0:00:02 > 0:00:08This programme contains some strong language
0:00:24 > 0:00:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Hello! Thank you very much!
0:00:37 > 0:00:42Hello, and welcome to QI, where tonight everything is new.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44Please welcome the new faces.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46New kid on the block, it's Jimmy Carr.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48APPLAUSE
0:00:50 > 0:00:52The new-fangled Clive Anderson.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55- APPLAUSE - Oh, thank you.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58The brand-new Jo Brand.
0:00:58 > 0:01:02APPLAUSE
0:01:02 > 0:01:05And the ruddy nuisance Alan Davies.
0:01:05 > 0:01:06APPLAUSE
0:01:11 > 0:01:13Let's hear your news. Jimmy goes...
0:01:13 > 0:01:16# New York, New York. #
0:01:18 > 0:01:19Clive goes...
0:01:19 > 0:01:24# Happy New Year Happy New Year. #
0:01:24 > 0:01:25Jo goes...
0:01:25 > 0:01:29# Poppa's got a brand-new bag. #
0:01:29 > 0:01:30And Alan goes...
0:01:30 > 0:01:36# You won't find another fool like me. #
0:01:36 > 0:01:38The New Seekers.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42- So much better than the old seekers.- Absolutely.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44So, a nice easy one to start with.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47What is this island called?
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Newfoundland.
0:01:49 > 0:01:50KLAXON BLARES
0:01:50 > 0:01:52No.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55I'm going to have to shoot you now.
0:01:55 > 0:01:56Eh, no.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58It isn't the correct pronunciation.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00NOOf'nd-lund.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02KLAXON BLARES
0:02:02 > 0:02:05Hey, hey, hey, enough violence on this show.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07Noof'nd-LAND is the correct pronunciation
0:02:07 > 0:02:09and in 1876 a man was killed
0:02:09 > 0:02:12during a brawl over the correct pronunciation.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15Well, we were lucky, weren't we? We got off lightly.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18It was two mill workers, William Atchison and John Davis.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22One thought it was NewFOUNDland and one thought it was NewfoundLAND.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Atchison threw a punch, Davis drew his gun and killed Atchison.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28He got away, Davis, and he spent 37 years on the run,
0:02:28 > 0:02:30- so it's a really... - Davis?- Yes, Davis.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Any relation?
0:02:32 > 0:02:34- Possibly.- John Davis.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37- Dangerous man.- I have a great-uncle who emigrated to Canada.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39- Did he go to NewfoundLAND? - Noof-ndLAND.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41I think he went to Quebec, actually.
0:02:41 > 0:02:42Noof'ndLAND.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45- And you inherited your shirt from him?- Yes.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Anyway, just to finish this story, Davis, who killed Atchison,
0:02:49 > 0:02:52he ran away for 37 years and then, on his deathbed, 1912,
0:02:52 > 0:02:56he's in a hospital in Peoria in Illinois and he felt so bad about it
0:02:56 > 0:02:59that he confesses on his deathbed
0:02:59 > 0:03:02and then recovered and had to go on the run again.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08I think he said, "I did that murder in NEWfoundland."
0:03:08 > 0:03:11"No, it's NewFOUNDland."
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Actually, both men were right, because at the time,
0:03:13 > 0:03:15both pronunciations were perfectly acceptable.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17It's only fairly recently that people have got a bit...
0:03:17 > 0:03:19What's it now? Without looking.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21- Noof'ndLAND.- Noof'ndLAND. - Noof'ndLAND.- OK.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Presumably if people are watching this in Newfoundland,
0:03:24 > 0:03:25they're shouting at the television.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28- Yes, they probably are. - "They're all idiots!"
0:03:28 > 0:03:31I have a constant argument with the pronunciation of Canadian places.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34My other half is Canadian and everything seems to be pronounced
0:03:34 > 0:03:36a little bit faster than it should be.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39- So it's Trono, not Toronto. - Oh, is it?
0:03:39 > 0:03:41- Trono?- Trono. Like, as quick as you possibly can.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Like, it's a crime to say it - Trono.
0:03:43 > 0:03:47- I love Toronto. There used to be a bar there called...- Trono!
0:03:47 > 0:03:49- Sorry, Trono.- Trono! Trono!
0:03:49 > 0:03:52There used to be a bar there called the Betty Ford Clinic.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54And what's not to like?
0:03:55 > 0:03:58Some fantastic names in Newfoundland.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Conception Bay South is the second-largest town.
0:04:01 > 0:04:02Conception Bay South is, yeah...
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Conception Bay South, maybe there's a North.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07That's what I call it, she doesn't like it.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09She thinks it's too formal.
0:04:11 > 0:04:15Come on, love, let's have a look at Conception Bay South.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19I bought you dinner, we saw the movie you wanted, come on.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Before moving on to Conception Bay North, I suppose.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Well, that's a special treat for birthdays.
0:04:25 > 0:04:29- It's possible... - Which way up is she? Hang on.
0:04:31 > 0:04:35It's possible that a girl may prefer the Newfoundland town of Dildo.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Or Eastern Tickle.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Which I like very much.
0:04:41 > 0:04:42- Do you?- Yeah.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47- Thanks for sharing. - Not bad for me age. Erm...
0:04:47 > 0:04:50Newfoundland, what's interesting about it,
0:04:50 > 0:04:52the very first part of the British Empire, 1583.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56It's the very first bit of England's first overseas territory,
0:04:56 > 0:05:00Sir Humphrey Gilbert claimed Newfoundland in 1583.
0:05:00 > 0:05:04Now, here is a chance for some easy points.
0:05:04 > 0:05:08When Europeans first arrived in New York, what did they call it?
0:05:08 > 0:05:09PAPA'S GOT A BRAND-NEW BAG PLAYS
0:05:09 > 0:05:12- Jo.- New Amsterdam.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14KLAXON BLARES
0:05:14 > 0:05:17But it's an Elvis Costello song, it must be right.
0:05:17 > 0:05:18And that's why I said it.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20I think either the Spanish or the French were there first,
0:05:20 > 0:05:23so it was either New Madrid or New Paris or nouvelle
0:05:23 > 0:05:25cuisine or something like that.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28It was the French and it was New Angouleme.
0:05:28 > 0:05:29Well, there you go.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32It was Giovanni da Verrazzano who first named it.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36A Florentine working for the French crown and he absolutely wanted to
0:05:36 > 0:05:38favour the French king, Francis I,
0:05:38 > 0:05:40who was originally Francis of Angouleme,
0:05:40 > 0:05:41that's where he came from.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43He must have been very pleased when he got there
0:05:43 > 0:05:45that he could buy a stick of rock to take home.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49It's got New Angouleme all the way through it.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53The weird thing about him, Verrazzano,
0:05:53 > 0:05:55there's loads of things in New York named after him
0:05:55 > 0:05:57and every single sign has his name misspelled.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59It's supposed to be double Z.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02And nobody quite knows whether they didn't have enough Zs in the
0:06:02 > 0:06:04sign-making department.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06They've misspelled park way and bridge, as well,
0:06:06 > 0:06:07so they're obviously not very good.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10- So, here's a fact about New York... - Go.- ..which is quite interesting.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Gotham, I think I know the history of Gotham.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15Because it's a small village outside Nottingham.
0:06:15 > 0:06:16Where local idiots would live
0:06:16 > 0:06:19and someone wrote this book called The Merry Men Of Gotham.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21So, then, about 100 years later,
0:06:21 > 0:06:23there's a writer in New York and he compares New York,
0:06:23 > 0:06:26he says they're all mad here, it's like Gotham City here.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28- Ah, OK.- They're all idiots. - I didn't know that.
