0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31APPLAUSE
0:00:31 > 0:00:34Goo-oo-oo-oo-ood evening, good evening,
0:00:34 > 0:00:39good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, and welcome,
0:00:39 > 0:00:44welcome to an episode of QI that is all about jeopardy.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47Joining me to fight crime, fear and disorder tonight,
0:00:47 > 0:00:50Wonder Woman, Julia Zemiro.
0:00:50 > 0:00:51Yes.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58A Super Girl, Sue Perkins.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05A Boy Wonder, Ross Noble.
0:01:08 > 0:01:13And our own Danger Mouse, Alan Davies.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21So, buzzers, please. Julia goes...
0:01:21 > 0:01:24PSYCHO STABBING THEME
0:01:24 > 0:01:25Oh, that's jeopardy.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27And Sue goes...
0:01:27 > 0:01:29JAWS THEME
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Ooh.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33SHE PRESSES IT AGAIN
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Yeah. Definitely worth doing twice. Ross goes...
0:01:36 > 0:01:39DRAMATIC SURPRISE MUSIC
0:01:39 > 0:01:41And Alan goes...
0:01:41 > 0:01:44VEHICLE REVERSE WARNING
0:01:44 > 0:01:45LAUGHTER
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Well, they are quite dangerous, vehicles, yeah, good choice.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Yes, absolutely. Well, we must be vigilant, because danger stalks us
0:01:51 > 0:01:54from the moment we wake up to the moment we retire.
0:01:54 > 0:01:58How far can you go on a cup of Joe? Hmm?
0:01:58 > 0:02:01- Cup of Joe being an Americanism for? - Java coffee?- Coffee?
0:02:01 > 0:02:04- Coffee, a cup of coffee, yeah. - I thought it was an insane cat.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07That you could actually ride on the back of Joe.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10- That is a caffeine-crazed cat, yes. - That's a flat white too many
0:02:10 > 0:02:13- for that little kitty. - It is rather, isn't it?
0:02:13 > 0:02:16How far you can actually go in terms of energy?
0:02:16 > 0:02:20- Is that what you...?- It's actually, it's more literal than that.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23If you're carrying a cup of coffee,
0:02:23 > 0:02:26how far can you go before you spill it?
0:02:26 > 0:02:29This is all down to a science. What is the science of
0:02:29 > 0:02:32- the movement of liquids called? Do you know?- Wobble-ology.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Fluid...
0:02:34 > 0:02:36- dynamics.- Yes.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39- It's a whole science. - Of course.- Oh, fluid dynamics!
0:02:39 > 0:02:41It's a whole science and a most important one
0:02:41 > 0:02:44and much has been discovered as a result of fluid dynamics.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48It is a very useful and fruitful area of discovery.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51One of the things they've discovered
0:02:51 > 0:02:53is that the average human stepping pace
0:02:53 > 0:02:55happens to cause an oscillation,
0:02:55 > 0:02:59which means that between seven and ten steps,
0:02:59 > 0:03:01you are going to spill the coffee.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04You will set up a series of wave movements that means
0:03:04 > 0:03:06the furthest you can go is probably about ten steps
0:03:06 > 0:03:09before you will definitely have spilled some coffee.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11This is the Mrs Overall effect.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
0:03:13 > 0:03:17So, a long jumper could still perform and drink before it spilt
0:03:17 > 0:03:19because that's only three?
0:03:19 > 0:03:21- That's true, but...- Whoa, whoa! Hey!
0:03:21 > 0:03:24I think they're talking about a normal walking pace rather
0:03:24 > 0:03:27than a hop, skip and a jump, or a long run
0:03:27 > 0:03:30but it is a peculiar fact and it's verifiable by trial.
0:03:30 > 0:03:35Some scientists need some serious, proper work to be getting on with.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37It was probably from not doing proper work.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40They probably went down and just went, "Shall we get a coffee?"
0:03:40 > 0:03:45And they went, "Oh, I'm meant to be working. Right, measure me. Hey!"
0:03:45 > 0:03:47It is the University of California and Santa Barbara,
0:03:47 > 0:03:51which is known as the surfers' university for slackers
0:03:51 > 0:03:52in California, though I'm sure
0:03:52 > 0:03:56that's deeply unfair on a highly respectable academic institution.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59They suggest a flexible container to act as
0:03:59 > 0:04:01a sloshing absorber,
0:04:01 > 0:04:03with a series of annular ring baffles.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05So they're suggesting the...
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Annular ring baffles!
0:04:07 > 0:04:12That's a character in The Hobbit, surely. Mr Ring Baffles.
0:04:12 > 0:04:13That sounds like space.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17I'll tell you what, the amount of times my annular has been baffled.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20- Oh, dear. I'm always down the hospital.- Baffle your ring, sir?
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Yeah.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25- It's a bit of a tautology, because annular means ring-like anyway.- Yes.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28- So it's a bit silly. - Annular ring baffle?
0:04:28 > 0:04:30You used to take the baffle out of your exhaust pipe to make it
0:04:30 > 0:04:33- louder when I was a teenager. - Baffling is sound muffling,
0:04:33 > 0:04:37but it's also absorbing waves and that's essentially the same thing.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Because if you're muffling sound, you're absorbing the waves.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43So if you put a baffle in your anus, that'll make you have quiet farts.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46An arse silencer.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49I suppose so. I suppose it would.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Until pressure builds up to such a stage...
0:04:51 > 0:04:55- And then you're potentially lethal. - You could have someone's eye out
0:04:55 > 0:04:58in the aisle at Waitrose, which you wouldn't want.
0:04:58 > 0:05:02- No.- But there have been more obviously useful...
0:05:02 > 0:05:03Baffle your ring, sir?
0:05:03 > 0:05:07There have been more useful applications for this
0:05:07 > 0:05:11business of whole... this whole resonance business of building up
0:05:11 > 0:05:15frequencies that cause oscillations that can be dangerous.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18And have you seen Albert Bridge in London?
0:05:18 > 0:05:19There's a sign leading from Chelsea.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23There it is. It's a famous sign, it's a rather beautiful one,
0:05:23 > 0:05:25"All troops must break step when marching over this bridge."
0:05:25 > 0:05:28- Why would that be? - Something to do with an oscillation.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Yeah, exactly. If you're marching in rhythm,
0:05:31 > 0:05:33"Chunk, chunk, chunk, chunk, chunk,"
0:05:33 > 0:05:37you might set up a resonance that would cause the bridge to collapse.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41The marching creates an oscillation, which creates an unstable structure,
0:05:41 > 0:05:45which means the bridge can act like one of those pirate ship rides
0:05:45 > 0:05:46- when the local fair comes.- Yeah.
0:05:46 > 0:05:50That's why Michael Flatley can never get north of the Thames.
0:05:50 > 0:05:51LAUGHTER
0:05:51 > 0:05:54That's a true, it's a true reason. He's furious.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58He's always wanted to go to Madame Tussauds.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02Right now he's at the Elephant and Castle going, "I can't believe it, I want to go and see the Queen
0:06:02 > 0:06:04"and I just can't get over there.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06"It's a bleedin' nightmare..."
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Shocking state of affairs. And the fact that...
