0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains some strong language
0:00:26 > 0:00:29APPLAUSE
0:00:31 > 0:00:38Goooood evening, and welcome to QI,
0:00:38 > 0:00:41which tonight is a veritable Liblabble.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44This is a newly minted and completely useless word,
0:00:44 > 0:00:45coined by my Elves.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48It's the collective noun for a group of Ls.
0:00:48 > 0:00:53And here are some. El Salvador, the Reverend Richard Coles.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55APPLAUSE
0:00:57 > 0:01:00El-egant, Sara Pascoe.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02APPLAUSE
0:01:04 > 0:01:07One L of a guy, Bill Bailey.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09APPLAUSE
0:01:10 > 0:01:13And a snowball's chance in L, Alan Davies.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16APPLAUSE
0:01:19 > 0:01:23Now, let's hear their L-ish buzzers. Sara goes...
0:01:23 > 0:01:28MUSIC: Crocodile Rock by Elton John
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Aah. Bill goes...
0:01:30 > 0:01:35MUSIC: Saturday's Kids by The Jam
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Richard goes...
0:01:37 > 0:01:44MUSIC: Y Brawd Houdini By Meic Stevens
0:01:44 > 0:01:45And Alan goes...
0:01:45 > 0:01:48MUSIC: Speedy Gonzales by Pat Boone
0:02:02 > 0:02:06# You better come home, Speedy Gonzales... #
0:02:06 > 0:02:09- Well, let's not do a show, let's just listen to that all day.- Listen to that.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11All right, well, let's leap in with some laughter.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13What has four legs and a sense of humour?
0:02:13 > 0:02:15BILL'S SONG
0:02:15 > 0:02:16Bill?
0:02:18 > 0:02:19Ant and Dec.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:02:25 > 0:02:26- It covers the facts.- It does.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29- I can't really take anything away from you.- It's technically correct.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32- It is. I'm going to give you... - I deserve points.- You will get them. - Ooh!
0:02:32 > 0:02:34RICHARD'S SONG
0:02:34 > 0:02:37- Richard? - Lester Piggott's tax return?
0:02:37 > 0:02:38Whoa, very good, very good, very good.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Not very topical, so some of the younger members
0:02:40 > 0:02:43of the audience won't know what that is.
0:02:43 > 0:02:44A laughing hyena.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48Yeah, hyenas have four legs and they do laugh, that's true, but do they have a sense of humour?
0:02:48 > 0:02:51Or is it just the sound they mimic, or at least to our...
0:02:51 > 0:02:53I don't think it's laughing, is it, more...
0:02:53 > 0:02:55- IMPRESSION - It's a call, it's a call, yeah.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59- Impressive, that was very good. - Well, yeah.- Yeah. Anyway. - A pantomime horse.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03- Well, no, it's not a pantomime horse.- A pig. - Pig.- Er, no...- Is it a mammal?
0:03:03 > 0:03:06- Yes.- OK, so what's a sense of humour...?- Cow.
0:03:06 > 0:03:11We know this because it's an animal that has been much observed.
0:03:11 > 0:03:16OK, is this, I know that they can make rats laugh.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17- Yeah, ah.- Is that what it is? - Yes.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20- OK, so rats. They tickle rats. - They tickle rats!
0:03:20 > 0:03:23And they, and the rats make tiny little laughs. And it's so interesting.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26In fact they're so high, human ears can't hear them,
0:03:26 > 0:03:29and we have film of it, it's an Estonian/American researcher,
0:03:29 > 0:03:33and there he is. He rejoices in the name of Dr Jaak Panksepp.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Now it may at first look as if he's actually torturing,
0:03:35 > 0:03:39but it is, you will see it returns to his hand, it likes this.
0:03:41 > 0:03:42- Are you sure?- Yeah.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46It's going, "Help me!"
0:03:47 > 0:03:51"The others are in cages!"
0:03:51 > 0:03:52"Can you hear me, anyone?!"
0:03:54 > 0:03:57- Yes?- So I read, I read quite a lot about this, because actually it's
0:03:57 > 0:04:00all to do with how they have sex as well, so it's really interesting
0:04:00 > 0:04:03that if a woman has a bad, not a woman, a female rat, sorry...
0:04:03 > 0:04:05I really anthropomorphized...
0:04:05 > 0:04:07- A lady rat.- A lady rat.- A lady rat.
0:04:07 > 0:04:08- Could be a lady, yes.- A lady rat.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11If a lady rat has a bad sexual experience with a male rat,
0:04:11 > 0:04:13she will never have sex with him again,
0:04:13 > 0:04:16and even if he's the only available male, she won't.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19And if she has a good sexual experience with a fake rat,
0:04:19 > 0:04:21she will keep going back to that one.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23And it's really interesting, and that's a whole thing with all
0:04:23 > 0:04:26the tickling and the play, there's quite a lot of interplay with
0:04:26 > 0:04:30- the male and female rats to do with love-making.- You're absolutely right.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33Did you know, Stephen, that there's a research that shows that bees are pessimists?
0:04:33 > 0:04:36STEPHEN LAUGHS
0:04:36 > 0:04:38I'm not making this up, I read this in the New Scientist.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40They would do some sort of stimulus to a bee
0:04:40 > 0:04:43when a good thing happened, so it would know that something
0:04:43 > 0:04:45nice was happening, and then another thing when a bad thing was
0:04:45 > 0:04:48happening, so it'd know that something bad was happening.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50And then they did a sort of neutral stimulus
0:04:50 > 0:04:53and the bees all behaved as if it were the bad thing about to happen,
0:04:53 > 0:04:55they opted for the glass being half empty.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58- Goodness me.- Rather than half full. So bees are pessimists.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00- That is... - That's right, when you see bees,
0:05:00 > 0:05:03a lot of the time, when they're buzzing round a plant, they're
0:05:03 > 0:05:06actually, what they're actually saying is, "What's the point?"
0:05:06 > 0:05:11- "Whatever."- I could get the nectar, I could go back to the hive, but really, where am I going with this?
0:05:11 > 0:05:14- Exactly.- But even worse than that, because this is all, I always think that
0:05:14 > 0:05:17bees, it's weird for them, because flowers really are using them
0:05:17 > 0:05:20- for a three-way, because flowers can't have sex with each other. - Absolutely right.
0:05:20 > 0:05:25- Oh, so it's like the bee comes in... - So they need the bee to do it with both of them, and the bee is like,
0:05:25 > 0:05:28I'm not even in a relationship, I'm just the person you bring in.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31- You get off, you get off. - I'm just a, I'm just a, I'm just a gimp for you. Yeah.- Yeah.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33- Yeah, exactly, "I'm a toy." - "I'm a go-bee-tween."
0:05:33 > 0:05:37- A go-bee-tween!- Yeah.- Oh, I like what you've done there.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40APPLAUSE
0:05:42 > 0:05:45The queen bee, who you'd think might be the one who's having
0:05:45 > 0:05:52the good life, lays 3,500 eggs a day
0:05:52 > 0:05:57- for two years and then dies in excruciating pain, I presume.- Yeah.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00- This is why...- She doesn't even have any Sudocrem or anything.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03I know, exactly, and it's just the luck of the draw as to
0:06:03 > 0:06:06- which female bee is going to be chosen as the queen. - Yes.- Me? Oh. Sash.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Tiara.
0:06:09 > 0:06:13All of this, it proves that that saying, you know, we have to,
0:06:13 > 0:06:16when you explain to kids about, you know, sexual reproduction,
0:06:16 > 0:06:18you tell them about the birds and the bees, it's
0:06:18 > 0:06:21- just not fit for purpose at all, is it really?- It really isn't.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24- The birds, yeah, just about. Bees, no.- No.- You know.- A horrible life.
0:06:24 > 0:06:29We're going to be sexless lackeys for a monstrous sugar-giant, you know.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31APPLAUSE
0:06:31 > 0:06:32That isn't...
0:06:34 > 0:06:37I'm not telling that to any kids. They'll go, "OK."
0:06:37 > 0:06:42But in terms of human and animal senses of humour, there is
0:06:42 > 0:06:45Koko, a gorilla born in San Francisco Zoo you may
0:06:45 > 0:06:49know about, who knows supposedly 2,000 words and 1,000
0:06:49 > 0:06:53sign language words, and is said to comprehend both puns and slapstick.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57The puns, and you believe it or don't, she was once asked,
0:06:57 > 0:06:59"What can you think of that is hard?"
0:06:59 > 0:07:05And she replied "a rock" and "work." Which is extraordinary.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Excellent, yeah. It is amazing, yeah.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11- That that's a category slip, you know, it's a genuine sort of pun. - That's a zeugma isn't it?
0:07:11 > 0:07:14- It's like a zeugma, yeah.- A zeugma.- She only needs a couple more and she could do a...
0:07:14 > 0:07:17- You get, that's a good word, so that's it, zeugma or zeugma, yeah. - zeugma.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20Slapstick, she once tied her trainer's shoelaces together
0:07:20 > 0:07:23and then signed the words, "chase me."
0:07:25 > 0:07:26Brilliant.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29And the brilliant Miriam Rothschild, of whom you may have heard, she did
0:07:29 > 0:07:32much work on pond life of various animals, and the extraordinary
0:07:32 > 0:07:36life cycles of incredible species, but she also had a parrot
0:07:36 > 0:07:41that could imitate her calling the dog and whistling and saying
0:07:41 > 0:07:45for a walk, and the dog would arrive and then the parrot would laugh.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Extraordinary thing.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52You know this joke, you must know it, it's a friend who has a parrot,
0:07:52 > 0:07:56and the sports results are going and he goes, "Norwich one, Ipswich two."
0:07:56 > 0:07:59And the parrot goes, "Oh, no! Ooh!"
0:07:59 > 0:08:01And you're thinking "What's going on there?"
0:08:01 > 0:08:05"Well, every time Norwich lose, the parrot cries and bursts into tears."
0:08:05 > 0:08:07And he says, "Well, what happens when Norwich win?"
0:08:07 > 0:08:09"I don't know, I've only had it four years!"
0:08:10 > 0:08:13That came from the heart, ladies and gentlemen. There you are, anyway.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16There are all kinds of different human laughter,
0:08:16 > 0:08:18which have been categorised by a Dr Dirk Wildgruber,
0:08:18 > 0:08:21of the University of Tubingen, in Deutschland.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24There are, some types are joyful laughter...
0:08:24 > 0:08:25ONE PERSON IN AUDIENCE LAUGHS
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Thank you, audience!
0:08:28 > 0:08:32That was sarcastic joyful laughter, which is slightly different.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Terrifying.
0:08:34 > 0:08:35- Joyful laughter... - BILL AND SARA LAUGH
0:08:37 > 0:08:40- Social laughter. - LAUGHS POLITELY
0:08:40 > 0:08:44- Taunting laughter. - LAUGHS OBNOXIOUSLY
0:08:44 > 0:08:47Aaah. Oh, dear.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50- Schadenfreude laughter. - LAUGHS SMUGLY
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Any other kinds that are in your head?
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Laughter when people, you tell them something and then they laugh,
0:08:56 > 0:09:01like they've got it and then they realise they don't, and they go, "Ha-ha! What?"
0:09:01 > 0:09:04And there's also of course, the Sid James type of sexual laughter.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06CACKLES
0:09:07 > 0:09:10When we were doing Jonathon Creek, we had these two prop boys
0:09:10 > 0:09:12and they used lots of rhyming slang.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15And there was another one who didn't know any of it.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17All the time he'd say. "What do they mean?"
0:09:17 > 0:09:19One morning, they said,
0:09:19 > 0:09:22"We had a lovely bit of Sinatra on in the van this morning."
0:09:22 > 0:09:24And he went, "Ha-ha," the other fella.
0:09:24 > 0:09:25"Ha-ha."
0:09:25 > 0:09:27And they looked at him like,
0:09:27 > 0:09:30"We were just playing some Frank Sinatra!"
0:09:30 > 0:09:32LAUGHTER
0:09:32 > 0:09:35He said, "Oh, sorry. I thought it was a slang thing."
0:09:35 > 0:09:37That doesn't mean you laugh.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40"Well, I just thought it was going to be funny cos it was a slang thing.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42"Normally it's a slang thing and then we all laugh.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45"I never understand it."
0:09:45 > 0:09:48There's a very particular kind of laughter you get
0:09:48 > 0:09:50when people occasionally listen to your sermon.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53It's a sort of polite laugh, like what you get in a Shakespeare play.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Oh, yeah - teachers at Shakespeare.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58- LAUGHS POLITELY - You are a card!
0:09:58 > 0:10:03Because even I...sin.
0:10:03 > 0:10:07How do and when do rats get sad?
0:10:07 > 0:10:09CROWD AWS
0:10:09 > 0:10:10When they stop tickling them?
0:10:10 > 0:10:13When you stop tickling them. Might be slightly disappointed.
0:10:13 > 0:10:14Aw!
0:10:14 > 0:10:17When they're cold. In the sewers, they all sleep together,
0:10:17 > 0:10:19when the frost comes they all freeze to death...
0:10:19 > 0:10:25A few found sleeping in a circle, and the reason they're all connected
0:10:25 > 0:10:28is cos the urine that comes out of them constantly is frozen,
0:10:28 > 0:10:32and it's just a solid urine disc with rats in it.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35Sad, sad - think of the word sad.
0:10:35 > 0:10:36Seasonal affective disorder.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39- Seasonal affective disorder. - In the winter.- No!
0:10:39 > 0:10:41They get sad in the summer?
0:10:41 > 0:10:46The winter is for people like us who are diurnal,
0:10:46 > 0:10:47who live by day.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Rats are nocturnal.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51So we have circadian rhythms, and they have...?
0:10:51 > 0:10:53For an extra point.
0:10:53 > 0:10:54Circu...
0:10:54 > 0:10:57Circanoctium.
0:10:57 > 0:10:58Oh, circanoctia!
0:11:01 > 0:11:03They have around-the-night rhythms,
0:11:03 > 0:11:05we have around-the-day rhythms.
0:11:05 > 0:11:06In Scandiwegian countries,
0:11:06 > 0:11:09where in winter it's very dark for a very long time,
0:11:09 > 0:11:12they use things almost like usherette trays,
0:11:12 > 0:11:13with ultra-violet tubes,
0:11:13 > 0:11:16and they get about an hour or two of that and it cheers them up,
0:11:16 > 0:11:19cos melatonin is produced in the brain that cheers them up.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21It's one of the things that cheers you up.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24But they found, with rats, somatostatin,
0:11:24 > 0:11:28which is a depressive, was caused in those that had too much sunlight.
0:11:28 > 0:11:32So what do they provide? Sunglasses for the rats?
0:11:32 > 0:11:33There you are.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Rats get sad in summer, not in winter.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39Here's something that sounds ludicrous, but is no laughing matter.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42What's a really ostentatious way to turn off a gas fire?
0:11:42 > 0:11:45RICHARD'S SONG
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Send a flood.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49LAUGHTER
0:11:51 > 0:11:54APPLAUSE
0:11:55 > 0:11:57You and your God!
0:11:58 > 0:12:01Yes, rats...
0:12:01 > 0:12:04It's trying to use, in a benign way,
0:12:04 > 0:12:06the most powerful force that man has ever harnessed.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Sarcasm!
0:12:08 > 0:12:10LAUGHTER
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Call yourself a gas fire?!
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Where would we be without sarcasm, eh?!
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Sarcasm needs a pipe.
0:12:22 > 0:12:27You need a pipe with sarcasm? Yeah, great(!)
0:12:27 > 0:12:28It's the sarcasm...
0:12:28 > 0:12:30It's the sarcasm slammer.
0:12:30 > 0:12:31Yeah.
0:12:31 > 0:12:32Fusion power.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Fission power is the one we've yet to harness.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38We hope not, but fission is the one we have harnessed.
0:12:38 > 0:12:39For nuclear bombs.
0:12:39 > 0:12:40Yeah.
0:12:40 > 0:12:41The first one was the A-bomb.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44And the father of the H-bomb was...
0:12:44 > 0:12:46Penn and Teller.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Edward Teller, you're absolutely right.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Teller, like a lot of scientists, was an idealist
0:12:51 > 0:12:55and he felt that we had this enormous source of power, surely we can't only use it for weapons!
0:12:55 > 0:12:57And he quoted the Bible - he quoted Isaiah, saying,
0:12:57 > 0:13:01"We've got these weapons, let's use them for something peaceful."
0:13:01 > 0:13:03What's the Isaiah quotation.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05You would beat your sword into a ploughshare.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08That's right! We'll beat your swords into ploughshares.
0:13:08 > 0:13:12And he dreamt up all kinds of weird plans to use H-bombs,
0:13:12 > 0:13:15like for example, widening the Panama Canal.
0:13:15 > 0:13:20Yeah, I know, it seems a little bit speculative.
0:13:20 > 0:13:21Crossrail.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24Yeah, Crossrail!
0:13:24 > 0:13:25What's that one? H2N2?
0:13:25 > 0:13:27HS2.
0:13:27 > 0:13:28HS2, yeah.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31Through Buckinghamshire, just basically a huge...
0:13:31 > 0:13:32HE MIMICS EXPLOSIONS
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Finished!
0:13:34 > 0:13:36LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Yeah, and they thought not just the Panama Canal,
0:13:41 > 0:13:43we'll get one through...
0:13:43 > 0:13:44Well anywhere really!
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Using 22 nuclear bombs to build a massive road
0:13:47 > 0:13:51and railway path through the Bristol Mountains in California -
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Project Carryall.
0:13:53 > 0:13:54There was another one,
0:13:54 > 0:13:59using 1,000 nukes to blast a city-sized airship into space.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02They spent money on all these - Operation Plowshare, it was called.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04And the Russians did the same.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06What's the smallest nuclear bomb you could have,
0:14:06 > 0:14:08like to just knock out a bit of a building
0:14:08 > 0:14:11if you were doing an extension?
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Two things were actually tried, cos the rest were just shelved
0:14:14 > 0:14:18and the money stopped coming in. One was detonating nukes underground
0:14:18 > 0:14:20to create steam to generate electricity.
0:14:20 > 0:14:21This was abandoned
0:14:21 > 0:14:24when it turned out to be impossible to contain the explosions.
0:14:24 > 0:14:28Using nukes for fracking natural gas.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Which worked, but the gas was radioactive.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Bit of a PR disaster in your kitchen...
0:14:36 > 0:14:39Light the oven. My hair! My hair!
0:14:39 > 0:14:42It's going to play very well in the Tory home counties.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45Not only are we going to frack you, we're going to blow
0:14:45 > 0:14:46you up with a nuclear device.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49Exactly. But there was one very successful one the Russians did,
0:14:49 > 0:14:52they used five times, four of them completely successful,
0:14:52 > 0:14:55but none of them with any fallout that was destructive,
0:14:55 > 0:14:57and that was putting out huge gas field fires.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00And so successful it was, that the Americans considered
0:15:00 > 0:15:03using it in the deep water...
0:15:03 > 0:15:04The BP thing.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06The BP thing in the Gulf of Mexico. Yeah.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09In the deep water horizon, as it was called.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11They were going to nuke it?
0:15:11 > 0:15:13- Well, they were, yeah. - A lot of spin in that.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Look away now.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20India's first nuclear device - do you know what it was
0:15:20 > 0:15:22called and when it might have been?
0:15:22 > 0:15:23It was a curry.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26LAUGHTER
0:15:26 > 0:15:27It was so strong...
0:15:29 > 0:15:33..that it literally blew your head off.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35The vindaloo bomb...
0:15:35 > 0:15:39People's eyes were watering for 1,000 square miles!
0:15:39 > 0:15:43God, that's so strong! Oh, the smell of it!
0:15:43 > 0:15:44Aah!
0:15:44 > 0:15:46It was actually called the Smiling Buddha.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48It was set off in 1974.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Now for something a little more local.
0:15:50 > 0:15:54Name some domestic appliances that really nobody wants.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56RICHARD'S SONG
0:15:56 > 0:15:59- Richard? - In a vicarage, a tie rack.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01LAUGHTER
0:16:01 > 0:16:03That is good.
0:16:03 > 0:16:04Very good, yes.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08I can't take that away from you.
0:16:08 > 0:16:12BILL'S SONG I appeal, I'm appealing, sir, that, just a very...
0:16:12 > 0:16:16It's an act of great pedantry - that's not technically an appliance
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Unless it's an electronic tie rack.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22- RICHARD'S SONG - An auto steam tie rack.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25There are electric tie racks, yeah, there are tie racks that go, bzzzzz.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28- Really?- Yeah, there are, I promise you, electric ones.- Such a thing exists?
0:16:28 > 0:16:31- I promise you.- Wow. - And that actually takes us to what the right answer is,
0:16:31 > 0:16:32when you said steam. Yeah?
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Those Corby trouser presses that you have in hotel rooms,
0:16:35 > 0:16:38- I've never heard of anyone using them.- Brilliant.
0:16:38 > 0:16:39Do you mean others don't? Am I the only one?
0:16:39 > 0:16:42- You've used one?- I use them.- I- use them.- I've used them.
0:16:42 > 0:16:46- Oh, OK, well, I've got that wrong. - But not necessarily for trousers.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Anyway, there's a whole load of appliances that were
0:16:54 > 0:16:59made in the 1920s and '30s, when a lot of British people were
0:16:59 > 0:17:04starting to get a little bit more prosperous, just before the Crash.
0:17:04 > 0:17:08And they thought about going "On the electric", as it used to be said.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10"We're going on the electric."
0:17:10 > 0:17:13And what would be the main, the killer app that would put them on the electric?
0:17:13 > 0:17:16- The thing they wanted to have most. - Electric light?- Heat.
0:17:16 > 0:17:17That would be one.
0:17:17 > 0:17:21- Plug-in radio?- The wireless set. Yeah.- Yeah.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24And who were the other main suppliers, other than electricity?
0:17:24 > 0:17:25That had already been there.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27- Gas.- Gas.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30They thought, well, what we'll do is provide gas-powered radios,
0:17:30 > 0:17:32to stop people from going on the electric.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34And there's an example of one.
0:17:34 > 0:17:39And they put them out and they said, "Not only will you get the BBC,
0:17:39 > 0:17:42"but you will warm the room slightly."
0:17:42 > 0:17:43Slightly.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Through the glow of your contentment.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48Increase the chances of your house exploding.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50And not only did they produce wirelesses,
0:17:50 > 0:17:54they produced trouser presses, oddly enough, washing machines,
0:17:54 > 0:17:56washing-up machines, everything that you can think
0:17:56 > 0:17:59of that is a household appliance, a white good, as we would now say.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02There were gas-powered fridges, weren't there?
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Yes, there were indeed. Very much so. But they just didn't catch on,
0:18:05 > 0:18:07because electricity was just more reliable.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09It's not that the gas actually powered the radio
0:18:09 > 0:18:13so much as that the gas created the current that powered the radio.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17So it was still electric, it's just you used your existing gas main.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19How does that work? How can gas create electricity?
0:18:21 > 0:18:25Get heat, and then you put it in a machine...
0:18:27 > 0:18:29A special machine with a magnet in it.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Well, they burn coal for power stations.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35That's turning a turbo - you haven't got a turbo.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37It's the difference between cold and heat -
0:18:37 > 0:18:39it's the thermoelectric effect.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42Russians used it with kerosene, way out in Siberia
0:18:42 > 0:18:45and places that were incredibly cold.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47They actually recommended - God bless communism -
0:18:47 > 0:18:51people open the window to hear the radio better.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54So that the distinction between the cold outside
0:18:54 > 0:18:57and the hot inside was even greater, which created this current.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Talking of radio, in the 1930s,
0:18:59 > 0:19:02there was a magnificent programme that I would have loved.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04There was a fellow called FH Wallace,
0:19:04 > 0:19:06who was the Phil "The Power" Taylor of his day.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09By which I mean...
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Darts professional.
0:19:11 > 0:19:12Yes, a great darts player.
0:19:12 > 0:19:16And he played in The Alexander Arms in Eastbourne,
0:19:16 > 0:19:19and he, on the radio, would throw three darts, from 301 down,
0:19:19 > 0:19:22and his score would be announced, then there would be a pause while
0:19:22 > 0:19:25people at home could throw three darts and write down their score
0:19:25 > 0:19:28And if they beat him, they didn't get a prize,
0:19:28 > 0:19:32they could say, "Pat yourself on the back when you go to work tomorrow."
0:19:32 > 0:19:35That was a whole radio series.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39I'm not saying people were easily pleased in those days but...
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Why didn't they just fast forward to the internet
0:19:42 > 0:19:44and people on those kind of Gala Bingo sites,
0:19:44 > 0:19:47like, "You get a free £5."
0:19:47 > 0:19:49They're just doing that on their own -
0:19:49 > 0:19:52pat on the back, you lost 56 quid!
0:19:52 > 0:19:53Anyway, moving on...
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Now for some uneasy listening.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58What's the most depressing radio programme of all time?
0:19:58 > 0:20:02Oh, Simon Bates, by miles.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05"But that's, surely that's the story of people who fell in love."
0:20:05 > 0:20:08"She did die of the cancer. But..."
0:20:08 > 0:20:11"He battled through the cancer and then here's their song.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13"Too Drunk To Fuck by the great..."
0:20:13 > 0:20:15STEPHEN LAUGHS
0:20:23 > 0:20:25For those who are not familiar with what we're talking about,
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Simon Bates used to run a series called Our Song.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29- Our Tune.- Our Tune.- Our Tune.
0:20:29 > 0:20:30HE SINGS TUNE
0:20:30 > 0:20:33And people wrote in basically with the most depressing story of how
0:20:33 > 0:20:37- they were in love with someone who then died of some appalling disease. - Oh, God, it was nauseating. Christ!
0:20:37 > 0:20:41And he'd read out the, "We met and we fell in love," and all that. "She was then..."
0:20:41 > 0:20:45- It was a series of awful disasters, accidents. - Diagnosed with this or run over.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48She was run over by a vehicle, she lost all the use of her limbs and...
0:20:48 > 0:20:52- I'm sure people sent them in and just made it up.- I think so.- They must have done.
0:20:52 > 0:20:56"Sadly she did die, but to this day, you know, Knock Three Times is our song and always will be."
0:20:56 > 0:21:00She was caught up in a nuclear explosion
0:21:00 > 0:21:01that was used to put out a fire.
0:21:01 > 0:21:06Then a rat burrowed its way through her leg
0:21:06 > 0:21:08and wee'd in her eye.
0:21:08 > 0:21:12And she struggled on, with a gas radio for a companion.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14This was Radio One,
0:21:14 > 0:21:18- this was supposed to be the hip young station.- Yeah. This was hip.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21I have to say I have several correspondents who would say
0:21:21 > 0:21:24- that Saturday Live was the most depressing radio station.- Really?
0:21:24 > 0:21:25Yeah.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27KLAXON
0:21:33 > 0:21:37- We don't think your radio show... - No, I like it.- Well, we have to, you know of this thing now
0:21:37 > 0:21:41that you're interactive with your audience, so actually, as you're broadcasting live
0:21:41 > 0:21:43you have a screen in front of you, with a Twitter feed on.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45- Not advisable, ladies and gentlemen, I have to say.- No.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48It's a very good moral and spiritual discipline, as everything you
0:21:48 > 0:21:53say is immediately commented on by some regular Twitter...
0:21:53 > 0:21:55With #SaturdayLive, or #RichardColes is a...
0:21:55 > 0:21:57I remember one time...
0:21:57 > 0:21:58#Smug-Maester twat vicar.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Oh, crumbs!
0:22:02 > 0:22:05I swear there is someone who does #smug-maester
0:22:05 > 0:22:08and another one #twatvicar.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12- Oh, that's horrible. - Oh, Richard, that's so unfair. - And it's my mother.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14LAUGHTER
0:22:16 > 0:22:20I did a thing once, I wrote an article in which the joke was,
0:22:20 > 0:22:23in the article was on me, but I did call Frank Lampard a twat.
0:22:23 > 0:22:27And it was a joke.
0:22:27 > 0:22:28Anyway, he complained about it
0:22:28 > 0:22:32and I thought, "Oh, I'd better find the article, because I can't even
0:22:32 > 0:22:36"remember what I wrote," So I Googled Frank Lampard twat, nothing came up,
0:22:36 > 0:22:40and then I Googled my own name with twat, and so much stuff came up.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45- That's dangerous. - That was really dangerous.
0:22:45 > 0:22:49- And then I started Googling my name with any other term of abuse.- Ooh!
0:22:49 > 0:22:52And I had really one of the worst evenings of my life.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55Never ever do that. Never Google yourself.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57And that should be like one of the,
0:22:57 > 0:22:59that should be, you know, a commandment.
0:22:59 > 0:23:03- You know. "Thou shalt not Google thyself." - "Thou shalt not Google thyself."
0:23:03 > 0:23:06There was an awful time, which I think has passed,
0:23:06 > 0:23:09- when if you put in the C word into Google, the first return... - Your name would come up!
0:23:09 > 0:23:12No.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Thank you! Virtually...
0:23:18 > 0:23:21Excuse me?! Virtually that.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25- If you typed in the C word, the first thing that came up was "Englishman."- Oh.
0:23:25 > 0:23:29If you want to learn some new words, you could always do the Guardian Easter piece,
0:23:29 > 0:23:33on the online edition, and then read the below the line comments afterwards.
0:23:33 > 0:23:37- Oh, it's like looking into a sewer, isn't it?- That's quite fun.- Let's not go there.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39I don't know, sometimes it's good though, I have to say.
0:23:39 > 0:23:43There was Ronan Keating doing a version of Fairy Tale Of New York, by The Pogues.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45- He didn't, did he?- Yes, he did.
0:23:45 > 0:23:50- It is as horrific as it sounds. He has to...- McGowan he is not.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52He has to Irish himself up a bit to be in the Pogues.
0:23:52 > 0:23:57But there's a tsunami of hate which of course accompanies it on the YouTube comments.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00But my favourite YouTube comment of all time, it just says:
0:24:00 > 0:24:04"This is the worst thing that ever happened."
0:24:04 > 0:24:05And it sort of is!
0:24:05 > 0:24:11I used to do this listener complaint programme for Radio 5, when that first started,
0:24:11 > 0:24:14there used to be live people calling in, and there was a woman who phoned up once,
0:24:14 > 0:24:17and I saw her name, it was Margery from Hemel Hempstead.
0:24:17 > 0:24:21And I took the call and I said, "Margery, from Hemel Hempstead, what's your complaint?"
0:24:21 > 0:24:26And she said, "I'm absolutely disgusted with everything." and put the phone down.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Oh, bless her, bless her.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33Well, the most depressing radio of all time may have been
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Simon Bates, it certainly isn't Saturday Live, which I urge
0:24:36 > 0:24:39you to listen to every Saturday, with Richard at the microphone.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Drahtfunk. Drahtfunk.
0:24:41 > 0:24:42Drahtfunk.
0:24:42 > 0:24:46Yeah. Wire radio. And what happened is, the Swiss and the Norwegians
0:24:46 > 0:24:49and the Swedish discovered that they could use,
0:24:49 > 0:24:52first of all electricity, which they had bored holes through
0:24:52 > 0:24:56the mountains for, they could use electricity to transmit radio,
0:24:56 > 0:24:58and then, when phone lines were installed, phone.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01And the Germans used this in the war.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05And they used it for very depressing broadcasts about bomber raids
0:25:05 > 0:25:08that were coming over, because it couldn't be scrambled.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11And nor would the bombers be able to use live radio that the
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Germans had, to fix their position, so they could
0:25:14 > 0:25:18close their radio stations down, during the night, and use these.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21And German people would listen and they'd get grid references,
0:25:21 > 0:25:24you know, there's a bomber wave coming and it's on F14 and
0:25:24 > 0:25:28the people of Stuttgart or wherever it might be would go, "Oh, God, it's coming towards us."
0:25:28 > 0:25:31And they'd be able to get into the shelters. So, it was depressing.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33It was depressing radio, it was always bad news.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35- Did they play songs in-between? - No, they didn't.
0:25:35 > 0:25:40- Missing a trick there. - The Beach Boys.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Have you ever heard Radio Pyongyang?
0:25:42 > 0:25:44- Never have. - You've got to listen to it.
0:25:44 > 0:25:49It's mostly songs about the Great Leader and how marvellous he is,
0:25:49 > 0:25:51interspersed with incredibly terrifying
0:25:51 > 0:25:53broadcasts by the lady who read the news,
0:25:53 > 0:25:56who's got that rather dramatic sort of thing.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59The awful thing is, if you buy a radio in North Korea,
0:25:59 > 0:26:00- it's pre-tuned.- Of course.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02You can only get Radio Pyongyang.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04That's the only thing you can get.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07But people try to smuggle in sets from China for a bit of variety.
0:26:07 > 0:26:11You'll get Gardener's Question Time.
0:26:11 > 0:26:12Anyway, moving on.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16Alan, would I enjoy kissing any of the gunner's daughters?
0:26:19 > 0:26:24Yes, you would. No, you wouldn't.
0:26:26 > 0:26:31- There are no daughters.- Well... - By kissing, do you mean...?
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Yes. In all those cases, you're right.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37You're right to be cagey. Of course it's nothing to do with The Arsenal.
0:26:37 > 0:26:41Isn't there a band, there's a band from Seattle called Kissing The Gunner's Daughter.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44- Is there really?- Yes, there is, yeah.- Well, do you know what it refers to?
0:26:44 > 0:26:46I do actually, yes. It's a naval term, isn't it?
0:26:46 > 0:26:49- Yes, it is naval. - It's a rather unpleasant term.
0:26:49 > 0:26:50Describe.
0:26:50 > 0:26:55For being strapped to a cannon and then being beaten?
0:26:55 > 0:26:57- Yes, whipped with the famous... - The cat o' nine tails.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02- With the cat o' nine tails. Absolutely right.- Yes.- It was horrific.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04What's extraordinary is that it's still in use.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Not in the British Navy, or not in Britain.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09Did you know that the victim had to make their own cat?
0:27:09 > 0:27:12- Often they did, not always, but often they did.- Yeah.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15Sometimes it was their best friend, which was miserable.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17That's right, you'd make out of blancmange.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19Oh, this, yes, it's all I had.
0:27:19 > 0:27:23There's another naval punishment, you can get "firked."
0:27:23 > 0:27:25I'm sorry?
0:27:25 > 0:27:27You can get firked.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30- Explain?- You get firked...
0:27:30 > 0:27:35- If you're... This is true, I'm not making it up.- Yeah, don't keep saying it, explain it.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37It was the punishment,
0:27:37 > 0:27:42if you were a cook in the galley and you ruined the meal, you got firked.
0:27:43 > 0:27:44I'm not making that up.
0:27:44 > 0:27:47You really like saying it though, don't you?
0:27:47 > 0:27:48Just keep saying it, man.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50I just can't, I don't know what you mean, Stephen.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53But they would take the staves from a firkin and beat you with that,
0:27:53 > 0:27:55and it was called being firked.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57Oh, a firkin being a large barrel.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59A firkin being, well, not a very large barrel,
0:27:59 > 0:28:02but they, you were beaten with the staves from a firkin, firked. That's true.
0:28:02 > 0:28:06Wow, that's brilliant. Well, also, apart from the gunner's daughter,
0:28:06 > 0:28:09at the time the Royal Navy enlisted boys as young as nine,
0:28:09 > 0:28:12who were running errands and so on, helped with the cooking.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15And these cabin boys were punished in a marginally more humane
0:28:15 > 0:28:18way, by being bent over a gun and lashed on the bare bottom.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21This was called "Kissing the gunner's daughter".
0:28:21 > 0:28:24And the lash itself was known as the "boy's pussy".
0:28:24 > 0:28:26Which sounds all wrong.
0:28:26 > 0:28:29Or it was called the "boy's cat" or just "pussy".
0:28:29 > 0:28:32It had only five strands of whip cord, with no knots in it.
0:28:32 > 0:28:36It was sort of um, Sony's My First Cat 'O Nine Tails.
0:28:36 > 0:28:38Isn't it?
0:28:38 > 0:28:39Yeah, its true level.
0:28:39 > 0:28:43It was the innocent version. And that was kissing the gunner's daughter. Pretty nasty.
0:28:43 > 0:28:45From lashings to lese-majeste.
0:28:45 > 0:28:50Why was George III very nearly, literally, toast is 1776?
0:28:50 > 0:28:511776, you say?
0:28:51 > 0:28:54It's a rather important year...
0:28:54 > 0:28:55RICHARD'S SONG
0:28:55 > 0:28:58Was it the firing of the colonies?
0:28:58 > 0:28:59Very good.
0:28:59 > 0:29:02Well, it is the year of course of American independence.
0:29:02 > 0:29:06But the fact is, there's a rather marvellous MP,
0:29:06 > 0:29:08who dies in 1813,
0:29:08 > 0:29:10and was well ahead of his time and
0:29:10 > 0:29:11about whom more should be known.
0:29:11 > 0:29:13His name was Hartley, David Hartley,
0:29:13 > 0:29:16and he was a scientist, a friend of Benjamin Franklin
0:29:16 > 0:29:19and was the first MP to present a bill opposing slavery.
0:29:19 > 0:29:21Decades ahead of anyone else.
0:29:21 > 0:29:26But his main claim to fame, was him work on fireproofing of houses,
0:29:26 > 0:29:31which he achieved by placing metal sheets under the floorboards,
0:29:31 > 0:29:33so the joists wouldn't catch fire.
0:29:33 > 0:29:35And they were so successful that he invited George III
0:29:35 > 0:29:37to his house in Putney,
0:29:37 > 0:29:39which was a special fire-proof house.
0:29:39 > 0:29:42Breakfast was served in one of the rooms,
0:29:42 > 0:29:44the kettle was boiled on a fire made on the bare floorboards
0:29:44 > 0:29:46Hartley went upstairs, set fire to a bed,
0:29:46 > 0:29:48which set fire to the curtains,
0:29:48 > 0:29:50while Hartley lit two more fires on the stairs,
0:29:51 > 0:29:53so it's like a sort of stuntman,
0:29:53 > 0:29:55one under the stairs - all burn merrily.
0:29:55 > 0:29:59And they all died of smoke inhalation.
0:29:59 > 0:30:01He put fires under the rooms,
0:30:01 > 0:30:05on the floor below the royal family, with tar, pitch and kindling,
0:30:05 > 0:30:07and set fire to it.
0:30:07 > 0:30:09And everyone survived, it was all fine.
0:30:09 > 0:30:11And he was made somewhat of a local hero...
0:30:11 > 0:30:13Local fire officer.
0:30:13 > 0:30:16It all, as it were, caught on,
0:30:16 > 0:30:19cos a lot of people thought, well, this is the way to avoid fires.
0:30:19 > 0:30:21It was a most impressive thing.
0:30:21 > 0:30:24It would be an amazing assassination attempt,
0:30:24 > 0:30:26to say, "Hey, I've made a fire-proof house.
0:30:26 > 0:30:31"Why don't you come round and I'll show you?"
0:30:31 > 0:30:35Ah, Guy Fawkes number two. See you later!
0:30:35 > 0:30:36- True.- Teething issues.
0:30:36 > 0:30:38Fortunately, they trusted him.
0:30:38 > 0:30:40But his major and lasting achievement is the he invented
0:30:40 > 0:30:42the fire curtain for theatres.
0:30:43 > 0:30:46So in the interval, when you see a fire curtain drop down rather dully,
0:30:46 > 0:30:49or something that just says "fire curtain"...
0:30:49 > 0:30:51So he's the real Mr Sands.
0:30:51 > 0:30:53Exactly. Explain about Mr Sands.
0:30:53 > 0:30:55Sometimes it's Dr Sands.
0:30:55 > 0:30:57They do this in the tube and in theatres,
0:30:57 > 0:30:59if you hear an announcement asking for Dr Sands,
0:30:59 > 0:31:02it means there's a fire somewhere in the building.
0:31:02 > 0:31:05So if your name is actually Mr Sands and you want to go to the theatre,
0:31:05 > 0:31:09and you go there and ask for your tickets,
0:31:09 > 0:31:11people will start running away.
0:31:11 > 0:31:14Theatre's burnt down all the time, didn't they?
0:31:14 > 0:31:18- Extraordinarily so.- There was a lovely story of, was it Sheridan, his theatre
0:31:18 > 0:31:21caught fire and he was outside and he was sitting there having a drink.
0:31:21 > 0:31:25Someone said, "Mr Sheridan, surely you should be throwing buckets of water on this."
0:31:25 > 0:31:30He said, "Can't a man take sack by his own fireside?"
0:31:30 > 0:31:33The only difference now in the Globe in Southbank,
0:31:33 > 0:31:36the only difference between that and the original is that
0:31:36 > 0:31:39you're not allowed to have a thatched roof in London any more.
0:31:39 > 0:31:41It's the only difference from the Elizabethan one.
0:31:41 > 0:31:44Yes, Shakespeare's Globe caught fire and was put out by beer.
0:31:44 > 0:31:46- Was it?- Yeah, in his day.
0:31:46 > 0:31:48Which is rather pleasing - I don't know why, but it is.
0:31:48 > 0:31:52Now, let's get a little lachrymose. What are Dutch tears?
0:31:54 > 0:31:55I don't know.
0:31:55 > 0:31:59Dutch courage is when you drink booze, it's a euphemism for something.
0:31:59 > 0:32:02Well, because we went to war with Holland so many times,
0:32:02 > 0:32:05at least three Dutch wars, that we tended to use the word Dutch,
0:32:05 > 0:32:08Dutch wife, Dutch uncle, Dutch, you know, courage.
0:32:08 > 0:32:11- So it'll be some sort of tear drop thing.- It is a tear shaped thing.
0:32:11 > 0:32:16Actually, from Mecklenburg, or at least it was introduced to...
0:32:16 > 0:32:21Britain from Mecklenburg, by Prince Rupert of the Rhine.
0:32:21 > 0:32:23Does that mean anything to you? I don't know.
0:32:23 > 0:32:25Why are you saying that in that way?
0:32:25 > 0:32:28Prince Rupert of the Rhine, played by Timothy Dalton,
0:32:28 > 0:32:32- in the film Cromwell, you may remember, a very dashing figure. - Of course.
0:32:32 > 0:32:35Probably was responsible for Charles I losing the civil war.
0:32:35 > 0:32:37- Is it some sort of ammunition? - It's not.
0:32:37 > 0:32:40- In fact I'm going to show you what it is...- Is it a decorative thing?
0:32:40 > 0:32:44It's very extraordinary, I'm going to pick up this object here.
0:32:45 > 0:32:48It's a light box. And I'm going to turn it on.
0:32:48 > 0:32:51I'm going to get my little camera here.
0:32:51 > 0:32:54And maybe you can see, there we are.
0:32:54 > 0:32:56It's a sort of tadpole-y like thing.
0:32:56 > 0:32:58What it is, is a...
0:32:58 > 0:33:02If I turn it you can see this is actually a polarised filter,
0:33:02 > 0:33:05so what you're seeing is this moire effect in the middle.
0:33:05 > 0:33:07Because if you take an ordinary drop of molten glass
0:33:07 > 0:33:11and you drop it into cold water it instantly solidifies, of course.
0:33:11 > 0:33:15The outer part, the part that hits the water solidifies first.
0:33:15 > 0:33:20The inner part doesn't have time to get as hard as the outer part,
0:33:20 > 0:33:22tries to contract, there's no space for it to contract,
0:33:22 > 0:33:25so there is a kind of tension built into it.
0:33:25 > 0:33:27This a kind of time bomb waiting to happen,
0:33:27 > 0:33:31but it's held together by the hard outer casing.
0:33:31 > 0:33:33And if I were to clip off the tail, it would
0:33:33 > 0:33:35release all the energy inside it.
0:33:35 > 0:33:37And it would explode.
0:33:37 > 0:33:39And not only would it explode, it would
0:33:39 > 0:33:43explode at a speed three times greater than a sniper's bullet.
0:33:43 > 0:33:46Incredibly fast. In fact so fast...
0:33:46 > 0:33:48So that's how much kind of energy is stuffed inside it.
0:33:48 > 0:33:50So fast I'm going to have to do it in a little bowl.
0:33:50 > 0:33:52So I'm going to put the camera aside here.
0:33:52 > 0:33:55But firstly, I'll show you that it's really solid,
0:33:55 > 0:34:01because I can smack it with a hammer and it won't even vaguely be hurt.
0:34:01 > 0:34:03Look.
0:34:03 > 0:34:06Maybe you can start being a cameraman now, young Alan.
0:34:06 > 0:34:10That's it, put those on just in case it breaks. There you are.
0:34:10 > 0:34:14- Ready, sir. - Yeah. Now can you see that there?
0:34:14 > 0:34:18- I don't know, it hasn't got any kind of view-finder. - No, no, look at, there.
0:34:18 > 0:34:21- It's like the Chuckle Brothers. - Oh, look, there.
0:34:21 > 0:34:25APPLAUSE
0:34:25 > 0:34:26That's horrific!
0:34:26 > 0:34:27Oh, no.
0:34:29 > 0:34:33That's glass and I'm absolutely hammering it...
0:34:34 > 0:34:38- All right? Mind your finger. - That is so bloody solid.
0:34:38 > 0:34:42This looks like one of the weirdest court scenes I've ever seen.
0:34:42 > 0:34:44Order!
0:34:44 > 0:34:46- I will have order!- Order!
0:34:46 > 0:34:48So, you have to believe me that you hammer it and hammer it
0:34:48 > 0:34:52and hammer it and hammer it, and we've now got one, I'm going to put
0:34:52 > 0:34:56these gloves on, because health and safety above all is my watch word. There we are.
0:34:56 > 0:34:58But also they look good.
0:35:00 > 0:35:02And, oh, Alan, you old queen.
0:35:02 > 0:35:05I'm just filling in, I'm just filling in.
0:35:05 > 0:35:07So here we are. Now...
0:35:11 > 0:35:13Oh, that's, that's making me feel giddy.
0:35:13 > 0:35:15I don't know if you can see here.
0:35:15 > 0:35:19But I've got one in here. Now you have to try and be...
0:35:20 > 0:35:21Oh, don't.
0:35:21 > 0:35:23That's awful.
0:35:23 > 0:35:26What you have to try and be now is try and be a good cameraman, Alan.
0:35:28 > 0:35:30Can you, let's see, can you see...?
0:35:30 > 0:35:32Can you see that one in there?
0:35:32 > 0:35:35And all I have to do is try and clip the tail.
0:35:35 > 0:35:36Oh, Lord.
0:35:36 > 0:35:38Oh, God. I'm quite scared.
0:35:38 > 0:35:41If I clip the tail, it should release the energy of this...
0:35:41 > 0:35:43Whoa!
0:35:43 > 0:35:46There you are, the whole thing exploded. So having hit it there...
0:35:46 > 0:35:49- APPLAUSE - Dutch tears. Thank you.
0:35:52 > 0:35:53Thank you very much indeed.
0:35:55 > 0:35:57Thank you to my glamorous assistant.
0:36:00 > 0:36:04We can probably see a little slowed down version of that.
0:36:04 > 0:36:06- Wow.- It's pretty amazing.
0:36:06 > 0:36:08And that's just clipping the absolute end of the tail.
0:36:08 > 0:36:12Even though you can smash the head of it and it won't be hurt.
0:36:12 > 0:36:16We have, in the audience, Stephen Ramsey, from Imperial College,
0:36:16 > 0:36:19who's kindly leant us these Rupert's Tears. Stephen, are you there?
0:36:19 > 0:36:21- Hi, Steven.- Thank you very much.
0:36:21 > 0:36:23When was this effect discovered?
0:36:23 > 0:36:26I think, when you had the glass blowers working from the hot furnace,
0:36:26 > 0:36:30they gathered the glass on their irons, and to get rid of the excess glass on their iron,
0:36:30 > 0:36:34they would stand them into the hot water, and some of these droplets
0:36:34 > 0:36:38would drop off and get the super-hardened toughened glass,
0:36:38 > 0:36:41and I think someone, probably by accident thought,
0:36:41 > 0:36:42"I'll snap the end off that."
0:36:42 > 0:36:44And suddenly had an explosion.
0:36:44 > 0:36:46I believe that super-hard toughened effect is what we all
0:36:46 > 0:36:50- rely on for windscreens in cars. - Yes. That's how toughened glass
0:36:50 > 0:36:53was first made, by pulling the glass and blowing cold air onto the surface
0:36:53 > 0:37:00- to super-cool it.- Theoretically, could it put out a gas fire?
0:37:00 > 0:37:05When Will Byrne approached me to make these Rupert Drops for the show,
0:37:05 > 0:37:08and in my lifetime as a glass blower, I've made them many times,
0:37:08 > 0:37:12and I always have a two-litre glass vessel that I put on my bench
0:37:12 > 0:37:13and drop the hot glass in.
0:37:13 > 0:37:16And I dropped one in and thought, "Oh, good."
0:37:16 > 0:37:19And as I watched, it exploded and the shockwave blew a two-inch hole
0:37:19 > 0:37:20- in the glass vessel.- Wow.
0:37:20 > 0:37:24Thank you for introducing Will Byrne, who is our Science Elf.
0:37:24 > 0:37:26And thank you, Stephen Ramsay.
0:37:30 > 0:37:32That was very exciting, I love a laboratory lark.
0:37:32 > 0:37:35Now it's time to tweak the tail of General Ignorance.
0:37:35 > 0:37:39So fingers on buzzers, please. Here's a question about Lent.
0:37:39 > 0:37:41Whom should you visit on Mothering Sunday?
0:37:41 > 0:37:43RICHARD'S SONG
0:37:43 > 0:37:44Yes?
0:37:44 > 0:37:45Your vicar.
0:37:45 > 0:37:50- Explain.- Well, Mothering Sunday was the return of usually
0:37:50 > 0:37:54children in service to the mother church of where they lived.
0:37:54 > 0:37:58- That's correct.- So it wasn't going to see your mother, you'd go to the mother church,
0:37:58 > 0:38:01- and they'd pick primroses to take to their nearest and dearest.- Correct.
0:38:01 > 0:38:03- That's what I think. - You're absolutely right.
0:38:03 > 0:38:05And as a churchman I suppose you should know that.
0:38:05 > 0:38:08Most of us believe, of course, it is just a greeting card
0:38:08 > 0:38:10opportunity or a flower opportunity to be nice to your mother,
0:38:10 > 0:38:14which is what it's become. But it's actually nothing to do with your biological mother,
0:38:14 > 0:38:16it's to do with your mother church, as you rightly say.
0:38:16 > 0:38:19Do you think that excuse is going to hold up next year for any of us?
0:38:19 > 0:38:22But I think I knew when I was young that it was called
0:38:22 > 0:38:24Mothering Sunday, rather than Mother's Day.
0:38:24 > 0:38:26Mothering, yes. It's always been Mothering Sunday.
0:38:26 > 0:38:28They tend to call it Mother's Day now, don't they?
0:38:28 > 0:38:31- It's just another chance to sell another card.- Oh, totally.
0:38:31 > 0:38:36Do you know sometimes, a greetings card is the most marked-up thing on general sale.
0:38:36 > 0:38:38But I said, what about cinema popcorn?
0:38:38 > 0:38:41- Ooh, very good.- Oh, no.- The mark-up.
0:38:41 > 0:38:43- Oh, it must be enormous. - I thought it was eggs.
0:38:43 > 0:38:44Eggs?
0:38:44 > 0:38:48- Because an omelette costs so much more than an egg.- That's true.
0:38:48 > 0:38:50LAUGHTER
0:38:51 > 0:38:55Your mind works in mysterious ways, its wonders to perform.
0:38:55 > 0:38:58On Mothering Sunday you visited your mother church,
0:38:58 > 0:38:59not necessarily your mother.
0:38:59 > 0:39:02Now, what colour are the flags on the moon?
0:39:04 > 0:39:07Do they look different when you're there? Are there no flags?
0:39:07 > 0:39:10- There's no moon. Oh, God. - There are flags.
0:39:13 > 0:39:16I just feel about 100 klaxons waiting for me.
0:39:16 > 0:39:19Five times bitten, five times shy.
0:39:19 > 0:39:20Yeah?
0:39:20 > 0:39:22- RICHARD'S SONG - Are they grey?
0:39:22 > 0:39:24Grey is probably a reasonable answer.
0:39:24 > 0:39:28One thing you can be absolutely certain is they're not red, white and blue.
0:39:28 > 0:39:31The temperature extremes are really remarkable on the moon.
0:39:31 > 0:39:35From 100 degrees Celsius heat for 14 days
0:39:35 > 0:39:40and then 14 days of 150 degrees minus Celsius.
0:39:40 > 0:39:42And so it's going through all that.
0:39:42 > 0:39:45Plus, there's no atmosphere, and so no protection from ultraviolet light.
0:39:45 > 0:39:49And we know enough what a set of curtains or a sofa that's in,
0:39:49 > 0:39:53you know, daylight, in a couple of years can get faded,
0:39:53 > 0:39:55so you can imagine what a flag would be like.
0:39:55 > 0:39:57And they're made of nylon,
0:39:57 > 0:40:00so bleached white probably powdered nothingness by now.
0:40:00 > 0:40:03This came up at Mother's Union the other day, the space...
0:40:04 > 0:40:06- The Voyager... - That's my favourite...
0:40:06 > 0:40:09- So much does. - The Voyager space craft, yes.
0:40:09 > 0:40:12- Yes.- Still going.- The furthest man-made object from earth.- Yeah.
0:40:12 > 0:40:17It's 1977. Would it look scruffy?
0:40:17 > 0:40:19That's a really good question.
0:40:19 > 0:40:21I mean, would the paint have gone, in, I don't know, solar...?
0:40:21 > 0:40:24I imagine when it went through the Kuiper belt and things like that,
0:40:24 > 0:40:28- it probably would have got a bit of bashing.- It would have had a few knocks and dents.
0:40:28 > 0:40:30My favourite thing about the Voyager that I like is that
0:40:30 > 0:40:33they think that it's left our solar system, they're not sure.
0:40:33 > 0:40:36And they've estimated that the time it will take to reach
0:40:36 > 0:40:40the next solar system is 40,000 years.
0:40:40 > 0:40:42I know. It's phenomenal, isn't it?
0:40:42 > 0:40:47And it's going to go out of radio transaction in about ten year's time and then it's just gone.
0:40:47 > 0:40:51And I thought West Anglian Trains were bad, but there you are.
0:40:52 > 0:40:55Anyway, all the stars and stripes on the moon are now plain white,
0:40:55 > 0:40:58or possibly grey, if they've survived at all.
0:40:58 > 0:41:01What was the first man-made sonic boom?
0:41:01 > 0:41:03- RICHARD'S SONG - Whip crack.
0:41:03 > 0:41:06Whip crack. Whip crack-away. Whip crack-away.
0:41:06 > 0:41:08KLAXON
0:41:08 > 0:41:11You're right - whip cracks are sonic booms.
0:41:11 > 0:41:13There's been recent development
0:41:13 > 0:41:15in the field of sonic booms,
0:41:15 > 0:41:17or in the field of a strange thing called food physics.
0:41:18 > 0:41:21Oh, dear.
0:41:21 > 0:41:24You wouldn't think there was such a thing as food physics.
0:41:24 > 0:41:26- Is it popcorn?- It might be popcorn.
0:41:26 > 0:41:29It's basically crunchy food.
0:41:29 > 0:41:31It's a bizarre idea that someone might think,
0:41:31 > 0:41:34"Hang on, do we really understand crunchy food?"
0:41:34 > 0:41:38Dr van Vliet, a Dutch food physicist,
0:41:38 > 0:41:41spent the last seven years figuring out how crunch works.
0:41:41 > 0:41:44And he basically said crispiness and crunchiness appeal to us
0:41:44 > 0:41:46because they signal freshness.
0:41:46 > 0:41:49The staler the chip, obviously the quieter it is,
0:41:49 > 0:41:51or any fruit that gets soft and mushy.
0:41:51 > 0:41:54For food to go "crunch" when it's bitten, there has to be
0:41:54 > 0:41:56what's called a brittle fracture.
0:41:56 > 0:41:59A sudden high-speed crack which actually
0:41:59 > 0:42:03travels at at least 300 metres per second.
0:42:03 > 0:42:04Which is the speed of sound.
0:42:04 > 0:42:06So you're getting a sonic boom from...
0:42:06 > 0:42:08- CRUNCHING NOISE - Yeah.
0:42:08 > 0:42:11So in a sense we eat by our ears, cos a lot of our interest
0:42:11 > 0:42:14and appetite is engendered by the fact we know food is crunchy.
0:42:14 > 0:42:18But you wouldn't want any crunchy hummus.
0:42:18 > 0:42:21Maybe that's it. Maybe that's the way to go - crunchy hummus.
0:42:21 > 0:42:24It's a good name for a band anyway.
0:42:24 > 0:42:28Each crunch in crunchy foods is a teeny-weeny sonic boom.
0:42:28 > 0:42:30And with that, it's the scores.
0:42:30 > 0:42:32I simply don't know what to say.
0:42:32 > 0:42:35Despite his superior knowledge and his holiness,
0:42:35 > 0:42:38in last place with minus eight, it's the Reverend Richard Coles.
0:42:38 > 0:42:42Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you.
0:42:42 > 0:42:45APPLAUSE
0:42:45 > 0:42:47Third place, with minus six is Bill Bailey.
0:42:47 > 0:42:49APPLAUSE
0:42:49 > 0:42:51Third again.
0:42:52 > 0:42:55I just don't know how I'm going to say this,
0:42:55 > 0:42:57in second place with minus one...
0:42:57 > 0:42:58is Sara Pascoe.
0:42:58 > 0:43:01APPLAUSE
0:43:01 > 0:43:03I can't believe Alan's the winner.
0:43:03 > 0:43:07Yeah. You've got there before me, because in first place, and this may
0:43:07 > 0:43:11be a first for first place, with plus four is Alan Davies!
0:43:11 > 0:43:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:21 > 0:43:25It only remains for me to thank Sara, Bill, Richard and Alan.
0:43:25 > 0:43:27I leave you with the last words of someone who was not
0:43:27 > 0:43:30so much scraping the barrel as draining it.
0:43:30 > 0:43:33Dylan Thomas's last triumphant uttering...
0:43:33 > 0:43:37"I've had 18 straight whiskies, I think that's the record."
0:43:37 > 0:43:40And then he died. Good night.
0:43:40 > 0:43:42APPLAUSE