0:00:02 > 0:00:08This programme contains some strong language
0:00:23 > 0:00:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Hello!
0:00:30 > 0:00:33Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening,
0:00:33 > 0:00:35good evening, good evening,
0:00:35 > 0:00:38good evening and welcome to QI, which tonight is a tissue of lies.
0:00:38 > 0:00:44Let's meet our perfidious panel - the duke of deception, Adam Hills.
0:00:48 > 0:00:52The duchess of dissembling, Sara Pascoe.
0:00:55 > 0:00:59The marquis of mendacity, Jack Whitehall.
0:01:02 > 0:01:06And with his pants on fire, Alan Davies.
0:01:11 > 0:01:16Our buzzers this evening are charged with enigmatic mystery.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Adam goes...
0:01:18 > 0:01:21MUSIC: THE X-FILES THEME
0:01:21 > 0:01:22Sara goes...
0:01:22 > 0:01:25MUSIC: TALES OF THE UNEXPECTED THEME
0:01:27 > 0:01:28Jack goes...
0:01:28 > 0:01:31MUSIC: THE TWILIGHT ZONE THEME
0:01:33 > 0:01:34Alan goes...
0:01:34 > 0:01:37'I don't believe it!'
0:01:39 > 0:01:42So, before we start, remember that I have hidden
0:01:42 > 0:01:45a lavatory inside one of the questions, all right?
0:01:45 > 0:01:47CASH REGISTER RINGS
0:01:47 > 0:01:49TOILET FLUSHES
0:01:49 > 0:01:52Because it's the L series, one of the questions involves a lavatory.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55And if you think you've spotted which it is,
0:01:55 > 0:01:57you wave your penny and spend it.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00- Ah.- You spend your penny. All right. Let's start with a lark.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02We like to do larks on the L series.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05I'm going to show you how your senses can deceive.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09So, Alan and Jack, you should each have a rubber hand
0:02:09 > 0:02:12and a little grey wooden partition.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15And Alan will explain and Jack will explain it.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18I'm not quite au fait with prosthetics,
0:02:18 > 0:02:19but I'll give it a crack(!)
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Hold my hand here.
0:02:22 > 0:02:23That's it.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25You can stand up, Jack, if you like.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27I've forgotten what I'm doing here. This goes here.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Yeah, like that.
0:02:29 > 0:02:33OK. What you've got here is a perfectly obvious real hand,
0:02:33 > 0:02:36your right hands, and a perfectly obvious fake hand.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38And you've each got a brush.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42So, all I want you to do is brush each hand sort of simultaneously,
0:02:42 > 0:02:45and what you should feel, Adam and Sara...
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Excruciating pain!
0:02:48 > 0:02:52Jab hard into the hand until they roar!
0:02:52 > 0:02:53Sara, scream!
0:02:53 > 0:02:57- We'll come to that. For the moment, just a gentle rubbing.- SARA: OK.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00- Eventually... - This hand will fall off.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Eventually, you will feel in the rubber hand
0:03:04 > 0:03:07the same sensation you feel in your real hand.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09- Which seems extraordinary... - Yeah?- ..but you will.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12- And let me know when you do. - SARA: OK.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14It may not have happened yet.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17- Then you will urinate. - You have to keep going.- I'm sorry.
0:03:17 > 0:03:22- You have to keep going.- I'm keeping going, I'm keeping going!
0:03:22 > 0:03:24I am now starting to feel that this is my hand.
0:03:24 > 0:03:25That's it, that's what happens.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27I'm having trouble distinguishing.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29- Are you not, Sara?- No. - Keep going, Alan.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31- ADAM: Oh, that's nice. - You like?- Yeah.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34- So you can feel that in the rubber hand?- Lower. Definitely. Lower.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37You play your cards right, might get a happy ending with this.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40- You're not feeling anything, Sara? - It feels very much like my hand...
0:03:40 > 0:03:43- Oh, it now does feel like your hand? - No, my hand feels like my hand.
0:03:43 > 0:03:44- Well, that would do, yes.- Yeah.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47My hand has never felt more like it belongs to me.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49- I'm going faster. - I think that will help.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51OK.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53OK, I've got it, I've got it!
0:03:53 > 0:03:55- You've got it. - I've got it. I've got it.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Faster is better, keep up the speed.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Right.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04It's happening now! It's my hand! It's my hand!
0:04:04 > 0:04:06- It really does feel like it. - It's my hand now.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09It's bizarre, isn't it? It's genuinely bizarre.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12- And now you can get out the other brush.- What?- What?
0:04:12 > 0:04:14They've got...
0:04:14 > 0:04:16SHE SHRIEKS
0:04:16 > 0:04:19MUSIC: THE TWILIGHT ZONE THEME
0:04:19 > 0:04:21That's amazing, isn't it?
0:04:21 > 0:04:23It is amazing, because I didn't believe it was going to happen.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26That's what's so good - you really didn't believe.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29It doesn't matter how much you know your hand is fake,
0:04:29 > 0:04:32it doesn't matter how much you know it's rubber, the effect works.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34You see it, you see that it's a clear fake,
0:04:34 > 0:04:36but, extraordinary, the brain overrides
0:04:36 > 0:04:39what it knows with what it feels. That is to say, the cognitive side.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43That's not that he's just next to a slightly mal-coordinated
0:04:43 > 0:04:45man-child with a rubber hammer.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47We can show you a replay of Adam's reaction here,
0:04:47 > 0:04:50because we've actually got it here. If you watch this, here.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Oh, that shirt is awful.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56That is...that is genuine.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02It's made all the more extraordinary by the fact, of course
0:05:02 > 0:05:05you, as is well known, have a prosthetic foot.
0:05:05 > 0:05:06I do, I do indeed.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09And so you are used to all the cliches there are
0:05:09 > 0:05:12about prosthesis and about phantom limbs and all the rest of it.
0:05:12 > 0:05:18- Indeed. I have a strict, can I take this...- Yeah, you can put that away, do.- No, I meant can I take it home?
0:05:19 > 0:05:22I have a strange thing with my prosthetic that I've found that I do,
0:05:22 > 0:05:27if I'm, if I stub my toe, I will still stop and go, "Ow!"
0:05:27 > 0:05:32I will actually loudly say ouch. And then realise, oh, it's the prosthetic, it didn't actually hurt.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35I'm conditioned that when you stub your toe, you yell out.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38And as you well know, and from war time,
0:05:38 > 0:05:41the screams of pain people had, once they'd been amputated,
0:05:41 > 0:05:42in the limbs that no longer existed,
0:05:42 > 0:05:44they swore that their shins...
0:05:44 > 0:05:46And having itches in them you can't scratch.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48I can't imagine anything more agonising than having
0:05:48 > 0:05:50an itch in something you can't scratch.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54I met this guy who...in America, and he was a Vietnam veteran,
0:05:54 > 0:05:57- and he knew someone who'd lost both legs.- Yeah.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00And he went to see him in hospital and he said,
0:06:00 > 0:06:02"I still haven't had sex with my wife."
0:06:02 > 0:06:04He said, "Why? Why not?"
0:06:04 > 0:06:07He said, "Oh, I haven't got any legs now, I feel awkward.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09"I don't really, you know..."
0:06:09 > 0:06:11He said, "Well, you should just do it."
0:06:11 > 0:06:12So he really encouraged him to do it.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15And then he went back to see him, and he had a big smile on his face.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19And he said, "So, did you do the thing?" And he said, "Yeah.
0:06:19 > 0:06:23"And with no legs, you can get right on up there."
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Well...
0:06:31 > 0:06:34It's one of the unexpected advantages.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37- Talk about every cloud. - There you go.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40I am cutting off my legs this evening.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Oh! Oh, goodness me.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46But the point is, the brain has a mental map of the body from birth
0:06:46 > 0:06:49and even if that map is distorted by an amputation,
0:06:49 > 0:06:53it takes a lot for the brain to lose its sense of where everything is.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56It can be fooled, as the rubber hand showed you.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58I remember once being in bed with my girlfriend
0:06:58 > 0:07:01and doing that thing where I fell asleep on my arm.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03And of course your arm goes numb.
0:07:03 > 0:07:07And I rolled then over onto my back and my arm fell across my stomach.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10But because it was numb, I actually thought it was her arm on my stomach.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12And I actually started stroking it.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15Aww! How sweet.
0:07:15 > 0:07:19And it was, but I then kind of realised that it wasn't her arm,
0:07:19 > 0:07:21it didn't feel like her arm. It was...
0:07:25 > 0:07:26"Who the hell's in the bed with me?"
0:07:26 > 0:07:28I'm putting the light on!
0:07:30 > 0:07:34Well that extraordinary rubber hand illusion proves that even our own senses can tell us porkies.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37And speaking of porkies, what's the point of pink?
0:07:37 > 0:07:41Oh, you mean in terms of like a gender colour?
0:07:41 > 0:07:45This isn't to do with gender, it's purely to do with the colour itself.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48In printing, pink, or at least a reddy pink, has a particular name.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50If I was to say CYMK.
0:07:50 > 0:07:51Magenta?
0:07:51 > 0:07:54- Magenta is the right answer! - Get in!
0:07:54 > 0:07:56APPLAUSE
0:08:00 > 0:08:04C is for Cyan, which is probably the blue nearest us, as it were,
0:08:04 > 0:08:05the six o'clock blue.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09M for Magenta, Y for Yellow and K is the Black, CMYK.
0:08:09 > 0:08:14But magenta is between blue and red, and that's to say between the lowest wavelength of visible light
0:08:14 > 0:08:18and the highest wavelength of visible light, which is sort of not possible.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22- So it's a kind of can't-really-exist colour, and yet it does.- Yes, it does!
0:08:22 > 0:08:26It's what you might call I suppose, a pigment of the imagination!
0:08:26 > 0:08:30- GROANS - Which is nice. Which is nice.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32- So, in terms of the senses lying... - Yeah.
0:08:32 > 0:08:36- Our eyes and colour is a bit like that, because the world doesn't look like this.- No. Not in the least.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40- We have cones and rods in our eyes. - Mm-hm.- And rods deal with darkness and light, black to white,
0:08:40 > 0:08:43and the cones deal with colour. So dogs have two cones,
0:08:43 > 0:08:46so they can, they're not colour blind,
0:08:46 > 0:08:50- but they see a lot less colour than we do in the world, because we have three. But birds have four!- Yes.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52They can see ultraviolet rays.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55Was it the Six Million...? Yeah, the Six Million Dollar Man, when
0:08:55 > 0:08:58Steve Austin, it would obviously cost a lot more now than six million...
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Oh, I'd say.
0:09:00 > 0:09:01Steve Austin got a bionic eye...
0:09:01 > 0:09:02Lee Majors, yes.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05And all they gave him, really, was a zoom facility.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07"Dun-dun-dun," exactly.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09So he could see things further away.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11That is pretty feeble.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13If they'd given him about eight extra cones...
0:09:13 > 0:09:14That's true!
0:09:14 > 0:09:18- He could have seen so much... - How could they have shown that to us?- X-rays.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21Now we have the Instagram eye and he could make it all sepia and old-fashioned.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23LAUGHTER
0:09:23 > 0:09:26Our eyes still only have three cones to watch him seeing something so
0:09:26 > 0:09:27it would still look to our eyes...
0:09:27 > 0:09:28Extremely good point.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32He'd have needed a sidekick to say "But what can you see?"
0:09:32 > 0:09:36"Like a bird! I can see ultraviolet light, which is where the villain is revealed by this!"
0:09:36 > 0:09:39"Let me run over there, fast."
0:09:39 > 0:09:42And also, while we're on the subject of the Bionic Man,
0:09:42 > 0:09:46he had one leg that was really good and yet they showed him
0:09:46 > 0:09:49running at 70 when the reality was he would have been
0:09:49 > 0:09:53hopping at 70, because the other leg would have just been destroyed by
0:09:53 > 0:09:58the speed at which, biomechanically, it would have been unable to cope.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00It would have ruined my childhood.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03- They would have been better off if they'd taken off both legs...- Yeah!
0:10:03 > 0:10:06- Given him two bionic legs. - Given him wheels, Adam, wheels!
0:10:07 > 0:10:09And the sex would have been amazing.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11LAUGHTER
0:10:11 > 0:10:12Bionic sex.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15There was the Bionic Woman, Lindsay Wagner, and she had ears, didn't she?
0:10:15 > 0:10:17She could hear anything.
0:10:17 > 0:10:21- Lee Majors, Lindsay Wagner. Well before anybody in this audience was born.- Fictional people.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23- Yes, they were totally madey-uppy. - Yes, good.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26Before your time as well, oh, God, we feel so old, don't we?
0:10:26 > 0:10:31- Yeah, but it was great being in the '70s.- It was, yeah. We could go to university for free.
0:10:31 > 0:10:32MOCKING LAUGH
0:10:34 > 0:10:37APPLAUSE
0:10:42 > 0:10:46But anyway, the fact is, yeah, magenta doesn't really exist and yet it does, for our eyes.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50There's also a special kind of pink which is known as Baker-Miller Pink, which is
0:10:50 > 0:10:54you take a gallon of white paint and a pint of red paint and you
0:10:54 > 0:10:57come up with what's in the middle, a sort of bubble-gum coloured pink.
0:10:57 > 0:10:58It's pretty, isn't it?
0:10:58 > 0:11:02What's interesting about that is that it was generally thought by psychologists and others
0:11:02 > 0:11:08to create a feeling of passivity, and so was used in prisons and mental asylums
0:11:08 > 0:11:11and was known as "drunk tank pink".
0:11:11 > 0:11:13That looks like a fun prison, to be honest.
0:11:13 > 0:11:14LAUGHTER
0:11:14 > 0:11:16- I would definitely go there. - Gay prison!
0:11:17 > 0:11:21So, the other thing they did, some American sporting teams thought
0:11:21 > 0:11:25that, well, this is true about this pink, they changed their visitors'
0:11:25 > 0:11:30changing rooms to pink, in order to make the visiting teams more passive.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Which is kind of cheating, really, isn't it?
0:11:32 > 0:11:34- It is kind of cheating. - It's not very sporting.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38So university sporting rules in America now mean you can change
0:11:38 > 0:11:42any changing room's colour as long as your own is the same colour,
0:11:42 > 0:11:44to stop that advantage. If it is an advantage.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46It would be interesting to see how much difference it makes,
0:11:46 > 0:11:48because surely this is an incremental thing.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50You are completely right.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52The fact is that apparently, even after half an hour,
0:11:52 > 0:11:56people get used to it, and if they've been in a prison or a drunk tank before
0:11:56 > 0:12:01- it reminds them of the drunk tank and they get angry and more aggressive.- It's associative, OK.
0:12:01 > 0:12:02So it is really of no use whatsoever.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06That's it, if you see pink elephants they might not really be there,
0:12:06 > 0:12:08it seems to be an imaginary colour.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11Which room in the house would you keep these in?
0:12:11 > 0:12:13MUSIC: TWILIGHT ZONE THEME
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Oh, just push it. In the library.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17ALARM BLARES
0:12:17 > 0:12:21Adam is about to score points, yes!
0:12:21 > 0:12:23- Really?- Yeah.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25Yeah!
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Very good.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32That's the penny well spent.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34And can I just point out, in Australia, that's 2.50.
0:12:34 > 0:12:38- What is that game with the pennies, odd and even...- Two up.- Two up.
0:12:38 > 0:12:39Two up, that's right.
0:12:39 > 0:12:44- It's a...- It's a betting game.- It's a betting game but it's only played one day a year.- That's right.
0:12:44 > 0:12:45It's only played on ANZAC Day
0:12:45 > 0:12:49- and it's played with pennies, I think.- That's right. Real, old-fashioned pennies.
0:12:49 > 0:12:54You flip them up in the air and you bet on whether you get two heads, two tails or a head and a tail.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57If you win a lot of money you're allowed to leave the room
0:12:57 > 0:13:00and you have half an hour's grace before someone would chase you,
0:13:00 > 0:13:03club you over the head and steal your winnings.
0:13:03 > 0:13:04- It being Australia.- Yeah.
0:13:05 > 0:13:10- In the nicest possible way. - Yeah, and the only day that it's allowed to be played now,
0:13:10 > 0:13:12it's illegal any time of the year, except on ANZAC Day.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15Well, if we have a look at the picture again,
0:13:15 > 0:13:18those are actually English literature books, and this,
0:13:18 > 0:13:23I'm afraid, is a French chamber pot, or commode if you prefer.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26And they liked to shit on us and our literature in one go.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29Oh, just when you think they can't do anything else.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32When you open the lid, does it go, "Ugh"?
0:13:33 > 0:13:35"I shit on you." Exactly.
0:13:35 > 0:13:40"Because I can't beat you in a war, I will poo on your books."
0:13:40 > 0:13:45You open the lid and it goes, # Boy, boy for sale. #
0:13:45 > 0:13:48But perhaps the most impressive invention in recent times,
0:13:48 > 0:13:51- for your lavatorial wants... - The helicopter.
0:13:51 > 0:13:55Um, well... The Gotta Go Briefcase. It's Japanese, of course.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00How much better do you get than that?
0:14:00 > 0:14:03It's just simply superb. It's got everything you could possibly want,
0:14:03 > 0:14:05including a newspaper to leaf through
0:14:05 > 0:14:07if your easement is taking time.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10I've always felt really sad when I leave a toilet, like,
0:14:10 > 0:14:13"Oh, we've become such good friends." I wish I could just pack it up and carry it away(!)
0:14:13 > 0:14:16- Now I can.- It's got a generously equipped sealing lid.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19You can quietly and discreetly go about your personal business
0:14:19 > 0:14:21anywhere you please, with a fold-out leather privacy panel,
0:14:21 > 0:14:25- which tucks away neatly to the side. - Yeah, it looks like it hides you completely, that panel.
0:14:25 > 0:14:29- A small tray with...- "What's that suitcase just sitting there?"
0:14:29 > 0:14:31It's got a small tray with a cup-holder.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34- Oh, great, so I don't even have to throw away my drink?- A cup-holder.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37That's like Homer Simpson,
0:14:37 > 0:14:39isn't it? Do you remember that episode where he bought a huge RV?
0:14:39 > 0:14:42And Marge said, "Oh, Homer!" and he said,
0:14:42 > 0:14:45"But, Marge, it's got six cup-holders! SIX!"
0:14:45 > 0:14:48Men like cup-holders.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50There's just something so great about them.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52- It's got a vanity mirror. - I like the leather finish.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Yeah, refillable hand-sanitising dispenser.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Maximum weight capacity is 80 kilos.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00"Exceeding the recommended weight will void all warranties..."
0:15:00 > 0:15:0380 kilos?! What are you going to get, an elephant to shit in it?!
0:15:03 > 0:15:05- I know.- How are you going to get 80 kilos?!
0:15:05 > 0:15:08- I weigh less than 80 kilos. - It does seem extraordinary.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10"I really need to get the...
0:15:10 > 0:15:12"I'm going to exceed the limit!"
0:15:14 > 0:15:16"It may result in rupture of waste tank,
0:15:16 > 0:15:19"possible bacteria contamination of briefcase contents
0:15:19 > 0:15:23"and massive stench." So you don't want to do that.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25I'm assuming you haven't emptied it for a year.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Also, you would have two suitcases in meetings.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Everyone would be like, "Derek, why have you got two suitcases?"
0:15:30 > 0:15:31If you got it wrong...
0:15:31 > 0:15:34"No reason." And then he just hides behind the leather panel.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37If you accidentally went, "I've been through the figures and... Oops!"
0:15:37 > 0:15:41Massive stench! Massive stench!
0:15:42 > 0:15:45- Oh, dear.- "How did the meeting go?"
0:15:45 > 0:15:47"Oh, it was going fine until I got the bog out."
0:15:47 > 0:15:50Alternatively, you go the other way.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53"Thanks for letting me use your toilet briefcase."
0:15:53 > 0:15:55"Oh, I don't have a toilet briefcase."
0:15:55 > 0:15:59I ought to say that the 80 kilos includes the person sitting on it.
0:15:59 > 0:16:00Oh, right.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03I would break it, I've a horrible feeling.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07That changes everything.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10Maybe the sell it to banker-wankers in the City,
0:16:10 > 0:16:13with the boast of it has an amazing surface to do cocaine off as well.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16- When you open it up. - It would be perfect.
0:16:16 > 0:16:20Absolutely, with the little dimples, you could snort out of the little leather dimples.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Anyway, that's the Gotta Go Briefcase.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26And it's yours, I'm sure, for a very reasonable price.
0:16:26 > 0:16:31If that question left a bad smell, why is the noseless lemur so badly named?
0:16:33 > 0:16:35MUSIC: X-FILES THEME TUNE
0:16:35 > 0:16:37I am going to take a punt and say it's not a lemur.
0:16:37 > 0:16:41Oh! You're brilliant. We were hoping you'd say it has, actually, got a nose,
0:16:41 > 0:16:47- in which case it's badly named, but you're right.- What, ever?- Never was, never will be. In fact it is a fish.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50- It's pretty...- What?
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Pretty difficult, you'd think to confuse a lemur and a fish.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56You'd think that was a map of Madagascar, where lemurs come from,
0:16:56 > 0:17:00but in fact that is the fossil, and for a very long time it was considered to be a lemur
0:17:00 > 0:17:04and it was known as Scalabrini's noseless lemur.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07Pedro Scalabrini was an Italian born Argentinian naturalist.
0:17:07 > 0:17:12In 1898, he gave a fossil fragment to a palaeontologist called Florentino Ameghino,
0:17:12 > 0:17:17who was so patriotic in his Argentinian-ness, that he hated the fact that particularly
0:17:17 > 0:17:22Charles Darwin had said that all primates originated in Africa.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24Which we now know to be true.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26And a lemur is a primate,
0:17:26 > 0:17:28lemurs only come from Madagascar, which was shaved
0:17:28 > 0:17:32off from the mainland of Africa many, many millions of years ago.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34There's an aye-aye. Wonderful lemur.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38That's an English footballer just before a penalty shoot-out.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40LAUGHTER
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Desperately afraid.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45"Who wants to take one?"
0:17:47 > 0:17:51So he tried to prove, Ameghino, that lemurs existed in South America
0:17:51 > 0:17:54in pre-Columbian times, which they didn't.
0:17:54 > 0:17:58It turned out in 2012 that it was, in fact, an extinct fish.
0:17:58 > 0:18:02Do you know, that picture of the lemur, the lemur's face there,
0:18:02 > 0:18:05I'm assuming that's what I would look like if I was using the toilet briefcase.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Those perfectly round eyes are so beautiful.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11That's after the massive stench.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Yeah. They are marvellous creatures. Well, talking of paleontological things,
0:18:16 > 0:18:21the first platypus that was ever seen by Western man, nobody believed. They thought it...
0:18:21 > 0:18:26No. But we did have a habit of explorers making up monsters
0:18:26 > 0:18:29- and drawing pictures in the 16th and 17th century.- We certainly did.- Yes.
0:18:29 > 0:18:33And that was considered an example of an obvious and ridiculous hoax.
0:18:33 > 0:18:34How could that be?
0:18:34 > 0:18:37And George Shaw, who was the naturalist,
0:18:37 > 0:18:39examined it minutely for stitch marks around the beak,
0:18:39 > 0:18:42because he could not believe that such, no-one could believe...
0:18:42 > 0:18:44But even when you see them in real life,
0:18:44 > 0:18:47- I went to see them in Melbourne, and you just can't believe... - They're hilarious.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50You watch them for ages going "You don't make any sense!"
0:18:50 > 0:18:54- All the bits of you! - Their mouths look like they belong in a Japanese briefcase.
0:18:54 > 0:18:59- They do. They're so charming. - They're sweet.- And they're smaller than I expected.
0:18:59 > 0:19:00Egg-laying mammals.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03It took 30 years from the first specimen to arrive in Europe
0:19:03 > 0:19:06for people to believe that it was real. They were absolutely convinced.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09Oh, "We're not going to fall for this, But there it is. The platypus.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13And do you know the first, I'm pretty sure the first kangaroo that was sent
0:19:13 > 0:19:16back to one of the British museums, they sent it back but they didn't
0:19:16 > 0:19:21give an example of how it stood, so it was mounted on all fours.
0:19:21 > 0:19:22Oh, that's very believable.
0:19:22 > 0:19:26With its tiny little paws, because its front paws were like this, and its massive bum sticking up.
0:19:28 > 0:19:32Looks as if it's ready for action!
0:19:33 > 0:19:34LAUGHTER
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Now, what's this guy on about?
0:19:39 > 0:19:42MAN SINGS GIBBERISH OVER RAP MUSIC
0:19:55 > 0:19:59That was a 1972, rather before its time,
0:19:59 > 0:20:00piece of rap,
0:20:00 > 0:20:04by an incredibly famous Italian called Adriano Celentano,
0:20:04 > 0:20:06who is not known here.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08He had a huge hit with this,
0:20:08 > 0:20:12which is called Prisencolinensinainciusol.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- You can see it written up and that will help you.- Oh, wow.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19Prisencolinensinainciusol
0:20:19 > 0:20:21in de col men seivuan
0:20:21 > 0:20:24prisencolinensinainciusol ol rait.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27Which is Italian for "Gangnam Style".
0:20:27 > 0:20:30Yeah, kind of. What it is, it's just babble.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33- Gibberish.- It's babble that is supposed to sound like English.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36To an Italian, it sounds more or less like English sounds.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39There's that famous clip of the person on Malaysia's Got Talent,
0:20:39 > 0:20:42where they're singing Mariah Carey, Can't Live Without You,
0:20:42 > 0:20:44which is possibly the greatest song ever recorded,
0:20:44 > 0:20:47but she's heard it, clearly, through a second party
0:20:47 > 0:20:48and doesn't know what the lyrics are,
0:20:48 > 0:20:51so she burst into the chorus and she just goes...
0:20:51 > 0:20:54# Ken Lee, Ken Lee Boo, dee, boo, doutchu. #
0:20:56 > 0:20:59And she thinks it's about a guy called Ken Lee.
0:20:59 > 0:21:00Aw...
0:21:00 > 0:21:03Anyway, that was a huge hit in 1972.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06Number one in Italy and it was in the top ten in France
0:21:06 > 0:21:08and in Belgium and the Netherlands.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11It's babble that is supposed to sound like English,
0:21:11 > 0:21:14but in 2011, London-based film-makers Brian and Karl
0:21:14 > 0:21:17produced a wonderful film called Skwerl,
0:21:17 > 0:21:19which used a similar technique -
0:21:19 > 0:21:21the dialogue is actually gibberish but sounds like English.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23It's had over seven million viewers
0:21:23 > 0:21:26and we can show you a bit of it here. Run VT.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29HE TALKS GIBBERISH
0:21:33 > 0:21:35CUTLERY RATTLES
0:21:40 > 0:21:42PLATES CRASH
0:21:43 > 0:21:45SHE GASPS AND SOBS
0:21:48 > 0:21:50FIZZING
0:21:56 > 0:21:58You fucking asshole!
0:21:58 > 0:22:02That wasn't gibberish, but we've got them here tonight,
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Brian and Karl, thank you very much.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11One of the hardest things to do in the world
0:22:11 > 0:22:13is to talk gibberish without it becoming...
0:22:13 > 0:22:16- Did you actually learn your gibberish?- We did, yeah.- Yeah.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Did you imagine that there was sense behind it?
0:22:19 > 0:22:22He thinks she's forgotten his birthday, is that what this...?
0:22:22 > 0:22:24That's one interpretation.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26I'm not an actor, but Fiona, who's in the film, is an actress,
0:22:26 > 0:22:29and so she needed to know what this was about,
0:22:29 > 0:22:30she needed the intentions.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33But I think it was important to kind of have a sort of a sense
0:22:33 > 0:22:36- behind what we were saying.- It was a lot like what you were talking about
0:22:36 > 0:22:38with Mariah Carey, Ken Lee and stuff.
0:22:38 > 0:22:42We sort of had the sentences and then kind of garbled them
0:22:42 > 0:22:46and kind of wrote down the garble as it came out.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48I understood more words in that clip,
0:22:48 > 0:22:52though, than I did in five series of The Wire.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58- ADAM: Are you Australian?- Yeah, I'm Australian.- Yeah, I thought so.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02Because we have a similar thing that we do where we don't use words...
0:23:02 > 0:23:05- AUSTRALIAN ACCENT:- Do you think I haven't noticed?- Yeah, exactly.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07- GASPING:- You have another thing you do,
0:23:07 > 0:23:10which is sound as if you've got heartburn.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14For some bizarre reason. I don't know why that is.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23That's how they get the actors on Home And Away
0:23:23 > 0:23:26to do an emotional scene - they just give them heartburn.
0:23:26 > 0:23:30"Steven, the cafe's burnt...down again."
0:23:30 > 0:23:33Australians will make enough noises that could be a sentence,
0:23:33 > 0:23:36but there are no actual words in it. I'll try it.
0:23:36 > 0:23:40RUNNING WORDS TOGETHER: So, OK, are you having a good night?
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Yeah, right, it's all right, man.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45Are you enjoying your time at QI?
0:23:45 > 0:23:47HE TALKS GIBBERISH
0:23:54 > 0:23:55There's also...
0:23:55 > 0:23:58I have a similar thing that I can do with posh people.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00This gentleman in the front row here...
0:24:00 > 0:24:02with the blue trousers.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05HE MUMBLES IN POSH VOICE
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Anyway, sorry, that's wonderful, Brian and Karl,
0:24:09 > 0:24:13thank you very much indeed. Thanks for joining us.
0:24:17 > 0:24:18Magnificent.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21So, time for some refreshment. Here we go.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25Let's have... You pass that there to Sara, if you would, Alan.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27There you go.
0:24:27 > 0:24:31- There's one for you, Jack. Pass one to Adam.- Is this carrot?
0:24:31 > 0:24:35And I'll have one myself. And there's one for you, Alan.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Thank you so much.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39There you go.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Hmm. Hmm!
0:24:43 > 0:24:47- You look as if you...- Who grew this? - You've done this before.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51- So... - You've got to make it upright first.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Oh, right.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Come on. Will you talk to it?
0:24:56 > 0:25:01Come here, you. Oh, you look lovely. You're so huge(!)
0:25:03 > 0:25:05I don't think I'm going to be able to manage it.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Oh, there you are, yes...
0:25:07 > 0:25:11Hey-hey! What do you think these were once used for?
0:25:16 > 0:25:20What were carrots used for, or particularly these ones on sticks?
0:25:20 > 0:25:21Ones on sticks.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23Waving in tiny airplanes?
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Is it like what Gwyneth Paltrow gives her kids?
0:25:28 > 0:25:31She probably does, yeah, they probably are.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33To see in the dark?
0:25:33 > 0:25:35ALARM BLARES
0:25:38 > 0:25:41Seeing in the dark, well, you're in the right era.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44When was it said that carrots could help you see in the dark?
0:25:44 > 0:25:46At night.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58In which period of history was it made known to people,
0:25:58 > 0:26:00this idea, which is not really true?
0:26:00 > 0:26:03The Dark Ages. Not the Dark Ages.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07- When did people discover vitamins? - SARA: Yeah.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09That wasn't until the beginning of the 20th century.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12Because vitamin A is the key, it helps your eyes, doesn't it?
0:26:12 > 0:26:13Vitamin A does help your eyes.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16So it must have been around about then.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18Well, it was really... It...
0:26:21 > 0:26:24It must be so hard being a rabbit. It really...
0:26:24 > 0:26:26They would never get any talking done.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28No, they wouldn't, would they?
0:26:28 > 0:26:31They'd be, "Sorry, what are you saying?"
0:26:31 > 0:26:34- "I've got a mouthful of bloody carrot."- Good God!
0:26:34 > 0:26:37The problem was, in the Second World War, there was...
0:26:37 > 0:26:39We would run out of...
0:26:41 > 0:26:42Put it away.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44Concentrate, Stephen.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49Stop flapping... Oh, yes, that's what I need to do.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52You look like the world's worst burlesque dancer.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54SARA: I've seen worse.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56So, in the Second World War,
0:26:56 > 0:26:59there was a very great shortage of sugar,
0:26:59 > 0:27:01and there was a big surplus of carrots,
0:27:01 > 0:27:04and so they put it about that carrots helped you see in the dark.
0:27:04 > 0:27:05I bloody love carrots, me.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07So they made sort of ice creams, as it were,
0:27:07 > 0:27:10- out of carrots, to try and make them attractive to children.- OK.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12There is a certain amount of sugar in them.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15- They tasted a little sweet, didn't they?- Yeah, it was lovely.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17And there was a Group Captain, John Cunningham,
0:27:17 > 0:27:20who was responsible for very daring night raids over Germany,
0:27:20 > 0:27:23and they gave it out that what allowed him to do it
0:27:23 > 0:27:25was the fact that he ate carrots.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27In fact, what they were really doing was disguising the fact
0:27:27 > 0:27:32- that they had on-board aircraft... - Rabbits.- ..radar.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34They had radar on board.
0:27:34 > 0:27:35They didn't want the Germans to know.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37The Germans knew we had ground radar,
0:27:37 > 0:27:39not that we had radar on board airplanes.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42So they sold the carrot story to the Germans as well?
0:27:42 > 0:27:44That was the idea, both to get children to eat their carrots
0:27:44 > 0:27:47and maybe to get the Germans to believe that it was carrots
0:27:47 > 0:27:50that allowed our bombers to see over those...
0:27:50 > 0:27:52Wouldn't it have been more beneficial
0:27:52 > 0:27:55if they'd said the reason our pilots are so good at seeing at night
0:27:55 > 0:27:58is because they eat slightly undercooked chicken?
0:28:00 > 0:28:03You should have been working in British Intelligence.
0:28:03 > 0:28:07- POSH VOICE:- "You're just the kind of chap we need, Whitehall."
0:28:07 > 0:28:11Now, how does the "what the hell" effect work?
0:28:12 > 0:28:14MUSIC: TALES OF THE UNEXPECTED THEME
0:28:14 > 0:28:17- Yes?- This is relevant to people who are dieting
0:28:17 > 0:28:20or sometimes people who have substance abuse problems
0:28:20 > 0:28:21and things like that.
0:28:21 > 0:28:24So it's when you are being quite strict with yourself.
0:28:24 > 0:28:26Stop talking about me for a second, yes.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28It's when you're being very strict with yourself
0:28:28 > 0:28:32and you think you've slipped up in a slight way, so you're really hungry
0:28:32 > 0:28:34and you have a biscuit when you're on a diet
0:28:34 > 0:28:35and then you go, "I've ruined the diet now,
0:28:35 > 0:28:38"I'm going to finish that packet of biscuits and do some crack..."
0:28:38 > 0:28:40Oh, tell me about it.
0:28:40 > 0:28:42And they properly leap in and start again tomorrow.
0:28:42 > 0:28:44You're so right - you've fallen off the wagon...
0:28:44 > 0:28:47- I've done everything wrong now, I'll get a tattoo...- Yeah.
0:28:47 > 0:28:49Those people who say, "I was very good yesterday,
0:28:49 > 0:28:53"I've been good today, so tomorrow - Black Forest gateau for breakfast."
0:28:53 > 0:28:54Yeah, oh.
0:28:54 > 0:28:57I mean, that is certainly a "what the hell" effect,
0:28:57 > 0:28:58there's no question about that.
0:28:58 > 0:29:00There is another "what the hell" effect,
0:29:00 > 0:29:03but yours, I think, counts, unquestionably.
0:29:03 > 0:29:05This is used by Dan Ariely
0:29:05 > 0:29:08and his partners at Duke University in North Carolina.
0:29:08 > 0:29:11And what it describes is how, when someone has
0:29:11 > 0:29:14overcome their initial reluctance to cheat,
0:29:14 > 0:29:16subsequent dishonest behaviour gets easier.
0:29:16 > 0:29:19And he tested this with college students who were solving
0:29:19 > 0:29:22maths problems for money, and when his back was turned,
0:29:22 > 0:29:26they could cheat, and the more they saw they got away with it,
0:29:26 > 0:29:28the more they cheated. But what was interesting is,
0:29:28 > 0:29:31the scores were not inflated by a few students,
0:29:31 > 0:29:34who were cheating a lot, but many students cheating a little.
0:29:34 > 0:29:36Cheating, in that sense, is infectious.
0:29:36 > 0:29:38You go, "What the hell, I can do it," so you do it.
0:29:38 > 0:29:40Is that like that thing when you're telling a lie,
0:29:40 > 0:29:43and you're telling a story about what happened on the weekend and...
0:29:43 > 0:29:45Oooh, and it gets further and further...
0:29:45 > 0:29:48And then you embellish it a little bit. And then you think, "I got away with that.
0:29:48 > 0:29:50"I might just add a little bit more to it."
0:29:50 > 0:29:52And then suddenly it's this big, fanciful story because
0:29:52 > 0:29:54of that tiny, little...
0:29:54 > 0:29:56The awful thing is, because it is a lie it is stored in a different
0:29:56 > 0:29:59part of your memory so when, so when a week later someone says,
0:29:59 > 0:30:04"Tell that marvellous story about that time you," and you're going, "Shit, what did I say?"
0:30:04 > 0:30:06But animals, interestingly, animals can cheat.
0:30:06 > 0:30:09Koko, who is a wonderful gorilla in California,
0:30:09 > 0:30:11once tore a steel sink off a wall
0:30:11 > 0:30:14and then used sign language
0:30:14 > 0:30:18- to tell her handlers that the cat had done it.- Yes.
0:30:20 > 0:30:22A real child-like fib. "It wasn't me, it was the cat."
0:30:22 > 0:30:25The closer you get to human beings, the more of a liar you become.
0:30:25 > 0:30:28And perhaps an even more famous chimp, Nim Chimpsky,
0:30:28 > 0:30:31about whom a film was made, who has a really developed sign language,
0:30:31 > 0:30:33she used to duck out of sign language lessons
0:30:33 > 0:30:36by saying she needed to go to the loo when she didn't.
0:30:36 > 0:30:38She'd say, "I have to go for a pee," like that,
0:30:38 > 0:30:41she'd go off and you'd see her not going for a pee. Or him, rather.
0:30:41 > 0:30:43So animals are capable of deception.
0:30:43 > 0:30:46So maybe we should only eat animals that can lie.
0:30:46 > 0:30:48Well, lying seems to be a sign of intelligence,
0:30:48 > 0:30:51I'm glad to say, as an inveterate liar myself.
0:30:51 > 0:30:54Ariely, this man who did the work on the "what the hell" effect,
0:30:54 > 0:30:57he found people who score higher on psychological tests
0:30:57 > 0:30:59for creativity are more likely to engage in dishonesty.
0:30:59 > 0:31:01Anyway, there we are.
0:31:01 > 0:31:03We are who we are because we cheat.
0:31:03 > 0:31:06The "what the hell" effect describes how, after the first lie,
0:31:06 > 0:31:07the others just keep coming.
0:31:07 > 0:31:12Be truthful, how do you rate your own driving, generosity and ability to conduct an adult relationship?
0:31:12 > 0:31:17I was reading about how we all over-estimate our input into things, so they were asking couples
0:31:17 > 0:31:20what percentage of the housework do you do?
0:31:20 > 0:31:22- And it would add up to about 130%. - Yeah.
0:31:22 > 0:31:25Because everyone, even if they know they only do a little bit,
0:31:25 > 0:31:28they still think that's more or its worth more.
0:31:28 > 0:31:30Everyone thinks they do more than their partner.
0:31:30 > 0:31:32- Everyone thinks they're a good driver.- Everyone.
0:31:32 > 0:31:34Everyone thinks they're better than average.
0:31:34 > 0:31:37- I'll be a great driver, I'll be a great dad.- I don't.
0:31:37 > 0:31:41- You don't think any of those things? - No, I can't drive. I don't think of myself as a good driver.
0:31:41 > 0:31:46- You haven't passed your test?- No. - Then that's fair enough. You probably are a crap driver then.
0:31:46 > 0:31:48- Yeah.- Do you think you're good in bed?
0:31:48 > 0:31:51I haven't passed that test either.
0:31:52 > 0:31:55Failed on three minors and a major.
0:31:55 > 0:31:57- With emergency stop.- Yeah.
0:31:59 > 0:32:02Ah, that's the worst. That is the worst.
0:32:02 > 0:32:04I kept changing lanes when I shouldn't.
0:32:04 > 0:32:07LAUGHTER AND GROANS
0:32:07 > 0:32:12Yeah. We all do have a high view of ourselves...
0:32:12 > 0:32:14Dear God almighty.
0:32:14 > 0:32:17We tend to think we're better at things like donating to charity,
0:32:17 > 0:32:20voting, maintaining a successful relationship,
0:32:20 > 0:32:22volunteering for unpleasant lab experiments.
0:32:22 > 0:32:26But, I'm glad to tell you that Institute for Child Study at Toronto University
0:32:26 > 0:32:28claims that toddlers who tell lies
0:32:28 > 0:32:31early on are more likely to do well in later life.
0:32:31 > 0:32:34The complex brain processes involved in formulating
0:32:34 > 0:32:37a lie are an indicator of a child's intelligence.
0:32:37 > 0:32:41So it doesn't necessarily mean if you lie your way through life you'll do better.
0:32:41 > 0:32:45- No.- It just means if you can lie early, then you're quite creative and you can get through life.
0:32:45 > 0:32:47- Yes.- I'm saying this in case my daughter is watching.
0:32:49 > 0:32:51- Good point.- Don't want to get the wrong idea, absolutely.
0:32:51 > 0:32:54So, now I want you to be thoroughly dishonest by pretending
0:32:54 > 0:32:56you don't know you're going to get a klaxon,
0:32:56 > 0:32:59because it's General Ignorance time. Fingers on buzzers, please.
0:32:59 > 0:33:01What are deserts mostly from?
0:33:01 > 0:33:03- MUSIC: TALES OF THE UNEXPECTED THEME - Yes, Sara?- Sand.
0:33:03 > 0:33:05- ALARM BLARES - Oh, thank you.
0:33:05 > 0:33:07What? What?
0:33:07 > 0:33:10- You'd think, wouldn't you?- Yeah. - Not the case. No.
0:33:10 > 0:33:13Only one-third of the world's land surface is desert
0:33:13 > 0:33:15and only a small proportion of that is sand.
0:33:15 > 0:33:18North American deserts are around 2% sand.
0:33:18 > 0:33:20No more than that. There's Monument Valley.
0:33:20 > 0:33:23Globally, on average, only 20% of all deserts are sand, a fifth.
0:33:23 > 0:33:26The remainder is made of rock, shingle, salt or even snow.
0:33:26 > 0:33:28- And camels.- And camels.
0:33:28 > 0:33:31- Yes, camel poo.- There's lots of cigarettes all over the desert.
0:33:31 > 0:33:34The driest desert in the world is...?
0:33:34 > 0:33:36- The Gobi Desert.- No.
0:33:36 > 0:33:38- Any thoughts? - AUDIENCE MEMBER:- Antarctica.
0:33:38 > 0:33:41There is an argument for saying the Antarctic is a dry desert.
0:33:41 > 0:33:44- It doesn't rain there. - Yeah, it doesn't,
0:33:44 > 0:33:46but the Atacama is considered the driest land desert.
0:33:46 > 0:33:49Some weather stations there have recorded no rain whatsoever,
0:33:49 > 0:33:53- not one.- What a boring job, being in that weather station.
0:33:53 > 0:33:56The largest desert on Earth is Antarctica,
0:33:56 > 0:33:59even though much of it is under snow.
0:33:59 > 0:34:02But the one area that is the driest, man who shouts a lot,
0:34:02 > 0:34:06are the McMurdo Dry Valleys.
0:34:06 > 0:34:08Is that his Red Indian name?
0:34:08 > 0:34:10Yeah. And they consist mostly of...
0:34:12 > 0:34:14They consist...
0:34:14 > 0:34:16Man Who Shout A Lot.
0:34:18 > 0:34:21The McMurdo Dry Valleys are so dry
0:34:21 > 0:34:23that dead animals mummify rather than decay.
0:34:23 > 0:34:26- What is that? What animal is it?- A seal.
0:34:26 > 0:34:29If it's dehydrated it might come back to life if you get it wet.
0:34:29 > 0:34:33Yeah, if you get it wet and it rains...
0:34:35 > 0:34:39- Like Knorr chicken soup.- Ball on the tail. I'm doing ball on the tail.- I can see.
0:34:39 > 0:34:43It seems that if you want to identify a desert,
0:34:43 > 0:34:46the best way to do so involves looking for the rain, not for sand.
0:34:46 > 0:34:48How did the Vikings bury their dead?
0:34:48 > 0:34:50On a boat. On fire.
0:34:50 > 0:34:53- Oh, on a boat on fire. - ALARM BLARES
0:34:53 > 0:34:56Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack. No.
0:34:56 > 0:34:58In the ground...?
0:34:58 > 0:35:00Yeah. More or less.
0:35:08 > 0:35:11I feel a bit sad about how tentative I was about that.
0:35:11 > 0:35:14The myth of the burning longboat is very, very recent - 19th century.
0:35:14 > 0:35:17In fact, there is one story of Baldur, a god,
0:35:17 > 0:35:19who was apparently burned like that,
0:35:19 > 0:35:22the rest of it is pretty much Ladyboy...Ladybird book stuff.
0:35:22 > 0:35:24- I love the Ladyboy books. - Did I say "Ladyboy books"?
0:35:24 > 0:35:26Ladybird books.
0:35:26 > 0:35:29- They didn't have horns either, did they?- No, they didn't have horns.
0:35:29 > 0:35:33The late 19th century was a period of enormous European rediscovery
0:35:33 > 0:35:35of their ancient myths and so on, or at least
0:35:35 > 0:35:40not just rediscovery but making up. In the case of Britain it was Arthurian legend
0:35:40 > 0:35:43and druidic legend, a lot of which was totally nonsense.
0:35:43 > 0:35:47And there was a Swedish illustrator called Gustav Malmstrom, and he
0:35:47 > 0:35:51did these horned helmets and dragons' wings on the heroes' headgear.
0:35:51 > 0:35:54And his Saga became an international hit and made the Vikings' name.
0:35:54 > 0:35:58And a Vikingr was a pirate or raider. A viking was a raiding expedition.
0:35:58 > 0:35:59A vikingr would go on a viking.
0:35:59 > 0:36:04And Vik or Vike is old Norse for a bay of a fjord.
0:36:04 > 0:36:07And Reykjavik means a 'smoky bay', for example.
0:36:07 > 0:36:11Reyki, Auld Reekie is the old smoky town, Edinburgh, in Scottish.
0:36:11 > 0:36:15I've also heard once that kind of socialist atmosphere that
0:36:15 > 0:36:18pervades Sweden kind of also came from the Vikings,
0:36:18 > 0:36:23because there was just enough alcohol to keep everyone happy,
0:36:23 > 0:36:26so you were just, there's a Swedish word called Largon,
0:36:26 > 0:36:28which means not too much and not too little.
0:36:28 > 0:36:32And if you, when you gave out the vodka to all of the people rowing on the ships...
0:36:32 > 0:36:36- The aquavit.- The aquavit, yes. Not to much that someone down the back wouldn't get enough,
0:36:36 > 0:36:39and not too little that they'd be unhappy that they didn't get enough.
0:36:39 > 0:36:42So it was just evenly shared out over everyone
0:36:42 > 0:36:46that was rowing and that's pervaded Swedish culture and that's why they are now...
0:36:46 > 0:36:48- Sharey people.- Pissed.
0:36:50 > 0:36:52Lightly pissed, sharey people.
0:36:52 > 0:36:56Yes, Vikings sometimes buried their dead in a boat, but always on land.
0:36:56 > 0:37:00Which bit of whale did they use to make a whalebone corset?
0:37:00 > 0:37:04- I'm going to take a punt and say the jaw.- Not the jaw.
0:37:04 > 0:37:05Penis?
0:37:05 > 0:37:07Not the penis.
0:37:07 > 0:37:09- Is it not part of a whale? - The wishbone.
0:37:09 > 0:37:11It is part of the whale.
0:37:11 > 0:37:13Not the wish... Did you say the wishbone?
0:37:13 > 0:37:18- That's a huge tug of war. - So for a corset... Is it the ribs?
0:37:18 > 0:37:19MAN SHOUTS OUT
0:37:19 > 0:37:21ALARM BLARES
0:37:22 > 0:37:24Who said the ribs?
0:37:24 > 0:37:26I did, I said it first.
0:37:26 > 0:37:28- Oh, sorry about that, no, not the ribs.- No worries.
0:37:28 > 0:37:31I think Shouty Man had it again.
0:37:31 > 0:37:33MAN SHOUTS OUT
0:37:33 > 0:37:35SARA: That isn't how you get on the show.
0:37:35 > 0:37:38This is not that thing with James Corden on Sky 1,
0:37:38 > 0:37:39thank you very much indeed.
0:37:41 > 0:37:42My show.
0:37:42 > 0:37:44Oh, yes!
0:37:48 > 0:37:50Whoops.
0:37:51 > 0:37:54- More's the pity. - The show now four series on.
0:37:54 > 0:37:56More's the pity.
0:37:56 > 0:37:59I wish it were, The Shouty Show.
0:38:00 > 0:38:03- With the drunk cricketer. - Yeah, that one, exactly.
0:38:03 > 0:38:05No, as I think they were shouting, "The baleen."
0:38:05 > 0:38:07- Does that mean anything? - The thing in the mouth.
0:38:07 > 0:38:10- Yeah, the sieve in the mouth. - That sieves the...- Oh, I see.
0:38:10 > 0:38:13There are two types of whale - baleen whale and toothed whale -
0:38:13 > 0:38:15and the blue whale is an example of a baleen whale there.
0:38:15 > 0:38:17The baleen is in fact keratin,
0:38:17 > 0:38:20the same thing that our hair is made of, our fingernails,
0:38:20 > 0:38:22or rhinoceros horn is.
0:38:22 > 0:38:24So it's wonderfully pliable.
0:38:24 > 0:38:27It was the plastic of the 19th century, essentially.
0:38:27 > 0:38:30- Right.- There was a Mr JA Sevey trading out of Boston
0:38:30 > 0:38:32who offered 54 different whalebone products.
0:38:32 > 0:38:35Whips, parasols, umbrellas, fishing rods, canes, hat, divining rods,
0:38:35 > 0:38:38riding crops, ferrules, brushes, mattress stuffing,
0:38:38 > 0:38:41back-supporters, suspenders, billiard cushion springs,
0:38:41 > 0:38:44pen-holders, shoehorns, tongue scrapers and policemen's clubs.
0:38:44 > 0:38:47- All possible. - That is a good Saturday night.
0:38:47 > 0:38:50Empty your pockets out.
0:38:50 > 0:38:53But real whalebone was used for something else.
0:38:53 > 0:38:55It was a cheap substitute for ivory.
0:38:55 > 0:38:58And you probably know of the carving that was done on it
0:38:58 > 0:39:01that sailors used to do, which had a particular name?
0:39:01 > 0:39:03I do not know of the name of that.
0:39:03 > 0:39:05Oh, we'll have to ask Shouty Man again.
0:39:05 > 0:39:08- AUDIENCE MEMBER:- Scrimshaw! - Scrimshaw is the right answer, yes.
0:39:08 > 0:39:10- He's very clever, Shouty Man.- He is.
0:39:10 > 0:39:13- He's a very smart shouty man. - He's a smart shouty man.
0:39:13 > 0:39:15It may be a whole series of organised shouty men,
0:39:15 > 0:39:18I don't know, but we're very impressed by them.
0:39:18 > 0:39:19They may have to get a score at the end,
0:39:19 > 0:39:21that's what's worrying me.
0:39:21 > 0:39:24Yes, scrimshaw is...you know that very carved whalebone effect?
0:39:24 > 0:39:27It's sometimes done on horns. I mean, amazing, some of it.
0:39:27 > 0:39:30Even a whole desk was once done out of whalebone,
0:39:30 > 0:39:31because whales are big animals.
0:39:31 > 0:39:34I'd love to think that there were cases of people wearing
0:39:34 > 0:39:35a whalebone corset.
0:39:35 > 0:39:40And just being out at a party and going... "I'm really hungry.
0:39:40 > 0:39:43"Oh, there's a spare prawn in here."
0:39:43 > 0:39:45Yes, it would be lovely, wouldn't it?
0:39:45 > 0:39:48Of course the baleen is used, it's this huge sieved area, it sucks
0:39:48 > 0:39:52in this huge amount of water, filled with krill and plankton and so on.
0:39:52 > 0:39:54Then the baleens sort of mesh together
0:39:54 > 0:39:58and it pushes all the water out and all the food is left clinging
0:39:58 > 0:40:02to this filter, which it then sucks into its mouth. And it's fantastically efficient.
0:40:02 > 0:40:05So it would be the equivalent of going up in your whalebone corset
0:40:05 > 0:40:06to the buffet and just going... SUCKING
0:40:06 > 0:40:08Letting out the bits you don't want.
0:40:08 > 0:40:11Yes, most whalebone was not bone but baleen,
0:40:11 > 0:40:13the 19th-century equivalent of plastic.
0:40:13 > 0:40:15Can you name a blue sea creature?
0:40:15 > 0:40:18- MUSIC: THE TWILIGHT ZONE THEME - Alan? Oh.
0:40:18 > 0:40:20Yes, Jack?
0:40:20 > 0:40:22Shouty Man, drop it like it's hot.
0:40:25 > 0:40:26Mine!
0:40:29 > 0:40:31Is he going to fall for our trap?
0:40:31 > 0:40:33- AUDIENCE MEMBER:- A blue whale!
0:40:33 > 0:40:35Is the right answer!
0:40:35 > 0:40:37Yes, I love this guy!
0:40:40 > 0:40:43That's the fastest I've ever been on the draw as well.
0:40:43 > 0:40:46- That was quick, and still wasn't... - I broke my buzzer.- You did.
0:40:46 > 0:40:48'I don't believe it!'
0:40:48 > 0:40:50You've broken your carrot now.
0:40:50 > 0:40:53We thought you might be so afraid you'd say, "Not the blue whale."
0:40:53 > 0:40:55- No, I was pretty sure about that one.- It is blue.
0:40:55 > 0:40:57It's not very blue, but it's blue enough to call blue.
0:40:57 > 0:41:00- It's bluer than most things, innit?- It is.- It's all relative.
0:41:00 > 0:41:02The colour spectrum is different under water.
0:41:02 > 0:41:04It's quite a common... a common qualor...
0:41:04 > 0:41:06It's quite a common colour amongst...
0:41:06 > 0:41:08The gibberish blokes can understand all of that.
0:41:08 > 0:41:10- Absolutely.- SARA: A dory is blue.
0:41:10 > 0:41:12There's the blue marlin, which is pretty blue.
0:41:12 > 0:41:16- A dory is blue.- Yes. The blue starfish you can see is jolly blue.
0:41:16 > 0:41:17Blue marlin there.
0:41:17 > 0:41:19Blue Man Group.
0:41:21 > 0:41:24And the beautiful blue angel there, the glaucus atlantica.
0:41:24 > 0:41:28The blue angel, as well as being a Marlene Dietrich film,
0:41:28 > 0:41:31is a very interesting fish, in as much as it's venomous,
0:41:31 > 0:41:33but its venom is second hand.
0:41:33 > 0:41:35It feeds on the Portuguese Man of War,
0:41:35 > 0:41:38and ingests its poison so that it becomes venomous itself.
0:41:38 > 0:41:41Isn't that clever?
0:41:41 > 0:41:43- Cunning!- Very cunning, very cunning.
0:41:43 > 0:41:47So the grey whale is pretty grey, the humpback is pretty grey.
0:41:47 > 0:41:50The sperm whale is dark grey/black, but the blue whale,
0:41:50 > 0:41:53as you can see, is jolly blue. There it is, bottom right.
0:41:53 > 0:41:54I see it.
0:41:54 > 0:41:56Yeh-hey. Your favourite whale.
0:41:56 > 0:41:59Would we lie to you? Blue whales are blue, pretty much.
0:41:59 > 0:42:03Well, that's our last tissue in our box of lies.
0:42:03 > 0:42:06It's time for the unvarnished truth with the scores.
0:42:06 > 0:42:08And it's pretty bally fascinating.
0:42:08 > 0:42:11In last place, with minus...
0:42:11 > 0:42:13Oh, dear. Minus 19,
0:42:13 > 0:42:15but with a tremendous performance
0:42:15 > 0:42:18and a wonderful last rally, Jack Whitehall.
0:42:24 > 0:42:28With minus 11, an entirely creditable third place,
0:42:28 > 0:42:31she knew so much, Sara, Sara Pascoe.
0:42:35 > 0:42:38I get all the buzzers, I got two. I got two.
0:42:38 > 0:42:41On minus 8, second place, Alan Davies.
0:42:41 > 0:42:43Minus 8, pretty pleased.
0:42:46 > 0:42:49And a staggeringly secure first place,
0:42:49 > 0:42:52- on plus 14, Adam Hills. - Oh, my goodness.
0:42:59 > 0:43:02And tonight, of course, a special award of minus 39
0:43:02 > 0:43:04for the shouty man in the audience!
0:43:09 > 0:43:14Yes, it only remains for me to thank Adam, Jack, Sara and Alan
0:43:14 > 0:43:17and leave you with the last words of Spanish Prime Minister
0:43:17 > 0:43:20General Ramon Maria Narvaez.
0:43:20 > 0:43:23"I do not have to forgive my enemies,
0:43:23 > 0:43:25"I have had them all shot."
0:43:25 > 0:43:27Good night.
0:43:27 > 0:43:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE