0:00:02 > 0:00:10This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:23 > 0:00:29APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:29 > 0:00:32Well...
0:00:32 > 0:00:35goo-oo-oo-ood evening, good evening, good evening, good evening,
0:00:35 > 0:00:36good evening, good evening,
0:00:36 > 0:00:40and to some extent, good evening, and welcome to QI,
0:00:40 > 0:00:43where tonight, the joint is jumping!
0:00:43 > 0:00:47Lots of hoops to get through, so let's meet our jumpers.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50A classy thoroughbred, Julian Clary.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52APPLAUSE
0:00:56 > 0:01:00Fit as a flea, Ross Noble.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02APPLAUSE
0:01:04 > 0:01:08The human pogo stick, Bill Bailey.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10APPLAUSE
0:01:12 > 0:01:16And a nice, warm, woolly top, Alan Davies.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Very kind.
0:01:18 > 0:01:19APPLAUSE
0:01:19 > 0:01:22There we are.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25So, they've all got buzzers, and Julian goes...
0:01:25 > 0:01:28MUSIC: "Jump Around" by House of Pain
0:01:31 > 0:01:34- I'm not happy. - LAUGHTER
0:01:34 > 0:01:38Something to do with jumping in there, I believe, in the pop music sphere.
0:01:38 > 0:01:39Ross goes...
0:01:39 > 0:01:42MUSIC: "Jump (For My Love)" by the Pointer Sisters
0:01:43 > 0:01:44Good overbite.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46That also had "jump". Bill goes...
0:01:46 > 0:01:49MUSIC: "Jump" by Van Halen
0:01:54 > 0:01:57I've no idea what that means.
0:01:57 > 0:01:58That was a Van Halen!
0:01:58 > 0:01:59Alan goes...
0:01:59 > 0:02:02MUSIC: "Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport" by Rolf Harris
0:02:02 > 0:02:03LAUGHTER
0:02:03 > 0:02:07Aw. A little jumpy thing, too.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09So, it's "jumpers".
0:02:09 > 0:02:15First tonight, I'd like you all to give me your impression of some Mexican jumping beans.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18MEXICAN VOICE: "Hello there, we are jumping beans." LAUGHTER
0:02:18 > 0:02:20"We like to do the jumping, we cannot help ourselves."
0:02:20 > 0:02:22"Higher!"
0:02:22 > 0:02:24# La cucaracha, la cucaracha. #
0:02:24 > 0:02:26I have to say, there is...
0:02:26 > 0:02:27They're not jumping.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30- ..a slight embarrassment here. - What's happened?
0:02:30 > 0:02:34We ordered the Mexican jumping beans over the internet,
0:02:34 > 0:02:38and they arrived in fully jumping form...
0:02:38 > 0:02:40but they have since died.
0:02:40 > 0:02:41LAUGHTER
0:02:42 > 0:02:46I think you've been had. This is a hazelnut.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Yeah.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50It looks like... I know it looks like a hazelnut.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Here they are.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54They're more like "Mexican fidgeting beans."
0:02:54 > 0:02:55LAUGHTER
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Yeah.
0:02:57 > 0:03:02- Can I just say that, in a wildlife documentary, that's a pretty poor excuse, isn't it?- Yeah, it is.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04"We had some snakes earlier, but when they came in the post..."
0:03:04 > 0:03:07LAUGHTER
0:03:07 > 0:03:11- "DHL tried to wedge them through the..."- I know. It's deeply shaming.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15- How were they mistreated, then? What's happened?- Well...
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Because Springwatch will hear of this!
0:03:17 > 0:03:19- I know. - LAUGHTER
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Can we revive them with some powdered Doritos? LAUGHTER
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Play some Mexican music and they'll be up and running again.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27STEPHEN HUMS LA CUCARACHA
0:03:27 > 0:03:29- I've cracked one open, there's something in it.- There is.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31- A tiny battery.- Yes.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34LAUGHTER There's a creature.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37There IS a creature in there, there's a larva.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40- A larva which has now sadly died... - They've hatched. They've become...
0:03:40 > 0:03:44Is it a flea of some kind? Is it a Coleoptera? Is it from the Coleopteras?
0:03:44 > 0:03:46You're wanting to say "beetle", aren't you?
0:03:46 > 0:03:50- I want to say "beetle". I said "Coleoptera".- Which is even... - To try and do my best.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52..a really smart way of saying "beetle".
0:03:52 > 0:03:56Yeah, because this is that sort of programme, isn't it? It's not BBC Breakfast,
0:03:56 > 0:03:59where they have pinheads who wouldn't know a...
0:03:59 > 0:04:01I want you to say not "Coleoptera", but "Lepidoptera".
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Oh! You mean butterflies?
0:04:04 > 0:04:06- Well...moths.- Moths?
0:04:06 > 0:04:09- Yes. They're the larva of a moth. - Ah, right.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13And to be fair, they are seeds, not beans.
0:04:13 > 0:04:19Up to 20 million of them are exported from Mexico, every year,
0:04:19 > 0:04:21around the world, as a novelty...
0:04:21 > 0:04:23For comedy purposes.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Yeah, for comedy purposes.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Anyway, the "Mexican jumping bean" isn't really a bean,
0:04:28 > 0:04:31but it does jump and it does come from Mexico.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34- From the Sonoran Desert, in fact. - Oh, right.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36In Sonora, we're going to stay.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39What's unusual about Bailey's pocket mouse?
0:04:39 > 0:04:42LAUGHTER
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Wait a minute!
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Obviously, Bailey's pocket mouse doesn't look like that.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48No.
0:04:48 > 0:04:53If you take away the handsome features, that's it - Bailey's pocket mouse.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Is it some sort of desert mouse that doesn't drink, or something?
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Well, you're almost right. You're very close.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Oh, it does drink, but only Bailey's.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02LAUGHTER
0:05:02 > 0:05:04That's right.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06It shins up the bottle, like that.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08And it brings its own miniature parasol.
0:05:08 > 0:05:12There is a particular oil-bearing plant in Mexico...
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Jojoba.
0:05:14 > 0:05:15Yes!
0:05:15 > 0:05:16APPLAUSE
0:05:16 > 0:05:20And it was thought for many years that the Bailey's mouse
0:05:20 > 0:05:23was the only one that could tolerate eating it,
0:05:23 > 0:05:27because it is, basically, disgusting to all other animals.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29So they can survive on shampoo?
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Well, that's the point, yeah. It has then become a useful oil.
0:05:32 > 0:05:38Since whaling stopped, it has some of the same properties as whale oil.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40A lot easier to apprehend.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44Yeah, than a whale, exactly. You just get hold of a jojoba plant
0:05:44 > 0:05:46and it gives off this oil.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49But very few animals eat it. And very few animals are tolerant of it,
0:05:49 > 0:05:52because it is a disgusting oil.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55But not if you're a Bailey's mouse, it's not.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59Exactly. And it was thought to be the only animal that could eat it,
0:05:59 > 0:06:01and, in fact, three others have since been discovered
0:06:01 > 0:06:04that are also capable of surviving on jojoba.
0:06:04 > 0:06:05Pete Burns.
