0:00:28 > 0:00:31APPLAUSE
0:00:31 > 0:00:36Well, hi there, hi there, hi there, hi there, hi.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39Hiya, hiya, hi and hello.
0:00:39 > 0:00:44Tonight we scale the heights and plumb the depths, for our theme is highs and lows.
0:00:44 > 0:00:48Joining me tonight, the height of good manners, Sandi Toksvig.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50APPLAUSE
0:00:50 > 0:00:53The highly fancied Rob Brydon.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55APPLAUSE
0:00:56 > 0:00:59The highly regarded Fred MacAulay.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01APPLAUSE
0:01:02 > 0:01:05And the depths of depravity, Alan Davies.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08APPLAUSE
0:01:08 > 0:01:10So...
0:01:11 > 0:01:14Your buzzers, if you please. Sandi goes...
0:01:14 > 0:01:17- # La-a-a! #- Rob goes...
0:01:17 > 0:01:19HIGHER NOTE: # La-a-a! #
0:01:19 > 0:01:23- Fred goes... - EVEN HIGHER NOTE: # La-a-a! #
0:01:23 > 0:01:26- Alan goes... - VERY DEEP NOTE: # La-a-a! #
0:01:26 > 0:01:31Of course, what else? Let's start our journey in the heather-clad Highlands.
0:01:31 > 0:01:36Fred, perhaps you can help us as a Scot. I am a non-Scotsman, as are the others.
0:01:36 > 0:01:41So which of the tartans here would I not be entitled to wear?
0:01:41 > 0:01:45- Oh, good grief! - Do you recognise any of them?
0:01:45 > 0:01:51- I think the one on the extreme left could be a Stewart.- It is, not just "A" Stewart.- Royal.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54- Royal Stewart.- Royal Stewart. - Royal Stewart.
0:01:54 > 0:01:59The one next to it, the purple and green, is actually known as the Sikh tartan.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02And it's for the Singh... S-I-N-G-H.
0:02:02 > 0:02:09A rich Sikh businessman went to the biggest of the tartan companies and said, "I want a Sikh tartan."
0:02:09 > 0:02:14- And they obliged. - It's the Wimbledon colours. - It is Wimbledon. You're right.
0:02:14 > 0:02:19- Green and purple.- But the whole tartan business is very recent.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22It's not an ancient clan thing.
0:02:22 > 0:02:28It was only in the 19th century when the Highlands became the playground of the Royal Family
0:02:28 > 0:02:30in Balmoral and places like this.
0:02:30 > 0:02:36They were never related to families. It wasn't, "We're in Glencoe and we're MacDonalds, so this is ours."
0:02:36 > 0:02:40That all happened much, much later and was an invention
0:02:40 > 0:02:44of tartan-selling cloth merchants of the Royal Mile and such places.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48I fear I might not be able to contribute. I'm welling up.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52If there is one you most certainly can wear, it is the Royal Stewart
0:02:52 > 0:02:55as we can all wear the tartan of our chieftain
0:02:55 > 0:02:59and constitutionally, Her Maj is our chieftain.
0:02:59 > 0:03:06- Therefore we, as British subjects... - So I couldn't wear it.- You're not a British subject.- No, I'm Danish.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09Is there a Danish tartan made of pastry of some kind?
0:03:09 > 0:03:13Yes, that's our entire culture in a nutshell.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15LAUGHTER
0:03:15 > 0:03:18- With an apricot plopped in the middle.- That's it.
0:03:18 > 0:03:22And "tartan" is thought to come from the French "tiretain".
0:03:22 > 0:03:25- He didn't know how to put that on, did he?- No.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30"Oh, I don't know. How's that?
0:03:30 > 0:03:33"Don't move. If I move, it'll fall off.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36"Take the picture!"
0:03:36 > 0:03:40The original tartan was a long thing that went all over your shoulders.
0:03:40 > 0:03:46- SCOTTISH ACCENT: - "I've got my sword in my toe. Agh! God!
0:03:47 > 0:03:49"Take the picture, it hurts!"
0:03:49 > 0:03:52LAUGHTER
0:03:52 > 0:03:55I'm sorry about the offensive accent.
0:03:55 > 0:04:02- It's lovely to see you again. - But the short kilt, you'll be sorry to know, is an English invention.
0:04:02 > 0:04:07It was an industrialist called Rawlinson who had an iron mill in Scotland
0:04:07 > 0:04:10who thought this long blanket was a waste of time,
0:04:10 > 0:04:16but the short kilt, the skirt, basically, would be a very handy and efficient way of dressing.
0:04:16 > 0:04:22Do you know how to get the exact length of the kilt correct when you put it on?
0:04:22 > 0:04:29You kneel down, so the bottom hem of the kilt just has to rest on the surface.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32That's how we measured our skirts at school.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35We wore two pairs of pants just on the off chance.
0:04:35 > 0:04:40- We wore a white pair with a blue pair over the top, just in case any boy...- No?- Yes.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44- Seriously?- Absolutely.- In case one pair flew off accidentally.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46The knicker elastic snapping...
0:04:46 > 0:04:52They were terrified we'd have anything to do with boys. I was in a dorm full of girls and quite happy.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:04:56 > 0:05:01The idea of being entitled to a particular tartan is fairly recent. It comes from England.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04But you can't go wrong with Royal Stewart.
0:05:04 > 0:05:09How do you win a caber-throwing competition?
0:05:09 > 0:05:11Oh, he's a big boy!
0:05:11 > 0:05:14It's good to see Mel Smith getting back out into the public...
0:05:14 > 0:05:20- It looks to me like he's just caught that one.- It does.- "Whoa! Got it!"
0:05:20 > 0:05:25Do you know what's really unlikely? I have taken part in a caber-tossing... I know.
0:05:25 > 0:05:30Yeah, I took part in some Highland Games. You have to toss it and then it has to flip over.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33- Yes.- And then it's the direction.
0:05:33 > 0:05:39It doesn't matter how high or how far it is. It's not about distance. It's how straight it is.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41- 12 o'clock.- 12 o'clock.
0:05:41 > 0:05:47And you have points deducted for every minute off 12 o'clock you are from yourself.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51We can see someone doing a very good one and it doesn't look easy.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53- It must be very, very heavy.- Yeah.
0:05:53 > 0:05:58And you think it's going to fall back on him, but no, it just goes over and...
0:05:59 > 0:06:03- That's impressive.- It's disappeared. - It has completely disappeared.
0:06:03 > 0:06:08- That could be a man in early January disposing of his Christmas tree.- Yes.
0:06:08 > 0:06:13I love the Highland Games because they do exactly what it says on the tin.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17"Weight over the bar" is one of them and you throw a weight over a bar.
0:06:19 > 0:06:23- They have "sheaf toss".- Sheaf toss. - You take a sheaf and you toss it.
0:06:23 > 0:06:28For those of us who loathe sport, it's straightforward, I know what's going to happen.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31"Hammer toss, I'm going to get out of the way."
0:06:31 > 0:06:35- Putting the shot, they used to call "putting the stone".- Aye.
0:06:35 > 0:06:40But again it's a recent invention. People have claimed it goes back to Malcolm III,
0:06:40 > 0:06:44the son of King Duncan, the one that Macbeth murdered.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46But there's no evidence for this.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50The first gathering of these games was in the 19th century.
0:06:50 > 0:06:55It was around the time that Queen Victoria and Prince Albert came to Balmoral and they liked it.
0:06:55 > 0:07:01- There was one at Braemar, the one the Royal Family go to. - "We need entertainment.- Exactly."
0:07:01 > 0:07:07Around the same time or a bit later, Baron Coubertin, who founded the modern Olympic movement,
0:07:07 > 0:07:13he saw them and liked quite a lot of the events. Which ones went into the Olympics from the Highland Games?
0:07:13 > 0:07:20- Poetry.- There was poetry in the Olympic Games, as you rightly remembered, but no.
0:07:20 > 0:07:26- Well, the hammer which is still there, the shot.- Not the caber tossing.- No.- That never made it.
0:07:26 > 0:07:31And dancing was another feature which was originally all men, but now is almost exclusively women.
0:07:31 > 0:07:35- As is the man on the left. - Almost exclusively!
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Can I say "well done" to whoever used the computer-aided design
0:07:38 > 0:07:42to put in a blue sky and some shadows?
0:07:42 > 0:07:44LAUGHTER
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Very good. Very good indeed.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49APPLAUSE
0:07:51 > 0:07:55So what was regularly smuggled into the USA
0:07:55 > 0:07:59from Canada for the traditional Burns Night celebrations?
0:07:59 > 0:08:03- What do they have at Burns Night celebrations? Haggises?- Is the right answer.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07- Thank you. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:08:08 > 0:08:12We thought you might be tempted to say whisky,
0:08:12 > 0:08:16but this is from 1989 up until 2010.
0:08:16 > 0:08:21Haggises were smuggled from Canada into America. Why might this be?
0:08:21 > 0:08:25Because the Americans don't approve of inedible food coming.
0:08:25 > 0:08:32- LAUGHTER - There's one element inside the haggis that was contraband.
0:08:32 > 0:08:36- There it is. What's the outer casing?- Stomach.- A sheep's stomach.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39- And inside is...?- It's called pluck.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43Pluck is the correct word for the bits of the heart, liver and...?
0:08:43 > 0:08:46- Offal, certainly, but one particular...- Lung?
0:08:46 > 0:08:50Lungs, which are known in the butcher's trade as the lights.
0:08:50 > 0:08:56Those were outlawed in America because of BSE and their own problems. You couldn't eat them.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59There was a trade in smuggled Canadian haggis.
0:08:59 > 0:09:03What do we know about the haggis? Which nation invented it?
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- I wonder if we're not responsible? - It might be Danes?
0:09:06 > 0:09:11- It might be.- The first reference to it in the British Isles is in Lancashire.
0:09:11 > 0:09:18- But there are lots of theories about where it comes from.- "Offal" comes from the Danish word for "rubbish".
0:09:18 > 0:09:22- "Affald".- Really?- There must be some hideous Scandinavian connection.
0:09:22 > 0:09:28- Some think it was Vikings who brought it over to Britain. - It comes from Lancashire?
0:09:28 > 0:09:33- That's the first reference to it. - Do you know the Burns address to the haggis?- Yes, it's a poem.
0:09:33 > 0:09:39It's a poem which, on Burns Night at a Burns Supper, somebody would address it and it comes in...
0:09:39 > 0:09:44That's obviously been cut open. Before it's cut, someone addresses it and it starts with...
0:09:44 > 0:09:48"Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face, great chieftain o' the puddin'-race!
0:09:48 > 0:09:51"Aboon them a' ye tak your place, painch, tripe or thairm.
0:09:51 > 0:09:56- "Weel are ye wordy o' a grace as lang's my arm." And...- Bravo!
0:09:56 > 0:09:58APPLAUSE
0:10:00 > 0:10:07There it is being piped in, but somebody I know was doing a Burns Supper abroad
0:10:07 > 0:10:10and they had sent the address over to Germany.
0:10:10 > 0:10:14It was translated into German, but the German translated it back
0:10:14 > 0:10:19and the line, instead of "great chieftain o' the puddin'-race",
0:10:19 > 0:10:22was translated back as "mighty Fuhrer of the sausage people".
0:10:22 > 0:10:26- LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - That's fabulous.
0:10:27 > 0:10:32That should stay. It's a lot better than "great chieftain of the pudding race".
0:10:32 > 0:10:36"Mighty Fuhrer of the sausage people!"
0:10:36 > 0:10:40- What is the date of Burns Night? - January 25th.- Yes, his birthday.
0:10:40 > 0:10:46I love the way you get all your celebrations in one corner of the year, so being Scottish,
0:10:46 > 0:10:51you have Christmas craziness, then Hogmanay insanity, Burns Night three weeks later
0:10:51 > 0:10:55and for the rest of the year, nothing.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59- Just a long hangover.- Abstinence! - Abstinence, dourness.
0:10:59 > 0:11:05- But there is a deep love for Burns. - Absolutely. He was a great man and very forward-thinking.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08He was completely and utterly anti-slave trade.
0:11:08 > 0:11:14So much so that if you go to the Burns Museum, there is a photograph of Muhammad Ali
0:11:14 > 0:11:19who came over to Scotland and visited it because he was a student of Burns,
0:11:19 > 0:11:23because of the humanitarian work that he'd done 150 years ago.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26- And he was fond of a rhyme. - And he loves haggis.
0:11:26 > 0:11:30"I love all you sausage people," he used to say.
0:11:30 > 0:11:36Scottish friends of mine used to say, "I don't know why you go on about our accent being impenetrable.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40"Americans find it easier to understand than English."
0:11:40 > 0:11:45Then I saw Trainspotting in America and there were subtitles all the way through.
0:11:45 > 0:11:51Canadian haggis smugglers plied their wicked trade across the US border right up until 2010.
0:11:51 > 0:11:56What would be the quickest way of getting Brian Blessed to the top of Everest?
0:11:59 > 0:12:02Tell him they're putting on a production of Peter Pan,
0:12:02 > 0:12:06Ken Branagh's directing and he's a shoo-in for Captain...
0:12:06 > 0:12:09- MIMICS BRIAN BLESSED: - "I'd do it like a shot!"
0:12:09 > 0:12:14- That's possible.- He loves mountain climbing.- Of course he does. Has he climbed Everest?
0:12:14 > 0:12:17- He had a go.- He's had several goes.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21He got incredibly close. He got to 28,000 feet without oxygen,
0:12:21 > 0:12:24the oldest man ever to climb that height.
0:12:24 > 0:12:30He had to turn back to save someone's life. His whole life, he'd been wanting to climb it.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34He helped save someone's life, so that stopped him going to the top.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37He's a Black Belt in judo, he was a boxing champion.
0:12:37 > 0:12:43He's the oldest man to go to the North Pole and to 28,000 feet without oxygen. He's extraordinary.
0:12:43 > 0:12:49You say he went to 28,000 feet without oxygen, but he must have had some.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52No, I mean... Sorry. Without the assistance.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55He held his breath all the way. >
0:12:55 > 0:12:58"Here we go, OK." BREATHES HEAVILY
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Using the very little that is in the atmosphere.
0:13:01 > 0:13:06I think the fastest way to get him up is you get a big balloon full of hot air,
0:13:06 > 0:13:08then tell him to go up the mountain.
0:13:08 > 0:13:13That would be quite... There is a quicker way, but it's incredibly dangerous.
0:13:13 > 0:13:17- It's only recently been done. - Can't you be dropped by a plane?
0:13:17 > 0:13:22It's been done once by helicopter. It's unbelievably difficult
0:13:22 > 0:13:25because with that little air, the rotor resistance...
0:13:25 > 0:13:31And the hydraulic fluids all behave differently. It's a pretty insane thing to try and do.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34And the winds gust at 160mph.
0:13:34 > 0:13:40It was done by a Frenchman called Didier Delsalle. He stayed on the surface for two minutes.
0:13:40 > 0:13:46So it's the highest ever in history landing and take-off that has ever been made.
0:13:46 > 0:13:52I thought you couldn't breathe at... I went sky-diving once and it was at 17,500 feet.
0:13:52 > 0:13:58AUSTRALIAN ACCENT: They said that's the highest you can sky-dive without oxygen.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00This was in Lancashire, which was rather odd.
0:14:00 > 0:14:05- How many people who attempt it die, would you say?- Quite a lot.
0:14:05 > 0:14:10A lot of people don't even go halfway because of the altitude sickness.
0:14:10 > 0:14:15- What is this condition?- Heart failure?- It's a cerebral oedema or a pulmonary oedema.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Fluid build-up in the brain or the lungs.
0:14:18 > 0:14:24So you start to get a headache at about 14,000 feet or something and apparently there are signs
0:14:24 > 0:14:29saying, "If you're getting a headache...go back."
0:14:29 > 0:14:32"Tiredness kills. Take a break."
0:14:32 > 0:14:36LAUGHTER "Feeling woozy? Pull in for a coffee."
0:14:36 > 0:14:39"Moto - two miles."
0:14:39 > 0:14:43"M&S Simply Food - 12 miles." LAUGHTER
0:14:43 > 0:14:46We'll keep going to the M&S!
0:14:47 > 0:14:50It's so much better there.
0:14:50 > 0:14:57There is the Dead Zone, which has a lot of bodies in it and a lot of equipment.
0:14:57 > 0:15:03- Some Nepalese and Sherpas are planning to get rid of the litter. - They're going to get a skip.- Yes.
0:15:03 > 0:15:08There will be a lot of dead bodies. Brian Blessed is a lover of animals.
0:15:08 > 0:15:12He has over 2,000 animals at his house in Surrey, apparently.
0:15:12 > 0:15:17- In his house?!- His house and gardens. He has a lot in his house as well.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20- No wonder he shouts! Thousands?- 2,000.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23- What species? - All kinds.- Wasps, llamas.
0:15:23 > 0:15:29- 2,000 creatures of various kinds. - But that seems a ridiculous number.
0:15:29 > 0:15:37- Am I the only person to be staggered by two...- No.- I know someone with 12 dogs and I think that's incredible!
0:15:37 > 0:15:44- He's a remarkable man. - If it was bees, you could understand, but eland or zebra...
0:15:44 > 0:15:50All mixture of creatures. Some tiny-winy and lots of, some quite big and only a few.
0:15:50 > 0:15:55He's also one of the few people to have boxed with the Dalai Lama.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59- You're making it up!- No, the Dalai Lama was keen on boxing
0:15:59 > 0:16:05and they actually sparred together. Few people can say they've sparred with His Holiness.
0:16:05 > 0:16:10- He is one of the most remarkable men.- I agree. One cow.
0:16:10 > 0:16:16When he dies, he'll be able to look back on a much richer life than just about anybody else.
0:16:16 > 0:16:20Extraordinary. Acted with the RSC, played Voltan in Flash Gordon!
0:16:20 > 0:16:24- "Fly, my beauties!" - LAUGHTER
0:16:24 > 0:16:27You can't ask for better than that, can you?
0:16:27 > 0:16:31Since the record-breaking flight of Didier Delalle in 2005,
0:16:31 > 0:16:35the quickest way of getting to the top of Everest is by helicopter.
0:16:35 > 0:16:41If you were on top of a mountain, how could you tell how high you were without electronic instrumentation?
0:16:41 > 0:16:46I went up the Old Man of Coniston earlier this year.
0:16:46 > 0:16:51I have to say he was very accommodating.
0:16:51 > 0:16:55I think he enjoyed it. And at the top there
0:16:55 > 0:17:01they've got a thing that tells you where you are. But that's not what you're getting at, Stephen.
0:17:01 > 0:17:05You're thinking of somewhere fiendishly clever.
0:17:05 > 0:17:11- Not really...- Can you? - You can if you have a spirit stove and a kettle.
0:17:11 > 0:17:18- I have one here...- Is this to do with the temperature?- Not the temperature.- The boiling point?
0:17:18 > 0:17:23The boiling point, yes. At sea level it is 100 degrees Celsius,
0:17:23 > 0:17:26but every 1,000 feet up you go,
0:17:26 > 0:17:31boiling happens at one centigrade lower.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33- Right.- Right?
0:17:33 > 0:17:38Climb 1,000 feet and it's 99 degrees Celsius at which water boils.
0:17:38 > 0:17:42By the time you get to, say, Mont Blanc,
0:17:42 > 0:17:48it's about 84 degrees and by the time you get to Everest, it's 70 degrees it boils at.
0:17:48 > 0:17:54You could never be completely accurate. Mountains must be sinking.
0:17:54 > 0:17:59Actually, Everest is growing by a tiny amount every year.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02- It's dead people... - LAUGHTER
0:18:02 > 0:18:07That's basically what it is! That's a terrible thought.
0:18:07 > 0:18:14Conversely, if you tried to boil an egg down in the Mariana Trench, in the deepest part of the ocean...
0:18:14 > 0:18:18- You couldn't get the fire to light. - There is that problem!
0:18:18 > 0:18:23But it would be 584 degrees before water boiled.
0:18:23 > 0:18:30So it would be far too hot. The higher you go, you could put your fingers in it and not get burned.
0:18:30 > 0:18:36- Is it to do with air pressure?- Yes. - Such a British notion. "I wonder how tall it is. Let's make tea."
0:18:37 > 0:18:42- This tea is cold.- We couldn't live in this trench! You can't make tea.
0:18:42 > 0:18:48It's called hypsometry, the art of determining your height according to various metrics.
0:18:48 > 0:18:53There are other ways, not on a mountain, to tell temperature.
0:18:53 > 0:18:58- Animal ways, which are surprisingly precise.- Finger in your bum.
0:18:58 > 0:19:02- Mm. Yeah. Mm. - LAUGHTER
0:19:02 > 0:19:04- No?- Mm.
0:19:04 > 0:19:10- I was thinking of the field cricket. - Of course, sorry. Field cricket in your bum.
0:19:10 > 0:19:15- So...if you count the number of chirps...- Yes, you're right.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19Below 13 degrees Celsius, it doesn't chirp at all.
0:19:19 > 0:19:25At 13 exactly, it chirps at around 60 a minute, one a second.
0:19:25 > 0:19:31- Yes(!)- And then the rate increases with temperature. So 140 a minute tells you it's 22.5 degrees Celsius.
0:19:31 > 0:19:39- The quicker he's chirping, the hotter it is?- Yes.- Gosh. - And it's quite reliable. 22.5.
0:19:39 > 0:19:44In hot countries, you're tossing at night, you can't get off.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46LAUGHTER
0:19:46 > 0:19:49No... No! No!
0:19:49 > 0:19:54- I'm simply not having it. - It sounds like it.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:20:00 > 0:20:04You can tell what the weather will be like with your coffee.
0:20:04 > 0:20:10If you get a cup of coffee, before you put the milk in, if the bubbles go into the middle...
0:20:10 > 0:20:14Let me get this right. ..it's going to be low pressure.
0:20:14 > 0:20:20- So you can tell if it'll be a nice day or not. Or look out the window. - LAUGHTER
0:20:20 > 0:20:27- Bubbles in your coffee.- The simplest way to calculate the height of your mountain is to boil a kettle.
0:20:27 > 0:20:34Now the time has come to abandon the uplands of knowledge and plunge into the abyss of general ignorance.
0:20:34 > 0:20:39Name a country where English is the official language.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41LAUGHTER
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Go on, my children.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49- Yes?- Wales.
0:20:49 > 0:20:53Yes! It's the right answer. Very good.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56- APPLAUSE - Any others?
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Scotland!
0:20:58 > 0:21:01- Eng...England.- England?
0:21:01 > 0:21:04HOOTER BLARES
0:21:04 > 0:21:06I'm afraid not.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11- India?- Yes, I think it is an official language.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Absolutely right. Very good.
0:21:13 > 0:21:17- Yeah?- France. LAUGHTER
0:21:17 > 0:21:23- No, darling. No, it isn't. - You know when you're thinking, "It sounds crazy, but...
0:21:23 > 0:21:29- "Go on, be brave. Leap into the abyss." - Odd use of the word "thinking".
0:21:29 > 0:21:31LAUGHTER
0:21:31 > 0:21:37- So we haven't got an official language, obviously.- The point is that it has never arisen here.
0:21:37 > 0:21:43An official language is defined as one which, in statute, is enshrined in the legal system
0:21:43 > 0:21:48as a language that can be used in documentation. So it's never arisen.
0:21:48 > 0:21:54In America, nor has it arisen. Theodore Roosevelt said everybody should learn English,
0:21:54 > 0:21:58but if it's suggested as an official language, Hispanics complain.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Maybe just make them both official languages.
0:22:01 > 0:22:06In Canada it's an official language because French is there.
0:22:06 > 0:22:11- Australia?- No. Not in Australia. - So what's the deal with the map?
0:22:11 > 0:22:17- To show English-speaking countries and lure you into our web. - Yes, it worked.- It did, I'm afraid.
0:22:17 > 0:22:22Many countries have English as the official language, but not England.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25Where do modern Huns live?
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Hungerford.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30- Huntington.- Huntington!
0:22:30 > 0:22:35- Germany.- Germany? - HOOTER BLARES
0:22:37 > 0:22:42- Any offers? Come on. - I can't think where they might be.
0:22:42 > 0:22:48- Why do we associate them with Germany?- The Hun!- But why Germans? - The Huns are an ancient...
0:22:48 > 0:22:53But it was only ever applied to the Germans in 1910.
0:22:53 > 0:22:58- It was all the Kaiser's fault. - Much was.- He made a speech in 1910
0:22:58 > 0:23:04- when he was sending German troops off to China.- Look at that outfit! I love those. Look at them.- I know.
0:23:04 > 0:23:08- You'd get up. "Oh, God, I'm stuck!" - LAUGHTER
0:23:08 > 0:23:12He was sending troops off to China to fight in the Boxer Wars
0:23:12 > 0:23:17and he said, "Take no prisoners, we will sweep down on them like the Hun."
0:23:17 > 0:23:24- He was merely comparing himself to Attila the Hun. The Huns didn't come from Germany.- Mongolia?
0:23:24 > 0:23:30They came from the East, certainly. They weren't a people. They were an army you could join.
0:23:30 > 0:23:38- Attila was the most famous. - Did you ever in your time at Dundee drink in the Speedwell Tavern?
0:23:38 > 0:23:42- Yes.- In the '70s, when I was a student there,
0:23:42 > 0:23:47it was owned by a chap called Ian Thompson, who had a German wife called Connie,
0:23:47 > 0:23:55- who used to stand at the cash register and her nickname was the Hun at the Till.- Oh, very good!
0:23:55 > 0:23:58- Very good. - APPLAUSE
0:24:02 > 0:24:09So the answer is that the Huns were an army, not a tribe and no modern country is descended from them.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13- What do you suffer from if you are afraid of heights?- Vertigo.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16HOOTER BLARES
0:24:16 > 0:24:21It's all Alfred Hitchcock's fault. Vertigo is not a fear of heights.
0:24:21 > 0:24:27It's a condition of dizziness. People who are afraid of heights can get vertigo,
0:24:27 > 0:24:34- but most of them have a particular phobia.- Heightophobia.- Yes... Usually we use Greek, don't we?
0:24:34 > 0:24:36- Not me. - LAUGHTER
0:24:38 > 0:24:44- So there's a high city in Greece. Acropol, as in Acropolis. - Acropolis.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48And an acrobat flies high. So it's acrophobia.
0:24:48 > 0:24:52- As opposed to agro. - As opposed to agoraphobia.
0:24:52 > 0:24:57- The guy's gone a bit far to take a photo of his shoes.- Yes!
0:24:57 > 0:25:01You remember the movie Vertigo with James Stewart and Kim Novak.
0:25:01 > 0:25:07The story is that James Stewart smuggled the Yeti's hand out of India
0:25:07 > 0:25:11and took it to the United States. James Stewart and his wife, Gloria.
0:25:11 > 0:25:16They thought they'll never check his luggage. He put it in her underwear.
0:25:16 > 0:25:20- It was transported out of India. - Good Lord.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24- A strange connection between Vertigo and the Yeti.- It's a very good one.
0:25:24 > 0:25:28- To weave and link. - Quite interesting.- Indeed.
0:25:28 > 0:25:35Lots of people say they're scared of heights, but I don't think they are. Everyone is, to a degree.
0:25:35 > 0:25:41- Is it to do with perspective...? - It's a pretty straightforward, logical evolutionary defence
0:25:41 > 0:25:48- against this not being a safe place to be.- Like in I'm A Celebrity when they don't like the rope bridge.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51- That's the perfect example. - Well done.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54LAUGHTER
0:25:54 > 0:26:01Fear of heights is acrophobia. Vertigo is a spinning or whirling experienced when stationery.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04Which point on Earth is furthest from the centre?
0:26:04 > 0:26:11- The centre of the Earth. Which point is furthest from it? - The top of Mount Everest.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14- HOOTER BLARES - Sadly not.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17- You'd think it would be. - Yes. Very much so.
0:26:17 > 0:26:22It being the highest point on Earth so furthest from its centre.
0:26:22 > 0:26:28- The South Pole?- The Earth isn't round. It's a funny shape. - Yes!- Trick question!
0:26:28 > 0:26:33It's flattened at the poles so the South Pole is nearer to the centre.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37It bulges at the Equator. That's the point.
0:26:37 > 0:26:44- Somewhere in Japan?- No, not Japan. In South America. The Andes. - At the end of your armes.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47- Annapurna?- Not Annapurna.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50- Chimborazo.- Of course!
0:26:50 > 0:26:56- Chimborazo, at the time, people thought was the highest on Earth. 20,500 feet.- High enough for me.
0:26:56 > 0:27:01Oh, yes. Very, very high. Because it's so close to the Equator,
0:27:01 > 0:27:05it's on the bulge part. It's only a degree off the exact Equator.
0:27:05 > 0:27:12So it ends up being 1.3 miles further from the centre of the Earth than Everest.
0:27:12 > 0:27:16- And snow on the Equator. That's quite unusual.- Yeah.
0:27:16 > 0:27:21Do you know how you should say Everest? Because it's named after...
0:27:21 > 0:27:24- Everest Double Glazing.- No.
0:27:24 > 0:27:28The boot may be on the other foot there.
0:27:28 > 0:27:35It was named after George of that name, Surveyor General in India, but he pronounced it Ee-verest.
0:27:35 > 0:27:40- Eeverest?- It should be Mount Eeverest.- I like that.
0:27:40 > 0:27:44Look! The tea is not boiling on Mount Eeverest.
0:27:44 > 0:27:49Which brings us to the high point of our evening - the scores.
0:27:49 > 0:27:55Suffering altitude sickness, in first place is Fred MacAulay with 8 points!
0:27:55 > 0:27:57APPLAUSE
0:27:57 > 0:28:03Fred is closely followed by the high-flying six-pointer, Sandi Toksvig!
0:28:03 > 0:28:05APPLAUSE
0:28:05 > 0:28:11In third place, we have with one point the mildly adventurous Rob Brydon!
0:28:11 > 0:28:14That's good for me!
0:28:14 > 0:28:21Lurking down in a Mariana Trench of his own making with -39 is Alan Davies!
0:28:21 > 0:28:22Wow!
0:28:27 > 0:28:31It only remains for me to thank Sandi, Rob, Fred and Alan
0:28:31 > 0:28:36and to leave you with this timely proverb about ambition.
0:28:36 > 0:28:42The higher a monkey climbs, the more you can see of its bottom. Good night.
0:28:54 > 0:28:58Subtitles by Subtext for Red Bee Media Ltd - 2010
0:28:59 > 0:29:01Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk