0:00:29 > 0:00:32APPLAUSE
0:00:32 > 0:00:37Hello, and welcome to a show dedicated to the naked truth.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39Joining me, and full of naked ambition,
0:00:39 > 0:00:41are tonight's skinny dippers.
0:00:41 > 0:00:42In the buff, Richard Osman!
0:00:42 > 0:00:44- APPLAUSE - Hi.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48In the altogether, Lee Mack!
0:00:48 > 0:00:51- APPLAUSE - Hello.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54In her birthday suit, Lolly Adefope!
0:00:54 > 0:00:56APPLAUSE
0:00:58 > 0:01:00And indescribable Alan Davies!
0:01:00 > 0:01:02APPLAUSE
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Right, let's hear their buzzers.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Lolly goes...
0:01:10 > 0:01:12MUSIC: The Stripper
0:01:15 > 0:01:16Richard goes...
0:01:16 > 0:01:20MUSIC: The Stripper
0:01:22 > 0:01:23Lee goes...
0:01:23 > 0:01:26MUSIC: The Stripper
0:01:29 > 0:01:31And Alan goes...
0:01:31 > 0:01:32MUSIC ENDS
0:01:34 > 0:01:38TRICKLING
0:01:43 > 0:01:45What the...
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Well, I need to go now. Don't you?
0:01:50 > 0:01:52- Yeah.- So, Alan, we're going to start with you.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54- Oh, OK.- Are you normal or weird?
0:01:57 > 0:01:59I think I'm normal, Sandi.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01KLAXON
0:02:01 > 0:02:03- All right, weird.- Feel bad.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Yes, you are weird.
0:02:05 > 0:02:06Anybody here normal?
0:02:06 > 0:02:09I would say, uh, I'll go weird.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Yes. Normal, do you feel normal, Lolly?
0:02:12 > 0:02:13I feel very much at home here.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17OK. You must have a strange house, but there we are.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19What about you, Richard? Normal?
0:02:19 > 0:02:20I'm going to go out on a crazy limb.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22- Yeah.- And say maybe I'm a little bit weird.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Yes. The fact is, nobody is normal.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28So, say you took an average of every single person here in this room,
0:02:28 > 0:02:32and we took height and shoe size and collar size and all those things,
0:02:32 > 0:02:35you won't find anybody who's average in all respects.
0:02:35 > 0:02:36It just doesn't exist.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38And it's called the jaggedness principle.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41And it really matters. In the 1940s, the US Air Force, they thought,
0:02:41 > 0:02:44"I know what we'll do. We'll design a cockpit that fits absolutely
0:02:44 > 0:02:47- "everybody." OK?- The cockpit has yet to be designed...
0:02:47 > 0:02:50- Yes, that is...- ..that will fit my proportions.
0:02:50 > 0:02:51In what way?
0:02:51 > 0:02:53- Oh, in a plane?- In a plane.
0:02:53 > 0:02:54Oh, I'm sorry!
0:02:57 > 0:02:59How embarrassing, I thought you were talking about...
0:02:59 > 0:03:02Yes, I try so hard with you boys.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05So they took the measurements of over 4,000 pilots and they designed
0:03:05 > 0:03:09this cockpit seat based on these ten different body measurements.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12And it didn't fit a single pilot.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Because there isn't any such thing as normal,
0:03:14 > 0:03:18and in the end they had to develop the adjustable seat for aeroplanes,
0:03:18 > 0:03:20because of the jaggedness principle.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23So, take me and Richard. Richard, you come here, just for a moment.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26- Oh, goodness. - So, if you wanted to do...
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Where's the sun?! Where's the sun?!
0:03:31 > 0:03:36If there was a jacket to be had for the average quiz show presenter...
0:03:36 > 0:03:41Can I just say, I'm very proud of Sandi and her time at the school...
0:03:41 > 0:03:46and I'm so pleased that she's won the grammar prize, well done.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51You do know that people watching won't know who's -
0:03:51 > 0:03:54and I don't use the word lightly - abnormally heighted?
0:03:54 > 0:03:56It could be that you're 25 foot.
0:03:56 > 0:04:00- We need some proportions.- I'm five foot nine, to give an indication.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03I used to work with the brilliant Humphrey Lyttelton,
0:04:03 > 0:04:07and Humphrey was exactly the same height as me when he was kneeling.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09- I bet I am.- Shall we try that?- Yeah.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13OK. Right, here we go.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Oh, just about.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19APPLAUSE
0:04:22 > 0:04:26Play you at netball any day.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29So, trying to find an average person's unbelievably difficult.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32The Australian Bureau of Statistics used the national census to try and
0:04:32 > 0:04:33find an average Australian.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36So here's what they announced. She was a 37-year-old woman.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39She had a son and daughter, he was six and she was nine.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40The woman is five foot four and 11st.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43She's got a three-bedroom house with about £200,000 left
0:04:43 > 0:04:46on the mortgage. Her family came originally from the UK.
0:04:46 > 0:04:47That is the average Australian.
0:04:47 > 0:04:52And then they couldn't find a single person in the entire country who
0:04:52 > 0:04:53- matched it.- I think it's me.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55- Are you five foot four?- Yeah.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Are you Australian?
0:04:59 > 0:05:01So close!
0:05:01 > 0:05:03OK, try this one, all right?
0:05:03 > 0:05:05So this is a 2014 dating site.
0:05:05 > 0:05:06They surveyed 2,000 London men.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09So the ideal London woman, here's what she looks like.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11Five foot six.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13- Five foot four.- Five foot four, OK.
0:05:13 > 0:05:159st. 34C bust, drinks white wine,
0:05:15 > 0:05:18has no tattoos and supports Tottenham.
0:05:18 > 0:05:19Oh!
0:05:19 > 0:05:22No wonder she's single.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Yeah, well... I've got more on her.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27I've got more. Brown hair.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30Brown hair. She drove an Audi TT, she was either a nurse or a teacher.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32She liked roast dinners.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35She had an exotic foreign accent.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37She loved Dirty Dancing, the movie,
0:05:37 > 0:05:39and the top television show was Friends.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42- Oh, she sounds like an idiot. - She does!
0:05:43 > 0:05:45That's what a man's really looking for in a woman,
0:05:45 > 0:05:48somebody who likes Dirty Dancing. They're so rare to find.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51- I know.- I don't think I have any of those...
0:05:51 > 0:05:53- Don't have...- ..qualities. - You've got brown hair.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55- It's kind of black.- OK.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58So, if you're not normal, you could be weird.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00In fact, we are all at the table weird.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04It stands for Western educated from industrialised rich democratic
0:06:04 > 0:06:07countries. So why might that be a problem?
0:06:07 > 0:06:10- That be an issue?- The problem is because they're missing the C off
0:06:10 > 0:06:11the end of WEIRD. Yeah, countries.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13- Oh, I see.- So the acronym works pretty well.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17- Doesn't really scan though, does it? - No.- WEIRDC.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20The problem is that whenever we do sociological research or
0:06:20 > 0:06:23psychological research, 96% of the people who participate
0:06:23 > 0:06:25in these kind of studies, they're usually students, are weird.
0:06:25 > 0:06:29Even though that only represents 12% of the world's population.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Surely NORMAL could be an acronym for something?
0:06:31 > 0:06:33- Yes.- Yes, what could it be?
0:06:33 > 0:06:35It ends in "Arsenal loving," I know that.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37I'm just trying...
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Yeah, C's for something else there, isn't it?
0:06:39 > 0:06:42LAUGHTER
0:06:46 > 0:06:50- Nordic men, Arsenal loving. - Yeah, like John Jensen.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53- Johnny Jensen! Aah!- Is he a Danish footballer?- He was, yeah.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56I used to work in a bookmakers, and John Jensen used to come in,
0:06:56 > 0:06:59put bets on, and he put 50 quid once and it won about 400 quid
0:06:59 > 0:07:01and he never collected it.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04- Wow.- If John Jensen's at home watching this, he'll be like,
0:07:04 > 0:07:07"This is unbelievable. They are literally just talking about me."
0:07:07 > 0:07:10You're not allowed to tell people that they've got a bet that won,
0:07:10 > 0:07:12because they might have accidentally put that bet on
0:07:12 > 0:07:14and meant something else.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17He could be sitting at home going... SHE SPEAKS DANISH
0:07:17 > 0:07:21- Yeah, John Jensen.- Was he the Swedish Chef or something?
0:07:22 > 0:07:24He scored in the final of the European Championships,
0:07:24 > 0:07:28when Denmark won the tournament in 1992.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32Stunning goal against Germany, Arsenal signed him
0:07:32 > 0:07:34and he didn't score again for three years.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38- I was only two then.- Yeah.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41OK, I'm going to just cry for a minute.
0:07:43 > 0:07:48- Are you a football fan?- COYS, COYS, COYS is all I know.- What is that?
0:07:48 > 0:07:49Come on, you Spurs.
0:07:49 > 0:07:53- RICHARD:- Suddenly, the perfect woman hoves into view...
0:07:53 > 0:07:56- She likes white wine. - I know a football joke.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Oh, I bet Ozil might have asthma now,
0:07:59 > 0:08:02because of all the dust on Arsenal's trophy cabinet.
0:08:02 > 0:08:03Oh!
0:08:05 > 0:08:07I might not know anything about football,
0:08:07 > 0:08:09but I think you've caused a frisson.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13That's the noise of a frisson, isn't it?
0:08:13 > 0:08:17John Jensen's throwing stuff at the telly right now.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20He can't afford a telly, he left his money at the bookmakers.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23He's not watching the telly now, he's round at William Hill's,
0:08:23 > 0:08:24banging on the window.
0:08:25 > 0:08:30Anyway, none of us is normal, but we might just be weird.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Now, let's look at some naked apes.
0:08:32 > 0:08:36What did the Neanderthal take with him when he went clubbing?
0:08:37 > 0:08:41Are you meaning a club to club things with?
0:08:41 > 0:08:43KLAXON
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Over the years, I thought I'd get better at this.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52We've all been hoping, Alan.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55Given that Alan got a klaxon for saying clubs...
0:08:55 > 0:08:57- Yes.- ..I'm guessing he didn't use clubs.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59- Very good.- Or she. - No, he or she did not use...
0:08:59 > 0:09:01See, that's how to do it.
0:09:01 > 0:09:02They lived above the tree line.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05They lived in the desert. There weren't any trees.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Otherwise you'd use a branch!
0:09:07 > 0:09:08Yeah, but they had spears and arrows
0:09:08 > 0:09:10which had presumably got wooden shafts.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13They couldn't get near enough to club anything.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15- It was too dangerous.- For all we know, they didn't have clubs.
0:09:15 > 0:09:19I mean, the main thing about it is that we've never, ever seen anything
0:09:19 > 0:09:22shaped remotely like a club. No artefact anywhere.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24I base all my knowledge of Neanderthal men
0:09:24 > 0:09:26from the Wacky Races.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29The Flintstones, obviously, which is incredibly accurate.
0:09:29 > 0:09:30All those people living with dinosaurs.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32- Running in the cars.- Yeah, exactly!
0:09:32 > 0:09:33To be fair, we've got Wacky Races,
0:09:33 > 0:09:36we've got Flintstones and we've got Captain Caveman.
0:09:36 > 0:09:37So that's three separate bits of evidence
0:09:37 > 0:09:39- that suggests they did have clubs. - Yeah.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42- Unless they're all making it up. - Yeah.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44So they didn't take clubs but they took cameras?
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Yes.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48That's one of the earliest photographs.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51That's incredible. They couldn't say cheese, though,
0:09:51 > 0:09:53- because they didn't have cheese. - Cheese?
0:09:53 > 0:09:56- For the photograph.- Oh, I see.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58I wonder what they said.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Bison's quite good. "Bison."
0:10:01 > 0:10:04To be fair, you are just saying "bison" and then smiling.
0:10:04 > 0:10:09- Bison.- Yeah.- You could say anything, couldn't you?
0:10:09 > 0:10:10Stick of rock.
0:10:12 > 0:10:13But we've never ever...
0:10:13 > 0:10:16There's never been a painting, there's never been an artefact...
0:10:16 > 0:10:18To be fair, most wooden artefacts will rot.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21So you'd get paintings of spears and we get spearheads that you find,
0:10:21 > 0:10:23but you don't actually get the wooden...
0:10:23 > 0:10:24- You don't get the wooden pole, right?- Yeah.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26So they might have had clubs that rotted away.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29I understand that you don't want to go too near an animal with a club.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32But if you're fighting neighbouring tribes...
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Probably you would just pick up a stick.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36- But a stick is a club. - Well, it's not shaped like a club,
0:10:36 > 0:10:38- that's the point. - When is a club a stick?
0:10:38 > 0:10:40- Yeah.- When you cover it in chocolate.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44There's the makings of a double act here.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47What they do find a lot of in Neanderthal sites is bones, though,
0:10:47 > 0:10:50so they might have done that thing like from Tales of the Unexpected
0:10:50 > 0:10:53where they got a frozen leg of lamb and used that as a club,
0:10:53 > 0:10:55and then ate the evidence.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57The freezer was also an early invention...
0:10:59 > 0:11:01I'm sorry, Lolly.
0:11:01 > 0:11:02- I apologise.- No, I'm really learning a lot.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04You're learning? That's good.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07Because I feel like knowledge is draining from me as we speak.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10Now a question about the bare necessities of life, such as shelter.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12So who lived here?
0:11:13 > 0:11:15- Massive bats.- Massive...? - No, I said massive.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17OK. And what did you say?
0:11:17 > 0:11:18And I said "not bats".
0:11:18 > 0:11:22- Not bats, OK.- So between us the answer is massive not bats.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25It's a type of not bat, the massive not bat.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28We could go through a long list of things that didn't live there.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Oh, er...John Jensen.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35- And he's still playing, or not still playing?- No.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38He probably has a kickabout with his kids in the garden, you know.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40I know he's not betting any more.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Anyway, these caves, I can tell you they're in Brazil...
0:11:44 > 0:11:46Brazilians.
0:11:46 > 0:11:47Is not correct.
0:11:47 > 0:11:51They sometimes went as deep as 70 feet, they had multiple chambers.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Is it some sort of massive animal?
0:11:54 > 0:11:56- Yes.- Is it termites?
0:11:56 > 0:11:58No, but that would be huge, wouldn't they?
0:11:58 > 0:12:00That would be massive. An army of termites.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Yeah, like a load of termites going, "Go!"
0:12:02 > 0:12:04And then making a massive tunnel.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06I love that. Little tiny hard hats, running.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10They'd build like a little cart, and then they all ride down it together.
0:12:10 > 0:12:11Whee!
0:12:11 > 0:12:14Suddenly my answer not anywhere near as interesting, if I'm honest.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Is it a burrowing mammal?
0:12:16 > 0:12:19It is. It's a giant ground sloth.
0:12:19 > 0:12:23They lived from about 2.8 million years ago to about 10,000 years ago,
0:12:23 > 0:12:26and some of them were as big as an adult elephant.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28The largest species, the megatherium,
0:12:28 > 0:12:30weighed up to four tonnes
0:12:30 > 0:12:32and it was 20 foot long from nose to tail.
0:12:32 > 0:12:36So they still have some living relatives today, which is the tree sloths.
0:12:36 > 0:12:37The difference in scale, I mean...
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Say imagine me and Richard.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42To be comparably larger, Richard would need to be about 50 foot tall.
0:12:42 > 0:12:47- So I'd need to be three foot taller than I currently am?- Yes.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49What's the largest burrowing animal today?
0:12:49 > 0:12:52Oh, that would be the giant "not bat".
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Badgers are quite big.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Wombats, do they go under?
0:12:57 > 0:13:01- Giant badger?- I like the question, "Do wombats go under?"
0:13:01 > 0:13:04- Is it wombat?- No, it's not a wombat.
0:13:04 > 0:13:05- Two bats.- Two bats!
0:13:07 > 0:13:10I'm going to go with Lolly. It's not bats, OK?
0:13:10 > 0:13:11It's not bats.
0:13:11 > 0:13:12Is it humans?
0:13:12 > 0:13:14- No, it's the polar bear. - The polar bear burrows?
0:13:14 > 0:13:17- Yeah, they dig...- Hang on, Alan, I don't think humans burrow either.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19- You said humans! - We made the Channel Tunnel.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Well, they made the Chunnel, yes.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Actually, I think you should win that.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25That's very good. But it's not the largest animal, is it?
0:13:25 > 0:13:27The polar bear, they dig a maternity den
0:13:27 > 0:13:28either in the snow, or in the earth.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31So they are the largest burrowing animal.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Speaking of caves, anybody been to Nottingham?
0:13:33 > 0:13:34I've been to Nottingham, yeah.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36Hey. Whoa, so have I, mate. Come on.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39- LOLLY:- I actually went to university really near Nottingham.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41- Did you?- So let's all chill out, actually.- This is a small world!
0:13:41 > 0:13:43- Alan?- Yeah, I've been there.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45No way! Alan's been as well, Sandi.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48I made my professional debut at Nottingham Playhouse.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50- Did you?- I did.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53Anyway, the city centre was once known as Tiggua Cobaucc,
0:13:53 > 0:13:55which means "the place of caves".
0:13:55 > 0:13:58So from as early as the 11th century, people lived in caves in Nottingham.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Under the Nottingham Inclosure Act of 1845,
0:14:00 > 0:14:04it is still illegal to rent out a cave to anybody in Nottingham.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08They were trying to stop unscrupulous landlords renting them out
0:14:08 > 0:14:10to the poor. I'd quite like to live in a cave, though.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Don't you think it would be fine?
0:14:12 > 0:14:13Um, no.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15No? Oh.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17What's your reservation?
0:14:17 > 0:14:18Wi-Fi.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23If you had a good hub?
0:14:23 > 0:14:28That picture on the right, at the back, is that a downstairs toilet?
0:14:28 > 0:14:31It does look awfully like some kind of font, doesn't it?
0:14:31 > 0:14:34Or like a sundial, but...no light.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39The world's worst sundial.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41The classic underground sundial.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44"Where do we put the sundial?" "In the basement."
0:14:46 > 0:14:49Do you know what the original name for Nottingham is?
0:14:49 > 0:14:51- Is it Ingham? - It's got Nottingham in it.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54No, but it's not just Ingham and then they changed it to "Not-Ingham"?
0:14:54 > 0:14:57- No.- Nottinghampton.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Nottingham is the shortened version of its original name.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02- Snottingham?- Exactly right.
0:15:02 > 0:15:07- Come on!- It was ruled by a Saxon chief named Snot.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10And it was literally "the homestead of Snot's people."
0:15:10 > 0:15:14It was Snottingham and then, I don't know why they dropped the S, because
0:15:14 > 0:15:17- I think it's perfectly charming. - I think they should put it back.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20Now, your ancestors could make fire using things that they found.
0:15:20 > 0:15:25You have something on a tray and I will give you 20 points to anybody
0:15:25 > 0:15:29who can start a fire with the things you have got there.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Can I use my lighter that I've got in my pocket?
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Just going to get out my fire blanket.
0:15:34 > 0:15:38Oh, now, look, can't you put that in the lemon, won't that work?
0:15:38 > 0:15:42- Supposedly doesn't.- Can't you get a charge out of citrus fruit?
0:15:42 > 0:15:44- You can.- Am I about to?
0:15:45 > 0:15:48Not enough to upset yourself, I don't think.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Meanwhile, I'm going to use this to look for a match.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Does it matter if we open that? Would that help?
0:15:59 > 0:16:03You don't want to open it, but you can actually use a can of soda.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05Is that what it is, just a can of fizzy pop?
0:16:05 > 0:16:08It is a can of fizzy pop, yeah. What would you use two sticks for?
0:16:08 > 0:16:11- You don't necessarily have to do it. - Well, rubbing together, isn't it?
0:16:11 > 0:16:13- Yeah.- You're supposed to go like that.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16You need to sharpen it into a point and then rub it the quickest way.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18That's not going to work, is it?
0:16:19 > 0:16:22- Be here all day doing this. - Be freezing cold, with someone in the dark
0:16:22 > 0:16:25going, "Where are the caves, for crying out loud?!"
0:16:25 > 0:16:29- "Can't go in them." "Why?!"- "I can't see this sundial without light.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32Ow! Ow! Ow!
0:16:32 > 0:16:35I'm going to show you a very quick way that you could make it...
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Please don't try this.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39Is there any reason why we don't get the safety stuff?
0:16:39 > 0:16:42Because you're not actually going to be able to do it, that's why.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44Oh!
0:16:44 > 0:16:47So what you do is you take a nine-volt battery
0:16:47 > 0:16:48and some steel wool,
0:16:48 > 0:16:52- you place it on here like this... - Oh, wow.
0:16:52 > 0:16:53Whoa!
0:16:54 > 0:16:56- And there you are.- So cool.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59That's all you have to do. And then you would add some kindling.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01I have to get my fire blanket out.
0:17:04 > 0:17:05There we go.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07- I think you just got it there. - Do you think it'll be all right?
0:17:07 > 0:17:09APPLAUSE
0:17:15 > 0:17:18- So you can do it with these? - If you look at the base of your tin,
0:17:18 > 0:17:21you can see that it is a concave shape.
0:17:21 > 0:17:25If you polished that, you would be able to reflect enough sunlight
0:17:25 > 0:17:27in order to be able to make fire.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29And, in fact, we can demonstrate this in the studio,
0:17:29 > 0:17:32but obviously we're going to need experts so we have with us
0:17:32 > 0:17:35our friends from the Festival of the Spoken Nerd.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37The science comedy phenomenon,
0:17:37 > 0:17:39they tour all over the UK and have brought one of their experiments
0:17:39 > 0:17:43from their show - please welcome, Matt, Steve and Helen, the nurse.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46APPLAUSE
0:17:50 > 0:17:52I was right, wasn't I, that the tin of pop is a kind of...?
0:17:52 > 0:17:57Yes, it's almost the right shape to focus light in.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00This is a natural paraboloid which is the perfect shape,
0:18:00 > 0:18:02so we can use this to set fire to something.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Don't just point it at me.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Alan, your hair does look a bit like...
0:18:08 > 0:18:12- You could go up in seconds! - Put a nine-bulb battery on my head.
0:18:12 > 0:18:16We've got a graphic here of the two dishes we've set up and if you cut
0:18:16 > 0:18:20one in half, so we can swivel one around, and if you unpeel it, it's
0:18:20 > 0:18:23just a parabola, and the amazing thing about a parabola
0:18:23 > 0:18:26is that any line which comes directly down,
0:18:26 > 0:18:29parallel with the axes, will go through exactly the same spot,
0:18:29 > 0:18:32the focal point. And the same thing works in reverse so if something
0:18:32 > 0:18:35emits from the focal point it'll be sent out as a parallel...
0:18:35 > 0:18:39That's how the Death Star works, isn't it?
0:18:39 > 0:18:40That's essentially the cleverest thing
0:18:40 > 0:18:43that's ever been said near you, Lee, isn't it?
0:18:44 > 0:18:47We're going to give this a go but, please, can you put your
0:18:47 > 0:18:50- sunglasses on?- Because these are going to protect us, aren't they?!
0:18:50 > 0:18:51So about 200 years ago,
0:18:51 > 0:18:55this was a party trick where they would put a super hot cannonball
0:18:55 > 0:18:57at one focal point and gunpowder at the other.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59We thought we wouldn't try that.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01We asked, and apparently we're not allowed
0:19:01 > 0:19:03because it's no longer the past.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08But they have let us bring a heat lamp,
0:19:08 > 0:19:10and nitrocellulose, so that's flash cotton.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13This will be the past one day, you know.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Not on Dave.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17APPLAUSE
0:19:20 > 0:19:22- OK. Are we ready?- Yeah.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25- LEE:- Don't worry, it's not right in my eye!
0:19:29 > 0:19:32ALL: Oh!
0:19:32 > 0:19:33APPLAUSE
0:19:35 > 0:19:39Fantastic. Fantastic, guys, thank you so much.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Let's pop our trays away.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50It's easier to start a fire now we've all got Tinder on our phones.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52GROANING
0:19:52 > 0:19:55We don't ALL have Tinder on our phones.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Yeah, some of us are Grindr people.
0:20:01 > 0:20:05Right. What are the bare necessities of life today?
0:20:05 > 0:20:09- So, you said that you needed... Wi-Fi.- Wi-Fi.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11You consider that to be a necessity?
0:20:11 > 0:20:15Wi-Fi and...a good book.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17ALL: Aww.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Were you just trying to look good there?
0:20:19 > 0:20:22- Yeah.- So, top five most essential things for British people.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Knowing when the bins go out.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Especially when there's been a bank holiday.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29And somebody breaks ranks and puts their bins out
0:20:29 > 0:20:31and everyone goes, "Oh, should I?
0:20:31 > 0:20:34"It was a bank holiday, but what if they know something I don't know?"
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Suddenly everyone's bins are out.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38I like get up early and put the wrong coloured bin out,
0:20:38 > 0:20:40and see if everyone copies.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44And when they've all gone to work, swap it round again.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46It is a weird sort of British obsession.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49I remember when I first came to live in Britain, I was 14 years old,
0:20:49 > 0:20:52and people talked about putting cream or jam on their scone first,
0:20:52 > 0:20:54and I realised that they...cared.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00- What an example of first world problems.- I know!
0:21:00 > 0:21:03You know when you get it, it's a "scoan", and when you've eaten it,
0:21:03 > 0:21:04it "sconn".
0:21:04 > 0:21:07LAUGHTER AND GROANS
0:21:11 > 0:21:14You got the "ohhh".
0:21:14 > 0:21:15John Jensen chuckling away -
0:21:15 > 0:21:18"I wasn't sure about this programme at first, but..."
0:21:20 > 0:21:23So you are right, Lolly - an internet connection is the very first thing
0:21:23 > 0:21:26people decided was most important. What's next?
0:21:26 > 0:21:30- Mobile phone.- Mobile phone came in at 19.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33- Mobile phone charger. - Mobile phone charger?
0:21:34 > 0:21:38I think you'll find a plug socket becomes increasingly important.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41By that theory, we've got to say computer, if Wi-Fi's important.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44- TV, actually, is the second one. - What are they using the Wi-Fi for?
0:21:44 > 0:21:45It's just nice to know that you've got Wi-Fi,
0:21:45 > 0:21:48in case you do need it.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51Also, the people who answered this question would have been weird.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54So is food and water and shelter not on the list?
0:21:54 > 0:21:58Not at all. It goes internet connection, TV,
0:21:58 > 0:22:00a cuddle is third... ALL: Aww!
0:22:00 > 0:22:04- ..a trustworthy best friend is number four...- And a club.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09Number five, the thing you'd want when you come back from a club,
0:22:09 > 0:22:11a daily shower was number five.
0:22:11 > 0:22:12Daily?!
0:22:15 > 0:22:16Shower?!
0:22:18 > 0:22:19A cup of tea at number seven,
0:22:19 > 0:22:21having somebody say "I love you" number eight.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24- What, after a cup of tea? - After a cup of tea.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28I have to say, coffee, wine, chocolate and a night on the sofa
0:22:28 > 0:22:29all beat owning a phone.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32But how are you going to tell anyone you had such a nice time
0:22:32 > 0:22:34if you don't have a phone?
0:22:34 > 0:22:37What's the point of doing it if you're not going to show off?
0:22:37 > 0:22:38Are you serious, Lolly,
0:22:38 > 0:22:41that you can't have a good time without telling somebody?
0:22:41 > 0:22:44Why would you do it otherwise, if you can't...?
0:22:46 > 0:22:48So do you get this thing, separation anxiety,
0:22:48 > 0:22:50if you're separated from your telephone?
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Yeah. If I'm on, like, a tall bridge,
0:22:53 > 0:22:56the person I'm with will be scared cos they might fall in to the water,
0:22:56 > 0:23:00and I'll just be concerned I'm going to drop my phone in the water.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02You see how things have changed?
0:23:02 > 0:23:05Some years ago when I had my first mobile phone I was visiting an elderly friend
0:23:05 > 0:23:08and the phone rang, and she said, "Who was that?" I said, "My agent."
0:23:08 > 0:23:10And she said, "Oh! How did she know you were here?"
0:23:12 > 0:23:14I did that thing with my phone the other day,
0:23:14 > 0:23:17you know when you leave the house you look for your phone,
0:23:17 > 0:23:20I was like, where have I put it? It's not in the kitchen,
0:23:20 > 0:23:23checking in jackets, and literally ten minutes later,
0:23:23 > 0:23:25I realised it was in my hand.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28Have you done the thing where you can't find your phone
0:23:28 > 0:23:30so you ring it, and then you realise
0:23:30 > 0:23:32you're ringing it from the phone...?
0:23:32 > 0:23:33LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:23:37 > 0:23:40And it doesn't help, because it's engaged.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42There was a study done in California State University.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44They got half the students who took part
0:23:44 > 0:23:46to turn off their phone and put it away out of sight,
0:23:46 > 0:23:49and the other half actually had their phones taken away
0:23:49 > 0:23:52and measure the levels of anxiety every ten minutes.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54People who used the phone very little,
0:23:54 > 0:23:55there was hardly any increase,
0:23:55 > 0:23:57but people who were heavy users of the telephone,
0:23:57 > 0:24:00it went up every ten minutes for the whole hour
0:24:00 > 0:24:03until they became unbelievably anxious.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06And apparently some people call it FOMO - do you know about FOMO?
0:24:06 > 0:24:09- Fear Of Missing Out. - Fear Of Missing Out. And FOBO -
0:24:09 > 0:24:10- do you know FOBO?- Fear Of...
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Bogging off.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Fear Of Being Offline.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17But I don't know whether it's to do with the telephone
0:24:17 > 0:24:20or people just aren't any good any more at just having nothing to do.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23So they did this extraordinary study in 2014 -
0:24:23 > 0:24:26a guy called Timothy Wilson at the University of Virginia -
0:24:26 > 0:24:29and he put people in an empty room
0:24:29 > 0:24:32and they didn't have anything at all in there
0:24:32 > 0:24:35apart from a device that was attached to their ankle
0:24:35 > 0:24:37with which they could decide
0:24:37 > 0:24:39to give themselves an electric shock.
0:24:42 > 0:24:4418 out of 42 of the people who did it -
0:24:44 > 0:24:46I have to say more men than women -
0:24:46 > 0:24:50chose to give themselves at least one... LAUGHTER
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Is that because the women didn't know how to operate it?
0:24:52 > 0:24:55ALL: Ooh!
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Just asking.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59You do know there's been a regime change, don't you?
0:25:02 > 0:25:04And now a question about naked ambition.
0:25:04 > 0:25:09Do you know what this man does faster than anyone in the world?
0:25:09 > 0:25:11It's actually amazing.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15- Hair growing?- Oh, yeah, hair growing, because I want to see that.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18What's the thing that we talk about, it's always impressive,
0:25:18 > 0:25:20you go, wow, he's the fastest in the world at that?
0:25:20 > 0:25:21- Running.- Running, yes.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24He's not faster than Usain Bolt, you're not going to say that?
0:25:24 > 0:25:29In a way. He ran the mile faster than the current world flat record.
0:25:29 > 0:25:30So downhill runner?
0:25:30 > 0:25:31He's a downhill runner.
0:25:31 > 0:25:35He's a British athlete, and when he was a 16-year-old schoolboy,
0:25:35 > 0:25:38he ran the fastest mile ever.
0:25:38 > 0:25:42In 1996, the Meltham Maniac Mile,
0:25:42 > 0:25:46so it's one mile down a fantastically steep hill
0:25:46 > 0:25:50just outside Huddersfield. The course drops 400 feet...
0:25:50 > 0:25:53It has since been banned, this race.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55For health and safety reasons.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57But he completed it in three minutes and 24 seconds.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00- Do you have to keep running? - You can't stop.
0:26:00 > 0:26:01- You can't roll?- No, you can't roll.
0:26:01 > 0:26:05This is the most British race, I think, of all time because it says
0:26:05 > 0:26:08that the course started at the cattle grid by Tinker Lane.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13Did they stop it after a terrible injury,
0:26:13 > 0:26:15or just because something COULD happen there?
0:26:15 > 0:26:17We can find out because Craig Wheeler,
0:26:17 > 0:26:20fastest man over a mile, is in the audience.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22APPLAUSE
0:26:27 > 0:26:29Can you go to the top of the steps and run down?
0:26:29 > 0:26:34- So, Craig, why did they stop it?- No idea, obviously this day and age,
0:26:34 > 0:26:37- health and safety in anything.- And they ran it the other way as well,
0:26:37 > 0:26:41in the opposite direction, didn't they? It was called the murder mile.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43- That's the one.- We've got a VT actually, Craig, of you,
0:26:43 > 0:26:46I don't know if you can talk us through it, but was there
0:26:46 > 0:26:49any moment when you were running that you actually thought you were
0:26:49 > 0:26:52just going to do what Lolly suggested and roll down?
0:26:52 > 0:26:55Most of the race I thought I was going to go flat on my face.
0:26:55 > 0:27:00- LEE:- Did we actually see him stop then or does he just carry on?
0:27:00 > 0:27:02"I can't stop!"
0:27:05 > 0:27:0920 seconds faster than the world record for the flat mile.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11Was it Record Breakers that you were doing?
0:27:11 > 0:27:14Yes. I went back the following year to try to break the record with
0:27:14 > 0:27:17Record Breakers and I fell two seconds short.
0:27:17 > 0:27:21Which is still the second fastest time ever.
0:27:23 > 0:27:24So you're first and second?
0:27:24 > 0:27:26- Yes.- There's a proper champion.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29That was Craig Wheeler, the fastest man ever.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34Now, would you like to see a very small lady completely naked?
0:27:34 > 0:27:36What's the difference between completely...
0:27:37 > 0:27:39In that case, definitely yes.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42What's the difference between completely naked and naked?
0:27:42 > 0:27:46I think a chiffon scarf doesn't count as completely naked.
0:27:46 > 0:27:47Or white socks. That turns me on.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50Naked, pair of white socks, and very small.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53- Is that the offer?- Yeah. Do you want to have a look?
0:27:53 > 0:27:55"Do you want to have a look"! This show's gone downhill
0:27:55 > 0:27:56quicker than that bloke.
0:27:59 > 0:28:00LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:28:03 > 0:28:04Have a look at this.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06It's incredible. Look at that.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09So this is a sculpture created by the South African artist
0:28:09 > 0:28:15Jonty Hurwitz and this woman is roughly 100 microns tall.
0:28:15 > 0:28:18So she is far too small to be seen with the naked eye and she is
0:28:18 > 0:28:22in fact depicted standing in the eye of a needle.
0:28:22 > 0:28:25- Oh, come on!- How did he do it? - It's science.
0:28:25 > 0:28:28Can I just say, you just said the words "It's science" like there's
0:28:28 > 0:28:31- no way I'm going to understand it. - LAUGHTER
0:28:31 > 0:28:34I was trying to lead you in gently, but you went.
0:28:34 > 0:28:37She sort of did a surfer on an eyelash and is the culmination
0:28:37 > 0:28:38of lots and lots of development of science,
0:28:38 > 0:28:40because you need multi-photon lithography,
0:28:40 > 0:28:42a kind of laser printing, you need photogrammetry,
0:28:42 > 0:28:45taking measurements with photographs and they are called nano sculptures.
0:28:45 > 0:28:50- Yeah, and of course, the first thing they do is do a naked woman.- Yes.
0:28:50 > 0:28:53But if you think about how small this is - so a nano means one billion,
0:28:53 > 0:28:56so a nanometre is one billionth of a metre.
0:28:56 > 0:28:59That is about the length that a fingernail grows in a second.
0:28:59 > 0:29:01There's a lovely quote from Hurwitz.
0:29:01 > 0:29:04He says, "The nano works that I present to you here represent more
0:29:04 > 0:29:05"than just a feature of science.
0:29:05 > 0:29:08"They represent the moment of history that we ourselves are able to
0:29:08 > 0:29:11"create a full human form on the same scale as the sperm that
0:29:11 > 0:29:14"creates us in order to facilitate the creation."
0:29:14 > 0:29:16Well, I must say, as a blurb for a show ...
0:29:16 > 0:29:18- Yeah.- That is... - LAUGHTER
0:29:18 > 0:29:21- Too long.- It's too long. - Too long.
0:29:21 > 0:29:24Be great if he tried to carve that under the statue, wouldn't it?
0:29:24 > 0:29:27Hard enough doing the nipples, I can't do all that.
0:29:27 > 0:29:29He's not modest, is he, he's really not.
0:29:29 > 0:29:30What, that that I just did?
0:29:30 > 0:29:34Yeah, it's just the dawn of a new humanity, nothing complicated.
0:29:34 > 0:29:36Also, we've only got his word for it he did it.
0:29:36 > 0:29:39- Are you saying it doesn't exist? - Well, all you've got to do is stick
0:29:39 > 0:29:41a picture of a naked woman on the bottom of a microscope.
0:29:41 > 0:29:45- Right.- Hugo, oh, look at that. Oh, that's a naked woman. Amazing.
0:29:45 > 0:29:47I mean, you know what you're like when you've lost your phone,
0:29:47 > 0:29:49imagine misplacing that as well.
0:29:50 > 0:29:52On the day of the exhibition.
0:29:52 > 0:29:54You've got the thing ready and somebody loses
0:29:54 > 0:29:57a button just before the exhibition.
0:29:57 > 0:30:00- "Anybody got a needle? Oh..." - Oh, dear.
0:30:00 > 0:30:02Yes.
0:30:02 > 0:30:05Now, what's the best thing anyone's ever done in the nude?
0:30:06 > 0:30:08Running downhill?
0:30:08 > 0:30:11- That would hurt, wouldn't it? - If you were a woman,
0:30:11 > 0:30:13it could take your eye out.
0:30:13 > 0:30:15If you're me it could take your eye out.
0:30:18 > 0:30:21So one day you're able to sit as comfortably as you are, Lee.
0:30:21 > 0:30:24Someone discovered something?
0:30:24 > 0:30:27Was Alexander Fleming in the nude when he discovered penicillin?
0:30:27 > 0:30:29It's something that's absolutely extraordinary,
0:30:29 > 0:30:32it was mostly done in the nude. It is, if I'm frank with you,
0:30:32 > 0:30:33it's for the purposes of this question.
0:30:33 > 0:30:35They did it for the purposes of this question?
0:30:35 > 0:30:37Well, the answer is for the purposes of this question.
0:30:37 > 0:30:40It's World War II was won in the nude,
0:30:40 > 0:30:45so who might have been in the nude winning World War II?
0:30:45 > 0:30:46Adolf Hitler?
0:30:46 > 0:30:48And on the other side?
0:30:48 > 0:30:52- Coronation Street.- On the less grumpy side?
0:30:52 > 0:30:54Are you talking about our very own Winston?
0:30:54 > 0:30:57- Winston Churchill, yes.- I don't think Winston would be called less grumpy.
0:30:57 > 0:31:01I thought Hitler was actually quite upbeat even though he was
0:31:01 > 0:31:04- obviously a terrible guy.- You can say what you like about him,
0:31:04 > 0:31:08at least he was always starting the day with a smile on his lips.
0:31:08 > 0:31:11He would wake people up and go, "Do you know what,
0:31:11 > 0:31:14"this morning I was thinking, Poland's lovely."
0:31:18 > 0:31:20He's got two tiny women, one on each finger.
0:31:22 > 0:31:25"Talk, my pretties, talk."
0:31:25 > 0:31:27It looks like he's just thrown a dart, actually.
0:31:27 > 0:31:29Like he's got a dart board at the end of the bath.
0:31:29 > 0:31:32That's like you're perfect... Having a dartboard at the end of your bath...
0:31:32 > 0:31:35- That would be great, wouldn't it? - Imagine how clean you would be.
0:31:35 > 0:31:38- That would be fantastic.- Then you would have one of those targets in
0:31:38 > 0:31:42a rifle range where you wind it up and get them out again and then wind it back.
0:31:42 > 0:31:45Is it a boy thing? Can you imagine having a dartboard at
0:31:45 > 0:31:47- the end of your bath? - Yeah, definitely.
0:31:47 > 0:31:49- Love it.- Just me, then.
0:31:49 > 0:31:52You had something to do with dartboards.
0:31:52 > 0:31:54Something that he invented whilst in the bath?
0:31:54 > 0:31:56He loved to be naked.
0:31:56 > 0:32:00In fact, he so often received people while he was in the bath that his
0:32:00 > 0:32:03ministers and staff officers were nicknamed "companions of the bath".
0:32:03 > 0:32:05Oh, that old chestnut.
0:32:06 > 0:32:08That's when he got out.
0:32:16 > 0:32:19Chief Usher at the White House, a man called JB West,
0:32:19 > 0:32:21and he wrote about Churchill, "In his room,
0:32:21 > 0:32:25"Mr Churchill wore no clothes at all most of the time during the day."
0:32:25 > 0:32:28And there's a story that when Churchill was staying at the White House,
0:32:28 > 0:32:31President Franklin Roosevelt called on him in his rooms,
0:32:31 > 0:32:33and Churchill was nude, and Roosevelt said, "I'm sorry,"
0:32:33 > 0:32:36and Churchill said, "The Prime Minister of Great Britain has
0:32:36 > 0:32:39"nothing to conceal from the President of the United States"!
0:32:39 > 0:32:44And the President later told his secretary that, "You know, Grace,
0:32:44 > 0:32:47"he's pink and white all over."
0:32:47 > 0:32:49What colour was he expecting, just out of interest?
0:32:49 > 0:32:53I think he wasn't expecting to know any colour, is the truth of it.
0:32:53 > 0:32:56Other famous nudists, Enid Blyton was a famous nudist.
0:32:56 > 0:33:01- Oh.- Apparently she liked to play naked tennis with her friends.
0:33:01 > 0:33:03She didn't write that in any of the books.
0:33:03 > 0:33:05No, she didn't. Benjamin Franklin regularly took
0:33:05 > 0:33:07what he called "air baths".
0:33:07 > 0:33:09DH Lawrence once said he found inspiration by climbing
0:33:09 > 0:33:11naked in mulberry trees.
0:33:11 > 0:33:14And that's the US president John Quincy Adams
0:33:14 > 0:33:18who regularly skinny-dipped in the Potomac River.
0:33:18 > 0:33:20And apparently, once a tramp stole his clothes and he had to ask
0:33:20 > 0:33:24a passer-by to go to the White House and get him some more.
0:33:24 > 0:33:27Every now and then, you see in the supermarket in the summer,
0:33:27 > 0:33:29you see a man who's topless, don't you? Do you mind that?
0:33:29 > 0:33:31It's one of those things where it's like,
0:33:31 > 0:33:33you do your thing but for me, repulsive.
0:33:33 > 0:33:34Just don't do it.
0:33:34 > 0:33:37- RICHARD:- The way to avoid that that is simply to go to Waitrose.
0:33:37 > 0:33:41APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER
0:33:44 > 0:33:47I've never understood that, it is... Actually, I'm the opposite,
0:33:47 > 0:33:49I think it's completely fine to be absolutely naked in Lidl.
0:33:49 > 0:33:53APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:33:53 > 0:33:55"Unexpected item in bagging area."
0:33:58 > 0:34:01You pay an extra 5p for that, I'm not doing that.
0:34:01 > 0:34:03But until 1938 in America,
0:34:03 > 0:34:05it was illegal for a man to be topless in public,
0:34:05 > 0:34:07and that included on the beach.
0:34:07 > 0:34:11So, 1985, 42 topless men were arrested on
0:34:11 > 0:34:14a beach in Atlantic City and the people responsible for the
0:34:14 > 0:34:17arrests declared, "We'll have no gorillas on our beaches."
0:34:18 > 0:34:22And they used to monitor women's bathing suits as well, so in the 1920s,
0:34:22 > 0:34:25there were special deputy sheriffs sworn in on some beaches in New York.
0:34:25 > 0:34:28They were all women, they were called sheriffettes,
0:34:28 > 0:34:31and their job was to measure the distance between the bottom of
0:34:31 > 0:34:33a woman's swimsuit and her knees.
0:34:33 > 0:34:35And, actually, when I was at boarding school,
0:34:35 > 0:34:38at the beginning of every year, you had to put your skirt on,
0:34:38 > 0:34:40and then you had to kneel in front of Matron,
0:34:40 > 0:34:44and the top of your hem had to touch the floor, and if it didn't,
0:34:44 > 0:34:45you had to go and get a new skirt.
0:34:45 > 0:34:47Or a bigger pen.
0:34:48 > 0:34:52- Bigger pen?- Just get a bigger pen, and then you can have a shorter skirt.
0:34:52 > 0:34:54Bigger pen, you see, so it reached the...
0:34:54 > 0:34:56It was "hem", it was "hem", Lee.
0:34:56 > 0:34:59- There's the problem.- Oh, I thought you said pen!- Hem.- I wondered why
0:34:59 > 0:35:02everyone was looking at me, going, "What are you talking about?"
0:35:02 > 0:35:05I love that Lee has such confidence if he's thinking,
0:35:05 > 0:35:07there is no way that joke didn't work.
0:35:07 > 0:35:09Yeah, must be a technical error on that,
0:35:09 > 0:35:12because this is gold, this stuff!
0:35:12 > 0:35:14Oh, a hem!
0:35:14 > 0:35:16Yeah.
0:35:16 > 0:35:18Now, while we are in that area,
0:35:18 > 0:35:20what can't you do to a naked Osman in Kyrgyzstan?
0:35:24 > 0:35:26I genuinely turned round, then,
0:35:26 > 0:35:30because I thought Alan's head was blocking something else...
0:35:30 > 0:35:33I thought you were going to say, "I remember that horse", then!
0:35:35 > 0:35:38Two wonderful weeks with her!
0:35:38 > 0:35:40She looks exhausted.
0:35:40 > 0:35:42I will just say, if you're going to pull out, it was cold.
0:35:42 > 0:35:45It was colder than it looks, I'll tell you that.
0:35:45 > 0:35:48- Did you say in what country? - In Kyrgyzstan.
0:35:48 > 0:35:50Osman is a name across all the "-stan"s.
0:35:50 > 0:35:53- Where does it come from, Osman? - Well, the Ottoman Empire, really.
0:35:53 > 0:35:55- So it comes from Turkey.- Right.
0:35:55 > 0:35:57But the whole of the Middle East is full of Osmans.
0:35:57 > 0:36:00If I ever grow abroad and they see my credit card,
0:36:00 > 0:36:02they laugh their heads off that I'm an Osman.
0:36:02 > 0:36:05The fact that a very tall, very white guy is called Osman...
0:36:05 > 0:36:07- Is called Osman. - They think is the funniest thing.
0:36:07 > 0:36:10OK, so it's not a person, I can tell you, a naked Osman.
0:36:10 > 0:36:14- Kill it, eat it.- You can't eat it any more, but you used to be able to.
0:36:14 > 0:36:17- It's in the water.- Catch it.
0:36:17 > 0:36:18It's a trout-like fish.
0:36:18 > 0:36:22It used to be the most populous fish in Lake Issyk-Kul in north-east
0:36:22 > 0:36:24- Kyrgyzstan.- And it's called an osman?
0:36:24 > 0:36:28- It's called a naked osman.- Oh, a naked osman.- Why is it called the naked osman?
0:36:28 > 0:36:30Something to do with the way it looks.
0:36:30 > 0:36:32Whoa, whoa, come on!
0:36:33 > 0:36:36But it's been overfished, so by 1986 was almost wiped out.
0:36:36 > 0:36:39There has been a total ban, you'll be very pleased to know,
0:36:39 > 0:36:42you can no longer catch a naked osman in Kyrgyzstan.
0:36:42 > 0:36:46That is terrific news, although if you do want to catch a naked osman... No, forget it...
0:36:46 > 0:36:49It's a fantastic lake, Lake Issyk-Kul,
0:36:49 > 0:36:51it's the second largest mountain lake in the world,
0:36:51 > 0:36:53obviously after Titicaca.
0:36:53 > 0:36:56And what is extraordinary about it is that it is endorheic,
0:36:56 > 0:36:58and that means it has got no outlets other than evaporation,
0:36:58 > 0:37:00so it's much deeper now than it was in medieval times.
0:37:00 > 0:37:04It used to be a fantastically popular stopping route on the Silk Road,
0:37:04 > 0:37:06and there is, as far as we know,
0:37:06 > 0:37:10a 2,500-year-old city at the bottom of the lake.
0:37:10 > 0:37:13- Oh, wow.- Cool.- So they've found all sorts of archaeological finds
0:37:13 > 0:37:16round there. All of which brings us to the place that isn't wearing a
0:37:16 > 0:37:18stitch of general knowledge, it's General Ignorance,
0:37:18 > 0:37:20so fingers on buzzers, please.
0:37:20 > 0:37:23First of all, how many shades of grey are there?
0:37:26 > 0:37:28MUSIC: The Stripper
0:37:28 > 0:37:29One.
0:37:31 > 0:37:33Is not right.
0:37:34 > 0:37:36Is it 49.9?
0:37:40 > 0:37:43- Unlimited?- No, well...
0:37:44 > 0:37:46Limited.
0:37:52 > 0:37:55For a very weird moment, I felt like Gypsy Rose Lee.
0:37:55 > 0:37:58Compelled to take my clothes off.
0:37:58 > 0:38:02The Pantone colour chart lists 104 shades of grey.
0:38:02 > 0:38:07There are 71 of white, and there are 110 of naked or nude, ie,
0:38:07 > 0:38:10skin-coloured, but that one is really weird,
0:38:10 > 0:38:13because you can buy nude tights, you can buy naked shoes,
0:38:13 > 0:38:16naked sticking plasters, but they all presume that somebody's white.
0:38:16 > 0:38:18- All of those colours.- I used to get that when I used to go in,
0:38:18 > 0:38:20and I'd ask for like a nude lip gloss,
0:38:20 > 0:38:25and they'd give me a chalk white lip gloss!
0:38:25 > 0:38:29There are 104 shades of grey, which is quite frankly plenty.
0:38:29 > 0:38:33When you are fishing, which fish should you throw back into the water?
0:38:34 > 0:38:36Yes, Lee?
0:38:36 > 0:38:39The ones that are slightly undersized?
0:38:39 > 0:38:40KLAXON
0:38:42 > 0:38:46Oh, no, I didn't say that. There's a big difference between small and an slightly undersized.
0:38:46 > 0:38:48I have to use that line all the time.
0:38:50 > 0:38:52It would be awful, wouldn't it, in the bedroom if you said,
0:38:52 > 0:38:55that is not small, that slightly undersized, and that sound came in!
0:38:57 > 0:39:00What it is, is that we now think the reverse of what we used to think.
0:39:00 > 0:39:03We used to throw back the small ones, to give them a chance to grow.
0:39:03 > 0:39:06In fact, the population of larger older fish is much more stable.
0:39:06 > 0:39:08If there is a lack of food, for instance,
0:39:08 > 0:39:11then a few big fish will eat less and they will survive.
0:39:11 > 0:39:14And the older fish are also going to provide stability to the population
0:39:14 > 0:39:16because they are going to provide more and better quality offspring.
0:39:16 > 0:39:18So it is actually the reverse of what we used to think.
0:39:18 > 0:39:21I cannot believe fishing just got more boring.
0:39:23 > 0:39:24So, anyway...
0:39:24 > 0:39:27Now, name an extinct animal with teeth like sabres.
0:39:27 > 0:39:30MUSIC: The Stripper
0:39:30 > 0:39:32Is it the sword-toothed cat?
0:39:36 > 0:39:39Is it the rapier-toothed panther?
0:39:39 > 0:39:42- Any more for any more? - Is it the sabre-toothed tiger?
0:39:42 > 0:39:46KLAXON
0:39:46 > 0:39:48It isn't that, why isn't it that?
0:39:48 > 0:39:51Because they didn't actually have teeth like sabres?
0:39:51 > 0:39:53Because no such animal ever existed.
0:39:53 > 0:39:55- That's what I said. - That's exactly right.
0:39:55 > 0:39:57No wonder it's extinct.
0:39:57 > 0:40:00There's never been a sabre-tooth tiger or a lion.
0:40:00 > 0:40:03- Never been a lion? - Sabre-toothed lion.
0:40:03 > 0:40:06Oh, I see, I thought you said there'd never been a lion, full stop.
0:40:06 > 0:40:08I thought, have I just been falling for this?
0:40:08 > 0:40:10It's a man in a costume at the zoo?
0:40:10 > 0:40:12Yeah, it's a lion with the hem of his skirt, no...
0:40:12 > 0:40:15Pen, what's he doing with a pen?
0:40:16 > 0:40:19There's never been a sabre-toothed tiger or a lion.
0:40:19 > 0:40:23Sabre-toothed cats are not closely related to either tigers or lions,
0:40:23 > 0:40:25in fact, they weren't even cats, strictly speaking.
0:40:25 > 0:40:27They were kind of stocky and bear-like.
0:40:27 > 0:40:30- It looks like a sloth.- It does look in the sloth area, doesn't it?
0:40:30 > 0:40:34And they ranged in size from the large pet cat to one the size of the
0:40:34 > 0:40:37horse that you took on your holidays.
0:40:37 > 0:40:39When you say "took"...
0:40:40 > 0:40:43- To a thing.- Yeah.
0:40:43 > 0:40:45There was a sabre-toothed trout,
0:40:45 > 0:40:48that there was, six and a half feet long.
0:40:48 > 0:40:50- Wow.- Shut the front door.
0:40:50 > 0:40:54Yes. But there's no such thing as a sabre-toothed tiger and there never
0:40:54 > 0:40:57has been. What is this noise?
0:40:57 > 0:40:59GROWLING
0:41:04 > 0:41:07- Yes.- Is it Winston Churchill taking a meeting?
0:41:09 > 0:41:13That's his bath when they heard about the invasion of Poland!
0:41:13 > 0:41:17"Me, nervous? No, I'm not nervous."
0:41:17 > 0:41:20It is the noise of the small intestine
0:41:20 > 0:41:23cleaning itself in preparation for food.
0:41:23 > 0:41:27The noise is called bor-boring... borro-borrow...bub...
0:41:27 > 0:41:30The noise is called borborygmus, borborygmus.
0:41:30 > 0:41:33- What's it called? - It's your tummy rumbling.
0:41:33 > 0:41:35And it's one of the few physiological processes that we can
0:41:35 > 0:41:37hear with the naked ear.
0:41:37 > 0:41:39Is that the one where, when you're with your wife,
0:41:39 > 0:41:41and you don't know who's done the noise?
0:41:41 > 0:41:43- Yeah.- That's true, isn't it?
0:41:43 > 0:41:45If you're close to somebody and someone's tummy rumbles,
0:41:45 > 0:41:47- it's impossible to work out whose. - Yeah.
0:41:47 > 0:41:50- You would think if it was inside you, you'd be able to work it out, right, Lee?- Yeah.
0:41:50 > 0:41:53But you want to say that next time, "I believe that was you,
0:41:53 > 0:41:55"that borborygmus."
0:41:55 > 0:41:58I mean, you can't read it, so I'm not going to be able to say it, am I?
0:41:58 > 0:42:01Finally, I'll give you 100 points if you can pat your head while
0:42:01 > 0:42:04rubbing your stomach. Anybody?
0:42:04 > 0:42:05- Pat your head... - And rub your stomach.
0:42:05 > 0:42:07And rub your stomach.
0:42:07 > 0:42:09KLAXON
0:42:09 > 0:42:11Not there, not there.
0:42:11 > 0:42:13- I didn't do it, Sandi.- You didn't do it, give it a go.
0:42:13 > 0:42:16Look at you, teacher's pet, "I didn't do it, can I have the points?"
0:42:16 > 0:42:18Only cos you couldn't reach, it's quite high up, isn't it?
0:42:18 > 0:42:21No, listen, currently I'm one point up on everybody.
0:42:21 > 0:42:25- Have you worked it out?- No, but if I don't do anything at all,
0:42:25 > 0:42:27I make up a point on everybody, because you all did it wrong.
0:42:27 > 0:42:29Why did they do it wrong, Richard?
0:42:29 > 0:42:31Because the stomach was in the wrong place.
0:42:31 > 0:42:33- And where is it?- I don't know.
0:42:35 > 0:42:38- It's much higher up than most people realise.- Here.
0:42:38 > 0:42:40No.
0:42:40 > 0:42:43It's just under your pecs, really.
0:42:43 > 0:42:45So it's not down here, it's up here.
0:42:45 > 0:42:47And did you know, this is the most extraordinary thing,
0:42:47 > 0:42:49the stomach lining blushes when you blush.
0:42:49 > 0:42:51I don't think I can blush.
0:42:54 > 0:42:57That will be all that naked foundation you're wearing!
0:42:57 > 0:43:01I tell you what, it's a challenge for us though, isn't it, if you can't?
0:43:01 > 0:43:04I bet Lee could make you blush.
0:43:04 > 0:43:06I like a challenge.
0:43:06 > 0:43:09So, to the scores, well, Richard was exactly right,
0:43:09 > 0:43:12with a magnificent one point, this week's winner, in first place,
0:43:12 > 0:43:14it's Richard!
0:43:14 > 0:43:16- APPLAUSE - Thank you. Thank you.
0:43:16 > 0:43:21Second place, with a fantastic debut of -8, Lolly!
0:43:21 > 0:43:23APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:43:24 > 0:43:28In third place with -20, it's Lee!
0:43:28 > 0:43:32Thank you. I'm happy with that.
0:43:32 > 0:43:38And with -35, it's Alan!
0:43:38 > 0:43:40APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:43:46 > 0:43:48My thanks to Lolly, Lee, Richard and Alan,
0:43:48 > 0:43:52and I leave you with this Neolithic newspaper nugget from The Sun,
0:43:52 > 0:43:56"This woman walked very close to me and it was obvious that underneath
0:43:56 > 0:43:58"her clothing she wore little or nothing."
0:43:58 > 0:44:00Goodnight!