0:00:28 > 0:00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:30 > 0:00:37Well, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening,
0:00:37 > 0:00:40and that's the fewest times I've ever said good evening,
0:00:40 > 0:00:41and welcome to QI,
0:00:41 > 0:00:46where tonight we'll be journeying to jestinations beginning with J.
0:00:46 > 0:00:50And joining me are the jet-skiing Sandi Toksvig...
0:00:50 > 0:00:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:54 > 0:00:58..the jet-setting Susan Calman...
0:00:58 > 0:01:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:00 > 0:01:03The jet-engined Bill Bailey...
0:01:03 > 0:01:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:06 > 0:01:12..and, still being probed by Gatwick security, Alan Davies.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:17 > 0:01:22Now let's hear your buzzers. And Sandi goes...
0:01:22 > 0:01:24RACING CAR
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Susan goes...
0:01:27 > 0:01:28JET ENGINE
0:01:30 > 0:01:31Bill goes...
0:01:31 > 0:01:33FAST VEHICLE ENGINE
0:01:34 > 0:01:36And Alan goes...
0:01:36 > 0:01:38CAR ENGINE CHOKES
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Try that again.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43CHOKES AGAIN
0:01:43 > 0:01:46- No, it's never going to work, is it? - Flooded it.- Yeah, absolutely.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49Well, let's have an easy one to start with.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53Strictly speaking, where does the phrase Chariots Of Fire come from?
0:01:53 > 0:01:56- It's a film.- It's a film. - Where did it originate?
0:01:56 > 0:01:58It's something to do with this.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01Where does the phrase originate?
0:02:01 > 0:02:04- It's a quotation. - SANDI: It's a quotation.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07- From what?- Shakespeare, must be Shakespeare.- No.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09BILL: Oh, the Chariots Of Fire.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Wordsworth, Jerusalem, the hymn Jerusalem.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14ALARM BELLS
0:02:15 > 0:02:19- You fell finally into our trap. - Finally! It took a while. Sorry, it's the first question.
0:02:19 > 0:02:24It was slightly embarrassing how long it took you to get the wrong answer.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Yes, I did start by saying "strictly speaking".
0:02:26 > 0:02:30Strictly speaking it comes from a poem by William Blake, called...?
0:02:30 > 0:02:32- Chariots Of Fire.- No.
0:02:35 > 0:02:36I'm ashamed of you.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39You must know the first line of...
0:02:39 > 0:02:42I must, but I can't be arsed to tell you.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45- Well, you're not English, that's fair.- Fair.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47- And...- And did...
0:02:47 > 0:02:50- BILL & SANDI: Those feet in ancient times.- Thank you!
0:02:50 > 0:02:51Finally we got there.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53- Oh, I know that!- Yes!
0:02:53 > 0:02:56That's the name of the poem
0:02:56 > 0:02:59- from which the line "chariots of fire" comes.- Oh.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01The tune is called Jerusalem.
0:03:01 > 0:03:02# And did those feet... #
0:03:02 > 0:03:04And it's referred, mistakenly as a hymn.
0:03:04 > 0:03:05# In ancient times... #
0:03:05 > 0:03:08Thank you for starting in my key.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10# Walk upon England's la la la... #
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Come on!
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Bring... Oh, clouds unfold.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20Yes, really what I'm after is, what does it mean? And whose feet?
0:03:20 > 0:03:25"And did those feet in ancient times appear on England's mountains green." Whose feet?
0:03:25 > 0:03:30- Jesus, surely.- Right. So what is the story of Jesus coming to England?
0:03:30 > 0:03:33- Is there a film about it?- Yes.
0:03:33 > 0:03:38- Not to my knowledge. - Well, then, I'm in trouble. I am, as they say, out of...
0:03:38 > 0:03:41This is what people say when they don't know the answer - "I'm out of my comfort zone."
0:03:41 > 0:03:45You have been the equivalent of
0:03:45 > 0:03:48- sitting on spikes for the last ten years, Alan.- Yeah!
0:03:48 > 0:03:51I have yet to discover your comfort zone.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54- OK, listen, there is a legend that Jesus came to England.- Yes.
0:03:54 > 0:03:59And did those feet, his feet, in ancient time...
0:03:59 > 0:04:02And he was said to have gone to a particular place.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06- SANDI: Was it Glastonbury? - The audience know. Ah, thank you.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08- Glastonbury. - Glastonbury. Glastonbury Tor.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12- And he went with his uncle. What was his uncle's name?- Bob.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16- Uncle Bob Christ? - Bob's your uncle.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20Yeah, they were a bit more...
0:04:20 > 0:04:24Surely they were more informal in those times, surely. Bob Christ.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26- His uncle's name was the same as his father's name.- Joseph.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29- Joseph.- Joseph. And he was named after a place.
0:04:29 > 0:04:33Is it like working with very slow children, Stephen?
0:04:33 > 0:04:35- BILL: Arimathea.- Thank you!
0:04:35 > 0:04:39- Say it again so the camera can get it, clearly.- Right. Oh, OK.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41- This is a new thing we're doing. - Hang on a second.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43ALAN'S BUZZER
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Hey, hang on!
0:04:45 > 0:04:46You had your chance.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49- I was just composing my face. - Joseph of Arimathea.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51No, I said it! I said it!
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Joseph of Arimathea.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57I'm going to throw cold water over you both in a minute.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Joseph of Arimathea.
0:04:59 > 0:05:00ALAN'S BUZZER
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Joseph of Arimathea!
0:05:02 > 0:05:05It was the first ever Glastonbury Festival, if you will.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09It was that Jesus supposedly came with his uncle, Joseph of Arimathea,
0:05:09 > 0:05:11who is mentioned in the Gospels,
0:05:11 > 0:05:14although, it has to be said, Arimathea is only mentioned once,
0:05:14 > 0:05:17and that is in relation to the place Joseph came from.
0:05:17 > 0:05:22No-one knows where it is, where it was, where it could have been. Anyway...
0:05:22 > 0:05:24It could have been a falafel tent. Nobody knows.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Jesus was effectively the first act, then.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31- He was the first act ever to appear at Glasto. - He was the first on at Glastonbury.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35Was he a juggler? Did he have bongos? Was he doing the diablo thing?
0:05:35 > 0:05:37He did holistic balancing.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Three rooms of banging scripture.
0:05:39 > 0:05:40All right, OK.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44So there was a myth that Jesus and Joseph of Arimathea came...
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Supposedly, Joseph of Arimathea was after tin,
0:05:46 > 0:05:51and he came with Jesus, went to Glastonbury Tor and there's a tree.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54SANDI: Tree, isn't there, the Glastonbury tree. Did Mary come?
0:05:54 > 0:05:57- Supposedly, it was planted... Sorry?- Mary, the mother.
0:05:57 > 0:06:01- I just wondered if Mum came as well. - I don't think she did. - Boys' weekend.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03We don't know. Boys' weekend!
0:06:03 > 0:06:08But I will give you 20 points each if you can mention the two other places the myth says they went to.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11Glastonbury is one, but they were said to have gone to two other places.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13- Wait! I know this.- Torquay?- No.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17Because there's a group called the Aetherius Society, and they believe...
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Oh, they're your neighbours, aren't they?
0:06:19 > 0:06:21They're my neighbours in Devon,
0:06:21 > 0:06:24and they believe that Christ appeared to them on the top of this hill,
0:06:24 > 0:06:30and the founder of the Aetherius Society said he was doing the washing-up in his flat,
0:06:30 > 0:06:32and he heard a voice say,
0:06:32 > 0:06:38"You have been chosen as the planetary representative of Earth."
0:06:38 > 0:06:42So, immediately, he went, "Oh, right. I'd better do that, then."
0:06:42 > 0:06:47- So he left the drying up?- He left the drying up to someone else. - And the putting away?
0:06:47 > 0:06:50Can I just ask how much Bill knows about washing up?
0:06:50 > 0:06:54Cos you do it like you're typing. You did that for washing up.
0:06:54 > 0:06:58It's just a little, gentle caress of each thing.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01And then that to get rid of the plates.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04- He eats his dinner off old keyboards.- Yeah.
0:07:04 > 0:07:05That's my life.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08- Anyway, the places were, in fact, Penzance was one.- Oh!
0:07:08 > 0:07:09And the other was Falmouth.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12- Oh, I see. - And I'm sure he had a lovely time.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15- A pasty, did he have a pasty? - He would have had a pasty.
0:07:15 > 0:07:20Now, what can you tell me, as we were on the subject of Jerusalem, about the Jerusalem artichoke?
0:07:20 > 0:07:22- Well, it isn't.- It isn't what?
0:07:22 > 0:07:24From Jerusalem.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27It's not from Jerusalem is right. That's absolutely correct.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30What else can you tell me? You said it's not from Jerusalem.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32- It's not an artichoke. - And it's not an artichoke.
0:07:32 > 0:07:36- Aaah.- Do you know why?- It's just a lie. The whole thing's a lie. It's annoying.
0:07:36 > 0:07:40Jerusalem artichoke, not from Jerusalem, not an artichoke, you don't know where you are.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43The word Jerusalem is a corruption of what it actually is.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46We used to grow them in America.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49When I grew up in New York, we grew them. They look like sunflowers.
0:07:49 > 0:07:54Oddly enough, you say America, it is the only endemic, original,
0:07:54 > 0:07:57natural vegetable from North America.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59- Is that right?- There is none other.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Potatoes come from central and southern America,
0:08:01 > 0:08:03as do tomatoes and chillies.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07There are some wild rices that come from Canada and North America,
0:08:07 > 0:08:08but that is the only...
0:08:08 > 0:08:11Isn't that bizarre? In that whole landmass.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14You think of squashes and all those other things.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17- So if it looks like a sunflower... - Say sunflower in Italian.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21- Giras.- Jerusalem.- Girasole.- Girasole.
0:08:21 > 0:08:25- Gira, turn, as in gyroscope, to the sun.- Girasole.- Girasole.
0:08:25 > 0:08:29- And girasole became Jerusalem. - The same thing.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31We call it a sun...because they turn...
0:08:31 > 0:08:34I'll be very impressed if you know what's Greek for sun...
0:08:34 > 0:08:38If I knew what it was, you'd be more than impressed, you'd have a heart attack.
0:08:40 > 0:08:45- Do you know what the Greek for sun is?- Helios.- Helios, OK.
0:08:45 > 0:08:49- So helio is sun. Turn, turn. - Heliotrope. Heliotrope!
0:08:49 > 0:08:53Heliotrope is the right answer, we got there.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Girasole and heliotrope, and they all mean the same thing
0:08:56 > 0:09:01because it was noted that the members of the sunflower family follow the course of the sun.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05- A lot of lizards are heliotropic as well.- Indeed they are. Absolutely right.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Because they're cold-blooded and they need the sun to warm them.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Katie Price is Heliotropic.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12LAUGHTER
0:09:12 > 0:09:15I think... I think...
0:09:15 > 0:09:17I think...
0:09:17 > 0:09:19- She is, yeah. - I think Harrow Road's...
0:09:23 > 0:09:27I think Harrow Road's Sun Parlour Tropic is not quite the same.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30I met her once, we were on the same breakfast TV programme.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32And I said, "What are you here to talk about?"
0:09:32 > 0:09:37She said, "I've just published my autobiography." I said, "Oh, well done."
0:09:37 > 0:09:40She said, "Yes, I'm looking forward to reading it."
0:09:44 > 0:09:46It's an odd thing about Jerusalem.
0:09:46 > 0:09:51For some reason, it seems to attract things that just don't seem to be particularly connected.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54There's a Jerusalem cherry, that's not a cherry.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56- It's a poisonous nightshade. - Wow. What?
0:09:56 > 0:09:59The Jerusalem cricket is not a cricket, it's another kind of insect.
0:10:01 > 0:10:05Jerusalem sage is not a proper sage. None of them is from Jerusalem.
0:10:05 > 0:10:10So essentially you can put Jerusalem next to anything that isn't what it is and then it becomes fact?
0:10:10 > 0:10:14- Exactly, I'm wearing Jerusalem glasses.- And I'm a Jerusalem model.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Mountain also has that. You've got mountain lions.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21The mountain cow is in fact...
0:10:21 > 0:10:22Katie Price.
0:10:25 > 0:10:26What a pity.
0:10:27 > 0:10:31It's actually a tapir, one of those long-nosed South American...
0:10:31 > 0:10:34- Messapia.- Anyway, we're ready to move on.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Why might my pockets smell of fish?
0:10:49 > 0:10:52They've done that thing where they take my body
0:10:52 > 0:10:56- and put it on the head of someone who looks a bit like me.- Ah, yes.
0:10:56 > 0:10:57I hate when they do that.
0:10:57 > 0:11:02God, that's like a dream I had last night! This is so weird.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04It's not like a dream I've ever had.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08But I mean, obviously, if you're a fisherman...
0:11:08 > 0:11:11But if you were a person of a high rank in society,
0:11:11 > 0:11:14a particular society, your pockets might smell of fish.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16- Oh.- The Fishmongers' Society. - Well, no.
0:11:16 > 0:11:21That's what I mean. Aside from the obvious professional reasons why you might smell of fish.
0:11:21 > 0:11:27- Oh, right.- It's a society in which it was considered polite not to eat,
0:11:27 > 0:11:30- but to pocket the fish at a banquet. - Is it Japanese, cos...?- Yes!
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- Cos fish, fish, they love fish. - Japanese is exactly right.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Medieval Japanese society, at weddings and banquets
0:11:36 > 0:11:40and other such things, it was right to drink the drink you were given,
0:11:40 > 0:11:44but that you should take the fish, bring it up to your mouth and then tuck it away into your pocket.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47- I know it seems very odd.- What?
0:11:47 > 0:11:49It's just a social...
0:11:49 > 0:11:51I've done that with sausage rolls for the dogs later.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54We've all done it with certain things, I agree.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58But it is an interesting thing, and they still have a tradition in Japan,
0:11:58 > 0:11:59when a baby is 100 days old,
0:11:59 > 0:12:03is to take food, sea bream and beans and soya and rice,
0:12:03 > 0:12:08and wave it in front of the baby's face, but not let the baby eat it.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Wait a minute. So there's people dangling fish in front of babies?
0:12:13 > 0:12:17This is... Right, OK. What, on a fishing line?
0:12:17 > 0:12:20No, no! From the food cupboard or the fridge,
0:12:20 > 0:12:25which in Japan would be filled with all kinds of different fish, as you can imagine.
