0:00:28 > 0:00:30APPLAUSE
0:00:30 > 0:00:34Goo-oo-oo-ood evening, good evening, good evening, good evening,
0:00:34 > 0:00:36good evening, good evening, good evening,
0:00:36 > 0:00:39and welcome to the Quite Interesting world of Kitsch,
0:00:39 > 0:00:43where tonight everything is in the worst possible taste.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46Let's meet those '70s icons,
0:00:46 > 0:00:50the girl off the Athena tennis poster, Sue Perkins.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53APPLAUSE
0:00:55 > 0:01:01And complete with medallion and chest wig, it's Reginald D Hunter.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03APPLAUSE
0:01:06 > 0:01:11Our man on the water bed in black satin pyjamas, Jimmy Carr.
0:01:13 > 0:01:14That is a troubling image.
0:01:16 > 0:01:20And not really giving a flying duck, Alan Davies.
0:01:20 > 0:01:21Thank you very much.
0:01:21 > 0:01:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:25 > 0:01:30Now, if you want to avail yourself of my avocado bathroom en-suite
0:01:30 > 0:01:33with all the trimmings, all you have to do is call.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36- Sue goes... - DING-DONG!
0:01:36 > 0:01:41- Reginald goes... - THEME FROM "THE STING"
0:01:41 > 0:01:45- Jimmy goes... - CAR HOOTER
0:01:45 > 0:01:48- Brilliant.- And Alan goes... - QUACK QUACK
0:01:48 > 0:01:50There we are.
0:01:50 > 0:01:55So, here's a load of old tat that includes
0:01:55 > 0:01:57everything but the kitsch sink.
0:01:57 > 0:01:58Have a look.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01A flowery chair.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04A cute balloon.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06A Tiffany lamp
0:02:06 > 0:02:10and a donkey cigarette dispenser.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Now, which is kitsch?
0:02:14 > 0:02:16See, I don't know where kitsch becomes tacky,
0:02:16 > 0:02:18there's a sort of hinterland, isn't there?
0:02:18 > 0:02:22Hmm. We're going, unusually for QI, by dictionary definition.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25It's a quality, something that a kitsch thing must have
0:02:25 > 0:02:29- in order to be kitsch. - Ubiquity?- No.- Popular?- Ordinary?
0:02:29 > 0:02:31Ordinary. Worthless.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33- Yes.- Worthless.- It would be that chair, wouldn't it?
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Well, the Tiffany lamps, I saw a Tiffany lamp in a store,
0:02:36 > 0:02:38in the Kings Road, and I thought, "Oh, it's kind of
0:02:38 > 0:02:40"a kitschy kind of thing, but it's all right."
0:02:40 > 0:02:42And it was like 80 grand or something ludicrous.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44- Oh, yes.- So you bought it. - They sold a very...
0:02:44 > 0:02:46- So I bought three.- Yes, quite.
0:02:47 > 0:02:52There was one from the 1890s that was sold for 2.8 million.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54They are far from worthless, the originals.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57But as you know, there are many imitations, which would,
0:02:57 > 0:03:00I suppose, count as kitsch, because essentially
0:03:00 > 0:03:04it's a stained-glass Art Nouveau lamp, with a bronze fitting.
0:03:04 > 0:03:072.8 million and then you can just very easily knock it over,
0:03:07 > 0:03:09- can't you?- That would be...
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Just come in pissed and you'd knock it over.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14But that's true of Ming china, I suppose, as well.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16So what about the balloon animal, is that...?
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Is that not the one, that's not a balloon animal, is it?
0:03:19 > 0:03:21That is... What's the guy called?
0:03:21 > 0:03:23- The American artist. - The Pop Art guy.- Yes.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26The guy who makes...who was dating La Cicciolina, Jeff Koons, is it?
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Jeff Koons is the right answer,
0:03:28 > 0:03:31and his work goes for a huge amount of money, vast.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35I mean, one of his pieces went for 38 million.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37- It really did look like a dog. - STEPHEN LAUGHS
0:03:37 > 0:03:41Yes, he does balloon animals. That is a balloon animal, as you can see.
0:03:41 > 0:03:46Also, he has three Michael Jackson and Bubbles porcelain figures,
0:03:46 > 0:03:49which sold for 5.6 million,
0:03:49 > 0:03:54and he just does stuff that is kitsch in every sense,
0:03:54 > 0:03:57- but the worthless sense.- But wasn't Warhol doing the same thing
0:03:57 > 0:03:59with, you know, pictures of Elvis and Marilyn?
0:03:59 > 0:04:03Yes, they're not really so much kitsch, as kind of... I don't know.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06- They raise the everyday to...- Yeah, re-appropriation of everyday culture.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09Exactly right. Kitsch somehow implies something more ornamental,
0:04:09 > 0:04:12more "tchotchke", as they would say in Yiddish.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14It's no use just using another word I don't know!
0:04:14 > 0:04:16- LAUGHTER That's not helping anyone!- No!
0:04:16 > 0:04:19"It's a bit more tchotchke!" "Oh, right, now I get ya!"
0:04:19 > 0:04:21"It IS a bit more tchotchke, now you say it!"
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Well, we'll have one more from our little conveyor belt
0:04:24 > 0:04:26and that's a chintz armchair.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Chintz has become somewhat unfashionable,
0:04:28 > 0:04:32but when it first arrived from - do you know where it first came from?
0:04:32 > 0:04:33Bournemouth.
0:04:34 > 0:04:38- LAUGHTER - Originally... I think it comes from John Lewis.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Let's move a little bit away.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43- China.- India is the answer.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45- Oh.- It arrived as early as the 1680s in Europe,
0:04:45 > 0:04:50and was so successful and so remarkably popular
0:04:50 > 0:04:54that, in the court of Versailles, Louis declared
0:04:54 > 0:04:56that it should be illegal everywhere, except in his court,
0:04:56 > 0:04:59because it was ruining the French textile industry.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03And the same happened in Britain in 1720 - all chintz was banned
0:05:03 > 0:05:06because our own weavers were going out of business,
0:05:06 > 0:05:08because it was considered such a luxury item.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11I'm just getting a lot of retinal feedback from it. It's...
0:05:11 > 0:05:14Yes, the word chintzy is not a compliment these days.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Here's a really... I'll be so impressed, I'll give you 50 points
0:05:17 > 0:05:19- if you can tell me something really unusual...- OK.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21..about the word chintz it shares with
0:05:21 > 0:05:24- only two other words in the English language, as far as I know.- Oh, OK!
0:05:24 > 0:05:27- Is it to do with the Scrabble score? - No!- Is it...?
0:05:27 > 0:05:30- It'll be something to do with the Z. - Not exactly.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32They're all six letter words.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Almost, chintz and biopsy.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39Do all the letters of the alphabet appear in those words in order?
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Not ALL the letters of the alphabet, no!
0:05:41 > 0:05:43LAUGHTER I mean, I'm not...
0:05:43 > 0:05:45- I'm not up on spelling! - The letters are in order.
0:05:45 > 0:05:49- The letters are in alphabetical order!- Well, I kind of got that!
0:05:49 > 0:05:52You kind of did, yes, you said ALL the letters of the alphabet!
0:05:52 > 0:05:54- LAUGHTER - All 26!
0:05:54 > 0:05:56All right, knock off a few of them!
0:05:56 > 0:05:59- I got 20 more... - But it's amazing how rare that is -
0:05:59 > 0:06:02biopsy, almost and chintz are in alphabetical order.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Um, if you know of any more, please DON'T write in.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07LAUGHTER
0:06:07 > 0:06:10You try and you think of a couple of words, you know, you think, er...
