0:00:23 > 0:00:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Good evening!
0:00:34 > 0:00:36And welcome to QI.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Tonight, we are completely all over the place, a feast of O's,
0:00:41 > 0:00:43with scrambled ovi.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46Your ovations, please, for the overlooked Bill Bailey...
0:00:46 > 0:00:50CHEERING
0:00:52 > 0:00:55..the overexcited Jan Ravens...
0:00:55 > 0:00:58CHEERING
0:00:59 > 0:01:01..the overwhelming Grayson Perry...
0:01:01 > 0:01:04CHEERING
0:01:05 > 0:01:08..and all over the shop, Alan Davies.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10CHEERING
0:01:14 > 0:01:17Let's get their buzzers over with. Bill goes...
0:01:17 > 0:01:21MUSIC: Over and Over by Hot Chip
0:01:21 > 0:01:22Jan goes...
0:01:22 > 0:01:26MUSIC: It's Over by Electric Light Orchestra
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Well, I like that one. That one's good. Grayson goes...
0:01:31 > 0:01:34MUSIC: It's Over by Roy Orbison
0:01:39 > 0:01:41I didn't know how to tell you, Grayson.
0:01:41 > 0:01:42- I just...- Yeah.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44And Alan goes...
0:01:44 > 0:01:46They think it's all over.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48It is now!
0:01:48 > 0:01:50CHEERING
0:01:53 > 0:01:55It's finally one you like.
0:01:55 > 0:01:56Ah, I love that!
0:01:56 > 0:02:00So my first question is about ova, spelled O-V-A.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04You can't learn to ski jump without breaking legs,
0:02:04 > 0:02:07and you can't make an omelette without...
0:02:07 > 0:02:10- BOTH:- Breaking eggs.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13KLAXON Yay! And we're off and running.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16But you're going to show us how you can.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18You can make an omelette without breaking eggs.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21In Japan, it's called a golden egg, as we shall demonstrate.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23What you need to do is...
0:02:23 > 0:02:25- Get a chicken.- An egg.
0:02:25 > 0:02:26It's in a pair of tights.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29It's in a stocking, so I'm going to pass this to you.
0:02:29 > 0:02:33And what you need to do is you need to basically to break the membrane
0:02:33 > 0:02:36that is round the egg yolk. That is called the vitelline membrane.
0:02:36 > 0:02:40It's protein fibres. And what you do is, you spin it like this,
0:02:40 > 0:02:43and you're trying to shake the egg and, actually,
0:02:43 > 0:02:45it's one of the good things, when you let go, it does that.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48I've got a very expensive suit on at this point.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51- Ah, OK. Just spin it gently, would be the thing, yeah.- Yeah.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55I don't think we've ever had anybody
0:02:55 > 0:02:58who's worn expensive clothing on this show before.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02Woohoo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Just a really cheap children's toy, isn't it?
0:03:05 > 0:03:06- Have you broken yours?- Yeah.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12You spin it and you mix up the egg inside the shell...
0:03:12 > 0:03:15- Right.- It's actually quite tough to do.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18- AS SCOTTY FROM STAR TREK:- I cannae make it go any further, Jim!
0:03:18 > 0:03:21And then you boil it, and it will, when you remove the shell,
0:03:21 > 0:03:23it will reveal that it is an omelette.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26It sort of looks like an old bollock, doesn't it?
0:03:26 > 0:03:28I mean, some people would say it's more of a scrambled egg
0:03:28 > 0:03:31than an omelette. But Escoffier's definition -
0:03:31 > 0:03:33"In a few words, what is an omelette?
0:03:33 > 0:03:36"It's really a special type of scrambled egg enclosed in a coating
0:03:36 > 0:03:39"or envelope of coagulated egg, and nothing else."
0:03:39 > 0:03:41So our version ought to qualify.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43That's what a man looks like...
0:03:43 > 0:03:44- It's a bloke, innit?- In tights.
0:03:46 > 0:03:47Actually, we could ask Grayson.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50This is what a man looks like in tights?
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Grayson, I'm so sorry.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54- I'll tell you, if my skirt was any shorter...- Yes.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59Let's have a look at the below-the-desk cam.
0:03:59 > 0:04:00Oh, look.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08- Did you know, that is also possible to un-boil an egg?- Oh, that's...
0:04:08 > 0:04:10No, I did not know that!
0:04:10 > 0:04:13So essentially what you do, and I don't recommend you try this,
0:04:13 > 0:04:16you inject wee really, it's urea, urine,
0:04:16 > 0:04:20into the solid white mass and it will turn it back into liquid.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22So would it then be a raw egg in terms of like the thing that
0:04:22 > 0:04:25a pregnant women wouldn't be allowed to eat, kind of thing?
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Oh, if it's been boiled and then injected with wee and then...
0:04:28 > 0:04:30LAUGHTER
0:04:30 > 0:04:32I think, you know, pregnant or not you wouldn't want to go near it.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34You're on your own there.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36You also need to stir it at high velocity to cause
0:04:36 > 0:04:38the pieces of protein to unknot themselves.
0:04:38 > 0:04:39I mean, it is quite a complex process
0:04:39 > 0:04:41so because we haven't got time to do it,
0:04:41 > 0:04:43here is one that we unboiled earlier.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47- Oh, urine!- There we go.- Ah.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50Actually, can I be completely honest? We cut out the middleman
0:04:50 > 0:04:53on that one. We just didn't boil it in the first place.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Saving money for the licence fee payer.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59I have now managed to get egg...
0:04:59 > 0:05:01- And I have got way more eggs to deal with.- There's a towel there.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03- Oh! Grayson!- Thank you, darling.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06- What? - LAUGHTER
0:05:06 > 0:05:08- Who saw my eggs?- It is all matching!
0:05:09 > 0:05:12You have no idea how many eggs I'm going to bring forth.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16Are you making a cake? Have you got confused about what show you're on?
0:05:16 > 0:05:18- When you break an egg at normal atmospheric pressure...- Yes.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20- And I did there.- As we all do.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22The membranes inside the shell, they'll break at the same time
0:05:22 > 0:05:24so they release the contents in a familiar way.
0:05:24 > 0:05:28- Now, you are a diver, Bill, are you not?- Yes, I am. Scuba-diver, yes.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Yes. If you break an egg underwater, what is going to happen?
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Because the pressure is...
0:05:33 > 0:05:36- Ooh!- Where are you going to put your cooker?- Yeah.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39LAUGHTER
0:05:39 > 0:05:42- Imagine you just wanted to break it and not cook it.- Fish would come.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44- Yeah, the fish... - Fish would come immediately.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Have a look. Have a look because we have some video of this.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48- The external pressure...- Right.
0:05:48 > 0:05:53- ..is actually sufficient to hold the whole package together.- Right.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57And what you'll see is that the contents will remain egg shaped.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00- Oh, that is beautiful!- Cor, look at that!- Is that extraordinary?
0:06:00 > 0:06:02That's amazing.
0:06:02 > 0:06:03I've never done that underwater
0:06:03 > 0:06:07- but now I know, that's one more thing I know not to do.- Yeah.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12This guy is going to burst this egg. Watch this, watch this.
0:06:12 > 0:06:16- Wow!- It's worth doing that, is it not?- It's on my bucket list now.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Who knew there were so many time wasting activities to do with eggs?
0:06:18 > 0:06:21- OK. I have a question for you all. - OK.- Here is a bottle...
0:06:21 > 0:06:24- Right.- ..with an egg in it. How did it get in the bottle?
0:06:24 > 0:06:27It's one of those tricks you read about in old encyclopaedias,
0:06:27 > 0:06:30- isn't it?- Yes.- Yes. - And what do you think it is?
0:06:30 > 0:06:32So you can't plunge that in a pan of boiling water
0:06:32 > 0:06:34and then somehow extricate the shell.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37So if I have another bottle, you can see that the egg...
0:06:37 > 0:06:38Oh, I know how you do it.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41You take all the air out of the bottle and it sucks the egg in.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44So the way you do that is you're going to light...
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Let me show you.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49- She's good, isn't she?- Oh, good.
0:06:49 > 0:06:50Can you light that, darling?
0:06:50 > 0:06:53I've got such sticky fingers with bloody egg white.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56- Do you want me to play some music or something?- Yeah, if you could.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59HE HUMS
0:07:03 > 0:07:04# Brazil... #
0:07:06 > 0:07:09Oh, well, it's doing it.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11It's like trying to get into your jeans, isn't it?
0:07:13 > 0:07:14AUDIENCE: Hey!
0:07:14 > 0:07:17CHEERING
0:07:17 > 0:07:18That's amazing!
0:07:20 > 0:07:22That is what happens when you get
0:07:22 > 0:07:25Eric Pickles and you try and get him out of an aeroplane.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29We've overbooked the flight, you're going to have to...
0:07:29 > 0:07:31Actually, no, you can stay.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33You go up to 30,000 feet and open the door.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37I've got one more trick. So this is a little bit hit and miss.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40- Go on.- But I will do my best. When it works, it's absolutely fantastic.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42What is this?
0:07:42 > 0:07:44- Oh. I have to be more confident... - Can you hit it the other way?
0:07:44 > 0:07:46I've got to... No.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50- No.- Go on.- Does it work?
0:07:50 > 0:07:52AUDIENCE: Yay!
0:07:52 > 0:07:55CHEERING
0:07:57 > 0:07:59OK. Moving from eggs to bacon.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03What did pigs finally manage to do in the 1930s?
0:08:03 > 0:08:05- Uh...- Fly.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07KLAXON
0:08:10 > 0:08:11- No.- No?
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Become self-aware.
0:08:14 > 0:08:15- JAN:- Uncurl their tails.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18Become a metaphor for socialism.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20- Yeah.- According to the OED, pigs
0:08:20 > 0:08:25oinked for the first time in 1933.
0:08:25 > 0:08:26Before that, they just grunted.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29Well, a few... Yeah, exactly. JAN GRUNTS
0:08:29 > 0:08:31A few went... You do all kinds of impressions.
0:08:31 > 0:08:32I do. I do animals, everything, yeah.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35But it doesn't actually sound like "oink", that, does it?
0:08:35 > 0:08:37No, there's... There are other things.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39"Rout", they went, apparently, in 1650.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41One went "wick" in the 18th century.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43But the practice of oinking is an American practice.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46The Washington Post, 6th June 1933,
0:08:46 > 0:08:49mentions a small white pig oinking
0:08:49 > 0:08:51its disapproval of the effete city folks.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54So they didn't oink until the Washington Post decided that
0:08:54 > 0:08:56was the thing that they had to do. Oink.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58- Right.- In Denmark, they say "oof-oof".
0:08:58 > 0:09:01French swine go "groin-groin," apparently.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04- That's more like it.- I wonder if that affects how we view the animal,
0:09:04 > 0:09:06because "oof-oof" sounds quite positive,
0:09:06 > 0:09:09even though, you know, in Denmark, they probably kill more pigs
0:09:09 > 0:09:11per capita than in any other country in the world.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13And we have no problem with that.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16They take real pleasure in it, Grayson,
0:09:16 > 0:09:18- that's the tragedy about it. - I've got nothing against that.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21You know, I think in many ways we should have videos
0:09:21 > 0:09:24of animals being killed in all restaurants that serve meat.
0:09:24 > 0:09:25Yes, constantly on a loop.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28Have you seen that film by Simon Amstel called Carnage?
0:09:28 > 0:09:30It's a vegan propaganda film but it's very funny,
0:09:30 > 0:09:33where they anthropomorphise the animals so that they speak.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36And the voice that they chose was Joanna Lumley.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39LAUGHTER
0:09:39 > 0:09:41- AS JOANNA LUMLEY:- Please, don't, it would be so lovely...
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Perfectly sweet, what a perfectly sweet little calf.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Please don't take it away. You know? It's lovely.
0:09:46 > 0:09:47Oh, look, this is fascinating,
0:09:47 > 0:09:48I'm longing to have a little calf with me.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51You know, it is just so sweet these little pigs with
0:09:51 > 0:09:53- the Joanna Lumley voice.- BILL:- You wouldn't eat them, would you?
0:09:53 > 0:09:56But if it was Ray Winstone and it was going, "Come on, have a go!"
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Yeah, yeah.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00That is what I was kind of try to say really.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02If the pig is saying something like...
0:10:02 > 0:10:04GRUNTS AGRESSIVELY
0:10:04 > 0:10:05..you're more likely to give it the chop,
0:10:05 > 0:10:07- but if it's going, "Ooh, ooh."- That's true.
0:10:07 > 0:10:13- Do any of them say, "Pooh, I just wanted to be sure of you."- Yes.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Aw!
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Now eat a bacon sandwich.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19LAUGHTER
0:10:19 > 0:10:21I'd still have no problem.
0:10:21 > 0:10:25Yeah, yeah, still fine. The minute I smell that bacon, I'm on it.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28The very first pig to fly in fact
0:10:28 > 0:10:30came 24 years before the onset of oinking.
0:10:30 > 0:10:324th of November 1909,
0:10:32 > 0:10:36an English aviation pioneer called JTC Moore-Brabazon,
0:10:36 > 0:10:38he thought for a laugh he would
0:10:38 > 0:10:41attach a wastepaper basket to a biplane,
0:10:41 > 0:10:44and he took it on a 3.5-mile flight over the Kent countryside.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47And he had to wait 100 years for YouTube to be invented.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51Yes, I know. He went on to be the Minister of Transport,
0:10:51 > 0:10:53but he clearly liked a bit of a flight.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55"When pigs fly" is known as an adynaton.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58It's a figure of speech in the form of hyperbole,
0:10:58 > 0:11:00and they have wonderful examples in other countries.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03The middle one is France - "when hens grow teeth."
0:11:03 > 0:11:05- Yes.- The one on the right is Hebrew -
0:11:05 > 0:11:08"when hair grows on the palm of my hand."
0:11:08 > 0:11:10My favourite is the Russian one -
0:11:10 > 0:11:13"when the crawfish whistles on the mountain."
0:11:15 > 0:11:18And we say "when the Lib Dems reform."
0:11:23 > 0:11:27Now, what makes the FBI say OMG?
0:11:27 > 0:11:30- AS HILLARY CLINTON:- Hillary Clinton's e-mails, perhaps?
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Is it Hillary?
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Pointing and waving.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38Everywhere she goes. Oh, my God.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44- She does do that! Waving and pointing. It's...- Yeah.
0:11:48 > 0:11:49You never see who she is pointing...
0:11:49 > 0:11:53It'd be quite good to have cutaways of people just going, "What?"
0:12:02 > 0:12:04- So, come on. FBI.- OMG.
0:12:04 > 0:12:09Well, it's not going to be, "Oh, my God," is it?
0:12:09 > 0:12:10So it's got to be something else.
0:12:10 > 0:12:11It's to do with outlaws.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13- Outlaw, ooh.- Outlaw?
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Moving gradually.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Moving fast, it would be, in fact. It's outlaw motorcycle gangs.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22- Oh!- They're known as OMGs to law enforcement.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24- We got a OMG!- Hell's Angels. - Hell's Angels indeed.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27- Oh, fab.- And do you know the term one-percenter? Do you know...?
0:12:27 > 0:12:28They're the people with all the money.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Yeah, so the Occupy movement and so on,
0:12:30 > 0:12:32they talk about the top 1% who control the wealth.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Because, you know, I've had motorcycles all my life,
0:12:35 > 0:12:36and that used to be a badge I quite
0:12:36 > 0:12:39often saw on those collections on denim waistcoats that people had...
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Yeah, so what it was was that full badge members
0:12:42 > 0:12:44wear the 1% to show their outsider status because there was
0:12:44 > 0:12:47a claim by the American Motorcycle Association
0:12:47 > 0:12:50that 99% of their members were God-fearing and family orientated.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52And so the 1% wanted to make damn sure that everybody knew
0:12:52 > 0:12:55that they were the bad guys and they were not God-fearing.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58It's very hard nowadays cos they look like hipsters, don't they?
0:12:58 > 0:12:59Basically. Beards, tattoos...
0:12:59 > 0:13:03- It doesn't look quite so scary, does it?- No, not nowadays.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05OK, while we're on the subject of Hell's Angels,
0:13:05 > 0:13:06we're now going to play...
0:13:09 > 0:13:11- What a game!- Can you pick that board up there, darling?
0:13:11 > 0:13:13- Certainly.- So what I want you to do...
0:13:13 > 0:13:15We have written on it for you, Alan,
0:13:15 > 0:13:17- "Hells Angels."- "Hells Angels."
0:13:17 > 0:13:19I want you to put the apostrophe in the correct place.
0:13:19 > 0:13:23OK. Is it going to be angels belonging to Hell?
0:13:23 > 0:13:25- That's it, isn't it? No? - KLAXON
0:13:25 > 0:13:27- No.- Oh, you flippin'...
0:13:27 > 0:13:28It was bound to happen, wasn't it?
0:13:28 > 0:13:30- I hadn't even done it.- I know.
0:13:30 > 0:13:31You were so keen.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34After the S, up there, then?
0:13:34 > 0:13:35Try that. Yeah, go on.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Go, go for it.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42KLAXON
0:13:47 > 0:13:49- No, it's a trick. There isn't one.- There isn't one?
0:13:49 > 0:13:52- There isn't one. They don't want one.- Oh, they don't want one!
0:13:52 > 0:13:54No, and who's going to argue with them, frankly?
0:13:54 > 0:13:55- I've gone off them.- Until recently,
0:13:55 > 0:13:58they had a note in the FAQs of their official website.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01"Should the Hells in Hells Angels have an apostrophe
0:14:01 > 0:14:06"and be Hell's Angels? That would be true if there were only one hell,
0:14:06 > 0:14:07"but life and history has taught us
0:14:07 > 0:14:09"that there are many versions and forms of hell."
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Then people still carried on criticising them and saying it
0:14:11 > 0:14:14should be Hells' - with an apostrophe after the S.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16And so it's since been amended, and it now says,
0:14:16 > 0:14:18"Missing apostrophe in Hells Angels - yes,
0:14:18 > 0:14:21"we know that there is an apostrophe missing, but it is you who miss it.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23"We don't."
0:14:24 > 0:14:26You know, that's the kind of
0:14:26 > 0:14:28punctuation-based rebellion that we need!
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Every time I put on my leather jacket, I think,
0:14:30 > 0:14:33"Yeah, to hell with punctuation!"
0:14:33 > 0:14:37Sticking it to the man, one apostrophe at a time.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41Yeah! Us and the market stall traders.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44- Setting a poor grammatical example, that's the way we roll.- Yeah.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Hell's Angels, founded in 1948,
0:14:46 > 0:14:48some of the gangs that amalgamated together,
0:14:48 > 0:14:52one of them was called the Pissed Off Bastards of Bloomington.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Maybe too difficult to get on a jacket.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57- That's a lot of studs. - I think that's really good.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Anybody know where the name Hell's Angels comes from?
0:15:00 > 0:15:03- The origin?- Is it Paradise Lost or something?
0:15:03 > 0:15:05It's a film, actually, by Howard Hughes.
0:15:05 > 0:15:09- Apostrophe, apostrophe! - Apostrophe!- Apostrophe!
0:15:09 > 0:15:11So the American air squadrons in World War II,
0:15:11 > 0:15:14which is probably where the motorcycle gangs got it from,
0:15:14 > 0:15:17- but the pilots got it from the Howard Hughes film.- Oh, right.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19- Jean Harlow.- Jean Harlow, I know.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22Harlow new town was named after her.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24- Is that true?- No. No, it's not, it can't be.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Bluff! Oh, that's a different show.
0:15:28 > 0:15:32- It's like Essex was named after Joey Essex.- Yes.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34- I met him once! - Do you know what he said?
0:15:34 > 0:15:36He was going round the Houses Of Parliament and he said,
0:15:36 > 0:15:37"Does the King live here?" That's what he said.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40"Does the King live here?"
0:15:40 > 0:15:44"No, no, no, the royalty don't live there, and anyway there's a Queen."
0:15:44 > 0:15:46And he goes, "Oh, I don't know anything about history."
0:15:46 > 0:15:48LAUGHTER
0:15:48 > 0:15:52- No, no, or the present. Clearly! - Anything at all.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Hell's Angels are fierce in the defence of their trademark.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58They've sued Disney and Toys R Us and so on.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01You can't wear... Back patches in general are frowned upon.
0:16:01 > 0:16:02If you're a motorcycle dude,
0:16:02 > 0:16:05if you're wearing a back patch and it's not an official registered one,
0:16:05 > 0:16:07- you can get into trouble. - Can you?- Yeah.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11When I was young, the Coggeshall Bastards were the local one.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13And they were so tough that they
0:16:13 > 0:16:17eschewed the leather jacket because they thought that was a bit effete.
0:16:17 > 0:16:21- Oh.- So they wore pac-a-macs and Wellingtons on their bikes.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23That was the myth, they were so hard they didn't...
0:16:23 > 0:16:26- Their skin didn't need leather protection.- Nah.
0:16:26 > 0:16:31I love the idea of the sound of a pac-a-mac rustling in the wind.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33You can get good slogans.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35I was at the motorcycle show once and there was a T-shirt and it said
0:16:35 > 0:16:38on the back, "If you can read this, the bitch fell off."
0:16:44 > 0:16:47I'm starting a motorcycle gang called The Fourth Wave Feminists.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50Yeah! That's the way to go!
0:16:50 > 0:16:51Anyway, moving on.
0:16:51 > 0:16:55Can you name a female outlaw?
0:16:55 > 0:16:57Well, not Jesse James.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59- No.- Bonnie out of Bonnie and Clyde.
0:16:59 > 0:17:00KLAXON
0:17:02 > 0:17:05Strictly streaking, there is no such thing
0:17:05 > 0:17:07as a female outlaw in British law.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Outlawry is when an individual
0:17:09 > 0:17:11was placed outside the protection of the law,
0:17:11 > 0:17:14and females denied protection of the law were called something else.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16They were called waived women.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18Isn't that awful?
0:17:18 > 0:17:20So their right to any protection was said to be waived,
0:17:20 > 0:17:22so left out or not regarded.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26Can you name a male outlaw of the Wild West?
0:17:26 > 0:17:27- Of the Wild West? Oof.- Yeah.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29Billy the whatsit.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31- Billy the whatsit?- Billy the Kid?
0:17:31 > 0:17:33KLAXON
0:17:35 > 0:17:37- The Sundance Kid? - Yeah, what's her name?
0:17:37 > 0:17:39KLAXON
0:17:43 > 0:17:46- Butch Cassidy. - KLAXON
0:17:46 > 0:17:47We can go on and on. Uh, so, again,
0:17:47 > 0:17:50there were no outlaws as such in the old West. Male or female.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54- Oh, you amaze me. - So in the original meaning,
0:17:54 > 0:17:57you didn't have to commit a crime in order to be an outlaw.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00ALAN HUMS DRAMATICALLY
0:18:00 > 0:18:02Yeah, that's a fantastic film, isn't it?
0:18:04 > 0:18:06So these were... So none of them were outlaws.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09In order to be an outlaw, you had to be set outside...
0:18:09 > 0:18:11ALAN HUMS
0:18:11 > 0:18:13Are you trying to hum the theme tune to The Magnificent Seven?
0:18:13 > 0:18:16- Yeah.- Yes.- That's not the theme tune to The Magnificent Seven.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18# Dun-da-dun-da-dun! Da-da-da-da-da-da! #
0:18:18 > 0:18:21- No, that's Bonanza. - Oh, that's Bonanza!
0:18:22 > 0:18:25- Oh, I liked Bonanza. - I thought Bonanza was...
0:18:25 > 0:18:27# Da, da-da-la, da-da-la, Bonanza! #
0:18:27 > 0:18:30Yeah, yeah, I think that was right. I think we need...
0:18:30 > 0:18:32I demand that...
0:18:32 > 0:18:35- That's the Muppets! - Someone Google it.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Does anybody know the bloody theme tune?
0:18:38 > 0:18:41BILL HUMS: The Magnificent Seven Theme
0:18:41 > 0:18:45BOTH HUM
0:18:45 > 0:18:46Come on, everyone!
0:18:49 > 0:18:50Everybody, join in!
0:18:52 > 0:18:54AUDIENCE HUMS
0:19:05 > 0:19:08- CHEERING - It's not that. It's not that!
0:19:10 > 0:19:11High Chaparral!
0:19:11 > 0:19:15You all join in with High Chaparral, what's wrong with you?
0:19:15 > 0:19:17I'm going to Google it.
0:19:18 > 0:19:23- Seriously?- It'll take a while. My phone takes 15 minutes to turn on.
0:19:24 > 0:19:25Oh, I know the feeling. Erm...
0:19:28 > 0:19:31APPLAUSE
0:19:31 > 0:19:34So, an outlaw is mearly somebody who's been put outside the law,
0:19:34 > 0:19:35so denied its protection.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39So, Robin Hood of legend became a robber
0:19:39 > 0:19:41because he had been declared an outlaw by the King.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44He wasn't an outlaw because he was a robber.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47So that meant that he could have been subjected to mob justice
0:19:47 > 0:19:50and nobody would have cared. So in that sense Jesse James
0:19:50 > 0:19:53and all those other outlaws of the Wild West aren't outlaws at all,
0:19:53 > 0:19:55because if you see a wanted dead or alive poster
0:19:55 > 0:19:57that suggests people are still interested.
0:19:57 > 0:20:01- Do you like that, Grayson? - I've always wanted to be an outlaw.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03- Have you?- No.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05I think that people who sort of put great store in
0:20:05 > 0:20:08the rebellious pose are misguided.
0:20:08 > 0:20:09I think the counterculture
0:20:09 > 0:20:13is basically the R&D Department for capitalism.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Yes. Discuss.
0:20:19 > 0:20:23In England, an outlaw was said to have caput lupinum,
0:20:23 > 0:20:26so a wolf's head because he might be put to death by any man,
0:20:26 > 0:20:30as a wolf, that hateful beast, might. History's most famous outlaw?
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Probably Napoleon.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Outlawed in March, 1815, by the Congress of Vienna,
0:20:34 > 0:20:37when he had escaped exile and was marching on Paris.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40In the weeks before Waterloo, he became an outlaw.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42And we still talk about outlaws.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46Every time the Queen's Speech happens the House of Commons then
0:20:46 > 0:20:50returns to its own chamber to debate not the content of the speech
0:20:50 > 0:20:53but the Outlawries Bill, and it's still the thing they talk about
0:20:53 > 0:20:55even though it is not really a proper bill
0:20:55 > 0:20:57and it is just to say we can talk about what we like,
0:20:57 > 0:20:59we don't have to pay any attention to the Queen.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01- AS THE QUEEN:- What? You mean you don't pay any attention
0:21:01 > 0:21:03- to what I am saying?- No. - How perfectly ghastly.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05I've been doing it all these bloody years,
0:21:05 > 0:21:09putting this very heavy crown on, nobody's bloody listing.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12- Does this happen? Is this still law? - It is still the law.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14The idea was that they wanted to stop what they called
0:21:14 > 0:21:17clandestinely outlawries, which is declaring somebody an outlaw
0:21:17 > 0:21:18without giving them a chance
0:21:18 > 0:21:20to say, "Hang on a minute, that's not quite right."
0:21:20 > 0:21:23So back over to O-V-A, ova now.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26What is the secret ingredient
0:21:26 > 0:21:28of virgin boy eggs?
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Oh....
0:21:31 > 0:21:35- Yeah, it's... Oh, I promise you, it's...- Acne.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37Like, taking it out with a syringe and sticking it in the egg?
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Boy eggs. A pustule.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Done like a Walnut Whip.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43GROANING
0:21:43 > 0:21:46You see, I thought what I've got on the card is disgusting,
0:21:46 > 0:21:49but it's possible you've topped it. I think that...
0:21:49 > 0:21:52I think you can reverse acne by injecting wee into it.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56- Well, stay with the wee. - Oh, all right.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Stay with the wee. It's a Chinese dish called tongzidan.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02- What?- And it is literally virgin boy eggs.
0:22:02 > 0:22:07They prepared by boiling hens' eggs in the urine of young boys.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09- Ugh!- Now, come on,
0:22:09 > 0:22:11it's a springtime delicacy
0:22:11 > 0:22:13in the city of Dongyang in Zhejiang province.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14- You're making this up now.- No, no.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17So they soak them in the urine and then they bring them to the boil,
0:22:17 > 0:22:20and then they're simmered for a day with fresh urine, a few herbs,
0:22:20 > 0:22:24and at the end of the process, they apparently look like that.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26The urine is from boys under the age of ten,
0:22:26 > 0:22:30and what they do is they collect it in a bucket in primary schools.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32And each of the eggs are sold at...
0:22:32 > 0:22:35It's about 20p apiece.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38According to one Dongyang resident, they taste a bit like urine,
0:22:38 > 0:22:39but not too much.
0:22:44 > 0:22:48- It's like goats' milk tastes a bit of wee, doesn't it?- Do you think?
0:22:48 > 0:22:51- Well, it has that sort of... - It will from now on.- Yes.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Well, if you wanted to wash your virgin boy eggs down,
0:22:55 > 0:22:58the best thing to do is baby mice wine.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00This is available in the Canton region of China.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02I'm afraid it does contain baby mice.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06Travellers who have tried it say tastes a bit like petrol.
0:23:06 > 0:23:07What could be nicer?
0:23:09 > 0:23:12There are people who do drink their own urine for medical benefit,
0:23:12 > 0:23:13- don't they?- There are, yes.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15That is a horrible picture.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21Apparently it tastes slightly sweet, bit salty. A bit like a margarita,
0:23:21 > 0:23:22- I imagine.- Yes.- And...
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Does he normally have it in one of those glasses?
0:23:24 > 0:23:26With salt round the rim.
0:23:26 > 0:23:30Oh, no! Oh, no, no, no.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33You're saying salt round the rim, and then...
0:23:36 > 0:23:38- Tastes a bit like urine, not too much.- Not too much.
0:23:38 > 0:23:42There was a Mexican boxing champion called Juan Manuel Marquez,
0:23:42 > 0:23:46and he rather famously showcased the practice of drinking his own urine
0:23:46 > 0:23:49ahead of a fight in 2009, with Floyd Mayweather Jr.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51But he lost.
0:23:51 > 0:23:55Not a disgrace. Everyone loses to Floyd Mayweather Jr.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57I don't think it would do you any harm
0:23:57 > 0:23:59because, fundamentally, the toxins leave your body through the faeces,
0:23:59 > 0:24:02- so...- Can only do you harm if it's off.
0:24:02 > 0:24:06- Yes.- You've got to have it fresh and warm.
0:24:06 > 0:24:07But if you drank some, and then you
0:24:07 > 0:24:09urinated it out and then drink that,
0:24:09 > 0:24:11and then urinated that out and kept on going...
0:24:11 > 0:24:14- Yeah, you probably...- ..how many sort of goes before you...
0:24:14 > 0:24:16Before it's completely nothing at all?
0:24:16 > 0:24:19Before it's just a cube coming out, I guess.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Urine stock cube to use in your...
0:24:24 > 0:24:27You go to the Chinese supermarket for a small boys' wee cube.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29"You got any, uh..."
0:24:29 > 0:24:30"I haven't got a bucket of boys' wee..."
0:24:30 > 0:24:33"I haven't got time to go to the primary school.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35"Can you give me some urine stock cubes?"
0:24:35 > 0:24:38I spent time with the Mundari people of South Sudan,
0:24:38 > 0:24:40and they used the urine of their
0:24:40 > 0:24:42incredibly prized cattle to dye their
0:24:42 > 0:24:46naturally black hair orange, so during the morning ablutions -
0:24:46 > 0:24:48that's what's happening there - the men lower their heads into
0:24:48 > 0:24:50the urine stream of a tethered cow, and they use the ash -
0:24:50 > 0:24:52you can see his body is white there -
0:24:52 > 0:24:54from burned cow dung smeared all over the face and body,
0:24:54 > 0:24:56but it acts as a natural antiseptic and it stops mosquitoes.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59- It's a mosquito repellent. - If he stays there too long,
0:24:59 > 0:25:00he'll get a pat on the head.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05GROANING, SOME APPLAUSE
0:25:05 > 0:25:08Wow. Oh, now, now, the audience are rebelling again.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Some are going, "No, that was good."
0:25:12 > 0:25:16- "No, no." "Yeah!" "No."- Don't encourage him. Don't encourage him.
0:25:18 > 0:25:22The secret ingredient of virgin boy eggs comes from virgin boys.
0:25:22 > 0:25:26For whom was it all over because of its ova?
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Was it Edwina Currie?
0:25:28 > 0:25:31Oh. Did she not have some egg...
0:25:31 > 0:25:33- AS CURRIE:- She had an egg-based scandal, didn't she, Edwina?
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Yes, she's actually morphed into
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Hyacinth Bouquet as I sit here, but...
0:25:39 > 0:25:42She is from the same neck of the woods.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45- Didn't she have an affair with John Major?- She did, yes.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47They said you could tell by the CURRIE stains on his underpants.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49GROANING Hey!
0:25:51 > 0:25:53Oh, now, you miss the pat on the head joke now!
0:25:56 > 0:25:58Sorry, I just got a call here.
0:25:58 > 0:26:001982 want their jokes back.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07OK, for whom was it all over because of its ova?
0:26:07 > 0:26:09We are in a Bill Bailey area of information.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11A bird. It'll be a bird, Bill.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13- A bird?- Yes.- Was it stealing eggs, was it?
0:26:13 > 0:26:16Well, yes, I suppose, there's a bit of stealing involved.
0:26:16 > 0:26:17Let me show you.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19- So I've got...- Oh, my Lord!
0:26:19 > 0:26:20..some eggs here.
0:26:20 > 0:26:23- Oh.- So this one is an ostrich egg.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25- Isn't that amazing?- Yes.
0:26:25 > 0:26:30- Wow.- This is roughly the size of the egg that I am talking about.
0:26:30 > 0:26:31Now, you can't have a real one
0:26:31 > 0:26:33because they're worth an absolute fortune.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35- So this is...- Is this a prehistoric egg of some kind?
0:26:35 > 0:26:37It is the elephant bird.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39- The elephant bird. - The elephant bird.
0:26:39 > 0:26:40And this is a Heston Blumenthal
0:26:40 > 0:26:42chocolate egg that is roughly the same...
0:26:42 > 0:26:44- Wow.- I know. And it's got something in it.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46I don't know if we should open it and have a look.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Does anybody want to...?
0:26:48 > 0:26:51- Oh, please, go on.- So what happened is, humans stole the eggs for food,
0:26:51 > 0:26:53- Bill.- Yes.
0:26:55 > 0:26:56Whoa!
0:26:57 > 0:26:59- Wow.- Do you know about the elephant bird?
0:26:59 > 0:27:00They were around until the 17th century.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03They were flightless, they were about 10ft tall.
0:27:03 > 0:27:04- Oh, right.- They weighed about half a ton,
0:27:04 > 0:27:06and they lived on the island of Madagascar.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09They had a ferocious kick, so you wouldn't have been able to
0:27:09 > 0:27:11get near them, human beings. I mean, imagine such a big bird.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14But the eggs of the elephant bird were 100 times the size of a
0:27:14 > 0:27:17chicken's egg, so it could have fed a family for several days.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19So you couldn't attack the bird to eat it,
0:27:19 > 0:27:21but you could probably get hold of the eggs,
0:27:21 > 0:27:24and so many eggs were taken that eventually the bird became entirely
0:27:24 > 0:27:27extinct. And we still find fragments of the shell of the elephant bird
0:27:27 > 0:27:29near where we know human beings lit fires.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32David Attenborough, didn't he reassemble one?
0:27:32 > 0:27:34From pieces he found on the beach?
0:27:34 > 0:27:36Yes, he did, because they're incredibly valuable.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39The last one that was sold at Christie's, which was in 2013,
0:27:39 > 0:27:41sold for £66,000.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44And also, when they are found now, the Malagasy government claims them,
0:27:44 > 0:27:47and so any ones in private ownership or in museums or whatever are
0:27:47 > 0:27:49incredibly rare. So that's why we've got the chocolate one.
0:27:49 > 0:27:53- Yes.- What a shame it died out, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55Easter eggs, anybody know who thought of Easter eggs?
0:27:55 > 0:27:57How long have we been colouring Easter eggs for?
0:27:57 > 0:27:59- What, chocolate ones or real eggs? - Well, either.
0:27:59 > 0:28:03It's a really old form of art, people deciding to colour eggs.
0:28:03 > 0:28:07We have accounts from Edward I, so the accounts from 1307.
0:28:07 > 0:28:11There's an entry for 18p for 450 eggs to be boiled and dyed
0:28:11 > 0:28:14or covered in gold leaf and distributed the Royal household,
0:28:14 > 0:28:16so a really long time back.
0:28:16 > 0:28:17The chocolate ones are a German invention,
0:28:17 > 0:28:19they start in the 19th century.
0:28:19 > 0:28:22There was a bit of a hoo-ha about them this Easter, wasn't there?
0:28:22 > 0:28:25- Didn't Theresa May get involved in it?- Oh...- The National Trust.
0:28:25 > 0:28:28- It was the National Trust. - They started saying...
0:28:28 > 0:28:31- They left the word Easter off Easter eggs.- Yes.
0:28:31 > 0:28:33And she got very... You know, because she's the vicar's daughter.
0:28:33 > 0:28:35Yes, and a National Trust member.
0:28:35 > 0:28:38You know she goes on all of those walking holidays, you know,
0:28:38 > 0:28:40and I'm going to get up for a minute.
0:28:40 > 0:28:42She has got a very funny walk, Theresa May
0:28:42 > 0:28:45cos she kind of walks like she's carrying a drip trolley.
0:28:48 > 0:28:52That's why she goes on those holidays
0:28:52 > 0:28:54cos she has to take those sticks with her.
0:28:54 > 0:28:56She wields those sticks
0:28:56 > 0:28:59and it's like she has been sent into a minefield to clear it.
0:29:02 > 0:29:05You understand how all this is going to play on Dave in ten years' time?
0:29:07 > 0:29:10- BILL IN RUSSIAN ACCENT: - When we are ruled by Russia.
0:29:12 > 0:29:15Hello. Welcome to QI.
0:29:18 > 0:29:21APPLAUSE
0:29:23 > 0:29:26Here is egg. Ha-ha-ha.
0:29:31 > 0:29:33Some facts about urine...
0:29:36 > 0:29:38The elephant bird went extinct
0:29:38 > 0:29:41because humans went to work on its eggs.
0:29:41 > 0:29:44There's been a report of a cyber attack at a power plant.
0:29:44 > 0:29:48- Who's the most likely to be behind it?- This Russian.
0:29:48 > 0:29:50KLAXON
0:29:55 > 0:29:57Yes, it was me.
0:29:58 > 0:30:00Hands up, it was me.
0:30:01 > 0:30:04It is most likely to be squirrels.
0:30:04 > 0:30:06- Oh, yes.- Oh, I was going to say that.- Yes.
0:30:06 > 0:30:11So there is a security researcher called Chris "Space Rogue" Thomas...
0:30:11 > 0:30:13Go, Chris, with the name.
0:30:13 > 0:30:16..and he's set up a spreadsheet of this measure of every time
0:30:16 > 0:30:19there has been a cyber attack on a power station anywhere in the world.
0:30:19 > 0:30:21There's been more than 1,000 since he started.
0:30:21 > 0:30:26The vast majority are false alarms but there have been 876 successful
0:30:26 > 0:30:30attacks against the infrastructure of a power station by squirrels.
0:30:31 > 0:30:33Russia has been blamed in recent years for two attacks
0:30:33 > 0:30:36on the Ukraine, and everybody's assumed that Russian hackers
0:30:36 > 0:30:38were behind these attacks but they have in fact been
0:30:38 > 0:30:40successfully attacked more frequently by frogs.
0:30:42 > 0:30:44So that is an example of Occam's Razor.
0:30:44 > 0:30:47- Does anyone know what Occam's Razor is?- Yes.
0:30:47 > 0:30:50Occam is kind of the more likely explanation is probably
0:30:50 > 0:30:53the one that it is, rather than looking for some conspiracy theory.
0:30:53 > 0:30:55- Exactly that. Don't overcomplicate. - Don't overthink it.
0:30:55 > 0:30:58Don't overthink it, so Occam is one of the major thinkers
0:30:58 > 0:31:00actually of medieval thought.
0:31:00 > 0:31:0214th-century philosopher friar, William of Occam in Surrey.
0:31:02 > 0:31:05But the principle itself goes back much further to Aristotle and so on.
0:31:05 > 0:31:07- It is.- It is known as...
0:31:07 > 0:31:09- It is a lovely present for the man who has everything.- Yes.
0:31:09 > 0:31:13- Got you an Occam's Razor. - A full range of men's toiletries.
0:31:13 > 0:31:14Occam's...
0:31:14 > 0:31:19- Occam's aftershave balm. - Occam's beard oil.
0:31:20 > 0:31:23Yes, I never go anywhere without my Occam's beard oil.
0:31:23 > 0:31:25So lateral thinking puzzles. OK, so here's one.
0:31:25 > 0:31:28A man goes to a restaurant and orders albatross soup,
0:31:28 > 0:31:31takes one mouthful and then rushes out and kills himself?
0:31:31 > 0:31:33You get in lateral thinking puzzles a lot of people
0:31:33 > 0:31:35who kill themselves. So what has happened here?
0:31:35 > 0:31:40I know this one. He's lost at sea and he's with his other sailors.
0:31:40 > 0:31:42- Yeah.- They're saying to him,
0:31:42 > 0:31:44"Oh, we have got some food, it's albatross."
0:31:44 > 0:31:47So he eats and he thinks, mmm, you know.
0:31:47 > 0:31:50And the first thing he does when he gets to land, he says,
0:31:50 > 0:31:52can I have albatross soup?
0:31:52 > 0:31:55And he eats and it doesn't taste like what he had on the boat
0:31:55 > 0:31:58and that's when he knew he was eating human flesh.
0:31:58 > 0:32:00Dun-dun-duuun!
0:32:00 > 0:32:02So that is the really complicated answer.
0:32:02 > 0:32:04Much more likely...
0:32:04 > 0:32:06A man is on his way to kill himself
0:32:06 > 0:32:09and he happens past a restaurant which is serving albatross soup
0:32:09 > 0:32:12and he thinks, "I might as well try it," he does like it because,
0:32:12 > 0:32:13you know, it's albatross soup,
0:32:13 > 0:32:15he has one mouthful and goes and kills himself.
0:32:17 > 0:32:20- Yeah, that's not funny though. - Is not that likely though, is it?
0:32:20 > 0:32:23This Occam's Razor is a real party killer, isn't it?
0:32:25 > 0:32:27Bit of a killjoy, isn't it?
0:32:27 > 0:32:29"Is it a magical thing, Occam?" "No."
0:32:31 > 0:32:35- "Was a Russian conspiracy theory?" "No."- "It was a squirrel."- Squirrel.
0:32:35 > 0:32:37"Good night, sleep tight."
0:32:37 > 0:32:40"Oh, Uncle Occam, you're such a boring story teller."
0:32:40 > 0:32:43- But clean-shaven.- Very clean-shaven.
0:32:43 > 0:32:46According to Occam's Razor the simplest explanation
0:32:46 > 0:32:48is likely to be the most likely.
0:32:48 > 0:32:50Now, here's a simple question.
0:32:50 > 0:32:53Who spends all day fossicking in the mullock?
0:32:53 > 0:32:57- Yes, Alan?- I do.- You do?
0:32:57 > 0:33:00I feel like I'm doing that right now, after I've eaten that egg.
0:33:00 > 0:33:03It sounds like you are sort of looking in the washing basket for a
0:33:03 > 0:33:06clean pair of pants, the cleanest pair of pants, doesn't it?
0:33:06 > 0:33:08Well, you are looking... You are looking through dirt.
0:33:08 > 0:33:10Is it between tides?
0:33:10 > 0:33:11- Scavenging and...- Scavenging.
0:33:11 > 0:33:13- Beachcombing.- Beachcombing, yes.
0:33:13 > 0:33:15So "fossick" is possibly from the Cornish meaning "to search out",
0:33:15 > 0:33:19and "mullock" is Middle English for "dust" or "rubbish".
0:33:19 > 0:33:21It's the business of grubbing around,
0:33:21 > 0:33:22that's the fossicking, in the spoil,
0:33:22 > 0:33:27the mullock, of numerous mounds left by opal miners around Coober Pedy.
0:33:27 > 0:33:29- Coober Pedy!- They call it "noodling."
0:33:29 > 0:33:32It's a small town in the vast desert outback of South Australia.
0:33:32 > 0:33:35- Yes.- Have you been there?- I've been there.- And they have underground
0:33:35 > 0:33:37- hotels...- Did you fossick? - I did fossick briefly, yes,
0:33:37 > 0:33:38in the minibar.
0:33:43 > 0:33:45What is this, the "what" capital of the world?
0:33:45 > 0:33:47- The opal capital of the world. - The opal capital of the world.
0:33:47 > 0:33:49Provides about three-quarters of the world's opals.
0:33:49 > 0:33:53Better known as Vauxhall, in this country.
0:33:53 > 0:33:57It gets so hot in the summer, they have to live underground.
0:33:57 > 0:34:00And I met a bloke there who went there when he was 20,
0:34:00 > 0:34:02and he was digging around... Just... You can...
0:34:02 > 0:34:05- Noodling.- Noodling away. Noodling away.
0:34:05 > 0:34:09And the bloke next to him found a 7 million opal.
0:34:09 > 0:34:11And that's it, he never left!
0:34:11 > 0:34:13And he was still there, after all this time.
0:34:13 > 0:34:15Well, you can buy a permit for less than £40.
0:34:15 > 0:34:17- Yeah. You could.- So it is possible you could make your fortune.
0:34:17 > 0:34:20You talked about those underground places -
0:34:20 > 0:34:22cos it's all sandstone, they built these astonishing...
0:34:22 > 0:34:25- I stayed there!- Did you?- Yeah. - Astonishing buildings.
0:34:25 > 0:34:27Serbian Orthodox underground church!
0:34:27 > 0:34:28It is. Half the town's residents...
0:34:28 > 0:34:31There's 3,500 people live there. Half of them live underground.
0:34:31 > 0:34:33And, in fact, the name Coober Pedy is
0:34:33 > 0:34:36an Anglicised version of the aboriginal "kupa piti",
0:34:36 > 0:34:37which means "white man in a hole."
0:34:42 > 0:34:44Do you play golf at all, Bill?
0:34:44 > 0:34:47- I do, yes.- Cos one of the top ten extraordinary golf courses in the
0:34:47 > 0:34:50- world...- I didn't play there, but it looked extraordinary.
0:34:50 > 0:34:51It's a unique golf course.
0:34:51 > 0:34:53There is no grass.
0:34:53 > 0:34:55- That's right.- So you get given a little tiny turf of grass,
0:34:55 > 0:34:58- anybody who plays golf. - It's just all bunker!
0:34:58 > 0:34:59It's all crushed rock.
0:34:59 > 0:35:01And the greens are made of sand mixed with sump oil,
0:35:01 > 0:35:03so that the sand doesn't blow away.
0:35:03 > 0:35:06And to avoid the daytime sun, which can be incredibly hot,
0:35:06 > 0:35:09they often play at night, and they use these...
0:35:09 > 0:35:13- These eggs!- Yes. ..these glow-in-the-dark balls...
0:35:13 > 0:35:16Can we just turn the lights out and see if these will actually function?
0:35:16 > 0:35:18I'm going to see if I can...
0:35:18 > 0:35:20So there's a glow in the dark...
0:35:20 > 0:35:22Sandi's shirt, as well!
0:35:22 > 0:35:25- Wow.- Did you know it's the only golf course in the world that has
0:35:25 > 0:35:27reciprocal rights with the Royal And Ancient?
0:35:27 > 0:35:28- So the home of golf.- Of course!
0:35:28 > 0:35:31What happened was they wrote to the Royal And Ancient
0:35:31 > 0:35:32and they thought they'd try their luck.
0:35:32 > 0:35:34"Would you mind giving us reciprocal playing rights?"
0:35:34 > 0:35:38And they wrote back and said, "Would you mind giving us an opal mine?"
0:35:38 > 0:35:41So they gave them a little tiny square of land, which might possibly
0:35:41 > 0:35:44have opals in it and so they did give them reciprocal rights,
0:35:44 > 0:35:47but what they gave them was they can have two rounds of golf a day
0:35:47 > 0:35:50for up to eight people, only in January.
0:35:51 > 0:35:53In Scotland. Yes.
0:35:53 > 0:35:55It's an extraordinary place.
0:35:55 > 0:35:57People do... I mean, there's mining, that's it.
0:35:57 > 0:35:59- It's all there is. - But look at that...
0:35:59 > 0:36:02It's funny in Australia, though, cos it's all kind of "no worries",
0:36:02 > 0:36:04you know, and, "Yeah, great, no worries."
0:36:04 > 0:36:06And you kind of think, "Oh, that's great, they're such a
0:36:06 > 0:36:08"happy-go-lucky, lovely people."
0:36:08 > 0:36:09And by about a week in you're thinking,
0:36:09 > 0:36:12"Can we actually worry about something now?!"
0:36:12 > 0:36:14There's all that good weather.
0:36:14 > 0:36:16I was out in Sydney and I was listening to the radio
0:36:16 > 0:36:19and they said, "Now, the weather. There's no weather today."
0:36:21 > 0:36:23No, it's all just great. No worries.
0:36:23 > 0:36:25There's a great expression they have there which is "too easy."
0:36:25 > 0:36:28You ask them, "Can I get a beer, mate?" "Too easy." You know.
0:36:28 > 0:36:31It's a lovely thing. It's like, "Too easy, mate. Don't worry."
0:36:31 > 0:36:33And it gets annoying after a while.
0:36:33 > 0:36:35I was in the hotel, and this bloke phoned me up and said, "Mr Bailey,
0:36:35 > 0:36:37"there's a package for you." I went, "OK."
0:36:37 > 0:36:39He goes, "Do you want me to bring it up?"
0:36:39 > 0:36:41I went, "OK," and then he went, "Too easy."
0:36:41 > 0:36:44"All right, then. Well, fly it up, then!"
0:36:45 > 0:36:48"Make it more difficult!"
0:36:48 > 0:36:50I expect there's Australians at this very minute
0:36:50 > 0:36:53on a panel show going, "They always ask, 'How are you?'
0:36:53 > 0:36:56- "but they don't want to find out!" - That's true.
0:36:56 > 0:36:57And if you're in LA,
0:36:57 > 0:37:02you go down to breakfast, and the waiter says to you, "Hey, there,
0:37:02 > 0:37:04"how's your day been so far?!"
0:37:04 > 0:37:06You think, "I'm just coming down to breakfast.
0:37:06 > 0:37:07- "Nothing much has happened so far." - Nothing.
0:37:07 > 0:37:10"I've drunk me own urine, and now I want some eggs.
0:37:13 > 0:37:15"Can you boil them in a bucket of boys' piss?"
0:37:17 > 0:37:20- I once had a waitress in Los Angeles...- Did you, now?!
0:37:20 > 0:37:22LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:37:27 > 0:37:30I didn't mean for that to get out. OK...
0:37:35 > 0:37:37Now it's time to go straight over to General Ignorance,
0:37:37 > 0:37:39fingers poised over buzzers, please.
0:37:39 > 0:37:42What happens if you put a frog in cold water
0:37:42 > 0:37:44and then heat it up to boiling point?
0:37:44 > 0:37:46MUSIC: Over and Over by Hot Chip
0:37:46 > 0:37:48Yes, Bill?
0:37:48 > 0:37:49It turns...
0:37:49 > 0:37:50..inside out.
0:37:52 > 0:37:53No...
0:37:53 > 0:37:55MUSIC: It's Over by Roy Orbison
0:37:55 > 0:37:58- It gets a little bit warm and it jumps out.- It does jump out.
0:37:58 > 0:38:01The myth is that the frog will stay in the hot water.
0:38:01 > 0:38:03It's often used as a sort of political parable -
0:38:03 > 0:38:06Al Gore used it in The Inconvenient Truth, about climate change.
0:38:06 > 0:38:09The idea that because it happens so slowly, you don't notice,
0:38:09 > 0:38:10and then eventually you're going to die.
0:38:10 > 0:38:13- But frogs are not that stupid. - No.- They're just not that stupid.
0:38:13 > 0:38:15But, if you put it the other way round,
0:38:15 > 0:38:19so if you put a reptile in a warm tank and you gradually reduced the
0:38:19 > 0:38:22temperature, it might very well allow itself to freeze to death.
0:38:22 > 0:38:25Cos it's cold-blooded, it would respond to the dropping temperature
0:38:25 > 0:38:27by shutting down its systems, basically.
0:38:27 > 0:38:29It would go to sleep, and then it would freeze in its...
0:38:29 > 0:38:32- He's a jolly chap on the left there. - He's fab, isn't he?
0:38:33 > 0:38:35Hey! Ba-da-bing-ba-da-boo!
0:38:38 > 0:38:41You could get a dead frog to jump out of a hot pan,
0:38:41 > 0:38:44that is perfectly possible. Because frogs are cold-blooded, so...
0:38:44 > 0:38:48- If you injected it with urine.- No, the thing is they are cold-blooded
0:38:48 > 0:38:50and so rigor mortis doesn't set in as quickly as like a chicken.
0:38:50 > 0:38:53So what happens is, when they are being cooked, the fresh frogs'
0:38:53 > 0:38:57legs twitch and also if you have fresh frogs' legs on a plate,
0:38:57 > 0:39:00just the legs, not the rest of the frog, and you put salt on them
0:39:00 > 0:39:02they will dance and twitch, they will jump about... I know!
0:39:02 > 0:39:06Isn't that unpleasant? It's a chemical reaction in the muscles.
0:39:06 > 0:39:09If a frog can't stand the heat, it gets out of the saucepan.
0:39:09 > 0:39:13OK, you see a baby bird that's fallen out of its nest,
0:39:13 > 0:39:15what is the one thing you should never do?
0:39:16 > 0:39:17Put it back in the nest?
0:39:17 > 0:39:19KLAXON
0:39:21 > 0:39:24- Bill?- It depends.
0:39:26 > 0:39:28It depends, if it's, you know, fledged, then...
0:39:28 > 0:39:32- Which means it's got... - It has got the feathers.- Yes.
0:39:32 > 0:39:35Then it means it has fallen out and the parents won't be far away.
0:39:35 > 0:39:38If it's un-feathered then you should put it back because birds
0:39:38 > 0:39:41are not so clever that they will notice a human having touched it.
0:39:41 > 0:39:44If it's got feathers it's probably left
0:39:44 > 0:39:46the nest on purpose and it won't thank you
0:39:46 > 0:39:48if you try to put it back, or it's been rejected
0:39:48 > 0:39:51by the parents, and again they won't thank you if you put it back.
0:39:51 > 0:39:53Within five minutes, it will be eaten by a crow
0:39:53 > 0:39:54so don't worry about it.
0:39:55 > 0:39:58But if you find a sea turtle washed up on the beach,
0:39:58 > 0:40:00do not put it back into the water,
0:40:00 > 0:40:02because the ones that are stranded in our part of the world
0:40:02 > 0:40:05almost certainly are suffering from hypothermia
0:40:05 > 0:40:08- and if you put it back in the water it will freeze.- Freeze.- Yeah.
0:40:08 > 0:40:10But the opposite is if you find a desert tortoise,
0:40:10 > 0:40:12don't pick it up at all, because the way
0:40:12 > 0:40:14they defend themselves is by emptying their bladder
0:40:14 > 0:40:16and that will lead to death by dehydration,
0:40:16 > 0:40:18so it will piss all over you and then it'll die.
0:40:21 > 0:40:24- Just like any bloke on a Saturday night.- Yes.
0:40:24 > 0:40:27We got that fact from the Arizona Sonora Desert Museum,
0:40:27 > 0:40:29it's listed under "Fun Facts."
0:40:31 > 0:40:34And lastly, it ain't over until...
0:40:35 > 0:40:37The fat lady sings.
0:40:37 > 0:40:39KLAXON
0:40:40 > 0:40:42- Yup.- Why do we say that?
0:40:42 > 0:40:45Opera, is it, and the fat lady comes on and sings,
0:40:45 > 0:40:47and then when she's done that, it's over?
0:40:47 > 0:40:50- Is it that?- The usual explanation is that it is Brunnhilde in Wagner's
0:40:50 > 0:40:52- Ring Cycle.- The Ring Cycle.
0:40:52 > 0:40:54- Look at those bosoms!- Yeah.
0:40:54 > 0:40:56Requires a substantial soprano.
0:40:56 > 0:40:58Madonna's gone to seed, hasn't she?!
0:40:58 > 0:41:00# Like a virgin...
0:41:03 > 0:41:06# Touched for the very first time... #
0:41:08 > 0:41:11OK, that's it, get out!
0:41:11 > 0:41:12She sings one of the longest
0:41:12 > 0:41:15operatic arias in history at the end,
0:41:15 > 0:41:18but her aria is not quite the final sung part of the opera.
0:41:18 > 0:41:21The last words go to the villain of the piece, Hagen.
0:41:21 > 0:41:25He's an evil, scheming, Burgundian warrior who sings Zuruck Vom Ring,
0:41:25 > 0:41:27"get away from the ring",
0:41:27 > 0:41:29as he's dragged by the Rhinemaidens to the river.
0:41:31 > 0:41:33MUSIC: The Ring Cycle by Richard Wagner
0:41:33 > 0:41:37# Zuruck vom Ring... #
0:41:40 > 0:41:43I bet the queue at the loo is already forming,
0:41:43 > 0:41:44as those bars are playing!
0:41:44 > 0:41:47Do you know that wonderful story about the end of Puccini's Tosca?
0:41:47 > 0:41:50There's a marvellous moment when the soprano's supposed to leap to her
0:41:50 > 0:41:53death off the walls, and Eva Turner, who was a famous British soprano,
0:41:53 > 0:41:56was doing this at the Lyric Opera in Chicago,
0:41:56 > 0:41:59and she complained that the mattress she was supposed to fall on was not
0:41:59 > 0:42:00really springing enough, so they
0:42:00 > 0:42:02replaced it with a trampoline, and...
0:42:04 > 0:42:06..she reappeared three times!
0:42:10 > 0:42:13There's an American saying, "It ain't over till it's over,"
0:42:13 > 0:42:15which is a sort of variant on the fat lady singing,
0:42:15 > 0:42:17and it's usually attributed to Yogi Berra,
0:42:17 > 0:42:19who was the much-loved catcher of the New York Yankees,
0:42:19 > 0:42:22but he was celebrated for his wonderful turns of phrase.
0:42:22 > 0:42:26He said things like, "It's deja vu all over again," which I like.
0:42:26 > 0:42:28"The future ain't what it used to be."
0:42:28 > 0:42:31And the most famous thing he's supposed to have said is,
0:42:31 > 0:42:32"It ain't over till it's over."
0:42:32 > 0:42:35But now it really is all over, barring the scores.
0:42:35 > 0:42:38Now, here's the thing, OK? Because Jan and I have been friends for
0:42:38 > 0:42:42a really long time, and I know that Jan can do an impersonation of me...
0:42:44 > 0:42:46I've got a blonde wig...
0:42:48 > 0:42:50..and I'm going to give you my glasses...
0:42:50 > 0:42:52- OK.- Can I be you, and you be me?
0:42:52 > 0:42:54- OK.- OK, marvellous.
0:42:54 > 0:42:55This is a marvellous thing.
0:42:55 > 0:42:57- OK.- OK.
0:42:57 > 0:42:59So I'm going to shift myself over, next to Grayson...
0:42:59 > 0:43:00- OK. Right, so...- Yeah.
0:43:00 > 0:43:03- AS SANDI:- Curiously, all you have to do with Sandi is remember the tune
0:43:03 > 0:43:04goes up and down a lot, and, er...
0:43:07 > 0:43:08So that brings us to the scores.
0:43:08 > 0:43:11All over the place, it's Alan with minus 77 points.
0:43:11 > 0:43:14Slightly overwhelmed, Bill with minus 7 points.
0:43:14 > 0:43:16Over a barrel, Grayson, with plus 3 points,
0:43:16 > 0:43:18but, OMG, this week's winner...
0:43:18 > 0:43:20SHE LAUGHS
0:43:20 > 0:43:23Well, it's JANDI, with five points!
0:43:23 > 0:43:26CHEERING
0:43:31 > 0:43:34So it's thanks from Grayson, Jandi, Bill, Alan and me,
0:43:34 > 0:43:36and I leave you with this piece of advice from WC Fields -
0:43:36 > 0:43:39"Start every day off with a smile, and get it over with."
0:43:39 > 0:43:41Good night.