whole Pasteur thing.
0:28:40 > 0:28:42When France wanted to get rid of its bullion
0:28:42 > 0:28:45during the Second World War in case the Germans got hold of it...
0:28:45 > 0:28:49Its bullion, not its bouillon - its gold, not its chicken stock.
0:28:49 > 0:28:52No, not its chicken stock. That went as well -
0:28:52 > 0:28:56..it all went to Canada on a single ocean liner
0:28:56 > 0:28:58called the SS Pasteur.
0:28:58 > 0:29:00Oh, really!
0:29:00 > 0:29:02- So, he kind of got his own back. - He did.- Yeah.
0:29:02 > 0:29:04Back home to Britain, now.
0:29:04 > 0:29:08From 1875 to 1956,
0:29:08 > 0:29:12what was the next best thing to a first-class train ticket?
0:29:12 > 0:29:15- Second-class train ticket. - KLAXON
0:29:15 > 0:29:16That's the problem.
0:29:16 > 0:29:20You weren't to know, being a cursed foreigner and all.
0:29:20 > 0:29:23- They went from first to third. - There was no second-class.
0:29:23 > 0:29:28- But there were ladies only carriages. - There were. - That would be quite nice.
0:29:28 > 0:29:30- Yes. - LAUGHTER
0:29:30 > 0:29:34And there were no smoking carriages, but mostly there were smoking ones.
0:29:34 > 0:29:37- She's got no idea where she's going. - She hasn't!
0:29:37 > 0:29:39LAUGHTER
0:29:39 > 0:29:42How it came about was that Gladstone insisted there be
0:29:42 > 0:29:46a third-class service for poorer people and train companies hated it.
0:29:46 > 0:29:51They ran these useless services that were third-class only, known as parliamentary trains.
0:29:51 > 0:29:54They were no good to anybody, just to apply the law.
0:29:54 > 0:29:58Then they had a smarter idea and they said,
0:29:58 > 0:30:02"We'll upgrade the third-class to second-class
0:30:02 > 0:30:05"but call it third-class and get rid of the second-class.
0:30:05 > 0:30:08"So we're obeying the law by having a third-class,
0:30:08 > 0:30:10"but it'll cost what second-class used to cost."
0:30:10 > 0:30:13It's a very bizarre British solution.
0:30:13 > 0:30:16They had an influence - I found this out making a documentary -
0:30:16 > 0:30:20it had an influence on the way suburban housing developed in London.
0:30:20 > 0:30:27Because the train companies wouldn't sell third-class tickets in the outer suburbs
0:30:27 > 0:30:31because they didn't want the trains filling up with poor people, they didn't pay as much money
0:30:31 > 0:30:35as the first-class people, so they wouldn't sell the tickets.
0:30:35 > 0:30:38That's why London's developed, and that's why there are bigger houses
0:30:38 > 0:30:42- on the outside, and smaller houses on the inside.- I thought it was because of the smoke.
0:30:42 > 0:30:45The big selling point for trains was you could move out of London
0:30:45 > 0:30:48to a nice green field and get away from the dirt,
0:30:48 > 0:30:50so people wanted to do that,
0:30:50 > 0:30:53but all the development was along the line of the railways.
0:30:53 > 0:30:56They didn't bother building cheap housing further out
0:30:56 > 0:30:59cos no-one could get into London because the trains wouldn't let you on.
0:30:59 > 0:31:03They had clever ways. How do you think they used chimney sweeps?
0:31:03 > 0:31:05- On the railway?- Yes.
0:31:05 > 0:31:09Strapped to the front of the train, keeping the rails clean.
0:31:09 > 0:31:11No, it was a very naughty trick.
0:31:11 > 0:31:12They'd sit in third-class?
0:31:12 > 0:31:16Yeah, what train companies hated were the genteel people, clerks,
0:31:16 > 0:31:21who didn't have much money but had to be well-dressed.
0:31:21 > 0:31:25What they would do is they would put chimney sweeps in
0:31:25 > 0:31:28and put soot over them so third-class carriages
0:31:28 > 0:31:32were so dirty, these people thought, "Oh, God. I've got to pay the first-class fare."
0:31:32 > 0:31:37Don't say this out loud. I'm sure Ryanair will have an idea!
0:31:37 > 0:31:38LAUGHTER
0:31:38 > 0:31:41- IRISH ACCENT: - Brilliant! We'll do the same thing!
0:31:41 > 0:31:44Or easyJet, since you're in easyJet's colours.
0:31:44 > 0:31:46I'm sure it didn't happen all over,
0:31:46 > 0:31:51but these were some of the tricks they resorted to, apparently.
0:31:51 > 0:31:55- Which one's Dick Van Dyke? - They're really happy, aren't they?
0:31:55 > 0:31:57They do look happy. Happy, lucky sweeps.
0:31:57 > 0:32:00Now for some sporting iniquity.
0:32:00 > 0:32:03What did cricketer Thomas White invent in 1771?
0:32:03 > 0:32:05The Yorker.
0:32:05 > 0:32:10The Yorker. To hear a German say, "the Yorker" gives me great pleasure.
0:32:10 > 0:32:14- I don't know what it means. - It's a fully pitched-up ball.
0:32:14 > 0:32:18- Great to hear a German say it. - What's a googly, then?
0:32:18 > 0:32:20- A googly is a... - KLAXON
0:32:24 > 0:32:28A googly is a leg spinner's off-spin. It's disguised.
0:32:28 > 0:32:32- Comes out the back of your hand. - How does the Duckworth-Lewis method work?
0:32:32 > 0:32:35Nobody knows that! Far too complicated.
0:32:35 > 0:32:40No, he didn't invent any particular type of bowling or batting, but he looked at the laws of cricket
0:32:40 > 0:32:45and he noted that there was a rather glaring omission and he thought, "Splendid."
0:32:45 > 0:32:49- Oh, the big bat! - Yes, he came up with a bat that was wider than the wicket.
0:32:49 > 0:32:53- LAUGHTER - This enormous bat.
0:32:55 > 0:32:59It was Chertsey Vs Hambledon, which is the equivalent of Surrey Vs Hampshire.
0:32:59 > 0:33:03After 1774, they incorporated a law that said a bat must be
0:33:03 > 0:33:06no wider than four and-a-half inches.
0:33:06 > 0:33:10- Did you know there were special golf rules for the Second World War? - Were there?
0:33:10 > 0:33:12In Kent during the Battle of Britain.
0:33:12 > 0:33:16- I can't remember exactly what it is...- Sorry, Henning, the war's come up again.
0:33:16 > 0:33:18And bunker!
0:33:18 > 0:33:21The rule was,
0:33:21 > 0:33:25if a player's stroke is interrupted by the simultaneous
0:33:25 > 0:33:29explosion of a bomb or by machine gunfire,
0:33:29 > 0:33:32they may take the stroke again.
0:33:32 > 0:33:35But there's a penalty of one stroke.
0:33:35 > 0:33:40They may take it again, if they are still there to take it.
0:33:40 > 0:33:43I did a play with Paul Eddington
0:33:43 > 0:33:47and he had a much-treasured thing from a hotel room in Bristol
0:33:47 > 0:33:50during the war, which was a card with a little bit of cord and it said,
0:33:50 > 0:33:54"Please hang outside your room if you wish to be awoken during an air-raid."
0:33:54 > 0:33:57- LAUGHTER - Splendidly phlegmatic.
0:33:57 > 0:33:59Do you now there was a game, I think, on St Helena,
0:33:59 > 0:34:02and they were playing on a pitch which was by a cliff edge.
0:34:02 > 0:34:07And the gentleman ran back to catch the ball, and did catch it
0:34:07 > 0:34:11and then fell unfortunately, and it was put down as "caught (dead)".
0:34:11 > 0:34:13LAUGHTER
0:34:13 > 0:34:18That's got to be a six because it's over the boundary, isn't it?
0:34:18 > 0:34:21There was a game in Norfolk played, and this is towards late summer.
0:34:21 > 0:34:26People who play village cricket will be very familiar with the sight of late swooping swallows.
0:34:26 > 0:34:28And a batsman played a shot
0:34:28 > 0:34:31and the fielder leapt to his right and caught a swallow.
0:34:31 > 0:34:33Fantastic.
0:34:33 > 0:34:36This fellow, Thomas White, I suppose you could call him a cheat,
0:34:36 > 0:34:39but he was within the game's laws at the time.
0:34:39 > 0:34:41There was an American footballer, Lester Hayes.
0:34:41 > 0:34:44Does that ring any bells? Of the Oakland Raiders.
0:34:44 > 0:34:47He had such success as a catcher in the late '70s
0:34:47 > 0:34:51that he was the defensive player of the year. The reason was that he covered his hands
0:34:51 > 0:34:53and gloves with an adhesive called Stickum.
0:34:53 > 0:34:56LAUGHTER
0:34:56 > 0:34:58He actually admitted, he said,
0:34:58 > 0:35:01"Without Stickum, I couldn't catch a cold in Antarctica."
0:35:01 > 0:35:04That's so clearly cheating. They must've spotted it.
0:35:04 > 0:35:07There was no a rule against it. They had to introduce one, so there now is.
0:35:07 > 0:35:12There's a very good PG Wodehouse story about cheating at boxing.
0:35:12 > 0:35:14There was an American chap, I think called McCoy.
0:35:14 > 0:35:16And his opponent was stone deaf.
0:35:16 > 0:35:20The opponent said, "I won't hear when the bell goes, will you tell me?"
0:35:20 > 0:35:23"Yes, absolutely." So they were boxing away and he said the bell had gone.
0:35:23 > 0:35:27And the guy went, "OK," like that, and he just punched him.
0:35:27 > 0:35:30That's taking advantage as well as cheating.
0:35:30 > 0:35:34And in 1951, the St Louis Browns baseball team
0:35:34 > 0:35:37brought a three foot seven inch tall player
0:35:37 > 0:35:40called Eddie Gaedel out to bat
0:35:40 > 0:35:42and crouched over at the plate.
0:35:42 > 0:35:47His strike zone, which, as you know, the pitcher has to hit, was one and a half inches high.
0:35:47 > 0:35:49The pitcher couldn't get anywhere near.
0:35:49 > 0:35:52So, four balls, he walked to first base and was immediately subbed.
0:35:52 > 0:35:54So it's kind of like cheating but isn't.
0:35:54 > 0:35:57That's not cheating. You can scarcely have a rule that says...
0:35:57 > 0:36:00Quite. That says you can't have people of restricted growth.
0:36:00 > 0:36:01It's all very tricky.
0:36:01 > 0:36:06There was a jockey at Belmont in New York who, in 1923,
0:36:06 > 0:36:09died of a heart attack when on a horse and won.
0:36:09 > 0:36:11- The horse won.- Oh, right.
0:36:11 > 0:36:14Of course, the bookies didn't want to pay out.
0:36:14 > 0:36:16A rule said that a jockey had to be in the saddle
0:36:16 > 0:36:19but there was no rule to say he had to be alive!
0:36:19 > 0:36:23He was a brilliant jockey if he clung on even though he was dead!
0:36:23 > 0:36:26- Exactly! Pretty amazing. - Keep going!
0:36:26 > 0:36:29The lucky punters were paid out.
0:36:29 > 0:36:31And so to that part of the show that's always
0:36:31 > 0:36:34unfair at the very best of times, General Ignorance.
0:36:34 > 0:36:37Fingers on buzzers, if you would. Here is the Old Bailey.
0:36:37 > 0:36:42- What is the statue of Justice on top looking at?- Oh, God.
0:36:42 > 0:36:44BUZZER Nothing.
0:36:44 > 0:36:47- Why's that? - She's blindfolded.
0:36:47 > 0:36:48KLAXON
0:36:48 > 0:36:51- No, she's not.- She's not?
0:36:51 > 0:36:54No, you can see, there. No blindfold.
0:36:54 > 0:36:57That particular statue is not blindfolded, but sometimes it is.
0:36:57 > 0:36:59People often at the Old Bailey would say,
0:36:59 > 0:37:01"Members of the jury, if you look up...
0:37:01 > 0:37:03"Blindfolded..."
0:37:03 > 0:37:07People would go, "He wasn't even telling the truth about that!"
0:37:07 > 0:37:09There are many statues of Lady Justice,
0:37:09 > 0:37:13some of which are blindfolded and some of which aren't.
0:37:13 > 0:37:15What can you legally do if you come across a Welshman
0:37:15 > 0:37:18in Chester after sunset?
0:37:18 > 0:37:19LAUGHTER
0:37:19 > 0:37:22These are all laws that got abolished 300 years ago.
0:37:22 > 0:37:25- Nonsense.- It's just always repeated.
0:37:25 > 0:37:27You cannot shoot them.
