0:00:22 > 0:00:27APPLAUSE
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Good evening, and welcome to QI,
0:00:34 > 0:00:40where tonight we're up in the attic rootling through the tea chests
0:00:40 > 0:00:44and old suitcases in search of Quite Interesting Odds And Ends.
0:00:44 > 0:00:48And joining me on my rummage are an absolute treasure,
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Romesh Ranganathan...
0:00:50 > 0:00:51APPLAUSE
0:00:54 > 0:00:56..a collector's item, Liza Tarbuck...
0:00:56 > 0:00:58APPLAUSE
0:01:00 > 0:01:04- ..a guest of rare antiquity, Matt Lucas.- Hello.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07APPLAUSE
0:01:07 > 0:01:11And look who else we've managed to dig up - Alan Davies.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13APPLAUSE
0:01:17 > 0:01:21Right, their buzzers are an O-ssortment of odds and sods.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Romesh goes...
0:01:23 > 0:01:26# Bits and pieces, bits and pieces. #
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Liza goes...
0:01:28 > 0:01:32# I said I've had too much of this and that. #
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Oh, I like that. Matt goes...
0:01:34 > 0:01:37# Needles and pins. #
0:01:39 > 0:01:42- These are jolly, aren't they? LIZA:- They are.- Ha. And Alan goes...
0:01:42 > 0:01:46# Sex and drugs and rock and roll is very cool indeed. #
0:01:46 > 0:01:48LAUGHTER
0:01:49 > 0:01:54OK, how's this for openers - what would you open with these?
0:01:54 > 0:01:55So, let's have a quick look.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58I've got number one here. Do you want to have a look?
0:01:58 > 0:02:00A door? A lock or something like that?
0:02:00 > 0:02:04Well, it's going to certainly open something that's difficult to open.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07A safe, a suitcase.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Your heart.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16That would be a story, I tell you.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18- Is it a device for...- Yes?
0:02:18 > 0:02:21..opening two unexploded party poppers?
0:02:23 > 0:02:25- Oh, I want it to be that.- Yeah.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28I see that you're wearing a very fine watch there, Romesh.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36- What do you think that it might be? - It's for a watch.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39That's why we have you on this show,
0:02:39 > 0:02:42it's the sharpness of the mind that is so fantastic.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Is it...? No.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47No.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49It's the back case cover opener.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Yeah, so for a lady's...
0:02:52 > 0:02:55With a simple action, you can get the things closer together,
0:02:55 > 0:02:56or indeed further apart.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Yeah. So it could do a lady's watch or a gentleman's watch.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02And, also, you can measure the girth of your penis with it.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Maybe YOU can, mate.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10You could measure the length of yours with that.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:17 > 0:03:19How did we get there so quickly!
0:03:19 > 0:03:23I just don't understand the applause of recognition
0:03:23 > 0:03:25from members of the audience.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28- Yes?- What...? Do you actually know? What do you do?
0:03:28 > 0:03:30I'm not sure your watch is worth opening.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35Thank you, Sandi. I was thinking to myself, I feel a bit victimised,
0:03:35 > 0:03:37- it's been...- Sorry, I'm sorry. - But I don't mind, I don't mind
0:03:37 > 0:03:39people talking about my penis, but my watch...!
0:03:41 > 0:03:44- That's a step too far. - OK. Let's have a look at this one.
0:03:44 > 0:03:45You guys can have a look at that one
0:03:45 > 0:03:48and see what you think of that. That's number two.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Well, it's gynaecological, isn't it? If we're opening something.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53It is opening something, but you may be at the wrong end.
0:03:53 > 0:03:57Is that for, when you do a heart transplant, keeping the chest open?
0:03:57 > 0:04:00- LIZA:- Oh!- So this thing here is also used in the same area.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03- So this is another...- Oh, now you're talking.- Yeah. LIZA:- Is it mouthy?
0:04:03 > 0:04:05- It is mouthy, darling, yes.- OK. - It's on the mouth side,
0:04:05 > 0:04:08do you want to try that? So it's something to do with the mouth.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10- So it's keeping the mouth...- Yeah.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13So, if you see, Matt, the thing that it's got, it ratchets open,
0:04:13 > 0:04:15- but you would...- Is that right? - It is.
0:04:19 > 0:04:20So what is that for?
0:04:20 > 0:04:23Turning the mouth into a...into a letterbox or something?
0:04:26 > 0:04:28They can edit that out.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37But the thing is, you can't get it out, Sandi, so...
0:04:37 > 0:04:39It's a cheap retractor. That's exactly how it works.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41- Is it?- And so is that.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44- No, so don't put that bit in your mouth, darling.- Oh.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47I sound like a school teacher. Don't put that bit in your mouth, darling.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Put the black bit into your mouth, so...
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Yes, so the middle bit, you put that in.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Well, how? My mouth isn't that big.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Well, you've got to close it first. The thing.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Oh. What, so put that in?
0:04:58 > 0:05:00No, put it around the other way, I think.
0:05:00 > 0:05:04- LIZA:- I've been handling that. - The other way?- No, no.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06I usually have someone who looks after me.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12And they help me out with things like this.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14- I'm a little overwhelmed at this time.- You were heading
0:05:14 > 0:05:17- in the right direction.- What, in there?- Yes, put that in like that.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21- And then open it up.- This? - Yes. And it... Yeah.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23That's exactly... It holds the patient's mouth open
0:05:23 > 0:05:25while they're having dental treatment.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27- It's the stuff of dreams, isn't it? - Oh, yeah.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30- What about this one? Anybody got any thoughts what that is?- Oh. Wow.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32So it's all about openings.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34- LIZA:- If I was drunk, I'd say something that...I won't say it now.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37- No, go on, treat yourself. - Er, no, I can't possibly.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40- Are you thinking about a butt plug? - LIZA:- Yes.
0:05:40 > 0:05:45Hold on, what are you, you're trying to get into the butt?
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Well, it's a drill, isn't it?
0:05:47 > 0:05:49- ALAN:- We had a secret Santa once and I...- Bloody hell.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51And I bought...
0:05:53 > 0:05:56I bought this thing called a back door beginner.
0:05:57 > 0:05:58It was quite a small one.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Why do you want to plug your butt?
0:06:00 > 0:06:03- Oh, well...- Well... - Well, basically...- Yes?
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Isn't it to do with re-educating the muscle to tighten again?
0:06:08 > 0:06:11- LIZA:- Oh.- "Re-educating" your arse!
0:06:13 > 0:06:16"Mum, Mum, I've got a lovely new job, I'm in education."
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Do you want to have a look? You can have a look. No?
0:06:19 > 0:06:22- Is it anything to do with wine? - No, no, it isn't anything
0:06:22 > 0:06:25to do with wine. We're still in the human body. In fact, weirdly,
0:06:25 > 0:06:28we're in exactly the same place as we were before with the mouth thing.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31- In the mouth?- And, so, what it is, it's an emergency mouth-opener.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34So, say somebody had got lockjaw or there was some reason why they
0:06:34 > 0:06:37couldn't open their mouth, it is an emergency way of opening the mouth.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41Can I advise that you use it as that before you use it as a butt plug?
0:06:44 > 0:06:46- Have you got number four there?- Yes.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48OK. What do you think that might be?
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Be very careful. I do not want you to hurt yourself.
0:06:50 > 0:06:54I believe that is used for injuring panel show contestants.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58It's upside down right now. There you go.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00- It's upside down.- Incredibly heavy.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03It's all the straps, it feels like it's something to do with a horse.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05- It is exactly something to do with a horse. LIZA:- Thank God!
0:07:05 > 0:07:08- Yeah. It is an equine mouth-opener. ALAN:- Oh.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10It is used by vets to hold the horse's mouth open.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13Sometimes their teeth need rasping, because they get a sort of
0:07:13 > 0:07:16sharp point with their teeth and it hurts them with the bit.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18And so you need to open their mouth and just file it down.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20So, dental work for horses.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Yeah, so it's quite a...
0:07:22 > 0:07:23It is quite a sharp...
0:07:23 > 0:07:25LAUGHTER
0:07:25 > 0:07:30Let's try the next one. Any thoughts about that?
0:07:30 > 0:07:33- LIZA:- It's a piercing for something. What shape is it going into?
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Ah, well that's to put a hole into your bottom
0:07:35 > 0:07:37if you don't already have one.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40Do you know, it looks like a chipolata torturing device,
0:07:40 > 0:07:44- is what it looks like.- Why would you want to torture a chipolata?
0:07:44 > 0:07:47If you're, like, a militant vegan, or something, I don't know.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50- Yeah, yeah. It isn't that. - This looks quite kitcheny.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52- It is kitcheny.- Is it for an egg?
0:07:52 > 0:07:54No, it isn't. It is an oyster opener, an oyster shucker.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57So, rather than inserting a knife, where you can actually hurt
0:07:57 > 0:07:59yourself, you do it with one of those. The other thing to do
0:07:59 > 0:08:01is go to a nice restaurant, and somebody will do it for you,
0:08:01 > 0:08:03which I think is even easier.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06On the food front, I have one of these which I...
0:08:06 > 0:08:09- LIZA:- Oh, hello.- It seems slightly pointless.- Is it an egg?
0:08:10 > 0:08:12It's an egg opener. Want to try it, anybody?
0:08:12 > 0:08:14- No, I'm fine, thank you. - Come on, I'll have a go.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16OK, the boys will do this, there we go.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18- So you put it round the egg and squeeze it?- Yeah.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21Well, I think you have to squeeze and then twist it off,
0:08:21 > 0:08:22like a sort of beheading. OK.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Is this going to be a trick egg?
0:08:24 > 0:08:25No, darling, honestly, it's just boiled.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Give it a turn at the same time. EGGSHELL CRACKS
0:08:27 > 0:08:28There.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33- Ah, that is good, it makes the egg look hideous.- Yeah.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36- I had to hold it... - A useful little tool.- Yeah.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38I had to hold it so tight, I'm glad it was already...
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Cos the easiest way to do an egg, what you need to do is
0:08:40 > 0:08:44you need to break both ends, like that, and then you roll it...
0:08:44 > 0:08:46- LIZA:- Ooh, hello.- ..like this and then the shell just comes off
0:08:46 > 0:08:48unbelievably quickly. See? Like that.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50And you don't need...
0:08:59 > 0:09:01I love eggs, they're great, aren't they?
0:09:03 > 0:09:07- They're very realistic-looking, those prop eggs, aren't they?- Yes.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11- Very clever.- I don't think that egg was cooked recently, was it?
0:09:15 > 0:09:20So, that closes openers. And now, an odourless question.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Where can you find the largest collection
0:09:22 > 0:09:24of things that don't smell?
0:09:24 > 0:09:26# ..pins. #
0:09:26 > 0:09:28- Matt?- Is it in the sea?
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Oh, right. Why do you think that?
0:09:30 > 0:09:31Because, I mean, there's salt,
0:09:31 > 0:09:35but salt doesn't have a very strong smell.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38- No. And neither do fish, famously. - No.
0:09:40 > 0:09:41But I, what I am proposing...
0:09:41 > 0:09:44- Yes, yes?- ..and I'm clever, is...
0:09:44 > 0:09:47..is that once you're under the water...
0:09:47 > 0:09:48- Right?- ..you can't smell.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51Have you tried to smell under the water, anybody?
0:09:51 > 0:09:53That doesn't mean it doesn't smell.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57Well, if a tree falls in the forest...
0:09:58 > 0:10:03- ..and it doesn't smell...- No. - ..then...it... Yeah.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08- We are in the town where I was born. - Copenhagen?
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Copenhagen, we're in wonderful, wonderful Copenhagen.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13What are the things that old statues might lose as they get
0:10:13 > 0:10:16transported about, or over the years? What might they lose?
0:10:16 > 0:10:17- Fingers.- Private parts.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19OK, yes, I was going to, again, go higher,
0:10:19 > 0:10:22but you've just gone with that side of the thing.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24Noses, they lose their noses,
0:10:24 > 0:10:27and, so, there is THE most glorious art museum in Copenhagen,
0:10:27 > 0:10:30it's called the Ny Carlsberg Glyptotek
0:10:30 > 0:10:33and it contains a Nasothek. It is a collection of noses.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35In the 19th century, museums used to repair them,
0:10:35 > 0:10:38so there used to be a collection of noses used to repair statues.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40This was a thing that we don't do any more
0:10:40 > 0:10:43because now we think we should leave the statue exactly as it is.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Have we got any photos from the penis museum?
0:10:47 > 0:10:48Yes, is the truth of it.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Lots of statues lost their penises - that is entirely true.
0:10:50 > 0:10:54- Right.- But that was on purpose, wasn't it?- Due to prudery, yeah.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56- Yeah, absolutely.- So about 80% of the male nude statues
0:10:56 > 0:10:59- in the Vatican Gardens are missing their members.- Oh, no,
0:10:59 > 0:11:00cos I just thought I was average.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06- Are you saying they've been taken off?- They've been taken off
0:11:06 > 0:11:07and they say there's a secret room
0:11:07 > 0:11:10in the Vatican that has all of them in it.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12- Sandi, I've listened to your explanation...- Yes.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14..and I'm still going with under the sea.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Well, that's fine, darling, you're just not going to win. So...
0:11:20 > 0:11:22But, bizarrely, the Copenhagen Nasothek
0:11:22 > 0:11:25is not the only false nose collection in Scandinavia.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28There's a Nose Academy at Lund in Sweden
0:11:28 > 0:11:30where you can find, supposedly, a plaster cast
0:11:30 > 0:11:32of the great botanist there Carl Linnaeus
0:11:32 > 0:11:35and the cast of the legendary silver nose
0:11:35 > 0:11:37of the Danish astronomer Tycho Brahe.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39There's also an unknown nose,
0:11:39 > 0:11:42which is a monument to the nose of the common man
0:11:42 > 0:11:45who didn't qualify for nasal immortality.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48- No-one NOSE.- Nobody NOSE, exactly.
0:11:48 > 0:11:52If your statue has no nose, it might be found in a museum in Copenhagen.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55So, here's a collection of odd-sounding O words
0:11:55 > 0:11:58and I'd like you to pick one and use it in a sentence, please.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00A cum-spliff, what the f...?
0:12:00 > 0:12:03LAUGHTER
0:12:04 > 0:12:06- BAD DUTCH ACCENT: - "Oh, ja, a cum-spliff.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08LAUGHTER
0:12:10 > 0:12:12- "Ja, cum-spliff, ja." - It doesn't take long,
0:12:12 > 0:12:16- it doesn't take long at all. - "Oppenchops, cum-spliff."
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Are you doing, are you doing "oojah-cum-spliff?"
0:12:18 > 0:12:20- Yeah...- Is that your one? - Doing a cum-spliff.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23- What is your sentence, please, Alan? - "Oh, ja, a cum-spliff."
0:12:23 > 0:12:25It's a...
0:12:26 > 0:12:29It's a Dutchman having a joint in a brothel.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35- Cum-spliff? - I don't want it, I don't want it.
0:12:38 > 0:12:39Get it away from me, man.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43You'd be no fun in a brothel, would you?
0:12:43 > 0:12:46"Oh, look at Rom, he doesn't want the cum-spliff, what a prude!"
0:12:49 > 0:12:52- Oojah-cum-spliff means all fine and dandy.- Yeah, I bet it does.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56- Earliest use found in PG Wodehouse. - I've got one.
0:12:56 > 0:13:01- Yeah, go on, then, Matt.- Tottenham had their best season for years,
0:13:01 > 0:13:03they came first in the league... Ohnosecond.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07Oh, very good. OK. Ohnosecond. So it's sort of right, actually,
0:13:07 > 0:13:09- cos in computing...- Well, it is right, they didn't win
0:13:09 > 0:13:13- anything at all.- No, in... - They've won nothing for years.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16- They're rubbish.- But actually, your definition for it
0:13:16 > 0:13:18is not too far off, because in computing what it is,
0:13:18 > 0:13:20it's the moment you realise you've made a mistake.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23So it is a computing, you go, "Oh, no" second.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25- Oh, right. OK. - I don't think yours was too far off.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29- Come on, Liza, let's have one from you.- I'm drawn to "obsolagnium."
0:13:29 > 0:13:34OK. It's not a good word, it's waning sexual desire due to age.
0:13:37 > 0:13:38And I was drawn to it.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43- ALAN:- You're surrounded by it at the moment.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45- LIZA:- It's a hell of a sandwich.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47- ALAN:- When I change my little boy's nappy,
0:13:47 > 0:13:50it's full of ottomotty and oozle, absolutely...
0:13:50 > 0:13:54So, ottymotty, Lancastrian slang for being perplexed.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57And oozle, it's Australian slang to move slowly.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT: Can I oozle along to the barbie?
0:13:59 > 0:14:01- IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT:- This guy's oozling a little bit.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04Oppenchops, Lancastrian slang for a gossip.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07- Octodesexcentenary.- OK, that is probably the strangest, I think.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11It's the 100th anniversary of when your octopus's penis fell off.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15It is...it is a really specific thing.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17It's something that lasts 592 years.
0:14:17 > 0:14:21It arose in connection with a particular calendar, the lunar solar
0:14:21 > 0:14:24calendar, devised by a 17th-century mathematician called Thomas Lydiat.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26- And he thought of the word? - And he thought of the word.
0:14:26 > 0:14:31- It is a very specific word for 592. - I'd have loved him.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Not with your waning sexual desire.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Now, brace, brace, brace!
0:14:46 > 0:14:48I don't, I don't think that's funny.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52- I don't think that's funny. - That hit me on the nose.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54- That is awful.- Well, we know where we can get another one.
0:14:54 > 0:14:58Fortunately, we can get oxygen for you and a new nose, you're absolutely right, Liza.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00I'll take you to Copenhagen, we'll sort your nose out.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03So, my question is, what's in the canister
0:15:03 > 0:15:05on the other end of the pipe that you've got?
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Oxygen?
0:15:07 > 0:15:10- Oh, no.- He said it.- No, he said it. - You said it.
0:15:10 > 0:15:14- He said it.- Don't put the blame on me.- He said it, 100% he said it.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17I quite like hearing all of you as if you were quite a long way away.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19I've never seen you look better, Matt,
0:15:19 > 0:15:21that's a really good look for you. I really like that.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24- Thank you very much. - It is not oxygen.- Not oxygen.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27No, it's a mix of chemicals that make oxygen.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30It's something called an oxygen candle.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33So, there's a very fine white powder, and a spark is generated
0:15:33 > 0:15:37and it sets off a chemical reaction which releases oxygen.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40But these canisters, there are oxides and they basically
0:15:40 > 0:15:43take up a whole lot less room than a whole tank of oxygen.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46I think you both look absolutely fantastic!
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Typically, an oxygen candle will last 20 minutes.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52But it's enough time for the plane to get down to where you can
0:15:52 > 0:15:54breathe the air. But in the early years of commercial flights,
0:15:54 > 0:15:57so before the pressurised cabin was invented, airline passengers
0:15:57 > 0:16:00sometimes did have to wear oxygen masks during the actual flight.
0:16:00 > 0:16:04- That is a great image if you're nervous flyer, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:16:04 > 0:16:05Sort of ferrying people
0:16:05 > 0:16:09to the Hannibal Lecter auditions, aren't they?
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Fighter pilots breathe a mixture of oxygen
0:16:11 > 0:16:13and air depending on the altitude.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Sometimes if they're really high, it's 100% oxygen is supplied
0:16:15 > 0:16:17and then in order to let that happen,
0:16:17 > 0:16:20the pilot actually has to relax their diaphragm to allow the oxygen
0:16:20 > 0:16:22to enter and then they have to forcibly expel the air
0:16:22 > 0:16:25and that means they can only talk while they're breathing in.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27And they have so much witty banter to get on with
0:16:27 > 0:16:30- with the other pilots...- I know! - ..don't they?
0:16:30 > 0:16:32- Yes, saying, "I'm on his back." - Yeah, "12 o'clock."
0:16:32 > 0:16:35- "I've got your arse." - I know, all of that.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37- LIZA:- Does it happen automatically for them?
0:16:37 > 0:16:38They don't have to think about it?
0:16:38 > 0:16:41They have to be trained in order to make the diaphragm work properly.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43- ALAN:- Do they wear nappies? Is that true?
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Well, they're called Mags, moisture absorption garments,
0:16:46 > 0:16:50the nappies that are worn by aircraft pilots and by space...
0:16:50 > 0:16:53..space people? Astronauts, they're called.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57- Space people!- Space people.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00That's in America. Over here, we call them Huggies.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05Right, let's give a really hard pull on the pipe and it will...
0:17:05 > 0:17:06We can get rid of it, there we go.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09Wonderful. Now, from planes to trains.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13On which train did the Murder On The Orient Express take place?
0:17:13 > 0:17:14The Orient Express.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20- You're a good sport, Alan.- You're a very good sport.- Thank you so much.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Well, sometimes, you know, they go, yes, that's correct.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25- "Yes, that is correct." - But never when I say it.- No.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27The murder took place on AN Orient Express,
0:17:27 > 0:17:30but not the one that you are thinking of. So...
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Well, no, we're thinking of the one that the murder took place on.
0:17:33 > 0:17:34Yeah, exactly, that's right.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38I'm sorry, I didn't know you lived inside my brain.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Well, there were several train services in the 1930s which
0:17:41 > 0:17:44included the words "Orient Express" in the name. And...
0:17:44 > 0:17:47Yeah, and those are the ones we were thinking of.
0:17:47 > 0:17:48Well, what is the full name
0:17:48 > 0:17:50of the one where the murder took place, then?
0:17:50 > 0:17:53We were thinking of the one where it took place.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55We don't have to say the name of it.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59We just... All of us demand the points.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04Sorry. There were lots of different Orient Expresses.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Agatha Christie's took place on the Simplon...
0:18:06 > 0:18:09Simplon Orient Express, yes. Yes.
0:18:09 > 0:18:14- Yes. Named after?- It's Peter Express.- Mr Simplon.- I don't know.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19I thought you said Pizza Express.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23- No, Peter Express, the inventor of...- Lent his name to a train.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26The Simplon Orient Express, named after the Alpine tunnel,
0:18:26 > 0:18:29and that linked Calais and Paris and Istanbul every day.
0:18:29 > 0:18:30There is a different train service,
0:18:30 > 0:18:32commonly known as THE Orient Express,
0:18:32 > 0:18:36and that only carried Paris/Istanbul cars three times a week.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39- I didn't even know that one existed. - Have you been on it?- No.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41Oh, it's the most marvellous experience.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43- It's absolutely fantastic.- Is it? - Yeah, it really is worth it.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46It's eye-wateringly expensive, but you get a butler of your own.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48And I took my mother, it was for her birthday,
0:18:48 > 0:18:50and the butler came along and he said,
0:18:50 > 0:18:53"Good evening, madam, my name is Tybalt," and you just think, "Wow,
0:18:53 > 0:18:56"it's... The guy from Romeo and Juliet is going to service me."
0:18:58 > 0:19:02Was there Wi-Fi or 3G on the Orient Express?
0:19:02 > 0:19:05- Because that for me is generally the...- No.
0:19:05 > 0:19:06That's what they meant,
0:19:06 > 0:19:09there's no Wi-Fi, it is murder on the Orient Express.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13As you go to bad, there's a tiny hook by your bed
0:19:13 > 0:19:15and I said to Tybalt, "What is the hook for?"
0:19:15 > 0:19:18He said, "That's for your pocket watch, madam."
0:19:18 > 0:19:20- Really?- A watch hook? - A watch hook.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23- But there was an actual murder on the Orient Express. LIZA:- Was there?
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Yes, the actual Orient Express, not the Simplon one.
0:19:25 > 0:19:29So, 1935, a year after Agatha Christie's novel was published,
0:19:29 > 0:19:31there was a very wealthy Romanian woman
0:19:31 > 0:19:33and she was robbed by a man she was sharing a compartment with
0:19:33 > 0:19:35and she was pushed through a window.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37And I love this, because it is very Agatha Christie,
0:19:37 > 0:19:40the killer was traced thanks to a silver fox scarf
0:19:40 > 0:19:42that he had stolen from her.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45In 1920, a man staggered into a signal box
0:19:45 > 0:19:47dressed only in his nightshirt and he claimed
0:19:47 > 0:19:50he was the French president Paul Deschanel
0:19:50 > 0:19:52and that he had accidentally fallen from the train
0:19:52 > 0:19:55and of course they thought he was bonkers.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57So the signalman replied, "And I'm Napoleon Bonaparte."
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Anyway, it turned out he really was the President of France.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02In those days, the train's sleeping compartments,
0:20:02 > 0:20:05they had sash windows and he had taken some sleeping pills
0:20:05 > 0:20:07and he'd accidentally fallen out of the window.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Do you know the irony is, if they had Wi-Fi,
0:20:09 > 0:20:10- could've just googled him.- Yeah.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13- And he would've solved that straightaway.- You see?
0:20:13 > 0:20:14- Yeah.- Think about that.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16But he was wonderfully eccentric.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19He once received the British ambassador to France
0:20:19 > 0:20:21completely naked except for his ceremonial decorations,
0:20:21 > 0:20:23which I think is splendid.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25He was, eventually, institutionalised
0:20:25 > 0:20:27in a place for the mentally infirm.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30And still, and this is a measure of how relaxed the French are,
0:20:30 > 0:20:31re-elected to the Senate.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40The Orient Express was developed by a Belgian businessman
0:20:40 > 0:20:43called George Nagelmackers.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Made its very first trip in 1883.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49The first menu on board - oysters, soup with Italian pasta,
0:20:49 > 0:20:52turbot with green sauce, chicken a la chasseur,
0:20:52 > 0:20:54fillet of beef with chateau potatoes
0:20:54 > 0:20:56chaud-froid of game animals, lettuce,
0:20:56 > 0:20:58chocolate pudding and a buffet of desserts.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01And when I was on board, for breakfast we had lobster thermidor
0:21:01 > 0:21:02and they'd laid all the cutlery out
0:21:02 > 0:21:04and there was a little sort of strange flattened spoon
0:21:04 > 0:21:06and I said, "What's that for?"
0:21:06 > 0:21:09"That is your lobster gravy spoon, madam." Wonderful.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11- Lobster...- It's completely flat? - LIZA:- Why's it flat?
0:21:11 > 0:21:14It was so that you can scoop all the lobster gravy towards you.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17- A piece of bread would do that, wouldn't it?- Yeah.
0:21:17 > 0:21:21- You're absolutely right. I didn't rush out to buy one.- Yes.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24- ALAN:- I imagine a lobster with a couple of spoons.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27"Where's my breakfast?"
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Here's the odd thing that I know about lobsters.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Did you know that lobsters are left and right clawed
0:21:33 > 0:21:36in the same percentage as human beings are left and right-handed?
0:21:36 > 0:21:39- Yeah.- Strange. Yeah? Sorry. OK.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43The Murder On The Orient Express took place on AN Orient Express,
0:21:43 > 0:21:45not THE Orient Express.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49So, still on Agatha Christie, naturally my next question is...
0:21:49 > 0:21:50..whodunnit?
0:21:50 > 0:21:54- The killer.- The killer dunnit. - Yes.- That's a given, I think, yeah.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56The murderer.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58- Anyone in the audience?- Butler. - Butler.- The butler.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Yeah.
0:22:02 > 0:22:03So, here's a spoiler alert,
0:22:03 > 0:22:06the butler did not do it in any of Agatha Christie's books.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10So, The Three Act Tragedy, the murderer appears to be the butler
0:22:10 > 0:22:14but it's actually somebody pretending to be a butler.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16And Then There Were None, Rogers, the butler, and...
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Hang on a minute, you're going to give them all away.
0:22:18 > 0:22:19Yeah, I'm sorry about that.
0:22:19 > 0:22:23Murder On The Orient Express, a valet is one of the 12 people
0:22:23 > 0:22:26who murder Samuel Ratchett, but a valet is not a butler.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28What's the difference between a valet and a butler?
0:22:28 > 0:22:30A valet parks your car.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34- Yes. LIZA:- A gentleman's maid.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36He's a gentleman's, sort of a gentleman's maid.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39- So he looks after the guy's appearance and everything.- A PA.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Yeah. And a butler is the chief male servant in a household
0:22:41 > 0:22:44so he's in charge of the other employees and receiving guests
0:22:44 > 0:22:46and all that kind of thing.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48The butlers are in demand again, did you know this?
0:22:48 > 0:22:50There's a huge demand for butlers,
0:22:50 > 0:22:52especially in places like China and in Russia.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55It's known as the Downton Abbey effect.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Everybody wants their own Mr Carson.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59It takes ten weeks to train to be a butler at the international...
0:22:59 > 0:23:02- No, it takes a lifetime.- Yep.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06What task are they performing there? That's insane.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Just put the glass on the tray, mate, common sense,
0:23:08 > 0:23:10do you know what I mean?
0:23:10 > 0:23:11That's Britain's Got Talent backstage.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14- LIZA:- This is just to make it look like they do something, isn't it?
0:23:14 > 0:23:17- ALAN:- Someone shouting, "Where is the glass? Where's the glass?"
0:23:17 > 0:23:20"I don't know, I don't know where the glass is!"
0:23:22 > 0:23:24It is a very old job, the word actually comes from
0:23:24 > 0:23:26the medieval Latin for a cask
0:23:26 > 0:23:28so that's why a beer cellar in medieval times
0:23:28 > 0:23:29was known as the buttery.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32People sometimes think it's a place where you made food
0:23:32 > 0:23:34but it wasn't at all, it was the place where the wooden casks were.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37They were in charge of all the bottles. Anyway...
0:23:37 > 0:23:40When it comes to Christie, the butler never did dunnit.
0:23:40 > 0:23:41Here's a list of organs.
0:23:41 > 0:23:45You all own one of them, but which is it?
0:23:45 > 0:23:49- Well, I would have thought a sperm stomach...- Yes?
0:23:49 > 0:23:51..would have been for a whale.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Oh, OK. It is for an animal.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56It is, strictly speaking, called a bursa copulatrix.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59It's not for a whale. Where might you find such a thing?
0:23:59 > 0:24:01It's tiny, a tiny little... Tiny.
0:24:01 > 0:24:05- So it's a bird?- No.- Then why were you doing that?
0:24:05 > 0:24:06- No, but it is...- Oh.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09But, no, in fairness, it is clearly an animal that flies...
0:24:09 > 0:24:12- A butterfly.- Yes. No, he got it. Butterfly.- Butterfly.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15- It is a butterfly.- Oh. Sandi did a mime that, what else could it be?
0:24:15 > 0:24:18- Seriously, was a butterfly. It's... - I thought it was a bunny waving.
0:24:18 > 0:24:22- It's their... No, that's that, that's a bunny waving.- Oh, yeah.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24This is clearly a butterfly.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27No, that's a bunny waving with its ears. I was using the paws.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33Do you know, sometimes I feel unwell on this programme?
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Well, you're the ones that invented bunnies that wave with their ears.
0:24:36 > 0:24:37You're right, I wasn't thinking it through.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40- That's a ridiculous thought. - No, exactly.- It's clearly...
0:24:40 > 0:24:42- That's that, isn't it?- Clearly. - And this is...
0:24:42 > 0:24:44I don't believe I'm doing this.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47It's the reproductive system for the butterfly,
0:24:47 > 0:24:51and it digests nutrients from the male's sperm package.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54I thought that was the name of the butterfly.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59All female butterflies will have a sperm stomach.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01- Right.- And they get nutrients out of the male sperm...
0:25:01 > 0:25:02I'm going to say package.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05But the bit at the bottom that says bursa copulatrix,
0:25:05 > 0:25:06that's actually the sperm stomach.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09Right, let's try some more. Let's see.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11So we're looking for the organ that we have.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13We do not have a sperm stomach.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Have you got a smart vagina?
0:25:15 > 0:25:17I... It's terribly tidy. Um...
0:25:19 > 0:25:21I have a woman in twice a week.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36No, I do not, but some animals do. Grevy's zebra, for example.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39And they can co-ordinate the muscular contractions in order
0:25:39 > 0:25:44to flush out semen if a male fails to live up to expectations.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48And here's the depressing thing for the boy - the sperm dumping
0:25:48 > 0:25:54can happen even before the underperforming male has dismounted.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57She just goes, "Boof, not having it. No."
0:25:58 > 0:26:01So, genetically, she knows that this guy isn't the best she could do?
0:26:01 > 0:26:04- That's exactly right, she has decided.- So, regarding
0:26:04 > 0:26:06- babies and stuff?- Yeah, he's not the best gene pool.- Yeah.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Better to do that than shake him off.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11- You don't want to cause trouble, do you?- Don't want to make a scene.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14- No.- You might then put off the other zebras. They'll think,
0:26:14 > 0:26:16- "Well, she looks tricky. She's just thrown him over a fence."- Yes.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19"I'll tell you what, mate, I wouldn't bother with her,
0:26:19 > 0:26:21"she's got one of them new-fangled smart vaginas."
0:26:24 > 0:26:27- So, that's probably got Wi-Fi, too, hasn't it?- Yeah, I would say.
0:26:29 > 0:26:33And are the zebras' sperms stripy?
0:26:36 > 0:26:38Yes.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41They look like little humbugs.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45So, we're still looking for the thing that we have.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47We don't have a sperm stomach, we don't have a smart vagina.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50- What might we have? One of those. - Have we got a mesentery?
0:26:50 > 0:26:52- A mesentery?- We absolutely do,
0:26:52 > 0:26:57that is the very thing that we were looking for. We do have a mesentery.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59And it, basically, it's a fairly recent thing,
0:26:59 > 0:27:01it connects the intestine to the stomach,
0:27:01 > 0:27:04and we did not know that it was actually an organ in its own right.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06So there's a chap called Professor J Calvin Coffey,
0:27:06 > 0:27:08from the University of Limerick.
0:27:08 > 0:27:12And he says, "Without it, you can't live. There are no reported
0:27:12 > 0:27:16"incidents of a Homo sapiens living without a mesentery."
0:27:16 > 0:27:19And nobody entirely knows what it does.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21"We've established anatomy and structure
0:27:21 > 0:27:23"and the next step is function."
0:27:23 > 0:27:26Intriguingly, one of the earliest descriptions of its structure
0:27:26 > 0:27:30was by Leonardo da Vinci, so we've been aware of its existence
0:27:30 > 0:27:32for an incredibly long time.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35Let's have a quick look at the other ones. Paddywhack, anybody?
0:27:35 > 0:27:37Well, it makes me think of a dog chew.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39- That is exactly right. Give the dog a bone, right?- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42So, dried paddywhack is sometimes sold as a dog treat,
0:27:42 > 0:27:45which is where we get the saying from.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47Is it something from a pig, then?
0:27:47 > 0:27:50It's the load-bearing ligament in the neck of sheep or cattle.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52It connects the head to the spine.
0:27:52 > 0:27:55And the other two that we didn't have a look at -
0:27:55 > 0:27:57the schnauzerorgan, found on an elephantnose fish.
0:27:57 > 0:28:01And it looks like a nose - it is actually an extended chin,
0:28:01 > 0:28:04covered in sensors that can detect electric fields.
0:28:04 > 0:28:05And the organ is so sensitive
0:28:05 > 0:28:08that the fish can tell the difference
0:28:08 > 0:28:10between living and dead bugs buried under the sea floor.
0:28:10 > 0:28:14And the other one, mental glands, it's a pheromone delivery system
0:28:14 > 0:28:16found in the male salamander's chin.
0:28:16 > 0:28:19As part of the courtship, the male sprays his scent
0:28:19 > 0:28:21right into the female's nostrils
0:28:21 > 0:28:25and then he deposits a pack of sperm on the ground.
0:28:25 > 0:28:28And if the female detects his scent with her mental glands,
0:28:28 > 0:28:31and she wants to mate, then she'll pick it up. So she picks it up.
0:28:31 > 0:28:34- Oh, that's nice.- Yes, it's rather sweet.- That's like a sort of
0:28:34 > 0:28:38- Edwardian courtship, isn't it?- Yes. Yes. "Madam, my sperm."- Yes.
0:28:39 > 0:28:41Does she then put it in her own vagina?
0:28:41 > 0:28:43I think she sorts herself out at that point.
0:28:47 > 0:28:49- With a lobster spoon!- Yes.
0:28:49 > 0:28:51She uses a lobster gravy spoon...
0:28:53 > 0:28:55Then a lobster comes in...
0:28:55 > 0:28:56"Do you want any help with that?
0:28:56 > 0:28:59"Cos I've got a couple of these spoons."
0:28:59 > 0:29:02You could hear them talk if they would come out of the sea,
0:29:02 > 0:29:04but they stay down there.
0:29:04 > 0:29:08They stay down there because it's not smelly, is that right, Matt?
0:29:08 > 0:29:12I don't know where you heard that from, that's...
0:29:12 > 0:29:13Can anybody define an organ?
0:29:15 > 0:29:18Body part that has a function?
0:29:18 > 0:29:20You know what, that's sort of it.
0:29:20 > 0:29:21The governing body for anatomy,
0:29:21 > 0:29:23the Federative International Programme
0:29:23 > 0:29:27for Anatomical Terminology, does not define an organ.
0:29:27 > 0:29:29The best definition that we currently have
0:29:29 > 0:29:31is from a science historian at
0:29:31 > 0:29:34the University of Wisconsin-Madison, Tom Broman, who said,
0:29:34 > 0:29:36"Any solid thing in the body that does something."
0:29:38 > 0:29:40Now, what animals begin with O
0:29:40 > 0:29:44and are rescued more often by the Fire Brigade than cats?
0:29:44 > 0:29:46- # ..pins. #- Yes, Matt?
0:29:46 > 0:29:49Is it ostriches? Because they keep burying their...
0:29:49 > 0:29:50KLAXON
0:29:50 > 0:29:53..burying their heads... burying their heads in the sand.
0:29:53 > 0:29:55- And they...- So, two things are wrong with that.
0:29:55 > 0:29:58- Right.- One is they don't bury their heads in the sand, that is a...
0:29:58 > 0:30:02- Well, I...I...I am not wrong. - No.
0:30:02 > 0:30:06- Yes?- I think it is an opossum.
0:30:06 > 0:30:07Oh!
0:30:09 > 0:30:13- The audience said owls, did we hear them?- Owls, did we have owls?
0:30:14 > 0:30:16You lose points!
0:30:17 > 0:30:19Is it ocelot?
0:30:19 > 0:30:20No.
0:30:20 > 0:30:24- Is it the...? Is it...? Let's try this one on them.- Yeah.
0:30:24 > 0:30:28Is it the four-legged onion? Ah-ha! You didn't get in there, did you?
0:30:28 > 0:30:30Ah-ha!
0:30:30 > 0:30:32- No, it is not the four-legged onion. - Right, OK.
0:30:32 > 0:30:34- It's a human animal, it's an obese person.- Oh!
0:30:34 > 0:30:37- They now rescue... - Oh, an obese person.
0:30:37 > 0:30:39- Yeah.- But they're still, hold on, they are still people.
0:30:39 > 0:30:42"Once they get to a certain weight, they're no longer human,
0:30:42 > 0:30:44"as far as we're concerned."
0:30:44 > 0:30:48But we're all part of the animal kingdom. It is obese people.
0:30:48 > 0:30:52There were more than 900 such cases from January to September in 2016.
0:30:52 > 0:30:55Up from around 30 cases ten years ago.
0:30:55 > 0:30:57Well done for getting up the trees, though.
0:31:00 > 0:31:03- No, it's people not being able to leave their home.- Suddenly you go,
0:31:03 > 0:31:07- "There's one."- I just saw there were loads of apples.
0:31:07 > 0:31:09"There's one."
0:31:09 > 0:31:11"How did you get up there?"
0:31:12 > 0:31:14"Trampoline, it was a trampoline.
0:31:16 > 0:31:18"But they've moved it now.
0:31:18 > 0:31:21"Now it looks like a miracle, but it was a trampolining incident."
0:31:21 > 0:31:24A man in Porthcawl, who weighed 38st,
0:31:24 > 0:31:27and they were trying to get him out of the third floor,
0:31:27 > 0:31:30and a Sea King helicopter was scrambled from
0:31:30 > 0:31:33RAF Chivenor in Devon, so he could be winched from a skylight.
0:31:33 > 0:31:36I think the most famous, possibly, an American man called
0:31:36 > 0:31:39Walter Hudson, he was rescued by the American Fire Department,
0:31:39 > 0:31:421987, after he got wedged in his bathroom door.
0:31:42 > 0:31:46It is estimated that he weighed 1,400lb, but it's only
0:31:46 > 0:31:50an estimate because the industrial scale that he was being weighed on
0:31:50 > 0:31:53broke after 1,000lb, so we don't know exactly.
0:31:53 > 0:31:57- Hold on, that's 100st. - Yes. Yes. 1,400lbs.
0:31:57 > 0:31:59- Oh, that, yeah, that's 100st, yeah. - It's 100st, yeah.
0:31:59 > 0:32:02That's like...that's like 100st!
0:32:04 > 0:32:07He held the Guinness World Record for the world's largest waist.
0:32:07 > 0:32:10If you hold that end, and you hold that.
0:32:10 > 0:32:12That would have been the size of his belt.
0:32:12 > 0:32:15I've got a description of his average daily diet.
0:32:15 > 0:32:18Two boxes of sausages, 1 lb of bacon, 12 eggs,
0:32:18 > 0:32:20a loaf of bread, four hamburgers, four double cheeseburgers,
0:32:20 > 0:32:23five large portions of fries, three ham steaks or two chickens,
0:32:23 > 0:32:25four baked potatoes, four sweet potatoes,
0:32:25 > 0:32:28most of a large cake, and additional snacks.
0:32:30 > 0:32:33And an average of 6.5 litres of soda every single day.
0:32:33 > 0:32:35Well, at least he didn't finish the cake.
0:32:37 > 0:32:39- It's good to look on the bright side of things.- Yeah.
0:32:39 > 0:32:41What do we think is the fattest animal in the world?
0:32:41 > 0:32:45Why did you look at me when you asked that question?
0:32:45 > 0:32:48Are you talking about body fat percentage, or actual amount of fat?
0:32:48 > 0:32:50Yeah, body fat percentage.
0:32:50 > 0:32:51Oh, is that the...
0:32:51 > 0:32:53Oh, that could be a tortoise, because they hibernate, that's it.
0:32:53 > 0:32:55Yeah, but they don't hibernate, it turns out.
0:32:55 > 0:32:55Don't they?
0:32:55 > 0:32:57So, for years, people were putting them in boxes
0:32:57 > 0:32:59and putting them in the cupboard under the stairs,
0:32:59 > 0:33:01and they were just in solitary confinement.
0:33:05 > 0:33:09No? It's called an army cutworm moth.
0:33:09 > 0:33:10And they can achieve 72% body fat,
0:33:10 > 0:33:14it makes them the fattest animals on Earth.
0:33:14 > 0:33:16And they live in Yellowstone National Park,
0:33:16 > 0:33:17so it's not always cold there,
0:33:17 > 0:33:20but they do get themselves ready for the winter, storing up the body fat,
0:33:20 > 0:33:22and then the bears eat them.
0:33:22 > 0:33:25What, the bears eat them while they're hibernating?
0:33:25 > 0:33:27They gorge on them just before winter sets in.
0:33:27 > 0:33:30So, one bear can eat up to 40,000 moths in a day.
0:33:30 > 0:33:32So, each moth is about an inch or two inches long,
0:33:32 > 0:33:34and each one is about half a calorie.
0:33:34 > 0:33:36That would be a much more sinister John Lewis Christmas ad,
0:33:36 > 0:33:37wouldn't it -
0:33:37 > 0:33:40just a bear feasting on tubby moths, do you know what I mean?
0:33:41 > 0:33:43Thousands of them.
0:33:43 > 0:33:45They eat lots and lots of nectar from wild flowers.
0:33:45 > 0:33:47They are known as miller moths, that's their nickname,
0:33:47 > 0:33:50because the fine scales on its wings, it rubs off easily,
0:33:50 > 0:33:53it reminds people of the dusty flour covering on a miller.
0:33:53 > 0:33:56But you can see them in the Yellowstone National Park.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58"Yes, Boo-Boo!" Um...
0:33:58 > 0:34:00"Huh-huh-hey-y-y, Boo-Boo!"
0:34:00 > 0:34:03I always thought Yogi and Boo-Boo were a right pair of pricks.
0:34:03 > 0:34:05Like, do you know what I mean?
0:34:05 > 0:34:08They're supposed to be the heroes - they're just little thieves.
0:34:08 > 0:34:11Just going round robbing, then we're supposed to support them.
0:34:11 > 0:34:12You're out of order!
0:34:12 > 0:34:14A lot of American humour is about that -
0:34:14 > 0:34:16shucksters and shysters and idle thieves.
0:34:16 > 0:34:18They all like it.
0:34:18 > 0:34:21They kind of revere that person who doesn't get a proper job,
0:34:21 > 0:34:23but gets by. They love a criminal!
0:34:23 > 0:34:25- They voted one in, didn't they?- Yes!
0:34:25 > 0:34:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:34:27 > 0:34:30Yeah! Yeah!
0:34:30 > 0:34:31Yeah!
0:34:31 > 0:34:34I done a political, yeah!
0:34:34 > 0:34:39Yeah, I'm a political satirist now! Yeah!
0:34:39 > 0:34:42I'm going to just stay here until it's Newsnight.
0:34:44 > 0:34:46Um, where did we get to?
0:34:46 > 0:34:48Um, picnic baskets. Um...
0:34:48 > 0:34:50AS YOGI BEAR: "Pic-a-nic basket?"
0:34:50 > 0:34:52Thief!
0:34:53 > 0:34:57In the first episode, someone could have just come and shot them.
0:34:57 > 0:35:00"Boo-Boo? It's getting dark!
0:35:00 > 0:35:02"I'm losing blood, Boo-Boo!"
0:35:04 > 0:35:06"Don't go to sleep, Yogi! Don't go to sleep!"
0:35:06 > 0:35:09"I don't think I'm going to make it, Boo-Boo!
0:35:09 > 0:35:12"I can see a great big pic-a-nic basket in the sky, Boo-Boo!"
0:35:14 > 0:35:16LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:35:18 > 0:35:21- Well...- Then, next week - funeral.
0:35:22 > 0:35:26I wish you two were in charge of Children's BBC.
0:35:26 > 0:35:29Now we crash through the floorboards and land in the mess of plaster
0:35:29 > 0:35:31and insulation that is General Ignorance.
0:35:31 > 0:35:33Fingers on buzzers, please.
0:35:33 > 0:35:36Where are your fattest fat cells?
0:35:36 > 0:35:40Well, I suppose you want us to say on your stomach?
0:35:40 > 0:35:43- Yes, and you'd be right. - Yes, of course.
0:35:43 > 0:35:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:35:45 > 0:35:49- See?- So you're absolutely right.
0:35:49 > 0:35:53As people get obese, what happens is the fat cells in our midriff,
0:35:53 > 0:35:56they don't proliferate, they just get fatter.
0:35:56 > 0:35:59So, the fat cells in our thighs can multiply,
0:35:59 > 0:36:02but the ones that we have round our midriff, they just get fatter.
0:36:02 > 0:36:05Now, you don't really want to have belly fat, because what we now
0:36:05 > 0:36:08know about it is that it's actually biologically active, belly fat.
0:36:08 > 0:36:10It is releasing hormones into your system,
0:36:10 > 0:36:13and that could increase your risk of heart disease and so on.
0:36:13 > 0:36:15So you don't want to get more of them,
0:36:15 > 0:36:17because they're incredibly bad for you.
0:36:17 > 0:36:20So, they did a study, the NHS, 91% of mothers
0:36:20 > 0:36:22and 80% of fathers of overweight children
0:36:22 > 0:36:25mistakenly think that their children are a healthy weight.
0:36:25 > 0:36:27Well, I'm the exception, because all my mum does is say,
0:36:27 > 0:36:30"Well, you need to shift some of that." She says it to me a lot.
0:36:30 > 0:36:33- Does she?- And then she just keeps trying to make me eat more food.
0:36:33 > 0:36:37- Is she a feeder?- Yeah, she puts the food down and she goes,
0:36:37 > 0:36:39"Right, there's more chicken, I've got more peas,
0:36:39 > 0:36:41"I've got more potatoes, I've got more..."
0:36:41 > 0:36:44She's just like that, even before I've had the first lot,
0:36:44 > 0:36:47then at the end, she goes, "Mmm, what are we going to do about that?"
0:36:47 > 0:36:50So, I'll say, "Well, I won't come here again." No!
0:36:50 > 0:36:53My mum used to give me so much food when I was going to school,
0:36:53 > 0:36:57like, she'd give me, like, jam sandwiches, not for lunch,
0:36:57 > 0:36:58- for break time, right.- Right.
0:36:58 > 0:37:03And the school became concerned and phoned my mum and said,
0:37:03 > 0:37:05"Look, we're a bit worried about it." And you know what she did?
0:37:05 > 0:37:08She told me to hide when I was eating my jam sandwiches.
0:37:12 > 0:37:15- That's good parenting.- Yeah. - That is really good parenting.
0:37:16 > 0:37:19From the fattest to the flattest.
0:37:19 > 0:37:22What's the most featureless place on Earth?
0:37:22 > 0:37:25- Well, hmm.- So where were you when you talked about things
0:37:25 > 0:37:28that don't smell? Where did you go when you talked about...
0:37:28 > 0:37:30- # Under the sea. # - So, that is where we're going to go,
0:37:30 > 0:37:31we're going to go under the sea.
0:37:31 > 0:37:35It is something called the abyssal plains. And it's undersea areas
0:37:35 > 0:37:38of sediment, and their slopes can be really shallow,
0:37:38 > 0:37:40I mean, unbelievably shallow, like one foot per thousand.
0:37:40 > 0:37:43And what happens is the sediments wash off the land,
0:37:43 > 0:37:47and over time they spread out to form a smooth and level surface.
0:37:47 > 0:37:49And it's home to the world's deepest fish,
0:37:49 > 0:37:50that you get right down at the bottom there.
0:37:50 > 0:37:52Are those the really freaky...? Oh, yeah.
0:37:52 > 0:37:55- Oh, yeah. Now you're talking. - Yeah.- Oh, mate.
0:37:55 > 0:37:57I mean, these are angler fish you can see there.
0:37:57 > 0:37:59- I think they are astonishing. - God, that one in the middle
0:37:59 > 0:38:02- just looking through your window. - And we're there.
0:38:02 > 0:38:04And they're really deep, so you can really,
0:38:04 > 0:38:06like, talk to them about, like, real issues.
0:38:06 > 0:38:09The deepest fish ever seen was in the Mariana Trench,
0:38:09 > 0:38:11which is of course the deepest part of the ocean.
0:38:11 > 0:38:14There are some pictures of them, but nobody's been able to catch one,
0:38:14 > 0:38:16because they are just so deep down.
0:38:16 > 0:38:18We THINK it looks a bit like a snailfish,
0:38:18 > 0:38:21but the people who have actually seen them
0:38:21 > 0:38:22say it is really weird looking.
0:38:22 > 0:38:25There's a team that found it at the University of Aberdeen,
0:38:25 > 0:38:27and Alan Jamieson said, "It's unbelievably fragile,
0:38:27 > 0:38:29"and when it swims, it looks like
0:38:29 > 0:38:31"it has wet tissue paper floating behind it.
0:38:31 > 0:38:33"It has a weird snout, like a sort of cartoon dog snout."
0:38:33 > 0:38:36- So, it might look a bit like that. - Do you reckon it went that deep
0:38:36 > 0:38:38- because the other fish were bullying it?- Yeah.
0:38:38 > 0:38:39They were like,
0:38:39 > 0:38:42"Look, you've got tissue paper hanging out your arse, mate."
0:38:42 > 0:38:46Have a quick look at this, which is my favourite fact about the Pacific.
0:38:46 > 0:38:49So, I've got my globe here,
0:38:49 > 0:38:53so you can see how large the Pacific is, it covers this enormous area.
0:38:53 > 0:38:55There is a point in the Pacific where,
0:38:55 > 0:38:57if you drilled down through the centre of the Earth,
0:38:57 > 0:39:00so that is off the coast of Vietnam near Hai Phong, and you came back
0:39:00 > 0:39:04out exactly on the other side, you would still arrive in the Pacific,
0:39:04 > 0:39:07you'd be off the coast of South America at the Chile-Peru border.
0:39:07 > 0:39:10That just gives you some idea, that is exactly halfway,
0:39:10 > 0:39:12right through the whole planet, that the Pacific is that big.
0:39:12 > 0:39:14Oh, I love it. I love it when a fact is pointed out to you
0:39:14 > 0:39:16and you don't have to have this whole mass of stuff.
0:39:16 > 0:39:19- But this is rather fine, isn't it? - Yeah.- Rather an astonishing one.
0:39:19 > 0:39:21Well, no, I don't think it is, I think you're going to get
0:39:21 > 0:39:24very little for that on eBay, because you've completely ruined it.
0:39:25 > 0:39:28The most featureless place on Earth is underwater.
0:39:28 > 0:39:31Who invented this and what does it say?
0:39:31 > 0:39:34PATTERN OF BEEPS
0:39:37 > 0:39:40I'm going to have to say Morse, aren't I?
0:39:40 > 0:39:43Yeah, you are going to have to say Morse, I think.
0:39:43 > 0:39:44Get it out of the way.
0:39:44 > 0:39:46It's probably the most famous Morse code signal ever sent.
0:39:46 > 0:39:50SOS? Is it three dots and three dashes?
0:39:50 > 0:39:52No. It's CQD that is being sent,
0:39:52 > 0:39:55it's the Marconi distress message that was sent from the Titanic.
0:39:55 > 0:39:57People now say it means "Come quick drowning,"
0:39:57 > 0:39:59but that's what you call a backronym.
0:39:59 > 0:40:01In fact, CQ was for the French "securite"
0:40:01 > 0:40:03and then Marconi added the D for Distress.
0:40:03 > 0:40:06And so, "We have a distressing security issue."
0:40:06 > 0:40:11But the issue about Morse code is that it isn't really a code
0:40:11 > 0:40:14and that Morse didn't really invent it. It involved transmitting
0:40:14 > 0:40:17numbers, Morse code, which you then looked up in a special dictionary
0:40:17 > 0:40:19to see what word they represented.
0:40:19 > 0:40:22And it was Morse's colleague, this man here, Alfred Vail,
0:40:22 > 0:40:23who came up with the idea of using
0:40:23 > 0:40:26letters and assigning dots and dashes to each one.
0:40:26 > 0:40:28So, probably, Morse code should be called Vail's code.
0:40:28 > 0:40:31But, actually, it should be Vail's cipher.
0:40:31 > 0:40:34So, we had a letter from a QI viewer, Phil Boyd,
0:40:34 > 0:40:37and he pointed out that a code replaces whole words with symbols
0:40:37 > 0:40:40and a cipher replaces individual letters.
0:40:40 > 0:40:44So, strictly speaking, Morse code ought to be called Vail's cipher.
0:40:44 > 0:40:47What I like about Morse code - it has been used for naughtiness.
0:40:47 > 0:40:50In January 1945, the people of Halifax, Nova Scotia complained
0:40:50 > 0:40:54to police that people were using their car horns to communicate
0:40:54 > 0:40:57"vile and filthy language" in Morse code.
0:40:57 > 0:41:00And there was a report in the Ottawa Journal
0:41:00 > 0:41:02saying that, "Police are brushing up on their Morse code
0:41:02 > 0:41:07"in preparation for a campaign against these swearing motorists."
0:41:07 > 0:41:11So, Morse code should really be Vail's cipher.
0:41:11 > 0:41:15How many moons did the Earth have?
0:41:16 > 0:41:18AUDIENCE GIGGLES NERVOUSLY
0:41:21 > 0:41:24So, we've covered how many moons Earth has many times on QI.
0:41:24 > 0:41:26We're looking at the past here.
0:41:26 > 0:41:27Ten.
0:41:30 > 0:41:33- Yes?- None.
0:41:37 > 0:41:41There is new research which suggests that our current moon is
0:41:41 > 0:41:43the result of about 20 separate moons that have
0:41:43 > 0:41:45coalesced into one over millions of years.
0:41:45 > 0:41:49So, since the moon and the Earth are made of rather similar materials,
0:41:49 > 0:41:51it is thought that the moon formed
0:41:51 > 0:41:54when an object hit the Earth and it sent debris up into space.
0:41:54 > 0:41:56And they've run thousands of simulations
0:41:56 > 0:41:59and they concluded there were lots of moons, at least 20,
0:41:59 > 0:42:02each one formed from a different collision.
0:42:02 > 0:42:04So it is possible that we originally had 20 moons.
0:42:04 > 0:42:07So, where have all the moons gone, then?
0:42:07 > 0:42:09- They've coalesced into one, so... - Oh, they're all one big moon.
0:42:09 > 0:42:11They've been drawn together, yeah.
0:42:11 > 0:42:15The Earth had 20 moons, but now has only approximately one.
0:42:15 > 0:42:18All of which shines a silvery light on to the darkness
0:42:18 > 0:42:22which is the scores. Oh, this is tragic.
0:42:23 > 0:42:26In last place, with -52, Alan.
0:42:26 > 0:42:27Thank you so much.
0:42:30 > 0:42:37- Also a quite phenomenal -36, Liza.- Hey! Get in!
0:42:38 > 0:42:39And -29, Romesh!
0:42:44 > 0:42:47You've done it, Matt, you've done it, with a magnificent -7,
0:42:47 > 0:42:50- you are the winner.- Hurrah!
0:42:54 > 0:42:58So, Matt takes home our objectionable object of the week,
0:42:58 > 0:43:01and it's this weird device for holding a horse's mouth open
0:43:01 > 0:43:03while you fix its teeth.
0:43:03 > 0:43:05There you are Matt, that's for you. Wow, it's heavy.
0:43:05 > 0:43:09- Wow, thanks very much.- You're most welcome.- Wow, thank you.
0:43:09 > 0:43:13It only remains for me to thank Liza, Matt, Romesh and Alan.
0:43:13 > 0:43:14And I leave you with this,
0:43:14 > 0:43:18from a Randy Scandi Norwegian Nobel Prize winner, Knut Hamsun.
0:43:18 > 0:43:21When returning from his first trip to Paris, a friend asked,
0:43:21 > 0:43:23"At the beginning, didn't you have trouble with your French?"
0:43:23 > 0:43:26"No," replied Hamsun, "but the French did."
0:43:26 > 0:43:28Merci bien, et bonne nuit.
0:43:28 > 0:43:31APPLAUSE