0:06:05 > 0:06:06LAUGHTER
0:06:06 > 0:06:10Pete Burns is one. Shaun Ryder is another.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Yes.
0:06:12 > 0:06:16- Bez.- And Bez, yes. That's your three go-to jojoba guys.
0:06:16 > 0:06:21As an oil, it's a laxative, and so some people use it as a frying oil,
0:06:21 > 0:06:23except that when you fry things in it,
0:06:23 > 0:06:25it just runs through you.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28So it's just a good way of keeping on a diet.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30But mostly Jojoba is used for?
0:06:30 > 0:06:33- Shampoo.- Your skin.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Your skin, shampoo, cosmetics and things.
0:06:35 > 0:06:36Yes.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40- Who was it who made jojoba famous? - Billy Connolly.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44Billy Connolly, exactly, did a famous routine about...
0:06:44 > 0:06:47- BILLY CONNOLLY VOICE:- "Jojoba. What's that? What the fuck's that, jojoba? Jojoba?!"
0:06:47 > 0:06:49LAUGHTER
0:06:49 > 0:06:52He has a way of repeating words, Billy Connolly,
0:06:52 > 0:06:54that I remember many years ago,
0:06:54 > 0:06:57when, for the first time, he was elected President of Israel,
0:06:57 > 0:07:00- and I got this phone call... - Billy Connolly was?!- No.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02LAUGHTER
0:07:02 > 0:07:03I may have...
0:07:03 > 0:07:07BILLY CONNOLLY VOICE: "Mate, I'll tell you what. Israel, it's a lovely place."
0:07:07 > 0:07:10I may have phrased this the wrong way, but this particular person had been,
0:07:10 > 0:07:14and the phone rang and it was Billy Connolly. He didn't introduce himself, he just went,
0:07:14 > 0:07:17"Benjamin Netanyahu?!"
0:07:17 > 0:07:18LAUGHTER
0:07:18 > 0:07:23And I said, "What?" He said, "Benjamin Netanyahu?!"
0:07:23 > 0:07:27And I said, "Sorry, who is this?" He went, "Benjamin Netanyahu?!
0:07:27 > 0:07:33"What's that about? For fuck's sake, Benjamin Netanyahu?!"
0:07:33 > 0:07:34And then he put the phone down.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36LAUGHTER
0:07:36 > 0:07:41It was Billy Connolly riffing on the name "Benjamin Netanyahu."
0:07:41 > 0:07:44Yeah, and he would have done the same with "jojoba."
0:07:44 > 0:07:46- "Jojoba."- "Jojoba."
0:07:46 > 0:07:49- "The month before November," that was the joke, wasn't it?- Exactly.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Sometimes Paul O'Grady phones me up and just goes...
0:07:52 > 0:07:54- PAUL O'GRADY VOICE:- "Ooh, ah, ah, fucking shite..."
0:07:54 > 0:07:56LAUGHTER
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Then hangs up.
0:07:59 > 0:08:05"What's that, get that, no, stop it. No, don't."
0:08:05 > 0:08:08- He doesn't say, "No, don't."- Doesn't he?- No, that's Frankie Howerd.
0:08:08 > 0:08:09Oh, damn!
0:08:09 > 0:08:11LAUGHTER
0:08:11 > 0:08:12So easily confused.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14That was your jojoba.
0:08:14 > 0:08:19Now, who put jolly jumpers on their skyscrapers?
0:08:19 > 0:08:23Is it Cockney rhyming slang? "Jumpers on your skyscrapers."
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Doesn't rhyme with anything, how could it be? LAUGHTER
0:08:26 > 0:08:30It makes no sense at all. Cockney not-rhyming slang.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33COCKNEY VOICE: "I'll put a jumper on the skyscraper." "What's a skyscraper?"
0:08:33 > 0:08:35It rhymes with "rapers," that's all I can...
0:08:35 > 0:08:38Oh, stop it. Stop it right now. No.
0:08:38 > 0:08:39They swoop out of the sky and have you.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42- COCKNEY ACCENT:- "A horrible bunch of skyscrapers."
0:08:42 > 0:08:47Go back in time, go back in time, before tall buildings.
0:08:47 > 0:08:51- What was a skyscraper before there were such things?- A tree?
0:08:51 > 0:08:53- No. - LAUGHTER
0:08:53 > 0:08:57- A hut.- Was it an erection? - LAUGHTER
0:08:57 > 0:09:01No. No, it wasn't that.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Some sort of plane or aviation device? Was it an aviation device?
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Look at the picture, and think...
0:09:08 > 0:09:10- A sail, a mast...!- Oh!
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Yes. The top one was called the skyscraper,
0:09:12 > 0:09:15but above it, there would be another one,
0:09:15 > 0:09:17which was called the jolly jumper.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21And the jolly jumper was the highest sail on a boat.
0:09:21 > 0:09:26So, it would be a sailor who would put a jolly jumper on a skyscraper.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Ah!
0:09:28 > 0:09:30- Isn't that pleasing? - That is quite...
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Yeah. I'm glad you're interested.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Crow's nest - vest!
0:09:34 > 0:09:36LAUGHTER
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Spinnaker... Spinnaker...
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Football commentator!
0:09:41 > 0:09:43LAUGHTER
0:09:43 > 0:09:46So, but, anyway, talking on skyscrapers and jumping -
0:09:46 > 0:09:48and jumping is of course our theme -
0:09:48 > 0:09:52there's a famous kind of jumping that originated in Polynesia.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56- Bungee?- Bungee? - Bungee jumping - how did that begin?
0:09:56 > 0:09:59- It was the tribesmen with the twines, tying themselves up.- Yes.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03- They used vines. - Yeah. Vines, twines... Yeah.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06- Rhyming slang, wasn't it? - Vine, twine...
0:10:06 > 0:10:09- Swine, bine... Yeah. - No, no, vines. So, they tie it round, and then they jump,
0:10:09 > 0:10:12- but they didn't sort of go like that. - They'd tie it round their ankle.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15- It would go into the mud, their head, right into the mud.- Exactly.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18And we have film of precisely that. Here you are - it's pretty scary.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Whoa!
0:10:22 > 0:10:25- That's...- What an idiot! Ha-ha-ha!
0:10:25 > 0:10:26LAUGHTER
0:10:26 > 0:10:29Look at them, laughing their heads off!
0:10:29 > 0:10:32That's the Pentecost Islands, in the South Seas,
0:10:32 > 0:10:34where it was first observed.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36And do you know who brought it to the world's attention?
0:10:36 > 0:10:39- Butlins.- Er, no. - LAUGHTER
0:10:39 > 0:10:42It was David Attenborough, 50 years ago,
0:10:42 > 0:10:44did a documentary in which he showed this,
0:10:44 > 0:10:47and then Oxford Dangerous Sports Society started doing it
0:10:47 > 0:10:49- off Clifton Suspension Bridge... - Yes.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52But the first official bungee jumping
0:10:52 > 0:10:56- was done by AJ Hackett in New Zealand.- New Zealand, Queenstown.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59Near Queenstown. There's the bridge.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02And you're about to see a superhero -
0:11:02 > 0:11:04a man of astounding courage and bravery -
0:11:04 > 0:11:08do a bungee jump off the original AJ Hackett bridge.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11There he is. Can you see him there? He's fat,
0:11:11 > 0:11:14he's... It's... It's me!