0:06:28 > 0:06:29Do you know why it's called Manhattan?
0:06:29 > 0:06:32Is that a local Amerindian name?
0:06:32 > 0:06:36It's a native Lenape American... It's actually quite a nice story.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39So, 1609, Henry Hudson met a group of native Lenape Americans
0:06:39 > 0:06:42and they were fishing and he offered them alcohol,
0:06:42 > 0:06:44for the very first time, and there was a warrior
0:06:44 > 0:06:46who swallowed the whole lot to test it and passed out
0:06:46 > 0:06:49and everybody thought this is marvellous, and he then brought more
0:06:49 > 0:06:52alcohol and they ended up getting fantastically drunk together
0:06:52 > 0:06:55and the word, the native Lenape word, Manahactanienk,
0:06:55 > 0:06:57means "the place we all got drunk".
0:06:59 > 0:07:02I think the story is that it was also one of those places
0:07:02 > 0:07:04that was sold for a few beads and so a few beads
0:07:04 > 0:07:06were handed over and the Indians took those.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09But they had the last laugh because they weren't even from that local area.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12- They weren't from that area. - They didn't even own the place in the first place.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15They just took the beads and said, "Thanks, OK, good luck with that."
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Here is something that was fantastically new in New York
0:07:17 > 0:07:20in 1909 at Coney Island, which is a glorious place to hang out.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23They ought to bring this back, because it's a really fantastic thing.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27This is one stretch of track running multiple trains and if the two meet
0:07:27 > 0:07:29while travelling in opposite directions,
0:07:29 > 0:07:32so the passengers are in the lower part, I think you can just see,
0:07:32 > 0:07:34it goes up over the top.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36I think you can just see the arms of some of the passengers and it carries on.
0:07:36 > 0:07:40I'm sorry, but that's like a very well engineered train crash.
0:07:40 > 0:07:45They should have that on the Northern Line, that'd be fantastic.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47I think it's absolutely brilliant, I love that.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Yes, indeed, New York was originally New Angouleme.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Where would you find the most pyramids in the world?
0:07:52 > 0:07:54PAPA'S GOT A BRAND-NEW BAG PLAYS
0:07:54 > 0:07:55- Yes.- Egypt, fuck it.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58KLAXON BLARES
0:08:02 > 0:08:04I'm sure I've heard Mexico,
0:08:04 > 0:08:06but I bet that's wrong as well, isn't it?
0:08:06 > 0:08:08- KLAXON BLARES - Yes.- Yes, Mexico.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11In the spirit of... I've seen one. I've seen one in Las Vegas.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Yes, there is one in Las Vegas.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15KLAXON BLARES
0:08:18 > 0:08:20- Let's go for it. - # New York. #
0:08:20 > 0:08:23- Switzerland.- Yes. Let's try Switzerland.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25- Switzerland's... - ONE PERSON LAUGHS LOUDLY
0:08:25 > 0:08:28AUDIENCE LAUGH
0:08:28 > 0:08:31That's so sweet. One man appreciates you.
0:08:31 > 0:08:36So, wait a minute, so, Jo, Alan and I have all been penalised,
0:08:36 > 0:08:39but you've come out ahead by saying Switzerland.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42- Brilliant.- Is it the United States?
0:08:42 > 0:08:45- Are there more pyramids in the United States? - No, it's nearer to Egypt.
0:08:45 > 0:08:46Libya? Algeria? Tunisia?
0:08:46 > 0:08:49It is... You've got it, you're in the right part of the world.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52- Sudan? - It is Sudan, absolutely right.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55In fact, bizarrely, this is a photograph that I took myself
0:08:55 > 0:08:58of the Sudanese pyramids. There's about...
0:08:58 > 0:09:01You do your preparation for this show, don't you?
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Sorry, what is the travel budget for this show?
0:09:03 > 0:09:07Where's the licence fee money going? Hang on.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09You went all the way over there to take this photo?
0:09:09 > 0:09:13I made a long documentary about Sudan and I'd really recommend this,
0:09:13 > 0:09:15because you go and there is nobody there.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17- It is amazing.- The massive civil war could be part of the reason.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Yeah. I did go... LAUGHTER
0:09:19 > 0:09:21I did go before the civil war.
0:09:21 > 0:09:26In Egypt, between 118 and 138, in Sudan there are about 220.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28They're all in the Meroe area.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32This was ancient Nubia and you can climb them, you can go inside.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35There's fantastic writing, they had the Meroitic handwriting.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38- Incredible carvings. - Are they houses, these ones, or are they burial things?
0:09:38 > 0:09:41No, they're burial things and what's really interesting about them,
0:09:41 > 0:09:44the Egyptians' were clearly for the pharaohs and for the great and the good,
0:09:44 > 0:09:47they were much more of a meritocracy, and so you get not such wealthy people
0:09:47 > 0:09:51who had pyramids of their own, and what you can't see here is there
0:09:51 > 0:09:53was an entire civilisation.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56From the air, you can see the irrigation of tens of thousands of people
0:09:56 > 0:09:59living there and then completely destroyed.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03There was an Italian treasure hunter called Giuseppe Ferlini
0:10:03 > 0:10:04who, in the 1830s,
0:10:04 > 0:10:07chopped the tops off to see if he could find gold inside.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10I went to Mexico a couple of years ago,
0:10:10 > 0:10:12to a place called Coba.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14And you went through a pine forest for about a mile,
0:10:14 > 0:10:16quite off the beaten track.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18And there's just a pyramid in the middle of the jungle
0:10:18 > 0:10:20and you go, "Wow, that's incredible!" Take some photos.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23And the guy just goes, "You can climb it, if you want. Good luck.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25"Don't fall off. There's no ambulance."
0:10:25 > 0:10:28And you climb up and you realise there are seven other pyramids
0:10:28 > 0:10:31- in the middle of this jungle. - Amazing!
0:10:31 > 0:10:33And they haven't bothered putting a fence around it and...
0:10:33 > 0:10:36I think Jimmy's story kind of assists my answer,
0:10:36 > 0:10:39because he's indicating there are a lot of these hidden pyramids
0:10:39 > 0:10:40in Mexico in the middle of forests.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42You should see the amount in Switzerland, mate.
0:10:44 > 0:10:45It's unbelievable.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48The other new group in Sudan is the Nuer people.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51They live on the Nile around Lake Nuer.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54And their lives revolve entirely around cattle.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57So the prestige is about how many cattle a man owns.
0:10:57 > 0:11:02And they have fantastic rituals to do with sacrificing ox,
0:11:02 > 0:11:04but they are so keen to keep the ox
0:11:04 > 0:11:06that they'll replace the ox with a cucumber.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09They want to sacrifice an ox, but it's, you know, an ox.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11So they use a cucumber.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Most of the knowledge that we have about the Nuer
0:11:15 > 0:11:18comes from an anthropologist called Edward Evans-Pritchard
0:11:18 > 0:11:20and he worked there in the 1930s.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22And they didn't think much of him when he arrived,
0:11:22 > 0:11:24because he didn't have any cows,
0:11:24 > 0:11:26so they wouldn't help him with his luggage.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Until he took out his cucumber and they were all...
0:11:30 > 0:11:31..suddenly impressed.
0:11:31 > 0:11:36Now, on to nudity, newlyweds and New England.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Who got married in the Emperor's new clothes?
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Oh, that is a fabulous wedding.
0:11:40 > 0:11:44- The Emperor.- I want it to be that.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47He doesn't do very much in the story, he just parades around.
0:11:47 > 0:11:48He's a bit of an idiot, isn't he?
0:11:48 > 0:11:51- I think that's the point of the story.- I believe it is.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55The thing I like about that story is that two swindlers come,
0:11:55 > 0:11:57and this idea that there were swindlers who would go
0:11:57 > 0:11:59from town to town swindling people.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01And that's sort of died out, really, hasn't it?
0:12:01 > 0:12:04- Social media's killed the swindling industry.- It has.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08- Have you never had the e-mails? - Do you get many e-mails? Yeah.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12- The swindlers are online. - You can trust everybody now.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15There was a period of time when people got married naked in New England.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17The 1700s. Why might they do that?
0:12:17 > 0:12:20- Was it to do with witches? - To prove you were a woman.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22It's not to do with witches and not to prove that you're a woman.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Do you know there's still a thing with popes?
0:12:24 > 0:12:27- The chair.- Where they have to carry the chair over the cardinals
0:12:27 > 0:12:29to check if they had a female pope,
0:12:29 > 0:12:32which is obviously a disaster.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34They carry him over the top so they can check out his junk.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37Sadly, it's a myth, unfortunately.
0:12:37 > 0:12:38- It's a myth?- It's a want-it-to-be.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Do you know what? This is my issue with QI,
0:12:40 > 0:12:43you say it's a myth, but I've heard it in a pub.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47I'm pretty sure that's the case. Fact.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49So, look, the bridegroom and the bride are both naked?
0:12:49 > 0:12:51- No, just the bride. - Is it to do with the Bible?
0:12:51 > 0:12:54It isn't to do with the Bible. It's to do with debt.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56They were known as smock marriages,
0:12:56 > 0:12:58sometimes just in their underwear
0:12:58 > 0:13:00and if the bride clearly has no assets,
0:13:00 > 0:13:03if she's got nothing, then the groom is not liable for her debts or,
0:13:03 > 0:13:06more importantly, if she's a widow, for her husband's debts.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08- Wow.- They didn't have to be visible, they just had to be naked.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11So, there's a wonderful wedding that's talked about, February 1789,
0:13:11 > 0:13:13a man called Major Moses Joy
0:13:13 > 0:13:16and he married a widow called Hannah Ward
0:13:16 > 0:13:18and she was starkers inside a closet
0:13:18 > 0:13:20and basically she reached her arm through a hole in the door
0:13:20 > 0:13:23to clasp his hand and then they got married
0:13:23 > 0:13:27and then he'd left some clothes very nicely for her in the cupboard and then she came out fully dressed.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30That's a bit like if a tree falls in a forest.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32If you're naked and nobody can see you...
0:13:32 > 0:13:34- It doesn't really count, does it? - You don't need to be naked, do you?
0:13:34 > 0:13:37I'm sure Lady Gaga would argue she was wearing a wardrobe.
0:13:37 > 0:13:38Mm.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Just a hell of a dress.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Did her head stick out the top of the wardrobe?
0:13:43 > 0:13:44It was just her arm out, that was it.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46- So it's a naked arm. - That's it, just the arm.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48It might not have been her arm, in fact.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Could have been anyone's arm.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Was yours a nightmare, Jo, your wedding?
0:13:52 > 0:13:53- Yeah.- Oh.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58I couldn't fit in a wardrobe, I had to go in a marquee instead.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06- No, it was lovely. - It's stressful, though, isn't it?
0:14:06 > 0:14:08I was having a look at the planning nightmare that is a wedding.
0:14:08 > 0:14:16If you have 17 guests and two tables of ten that has 131,702
0:14:16 > 0:14:18possible seating arrangements.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21A wedding with 100 guests and ten tables has
0:14:21 > 0:14:2565 trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion
0:14:25 > 0:14:27possibilities as to where you want to seat people.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Crikey. I had a very little wedding.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33I'd said to my friends, "Don't tell anyone or talk about it."
0:14:33 > 0:14:37And one of my friends stayed at a local hotel and called a cab
0:14:37 > 0:14:40to pick her up to take her to our wedding,
0:14:40 > 0:14:43and she got in the cab and he went, "Where do you want to go?"
0:14:43 > 0:14:45and she went, "I'm not telling you."
0:14:47 > 0:14:50That's fabulous. They have a great tradition in Sweden,
0:14:50 > 0:14:52here's a randy Scandi fact,
0:14:52 > 0:14:55if the bride leaves the reception to go to the bathroom,
0:14:55 > 0:14:58then all the women in the room kiss the groom.
0:15:00 > 0:15:04And if the groom leaves, all the men may kiss the bride.
0:15:04 > 0:15:05And that is how chlamydia started.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10- It's a fine name for a child.- Yeah.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17What's the biggest news item ever?
0:15:17 > 0:15:20Has it got anything to do with the Kardashians?
0:15:20 > 0:15:23I'm not even really sure who they are. So, no.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26When was the golden era of the newspapers?
0:15:26 > 0:15:29When was the biggest circulation? Would it be Titanic?
0:15:29 > 0:15:33So, it's not an actual news item that we are looking for.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Not like the moon landing, which is a very big...
0:15:35 > 0:15:38It's not a story. It's the actual news.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41Did they do a live broadcast for, like, 36 hours or something?
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Is it the size of the headline you're looking for?
0:15:44 > 0:15:46- Yes.- The size... - In fact, you can help me,
0:15:46 > 0:15:48because I have a copy of what we are looking for,
0:15:48 > 0:15:50but I can't manage it on my own, so, Alan and Clive,
0:15:50 > 0:15:52if you could come and help me.
0:15:52 > 0:15:57What I'm talking about is the largest newspapers ever published.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01These were... This is called the Universal Yankee Nation.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04- There you go.- Oh, tiny print.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06- Yes.- Yes. You seriously had to have...
0:16:06 > 0:16:09- I mean...- Is this helping your presentation skills?
0:16:09 > 0:16:10You all right, Sandi?
0:16:10 > 0:16:13I don't want to hurt your feelings, but if Stephen was here,
0:16:13 > 0:16:15his head would be poking over the top.
0:16:15 > 0:16:19If I was good, I could've gone underneath, but I didn't want to play limbo with the newspaper.
0:16:19 > 0:16:20Why did they design those?
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Maybe there was a tax on each page of newsprint.
0:16:23 > 0:16:24- That's exactly right.- Oh, right.
0:16:24 > 0:16:25They were known as blanket sheets
0:16:25 > 0:16:27or mammoth newspapers or leviathan newspapers.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30It was the introduction of the cylinder printing presses that
0:16:30 > 0:16:32made them possible. It was the fact that it was possible.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34This particular newspaper was only published
0:16:34 > 0:16:38for about a year and a half from 1841 to 1842,
0:16:38 > 0:16:41but it was called the largest paper in all creation.
0:16:41 > 0:16:45Would have been very useful if you're an extremely fat tramp
0:16:45 > 0:16:46that was sleeping out.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50Yes. Except it was only one page thick, so it wasn't...
0:16:50 > 0:16:53- In the summer. - In the... Sleeping out.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58What if you're two tramps having a liaison?
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Yes, but they were designed for sharing.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04But you said about the duties, it's why we had broadsheets.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07- Yes, yes, there was a tax, wasn't there?- Yeah. There was a tax.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09With a tax, there'd be people trying to avoid it, wouldn't there?
0:17:09 > 0:17:12- I would imagine, yeah.- They would have ways of trying to get round it.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16I guess. I guess some people would,
0:17:16 > 0:17:19but, I mean, they'd be morally bankrupt, is what they'd be.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22Getting their papers from Jersey or somewhere,
0:17:22 > 0:17:24so it would be just crazy.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26- Yes.- Is that...? Would that work?
0:17:28 > 0:17:30So it was a bit like modern fizzy drinks tax.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32It was to discourage people from buying newspapers.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Because they were so critical of the government and so...
0:17:34 > 0:17:37- We'll tax them out of existence. - Yeah. For a really long time.
0:17:37 > 0:17:391712 till 1855.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42And then when they took off the tax, all of the Daily Mails,
0:17:42 > 0:17:43Daily Mirrors, popular press came in.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Because, you know, relatively poor people
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- could afford to buy the news and find out what was going on.- Yes.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51During the time of the tax, people would hire newspapers,
0:17:51 > 0:17:53they would buy second-hand newspapers,
0:17:53 > 0:17:54they would read them in coffee houses,
0:17:54 > 0:17:56they would club together to share them.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58There were even bootleg newspapers.
0:17:58 > 0:18:02Second-hand newspapers wouldn't be much use, would they, really?
0:18:02 > 0:18:06- Well, I...- "Oh, dear, the Titanic's sunk...14 years ago."
0:18:07 > 0:18:09But, you know, when you're on holiday in the old days,
0:18:09 > 0:18:12you'd read almost any English newspaper that you find.
0:18:12 > 0:18:13I remember I'd been in Thailand for three weeks
0:18:13 > 0:18:15and I found a copy of the Daily Mail
0:18:15 > 0:18:17and I read this brilliant article in it by Norman Tebbit
0:18:17 > 0:18:19and he said, "I can't be..."
0:18:20 > 0:18:23- I'm just... - "I can't be the only person
0:18:23 > 0:18:25"who's noticed a rise in serious crime
0:18:25 > 0:18:28"since same-sex partnerships were brought in."
0:18:30 > 0:18:31No, Norman, you can.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34You can be the only person to...
0:18:34 > 0:18:38APPLAUSE
0:18:38 > 0:18:39But this is a thing of the past now.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41Until a few years ago, when you were abroad,
0:18:41 > 0:18:44you'd pay any money to get an English language...
0:18:44 > 0:18:45Now, you just get it online.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47So younger people think, "What are they talking about?"
0:18:47 > 0:18:50It's a real shame, cos you go away and you know when people die.
0:18:50 > 0:18:51It used to be you'd get back from holiday
0:18:51 > 0:18:53and that would sort of cheer you up.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55"The holiday's over but, oh, he's dead, is he?
0:18:55 > 0:18:57"Oh...I liked him."
0:18:57 > 0:19:01Anyway, what can you tell me about any of these...?
0:19:01 > 0:19:05OK, so these are newspaper headlines
0:19:05 > 0:19:06and I want to know what the story is.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10Oh, this keeps on coming up.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12"Once! One time!"
0:19:15 > 0:19:18Well, apparently, in 1955, there was a man in New Guinea
0:19:18 > 0:19:21and he went for a swim and there was a load of equipment
0:19:21 > 0:19:23that had been abandoned after the war
0:19:23 > 0:19:26and he noticed there was a steam-roller
0:19:26 > 0:19:28and there was a bolt missing in a bolt hole. And what did he think?
0:19:28 > 0:19:30- "I'll shag that." - Yes!
0:19:32 > 0:19:35- That's a real view into a man's psyche, I think.- Yeah.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37I think that's basically a message to any women watching -
0:19:37 > 0:19:39"Make less effort. There's really no need."
0:19:40 > 0:19:42So excited was he by the steam-roller
0:19:42 > 0:19:44that he failed to notice that it was, in fact,
0:19:44 > 0:19:46in an area where the tide was about to come in
0:19:46 > 0:19:52and he got himself stuck as the tide was racing towards him.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55And he didn't really want to call for help because, you know, awkward.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59- He was a bit embarrassed.- Yeah. But anyway, he was released by a doctor.
0:20:00 > 0:20:04He said, "It came away all right, but was very badly torn."
0:20:04 > 0:20:06AUDIENCE SUCKS IN BREATH
0:20:06 > 0:20:09Quite a low hiss, that one. More boys than girls on that one, then.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13Try this one as another headline...
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Any thoughts on that?
0:20:18 > 0:20:20- Are they two...?- Are they towns?
0:20:20 > 0:20:21It's a headline from an American newspaper
0:20:21 > 0:20:23called the Bloomington Pantagraph.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25And it referred to a couple in Illinois.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27The town of Normal takes its name from
0:20:27 > 0:20:29the Illinois Normal State University.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Oblong chose their name in 1880
0:20:31 > 0:20:33because they were tired of their original name,
0:20:33 > 0:20:34which was Henpeck.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Well, fair enough.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39Is this one of those things where they had the headline on the shelf
0:20:39 > 0:20:41and they were waiting for the story?
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Yes, they almost had it typeset and ready to go.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45This is a great local news story...
0:20:50 > 0:20:51You would certainly think
0:20:51 > 0:20:53the Catholic church have got more pressing matters.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56This is a story from 2008 from the Arran Voice.
0:20:56 > 0:21:00"Northend Thistle football players on the Ormidale pitch last week
0:21:00 > 0:21:03"held their breath as a wayward shot at goal from Ben Tattersfield
0:21:03 > 0:21:06"sailed through the air towards the stained glass windows
0:21:06 > 0:21:07"of Brodick Church.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11"But, thankfully, the ball struck the surrounding sandstone frame
0:21:11 > 0:21:13"and bounced harmlessly to the ground."
0:21:14 > 0:21:18And this one, which is from Brighton and Hove, which I like very much...
0:21:21 > 0:21:25- So is this somebody picking up dog poo...- Yeah.- ..and, for some reason,
0:21:25 > 0:21:27they put it in their handbag, I think is the story.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30And then the handbag gets stolen and the...
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Well, it's similar to that. But this man on a bicycle
0:21:32 > 0:21:34actually pinched a bag of poo out of the hands of a...
0:21:34 > 0:21:38She was an elderly dog walker in Worthing.
0:21:38 > 0:21:39What is there, a hunt?
0:21:39 > 0:21:42I mean, you'd think, "Oh, thank God for that. He's taken the..."
0:21:42 > 0:21:44I suppose it is hot property still, but...
0:21:44 > 0:21:46A spokesman for Sussex Police said,
0:21:46 > 0:21:49"The lady was not harmed and clearly the thief stole nothing of value.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52"Anyone with information is asked to call Sussex Police."
0:21:54 > 0:21:57It's not the sort of stolen goods anyone wants to handle, either.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59No. I mean, there are loads of these.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02"Driver fails to find horn and shouts, 'Toot! Toot!'"
0:22:03 > 0:22:06"Black cat seen near M6." That's a headline.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10"Police called to pull up drunk's knickers."
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Who knows what happened?
0:22:13 > 0:22:17In other news now, what would you see on Camel News?
0:22:17 > 0:22:19Is that the camel from the Camel cigarettes thing?
0:22:19 > 0:22:20Is he doing a press conference going,
0:22:20 > 0:22:22"Actually, I'm only meant to have one hump.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25"Turns out smoking is not good for you."
0:22:25 > 0:22:26It's funny you should say that,
0:22:26 > 0:22:29- because it is associated with Camel cigarettes.- Sponsored.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Yes, sponsored. Exactly right.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33It was NBC's first daily news programme.
0:22:33 > 0:22:37It ran from 1949 to 1956.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40Did the guy...? Did he have a fag on as he was reading the news?
0:22:40 > 0:22:42They had a no no-smoking policy.
0:22:42 > 0:22:47So, er...you were not allowed to show any no smoking signs at all
0:22:47 > 0:22:49anywhere in the news
0:22:49 > 0:22:52and you were not allowed to show footage of real camels,
0:22:52 > 0:22:55because it was thought to be damaging to the brand.
0:22:55 > 0:22:59Yeah, Camel cigarettes, you can see how a camel would ruin it.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Well, they had in those days an actual camel called Jo,
0:23:01 > 0:23:04who used to go around the United States giving out cigarettes.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07I imagine he wasn't on his own.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10You say they weren't allowed to show no smoking signs.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12When was the first no smoking sign?
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Cos I've seen a lot of old footage, people doing surgery going,
0:23:14 > 0:23:17"Yeah, we'll have a... Oh, there you go."
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Kind of they're constantly with a fag on.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Well, it certainly wasn't a problem on television.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24There used to be a 1950s American television show
0:23:24 > 0:23:26called Do You Trust Your Wife?
0:23:26 > 0:23:28And it was sponsored by...
0:23:28 > 0:23:31It was sponsored by L&M cigarettes
0:23:31 > 0:23:34and there was a moment when the host, Johnny Carson,
0:23:34 > 0:23:37asked a man what star sign his wife was and he said, "Cancer."
0:23:37 > 0:23:40And it had to be redone as Aries,
0:23:40 > 0:23:43because you couldn't have somebody who was a Cancer star sign
0:23:43 > 0:23:45on an L&M cigarette...
0:23:47 > 0:23:49But there weren't just cigarette sponsors.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51We didn't really have that, did we?
0:23:51 > 0:23:52I suppose soap operas, you know,
0:23:52 > 0:23:54were presumably, originally, genuinely...
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Soap flakes used to be the big thing to promote.
0:23:57 > 0:23:58But also car manufacturers.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01So the very first news programme was sponsored by Oldsmobile.
0:24:01 > 0:24:05And the Ford Motor Company, they sponsored a programme
0:24:05 > 0:24:08and they only agreed to sponsor it if the Chrysler Building
0:24:08 > 0:24:11was removed from the backdrop showing the New York skyline.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Programmes sponsored by Chevvy
0:24:13 > 0:24:16weren't allowed to use the expression, "Ford a river."
0:24:16 > 0:24:17I mean, it really was sort of ridiculous
0:24:17 > 0:24:19about the stuff they did and didn't allow.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Anyway, moving on.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24What's the one thing Nigel has in common with Corbyn?
0:24:24 > 0:24:26Does it mean the same thing?
0:24:26 > 0:24:30No. It's about the number of children named.
0:24:30 > 0:24:342014 is the last year that we have statistics for.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37And only ten babies born in England were named Nigel.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39Yeah, Nigel's a name that's gone out of fashion.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42Gone totally out of fashion. But there were also ten named Corbyn.
0:24:42 > 0:24:47Oh, really? Are they all being kept in plastic boxes?
0:24:50 > 0:24:54Well, in fact, only eight were kept. Two were thrown away.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58"There's another Corbyn. Put it in the cupboard."
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Is that Angelina Jolie's Amazon order?
0:25:03 > 0:25:06APPLAUSE
0:25:08 > 0:25:11The other ones with exactly ten instances in 2014 include...
0:25:11 > 0:25:14- Timotei.- Timotei?
0:25:14 > 0:25:15You are joking.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18Veena Vishnu.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Wilfred. Apollo.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Sedrick, Barry and Gordon.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27- Can anybody guess the peak year for Nigel?- '71.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29When was Nigel Lawson Chancellor of the Exchequer?
0:25:29 > 0:25:31- '62.- Not then. - No, not then. Not then.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34You're close. '63 was the peak year for Nigel.
0:25:34 > 0:25:365,529.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39- The peak year for Nigel!- I know.
0:25:39 > 0:25:40Nigel's a bit like Clive.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42They're sort of names that have sort of come and gone.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44I don't think many people are called Nigel.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47- Well, Alan is still very popular. - Alan is a good, solid name.
0:25:47 > 0:25:482014, 302 Alans born in the UK.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50- Fine young men.- Yes.
0:25:51 > 0:25:5314 boys called Arsalan.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58Arsalan. A-R-S-A-L-A-N.
0:25:58 > 0:25:59Arsalan.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02- Is that the lion from...? - No, that's Aslan.- Close enough.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04It's actually a Muslim name for lion - Arsalan.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07The girls' names for 2014, the N names,
0:26:07 > 0:26:10were Noreen, Nile and Non.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12N-O-N, Non.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14"This is my Non child."
0:26:16 > 0:26:19But the interesting thing is - World War I,
0:26:19 > 0:26:21lots of names that you wouldn't think now would have been popular...
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Verdun was very popular. Ypres. Passchendaele. Heligoland.
0:26:24 > 0:26:29- I mean, some extraordinary... - Carnage. Slaughter.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32There were 84 Peaces and 120 Victorys
0:26:32 > 0:26:34and 44 Poppys.
0:26:34 > 0:26:38The royal family changed their name from Saxe-Coburg to Windsor
0:26:38 > 0:26:41in the middle of the First World War because of anti-German sentiment.
0:26:41 > 0:26:42But they only did it in 1917.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45So they were clearly waiting which way it was going to go.
0:26:47 > 0:26:48"It's 1914. Shall we change our name or not?"
0:26:48 > 0:26:50"Oooh, I don't know. It's..."
0:26:50 > 0:26:53Anyway, as far as newborns are concerned,
0:26:53 > 0:26:56Britain hit peak Nigel in 1963.
0:26:56 > 0:27:00What can you tell me about the false memory diet?
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Hm... Do you develop a memory
0:27:03 > 0:27:06that you remember that you've eaten a full meal
0:27:06 > 0:27:08and that's a false memory and, therefore, you don't eat.
0:27:08 > 0:27:09That's a false memory.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12It is a false memory, but it doesn't quite work like that.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15It is a suggested way of getting people to not eat.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18Oh, you put them off food they...
0:27:18 > 0:27:20Yes, you put them off certain foods is exactly right.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23You make them think they don't like hamburgers.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25There was a study in 2011 and what they did was
0:27:25 > 0:27:27they told people that there was a questionnaire
0:27:27 > 0:27:28and the questionnaire could identify
0:27:28 > 0:27:31early childhood experiences with food
0:27:31 > 0:27:34and then somebody would be told that certain foods had made them unwell.
0:27:34 > 0:27:38So, as a child, for example, got sick after eating carrot.
0:27:38 > 0:27:39Totally made up,
0:27:39 > 0:27:42but the participants believed it and went off that food.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44And the researchers managed to put people off
0:27:44 > 0:27:46an extraordinary array of things.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48Strawberry ice cream. White wine.
0:27:48 > 0:27:49Peach yoghurt.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Dill pickles.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53It's not a great meal, but, erm...
0:27:53 > 0:27:55You'd have to go through such a huge range of food
0:27:55 > 0:27:59in order to put people off enough food that they could have a diet.
0:27:59 > 0:28:02- Well, I think you'd start with chips, wouldn't you?- I suppose so.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04But there's still lots of other, you know, filling-up foods.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06The woman who ran it, Elizabeth Loftus,
0:28:06 > 0:28:08she said that if you picture a food you don't want to eat
0:28:08 > 0:28:10and you imagine it making you unwell,
0:28:10 > 0:28:12then eventually you won't want to eat it any more
0:28:12 > 0:28:14- and the cravings will go away. - Lettuce...!
0:28:16 > 0:28:19Success, Jo. Success.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21It worked!
0:28:21 > 0:28:24- Lettuce is hard work, isn't it? - Oh, it is.
0:28:24 > 0:28:26You know, lettuce is supposed to make you sleep well.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28- Is it?- Yes, it is. - Cos it's so boring.
0:28:29 > 0:28:31It's all right with chocolate on it.
0:28:32 > 0:28:34There've been some really weird diets, though.
0:28:34 > 0:28:37There was an 18th century doctor called Malcolm Flemming
0:28:37 > 0:28:40and he suggested eating soap as a weight loss method.
0:28:40 > 0:28:43I mean, it 100% works.
0:28:43 > 0:28:44No, it doesn't and don't do it.
0:28:44 > 0:28:47That's basically the thing. And didn't Elvis...?
0:28:47 > 0:28:49- Makes your wee smell lovely, though.- Yeah.
0:28:50 > 0:28:52Elvis did the Sleeping Beauty diet, I think.
0:28:52 > 0:28:54Which is the theory that you drug yourself
0:28:54 > 0:28:55and you sleep for several days
0:28:55 > 0:28:57and then you don't eat during the time that you're asleep.
0:28:57 > 0:28:59It's called the Sleeping Beauty diet.
0:28:59 > 0:29:02- I mean, Elvis didn't nail the diet thing.- He totally didn't.
0:29:03 > 0:29:06What's so good about eye of newt?
0:29:06 > 0:29:09Has it got very few calories in it?
0:29:09 > 0:29:11I would imagine. It isn't to do with calories.
0:29:11 > 0:29:14- Is it gluten-free? - It's nothing to do with food.
0:29:14 > 0:29:17- So, this is Macbeth, is it? Is that what you're quoting? - It is in the Scottish play.
0:29:17 > 0:29:20- But what's so great about eye of newt?- Medicinal properties.
0:29:20 > 0:29:22I think we studied this at school.
0:29:22 > 0:29:24There's a whole list of things that sound like disgusting things,
0:29:24 > 0:29:28but they're not really. They're references to plants or something.
0:29:28 > 0:29:29Well, that is absolutely true.
0:29:29 > 0:29:32But the thing about the eye of newt that is extraordinary,
0:29:32 > 0:29:34they did a study where they kept removing the lenses
0:29:34 > 0:29:38- from the eye of a newt... - I bet it annoyed him.
0:29:38 > 0:29:41Well, he systematically replaced it.
0:29:41 > 0:29:44They did it for 16 years and they keep just replacing the lens.
0:29:44 > 0:29:47They are able to regenerate new lenses.
0:29:47 > 0:29:49That's brilliant. Why can't we do that?
0:29:49 > 0:29:52- I don't know. It's so clever. - In some animals, the teeth replace...
0:29:52 > 0:29:55Specsavers' worst nightmare.
0:29:55 > 0:29:58And what's extraordinary about them, the lenses that are replaced
0:29:58 > 0:30:00are just as good as the very first ones that they had
0:30:00 > 0:30:02and they're able to continuously regenerate.
0:30:02 > 0:30:05Are you sure he didn't have just insurance or something?
0:30:05 > 0:30:07- Maybe.- So, sorry, that's one newt?
0:30:07 > 0:30:09- That's one newt.- I'm not a big fan of animal testing at the best of times.
0:30:09 > 0:30:13- No.- But 16 years, this poor newt's thinking, "Oh, him again."- Yeah.
0:30:14 > 0:30:16"He's going to pull my bloody eye out.
0:30:16 > 0:30:18"I'll grow it back, dick."
0:30:20 > 0:30:2115 years in, is he not thinking,
0:30:21 > 0:30:24"Are you not getting the message here?
0:30:24 > 0:30:25"These grow back."
0:30:25 > 0:30:29Presumably, there were periods when he couldn't see him coming.
0:30:29 > 0:30:32- LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - Of course. Of course.
0:30:33 > 0:30:36Did you know that they're not actually called newts?
0:30:36 > 0:30:38- Did you know that? - What, newts aren't called newts?
0:30:38 > 0:30:40- No, they're not.- They are, I tell you how you know,
0:30:40 > 0:30:42- they're called newts. - They are ewts. It was an ewt.
0:30:42 > 0:30:43- It's like an orange, isn't it?- Yes.- Yeah.
0:30:43 > 0:30:46A nickname was an ickname.
0:30:46 > 0:30:48It became nickname and newt is just because we're lazy.
0:30:48 > 0:30:50Nigel wasn't a name, either. It was an Igel.
0:30:50 > 0:30:52This is all new to me.
0:30:52 > 0:30:54- An ickname?- Ickname, yeah.
0:30:54 > 0:30:56- It's an extra name. - An additional name.
0:30:56 > 0:30:58There are lots of words like that. Apron is one.
0:30:58 > 0:31:00In fact, orange is the other way round, isn't it?
0:31:00 > 0:31:02It was a norange was the word and we call it an orange.
0:31:02 > 0:31:04Yes. My favourite...
0:31:04 > 0:31:05It's not quite the same thing.
0:31:05 > 0:31:09Apple-pie order. Which is French for nappe pliee, neatly folded linen.
0:31:09 > 0:31:13And we just call it apple-pie order, because we don't speak French.
0:31:13 > 0:31:16The thing about the witches brew you mentioned about the Scottish play.
0:31:16 > 0:31:19- Yeah.- So you're absolutely right, so the eye of newt and toe of frog,
0:31:19 > 0:31:20wool of bat and tongue of dog,
0:31:20 > 0:31:24probably wild mustard seed and buttercup leaves and moss and hound's-tongue.
0:31:24 > 0:31:26Isn't that pretty? Hound's-tongue on the right.
0:31:26 > 0:31:29And what herb was liver of blaspheming Jew, then?
0:31:29 > 0:31:31Was that a particular...
0:31:31 > 0:31:33I'm not sure that was entirely a herb.
0:31:33 > 0:31:35- Is that marjoram?- Marjoram.
0:31:35 > 0:31:39It's the worst Welsh rarebit they've ever had.
0:31:39 > 0:31:40The plant on the right stinks,
0:31:40 > 0:31:43it's also known as mice and rats due to its smell.
0:31:43 > 0:31:46People used to put it in their shoes to keep dogs away from their shoes.
0:31:46 > 0:31:48Apparently it stinks.
0:31:48 > 0:31:50They used to put it in their shoes because it stinks?
0:31:50 > 0:31:52To keep dogs away. You know, dogs do love...
0:31:52 > 0:31:54- Steal their shoes.- Keep your shoes. - Shoes, exactly.
0:31:54 > 0:31:57And that's why, to this day, dogs don't wear shoes. Goodnight.
0:31:59 > 0:32:02And toe of frog, not sustainable at all.
0:32:02 > 0:32:05There is a terrible decline in the world frog population.
0:32:05 > 0:32:06They're absolutely plummeting.
0:32:06 > 0:32:10In fact, it's now illegal to catch frogs for human consumption in France.
0:32:10 > 0:32:15And India, which has been the biggest exporter to France of frogs, has just ceased exporting.
0:32:15 > 0:32:17I have a pond in my garden which used to be full of frogs,
0:32:17 > 0:32:20they used to come and have orgies every year.
0:32:20 > 0:32:22They're not there. All been replaced by newts now.
0:32:22 > 0:32:25This sounds like an angry letter to the Daily Mail.
0:32:25 > 0:32:29"These frogs, coming over here, having sex in our ponds."
0:32:31 > 0:32:34The most extraordinary newt, just want to show you this.
0:32:34 > 0:32:37Unbelievable, it's called the rough-skinned newt.
0:32:37 > 0:32:44It has enough toxins to kill 25,000 mice and it's so toxic, this thing,
0:32:44 > 0:32:47that the Native American tribes used to force-feed them to their enemies
0:32:47 > 0:32:48to kill them.
0:32:48 > 0:32:51And the really incredible thing about them is that whatever
0:32:51 > 0:32:56eats one, dies before the newt dissolves in its stomach.
0:32:56 > 0:32:59- That's how toxic it is and then it hops free.- Ergh.
0:32:59 > 0:33:00I know! Ergh! Ergh!
0:33:00 > 0:33:03But newts are fantastic, they can regrow their eyes,
0:33:03 > 0:33:04they can kill...
0:33:04 > 0:33:07What is the measure of how toxic it is that it kills 25,000 mice?
0:33:07 > 0:33:10That was such an odd end to that sentence.
0:33:10 > 0:33:13- Well, it's poison. - Just four dogs would be a better...
0:33:13 > 0:33:15How many humans can it kill? That's what we want to know.
0:33:15 > 0:33:19It's usually things like a mouse the size of Wales it can kill.
0:33:19 > 0:33:21What about the Spanish newt? They are extraordinary.
0:33:21 > 0:33:24When threatened, they can shoot their ribs out of their body
0:33:24 > 0:33:27and stab their enemies with poison.
0:33:27 > 0:33:29Oh, I can do that.
0:33:30 > 0:33:32That seems counter-productive.
0:33:34 > 0:33:36I feel like if an enemy's coming towards you, I mean,
0:33:36 > 0:33:39by all means defend yourself, but shooting a rib out...
0:33:39 > 0:33:42Even if they don't attack, you're going to have to go to A&E.
0:33:44 > 0:33:49Now, it's time for a fresh new batch of general ignorance.
0:33:49 > 0:33:51Although, I think we've done quite well so far.
0:33:51 > 0:33:53Fingers on buzzers.
0:33:53 > 0:33:56How long is New Zealand's Ninety Mile Beach?
0:33:56 > 0:33:59- Oh.- Oh, come on. You know you want to!
0:33:59 > 0:34:01- I think it is 90 miles long. - Go for it!
0:34:01 > 0:34:05KLAXON BLARES
0:34:05 > 0:34:08Well, are they going to exaggerate or...?
0:34:08 > 0:34:10- What do you reckon? - I say it's 75 miles.
0:34:10 > 0:34:12You're getting closer. Any more for any more?
0:34:12 > 0:34:15I say it's six miles.
0:34:16 > 0:34:17Completely miscalculated.
0:34:17 > 0:34:19It's 55 miles long.
0:34:19 > 0:34:22And one of the theories is that the mistake was because
0:34:22 > 0:34:27missionaries knew that it took a day to travel 30 miles and it took three
0:34:27 > 0:34:30days to travel the beach and so they made the calculation of 90 miles,
0:34:30 > 0:34:34but, in fact, they forgot that you travel much slower on sand.
0:34:34 > 0:34:37- So, do people go and walk up it and ask for their money back? - I don't think so.
0:34:37 > 0:34:39Or drown at the end because they just walk into the sea
0:34:39 > 0:34:42thinking there's another 30 miles to go here.
0:34:42 > 0:34:45Well, the Maori do rather better. They call it Te Oneroa-a-Tohe,
0:34:45 > 0:34:47which just means The Long Beach of Tohe.
0:34:47 > 0:34:49They're not giving it a number. Just can't be bothered.
0:34:49 > 0:34:51But there are lots of misnamed things.
0:34:51 > 0:34:54Melbourne's Shark Bay has been renamed...
0:34:55 > 0:34:57It's called Safety Beach now.
0:34:57 > 0:35:01And another famous misnaming - the Thousand Islands archipelago,
0:35:01 > 0:35:03which is on the US-Canadian border,
0:35:03 > 0:35:05it's actually 1,864.
0:35:05 > 0:35:10So will they have to change the name to 1,864 Island Dressing now?
0:35:10 > 0:35:12- Well, they should do, shouldn't they?- Yes.
0:35:12 > 0:35:15Now, they have rules about what counts as an island.
0:35:15 > 0:35:18So you have to have at least one square foot of land, that's all,
0:35:18 > 0:35:21above water level for the whole year.
0:35:21 > 0:35:24And it has to have two living trees.
0:35:24 > 0:35:25Then you're an island.
0:35:25 > 0:35:27It does look amazing, though, doesn't it?
0:35:27 > 0:35:29Now, let's have a look at this.
0:35:29 > 0:35:33OK. So, going to set this up.
0:35:34 > 0:35:36- Quite good. Like that.- Wow.
0:35:36 > 0:35:38My question is, who invented this?
0:35:38 > 0:35:40Isn't it Winston Churchill?
0:35:40 > 0:35:42I want it to be Winston Churchill.
0:35:42 > 0:35:47You're so epically wrong there that the buzzer didn't even go off.
0:35:47 > 0:35:49Well, we normally call it Newton's balls, don't we?
0:35:49 > 0:35:53- I think Newton's cradle would be... - I think Newton's cradle there.
0:35:53 > 0:35:55Sorry. I'm afraid...
0:35:55 > 0:35:58I'm afraid I went to a rougher school than you did.
0:35:59 > 0:36:01I think if Newton had that many balls,
0:36:01 > 0:36:03it's no wonder he discovered gravity.
0:36:03 > 0:36:06LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:36:09 > 0:36:12- Who actually invented it? Do we know?- Galileo.
0:36:12 > 0:36:16- It's not quite as...- Was it like a toy manufacturer in the '50s?
0:36:16 > 0:36:18- Sylvia Pankhurst. - I can't remember who it is.
0:36:19 > 0:36:21Is it JFK? Is it Marlon Brando?
0:36:21 > 0:36:24- It's earlier than that. - Is it Delia Smith?
0:36:24 > 0:36:25LAUGHTER
0:36:25 > 0:36:28It's a French priest in the 17th century...
0:36:28 > 0:36:29- Charlemagne.- Abelard.
0:36:29 > 0:36:33- Called Abbe Edme Mariotte. - And then he started the hotel chain?
0:36:33 > 0:36:37Yes, that's right. That's right, exactly.
0:36:37 > 0:36:39He was an amazing thinker, Mariotte.
0:36:39 > 0:36:41Do we have to guess which one he is there?
0:36:41 > 0:36:44He's the one at the back thinking, "If I put chocolates on pillows,
0:36:44 > 0:36:45"people will stay here."
0:36:47 > 0:36:49I stayed at a hotel where they did that
0:36:49 > 0:36:51and I wished somebody had told me.
0:36:51 > 0:36:53I woke up in the morning, honest to God,
0:36:53 > 0:36:55I thought I'd had a brain haemorrhage.
0:36:58 > 0:37:00Terrifying thing.
0:37:00 > 0:37:04I made some red lentil and tomato soup the other week.
0:37:04 > 0:37:07- And my daughter... - This is going to end in tears.
0:37:07 > 0:37:08..really liked it.
0:37:08 > 0:37:11Going, "Oh, this is lovely. Lovely. Really delicious."
0:37:11 > 0:37:13And it was.
0:37:13 > 0:37:15And then some virus was going round the school.
0:37:15 > 0:37:19Anyway, middle of the night, I could hear some wailing and screaming
0:37:19 > 0:37:22and I went into her bedroom and there she was in her white nightie
0:37:22 > 0:37:25with white sheets and she'd barfed up.
0:37:25 > 0:37:28And, honestly, it looked like she'd been disembowelled.
0:37:30 > 0:37:32One of the most alarming things I've ever seen,
0:37:32 > 0:37:34just a sea of red everywhere.
0:37:34 > 0:37:38All in her hair. It was like Carrie, you know Carrie?
0:37:39 > 0:37:42I had to pick her up at arm's length and put her in the bath
0:37:42 > 0:37:44and then I didn't know what to do with her.
0:37:44 > 0:37:45She's just covered in lentils.
0:37:48 > 0:37:50I was going to start hosing her down and she was going...
0:37:50 > 0:37:52HE WAILS
0:37:52 > 0:37:55- I could never have done that. - Hosing her down!
0:37:55 > 0:37:57It was very, very, very funny.
0:37:57 > 0:38:00LAUGHTER
0:38:02 > 0:38:04I could not have done that. My bath's full of gin.
0:38:04 > 0:38:06LAUGHTER
0:38:06 > 0:38:09When's the parenting book coming out?
0:38:09 > 0:38:10The very first modern...
0:38:10 > 0:38:13What we call Newton's cradle was created by an actor called Simon Prebble, he was called.
0:38:13 > 0:38:15And he sold it to Harrods in 1967.
0:38:15 > 0:38:20He wanted to promote it and so he made a giant version which had to be
0:38:20 > 0:38:23taken down after one of the balls knocked out a child.
0:38:23 > 0:38:26LAUGHTER
0:38:28 > 0:38:31Not good to laugh, people. Not good to laugh.
0:38:34 > 0:38:37These chrome ones were created by a sculptor and film director
0:38:37 > 0:38:39called Richard Loncraine.
0:38:39 > 0:38:42Is Churchill not involved anywhere in this?
0:38:42 > 0:38:44Nothing to do with Churchill.
0:38:44 > 0:38:46Newton was an extraordinary boy, though.
0:38:46 > 0:38:47Massive Pink Floyd fan.
0:38:50 > 0:38:53He came 78th out of 80 at school.
0:38:53 > 0:38:55- He used to wander off... - Who else was at school?
0:38:55 > 0:38:57Einstein was there...
0:38:57 > 0:39:00The bloke on the right thinks it's a lightsaber.
0:39:00 > 0:39:04"Bloody hell, Newton, I think you're on to something."
0:39:04 > 0:39:07He made a very strange list of his sins when he was 19, Newton.
0:39:07 > 0:39:10It included making pies on Sunday night,
0:39:10 > 0:39:14using Wilfred's towel to spare my own,
0:39:14 > 0:39:17threatening my father and mother Smith to burn them
0:39:17 > 0:39:18and the house over them.
0:39:20 > 0:39:22Wishing death and hoping it to some.
0:39:23 > 0:39:24There's a fantastic...
0:39:24 > 0:39:26They've tried to make big Newton's cradles.
0:39:26 > 0:39:29Here's one made with 15-pound bowling balls.
0:39:29 > 0:39:32Oh, that child's for the chop.
0:39:34 > 0:39:37You'll get £250 for that on You've Been Framed in a minute.
0:39:37 > 0:39:40The child that must be punished there.
0:39:40 > 0:39:42The guy with a beard, is that a baby dangling from him?
0:39:42 > 0:39:45Or is that the whole baby with a beard on it?
0:39:54 > 0:39:57The biggest Newton's cradle ever built
0:39:57 > 0:39:59was for the US television show Myth Busters,
0:39:59 > 0:40:03they used five one-tonne steel and concrete wrecking balls
0:40:03 > 0:40:05hung from a steel truss.
0:40:05 > 0:40:08It was incredibly difficult to make and it didn't work.
0:40:09 > 0:40:12So, I'm going to put that away.
0:40:12 > 0:40:13Pop that down.
0:40:13 > 0:40:16Now, fingers on buzzers, name the part of Canada
0:40:16 > 0:40:19that Britain and America's most popular dog comes from.
0:40:21 > 0:40:23Labrador.
0:40:23 > 0:40:25KLAXON BLARES
0:40:25 > 0:40:28Are you saying it's pronounced in a different way or there's a different dog?
0:40:28 > 0:40:30No, they don't come from Labrador is the thing of it.
0:40:30 > 0:40:34So, it is the province of Newfoundland and Labrador.
0:40:34 > 0:40:37- NOOf'nd-lund.- Noof'nd-LAND!
0:40:37 > 0:40:40They are the most popular dogs in the UK and the US, the Labrador retrievers.
0:40:40 > 0:40:44They have held the top spot for 25 years running and are exhausted.
0:40:47 > 0:40:51But they come from Newfoundland and not from Labrador.
0:40:51 > 0:40:54But what happened was, when they arrived in the UK,
0:40:54 > 0:40:58there was already a dog called a Newfoundland.
0:40:58 > 0:41:00Also known as a St John's water dog.
0:41:00 > 0:41:02So, they needed to find another name.
0:41:02 > 0:41:06So... They are so gorgeous!
0:41:06 > 0:41:08And they've got a thing... They don't stop eating,
0:41:08 > 0:41:10they've got a genetic mutation.
0:41:10 > 0:41:12I had a Labrador and he was a nightmare.
0:41:12 > 0:41:13An absolute nightmare.
0:41:13 > 0:41:16- Good for training... - It turns out...they can't help it.
0:41:16 > 0:41:18I hope they find that in humans soon.
0:41:20 > 0:41:23Maybe you're part Labrador.
0:41:23 > 0:41:27- Maybe I'm all Labrador. - All Labrador, baby.
0:41:29 > 0:41:32Do you shake yourself like that after a bath?
0:41:32 > 0:41:35- I don't have baths.- Oh, sorry.
0:41:35 > 0:41:37So, Labradors aren't from Labrador.
0:41:37 > 0:41:39- Was it...? Is it close to...? - It is absolutely close to.
0:41:39 > 0:41:43So, the province of Newfoundland and Labrador comprises the large island
0:41:43 > 0:41:46of Newfoundland and the mainland of Labrador.
0:41:46 > 0:41:47And Labrador is extraordinary.
0:41:47 > 0:41:50It's three times as large as the island,
0:41:50 > 0:41:52but only 10% of the population live there.
0:41:52 > 0:41:56It is rather bleak. And that brings us to the scores.
0:41:56 > 0:41:57Well, this is fantastic.
0:41:57 > 0:42:01In first place, with a magnificent -5,
0:42:01 > 0:42:03it's Jimmy!
0:42:03 > 0:42:05- APPLAUSE - Can't believe my luck.
0:42:07 > 0:42:11In second place with -16, it's Clive!
0:42:11 > 0:42:13- APPLAUSE - Think I got some points from you.
0:42:13 > 0:42:16And in third place with -19,
0:42:16 > 0:42:18Jo!
0:42:18 > 0:42:21APPLAUSE
0:42:21 > 0:42:28Which means a triumphant -25, in final place, it's Alan.
0:42:28 > 0:42:30APPLAUSE
0:42:36 > 0:42:38So, it's thanks to Clive, Jimmy, Jo and Alan.
0:42:38 > 0:42:41I leave you with this, Parkham WI.
0:42:41 > 0:42:43The speaker at the April meeting
0:42:43 > 0:42:47was Captain Colin Darch, who talked about piracy.
0:42:47 > 0:42:50Embarrassingly, the WI all dressed as pirates for the evening,
0:42:50 > 0:42:53not realising that Captain Darch was going to be talking about
0:42:53 > 0:42:57his experience of being held hostage by Somali pirates,
0:42:57 > 0:42:59rather than piracy in general. LAUGHTER
0:42:59 > 0:43:01Good night.