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Talking of crossing the Thames,
0:06:11 > 0:06:14there's another bridge where that problem arose -
0:06:14 > 0:06:17the Millennium bridge between St Paul's and Tate Modern,
0:06:17 > 0:06:19the wibbly-wobbly bridge as it was known,
0:06:19 > 0:06:23closed for two years and it cost £5 million to put right,
0:06:23 > 0:06:25the fact that it was twisting in the wind.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28That was mainly cos Russell Watson was making videos on it.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Every time you see any Russell Watson video,
0:06:31 > 0:06:34it's him by the Thames, looking out into the distance.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36There's nothing wrong with that bridge, it was him singing.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40You've got Flatley up one end, you've got Watson up the other -
0:06:40 > 0:06:42- it's a nightmare. - Good, well, I think we've...
0:06:42 > 0:06:45LAUGHTER
0:06:45 > 0:06:50Now, what's smaller than the moon and keeps moving the sea around?
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Smaller than the moon.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55Is it a seal on caffeine?
0:06:55 > 0:06:57No.
0:06:57 > 0:06:58Is it one of our other moons?
0:06:58 > 0:07:01No, it's not a moon of any kind, it's not a celestial body.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05- It's a marine creature. - Like a big whale?
0:07:05 > 0:07:07This better be the blue whale.
0:07:07 > 0:07:08It so is not the blue whale.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11Is it an animal that lives in the sea
0:07:11 > 0:07:14that moves the sea with its mass?
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Yes, ultimately, with its combined mass, not its individual mass.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20- Is it plankton? - PSYCHO STABBING THEME
0:07:20 > 0:07:24Many, many, many fish, like a school of, a school of...
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Fish.
0:07:26 > 0:07:31No, it actually accounts for 40% of the biomass of the ocean.
0:07:31 > 0:07:32Algae.
0:07:32 > 0:07:36- No. It's, amazingly, not. - Cola tins.- But it's not a fish.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38No. We call it a fish, but it isn't a fish. No.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42- Jellyfish.- Jellyfish is the right answer.- Ah, genius right here.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44It's quite extraordinary.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47Now, it used to be believed that a jellyfish propelled
0:07:47 > 0:07:50itself by squirting water out of the back, as it were,
0:07:50 > 0:07:53by jet propulsion, but it's been discovered by the scientists
0:07:53 > 0:07:56at Caltech that it's actually slightly more complex.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59And what these jellyfish do is,
0:07:59 > 0:08:02they essentially cause an enormous amount of the water at the top,
0:08:02 > 0:08:05which is oxygen rich, to go down to the bottom,
0:08:05 > 0:08:08and a lot of the water at the bottom,
0:08:08 > 0:08:10which is full of nutrients, to go to the top.
0:08:10 > 0:08:14And they keep the circulation of the water extremely healthy.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17And they might contribute a trillion watts of energy,
0:08:17 > 0:08:21which is easily as much as wind or tidal pull.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25And they also mix the cold with the deep warm water at the surface.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27I've got one I put in the bath
0:08:27 > 0:08:29- so I don't have to do that. - Yeah, that would do it.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Just chuck it in the end...
0:08:31 > 0:08:32Yeah. My God!
0:08:32 > 0:08:35"Up your end, get back up your end, I don't want stinging."
0:08:35 > 0:08:37So they're like the mixer tap of the ocean.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39It's a very good way of putting it.
0:08:39 > 0:08:45But they can be malign as well - it so happened in 1982
0:08:45 > 0:08:48that a ship had in its bilge water a particular one called
0:08:48 > 0:08:54the Mnemiopsis leidyi, which is a comb jelly, from North America,
0:08:54 > 0:08:58and they arrived and had no local predator.
0:08:58 > 0:09:02In less then a decade, the population had reached
0:09:02 > 0:09:06a biomass of one billion tonnes in the Black Sea,
0:09:06 > 0:09:08which is where they were.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11And one billion tonnes is ten times the weight of all the fish
0:09:11 > 0:09:13we catch every year around the world.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16And it destroyed everything.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19Fortunately, then an another carnivorous jellyfish arrived,
0:09:19 > 0:09:23and it only eats the Mnemiopsis and so it ate them all,
0:09:23 > 0:09:24and once it had eaten them all,
0:09:24 > 0:09:27the balance was restored and fish returned.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Just one of these things turned up?
0:09:30 > 0:09:33- No, a few in the bilge water of a ship.- And it ate the lot.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36No, enough to breed, but my God did they breed.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Isn't that extraordinary? Those just little jellyfish that look so kind
0:09:39 > 0:09:44of light and nothingness are 40% of the biomass of the ocean.
0:09:44 > 0:09:49I think that's quite interesting. How many jellyfish are there here?
0:09:49 > 0:09:51- In that picture?- Yeah.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55What, is it one with a very flamboyant hat on?
0:09:55 > 0:09:57KLAXON
0:09:57 > 0:09:58- Oh!- Ah, dear.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02Sorry, where are the words "with a flamboyant hat on"?
0:10:02 > 0:10:05It was the one that was enough. But it is a flamboyant hat.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07The flamboyant hat gives it its name.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10Portuguese Conquistadors wore hats like that.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12They didn't have many in Croydon.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14They didn't, no. But...
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Is it a Man O' War?
0:10:16 > 0:10:19A Portuguese Man O' War is what it is, but it's not...
0:10:19 > 0:10:22I'll give you a clue that it's not a jellyfish.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25And it isn't even a single creature.
0:10:25 > 0:10:29A Portuguese Man O' War is not one animal. It's a colony of animals.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33- Oh, God.- Aaah.- That operate together as one, with incredible...
0:10:33 > 0:10:36- Like the Borg. - Yes, we are Borg, exactly.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38We are Borg. We are jellyfish.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Why isn't it called the Men O' War then?
0:10:40 > 0:10:43I know, because originally people didn't understand that
0:10:43 > 0:10:45and so they called it the Portuguese Man O' War,
0:10:45 > 0:10:47it looked like a Portuguese helmet on the top.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50The inflatable bladder along the top is one creature,
0:10:50 > 0:10:54which provides buoyancy, and works as a sail.
0:10:54 > 0:10:59The tentacles are separate and carry the coiled, spring-loaded
0:10:59 > 0:11:05harpoons, which have the most incredible speed.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08They explode in 700 billionths of a second,
0:11:08 > 0:11:12which is the fastest known animal mechanism on earth.
0:11:12 > 0:11:13And very painful.
0:11:13 > 0:11:17And there are other creatures that make part of this colony.
0:11:17 > 0:11:21Gastrozooids, which digest the food, and gonozooids,
0:11:21 > 0:11:24which are the gonads, the sexual reproduction part of it.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26- They're separate?- They are.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29The stomach floats along and then you've got the gonads behind.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32- Yeah.- So the stomach's looking for its bollocks, essentially.
0:11:32 > 0:11:36It's called a Siphonophore, that kind of a creature,
0:11:36 > 0:11:38and because they drift passively,
0:11:38 > 0:11:42they collect in vast herds of thousands or so.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44And that's why the appearance of one is enough to
0:11:44 > 0:11:46clear an Australian beach, as you probably know,
0:11:46 > 0:11:48because one tends to mean there are going to be lots.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50And the sting is very painful.
0:11:50 > 0:11:5310,000 Australians a year, on average,
0:11:53 > 0:11:56receive a Portuguese Man O' War sting. Not pleasant.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58- Toughens you up though.- Exactly.
0:11:58 > 0:11:59I mean, that's life, isn't it?