0:11:15 > 0:11:17- ALL: Whoa!- Ooh, ow!
0:11:17 > 0:11:20There I am. That was me bungee jumping,
0:11:20 > 0:11:23just last... Earlier this year, in fact.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25- Goodness me! - And do you know, the weird thing is,
0:11:25 > 0:11:29I am the biggest coward in the world. The moment... The moment
0:11:29 > 0:11:31I was picked up by the relief boat,
0:11:31 > 0:11:34I said, "I want to do it again!"
0:11:34 > 0:11:37The adrenalin surge is so enormous,
0:11:37 > 0:11:41it is the biggest fun I've ever had.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Does it... Does it pull at your ankles?!
0:11:43 > 0:11:47The major problem usually is detached retinas, actually.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49- Yes. - People get pop-eyed.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52What about when we went scuba-diving and your mask was too tight?
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Oh! No, no, no.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57- His eyes nearly came out of his head!- Oh!
0:11:57 > 0:11:59LAUGHTER
0:11:59 > 0:12:02Inside the mask, these massive eyes!
0:12:02 > 0:12:05We're all going, "Look at Bill!
0:12:05 > 0:12:08"Check he's all right!" When we found out he was all right,
0:12:08 > 0:12:11I laughed... I laughed my head off!
0:12:11 > 0:12:13- No, wait...- The thing is...
0:12:13 > 0:12:16Wait, wait, wait, wait! Rewind!
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Can we just go back to the bit where you said,
0:12:18 > 0:12:21when you checked we were all right, you laughed your...
0:12:21 > 0:12:25You were laughing from the minute my face came out of the water.
0:12:25 > 0:12:26LAUGHTER
0:12:26 > 0:12:30There was blood pouring out of my eyes,
0:12:30 > 0:12:33- and every...- You had no idea at all! - I had no idea.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36I was going, "What?" And people were going, "Oh, my...!"
0:12:36 > 0:12:38- "Aaagh!"- "Oh, my God!"
0:12:38 > 0:12:41I went, "What? What?" Like Carrie or something,
0:12:41 > 0:12:45- with blood streaming from my eyes. - These huge great eyeballs -
0:12:45 > 0:12:48- it took quite a long time for them to recede as well.- Yes, it did.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50And a lot of laughing was going on.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54I thought you had some sort of magnifying mask on,
0:12:54 > 0:12:57- but when you took the mask off, they were still enormous!- Enormous.
0:12:57 > 0:13:01- Oh!- Anyway, there's an even more extreme form of jumping,
0:13:01 > 0:13:03which is bungee in the dark,
0:13:03 > 0:13:06- where you can't tell how far you've fallen.- Bungee in the dark?
0:13:06 > 0:13:09< That's a cocktail!
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Bungee In The Dark, please!
0:13:11 > 0:13:14You have no idea how far you're going to fall!
0:13:14 > 0:13:17What are bungee ropes usually made of?
0:13:17 > 0:13:20- Elastic.- Erm, latex, yeah.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23- Oh, I've got a suit in latex! - Have you?
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Just had it made.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28I would like a photograph sent to me of that, please.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32- LAUGHTER - In 2008, one Carl Dionisio
0:13:32 > 0:13:37used one made from 18,500 whats
0:13:37 > 0:13:40- joined together? - Socks.- Also latex...
0:13:40 > 0:13:42- Elastic bands?- Tights?- Condoms?
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Condoms is the right answer.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47That's the greatest condom bungee of all time.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50If they all inflated, it would be like the scene from Up
0:13:50 > 0:13:52- when the house turns... - LAUGHTER
0:13:52 > 0:13:56- It would indeed.- And was there just loads of really tired women?
0:13:56 > 0:13:59- Just... Just in his garden?- Yes!
0:13:59 > 0:14:03Anyway, so jumping off a bridge turns out to be as easy
0:14:03 > 0:14:06as falling off a log. Now, how could these weights
0:14:06 > 0:14:10give you an extra 6.5 inches?
0:14:10 > 0:14:13Hang 'em from your cock.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16ALARM
0:14:16 > 0:14:19APPLAUSE
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Oh, dear.
0:14:25 > 0:14:30- Wow.- Is it to do with stretching out your spine?- No.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33- There's some sort of inscription on here.- Yes - in what language?
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Sort of...San... Greek, I'd say.
0:14:36 > 0:14:37- If we put... - Greek is the right answer.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Ah, right. This is the new Greek currency.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Er... LAUGHTER
0:14:45 > 0:14:48APPLAUSE
0:14:51 > 0:14:54Hang on a second, I'll just get Wilma.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Erm...
0:14:56 > 0:14:58You had it the wrong way up!
0:14:58 > 0:15:02- I got no signal, nothing! - Just do it that way.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04No, the other way up - that's it.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07The mad thing is, if Bill and I were to put these two things together,
0:15:07 > 0:15:10we would unleash the apocalypse.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13- So, you're not allowed to, yeah. - Keep them away.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16They're called halteres, they're Greek,
0:15:16 > 0:15:20and they gave you an extra 6.5 inches advantage
0:15:20 > 0:15:23- at a sporting event.- Yeah?- Yeah.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Punting with rocks.
0:15:25 > 0:15:29Is it that if you're hurling them with the other hand,
0:15:29 > 0:15:31- and that weight gives you more of a spin?- That's a thought.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35It's certainly an event in which you are judged
0:15:35 > 0:15:39by the greatest distance you have covered.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41- Well, the long jump is... - Long jumping.
0:15:41 > 0:15:45You use these. At first, when people found them,
0:15:45 > 0:15:48they thought they might be used as a handicap system
0:15:48 > 0:15:52for people who were better at long jumping, to hold them back.
0:15:52 > 0:15:56But actually, you wind it up, you wind it up and wind it up
0:15:56 > 0:16:00and then you jump, and it gives you an extra 6.5 inches advantage.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03And also, you look like that.
0:16:03 > 0:16:08You can see them depicted there, a pair of them hanging on the plate.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Is there some sort of checking system in the Olympics
0:16:11 > 0:16:13to check that people aren't, you know,
0:16:13 > 0:16:16- giving themselves an advantage? - Well, nowadays,
0:16:16 > 0:16:19you would not be allowed to do that, to use these.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Metal implants in their knuckles.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24LAUGHTER You get nipples, and then, you know,
0:16:24 > 0:16:27the piercings - big magnet at the other end...
0:16:27 > 0:16:30Urrrgh!
0:16:30 > 0:16:33You go knockers-first across the line.
0:16:33 > 0:16:38So, the hammer, then? I don't understand...
0:16:38 > 0:16:42That's Celtic. Putting the shot was Celtic, but the original Greek ones
0:16:42 > 0:16:46were the discus, the javelin and standing long jumps.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50Standing long jumps existed until 1912 in the Olympics.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53You didn't run up, you just went, yagh!
0:16:53 > 0:16:56And the record, bizarrely,
0:16:56 > 0:17:00it is pure coincidence, but the record for the standing long jump
0:17:00 > 0:17:02is 12ft, two inches.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04- No way.- And it so happens...- What?
0:17:04 > 0:17:08..that the distance between there and there
0:17:08 > 0:17:10is exactly 12ft, two inches.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12And I'm going to do it for you now!
0:17:12 > 0:17:13LAUGHTER
0:17:13 > 0:17:17The world record standing long jump is exactly that distance.
0:17:17 > 0:17:21Was it set by that man with the flat cap and the cigarette on the right?
0:17:21 > 0:17:24He was furious that this bloke was doing it
0:17:24 > 0:17:26because the other bloke copyrighted the idea.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Yeah, exactly!
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Have you heard of Fierljeppen?
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Leppen. It sounds Scandinavian.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35It exists in East Anglia and Frisia,
0:17:35 > 0:17:37mostly in Holland, though.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39Oh, jumping, jumping the...
0:17:39 > 0:17:41- Jumping the canals. - ..the dykes.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44Jumping between the dykes using a pole. It's a big sport.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46We do it in Norfolk, where I come from.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49You know they've got bridges now?
0:17:49 > 0:17:51It's so much less fun.
0:17:51 > 0:17:52And you can actually see some...
0:17:52 > 0:17:54LAUGHTER
0:17:54 > 0:17:55Mock ye not.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59Watch some film of some splendid Fierljeppen performers
0:17:59 > 0:18:01and you will be impressed.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Here you are. Big run.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Whoa! And...
0:18:05 > 0:18:09Yes! And didn't even fall over.
0:18:09 > 0:18:10Oh, look at that.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Less fortunate.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Just to prove it's not as easy as you think.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18And...oh...
0:18:20 > 0:18:22There you are. Fierljeppen.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Oh... That's a good one.
0:18:24 > 0:18:28Yeah. You could watch that forever, couldn't you?
0:18:28 > 0:18:31They should do that instead of straightforward pole dancing,
0:18:31 > 0:18:34they should just have a loose brass pole,
0:18:34 > 0:18:36then a woman in her pants runs out.
0:18:36 > 0:18:41"Wahey!" And then it's less sexual, you know,
0:18:41 > 0:18:42you can watch her arcing.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44- I think it is sexual, mate.
0:18:44 > 0:18:49You're in desperate, desperate need of help, Ross.
0:18:49 > 0:18:54Now, you have some jump leads and some of old foam.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Show me how to telephone a catfish.
0:18:56 > 0:19:00- Oh.- Jump leads and bits of foam. - All right.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02I want you to show me...
0:19:02 > 0:19:05- Is that actually your phone? - Oh, yeah...
0:19:05 > 0:19:06LAUGHTER
0:19:06 > 0:19:10Using... Using these implements,
0:19:10 > 0:19:13how you would telephone...
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Oh, we thought you said foam.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18We were looking for a sponge!
0:19:18 > 0:19:19LAUGHTER
0:19:19 > 0:19:21- JULIAN:- What have we got to do?
0:19:21 > 0:19:25Using these items, you should be able to telephone a catfish.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27This is like Blue Peter, isn't it?
0:19:27 > 0:19:28Yes, isn't it?
0:19:28 > 0:19:29LAUGHTER
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Catfish!
0:19:31 > 0:19:32LAUGHTER
0:19:32 > 0:19:34- What you have to do...- Argh!
0:19:34 > 0:19:38..telephone...catfish.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41Hello, 118 118?
0:19:41 > 0:19:44Can I have the number of a catfish, please?
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Thank you.
0:19:46 > 0:19:50You're in America, catfish - there, you can see one behind you -
0:19:50 > 0:19:53a highly popular dish all over the southern states,
0:19:53 > 0:19:54Louisiana and places like that,
0:19:54 > 0:20:00there's a way of catching catfish using a telephone.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03- OK, I'm just going to chuck something out here.- Throw it at me.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06I'll tell you what the thing is.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08- There's a small electric current... - Ah!
0:20:08 > 0:20:10- ..that passes through a phone line...- Yeah.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12..so you isolate...
0:20:12 > 0:20:14It passes here, here, here and here.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16LAUGHTER
0:20:16 > 0:20:19Yes, the current passes here, here, here and here.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22Point A, B... Listen carefully, we'll say this only once.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25Then you place the...er... These are called
0:20:25 > 0:20:28the, um, powerful bulldog, um, clips -
0:20:28 > 0:20:32upon the two terminals here and here.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35Thus electrocuting... Aaaaagh!
0:20:35 > 0:20:39I think you've connected the same wire to itself.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Yes, yes, there are a few teething problems, obviously.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45So there we are, there we have a current.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48There's a copper bit there, that must be doing something.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51- Now you place these in the water, near the catfish.- Yes.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55Then you dial - I don't know - 1 800 Catfish...
0:20:55 > 0:20:58LAUGHTER
0:20:58 > 0:21:01And it causes a small current to pass through the water,
0:21:01 > 0:21:04- stunning the catfish, which floats to the surface.- You're absolutely right.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07It was in the early days of telephones actually, to be honest,
0:21:07 > 0:21:09when they used these magnetos,
0:21:09 > 0:21:11it was the old dialaphone thing,
0:21:11 > 0:21:14and you would take that from your phone, the old wind-up phone,
0:21:14 > 0:21:16and you'd crank the handle,
0:21:16 > 0:21:19the fish would be stunned by the electrical current
0:21:19 > 0:21:22and you would simply scoop them up and take them home.
0:21:22 > 0:21:23So it's not specific to catfish?
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Well, it was used for catfish
0:21:25 > 0:21:30and it was so successful that it became essentially illegal
0:21:30 > 0:21:33because it over-fished the catfish population.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35I've seen someone doing that in Thailand with a car battery
0:21:35 > 0:21:37- slung over his shoulder on a strap. - I know, they do it.
0:21:37 > 0:21:42And a pole, and just wading up to his knees and zapping fish.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44And as you'll know, Bill,
0:21:44 > 0:21:47- in Indonesia, they use cyanide and dynamite to fish.- On the tourists!
0:21:47 > 0:21:50Yeah. LAUGHTER
0:21:50 > 0:21:52In Georgia in 1955
0:21:52 > 0:21:56you could get 30 days on a chain gang for telephoning a fish.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59It was called, literally, telephoning the fish.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01There's an academic study called,
0:22:01 > 0:22:05Telephoning Fish: An Examination Of The Creative Deviance
0:22:05 > 0:22:09Used By Wildlife Violators In The United States.
0:22:09 > 0:22:10- Cor!- It was that big of a problem.
0:22:10 > 0:22:14You could probably smash a rabbit's head in with that as well.
0:22:14 > 0:22:18BILL: There's a lot of wildlife could meet a terrible end from this stuff.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22You know, round a panther...
0:22:22 > 0:22:24LAUGHTER
0:22:24 > 0:22:27There was another thing they used to do which was a way of poaching deer.
0:22:27 > 0:22:31In the evenings the deer would mingle with cattle.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33- Socially?- Socially, yeah.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36And you could crawl up behind a cow, with a pistol,
0:22:36 > 0:22:38and you'd shoot the deer.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40But the problem is,
0:22:40 > 0:22:43you're in the middle of a field and you're miles from home,
0:22:43 > 0:22:46so what you would then do is you would get an air pump,
0:22:46 > 0:22:49and you would place it up the rectum of the deer,
0:22:49 > 0:22:52and you would pump it full of air
0:22:52 > 0:22:53and you'd put it on the river
0:22:53 > 0:22:56and it would float downstream to your partner,
0:22:56 > 0:22:58who would then place it on the boat.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00It was a way of transporting poached deer,
0:23:00 > 0:23:03- by pumping them up. - By pumping them with air.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06- Up the jacksy.- I thought they were standing behind the cow
0:23:06 > 0:23:09to shoot the deer so the other deer would think the cow did it.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12LAUGHTER
0:23:12 > 0:23:15But actually it goes further back than that.
0:23:15 > 0:23:19Native Americans used walnuts and buckeye leaves
0:23:19 > 0:23:20to grind and drop in the water
0:23:20 > 0:23:24which would instantly de-oxygenate the water downstream
0:23:24 > 0:23:26and the fish would come straight to the surface.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28- Cunning.- Which is very, very clever.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30There are ways of catching fish
0:23:30 > 0:23:32that are sort of unfair.
0:23:32 > 0:23:36It's very easy. I've caught mackerel with nothing that resembles
0:23:36 > 0:23:40- a lure of fish. - A simple shopping trolley.
0:23:40 > 0:23:45Just by... They're so stupid, they really are,
0:23:45 > 0:23:48that anything - you could just lower a piece of paper
0:23:48 > 0:23:49with "hook" written on it!
0:23:49 > 0:23:52LAUGHTER
0:23:54 > 0:23:55Poor mackerel!
0:23:55 > 0:23:58"Go on, swim to the shore and fling yourself onto the beach." "OK!"
0:23:58 > 0:24:02So it's time to put away our telephones and our objects, if we can.
0:24:02 > 0:24:06All right, OK, so much for telephoning fish,
0:24:06 > 0:24:08how about jumping camels?
0:24:08 > 0:24:10- What?- Jumping camels?
0:24:10 > 0:24:12- Jumping camels?- Yeah.
0:24:12 > 0:24:16What, do you mean without any kind of a chit-chat before, just...?
0:24:19 > 0:24:21"Jump the beast."
0:24:21 > 0:24:24- Just straight in.- In the Yemen. - In the desert as well.- In the Yemen.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27I don't believe a camel can jump. I don't think it can lift itself.
0:24:27 > 0:24:28It's not the camels jumping.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31- Do you jump from one camel to another?- It's more than that.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34- Think Eddie Kidd. - Oh, jumping over, right.- Yeah.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Stunt bikes.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38- Stunt, not bike, though.- Oh.
0:24:38 > 0:24:43- Just simply by your own human power, leaping over camels.- What?!
0:24:43 > 0:24:45The record is six.
0:24:45 > 0:24:51One human being can run up and leap over six dromedaries.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54- With a trampoline or something? - No, there's a small amount of dirt
0:24:54 > 0:24:57laid up as a kind of jumping-off point, but no trampoline.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59No bicycle pump involved?
0:24:59 > 0:25:00LAUGHTER
0:25:00 > 0:25:02No bicycle pump.
0:25:02 > 0:25:06Yemen has some of the world's severest water shortages.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09It's got a 50th of the average of the world's water supply.
0:25:09 > 0:25:13Despite the fact that they have so little water,
0:25:13 > 0:25:1540% of the water they have
0:25:15 > 0:25:18- is spent on cultivating what? - Golf courses.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21No, they don't have that in Yemen, no.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24Something that they're addicted to.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26- Coffee? Tea?- Something they chew.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28- Oh, khat?- Chewing gum!
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Khat! Khat is the right answer.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33- Khat, there it is, khat. - They chew cats?
0:25:33 > 0:25:36- You can see it behind you.- Not cats.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Khat. Khat is a herb, it's a slight stimulant.
0:25:38 > 0:25:42It's not like cocaine or speed or anything like that.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46- No.- It's not like an amphetamine, it's more like an espresso.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49- Well...- It gives you a kind of buzz.- Yeah, it's like an Aero.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52- Or... - LAUGHTER
0:25:54 > 0:25:57It's about a third of the economic activity of the Yemen...
0:25:57 > 0:26:00- No wonder they're doing so well. - ..goes into khat.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03Do they have khat houses in London
0:26:03 > 0:26:05where people actually go around and chew it?
0:26:05 > 0:26:07Yemeni blokes just sit around...
0:26:07 > 0:26:08for days on end.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11All the men get huge pouchy cheeks
0:26:11 > 0:26:14because they fill with so much...
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Well, I know where I'm going for my holidays!
0:26:16 > 0:26:18LAUGHTER
0:26:21 > 0:26:23All right, OK.
0:26:25 > 0:26:26So...
0:26:26 > 0:26:27while we're there...
0:26:27 > 0:26:30what did the environmentalist say to the camel?
0:26:30 > 0:26:34"Stop farting." Is it that they produce a lot of methane?
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Yes, they do. Where in particular?
0:26:36 > 0:26:38ROSS: Out of their arse?
0:26:38 > 0:26:42- Why did I ask?- Just a guess.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44APPLAUSE
0:26:44 > 0:26:49- But no, there is a particular place where camels are...- Known for it.
0:26:49 > 0:26:53- ..extremely numerous.- Egypt. - Yes, but this is a place where...
0:26:53 > 0:26:54Australia, is it Australia?
0:26:54 > 0:26:57- Australia.- They've got more wild camels in Australia
0:26:57 > 0:26:58than anywhere else on the planet.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01Exactly, they have the highest number of feral camels.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03In fact, they have 1.2 million of them.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05- They're like rats, they're vermin. - Yeah.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08- They get in your house, it's a nightmare.- And you can see...
0:27:08 > 0:27:11Only that sign could be Australia, couldn't it? Look at it.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13Camel, wombat, kangaroo.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16But the fact is, they export them to Arabia,
0:27:16 > 0:27:18- for meat and for racing. - That's right.
0:27:18 > 0:27:22Because they're a finer, a finer sort of species of camel.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25They were brought over originally as a pack animal to Australia.
0:27:25 > 0:27:28They seemed very natural because Australia is a dry country
0:27:28 > 0:27:31and camels survive well, obviously, in dry climates.
0:27:31 > 0:27:35People thought, "perfect". But of course, they bred and bred and bred
0:27:35 > 0:27:38and suddenly you've got these 1.2 million camels.
0:27:38 > 0:27:43And they do an enormous amount of anal wind expulsion.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45They were on at Download, actually.
0:27:47 > 0:27:4845...
0:27:49 > 0:27:54- It's actually...- They supported Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark!
0:27:54 > 0:27:57- To be fair to them, it's not so much anal as oral.- Oh, yeah.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59It's 45 kilograms of methane a year.
0:27:59 > 0:28:02God, you wouldn't want to stick one of them in a river!
0:28:02 > 0:28:05It'd be like a speed boat, wouldn't it?
0:28:05 > 0:28:07"I've shot a camel." Vrrrrroooom!
0:28:07 > 0:28:11It's the equivalent of a metric tonne of CO2,
0:28:11 > 0:28:13in its impact on global warming.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16It's quite extraordinary. It's a sixth the amount of the average car.
0:28:16 > 0:28:21So, now there's a company called Northwest Carbon,
0:28:21 > 0:28:25which has set up a thing where you offset your carbon footprint,
0:28:25 > 0:28:27if you're an Australian car driver,
0:28:27 > 0:28:29by paying this company to go and shoot camels.
0:28:31 > 0:28:33Which is...
0:28:33 > 0:28:34basically a bit unfair,
0:28:34 > 0:28:36because, let's face it,
0:28:36 > 0:28:41Europeans with cars are as unnatural to Australia as camels are,
0:28:41 > 0:28:43and it seems a bit unfair.
0:28:43 > 0:28:46- Why shouldn't the camels shoot the humans?- Yes.
0:28:46 > 0:28:47Here's a thing, though.
0:28:47 > 0:28:51While we're talking about all this whole business of ecology,
0:28:51 > 0:28:55Sainsbury's, the supermarket chain, very useful supermarket chain.
0:28:55 > 0:28:59The great thing about Sainsbury's, it keeps the scum out of Waitrose.
0:29:00 > 0:29:03APPLAUSE
0:29:05 > 0:29:09- All right, here's an initiative announced by Sainsbury's.- Go on.
0:29:09 > 0:29:13By reducing the diameter of the tube of a loo roll
0:29:13 > 0:29:18from 123mm to 112mm,
0:29:18 > 0:29:21right, just 11mm reduction,
0:29:21 > 0:29:26they will be able to fit more rolls into the same lorry.
0:29:26 > 0:29:29Given the scale of the loo roll market -
0:29:29 > 0:29:32we use 45 to 50 rolls a year each!
0:29:34 > 0:29:36And that's including you.
0:29:36 > 0:29:38I do that of a weekend.
0:29:38 > 0:29:39Yes, all right.
0:29:39 > 0:29:45This will mean 500 fewer lorry trips a year,
0:29:45 > 0:29:47just by doing that,
0:29:47 > 0:29:51by reducing the centre tube by 11mm.
0:29:51 > 0:29:55- Wow.- This is the principal difference between men and women, in my view.
0:29:55 > 0:29:59The amount of loo roll that women use is unbelievable.
0:30:00 > 0:30:02I mean, a roll can go in one visit.
0:30:02 > 0:30:04- Really?- To be fair, though...
0:30:04 > 0:30:06Just wrapping it round.
0:30:06 > 0:30:07What's that?
0:30:10 > 0:30:14At least women don't pee all over the floor.
0:30:14 > 0:30:17You know that's not true.
0:30:17 > 0:30:19APPLAUSE
0:30:19 > 0:30:21Ah, a lot of women clapping there.
0:30:21 > 0:30:23Obviously, they do use more loo roll
0:30:23 > 0:30:26but it's a lot harder for them to shake than it is for us,
0:30:26 > 0:30:27do you know what I mean?
0:30:27 > 0:30:30Cheeky flick, everything's fine.
0:30:30 > 0:30:32For a woman to do that, she's got to get on a swing.
0:30:35 > 0:30:38Or one of those power plates, you know, the ones that go...
0:30:39 > 0:30:40Right.
0:30:40 > 0:30:42Just, go like this.
0:30:42 > 0:30:43One of those.
0:30:43 > 0:30:47You wouldn't need a power plate. All you need is a vibrating loo.
0:30:47 > 0:30:49Oh, that's it, there you go.
0:30:49 > 0:30:51You sit on it, you have a wee, press a button...
0:30:51 > 0:30:55Trouble with that is, they'd never get off it.
0:30:55 > 0:30:57"Where is she?"
0:30:57 > 0:30:58APPLAUSE
0:30:58 > 0:31:02"Are you coming out of there?" "I'm nearly there!"
0:31:02 > 0:31:04Oh, God. Oh, God.
0:31:04 > 0:31:06"I think I've got diarrhoea."
0:31:06 > 0:31:09Now here's the question, here's...
0:31:09 > 0:31:12The Shake n' Vac. Drink and leave the water.
0:31:12 > 0:31:16I have to tell you, I have to tell you that the little baby Jesus,
0:31:16 > 0:31:18whom I have never believed in, until this minute,
0:31:18 > 0:31:21has told me to change the subject.
0:31:21 > 0:31:25- So...- Aw!- All right. We're going to jump.- I was just getting started.
0:31:25 > 0:31:27- We're going to jump to Spain. - We're on a roll.
0:31:27 > 0:31:29We're on a roll! We're on a roll!
0:31:29 > 0:31:33- We're on a roll!- Come on! Come on!
0:31:33 > 0:31:37APPLAUSE
0:31:37 > 0:31:40Why do these babies have nothing to fear?
0:31:40 > 0:31:44There are men jumping over them, but why have they nothing to fear?
0:31:44 > 0:31:48- Yes.- It's a real event that happens in Spain.
0:31:48 > 0:31:49Baby jumping?
0:31:49 > 0:31:52Baby jumping, it's the baby jumping festival, El Colacho.
0:31:52 > 0:31:54- El Colacho!- Yes.- Yes, of course.
0:31:54 > 0:32:00Near Burgos in Northern Spain, in the Castrillo de Murcia.
0:32:00 > 0:32:04The reason is that these babies have been purged of their original sin
0:32:04 > 0:32:09in this ceremony, so that if they die, they won't go to hell.
0:32:09 > 0:32:13Burgos has the largest cathedral in Spain.
0:32:13 > 0:32:16- It's absolutely enormous. - It's a very huge cathedral. Yeah.
0:32:16 > 0:32:18I love the concept of original sin.
0:32:18 > 0:32:21It's like you go to confess and you go in and the priest goes,
0:32:21 > 0:32:23"That's not original enough."
0:32:23 > 0:32:26- It's derivative sin. - "All right, then, I got a transit van
0:32:26 > 0:32:29"and then pushed it into a bouncy castle."
0:32:29 > 0:32:32"Yep, I haven't heard that before. You can have a blessing."
0:32:32 > 0:32:36The Catholic Church is slightly embarrassed about this festival...
0:32:36 > 0:32:38I was thinking, on the vibrating loo,
0:32:38 > 0:32:40you'd have different speeds, wouldn't you?
0:32:42 > 0:32:44Like a dial.
0:32:44 > 0:32:47Like side to side, forwards and backwards, round and round.
0:32:47 > 0:32:49But basically...
0:32:50 > 0:32:53Al, then one like the waltzers that goes like that.
0:32:59 > 0:33:02There are no reports of injured babies.
0:33:02 > 0:33:04Oh, all right.
0:33:04 > 0:33:08So you may prefer to indulge in a Japanese ceremony
0:33:08 > 0:33:10called the Hadaka Matsuri.
0:33:10 > 0:33:13It's the Naked Festival.
0:33:13 > 0:33:17- Raw baby-eating.- Yeah, it takes place in Okayama. There they are.
0:33:17 > 0:33:19A 500-year-old event.
0:33:19 > 0:33:24It culminates in 9,000 men in loincloths, wrestling in mud.
0:33:24 > 0:33:26Are they all men? Some of them look like women.
0:33:26 > 0:33:29- They're all men.- There's a woman in the middle there, surely.
0:33:29 > 0:33:31No, she's a man. He's a man.
0:33:33 > 0:33:35And in the end, the lucky man
0:33:35 > 0:33:40gets thrown a pair of sticks by a Shinto priest at around midnight
0:33:40 > 0:33:45and the winner thrusts the sticks into a wooden box filled with rice
0:33:45 > 0:33:47and is granted a year of happiness.
0:33:47 > 0:33:51It seems a perfectly normal way to behave to me, don't you think?
0:33:51 > 0:33:53So run me through it again.
0:33:54 > 0:33:58- You get a pair of sticks... - 9,000 naked men wrestle in mud...
0:33:58 > 0:34:00BILL: With great big pouchy mouths!
0:34:03 > 0:34:05..and then eventually...
0:34:06 > 0:34:09a Shinto priest throws two sticks to the winner,
0:34:09 > 0:34:13who sticks it in some rice and is granted happiness.
0:34:13 > 0:34:15- OK.- Yeah.- I love rice.
0:34:17 > 0:34:21Five stars on Trip Adviser, this, wouldn't it? Yeah.
0:34:21 > 0:34:26All right, jumping out of planes now.
0:34:26 > 0:34:30OK, what happens if you wear your parachute upside down?
0:34:30 > 0:34:31MUSIC: "Jump" by Van Halen
0:34:31 > 0:34:34Are you going to say you get back on the plane?
0:34:34 > 0:34:35Yes, Bill? You were in first.
0:34:35 > 0:34:39I was going to say that you... it just comes out the wrong way...
0:34:39 > 0:34:42and...you're fine.
0:34:42 > 0:34:43LAUGHTER
0:34:45 > 0:34:46- It's inside out.- Yes.
0:34:46 > 0:34:48You go upwards and you get back on the plane.
0:34:48 > 0:34:50ALARM
0:34:53 > 0:34:55I think you'd be all right, wouldn't you?
0:34:55 > 0:34:58The parachute would catch the air anyway and open?
0:34:58 > 0:34:59I have some experience of this.
0:34:59 > 0:35:01- Yes, go on, tell us. - I've done a tandem jump.
0:35:01 > 0:35:05I was once tossed through a hatch, strapped to a Red Devil.
0:35:05 > 0:35:07LAUGHTER
0:35:11 > 0:35:13My life sort of flashed before me.
0:35:13 > 0:35:16- Yes.- And I thought the parachute wasn't going to come up.
0:35:16 > 0:35:18But obviously it did, or I wouldn't be here.
0:35:18 > 0:35:21But I did ask...Keith, his name was.
0:35:21 > 0:35:22Keith the Red Devil.
0:35:22 > 0:35:27Yes. ..what would happen. It doesn't bear thinking about, apparently.
0:35:27 > 0:35:29- You would die.- You really would die.
0:35:29 > 0:35:32Did you ask him this on the way down? "Keith? Keith?"
0:35:32 > 0:35:34"Shut up! Just shut up!"
0:35:35 > 0:35:38You can't speak at all. Before the parachute goes up,
0:35:38 > 0:35:41you're falling so quickly your cheeks are out here.
0:35:41 > 0:35:44- Pouch-like.- Pouch-like.
0:35:44 > 0:35:46You see, a theme is emerging.
0:35:46 > 0:35:50And, um, and I had a camera attached to my helmet...
0:35:50 > 0:35:52- which, um... - LAUGHTER
0:35:52 > 0:35:56Behave. Everyone is to behave.
0:35:57 > 0:35:59Just because Julian said "helmet",
0:35:59 > 0:36:03it's not a cue for laughter.
0:36:03 > 0:36:06- This is a butch moment. - It's a night out, isn't it?
0:36:08 > 0:36:12Anyway, you couldn't speak because of the velocity of the wind
0:36:12 > 0:36:13filling up every orifice.
0:36:13 > 0:36:15Can I have a point?
0:36:15 > 0:36:18You certainly can. You're absolutely right, yes.
0:36:18 > 0:36:19APPLAUSE
0:36:21 > 0:36:24The problem with the early days of parachuting was
0:36:24 > 0:36:29the standard-shaped parachute would cause a lot of waving back and forwards,
0:36:29 > 0:36:34so someone said maybe a V-shaped parachute would be a good idea,
0:36:34 > 0:36:37a 61-year-old water colourist called Cocker.
0:36:37 > 0:36:40Cocking, I beg your pardon, Cocking.
0:36:40 > 0:36:43- Robert Cocking.- Can we have, like, an innuendo buzzer?
0:36:43 > 0:36:47- Cock, helmet... - His name was Robert Cocking.
0:36:47 > 0:36:51And he tried out, in 1837, the V-shaped
0:36:51 > 0:36:55and he became parachuting's first fatality.
0:36:57 > 0:37:00You've probably got this on the cards, but you know the...
0:37:00 > 0:37:04The SAS, you know how they do the old abseiling out of the helicopters?
0:37:04 > 0:37:08- Yes.- Rappelling, you're thinking of. - What?
0:37:08 > 0:37:09Rappelling.
0:37:09 > 0:37:12How dare you.
0:37:12 > 0:37:14BILL: Speed rappelling.
0:37:14 > 0:37:18Yeah, they experimented parachuting out of helicopters
0:37:18 > 0:37:21and, of course, the downdraught caved the thing in
0:37:21 > 0:37:22and they'd just die.
0:37:22 > 0:37:25So that's why they did the rappelling,
0:37:25 > 0:37:26as I like to call it.
0:37:26 > 0:37:28LAUGHTER
0:37:28 > 0:37:31Very good. It sucks up into the updraught, which you don't want.
0:37:31 > 0:37:34You don't want to get sucked up into... Oh, what?
0:37:34 > 0:37:36Stop it, stop it.
0:37:36 > 0:37:38IMITATES INNUENDO ALARM
0:37:38 > 0:37:40Cocking...
0:37:40 > 0:37:43BILL IMITATES INNUENDO ALARM
0:37:43 > 0:37:45A massive down draught... Whoop!
0:37:45 > 0:37:49Cocking tried to involve himself with a balloon and he went up
0:37:49 > 0:37:52too fast and it was a big disaster.
0:37:52 > 0:37:53Went up too fast.
0:37:53 > 0:37:55Yep, "went up too fast", tick.
0:37:55 > 0:38:00He died on the spot and the landlord of the pub where he landed
0:38:00 > 0:38:02charged people sixpence to look at his body
0:38:02 > 0:38:05and made £10, which is quite a successful...
0:38:05 > 0:38:08He was lying there stiff as a board. Whoop, whoop.
0:38:08 > 0:38:13His widow successfully sued him and he had to pay the £10 back.
0:38:13 > 0:38:16But who was it who proposed a parachute, back in 1485?
0:38:16 > 0:38:17Proposed a parachute?
0:38:17 > 0:38:20Yes, suggested the idea of a parachute.
0:38:20 > 0:38:23- Bound to be Da Vinci. - It was indeed Leonardo Da Vinci.
0:38:23 > 0:38:26BILL: Leonardo DiCaprio.
0:38:26 > 0:38:28He never tested it practically.
0:38:28 > 0:38:33The first actual jump with a parachute was made in 1783.
0:38:33 > 0:38:35Which is quite early, isn't it?
0:38:35 > 0:38:38By somebody called Louis-Sebastien Lenormand,
0:38:38 > 0:38:39from a height of only four metres.
0:38:39 > 0:38:42So there you are, that's your parachuting.
0:38:42 > 0:38:46Now, this is fun. It's a dubious theory about jumping foxes.
0:38:46 > 0:38:49- NEWSREEL:- "A dubious theory, from Stephen Fry."
0:38:49 > 0:38:51NEEDLE SCRATCHES
0:38:51 > 0:38:54According to researchers from the Czech Republic,
0:38:54 > 0:38:58foxes prefer to pounce on their prey in a north-easterly direction.
0:38:58 > 0:39:05As long as they do so, they are successful 73% of the time.
0:39:05 > 0:39:07If they jump in some other direction,
0:39:07 > 0:39:10they are much less successful - 18% of the time.
0:39:10 > 0:39:12So the researchers think
0:39:12 > 0:39:16they must be using the Earth's magnetic field in some way
0:39:16 > 0:39:18which we don't yet understand.
0:39:18 > 0:39:23Dubious or not? Visit foxyschmoxy.co.uk
0:39:23 > 0:39:26and then decide for yourself, if you dare.
0:39:26 > 0:39:29- NEWSREEL:- "A dubious theory, from Stephen Fry."
0:39:29 > 0:39:31NEEDLE SCRATCHES
0:39:31 > 0:39:34- Yes, it is actually true that foxes do...- Really?
0:39:34 > 0:39:39Yep, the vast majority of their pounces, on mice, in particular,
0:39:39 > 0:39:42are in exactly that direction.
0:39:42 > 0:39:46In the northern hemisphere, the magnetic field tilts downwards
0:39:46 > 0:39:50at about 65 degrees.
0:39:50 > 0:39:52The fox searches for the spot
0:39:52 > 0:39:55where the angle of the sound hitting its ears
0:39:55 > 0:39:59matches the slope of the Earth's magnetic field.
0:39:59 > 0:40:01It knows it's then a fixed distance away
0:40:01 > 0:40:05and can accurately leap on the mouse.
0:40:05 > 0:40:08It seems to be that it does have some very strong bearing
0:40:08 > 0:40:10on the Earth's magnetic fields.
0:40:10 > 0:40:14While we're on the subject of snow, we should look at avalanches.
0:40:14 > 0:40:19What should you not do if there's a danger of an avalanche?
0:40:19 > 0:40:20Make a loud noise.
0:40:21 > 0:40:23- ALARM - Ooh, Julian, Julian,
0:40:23 > 0:40:25I wish you hadn't said that.
0:40:25 > 0:40:29No. Although it's a convenient plot device in movies,
0:40:29 > 0:40:33the idea of a gunshot, or a shout or a loud noise
0:40:33 > 0:40:36causing an avalanche is a complete fallacy.
0:40:36 > 0:40:40- Oh, I'm sure I've seen it in a film. - As I say, it does happen in films.
0:40:40 > 0:40:42But not in real life.
0:40:42 > 0:40:47Look at this one here. Look at it, coming straight at the camera.
0:40:47 > 0:40:48This is scary.
0:40:48 > 0:40:50Look at that.
0:40:50 > 0:40:51Jesus.
0:40:51 > 0:40:52I mean, that is... Argh.
0:40:52 > 0:40:55ALAN: I'd love it if it came over Julian and Ross.
0:40:57 > 0:41:00It's going to hit the camera at any minute.
0:41:01 > 0:41:04Bang. All right, so...
0:41:04 > 0:41:06we're now going to have something incredibly exciting -
0:41:06 > 0:41:10at least, I hope it's exciting. It's a jolly jape.
0:41:10 > 0:41:12- I do love my jolly japes. - I love a jolly jape.
0:41:12 > 0:41:15I've got here a little...
0:41:15 > 0:41:19What I'm going to try and do is try and create something
0:41:19 > 0:41:21that will make you think, "No!
0:41:21 > 0:41:25"No, Stephen, this is not possible!
0:41:25 > 0:41:28"Stephen, I will now bow down and worship you forever."
0:41:28 > 0:41:31I'm going to try and create...
0:41:31 > 0:41:33a square bubble.
0:41:33 > 0:41:38- No!- "Shut up, Stephen!"
0:41:38 > 0:41:41- I'm on the verge of worshipping you forever.- Yeah, exactly.
0:41:41 > 0:41:43How would you not be? A square bubble.
0:41:43 > 0:41:46- Shut the front door. - So I've got this here,
0:41:46 > 0:41:48can you see that bubble there?
0:41:48 > 0:41:49- Oh!- Wow!
0:41:49 > 0:41:51It's not yet square,
0:41:51 > 0:41:53but if I blow...
0:41:55 > 0:41:56Look at that!
0:41:56 > 0:41:58No way!
0:41:58 > 0:41:59- Square bubble.- Oh!
0:41:59 > 0:42:01Square bubble!
0:42:01 > 0:42:06APPLAUSE
0:42:07 > 0:42:09How amazing is that?
0:42:09 > 0:42:11Very cool.
0:42:11 > 0:42:14On television, virtually live, "as live", as we say,
0:42:14 > 0:42:18it's probably the only interesting and important thing
0:42:18 > 0:42:20I've ever done in my life.
0:42:20 > 0:42:24But I'm proud, and thank you for enjoying my square bubble.
0:42:24 > 0:42:26Well, that's the jolly jape.
0:42:26 > 0:42:30And on that bubble-shell, I jump over to the scoreboard.
0:42:30 > 0:42:34I suppose I have to begin at the bottom.
0:42:34 > 0:42:35- Julian...- No!
0:42:35 > 0:42:38Unfortunately, you scored minus seven points.
0:42:38 > 0:42:41APPLAUSE
0:42:43 > 0:42:46- Alan, you are at third place, with minus four.- Thank you.
0:42:46 > 0:42:48APPLAUSE
0:42:51 > 0:42:54In second place, with five points,
0:42:54 > 0:42:55Ross Noble.
0:42:55 > 0:42:57APPLAUSE
0:42:59 > 0:43:00And just one point ahead,
0:43:00 > 0:43:03on plus six, is Bill Bailey.
0:43:03 > 0:43:06APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:43:12 > 0:43:15Well, that's all from Julian, Ross, Bill, Alan and me.
0:43:15 > 0:43:20Be adorable to each other always. Good night.
0:43:20 > 0:43:23APPLAUSE
0:43:41 > 0:43:45Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd