0:00:28 > 0:00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:30 > 0:00:32Wheyyy!
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Hello and welcome to QI.
0:00:35 > 0:00:39Tonight's show will be a nebulous nosebag of non sequiturs.
0:00:39 > 0:00:43Nestled in next to me, we have three types of non sequitur.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Affirming the consequent, Miles Jupp.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:50 > 0:00:53Denying the antecedent, Deirdre O'Kane.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:57 > 0:01:01The fallacy of the undistributed middle, Phill Jupitus.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:05 > 0:01:08And getting in a frightful muddle, Alan Davies.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10- Hello. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:15 > 0:01:18And for their buzzers, we've got four non-secateurs
0:01:18 > 0:01:21because one of the researchers can't spell.
0:01:25 > 0:01:26Miles goes...
0:01:26 > 0:01:28SCISSORS SNIP CRISPLY
0:01:29 > 0:01:30Deirdre goes...
0:01:30 > 0:01:33SCISSOR BLADES SCRAPE TOGETHER
0:01:35 > 0:01:38- ..on for quite a long time. - Very bad hairdresser, that is.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Slightly rusty. Phill goes...
0:01:40 > 0:01:42KNIFE CHOPPING VEGETABLES
0:01:42 > 0:01:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:46 > 0:01:48And Alan goes...
0:01:48 > 0:01:49'Cut!'
0:01:51 > 0:01:54One of my dreams... I've done a lot of things in show business.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57I've always wanted to be in Midsomer Murders, as a victim.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00So the camera would pan round a rose bush, and I'd be lying there,
0:02:00 > 0:02:02with a trug, and a pair of secateurs.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07- We should make this happen!- Yes!
0:02:07 > 0:02:11Let's start with a nun-sequitur.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13How do you get urine off a nun?
0:02:16 > 0:02:19- Yes.- I don't think that nuns pee at all.
0:02:19 > 0:02:20Oh!
0:02:21 > 0:02:23I know a lot about nuns.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25- Do you? Why's that? - Because I was educated by them,
0:02:25 > 0:02:27and it was in a boarding school, so I actually lived with them.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Right. And they never weed?
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Never. I never saw one of them enter or leave a bathroom.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35The thing is, they've got those very long frocks on, haven't they?
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Very long frocks, and they might have
0:02:37 > 0:02:39some kind of divine catheter or something, but they don't...
0:02:40 > 0:02:43You don't see them coming out of a bathroom.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46The Divine Catheter are a great group, aren't they?
0:02:48 > 0:02:52Everybody at home playing QI bingo, that's "Divine catheter."
0:02:55 > 0:02:57In the 18th century, women who wore the long frocks,
0:02:57 > 0:02:59they used to have the equivalent of a gravy boat
0:02:59 > 0:03:01on a sort of ribbon for long church services.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04They actually had one of those things we were all just imagining?
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Yes, they did. Yes, they did.
0:03:06 > 0:03:07A gravy boat on a ribbon.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Is this urine in the picture, or is that just something...
0:03:15 > 0:03:16"The gravy boat's fallen off!"
0:03:19 > 0:03:21"Help me!"
0:03:22 > 0:03:24That's "The gravy boat's fallen off."
0:03:25 > 0:03:28Is it necessary to get urine off nuns?
0:03:28 > 0:03:30It was necessary. It was the 1960s.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Oh, it was a condiment, wasn't it, nun wee?
0:03:32 > 0:03:33A condiment?!
0:03:34 > 0:03:36"Have you got a slightly bigger bottle of nun wee?"
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Was it to test... Pregnancy tests?
0:03:41 > 0:03:45It is to do with pregnancy. OK. So, women who go through the menopause,
0:03:45 > 0:03:47their urine contains very high levels of hormones
0:03:47 > 0:03:50that can be used to make medications to increase female fertility,
0:03:50 > 0:03:53something the Roman Catholic Church are very much in favour of.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56- Hence the horny menopausal women. - Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58That's another good group.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02The Horny Menopausal Women.
0:04:02 > 0:04:03I love that band. What a gig!
0:04:08 > 0:04:101960, there was a medical student called Bruno Lunenfeld
0:04:10 > 0:04:13and he was looking for a source of menopausal women
0:04:13 > 0:04:15who would be happy to give up their urine.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19So, this is one of those stories where chance takes a moment in life.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22He met the Pope's nephew by chance.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25And he's talking about, "Where the heck am I going to find
0:04:25 > 0:04:26"a whole lot of menopausal women
0:04:26 > 0:04:28"who don't mind about giving up their urine
0:04:28 > 0:04:30"who are going to help with fertility drugs?"
0:04:30 > 0:04:32And it was the Vatican, and he said,
0:04:32 > 0:04:36"I was lucky enough to have a unique connection to an important authority
0:04:36 > 0:04:40"with access to a huge supply of postmenopausal urine."
0:04:40 > 0:04:43See, they've got their bag, their colostomy bags.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47They're disguised as handbags, haven't they?
0:04:47 > 0:04:50- Boldly worn on the outside. - Hiding in plain sight.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Well, here's the thing that might interest you.
0:04:53 > 0:04:54Did you know that in the United States
0:04:54 > 0:04:56it's now possible to rent a nun?
0:04:58 > 0:05:01No, but I'd say that might be becoming a thing world over,
0:05:01 > 0:05:03because there's bound to be a shortage.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05- Well, we're busy. We're all very busy.- We're very busy.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07We haven't got time to pray every day,
0:05:07 > 0:05:09so the Salesian Sisters of St John Bosco,
0:05:09 > 0:05:11they run an Adopt A Sister programme.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14You have to give about 500 for the sister's retirement needs,
0:05:14 > 0:05:18and then she will pray for you every day, saving you the bother.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Will she do light admin as well?
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Obviously, do the pray, do the pray, but also,
0:05:26 > 0:05:28if you could give the study a once over, that sort of thing.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30Do the laundry. They're great at the laundry.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Do you think there's a thing about
0:05:32 > 0:05:34lots of women living in close cloisters like that?
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Because in 1844 there was an extraordinary experience,
0:05:37 > 0:05:40when a French nun began to meow like a cat, OK,
0:05:40 > 0:05:42and soon, the other nuns joined in...
0:05:43 > 0:05:46..and eventually, every nun in the convent
0:05:46 > 0:05:49was meowing for hours on end,
0:05:49 > 0:05:51and they couldn't stop.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53And do you know how they stopped, in the end?
0:05:53 > 0:05:54Got a dog.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59APPLAUSE
0:06:01 > 0:06:04A group of soldiers turned up and threatened to beat them
0:06:04 > 0:06:06- with iron rods.- Really?!
0:06:06 > 0:06:08- Yup.- Pack it in!
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Nothing like that!
0:06:10 > 0:06:13My favourite thing about nuns is the Robert Browning poem
0:06:13 > 0:06:16called Pippa Passes. It was written in 1841, and it goes,
0:06:16 > 0:06:19"Owls and bats, Cowls and twats,
0:06:19 > 0:06:22"Monks and nuns, in a cloister's moods,
0:06:22 > 0:06:24"Adjourn to the oak-stump pantry!"
0:06:24 > 0:06:26And it's funny because he was under the misapprehension
0:06:26 > 0:06:28that twat meant a nun's hat.
0:06:32 > 0:06:33Bit of a tight fit.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40"Am I wearing it back to front?"
0:06:41 > 0:06:43"Have you got a bigger one?"
0:06:43 > 0:06:46He said he got the word from a 1660 satirical poem
0:06:46 > 0:06:47called Vanity of Vanities,
0:06:47 > 0:06:49"They talked of his having a Cardinal's Hat,
0:06:49 > 0:06:53"They'd send him as soon an Old Nun's Twat".
0:06:53 > 0:06:55He thought...that must mean hat.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58Bless him. Bless.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02Now, this is the non sequiturs show, and that's why, Alan,
0:07:02 > 0:07:04we're now going to hit you with a hammer.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Bring on the nerd!
0:07:08 > 0:07:10APPLAUSE
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Steve is our resident nerd for tonight,
0:07:18 > 0:07:22he's from the science-cum-comedy group Festival of the Spoken Nerd,
0:07:22 > 0:07:24and he is going to hit Alan with a hammer.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27So, the first thing is to wrap your hand in this orange goo.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30If you put your hand like that for me, I'm just going to wrap it.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32- I'm very trusting, aren't I?- Yeah!
0:07:34 > 0:07:35Do you notice I'm not doing it?
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Yes, I had noticed that.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39If you just gently press it with your finger.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Very soft. You wouldn't think that could afford any kind of protection
0:07:42 > 0:07:44- against the hammer.- No.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50This is the point where I say don't try this at home, OK?
0:07:50 > 0:07:52- DEIDRE:- Are you feeling anything there?
0:07:52 > 0:07:54How is it? Is there any pain or anything?
0:07:54 > 0:07:56A little bit.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01What is it, Steve, is it silly putty or something?
0:08:01 > 0:08:02It's not silly putty.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04So, don't try this at home with silly putty,
0:08:04 > 0:08:07- cos you will break your fingers. - What is it, then?
0:08:07 > 0:08:09This is called D3o, it's sort of a smart material.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12It's a non-Newtonian fluid.
0:08:12 > 0:08:13- A non-Newtonian fluid?- Yes.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16OK, so you're going to have to start with what is a Newtonian fluid?
0:08:16 > 0:08:18So, a Newtonian fluid is...
0:08:18 > 0:08:19Are you like this with your lover?
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Do not answer that question, Steve.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28So, Newton came up with some equations
0:08:28 > 0:08:31that describe how normal liquids and gases behave,
0:08:31 > 0:08:33but this doesn't behave like Newton described.
0:08:33 > 0:08:37It behaves as a normal liquid most of the time,
0:08:37 > 0:08:38but if you strike it,
0:08:38 > 0:08:41then the molecules lock together,
0:08:41 > 0:08:44and momentarily form a solid that protects your fingers.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47You could make your own non-Newtonian at home?
0:08:47 > 0:08:48- You can.- What would you do?
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Cornflour and water, if you mix that together.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52- Which is called?- Oobleck.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54OK, so oobleck, after the gooey green rain
0:08:54 > 0:08:57in Dr Seuss's Bartholomew And The Oobleck.
0:08:57 > 0:08:58So, we have made some.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Now, we're going to try and do this as a demonstration.
0:09:01 > 0:09:02I have to just manipulate...
0:09:02 > 0:09:03This is a condom.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07I say that because somebody had to explain it to me earlier.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13She was walking around with it on her head for ages.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18You should have been here when she tried to make a giraffe.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22So, in here is a raw egg in its shell,
0:09:22 > 0:09:24and we've got two condoms.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26One which has just got water and a raw egg,
0:09:26 > 0:09:29and I'm going to try and drop this from a great height.
0:09:29 > 0:09:30Just...
0:09:34 > 0:09:36OK. Are we ready?
0:09:36 > 0:09:38- Greater!- Greater height.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41OK, so this one is just water,
0:09:41 > 0:09:44and I'm going to drop it into the QI frying pan. Am I ready?
0:09:44 > 0:09:45Here we go.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Whoa, that's broken.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49That was very pleasing. A very pleasing result.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51So, now, this is the theory.
0:09:51 > 0:09:52CHUCKLING: OK.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55The theory is that this one should survive.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59- And there we go. The egg is fully intact. ALL:- Oooh!
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Fantastic. APPLAUSE
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Steve!
0:10:05 > 0:10:06CHEERING AND WHISTLING
0:10:10 > 0:10:12But seriously, don't hit anybody at home
0:10:12 > 0:10:13because you've made a bit of cornflour.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16- That was amazing. - That's not a good idea.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Now, would you want to be pulled off by a Newark man?
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Yes.
0:10:21 > 0:10:22You would. You would.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25Newark in the Midlands, or Newark, New Jersey?
0:10:25 > 0:10:27- Newark, New Jersey. Noo-wark, as they say.- Ah, OK.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29What they say in Manhattan is,
0:10:29 > 0:10:31"The good news is there's light at the end of the tunnel,
0:10:31 > 0:10:33"the bad news is the light's coming from Newark.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37- Very, very unfair. - Very unfair, it's a charming place.
0:10:37 > 0:10:38So good they named it once.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Yes. Just Newark. That's it.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44I can tell you, he was the Newark steam man.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47So, is this something to do with the train, your train,
0:10:47 > 0:10:48he pulls you off of your carriages?
0:10:48 > 0:10:51- In a yard?- We're talking 1868.
0:10:51 > 0:10:52Two fantastic American inventors,
0:10:52 > 0:10:55one called Zadoc P Dederick.
0:10:56 > 0:11:00- There's a name.- He was going to come up with something at some point.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03And Isaac Grass. And they invented the Newark steam man.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06He was intended to replace horses in pulling carriages,
0:11:06 > 0:11:10so what you did was you opened his jacket and you put coal in his chest
0:11:10 > 0:11:13- and then his top hat worked as a chimney.- Ah. Brilliant.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16Oh, if only Abe Lincoln had been wearing one of them
0:11:16 > 0:11:17in the Ford Theatre.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21Unfortunately, they were never able to make them cheaply enough
0:11:21 > 0:11:22to produce on a large scale.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25It did absolutely capture the public imagination.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27There were loads and loads of similar ones.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30- Do you like them? I think they're great.- Oh, wow.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33This is another prototype by Frank Reade Junior.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Lots of people tried. There was a Canadian called George Moore,
0:11:36 > 0:11:38and he designed one in 1893.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41It was 6-foot tall, steam powered, it was an android.
0:11:41 > 0:11:45It could walk 5mph, and ejected the steam from his cigar.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Journalists called him the Iron Man.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Sadly he was made of tin, but that's journalists for you.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54- Did he have little wheels on his feet?- This one had spurs.
0:11:54 > 0:11:55If you look at the bottom of his feet,
0:11:55 > 0:11:57he's got little spurs to give him traction.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00This one didn't work so well because he had to be attached to a pole
0:12:00 > 0:12:02and basically he just walked round in circles.
0:12:03 > 0:12:04He'd trip over things, wouldn't he?
0:12:04 > 0:12:08- Surely?- Do you think horses felt in any way threatened by these things?
0:12:09 > 0:12:11"Have you seen what they're doing?
0:12:11 > 0:12:12"They put a hat on a chimney."
0:12:14 > 0:12:17I like the idea that the horses were running a closed shop.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19- Yeah.- "Listen, we pull the stuff."
0:12:19 > 0:12:21That's their way of getting around the unions, essentially.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Yes, an equine society, I like that.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Deirdre, a better use of steam power, so...
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Causing more pleasure...
0:12:32 > 0:12:33for women in particular.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Are you talking about some kind of steam-powered vibrator?
0:12:36 > 0:12:38I am! Yes.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Not an iron. Ohhh!
0:12:43 > 0:12:44Ooh!
0:12:44 > 0:12:48That photograph does look like there was an iron taken to her there.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50If not flattened, you'd certainly take the crease out of it.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56APPLAUSE
0:12:57 > 0:12:59In 1869, OK,
0:12:59 > 0:13:03the very first steam-powered... ALAN LAUGHING
0:13:03 > 0:13:04Did it have a whistle on it?
0:13:04 > 0:13:05HE WHISTLES
0:13:07 > 0:13:08I can hear Queen Victoria now.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11"Summon Mr Brunel."
0:13:13 > 0:13:14"I'd like a word."
0:13:15 > 0:13:18Women did go and have this done in doctors' surgeries. They did.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20I don't know how anyone would have found it exciting
0:13:20 > 0:13:25because there was a coal-fired boiler and a turbine, OK?
0:13:25 > 0:13:26It was called the manipulator.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29- The manipulator!- It was a respected medical instrument until the 1920s,
0:13:29 > 0:13:32and certainly there was no end of women trying to get an appointment.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Right.
0:13:34 > 0:13:35Queueing round the block.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40People are weird about the whole genital thing.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42So, in 2016 there was a study,
0:13:42 > 0:13:45and they found that humans get aroused
0:13:45 > 0:13:49even when touching the naughty bits of androids. OK?
0:13:49 > 0:13:52- So there was a...- Their phones?!
0:13:54 > 0:13:56APPLAUSE
0:13:58 > 0:13:59- DEIDRE:- When they're on vibrate...
0:13:59 > 0:14:01- Ah!- There we go.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04No, so, robots. So, there was a French robot called Nao
0:14:04 > 0:14:06and it was programmed... There it is.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09It was programmed to tell people to touch its body parts,
0:14:09 > 0:14:13and while they did this, scientists measured their skin conductance,
0:14:13 > 0:14:16and when people touched what the study called
0:14:16 > 0:14:19the "inaccessible regions"...
0:14:20 > 0:14:23So, the buttocks of the robot,
0:14:23 > 0:14:24the genitalia...
0:14:24 > 0:14:25Weirdly, also the eyeballs...
0:14:28 > 0:14:31People became more aroused than when they touched the hands and feet.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34- That's the after shot, isn't it? That robot is spent.- Yes.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36- Absolutely spent.- Yes.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38All he can take is a cigarette, now. That's it.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Now for something completely different.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43If a woodpecker would peck wood,
0:14:43 > 0:14:45how much wood would a woodpecker peck
0:14:45 > 0:14:47before its eyes popped out?
0:14:48 > 0:14:49Does that happen?
0:14:49 > 0:14:53Well, they hammer their heads into trees 20 times per second.
0:14:53 > 0:14:54So, 15mph.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57You'd think there would be burst blood vessels, damaged nerves,
0:14:57 > 0:14:58torn retinas...
0:14:58 > 0:14:59Why does it not...
0:14:59 > 0:15:02They can't remember anything, that's one of the things.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Every time they strike the wood, they do this.
0:15:05 > 0:15:06Kind of.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09They have something called a nictitating membrane,
0:15:09 > 0:15:11or a translucent third eyelid.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13It is honestly like the seatbelt for the eyes,
0:15:13 > 0:15:16holding the eyes in place to make sure that nothing happens,
0:15:16 > 0:15:17and lots of creatures have them,
0:15:17 > 0:15:19and they serve all kinds of purposes.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21So, if you are a bird, and you are flying,
0:15:21 > 0:15:23they are kind of like flying goggles,
0:15:23 > 0:15:25and they keep the debris out of bird's eyes,
0:15:25 > 0:15:28and also keep them from drying out when they're hunting.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Underwater goggles. So, there's a shot of a...
0:15:30 > 0:15:32It's a Kingfisher, I think, diving down, there.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34They're transparent, the nictitating membranes,
0:15:34 > 0:15:37so they can still see underwater, but it stops them getting damaged.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39The aardvark... I love this!
0:15:39 > 0:15:41..closes them when it's eating
0:15:41 > 0:15:43so that the termites don't bite their eyes.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Polar bear uses them as sunglasses.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48And sharks, you wouldn't think a shark needs protection,
0:15:48 > 0:15:51but it uses them to prevent the prey from poking it in the eye
0:15:51 > 0:15:52when it's thrashing about.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Anyway, nictitating membranes, they are the norm in mammals and birds,
0:15:55 > 0:15:58but giraffes don't have them. Why might giraffes might not need them?
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Well... There's your answer.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02The tongue! They can lick their...
0:16:02 > 0:16:04- Their really long tongue! - Clean their own eyeball.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07- AUDIENCE GROANS - Oh, what's that silly noise?
0:16:07 > 0:16:08You'd love to be able to do that.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Can you imagine?
0:16:10 > 0:16:11- That and worse, I expect.- Yeah.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16But humans have vestigial nictitating membranes.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19- Where do you think they are?- Down there in the corner by the nose.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21- Squidgy bit in the corner. - It is that corner bit,
0:16:21 > 0:16:23that little tiny lump. That's the leftover bit.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26But you can't pull it out, it's not like a sleeping bag scrunched up?
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Does it not deploy like an air bag at times of extreme stress?
0:16:33 > 0:16:35You despair and hit your own forehead, and they come out...
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Suddenly just got like two pink doughnuts in front of your face.
0:16:38 > 0:16:39Is that eyelid thing true?
0:16:39 > 0:16:41If you didn't shut your eyes when you sneezed or something,
0:16:41 > 0:16:44- it would...- Well, it's an old wives' tale, isn't it,
0:16:44 > 0:16:46that sleeping with your eyes open can make your eyeballs pop out.
0:16:46 > 0:16:47Do you think that's true?
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Yes.
0:16:49 > 0:16:50- Well, you'd be wrong.- Oh.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53The eye socket, that is made of bone,
0:16:53 > 0:16:55so it's not connected in any way to the nasal passages,
0:16:55 > 0:16:58and there are no muscles behind the eyes that contract when you sneeze,
0:16:58 > 0:17:00so there is no mechanism involved in a sneeze
0:17:00 > 0:17:01that could have the effect claimed,
0:17:01 > 0:17:03plus, which I think is the clincher,
0:17:03 > 0:17:05you've never met anybody to whom that actually happened.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09I remember times at the playground when, you know,
0:17:09 > 0:17:12- a rumour like that would spread around the entire school.- Yeah.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15And some point later in the day, someone will start the old...
0:17:15 > 0:17:17HE QUAVERS BEFORE A SNEEZE
0:17:17 > 0:17:18And then you'll see them go...
0:17:18 > 0:17:20HE SNEEZES POINTEDLY
0:17:25 > 0:17:26There's actually only one primate known to have
0:17:26 > 0:17:30a functioning nictitating membrane, and it's the Calabar angwantibo,
0:17:30 > 0:17:32or they're better known as pottos,
0:17:32 > 0:17:34and they live in the west African rainforest.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37And what they do, the female signals that it's ready to mate
0:17:37 > 0:17:40- by suspending herself upside down from a branch.- Ah, yes.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43We've all been on those kind of dates, that have ended up...
0:17:43 > 0:17:47- Swinging out of the chandelier. I do a little bit of that.- Exactly, yeah.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49And the male joins her, and they both copulate face-to-face
0:17:49 > 0:17:51- swinging upside down.- Cool.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53And when they are confronted by a predator,
0:17:53 > 0:17:55what they do is they roll into a little ball,
0:17:55 > 0:17:58but they keep their mouth open under the armpit,
0:17:58 > 0:18:00and if the attacker persists, they bite it and won't let go,
0:18:00 > 0:18:02so all you see is a little ball of fur
0:18:02 > 0:18:05and a little mouth underneath the armpit having a go.
0:18:05 > 0:18:06Aren't they sweet?
0:18:06 > 0:18:10- Yeah, but I'm slightly put off by that story.- Oh, yeah.
0:18:10 > 0:18:11You're cute, aren't you?
0:18:11 > 0:18:12SPLAT
0:18:19 > 0:18:20What am I talking about?
0:18:20 > 0:18:24It begins with N, feels like a snake when wet,
0:18:24 > 0:18:28and caused women to riot in the streets?
0:18:28 > 0:18:29Nonald Trump.
0:18:31 > 0:18:32It is not Nonald Trump.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Go post-World War II.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37There was a problem with getting a supply in the Second World War.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41- Nylon.- Nylon. - Nylons! Absolutely right.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44Up until 1942 it had been used exclusively to make stockings,
0:18:44 > 0:18:47and then was redirected to the war effort, so it was used to make...
0:18:47 > 0:18:49- Parachutes!- Parachutes, exactly, aeroplane tyres,
0:18:49 > 0:18:52tow ropes, fuel tanks, machinegun parts, hammocks,
0:18:52 > 0:18:53mosquito nets, all sorts of things.
0:18:53 > 0:18:57So, when the war ended, women were so excited...
0:18:57 > 0:18:58This is so shallow!
0:18:59 > 0:19:05..at the return of nylons that it generated the Nylon Riots
0:19:05 > 0:19:08of 1945 and 1946.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12In Pittsburgh, 40,000 women queued for 16 blocks
0:19:12 > 0:19:14to fight over 13,000 pairs.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18In Chicago, police were called to break up a mob of 1,200 women
0:19:18 > 0:19:20clamouring for nylons outside the shop,
0:19:20 > 0:19:22and apparently there were frequent fistfights.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24There was a headline at the time...
0:19:24 > 0:19:27US NEWSREADER VOICE: "Women risk life and limb in bitter battle over nylons."
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Brentford Nylons!
0:19:31 > 0:19:33Do they still exist, Brentford Nylons?
0:19:33 > 0:19:36- I certainly hope so but I doubt it. - Do you remember nylon sheets?
0:19:36 > 0:19:38- You used to get into bed and slide out the other side.- Yes!
0:19:39 > 0:19:41On fire, usually.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46What I like about those nylons, though, is that there's no tights,
0:19:46 > 0:19:48- it's all stockings.- Oh, yes, they're all stocking tops.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50- Quite nice. - That was the thing at the time.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52It was all about being quite sexy,
0:19:52 > 0:19:54as opposed to warm with the tights up to here.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57Yes, when I was in school we had to wear two pairs of underpants.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00You had to wear one pair underneath your tights,
0:20:00 > 0:20:02and then another pair over the top.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05- I don't really, to this day, really know why.- That's because...
0:20:05 > 0:20:07- I'll tell you why.- Yeah?
0:20:07 > 0:20:08That's because in the convent,
0:20:08 > 0:20:10the nuns thought if you wore patent shoes
0:20:10 > 0:20:13people could see your underwear reflected in the shoe.
0:20:13 > 0:20:14So...
0:20:15 > 0:20:18- So you wore a pair on the outside for double protection.- Wow!
0:20:18 > 0:20:21- There's nobody getting in, anyway. - No, that's...
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Just safer, isn't it? That's why ovens used to have two doors.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Anybody know what the first thing that nylon was used to make?
0:20:33 > 0:20:35- Hats.- Scarves.- Gloves. - Gramophone records.- Socks.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37- It was toothbrushes. - Toothbrushes.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39Because before then it was horsehair.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42"Looking for a sexy dentist?"
0:20:46 > 0:20:48But when it was made into stockings,
0:20:48 > 0:20:50there were all sorts of terrible rumours.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52People said that they feel like snakes when they're wet.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55People were told that nylon gives you cancer of the legs.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58That was one of the things. That it melts in hot water.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01That if you walked past a car exhaust while wearing them
0:21:01 > 0:21:03the fumes would strip them from your legs.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06Yes, but what did papers other than the Daily Mail about nylons?
0:21:08 > 0:21:11I read a story about a woman who wore her nylon tights
0:21:11 > 0:21:13to protect herself from sunburn,
0:21:13 > 0:21:16while she was on the beach, and the sun was very, very hot,
0:21:16 > 0:21:19and they melted into her skin and gave her third degree burns.
0:21:19 > 0:21:20Wow!
0:21:20 > 0:21:22That is an awful story.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Hello, and welcome to Alan's Den Of Horror.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32This week, we're going to the Bahamas.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36It was actually...
0:21:36 > 0:21:37It was in Blackpool!
0:21:39 > 0:21:41APPLAUSE
0:21:42 > 0:21:45Well, in the early days, when nylon was not so well manufactured,
0:21:45 > 0:21:47then there would have been something in it.
0:21:47 > 0:21:48I think now it's perfectly OK.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Now, could you please do an impression of
0:21:50 > 0:21:51a trout faking an orgasm?
0:21:55 > 0:21:56Oh, Deirdre's off.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01It looks like you had a really bad face-lift.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03- Well, I was trying to be a sarcastic trout.- A sarcastic trout.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06- It'll be the gills, it would be like...- A trout faking an orgasm.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14- Is that it?- Yeah, I'm done.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Yeah, no, yeah, yeah, the river moved for me as well.
0:22:19 > 0:22:20Anybody else want to show...
0:22:20 > 0:22:22You do a fine line in animal impersonations.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25Well, I'm not sure. I feel like I'd have to move my tail.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27I'm sure the tail...
0:22:28 > 0:22:30I don't believe anybody is stopping you.
0:22:45 > 0:22:46If you've just tuned in...
0:22:48 > 0:22:51..that was Alan being a trout faking an orgasm.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53The mouth open, and the tail wiggling.
0:22:53 > 0:22:54APPLAUSE
0:22:58 > 0:23:01So here's the thing. Female trouts do fake orgasms, OK?
0:23:01 > 0:23:04When two trout prepare to...spawn,
0:23:04 > 0:23:05they quiver rather violently
0:23:05 > 0:23:08before releasing egg and sperm respectively.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11So they did a study on this, 2001,
0:23:11 > 0:23:14and they found that 69 out of 117 pairings, so it is quite a lot...
0:23:14 > 0:23:16- Ironically.- Yes, ironically, 69.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19..females did not release her eggs
0:23:19 > 0:23:21despite going through the quivering motions,
0:23:21 > 0:23:24and tricking the mate into releasing his sperm.
0:23:24 > 0:23:25So, why would she do this?
0:23:25 > 0:23:28- It allows her to save herself for a better trout.- The one.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33It also allows multiple males to deposit sperm on her
0:23:33 > 0:23:36before she releases the eggs. So, you know when you open a trout,
0:23:36 > 0:23:40you can see if they've got eggs in, you know she was a faker.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42But also what I like about it,
0:23:42 > 0:23:44there's got to be a thing of trout etiquette, she's just going,
0:23:44 > 0:23:47"No offence, honestly, you tried," she says to the boy. "But...
0:23:47 > 0:23:49"Yeah, that wasn't quite up to scratch."
0:23:49 > 0:23:51You don't think of trout being choosy, do you, but they must be.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53- Yeah.- I didn't know they could talk.
0:23:58 > 0:23:59So as this is non sequiturs,
0:23:59 > 0:24:01this doesn't lead me to wonder,
0:24:01 > 0:24:05why was Squirrel Nutkin such a lying bastard?
0:24:07 > 0:24:10I should know this cos I've been to the Beatrix Potter Museum.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12- Have you? Where is it, the Lake District somewhere?- Yes.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14It's quite good.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16- If you like Beatrix Potter, it's amazing.- Yeah!
0:24:19 > 0:24:21So we've been talking about lying, faking orgasms.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24- It's to do with colour, is it? - DEIDRE:- Is it because he was ginger?
0:24:24 > 0:24:26Well, Squirrel Nutkin as you rightly point out was a red squirrel,
0:24:26 > 0:24:29but most other squirrels tend to pretend that
0:24:29 > 0:24:33they've buried their food to trick potential thieves.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36They dig a hole, they pretend to put a nut inside and cover it up,
0:24:36 > 0:24:39all the time, the nut is actually still in their mouth.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41And then they also re-cache,
0:24:41 > 0:24:44so they bury nuts and then they return to them soon afterwards,
0:24:44 > 0:24:45dig them up and bury them somewhere else.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48They sometimes do this five times with the same stash.
0:24:48 > 0:24:53But they did a study in 2008, almost a quarter of all squirrel burials,
0:24:53 > 0:24:56that's of food at some sites, not of each other...
0:24:58 > 0:25:01- ..were faked.- It's too late, you said squirrel burials so now...
0:25:03 > 0:25:05They're gorgeous but they're like...
0:25:07 > 0:25:10They're mainly unmarked, but you do see little headstones occasionally.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17But here is the thing, there's been a debate since at least 1884,
0:25:17 > 0:25:21and it rages on, whether squirrels remember where they hide their nuts
0:25:21 > 0:25:23or whether they just hide as many as they can
0:25:23 > 0:25:25and then return to a likely place.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Define "rages."
0:25:29 > 0:25:31Well, there have been studies...
0:25:32 > 0:25:33..since 1881.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36There was one in 1991, a study done at Princeton.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Two...
0:25:38 > 0:25:40So, they don't have a conclusion.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43No. The thing is, it rages on.
0:25:45 > 0:25:46It rages on.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Anybody know what kinds of nuts squirrels eat?
0:25:49 > 0:25:52Do they like the caramelised ones you get on trolleys on...?
0:25:54 > 0:25:57they love a mini pretzel as well, they love a mini pretzel.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01- A snack selection. - Yeah, Bombay mix, they like.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03It is true, anything they can get hold of, is the truth.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Acorns, if oak trees are nearby,
0:26:05 > 0:26:08walnuts, pecans, macadamia nuts, almonds.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Anybody know where the bulk of the world's almonds come from?
0:26:11 > 0:26:12Kent.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15The Garden of England.
0:26:15 > 0:26:16No, it's California.
0:26:16 > 0:26:1980% of the world's almonds come from California.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21It uses a tremendous amount of water.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Enough to supply 75% of the state's human population
0:26:24 > 0:26:26just to make the almonds.
0:26:26 > 0:26:30So, 1.1 gallons of water to grow a single almond.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32- What?- What?- I know. It's incredible.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Would they not be better sending that water to Las Vegas,
0:26:34 > 0:26:35which is about to dry up?
0:26:35 > 0:26:37Yes, there are serious issues about it.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39- Forget the almonds, maybe.- Well...
0:26:39 > 0:26:41I don't know if the beekeepers would say so,
0:26:41 > 0:26:45because you need 1.7 million colonies of honeybees
0:26:45 > 0:26:47to pollinate them all,
0:26:47 > 0:26:51so that is 80 billion bees to pollinate the almond trees,
0:26:51 > 0:26:54and so beekeepers, they make money by renting out bees
0:26:54 > 0:26:56to pollinate the trees in California,
0:26:56 > 0:26:57and I can tell you the cost.
0:26:57 > 0:27:01- It's one cent to rent one bee for a month.- So...
0:27:02 > 0:27:04I can rent a nun...
0:27:07 > 0:27:08- ..and a bee.- Yeah.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11The bee is better value at the one cent, I'd say.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16And a steam powered manipulator if you know the right guy to go to.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18Well...I don't want to distract my nun.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22There was a fantastic story about a squirrel in 2015.
0:27:22 > 0:27:27A squirrel got locked into the bar of Honeybourne Railway Club
0:27:27 > 0:27:29in Worcestershire for the day, OK?
0:27:31 > 0:27:32It got drunk,
0:27:32 > 0:27:35and caused £300 worth of damage.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39So the club secretary, a guy called Sam Boulter,
0:27:39 > 0:27:41he said that all he could find was broken glass
0:27:41 > 0:27:42and bottles knocked off shelves.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44There was beer all over the floor,
0:27:44 > 0:27:46there was money and straws scattered everywhere,
0:27:46 > 0:27:50and he found the culprit hiding behind a box of crisps
0:27:50 > 0:27:52looking, he said, "unsteady...
0:27:54 > 0:27:55"..and worse for wear."
0:27:57 > 0:28:00And now it's time for a game of Pin The Tail On The Numbat.
0:28:00 > 0:28:03So you've got a card with a numbat on it
0:28:03 > 0:28:04and a tail and the other team,
0:28:04 > 0:28:07- you can just watch, so you could have a cup of tea if you like.- Oh!
0:28:07 > 0:28:09- So you've got some tea things. - Oh, lovely.
0:28:09 > 0:28:11However, you're going to have to be blindfolded.
0:28:11 > 0:28:14This is QI so this is the blindfold that you're going to wear.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16Who do you want to do the pinning?
0:28:16 > 0:28:18- OK, so...- These are weird.
0:28:18 > 0:28:22But Phill is going to wear that as his blindfold.
0:28:22 > 0:28:25These particular goggles mean that the person wearing them
0:28:25 > 0:28:28sees the world upside down.
0:28:28 > 0:28:30- Oh, weird.- OK? So, if...
0:28:30 > 0:28:31Oh, my goodness.
0:28:33 > 0:28:35If you want to have...
0:28:35 > 0:28:37Oh, I haven't been like this since my 18th birthday.
0:28:38 > 0:28:41If you want to have some idea at home what that is like,
0:28:41 > 0:28:43we can flip the picture on the monitors.
0:28:43 > 0:28:45That is what Alan is currently seeing.
0:28:45 > 0:28:47And he is just going to give it a go.
0:28:47 > 0:28:48I can't see the thing.
0:28:48 > 0:28:51- Where is it?- So... DEIRDRE:- Wrong side of the board.
0:28:51 > 0:28:53There it is. There.
0:28:53 > 0:28:54Oh, I can't... Oh!
0:28:56 > 0:28:57There's the zebra crossing.
0:28:57 > 0:29:00- Does it make you feel unwell, Alan? - Yeah, it does.
0:29:01 > 0:29:04Hang on. Oh, this is really awful.
0:29:05 > 0:29:07- Hang on, I think I've got it now.- OK.
0:29:11 > 0:29:13I'll go the other way. This is hard.
0:29:15 > 0:29:17- I'm going to put it there. - Well done.
0:29:17 > 0:29:20APPLAUSE
0:29:22 > 0:29:24Right, Phill, pour a cup of tea for Deirdre, please.
0:29:24 > 0:29:26I've never wanted you more.
0:29:28 > 0:29:29Later, my darling.
0:29:29 > 0:29:31You look like a...
0:29:31 > 0:29:32mammal that hangs upside-down.
0:29:35 > 0:29:38APPLAUSE
0:29:39 > 0:29:41Phill is going to pour us a cup of tea...
0:29:41 > 0:29:42YES, I AM!
0:29:43 > 0:29:47I'll just sit back so as not to get the third degree burns.
0:29:47 > 0:29:48Yeah!
0:29:48 > 0:29:50Sugar, upside-down Irish lady?
0:29:51 > 0:29:53- Just the tea.- Oh, good.
0:29:54 > 0:29:56It's really weird.
0:29:56 > 0:29:58Oh, Nelly Furtado.
0:30:00 > 0:30:02Oh!
0:30:02 > 0:30:03Mummy
0:30:03 > 0:30:05So that's it upside down.
0:30:06 > 0:30:09To the left, to the left, to the left, to the left.
0:30:09 > 0:30:10I don't know, don't talk to me!
0:30:19 > 0:30:20Yes.
0:30:21 > 0:30:23What does it feel like, Phill?
0:30:23 > 0:30:24Glastonbury 2000.
0:30:26 > 0:30:28APPLAUSE
0:30:32 > 0:30:35Oh, oh, oh...
0:30:35 > 0:30:37Are you getting used to it?
0:30:37 > 0:30:40- Well done. Just...- Go for it. - Yes!- Yes.
0:30:40 > 0:30:42Yes. Yes!
0:30:42 > 0:30:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:30:44 > 0:30:46Fantastic.
0:30:49 > 0:30:50So, here's the thing.
0:30:50 > 0:30:52What is extraordinary, in a sense,
0:30:52 > 0:30:55the goggles are actually correcting your vision,
0:30:55 > 0:30:58because your eyeballs, of course, deliver upside-down images
0:30:58 > 0:31:00to your retinas which then are inverted by the brain.
0:31:00 > 0:31:05So upside-down glasses actually show you the image
0:31:05 > 0:31:07as it originally is when it hits your retina.
0:31:07 > 0:31:09That was...just...
0:31:10 > 0:31:11Can I buy these?
0:31:13 > 0:31:15I imagine you could probably have those.
0:31:16 > 0:31:19Don't wear them when you're driving, will you?
0:31:21 > 0:31:23If you wore them for a sustained period of time,
0:31:23 > 0:31:25the brain would adjust to the new vision.
0:31:25 > 0:31:27You just would learn to function with it.
0:31:27 > 0:31:28It would take you a couple of weeks.
0:31:28 > 0:31:30And then it would take you a full day
0:31:30 > 0:31:32when you took them off to readjust.
0:31:32 > 0:31:35And there's some thought that new-born babies,
0:31:35 > 0:31:37it's possible they see the world upside down for a very short period
0:31:37 > 0:31:41before their brain learns to flip the image in the retinas.
0:31:41 > 0:31:43I mean, we do know for certain that babies see things
0:31:43 > 0:31:45in much more detail than we do,
0:31:45 > 0:31:47so a baby that is less than six months old can recognise
0:31:47 > 0:31:50different monkeys just by their faces alone.
0:31:50 > 0:31:53And as we get older, we can only do that with human faces,
0:31:53 > 0:31:55it's called perceptual narrowing.
0:31:55 > 0:31:56We lose that gift quite early on.
0:31:56 > 0:32:00They also have the capacity to learn four million languages or something, don't they?
0:32:00 > 0:32:02- Yeah.- But they just don't bother.
0:32:03 > 0:32:06- They can't be arsed.- Eventually they can barely speak English.
0:32:07 > 0:32:10I like the idea of playing Pin The Tail On A Numbat, though.
0:32:10 > 0:32:12Anyone know where they are? Where do they live? Numbats?
0:32:12 > 0:32:15- Australia?- Australia. Small Australian marsupial.
0:32:15 > 0:32:19They eat 20,000 termites a day.
0:32:19 > 0:32:21They're generally rather quiet but if they are disturbed,
0:32:21 > 0:32:23they make a tutting noise.
0:32:24 > 0:32:26"What did you do that for, Craig?"
0:32:26 > 0:32:28"I'm trying to sleep off my termites."
0:32:30 > 0:32:32But they sleep for as much as 15 hours a day.
0:32:32 > 0:32:35They have the most ingenious way of protecting their burrow.
0:32:35 > 0:32:38They climb in headfirst and then they reverse out,
0:32:38 > 0:32:40they've got rather a tough bottom
0:32:40 > 0:32:42and they reverse out till it wedges the entrance shut.
0:32:43 > 0:32:45Yes.
0:32:47 > 0:32:49It prevents MOST predators wanting to come in.
0:32:51 > 0:32:53And they've evolved so much that as they reverse out of their burrow,
0:32:53 > 0:32:56- they go... - LORRY BEEPING
0:32:56 > 0:33:00"Numbat reversing. Numbat reversing."
0:33:02 > 0:33:05Right, let's put your props away, please.
0:33:05 > 0:33:07Goodbye, numbat!
0:33:07 > 0:33:08Go down into your hole.
0:33:10 > 0:33:12Now, for a question on nutritional networking.
0:33:12 > 0:33:15What's the first rule of fat club?
0:33:15 > 0:33:16Well...
0:33:18 > 0:33:20..I'm not allowed to say.
0:33:21 > 0:33:23Don't talk about fat club?
0:33:23 > 0:33:25SIREN WAILS
0:33:25 > 0:33:27CHEERING
0:33:27 > 0:33:29APPLAUSE
0:33:31 > 0:33:32Do we think it's a real thing, fat club?
0:33:32 > 0:33:35- What do you reckon, Deirdre? - There probably is a fat club.
0:33:35 > 0:33:36Well, there were, is the thing.
0:33:36 > 0:33:39They existed all over the United States in the late 1800s
0:33:39 > 0:33:41and the early 1900s.
0:33:41 > 0:33:42My brothers!
0:33:43 > 0:33:45To be a member, you had to be at least 200lb.
0:33:45 > 0:33:48- So that's, what is that? 14st... - Lightweight.
0:33:48 > 0:33:5114st 3. And if you weren't heavy enough to attend,
0:33:51 > 0:33:52you were not allowed to come in.
0:33:52 > 0:33:5514st 4.
0:33:55 > 0:33:57- What's that?- 200lb.
0:33:57 > 0:34:00- Yeah, you're right.- If you're on 14st 4 and you go to the loo,
0:34:00 > 0:34:01you might come out at 14st 3.
0:34:03 > 0:34:04It was really popular.
0:34:04 > 0:34:09The New England fat men's club had 10,000 members at its peak.
0:34:09 > 0:34:12The meetings involved really huge meals,
0:34:12 > 0:34:15followed by physical activity such as leapfrog.
0:34:19 > 0:34:21And then we all gather round the defibrillator.
0:34:23 > 0:34:24"My turn!"
0:34:25 > 0:34:28Britain had them and if you didn't weigh enough, in Britain,
0:34:28 > 0:34:30you had to pay a fine to charity.
0:34:30 > 0:34:33We've still got them, they're called schools.
0:34:33 > 0:34:35GROANING AND SHOCKED LAUGHTER
0:34:36 > 0:34:38Satire, come on!
0:34:38 > 0:34:40And the French had them, they were Les Cent Kilos.
0:34:40 > 0:34:43100 kilos is 220lbs,
0:34:43 > 0:34:46so it was slightly more demanding entry requirement.
0:34:46 > 0:34:48Did people join them for fun, or was it sort of a status thing?
0:34:48 > 0:34:51It was thought that if you were wealthy enough to be that fat,
0:34:51 > 0:34:53then you were an important businessperson,
0:34:53 > 0:34:56so when they had the presidential race in 1908,
0:34:56 > 0:34:58between William Taft and William Bryan,
0:34:58 > 0:34:59they were both obese,
0:34:59 > 0:35:02and in fact there was a Chicago senator at the time who thought
0:35:02 > 0:35:04there should be a law that you had to weigh at least 200lbs
0:35:04 > 0:35:05to hold political office,
0:35:05 > 0:35:08and the idea was that it was a big country, it needed a big president,
0:35:08 > 0:35:10is what they said, so...
0:35:10 > 0:35:12You could buy lots of things for obese people at the time.
0:35:12 > 0:35:14You could buy a spring-loaded roller-skate,
0:35:14 > 0:35:17and the boost provided by the spring depended on the weight on it.
0:35:17 > 0:35:21So a 150lb person could get moving at 6mph,
0:35:21 > 0:35:23but a 200lb person would reach 10mph.
0:35:23 > 0:35:25The fatter you were, the faster you would go.
0:35:26 > 0:35:28And if you were under 100lb, the skates just...
0:35:28 > 0:35:31- Nothing. Nothing happening.- Do you not feel that this is just a way of
0:35:31 > 0:35:32exterminating the fat?
0:35:34 > 0:35:36If you weighed 300lb, you went at 70mph...
0:35:37 > 0:35:39..into an oncoming train.
0:35:40 > 0:35:42There's an extraordinary thing about food.
0:35:42 > 0:35:44There was a study in 2015.
0:35:44 > 0:35:47They found that men eat twice as much
0:35:47 > 0:35:50- when they are in the company of women.- How weird.
0:35:50 > 0:35:51Do you think it's true?
0:35:51 > 0:35:53Why is he eating so much? He doesn't want to talk to her.
0:35:53 > 0:35:54Is that what it is?
0:35:56 > 0:35:57You see those, don't you?
0:35:57 > 0:36:00It's disconcerting when you're at a table
0:36:00 > 0:36:02and you really think, "that couple next to us haven't spoken yet."
0:36:02 > 0:36:04My wife's very attuned to it.
0:36:04 > 0:36:06If we sit next to one of those couples that don't talk,
0:36:06 > 0:36:08it ruins our meal.
0:36:08 > 0:36:10"Will you say something, please? My wife wants to listen."
0:36:12 > 0:36:14I love it when you hear a single sentence then you don't hear
0:36:14 > 0:36:17- the rest of the story. You think, "What the hell was that bit?"- Yeah.
0:36:17 > 0:36:20So I was in a restaurant and I just overheard the one thing
0:36:20 > 0:36:22from this other table and it said,
0:36:22 > 0:36:25"Well, we sold the foot spa when Barbara had to give up waitressing."
0:36:29 > 0:36:31It's irresistible, isn't it?
0:36:31 > 0:36:34- What's happened?- Well, the running costs of a foot spa,
0:36:34 > 0:36:36I mean you've got to be able to afford it, don't you?
0:36:36 > 0:36:38But also, HAVING to give up waitressing.
0:36:41 > 0:36:43Because she was in, for instance, prison.
0:36:43 > 0:36:44Yes. I'll never know!
0:36:46 > 0:36:49The first rule of fat club is that you have to be fat.
0:36:49 > 0:36:52And now, the bit of the non sequiturs show
0:36:52 > 0:36:53where nothing follows.
0:36:53 > 0:36:56General ignorance. Fingers on buzzers, please.
0:36:56 > 0:36:59Who's in charge in a pack of wolves?
0:37:00 > 0:37:02- Miles?- The one in the hat.
0:37:06 > 0:37:08Is there not one?
0:37:08 > 0:37:11Yeah. They used to think that a pack of wolves had an alpha male,
0:37:11 > 0:37:13who's won through a contest or a rivalry or something.
0:37:13 > 0:37:16In reality, most wolf packs are just families,
0:37:16 > 0:37:18and the leaders of those families are the parents.
0:37:18 > 0:37:21The concept of the alpha male was popularised by a wildlife biologist
0:37:21 > 0:37:23called David Mech in the 1960s.
0:37:23 > 0:37:25He has spent the rest of his career
0:37:25 > 0:37:27trying to convince people he was wrong.
0:37:29 > 0:37:31Yeah. It was based on a study of captive wolves
0:37:31 > 0:37:34where normal behaviour goes completely out of the window.
0:37:34 > 0:37:37Why isn't the caribou anti-wolf strategy
0:37:37 > 0:37:40working as well as it might?
0:37:40 > 0:37:42So, they've got an anti-wolf strategy,
0:37:42 > 0:37:44cos wolves will take their young.
0:37:44 > 0:37:45Is it changing climate?
0:37:45 > 0:37:48Well, the caribou is the North American version of the reindeer.
0:37:48 > 0:37:50- Uh-huh.- So, they thought, oh, there's loads of wolves here,
0:37:50 > 0:37:53we're going to move, and they moved to a different part of the world
0:37:53 > 0:37:54where...
0:37:54 > 0:37:55"Caribou gone."
0:37:55 > 0:37:56- ..black bear live.- Ah.
0:37:57 > 0:37:58Oh, dear.
0:37:58 > 0:38:00Yeah. They've avoided the wolves,
0:38:00 > 0:38:03and are losing even more of their young to the black bears.
0:38:03 > 0:38:04- To bears?- Yeah.
0:38:04 > 0:38:06Let's go and live in this tiger enclosure.
0:38:08 > 0:38:10That'll get rid of those midges, won't it?
0:38:12 > 0:38:15There's no such thing as the alpha male, there's just mum and dad.
0:38:15 > 0:38:19Do an impression of a gun with a silencer being fired.
0:38:19 > 0:38:20Pfff.
0:38:23 > 0:38:26SIREN WAILS
0:38:26 > 0:38:28APPLAUSE
0:38:32 > 0:38:34Phill?
0:38:34 > 0:38:35(Bang.)
0:38:36 > 0:38:38Er... No.
0:38:38 > 0:38:39They cannot eliminate the sound of a gun.
0:38:39 > 0:38:41They don't even call them silencers these days.
0:38:41 > 0:38:45They're called moderators in the UK, suppressors in the United States.
0:38:45 > 0:38:47They can easily be heard if used in public,
0:38:47 > 0:38:49so criminals never bother with the silencer.
0:38:49 > 0:38:52So they were very cocky when they came up with the name silencer,
0:38:52 > 0:38:53- weren't they?- Well...
0:38:53 > 0:38:57It was invented by a man called Hiram Percy Maxim in 1902,
0:38:57 > 0:39:00and he was the son of the man who invented the machinegun.
0:39:00 > 0:39:01Oh.
0:39:01 > 0:39:03Hiram Stevens Maxim. He was an American,
0:39:03 > 0:39:05but he came over to Britain and did lots of his inventions
0:39:05 > 0:39:09in West Norwood in Surrey in a garage
0:39:09 > 0:39:11which belonged to my great-grandfather.
0:39:11 > 0:39:14- Field John Jackson Trickett... - Excellent.
0:39:14 > 0:39:16And he and Sir Hiram worked together,
0:39:16 > 0:39:18and what I love is when they were working on the machinegun,
0:39:18 > 0:39:21if they wanted to test, they wanted to warn the neighbours,
0:39:21 > 0:39:23they used to put an ad in the local paper to say...
0:39:24 > 0:39:26.."We're going to test the gun."
0:39:26 > 0:39:28And Maxim also created peaceful things.
0:39:28 > 0:39:30He created the captive flying machine,
0:39:30 > 0:39:33which is an amusement ride you can still ride in Blackpool.
0:39:33 > 0:39:34The nuns would have loved it.
0:39:35 > 0:39:37And that was built by my grandfather Field Trickett.
0:39:37 > 0:39:38And it's still going today.
0:39:38 > 0:39:40What did Tommy Cooper wear on his head?
0:39:41 > 0:39:43- Let me... - CHOPPING
0:39:43 > 0:39:45Thank you. A fez.
0:39:45 > 0:39:47SIREN WAILS
0:39:47 > 0:39:49APPLAUSE
0:39:51 > 0:39:54No, a fez comes from Turkey, his came from Egypt.
0:39:54 > 0:39:57It's called a tarboosh. And they're slightly different.
0:39:57 > 0:39:59A fez is a little bit shorter than a tarboosh.
0:39:59 > 0:40:00It's a bit wider at the base...
0:40:00 > 0:40:02- It can affect your gait. - It can affect your...!
0:40:07 > 0:40:09They are very, very heavy hats.
0:40:12 > 0:40:14Always bend at the knee.
0:40:15 > 0:40:17Apparently, Cooper was entertaining the troops in Cairo
0:40:17 > 0:40:20and he'd forgotten his helmet that he always wore onstage,
0:40:20 > 0:40:21so he swiped it off a waiter's head.
0:40:21 > 0:40:23And, this is a lovely story, later in life,
0:40:23 > 0:40:25he tried one on in a Cairo market
0:40:25 > 0:40:28and the seller, who didn't recognise him, said, "Just like that."
0:40:28 > 0:40:31And Cooper said, "Why did you say that?"
0:40:31 > 0:40:33And the seller said, "Because every single English person
0:40:33 > 0:40:34"who ever comes here..."
0:40:38 > 0:40:39"..tries one and says that,
0:40:39 > 0:40:41"and you're the very first person who hasn't said it."
0:40:42 > 0:40:45Strictly speaking, of course, it shouldn't even be called a hat,
0:40:45 > 0:40:48- it's actually a cap because a hat has a rim, and a cap has no rim.- Oh!
0:40:48 > 0:40:50Now, to finish off, a spelling test.
0:40:50 > 0:40:52You'll see a series of true facts on the screen
0:40:52 > 0:40:54and I want you to buzz in as quickly as you can
0:40:54 > 0:40:57to tell me which is the correct spelling, A or B.
0:40:57 > 0:40:58So let's have a look.
0:41:02 > 0:41:04- Which one is correct?- A is correct.
0:41:04 > 0:41:06A is correct, very, very good.
0:41:06 > 0:41:07OK, next one.
0:41:13 > 0:41:15- "Cut!" - Yes.- A.
0:41:15 > 0:41:17A is correct. Very, very good.
0:41:17 > 0:41:19And let's look at the next one.
0:41:25 > 0:41:27- Yes?- B.- You think B is true?
0:41:27 > 0:41:29SIREN WAILS
0:41:29 > 0:41:30No, nobody died.
0:41:31 > 0:41:32- No.- A horse died, didn't he?
0:41:32 > 0:41:37Nobody died, but somebody was dyed, is the truth of it.
0:41:37 > 0:41:39So it's often claimed that an extra was trampled underfoot
0:41:39 > 0:41:41in the Charlton Heston film, not true.
0:41:41 > 0:41:44But a man was dyed, D-Y-E-D on the set.
0:41:44 > 0:41:48They had a pond and the water was too brown and murky,
0:41:48 > 0:41:50so they put loads of blue dye in it.
0:41:50 > 0:41:53And during one of the battle scenes, an extra fell in and...
0:41:55 > 0:41:57..was dyed blue.
0:41:58 > 0:42:00And generously, MGM kept him on the payroll
0:42:00 > 0:42:03until he returned to his normal colour.
0:42:11 > 0:42:13And that brings me to the scores.
0:42:13 > 0:42:15Oh, well. It's rather magnificent. In first place,
0:42:15 > 0:42:17with an astonishing two points,
0:42:17 > 0:42:19it's Miles!
0:42:19 > 0:42:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:42:24 > 0:42:27In second place with a very creditable minus 2, Alan.
0:42:27 > 0:42:29Oh, thank you.
0:42:29 > 0:42:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:42:32 > 0:42:35With minus 5 in third place, it's Phill.
0:42:35 > 0:42:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:42:40 > 0:42:42Deirdre, the nuns would be proud.
0:42:42 > 0:42:44Minus 16!
0:42:44 > 0:42:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:42:53 > 0:42:56It only remains for me to thank Deirdre, Phill, Miles and Alan
0:42:56 > 0:42:59and I leave you with this from the Sunday Correspondent.
0:42:59 > 0:43:02Jack Rains, a candidate for governor of Texas,
0:43:02 > 0:43:05has come up with his own ten-point educational plan
0:43:05 > 0:43:08to combat innumeracy and illiteracy in the US.
0:43:08 > 0:43:10When someone pointed out
0:43:10 > 0:43:13that his plan actually only contained nine points,
0:43:13 > 0:43:16Mr Rains replied, "You just pointed your finger
0:43:16 > 0:43:19"and emphasised the problem we're trying to resolve."
0:43:19 > 0:43:20Goodnight.
0:43:20 > 0:43:23APPLAUSE