0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33GOOD evening, good evening, good evening, good evening,
0:00:33 > 0:00:36good evening, good evening and welcome to QI,
0:00:36 > 0:00:40where this week I shall be messing with your minds.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Joining me on the psychiatrist's couch,
0:00:43 > 0:00:45we have the open-minded Sarah Millican.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48APPLAUSE
0:00:49 > 0:00:52The sharp-minded Josh Widdicombe.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54APPLAUSE
0:00:56 > 0:00:58The broad-minded Tommy Tiernan.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00APPLAUSE
0:01:02 > 0:01:04And...
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Oh, never mind, it's Alan Davies.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09APPLAUSE
0:01:12 > 0:01:15So, let's be mindful of their buzzers.
0:01:15 > 0:01:16Sarah goes...
0:01:16 > 0:01:21MUSIC: Always On My Mind by Elvis Presley
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Josh goes...
0:01:23 > 0:01:27MUSIC: Got My Mind Set On You by George Harrison
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Tommy goes...
0:01:31 > 0:01:34MUSIC: Making Your Mind Up by Bucks Fizz
0:01:36 > 0:01:37And Alan goes...
0:01:37 > 0:01:43- TRAIN RATTLES - 'Mind the gap. Mind the gap.'
0:01:43 > 0:01:45LAUGHTER
0:01:45 > 0:01:46Good.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51So, it's time to get down to minding our own business.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54Alan, we've been working together now for 13 years,
0:01:54 > 0:01:56playing together, I like to think of it.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58- But of course.- Quite wrongly.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00And we get on like a, like a mouse on fire.
0:02:02 > 0:02:03Was it love at first sight?
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Oh, yeah, absolutely, Stephen.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07KLAXON Oh!
0:02:09 > 0:02:11That's such a shame.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12No. No, it wasn't.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15Well, it's about the mind and another capacity of the mind,
0:02:15 > 0:02:19one of its most important capacities, that begins with M.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21- Memory. - Memory is right, yeah. Absolutely.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Can we really remember things?
0:02:23 > 0:02:2513 years ago, emotional states,
0:02:25 > 0:02:27do we remember them accurately?
0:02:27 > 0:02:30Things like falling in love at first sight.
0:02:30 > 0:02:36But isn't there a difference between fact and truth?
0:02:36 > 0:02:39- Right.- So... - JOSH:- 13 years of QI saps us.
0:02:39 > 0:02:40- That's good... - Keep going, we like this.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43This could really help me on this show, you know.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46So, I would remember stuff from my childhood that my father says
0:02:46 > 0:02:50didn't happen, but there's truth in the memory.
0:02:50 > 0:02:54- Yes.- I have a memory, he would suggest that it never happened,
0:02:54 > 0:02:57of him holding me by the ankles over the side of a ship.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00LAUGHTER
0:03:02 > 0:03:03And he says he...
0:03:03 > 0:03:05So, he thinks that's a false memory syndrome event.
0:03:05 > 0:03:10He questions it, but I know that the feeling of being held by the ankles
0:03:10 > 0:03:15over the side of a ship by my father speaks a truth of my childhood.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18- Right.- That the facts may not support.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21- It doesn't mean...- Is your dad...? - It's very profound and correct.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23So there's truth in the feeling of the memory,
0:03:23 > 0:03:25so the feeling is nothing to do with facts.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27You wouldn't fail a lie detector test
0:03:27 > 0:03:29if you explained that memory to a polygraph.
0:03:29 > 0:03:33- Much to my father's chagrin.- Right.
0:03:33 > 0:03:34I think I've got the opposite,
0:03:34 > 0:03:38cos I think my first memory is something that I've been told
0:03:38 > 0:03:43so many times happened, that I don't think I do remember it.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46- I did...- Yes, so that's the opposite of what happened to Tommy.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49- You've had yours reinforced by your family.- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52Does that make you worry that you might be a robot?
0:03:52 > 0:03:54And like they've just been,
0:03:54 > 0:03:57all these memories have just been uploaded.
0:03:57 > 0:03:58Well, we're all a bit like that.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Certainly in terms of falling in love at first sight, there was
0:04:01 > 0:04:05a survey of 10,000 people in long-term relationships
0:04:05 > 0:04:07and half of the men in that survey
0:04:07 > 0:04:10said they fell in love at first sight.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13A quarter of the women said they fell in love at first sight.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15So a lot of men were fooling themselves.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18No, what that is, though, I think that's just the law of averages,
0:04:18 > 0:04:22because say like you're a single man, I think when I've been single,
0:04:22 > 0:04:26I fall in love with women 20 to 30 times a day.
0:04:26 > 0:04:27LAUGHTER
0:04:27 > 0:04:29- I think...- So, the law of averages,
0:04:29 > 0:04:31eventually the one I get together with,
0:04:31 > 0:04:34she'll be one of the 400,000 I fell in love with.
0:04:34 > 0:04:38There is a sense in which many people would say
0:04:38 > 0:04:42that despite this view of women's sentimental literature
0:04:42 > 0:04:46and the rest of it, men are far more sentimental than women.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Women are practical and less sentimental
0:04:49 > 0:04:51- and they probably have a clearer... - Because women...
0:04:51 > 0:04:53LAUGHTER
0:04:53 > 0:04:57- There, see.- Why has he got it facing away from him though?!
0:04:59 > 0:05:00That's so rude!
0:05:00 > 0:05:03On the other side of the wallet, it's a picture of Stephen.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Bound to be.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09APPLAUSE
0:05:09 > 0:05:10Oh, dear.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13He's looking at the back of your head.
0:05:13 > 0:05:14Yeah, maybe that's what it is.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17That's rather, you see there he's all dreamy-eyed
0:05:17 > 0:05:20- and maybe you're clear-eyed. - Well, women are more practical
0:05:20 > 0:05:22because they've got more shit to get done.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24- Yeah. Yeah.- That's what it is.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Do you know that story about the journalist who interviewed
0:05:27 > 0:05:30a busy sort of woman and said they were doing this
0:05:30 > 0:05:33survey about who makes the important decisions in your household.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36She said, "Oh, my husband makes all the important decisions, I make all
0:05:36 > 0:05:40"the trivial decisions, like what the children should wear and what they
0:05:40 > 0:05:43"should eat and how much we should spend on our household budget, and
0:05:43 > 0:05:47"where we should go on holiday and what sort of car we should drive.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51"But my husband makes all the important decisions, like whether
0:05:51 > 0:05:54"there should be a United Nations presence in Bosnia for example."
0:05:56 > 0:06:01That sort of sums up basically men fantasising about political things,
0:06:01 > 0:06:04where women get on with the real business of life, maybe.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07- I don't think I fell in love at first sight.- You didn't?
0:06:07 > 0:06:10I don't think so. I don't think, that makes it sound...
0:06:10 > 0:06:11I've never been so hurt in my life.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15There are other memory tricks.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Can you remember what you were doing when the World Trade Center was hit?
0:06:18 > 0:06:21Yes. I was one of the first people in England to find out
0:06:21 > 0:06:23because I was watching lunchtime Neighbours.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26LAUGHTER
0:06:26 > 0:06:27One of the four people to find out then.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30And they interrupted, it was at the end of lunchtime Neighbours.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33- They crossed straight to New York. - So, you saw the first plane go in?
