0:00:28 > 0:00:30APPLAUSE How lovely.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32How very nice.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Hello!
0:00:34 > 0:00:38Good evening, and a very warm welcome to the next episode of QI.
0:00:38 > 0:00:42Next to me tonight are the next best thing, Ross Noble.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44APPLAUSE
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Who's next? Lucy Porter.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49APPLAUSE
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Whatever next? It's Frankie Boyle.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55APPLAUSE
0:00:57 > 0:01:00And, better luck next time, Alan Davies.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02APPLAUSE
0:01:05 > 0:01:09Next, let's hear their buzzers. Ross goes...
0:01:09 > 0:01:13# I wanna get next to you. #
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Ooh. Cocktails, half price.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Frankie goes...
0:01:18 > 0:01:23- # And the next step is love - The next step is love. #
0:01:23 > 0:01:25Aww. Lucy goes...
0:01:25 > 0:01:28# For 24 years, I've been living next door to Alice. #
0:01:30 > 0:01:32- Alice...- And...
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Alan goes...
0:01:36 > 0:01:38- BELL DINGS - 'Next!'
0:01:41 > 0:01:46Right, what's the difference between the next big thing and a turkey?
0:01:46 > 0:01:49Well, a turkey is sometimes a disaster.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Yes, it's an American show business term for a flop.
0:01:51 > 0:01:52- A terrible show.- Yeah.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55So, the difference between the next big thing and abject failure.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58It can be the length of the first half of the show.
0:01:59 > 0:02:03By the interval, the next big thing was a turkey.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06The worst show in the West End, the shortest show in the West End
0:02:06 > 0:02:09where the iron - you know the thing that they to put in in the interval?
0:02:09 > 0:02:11It got stuck in the interval and they thought,
0:02:11 > 0:02:16"Oh, can't be arsed." And they never did the second half.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20It got to the interval and even the theatre went, "No."
0:02:21 > 0:02:23So, how can we tell? How can we tell that something is going to be
0:02:23 > 0:02:25a big thing, or it's going to be a failure?
0:02:25 > 0:02:27- Well, we don't know.- Yeah.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Till the curtain goes up and the audience comes in, who knows?
0:02:29 > 0:02:32- But maybe you can know...- Well, here's the extraordinary thing.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34There are certain people, consumers,
0:02:34 > 0:02:39who systematically buy products that go on to fail.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43And their lack of popular taste is unerringly reliable.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48And they are called "harbingers of failure."
0:02:48 > 0:02:51It doesn't conform to any pattern, age, sex, culture,
0:02:51 > 0:02:52anything like that, or the region.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56Unless he's the bloke... You know like on cop shows
0:02:56 > 0:02:57where they drive through the boxes?
0:02:57 > 0:03:00And he keeps getting hit by Starsky and Hutch
0:03:00 > 0:03:02on a regular basis.
0:03:02 > 0:03:06"I'm wearing the hi-viz, love. I'm sick of it."
0:03:06 > 0:03:07But they did some research,
0:03:07 > 0:03:09the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11They analysed ten million transactions
0:03:11 > 0:03:13at a chain of convenience stores, and what they discovered was,
0:03:13 > 0:03:16people who buy the nail polish that fails
0:03:16 > 0:03:19are also the people buying the ice cream that fails.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22And there's some fantastic products that have been snapped up
0:03:22 > 0:03:25by harbingers in the past. Watermelon-flavoured Oreo biscuits.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29This is my favourite, there was a range of ready meals
0:03:29 > 0:03:34made by a toothpaste manufacturer called Colgate's Kitchen Entrees.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36- ROSS:- Oh, that, I would've bought that!
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Would you have bought that, cleaned your teeth
0:03:38 > 0:03:40- while you're eating? - You're eating the spaghetti
0:03:40 > 0:03:43and flossing at the same time. That's genius!
0:03:43 > 0:03:45But if you can find these people who've got what they call
0:03:45 > 0:03:48a "flop affinity", then it's fantastic for market research.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51There's a PH Wodehouse story, isn't there? About a producer
0:03:51 > 0:03:53who brings his ten-year-old child to every show
0:03:53 > 0:03:56and everyone thinks he's a really doting father,
0:03:56 > 0:03:59but it's just that he thinks the public's expectations
0:03:59 > 0:04:01are the same as a ten-year-old child.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05And it helps him judge whether the show is going to be any good or not.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07That's how Mork And Mindy got made.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10- Because, erm, the guy that did Happy Days...- Yeah?
0:04:10 > 0:04:13..his kid wanted an alien in Happy Days.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15And he went, "Oh, yeah, go on, then. Put an alien in it."
0:04:15 > 0:04:18So they put Robin Williams in as Mork in Happy Days,
0:04:18 > 0:04:20and he was so successful, they did a spin-off series.
0:04:20 > 0:04:21Biggest thing on telly.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25- I'll tell you two things those harbingers have bought.- Yeah.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27My book and my last DVD.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32APPLAUSE
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Well, I've got both those, so I feel terrible now!
0:04:38 > 0:04:4090% of all new products fail,
0:04:40 > 0:04:44and there is a Museum of Failed Products in Michigan.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47It was meant to be a reference library of consumer goods,
0:04:47 > 0:04:50but the vast majority are failures, and there's some fantastic things.
0:04:50 > 0:04:51This is one of my favourites.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Pre-scrambled eggs in a cardboard tube,
0:04:53 > 0:04:55designed to be eaten in the car.
0:04:58 > 0:04:59I'll have that!
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Breath mints that look like crack cocaine.
0:05:04 > 0:05:05This is very good.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09100% recycled pillow-soft "Shit Be Gone" loo paper.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13"Shit be gone!"
0:05:13 > 0:05:15You have to do that when you use it.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17"Whack Off insect repellent."
0:05:21 > 0:05:22We've all done that!
0:05:24 > 0:05:26It's a funny way to get rid of insects!
0:05:26 > 0:05:29Can I just say, I have got some fabulous information about turkeys
0:05:29 > 0:05:32which is not totally relevant? But you know when you learn something,
0:05:32 > 0:05:34and you just think, "I totally have to share this," OK?
0:05:34 > 0:05:38So, in the 1950s, they discovered that males would mate
0:05:38 > 0:05:42with a lifelike model of a female turkey as eagerly
0:05:42 > 0:05:44as they would mate with the real thing. So, of course,
0:05:44 > 0:05:47they decided to try and find out what was the minimal stimulus
0:05:47 > 0:05:49that would get a turkey going, OK?
0:05:52 > 0:05:56They gradually stripped the model of its tail, its feet and its wings.
0:05:56 > 0:06:00This did not deter the male bird in any way.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04When there was just a head left on a stick, they were still up for it!
0:06:06 > 0:06:09That is why my range of turkey sex toys never took off.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11They were too lifelike.
0:06:11 > 0:06:12Yes, well...
0:06:12 > 0:06:15A freshly-severed head on a stick was the most effective,
0:06:15 > 0:06:17like, the sexiest thing.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21That was followed by a dried male head.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25And in third place, a two-year-old withered female head.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28And in last place, but still eliciting a sexual response,
0:06:28 > 0:06:31a plain balsawood model of a head.
0:06:32 > 0:06:36I don't know if you've ever taken a turkey to a Punch and Judy show.
0:06:36 > 0:06:37It's horrific.
0:06:40 > 0:06:41Unbelievable.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44- That's all I want to do now.- Yeah!