0:12:25 > 0:12:29- I see, I see. Sashimi. - Sashimi and sushi and all kinds of other such things.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32- In fact, while on the subject of sashimi...- BILL: Weird, weirdos.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35- What is the difference between sushi and sashimi?- Sashimi is raw fish.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38And sushi is rice and seaweed and that kind of thing.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Yes, it's rolled in rice.
0:12:40 > 0:12:44And the particular thing about sashimi is not just that it's raw fish, but that it's...?
0:12:44 > 0:12:46- It's sliced. - It's sliced at an angle.
0:12:46 > 0:12:50Those huge knife skills are incredibly important in Japanese cuisine.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54This particularly used to be true in the medieval period.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56And in carp, for example,
0:12:56 > 0:12:59there were at least 47 different ways of cutting carp,
0:12:59 > 0:13:03which represented different aspects of human life or activity.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07For example, there was departing-for-battle carp.
0:13:07 > 0:13:12So soldiers would have carp carved in a certain way before they went to battle.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15If they weren't told they were going to battle, the carp was the giveaway.
0:13:15 > 0:13:19Yeah, exactly. There was celebratory carp.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22- There was taking-a-bride carp. - Ooh!
0:13:23 > 0:13:27- Flower-viewing carp. - No! Really?
0:13:27 > 0:13:30BILL: Warning carp. Look out, carp!
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Moon-viewing carp.
0:13:32 > 0:13:37So it was a very important part, obviously, of Japanese life, the way they prepared fish.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39It's a wonderful art, obviously,
0:13:39 > 0:13:42and it's a very popular cuisine now around the world.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45I have an amusing joke that I always say when I'm in a Japanese restaurant -
0:13:45 > 0:13:48bring me a various selection of things to drink, waiter,
0:13:48 > 0:13:49and don't get all sake.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Oh, you see! Hey!
0:13:51 > 0:13:53But what actually is sake? What is sake?
0:13:53 > 0:13:58- Rice...?- Rice wine.- Rice wine, you said, Alan?- Yes, rice wine?
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Alan came in first with rice wine.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02- He said it!- Yeah.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05- It is not rice wine.- Oh.- No.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Is it from Jerusalem?
0:14:09 > 0:14:12The actual word "sake" simply means alcoholic drink.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16But the sake we think of as sake is in fact a kind of beer.
0:14:16 > 0:14:21The word they use for the drink we call sake is "Nihonshu",
0:14:21 > 0:14:24which means Japanese liquor. Nihon, as in Nippon.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27Anyway, originally, people would just chew rice
0:14:27 > 0:14:29and spit into a large container,
0:14:29 > 0:14:34and the enzymes from the spittle would cause the breakdown of starch into sugars,
0:14:34 > 0:14:37which would cause the fermentation, which would make the sake.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40So it is actually a strong beer, not a wine.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44- A wine is a fruit-based drink, usually grape, obviously. - BILL SIGHS
0:14:44 > 0:14:50What other kinds of particularly Japanese things can you do to food to make it Japanese?
0:14:50 > 0:14:52- You can put it in tempura.- Tempura.
0:14:52 > 0:14:56Funny you should say that cos tempura was actually introduced to Japan,
0:14:56 > 0:14:59and I will give you ten points if you can tell me which nation
0:14:59 > 0:15:03taught the Japanese to batter things, which is essentially what tempura is.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04ALL: Scottish.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07You'd think, wouldn't you? You would think.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Surely there's a ginger-haired man somewhere,
0:15:09 > 0:15:12in one of those medieval scrolls, just going...
0:15:12 > 0:15:16- "Do you want to deep-fry that?" - Yeah. "That would be magic, it really would."
0:15:16 > 0:15:18- "Have we got any eggs?" - Oddly enough not, no.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22- It was the Portuguese. - Portuguese!- The Portuguese.
0:15:22 > 0:15:26Also, the name vindaloo is originally from Portuguese origin, from Goa.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Is it? I thought that was a French...
0:15:28 > 0:15:32- Vin de loo - toilet water. - Goa, as you know, was...
0:15:32 > 0:15:33But there you go.
0:15:33 > 0:15:37Anyway, so lots of interesting things about Japanese food.
0:15:37 > 0:15:42Now, what do people in Java use for a quick pick-me-up?
0:15:43 > 0:15:47- Now, well. Ah. - SANDI: Not going to say.- Go on.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50- No. In for a penny.- Go on.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53- CAR ENGINE CHOKES - What was it?
0:15:54 > 0:16:00- Oh, you are so canny.- Coffee. - Coffee, there we are.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Coffee does not pick you up. You may think it does.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08If you drink coffee regularly, you get withdrawal symptoms
0:16:08 > 0:16:12and all coffee does is put you back on the same level
0:16:12 > 0:16:14than a non-coffee drinker is on.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18It doesn't speed your reflexes, doesn't help you concentrate,
0:16:18 > 0:16:21doesn't do anything. It can cause anxiety.
0:16:21 > 0:16:26- That's the worst of it.- Shocker. - It's a kind of wired anxiety, but it isn't is a pick-me-up
0:16:26 > 0:16:29- or an energiser.- Stimulus. - It's not a stimulant in that sense.
0:16:29 > 0:16:33What most scientists recommend is that you either drink coffee regularly,
0:16:33 > 0:16:36in which case you satisfy your body's need and withdrawal symptoms,
0:16:36 > 0:16:38or you don't drink it at all.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41- The problem most people have... - They're not getting on, are they?
0:16:42 > 0:16:46..is when they suddenly go on a bit of a coffee jag,
0:16:46 > 0:16:50go to a country that does very good coffee so they have a lot of ristretto
0:16:50 > 0:16:52in Italy and then return to England, and then
0:16:52 > 0:16:56don't have any, then they have one again - that's what screws you up.
0:16:56 > 0:16:57- Anyway... - CAR ENGINE CHOKES
0:16:57 > 0:16:59- Yes, my dear?- Cocaine.
0:17:01 > 0:17:06You probably know that in Indonesia, the price for drug trafficking
0:17:06 > 0:17:11- or being found is, essentially, death.- Yeah.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14There is a strange habit of doing something which is supposed
0:17:14 > 0:17:17to pick you up, supposed to cure you.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20Somebody tried to commit suicide because they had an illness.
0:17:20 > 0:17:24So they laid themselves down in a particular place,
0:17:24 > 0:17:27- in order to try and end their own lives.- Railway line.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30- A railway line is the right answer.- Ah.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33And they suddenly found that their illness went away
0:17:33 > 0:17:37and this caused a rash of Javanese people...
0:17:37 > 0:17:42- lying on railway lines.- SANDI: How irritating.- Like so. Very irritating.
0:17:42 > 0:17:43ALAN LAUGHS
0:17:45 > 0:17:49The joke is that the power comes from the overhead lines.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52There is no electricity in the rails at all.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55I've never seen anyone look more serious than the woman
0:17:55 > 0:17:57- in the blue!- No, she...
0:17:57 > 0:17:59So presumably the pick-me-up part
0:17:59 > 0:18:02depends how fast the train's going.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Whenever I see women like that I want to have a moustache
0:18:05 > 0:18:07and twirl it.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10- Like a proper melodramatic villain? - Yes, just with a cape.
0:18:10 > 0:18:11Twirl your moustache.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15- And we know the music that goes with it.- Silent music.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17SANDI: That's the same as the washing up!
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Yes, it is. Multitasking!
0:18:22 > 0:18:24I could be washing up, I also...
0:18:24 > 0:18:27Washing-up whilst tying his wife to the railway line.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Da-da-da-da-da-da...
0:18:29 > 0:18:33Oh, tricky one - cheese grater.
0:18:33 > 0:18:37- Cheese graters, they are tricky. - Brush.- No, no.
0:18:37 > 0:18:42- Use a brush.- I take them to the car wash, hold them out the windows.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Let their brushes take the strain!
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Another thing they do in Java which they do in other parts
0:18:49 > 0:18:52of the world, dangerous sport involving trains.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55- Do you know?- Playing chicken, running in front...
0:18:55 > 0:18:56- Running on the roof.- Yes.
0:18:56 > 0:19:00- Roof surfing, as it's known. There you can see.- Oh, my God.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03That's not so much running as having a picnic.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06There are so many of them. What they started to do was suspending,
0:19:06 > 0:19:10just at human head height, grapefruit-sized concrete balls
0:19:10 > 0:19:13so that people would - bang, like that!
0:19:13 > 0:19:17- In order to stop them... - Start with a grapefruit!
0:19:17 > 0:19:21- Then say...- No, they're tough in Java. Believe me. They are tough.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23But not that bright.
0:19:23 > 0:19:28I'm having a senior moment. The famous volcano near Java?
0:19:28 > 0:19:29- Krakatoa.- Krakatoa.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32- What's the name of the movie?- Um...
0:19:32 > 0:19:35- Krakatoa...- Erupts? - SANDI: East of Java.
0:19:35 > 0:19:36East of Java, yes.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40- And oddly enough, it's actually west of Java.- West of Java, yes.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43It's an odd thing, but it was one of the first big Cinerama
0:19:43 > 0:19:46kind of movies, called Krakatoa East of Java.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49It was just a bizarre lie, because Krakatoa is west of Java.
0:19:49 > 0:19:53So some producer must have thought, "I don't like the sound of West of Java."
0:19:53 > 0:19:56"It's not going to sell. What can we do? We can take it north. North, south?
0:19:56 > 0:19:58"East! East, it's going to be fantastic."
0:19:58 > 0:20:04So, within ten years, tell me when this great huge explosion?
0:20:04 > 0:20:05- 1883.- 1883.
0:20:07 > 0:20:11Erm, 1882.
0:20:13 > 0:20:14Right.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Ladies and gentlemen, viewers at home,
0:20:18 > 0:20:21- brace yourselves.- Oh, hello.
0:20:22 > 0:20:26The explosion, the great enormous, gigantic eruption of Krakatoa
0:20:26 > 0:20:28was in 1883.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30I thank you.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32APPLAUSE
0:20:32 > 0:20:36- I saw a documentary about it. - May I just say...
0:20:37 > 0:20:40..W-T-F?
0:20:40 > 0:20:44There was a documentary about it on the BBC and they re-enacted it.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Well, well remembered! I mean, it's not an easily, not particularly...
0:20:47 > 0:20:49I don't normally remember anything.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52It was the loudest sound, apparently, that has ever existed,
0:20:52 > 0:20:56or at least as far as we know, certainly within human reckoning.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58So, four atomic bombs is sort of the average...
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Oh, no! It was 13 times greater than the Hiroshima bomb.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Oh, was it? Wow!
0:21:03 > 0:21:06Five cubic miles of rock was spewed into the air,
0:21:06 > 0:21:09and it was heard 3,000 miles away.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12You could actually hear it 3,000 miles away.
0:21:12 > 0:21:13- Pop.- And it... Yes!
0:21:13 > 0:21:15LAUGHTER
0:21:15 > 0:21:18That's what it sounded like in Australia.
0:21:18 > 0:21:22It reverberated around the world, the ripples of it, seven times.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25- It was a most extraordinary... - It was winter for years, wasn't it?
0:21:25 > 0:21:31Winter for years was actually another. That was an 1815 volcano.
0:21:31 > 0:21:35And it was known as the winter of 1815. You might know, I can tell.
0:21:35 > 0:21:39Those who don't know - Bill Bailey is a great friend of Indonesia,
0:21:39 > 0:21:41lives there, works there, plays gamelan.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44- I do.- Does the whole thing.- The whole gamelan.- So you might know
0:21:44 > 0:21:47- this mountain. - It might have been Tambora.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49It was Mount Tambora. Well done.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51APPLAUSE
0:21:54 > 0:21:58It was called the year without a summer in 1815 and, in fact,
0:21:58 > 0:22:02about 100,000 people died of disease and famine,
0:22:02 > 0:22:05whereas the explosion of Krakatoa
0:22:05 > 0:22:08killed 36,000 people because it was an eruption.
0:22:08 > 0:22:13Wasn't Krakatoa... Was that the first global event
0:22:13 > 0:22:16that sort of was... The news of which spread around the world?
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Exactly. We can see behind us, Harper's Weekly.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21- It was a media event for the first time.- Yeah.
0:22:21 > 0:22:26- "The island and volcano of Krakatoa Strait of Sunda, submerged during the late eruption."- Yes.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29When eventually a human party of people
0:22:29 > 0:22:34arrived at the site, at what was once a gigantic volcano
0:22:34 > 0:22:37that had just exploded, they found -
0:22:37 > 0:22:42and I'm including both vegetable and animal matter here - one living creature.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45And I will give you ten points if you can tell me the species.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47- Was it a spider that they found?- Yes!
0:22:47 > 0:22:51- It was a spider.- What's going on?! Everybody's brilliant.
0:22:51 > 0:22:52- APPLAUSE - Bravo.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58Absolutely marvellous. Everybody's on cracking form here.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00You really are doing superbly well.
0:23:00 > 0:23:04Was the spider going, "Ooh, it's hot"?
0:23:04 > 0:23:05It was indeed.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08It was using two legs at a time.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10- Anyway...- BILL: Like this.
0:23:10 > 0:23:14Ooh, ah! Ooh, ah! Ooh, ow! Oh, ah! Ooh, ow! Ooh, ow!, Ooh, ow!
0:23:14 > 0:23:17- So it was doing the washing-up! - Yes, it was.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19It's the Jerusalem washing-up spider.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22Anyway, moving on.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24So, what was the most hurtful thing Rambo's boyfriend did to him?
0:23:27 > 0:23:33Right. I've seen this film. It's a bootleg, it's very different from...
0:23:33 > 0:23:37- Rambo's boyfriend? - I'm being very naughty - the picture is being very naughty.
0:23:37 > 0:23:42- When I say Rambo, I really mean Rimbaud.- Rimbaud!
0:23:42 > 0:23:44So when I say Rimbaud, who do I mean?
0:23:44 > 0:23:47- You mean, of course, him. - But who is he?
0:23:47 > 0:23:50- Rimbaud. Somebody French.- SANDI: He looks off his head on something.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52- "Somebody French."- Arthur?- Arthur.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55- Arthur.- Rimbaud.- Rimbaud.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58- Arthur Rimbaud, who was?- He was a great writer, wasn't he?- A poet.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01- A great poet, but very rare inasmuch as...- Got that right! Can't believe it.
0:24:01 > 0:24:05We're used to Beethoven and Mozart, and other musicians
0:24:05 > 0:24:07being extraordinarily prodigious at an early age.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09It's very rare for a poet.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12The greatest work that Rimbaud wrote, and he was a great poet,
0:24:12 > 0:24:14was between the ages of 17 and 21.
0:24:14 > 0:24:19He was extraordinarily beautiful. According to a school friend,
0:24:19 > 0:24:23"He had eyes of pale blue, irradiated with dark blue,
0:24:23 > 0:24:27"the loveliest eyes I've ever seen. He was a brilliant student.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29"He won a regional poetry competition,
0:24:29 > 0:24:32"in spite of sleeping through the first three hours of the exam."
0:24:32 > 0:24:36- SANDI: Oh, I've done that.- At 16, he ran away from home with no money,
0:24:36 > 0:24:39and then between the ages of 17 and 21, just four years,
0:24:39 > 0:24:42he had this extraordinary flowering as poet.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44But, in doing so, he shared his life with someone.
0:24:44 > 0:24:49He had a passionate, tumultuous affair with dot, dot, dot.
0:24:49 > 0:24:50Katie Price.
0:24:51 > 0:24:57His dates were 1854 to 1891. So he died at 36, 37.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00- And he was of a homosexual persuasion? - A child prodigy, he was gay.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Oh, well, don't know anything about those people.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05And in fact there is a blue plaque to him in London,
0:25:05 > 0:25:08where he shared a short-ish time with his lover,
0:25:08 > 0:25:11who was also a poet, a famous poet.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14- Oh. Gerard de Nerval.- No.
0:25:14 > 0:25:18- Gerard de Nerval was a fascinating man.- He was.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21- I very much enjoyed the way you said that.- Je suis le veuf,
0:25:21 > 0:25:25- l'ancontre. Le tenebreux.- And he also famously had a pet lobster...
0:25:25 > 0:25:29- He did indeed.- ..that he used to take for walks on a lead. - Vite, vite, monsieur!
0:25:30 > 0:25:34- Monsieur Clicky. - Stay with it! Stay with it!
0:25:34 > 0:25:35Alors!
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Stay with it, because it's ...
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Non!
0:25:39 > 0:25:42- J'ai fatigue.- Non! Allez vite.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45ALAN CHOKES
0:25:45 > 0:25:48- L'eau, s'il vous plait. L'eau!- Non.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52Non, pas de l'eau. Non. Le artichoke.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56Le Jerusalem APPLAUSE
0:25:59 > 0:26:02I never thought I'd see the day
0:26:02 > 0:26:07when Bill Bailey force-fed Gerard de Nerval's lobster
0:26:07 > 0:26:10with a Jerusalem artichoke, and yet the day came.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Anyway, let's just return to this other poet,
0:26:12 > 0:26:15who was the lover of the young Verlaine.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18- Oh, sorry.- Verlaine!
0:26:18 > 0:26:21APPLAUSE
0:26:22 > 0:26:25Did I ever give that away! No.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28Now, there, on the left is Verlaine,
0:26:28 > 0:26:30- the one who looks slightly like John Malkovich.- Oh.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33- In the middle is the boy wonder. - Rimbaud.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37Rimbaud, and on the right is... Erm, I can't remember his name.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39- That's Robert De Niro, isn't it? - It is Robert De Niro, yes.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41It is a bit, isn't it, on the right?
0:26:41 > 0:26:43It's Robert De Niro, that's who it is.
0:26:43 > 0:26:48It's like a 19th-century ad for a hairdresser's, of all the different styles you can have.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Is that the same person in that picture as it was in the one before?
0:26:51 > 0:26:54- It is.- Jeez. Air-brushing.- I know.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57But they went to live in Camden for a short while
0:26:57 > 0:27:00and there is a blue plaque in Camden that says,
0:27:00 > 0:27:04"Arthur Rimbaud and Paul Verlaine, poets and lovers, lived here."
0:27:04 > 0:27:07It was the first blue plaque to celebrate a gay couple, which is rather sweet.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09Anyway, that's the story of these two.
0:27:09 > 0:27:16Paul Verlaine wrote a poem of extraordinary international importance, whose opening lines are?
0:27:16 > 0:27:19# And did those feet
0:27:19 > 0:27:21# In ancient times... #
0:27:21 > 0:27:23No, I'll tell you what they are.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25# Walk upon England's... #
0:27:25 > 0:27:27Les sanglots longs de violons de l'automne
0:27:27 > 0:27:30Blessent mon coeur d'une langueur monotone...
0:27:30 > 0:27:33- SANDI: I didn't realise you wanted it in French!- No, no.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36It seriously is internationally important, that poem.
0:27:36 > 0:27:41How can that be that those first lines changed history?
0:27:41 > 0:27:44- It's the internationale... - I will do it in a voice that might give you a hint.- OK.
0:27:44 > 0:27:48- DEEP BARITONE:- Les sanglots longs des violons de l'automne...
0:27:48 > 0:27:52- Yes?- It's the start of the Eurovision Song Contest.
0:27:52 > 0:27:57- As we know, Beethoven's 9th Symphony begins that...- Dammit!- No.
0:27:57 > 0:28:01- It was a code.- A code. A code to the resistance.- Yes!
0:28:01 > 0:28:04It was a code to the resistance that the D-Day landings were beginning
0:28:04 > 0:28:07and that the resistance should begin their sabotage.
0:28:07 > 0:28:10- That was the signal.- They went, "finally!"- Rather wonderful.
0:28:10 > 0:28:14So French hearts beat a little quicker when they hear these four words.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16What kind of camp person decided that was the code
0:28:16 > 0:28:18- they where going to use? - It's a very famous poem -
0:28:18 > 0:28:21it would be like saying "shall I compare thee to a summer's day?"
0:28:21 > 0:28:24Anyway, we thought you'd like to know about it, but why...
0:28:24 > 0:28:26BILL: Yes, quite interesting.
0:28:26 > 0:28:29The question was how did the lover hurt Rimbaud?
0:28:29 > 0:28:31- Shut his fingers in the door.- Yeah.
0:28:31 > 0:28:34- Worse than that, he had a tumultuous...- Oh, it does nip.
0:28:34 > 0:28:39- ..passionate, jealous rage and shot him in the wrist.- In the wrist?- Yes.
0:28:39 > 0:28:41Whilst he was masturbating.
0:28:41 > 0:28:45I'm going to move on, because you're just simply misbehaving.
0:28:45 > 0:28:48- Yeah, move on.- Yeah. - It's for the best.- Anyway.
0:28:48 > 0:28:50I am so out of my comfort zone.
0:28:52 > 0:28:56It's all good information that is well worth knowing.
0:28:56 > 0:28:59Arthur Rimbaud was shot in the arm by Paul Verlaine.
0:28:59 > 0:29:02Now, on to one of the delicacies of Jamaican cuisine,
0:29:02 > 0:29:05I think we all know how to make cock soup,
0:29:05 > 0:29:08but how would you make mannish water?
0:29:08 > 0:29:09Sorry, I don't know how to make cock soup.
0:29:09 > 0:29:13- I don't like cock soup. - I don't know what...- Cock-a-leekie.
0:29:13 > 0:29:15Oh, right! Oh, OK.
0:29:15 > 0:29:17Cock-a-leekie.
0:29:17 > 0:29:20- It's good, chicken soup. - Oh, I see. Is that what it is?
0:29:20 > 0:29:24- A cock is a chicken. - Cock is a chicken, yeah.
0:29:24 > 0:29:26What can you have been thinking?
0:29:26 > 0:29:31I don't know, I thought it was some terrible euphemism.
0:29:31 > 0:29:32What, a euphemism for pheasant?
0:29:32 > 0:29:35I don't... Yes! Yes, that's it, pheasant.
0:29:35 > 0:29:37Well, cock soup is chicken soup. Cock-a-leekie.
0:29:37 > 0:29:40- Cock-a-leekie soup.- You've had cock-a-leekie in Scotland.
0:29:40 > 0:29:43- I have had cock-a-leekie. - Yes, you've had a leaky cock. Hey!
0:29:43 > 0:29:44No, shush and because...
0:29:44 > 0:29:47No, listen, now. Mannish water...
0:29:47 > 0:29:49SANDI LAUGHS UPROARIOUSLY
0:29:49 > 0:29:52It's like Frankie Howerd was in the room.
0:29:52 > 0:29:55- BILL & STEPHEN AS HOWERD: No, no. - No, don't.- Oh, no.- Stop it.
0:29:55 > 0:29:58- Shush! No.- Don't.- No.
0:29:58 > 0:29:59- Missus!- No.
0:30:00 > 0:30:07Big belly laughs from all men with big bellies and we'll have little titters from... No!
0:30:07 > 0:30:10- All right. Don't you remember that one?- Oh!
0:30:10 > 0:30:13Stop it! Mannish water... Come on, we're in Jamaica.
0:30:13 > 0:30:15- Mannish water.- Yeah.
0:30:15 > 0:30:18- Is it some kind of a soupage of some kind?- Yes. - It's a soupage.- Mannish water.
0:30:18 > 0:30:20It's Jamaican, is the point.
0:30:20 > 0:30:23- Right, so Jamaican food is what you're looking for?- Yeah.
0:30:23 > 0:30:25- Coconuts, plantains. - It's mannish, though.
0:30:25 > 0:30:28The point is they want to be male, so eat male animals.
0:30:28 > 0:30:29Oh, OK, so it's a...
0:30:29 > 0:30:33- And what food is common in... - Rice and peas.- Yes.
0:30:33 > 0:30:35- Rice and peas, flying fish. - Anything else?
0:30:35 > 0:30:37- Goat and...- Goat! Yes.
0:30:37 > 0:30:39- Entrails of goat.- That's it.
0:30:39 > 0:30:43So all the male parts of a goat - and a male goat is the important thing - makes mannish water.
0:30:43 > 0:30:44It's also called goat's head soup.
0:30:44 > 0:30:47Does the phrase goat's head soup mean anything to you?
0:30:47 > 0:30:50Er, yes, that I'm not hungry, is what it means.
0:30:50 > 0:30:53- Anything else? - It's an album, isn't it?- Thank you.
0:30:53 > 0:30:55Goat's Head Soup, by what's his name?
0:30:55 > 0:30:58- It's not his name, their name. - Oh, God!
0:30:58 > 0:31:03- The greatest rock 'n' roll band in the world, they call themselves. - The Proclaimers!
0:31:05 > 0:31:07And you can walk another 100 miles for...
0:31:07 > 0:31:09Oh, I love The Proclaimers.
0:31:09 > 0:31:12No, I'm very fond of The Proclaimers, but The Rolling Stones...
0:31:12 > 0:31:17- Rolling Stones! Rolling Stones. - In 1973, produced an album called Goat's Head Soup,
0:31:17 > 0:31:19because they recorded the album on Jamaica.
0:31:19 > 0:31:22And do you know why they recorded the album on Jamaica?
0:31:22 > 0:31:25- Island Records.- SANDI: Because they were mad for the soup.- No.
0:31:25 > 0:31:29Because it was about the only bloody country on Earth where they weren't banned from.
0:31:29 > 0:31:32It was around the time of a lot of the drugs and all the rest of it,
0:31:32 > 0:31:36so they were allowed in Jamaica and made an album called Goat's Head Soup,
0:31:36 > 0:31:38which is another word for mannish water.
0:31:38 > 0:31:41And its ingredients, should you wish to make it, are goat's head,
0:31:41 > 0:31:44feet and intestines, served with bananas and spices.
0:31:44 > 0:31:47It's supposed to be an aphrodisiac. It's supposed to man you up,
0:31:47 > 0:31:50that's the point. Hence mannish soup.
0:31:50 > 0:31:52There's also cow cod soup, made of bull's penis,
0:31:52 > 0:31:55chilli peppers and bananas, cooked in white rum.
0:31:55 > 0:31:58- Which sounds rather nice.- That is nice.- I like the sound of that.
0:31:58 > 0:32:02- I'll pop to Lidl in the morning. - Yeah.
0:32:02 > 0:32:04Anyway, that's mannish water for you.
0:32:04 > 0:32:10Where are fathers often barely older than their sons?
0:32:10 > 0:32:11Barely...
0:32:11 > 0:32:14When I say barely older, they can be only a day older than their son.
0:32:14 > 0:32:18- In the insect world. - No, I'm talking about humans.
0:32:18 > 0:32:20- ALL:- Humans?!
0:32:20 > 0:32:25- It sounds impossible. - Adoptions.- Adoptions.
0:32:25 > 0:32:29And there is a country in which 98% of all adoptions...
0:32:29 > 0:32:33- are of adults, not of children. In which country?- Japan.
0:32:33 > 0:32:37And it begins with J. And it is Japan.
0:32:37 > 0:32:41And in Japan, it is very traditional to adopt
0:32:41 > 0:32:45an adult young man - aged between 25 and 30 is roughly the average.
0:32:45 > 0:32:48- So you have to find one without parents, presumably.- No!
0:32:48 > 0:32:51Oddly enough, you, as it were, adopt them from their own real parents.
0:32:51 > 0:32:56- Because you are rich and successful. - It's called stealing.- It sort of is.
0:32:56 > 0:32:58It's the transfer system.
0:32:58 > 0:33:02It is basically an open market transfer system.
0:33:02 > 0:33:04- It's like the Premier League. - And it is for the same reason.
0:33:04 > 0:33:07It is business. If your own son is a bit of a clod,
0:33:07 > 0:33:09and I'm afraid it is a male business this,
0:33:09 > 0:33:13and you run a business, and you want it to stay a family business,
0:33:13 > 0:33:17what you tend to do is adopt a young man who is very bright
0:33:17 > 0:33:20and you'll probably marry him to your daughter.
0:33:20 > 0:33:23There is a saying, "You can't choose your son,
0:33:23 > 0:33:24"but you can choose your son-in-law."
0:33:24 > 0:33:28You can adopt someone then marry them to your daughter?
0:33:28 > 0:33:30I know it's weird. But it is the Japanese way.
0:33:30 > 0:33:33- Wow.- That would take off in Norfolk.
0:33:33 > 0:33:35LAUGHTER
0:33:35 > 0:33:38So, for example, the current chairman of Suzuki,
0:33:38 > 0:33:41one of the largest corporations in Japan,
0:33:41 > 0:33:43is the fourth adopted son to have run the company.
0:33:43 > 0:33:47So he is a Suzuki, that is to say his father was someone
0:33:47 > 0:33:51who was adopted by someone who was adopted by someone who was adopted by a Suzuki.
0:33:51 > 0:33:55And they're not blood related, but they have become the adopted child.
0:33:55 > 0:34:00But there you are. Only 2% of adoptees in Japan are infants.
0:34:00 > 0:34:05- Right.- Only two, the rest, 98%, are males.- All males?- All males.
0:34:05 > 0:34:08And for that reason - to continue the line.
0:34:08 > 0:34:11- That's ongoing?- It's ongoing to this day. Absolutely.
0:34:11 > 0:34:15Now, here are two towns behind me. They both begin with J. Why are they blue?
0:34:15 > 0:34:18- Oh! Now, I know this.- Yes?
0:34:18 > 0:34:21- Well, I know one of them. - Go on, then.
0:34:21 > 0:34:24I've got a Smurf collection, I've had it many years.
0:34:24 > 0:34:28When I was younger, I used to collect Smurfs, it was my hobby.
0:34:28 > 0:34:30I've got a Smurf village, I created when I was younger,
0:34:30 > 0:34:33it's still there, reminds me of the bad times.
0:34:33 > 0:34:35- And the good times.- Right.
0:34:35 > 0:34:39Now, and if this is wrong, I'm going to look like a total twat.
0:34:39 > 0:34:44- The thing is, you'd look like a twat even if you're right.- Yeah. - Carry on, yeah.
0:34:44 > 0:34:45LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:34:45 > 0:34:49No, because knowing this is so deeply sad. Yeah, carry on.
0:34:49 > 0:34:52OK, so I love Smurfs and everything about Smurfs
0:34:52 > 0:34:54- and Smurfette and everything else. - Yeah.
0:34:54 > 0:34:57When they did the premiere of the Smurf film,
0:34:57 > 0:34:59they painted a town somewhere -
0:34:59 > 0:35:02I think it was Spain, near Marbella, or something like that -
0:35:02 > 0:35:04blue, for the premiere of the film.
0:35:04 > 0:35:07And then afterwards they said, "We'll paint it back,"
0:35:07 > 0:35:10and the residents had had such a lot of tourism,
0:35:10 > 0:35:14and they dubbed the mayor Papa Smurf, which he was delighted about!
0:35:14 > 0:35:18But they had a referendum to see if they wanted to keep their town blue,
0:35:18 > 0:35:20because they thought it was quite cool.
0:35:20 > 0:35:22And, cos that's Smurf, because it was Smurf Town,
0:35:22 > 0:35:25which sounds amazing, cos I love the Smurfs.
0:35:25 > 0:35:28- You are 100% correct!- Come on!
0:35:28 > 0:35:30APPLAUSE
0:35:30 > 0:35:33The only thing...
0:35:33 > 0:35:36The only thing that would add 20 points
0:35:36 > 0:35:39- was if you knew the name. - BILL: 20 points? Oh!
0:35:43 > 0:35:45Will you not destroy the set?
0:35:47 > 0:35:49Yes, you've broken it.
0:35:49 > 0:35:52- Just tell me the name of the town. - Juarez, was it Juarez?- No.
0:35:52 > 0:35:55No, that's in Mexico. We're talking about Spain.
0:35:55 > 0:35:58- Jojoba.- Jerez. - No, that's...- Jerez.
0:35:58 > 0:36:01- That's...- Jomin?- Juan.
0:36:01 > 0:36:04All right, it begins with "J". I'll give you that.
0:36:04 > 0:36:05Is it Jipswich?
0:36:05 > 0:36:07SANDI: Is it Jerusalem?
0:36:07 > 0:36:09It's not Jerusalem.
0:36:09 > 0:36:10Ji... Jiby.
0:36:10 > 0:36:12- No, it's called Juzcar.- ALL: Oh!
0:36:12 > 0:36:15The next thing I was going to say.
0:36:15 > 0:36:19Juzcar, spelt J-U-Z-C-A-R, Juzcar, with an accent on the U.
0:36:19 > 0:36:22Was the other town Jaipur?
0:36:22 > 0:36:24- Yes! Well done.- A point!
0:36:24 > 0:36:28No, no. No. Sorry. Whoa! I misheard you.
0:36:28 > 0:36:31- SANDI: It's Jodhpur. - Jodhpur is the answer.
0:36:31 > 0:36:36I still said it before Sandi, I still said Jodhpur before Sandi!
0:36:36 > 0:36:39- You did, you said the wrong thing. - No, no! I said Jodhpur, I still said Jodhpur.
0:36:39 > 0:36:41You're quite right, it's Jodhpur.
0:36:41 > 0:36:44So we're going to go back to a picture of Jodhpur. Why is Jodhpur blue?
0:36:44 > 0:36:47- SANDI: It's to do with the caste system.- Yes.
0:36:47 > 0:36:50It's to do with indigo, indigo being the colour of the Brahmin.
0:36:50 > 0:36:53The Brahmin, which is the highest caste.
0:36:53 > 0:36:56It was to distinguish their houses and everybody thought it a good idea.
0:36:56 > 0:36:59There is also a pink city. Can you name a pink city?
0:36:59 > 0:37:01- Jaipur.- Yes!
0:37:01 > 0:37:03APPLAUSE
0:37:03 > 0:37:05There you go.
0:37:06 > 0:37:09And there it is. There we are. It was built in pink stone
0:37:09 > 0:37:12and it was painted pink for a very particular reason.
0:37:12 > 0:37:14- I wonder if you can... - Prince Albert, wasn't it?
0:37:14 > 0:37:18Yes, Prince Albert Edward, who later became Edward VII.
0:37:18 > 0:37:21He was coming to visit and they thought, "Let's paint it pink."
0:37:21 > 0:37:25In the 1870s, painted it pink in his honour. Anyway, there we go.
0:37:25 > 0:37:29Jodhpur and Juzcar are both painted blue, one by tradition,
0:37:29 > 0:37:31the other for a Smurfs film.
0:37:31 > 0:37:36Now, what would you keep in a 14-tonne jar with no lid?
0:37:36 > 0:37:37- Biscuits!- Yeah.
0:37:37 > 0:37:39Biscuits. A lot of biscuits.
0:37:39 > 0:37:43- A lot.- 14-tonne jar.- 14-tonne jar...
0:37:43 > 0:37:46- I have difficulty imagining how big that would be.- Vast.
0:37:46 > 0:37:5114 tonne is heavy, but it's only... It's only six or seven lorries.
0:37:51 > 0:37:53Well, six lorries. Well, four lorries.
0:37:53 > 0:37:55- It depends how big the lorry is. - Yes.
0:37:57 > 0:37:59- You know...- Jam.
0:37:59 > 0:38:02You get a two-tonne truck, so if you're talking about a 14 one...
0:38:02 > 0:38:05- Jam.- It's not a jam jar, no. It's a jar.- BILL: Tadpoles.
0:38:05 > 0:38:08They're known as a jar to archaeologists,
0:38:08 > 0:38:10- if that's any use to you.- Ah, yes.
0:38:10 > 0:38:11I did archaeology at university
0:38:11 > 0:38:14and there's quite a lot of things we don't know what they're for.
0:38:14 > 0:38:16- Yes. - And I think this is one of those.
0:38:16 > 0:38:19- Might you be able to place it on the map?- I think it's in Laos.
0:38:19 > 0:38:23You are damn well spot-on. I am so impressed with you lot today.
0:38:23 > 0:38:26Although you've been occasionally just a little bit facetious,
0:38:26 > 0:38:31you have also come up with some stonkingly correct answers.
0:38:31 > 0:38:34What they now think, no-one knows what they were for,
0:38:34 > 0:38:35Marco Polo described them.
0:38:35 > 0:38:38And we now think they're for making goat's head soup.
0:38:38 > 0:38:40- LAUGHTER - You're absolutely right.
0:38:40 > 0:38:44They're on the plains of Laos and they are made of granite
0:38:44 > 0:38:47and they are human made. No-one knows how they made them.
0:38:47 > 0:38:50Granite is not an easy stone to work with.
0:38:50 > 0:38:55You make a nice kitchen surface for it, for slicing, slicing...
0:38:55 > 0:38:56Slicing.
0:38:56 > 0:39:01- Writing.- Writing. - Buying things on eBay.
0:39:01 > 0:39:06Anyway, there are 90 sites, each containing up to 400 of these jars.
0:39:06 > 0:39:10And, as you rightly say, we don't really know what they're for.
0:39:10 > 0:39:13The assumption is dead bodies were put in there, allowed to decompose,
0:39:13 > 0:39:16then taken out and cremated
0:39:16 > 0:39:19and it was something to do with the journey of the dead.
0:39:19 > 0:39:22But you always have to allow for the soul of even very early people
0:39:22 > 0:39:28and maybe they thought, "If I make a very big container, the gods will fill it for me with bounty."
0:39:28 > 0:39:31- Absolutely.- We would always allow for the dream element.
0:39:31 > 0:39:32Absolutely right.
0:39:32 > 0:39:35There is often a functional fallacy. There is always an assumption
0:39:35 > 0:39:39things are done for a specific practical reason, which isn't always true. The soul is...
0:39:39 > 0:39:43It's like the cargo cults in Papau New Guinea who built whole runways.
0:39:43 > 0:39:46The missionaries came and they had all this stuff.
0:39:46 > 0:39:48And the indigenous people said, "What is it?" They said, "Cargo."
0:39:48 > 0:39:52They said, "Where does it come from?" "Sydney," meaning Australia.
0:39:52 > 0:39:55And they developed a God called Sydney and they made whole runways
0:39:55 > 0:39:59in the jungle, waiting for Sydney to bring them cargo.
0:39:59 > 0:40:01So you might find a runway and think, "What landed here?"
0:40:01 > 0:40:05Nothing did, except your dashed dreams.
0:40:05 > 0:40:07- Yeah. Beautifully put.- Perhaps that's the case with the jars.
0:40:07 > 0:40:09I think that's beautifully put.
0:40:09 > 0:40:12The most honest archaeologists say they don't know how they were made
0:40:12 > 0:40:15or exactly what they were for. Your guess is as good as mine
0:40:15 > 0:40:19and yours seems to me to be a very rational and realistic one.
0:40:19 > 0:40:23- There also may be a corresponding set of stolen lids...- Yeah.
0:40:25 > 0:40:27Somewhere!
0:40:28 > 0:40:31Anyway, d'you know the capital of Alaska?
0:40:31 > 0:40:34- SANDI: Yes, you just said it. - Exactly. Thank you.
0:40:34 > 0:40:37Very good! Juneau is the capital of Alaska.
0:40:37 > 0:40:40- J-U-N-E-A-U.- Ah, Juneau.
0:40:40 > 0:40:42But there's something unique about it.
0:40:42 > 0:40:46- It rains all the bloody time, I know that.- Well, it's not accessible by road.
0:40:46 > 0:40:50You can only get there by air or water. There is no road to Juneau.
0:40:50 > 0:40:53- Sarah Palin can get there by walking on the water.- Well, yes.
0:40:55 > 0:40:58Can you tell me the biggest joke ever to come out of Alaska?
0:40:58 > 0:41:01Sarah Palin, who can walk on...
0:41:01 > 0:41:05Ohhh! Dear, oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.
0:41:05 > 0:41:07APPLAUSE
0:41:10 > 0:41:11We're not forfeiting you that,
0:41:11 > 0:41:15it was so obvious that we weren't even going to forfeit it.
0:41:15 > 0:41:16Isn't she lovely?
0:41:16 > 0:41:20- If I had forfeited, I would have refudiated.- We would have refudiated.
0:41:20 > 0:41:24Anyway, the point is, there is actually a famous practical joke,
0:41:24 > 0:41:26an April fool's joke that came out of Alaska.
0:41:26 > 0:41:28It took a lot of preparation and was rather extraordinary.
0:41:28 > 0:41:30Here's a photo that might give you a hint.
0:41:30 > 0:41:34I mean, it's not going to be easy, but what's in the background there?
0:41:34 > 0:41:37- This is a volcano-based practical joke.- Yes.
0:41:37 > 0:41:40And it's one that I read about and it very much impressed me
0:41:40 > 0:41:44because if you do a practical joke which is, you know,
0:41:44 > 0:41:47clingfilm over the toilet, something simple...
0:41:47 > 0:41:49But the person who did this practical joke...
0:41:49 > 0:41:51LAUGHTER
0:41:51 > 0:41:54It's a good one. It doesn't work for women necessarily,
0:41:54 > 0:41:58cos we tend to notice when we sit down that there's something,
0:41:58 > 0:42:00but for men, I tell you, it's a hoot.
0:42:02 > 0:42:04There was a volcano, and a gentleman,
0:42:04 > 0:42:07- and I can't remember his name, I apologise.- Don't you worry.
0:42:07 > 0:42:11Decided to try and make it seem as if it was erupting, so took loads of tyres...
0:42:11 > 0:42:16- You are class.- ..and set fire to it and then everyone came out of their houses and went,
0:42:16 > 0:42:17"The volcano's erupting!"
0:42:17 > 0:42:20- Yes.- Cos it was so good. - You're absolutely right.
0:42:20 > 0:42:23He waited three years until there was a clear April 1st.
0:42:23 > 0:42:26He took kerosene and smoke bombs and tyres,
0:42:26 > 0:42:29and he dropped them down the crater and set fire to it.
0:42:29 > 0:42:33But, in 50-foot letters, he did say, "April Fool"
0:42:33 > 0:42:36and he warned the federal authority.
0:42:36 > 0:42:39He called them up, but he forgot to call the coastguard, who did panic a bit.
0:42:39 > 0:42:42But it was, fortunately, all taken in the right spirit.
0:42:42 > 0:42:45- And his name was Porky Bickar. - Porky.- Porky?
0:42:45 > 0:42:47Porky - that was his nickname.
0:42:47 > 0:42:50- He was American, so he was called Porky.- Porky Bickar.
0:42:50 > 0:42:54And that is, aside from Sarah Palin, the greatest joke ever to come out of Alaska.
0:42:54 > 0:42:56It is a good one. It is a good one.
0:42:56 > 0:42:59I have to say I am very impressed again with your knowledge.
0:42:59 > 0:43:01And that's the end of tonight's questions.
0:43:01 > 0:43:04Let's see how our journey has panned out.
0:43:04 > 0:43:07Well, it's astonishing! Her first ever appearance, on plus 15,
0:43:07 > 0:43:10a clear winner - Susan Calman.
0:43:10 > 0:43:13APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:43:14 > 0:43:20And only four inches behind on 11 -
0:43:20 > 0:43:21Sandi Toksvig.
0:43:21 > 0:43:24APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:43:25 > 0:43:27And...
0:43:27 > 0:43:32impressively, the digitally endowed, still in the black, plus four - Bill Bailey.
0:43:32 > 0:43:35APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:43:35 > 0:43:37I'm delighted.
0:43:37 > 0:43:41Well, perhaps the best we can say is, bless him, he did try.
0:43:41 > 0:43:44Minus eleven - Alan Davies.
0:43:44 > 0:43:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:50 > 0:43:53That's all from Sandi, Susan, Bill, Alan and me.
0:43:53 > 0:43:56Thank you, good night and be wonderful to each other. Bye-bye.