0:06:33 > 0:06:37- Yeah. Well, first, I saw Lou close up the pub.- Yeah!
0:06:37 > 0:06:39LAUGHTER
0:06:41 > 0:06:47A friend of mine was living in New York when it happened,
0:06:47 > 0:06:50- And slept through it.- Wow.- Wow.- Wow.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52He'd been out drinking the night before.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56- This friend of yours, was he Irish?- Irish, yes.- Yes.
0:06:56 > 0:06:57LAUGHTER
0:06:57 > 0:06:59"Bloody hell, what's going on?"
0:06:59 > 0:07:02"Where the fuck is everybody?"
0:07:02 > 0:07:04"What a night!"
0:07:04 > 0:07:06- JOSH:- What a night!
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Well, a lot of people will tell you that they saw the first plane
0:07:10 > 0:07:13go in to the tower on 9/11 and then the second
0:07:13 > 0:07:14and then them both falling.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18What they can't have seen is the first plane going in.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20That was only shown on television on the second day.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Because it would have been very suspicious
0:07:22 > 0:07:25if they'd cut to New York before that plane hit the tower.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27LAUGHTER
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Josh, that's exactly what the conspiracy theorists think
0:07:30 > 0:07:32because George W Bush said, you know,
0:07:32 > 0:07:35"Seeing that plane go in to the first tower, my heart sank."
0:07:35 > 0:07:36Everyone said, "Ah, he saw it,
0:07:36 > 0:07:39"that means he must have had a secret camera watching it,
0:07:39 > 0:07:41"that means he must have planned it,"
0:07:41 > 0:07:44but, in fact, it just means he had a faulty memory like many people.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47- Cos he was reading a book about my first goat, was it?- To children.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50To children, yeah, not just to himself.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53LAUGHTER
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Well, similar to your memories,
0:07:55 > 0:07:59they have found that research has convinced 70% of participants
0:07:59 > 0:08:03that they had committed crimes, including theft and assault,
0:08:03 > 0:08:06during their adolescence, even though none of them had.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09They just talked to them about it and they said,
0:08:09 > 0:08:12"According to your parents, you did this," and social pressure,
0:08:12 > 0:08:15most people are able to retrieve memories of things they've done.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18"You stole a car when you were... Don't you remember?"
0:08:18 > 0:08:21And they kind of go, "Oh, yeah.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23"Yes, yes, I did, that's right."
0:08:23 > 0:08:28When my father can't sleep, he says he lies in bed
0:08:28 > 0:08:32and tries to remember things he's never remembered before.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Wow!
0:08:35 > 0:08:38That's very, that's profound.
0:08:38 > 0:08:39It's amazing.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Yes, well, we'll do an experiment actually with memory
0:08:42 > 0:08:44a little later on.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47So there we are. I can't remember what kind of point
0:08:47 > 0:08:48I was trying to make there.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50But fortunately, neither can you.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54Now for something that should seriously mess with your mind,
0:08:54 > 0:08:58how much would you pay for a machine that can print money?
0:08:58 > 0:09:00TOMMY'S BUZZER
0:09:00 > 0:09:07Nothing, because the person you bought it from wouldn't need cash.
0:09:07 > 0:09:08- Oh, clever.- Very good.- Clever.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Well, I'm going to put it up for offers, because I've got
0:09:11 > 0:09:15a machine which I hope you will see is able to print money.
0:09:15 > 0:09:19What I've got is a piece of paper,
0:09:19 > 0:09:21which is the right size.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24And my printer, which is pretty accurate.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26- At least if I print it well. - Ah, very good.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Well, there it is.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31- Oooh.- There you go.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33- Blimey!- What do you think?- Eh?
0:09:33 > 0:09:35APPLAUSE
0:09:35 > 0:09:38There you are.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41So, how much would you pay for that machine?
0:09:41 > 0:09:43I'd pay a tenner, because...
0:09:43 > 0:09:45LAUGHTER
0:09:45 > 0:09:48And then I'd go out onto the South Bank and make loads of money.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50We'll keep that.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53We'll keep that, we'll keep that ten and maybe we'll see
0:09:53 > 0:09:55if we can make more money later on.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58But, this idea of making money, of course goes
0:09:58 > 0:10:01deep, deep, deep into human nature,
0:10:01 > 0:10:03and there was a man called Victor Lustig,
0:10:03 > 0:10:05who was one of the great conmen of the time who, unlike me,
0:10:05 > 0:10:09cheated and built a machine that actually didn't print money at all,
0:10:09 > 0:10:11whereas mine, as you can see, genuinely does.
0:10:11 > 0:10:15He, in his lifetime, sold the Eiffel Tower -
0:10:15 > 0:10:18twice - so he was pretty good.
0:10:18 > 0:10:22But he also built a machine for creating 100 bills
0:10:22 > 0:10:25and then he would sell the machine for 30,000.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28It was very successful, he went to prison.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32I was given a rose underneath the Eiffel Tower once.
0:10:32 > 0:10:33- Just handed a rose. - You were given a rose?
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Yeah, it was so lovely and I didn't think
0:10:35 > 0:10:38- I looked especially nice that day but maybe I did.- I am sure you did.
0:10:38 > 0:10:43And then the same man ran after my husband for 15 Euros.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45LAUGHTER
0:10:46 > 0:10:51I think if you had a machine that made money...
0:10:51 > 0:10:55- As I do.- ..as you do...- Yes.- ..I think it would drive you demented
0:10:55 > 0:10:58and I think you'd probably knock great craic out of it
0:10:58 > 0:11:01for about a year and then you'd do anything to get rid of it.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04Would you make the money at home or would you just keep
0:11:04 > 0:11:06the machine in your handbag?
0:11:08 > 0:11:10It would be a curse cos you'd never leave the machine.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13You wouldn't be able to leave the machine.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Yes, I make about 2,000 or 3,000 every morning
0:11:15 > 0:11:17and if I need more, I will come back.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20Are you talking about voice-over work?
0:11:20 > 0:11:21LAUGHTER
0:11:21 > 0:11:23Damn!
0:11:23 > 0:11:25APPLAUSE
0:11:28 > 0:11:31So, yeah, you probably weren't completely convinced
0:11:31 > 0:11:34by my moneymaking machine. but tell me this,
0:11:34 > 0:11:38which do you find most convincing - the IKEA Effect,
0:11:38 > 0:11:41the Rhyme As Reason Effect
0:11:41 > 0:11:43or the Frequency Illusion?
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Is the IKEA Effect just arrows on the floor?
0:11:46 > 0:11:47Is that what that is?
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Just not being able to get out of anywhere ever.
0:11:49 > 0:11:50That, if you can...
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Is that prison? Is that prison?
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Prison with tea lights.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59It may be better understood by saying things like
0:11:59 > 0:12:05if you make crab apple jelly, say, or jam - in my case, apricot jam,
0:12:05 > 0:12:08I made last year, it's just the best apricot jam there ever was.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10I knew this, it's a fact.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13It's the best apricot jam anyone's ever tasted.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16But I'm told that it's part of the IKEA Effect. In other words,
0:12:16 > 0:12:20if you've made it yourself from your own ingredients, you just think it's
0:12:20 > 0:12:23better than anything else that you can buy in a shop or anything else.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26- Is that why people are really smug about their babies?- Yes.
0:12:26 > 0:12:27LAUGHTER
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Basically, they are an IKEA Effect.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32APPLAUSE
0:12:34 > 0:12:37Do you ever have any equivalent of that effect?
0:12:37 > 0:12:40I am fierce fond of a decent bowel movement.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43LAUGHTER
0:12:44 > 0:12:46"Fierce fond"!
0:12:46 > 0:12:47I like that.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51I will often call my wife and children in and...
0:12:53 > 0:12:55"Look what Daddy made.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58"Even while I was reading!"
0:13:00 > 0:13:02- JOSH:- That is preferable to if you're a fan of someone else's
0:13:02 > 0:13:04though, isn't it?
0:13:04 > 0:13:06I'm huge fan of Alan Davies's bowel movements.
0:13:09 > 0:13:10That's very unlikely.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13I think things like you're going through the forest
0:13:13 > 0:13:16and you see a hole up a tree and you throw a stone at it
0:13:16 > 0:13:19and the first one, your stone goes straight in the hole.
0:13:19 > 0:13:20There's never any one around.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23There's never any one to watch you, that's true. That's very satis...
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Squirrel comes out going...
0:13:25 > 0:13:28Well, let's move on to the second in our list, then, which is
0:13:28 > 0:13:31the Rhyme As Reason Effect.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33What do you think that can be about?
0:13:33 > 0:13:36Is that like, "No pain, no gain"?
0:13:36 > 0:13:39- Yes.- Or, "Treat them mean, keep them keen" would be another.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42- Yes.- Oh, like, there's loads of alcohol ones,
0:13:42 > 0:13:44isn't there, like, "If you drink wine you'll be fine" and...
0:13:44 > 0:13:47- Oh, yeah, yeah. - "Beer, you'll be queer."
0:13:47 > 0:13:48Only shots, yeah.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50But that did work, didn't it, Stephen?
0:13:50 > 0:13:52It did, yeah, yeah. It worked on me.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55- "Only shots, you'll get the trots", that sort of thing.- Yeah.
0:13:55 > 0:13:56Yeah, all the boozy ones.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59- Yeah, isn't there one with grape and grain?- Yeah.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Never the twain with... No.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04- LAUGHING:- ..with the grape and grain.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08They do seem to work, in as much as, if you suggest a kind of rhyming
0:14:08 > 0:14:13piece of advice to someone, and to another group of people you put the
0:14:13 > 0:14:17same sentiment that doesn't rhyme, they'll believe the rhyming one.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20So, for example, they gave "wealth makes health,"
0:14:20 > 0:14:23to a group of people, and almost all of them agreed with it.
0:14:23 > 0:14:27They then said, "Financial success improves medical outcomes."
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Catchy. It's catchy.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32And they didn't agree at all, despite it meaning the same thing.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35So it shows there is a strange quality that a rhyming phrase has.
0:14:35 > 0:14:36It's easier to remember as well,
0:14:36 > 0:14:39- so you might want to pass it on to somebody else.- That's right.
0:14:39 > 0:14:40If it rhymes.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43And it seems just to have some sort of authority or imprimatur,
0:14:43 > 0:14:46that an ordinary phrase doesn't. It's also the Keats heuristic -
0:14:46 > 0:14:49because it's beautiful, it must be true.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Beauty is truth and truth beauty, is the idea.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54You may remember OJ Simpson's defence lawyer,
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Johnnie Cochran, do you remember him?
0:14:56 > 0:14:58- Oh, it doesn't fit. - If the glove doesn't fit...
0:14:58 > 0:15:01- If the glove doesn't fit... - ..you must...- Acquit.- Acquit.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03That's it, yeah.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05That seems to be one of the things that got OJ...
0:15:05 > 0:15:06That's quite specific as well,
0:15:06 > 0:15:10you can't use that, like, every day, can you?
0:15:10 > 0:15:12It's not going to come up a lot, that one, is it?
0:15:12 > 0:15:15No. It worked on the day, though.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18- You've got to be in it...- To win it. - ..to win it. Yes.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Points mean prizes.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22- No, I'm not very good at this, am I? - Hang on.
0:15:22 > 0:15:23LAUGHTER
0:15:23 > 0:15:26An apple a day, of course, the doctor away.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Red light in the sky, shepherd's pie. No, that's not...
0:15:28 > 0:15:30LAUGHTER
0:15:30 > 0:15:33Red sky at night, shepherds' delight. Yes.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38The Frequency Illusion, does that mean anything to you?
0:15:38 > 0:15:40No.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42No reason why it should.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44When I used the word "heuristic", it may be that you didn't know
0:15:44 > 0:15:47the word, but it's quite likely that in a couple of days you might
0:15:47 > 0:15:50see it in a magazine or hear someone else using it on the radio or
0:15:50 > 0:15:53TV and you go, "That's weird, I only just heard that word
0:15:53 > 0:15:56"for the first time two days ago, and now it keeps cropping up everywhere."
0:15:56 > 0:15:59- Have you ever had that experience? - Yeah. I was talking to Richard Osman
0:15:59 > 0:16:02about this, cos he was complaining about people saying there's always
0:16:02 > 0:16:04- tennis questions on Pointless. - Oh, yes.
0:16:04 > 0:16:05And the moment you think
0:16:05 > 0:16:07that there's tennis questions on Pointless,
0:16:07 > 0:16:08if you see one, you think,
0:16:08 > 0:16:12- "Well, that completely reinforces everything."- Yes, that's right.
0:16:12 > 0:16:16All these things are called a sort of cognitive bias, they push
0:16:16 > 0:16:20you into a way of thinking, some different ways of thinking.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23So, you can tell the most appalling lie,
0:16:23 > 0:16:26if it rhymes or it's featured on QI.
0:16:26 > 0:16:30What did the amnesiac say when the doctor asked him his name?
0:16:30 > 0:16:33TOMMY'S BUZZER
0:16:33 > 0:16:35I don't know the answer to that question.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Oh! KLAXON
0:16:37 > 0:16:40No, no, I was telling you that...
0:16:40 > 0:16:42- That you didn't know the... Very clever.- Right...
0:16:42 > 0:16:44Very clever, give him his points back.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47He didn't know the answer to the question.
0:16:47 > 0:16:48Did he just say his name,
0:16:48 > 0:16:51because it was written on the inside label of his knickers?
0:16:51 > 0:16:55That would be the contortionist amnesiac.
0:16:55 > 0:16:56Yeah.
0:16:56 > 0:17:00There's the guy that... They said, "What's your name?" and he
0:17:00 > 0:17:03asked for a pen and paper, and he drew a piano and they brought him
0:17:03 > 0:17:06a piano and he wouldn't speak to them, but he'd just play the piano.
0:17:06 > 0:17:07- Do you remember this guy?- I do.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10Yeah, and then it turned out, I think, that he was a con artist.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12- Yeah, he was. - He didn't have amnesia at all.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15Because, if you have amnesia, you don't forget your name
0:17:15 > 0:17:17and you don't forget your past life.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19What you're not capable of doing
0:17:19 > 0:17:21is remembering new things that happen to you.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23- That's the point. - You've just ruined loads of films.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25I know, you're absolutely right.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28It's films in particular that relish this idea that you
0:17:28 > 0:17:31might have a trauma and you lose all memory of who you are
0:17:31 > 0:17:34and you become a fresh, new, empty person.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38And very often as well a second clump on the head
0:17:38 > 0:17:39will bring your memory back.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43And all this is utterly unknown to medical science.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46- It's completely made up.- A very rudimentary psychiatric hospital in
0:17:46 > 0:17:48the west of Ireland would use that as a technique.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51LAUGHTER A clump on the back of the head.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53If it was a thump on the head that got you sick,
0:17:53 > 0:17:56it'll be a thump on the head that'll make you better.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59There's another kind of cognitive impairment which is to do with
0:17:59 > 0:18:02the fact that if you take a photograph of something,
0:18:02 > 0:18:06you don't remember nearly as well as if you look at it.
0:18:06 > 0:18:11Do you know, they should announce that before every concert and say...
0:18:11 > 0:18:16I think anyone who takes a photo at a concert needs to be thrown out.
0:18:16 > 0:18:17Out of the country.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19LAUGHTER
0:18:19 > 0:18:20It does my head in.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22It is very peculiar.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Especially, as you say, knowing as we do,
0:18:24 > 0:18:26that you'll remember it better if you just look.
0:18:26 > 0:18:30And also in that situation, you can just get a postcard in the shop.
0:18:30 > 0:18:31Yes, exactly!
0:18:31 > 0:18:33Interestingly, on the other hand,
0:18:33 > 0:18:37if you zoom in on an object in a museum or something like that,
0:18:37 > 0:18:41you remember both the area you zoomed in on and the object itself
0:18:41 > 0:18:44because, there, you're concentrating on the thing rather than just
0:18:44 > 0:18:48framing it, so that's a strange mental thing.
0:18:48 > 0:18:52Yeah, we're back in Memory Lane and now it's time for our memory test.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55All right, I want the audience and you four,
0:18:55 > 0:18:59if you'd be kind enough, to listen to and remember these words.
0:18:59 > 0:19:04Bed. Rest. Awake.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Tired. Dream. Wake.
0:19:07 > 0:19:12Snooze. Blanket. Doze.
0:19:12 > 0:19:13Slumber.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Snore. Nap.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Peace. Yawn.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19Drowsy.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22All right?
0:19:22 > 0:19:24Remember those words, if you'd be so kind.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Good. Well, I think we've earned ourselves
0:19:26 > 0:19:30- another money-making moment, yes? Go on.- Excellent.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Because I've got another machine. Well, it's not a machine
0:19:32 > 0:19:37in this case, it's just an ordinary blotter and a piece of paper.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40This is a, see, there you are.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42It's all pretty straightforward.
0:19:42 > 0:19:46The blotter is to blot out all the excess ink as we try
0:19:46 > 0:19:49and print out this, we try and print it out, there we go.
0:19:49 > 0:19:53Oh, let's have a go. Oh.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56- Oh, yes, that's worked.- Now that is good.- That's good.- That is so good.
0:19:56 > 0:20:00APPLAUSE
0:20:00 > 0:20:03There you are. More money for us.
0:20:03 > 0:20:04Isn't that pleasing?
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Are you going to show us how they work later on?
0:20:07 > 0:20:08- Of course!- Good.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Before I kill you.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13- I don't mind. I don't mind. No. - Oh, you don't mind, good, no.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16- It's just...- If you do any... - What a way to go,
0:20:16 > 0:20:17that's a trade-off I'll take.
0:20:17 > 0:20:22Now for some multiple choice, listen carefully. True or false?
0:20:22 > 0:20:26True or false questions are more likely to be true than false.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35- I'm going to...- I need an answer.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37JOSH'S BUZZER
0:20:37 > 0:20:39Oh, I love George Harrison.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42I'm going to go...true.
0:20:42 > 0:20:43- Is the right answer.- Oh!
0:20:43 > 0:20:45APPLAUSE
0:20:45 > 0:20:47Very good. Yeah.
0:20:49 > 0:20:5150/50 ball, as they say.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53And you did well, that's right. Yeah, it's...
0:20:53 > 0:20:57But there isn't a vault or a bank where all the true or false
0:20:57 > 0:21:00questions in the world were ever asked
0:21:00 > 0:21:04and somebody decides to count which are more true or more false.
0:21:04 > 0:21:08That's like saying, when you're given directions, is the first
0:21:08 > 0:21:12direction more often likely to be turn left or turn right?
0:21:12 > 0:21:13Depends where you're going.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15- Left.- Yes.
0:21:15 > 0:21:19But you can analyse a huge bank of questions, which is what was done.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21American exam questions, in this instance.
0:21:21 > 0:21:26And they found that it was 56% of them the answer was true,
0:21:26 > 0:21:28- and 44% the answer was false.- Right.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30And it seems the reason is that the examiners, of course,
0:21:30 > 0:21:33have to think of the questions all the time, and it's a lot
0:21:33 > 0:21:37easier to think of a true question than it is to think of a false one.
0:21:37 > 0:21:41When I did my GCSEs, they said as a tip,
0:21:41 > 0:21:44if you're doing a multiple choice, A, B, C, D,
0:21:44 > 0:21:49and you don't know the answer, go B or C, because the lazy examiners
0:21:49 > 0:21:54are more likely to put the answer in the middle than on the edge.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Would have been better if they just taught us the answers.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00- Yes, I was going to say. - Just important to...
0:22:00 > 0:22:03Don't worry about learning about science, just go C.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06All right, I'll give you another chance then, OK.
0:22:06 > 0:22:13If question one is true in an exam, what is question two likely to be?
0:22:13 > 0:22:14True.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Oh! KLAXON
0:22:16 > 0:22:20No, true, false, true, false is more prevalent.
0:22:20 > 0:22:21Oh, that's so boring, though.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23It's not absolutely guaranteed, of course,
0:22:23 > 0:22:26but the chance the next answer will be different
0:22:26 > 0:22:28from the present one is 63%, though, so it's quite a high amount.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31So if question two the answer was true,
0:22:31 > 0:22:34question three, 63% that it will be false.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37The way therefore to optimise your scores, if you're doing a true
0:22:37 > 0:22:42or false, is to answer all the ones you know the answer to, obviously.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45Then the ones next to them, put the opposite.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49And then all the rest that are left over put true.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52And then you've got your best chance of a good score.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55- Oh, that's, I like it.- Yeah. - Or just revise more.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Or just revise more.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Yeah, you are everything that is wrong with British education.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02LAUGHTER
0:23:02 > 0:23:06Now, I'd like you to watch this film and tell me what happens.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10When am I going to have to repeat all these words
0:23:10 > 0:23:12that you made us remember?
0:23:12 > 0:23:13LAUGHTER
0:23:13 > 0:23:14Keep thinking of them.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17Now, what's been happening while you've been watching?
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Oh, it's blinking.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23Oh, look, there's a different person!
0:23:24 > 0:23:26Oh, the dog's still there.
0:23:29 > 0:23:30- It's a woman.- Well, there we are.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Now, so what have you seen?
0:23:32 > 0:23:34That thing's just appeared.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36- What thing's that?- On the purple.
0:23:36 > 0:23:37What's that brown thing?
0:23:37 > 0:23:40The brown thing on the purple. In the centre there?
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Yeah. Has that been there all the time?
0:23:42 > 0:23:45Yeah, no, it's always been there, yeah, I said that.
0:23:45 > 0:23:46LAUGHTER
0:23:46 > 0:23:48Tell me what you're sure you've seen.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51Well, there was a girl with an umbrella and then it turned into a person with a dog.
0:23:51 > 0:23:56- Indeterminate.- The man with the dog turned into a woman with a dog.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58- Right.- Is that right? - Well, we'll see.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00Let's have a look, this time without the blinks
0:24:00 > 0:24:03and there's rather a lot you've missed.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05- Oh!- King of Thai noodle comes up. JOSH:- I was wondering that...
0:24:05 > 0:24:08- Oh, no, it's still there. - Yeah, the lighting, Thai noodle.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11- No way!- No, shut up!
0:24:11 > 0:24:14- TOMMY:- I didn't see that at all. - JOSH:- Stephen Fry!
0:24:14 > 0:24:19- How can you do this to us? - Isn't it amazing? Wow!
0:24:19 > 0:24:22I spent my whole time looking at the person.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25- That's what humans do. - The tree turned up.
0:24:26 > 0:24:30Have you seen that video, there's a study they did in America and
0:24:30 > 0:24:33you have, there's these people passing basketballs back and forwards...
0:24:33 > 0:24:37- Yes.- ..and you have to count how many...- How many passes.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40..and they missed that a guy dressed in huge ape suit comes along
0:24:40 > 0:24:43- and does that.- Waving at the camera!
0:24:43 > 0:24:46It is extraordinary. It's a famous experiment and a brilliant one.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48That's absolutely right, Josh.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51This was a short film shown at the Royal Institution Christmas Lecture
0:24:51 > 0:24:54by Professor Bruce Hood, who is a great friend of QI
0:24:54 > 0:24:57and he has given us that film and that kind of blindness,
0:24:57 > 0:24:59as it were, to changes in the scene
0:24:59 > 0:25:03and to things that happen is very common and is a problem for
0:25:03 > 0:25:08witnesses and so on, but it's also every day it might happen to us.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10If you look into a mirror
0:25:10 > 0:25:14and you look at your right eye in the mirror and then you look
0:25:14 > 0:25:18at your left eye, you never see your eyes move, but they do.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Why don't you see it?
0:25:20 > 0:25:23The reason is the brain shuts down your vision for that moment
0:25:23 > 0:25:26so you are functionally blind at just that incredibly small moment.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28That's weird.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30But we don't question the fact that we don't see our eyes move.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33We sort of don't expect to because we're used not to.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36We're used to not seeing our eyes move but anybody watching us
0:25:36 > 0:25:38would see our eyes moving cos they are.
0:25:38 > 0:25:41Do you ever do that thing where you look at your eyes in the mirror
0:25:41 > 0:25:43and then you like move your head around
0:25:43 > 0:25:45and it just looks like your eyes are staying in the same place.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48- Yes, it's very extraordinary, isn't it?- Hours of fun.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50LAUGHTER
0:25:50 > 0:25:53I didn't have many toys when I was growing up.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56But that's enough, you own body is a wonderful toy. Oh, I wish I...
0:25:56 > 0:25:57LAUGHTER
0:25:57 > 0:25:59APPLAUSE
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Oh, sorry!
0:26:03 > 0:26:08It's called saccadic masking, this form of blindness
0:26:08 > 0:26:12and it can add up to 30 to 45 minutes a day in most humans.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15It means we're temporarily blind for 2% of our lives.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18How many people are looking in the mirror for that length of time everyday?
0:26:18 > 0:26:20No, it's not only looking into the mirror.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22There are other moments.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25Just 45 minutes, just watching myself...
0:26:25 > 0:26:26get older.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31Inattentional blindness stops you from noticing things
0:26:31 > 0:26:33that are right in front of your eyes.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37So, pay attention now, it's time for another magical money-making moment.
0:26:37 > 0:26:38Oh.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41Yes. I've got a proper, proper printing press here.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44It's very, it's a rather exciting one,
0:26:44 > 0:26:47and as you can see, it's got all the bells and whistles.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49And it's even got a little calibration here.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51I'm going to, let's, can you see it's on ten, I'm going
0:26:51 > 0:26:55to move it up to 20. Because I've got a 20-sized one here.
0:26:55 > 0:26:56This may, I hope this works.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58It takes a long time to fill it with ink,
0:26:58 > 0:27:01so if it doesn't work, I'm not going to do it twice.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Oh, yes, that works. Oh, good, there you are.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05- Oh, wow.- There you are. APPLAUSE
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Oh, there we go.
0:27:08 > 0:27:12Stephen, hold on, one of the options is 100.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14I just want to see what one of them looks like.
0:27:14 > 0:27:15OK. OK.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19Oh, oh, there we go.
0:27:19 > 0:27:23And, oh... Oh, it's a 50. It should be 100.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25Oh, it is 100. There you are!
0:27:25 > 0:27:27That's good.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29APPLAUSE
0:27:29 > 0:27:31There we are.
0:27:31 > 0:27:35So, yeah, we've made a, made a proper amount of money today.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38Just shows, with a little application
0:27:38 > 0:27:41and a little skill, you can make money pretty easily.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43- That's amazing.- Yes.
0:27:43 > 0:27:46But I feel guilty about it, so I'll probably give it away,
0:27:46 > 0:27:48to a bookmaker.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50LAUGHTER
0:27:50 > 0:27:55Now, how much sleep does a paradoxical insomniac get?
0:27:55 > 0:27:57TOMMY'S BUZZER
0:27:57 > 0:27:59Paradoxical, lots?
0:27:59 > 0:28:02Well, yes. He does.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05- More than he thinks.- Yes.
0:28:05 > 0:28:09It's like a paradoxical kleptomaniac who leaves things in shops.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14What a wonderful thing to be.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16APPLAUSE
0:28:16 > 0:28:20Oh, look, he's left a DVD on the teabags again.
0:28:21 > 0:28:25Yeah, it's a very rare condition, but essentially your body sleeps
0:28:25 > 0:28:29very happily and all the scientific equipment that goes onto the
0:28:29 > 0:28:33brain to check that you're sleeping shows that you are sleeping,
0:28:33 > 0:28:37but you're awake, and you remember where you are and what's going on.
0:28:37 > 0:28:38But you're refreshed.
0:28:38 > 0:28:41- Are you doing stuff, like are you driving a bus or something?- No.
0:28:41 > 0:28:44No, absolutely not. No, they're definitely asleep in bed.
0:28:44 > 0:28:46So which one of those two is it?
0:28:46 > 0:28:49They are aware of their surroundings during the night,
0:28:49 > 0:28:52as if they were awake, but they quite clearly weren't.
0:28:52 > 0:28:55- Every brain scan shows they are asleep.- Is this now an advantage?
0:28:55 > 0:28:56- No.- It's weird, yes.
0:28:56 > 0:28:59It's called properly "sleep state misperception".
0:28:59 > 0:29:01There's also an opposite condition,
0:29:01 > 0:29:04negative sleep state misperception, in which you think
0:29:04 > 0:29:06you've been sleeping for much longer than you have.
0:29:06 > 0:29:08You're convinced you've slept for eight hours...
0:29:08 > 0:29:11When you wake up when you're beard is wet and you go,
0:29:11 > 0:29:14"How the hell!" And you go back to sleep.
0:29:14 > 0:29:16LAUGHTER
0:29:16 > 0:29:21So are these people, do they...? Sorry, I don't really understand
0:29:21 > 0:29:25and I think you're lying, but anyway.
0:29:25 > 0:29:27Are these people the sort of people, do they say,
0:29:27 > 0:29:29"I've had a good night's sleep," or, "I haven't slept a wink"?
0:29:29 > 0:29:31How do they feel? They feel refreshed?
0:29:31 > 0:29:35- They feel refreshed, they feel fine. - How do they know they haven't slept?
0:29:35 > 0:29:37- Cos they've been awake all the time. - They've slept, haven't they?
0:29:37 > 0:29:40In their mind, they've been awake all the time.
0:29:40 > 0:29:45Is this when you have to be awake at ten to five,
0:29:45 > 0:29:49no matter what happens, you have to be awake at ten to five,
0:29:49 > 0:29:52and miraculously you are awake at ten to five.
0:29:52 > 0:29:53That's an alarm clock, love.
0:29:53 > 0:29:56LAUGHTER
0:29:56 > 0:29:58- No, I have that too, I do definitely.- Yeah.
0:29:58 > 0:30:01- It's extraordinary.- So is that the same kind of...- It works very well.
0:30:01 > 0:30:03At school, when we... if we were going on a, you know,
0:30:03 > 0:30:07a little dawn raid, or something like that, you'd, they'd say...
0:30:07 > 0:30:08Sorry?
0:30:08 > 0:30:11Well, you know, to do a raid on the kitchens and steal jelly
0:30:11 > 0:30:13and things, you know. So...
0:30:13 > 0:30:16I forgot you grew up in an Enid Blyton novel.
0:30:16 > 0:30:19LAUGHTER
0:30:19 > 0:30:21To get your catapult back from the teacher.
0:30:23 > 0:30:26You would do this onto the pillow, you would go,
0:30:26 > 0:30:28"One, two, three, four,"
0:30:28 > 0:30:30like that, and you'd wake up at four in the morning.
0:30:30 > 0:30:32- And it always seemed to work.- No.
0:30:32 > 0:30:34- Honestly, I can't remember a time when it didn't.- That is bullshit!
0:30:34 > 0:30:36- No...- OK.
0:30:36 > 0:30:38I totally agree.
0:30:38 > 0:30:42It's maybe a false memory I've got, but it's a very clear one.
0:30:42 > 0:30:45If it's so true, I want you to
0:30:45 > 0:30:48give us your phone and alarm clock
0:30:48 > 0:30:50and never use it again to wake yourself up.
0:30:50 > 0:30:53And just use the head hitting.
0:30:53 > 0:30:55It all changes when you get an enlarged prostate.
0:30:55 > 0:30:58LAUGHTER
0:31:03 > 0:31:07And do you have to hit it four times on the pillow?
0:31:09 > 0:31:11This is something that Blyton didn't cover much.
0:31:11 > 0:31:15She didn't, did she? Not lashings of enlarged prostates, no.
0:31:15 > 0:31:16Oh, dear.
0:31:16 > 0:31:20Anyway, how well you sleep is really all in your mind.
0:31:20 > 0:31:24Now, how would you swear like a pre-pubescent supercomputer?
0:31:24 > 0:31:26Bum, bum, wee.
0:31:26 > 0:31:28- Bum, bum, wee.- And poo.
0:31:28 > 0:31:31- Pretty close.- They're the main, they're the main ones?
0:31:31 > 0:31:32The big three.
0:31:32 > 0:31:35It's a supercomputer, we've called it pre-pubescent
0:31:35 > 0:31:39because it's about 11 years old now. And...
0:31:39 > 0:31:41And it swears?
0:31:41 > 0:31:42Well, it's called Watson
0:31:42 > 0:31:45and it is one of the smartest supercomputers around.
0:31:45 > 0:31:49It was first trained to win at the American quiz game Jeopardy,
0:31:49 > 0:31:52which you may have seen if you've ever been in the United States,
0:31:52 > 0:31:53it's on every single day.
0:31:53 > 0:31:55They give an answer and you say the question.
0:31:55 > 0:31:58Exactly. So this actor played Jonathan Creek.
0:31:58 > 0:32:01The answer is, on Jeopardy, Who is Alan Davies?
0:32:01 > 0:32:04- Yes.- It's been going for 40 years or something on American TV.
0:32:04 > 0:32:06Does the supercomputer do proper swearing or swearing like
0:32:06 > 0:32:09- "mother funster," or... - Melon farmer!- Yeah, exactly.- Yeah.
0:32:09 > 0:32:11What they did was, they fed it an online dictionary
0:32:11 > 0:32:14and I think you can guess which one it was, if it was swearing.
0:32:14 > 0:32:15Urban Dictionary.
0:32:15 > 0:32:19- Urban Dictionary, yes, which is a rather naughty dictionary.- It is.
0:32:19 > 0:32:20It has bad M words.
0:32:20 > 0:32:23I don't know what, I really, what's motorboat?
0:32:23 > 0:32:25Am I, am I the only...?
0:32:25 > 0:32:27Oh, OK. I've got this one,
0:32:27 > 0:32:30- I've got this one! - APPLAUSE
0:32:30 > 0:32:32I'm not going to do it, it's where you
0:32:32 > 0:32:34put your head in between there and then do that...
0:32:34 > 0:32:38Oh, yes, that's right. "Brrr." It's rather sweet, that, isn't it?
0:32:38 > 0:32:39- Rather sweet?!- Well...
0:32:39 > 0:32:41LAUGHTER
0:32:41 > 0:32:42Well, I don't know.
0:32:42 > 0:32:46Nicer than minger, or muffin top? Milkshake.
0:32:46 > 0:32:47Where's your man cave?
0:32:49 > 0:32:52That's not... Oh, no, is that, have I got a man... No?
0:32:52 > 0:32:53LAUGHTER
0:32:53 > 0:32:56- No. Is that what...? - Is it like a den where you...
0:32:56 > 0:32:57Oh.
0:32:57 > 0:32:59LAUGHS
0:32:59 > 0:33:01That sounded like you'd suddenly got a catchphrase,
0:33:01 > 0:33:02where's your man cave?
0:33:04 > 0:33:06It's Sarah "Where's Your Man Cave" Millican.
0:33:06 > 0:33:08It's Sarah Millican, Where's Your Man Cave!
0:33:08 > 0:33:11- TOMMY:- Sarah, you definitely have one man cave, the question is,
0:33:11 > 0:33:13do you have two?
0:33:13 > 0:33:14Ah, yes.
0:33:14 > 0:33:17LAUGHTER
0:33:17 > 0:33:19No?
0:33:20 > 0:33:22- Was that the right answer? - I don't know.
0:33:22 > 0:33:24I'm still recovering from motorboat.
0:33:27 > 0:33:31So, that's Urban Dictionary and it was popped into Watson,
0:33:31 > 0:33:36this IBM computer and unfortunately, he learnt too much from it
0:33:36 > 0:33:39and so when they were testing it, before it went on Jeopardy,
0:33:39 > 0:33:43it was just saying "bullshit" to every question that you posed
0:33:43 > 0:33:46to it, like a stroppy pre-pubescent, basically.
0:33:46 > 0:33:47It's now...
0:33:47 > 0:33:50The question he asked was never, "Where's your man cave?"
0:33:50 > 0:33:51No, it never was.
0:33:51 > 0:33:54We just gave you some Ms just because it's the M series,
0:33:54 > 0:33:56but there are plenty of others.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58Are they all like new words, because milkshake's been around
0:33:58 > 0:34:02for a long time, but has it got a new meaning that I need to learn?
0:34:02 > 0:34:03- Yeah.- You're young.
0:34:03 > 0:34:06- Um, well...- What is it?
0:34:06 > 0:34:09Well, Kelis sung, "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,"
0:34:09 > 0:34:13- didn't she?- Yes, because she had like a van that sold milkshakes.
0:34:14 > 0:34:17If that's what you want to think she meant, that's what she meant.
0:34:17 > 0:34:20My dormitory at school had a milkshake club,
0:34:20 > 0:34:21but we won't go into that.
0:34:24 > 0:34:27It wasn't all like Enid Blyton, then, was it?
0:34:27 > 0:34:28No, no.
0:34:30 > 0:34:32Ooooh, where were we?
0:34:32 > 0:34:33Oh, yes.
0:34:33 > 0:34:36Where is the, would you imagine, most powerful computer in the world?
0:34:36 > 0:34:39- NASA.- It's not NASA, not the Pentagon.
0:34:39 > 0:34:41- Not in America, in fact.- Beijing.
0:34:41 > 0:34:43Well, yes, China is the answer.
0:34:43 > 0:34:46There it is. Huge. Look at that.
0:34:46 > 0:34:49It's pretty impressive. It is called Tianhe, which means Milky Way.
0:34:49 > 0:34:51Didn't you used to play that at school?
0:34:51 > 0:34:55LAUGHTER
0:34:55 > 0:34:57Sorry! I'll stop now.
0:34:57 > 0:35:01Oh, dear. It can run 100,000 times as many calculations
0:35:01 > 0:35:05per second as there are stars in the galaxy.
0:35:05 > 0:35:07Cor, blimey.
0:35:07 > 0:35:12All computers, including that, are very slow still when it comes to what?
0:35:12 > 0:35:18The fastest supercomputers can mimic one second of human brain activity
0:35:18 > 0:35:20in about 40 minutes.
0:35:20 > 0:35:23So they're rubbish at Snap, for instance.
0:35:23 > 0:35:25LAUGHTER
0:35:25 > 0:35:27So we still, for the moment at least,
0:35:27 > 0:35:31we still are the fastest processor on the planet.
0:35:31 > 0:35:34I spent an entire summer trying to teach a cat how to play Snap.
0:35:34 > 0:35:35Really?
0:35:35 > 0:35:38Yeah. We had this cat who every now and again would just go...
0:35:38 > 0:35:41LAUGHTER
0:35:43 > 0:35:46So we thought we would take it to the fair and if we could...
0:35:46 > 0:35:48LAUGHTER
0:35:48 > 0:35:50If we could train it to play Snap, that would make a fortune.
0:35:52 > 0:35:56Well, they used to have at fairs, pigs that spelled out words.
0:35:56 > 0:35:59You would go to the fair with your learned pig
0:35:59 > 0:36:03and you'd have alphabet cards in a huge circle with the pig inside.
0:36:03 > 0:36:05Was it mostly just "help"?
0:36:05 > 0:36:07No, you'd ask a member of the public
0:36:07 > 0:36:10and they'd have to pay tuppence or whatever, to shout a word,
0:36:10 > 0:36:13and they'd shout a word like "barnyard" or something,
0:36:13 > 0:36:16and pig would go up to the B and then up to the A
0:36:16 > 0:36:19and then up to the R, etc, and spell out the word.
0:36:19 > 0:36:21Like a pig Ouija board.
0:36:21 > 0:36:22Kind of, yeah.
0:36:22 > 0:36:25And, of course, pigs can't read, it was a trick
0:36:25 > 0:36:27but it was a very good one,
0:36:27 > 0:36:29it was simply looking at its owner over there
0:36:29 > 0:36:32and he's going like that for B or whatever and that for A,
0:36:32 > 0:36:34and it worked beautifully.
0:36:34 > 0:36:36It's all in Ricky Jay's excellent book, Learned Pigs.
0:36:36 > 0:36:39But, yeah, where were we?
0:36:39 > 0:36:40Oh, yes, Watson, the supercomputer
0:36:40 > 0:36:44got in trouble because he couldn't stop fucking swearing.
0:36:44 > 0:36:48And so we glide from the canyons of our minds into the clueless
0:36:48 > 0:36:50depths of General Ignorance.
0:36:50 > 0:36:52Fingers on buzzers, if you would.
0:36:52 > 0:36:55Why did the camel get the hump? And where?
0:36:55 > 0:36:57- On their back.- In the desert.
0:36:57 > 0:36:59What's it for?
0:36:59 > 0:37:01It's, oh, it's, I know...
0:37:01 > 0:37:04Isn't it for food and water?
0:37:04 > 0:37:06KLAXON
0:37:06 > 0:37:07I knew it!
0:37:07 > 0:37:09I thought it was as well.
0:37:09 > 0:37:11Why didn't you say?
0:37:11 > 0:37:13Because I wanted that to happen to you.
0:37:14 > 0:37:17The surprising thing, perhaps,
0:37:17 > 0:37:21is that it evolved not in the deserts, not in the hot countries,
0:37:21 > 0:37:24but in the Arctic, that's where it began,
0:37:24 > 0:37:27like the Bactrians there that you see that still live in cold conditions.
0:37:27 > 0:37:31And the hump seems to have developed for fat storage and for warmth.
0:37:31 > 0:37:34I thought it was for tourists so that they didn't fall off.
0:37:35 > 0:37:38- You sit between them, don't you? - You do, you do. Yes.
0:37:38 > 0:37:42Canadian scientists found fossilised fragments of camel leg bone
0:37:42 > 0:37:45in Canada, which were 3.5 million years old
0:37:45 > 0:37:48and the DNA matched the modern camel.
0:37:48 > 0:37:52So, the camel originally got its hump to survive the cold.
0:37:52 > 0:37:56In a war between the grass and the grass-eaters, who's winning?
0:37:58 > 0:38:01LAUGHTER
0:38:01 > 0:38:03JOSH'S BUZZER
0:38:03 > 0:38:06- The grass. - KLAXON
0:38:06 > 0:38:08- Eaters. - KLAXON
0:38:08 > 0:38:10LAUGHTER
0:38:12 > 0:38:14Can we get the grass-eaters?
0:38:14 > 0:38:16KLAXON Thank you.
0:38:19 > 0:38:20I haven't finished yet!
0:38:20 > 0:38:23Grass-eaters is not the right answer.
0:38:23 > 0:38:26Oh, you don't get away with that.
0:38:26 > 0:38:30Evolution is an interspecies arms race to some extent
0:38:30 > 0:38:34and very often plants do create stratagems to avoid being eaten.
0:38:34 > 0:38:38They become poisonous, they become thickly thorned and prickly
0:38:38 > 0:38:41but it seems that grass doesn't try and stop
0:38:41 > 0:38:43itself from being eaten, and the thing about grass is,
0:38:43 > 0:38:47unlike most plants, its centre of being is at the bottom,
0:38:47 > 0:38:50so you can have the top of the blade as much as you like.
0:38:50 > 0:38:5295% of it can be eaten like that
0:38:52 > 0:38:54and it's perfectly happy just to regrow
0:38:54 > 0:38:58so it actually does quite well because it's helped by being kept cropped.
0:38:58 > 0:39:01Yeah, in the war between the grass and the grass-eaters,
0:39:01 > 0:39:02everyone's a winner.
0:39:02 > 0:39:06Do mushrooms prefer to grow in the light or in the dark?
0:39:06 > 0:39:09SARAH'S BUZZER
0:39:09 > 0:39:11Well, the thing's going to go off if I say in the dark,
0:39:11 > 0:39:13so I'm going to say in the light.
0:39:13 > 0:39:15- KLAXON - Oh, bugger!
0:39:17 > 0:39:20The answer is they don't prefer either.
0:39:20 > 0:39:22They grow just as well in dark, half light.
0:39:22 > 0:39:26They rarely express a preference. What would you like?
0:39:26 > 0:39:29Would you like the light on, or shall I leave it?
0:39:29 > 0:39:31Maybe a little bedtime story, be tucked in.
0:39:31 > 0:39:34But going by how much they thrive, it clearly doesn't make any
0:39:34 > 0:39:37difference, so why is it traditional to grow them in the dark?
0:39:37 > 0:39:40Because it's a dirty secret?
0:39:40 > 0:39:41Like if you have them in your house,
0:39:41 > 0:39:43it's not something you tell everybody.
0:39:43 > 0:39:46I've got mushrooms in the back bedroom.
0:39:47 > 0:39:50It's simply cheaper. We don't have to turn the light on.
0:39:50 > 0:39:53So you just shove them in a cellar or a dark room,
0:39:53 > 0:39:55somewhere you've got and they'll grow.
0:39:55 > 0:39:56- It's that simple.- Oh.
0:39:56 > 0:39:59Not very exciting, but quite interesting.
0:39:59 > 0:40:04Magic mushrooms, double M, they have psychotropic,
0:40:04 > 0:40:07or at least hallucinogenic qualities, I believe, don't they?
0:40:07 > 0:40:09- Good Lord! - Is anybody else seeing that?
0:40:09 > 0:40:11That's horrible.
0:40:12 > 0:40:14But they have a disadvantage,
0:40:14 > 0:40:16which is that you get a terrible tummy ache,
0:40:16 > 0:40:21and what did people do in order to obviate this disadvantage?
0:40:21 > 0:40:24- I'm afraid...- They'd make themselves sick, would they?
0:40:24 > 0:40:25Well, no, what they did is,
0:40:25 > 0:40:28they'd give the mushrooms to the village idiot.
0:40:28 > 0:40:32And he'd then have a pee and they'd drink the pee, which had all the...
0:40:32 > 0:40:35- No!- ..had all the psycho-active properties.- Wow.
0:40:35 > 0:40:37Who is the idiot in that scenario?
0:40:37 > 0:40:39I don't know. No.
0:40:39 > 0:40:41It is very unfortunate.
0:40:41 > 0:40:45Are we the only creatures who are affected by eating magic mushrooms?
0:40:45 > 0:40:49Like, if a cow went into a field full of magic mushrooms, and ate
0:40:49 > 0:40:53them all, will it have some moments of insight
0:40:53 > 0:40:57that it would be impossible to share with us,
0:40:57 > 0:40:59the whole town would gather round him there.
0:40:59 > 0:41:01Moooo!
0:41:01 > 0:41:03"I don't get it, I don't get it."
0:41:03 > 0:41:04Moo!
0:41:05 > 0:41:08- And there was a... - Are you trying to tell us something?
0:41:08 > 0:41:12There was a theory that Jesus Christ...
0:41:13 > 0:41:16..was a magic mushroom.
0:41:16 > 0:41:18He actually was a mushroom?
0:41:18 > 0:41:21I mightn't have remembered this entirely correctly, but...
0:41:21 > 0:41:23LAUGHTER
0:41:23 > 0:41:26Does your dad deny this story?
0:41:26 > 0:41:32There's a thing called the Amanita muscaria, which is the,
0:41:32 > 0:41:37it's the notion of using mushrooms as a means to transcendence.
0:41:37 > 0:41:40- Right.- And I don't know the rest of the story.
0:41:40 > 0:41:45Oh! You heard it here first, ladies and gentlemen.
0:41:45 > 0:41:49Yes, mushrooms are grown in the dark to save electricity.
0:41:49 > 0:41:52So, with that, we stagger dazed and confused into the most
0:41:52 > 0:41:57mind-numbing and mind-bending subject of all, the QI scores.
0:41:57 > 0:42:01Oh, how interesting they are. My goodness me.
0:42:01 > 0:42:04In fourth place, with a very respectable -22,
0:42:04 > 0:42:06is Josh Widdicombe.
0:42:06 > 0:42:08APPLAUSE
0:42:08 > 0:42:14In third place, with a splendid -18 is Sarah Millican.
0:42:14 > 0:42:17APPLAUSE
0:42:19 > 0:42:22He's achieved heights that may require oxygen,
0:42:22 > 0:42:24on -6, it's Alan Davies.
0:42:24 > 0:42:27- Thank you very much. - APPLAUSE
0:42:28 > 0:42:32What a debut, Tommy Tiernan on 2!
0:42:32 > 0:42:33Plus 2!
0:42:35 > 0:42:38MUSIC PLAYS
0:42:40 > 0:42:42Thanks to Sarah, Josh, Tommy and Alan.
0:42:42 > 0:42:44Oh, I nearly forgot our memory test.
0:42:44 > 0:42:48Oh, how ironic. Can we turn the cameras onto the audience?
0:42:48 > 0:42:53Let's see by a show of hands which words you remembered me saying.
0:42:53 > 0:42:55Who remembered the word bed?
0:42:56 > 0:42:58Oh, most of you, that's pretty good.
0:42:58 > 0:43:00Snooze?
0:43:01 > 0:43:03Pretty good.
0:43:03 > 0:43:05Sleep?
0:43:06 > 0:43:09KLAXON Oh, audience.
0:43:11 > 0:43:12No, I didn't say sleep,
0:43:12 > 0:43:15I said words so closely connected to it that it was easy to force
0:43:15 > 0:43:18yourself into the memory of thinking that I did say it.
0:43:18 > 0:43:22So you all encountered a sort of false memory planting there.
0:43:22 > 0:43:23If you don't believe me,
0:43:23 > 0:43:26you'll just have to watch the show all over again, won't you?
0:43:26 > 0:43:30So, from me, from all of us, thank you and goodnight.
0:43:30 > 0:43:32APPLAUSE