0:06:44 > 0:06:48Anyway, the last people you want to buy your next big thing
0:06:48 > 0:06:50are the first people to buy it.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53Which of these would be nice next-door neighbours?
0:06:53 > 0:06:58Galaxies, hyenas, newlyweds, octopuses or burglars?
0:06:58 > 0:07:01That's more of a mime artist than a burglar.
0:07:01 > 0:07:02It is, yes.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05I imagine that burglars don't burgle their neighbours?
0:07:05 > 0:07:08- Yes, that's absolutely right. - They go further afield?- Yeah.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10- They're nice.- I won't do the neighbours.- They're not lazy,
0:07:10 > 0:07:11- that's something in their defence.- No.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14- FRANKIE:- It could be selfishness, though, couldn't it?
0:07:14 > 0:07:15It could be that they just don't want to put
0:07:15 > 0:07:17their own insurance premium up.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20That's a very good point.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22But you are right. Burglars are very good neighbours,
0:07:22 > 0:07:24in that they're not going to burgle you.
0:07:24 > 0:07:25Galaxies are bad neighbours.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27So what happens, when they reach a certain age,
0:07:27 > 0:07:28a galaxy stops spawning new stars
0:07:28 > 0:07:31and they just swallow smaller galaxies.
0:07:31 > 0:07:35So our own home galaxy, the Milky Way, is expected quite soon,
0:07:35 > 0:07:40this is in astronomical terms, four billion years from now,
0:07:40 > 0:07:43to eat two of its neighbours, the large and small Magellanic Clouds.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45And then, about a billion years after that,
0:07:45 > 0:07:48the Milky Way will get eaten itself by the Andromeda galaxy.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50- Andromeda, yeah.- Yeah. What about hyenas?
0:07:50 > 0:07:53- Good neighbours, bad neighbours? - All that laughing.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56When Mrs Brown's Boys is on, it's probably a nightmare.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01That's actually what they do in the studio audience.
0:08:01 > 0:08:06They don't use canned laughter on that show, they have live hyenas.
0:08:06 > 0:08:07The trouble with hyenas is,
0:08:07 > 0:08:10- you spend days and days stalking your deer.- Yeah.
0:08:10 > 0:08:11And then they just come and rob it off you.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13So I bet they're terrible neighbours.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Terrible neighbours. Any more for any more, Frankie?
0:08:15 > 0:08:20I just think, although you'd know that they weren't laughing at you,
0:08:20 > 0:08:23- it'd be hard not to be a little paranoid.- Yeah.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27They're extraordinary creatures, they're so aggressive.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29There's so much testosterone in a hyena
0:08:29 > 0:08:32that, when a baby hyena is born, the first thing it does
0:08:32 > 0:08:34is it turns around and tries to kill the next one
0:08:34 > 0:08:36that's trying to be born. So, they're really aggressive.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38- However, very good neighbours.- Ah.
0:08:38 > 0:08:42Most people who live in hyena-prone areas, in fact encourage hyenas,
0:08:42 > 0:08:44because they control pests
0:08:44 > 0:08:46and they clear up all diseased animal carcasses.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50And they don't attack humans as much as that photograph might suggest.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52That one's wearing a John Lydon wig.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57What about newlyweds?
0:08:57 > 0:08:59What do you think, good neighbours, bad neighbours?
0:08:59 > 0:09:02Well, I enjoy hearing other people making love.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06I so rarely do it myself these days.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Since my husband got a turkey's head on a stick,
0:09:08 > 0:09:10he's not interested any more but...
0:09:10 > 0:09:12- ROSS:- But also, all the wedding gifts,
0:09:12 > 0:09:14all the boxes from the wedding,
0:09:14 > 0:09:16they leave them in the garden, don't they?
0:09:16 > 0:09:18So, yes, you get to hear the lovemaking,
0:09:18 > 0:09:20but there's discarded boxes.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23So, a tick in each column.
0:09:23 > 0:09:24Anything else?
0:09:24 > 0:09:26They did a survey in Colorado,
0:09:26 > 0:09:29and they found that people are much happier if they think
0:09:29 > 0:09:31they're having more sex than their neighbours.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34That's a thing. And so, having a honeymoon couple move in next door
0:09:34 > 0:09:36- makes you feel depressed. - But I would sort of think
0:09:36 > 0:09:38that society's moved on.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40So, like, in the old days, that would be the first time
0:09:40 > 0:09:42they're having sex, when they get married.
0:09:42 > 0:09:46Whereas now, they get married to try and save the relationship,
0:09:46 > 0:09:47because the sex is gone.
0:09:49 > 0:09:53What about gloomy octopuses? Good neighbours, bad neighbours?
0:09:53 > 0:09:54They'd have lovely gardens.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Well, yes and no is the weird thing.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01It's the common Sydney octopus, but it's known as the gloomy octopus.
0:10:01 > 0:10:05Look at those eyes! Aren't they fantastic?
0:10:05 > 0:10:08What it does is, it throws rubbish at its neighbours.
0:10:09 > 0:10:14It lives in Jervis Bay in Australia, and it gathers debris into its arms,
0:10:14 > 0:10:17and then it uses the jet propulsion siphons on the sides of its body
0:10:17 > 0:10:19to hurl it at the neighbours.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23It's really unusual to find projectile weapons in animals.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26So it may just be over-enthusiastic housework, I don't know.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30- Is it cos the octopuses next door are having more sex?- Yeah.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33- LUCY:- The sound of the suckers... - SHE MAKES SUCKER SOUNDS
0:10:33 > 0:10:36OK, that thought is never going to leave me now.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41Now, the next question isn't a next question,
0:10:41 > 0:10:43it's a NECKS question.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45So, I have...
0:10:45 > 0:10:47I think that would look nice on you.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50- And you can have this one here. - Lovely.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52And there we go.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56This one there. Right, make yourselves a prat.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Now, who knows how to make a prat?
0:11:01 > 0:11:03What have you done, darling, what knot have you done?
0:11:03 > 0:11:06I don't know. It's what I used to do at school.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Did you ever have that thing called "peanutting" at school?
0:11:08 > 0:11:10- When people pull your tie tight? - They pull it really tight
0:11:10 > 0:11:13- and then you can't get it undone. - Yes, that happened a lot.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15OK, do you know the answer to stop that happening?
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Oh, I wish you'd been around in 1976!
0:11:18 > 0:11:21If you put a 2p coin inside the knot,
0:11:21 > 0:11:23then it's impossible to peanut somebody.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25- I shall tell my boys.- Pass it on.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29So, the prat, basically you have to have it back to front,
0:11:29 > 0:11:31like this, in order to tie it.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34I haven't worn a tie since I gave up the pipe. Erm...
0:11:37 > 0:11:38Like this.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41And this is a self-releasing version of the prat,
0:11:41 > 0:11:43it's called a Nicky knot.
0:11:43 > 0:11:44And the reason it's self-releasing,
0:11:44 > 0:11:48is that, when you pull it out like that, you can just let it go.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50And it won't end up in a knot.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52APPLAUSE Thank you very much!
0:11:54 > 0:11:56They're difficult to follow. So, here's what happened.
0:11:56 > 0:11:581999, there were two Cambridge mathematicians,
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Thomas Fink and Yong Mao,
0:12:00 > 0:12:03and they calculated the maximum number of ways to tie a tie.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05They worked out it was 85.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08And then there was a Swedish mathematician watching
0:12:08 > 0:12:10The Matrix Reloaded - came out in 2003.
0:12:10 > 0:12:14- Fantastic film. It's great.- Amazing. - Slow-motion bullet avoiding?
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Brilliant.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18LAUGHTER
0:12:20 > 0:12:21I absolutely loved it.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24But he's watching this film and instead of thinking,
0:12:24 > 0:12:27"Here's a great film for learning how to..."
0:12:27 > 0:12:29And it gets so much better in a chair.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34This Swedish mathematician called Mikael Vejdemo-Johansson,
0:12:34 > 0:12:37he's watching it and he realises that there is a tie
0:12:37 > 0:12:41tied in a knot that isn't on the main list of 85.
0:12:41 > 0:12:45And so, he re-worked the list and he came up
0:12:45 > 0:12:47with a total number of ways to tie a normal tie -
0:12:47 > 0:12:52177,147.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54He did slightly change the rules,
0:12:54 > 0:12:56but every time you face having to put on a tie,
0:12:56 > 0:13:01177,147 different ways in which you might decide to tie it.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03I hate ties.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06I just sort of think the minute you get a really depressing job,
0:13:06 > 0:13:09the one thing you have to wear is a sort of suicide kit.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Anybody know how long we've been wearing ties for?
0:13:15 > 0:13:19- How long they've been around? - About five minutes, now.
0:13:19 > 0:13:23We've had ties since the Thirty Years' War, which was 1618.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25It was the Croatians who first brought the notion
0:13:25 > 0:13:28of wearing something. They wore a little small, knotted...
0:13:28 > 0:13:29Am I a time traveller?
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Just turn sideways. Turn this...
0:13:36 > 0:13:38APPLAUSE
0:13:42 > 0:13:46- That is quite spooky. - My God, they've found out my secret!
0:13:46 > 0:13:49Fire up the machine, we must travel back!
0:13:49 > 0:13:51It's where we get "cravat" from. It's from the Croatians.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Then it took off, and the Parisians loved it.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55King Louis XIV was so obsessed with his cravats,
0:13:55 > 0:14:00he had a cravateur who used to lay out cravats for him to choose.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02God, I've put on a bit of weight, haven't I?!
0:14:08 > 0:14:12We could do a show with you just being characters from history!
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Somebody once heckled me by saying,
0:14:14 > 0:14:17"You look like every single character from Lord Of the Rings."
0:14:20 > 0:14:23While we're doing knots, now, I've been practising this,
0:14:23 > 0:14:25and I can do it about one in three.
0:14:25 > 0:14:29So, you've all got an opportunity to give this a go.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32There we go. That was pretty cool!
0:14:32 > 0:14:34APPLAUSE
0:14:37 > 0:14:41OK, so, it is just a length of chain,
0:14:41 > 0:14:43and then you place the ring up in like this...
0:14:43 > 0:14:46Now, if you hold it with your thumb,
0:14:46 > 0:14:50and then hold it with one of your fingers and, what you need to do,
0:14:50 > 0:14:53you just let the finger go and not the thumb.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Just try and let the... Yeah, Ross has got it!
0:14:55 > 0:14:57APPLAUSE
0:14:59 > 0:15:02- Just a few more goes... - All right, you're determined.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Put the chain... OK.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Don't make me get up and show you!
0:15:08 > 0:15:12So, make your hand wide like this, OK?
0:15:12 > 0:15:15And then, hook your thumb like this, but don't hook the chain.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18Just hold that like that and only let your finger go.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:15:28 > 0:15:29I feel like a teaching assistant.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32And where can you get one of those, this time of day?
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Oh, yes! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:15:40 > 0:15:43I feel my time here has been worthwhile.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47Right. Is this the neck verse thing?
0:15:47 > 0:15:50CHORAL SINGING
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Isn't it beautiful?
0:16:06 > 0:16:08It's not worth losing your nuts for, though, is it?
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Well, you might lose more than that...
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Really? Is it about hanging?
0:16:18 > 0:16:21It is about dying, certainly.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24It's known as the neck verse. Does anybody know why?
0:16:24 > 0:16:26- FRANKIE:- The neck verse is how a German doctor tells you
0:16:26 > 0:16:28you have whiplash.
0:16:32 > 0:16:33- I do know this.- Yes?
0:16:33 > 0:16:36- There used to be a thing called benefit of clergy.- Yep.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Where if people could prove that they were in the clergy
0:16:39 > 0:16:41- by reciting a verse of the Bible...- Yep.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44..then they were tried under ecclesiastical law
0:16:44 > 0:16:47instead of normal law, where they'd be more likely to get hung.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Yeah, you're absolutely right, it's brilliant.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51APPLAUSE
0:16:55 > 0:16:58It's Psalm 51 and it was known as the neck verse,
0:16:58 > 0:17:00and you had to be able to recite it in Latin.
0:17:00 > 0:17:01"O God, have mercy upon me,
0:17:01 > 0:17:04"according to thine heartfelt mercifulness."
0:17:04 > 0:17:06And, the benefit of the clergy, it existed for about 600 years,
0:17:06 > 0:17:09from about the 12th century to 1841.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13And some crimes, the clergy would get lesser sentences.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16And so it used to be you had to prove you were clergy.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18But over time, it was enough to prove you were literate,
0:17:18 > 0:17:21so, obviously, in Latin, and this created a loophole.
0:17:21 > 0:17:25So, illiterate people could learn that verse by heart,
0:17:25 > 0:17:28and the courts were happy to go along with this legal fiction,
0:17:28 > 0:17:30because there were many crimes which it was felt
0:17:30 > 0:17:33that the punishment was too harsh. So, they would allow this fiction
0:17:33 > 0:17:35that you were a member of the clergy,
0:17:35 > 0:17:37and therefore you could get away with it.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39In fact, Ben Jonson, the playwright, in 1598,
0:17:39 > 0:17:42he avoided being hanged for killing an actor in a duel,
0:17:42 > 0:17:45an actor called Gabriel Spenser, by pleading benefit of clergy.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47I know a bit about Ben Jonson.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50He murdered someone that he acted in a play with,
0:17:50 > 0:17:52the play was called The Isle Of Dogs.
0:17:52 > 0:17:56And it was so offensive that it was suppressed so completely
0:17:56 > 0:17:58nobody's ever worked out what it was about.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00- We don't even have a record of the script or anything?- No.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03- And then you released it on DVD! - Yeah!
0:18:03 > 0:18:05APPLAUSE
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Do you know why priests wear a dog collar?
0:18:10 > 0:18:12It's something that we associate with the clergy,
0:18:12 > 0:18:16- but it's fairly recent.- I mean, I am going grey, I'll give you that.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19You need to do that double chin a bit more.
0:18:19 > 0:18:20That's it.
0:18:20 > 0:18:21Is it just for ID?
0:18:21 > 0:18:24It's just for ID. It's a Scottish Presbyterian invention
0:18:24 > 0:18:26that was then adopted by the Anglicans in the 1840s.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29So, it didn't really become widespread until the 1880s
0:18:29 > 0:18:32and those bands that hang down, they're called preaching bands.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34So it's like an early bar code?
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Yes. Exactly like, exactly like that.
0:18:37 > 0:18:38We don't have them in Denmark.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41In Denmark, it's a Lutheran church, so they wear the Elizabethan ruff.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43- Still got the ruff going on? - Yeah, going on. Oh, yeah.
0:18:43 > 0:18:44Bring back the ruff!
0:18:44 > 0:18:48- Very forgiving, a ruff. Very, erm... - But the vicar now would get a lot
0:18:48 > 0:18:50of biscuit crumbs in the ruff, wouldn't he?
0:18:51 > 0:18:55So, what's the best thing about clickbait?
0:18:55 > 0:18:59There's nothing good about it at all, it's horrifying.
0:18:59 > 0:19:00Why would you think it's horrifying?
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Because there's nothing about me taking a quiz
0:19:03 > 0:19:06saying which Game Of Thrones character I am
0:19:06 > 0:19:10that suggests that I am in the market for a brand-new Lexus.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13But why do you do it? That's the question, why do you do it?
0:19:13 > 0:19:17Boredom. I think it's also the internet tries to sell itself as,
0:19:17 > 0:19:19oh, it's connective, you're connecting with people
0:19:19 > 0:19:22and you're not. The other day, I saw a thing about the FA Cup Final
0:19:22 > 0:19:25on the BBC website and, at the bottom, it said "Get involved."
0:19:25 > 0:19:27What, in the FA Cup Final?!
0:19:29 > 0:19:31How?!
0:19:31 > 0:19:34Can somebody describe clickbait for anybody who doesn't know what it is?
0:19:34 > 0:19:35- LUCY:- The worst ones are the...
0:19:35 > 0:19:38"23 things you never knew about ducks.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41- "Number 12 will astonish you!"- Yeah.
0:19:41 > 0:19:42They call them "listicles,"
0:19:42 > 0:19:46which is portmanteau of "list" and "testicles" cos...
0:19:47 > 0:19:49..they're all complete bollocks.
0:19:49 > 0:19:50So, here's the weird thing.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52The research suggests that the pleasure we get
0:19:52 > 0:19:54from cute and funny or shocking videos,
0:19:54 > 0:19:56the ones that do the rounds on the internet,
0:19:56 > 0:19:58we get the pleasure from anticipating them
0:19:58 > 0:20:00and not from actually seeing them.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03So it releases dopamine when we think we're going to see something.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05So dopamine... This is a neuroscientist put it this way -
0:20:05 > 0:20:09dopamine is not about pleasure, it's about the anticipation of pleasure.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11It's about the pursuit of happiness rather than happiness itself.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14That's quite interesting, because, if you click on one of those things,
0:20:14 > 0:20:16like, sometimes it will say,
0:20:16 > 0:20:19"40 actresses, you won't believe what they look like now.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21"Number 37 is amazing!"
0:20:21 > 0:20:25- But you have to go through... - By the time you get to about 19,
0:20:25 > 0:20:27the dopamine's worn off.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29You never get to 37.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31And people seldom get what's promised,
0:20:31 > 0:20:35but we carry on and it's called intermittent re-enforcement.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37And we keep getting more dopamine,
0:20:37 > 0:20:39it's more addictive as you keep going through.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41We're slaves to curiosity.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43I find this profoundly depressing.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46- I think so too.- All we're ever doing is anticipating stuff
0:20:46 > 0:20:49and the only thing that's really going to deliver is Tinder
0:20:49 > 0:20:51and the actual relationship is going to be terrible.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54And we sort of know that's true, don't we?
0:20:54 > 0:20:56But I don't think it's a new thing. I mean, "To travel hopefully
0:20:56 > 0:20:58"is better than to arrive" is an old idea.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00There's also a thing called the spoiler paradox,
0:21:00 > 0:21:03which has a similar effect. People enjoy a story more,
0:21:03 > 0:21:05when they know how it's going to turn out.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08And we think maybe the story's easier for the brain to process,
0:21:08 > 0:21:11without the distraction of wondering how it's going to end.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14So, spoiler alert, Alan's going to come last today.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Already, the audience having a much better time!
0:21:20 > 0:21:24Looking forward to something is more than half the fun, it seems.
0:21:24 > 0:21:28And the next question is absolutely fantastic!
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Who has green sponge balls?
0:21:33 > 0:21:36- FRANKIE:- Is it...? - MAN:- SpongeBob SquarePants!- Ah...
0:21:36 > 0:21:38KLAXON
0:21:38 > 0:21:41APPLAUSE
0:21:45 > 0:21:47That's why you're sitting over there!
0:21:47 > 0:21:51- ROSS:- Can you imagine that bloke, for the rest of his life,
0:21:51 > 0:21:53he's going to go, "And I knew the answer, and I shouted it...
0:21:53 > 0:21:57- "Oh, God!"- Who was it? Hand up, hand up, who was it?
0:21:57 > 0:21:59- Welcome to my world. - Let's have a clear shot of you.
0:21:59 > 0:22:03- What's your name?- Nick! - You're going to be so sorry. OK.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07You're a harbinger of failure, Nick.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12- Anybody else know? OK. So... - Green sponge balls...
0:22:12 > 0:22:14- Green sponge balls.- ..is what they have on a snooker table
0:22:14 > 0:22:16in a tinnitus clinic.
0:22:20 > 0:22:26So, who has, in the UK, who has green sponge balls?
0:22:26 > 0:22:29- LUCY:- Erm...- Is it a medical thing? - No, it's a species.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Would it be a sponge?
0:22:31 > 0:22:33- It's not a sponge, but is in the sea.- Seaweed?
0:22:33 > 0:22:36It is seaweed. It is a kind of seaweed. Absolutely right.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38APPLAUSE
0:22:40 > 0:22:43But you know, what's sad is that there isn't any any more.
0:22:43 > 0:22:44It's all gone,
0:22:44 > 0:22:47but it used to be one of the must-have species
0:22:47 > 0:22:50in the mid-19th century for seaweed collectors.
0:22:50 > 0:22:51So there was a brief craze,
0:22:51 > 0:22:54it gripped the daughters of Victorian well-to-do.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57In fact, even Queen Victoria herself had a seaweed album.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00- FRANKIE:- Before TV, people were just so bored.
0:23:00 > 0:23:01They were just sitting there going,
0:23:01 > 0:23:03- "Collect some seaweed, invade India..."- Yeah.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06"Let's just try and get through this."
0:23:06 > 0:23:08But it was a bit like pressed flowers.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11You placed the seaweed onto the page, you weighted it down,
0:23:11 > 0:23:13and then some gelatinous matter oozed out
0:23:13 > 0:23:16and that stuck the seaweed to the paper.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18But it was a huge thing. There were hobby shops
0:23:18 > 0:23:21that sold specialist equipment, you could get special scissors
0:23:21 > 0:23:24and pliers and stick with a needle on the end and all kinds of things.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26For really lazy daughters,
0:23:26 > 0:23:29there were ready-made seaweed albums available.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32What happened - it was a bit like egg collecting and butterflies,
0:23:32 > 0:23:34it caused the depletion of certain species,
0:23:34 > 0:23:35some of which still have never recovered
0:23:35 > 0:23:39and the green sponge ball is thought to be extinct because of that.
0:23:39 > 0:23:40At least in the UK.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42"Thought to be extinct"?
0:23:42 > 0:23:45Ah, well, I've not done the whole coastline of Britain looking.
0:23:45 > 0:23:46So there's a possibility.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49- Yeah, I suppose there must be. - Well, the anticipation
0:23:49 > 0:23:53of the green sponge ball is out there somewhere.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56- Oh...- I tell you what's great about this story.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59The very first book of photographs ever published in the world
0:23:59 > 0:24:01is called Photographs Of British Algae
0:24:01 > 0:24:03by Anna Atkins.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06And she's thought to be the very first female photographer
0:24:06 > 0:24:09and she did this wonderful... It's in the British Library.
0:24:09 > 0:24:10I mean, seaweed's amazing.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13There's thought to be 200,000-800,000 species
0:24:13 > 0:24:15of micro-algae, which we can't even see.
0:24:15 > 0:24:20- Too small to see with the naked eye. - That was a rubbish book.- Yeah.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Tiny book with nothing in it.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26Incidentally, do you know why there's been a huge increase
0:24:26 > 0:24:28in seaweed farming recently?
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Sushi? People like the sushi?
0:24:30 > 0:24:33KLAXON
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Quick on it, aren't they?
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Is it to do with Ben and Jerry?
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Well, there is certainly seaweed in ice cream,
0:24:40 > 0:24:41that is absolutely correct.
0:24:41 > 0:24:42- LUCY:- Is it fuel?
0:24:42 > 0:24:44Bio-fuel is exactly right.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46It's very important as a renewable fuel.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49The leading nations are China and Japan, South Korea,
0:24:49 > 0:24:52but it is part of the UK's renewable energy strategy,
0:24:52 > 0:24:55so we have farms that have been started off the Scottish coast.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58And, in fact, there's an incredible seaweed farm in China
0:24:58 > 0:25:00called the Sangou Bay.
0:25:00 > 0:25:04It stretches for 10km out to sea and, unlike the wall,
0:25:04 > 0:25:05it can be seen from space.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07It is so huge, this seaweed farm.
0:25:07 > 0:25:11The one that we eat, the red marine algae, Pyropia tenera,
0:25:11 > 0:25:13that's been prized as a food since ancient times
0:25:13 > 0:25:14in both Japan and Wales.
0:25:14 > 0:25:18So in Japan, known as nori. What's it known as in Wales?
0:25:18 > 0:25:19- WELSH ACCENT:- Nor-ri.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23- I'll have some nor-ri, if you don't mind.- I like yours better.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25- I love a bit of nor-ri. - What did you say?
0:25:25 > 0:25:28- It's laver in laver bread, isn't it? - It is laver in laver bread.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31So here's a great story. OK, so, for centuries, you could only harvest
0:25:31 > 0:25:33seaweed from the wild, OK?
0:25:33 > 0:25:34It couldn't be farmed.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37And then there's an incredible woman in the 1940s
0:25:37 > 0:25:38called Dr Kathleen Drew-Baker.
0:25:38 > 0:25:42And she worked out the life cycle of laver and how it reproduced
0:25:42 > 0:25:44and nobody in Britain paid any attention.
0:25:44 > 0:25:49But the Japanese went crazy. It kick-started the gigantic
0:25:49 > 0:25:53modern nori industry and thus the world-wide sushi craze.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55It is because of Dr Kathleen Drew-Baker.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58She never, ever went to Japan, but she is famous in Japan
0:25:58 > 0:26:00as she's revered as the mother of the sea.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03They hold a festival in her honour every April the 14th.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05They sing songs at the Drew-Baker monument.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08She didn't like posing for her picture, though, did she?
0:26:08 > 0:26:11Also, what people don't know about her is that,
0:26:11 > 0:26:12towards the end of her life,
0:26:12 > 0:26:15she really angered Darth Vader.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17LAUGHTER
0:26:19 > 0:26:21That's very good.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Some years ago, an anthropologist asked Welsh youngsters
0:26:24 > 0:26:25why they don't eat seaweed now,
0:26:25 > 0:26:29and they said it's slimy, it's poor people's food, it's old-fashioned.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31And so they were asked to name a fashionable food
0:26:31 > 0:26:32and what did they say?
0:26:32 > 0:26:34- ALL:- Sushi. - Sushi, yeah.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36It's lovely, isn't it? But we probably eat it every day.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39We eat it in ice cream, we have it in chocolate, toothpaste, beer...
0:26:39 > 0:26:41- FRANKIE:- They eat it in Donegal. Dulse, it's called.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43- As a snack or with food?- As a snack.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45- Yeah.- Raw off the beach!
0:26:45 > 0:26:47On all fours.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51That picture on the right is slightly worrying. Erm...
0:26:54 > 0:26:56Hang on a second, didn't you market that?
0:26:58 > 0:27:01It's a harbinger of something, anyway.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04It's because seaweed is also used as a sexual lubricant.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06- It's incredibly effective at... - Seaweed?!
0:27:06 > 0:27:09- Yes, seaweed.- Good lord!- Well, it's an extract called carrageenan.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11It's incredibly effective at preventing
0:27:11 > 0:27:13the spread of genital HPV, so, yeah.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15That's worrying, if Godzilla actually exists,
0:27:15 > 0:27:18that he's going to emerge already lubed up.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24But handy if you're a little bit down there.
0:27:24 > 0:27:28Just rub yourself against his foot.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31"If you're a little bit down there"?
0:27:31 > 0:27:33Come on, this is the BBC.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35I can't say...
0:27:35 > 0:27:36If you're a little bit down there
0:27:36 > 0:27:39- and you've got a touch of the ahem...- Ahem!- And don't want to...
0:27:39 > 0:27:43With the... Get the Godzilla and work with the, er, on the, er...
0:27:43 > 0:27:44Yeah.
0:27:44 > 0:27:47And this information video also available online.
0:27:49 > 0:27:50A nuclear question for you next.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53How does atomic gardening work?
0:27:53 > 0:27:57Is that where you keep atomic kittens? In the atomic garden?
0:27:57 > 0:27:59- That's so sweet, but no.- No.
0:28:00 > 0:28:01What is atomic gardening?
0:28:01 > 0:28:04It's a new Chanel 5 format.
0:28:06 > 0:28:08Starring Alan Titchmarsh
0:28:08 > 0:28:12and the unquiet ghost of Robert Oppenheimer.
0:28:12 > 0:28:13LAUGHTER
0:28:17 > 0:28:20- LUCY:- They're mutating Alan Titchmarsh. I love the idea.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23We're going to have three heads on one Alan Titchmarsh.
0:28:23 > 0:28:26- That's terrifying!- That's like every old lady's dream.
0:28:26 > 0:28:29So it was a thing, atomic gardening. It was a thing, in fact,
0:28:29 > 0:28:32almost all the peppermint oil used around the world to flavour things
0:28:32 > 0:28:35like chewing gum and toothpaste comes from one cultivar
0:28:35 > 0:28:37of peppermint. It's this Todd's Mitcham
0:28:37 > 0:28:40which resulted from a very odd episode in 20th-century science
0:28:40 > 0:28:43called atomic gardening. It was also known as gamma gardening.
0:28:43 > 0:28:45So, after the Second World War, there was an Atoms For Peace
0:28:45 > 0:28:48programme and it sought peaceful use for the science
0:28:48 > 0:28:49that had led to the atomic bombs.
0:28:49 > 0:28:52And people thought, if they exposed plants and seeds to radiation,
0:28:52 > 0:28:56maybe some interesting mutations would result and there were some.
0:28:56 > 0:28:58Red grapefruits and super-sweet sweetcorn,
0:28:58 > 0:29:00both resulted from atomic gardening.
0:29:00 > 0:29:02So various ways you could do it. You could strap the packets of seeds
0:29:02 > 0:29:05to the inside of a hospital X-ray machine.
0:29:05 > 0:29:08You could leave them in the fallout zone of a nuclear testing site.
0:29:08 > 0:29:11Or you could do this, which is a circular garden
0:29:11 > 0:29:13with a source of radiation in the middle.
0:29:13 > 0:29:15And so the plant seeds RADIATE out.
0:29:15 > 0:29:20- FRANKIE:- I think this could be an amazing episode of Countryfile.
0:29:20 > 0:29:24"Welcome. I, John Craven, can now see through lead."
0:29:28 > 0:29:31There was a wonderful woman called Muriel Howarth.
0:29:31 > 0:29:33She was the doyenne of British nuclear gardening
0:29:33 > 0:29:38and, in 1959, she grew the first atomic peanut.
0:29:38 > 0:29:41It germinated in four days and was two foot tall.
0:29:41 > 0:29:44I mean, sort of terrifying.
0:29:44 > 0:29:46Wow. That's a hell of an M&M.
0:29:46 > 0:29:48That is. Yeah.
0:29:48 > 0:29:49There's an old movie, isn't there?
0:29:49 > 0:29:52- The Effect Of Gamma Rays... - On Man-in-the-Moon Marigolds.
0:29:52 > 0:29:54Do you know what's a really weird story about that film?
0:29:54 > 0:29:56So, I was living in New York. Paul Newman directed it
0:29:56 > 0:29:59and I auditioned to play the part of the daughter in the film.
0:29:59 > 0:30:03- Really?- And I didn't get it. I was second. And do you know who got it?
0:30:03 > 0:30:06Paul Newman's daughter! LAUGHTER
0:30:08 > 0:30:10- Wow, that's amazing. - That is weird, isn't it?
0:30:10 > 0:30:12So there are lots of things that we have today
0:30:12 > 0:30:14which come from that period of gardening.
0:30:14 > 0:30:17New varieties of rose and dahlias, snap dragons, carnations and so on.
0:30:17 > 0:30:20There they were, Super Atomic Energized Seeds.
0:30:20 > 0:30:22And so today, genetic engineering
0:30:22 > 0:30:24has largely superseded the gamma garden.
0:30:24 > 0:30:26Now to the NEST question.
0:30:26 > 0:30:29Why would your mum have you for breakfast?
0:30:31 > 0:30:34- Is there a species that eats its young?- Yes.
0:30:34 > 0:30:37- Not all of the young, I presume? - Some.- It would be short-lived.
0:30:37 > 0:30:38But why might that be?
0:30:38 > 0:30:42Is it that the babies are just particularly delicious?
0:30:42 > 0:30:44You think they just can't resist that.
0:30:44 > 0:30:46Yeah, exactly, like a little quail or something.
0:30:46 > 0:30:48You go, "Ooh...
0:30:48 > 0:30:50"Ooh, lovely. Lovely bit of butter on that."
0:30:50 > 0:30:53Yeah, it's lucky that chickens don't like eggs, really, isn't it?
0:30:53 > 0:30:54- Yeah, that's true.- Yeah.
0:30:54 > 0:30:57They're all sitting there eating omelettes and dying out.
0:30:58 > 0:31:00Maybe it's that thing where you sniff your own baby
0:31:00 > 0:31:03and they seem to you so delicious, you almost want to eat them.
0:31:03 > 0:31:05- Yeah.- Maybe insects just go,
0:31:05 > 0:31:09"There's no society to hold me back, I'm going to follow through."
0:31:09 > 0:31:11I often say I could eat my son with a spoon.
0:31:11 > 0:31:13- I don't mean it, but... LUCY:- Yeah. It's the knees.
0:31:13 > 0:31:16I could just eat babies' knees all day long.
0:31:16 > 0:31:18- I really could. Just the knees. - They are just gorgeous.
0:31:18 > 0:31:21- They could have the rest. - Yeah. Even their feet are...
0:31:21 > 0:31:22- Oh, yeah.- Delicious.
0:31:22 > 0:31:26No, we are talking about a burrowing beetle and its larva.
0:31:26 > 0:31:29And it chooses to make its life in a rotting corpse
0:31:29 > 0:31:32of some kind or other, and that's where it has its babies.
0:31:32 > 0:31:36And it has to adjust the size of the brood to the size of the carcass.
0:31:36 > 0:31:38There's got to be enough food.
0:31:38 > 0:31:40And so, researchers at the University of Edinburgh
0:31:40 > 0:31:43have established that she will choose to eat the ones
0:31:43 > 0:31:44that nag her most.
0:31:47 > 0:31:50- This is great parenting.- Yeah. - This is what we all need, isn't it?
0:31:50 > 0:31:53So, the burrowing beetle baby that keeps going, "I want a snack,
0:31:53 > 0:31:55"I want a snack..." Gone.
0:31:56 > 0:31:59- Finished.- If my children are watching, I am learning a lot.
0:32:01 > 0:32:02Your children aren't watching,
0:32:02 > 0:32:05they're in their bedrooms with their knees missing.
0:32:07 > 0:32:10APPLAUSE
0:32:15 > 0:32:17Are you a nagger, Lucy? Do you nag your children?
0:32:17 > 0:32:19No, they nag me. Absolutely.
0:32:19 > 0:32:21Well, apparently, nagging does work.
0:32:21 > 0:32:23They did some research at Harvard Business School
0:32:23 > 0:32:26and the best way for managers to get staff to do something
0:32:26 > 0:32:28is to nag them continually.
0:32:28 > 0:32:31They found the most effective managers repeat themselves
0:32:31 > 0:32:33at least once and often in two different ways.
0:32:33 > 0:32:36So you have a conversation and you follow it up by an e-mail.
0:32:36 > 0:32:39So nagging your staff is hugely successful.
0:32:39 > 0:32:41How irritating is that?
0:32:41 > 0:32:43I read a parenting book that said,
0:32:43 > 0:32:45instead of couching everything in words,
0:32:45 > 0:32:48you just say the salient word. So if you want them to put their shoes on,
0:32:48 > 0:32:49you just go, "Shoes!"
0:32:49 > 0:32:50"Teeth!"
0:32:50 > 0:32:54And, in the morning, it's like I've got some really weird Tourette's.
0:32:54 > 0:32:56Just... "Shoes! Teeth! Mummy's gin!"
0:32:58 > 0:33:02Apparently daughters nagged by their mothers grow up to be high earners.
0:33:02 > 0:33:05The thing I like is, in Japan, men who are trying to diet
0:33:05 > 0:33:08can subscribe to a virtual wife
0:33:08 > 0:33:12and she will nag you four times a day by e-mail
0:33:12 > 0:33:14and there's different wife varieties on offer.
0:33:14 > 0:33:16You can have a maid, a businesswoman,
0:33:16 > 0:33:18a nurse or a manicurist.
0:33:20 > 0:33:22Any of you boys do half the housework in your homes?
0:33:22 > 0:33:24Don't be stupid!
0:33:26 > 0:33:27Because here's an extraordinary thing.
0:33:27 > 0:33:31In heterosexual relationships, even if the man does half the housework,
0:33:31 > 0:33:34it's usually the woman who's in charge of allocating the tasks,
0:33:34 > 0:33:36and making sure it gets done.
0:33:36 > 0:33:38So, in other words, nagging itself,
0:33:38 > 0:33:42yet another job about the house which women are expected to do,
0:33:42 > 0:33:45and men wriggle out of.
0:33:45 > 0:33:48Moving on now. All the way from Pennsylvania,
0:33:48 > 0:33:51the marvel from Philadelphia, Euphonia!
0:33:51 > 0:33:54What's her act?
0:33:54 > 0:33:55She removes her legs...
0:33:56 > 0:34:00..and hovers above a man on a knitting machine.
0:34:00 > 0:34:03Well, you're not far off. It is a machine.
0:34:03 > 0:34:05She looks rather hirsute, doesn't she?
0:34:05 > 0:34:08She's called Euphonia, she's from 1845.
0:34:08 > 0:34:11- FRANKIE:- Were they trying to do the turkey experiment with a human?
0:34:13 > 0:34:15It's heading more and more towards the head.
0:34:15 > 0:34:19She's stolen his beard, he's stolen her legs...
0:34:19 > 0:34:20- Oh, that's scary.- Yeah.
0:34:20 > 0:34:23So, 1845, a German inventor called Joseph Faber
0:34:23 > 0:34:25exhibited this incredible machine.
0:34:25 > 0:34:27It could talk, it had bellows for lungs,
0:34:27 > 0:34:30a tongue and a larynx made of wires and reeds and levers,
0:34:30 > 0:34:32and it was operated by a piano-like keyboard.
0:34:32 > 0:34:36So there were 16 keys, plus one to open the glottis, the vocal cords,
0:34:36 > 0:34:39and foot pedals, and sounds came out of her mouth.
0:34:39 > 0:34:42She could laugh, she could whisper, she could sing God Save The Queen.
0:34:42 > 0:34:45But the fundamental problem with her is that she scared people.
0:34:45 > 0:34:47- Yeah, she's scaring me now! - Yeah. She had...
0:34:47 > 0:34:49Urgh!
0:34:49 > 0:34:51The turkeys have kicked off!
0:34:53 > 0:34:54"That's the one."
0:34:54 > 0:34:56HE IMITATES AN EXCITED TURKEY
0:34:59 > 0:35:01It's like a frustrated turkey was in the room!
0:35:03 > 0:35:05Apparently, her tongue lolled about in her mouth
0:35:05 > 0:35:07- and her voice was awful.- Oh, no.
0:35:07 > 0:35:09It was as if it came from the depths of a tomb.
0:35:09 > 0:35:11It was very, sort of, hoarse and hideous.
0:35:11 > 0:35:13And Faber, who made it,
0:35:13 > 0:35:15twice he destroyed the Euphonia out of frustration.
0:35:15 > 0:35:18And the first time, he rebuilt it, and the second time, well,
0:35:18 > 0:35:21- he took his own life. - So it's basically like Siri.
0:35:21 > 0:35:23It is a kind of Siri.
0:35:23 > 0:35:29Now, how does a dog know another dog is a dog if it can't smell it?
0:35:29 > 0:35:30It can see it?
0:35:32 > 0:35:35- That's all there is too it.- Really?
0:35:35 > 0:35:38Sometimes, it's right. That's why I keep saying it!
0:35:38 > 0:35:39Sometimes, it's just right.
0:35:39 > 0:35:42So the extraordinary thing about dogs is they come in such a variety
0:35:42 > 0:35:46of shapes and sizes, more so than really any other animal species.
0:35:46 > 0:35:49But a Labrador knows that a Chihuahua or a Newfoundland
0:35:49 > 0:35:52all belong in the same category. So smell and hearing help,
0:35:52 > 0:35:55but they actually recognise one another by their faces.
0:35:55 > 0:35:57So they can be shown a range of dog breeds
0:35:57 > 0:36:00and they're able to indicate which ones are dogs.
0:36:00 > 0:36:01They can see.
0:36:01 > 0:36:05- ROSS:- So is a dog more likely to buy car insurance...
0:36:05 > 0:36:06off the one on the left?
0:36:11 > 0:36:13Yes, that's right.
0:36:14 > 0:36:18Do you think... Could a person tell another person by smell alone?
0:36:18 > 0:36:19Ah, well, I could be blindfolded
0:36:19 > 0:36:22and have my three children be in the room
0:36:22 > 0:36:23and I would be able to know which one was which.
0:36:23 > 0:36:28- You know if it's a human poo or a dog poo by smell.- Yes.
0:36:28 > 0:36:30And by the feel of it when you stand in it.
0:36:30 > 0:36:32LAUGHTER AND GROANING
0:36:34 > 0:36:37Dogs can tell that dogs are dogs just by looking at them.
0:36:37 > 0:36:39Now, fingers next to buzzers, please,
0:36:39 > 0:36:41for the General Ignorance round.
0:36:41 > 0:36:43Why are dock leaves good for nettle stings?
0:36:43 > 0:36:45# Next to you. #
0:36:45 > 0:36:47- Ross?- They're not.
0:36:47 > 0:36:49You're absolutely right.
0:36:49 > 0:36:52The fact is, we don't even know why nettle stings hurt quite so much,
0:36:52 > 0:36:54or last so long. What we do know
0:36:54 > 0:36:56is that nettles are covered with tiny little hollow hairs,
0:36:56 > 0:36:59which break off when you touch them and they act like needles
0:36:59 > 0:37:03and they inject, oh, it's a cocktail of unpleasantness into your skin...
0:37:03 > 0:37:06But yet, delightful as soup.
0:37:06 > 0:37:08Very good as soup and, in theory, very, very good medicine.
0:37:08 > 0:37:10So, there's a thing called urtification,
0:37:10 > 0:37:12- do you know what that is? - I don't, no.
0:37:12 > 0:37:15It's beating yourself with stinging nettles, fundamentally.
0:37:15 > 0:37:17And the Romans used to do it in Britain, because there was damp
0:37:17 > 0:37:19and it gave them arthritis.
0:37:19 > 0:37:21And so urtification apparently got rid of it.
0:37:21 > 0:37:23And they did a study in 2000,
0:37:23 > 0:37:25and the Royal Society of Medicine confirmed it is a safe
0:37:25 > 0:37:29and effective treatment for rheumatic pain, so you can use it.
0:37:29 > 0:37:32- Not many people know that the actor John Nettles...- Yes.
0:37:32 > 0:37:34..you shake his hand, burns your skin.
0:37:34 > 0:37:38- It's horrible, horrible.- But if you throw yourself against him,
0:37:38 > 0:37:40gets rid of your rheumatism.
0:37:40 > 0:37:43Very much so. Romans can't help themselves.
0:37:43 > 0:37:47Getting John Nettles to smack himself against them.
0:37:47 > 0:37:50Old ladies, he's like a faith healer.
0:37:50 > 0:37:53You know when they're like... "Have you got rheumatism in your body?
0:37:53 > 0:37:54"I want you to come down."
0:37:54 > 0:37:56John Nettles slaps you on the knees.
0:37:58 > 0:37:59Your kids would like him.
0:38:02 > 0:38:04The longer I work with Ross, the more I believe him,
0:38:04 > 0:38:06which is... LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
0:38:06 > 0:38:09Now, what kind of questions are barristers never allowed
0:38:09 > 0:38:12to ask the witness?
0:38:12 > 0:38:14Leading questions.
0:38:14 > 0:38:16KLAXON
0:38:20 > 0:38:22# Next door... #
0:38:22 > 0:38:24- Lucy?- Multiple choice?
0:38:27 > 0:38:29APPLAUSE
0:38:33 > 0:38:38"Did you A, kill them, B, have a takeaway, C...?"
0:38:38 > 0:38:40"Oh, mostly Cs, you're a Gemini!"
0:38:42 > 0:38:45So, you can sometimes have leading questions.
0:38:45 > 0:38:47They are allowed in cross-examination.
0:38:47 > 0:38:49So, when you're questioning the other side's witness,
0:38:49 > 0:38:51it's absolutely fine. They're not allowed in what's called
0:38:51 > 0:38:55evidence in chief. So, that's when you're questioning your own side.
0:38:55 > 0:38:56You couldn't, for example, say,
0:38:56 > 0:39:00"And did the accused hit you about the buttocks with the cucumber?"
0:39:00 > 0:39:02You're not allowed to say that...
0:39:04 > 0:39:08- "Or, did he B..."- Yeah.- "..put the cucumber between the buttocks?"
0:39:08 > 0:39:12"Or, was it C, the actor John Nettles,
0:39:12 > 0:39:15- "who was just trying to help?" - Yeah, you're not allowed to do that.
0:39:15 > 0:39:17You have to say "what happened next", is basically the thing.
0:39:17 > 0:39:19But, in cross-examination,
0:39:19 > 0:39:21you're not only allowed to ask leading questions,
0:39:21 > 0:39:23most people say you SHOULD ask them.
0:39:23 > 0:39:28Is the fellow on the right, by any chance, saying "tattyfilarious"?
0:39:28 > 0:39:32"Oh, what a lovely day, what a lovely day for committing murder."
0:39:35 > 0:39:36That's why I didn't become a lawyer,
0:39:36 > 0:39:38there's not enough funny voices in the law.
0:39:40 > 0:39:43Now, what kind of evidence isn't going to get you convicted
0:39:43 > 0:39:46under any circumstances?
0:39:46 > 0:39:48Circumstantial.
0:39:48 > 0:39:50KLAXON
0:39:51 > 0:39:53And that was a leading question!
0:39:56 > 0:39:59We think it's the case that you can't use circumstantial,
0:39:59 > 0:40:02but in fact most convictions depend entirely on circumstantial evidence.
0:40:02 > 0:40:06Because fingerprints and DNA samples and phone records,
0:40:06 > 0:40:09credit card receipts, bloodstains, lack of an alibi,
0:40:09 > 0:40:11that can all be circumstantial evidence,
0:40:11 > 0:40:16stuff from which you can infer that somebody was present at a crime.
0:40:16 > 0:40:19And finally, a male black widow spider
0:40:19 > 0:40:23and a female black widow spider have just finished having sex.
0:40:23 > 0:40:25What happens next?
0:40:25 > 0:40:28- # Next to you. # - Yeah, Ross?
0:40:28 > 0:40:30Tiny cigarette.
0:40:30 > 0:40:33APPLAUSE
0:40:33 > 0:40:36- Oh, no, no! It wouldn't be a tiny cigarette, would it?- No.
0:40:36 > 0:40:39It'd be eight tiny cigarettes. Like that.
0:40:48 > 0:40:49"Shall we do it again?"
0:40:51 > 0:40:53Maybe she could try and kill him in that way, rather than by eating him,
0:40:53 > 0:40:56which I think is the answer that we were being led towards.
0:40:56 > 0:40:58Ah, she eats him.
0:40:58 > 0:41:00KLAXON
0:41:06 > 0:41:08No, she does not, if she's a black widow.
0:41:08 > 0:41:12So, there is one species in the widow group in which the female,
0:41:12 > 0:41:14let's say, routinely eats the male...
0:41:14 > 0:41:16- Scottish widows? - The Scottish widow!
0:41:20 > 0:41:22Yes, but at least she's insured.
0:41:23 > 0:41:26It's the redback spider of Australia, it's the only one.
0:41:26 > 0:41:29There are three species found in North America
0:41:29 > 0:41:32and post-coital cannibalism in one of the three is rare
0:41:32 > 0:41:34and, in the other two, it's completely unknown.
0:41:34 > 0:41:35And they get their name "widow"
0:41:35 > 0:41:39probably because people have watched their behaviour in captivity,
0:41:39 > 0:41:40when they're not behaving normally, I think.
0:41:40 > 0:41:43So how dangerous do you think a black widow bite is to humans?
0:41:43 > 0:41:45- Very.- No.
0:41:45 > 0:41:48It's almost unheard of, in fact, for anybody to die from it.
0:41:48 > 0:41:50- Right.- Bit of soap and water, that'll get rid of it.
0:41:50 > 0:41:52Unless you have a particular allergic reaction to it.
0:41:52 > 0:41:55Actually, it's surprisingly hard to get bitten in the first place,
0:41:55 > 0:41:58because the venom is metabolically costly to the spider,
0:41:58 > 0:42:00so she's not going to use it unless she absolutely has to.
0:42:00 > 0:42:03And so they've done lots of tests and they've been poking and prodding
0:42:03 > 0:42:06with jelly fingers and mostly it's a dry bite that you'd get,
0:42:06 > 0:42:09so there's no venom in it. It's not, er...
0:42:09 > 0:42:11Are they commercially available, the jelly fingers?
0:42:14 > 0:42:15I think you could make your own.
0:42:15 > 0:42:18Get that down! That'll be in that warehouse of things
0:42:18 > 0:42:19that people don't buy.
0:42:19 > 0:42:22The Museum of Failed Products.
0:42:22 > 0:42:25Post-coital cannibalism amongst black widows is the exception,
0:42:25 > 0:42:30not the rule. What usually happens is that the male says he'll text her
0:42:30 > 0:42:32and then he never...
0:42:32 > 0:42:34OK, next, it's the scores and, in first place,
0:42:34 > 0:42:36with a magnificent 6 points, it's Ross!
0:42:36 > 0:42:38APPLAUSE
0:42:41 > 0:42:45And in second, just one point behind with 5, it's Frankie!
0:42:45 > 0:42:47APPLAUSE
0:42:49 > 0:42:52In third place, with -4, Lucy!
0:42:52 > 0:42:54APPLAUSE
0:42:54 > 0:42:57APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:42:57 > 0:43:00And in fourth place, with -10,
0:43:00 > 0:43:02it's the audience!
0:43:07 > 0:43:12Which means that, in last place of the next show, is, was,
0:43:12 > 0:43:14or will be, with -25, Alan.
0:43:14 > 0:43:16APPLAUSE
0:43:22 > 0:43:24My thanks to Frankie, Ross, Lucy and Alan.
0:43:24 > 0:43:27I leave you with this news from the Western Daily Press,
0:43:27 > 0:43:31concerning what people plan to do next, after they retire.
0:43:31 > 0:43:35A survey of 1,000 over-50-year-olds found that many
0:43:35 > 0:43:38intended to travel more, write a book, do a parachute jump,
0:43:38 > 0:43:40or take up a new hobby when they reach 60.
0:43:40 > 0:43:43Some of those polled said they wanted to become a volunteer,
0:43:43 > 0:43:45or raise money for charity.
0:43:45 > 0:43:48While others just wanted to eat more cakes, and have more sex.
0:43:48 > 0:43:50Until next time, goodbye.
0:43:50 > 0:43:53APPLAUSE