0:37:27 > 0:37:29Yes, as you rightly say,
0:37:29 > 0:37:33one of these nonsensical things that people cling onto with great sort of pride,
0:37:33 > 0:37:36which are nonsensical. Beautiful city, Chester, by the way.
0:37:36 > 0:37:41There was an edict under Henry V at the time of Owain Glyndwr
0:37:41 > 0:37:44that presumably he gave out, which is a wartime command.
0:37:44 > 0:37:48It's not a law. In any case, any subsequent laws on manslaughter
0:37:48 > 0:37:52and offensive weapons in public cancel out.
0:37:52 > 0:37:54How? How would you know?
0:37:54 > 0:37:57I know this as when I did a documentary on going round America,
0:37:57 > 0:37:59one of the ideas we had before we started was
0:37:59 > 0:38:04should I maybe break one of these stupid laws in each state?
0:38:04 > 0:38:05The more we investigated them,
0:38:05 > 0:38:08the more we found they were absolutely without foundation.
0:38:08 > 0:38:11So you just talked to people instead?
0:38:11 > 0:38:15I thought, "I'll go and wear a silly moustache and make someone laugh in a church."
0:38:15 > 0:38:19They said, "That's nonsense. I don't know how that got in there."
0:38:19 > 0:38:22It was made up by Mark Twain or somebody at some point. I hate to disappoint,
0:38:22 > 0:38:25but a lot of these things are nonsense -
0:38:25 > 0:38:31the idea that you can shoot arrows down Petty Cury in Cambridge as long as you're wearing Lincoln green.
0:38:31 > 0:38:34The idea that an ancient law has to be repealed,
0:38:34 > 0:38:37even if it allows you to do murder is nonsense.
0:38:37 > 0:38:38- Isn't it?- Yes, well...
0:38:38 > 0:38:41What's the principle called there?
0:38:41 > 0:38:45- I think we're talking of leges posteriores priores contrarias abrogant.- Absolutely.
0:38:45 > 0:38:50- Had you forgotten that, Clive? - It was on the tip of my tongue.
0:38:50 > 0:38:53If putting things on the tip of your tongue weren't illegal
0:38:53 > 0:38:57- under some ancient statute. - It's an established legal principle to the effect that
0:38:57 > 0:39:02if a subsequent statute contradicts an existing law, the existing law is repealed by implication.
0:39:02 > 0:39:04God, I'm glad I wasn't a lawyer.
0:39:04 > 0:39:08Recently, they've tried to get rid of all these Latin things as well
0:39:08 > 0:39:11- as it's confusing to people. - But isn't that the point?
0:39:11 > 0:39:14Yes, that has been the argument of the lawyers.
0:39:14 > 0:39:17We like it if nobody knows what we're talking about.
0:39:17 > 0:39:20Where are the enemy in this picture?
0:39:20 > 0:39:21LAUGHTER
0:39:23 > 0:39:24It's a good question.
0:39:24 > 0:39:27- The guy on the right's definitely not sure.- He's puzzled.
0:39:27 > 0:39:29Why you pointing over there?
0:39:29 > 0:39:32- I'm with the reds! - I read law at university
0:39:32 > 0:39:34and was lucky enough to be taught by Lord Denning.
0:39:34 > 0:39:39And I helped compile the index to his last book. Really dull.
0:39:39 > 0:39:40I remember saying to him,
0:39:40 > 0:39:43"Why is it so complicated to look up legal cases?"
0:39:43 > 0:39:45He looked at me over his glasses and said,
0:39:45 > 0:39:48"Well, we don't want just anyone doing it."
0:39:48 > 0:39:50LAUGHTER
0:39:50 > 0:39:53Why did lepers start carrying bells?
0:39:53 > 0:39:54Well...
0:39:54 > 0:39:58- DON'T MENTION THE WAR BUZZER - I forgot about that.
0:39:58 > 0:40:00LAUGHTER We haven't!
0:40:00 > 0:40:02LAUGHTER
0:40:04 > 0:40:07I don't know. Probably it wasn't their choice to wear the bells.
0:40:07 > 0:40:09Probably it was more the other people telling them
0:40:09 > 0:40:12to wear bells so they could escape.
0:40:12 > 0:40:14- KLAXON - As a warning, you mean.
0:40:14 > 0:40:16No, to keep people away.
0:40:16 > 0:40:19It was to attract people to give them alms.
0:40:19 > 0:40:22Not arms in that sense. To give them money.
0:40:22 > 0:40:24"I've lost my arms, please give me some alms."
0:40:24 > 0:40:27- No, to give them money. - Come here and give me money.
0:40:27 > 0:40:32After the Black Death and the extraordinary decimation of the population in Europe,
0:40:32 > 0:40:36sickness become something people were much more worried about.
0:40:36 > 0:40:40Then the bells were used as a warning, but they were originally used to attract people.
0:40:40 > 0:40:43People were not that frightened of lepers, and for good reason.
0:40:43 > 0:40:46Leprosy is nothing like as infectious as people think it is.
0:40:46 > 0:40:50For a start, 90% of the human race is immune to it.
0:40:50 > 0:40:53Most of us are unlikely ever to catch it,
0:40:53 > 0:40:55even if we were to lick a leper.
0:40:55 > 0:40:59LAUGHTER Now, there's a game show!
0:41:01 > 0:41:05Why do I see Noel Edmonds presenting that?
0:41:07 > 0:41:10Wish is father of the thought.
0:41:10 > 0:41:14It's quite hard to catch, it's nothing like the jokes of bits falling off and so on.
0:41:14 > 0:41:17You can get nerve damage, which, if not attended to,
0:41:17 > 0:41:20can lead to necrosis of the ends of the fingers,
0:41:20 > 0:41:24but the idea that bits fall off you is good for jokes but not true.
0:41:24 > 0:41:26Well, unpleasant jokes.
0:41:26 > 0:41:29Never let the truth stand in the way of a mediocre joke.
0:41:29 > 0:41:33Exactly. A mediocre joke, exactly right.
0:41:33 > 0:41:36Now, which of you has the fewest hairs on your head?
0:41:37 > 0:41:40Well, may I just volunteer myself?
0:41:40 > 0:41:43So it's me. I'm going to lose 10 points...
0:41:43 > 0:41:45KLAXON
0:41:45 > 0:41:50- ..and even more hair, being annoyed about that. - It's one of the strange things.
0:41:50 > 0:41:52There's a splendid man, Dr George Cotsarelis
0:41:52 > 0:41:56at the department of dermatology at the University of Pennsylvania.
0:41:56 > 0:42:01He has determined that, actually, you have the same number of hairs on the scalp as everyone else.
0:42:01 > 0:42:05It's just some of them are only visible under a microscope.
0:42:05 > 0:42:08So that's roughly like not having them, really.
0:42:08 > 0:42:09- LAUGHTER - No!
0:42:09 > 0:42:13By the same token, humans may look less hairy than chimpanzees,
0:42:13 > 0:42:17but we've the same number of hair follicles, about five million,
0:42:17 > 0:42:19on our bodies as chimpanzees.
0:42:19 > 0:42:21But the whole thing of hair is very annoying.
0:42:21 > 0:42:24If I'd never bought a pair of tweezers,
0:42:24 > 0:42:25I'd have appeared down to here.
0:42:25 > 0:42:28You get hair that grows in the places you don't want it
0:42:28 > 0:42:31and then hair that doesn't grow where you do want it.
0:42:31 > 0:42:35Hair that doesn't stop on your head. It keeps growing, so you have to get it cut.
0:42:35 > 0:42:37And then your eyebrows, if you're a man, know when to stop
0:42:37 > 0:42:42until you get a bit later in life and then it stops knowing when to stop.
0:42:42 > 0:42:45You could comb them up over your bald patch.
0:42:45 > 0:42:46LAUGHTER
0:42:46 > 0:42:49I've tried that!
0:42:49 > 0:42:52Looked a little odd, but, you know, it's an option.
0:42:52 > 0:42:53Well, you never know.
0:42:53 > 0:42:56And so we come to the scores.
0:42:56 > 0:43:00These are very interesting, and it would be very unfair of me not to share them with you.
0:43:00 > 0:43:04- So, that's all from Sandi, Henning, Clive, Alan and me. - LAUGHTER
0:43:04 > 0:43:06Because, as William Goldman said,
0:43:06 > 0:43:09"Life isn't fair, it's just fairer than death."
0:43:09 > 0:43:10That's all. Goodnight.
0:43:10 > 0:43:14APPLAUSE
0:43:26 > 0:43:28Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:43:28 > 0:43:30E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk