0:00:24 > 0:00:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Hurrah!
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Lovely. Thank you very much.
0:00:37 > 0:00:41Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to QI,
0:00:41 > 0:00:45where tonight we'll be strapping on our snowshoes, saddling up our elks
0:00:45 > 0:00:48and heading to the frozen north, or as they say in Danish...
0:00:48 > 0:00:52SHE SPEAKS DANISH
0:00:52 > 0:00:56APPLAUSE AND CHEERING I know.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58I've been here no time at all
0:00:58 > 0:01:01and we're already doing it in two languages.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Let's meet our nefarious Norsemen.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05The cool Jason Manford.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08- APPLAUSE - Hello. Thank you very much.
0:01:08 > 0:01:12The chilled Lucy Beaumont.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14APPLAUSE
0:01:16 > 0:01:20The howling waste that is Rhod Gilbert.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER
0:01:24 > 0:01:26And an absolute-zero Alan Davies.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:34 > 0:01:38So, our northern noises come from Iceland because their buzzers
0:01:38 > 0:01:40are all Bjorky.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42So Jason goes...
0:01:42 > 0:01:48# It's oh so quiet Shh! Shh! #
0:01:48 > 0:01:50And Rhod goes...
0:01:50 > 0:01:53# It's oh so still... #
0:01:53 > 0:01:56- LAUGHTER - Cheap, I like it.
0:01:56 > 0:01:57And Lucy goes...
0:01:57 > 0:02:04# All alone Shh! Shh! #
0:02:04 > 0:02:05And Alan goes...
0:02:05 > 0:02:07# Wah! Wah! #
0:02:07 > 0:02:09LAUGHTER
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Excellent.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17Now, I've asked you all to bring your favourite thing about Denmark.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20So, obviously, my very first question is going to be,
0:02:20 > 0:02:23what's the second-best thing to come out of Denmark?
0:02:23 > 0:02:24LAUGHTER
0:02:24 > 0:02:28- And we will start with Alan. Start with Alan.- It's you, Sandi.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30- Aw. AUDIENCE:- Aw!
0:02:30 > 0:02:32And this week's winner is Alan!
0:02:32 > 0:02:34LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:02:37 > 0:02:40- Come on, favourite things from Denmark.- Pastries.- Which?
0:02:40 > 0:02:43- Danish pastries. - They're not from Denmark.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45- Danish pastries. They're not from Denmark.- Not from there.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48- LAUGHTER - I knew that.
0:02:48 > 0:02:49They're from Vienna.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Well, they were made by Viennese pastry chefs in Copenhagen.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54We call it wienerbrod, so Vienna bread.
0:02:54 > 0:02:59I know that Copenhagen is on the same line of latitude as Glasgow.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02Is that your gift to me, that particular fact?
0:03:02 > 0:03:04No. No, no.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07- There's a Danish thing that's not really a thing.- Right.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11- It's like a hug.- Yes.- It's a hygge. - It's a hygge.- It's a thing.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14- Like a feeling. - Yep. It doesn't translate.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17It's the most wonderful word and what it means is to get together with your friends,
0:03:17 > 0:03:21usually in candlelight, and to feel really mellow and enjoy yourself,
0:03:21 > 0:03:23and in general that involves alcohol.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25- Yeah, that's why... - LAUGHTER
0:03:25 > 0:03:28- That's my gift to you. - Thank you. Aw. That is lovely.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31We say that to our friends. We ring them up and say, "Come over, we'll hygge."
0:03:31 > 0:03:34- And it just means bring beer. - "We'll have a nice time."
0:03:34 > 0:03:37Now, Lucy, surely you've got a little something for me as a gift.
0:03:37 > 0:03:42My favourite thing to come out of Denmark
0:03:42 > 0:03:45is Saga Noren, the character.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49Oh, played by the genius Sofia Helin in The Bridge.
0:03:49 > 0:03:53The only trouble with that, and I love the gift, is she's Swedish.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55LAUGHTER
0:03:55 > 0:03:58- It's very similar, though, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:03:58 > 0:03:59LAUGHTER
0:03:59 > 0:04:01AUDIENCE: Oh!
0:04:03 > 0:04:06You're very particular about the what's Danish and what...
0:04:06 > 0:04:10- Doesn't really matter. - You know there was a murder on that bridge, don't you?
0:04:10 > 0:04:13She does come out of Denmark quite a lot, doesn't she?
0:04:13 > 0:04:15She does, but she's visiting.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18I have to say, it is the most brilliant thing.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22Her portrayal of Saga Noren is astonishing. It's the best portrayal
0:04:22 > 0:04:25- of a person with Asperger's I've ever seen.- I know.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28I've never been so influenced by anything.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31And sometimes I feel like her. When I'm walking towards a car
0:04:31 > 0:04:33to get in it, I feel like her,
0:04:33 > 0:04:37like when she walked towards her car.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39I did it the other day in Waitrose.
0:04:39 > 0:04:44Can you show us how you got in the car? What you did?
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Not without a car, no.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49LAUGHTER
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Right. What about Jason?
0:04:51 > 0:04:56My favourite thing about Denmark, or from Denmark, of course...
0:04:56 > 0:05:00- Oh, that is...- ..is this. - ..absolutely brilliant.
0:05:00 > 0:05:05- Now, I must give it its official BBC title.- Yes.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09Generic Danish interlocking children's building set.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:05:12 > 0:05:15- It's Lego, of course. - That's fantastic.
0:05:15 > 0:05:19So, Rhod. You have to top the interlocking gift.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23Well, when I was asked my favourite thing about Norway,
0:05:23 > 0:05:25I didn't really know a lot about... Denmark, sorry.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27LAUGHTER
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Oh, does it matter? Come on!
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Agh!
0:05:37 > 0:05:42So, what if I said, "Those Welsh and Scots, they're exactly the same"?
0:05:42 > 0:05:43- AUDIENCE:- Oooh!
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Exactly. You'd get lynched.
0:05:45 > 0:05:49I'm fine, there's no Danish people here apart from you.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52- All right, Denmark. If you insist, Denmark.- I do.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Right, I didn't know much about Denmark, Norway,
0:05:54 > 0:05:56call it what you want...
0:05:56 > 0:05:59LAUGHTER
0:05:59 > 0:06:02- So I sort of Googled it.- Right.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05It always comes up as the happiest place or the second-happiest place.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Yes, absolutely right.
0:06:07 > 0:06:08Although, coincidently, it's always
0:06:08 > 0:06:12the happiest place and the largest consumers of antidepressants.
0:06:12 > 0:06:16So I don't know if that's linked. Just a thought.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18It's cos they do chocolate-flavoured ones.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24Some people say it's the high incomes or the low levels of
0:06:24 > 0:06:27inequality, the large welfare state, the good education...
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Yes, darling, not really a speech,
0:06:29 > 0:06:31more of a gift is what we're looking for.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33I don't think it's because of any of those things.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36I think it's because they have a strict, strict control
0:06:36 > 0:06:39over breaking wind in public cos I found this sign.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44LAUGHTER
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Since the smoking ban, I'm all for this kind of thing.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Unfortunately, the word "fart" means speed,
0:06:57 > 0:07:00and so this is a speed-restriction area.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03But, also, rather pleasingly, the word for timetable is "fartplan".
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Oh, I've needed one of those for years.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13A proper fartplan.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17- A daily fartplan. - Where you are, who you're with...
0:07:18 > 0:07:21So, Denmark does lead the world in many, many things.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24What is the main thing that it leads the world in?
0:07:24 > 0:07:28- Fairy tales.- Oh, that would be nice. Although they are quite miserable.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Actually, the real Hans Christian Andersen stories are quite dark.
0:07:31 > 0:07:32Sawing their feet off.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34- JASON:- There is an obsession with...
0:07:34 > 0:07:37I've noticed this with watching the kids' programmes,
0:07:37 > 0:07:41the Disney films and stuff. There is an obsession with dead parents.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43And it comes from that Hans Christian Andersen.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47I don't know why it is, but one or both of them are either dead already
0:07:47 > 0:07:50or killed within the film at some point.
0:07:50 > 0:07:51OK, so, heading for parenting,
0:07:51 > 0:07:53I'm going to try to get us to the answer, it isn't
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Hans Christian Andersen we're looking for...
0:07:56 > 0:07:58- What was the question? - I'm looking for...
0:07:58 > 0:08:00what Denmark leads the world in.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Parenting!
0:08:02 > 0:08:05I saw a lovely Danish sofa on eBay.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07LAUGHTER
0:08:08 > 0:08:11- Is it...- No.- ..sofas?
0:08:11 > 0:08:12Childbirth!
0:08:12 > 0:08:17Also, I thought you said "surfer" so, for a brief moment...
0:08:17 > 0:08:20I'm trying to think of a Dane surfing.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Is it something to do with childbirth?
0:08:22 > 0:08:24- It's something exported from Denmark.- Babies.
0:08:24 > 0:08:28- It's to do with childbirth. - Umbilical cords. Stem cells.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31The audience is going to start screaming in a minute.
0:08:31 > 0:08:35And the word they're going to start screaming is "sperm".
0:08:35 > 0:08:37It is the world's...
0:08:37 > 0:08:40LAUGHTER
0:08:40 > 0:08:42They are the world's largest exporter of human sperm and,
0:08:42 > 0:08:46certainly in the UK, due to a shortage of home-grown donors,
0:08:46 > 0:08:49and also because the laws mean you can't be anonymous in the UK,
0:08:49 > 0:08:52about a third of the total used by British fertility clinics
0:08:52 > 0:08:54is Viking sperm.
0:08:54 > 0:08:59Why have they got so...? Is it because it's dark like 20 hours...?
0:08:59 > 0:09:02It doesn't get dark in Denmark like that.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05How do you cope with having one-and-a-half hours' daylight?
0:09:05 > 0:09:08- It doesn't happen! - It doesn't happen!
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Denmark's the same as Scotland, where you come from!
0:09:11 > 0:09:13LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:09:16 > 0:09:19DROWNED OUT BY APPLAUSE
0:09:19 > 0:09:23It's up in the Arctic Circle, way, way further.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26A Danish winter is about one-and-a-half hours' daylight.
0:09:26 > 0:09:31- It is not, darling, no.- You keep saying the same thing! It's wrong!
0:09:31 > 0:09:35It's not, it's true. I've been there. An hour-and-a-half.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38LAUGHTER
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Here's the thing. If that's not true, and the more you say it,
0:09:41 > 0:09:45- the more points I'm going to make it not true for you.- All right.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47When I went to Denmark...
0:09:47 > 0:09:49- JASON:- Was it night-time? - It was winter.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51LAUGHTER
0:09:51 > 0:09:53DROWNED OUT BY APPLAUSE
0:09:55 > 0:09:59This is it, Rhod. You come home late, you've slept through the day -
0:09:59 > 0:10:02I did it as a teenager - and you wake up at five in the afternoon.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05You don't see the daylight. You're like a ghost.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER
0:10:07 > 0:10:10It was dark for 20-odd hours per day in winter.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13But your inability to distinguish the Scandinavian countries
0:10:13 > 0:10:15means it's possible you were in Norway.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17LAUGHTER
0:10:17 > 0:10:19That is possible.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21It is possible that I was in one of the other countries.
0:10:21 > 0:10:25- But is it not true? It's about an hour-and-a-half...- Stop saying it!
0:10:25 > 0:10:26LAUGHTER
0:10:26 > 0:10:29It took me nine years to grow a tomato there.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34There's no trees in China. There you are, it's exactly the same.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36The largest exporter of sperm.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Also the largest exporter of wind turbines, grass seed,
0:10:39 > 0:10:41the world's largest producer of insulin,
0:10:41 > 0:10:44and the world's most popular toy, of course,
0:10:44 > 0:10:47- the interlocking brick, as we shall call it.- Yes.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51The Mermaid, which is the symbol of Denmark, it's a rather sad story.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55- She's had her head decapitated. Twice.- She looks good for it.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57She looks good, doesn't she?
0:10:57 > 0:11:00Twice, somebody's cut her head off and swum off with it cos
0:11:00 > 0:11:03she's out in the harbour. Her arm has been cut off.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06- Is it the same person each time? - JASON:- Collecting a mermaid.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09There was once somebody swam out and put a dildo in her hand.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11LAUGHTER
0:11:11 > 0:11:13What's wrong with people?
0:11:13 > 0:11:16- I'm surprised they had time with only 90 minutes' daylight.- I know!
0:11:18 > 0:11:20It's a wonder they could see her, frankly.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Anybody know what we use pretty much every single day
0:11:25 > 0:11:29- in the modern world which comes also from Denmark?- Fish?
0:11:29 > 0:11:30It's a modern thing.
0:11:30 > 0:11:34- A modern thing that everybody uses every single day.- A tin-opener?
0:11:34 > 0:11:37A tin-opener is the most modern device that...
0:11:37 > 0:11:39LAUGHTER
0:11:41 > 0:11:44- The electric tin-opener. - It's Bluetooth.- Oh, of course.
0:11:44 > 0:11:48Bluetooth comes from Denmark. And that is the symbol for Bluetooth.
0:11:48 > 0:11:53And it represents the runes of H and B, which is Harald Bluetooth,
0:11:53 > 0:11:55who was a king of Denmark.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58And he was the king who unified the Scandinavian countries and
0:11:58 > 0:12:01when Bluetooth was invented, because it unified the way we communicate
0:12:01 > 0:12:04together, the symbol for Harald Bluetooth, the king of Denmark...
0:12:04 > 0:12:07- Was he always talking to himself? - Constantly. It was relentless.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09"Harald, are you talking to me?"
0:12:09 > 0:12:12"I'm on the phone, mate. I'm on the phone." "Sorry, Harald."
0:12:12 > 0:12:17You mentioned Denmark, world's happiest country in the latest happiness report,
0:12:17 > 0:12:20followed by Switzerland, Iceland, Norway and Finland.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22UK? 23rd.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26Just behind Mexico and Singapore, those...
0:12:26 > 0:12:27happy places.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30There's some fabulous world records that Denmark holds.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32The highest jump by a rabbit.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34LAUGHTER
0:12:34 > 0:12:3699.5cm.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39This one I love - the fastest time
0:12:39 > 0:12:42to peel and eat three lemons.
0:12:42 > 0:12:4428.5 seconds.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46- Wow.- That's fantastic, isn't it?
0:12:46 > 0:12:48That is tough. I mean, the peeling by itself...
0:12:48 > 0:12:52The one I couldn't do is the fastest 100 metres wearing high heels.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54It says in brackets "female".
0:12:54 > 0:12:56I don't know if there's a different one...
0:12:56 > 0:13:01- Fastest 100 metres wearing high heels is 13.557 seconds.- Wow.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04- That is fast.- It was hotly contested.- That's not that far...
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Isn't 100 metres in running trainers about...
0:13:06 > 0:13:08- RHOD:- "Running trainers"!
0:13:08 > 0:13:10- Yeah.- That's impressive.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Do you sit and go, "Do you have your running trainers...?"
0:13:13 > 0:13:18They do have separate trainers for different things, Rhod.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20"You've forgotten your plimsolls..."
0:13:20 > 0:13:25OK! Enough about Denmark. I never thought I'd say that.
0:13:25 > 0:13:30What's moving towards Russia at 35 miles per year?
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Denmark.
0:13:32 > 0:13:36- Must be.- You're definitely going to win. Definitely going to win.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Is it the London to Moscow Megabus?
0:13:40 > 0:13:43- Is it America?- Is it America? No. But it is a sort of a thing.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47- North Pole. We're looking at Ns. - It is. We are looking at Ns.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51- Which North Pole? - The north one.
0:13:51 > 0:13:55- Magnetic.- It is, absolutely right. Alan is exactly right.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57- It is the magnetic North Pole. - Sandi, you're not going to give him
0:13:57 > 0:14:00- a point on the back of my... that, are you?- Do you know...
0:14:00 > 0:14:02- How does that work? - All I can say to you, Rhod,
0:14:02 > 0:14:05whatever happens through the whole of the rest of the show, you're not going to win.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:14:12 > 0:14:15Every time you said it's about an hour-and-a-half of daylight,
0:14:15 > 0:14:18- you lost ten points.- Seriously, you're going to be so behind,
0:14:18 > 0:14:21it's going to be a new QI score low.
0:14:21 > 0:14:26You wait till the BBC Diversity Department hears about this.
0:14:26 > 0:14:30We've already had our quota of Scots. We're fine.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35You're absolutely right, Alan. It is the Magnetic North Pole.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38So, that's best described as the place to which compasses point.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41It was in northern Canada until 2015.
0:14:41 > 0:14:46It is slowly moving towards Russia at about 35mph. It's currently in...
0:14:46 > 0:14:49- 35mph now?- 35 miles a year.
0:14:49 > 0:14:53- JASON:- It's in the back of someone's car.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56It's in the back of a Skoda.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Someone's got a little mermaid in one hand,
0:14:58 > 0:15:01and the North Pole in the other.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05It's actually... What's an interesting thing about it is,
0:15:05 > 0:15:08although we call it the Magnetic North Pole, you can't really find it
0:15:08 > 0:15:09by looking cos compasses don't work
0:15:09 > 0:15:12very well when you get close to the poles. I have a compass here.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15In fact, on air navigator's charts,
0:15:15 > 0:15:18this area is known as "compass unreliable area",
0:15:18 > 0:15:23or sometimes it's also known as the "compass useless area".
0:15:23 > 0:15:24So why might that be?
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Cos you want it to be pointing that way but it's that way.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30It's pointing straight down, so instead of the thing being level,
0:15:30 > 0:15:33it's being dragged downwards and the friction of it pushing down is going to
0:15:33 > 0:15:37stop it from spinning round. So the one place you can't use a compass
0:15:37 > 0:15:39is anywhere near the Magnetic North Pole.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Surely you're there, you've arrived, so it doesn't matter.
0:15:42 > 0:15:46It's like one of those water-diviner things. It's like saying they're useless once you've got to water.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48- The thing is... - Yeah, but you don't use a compass -
0:15:48 > 0:15:51"I've got a compass, let's all go to the North Pole."
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Like...you're trying to find a way home, aren't you?
0:15:54 > 0:15:58It's a bit like arriving in Norway and thinking you're in Denmark.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00What's the difference between the Magnetic North Pole
0:16:00 > 0:16:03- and Geographic North Pole?- The Geographic North Pole's a bit off.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06Well, actually, if you spun a basketball - or any ball -
0:16:06 > 0:16:09- the Geographic North Pole would be here.- The top.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11- And the Magnetic one's off. - Yeah, the Magnetic one...
0:16:11 > 0:16:13- I was bound to get it the wrong way around.- Very close.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15All the poles are on the move
0:16:15 > 0:16:17and they did new measurements in 2016...
0:16:17 > 0:16:19All right, Nigel Farage, calm down.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22LAUGHTER
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Story of Ukip hell.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32The Geographic North Pole had been moving towards the British Isles,
0:16:32 > 0:16:34in fact, by 10cm a year for the last two decades.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37And that's due to displacement of water.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39Ownership of the Geographic North Pole is disputed, actually,
0:16:39 > 0:16:43between Russia, Canada and Denmark.
0:16:43 > 0:16:47And to strengthen their claim, Russia has used a submarine to plant
0:16:47 > 0:16:50an actual pole at what they consider to be the Geographic North Pole.
0:16:50 > 0:16:54They did it in 2007. It's on the seabed, it's a titanium rod
0:16:54 > 0:16:57holding a Russian flag. But here's the fun bit -
0:16:57 > 0:16:59it's, of course, now in the wrong place.
0:16:59 > 0:17:06The Magnetic North Pole is moving imperceptibly slowly towards Russia,
0:17:06 > 0:17:10along with fashion, democracy and gay rights.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Do you know the one about the Dane and the Canadian arguing about
0:17:13 > 0:17:15a rock and a hard place?
0:17:15 > 0:17:18The Dane is Hamlet and the Canadian's Celine Dion,
0:17:18 > 0:17:20have they fallen out, have they?
0:17:20 > 0:17:22No, it's an actual place.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26- Think about a Danish dependent territory...- Greenland.- Greenland.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28- So...- Close to Canada.- Yup.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31So, the Nares Strait is the bit that passes between the Danish
0:17:31 > 0:17:34dependent territory of Greenland and Canada's Ellsmere Island.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38And the border of the two countries passes down the centre
0:17:38 > 0:17:42of the strait and right through a barren rock called Hans Island,
0:17:42 > 0:17:45named after a great Inuit explorer called Hans Hendrik.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49- Hans Christian Island. - It should have been. This is...
0:17:49 > 0:17:53There it is. It's gorgeous, isn't it? It's really lovely,
0:17:53 > 0:17:55but it's the most civilised conflict in the world.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58What they do is, they both agree first of all to inform each other
0:17:58 > 0:18:01if they're going to visit. Which is quite nice.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05When the Danish military go there, they leave a bottle of schnapps.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08When the Canadian military forces go, they leave a bottle
0:18:08 > 0:18:12of Canadian Club, and a sign that says "Welcome to Canada".
0:18:12 > 0:18:15LAUGHTER
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Which I think is positively inflammatory.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22There is some talk of the two countries running it as
0:18:22 > 0:18:26- a park together. I don't know why you'd want to visit, but...- Swings?
0:18:26 > 0:18:30- Swings and a roundabout. - Just a load of hammered soldiers.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32"Wahey!"
0:18:34 > 0:18:37The Danes don't like to be too belligerent, and there's
0:18:37 > 0:18:40another lovely example of Danish belligerence - the protest pig.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43This was very popular in the late 19th century.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45So, the Prussian forces had invaded southern Denmark.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48They banned all Danish symbols, and the pigs were bred so that their
0:18:48 > 0:18:52white markings and their ruddy colour imitated the Danish flag.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55They were known as protest pigs. Isn't that sweet?
0:18:55 > 0:18:59They're very polite people. In Denmark, it's illegal to desecrate
0:18:59 > 0:19:03foreign flags, but you can help yourself in burning your own.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06Quick extra question - polite Nordic gifts.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09Finland is going to be 100 in 2017.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13That's another, totally separate country that we haven't even mentioned yet.
0:19:13 > 0:19:17And Norway's going to give them a present. What are Norway thinking of
0:19:17 > 0:19:20- giving Finland for their 100th birthday?- Denmark.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:19:28 > 0:19:31I'll guess it's not going to be a Christmas tree.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33No, it's a really big thing. It's a really big present.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36- A warship.- No, you were closer with the tree thing...
0:19:36 > 0:19:38A forest?
0:19:38 > 0:19:41- Bigger than that.- National park? - Is it something made out of ice?
0:19:41 > 0:19:44- Well, there is ice involved. - An island.
0:19:44 > 0:19:48- Bigger than that.- I went to a vodka ice bar in Norway.- Did you?
0:19:48 > 0:19:51- Amazing.- That's fantastic, isn't it? That is really good fun.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54As far as I remember.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58- But it's not that?- What tin do you open most frequently?
0:19:58 > 0:20:00In terms of type of content.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03- Tin?- Yeah, cos you said you use your tin-opener every day.- Yes.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06Eh, biffa peas.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10- I've no idea what biffa peas are. - OK.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12- What is a biffa...? - I've no idea what biffa peas are.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- I think they're the big ones. - Marrowfat peas.- Big fat peas?
0:20:15 > 0:20:17- Oh, right, sort of swollen?- Yeah.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20- They're really nice with a Sunday dinner.- Right.
0:20:20 > 0:20:21I'm going to go back to -
0:20:21 > 0:20:24what do you think Norway's going to get Finland?
0:20:24 > 0:20:27LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:20:27 > 0:20:30Yes? Bjorky.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Is it marrowfat peas?
0:20:32 > 0:20:35- Is it a large piece of land? - It is a massive piece of land.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39Here is the thing that Norway has that Finland doesn't really have,
0:20:39 > 0:20:43Norway has hundreds of very big mountains and Finland doesn't.
0:20:43 > 0:20:44And this is the nicest gift -
0:20:44 > 0:20:47- they're going to give them a mountain.- Oh, wow.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50OK, this is the Halti range, it's on the border of the two countries.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53They're going to give them the Halditsohkka Peak.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56It's only 4,366 feet high
0:20:56 > 0:21:00but it doesn't even come into Norway's top 200 highest peaks.
0:21:00 > 0:21:04- It will be Finland's highest mountain.- Wow.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07But they'll have to come and visit it, they can't put it over...
0:21:07 > 0:21:10It's on the border, so the border will just go...
0:21:10 > 0:21:12LAUGHTER
0:21:12 > 0:21:14APPLAUSE
0:21:20 > 0:21:25I like you so much because I found myself explaining that!
0:21:25 > 0:21:26LAUGHTER
0:21:26 > 0:21:29I think you're a joy, that's what I think.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Can I come to your house and eat fat peas?
0:21:31 > 0:21:34Can't think of anything more delightful.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37- Now, Jason, my lovely boy.- Hello.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39What impressive northern experience
0:21:39 > 0:21:42would you like to share with me right now?
0:21:44 > 0:21:46LAUGHTER
0:21:46 > 0:21:49What's my brother told you?
0:21:49 > 0:21:51LAUGHTER
0:21:51 > 0:21:54- Something fantastic that happens far north...- Northern Lights.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Northern Lights. The Northern Lights.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59In fact, depending on the strength of the solar wind,
0:21:59 > 0:22:03the Northern Lights can be seen as far south as Mexico and Egypt.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06The best place to see them tonight is here in the comfort of the studio
0:22:06 > 0:22:09thanks to an object called a Planeterrella,
0:22:09 > 0:22:10which we will demonstrate.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13The polar light simulator has been lent to us by the Department
0:22:13 > 0:22:16of Physics and Astronomy at the University of Leicester.
0:22:16 > 0:22:20It was designed by Jean Lilensten from CNRS,
0:22:20 > 0:22:23the French Centre Nationnal de la Recherche Scientifique
0:22:23 > 0:22:26and it is provided by Leicester's Dr Gabrielle Provan
0:22:26 > 0:22:28who's going to tell us about it. Gabrielle.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34So, Gabrielle, I'm just looking at the machine. The big object
0:22:34 > 0:22:37is supposed to be the sun, is that correct?
0:22:37 > 0:22:40- Absolutely, yes.- And the little one is the Earth?- Yes.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43- So why does it happen?- Well, what happens is that the sun has
0:22:43 > 0:22:47a solar wind, those charged particles flow away from the sun
0:22:47 > 0:22:51and into planetary space. And when those charged particles
0:22:51 > 0:22:54come to the Earth they get stuck on to the Earth's magnetic field lines
0:22:54 > 0:22:57and they travel down into the Northern and Southern Polar regions
0:22:57 > 0:23:01and they basically collide with our gasses and they excite the gasses
0:23:01 > 0:23:04- and they make them shine.- So, the different gasses, what do the colours
0:23:04 > 0:23:06make? Oxygen, for example, would make what colours?
0:23:06 > 0:23:09Oxygen would make red and also green.
0:23:09 > 0:23:13- And nitrogen?- That is blue or purple. So in there there's a lot
0:23:13 > 0:23:16of nitrogen and that's why you're getting that purple glow.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18It's fantastic that we can have it contained like that,
0:23:18 > 0:23:21so I imagine this is a very modern experiment?
0:23:21 > 0:23:24It's actually over 100 years old.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26- Who invented it? - Kristian Birkeland.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29So he sounds Scandinavian to me.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32Yes. He was Norwegian.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34LAUGHTER
0:23:37 > 0:23:39And where are you from?
0:23:39 > 0:23:44- I'm from Norway.- All right! It's the full Scandinavian picture!
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Gabrielle Provan, thank you very much.
0:23:50 > 0:23:54Amazing to see, but if you can actually go, and what I love about
0:23:54 > 0:23:57it is, I love the myths associated. So the Sami people,
0:23:57 > 0:24:00indigenous people of Norway, Sweden, Finland and Russia,
0:24:00 > 0:24:03they believed that the Northern Lights emanated from the souls
0:24:03 > 0:24:06of the dead and should be treated with great respect.
0:24:06 > 0:24:10Greenland, the lights were seen as the souls of stillborn babies.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14Do they move that fast, like what we're looking at now?
0:24:14 > 0:24:17- Does it move that fast in the air? - It can do, yeah.- Oh, wow, right.
0:24:17 > 0:24:21Lucy will verify this - if you turn the lights out in your kitchen
0:24:21 > 0:24:24and open a can of biffa peas...
0:24:24 > 0:24:25LAUGHTER
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Very true, yeah.
0:24:30 > 0:24:35You want to go when the sun is issuing the maximum number of flares
0:24:35 > 0:24:38and it goes in kind of cycles, it's an 11-year cycle and the next time
0:24:38 > 0:24:41will be about 2024, some time like that will be the best time to go.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45- Really?- Now, we move south a little to another north place.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48What do the North Koreans do better than anyone?
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Is it...
0:24:52 > 0:24:56using only a pudding bowl and a Stanley knife?
0:24:56 > 0:24:57LAUGHTER
0:24:59 > 0:25:02Are you going for haircuts? Is that it?
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Yeah, they do create a haircut that is simultaneously hilarious
0:25:05 > 0:25:10- and terrifying.- Looking at that picture, I would say it's solemnity.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13It does look like solemnity but, no, it's not that.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16"WHERE'S MY GLOVE? WHERE IS MY GLOVE?
0:25:16 > 0:25:19"I WILL NOT...
0:25:20 > 0:25:22"..LEAVE HERE TILL MY GLOVE IS RETURNED!"
0:25:24 > 0:25:27Then he turns and he goes, "There is no missing glove.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30"My glove is at home. Bwa-ha-ha!"
0:25:30 > 0:25:33I love the idea of being a dictator for comedic effect.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35LAUGHTER
0:25:35 > 0:25:38He always looks like a sort of cross between
0:25:38 > 0:25:41a Bond villain and Augustus Gloop.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44If you upset him, you don't know if he's going to destroy the world
0:25:44 > 0:25:48or just refuse to give you one of his gobstoppers.
0:25:48 > 0:25:52But the thing they do best is that they make a fake something or other.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54I imagine they make fake munitions
0:25:54 > 0:25:56to make it look like they've got more army than they have.
0:25:56 > 0:26:00It is fake US dollars. They make them better than anybody.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03They're known as super dollars due to their superb quality.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Some people say they're better than the originals.
0:26:05 > 0:26:06LAUGHTER
0:26:06 > 0:26:09And it took some very sophisticated forensic analysis to confirm...
0:26:09 > 0:26:12- They do sort of swell out in the middle, though.- Yeah, that's true.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15LAUGHTER
0:26:15 > 0:26:16It's not the only contraband.
0:26:16 > 0:26:21Its methamphetamine is supposed to be of extraordinary high purity.
0:26:21 > 0:26:25And its counterfeit Viagra is rumoured to exceed the bone fide.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27Can you say that, bona fide?
0:26:27 > 0:26:30LAUGHTER
0:26:30 > 0:26:32APPLAUSE
0:26:33 > 0:26:38You have to say it like this, "BONA fide."
0:26:38 > 0:26:42And the other fantastically successful North Korean export -
0:26:42 > 0:26:43this is fantastic, I love this -
0:26:43 > 0:26:46it's giant statues of African dictators.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48They make them better than anybody.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50LAUGHTER
0:26:50 > 0:26:55Isn't that brilliant? It's the Mansudae Art Studio Gallery.
0:26:55 > 0:26:59And the work they've made, they've made statues for Angola, for Benin,
0:26:59 > 0:27:01Chad, the Democratic Republic of Congo, Equatorial Guinea,
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Ethiopia, Togo.
0:27:03 > 0:27:07They seem to have a common theme of the leaders all hailing a taxi.
0:27:07 > 0:27:12- That seems to be a thing.- They're all playing "Where's My Glove?"
0:27:12 > 0:27:15"I'M NOT LEAVING...
0:27:15 > 0:27:17"UNTIL THE GLOVE IS RETURNED!"
0:27:17 > 0:27:21- How big are they? - They're huge, massive things.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23I went to a gift shop in Lanzarote
0:27:23 > 0:27:25and they sold stuff like this.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27- Did they?- Yeah.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29How big was the shop?
0:27:29 > 0:27:31Everything was just... It sounded like...
0:27:31 > 0:27:34I think there was all sorts of dodgy stuff going on.
0:27:34 > 0:27:38Well, counterfeit is a thing and always has been a thing
0:27:38 > 0:27:41in terms of money. About 3% of the pound coins in the UK
0:27:41 > 0:27:43are in fact counterfeit.
0:27:43 > 0:27:47Yeah, every time I try to get a can of pop out of a machine,
0:27:47 > 0:27:50every time. Cos you've got a system.
0:27:50 > 0:27:54You gotta try and... Try to wet it before now,
0:27:54 > 0:27:57- sometimes I try and take the machine by surprise.- Yes.- Ever do that?
0:27:57 > 0:27:59LAUGHTER
0:27:59 > 0:28:01"Well, I don't even want one... Ha-ha!"
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Boom! Coming my way.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06How far do you work that back?
0:28:06 > 0:28:09Do you come round the corner in dark glasses and hat?
0:28:09 > 0:28:12Come round the back of the machine...
0:28:12 > 0:28:14When it comes to bank notes,
0:28:14 > 0:28:18it's very hard to identify a wrong 'un from a Jong Un.
0:28:18 > 0:28:19AUDIENCE GROANS
0:28:19 > 0:28:22I didn't write it. Can I just say, I did not write that. OK.
0:28:22 > 0:28:26From North Korea to North America, what can you see here?
0:28:26 > 0:28:28What do you think this is?
0:28:28 > 0:28:30America.
0:28:30 > 0:28:33- Have you been to America?- Yeah. - Which parts have you been to?
0:28:33 > 0:28:34All over.
0:28:34 > 0:28:37Well, that doesn't narrow it down for me, but...
0:28:37 > 0:28:40- That's New York.- It is New York.
0:28:40 > 0:28:44- It's Niagara Falls without any water on it.- You are absolutely right.
0:28:44 > 0:28:47That is exactly what it is.
0:28:47 > 0:28:48APPLAUSE
0:28:52 > 0:28:55- What gave it away for you? - The viewing tower.
0:28:55 > 0:28:59What is incredible about it, this is a photograph from June 1969.
0:28:59 > 0:29:02And the water at Niagara normally goes over three falls.
0:29:02 > 0:29:05It goes over the American, the Bridal Veil and the Horseshoe.
0:29:05 > 0:29:08And the American Falls had loads of debris at the bottom,
0:29:08 > 0:29:09which you can see there.
0:29:09 > 0:29:12It's known as talus, from the Latin for "ankle",
0:29:12 > 0:29:13because it's thicker at the bottom.
0:29:13 > 0:29:17And all that debris was swirling and causing erosion of the falls.
0:29:17 > 0:29:20So plans were to temporarily divert the water away
0:29:20 > 0:29:22from the American Falls and over the Horseshoe,
0:29:22 > 0:29:25and dry out the American so it could be cleaned.
0:29:25 > 0:29:28It is the most extraordinary picture. The construction company,
0:29:28 > 0:29:31the Albert Elia Construction Company, they built a temporary dam
0:29:31 > 0:29:34in just three days out of 28,000 tonnes of earth.
0:29:34 > 0:29:37And the tourists flocked to see the dry American Falls
0:29:37 > 0:29:40and the, of course, much stronger than usual Horseshoe Falls.
0:29:40 > 0:29:44And lots of coins were recovered... and two bodies.
0:29:44 > 0:29:47- JASON:- Were they both in barrels?
0:29:47 > 0:29:50One came out and went, "Thank God!"
0:29:50 > 0:29:52I found his glove!
0:29:52 > 0:29:53LAUGHTER
0:29:53 > 0:29:56Funnily enough, the very first person to go over in a barrel
0:29:56 > 0:29:59is pretty much what she did say when she came out. It was a woman
0:29:59 > 0:30:04called Annie Edson Taylor and she survived the experience in 1901.
0:30:04 > 0:30:06She was 63 years old at the time.
0:30:06 > 0:30:08- Crazy Annie.- Crazy Annie.
0:30:08 > 0:30:11She did it because she hadn't got any money. What I like about this -
0:30:11 > 0:30:14a few days before she did it, she sent her cat over the falls
0:30:14 > 0:30:18to see if the barrel would break.
0:30:18 > 0:30:21- Oh!- And after she came out...
0:30:21 > 0:30:24- It makes sense...- Check it out. After she came out she said,
0:30:24 > 0:30:26"If it was with my dying breath,
0:30:26 > 0:30:30"I would caution anyone against attempting the feat.
0:30:30 > 0:30:33"I would sooner walk up to the mouth of a cannon knowing it was going to
0:30:33 > 0:30:36"blow me to pieces than make another trip over the falls."
0:30:36 > 0:30:39- She absolutely hated it.- Is that picture of her before or after
0:30:39 > 0:30:43- she got in that barrel?- That is after, when she survived.- Right.
0:30:43 > 0:30:46She got in like that and got like that, with the hat still on...?
0:30:46 > 0:30:48LAUGHTER
0:30:48 > 0:30:51The cat wasn't necessary, really.
0:30:51 > 0:30:54I don't think the cat was going to affect the strength of the barrel.
0:30:54 > 0:30:56She hated that cat.
0:30:56 > 0:30:59Just an excuse to get rid of it.
0:30:59 > 0:31:01It's fantastically dangerous. Captain Matthew Webb,
0:31:01 > 0:31:05who was the very first person to swim the English Channel, so a tremendously good swimmer,
0:31:05 > 0:31:08he died in an attempt to swim the whirlpool rapids below Niagara Falls.
0:31:08 > 0:31:09The water is phenomenally strong.
0:31:09 > 0:31:13You can only swim a whirlpool rapid if you got one leg, apparently.
0:31:13 > 0:31:17Well, we must certainly test that out some time.
0:31:17 > 0:31:20There's a wonderful waterfall in the city of St John
0:31:20 > 0:31:24in New Brunswick in Canada, and the waterfall flows upwards.
0:31:24 > 0:31:29It's the most astonishing thing. Twice a day, the tide in the bay
0:31:29 > 0:31:30rises 28ft 6in,
0:31:30 > 0:31:33to the point that it overtops the waterfall over which
0:31:33 > 0:31:35the St John River normally flows, and the river flows backwards.
0:31:35 > 0:31:39- Wow.- Isn't that amazing? - We've learnt so much, haven't we?
0:31:39 > 0:31:42LAUGHTER
0:31:42 > 0:31:45You've gotta be careful with the show, what you take away from it,
0:31:45 > 0:31:47because you can hear people in pubs
0:31:47 > 0:31:49and they'll say, "This happened."
0:31:49 > 0:31:51And you go, "No." They go, "Saw it on QI."
0:31:51 > 0:31:54It's become that... I was chatting to a friend of mine,
0:31:54 > 0:31:56said I was thinking about going to Venice.
0:31:56 > 0:31:59And he said, "I don't do Venice. Full of racists.
0:31:59 > 0:32:02"It's a racist town." I said, "How's it a racist town?"
0:32:02 > 0:32:06He says, "Yeah, all the gondoliers, they've gotta be black."
0:32:06 > 0:32:08I said, "I don't think that's true."
0:32:08 > 0:32:10He said, "No, it's true, I saw it on QI."
0:32:10 > 0:32:13He said, "Honestly, I don't know how they've got past the EU with it
0:32:13 > 0:32:16"but every single one of them has to be black."
0:32:16 > 0:32:19I said, "I don't think that's true." Anyway, about three days later,
0:32:19 > 0:32:23he rang me up, he went, "I meant gondolas, the actual gondola."
0:32:23 > 0:32:25LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:32:25 > 0:32:28DROWNED OUT BY APPLAUSE
0:32:29 > 0:32:32Make sure you're always listening.
0:32:34 > 0:32:38Niagara Falls got its first real really good clean
0:32:38 > 0:32:43in the summer of '69. And, now, another dirty northern secret.
0:32:43 > 0:32:48What's the worst disaster that doggers ever experienced?
0:32:50 > 0:32:51Child locks.
0:32:51 > 0:32:53LAUGHTER
0:32:53 > 0:32:58When you have to wait for somebody to get out and let you out.
0:32:58 > 0:33:01It's like the walk of shame, but you're just lying there.
0:33:01 > 0:33:05- I assume, I assume.- It's not that. - Are you looking for an N?
0:33:05 > 0:33:09- Is the answer an N?- It is a place in an N, if that is of assistance.
0:33:09 > 0:33:12- Is it Dogger Bank? - It is to do with Dogger Bay.
0:33:12 > 0:33:14It isn't to do with dogging. It is indeed to do with Dogger Bank.
0:33:14 > 0:33:17I was going to say a nipple trapped in an air vent.
0:33:17 > 0:33:20LAUGHTER
0:33:20 > 0:33:23- JASON:- I imagine window wipers are a nightmare.
0:33:23 > 0:33:26They're not in the car, though, are they?
0:33:26 > 0:33:29- Yeah, but there's people watching. - Oh.
0:33:29 > 0:33:31- How close do they get?- It depends.
0:33:34 > 0:33:38"Back off! You're supposed to be at the other side of the car park...
0:33:40 > 0:33:42"..casually!"
0:33:42 > 0:33:44OK, it's nothing to do with dogging.
0:33:44 > 0:33:47You shouldn't have put the car up, then!
0:33:47 > 0:33:49Why did you put a picture of some doggers up there in a car?
0:33:49 > 0:33:53That is people on their way to the North Sea to see
0:33:53 > 0:33:55where Doggerland used to be,
0:33:55 > 0:34:00which is the worst-named amusement park of all time.
0:34:00 > 0:34:03It was an area of land which attached Britain to mainland Europe
0:34:03 > 0:34:06between East Anglia and the Netherlands.
0:34:06 > 0:34:08And it was populated by prehistoric humans.
0:34:08 > 0:34:11It very slowly flooded by rising sea levels until, eventually,
0:34:11 > 0:34:14it was deluged by a tsunami triggered by
0:34:14 > 0:34:17a massive undersea landslide in Norway in 6000 BC.
0:34:17 > 0:34:20So it now lies under the North Sea.
0:34:20 > 0:34:23- Don't be offended, but you lost me a bit there.- OK, so...
0:34:23 > 0:34:26It's attached to Britain. Then there was a tsunami,
0:34:26 > 0:34:29an ice age, a volcano...
0:34:29 > 0:34:318,000 years ago...
0:34:31 > 0:34:34- Oh, I'm with you, yeah. - There was a bit of land.- Yup.
0:34:34 > 0:34:38- And then there was a flood.- Right. - And now it's not there any more.
0:34:38 > 0:34:40LAUGHTER
0:34:41 > 0:34:45That was clear. Was it clear? That was clear.
0:34:45 > 0:34:48You mentioned dogging - the actual dogging capital of Britain
0:34:48 > 0:34:50is a place called Elmbridge.
0:34:50 > 0:34:54It has ten areas identified by the police as being places
0:34:54 > 0:34:57where strangers...watch each other...knowing each other.
0:34:57 > 0:34:59I'm trying to be polite.
0:34:59 > 0:35:02Compared with, for example, just two in the whole of Sussex.
0:35:02 > 0:35:04- And Elmbridge...- I knew it'd be somewhere in the South, though.
0:35:04 > 0:35:08- Well, it's a very wealthy part. - Warmer, innit?
0:35:08 > 0:35:10LAUGHTER
0:35:10 > 0:35:13Often know as England's Beverly Hills.
0:35:13 > 0:35:16Its 130,000 residents pay £1.2 billion
0:35:16 > 0:35:19in income tax, which is more than Newcastle and Cardiff combined.
0:35:19 > 0:35:23- Oh, my God.- Yeah.- More than Starbucks and Google combined.
0:35:23 > 0:35:26LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:35:26 > 0:35:27Satire!
0:35:30 > 0:35:34Sounds like you're connecting those two things, the dogging thing
0:35:34 > 0:35:36and the tax - it's not a defence, is it?
0:35:36 > 0:35:39"At least I pay me taxes!"
0:35:39 > 0:35:42LAUGHTER
0:35:42 > 0:35:45"How much have you paid? I'll bang her if I want!"
0:35:47 > 0:35:49All I'm saying is...
0:35:49 > 0:35:53They've probably got electric windows.
0:35:53 > 0:35:56I doubt they've got the old keep-fit windows, have they?
0:35:56 > 0:35:59- If they had a Doggerland for doggers...- Yes.
0:35:59 > 0:36:03..and just make it more fun instead of sort of sinister.
0:36:03 > 0:36:06Have rides you could have sex on.
0:36:06 > 0:36:10Yeah. Make it, you know, like a Disneyland.
0:36:10 > 0:36:13- I think that's a very good idea. - Doggerland's under water,
0:36:13 > 0:36:16they'd have to get all that scuba equipment on.
0:36:16 > 0:36:19And have a little flap on your wetsuit.
0:36:21 > 0:36:24Your dog's got to have a little mask on.
0:36:24 > 0:36:27In German, "dogging" just means exercising the dog.
0:36:27 > 0:36:30I like that they're rather literal about it.
0:36:30 > 0:36:33I bet they've got a word for the other stuff...
0:36:33 > 0:36:36I imagine a German visiting Elmbridge would get a surprise.
0:36:36 > 0:36:39LAUGHTER
0:36:39 > 0:36:42All this talk of the north brings us to the arctic wastelands
0:36:42 > 0:36:44of general ignorance.
0:36:44 > 0:36:46So, fingers on buzzers, please.
0:36:46 > 0:36:48# Wah! Wah! #
0:36:48 > 0:36:50LAUGHTER
0:36:50 > 0:36:52APPLAUSE
0:36:56 > 0:36:58Very, very sensitive.
0:36:59 > 0:37:02As, indeed, are my ears.
0:37:02 > 0:37:06Now, we all know where this comes from, don't we?
0:37:06 > 0:37:09# It's oh so quiet... #
0:37:09 > 0:37:10Jason.
0:37:10 > 0:37:12Japan.
0:37:12 > 0:37:15KLAXON BLARES
0:37:15 > 0:37:18- It's got to be done, it's got to be done.- So, here's the thing.
0:37:18 > 0:37:21In the 1970s, Japan didn't import fish,
0:37:21 > 0:37:25and salmon was not on any sashimi menu.
0:37:25 > 0:37:28And, I love this, in the early '80s, there was a seafood delegation
0:37:28 > 0:37:30from Norway -
0:37:30 > 0:37:33totally different place to Denmark...
0:37:33 > 0:37:34LAUGHTER
0:37:34 > 0:37:36..and they began a thing called Project Japan
0:37:36 > 0:37:39and they wanted to sell Norwegian salmon to the country,
0:37:39 > 0:37:42and, these days, Norwegian salmon is the sashimi fish of choice.
0:37:42 > 0:37:46Can I just ask, do you know those salmon in that waterfall that
0:37:46 > 0:37:48goes backwards, what do they do there, then?
0:37:48 > 0:37:50LAUGHTER
0:37:50 > 0:37:54Do they dive down, then, or do they...
0:37:54 > 0:37:57Or do they go up but reverse up?
0:38:01 > 0:38:04- It's a fair point, I think you'll... - It's going to keep me awake.
0:38:06 > 0:38:11Supplementary question - in Japanese cuisine, the milt, M-I-L-T,
0:38:11 > 0:38:14the milt of some fish is a delicacy. Does anyone know what it is?
0:38:14 > 0:38:18- It's the leather trousers. - It's the leather trousers?
0:38:18 > 0:38:20A milt is a mum in leather trousers.
0:38:20 > 0:38:22LAUGHTER
0:38:22 > 0:38:24APPLAUSE
0:38:24 > 0:38:26# Wah! Wah! #
0:38:26 > 0:38:30- I think that's a Roger McGough. - No, it's something in the trousers.
0:38:30 > 0:38:33- Something in the trousers?- Something in the trousers, as it were.
0:38:33 > 0:38:36They don't wear trousers, but if they did, it would be in the trousers.
0:38:36 > 0:38:39If a fish wore trousers, it'd be in the fish's trousers?
0:38:39 > 0:38:42It would be in a boy's fish's trousers.
0:38:42 > 0:38:45Someone shouted out "sperm" again. It can't be sperm every time!
0:38:45 > 0:38:47- It is sperm.- It is sperm!
0:38:47 > 0:38:50LAUGHTER
0:38:50 > 0:38:55The correct name for fish sperm is milt, OK? Molluscs have it, too.
0:38:55 > 0:38:58- And they spray it on the roe. That's pretty much how it works.- Why?
0:38:58 > 0:39:02Japanese salmon sashimi actually comes from Norway.
0:39:02 > 0:39:03What's the one untrue thing
0:39:03 > 0:39:06that everyone in Norway believes about lemmings?
0:39:06 > 0:39:08That they're Danish. No, that they...
0:39:08 > 0:39:10LAUGHTER
0:39:10 > 0:39:14That they throw themselves off things in a kind of, you know,
0:39:14 > 0:39:15anthropomorphised suicide leap.
0:39:15 > 0:39:18KLAXON BLARES
0:39:18 > 0:39:22- Is that good enough? - It's not been a good show for you.
0:39:22 > 0:39:25No, in fact, in the very first episode ever of QI,
0:39:25 > 0:39:29it was talked about the fact that lemmings do not commit suicide.
0:39:29 > 0:39:32No, but, hang on, wasn't the question what was the one thing...
0:39:32 > 0:39:34- I was expecting to be... - Yes, but it is the most common...
0:39:34 > 0:39:36- It is a double bluff.- It was.
0:39:36 > 0:39:38It isn't the most common myth about them in Norway.
0:39:38 > 0:39:42No, the most common myth in Norway is that lemmings are really angry -
0:39:42 > 0:39:46they don't look it - and they get so stressed that they burst.
0:39:46 > 0:39:48LAUGHTER
0:39:48 > 0:39:50Wow!
0:39:50 > 0:39:53And parents will tell children not to chase after lemmings
0:39:53 > 0:39:58- in case they explode. - I love that!
0:39:58 > 0:40:02I love a parent just lying to children. It's brilliant.
0:40:02 > 0:40:03The myth seems to have come about
0:40:03 > 0:40:06because lemmings get very aggressive if approached.
0:40:06 > 0:40:07They shriek and jump about.
0:40:07 > 0:40:11And there's an old saying in Norway, "As angry as a lemming."
0:40:11 > 0:40:15Wow. My dad used to tell us that black pudding lived in the garden.
0:40:15 > 0:40:18LAUGHTER
0:40:18 > 0:40:20I'd be out there for hours!
0:40:20 > 0:40:22Looking for black pudding!
0:40:22 > 0:40:24I mean, I feel like an idiot now.
0:40:24 > 0:40:27LAUGHTER
0:40:27 > 0:40:30Well, it's good of you to be here and share it with us.
0:40:30 > 0:40:32Finally, we go north of the border.
0:40:32 > 0:40:36What's the main source of sugar for the people of Scotland?
0:40:36 > 0:40:38# So still... #
0:40:38 > 0:40:40- Rhod.- I know it's going to go "bring"
0:40:40 > 0:40:43and you're going to laugh at me, but deep-fried Mars bars, somebody's got to say it.
0:40:43 > 0:40:46KLAXON BLARES, LAUGHTER
0:40:48 > 0:40:51The things I do!
0:40:51 > 0:40:53Is it edible bagpipes?
0:40:54 > 0:40:55Liquorice bagpipes?
0:40:55 > 0:40:58They do look like they're made of liquorice, don't they?
0:40:58 > 0:41:00Something surprising, Lucy, that...
0:41:00 > 0:41:03I mean, sperm has been the running theme, hasn't it, but...
0:41:03 > 0:41:06LAUGHTER
0:41:06 > 0:41:08APPLAUSE
0:41:12 > 0:41:15It's not their main source of sugar.
0:41:17 > 0:41:19- In Scotland?- In Scotland, yes.
0:41:19 > 0:41:22Other places, maybe sperm is the very thing...
0:41:22 > 0:41:24It is fruit.
0:41:24 > 0:41:25- Oh.- Oh.
0:41:25 > 0:41:29Unexpectedly, they did a study in 2015, and they found that
0:41:29 > 0:41:33the single biggest source of sugar in the Scottish diet is fruit.
0:41:33 > 0:41:3712.3%. I'm not saying that the Scottish diet is all that
0:41:37 > 0:41:42healthy because soft drinks came second. And confectionery third.
0:41:42 > 0:41:44Then biscuits, then cakes.
0:41:44 > 0:41:45LAUGHTER
0:41:45 > 0:41:48Intriguingly, 65% of the Scottish population are either
0:41:48 > 0:41:50overweight or obese.
0:41:50 > 0:41:52Well, you'd know, Rhod.
0:41:52 > 0:41:55LAUGHTER
0:41:55 > 0:42:01Scotland's sugar hit of choice is a healthy portion of fruit.
0:42:01 > 0:42:03Deep-fried.
0:42:03 > 0:42:06All of which healthy eating brings us to the fruity matter of
0:42:06 > 0:42:10- the scores. And let's have a look. - Oh, boy.- Starting with the winner.
0:42:10 > 0:42:14I'm going to tell you that the winner with 12 points is Alan!
0:42:14 > 0:42:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:42:21 > 0:42:24In second place with two points, it's Lucy!
0:42:24 > 0:42:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:42:27 > 0:42:31In third place, minus 16, it's Jason!
0:42:31 > 0:42:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:42:35 > 0:42:38Can't even remember the name of the man who came fourth.
0:42:38 > 0:42:41He's gone from my mind. With minus 22, it's Rhod!
0:42:41 > 0:42:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:42:50 > 0:42:54Well, that's all from Lucy, Rhod, Jason, Alan and me.
0:42:54 > 0:42:57I've enjoyed our time in the north,
0:42:57 > 0:43:01and I leave you with this from the Danish mathematician, Piet Hein.
0:43:01 > 0:43:03It's in the glove area, this one.
0:43:03 > 0:43:07"Losing one glove is certainly painful but nothing compared
0:43:07 > 0:43:09"to the pain of losing one,
0:43:09 > 0:43:12"throwing away the other, and finding the first one again."
0:43:12 > 0:43:14Good night.