0:00:23 > 0:00:27APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:31 > 0:00:33Good evening!
0:00:33 > 0:00:36Welcome to QI.
0:00:37 > 0:00:41Tonight, we have a show that promises to be
0:00:41 > 0:00:43an outright omnishambles,
0:00:43 > 0:00:45and trying to stay on top of it all,
0:00:45 > 0:00:48we have the cack-handed Josh Widdicombe.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:50 > 0:00:53The ham-fisted Stephen K Amos.
0:00:53 > 0:00:57APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:57 > 0:00:59The butter-fingered Cally Beaton.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:01:03 > 0:01:05And the...Alan Davies.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:01:11 > 0:01:14And their buzzers are going all over the place. Josh goes...
0:01:14 > 0:01:17BARKING, MOOING
0:01:18 > 0:01:20That doesn't sound good, does it?
0:01:20 > 0:01:23No. It went on far longer than I'd expected, as well.
0:01:23 > 0:01:24Stephen goes...
0:01:24 > 0:01:27BARKING, NEIGHING, GALLOPING
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Wow, that's terrifying. Cally goes...
0:01:30 > 0:01:34BARKING, CLUCKING
0:01:34 > 0:01:36And Alan goes...
0:01:36 > 0:01:39BARKING Fenton! Fenton! Fenton! Fenton!
0:01:41 > 0:01:43APPLAUSE
0:01:45 > 0:01:48OK, what's this all about?
0:01:49 > 0:01:51A disgrace!
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Dangerous!
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Not a very edifying spectacle!
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Wretched women! What...?
0:01:57 > 0:02:00Is this about women on panel shows?
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Ah, yes. Only last year, in fact, I think!
0:02:04 > 0:02:07- Horrified.- Yeah.- Yeah, a bit horrifying to be here.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11So, panel shows, it's to do with games of some kind.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Is it women playing sport?
0:02:13 > 0:02:14Yes, women doing sport.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17It was thought to be one of the most shocking things in the world.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21These are descriptions of the women's 800 metres
0:02:21 > 0:02:24at the 1928 Olympics, OK? So, women had been allowed
0:02:24 > 0:02:27to compete in the track and field events for the very first time,
0:02:27 > 0:02:29and the media reported that it was a disaster.
0:02:29 > 0:02:30According to these reports,
0:02:30 > 0:02:33out of the 11 runners, five collapsed before getting to the end,
0:02:33 > 0:02:37five fainted at the finish line and only one was still standing,
0:02:37 > 0:02:40and she passed out in the dressing room moments later.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44Some of the women took 15 minutes to regain consciousness.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Those who hadn't won sobbed hysterically.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49And, as a result, the 800 metres race was deemed to be
0:02:49 > 0:02:52just too injurious to these women and it was dropped
0:02:52 > 0:02:55from the Olympics for 32 years.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57We can see here the German, Lena Radca,
0:02:57 > 0:02:59winning and Japan coming second.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01She must have an early iPod in, cos she's doing something.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06In reality, there were nine women runners,
0:03:06 > 0:03:08they all completed it, no-one collapsed,
0:03:08 > 0:03:13no-one became hysterical and six of them beat the existing world record.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18So, was this in the mainstream British press?
0:03:18 > 0:03:21I know, it's shocking to think that the press might ever tell you
0:03:21 > 0:03:23something that's not a fact.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26Please don't tell me it was in the Murdoch papers!
0:03:28 > 0:03:31This wasn't the first Olympics women competed in, though, was it?
0:03:31 > 0:03:33- No.- They'd competed before. - Only in some sports.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36So, the founder of the modern Olympics, Pierre de Coubertin,
0:03:36 > 0:03:38he vehemently opposed female participation,
0:03:38 > 0:03:39he absolutely wasn't having it.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41That's Rowan Atkinson!
0:03:44 > 0:03:46It does look like him, doesn't it?!
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Anyway, him, Pierre de Coubertin,
0:03:48 > 0:03:50he vehemently opposed female participation.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53He said it would be, "impractical, uninteresting, unaesthetic
0:03:53 > 0:03:54"and improper."
0:03:54 > 0:03:58He said women's primary role should be, "to crown the victors,
0:03:58 > 0:04:00"since they were, above all, a companion to men."
0:04:00 > 0:04:02But you're absolutely right,
0:04:02 > 0:04:05they had been allowed to compete from 1900, but only in five sports,
0:04:05 > 0:04:07- and they were considered the kind of easy ones.- Sewing.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Sewing, yes, was a big one. LAUGHTER
0:04:09 > 0:04:12It was tennis, croquet, golf, sailing and equestrian.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14And the women got fed up with this.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18So, in 1922, they held their own Olympics in Paris.
0:04:18 > 0:04:2020,000 people attended.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23- Oh, wow!- There were 18 world records set.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25One of the more unusual events is that one on the right,
0:04:25 > 0:04:27it's the two-handed javelin.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30And athletes had to throw once with their right hand, then once
0:04:30 > 0:04:33with their left hand, and the score was the combined distance
0:04:33 > 0:04:36- of the two throws. - So a sort of ambidextrous javelin.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39- Yes, yes.- Yeah.- And then your team-mate had to catch it!- Yes.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41I wouldn't want to be the one who had to measure it
0:04:41 > 0:04:44when people were throwing the javelin left-handed.
0:04:44 > 0:04:45But one of the great...
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Is that two together that you're doing?
0:04:49 > 0:04:52That's two, that's getting the javelin and throwing them.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56- Quite difficult, I'd have thought. - I would think it was quite tricky.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59I think she's going too far up, that one, it's going to go straight up
0:04:59 > 0:05:01- and down in front of her. - Her trajectory is all wrong.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04One of the reasons why women wanted to take part in the Olympics was the
0:05:04 > 0:05:07incredibly restricted clothing that they wore in the traditional games.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10So, up until the mid 1900s, female swimmers had to wear blouses
0:05:10 > 0:05:12and bloomers in the pool.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15They used to play tennis in dresses that covered the ankle
0:05:15 > 0:05:18and multiple petticoats and corsets, and so on. Shoes with heels.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21But I think that's why it took so long for women
0:05:21 > 0:05:24to get involved in sports, because I run, and it's all about two bras.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26- Yeah.- Keeping... Nothing should move.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Because otherwise, honestly, take your eye out.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30Yeah. Yeah.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32I feel like giving tips out at race days,
0:05:32 > 0:05:35sometimes to middle-aged men, to be honest.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41I was not a really big sports fan at school at all, because I come
0:05:41 > 0:05:44from quite a big family, and all my stuff was hand-me-downs.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47So I'd be the only boy on the sports field with a training bra.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51So, I know what you're talking about, yeah.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55The very first American woman to win an Olympic medal,
0:05:55 > 0:05:57she never knew she'd done it.
0:05:57 > 0:06:01Her name was Margaret Abbott, she won the golf in 1900,
0:06:01 > 0:06:04but the entire tournament was such a shambles that she assumed
0:06:04 > 0:06:07- it was just a regular sports contest.- What, she didn't realise
0:06:07 > 0:06:09- it was the Olympics?- She didn't realise it was the Olympics.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12In fact she died in 1955 without ever realising
0:06:12 > 0:06:14that she'd earned an Olympic medal. And, in fact, her mother
0:06:14 > 0:06:16also entered the same competition in 1900.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19That's the only instance we have of mother and daughter taking part
0:06:19 > 0:06:22- in the same Olympics. - During the London Olympics...- Yeah?
0:06:22 > 0:06:24..I went for a run and I live in East London,
0:06:24 > 0:06:28so there's a chance I don't know that I've won gold.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30And now is the moment that we can...
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Surprise, surprise!
0:06:33 > 0:06:37- Have you run marathons, Cally, have you done...?- Yes, I have.- You have?
0:06:37 > 0:06:41- Have you?- I ran the London marathon, I wore three bras that day.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43- Because it was a special occasion. - Yeah, no.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45So, I did, I quite enjoyed it in a strange way.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48But I've got two teenage kids at home,
0:06:48 > 0:06:50- so I'm just glad to get out of the house.- Yes.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Well, there was a huge thing about the marathon, so, 1967,
0:06:54 > 0:06:57there was a woman in the United States called Kathy Switzer,
0:06:57 > 0:06:59and she attempted to run the Boston marathon,
0:06:59 > 0:07:00there's a very famous photograph.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04The person on the right of her is the race official
0:07:04 > 0:07:05called Jock Semple.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08He attempted to tear the number off her back, he was so angry,
0:07:08 > 0:07:11and that's her boyfriend trying to make sure
0:07:11 > 0:07:12that she can actually finish.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14And afterwards the man in charge of the race,
0:07:14 > 0:07:17the Boston Athletic Association Director, Will Cloney,
0:07:17 > 0:07:19asked his opinion of her competing in the race.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22He said, "I don't make the rules, but I try to carry them out.
0:07:22 > 0:07:23"We have no space in the marathon
0:07:23 > 0:07:26"for any unauthorised person, even a man.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28"If that girl were my daughter, I would spank her."
0:07:28 > 0:07:31She did finish, but it would be another five years before
0:07:31 > 0:07:35- the rules changed. It was just... - Tell you what, men are wankers.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37LAUGHTER
0:07:37 > 0:07:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:07:42 > 0:07:43Anyway, moving on.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46When is it cool to wet your pants?
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Is it when it's, like, in a hot situation?
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Obviously, we're going to be, yes, somewhere hot.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Somewhere where your wee is cooler than everything else around you.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57OK. It's...
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Or if you've had a really cold drink and you get it out quick.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Is it to do with, um, jellyfish, you know,
0:08:03 > 0:08:04when you have to pee on a...
0:08:04 > 0:08:07- Because my daughter got stung by a jellyfish in South Africa.- Right.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10And she was crying, really upset, and so I pulled my tankini -
0:08:10 > 0:08:13which is what older women wear instead of a bikini -
0:08:13 > 0:08:16I pulled it to the side to pee, and the sight
0:08:16 > 0:08:19of my pulled-to-the-side gusset fully stopped her crying.
0:08:19 > 0:08:20I would imagine.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22It worked really well.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24And she begged me not to pee on the sting.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26- No.- Is it to do...? No.- Does she still have dreams about this?
0:08:26 > 0:08:29- She does. We're working on it. - It's best.- We're working it through.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31I think we're all going to have dreams about it, aren't we?
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Is it in space?
0:08:35 > 0:08:36It is not in space.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38We're not doing people at all,
0:08:38 > 0:08:40and "wet their pants" is more of a...
0:08:40 > 0:08:42What's another expression for pant?
0:08:43 > 0:08:46- An animal panting.- Oh.- An animal panting. It is ostriches, in fact.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49Ostriches have a phenomenal capacity for water.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52They can swallow up to ten litres of water in one go.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55And then what they do is, they pant really quickly,
0:08:55 > 0:08:57so that the air that they bring into their bodies evaporates
0:08:57 > 0:08:59the water, and it works exactly the same way as us
0:08:59 > 0:09:03evaporating sweat on our skin, in order to keep us cool.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05And they have to avoid getting too much oxygen
0:09:05 > 0:09:07into their bloodstream while they do this, and so,
0:09:07 > 0:09:10as they pant, their windpipe redirects the air away
0:09:10 > 0:09:12from the lungs. Essentially, they pant without breathing.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Did you know this? They're the only birds to have a bladder.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Birds do not wee, because they'd be too heavy to be
0:09:17 > 0:09:19carrying around a big bladder, and so on.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21But the flightless ostrich can cope with the extra thing.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24So there's a little takeaway for you - birds don't wee.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26- Who knew that?- Wow!
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Any creature that's got an eye here
0:09:28 > 0:09:31- and an eye there that goes that way, nah.- Yes.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35It's not right!
0:09:35 > 0:09:39The thing that we know about them is that it's possible that they dream.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41What do you think an ostrich would dream of?
0:09:41 > 0:09:43- Flying, it might dream it could fly like we do.- Yeah.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46- Because it can't, can it? - No, they're just too heavy,
0:09:46 > 0:09:48because they are between six and nine foot in height.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51And they're 140lbs to sometimes as much as 300lbs.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53But look at that massive wingspan.
0:09:53 > 0:09:54I really do think they're quite creepy.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57Would you like them more if they could fly? Can you imagine that?
0:09:57 > 0:09:59This thing in the sky, argh!
0:09:59 > 0:10:02- Ugh!- Do you think they'd fly with their necks up,
0:10:02 > 0:10:04or would they just put their necks forward?
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Or their neck up, looking behind them.
0:10:09 > 0:10:10"WHOA!"
0:10:12 > 0:10:16"Whoa-ho! Ho-ho-ho!"
0:10:16 > 0:10:19I imagine they'd do that all the time.
0:10:19 > 0:10:20The first one that went up would do that.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22I'd like to have an ostrich, though,
0:10:22 > 0:10:25because one scrambled ostrich egg is the same as 25 chicken eggs,
0:10:25 > 0:10:28so you'd only have to go and collect the one. That would be...
0:10:28 > 0:10:31And that would save you time, because normally you have to make
0:10:31 > 0:10:3225 chicken eggs in the morning.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34I know. It's a nightmare.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37The other thing about them is, their legs go the wrong way.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41So, when they're running, if you show an ostrich running
0:10:41 > 0:10:43and reverse the film, it looks like a person.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45It looks like Bernie Clifton.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49There, you can see, right, if you look at it,
0:10:49 > 0:10:52it looks like it's running that way, but its body is on backwards.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55- Yeah. Yeah.- Do you get it, are you seeing it now?!
0:10:55 > 0:10:58- So if it was running that way, you'd think, "Yeah."- "Yeah, fair enough."
0:10:58 > 0:11:00- Yeah.- That's like, that's Bernie Clifton, right.
0:11:00 > 0:11:01But Bernie's got to get his...
0:11:01 > 0:11:05- If he'd had major surgery in about 1972...- Yeah.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Alan, it sounds like you've done quite a lot of research on this.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10I did, I shared a dressing room with Bernie Clifton at the recent
0:11:10 > 0:11:12- Royal Variety Performance.- Did you?
0:11:12 > 0:11:15- Did you?- Oh.- Me, Bernie Clifton and the Chuckle Brothers.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20- I swear to God, it was...- Talk about knowing your place in showbiz.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24- I'll tell you what... - I'm 51 now, right...
0:11:24 > 0:11:27I've been doing stand-up for a very long time, nearly 30 years,
0:11:27 > 0:11:31and I was such a junior person in that room.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33I loved it, absolutely loved it!
0:11:33 > 0:11:36And the older... I cannot remember the Chuckle Brothers' names.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39- Paul and Barry.- Paul and Barry, but, yeah, I can't remember...
0:11:39 > 0:11:40LAUGHTER
0:11:40 > 0:11:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:11:43 > 0:11:47I knew that one day I'd get something on QI!
0:11:47 > 0:11:49- Who knew it was going to be that? - I can't remember which.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53I've been waiting for that to come up four series!
0:11:53 > 0:11:56One of them went out, that was Paul went out, went round looking,
0:11:56 > 0:11:59there were a lot of dancers about to socialise with, you know.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03And me and Barry and Bernie, we all stayed in the room
0:12:03 > 0:12:06and a girl was sort of allocated to look after us.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08"Do you want anything?" And Barry goes,
0:12:08 > 0:12:11"Wouldn't mind a tea. Can we have a tea?"
0:12:11 > 0:12:12And she goes, "Do you want any sugar?"
0:12:12 > 0:12:16- And Barry goes, "Yeah, six." - Six sugars?
0:12:16 > 0:12:19That's what she said. "Six?!" And he goes,
0:12:19 > 0:12:23"Are they sachets?" And she said, "They are."
0:12:23 > 0:12:24And he goes, "Yeah, six."
0:12:26 > 0:12:28It was absolutely incredible.
0:12:28 > 0:12:29I was in heaven.
0:12:29 > 0:12:33I like to think that they totally ignored you for the whole time.
0:12:33 > 0:12:34They had no idea who I was.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40But you're right about the legs,
0:12:40 > 0:12:43and look at the extraordinary feet of the ostrich, they're amazing.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45So, the scientific name is Struthio camelus,
0:12:45 > 0:12:48so it's from the ancient Greek, it literally means "camel sparrow."
0:12:48 > 0:12:51And the Greeks considered it similar to the camel because if you look
0:12:51 > 0:12:54at the hooves of the ostrich and you look at the hooves of the camel.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Hang on, what's what? The ostrich is on the left?
0:12:56 > 0:12:58The ostrich is on the left, the camel on the right.
0:12:58 > 0:13:02- Look at those toes.- That toenail, that needs bringing in, doesn't it?!
0:13:03 > 0:13:06He's getting through some socks with that, isn't he?
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Unlike any other bird and also they have this in common with camels,
0:13:09 > 0:13:13ostrich's have eyelashes. That's a thing. They can bat them at you.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15- That was a good noise you made there.- Yeah.
0:13:15 > 0:13:19- "Ooh."- It's all just, it's just, oh, no.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22I just did not know you were anti-ostrich. I just...
0:13:23 > 0:13:26- I've tried ostrich steak before. - CALLY:- Yeah, I've had it as well.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29They sell it in Aldi now. They do, they do.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31- STEPHEN:- Where is this place?
0:13:32 > 0:13:36- I ate it in Swaziland, because they dished up goat steak.- Right.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39And I said I was vegetarian, so they gave me ostrich steak.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42And I wasn't vegetarian, I just said it
0:13:42 > 0:13:43because I didn't want to eat goat.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Yeah. Is it lean? Is it sort of lean?
0:13:45 > 0:13:48It's lean, it's actually... Aldi were promoting it as being very lean
0:13:48 > 0:13:50- and cheaper... - STEPHEN:- Stop saying Aldi.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52- CALLY:- ..and better for you than beef.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55Right. We must try this Aldi place.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01Oh, come, come, come, are we at war? I don't think so.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07- All these supermarkets are like anagrams at the moment.- Yeah.
0:14:07 > 0:14:08Why can't they have a proper word?
0:14:08 > 0:14:11- Like what, what would you like it to be called?- Sainsbury's.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17Am I the only person here who isn't being sponsored by a supermarket?
0:14:19 > 0:14:22Can I just say, Waitrose is excellent value for money.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24APPLAUSE
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Applause for Waitrose!
0:14:28 > 0:14:30You're not on Take Me Out, audience.
0:14:34 > 0:14:35Right, moving on.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39What's the wrong way to get out of a car?
0:14:39 > 0:14:40Sunroof.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Yeah, that's not good, is it?
0:14:42 > 0:14:45But let's all imagine we're driving in the UK.
0:14:45 > 0:14:46So, let's all do driving.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48Can I do MY driving, please?
0:14:56 > 0:14:59- Driving, we arrive... - I drive like this.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02- I'm going to park, brake...- Yeah. - OK, brake now.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04So, you're in a right-hand drive.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Brake, yeah. So now I want you to open the door.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09- Open the door.- Yeah.- You've done it like that. What have you done?
0:15:09 > 0:15:10Like that. So, none of that...
0:15:10 > 0:15:13HOOTER
0:15:13 > 0:15:16And if you never learn anything else from this show,
0:15:16 > 0:15:19learn this thing, which I think is wonderful.
0:15:19 > 0:15:23You should always do what is called the Dutch Reach.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25You have to open with the hand... Exactly that.
0:15:25 > 0:15:26Furthest from the door.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29And it makes you automatically look over your shoulder.
0:15:29 > 0:15:33It's to spot, particularly, oncoming cyclists.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35So, in the Netherlands it is required
0:15:35 > 0:15:36as part of the driving test,
0:15:36 > 0:15:39and it prevents what's called "dooring," which is basically
0:15:39 > 0:15:41just hitting a cyclist with your car door.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Do you not think it's the simplest...
0:15:44 > 0:15:46It's brilliant, it's brilliant.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49But it suggests that when people get out of their car this way,
0:15:49 > 0:15:51- that they just go... - And they do. They do.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53So, you know that noise that, if he shuts that door,
0:15:53 > 0:15:56it's going to make a sort of clunking noise, it's fake.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59- Did you know this?- No!- Yes, it's a throwback to the olden days.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02So, we like that noise. It's the first thing we hear
0:16:02 > 0:16:03when we get into a new car.
0:16:03 > 0:16:04So, what happened about 15 years ago,
0:16:04 > 0:16:07new safety standards meant the door design was changed
0:16:07 > 0:16:09and it also changed the noise when it closed.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11And it made it sort of tinny and metallic.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14So, they changed the mechanism to make that sound.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18So, the door doesn't need to make that sound, that clunking thing.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21- Wow.- But actually we want it to.
0:16:21 > 0:16:22- We like that noise.- Oh, it's nice. - Yeah.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25If they can choose the noise, I'd have like, you know
0:16:25 > 0:16:26like spooky, creaking door.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30So, the idea of making cars seem a little bit old-fashioned
0:16:30 > 0:16:33is not a new idea. 1899, a patent was filed
0:16:33 > 0:16:37for a Horsey Horseless vehicle, and it was a motorcar
0:16:37 > 0:16:40with a full-size wooden horse head attached to the front.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42- Amazing.- That is brilliant. - And the idea was,
0:16:42 > 0:16:45if the car looked like a horse, it wouldn't scare the other horses.
0:16:45 > 0:16:49I think if I was a horse and I saw the head of a horse...
0:16:50 > 0:16:53..I would think it would cause more problems than it would solve.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56I'd have an ostrich on the front of mine.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Bernie Clifton driving it.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02So, out of the car and into the closet.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05What's the most exciting thing you can do in a cupboard that
0:17:05 > 0:17:08begins with O?
0:17:08 > 0:17:09Orlando Bloom.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13APPLAUSE
0:17:16 > 0:17:18I organise my pants.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21- Organising is a good one, yes. - Organising, yeah, I enjoy that.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24- Yeah.- Do you organise your pants, Josh?- Not my pants, but you know.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26- What?- What would you organise?
0:17:26 > 0:17:27Well, just like a soiree.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Are you saying you put your pants in a cupboard?
0:17:33 > 0:17:36Well, you can do, darling, it's not that weird.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39No, I thought a cupboard was like, you know, in the kitchen.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43- So, it's a new thing, you sometimes have cupboards in bedrooms.- Yeah.
0:17:44 > 0:17:48It's never going to take off, you're absolutely right.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50That's the larder. I call the cupboard in the kitchen the larder.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Yeah. We've all got different names for these things.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54And in the bedroom, it's the cupboard
0:17:54 > 0:17:56- or the hanging one's a wardrobe. - Because my girlfriend,
0:17:56 > 0:18:00- who I live with, has got too many... - She's in a cupboard?
0:18:00 > 0:18:03Oh, I understand that, I spent years in the closet.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05I totally understand that.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08APPLAUSE
0:18:08 > 0:18:12When you say...exciting, do you mean...?
0:18:12 > 0:18:15- Yes, something exciting, yes. - Like physically...
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Unbelievably physically exciting. So, who is this in the picture?
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Boris Becker. Because he conceived a child in a cupboard, didn't he?
0:18:20 > 0:18:22- STEPHEN:- Yes. - We are in a sexual area.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24- CALLY:- So, orgasming in a cupboard.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26It is an orgasm in a cupboard, but it's a very specific one.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28- So...- Oh, not that Woody Allen film, The Orgasmatron.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30It is exactly this sort of thing.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33So, in 1940 there was an Austrian psychologist called
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Wilhelm Reich, and he started building... There he is.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38- Doesn't look bonkers at all. - Ooh, look at him.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41He's got Chris Packham's haircut.
0:18:41 > 0:18:45He wanted to harness the power of a force that he called "orgone" -
0:18:45 > 0:18:48an amalgam of orgasm and ozone. And he said other people call it God.
0:18:48 > 0:18:52He believed it was all around us, that it was what made the sky blue,
0:18:52 > 0:18:55for instance. So, the idea was that you had one of these compartments,
0:18:55 > 0:18:58you climbed naked into his special cupboard - this
0:18:58 > 0:19:00is for illustration purposes only, but ideally she should be naked.
0:19:00 > 0:19:04- No way.- And you absorbed the concentrated orgone within it,
0:19:04 > 0:19:07to reach a state of sexual satisfaction.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10And that could cure anything from, I don't know, cancer to blisters.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12- It was really, it was a full-range thing.- So...
0:19:12 > 0:19:16But are the people in that box, are they volunteers or hostages?
0:19:16 > 0:19:20- No, people wanted to do this. It was hugely popular.- Oh, OK.
0:19:20 > 0:19:21- What year was, when was this? - So, 1940.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24He believed that sexual repression was responsible for almost
0:19:24 > 0:19:27all physical and psychological and emotional problems, and so on.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31- I think that's fair.- He was a slightly strange fellow. So...
0:19:31 > 0:19:33- No shit!- Yeah.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Does it clean itself, like one of those toilets?
0:19:35 > 0:19:39- GROANING Well, none of it's... - "I've finished!"
0:19:39 > 0:19:42It was very, very popular, lots of celebrities owned these cupboards.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45JD Salinger, Norman Mailer, Sean Connery had one.
0:19:45 > 0:19:49- AS SEAN CONNERY:- "Sure, let's go into the cupboard."
0:19:50 > 0:19:54The vibrator was developed by Victorian doctors, you'll know this.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56- Yeah, I do.- It was, wasn't it to stop women being hysterical?
0:19:56 > 0:19:58You're absolutely right.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00So it's widely believed that it was very damaging to women
0:20:00 > 0:20:03- if they didn't orgasm enough.- Yeah. - And I think that's entirely true.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07They had steam-operated vibrators, the first ones.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09- Yes.- So I'm just wondering why,
0:20:09 > 0:20:12he's a bit late to the party with this cumbersome vibrator.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16Well, this doesn't actually touch your pudenda in any way.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18- But how's it...?- It's this thing called orgone,
0:20:18 > 0:20:20which he believed was in the ether
0:20:20 > 0:20:22and that it would accumulate within the cupboard,
0:20:22 > 0:20:24- and this would make you feel... - Oh, so that's a mask?
0:20:24 > 0:20:27No, it's just to go into the cupboard, it's an orgone shooter.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29I can't... I'm trying to make it more sensible than it really is.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32- Right.- Does it work?
0:20:32 > 0:20:35No. The US courts formally declared that orgone doesn't exist
0:20:35 > 0:20:38and all of the cupboards were ordered to be destroyed,
0:20:38 > 0:20:40all of the literature, and, in fact...
0:20:40 > 0:20:43Destroyed? You could just convert it into a pant cupboard, couldn't you?
0:20:43 > 0:20:44Yeah, you could have done.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Reich was imprisoned for not complying with the ban,
0:20:47 > 0:20:50and so he actually ended up dying in prison.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52But you're absolutely right, this whole thing about orgasm,
0:20:52 > 0:20:55Victorian doctors, it was not uncommon, women with hysteria,
0:20:55 > 0:20:58that they needed to get rid, they thought it was anxiety,
0:20:58 > 0:21:01irritability, bloated stomach, any of these things could be got rid of.
0:21:01 > 0:21:05And the prescription was to have a pelvic massage.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07And it was a routine part of doctors' work.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10LAUGHTER
0:21:10 > 0:21:12That's a water jet, is it?
0:21:12 > 0:21:15It looks like one of those Olympic sports.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19And now...
0:21:19 > 0:21:21..35 feet. Personal best.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Only 35 feet, Alan?
0:21:25 > 0:21:27I think I can do better than that.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Apparently it was really boring. It was really, really boring.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Yeah, they used to complain about it, didn't they?
0:21:33 > 0:21:35The doctors thought it was dull work,
0:21:35 > 0:21:37and so there was a doctor called Dr J Mortimer Granville,
0:21:37 > 0:21:39and he pioneered the very first vibrator.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41It was known as Granville's Hammer...
0:21:43 > 0:21:45..with which you percussed yourself.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48Did he used to just hit women on the head? "Pull yourself together now."
0:21:50 > 0:21:52- "It's great. The Barker."- Yeah.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54That quote isn't attributed to anyone.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57- Where are you looking? - That should say, "It's great.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59- "The Evening Standard."- Yes.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02I think that man is telling you how marvellous it is, Mr James Barker.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04- Oh.- And that smile on his face, do you reckon he's using one himself?
0:22:06 > 0:22:08- Oh, this is for girls only, this one.- Oh, what? Oh, really?
0:22:08 > 0:22:11- For girls only. CALLY:- Stephen begs to differ, don't you?
0:22:11 > 0:22:12Apparently, we've all been there.
0:22:14 > 0:22:15OK, moving on.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19Wilhelm Reich thought the solution to all our problems
0:22:19 > 0:22:21was an orgasm in a cupboard.
0:22:21 > 0:22:26What definitely won't happen to you when you sneeze?
0:22:26 > 0:22:29You won't have a 16th of an orgasm.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31- Isn't it a tenth?- Is it a tenth?
0:22:31 > 0:22:33But that might be inflation, I don't know.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Is there a, is there a little thrill to be had from sneezing?
0:22:36 > 0:22:38Apparently, well, that was the myth,
0:22:38 > 0:22:40- that if you sneezed, you'd go... - HE SIGHS
0:22:42 > 0:22:46But you can't physically sneeze with your eyes open, isn't that right?
0:22:46 > 0:22:49Yeah, well, we did say that sneezing with your eyes open can't
0:22:49 > 0:22:52make them pop out, but in fact, that is not entirely correct.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55If you have something called floppy eyelid syndrome,
0:22:55 > 0:22:59a sneeze can in fact force your eyeball out of your socket.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01And we're all going to have a go!
0:23:02 > 0:23:04So, like this.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07So, it would be like that, and then you... Atchoo!
0:23:07 > 0:23:09And out they pop. So that's so you can see.
0:23:14 > 0:23:15Give it a go, have a sneeze.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Atchoo!
0:23:19 > 0:23:21So, there's a technical name for it.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24So, if your eyeball actually pops out, spontaneous...
0:23:24 > 0:23:25ATCHOO!
0:23:28 > 0:23:30GROANING
0:23:30 > 0:23:34Spontaneous globe luxation is what it's called.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37So, mostly obese men get this syndrome where your eyelid
0:23:37 > 0:23:40can pop out. So the upper eyelid becomes very floppy
0:23:40 > 0:23:42and it's easily turned inside-out.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45What would the medical advice be if your eyeball popped out?
0:23:45 > 0:23:47- Oh...- Pop it back.- Put it on ice.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Get it back in as quickly as possible, yeah.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52No, don't put it on ice, darling, it's still attached, most likely.
0:23:52 > 0:23:53If it's still attached,
0:23:53 > 0:23:56look round corners that you couldn't previously look round.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59- That's a good idea.- Yeah.
0:23:59 > 0:24:00Keeping an eye on you.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03Just draw eyes on the eyelids.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05- So, people think you can still see them.- Yeah.- But then
0:24:05 > 0:24:08- you walk into things and you can't. - No, but what are you going to do
0:24:08 > 0:24:11about the eyeball that's out? Are you just going to leave it
0:24:11 > 0:24:14- hanging on your cheek? What are you going to do there?- Come Halloween,
0:24:14 > 0:24:16your trick or treating is going to be top notch.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19Atchoo! Argh!
0:24:19 > 0:24:22I think the main advice is to get a medical person to do it, don't you?
0:24:22 > 0:24:25And apparently they use a tool that looks a bit like a bent paperclip,
0:24:25 > 0:24:26which I think would be...
0:24:26 > 0:24:28GROANING Yes.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30There was an American basketball player
0:24:30 > 0:24:32called Akil Mitchell, in early 2017.
0:24:32 > 0:24:36- No!- He got poked in the eye during a game, he fell to the ground,
0:24:36 > 0:24:37he was clutching his face.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40And he described afterwards that he knew something was wrong because he
0:24:40 > 0:24:44could feel his eyeball on his cheek, and could still see out of it.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47GROANING
0:24:47 > 0:24:48Oh, my God!
0:24:48 > 0:24:50And they popped it back in all right?
0:24:50 > 0:24:52They popped it back, he's absolutely fine now.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55Can you just do it with your finger? Do you need the paperclip thing?
0:24:55 > 0:24:56- No, my advice is to... - If it happens.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59Honestly, this is a moment for a doctor.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03If you have a child and one of their eyeballs fall out, don't go,
0:25:03 > 0:25:04"Darling, stop fussing," and...
0:25:06 > 0:25:09But losing your eye, there's a famous moment in history,
0:25:09 > 0:25:12Federico da Montefeltro, he was a famous military man during the
0:25:12 > 0:25:16Renaissance in Italy, and he lost an eye during a jousting tournament.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19And he was so paranoid about plans to assassinate him,
0:25:19 > 0:25:22and the fact that he couldn't see out of one side of his face,
0:25:22 > 0:25:25he had a notch cut, he basically had the bridge of his nose cut off
0:25:25 > 0:25:28so that he could still see on the other side.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30- So he could see across.- Oh, my God!
0:25:30 > 0:25:35Now, who would like to see a seriously eye-popping demonstration?
0:25:35 > 0:25:37As long as no-one's eye is coming out.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39I don't like this whole area.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41No, it's not that. So, what we're going to do...
0:25:41 > 0:25:43- If you get out a hoover now... - Have a look at this.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45So, let me just put this here.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48And hopefully I'm going to get this the right way round.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51- Then I have...- Is that a steam-powered vibrator, Sandi? No?
0:25:51 > 0:25:53No, it's adapted. OK.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56So we can see that we have got a mirror here,
0:25:56 > 0:25:58and if you look at this one, you can see squares,
0:25:58 > 0:26:01and if you look in the mirror, you can see circles.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03And if I take this one and I turn it, you can
0:26:03 > 0:26:07see a square up here and a circle down here.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09And if I then carry on turning it,
0:26:09 > 0:26:15and we keep going round like this, you will see that this one at the
0:26:15 > 0:26:17bottom will turn into a square
0:26:17 > 0:26:20- and that one will turn into a circle.- Witchcraft!
0:26:20 > 0:26:24It is. I'm going to move that out the way, so I can get my hand in.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26You can see the square, and you can see the circles in there.
0:26:26 > 0:26:30And, as I turn, and I keep turning it like this,
0:26:30 > 0:26:35you'll see it change and the one in the mirror becomes the square,
0:26:35 > 0:26:38- and this one here becomes the circles.- Oh, I don't like this.
0:26:38 > 0:26:43- Ooh!- And the same with this one here, as I turn it... It is
0:26:43 > 0:26:47faintly astonishing, isn't it, you can see it becoming the circles.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50- Oh, wow!- And then the squares. - That's amazing.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52- What's happening?!- I know! It is called
0:26:52 > 0:26:55the Ambiguous Cylinder Illusion. It is designed by a man...
0:26:55 > 0:26:58- Catchy name.- Yeah. - It is a catchy name.
0:26:58 > 0:27:02Designed by a man called Dr Sugihara Kokichi.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05And from one angle, the shapes look circular,
0:27:05 > 0:27:08while in the other angle they look like cuboids. And, in fact,
0:27:08 > 0:27:10they are a cross between the two.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12Squircles, or rather, squircle prisms.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15And if you want to make this at home, you absolutely can.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18Just look up "Ambiguous Cylinder Illusion cut-out"
0:27:18 > 0:27:19and there's a template for a paper version.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22So you can work out how to do it. So I'm just going to put that one
0:27:22 > 0:27:24- away.- That's amazing.- It IS amazing.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Do give it a go, because I think it's really extraordinary.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29And the fact that our brains are flawed in this way is what
0:27:29 > 0:27:30distinguishes us from robots.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Robots won't be fooled by optical illusions,
0:27:32 > 0:27:34only human beings are fooled by optical illusions.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37There's a very famous thing called the Adelson chequerboard illusion.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40So, this is a chequerboard, all right?
0:27:40 > 0:27:43And if you look at it, you would imagine that there are light
0:27:43 > 0:27:45squares and there are dark squares.
0:27:45 > 0:27:46But, in fact, what's happened is,
0:27:46 > 0:27:49the green cylinder there has cast a shadow.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52And what happens is, our eyes correct.
0:27:52 > 0:27:58What is the truth of that is A and B are exactly the same colour.
0:27:58 > 0:28:01- So if you see...- No!- If we join them together, so just those squares,
0:28:01 > 0:28:03but because we have understood
0:28:03 > 0:28:04there's a shadow from the green cylinder,
0:28:04 > 0:28:08we have, in our minds, made B a lighter colour.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11But, actually, A and B are exactly the same colour.
0:28:11 > 0:28:14- And...- Oh, is this how the robots are going to finally defeat us?
0:28:14 > 0:28:17- Well, this is certainly...- They'll chase us into a Escher painting.
0:28:17 > 0:28:21Yes! But it's how computers may eventually be able to distinguish
0:28:21 > 0:28:24a bot from a person, because you could give a test like this.
0:28:24 > 0:28:26If you get the answer wrong, then you're human.
0:28:26 > 0:28:29Because, even though I've told you A and B are the same colour,
0:28:29 > 0:28:31when you look back to the one on the left,
0:28:31 > 0:28:33you believe that they are different colours.
0:28:33 > 0:28:35- Yeah.- I still don't believe you.
0:28:36 > 0:28:40Anyway, what's the most frightening thing you could find in an orchard?
0:28:42 > 0:28:44Half a maggot in your apple.
0:28:44 > 0:28:49Oh, that is a horrible thing, yeah. Yeah. What else?
0:28:49 > 0:28:52Some sort of lethal fruit-destroying insect, or something like that?
0:28:52 > 0:28:54- Scrumpers.- It is an old practice.
0:28:54 > 0:28:57People used to go scrumping, didn't they?
0:28:57 > 0:28:59- Yeah, they did where I grew up. - In Devon.- Yeah, yeah.
0:28:59 > 0:29:01- Where did you grow up?- I was Dorset. Were you Devon?
0:29:01 > 0:29:04- I was Devon, oh.- How did we not scrump together, Josh?
0:29:04 > 0:29:07- I know...- Because I'm old enough to be your mum, that's partly why.
0:29:07 > 0:29:12- STEPHEN:- I'm from the big city, so "scrumping"?- Stealing apples.
0:29:12 > 0:29:15Stealing apples. Oh, theft? Oh.
0:29:23 > 0:29:27So, it's something ancient called "wassailing" or "apple howling."
0:29:27 > 0:29:30It's the practice of shouting at apple trees to get them
0:29:30 > 0:29:33to bear good fruit. And it dates back to at least the 16th century.
0:29:33 > 0:29:36Go out there going, "Pears! PEARS!"
0:29:40 > 0:29:42There's an old English folk song called the Wassailing Song.
0:29:42 > 0:29:45Yeah, there are lots of wassailing songs, and they used to beat
0:29:45 > 0:29:48the trees while they were singing. It's to drive out the evil spirits,
0:29:48 > 0:29:50to make sure that we get jolly good fruit.
0:29:50 > 0:29:52They used to pour cider onto the roots.
0:29:52 > 0:29:55And then, this is one I don't get, tie slices of toast
0:29:55 > 0:29:57to the trunks of the tree.
0:29:57 > 0:29:59That's just drunk people.
0:29:59 > 0:30:02But the tradition is kept up in Somerset and Devon orchards today.
0:30:02 > 0:30:04It's supposed to take place on the 12th day of Christmas,
0:30:04 > 0:30:07but it quite often takes place on January 17th. Why would that be?
0:30:07 > 0:30:09They got the dates wrong? I don't know, what's happening there?
0:30:09 > 0:30:12No, it's the historical root, so it corresponds to the 12th day
0:30:12 > 0:30:14of Christmas before the calendar was changed.
0:30:14 > 0:30:18- It was changed in 1752.- Oh. - But orchards, hugely popular.
0:30:18 > 0:30:21So, really beginning to proliferate in Britain in the 17th century,
0:30:21 > 0:30:23because cider suddenly becomes popular.
0:30:23 > 0:30:26- Oh, cider.- And that is due to the death of the English vines.
0:30:26 > 0:30:28We forget how much wine was originally grown in England.
0:30:28 > 0:30:31There was a little ice age of prolonged cold weather,
0:30:31 > 0:30:34and there was a man in 1640 called Lord Scudamore,
0:30:34 > 0:30:36and he worked out how to make cider fizzy
0:30:36 > 0:30:39long before people in Champagne worked out how to do Champagne.
0:30:39 > 0:30:42And the new drink was so popular that John Evelyn, a popular writer,
0:30:42 > 0:30:46said, "All Herefordshire has become but one entire orchard."
0:30:46 > 0:30:49But there was some danger cos the bottles used to explode,
0:30:49 > 0:30:52and so people would bury them in sand or hang them down wells
0:30:52 > 0:30:54to keep them cool and prevent it happening.
0:30:54 > 0:30:56And there were vaults cut into the side of well shafts
0:30:56 > 0:30:58specifically for storing strong cider.
0:30:58 > 0:31:00It was unbelievably popular. And mulled cider.
0:31:00 > 0:31:02- Has anybody ever had hot cider? Have you ever?- Hm.
0:31:02 > 0:31:04- Oh, I love a mulled cider. - Mulled cider, yes.
0:31:04 > 0:31:06- Beautiful, isn't it? - It's really nice.
0:31:06 > 0:31:08- Have you seen...? STEPHEN:- Yes, Devon thing again.
0:31:08 > 0:31:10- Yeah. - "Oh, cook it, better cook it! Hmm."
0:31:12 > 0:31:15There was a thing called a "cider shoe," which was invented.
0:31:15 > 0:31:17It was a shoe-shaped tumbler,
0:31:17 > 0:31:19and you could poke the toe into the fire to warm the drink up.
0:31:19 > 0:31:22- That's a good idea, isn't it? - It's rather fine, isn't it?
0:31:22 > 0:31:25- They'll be inventing cupboards next for clothes, won't they?- I know.
0:31:25 > 0:31:28Now, who stumbles into someone else's house
0:31:28 > 0:31:30and vomits on the floor?
0:31:30 > 0:31:33- Oh, now.- That could be... I share a house with a 17-year-old,
0:31:33 > 0:31:36a 19-year-old, my cat's got IBS, so it could be anybody.
0:31:36 > 0:31:38CLAXON
0:31:43 > 0:31:46- Yeah.- Is it an urban fox?- No, although that's...
0:31:46 > 0:31:48That's what my kids said, they had all their mates round
0:31:48 > 0:31:50from sixth form and there was a lot of debris,
0:31:50 > 0:31:53- and they said it was urban foxes. Was that...?- Oh, wow!
0:31:53 > 0:31:56- What do you mean by debris? - Well...- Teenage detritus.
0:31:56 > 0:31:59- Empty vodka bottles.- Yeah. - Oh, that, yeah. Bloody foxes, yeah.
0:32:02 > 0:32:05- Well, we are in an animal area. - Has it got four legs? Is it furry?
0:32:05 > 0:32:07Does it have a tail?
0:32:07 > 0:32:09- It's a bird.- We play this game a lot in the car.- It's a bird.
0:32:09 > 0:32:11An ostrich, an emu.
0:32:11 > 0:32:13- A blackbird.- "Ooh-ooh."- A cuckoo.
0:32:13 > 0:32:16- Owl.- No, that's a really shit impersonation I've done.
0:32:17 > 0:32:20- It's an owl.- That owl looks absolutely livid about something.
0:32:20 > 0:32:24Yeah, owls almost never build their own nests.
0:32:24 > 0:32:28And in the case of great horned owls, they steal from other birds.
0:32:28 > 0:32:31And one of the only contributions the owl makes
0:32:31 > 0:32:33to the nest's construction is to vomit on the floor.
0:32:33 > 0:32:37It regurgitates pellets of undigested food
0:32:37 > 0:32:39and when those are trampled down, that makes
0:32:39 > 0:32:42a rather nice, soft surface on which you can incubate your eggs.
0:32:42 > 0:32:44Apart from that, they do nothing of domestic upkeep.
0:32:44 > 0:32:47They live in the nest until it disintegrates and then they leave.
0:32:47 > 0:32:50There's an interesting relationship between snakes and owls,
0:32:50 > 0:32:53actually, because the screech owl uses real snakes for protection.
0:32:53 > 0:32:56So, if they can, they catch what's called a blind snake,
0:32:56 > 0:32:57so that's one of these here.
0:32:57 > 0:32:59They're about six inches long, something like that.
0:32:59 > 0:33:02And it brings it back to the nest, and they don't eat the snake,
0:33:02 > 0:33:05the snake burrows down into the nest floor
0:33:05 > 0:33:07and it feeds on all the vermin and parasites.
0:33:07 > 0:33:09And we have no idea whether they do this intentionally,
0:33:09 > 0:33:12or the snake just escapes before the chicks can eat it,
0:33:12 > 0:33:15but, either way, the snake helps the baby owls to grow bigger and faster.
0:33:15 > 0:33:18- So, it's a really nice relationship. - What else does that snake do?
0:33:18 > 0:33:20It doesn't look good for much, to be honest, does it?
0:33:20 > 0:33:23- STEPHEN:- It looks like it sings, doesn't it?- Yes. Yes.
0:33:23 > 0:33:27Singing to the owl. "Hello. Hello."
0:33:29 > 0:33:33Now, what's a little bit orange and very over-sensitive?
0:33:35 > 0:33:36Donald Trump.
0:33:36 > 0:33:39HOOTER, APPLAUSE
0:33:45 > 0:33:50- Someone had to say it, didn't they?! - Cally, I might be looking at you.
0:33:50 > 0:33:54- Something to do with being ginger. - It is to do with being red-headed.
0:33:54 > 0:33:56So are there any particular characteristics that are
0:33:56 > 0:33:59- more associated with redheads than...?- Fiery.- Fiery.
0:33:59 > 0:34:01- They're fiery, aren't they? - We're very attractive.
0:34:01 > 0:34:04- Very, very attractive. STEPHEN:- Generally translucent.
0:34:06 > 0:34:08No, you can see, yeah, quite pale, aren't they?
0:34:08 > 0:34:10- Pale? OK.- Yeah.- Quite pale.- Yeah.
0:34:10 > 0:34:12The fact is multiple studies have shown
0:34:12 > 0:34:16that redheads are more sensitive to pain than the rest of us.
0:34:16 > 0:34:19- So, unfortunately, you are more susceptible to pain.- Do you know,
0:34:19 > 0:34:22I think there are studies that say the opposite. I'm just saying,
0:34:22 > 0:34:25I've also seen studies that say we've got a higher pain threshold.
0:34:25 > 0:34:26Well, they worked out that, typically,
0:34:26 > 0:34:2920% more anaesthetic is needed by a redhead.
0:34:29 > 0:34:32And the way they work this out, researchers administered
0:34:32 > 0:34:34electric shocks to redheads, while giving them
0:34:34 > 0:34:38increasing amounts of painkiller until they stopped feeling pain.
0:34:38 > 0:34:41And the reason is that having red hair is usually
0:34:41 > 0:34:44caused by a mutation on a gene called MC1R.
0:34:44 > 0:34:47And that is also involved in pain modulation.
0:34:47 > 0:34:50And it explains why redheads are twice as likely to avoid
0:34:50 > 0:34:53going to the dentist as the rest of us. Because you feel more pain.
0:34:53 > 0:34:57I don't believe any of this. I don't want to cry in the face of QI,
0:34:57 > 0:34:58but, no, I don't believe it.
0:34:58 > 0:35:01Fair enough. Where do you think the most common red-hair gene
0:35:01 > 0:35:04first appeared in the world? Where does it come from?
0:35:04 > 0:35:06- Scotland.- Ireland.
0:35:06 > 0:35:08HOOTER
0:35:08 > 0:35:10I think...
0:35:11 > 0:35:13It's got to be Scotland.
0:35:13 > 0:35:16- Scandinavia.- No, it isn't - it's Asia, in fact. It's Central Asia.
0:35:16 > 0:35:18- So, 20,000...- What?!- ..or maybe 100,000, years ago.
0:35:18 > 0:35:20It only really took off when it reached the colder,
0:35:20 > 0:35:23darker places, like northern Europe, probably because, and you're going
0:35:23 > 0:35:26to dispute this as well, redheads produce vitamin D more efficiently.
0:35:26 > 0:35:29So, they can make better use of the limited sunlight.
0:35:29 > 0:35:32Oh, I'm sure that's correct.
0:35:32 > 0:35:35But it's very common in various parts of the UK. Why do you think that might be?
0:35:35 > 0:35:37- Surely it's the lack of sun. - Yeah, it's got to be the climate.
0:35:37 > 0:35:39In places like Scotland.
0:35:39 > 0:35:42I mean, look at our Scottish cousins, but their skin isn't just
0:35:42 > 0:35:44sheet-white from the lack of sun, but their hair has turned red,
0:35:44 > 0:35:47as it attempts to start its own fire for warmth.
0:35:49 > 0:35:52LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE
0:35:55 > 0:35:57Is it about people desperately wanting to procreate
0:35:57 > 0:36:01with other ginger people, because we're so deeply attractive?
0:36:01 > 0:36:04STEPHEN ROARS WITH LAUGHTER It's, the fact is...
0:36:05 > 0:36:08- Sorry.- The fact is, it's a recessive gene,
0:36:08 > 0:36:12so it excels in relatively closed communities, I'm afraid.
0:36:12 > 0:36:14- Oh.- It requires a level of inbreeding.
0:36:14 > 0:36:17We're from Dorset and Devon, thank you very much!
0:36:17 > 0:36:20Honestly, it requires a level of in-breeding.
0:36:20 > 0:36:23- That's the truth. - My friend, she's got red hair
0:36:23 > 0:36:27and she went on holiday to the Philippines, and people were
0:36:27 > 0:36:31stopping her in the street to have their photo taken with her.
0:36:31 > 0:36:34- Because they just love...- They just couldn't believe that she existed.
0:36:35 > 0:36:37Like she was a celebrity.
0:36:37 > 0:36:40I was in mainland China for the first time ever, doing gigs,
0:36:40 > 0:36:43and I could not tell you how many people stopped me
0:36:43 > 0:36:45in the street, asking to take a selfie with me, right?
0:36:45 > 0:36:49I mean, it was as though they'd never ever seen a tall person before.
0:36:52 > 0:36:54So, can you imagine if I was ginger as well?
0:36:54 > 0:36:57They'd be carrying me out of the building!
0:36:58 > 0:37:01Obviously I don't speak Mandarin or Cantonese, I'm in a packed lift
0:37:01 > 0:37:03in China, all these people - I'm not even joking -
0:37:03 > 0:37:06the only phrase I could decipher was this...
0:37:06 > 0:37:08"..pube-head."
0:37:11 > 0:37:14You absolutely need to put that on your posters.
0:37:14 > 0:37:16I think that should be...
0:37:17 > 0:37:20Now for the oddly shambolic omnishambles that we call
0:37:20 > 0:37:21General Ignorance.
0:37:21 > 0:37:25Fingers on buzzers, please. What did the Nazis call this?
0:37:25 > 0:37:28- Um...- Aaah...
0:37:29 > 0:37:31Aah. Who's going to go for it?
0:37:31 > 0:37:32Stephen?
0:37:32 > 0:37:33The future.
0:37:33 > 0:37:36LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE
0:37:42 > 0:37:44Not... I'm told they didn't call it a swastika.
0:37:44 > 0:37:46They did not call it the swastika.
0:37:46 > 0:37:49They called it the Hakenkreuz. It's the German for "hooked cross,"
0:37:49 > 0:37:52and in Germany, in fact, it's still referred to, except when discussing
0:37:52 > 0:37:55it in a neo-Nazi context, in which case it's called the swastika.
0:37:55 > 0:37:56But Hitler was mad for it.
0:37:56 > 0:37:59And after his party adopted the swastika, he actually
0:37:59 > 0:38:01changed his signature to S Hitler,
0:38:01 > 0:38:03because the shape of the S mimicked...
0:38:03 > 0:38:06There, you can see there, it mimicked the shape of the swastika.
0:38:06 > 0:38:08- Sadolf.- Yes, Sadolf.
0:38:09 > 0:38:12Sadolf Shitler.
0:38:12 > 0:38:14LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE
0:38:19 > 0:38:23Anyway, who was the last monarch to be crowned
0:38:23 > 0:38:25at the abbey in Westminster?
0:38:26 > 0:38:29Has there been one since the Queen?
0:38:29 > 0:38:32HOOTER
0:38:32 > 0:38:34- That's wrong, then, is it? - So it's not her.- Not her.
0:38:34 > 0:38:36- So it's not her. - Oh, was it Queen Latifah?
0:38:40 > 0:38:43Here's the thing, it's not actually an abbey.
0:38:43 > 0:38:46And that is what makes it a trick question.
0:38:46 > 0:38:47So, Henry VIII is the answer,
0:38:47 > 0:38:49because since his dissolution of the monasteries, it is
0:38:49 > 0:38:53no longer technically an abbey, so if it's not an abbey, it's a...?
0:38:53 > 0:38:56- Church. - It's called a Royal Peculiar.
0:38:56 > 0:38:58- A Royal Peculiar. - It's called a Royal Peculiar.
0:38:58 > 0:39:01So, it's a church subject to the direct jurisdiction of the monarch.
0:39:01 > 0:39:04And although Henry VIII officially did make it a cathedral
0:39:04 > 0:39:08by charter in 1540, it was Elizabeth who made it into a Royal Peculiar.
0:39:08 > 0:39:09And that is what it is today.
0:39:09 > 0:39:12It's the Collegiate Church of St Peter at Westminster.
0:39:12 > 0:39:16Did you know, it's home to the oldest stuffed parrot in the world?
0:39:16 > 0:39:20It was an African Grey that belonged to the Duchess of Richmond.
0:39:20 > 0:39:24It died within days of its owner, in 1702.
0:39:24 > 0:39:27And it was placed on a perch next to a model of the Duchess.
0:39:27 > 0:39:29And they have remained together ever since. But they're in
0:39:29 > 0:39:32- the building's attic.- You don't see that in Madame Tussauds, do you?
0:39:32 > 0:39:34You do not, and you should, frankly.
0:39:34 > 0:39:36There is one person buried in Westminster Abbey standing up.
0:39:36 > 0:39:40- Anybody know who that is?- A William? - No, it's in Poet's Corner.
0:39:40 > 0:39:42Queen Latifah.
0:39:43 > 0:39:45No, it's Ben Johnson.
0:39:45 > 0:39:47He was England's very first Poet Laureate,
0:39:47 > 0:39:49but, despite that, he died very, very poor.
0:39:49 > 0:39:50And you had to be able to buy the space,
0:39:50 > 0:39:52so you needed a six foot long space.
0:39:52 > 0:39:55He didn't have that much money, so he bought a two foot square
0:39:55 > 0:39:57piece of floor space and was buried standing up.
0:39:57 > 0:40:00- They just dropped him in it?- They dropped him in it, yeah, absolutely.
0:40:00 > 0:40:02Headfirst or feet first? Hopefully feet first.
0:40:02 > 0:40:05- I would imagine feet first. - Don't know, he's dead, mate.- Yeah.
0:40:05 > 0:40:07But Henry VIII's dissolution of the monasteries,
0:40:07 > 0:40:09as well as changing the status of Westminster,
0:40:09 > 0:40:12it also meant that we hardly have any physical record of Old English
0:40:12 > 0:40:15left whatsoever, because he destroyed most of the texts.
0:40:15 > 0:40:18All of the surviving Old English poems, including Beowulf,
0:40:18 > 0:40:21could fit in an average cardboard box.
0:40:21 > 0:40:24That's all that we have left, because it was all got rid of.
0:40:24 > 0:40:29Westminster Abbey is not an abbey, peculiarly enough, it's a Peculiar.
0:40:29 > 0:40:32How many species of camel are there?
0:40:33 > 0:40:35Two.
0:40:35 > 0:40:37HOOTER
0:40:40 > 0:40:43- More than that...? - More than that. Yes.
0:40:43 > 0:40:45We used to think it was two, so Carl Linnaeus,
0:40:45 > 0:40:49he named the dromedaries and the domestic Bactrians, back in 1758.
0:40:49 > 0:40:52120 years later, the Russian geographer
0:40:52 > 0:40:55Nikolay Przhevalsky, discovered wild Bactrians.
0:40:55 > 0:40:58So, the truth is that there are actually three of them.
0:40:58 > 0:41:00They used to think wild Bactrians were
0:41:00 > 0:41:03a subspecies of the Bactrians, but we now know from recent DNA analysis
0:41:03 > 0:41:05they're a totally different species.
0:41:05 > 0:41:09- Beautiful, aren't they?- Aren't they stunning? I think they ARE stunning!
0:41:09 > 0:41:13Who was it said a camel is a horse designed by committee?
0:41:14 > 0:41:16Have you been on a camel ride?
0:41:16 > 0:41:17- I have.- It's glorious.
0:41:17 > 0:41:20I have been on a camel ride. It doesn't go well.
0:41:20 > 0:41:22Oh.
0:41:22 > 0:41:25I did a... I did a magic show once, where I was asked
0:41:25 > 0:41:28to "magically" appear on a camel.
0:41:28 > 0:41:30And you know my feelings of beasts like this.
0:41:30 > 0:41:33- Hm. CALLY:- Why did you point at me when you said that?
0:41:34 > 0:41:37Don't, she's very sensitive to pain!
0:41:37 > 0:41:39And it was one of those one-hump ones.
0:41:39 > 0:41:41I'm not sure - what's the big difference
0:41:41 > 0:41:43between the two humps and the one hump?
0:41:43 > 0:41:45- It's the number of humps. - Is that it?
0:41:45 > 0:41:49LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE
0:41:51 > 0:41:54- OK, so I was on the one with the one hump.- Right.
0:41:54 > 0:41:57- And they put this sort of square seat on the hump.- Yeah.
0:41:57 > 0:42:00- I'm like, "How am I going to get on the hump?"- Yeah.
0:42:00 > 0:42:02And I had to have a man... and give me one of those, like...
0:42:02 > 0:42:04- But you get a ladder. - They don't like it.- No.
0:42:04 > 0:42:07- They don't want you on their backs! - And they turn around and look at you
0:42:07 > 0:42:08with their faces, like...
0:42:11 > 0:42:12It's too much.
0:42:12 > 0:42:14There's a couple of them in London Zoo
0:42:14 > 0:42:17and they're great big things, and they look at you with contempt.
0:42:17 > 0:42:20You know, "What, are you back again?" "I'm a member, all right?!
0:42:22 > 0:42:24"I've got a family membership.
0:42:24 > 0:42:27"So, why don't you just, for once, just change your whole attitude?"
0:42:27 > 0:42:29"I don't like you. I don't like you."
0:42:29 > 0:42:31There are three species of camel,
0:42:31 > 0:42:33but sadly, the third doesn't have three humps.
0:42:33 > 0:42:34Which brings us to the scores.
0:42:34 > 0:42:36This week's winner,
0:42:36 > 0:42:38with minus 12, it's Josh.
0:42:38 > 0:42:40APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:42:43 > 0:42:45In second place, with a magnificent debut,
0:42:45 > 0:42:47minus 14, Cally.
0:42:47 > 0:42:49APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:42:53 > 0:42:55Third place, minus 18,
0:42:55 > 0:42:57Stephen. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:42:59 > 0:43:04And, with a truly marvellous minus 69, Alan.
0:43:04 > 0:43:06APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:43:12 > 0:43:15So, Josh takes home this week's objectionable object prize,
0:43:15 > 0:43:18which is this hilarious comedy eyeball.
0:43:18 > 0:43:20There you go, there you go, fantastic.
0:43:20 > 0:43:22APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:43:22 > 0:43:24So, it's thanks to Cally, Josh, Stephen and Alan,
0:43:24 > 0:43:28and I leave you with this advice from La Code Gourmand,
0:43:28 > 0:43:30a book of etiquette written in 1828.
0:43:30 > 0:43:32"When you are seated next to a lady,
0:43:32 > 0:43:34"you should be only polite during the first course.
0:43:34 > 0:43:36"You may be gallant in the second,
0:43:36 > 0:43:38"but you must not be tender till the dessert.
0:43:38 > 0:43:41"When you have the misfortune to sit next to a child,
0:43:41 > 0:43:44"your only plan is to make him drunk as soon as possible."
0:43:44 > 0:43:45Goodnight.
0:43:45 > 0:43:48APPLAUSE AND CHEERING