0:06:10 > 0:06:11Horse? No.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13LAUGHTER
0:06:13 > 0:06:16- Dog? No.- It does rather come off to...- SUE: Almond? No.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18JIMMY: Do you know what the issue with that is?
0:06:18 > 0:06:19- And then, you give up!- Yes!
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Basically, you could say to anyone, "Oh, yeah, armadillo as well
0:06:22 > 0:06:25"is the other one." People never bother working these things out.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27If you say it's an anagram, people never sit down and do it.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29No, but I just have, and that isn't.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31SUE: Yeah, that isn't right. LAUGHTER
0:06:31 > 0:06:33It's got an A in the middle!
0:06:33 > 0:06:34All right.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36LAUGHTER
0:06:36 > 0:06:39- The A was the only give away there! - It really was a bit of a giveaway
0:06:39 > 0:06:43So there's a chintz chair. And finally we had on our conveyor belt,
0:06:43 > 0:06:45this lovely object here.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48- Oh, my God, you're so lucky! - Oh, I want that!
0:06:48 > 0:06:50You put...yeah, out comes a cigarette.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53- Wouldn't want to smoke it, though. - It poos a cigarette.
0:06:53 > 0:06:54I think, instead of going,
0:06:54 > 0:06:57"Oh, we're going to get rid of all cigarette advertising,"
0:06:57 > 0:07:00- I think they should say they all come out of donkeys' arses.- Yes.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03This would be kitsch, because it's worthless.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Well, it's £6.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07And it's pretty kitsch, to be honest, isn't it?
0:07:07 > 0:07:09I like it. I'll buy it for a fiver.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12- It's yours.- Oh, you are a darling. - There, yours to cut out and keep.
0:07:12 > 0:07:16- Hello!- Isn't anything coming out there?
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Get off! He's just prolapsed.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20You've prolapsed my donkey!
0:07:20 > 0:07:23- Did you just finger her ass?- Yes.
0:07:23 > 0:07:24I literally did.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26APPLAUSE
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Well, you're not to.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34Yeah. I'm putting that away from your roaming anal fingers.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37- Excellent. So, now... - ALAN: Er, so...
0:07:37 > 0:07:39- QUACK QUACK - Yeah?
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Fry's in alphabetical order.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44LAUGHTER
0:07:44 > 0:07:46APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:07:50 > 0:07:53The important thing is... There are lots of words in alphabetical order!
0:07:53 > 0:07:57- The important thing - it has to be six letters.- SUE: So is ant!
0:07:57 > 0:07:58That's what's so hard about it.
0:07:58 > 0:08:03So, let's look at some things that may or may not be kitsch,
0:08:03 > 0:08:05like the fluffy dice.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07I like the way we can go from like heavy, you know,
0:08:07 > 0:08:11obscure depthful meaning words to donkeys' ass-holes in the same...
0:08:11 > 0:08:14That's what we like to think of as the QI difference.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17- Uh-huh. Range.- Fluffy dice. Is there a word for that?
0:08:17 > 0:08:20- Tacky is the word I would probably use. Is that wrong of me?- Yeah.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22But they're used ironically now, aren't they?
0:08:22 > 0:08:23That's what's so interesting.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26When they first came out, it would have been a tacky thing to have
0:08:26 > 0:08:29in your Cortina in the late '70s, and now it's an ironic thing.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Ditto those things behind me that are also on the screen, lava lamps.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34- Yeah.- And those... - I've got a lava lamp.
0:08:34 > 0:08:35- Have you?- Yeah.
0:08:35 > 0:08:39Excellent. And the word one tends to use of that is?
0:08:39 > 0:08:40Arsehole?
0:08:40 > 0:08:42LAUGHTER
0:08:42 > 0:08:44- Hippy.- I was going to suggest retro.
0:08:44 > 0:08:45Oh, sorry.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49- QUACK QUACK Retro.- Yeah.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54- So, have you got any of these, Reg? - Any of...no.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58In fact, I can say safely that I've never had any of those things.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Not one? No gnomes in your garden?
0:09:01 > 0:09:03- No, man!- Are they kitsch, or just...?
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- They're again, postmodern ironic now, aren't they?- Yes, they are.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Gnomes seem to suggests something,
0:09:08 > 0:09:10and I don't know what they suggest, but I know for years
0:09:10 > 0:09:13when people see gnomes, they go, "Oh, you've got a gnome."
0:09:13 > 0:09:15you're like, "What does that mean?"
0:09:15 > 0:09:18"Oh, man, ha-ha-ha!" And you don't know what that means.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21Do Americans have gnomes in their gardens?
0:09:21 > 0:09:23- I mean the fake ones, right? - Yes. Yeah, obviously.
0:09:26 > 0:09:27- SUE:- We've all got a real one.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29I don't know whether,
0:09:29 > 0:09:32because sometimes you see them and you don't know if it's like
0:09:32 > 0:09:34- an Irish offshoot of something, or...- Yes.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37On the end there, that doll with the, er...
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Do you know what that is?
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Well, my aunt had one and it was supposed to obscure the fact
0:09:42 > 0:09:44that you are a person who owns toilet paper?
0:09:44 > 0:09:47That's it, explained, well done. It is indeed.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49- You're not that type of person. - No, I don't.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52I don't have a bottom and I don't push things out of it every day
0:09:52 > 0:09:54and therefore I would have no need
0:09:54 > 0:09:56for any sort of paper to wipe that residue.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59The donkey shit pusher would have been horrified.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04So kitsch is really in the eye of the beholder.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Now, why should you worry about a man in fluffy slippers?
0:10:07 > 0:10:09I think I wouldn't have any problem with his fluffy slippers,
0:10:09 > 0:10:12- it's more the dressing gown I would have issues with.- Yeah.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14It's supposed to be a giraffe dressing gown.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17- I don't want to know where the neck is.- Well...
0:10:17 > 0:10:21As ever, we've given you a picture that is completely inappropriate.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24And if I told you the slippers in question were made of human blood,
0:10:24 > 0:10:28- the blood of a young man's arm... - I'm worried now!
0:10:28 > 0:10:30..and of emu feathers?
0:10:30 > 0:10:33- There's no way to know that off a first glance! No way?- No.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37- So now, where do emus live? - ALAN:- Australia.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39- Yeah, he just took the words out of your mouth.- Well, he did.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Certain indigenous Australian peoples...
0:10:42 > 0:10:45- Aborigines, I'm going to say? - Yeah, in their belief systems,
0:10:45 > 0:10:48if someone committed a crime,
0:10:48 > 0:10:51then they had a figure called a kurdaitcha,
0:10:51 > 0:10:54who wore these slippers and, in order to wear the slippers,
0:10:54 > 0:10:57which is quite tricky, he had to dislocate his small toes.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59That was part of the thing -
0:10:59 > 0:11:02the little hole for the small toe to poke out of, um,
0:11:02 > 0:11:05and he would find the perpetrator of this crime,
0:11:05 > 0:11:10whatever it might be, and he would point a bone at him
0:11:10 > 0:11:14and the perpetrator of the crime would freeze and then die,
0:11:14 > 0:11:18presumably through psychosomatic or a sort of, you know, just because
0:11:18 > 0:11:21he was so terrified that the taboo was real that he did die.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25You would've thought, if someone is coming after you to kill you,
0:11:25 > 0:11:27- with toes dislocated, you could get away.- Yes!
0:11:27 > 0:11:30- Well...- There's one great advantage they're giving you.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33Couldn't they just have made wider slippers?
0:11:33 > 0:11:35I mean, so that you could fit all of the toes in without having
0:11:35 > 0:11:38- to dislocate and then stick the weird gnarly one at you.- I agree,
0:11:38 > 0:11:41the dislocation is an odd part of it, but when you think about it,
0:11:41 > 0:11:43in order for us to pass judgment on people,
0:11:43 > 0:11:45we have to put something made of horsehair on our head.
0:11:45 > 0:11:49I mean, we have our own tribal ways of dealing with injustice.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52- Are those boomerangs there in their hands?- Um...
0:11:52 > 0:11:54They're probably kylies, yes.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56- Do you know the boomerang joke? - Go on, then.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58It'll come back to you.
0:11:58 > 0:11:59Ow!
0:11:59 > 0:12:01LAUGHTER
0:12:03 > 0:12:05I walked into that one!
0:12:05 > 0:12:07- Oh, dear!- It sounds a little bit like, you know,
0:12:07 > 0:12:10bringing someone in for questioning and then to, like, intimidate them,
0:12:10 > 0:12:13you start torturing yourself in front of them, like, "Ah!
0:12:13 > 0:12:16"How do you like that? Now, tell me where your momma at! Ah!"
0:12:16 > 0:12:18That would freak someone out, you're right!
0:12:18 > 0:12:21- But I don't know if they'd tell you the truth.- "I'd rather not talk!"
0:12:21 > 0:12:24What was that one we had where you put your shoes on back to front
0:12:24 > 0:12:27and then...people can't find you?
0:12:27 > 0:12:29LAUGHTER
0:12:34 > 0:12:36The invisibility shoes or the shoes where...?
0:12:36 > 0:12:39- You turned them around. - Well, that would sort of work.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42- And then, you walk along and... - People walk the opposite direction?
0:12:42 > 0:12:45- JIMMY: Difficult to put on backwards. - Quite difficult.- Lose some toes!
0:12:45 > 0:12:51- Special shoes!- There's another kind of special shoe - the cow shoe.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54- Who do you think might use the cow shoe?- A cow.
0:12:54 > 0:12:55- Well... - LAUGHTER
0:12:55 > 0:12:59They already have cow's feet, they don't need to pretend to be cows.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01I want to be a cow! Or a horse!
0:13:01 > 0:13:05No! Humans wore them, but they gave out cow footprints.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07SUE: Oh, like...? JIMMY: Rustlers.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Well, actually, rustlers probably did use them as well.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13- It was during Prohibition.- Right. Bootleggers?- Yeah, bootleggers.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16So they could move their cases of stuff across the desert...
0:13:16 > 0:13:20- A cow field?- ..looking as if... Yeah, a cow field, exactly!
0:13:20 > 0:13:23So, sort of, they would think cows have gone from one bar to another!
0:13:23 > 0:13:25LAUGHTER
0:13:25 > 0:13:29"That cow looks like it was pissed and only had two legs!"
0:13:29 > 0:13:32"It went downstairs to the club, it came up again!
0:13:32 > 0:13:34"It got in the taxi!"
0:13:34 > 0:13:37"This cow stood against the fence and then there's a big puddle of..."
0:13:37 > 0:13:39While on the subject of rustlers,
0:13:39 > 0:13:42there was a rustler called George "Big Nose" Parrot,
0:13:42 > 0:13:45who was a cattle rustler, and he was hanged,
0:13:45 > 0:13:49- and a Dr John... - ALAN SQUAWKS
0:13:49 > 0:13:50LAUGHTER
0:13:50 > 0:13:54And he was skinned.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56- Was he?- Oh, that's unnecessary!
0:13:56 > 0:13:59And Dr John Osborne made a pair of shoes out of his skin.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03- And he became Governor of Wyoming...- Of course he did.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06- ..for Democratic...- No-one would challenge him. He's a nutter!
0:14:06 > 0:14:09He wore those shoes at his inaugural ball.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11- You sound made up about him! - He's a charmer!
0:14:11 > 0:14:14At what stage did that become unacceptable, then?
0:14:14 > 0:14:18It was as late as 1893. I think it would've been unacceptable...
0:14:18 > 0:14:21Did he wait until the man was dead and then he, like, capitalised
0:14:21 > 0:14:22and said, "I will seize the skin,"
0:14:22 > 0:14:26or he killed the man and then he started raking the man's skin off
0:14:26 > 0:14:29- and, like, "I got what I wanted, that's why I caused your death"?- No!
0:14:29 > 0:14:32- He was hanged first.- Hanged first, then he went, "Nobody want this?"
0:14:32 > 0:14:35- Yeah, quite! - LAUGHTER
0:14:35 > 0:14:37"It's only going to waste otherwise!"
0:14:37 > 0:14:40He was standing there barefoot looking at this man...
0:14:40 > 0:14:42LAUGHTER
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Not pleasant, I grant you,
0:14:45 > 0:14:48but life was cheap in those days, in the West!
0:14:48 > 0:14:50So, stop me now when you know what I'm talking about.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Originally made out of shower curtains,
0:14:52 > 0:14:55could be used as wallpaper, works as a burglar alarm,
0:14:55 > 0:14:58prevents sweaty toilet syndrome,
0:14:58 > 0:15:01covered Farrah Fawcett when she modelled for Playboy.
0:15:01 > 0:15:06Good for stress relief and wraps things up so they don't break.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09- Nylon. Lino. - What was the toilet syndrome?
0:15:09 > 0:15:12Don't worry about that, that's quite hard to guess.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14- Rubber?- It wraps things up and...
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Plastic, cellophane? Clingfilm.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18- Bubble wrap.- Bubble wrap! Yes.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22I'll tell you a few things about bubble wrap.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25It was invented in... Guess what year it was invented.
0:15:25 > 0:15:31- 1947.- It was 1957, in 1957 by Alfred Fielding and Marc Chavannes,
0:15:31 > 0:15:35who put two shower curtains together hoping to find some use for it,
0:15:35 > 0:15:39- and it wasn't until they...- What?! - That's how they invented it?!
0:15:39 > 0:15:42That's a crazy shot in the dark, isn't it?
0:15:42 > 0:15:44I'm just going to put a couple of pencils together
0:15:44 > 0:15:47and see if we come up with anything.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50- Does this... What? - They were clearly covering the bed.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53- Yeah.- To protect the mattress. - Oh, now! They thought it...
0:15:53 > 0:15:56And as they lay there, they heard, "Pop-pop-pop!"
0:15:56 > 0:16:00"Was that you?" "No, it wasn't me." We might be onto something here.
0:16:00 > 0:16:01Must be the shower curtain.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04They thought it could be sold as wallpaper, it didn't work.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07Nor did greenhouse insulation, which they also used it for.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09And it wasn't until 1960, three years later,
0:16:09 > 0:16:12they hit on the idea of wrapping up components for IBM.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15And since then, the Sealed Air Corporation now makes enough
0:16:15 > 0:16:17every year to encircle the world ten times.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19That's pretty impressive, isn't it?
0:16:19 > 0:16:22That's good if we ever have to send the world anywhere.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24But unfortunately you'd send it Royal Mail
0:16:24 > 0:16:26and it would get lost, so...
0:16:26 > 0:16:29The thing about that is, where does it all go, then?
0:16:29 > 0:16:33Because it just goes in the bin, doesn't it, bubble wrap?
0:16:33 > 0:16:37- Once you've popped it. - Or you sit in front of the telly relieving yourself.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40LAUGHTER
0:16:41 > 0:16:44You know what I mean.
0:16:44 > 0:16:48Yes. But let's get back to the bubble wrap.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52If you put it in the bin, where does it all go?
0:16:52 > 0:16:55It goes in that sort of whirlpool, between...in Hawaii.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58- Oh, the great Pacific gyre. - Yeah.- The size of Texas.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01That vast eddy which is just full of bin liners.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04The sweaty toilet thing, you stick it inside of a cistern,
0:17:04 > 0:17:07because in hot tropical countries,
0:17:07 > 0:17:10the toilet cistern sweats and it apparently cures that.
0:17:10 > 0:17:14Now, I've got this little test for you. Here we are.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17And with any luck, the audience might have some bubble wrap too.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20They're waving their bubble wrap. Thank you, audience.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23Do not pop it. This is a really important exercise.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26- What do you mean don't pop it? - Don't pop it, do not... No!
0:17:26 > 0:17:31- No! No! This is really important. - Why?- OK.- No problem.- Why not though?
0:17:31 > 0:17:33This is a test of your worthiness. Don't pop it yet.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35One of mine's already popped, I didn't do it.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37That's all right, as long as you didn't,
0:17:37 > 0:17:40because in 2013, a group of Yale psychologists,
0:17:40 > 0:17:42they found another use for bubble wrap,
0:17:42 > 0:17:45which was to measure aggression, all right?
0:17:45 > 0:17:49They showed pictures of "cute" animals, all right?
0:17:49 > 0:17:52- Ooh!- Oh, now, now, wait, wait, wait.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55- Oh, the two little chicks! - Ooh!- Stop it.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58People were told to pop bubble wrap as they watched.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01They thought that it was a test for their motor activity and memory.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05But in fact it was a test for what's called "cute aggression".
0:18:05 > 0:18:08If you see something very cute, you start popping more and more.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Not because they wanted to hurt the animals, but because they were
0:18:11 > 0:18:14frustrated at not being able to touch them and cuddle them.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16And this is called cute aggression.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19It's when you kind of go, "Oooh!" like that.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21So, audience, hold your bubble wrap,
0:18:21 > 0:18:25we're going to show you some very cute animals and it's all up to you.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Let's start with the cuteness.
0:18:27 > 0:18:32- Oh, dear!- That's not... come on, that's not that cute.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34- Oh, it is. - He looks sort of dead.
0:18:34 > 0:18:38He's not that cute, yeah, I think he's been shot.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41- Oh! That's horrible. - He does look like he's been shot.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Oh, the blue-eyed one!
0:18:43 > 0:18:45No, not that cute, not worth a pop.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50THEY ALL POP BUBBLES
0:18:50 > 0:18:52- You did it!- Definitely.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Yeah, that's getting quite a few pops.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57- Look at his little eye. - No, I'm not gone yet.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00I want a dog and then I'm going to pop my load.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03That's the first time I've heard that phrase since last night.
0:19:05 > 0:19:06- Oh, there...- Oh!
0:19:06 > 0:19:09- That's pretty cute. - That was the last one.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10Not cute, ginger.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16All right. You can put away your bubble wrap now.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18That kitten is basically saying,
0:19:18 > 0:19:21"Help me, they're about to close the lid on this box."
0:19:21 > 0:19:24- He's probably the Schrodinger's cat. - Yeah, he is.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27- He's about to do the experiment. - I'm not going to exist in a minute.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29You may like to know that the last Monday in January is
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Bubble Wrap Awareness Day.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34- Oh, good.- It's the appreciation of bubble wrap day.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37- That's in my diary.- I'm sure they have a website.- Yeah.- They must do.
0:19:37 > 0:19:41And Rhett Allain of Wired magazine calculated that you need
0:19:41 > 0:19:45to wrap yourself in 39 layers of bubble wrap
0:19:45 > 0:19:49in order to survive falling out of a sixth floor window.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Oh, please, don't try that at home!
0:19:55 > 0:19:57- So...- Because you don't have a six-storey house?
0:19:57 > 0:20:02- It may be that.- So if you wrapped yourself in bubble wrap six times,
0:20:02 > 0:20:04- you could jump out of a building and you'd be...- No, 39 times.
0:20:04 > 0:20:08- 36. 39.- 39. - Oh, thank God we clarified!- Yeah.
0:20:08 > 0:20:13- So you're going to go up to the sixth storey of your house...- Yeah.
0:20:13 > 0:20:17I'm going up to the 39th storey and wrapping myself six times.
0:20:17 > 0:20:21- Which by my calculations, I should be fine.- Oh, dear!
0:20:21 > 0:20:24Just out of interest, do you know what a group of kittens is called?
0:20:24 > 0:20:26There is a group name for kittens.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28- A puke.- No, no, no...
0:20:28 > 0:20:31- Is it a "sack of"? - No, it also begins...
0:20:31 > 0:20:32AUDIENCE GROANS
0:20:32 > 0:20:35SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE
0:20:35 > 0:20:37You are bad!
0:20:37 > 0:20:40No, a group of kittens is actually called a kindle, oddly enough.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42- Really?- Yeah!- A kindle of kittens.
0:20:42 > 0:20:43- SOME PEOPLE: Aw! - Aw!
0:20:43 > 0:20:46- Just for kittens, is it for cats? - Just for kittens.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Anyway, so... here are tonight's specials.
0:20:50 > 0:20:51There we are.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54See if you can read that. They're on the board, as well.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Plats du jour. Sea kittens.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59- Sea kittens. - Sea kittens is a madey-uppy phrase,
0:20:59 > 0:21:02by people who don't want us to eat fish.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Oh, so they try to make us go into a bubble wrap mode,
0:21:05 > 0:21:07by calling it sea kitten instead of cod.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10So that would be a group of people who are very against anything
0:21:10 > 0:21:13to do with any kind of aggression or beastliness to animals.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15- Vegans.- Which would be vegetarians.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17No, an actual specific organisation.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19- PETA?- PETA, or... - PETA is the right answer.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21The People's... Oh, what is it?
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Something for Ethical Treatment of Animals.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26Something for Ethical Treatment of Animals.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. I assume.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32Not Porpoises for the Ethical Treatment of Animals
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Not Pig-Eaters for the Ethical Treatment of Animals
0:21:34 > 0:21:38And so they thought that if they called all fish sea kittens,
0:21:38 > 0:21:42people would say, "I wouldn't want to put a hook in a sea kitten."
0:21:42 > 0:21:43- So that was the idea. - A lake puppy.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46I think, if anything, it would make me want to try kittens.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49It's obviously not worked, though, in that case, have they?
0:21:49 > 0:21:51And we've also got Nymphs of Dawn.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53- Nymphs of the Golden Dawn. - I know one thing there.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56- Yes, go on?- I've certainly had the Nymphs of the Golden Dawn.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59- Which are Nymphs of the Golden Dawn? - Which are they?- Yes.
0:21:59 > 0:22:00Are they oysters?
0:22:00 > 0:22:03- They're not oysters, no. - Then I was mis-sold!
0:22:03 > 0:22:06They were first served for the Prince of Wales...
0:22:06 > 0:22:09- Sounds like a strip club.- ..in 1908.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12They were served for the Prince of Wales in 1908,
0:22:12 > 0:22:14who would have been the future George V.
0:22:14 > 0:22:18They were actually a creation of one of the great chefs,
0:22:18 > 0:22:21- or THE great chef, really, of the 19th...- Auguste Escoffier.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Very well said.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26And he persuaded the British to eat this dish, specifically
0:22:26 > 0:22:32the Prince of Wales, by calling it Cuisses de Nymphes de l'Aurore!
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Thighs of the nymphs of dawn.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37- Frogs' legs.- Yeah. - Frogs' legs is the right answer.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39And there's a picture of frogs' legs.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42And they are now a standard dish, which people eat very happily.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45Tastes like chicken, as everything does that you're a bit scared of.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47And it's, um...
0:22:47 > 0:22:50- I'd say that rooster's testicles DON'T taste like chicken.- No?
0:22:50 > 0:22:53- I've had them.- Have you? - I've had rooster's testicles.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55One of these things you do, isn't it, with Giles Coren?
0:22:55 > 0:22:58- You force yourself to eat testicles? - Oh, I didn't force myself.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01- And his testicles?- Um... His testicles taste like chicken.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03- Oh, right, OK, never mind! - LAUGHTER
0:23:03 > 0:23:06We've got a couple left. Mendip Wallfish.
0:23:06 > 0:23:10Is that what PETA calls kittens, so we wouldn't harm them?
0:23:10 > 0:23:12No, where are the Mendips?
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Is it between your bum and your testicles?
0:23:14 > 0:23:16LAUGHTER
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Mendips, men dip.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Are they sort of Gloucester area?
0:23:22 > 0:23:24- A bit further south, yes, Somerset.- Somerset.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26Like the Quantocks. The Mendip Hills.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28- I know where my Quantocks are. - Yes, they all sound rude,
0:23:28 > 0:23:30don't they, like the Trossachs?
0:23:30 > 0:23:33But this was served in the Miners' Arms in Priddy in Somerset.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36And they served it as Mendip Wallfish because,
0:23:36 > 0:23:38like frogs' legs, it's one of those things
0:23:38 > 0:23:40- that British people tend to go yuck!- Snails.- Snails?
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Snails is the right answer. Somerset snails.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46And unlike the French way of serving them, which is with...?
0:23:46 > 0:23:48- Garlic.- Butter? - Garlic and butter, exactly.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52It's pretty similar, except it's with cider, herbs and seasoning.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55- It's almost like moules. - It's a bit like moules, yeah!- Yeah.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57And it's a Mendip Wallfish.
0:23:57 > 0:24:01Rocky Mountain Oysters, I think, are testicles.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04You're absolutely right, bulls' testicles, can be sheep or pigs.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06- They're prairie oysters. Yeah. - Prairie oysters, yeah.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Also called prairie oysters.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11There are lots of names for them, some of which are quite amusing.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14- Ball sack. - How did you get that photo?
0:24:17 > 0:24:20They're pretty good, aren't they? They're called Cowboy Caviar...
0:24:20 > 0:24:24- Oh, God!- ..Montana Tender Groins...
0:24:24 > 0:24:26I had that once.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28..Dusted Nuts, Bull Fries...
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Dusted Nuts is quite on the nose, isn't it?
0:24:31 > 0:24:33Plate of knackers.
0:24:35 > 0:24:36- Bull's bollocks.- Yeah.
0:24:36 > 0:24:40- Bull fries.- Cream of bollock soup.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43- Wow! - They're also called Swinging Beef.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45Which is a good title for them.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48Swinging Beef is what I'm calling my autobiography.
0:24:48 > 0:24:53Or they're sometimes called criadillas or huevos de toro,
0:24:53 > 0:24:57- which is...- Huevos de toro. - Huevos de toro is bull's eggs. Yeah.
0:24:57 > 0:24:58What are they called in English?
0:24:58 > 0:25:02- Plums on a plate.- Very good. - It's not sweetbreads...
0:25:02 > 0:25:05- Sweetmeat.- Sweetbread. That's the thymus gland, isn't it?
0:25:05 > 0:25:07- You're very right. - It's pancreas.- Spot on.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10The pancreas or the thymus gland is sweetbreads.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13The testicles are sweetmeats. Very good.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15We found our way through those unusual foods.
0:25:15 > 0:25:19Now, I'll put the blackboard away, and it's time to ask you this.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21What is Kaninhoppning?
0:25:21 > 0:25:26Kanin is, I think may be related to the English word "coney".
0:25:26 > 0:25:29- Does that help?- Rabbit, like a... - Rabbit.- OK.- So rabbit hopping.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31So hopping like a bunny. Bunny hopping.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Hopping like a bunny, but it's a sport.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36- Rabbit.- Oh, for sure it is. - Show jumping.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39Show jumping for rabbits is the right answer.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41- LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - Sure, sure.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Ahh!
0:25:46 > 0:25:49- Argh! - POPPING
0:25:49 > 0:25:51- It's not that big a sport in Britain...- Cute.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54..but in Denmark and the Scandiwegian countries
0:25:54 > 0:25:55they take it pretty seriously,
0:25:55 > 0:25:58and they have world records and championships and...
0:25:58 > 0:26:00Who's winning? Who's the current world champion?
0:26:00 > 0:26:04Well, I can tell you the world record holder for the long jump
0:26:04 > 0:26:06is Yaboo, who is Danish.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09- Three metres. - With Flopsy a close second.
0:26:09 > 0:26:13Tosen has the high jump record, at 99.5cm.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16They haven't yet broken the metre, on the high jump.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20But there are nearly a thousand rabbit show jumpers in Sweden alone.
0:26:20 > 0:26:23And the sport is also practised in the UK, Denmark and the US.
0:26:23 > 0:26:27And Lisbeth Jansson has written two books about the sport.
0:26:27 > 0:26:29Do they dope test them afterwards?
0:26:30 > 0:26:33She does say that the sport will allow a rabbit to live
0:26:33 > 0:26:36twice as long, up to 10 or 12 years,
0:26:36 > 0:26:40as compared to the average five years that one in a hutch will live.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43Yeah. It's very important to take care of your rabbit properly,
0:26:43 > 0:26:47you've got to bathe them in hot water with potatoes and onions.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Oh, now!
0:26:49 > 0:26:52Let's have some footage of some working show jumping.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54- Large footage.- Here they go. - Sure, OK.
0:26:54 > 0:26:55Oh, cute. Oh, it's cute!
0:26:57 > 0:26:59Oh, I can't bear it.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02That's a big one. Oh!
0:27:02 > 0:27:04Oh, he's going to refuse. No, he's up.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07- Oh!- Just shattered now.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10Over he goes!
0:27:11 > 0:27:13- Oh, he's had enough. - And a final little one. Bravo!
0:27:13 > 0:27:16APPLAUSE
0:27:18 > 0:27:22Well, as you could see, they weren't being led, the human is not allowed
0:27:22 > 0:27:24to get ahead of the rabbit, or that's a forfeit.
0:27:24 > 0:27:25So the rabbit has to lead the human,
0:27:25 > 0:27:27I don't know if you noticed in that footage.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29The human was just behind.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32OK, so, solve this one for me, will you, please?
0:27:32 > 0:27:36- I'm going to give you all muddled-up...- Oh, doom!
0:27:36 > 0:27:39- Can you do these? Oh, there we go. - It smacks of bullying at school.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42- Bullying at school?- Yeah, anyone who couldn't do this got bullied.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44How many combinations do you think there are?
0:27:44 > 0:27:47- I think there's... - Too many for my small brain.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50- It's actually 40...- One thousand. - 43.25 quintillion.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53Shall I tell you how we did it in Croydon? We just picked them off.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56- There you go. - Wa-hey! Jimmy's done it.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58APPLAUSE
0:27:58 > 0:27:59Alan!
0:27:59 > 0:28:03Alan, you're so close. Oh, you almost had it.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05- No, no, I've forgotten... - You've messed it up.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07- Oh!- Just start picking them off.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09Do you know what's completely tragic?
0:28:09 > 0:28:13We told Jimmy and Alan how to do it with six moves.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16Jimmy remembered, but Alan, unfortunately...
0:28:17 > 0:28:20Oh, he's done it! Have you? Yay!
0:28:20 > 0:28:22APPLAUSE
0:28:24 > 0:28:26Any luck, Reginald?
0:28:26 > 0:28:28Well, I didn't receive that instruction.
0:28:28 > 0:28:30- You didn't get the benefit... - You and me, exactly.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32- It was unfair on you two. - It's fun.
0:28:32 > 0:28:35- It is fun, isn't it?- It just brought back a lot of bad school memories.
0:28:35 > 0:28:37As I say, it is a staggering number.
0:28:37 > 0:28:40It is more possible combinations
0:28:40 > 0:28:43- than light travels inches in a century.- God!
0:28:43 > 0:28:45There's the number up on the screen,
0:28:45 > 0:28:48it is such a huge number. it's inconceivably vast.
0:28:48 > 0:28:51But you can make it impossible, do you know how to do that?
0:28:51 > 0:28:52Take the stickers off?
0:28:52 > 0:28:54Yeah, you sort of replace the stickers one with the other,
0:28:54 > 0:28:58so that it's actually never doable, which would drive people insane.
0:28:58 > 0:29:01- But there are these.- The other way you can make it impossible
0:29:01 > 0:29:02is to break someone's fingers.
0:29:02 > 0:29:05- Yeah, really nice.- They'll come and shove a bone in your face.
0:29:05 > 0:29:07There's the 4 x 4, and you can imagine
0:29:07 > 0:29:09the combinations are even more gigantic.
0:29:09 > 0:29:11It's probably 8 or 9, I imagine.
0:29:11 > 0:29:14In 2010, which is quite a long time after the Rubik Cube became popular,
0:29:14 > 0:29:18science and computing finally came up with the minimum
0:29:18 > 0:29:21number of moves from any combination that it takes to solve the cube.
0:29:21 > 0:29:24Can you imagine how many that might be?
0:29:24 > 0:29:26- I bet it's 12.- 19.- Six. - It's 20.
0:29:26 > 0:29:30It's called God's number and it's just extraordinary.
0:29:30 > 0:29:33You say you were obsessed when you were a child.
0:29:33 > 0:29:35- Under pressure, can we see if you can do it now?- Oh, gosh!
0:29:35 > 0:29:38- Come on, under pressure.- I can do the first two rows, but that's it.
0:29:38 > 0:29:41- That's pretty messed up. - Oh, God!- OK, come on.
0:29:41 > 0:29:42- Look, look... - You're on the clock.
0:29:42 > 0:29:44We've got a lot of time ahead of us,
0:29:44 > 0:29:47I've got to decide which colours... All right, so that's going to be...
0:29:47 > 0:29:50We need a backing track for this really. This needs...
0:29:50 > 0:29:52Let's get green and...
0:29:52 > 0:29:54- SUE HUMS A TUNE - Oh, stop it!
0:29:54 > 0:29:57Um... Oh, stop, stop!
0:29:57 > 0:30:01- CONTINUES HUMMING - You are being so unkind.
0:30:01 > 0:30:04And you're out of time and I've had a birthday.
0:30:04 > 0:30:06Stop it. Blue goes there.
0:30:06 > 0:30:09- We could do one of those fade out, fade in...- Yellow goes there.
0:30:09 > 0:30:11Let's get some beers. Can we get some beers?
0:30:11 > 0:30:14- Yeah, some time later, yeah, yeah. - Stop it.
0:30:14 > 0:30:17Right, so I've got all the middle ones here.
0:30:17 > 0:30:18Now we do the corners.
0:30:18 > 0:30:21Might kick back, go to the bar, come back in a couple of hours.
0:30:21 > 0:30:25That's it, so I've got those four there and those two middle ones.
0:30:25 > 0:30:27You should be able to do it within 20 moves, Stephen.
0:30:27 > 0:30:29Yeah, I know that!
0:30:29 > 0:30:32- But I can't. - It's God's number, you know.
0:30:32 > 0:30:34Yeah, don't be mean to me.
0:30:34 > 0:30:37- It takes an atheist a lot longer. - Yeah.
0:30:39 > 0:30:43Anyway, there's the first layer. Yeah. Thank you.
0:30:43 > 0:30:45- APPLAUSE - That's pretty impressive.
0:30:45 > 0:30:49It gets quicker after that. Anyway, so there's your Rubik's Cube.
0:30:49 > 0:30:54Now, what did the American army do with 100,000 of these?
0:30:55 > 0:30:59Whoa, excuse me. There we go. Pass that on. That is yours there.
0:30:59 > 0:31:02- Oh, my God! Are these the originals? - That is fantastic.
0:31:02 > 0:31:06- Can you see what is inside them?- Oh, wow!- I was looking the wrong way.
0:31:06 > 0:31:10There are too many layers of glass separating me and this image.
0:31:10 > 0:31:12- What are you seeing, Jimmy? - Hard-core pornography.
0:31:14 > 0:31:18- And you?- I've got a target and a plane.- You've got planes.
0:31:18 > 0:31:21- And you have got, Reginald? Hello?- I think I've seen the future!
0:31:21 > 0:31:24- You have seen the future? - LAUGHTER
0:31:24 > 0:31:28- What is happening in the future, Reg?- We are all on a plane.
0:31:29 > 0:31:31- It is an assassin's cross hairs. - These are American...
0:31:31 > 0:31:34- Do you know what these devices are called?- Viewmaster.
0:31:34 > 0:31:36- Viewmaster.- It is written on it. - Oh...
0:31:36 > 0:31:38LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:31:38 > 0:31:40Why do I bother?
0:31:40 > 0:31:46- It is also written up there. - They are made in Portland, Oregon.
0:31:46 > 0:31:49Yes, indeed. And they are a rather wonderful device.
0:31:49 > 0:31:52Invented in the 1930s. You have a disc like this.
0:31:52 > 0:31:56You can pull it out, pop it in, and you press a lever
0:31:56 > 0:31:58and you get a 3-D picture.
0:31:58 > 0:32:01And what you have got are the army versions that were used
0:32:01 > 0:32:06to help members of gunnery crews and various other things
0:32:06 > 0:32:08to recognise the outlines and shapes
0:32:08 > 0:32:11of either friendly or enemy aircraft.
0:32:11 > 0:32:14- And that is what you will see. - Thomas the Tank Engine, I have got.
0:32:14 > 0:32:15We have given Alan Thomas the Tank Engine.
0:32:15 > 0:32:18We thought he would be confused by the aeroplanes.
0:32:18 > 0:32:19LAUGHTER
0:32:19 > 0:32:22So what does your card say when you pull it out, Alan? What does it say?
0:32:22 > 0:32:24Percy found himself under the coal chute.
0:32:24 > 0:32:26"I don't like getting dirty."
0:32:26 > 0:32:28LAUGHTER
0:32:28 > 0:32:34- Filth.- Ours say Hell Driver, Dauntless, Vengeance, Texan...
0:32:34 > 0:32:37it gives all the details of the planes in the photograph.
0:32:37 > 0:32:41- I'd like to see that.- Yes, they are rather good. Have a swap.
0:32:41 > 0:32:43Sorry, so you had ones for goodies and ones for baddies, then?
0:32:43 > 0:32:45Oh, the Thomas is beautiful!
0:32:45 > 0:32:47LAUGHTER
0:32:47 > 0:32:51- It is 3-D!- I've got the original Nolan sisters here, I'm happy.
0:32:51 > 0:32:55- Whose side was Thomas on in the Second World War?- I can't remember.
0:32:55 > 0:32:57I think you look a little bit like a Doctor Who baddie.
0:32:57 > 0:33:00Anyway, they did have a serious purpose.
0:33:00 > 0:33:03- In fact, they handed out how many? - 12.- 100,000.
0:33:03 > 0:33:07So that was in the war and then they went, "Well, afterwards,
0:33:07 > 0:33:08"what shall we do with them?"
0:33:08 > 0:33:10which is often the way with military things.
0:33:10 > 0:33:12Whenever there is a war, you always get something out of it.
0:33:12 > 0:33:14Like the bazooka.
0:33:14 > 0:33:17The bazooka obviously has a use in everyday life as well.
0:33:17 > 0:33:18For cooking chicken.
0:33:18 > 0:33:20- LAUGHTER - And for playing Greek music.
0:33:20 > 0:33:26Is it true...? I went on holiday to Vietnam and I fired a machine gun.
0:33:26 > 0:33:28You could pay money for bullets and fire them.
0:33:28 > 0:33:31- They have got old guns from the war.- Really?
0:33:31 > 0:33:33Someone told me that if you...
0:33:33 > 0:33:38They have a bazooka and you can fire it at a cow.
0:33:38 > 0:33:39LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
0:33:39 > 0:33:42- I have heard that.- You have heard that?- There's a very...
0:33:42 > 0:33:44Is it a myth?
0:33:44 > 0:33:47There is certainly an eccentric man who has a large estate
0:33:47 > 0:33:51in Shropshire and he has an old-fashioned Roman ballista,
0:33:51 > 0:33:54one of those catapult things.
0:33:54 > 0:33:58And what he does for fun is catapult cows through the air.
0:33:58 > 0:34:01- LAUGHTER - Dead cows. He doesn't do it with live cows.
0:34:01 > 0:34:06- Not at the end of it, anyway. - No! They do go a huge distance.
0:34:06 > 0:34:10And there is something highly comical about seeing a cow
0:34:10 > 0:34:14just sailing through the air, going hundreds of yards through the air.
0:34:14 > 0:34:17- And there is a butcher underneath. - It's a bit of a mess.
0:34:17 > 0:34:19And all the other cows are going,
0:34:19 > 0:34:23"If we just wrap ourselves in bubble wrap 39 times, it won't happen."
0:34:23 > 0:34:24"We'll be fine." Exactly.
0:34:24 > 0:34:26Six million discs they used,
0:34:26 > 0:34:29the American army, to hand out to their 100,000 people.
0:34:29 > 0:34:31So that was a military thing before it was a toy?
0:34:31 > 0:34:34No, it was a toy first but the American Army
0:34:34 > 0:34:36and Navy saw the value in it...
0:34:36 > 0:34:40Sounds like another defence contract to me.
0:34:40 > 0:34:41Yes. Sorry?
0:34:41 > 0:34:43The internet was originally a military...
0:34:43 > 0:34:45And sat nav, as well, that was a military thing.
0:34:45 > 0:34:47Deal Or No Deal, that was a military thing.
0:34:47 > 0:34:49LAUGHTER
0:34:49 > 0:34:51- It still is. - Absolutely right, yes.
0:34:51 > 0:34:55Now, I'd like to take a picture as a memento of this lovely evening.
0:34:58 > 0:35:01- LAUGHTER - Oh, they're in love.
0:35:01 > 0:35:03What, what...?
0:35:03 > 0:35:06Reg, it was a fantastic weekend we spent. What?
0:35:06 > 0:35:09- That mohair look is working for you. - Yeah, it really is.
0:35:09 > 0:35:12- That softer knit. Sexy. - Reggie takes Jimmy to Georgia.
0:35:12 > 0:35:14That's so disturbing, in so many ways.
0:35:15 > 0:35:18Oh, there you are. Oh, don't you look lovely!
0:35:21 > 0:35:24- Yeah.- There we are. Now, what's the quickest way to develop it?
0:35:24 > 0:35:26- What should I do to develop it? - Shake it, shake it, baby.
0:35:26 > 0:35:30- HOOTER - Oh!- Oh, Sue!
0:35:30 > 0:35:32Oh, no, I'm a buffoon.
0:35:32 > 0:35:35The quickest way to develop it is to take it to Boots, the chemist.
0:35:35 > 0:35:37No, it isn't. That would take a lot longer.
0:35:37 > 0:35:39It's quicker to do an oil painting.
0:35:39 > 0:35:42It does take a bit of time. Let's have you two, as well.
0:35:42 > 0:35:45Smile. Aaah. That's so cute.
0:35:48 > 0:35:51Now, what they used to do, the old pros, when they took
0:35:51 > 0:35:55photographs with proper film, they used to do a little Polaroid first.
0:35:55 > 0:35:57Oh, yeah, always do a Polaroid first.
0:35:57 > 0:36:00- They used to put it under their arms.- Their arse cheeks usually.
0:36:00 > 0:36:03I'm sorry? Arse cheeks?! Fair enough.
0:36:03 > 0:36:05We had different photographers.
0:36:06 > 0:36:09I think Polaroids, it's sort of a slippery slope, though,
0:36:09 > 0:36:12- because photography used to be... - Between your arse cheeks, go on.
0:36:12 > 0:36:15It used to be you went on holiday, took photos, then you got back.
0:36:15 > 0:36:16Don't shake it.
0:36:16 > 0:36:18You went to the chemist, put them in, and it took a week.
0:36:18 > 0:36:22LAUGHTER
0:36:24 > 0:36:25I want to see that shot.
0:36:27 > 0:36:29I didn't realise you were pulling that face, Reg.
0:36:31 > 0:36:34- I didn't realise you was pulling your face.- Nothing.
0:36:34 > 0:36:36What I'm saying is, you used to get photos from a holiday,
0:36:36 > 0:36:39the last two shots were of the dog, because you hadn't taken enough,
0:36:39 > 0:36:42then you'd go to the chemist, then you'd remember the holiday.
0:36:42 > 0:36:45- Now we reminisce instantly and it's ruined it.- It's true.
0:36:45 > 0:36:49You go, "Oh, look at us, we were so young four minutes ago."
0:36:49 > 0:36:53And you go to one of those rock gigs, where people perform,
0:36:53 > 0:36:55and everybody watches them through their cameras,
0:36:55 > 0:36:57- instead of watching the real people. - I like that.
0:36:57 > 0:37:01When I do a stand-up show, someone will be taping it on their phone.
0:37:01 > 0:37:03As if like, "Now is not a good time for me."
0:37:03 > 0:37:07I'm going to take this and enjoy it later on in this supreme quality.
0:37:07 > 0:37:09- They just can't enjoy the moment. - It's so bizarre.
0:37:09 > 0:37:11You used to get your pictures back
0:37:11 > 0:37:13- and they'd have a sticker on sometimes, wouldn't they?- Yes.
0:37:13 > 0:37:15Saying, "This picture is shit."
0:37:18 > 0:37:21- Those old disc cameras.- Or this picture has been sent to the police.
0:37:21 > 0:37:23A copy of it.
0:37:23 > 0:37:26Well, can you tell me who invented the Polaroid photograph?
0:37:26 > 0:37:28- Do you remember his name? - Mr Roid.
0:37:28 > 0:37:31- He had a brother named Haemor. - Very good.
0:37:34 > 0:37:36Was it Eastman or Kodak or...?
0:37:36 > 0:37:37It wasn't Eastman or Kodak, no.
0:37:37 > 0:37:39"Fuji!"
0:37:39 > 0:37:41No, it wasn't Fuji.
0:37:41 > 0:37:44Land, his name was Land, was his name.
0:37:44 > 0:37:46And he made polarised sunglasses
0:37:46 > 0:37:48and that's why he called it Polaroid.
0:37:48 > 0:37:50- There he is, Mr Land. - "I feel the need!"
0:37:50 > 0:37:52I feel the need for speed. Indeed.
0:37:52 > 0:37:55- Oh, you can ride my tail any time. - Yeah.- Yeah.
0:37:55 > 0:37:58And then the Polaroid camera was launched in 1948.
0:37:58 > 0:38:00Because the company was already called Polaroid,
0:38:00 > 0:38:02he called it a Polaroid camera.
0:38:02 > 0:38:04It used to be Polaroids were always a bit grimy, weren't they?
0:38:04 > 0:38:08- Absolutely.- If you ever found a box of Polaroids in your parents' room,
0:38:08 > 0:38:10- it was worth leaving those alone. - Hello!
0:38:10 > 0:38:13That's a mental scarring right there.
0:38:13 > 0:38:16- Oh, years of... - Hang on, what's that? Oh, no!
0:38:18 > 0:38:19Well, anyway, the point is,
0:38:19 > 0:38:22shaking a Polaroid had no effect on how quickly it developed.
0:38:22 > 0:38:24Now, here is a classic piece of kitsch.
0:38:24 > 0:38:28Why is every fourth monkey like a search engine?
0:38:28 > 0:38:32- Fourth monkey?- Fourth.- There are three monkeys...- Ah...- See...
0:38:32 > 0:38:37- That is the strange thing. - See no evil...- Speak no evil...
0:38:37 > 0:38:39see no evil, hear no evil...
0:38:39 > 0:38:40Google no evil!
0:38:40 > 0:38:44Well, Google is right, but what is Google's motto?
0:38:44 > 0:38:45Feeling Lucky?
0:38:45 > 0:38:48LAUGHTER
0:38:48 > 0:38:51- Come on, you are just looking for points!- It is true, yes.
0:38:51 > 0:38:53But as a corporation, they have this...
0:38:53 > 0:38:55one that has been mocked many times,
0:38:55 > 0:38:57but it is their sort of mission statement.
0:38:57 > 0:39:01- Is it "don't do evil"?- Don't do evil is their motto.- Don't do evil?
0:39:01 > 0:39:05- Their motto is...what?- That is clutching its knackers!- I know!
0:39:05 > 0:39:07LAUGHTER
0:39:07 > 0:39:10I think it has just heard about prairie oysters and gone, hang on...
0:39:10 > 0:39:13No, these are Koshin monkeys. We know the three.
0:39:13 > 0:39:17The fourth was considered, when it came to the West, a bit too rude.
0:39:17 > 0:39:21It was "do no evil". And it was expressed by covering its genitals.
0:39:21 > 0:39:24How ironic, though, that the fourth monkey should do no evil and
0:39:24 > 0:39:28hold its knackers when Google is a search engine for the porn industry!
0:39:28 > 0:39:32- I know!- Probably the most searched for thing on the internet. I gather.
0:39:32 > 0:39:34- It is true, but that was... - LAUGHTER
0:39:34 > 0:39:37I didn't realise you could get other stuff on it until recently.
0:39:37 > 0:39:40I used to refer to the internet as the pornography.
0:39:40 > 0:39:41"I was on the pornography last night
0:39:41 > 0:39:44"and do you know, you can book train tickets on it as well?"
0:39:44 > 0:39:46It is pornography and cats.
0:39:46 > 0:39:50If you ever find a video of a tabby banging a tortoiseshell,
0:39:50 > 0:39:52the internet will eat itself.
0:39:52 > 0:39:56- LAUGHTER It is like finding out about the 13th apostle.- Exactly.
0:39:56 > 0:40:00Because the first three are basically "don't grass anyone up".
0:40:00 > 0:40:04And the fourth one is "actually, don't get involved".
0:40:04 > 0:40:09And lastly, to wrap up our kitsch-fest, here's some karaoke.
0:40:09 > 0:40:13What is the world's most dangerous song?
0:40:13 > 0:40:16Is this the song that's playing most often during traffic accidents?
0:40:16 > 0:40:18No, it's not that, this really is a karaoke issue,
0:40:18 > 0:40:21- at least six people in the Philippines...- My Way.
0:40:21 > 0:40:23- ..have been murdered for singing? - My Way.- My Way!
0:40:23 > 0:40:26- Exactly.- Sorry, murdered for singing My Way?- Yes.
0:40:26 > 0:40:30What, because they didn't do it right? They did it their way!
0:40:31 > 0:40:34They murdered My Way and were murdered as a result.
0:40:34 > 0:40:37So singing, "And now the end is nigh..."
0:40:37 > 0:40:41- Yeah, exactly. "At last I face the final curt..."- Argh!
0:40:41 > 0:40:44But in Thailand, the song to be wary of is even more dangerous.
0:40:44 > 0:40:47In 2008, a gunman shot dead eight of his neighbours
0:40:47 > 0:40:50after becoming enraged at the noise from karaoke parties,
0:40:50 > 0:40:55at which they sang this American song, by a good old mountain boy.
0:40:55 > 0:40:58From West Virginia, Take Me Home...
0:40:58 > 0:41:02- Oh, John Denver.- Yes, that's it, Take Me Home, Country Roads
0:41:02 > 0:41:04became the song that killed eight people.
0:41:04 > 0:41:07- And thus they were taken home. - Thus they were taken home, exactly.
0:41:07 > 0:41:10Most people credit the invention of karaoke to a Japanese fellow
0:41:10 > 0:41:13- called Daisuke Inoue in 1971. - Oh, he's to blame.
0:41:13 > 0:41:17Well, yes, but he didn't make any money out of it whatsoever.
0:41:17 > 0:41:20But he has patented a cockroach killer which is specifically
0:41:20 > 0:41:24designed to kill cockroaches that live in karaoke machines.
0:41:26 > 0:41:29- Presumably by playing them Peter Andre.- Yes, presumably.
0:41:29 > 0:41:31Now, this will be very good.
0:41:31 > 0:41:34You will get lots of points if you can guess what the prize was
0:41:34 > 0:41:37in 2010 for the Karaoke World Championships held in Moscow.
0:41:37 > 0:41:41- The prize was one million... something.- Karaoke machines.- No.
0:41:42 > 0:41:46- Roubles...?- Not roubles. - Prairie...- Barrels of oil?- Yeah.
0:41:46 > 0:41:49- Prairie oysters, you were going to say?- Prairie oysters.
0:41:49 > 0:41:53- Dumplings, is the answer.- Dumplings? - One million dumplings.
0:41:53 > 0:41:55- How do you take them home?! - They like dumplings a lot.
0:41:55 > 0:41:57They do love their dumplings.
0:41:57 > 0:42:00They have got to be pretty moreish before you get to 1,000,000.
0:42:00 > 0:42:01It is a hell of a number, isn't it?
0:42:01 > 0:42:03I suppose you just shared it with everybody.
0:42:03 > 0:42:07Well, you'll be excited to know that we come now to the scores,
0:42:07 > 0:42:11and how fascinating they are.
0:42:11 > 0:42:15In first place, with a towering plus 9, is Jimmy Carr.
0:42:15 > 0:42:17Oh, come on!
0:42:17 > 0:42:20Yes! Finally. I've never won this before, it's brilliant.
0:42:20 > 0:42:24APPLAUSE
0:42:24 > 0:42:29In second place, with a very impressive plus 6,
0:42:29 > 0:42:31is Alan Davies!
0:42:31 > 0:42:35- APPLAUSE AND CHEERING - Wow!
0:42:37 > 0:42:41In third place, with a highly respectable zero,
0:42:41 > 0:42:43is Reginald D Hunter.
0:42:43 > 0:42:46APPLAUSE
0:42:49 > 0:42:52And I'm afraid sweeping up the dead karaoke cockroaches tonight,
0:42:52 > 0:42:55with minus 8, is Sue Perkins.
0:42:55 > 0:42:57APPLAUSE
0:43:01 > 0:43:06My thanks to Sue, Jimmy, Reginald and Alan, and good night.