0:11:59 > 0:12:02One day it'll toughen you up enough to win a test match against us.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06AUDIENCE GASPS AND APPLAUDS
0:12:06 > 0:12:10- Sorry. Come on. - Yeah, that's it.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14How many times in history have I been in a position
0:12:14 > 0:12:17to be able to say that? Not many.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20- Oh, I know, and I enjoyed it, so much.- Exactly.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24A Man O' War can hurt you, but not kill you.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26But what is Australia's deadliest creature, in fact?
0:12:26 > 0:12:27PSYCHO STABBING THEME
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Rupert Murdoch.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:12:37 > 0:12:40- After Rupert Murdoch. - So sorry about that.
0:12:40 > 0:12:41And the fact he came here. Yeah, sorry.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Yeah. Excluding a member of the human race,
0:12:43 > 0:12:47which I'm not sure whether that does or not, but anyway.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50Are we talking deadliest in terms of its actual killing ability?
0:12:50 > 0:12:53- Causes the most fatalities every year.- I would say the kangaroo.
0:12:53 > 0:12:54It's not the kangaroo.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Is it the spiders, the funnel web, the red back?
0:12:56 > 0:12:58KLAXON
0:12:58 > 0:13:00It's not that. Spiders.
0:13:00 > 0:13:04- It's going to be something on the road.- It's the box jellyfish.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07- KLAXON - It's not, that is a nasty creature.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09- But they stop your heart. - Is it people?- Is it rabbits?
0:13:09 > 0:13:12Is it rabbits running in front of utes,
0:13:12 > 0:13:14- or some sort of...? - You're right that most
0:13:14 > 0:13:18of the deaths caused by animals in Australia are caused on the road.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20- The animal that is most responsible...- Crocodile?
0:13:20 > 0:13:23- DRAMATICALLY:- Is it man?
0:13:23 > 0:13:25The most deadly of all the creatures?
0:13:25 > 0:13:27DRAMATIC SURPRISE MUSIC
0:13:29 > 0:13:31- Snakes.- Shark.- No.
0:13:31 > 0:13:32KLAXON
0:13:32 > 0:13:34- I was not born there. - Is it the domestic cat?
0:13:34 > 0:13:37It's not the domestic cat, though in the year under,
0:13:37 > 0:13:39the sample year we're taking,
0:13:39 > 0:13:42one human being in Australia was killed by a cat that year.
0:13:42 > 0:13:43But 128...
0:13:43 > 0:13:46A cunning plan, executed skilfully and quietly.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48- Yeah.- It's the road, the road's involved.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51- Often the road is involved. - Are the people in a car at the time?
0:13:51 > 0:13:54- Sometimes yes, but... - Oh, a kite, is it the...?
0:13:54 > 0:13:56But sometimes they're on the animal involved.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58- They're on the animal. - Horses?- Oh, horse.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00It's a horse, yes.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02- A horse, more people are killed by horses than...- Really?
0:14:02 > 0:14:04- Oh, ho!- Oh, it's a very angry horse there.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06That is a very angry horse.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08- He needs a dental hygiene appointment ASAP.- It does.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11Yeah, because they fall off and break their neck or
0:14:11 > 0:14:13indeed they cause car crashes, and so on.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16And horses kill three times more than the ones you've mentioned.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20Is it because people just don't ride horses often then, all of a sudden,
0:14:20 > 0:14:24they decide, "Oh, I did this once as a kid," and they get on a horse?
0:14:24 > 0:14:27I mean, they're incredible animals. They're very powerful.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Incredibly powerful,
0:14:29 > 0:14:31they're incredibly stupid and incredibly nervous.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34They shy, they rear, they're frightened.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36"Oh, what's that?" It's a hedge.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40"Oh!" It's a piece of paper!
0:14:42 > 0:14:44When we lived in Australia, my wife bought a horse
0:14:44 > 0:14:47and she was desperate to try and get me to ride, right.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50She said, "I've bought a horse, it's docile, you'll be fine."
0:14:50 > 0:14:54- They never are.- Well, no, actually the problem was it was too docile.
0:14:54 > 0:14:58What happened was it ended up being studied by Melbourne University
0:14:58 > 0:15:01because, yeah, because it was one of the few horses
0:15:01 > 0:15:06that was...medically got narcolepsy.
0:15:06 > 0:15:10So I swear to God, no...
0:15:10 > 0:15:14It's one of the rare cases of a narcoleptic horse.
0:15:14 > 0:15:15So she buys this horse and she says...
0:15:15 > 0:15:19She couldn't work out why every time,
0:15:19 > 0:15:22when she was grooming it, it would get heavier and it would just...
0:15:22 > 0:15:24LAUGHTER
0:15:24 > 0:15:25"Oh, oh, eh, woah!" Like that.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28And so she couldn't groom it, because it would fall on her.
0:15:28 > 0:15:33So she says to me, "It's fine, the horse is narcoleptic, get on it."
0:15:33 > 0:15:35And so I got on it, in full motorbike gear, because
0:15:35 > 0:15:40I wasn't taking any chances, and I sat on this horse and it started
0:15:40 > 0:15:44to just, and you know normally you kick a horse to make it go.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46This one, you kicked it and it would go, "What? Eh?"
0:15:46 > 0:15:47Like that, to wake it up.
0:15:47 > 0:15:51I had a friend, he never came to visit us, unfortunately,
0:15:51 > 0:15:54but I've a got a friend over here who's got narcolepsy himself
0:15:54 > 0:15:58and that would've been the funniest thing. Can you imagine?
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Cos he would've been on the back of the horse and then, like,
0:16:01 > 0:16:04if they got it in time - it would be rubbish if he was awake
0:16:04 > 0:16:07and the horse went - and he's like, "Uh!" and the horse...
0:16:07 > 0:16:10It's a waste of time. Could you imagine,
0:16:10 > 0:16:14as a cowboy film, a narcoleptic...? Just the two of them.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16It was a genuine narcoleptic horse.
0:16:16 > 0:16:22And sometimes it would fall asleep against the electric fence.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25So it would go, it would go like that, "Ha, hey, ha, ho, ho!"
0:16:25 > 0:16:28It's like Jack Douglas from the Carry On Films.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Yeah. It was amazing, narcoleptic horse.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33- Oh, well, that's my kind of horse, frankly.- Yeah.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36But it is the horse that turns out to be the deadliest animal,
0:16:36 > 0:16:38followed by the cow,
0:16:38 > 0:16:4120 deaths are from cow, those are mostly on the road again,
0:16:41 > 0:16:44and then dog, 12 deaths from dogs.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47Sharks killed 11 in this particular period we're looking at,
0:16:47 > 0:16:50though last year was a very bad year for shark deaths, particularly in
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Western Australia, I know in Perth.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56Eight by snakes, which is amazing because Australia has something like
0:16:56 > 0:17:0080 or 90% of all the deadly snakes on earth.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Crocodiles, alligators only four, spiders only three, and one person
0:17:03 > 0:17:05killed by cat.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08- But what a cat.- Yes.
0:17:08 > 0:17:13- Did you see that woman... She had her bum bitten off by a shark...- Ow.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16..and they did, you know how they do face transplants?
0:17:16 > 0:17:21- They did a bum-otomy? - They didn't put a face on it.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23They did that to Ann Widdecombe.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29So she actually had a bum transplant.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Who donates their bum?!
0:17:31 > 0:17:34"Not my organs, but if you could just..."
0:17:34 > 0:17:38I could do with one buttock, like a kidney, you could do with one.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40A bum, that's just a bit of flesh, you could get that from anywhere.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42I don't see that as amazing.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46You could harvest that off somebody while queuing at the supermarket.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50But one buttock? That's how you'd create the fart,
0:17:50 > 0:17:55that would be... Where's the joy in life of going, "Oh, here it comes"?
0:17:55 > 0:17:57HE SIGHS
0:17:57 > 0:17:58LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Someone must go and measure our felicity by flatulence,
0:18:05 > 0:18:07it has to be said.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10I'm not sure that it's the vibrating of the buttocks that
0:18:10 > 0:18:13makes the noise.
0:18:13 > 0:18:14You want to get it baffled.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Yeah. Indeed.
0:18:17 > 0:18:22We discovered in series G that spiders are not deadly as such,
0:18:22 > 0:18:25but they are aggressive and they're certainly cannibalistic.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28If put 10,000 spiders in one room,
0:18:28 > 0:18:32you'd eventually end up with one enormously fat spider.
0:18:32 > 0:18:33And the works of Shakespeare.
0:18:33 > 0:18:37Yes! Anyway, horses kill twice as many Australians
0:18:37 > 0:18:39as any other creature.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42How would you defend yourself against this beast?
0:18:42 > 0:18:46- Oi!- Oh.- What the hell is that?- Yeah.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50- What is it, Stephen? I can't... - It's a dinosaur.- Yeah.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53It's a dinosaur called Fruitadens haagororum.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55- It's a weird-looking dinosaur. - It is a weird-looking one.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58It's a friendly-looking one, strangely.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Well, if you ignore the massive great spear its got for a tail.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03- That is pretty big. - It's got a lovely fringe though.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06- It's got a mohawk. - It's actually feathered, in fact.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09- Oh, feathered fringe.- And it has front fangs upwards, very unusual.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13- Front fangs and a feathered fringe? - Front fangs and a feathered fringe.
0:19:13 > 0:19:14Are you Ronnie Barker?
0:19:17 > 0:19:20The surprising thing about it, I suppose, is that we have this
0:19:20 > 0:19:24view of dinosaurs, which is largely to do with their size.
0:19:24 > 0:19:25The way to deal with that would be
0:19:25 > 0:19:28just to squash it with your foot, because it's tiny.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31It's absolutely... It's basically about four inches tall.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34It's the smallest dinosaur we know about.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Tiny-winy little dinosaur. Absolutely, four inches, that's it.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40- So was it a herbivore? An omnivore? Aaah.- Aah.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43Paris Hilton would have that in a flash.
0:19:43 > 0:19:47Yeah, exactly. It's about the size of a Chihuahua. A tiny Chihuahua.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51It ate plants and worms and some people think frogs, possibly.
0:19:51 > 0:19:52It lived in the late Jurassic period,
0:19:52 > 0:19:55150 million years ago,
0:19:55 > 0:19:58dodging between the legs of all the Allosauruses and Brachiosauruses.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01It's called "Fruitadens"
0:20:01 > 0:20:05because the first fossilised remains of one were found in Fruita,
0:20:05 > 0:20:09which you may remember is a town in Colorado, which gave the world
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Mike the Headless Chicken, who was a hero of a QI episode some years ago.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Oh yes, Mike the Headless Chicken.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17- Though it's a bit of a coincidence. - He lived for years.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19So it's probably a scavenger.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21It was the dinosaur equivalent of a rat, probably.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24- Four inches, that thing's four inches?- Four inches, yeah.
0:20:24 > 0:20:28Ornithischia is the name of its family, "bird-hipped" that means.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32Its closest living relative is a bird.
0:20:32 > 0:20:36As you probably know, a lot of people think that all dinosaurs were ancestors of birds,
0:20:36 > 0:20:40and it's certainly true that recent experiments have been able to
0:20:40 > 0:20:43trigger ancient dinosaur genes.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46They've managed to produce chicken embryo that grew
0:20:46 > 0:20:49curved dinosaur fangs by triggering
0:20:49 > 0:20:53dormant genes that are not usually triggered in the birth of a chicken.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55I bet Colonel Sanders is shitting himself!
0:20:55 > 0:20:58And then they grew one with a small tail, not a feathery tail,
0:20:58 > 0:20:59but a real tail.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02And palaeontologist Jack Horner, who wrote a book called
0:21:02 > 0:21:06How To Build A Dinosaur, predicts the imminent arrival of the world's
0:21:06 > 0:21:10first chicken-osaurus, basically a chicken with fangs, tails and arms.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13- You're talking crazy stuff. - I know it is crazy stuff, isn't it?
0:21:13 > 0:21:15It would have scared the living daylights...
0:21:15 > 0:21:18They'll still make the KFC fang-o-saurus burger.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20Nothing will stop them.
0:21:20 > 0:21:21But no dinosaur was bigger than what?
0:21:21 > 0:21:24What is the biggest living creature that has ever existed on the planet?
0:21:24 > 0:21:28The T-Rex? Or that giant tall one there.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31No, I said no dinosaur was ever bigger than the biggest living...
0:21:31 > 0:21:32- Oh, I see.- The whale. - The blue whale,
0:21:32 > 0:21:36it was your chance to be right with the blue whale, Alan!
0:21:36 > 0:21:40The blue whale is bigger than any dinosaur. I know.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43Ooh. Bummeroony. I'm so sorry.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45But there still are very small reptiles.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49I've been to Madagascar and had one, a brookesia chameleon, a pygmy chameleon,
0:21:49 > 0:21:52and I've had one right on my finger and you can see that.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55They are absolutely, they are perfect, perfect chameleons.
0:21:55 > 0:21:56Was it tasty?
0:21:56 > 0:21:58Aaah.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00Here's a question, if you ate a chameleon...?
0:22:00 > 0:22:02It was just the most beautiful thing.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Went for a night walk in the woods and came across it.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07Obviously incredibly easy to miss.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09And they sit there quite happily on your finger.
0:22:09 > 0:22:13They are perfect chameleons, their eyes do the thing of swivelling in all directions.
0:22:13 > 0:22:18Right, so, if you're threatened by a Fruitadens dinosaur,
0:22:18 > 0:22:21the best thing is probably to squish it with your foot.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24How did blind King John of Bohemia find his way round the battlefield?
0:22:24 > 0:22:25Like that.
0:22:27 > 0:22:31- By saying, "Where are we?!" - He must have had helpers.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34- Somebody must have helped him. - They did in the most particular way.
0:22:34 > 0:22:38He became King of Bohemia in Poland as a teenager and he loved war
0:22:38 > 0:22:41and that was his undoing, because he developed ophthalmia
0:22:41 > 0:22:44and became blind but that didn't stop him from wanting to fight.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47He joined up with Philip IV of France
0:22:47 > 0:22:51and made the big mistake of taking on Britain.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54Oh, you don't do that. Oh, no.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56We get the dusty old cane out of the cupboard
0:22:56 > 0:23:00and we give Johnny Frenchman a damn good slapping.
0:23:01 > 0:23:05- So this is the Hundred Years' War? - It was indeed.
0:23:05 > 0:23:11In 1346, 30,000 troops of Philip, including blind John of Bohemia,
0:23:11 > 0:23:15died at the battle and 200 English died.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17- That is embarrassing. - That is a bit embarrassing.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19It is a bit of a whitewash.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21But many people regard that battle as the end of chivalry
0:23:21 > 0:23:25because we cheated by using longbows and canon.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28- You see!- The French were used to hand-to-hand combat
0:23:28 > 0:23:33- and they just couldn't cope. - "I spit on your face!"
0:23:33 > 0:23:37"Let's have a little wine before we begin. Just a little."
0:23:37 > 0:23:38We had a technological advantage.
0:23:38 > 0:23:42You'd think after 20,000 the other 10,000 think, "You know, I'm going to jack this in."
0:23:42 > 0:23:46Actually, John of Bohemia's son Charles did run away, very sensibly,
0:23:46 > 0:23:49and had a very successful life. He became a highly creditable holy Roman emperor
0:23:49 > 0:23:52and presided over a golden age of Bohemia.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Who goes in and cleans up this mess?
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Oh, there's a lot of scavenging, I'm afraid, of the dead bodies.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59It's a pretty nasty business, those battles,
0:23:59 > 0:24:03but importantly John did fight. What he would do was, as it were,
0:24:03 > 0:24:07he would have a rider to the left of him and rider to the right of him
0:24:07 > 0:24:09and he would be lashed to them and they pointed him
0:24:09 > 0:24:11in the right direction and he would just wield away.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14The two of them surely would just ride well away from the battle
0:24:14 > 0:24:17saying, "You've got him, sir, you've got him!
0:24:17 > 0:24:19"There's another one. Well done, sir!" And bash swords together.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Unfortunately...
0:24:23 > 0:24:27- With sound effects.- The whistle of arrows.- "That was a close one!
0:24:27 > 0:24:30"Oh, I'm hit, sir! I'm hit!"
0:24:30 > 0:24:33That's what you and I would do, but unfortunately they were too stupid
0:24:33 > 0:24:35and they did indeed dart into the fray.
0:24:35 > 0:24:36Is this what they wore?
0:24:36 > 0:24:39One's got one of those perfume bottles and a pineapple on his head.
0:24:39 > 0:24:43The other one's wearing those things that you squeeze an orange with.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45Oh, yes! That's right. It is.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47A lemon juicer kind of thing.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Did he ask for that costume or was it cos he was blind and went,
0:24:50 > 0:24:53"Stick a pineapple on his head. That'll be a laugh?"
0:24:53 > 0:24:54How would they choose who would flank?
0:24:54 > 0:24:58I guess he just gave orders, "You will go one side of me and you will go the other."
0:24:58 > 0:25:02That'd be a great idea for blind people nowadays with the white stick.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Some people don't get out their way and don't pay them respect.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07I say we get rid of the white stick, give them a sword,
0:25:07 > 0:25:10down the street like that.
0:25:10 > 0:25:14People in wheelchairs, the old Boadicea things out the side.
0:25:14 > 0:25:19- Or a light sabre. - Exactly. Now we're talking.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Can you get those? Are they real then?
0:25:21 > 0:25:22Oh, yeah.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25They are real. They are absolutely real.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27IMITATES MOVING LIGHT SABRE
0:25:28 > 0:25:33If you strike me down now, I will become more powerful than ever.
0:25:33 > 0:25:34LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:25:38 > 0:25:43Alec Guinness spoke of a story when he became Catholic
0:25:43 > 0:25:47and when his son Matthew was about eight,
0:25:47 > 0:25:51he decided to give him a crucifix for his birthday.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54"You may not appreciate it now, but one day you will find
0:25:54 > 0:25:56"this extremely important."
0:25:56 > 0:25:58And Matthew picked it up and just went...
0:25:58 > 0:26:00IMITATES AN AEROPLANE
0:26:03 > 0:26:06Well, blind King John of Bohemia did die in the Battle of Crecy,
0:26:06 > 0:26:10but so brave was he considered by the victor of Crecy,
0:26:10 > 0:26:12the Black Prince,
0:26:12 > 0:26:15that he took blind King John of Bohemia's motto,
0:26:15 > 0:26:18which was German for "I serve." Do you know what that is?
0:26:18 > 0:26:20- Where the bloody hell am I? - Ich... Ich...
0:26:20 > 0:26:24- Yes, the Prince of Wales.- Ich... - Ich dien,
0:26:24 > 0:26:27which is still the motto of the Prince of Wales, "I serve".
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Also, this is more controversial, the three ostrich feathers that were
0:26:30 > 0:26:32the symbol of Bohemian Prince
0:26:32 > 0:26:35and it all comes from blind King John of Bohemia.
0:26:35 > 0:26:39Anyway, so that was the Battle of Crecy - the end of the days
0:26:39 > 0:26:42of chivalry, the beginning of machine wars if you like,
0:26:42 > 0:26:44- longbows and canons and so on. - And cheating.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47And cheating, if you want to put it that way.
0:26:47 > 0:26:48Speaking of riding into danger,
0:26:48 > 0:26:54which fairground ride is most dangerous - the Wall of Death,
0:26:54 > 0:26:58the Wheel of Death, the Death Slide
0:26:58 > 0:27:01or the Euthanasia Coaster?
0:27:03 > 0:27:05Well, I'd go for the latter, but that's just,
0:27:05 > 0:27:08- I've been on a Wall of Death. - Yes, what is a Wall of Death?
0:27:08 > 0:27:11That's the bike where you go up and there's a...
0:27:11 > 0:27:13- What keeps you from falling? - Sticky tape.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15LAUGHTER
0:27:15 > 0:27:20Audience? Centripetal, centripetal force.
0:27:20 > 0:27:25- Like a salad spinner.- Yeah, if you like, exactly.- Was it fun?
0:27:25 > 0:27:28It's a lot of fun, my dad detached his retina.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31- Woah, seriously?- Yeah. - No!- Yeah, on the...
0:27:31 > 0:27:33What, before he got on, he went, "Right, here we go, hey!"
0:27:33 > 0:27:36- He wanted to be like blind King John of Bohemia.- Yes, and you stick.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38My sister went on one of those, right,
0:27:38 > 0:27:41at the Cramlington Carnival and as it was going around,
0:27:41 > 0:27:46there was a kid next to her with a goldfish in a bag and it exploded.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48- Ah.- Oh, no!
0:27:48 > 0:27:51But the trouble is, he couldn't do anything about it,
0:27:51 > 0:27:54she couldn't do anything about it, so they're on there like that,
0:27:54 > 0:27:56"Wey hey!" and it went, "Boof!" like that.
0:27:56 > 0:28:00And the two of them just sort of go, "Woah!" like that.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02As it slowed down, "Blurgh," and then, yeah.
0:28:02 > 0:28:03Poor little goldfish.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06The Wall of Death is also an expression
0:28:06 > 0:28:08at heavy metal concerts.
0:28:08 > 0:28:13- Yes.- Just before some amazing song that's going to go off,
0:28:13 > 0:28:18all the fans move out into two lines and leave a passageway
0:28:18 > 0:28:21and before the most violent sort of song reaches some crescendo,
0:28:21 > 0:28:23- they all go, "Boom!" - Absolutely right.
0:28:23 > 0:28:27It's a kind of moshing wall, exactly, in which they fight,
0:28:27 > 0:28:29and there has been a death at one of those in fact.
0:28:29 > 0:28:32Well done for naming that. Definite points there.
0:28:32 > 0:28:35The Wall of Death was first seen in Coney Island in 1915.
0:28:35 > 0:28:38There have been a few reported accidents but no fatalities,
0:28:38 > 0:28:43- and we can add to that list, two detached retinae.- Yeah.
0:28:43 > 0:28:46There was one, a guy had a bear on. Have you seen that?
0:28:46 > 0:28:50A car on a Wall of Death and there's a bear in the car.
0:28:50 > 0:28:54- Poor bear.- Just putting it out there.- Not nice!
0:28:54 > 0:28:56The Wheel of Death is slightly harder to describe,
0:28:56 > 0:28:59it's a circus apparatus, a beam attached to a tower.
0:28:59 > 0:29:04The tower rotates about its centre and there's a hoop
0:29:04 > 0:29:07and the acrobat stands inside and they're inside something
0:29:07 > 0:29:10that's also rotating so it's a kind of double rotation thing.
0:29:10 > 0:29:15- With no safety cables?- No, it was invented in 1933 as the space wheel
0:29:15 > 0:29:18and there were fatalities and then it was brought back in 1970
0:29:18 > 0:29:21as the Wheel of Death and, ironically, since then,
0:29:21 > 0:29:23there have been no deaths. It's been safer.
0:29:23 > 0:29:25- Have you seen the Globe of Death? - Oh, no. What's that?
0:29:25 > 0:29:27It's like a mesh ball, like that,
0:29:27 > 0:29:30and one motorbike goes round, like this,
0:29:30 > 0:29:32- and the other one goes like that. - Oh, my God!
0:29:32 > 0:29:35- The timing has to be so good.- Yeah.
0:29:35 > 0:29:39The Death Slide is really better known as a zip wire.
0:29:39 > 0:29:42But you are right that in theory the most deadly of them
0:29:42 > 0:29:43all is the Euthanasia Coaster.
0:29:43 > 0:29:46It's a project of an art student in London called
0:29:46 > 0:29:49Julijonas Urbonas, a Lithuanian PHD student.
0:29:49 > 0:29:52It exists as a 1:500 scale model, and you can see there,
0:29:52 > 0:29:56the idea is that the ride would last three minutes.
0:29:56 > 0:30:00A two minute ascent to the very, very top, it's 1,600 foot.
0:30:00 > 0:30:02- Oh, God!- So very, very high.
0:30:02 > 0:30:05You then have a minute's 223mph plunge
0:30:05 > 0:30:08down into those rolls like that, during which you're
0:30:08 > 0:30:14pulling ten G's, and that would kill the rider through what's called
0:30:14 > 0:30:19cerebral hypoxia, in other words, deprivation of oxygen to the brain.
0:30:19 > 0:30:23- Have Chessington World of Adventure bought it?- No, they haven't.
0:30:23 > 0:30:26He believes his design offers a humane and meaningful death.
0:30:26 > 0:30:28I don't know quite why it's meaningful.
0:30:28 > 0:30:31- Die like a screaming clown. - That would be amazing,
0:30:31 > 0:30:35- because you could actually build a chapel at the end.- Yes.
0:30:35 > 0:30:38- And the family could just sit there. - Absolutely.
0:30:38 > 0:30:40And then the best thing of all is, after the funeral,
0:30:40 > 0:30:42you get a picture of your loved one, like that.
0:30:42 > 0:30:45LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:30:51 > 0:30:54- On a handy key ring. - Have it on mugs, anything you want.
0:30:54 > 0:30:57Well, he believes that the ascent offers the chance for reflection
0:30:57 > 0:31:01and the riders can still pull out once they've reached the top.
0:31:01 > 0:31:05If not, death is painless, quick and apparently euphoric.
0:31:05 > 0:31:06Though how they know, I don't know.
0:31:06 > 0:31:11There's one in Auckland, one of those ball things that you
0:31:11 > 0:31:13sit in and you have the bungee straps and they fire you up the top.
0:31:13 > 0:31:15- Oh, my goodness. - But they make you wear like
0:31:15 > 0:31:17one of those surgical mask things.
0:31:17 > 0:31:20And I said, "Why are they wearing the surgical masks?"
0:31:20 > 0:31:24And apparently, because it's right next to an office building,
0:31:24 > 0:31:27people are trying to work and you hear, "Arrrgh!"
0:31:27 > 0:31:32Like this. And it was putting them off. So now it's kind of, "Wargh."
0:31:32 > 0:31:36So some bloke's going, "Well, our predicted sales over the next..."
0:31:36 > 0:31:37"Waaargh!"
0:31:39 > 0:31:41Vomit on the windows.
0:31:41 > 0:31:44I went to Alton Towers once and they had this ride
0:31:44 > 0:31:47where you just go along and then you get to the edge of a vertical drop
0:31:47 > 0:31:49and it goes like that and everyone goes, "Aargh!"
0:31:49 > 0:31:52And then it just drops you straight down a hole in the ground.
0:31:52 > 0:31:54- Good God!- And if you sit in the cafe next to it,
0:31:54 > 0:31:57you can see it out the window. So while you're having your sandwiches,
0:31:57 > 0:32:00about every 60 seconds, "Aargh!"
0:32:00 > 0:32:03- LAUGHTER - "Aargh!"
0:32:03 > 0:32:07- All day long.- Why do people...? I couldn't bear it.
0:32:07 > 0:32:09I'm always fascinated why people love that feeling.
0:32:09 > 0:32:11I mean, roller coasters when I was a kid,
0:32:11 > 0:32:14it was like, "Argh," and that was it. But now they're so extreme.
0:32:14 > 0:32:18- Yeah. They really are.- I don't get the kind of exhilaration of it.
0:32:18 > 0:32:21No. I've bungee jumped and that was so exciting,
0:32:21 > 0:32:25I immediately had to do it again, I absolutely loved it.
0:32:25 > 0:32:27What about the guy who made his own bungee jump?
0:32:27 > 0:32:29That was stupid.
0:32:29 > 0:32:32- I think he won a Darwin Award. - Oh, dear.
0:32:32 > 0:32:34He made his own bungee jump with a rope.
0:32:34 > 0:32:37LAUGHTER
0:32:37 > 0:32:38So, just hung himself.
0:32:38 > 0:32:40Well, no, it took his foot off.
0:32:40 > 0:32:43AUDIENCE GASPS
0:32:43 > 0:32:45When the rope went taut, his foot came off.
0:32:45 > 0:32:48- That's just horrific.- That's what the Darwin Awards are all about.
0:32:48 > 0:32:50Yeah, it certainly is.
0:32:50 > 0:32:53What's the biggest dead body in the world?
0:32:53 > 0:32:54'Vehicle reversing.'
0:32:54 > 0:32:56Blue whale.
0:32:56 > 0:32:57KLAXON
0:33:05 > 0:33:08- I'll give you a hint, it's a body of water.- The Dead Sea.
0:33:08 > 0:33:10KLAXON
0:33:10 > 0:33:15- No, it isn't the Dead Sea.- The Black Sea cos of the jellyfish.- Yes!
0:33:15 > 0:33:18Not because of the jellyfish. They certainly didn't help,
0:33:18 > 0:33:22but the Black Sea only the very top has any living things growing.
0:33:22 > 0:33:2590% of it is absolutely dead
0:33:25 > 0:33:28and it is much, much, much, much, much, much bigger
0:33:28 > 0:33:30than the Dead Sea, and much, much deader,
0:33:30 > 0:33:3490% as I say is just simply nothing.
0:33:34 > 0:33:37It's been dead for millennia so it's not our fault for once.
0:33:37 > 0:33:41It's a very steep basin into which the upper and lower layers don't mix
0:33:41 > 0:33:45and the bacteria use up all the oxygen and you take the oxygen out of a sulphate,
0:33:45 > 0:33:48you're left with hydrogen sulphide, which is the rotten eggs' smell
0:33:48 > 0:33:52the Black Sea is the largest reservoir of hydrogen sulphide
0:33:52 > 0:33:54on the planet and it's deadly.
0:33:54 > 0:33:56Is there any use for that? Someone can devise a use for that,
0:33:56 > 0:33:59some scientist who isn't measuring how long it takes to spill
0:33:59 > 0:34:02his coffee on the way back from the machine.
0:34:02 > 0:34:03They have already devised a use for it
0:34:03 > 0:34:06- and that is as a poison to kill people.- Great(!)
0:34:06 > 0:34:08If the euthanasia rollercoaster doesn't take off.
0:34:08 > 0:34:10It's a hell of a Butlins.
0:34:10 > 0:34:14In Japan, in particular, it's very, very popular
0:34:14 > 0:34:17because you can use various household cleaners and pesticides
0:34:17 > 0:34:20to make it and 2,000 detergent suicides
0:34:20 > 0:34:23as they're called have been recorded in Japan since 2005.
0:34:23 > 0:34:26A single breath is enough to kill a human being.
0:34:26 > 0:34:29It's almost as deadly as hydrogen cyanide.
0:34:29 > 0:34:33It's a lot, isn't it? I know, it's pretty disturbing.
0:34:33 > 0:34:35One of the dangers is that after the first sniff
0:34:35 > 0:34:39it does not smell anything, it kills the olfactory system
0:34:39 > 0:34:41and so 80% of people who turn up at the scene
0:34:41 > 0:34:45of a detergent suicide are themselves poisoned by the gas remaining
0:34:45 > 0:34:48because they can't smell it. So it's really most unfortunate.
0:34:48 > 0:34:51So there's not much cheerful about that, I have to say,
0:34:51 > 0:34:55I'm sorry about that. So we can cheer ourselves up.
0:34:55 > 0:34:57What isn't a blue whale,
0:34:57 > 0:35:01but floats around in the sea and weighs as much as a blue whale?
0:35:01 > 0:35:05Is it an elephant on holiday?
0:35:05 > 0:35:07An elephant doesn't weigh as much as a blue whale.
0:35:07 > 0:35:09- No, it's really...- A ship?
0:35:09 > 0:35:11- No.- Submarine.
0:35:11 > 0:35:13No, it's something that the blue whale consumes.
0:35:13 > 0:35:14- A massive lilo.- Plankton.
0:35:14 > 0:35:17The blue whale can consume its own weight in?
0:35:17 > 0:35:19- Plankton.- Well, actually in water. It dives all the way down
0:35:19 > 0:35:22and then dives up again with its mouth open
0:35:22 > 0:35:23and it swells, and swells, and swells.
0:35:23 > 0:35:26And it literally can take on 90 tonnes of water.
0:35:26 > 0:35:28Quite a staggering sum.
0:35:28 > 0:35:30Got to love a blue whale.
0:35:30 > 0:35:32- That's right, we do love them. - That's one thirsty mother.
0:35:32 > 0:35:35They can actually take in something their size.
0:35:35 > 0:35:37Not to swallow, as you know, because,
0:35:37 > 0:35:39- as we've discussed... - The grapefruit issue.
0:35:39 > 0:35:42A grapefruit is the biggest thing they can get down their gullet.
0:35:42 > 0:35:45But they get this gigantic amount of water inside them. Really amazing.
0:35:45 > 0:35:48And they go really deep and no one's been able to go
0:35:48 > 0:35:50deep enough to find out what they do until very recently.
0:35:50 > 0:35:52- Just gossiping.- Just gossiping. That's right.
0:35:52 > 0:35:56"Ooh, kaa." "Really?"
0:35:56 > 0:35:59Having quizzes in which people say, "Is the answer Alan Davies?"
0:35:59 > 0:36:02Yeah.
0:36:02 > 0:36:06The water in a blue whale's mouth weighs as much as a blue whale does.
0:36:06 > 0:36:10Why shouldn't you mess with the maxillofacial death pyramid?
0:36:10 > 0:36:13Is it cos it's got the word "death" in it?
0:36:13 > 0:36:17That is a hint, the maxillofacial death pyramid.
0:36:17 > 0:36:19- Call it the fun pyramid. - Maxillofacial means?
0:36:19 > 0:36:23Maxillofacial is who you go to see when you get a broken cheekbone.
0:36:23 > 0:36:26- Yeah, exactly. it is the maxillary area, the jaw.- It's the top jaw.
0:36:26 > 0:36:29But it's, the maxillary, the pyramid is actually sort of there,
0:36:29 > 0:36:30from the bridge of the nose down through...
0:36:30 > 0:36:32It's like a facial Bermuda Triangle.
0:36:32 > 0:36:34There it is, yeah, yeah.
0:36:34 > 0:36:38And it's basically about blood flow from the brain down,
0:36:38 > 0:36:41if you've got little infections and things, it goes down through
0:36:41 > 0:36:43there and then gets sorted out by the immune system.
0:36:43 > 0:36:45What can happen if you pick your nose and your spots
0:36:45 > 0:36:49and things, is you can get bacteria in it that sort of block it
0:36:49 > 0:36:52and force it all the way back up into the brain.
0:36:52 > 0:36:55Meningitis is an example of that, and syphilis indeed is.
0:36:55 > 0:37:00- From picking your nose?! - Not from picking your nose...
0:37:00 > 0:37:02- Good God!! - Yeah, that's how you get syphilis.
0:37:02 > 0:37:05It does, it slightly depends on what you're picking it with!
0:37:05 > 0:37:08LAUGHTER
0:37:08 > 0:37:10That's how you explain it to the wife.
0:37:10 > 0:37:15"No, I was just picking my nose, love. Must have spread."
0:37:15 > 0:37:18There is actually a DIY hard-core punk band from Sheffield
0:37:18 > 0:37:23- called the Maxillofacial Death Pyramid.- Really?
0:37:23 > 0:37:26- I like the sound of that.- It's quite a mouthful when asking for a ticket,
0:37:26 > 0:37:28but they're probably excellent and, if you're watching, you know,
0:37:28 > 0:37:32I'm coming to your next concert. I absolutely guarantee it.
0:37:32 > 0:37:35The internationally recognised symbol for death metal bands.
0:37:35 > 0:37:39- Yeah.- So you've got to be a little bit careful about picking your nose,
0:37:39 > 0:37:42pleasurable an activity as it is.
0:37:42 > 0:37:44You can die from it!
0:37:44 > 0:37:46Yeah. That's something to tell the children.
0:37:46 > 0:37:51Well, there you are. Now, making hydrogen with nails
0:37:51 > 0:37:55and drain cleaner would be a very jolly jape indeed, don't you think?
0:37:55 > 0:37:56- Yes, I think so.- So, let's try it.
0:37:56 > 0:37:59To prove that it's hydrogen, I'm going to have to set fire it.
0:37:59 > 0:38:02And I'm going to set fire to it on my own hand,
0:38:02 > 0:38:03first of all I'm going to have
0:38:03 > 0:38:05a basin of water, I'm going to put here,
0:38:05 > 0:38:09to dip my hand in, to wet it so I don't burn myself too badly.
0:38:09 > 0:38:11And then I have my really...
0:38:11 > 0:38:13Oh, hello.
0:38:13 > 0:38:17Made a mistake, sorry, man in my ear furious with me.
0:38:17 > 0:38:19"What are you fucking doing?!"
0:38:19 > 0:38:21"Put the water down!
0:38:23 > 0:38:26"Do this properly or you will die, do you understand?!"
0:38:28 > 0:38:31- No... - "Start again, for fuck's sake!"
0:38:31 > 0:38:33LAUGHTER
0:38:33 > 0:38:37He was much gentler, very sweet. So, anyway.
0:38:37 > 0:38:40I've been told to tell you not to try this at home.
0:38:40 > 0:38:43- Try it in someone else's home. - Yeah.
0:38:44 > 0:38:48The fire exits are there, and there.
0:38:48 > 0:38:50What I've got here is I've got some ordinary
0:38:50 > 0:38:52green-coloured washing-up liquid.
0:38:54 > 0:38:57We're not allowed to mention it's Fairy. Its name.
0:38:57 > 0:39:00And I've got a little chemical lab, I don't know what you call
0:39:00 > 0:39:03- this little...- Flask. - Flask, I think is the word.
0:39:03 > 0:39:06Oh, this is like going on a picnic with Heston Blumenthal.
0:39:06 > 0:39:09- LAUGHTER - It's got some nails in it and I'm going to add a few more,
0:39:09 > 0:39:11a little bit of zinc.
0:39:11 > 0:39:14And I've got here, this is the hydrochloric acid, very strong.
0:39:14 > 0:39:17When are you going to put on the safety goggles, Stephen?
0:39:17 > 0:39:18Now, cos I'm about to open the bottle of acid.
0:39:18 > 0:39:22"Put the fucking safety goggles on!"
0:39:23 > 0:39:26Not only that, but I've also got, I've also got a...
0:39:26 > 0:39:30- I've also got a mask. Here we go.- What about us?!
0:39:30 > 0:39:33Sorry, can I just ask, YOU'RE putting on safety goggles?
0:39:33 > 0:39:36- Yeah! - YOU'RE putting on a mask.
0:39:36 > 0:39:38What's the story here?
0:39:38 > 0:39:40Yeah, you're fine, you're expendable.
0:39:40 > 0:39:43I may have the mask upside down.
0:39:43 > 0:39:45It does tell you to put the mask on your children
0:39:45 > 0:39:47before putting it on yourself, as on an aeroplane.
0:39:47 > 0:39:49"Got the fucking mask upside down!"
0:39:51 > 0:39:54Right, OK. I've got the goggles, I've got this.
0:39:54 > 0:39:59Now what I'm going to do, all right, is I'm going to pour this acid.
0:39:59 > 0:40:01Jesus, onto some nails?!
0:40:01 > 0:40:03- Into the nails, that's right.- Why?
0:40:03 > 0:40:05The zinc and the hydrochloric acid will react.
0:40:05 > 0:40:07- Has he been drinking? - Yeah. He's been drinking that.
0:40:07 > 0:40:10Oh, there we go. And that's, that's going to produce quite a lot.
0:40:10 > 0:40:12- It's going towards me! - It's blowing our way!
0:40:12 > 0:40:17I now have to put this, I have to put this cork in it.
0:40:17 > 0:40:19- Geez!- If I put the cork in it tight enough,
0:40:19 > 0:40:24it will come out of here, and I put this in here and it will bubble up.
0:40:24 > 0:40:26Right, that's important.
0:40:28 > 0:40:31- If you say so.- The bubbles are made of hydrogen.
0:40:31 > 0:40:34And the only way to prove it is to grasp the bubbles,
0:40:34 > 0:40:38I'm going to wet my hand now, to be safer. And grasp these bubbles.
0:40:38 > 0:40:40What the hell is that? It looks like a sex cactus.
0:40:40 > 0:40:43And I'm going to go...
0:40:43 > 0:40:44Oh, God!
0:40:46 > 0:40:48APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:40:48 > 0:40:51Really exciting. Really exciting.
0:40:53 > 0:40:54We can try that again.
0:40:54 > 0:40:56Oh, yeah.
0:40:56 > 0:40:58- Let's get even more bubbles. - That is great.
0:40:58 > 0:41:01Stephen's goggles are so steamed up, he's completely blind!
0:41:01 > 0:41:04- Even more bubbles here. Here we go. - Blind King John of Bohemia.
0:41:04 > 0:41:08- Oh, come on, oh, work, lighter. - Anyone got a light?
0:41:08 > 0:41:12- Oh the lighter's stopped working. - APPLAUSE
0:41:12 > 0:41:15Let's try it again, one more.
0:41:15 > 0:41:17Wet your hand again! You didn't wet it!
0:41:17 > 0:41:19- You didn't wet the hand! - Come on. Bloody lighter!
0:41:19 > 0:41:22- Expelliarmus!- Oh. Oh there we go.
0:41:22 > 0:41:25- We'll take that off now. - Wow!
0:41:25 > 0:41:28- I've made hydrogen, ladies and gentlemen.- Wow.
0:41:28 > 0:41:29APPLAUSE
0:41:29 > 0:41:35- Wow.- How very exciting. - Pretty exciting. Let's cover that.
0:41:35 > 0:41:38"Put the lid on the acid!"
0:41:38 > 0:41:43There we are. We can let all the hydrogen disappear.
0:41:43 > 0:41:48And our wonderful science elf said, he said, he's so scientific,
0:41:48 > 0:41:51he said, "And don't touch that because it's exothermic."
0:41:51 > 0:41:54- It just means it's hot. - Hot, it's hot.
0:41:54 > 0:41:57- Had to say "exothermic."- That's the smell, that's quite the...
0:41:57 > 0:41:59- Can you smell?- Pretty whiffy. - Yes.- Pretty eggy whiffy.
0:41:59 > 0:42:02Well, a bit of hydrogen sulphide probably in there,
0:42:02 > 0:42:04that might kill you, of course. But let's hope not.
0:42:04 > 0:42:09Let's hope at least you survive until we get to the scores.
0:42:09 > 0:42:14Well, I have to say, sadly, in last place...
0:42:14 > 0:42:16Is it that bad?
0:42:16 > 0:42:17It's down wind.
0:42:17 > 0:42:20Well, especially now I know it's potentially fatal. Yes, it is!
0:42:21 > 0:42:25No, it's not hydrogen sulphide. It's just hydrogen.
0:42:25 > 0:42:29So, I'm afraid in last place, but it's a very creditable last place,
0:42:29 > 0:42:32and only just, with minus 16, is Julia Zemiro. Oh!
0:42:32 > 0:42:34- APPLAUSE - Thank you.
0:42:38 > 0:42:42And through some extraordinary good fortune, avoiding final place,
0:42:42 > 0:42:45third place with minus 14, Alan Davies.
0:42:45 > 0:42:47- Thank you very much. - Highly respectable.
0:42:47 > 0:42:50APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:42:50 > 0:42:53And, my goodness, it's tight at the top,
0:42:53 > 0:42:56with minus seven, in second place, Ross Noble.
0:42:56 > 0:42:59APPLAUSE
0:43:00 > 0:43:03So, that can only mean that our winner,
0:43:03 > 0:43:07with a magnificent minus six, is Sue Perkins.
0:43:07 > 0:43:13APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:43:13 > 0:43:16So, it's goodnight from Sue, Ross, Julia, Alan and me.
0:43:16 > 0:43:18Now, you come back soon now, you hear?
0:43:18 > 0:43:20Do that thing and be lovely to each other. Goodnight.