0:00:23 > 0:00:28APPLAUSE
0:00:28 > 0:00:29Well...
0:00:29 > 0:00:30APPLAUSE CONTINUES
0:00:30 > 0:00:36Well, it's lawkes, tally-ho and welcome to an episode
0:00:36 > 0:00:38that is all about horses and hunting.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Our four horsemen shooting from the hips are...
0:00:41 > 0:00:43a handsome thoroughbred, Jimmy Carr...
0:00:43 > 0:00:46APPLAUSE
0:00:46 > 0:00:50..A magnificent stallion, Dara O Briain...
0:00:50 > 0:00:53APPLAUSE
0:00:53 > 0:00:55..A well-bred filly, Clare Balding...
0:00:55 > 0:00:59APPLAUSE
0:00:59 > 0:01:03..And a My Little Pony, Alan Davies.
0:01:03 > 0:01:08APPLAUSE
0:01:08 > 0:01:12And their buzzers are all horsey too. Jimmy goes...
0:01:12 > 0:01:14HORSE SNORTS
0:01:14 > 0:01:15Dara goes...
0:01:15 > 0:01:17HORSE NEIGHS
0:01:17 > 0:01:18Clare goes...
0:01:18 > 0:01:20HORSE GALLOPS
0:01:20 > 0:01:22And Alan goes...
0:01:22 > 0:01:25DONKEY BRAYS
0:01:25 > 0:01:30Well, let the horseplay commence. How did the horses of New York City
0:01:30 > 0:01:33kill 20,000 people, in the year 1900?
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Were they contagious?
0:01:35 > 0:01:38They were not themselves contagious.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Did they poo out something contagious?
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Well, yes. Manure, of course.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Well, manure isn't in and of itself contagious.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49- That's why I was...- My mum used to run out in the street
0:01:49 > 0:01:53and scrape it up into... my dad's hat. No, into a bag!
0:01:53 > 0:01:55LAUGHTER
0:01:55 > 0:01:58Horse manure's actually, as manure goes, I think,
0:01:58 > 0:01:59rather less offensive than...
0:01:59 > 0:02:03- It is, isn't it?- Something like dog poo really, really smells,
0:02:03 > 0:02:05but horse, actually, I think, smells quite nice.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08- So you're saying... Have we got favourite poos now?- Yes!
0:02:08 > 0:02:12I had no idea this was going to be the game. This show's changed.
0:02:12 > 0:02:13LAUGHTER
0:02:13 > 0:02:16- "Dog poo? Horrible. Horse poo?"- Lovely!
0:02:16 > 0:02:17LAUGHTER
0:02:17 > 0:02:20When I first went to school, I was told that I smelled of horse poo.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23- Oh, really? So you grew up amongst horses.- I did.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27And, as you know, they do indeed produce excreta and...
0:02:27 > 0:02:32London and other places, taxis and buses were all pulled by horses.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34And there were, in London alone,
0:02:34 > 0:02:3850,000 horses just in the public transport system.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40And each one of those produces an enormous amount of poo.
0:02:40 > 0:02:47New York City - 2.5 million pounds of it, every day.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49It was becoming an epidemic problem.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Not only was there that problem, they were also dying.
0:02:52 > 0:02:57About 41 a day, on average, died while working in the streets
0:02:57 > 0:02:59and they preferred to leave them to putrefy,
0:02:59 > 0:03:02cos they were easier to carve up and destroy,
0:03:02 > 0:03:05so what we're talking about is huge quantities of manure.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09I mean absolutely epic, gigantic quantities, which were vectors for all kinds of diseases.
0:03:09 > 0:03:13Where did they bring the poo to, did somebody roll it into the corner?
0:03:13 > 0:03:17The problem was, in the early 19th century, it was extremely valuable as a fertiliser.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Didn't they call it black gold?
0:03:19 > 0:03:21It had been, but by the time you get to 1900,
0:03:21 > 0:03:26there's so much of it that it's like any commodity in economics, it's virtually valueless.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29You can grind it down, when it's dry, into a powder.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31A very fine powder, indeed.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33And William Herschel, the astronomer,
0:03:33 > 0:03:36he used it for his speculum, the curved, polished mirror.
0:03:36 > 0:03:40In the making of the mould for it, he used ground-up horse manure.
0:03:40 > 0:03:44So it did have some uses. But, basically, by the time we're talking about,
0:03:44 > 0:03:48traffic was much more dangerous than cars, with horses, because
0:03:48 > 0:03:53horses themselves can bolt and drag people off with them and trample them.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55The noise in the city was unbelievable.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58The iron hooves on the cobbles was almost unbearable.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00You could never have a conversation on the street.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03And this poo that was transmitting typhus and typhoid and cholera
0:04:03 > 0:04:06and goodness knows what else, all kinds of unpleasant things.
0:04:06 > 0:04:10And what it is that the motor car - seems peculiar to us -
0:04:10 > 0:04:16was an environmental saviour. It made the traffic safer, better, less smelly,
0:04:16 > 0:04:20faster. It was just like the answer to the city's prayers.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Did Jeremy Clarkson put you up to this?
0:04:22 > 0:04:26- LAUGHTER - It has that kind of ring about it. "The Saviour of New York City"
0:04:26 > 0:04:29We do know that the car, of course, does have its drawbacks,
0:04:29 > 0:04:33but it's a lot less dangerous. It's about seven times more dangerous
0:04:33 > 0:04:37to have horses in the city than the car, just statistically speaking.
0:04:37 > 0:04:44People have pointed out, of course, that traffic now is about as fast as it was in the days of the horse.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48But they fail to point out that, of course, there's a lot more of it.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51So, in fact, modern transportation is certainly more efficient.
0:04:51 > 0:04:56So, before the First World War, the big environmental issue of the day was horse manure,
0:04:56 > 0:04:58which filled up the streets as fast as it could be cleared away.
0:04:58 > 0:05:03What are the advantages and disadvantages of guide horses for the blind?
0:05:06 > 0:05:07I'm going to say the obvious one
0:05:07 > 0:05:09is the fact that they could give you a lift.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13- LAUGHTER - If you've got a guide dog, you've got to walk with it.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16If you've got a guide horse, you'd be crazy not to climb on.
0:05:16 > 0:05:20- You are aware they exist though? - I wasn't.- I can't imagine it.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24You didn't know? They use these miniature horses as guide horses.
0:05:24 > 0:05:29But, hang on, is the blind person walking a Shetland pony?
0:05:29 > 0:05:31Smaller even than a Shetland pony.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34OK, an even smaller one. But the blind person must be aware
0:05:34 > 0:05:38of the people whispering, "Oh, god, somebody's nicked their dog."
0:05:38 > 0:05:40LAUGHTER
0:05:40 > 0:05:44- You can see how small they are. - Oh, it's a Falabella then, it's even smaller...
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Exactly. It's very, very small.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48And there are many bigger dogs than that.
0:05:48 > 0:05:53- Anyway, what are the advantages of a horse rather than a dog?- Well, the poo's much nicer, isn't it?
0:05:53 > 0:05:56- It's cooler.- It's cooler? - It's cooler.
0:05:56 > 0:06:00You've got a Falabella pony, for god's sake, you've got a tiny, miniature pony.
0:06:00 > 0:06:01Bragging rights, you mean.
0:06:01 > 0:06:05- It could carry your shopping on its back.- Shopping on it back is another one.
0:06:05 > 0:06:09Pull a little trolley, as well. They're a hardy pulling animal.
0:06:09 > 0:06:13Some people, not many, are allergic to dogs. I would say that more people are allergic to horses.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17- I would have thought. - If you're allergic to dogs, you may not be allergic to horses.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20It might not go and shag the leg of every passer-by.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23If it does, though, it would be more of a problem.
0:06:23 > 0:06:28- They do have very good memories, as well, horses.- Do they?- Yeah, they do.
0:06:28 > 0:06:29It's usually a panicky memory.
0:06:29 > 0:06:34It's connected with something that was genuinely painful and distressing for them
0:06:34 > 0:06:37and they never forget it. It can be the smallest thing.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41So they would remember the way to the shops if they were particularly frightened
0:06:41 > 0:06:46by the way to the shops some time ago, and you could just go "AH!" and the horse would go?
0:06:46 > 0:06:51That would indeed be a disadvantage. They are flight animals, rather than pack animals. They can spook.
0:06:51 > 0:06:57Another advantage, and it's a big one, is simply the relationship you have with your animal is longer.
0:06:57 > 0:07:01- They live, what, 30 years? - 20 or 30 years, as opposed to a dog, 8 to 12 years.
0:07:01 > 0:07:06So that's a very strong advantage. Another one is simply their stamina is greater than dogs.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09- But can you house-train a horse like- a dog?
0:07:09 > 0:07:10Oddly enough, you can.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13- Not as well as a dog. - The occasional accident?
0:07:13 > 0:07:17The disadvantage is that restaurants tend to have a policy of "no horses",
0:07:17 > 0:07:20or at least they don't have a positive "yes to horses" policy.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24And also, if you go into a bar or somewhere a dog is welcome,
0:07:24 > 0:07:27the dog can curl up and go to sleep, or go under the table.
0:07:27 > 0:07:35The horse will be on the machine, smoking a fag. Chatting up other horses. Terrible in bars.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37"I've just got to do the black now..."
0:07:37 > 0:07:38LAUGHTER
0:07:38 > 0:07:40"You go home, I'm going to stay."
0:07:40 > 0:07:43LAUGHTER
0:07:43 > 0:07:47They are slightly less able to blend into the background.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51How does it work when a blind person with a guide dog wants to cross the road?
0:07:51 > 0:07:56Does the dog say when it's clear and make the decision to cross the road?
0:07:56 > 0:07:58- I hope so.- You hope so? Well, oddly enough, it doesn't.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02- It's the blind person who makes the decision. - And the dog keeps stopping him.
0:08:02 > 0:08:03The dog has the ability.
0:08:03 > 0:08:08It's trained what's called selective disobedience or intelligent disobedience.
0:08:08 > 0:08:13The dog will overrule if it must, but otherwise it's down to the master or mistress to initiate it.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16And it's all done through the feeling of the harness,
0:08:16 > 0:08:19so, when the dog gets to the other end, it puts its paws up on the kerb,
0:08:19 > 0:08:24which alters the angle of the harness and the blind person feels that and knows where the kerb is.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27My uncle, Harry, takes in guide dogs.
0:08:27 > 0:08:31So when they fail the guide dog test, when they're not quite good enough,
0:08:31 > 0:08:34- he has one.- That's rather wonderful. - So he sort of takes them in.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37He was showing me one of his dogs, which was a magnificent creature.
0:08:37 > 0:08:42What it would do, just to show how good it was, he would send it out to pee and it would come in
0:08:42 > 0:08:46and he'd send it out again and you'd see it's little face going, "I've got to force one out.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49"I can't come in till I've done a little wee."
0:08:49 > 0:08:53And how long have humans been using dogs for blind people specifically?
0:08:53 > 0:08:57- Do you know when it started?- 1806? - I reckon it's going to be Roman.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00- You're absolutely right. - It's always Roman, innit?
0:09:00 > 0:09:03Have you not seen this show before? It's always Roman.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06There's a first or second century AD mural at the Herculaneum
0:09:06 > 0:09:09which shows quite clearly that it was in use then.
0:09:09 > 0:09:15The proper school, the first school for seeing eye dogs, as the Americans call guide dogs,
0:09:15 > 0:09:17when would we imagine and why?
0:09:17 > 0:09:2018... No, maybe it was after the First World War.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23- Very good.- A lot of blindness. - Cos the gas and things caused a lot of blindness.
0:09:23 > 0:09:28- It was actually the Germans who had the first one, in World War One. - They had the top dogs for it.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30In Britain, it started to take off in the 30s
0:09:30 > 0:09:34but members of the public hated it and it caused a lot of fuss. Why, do you think?
0:09:34 > 0:09:37- Were they using German Shepherd dogs? - No, it wasn't that.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41Good point. There was a lot of anti-German feeling. No, they thought it was cruel to the dog.
0:09:41 > 0:09:47And they would berate the trainers and users. "You can't do that to a dog!" It was just bizarre.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49They seemed to have that rather British view
0:09:49 > 0:09:54that anything you do with an animal that isn't normal must, therefore, be cruel.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58And yet they'd been racing horses since 17-whatever and that was just fine(!)
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Do you remember what happened with Blue Peter?
0:10:01 > 0:10:05- Collecting milk bottle tops. - It was milk bottle tops, in the days if milk bottles.
0:10:05 > 0:10:11- Happy days.- And it was 22 million milk bottle tops to train one dog.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14- And the children of Britain... - ..Trained one dog.
0:10:14 > 0:10:15LAUGHTER
0:10:15 > 0:10:20- Still, it made a happy blind person. - It was really well trained, though.
0:10:20 > 0:10:24He was sick of milk, though, at the end of it.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28Good. Well done, everybody. Miniature horses can be trained as guides for the blind,
0:10:28 > 0:10:32though they have significant disadvantages and you're probably better off with a dog.
0:10:32 > 0:10:36How would you use one of these to calm a horse down?
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Oh. Is this...? Oh...
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Calm it down?!
0:10:44 > 0:10:47What I'm thinking of is not going to calm it down!
0:10:47 > 0:10:51Have these been used? Cos if they are what I think they are, I don't think I want to touch it.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55- Scrupulously cleaned. - Something over its nose?
0:10:55 > 0:10:57- Over its snout?- It's that big.
0:10:57 > 0:11:01- On the tail? - You fire an arrow at the horse?
0:11:01 > 0:11:07Well, the points have gone to Alan. Alan has identified where it goes.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10- Not the full number of points. - CLARE'S BUZZER
0:11:10 > 0:11:14- Yes, Clare?- It's a twitch. - It's a twitch, she knows.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17Of course she knows, she's Clare Balding!
0:11:17 > 0:11:18LAUGHTER
0:11:18 > 0:11:24- I couldn't let Alan get any more of it. I thought, "I'll give him a go", and he was nearly right!- They are.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27Imagine you have to give medication...
0:11:27 > 0:11:30This is like... Here, I'll do...
0:11:30 > 0:11:31"twing-ning-ning!"
0:11:31 > 0:11:33This isn't calming me.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Is this Whose Line Is It Anyway from ten years ago?
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Imagine you're giving a horse medication or something.
0:11:40 > 0:11:45They're very nervous animals and they don't like being fiddled around with any more than anyone else
0:11:45 > 0:11:48but the trouble is, when they're uncomfortable,
0:11:48 > 0:11:52they can hurt themselves as much as they can hurt a vet or anyone attending them,
0:11:52 > 0:11:58because they strike out. So you need to calm a horse down and there's a very magical thing about horses.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01Most peculiar. And what is it, Clare?
0:12:01 > 0:12:04If you take their top lip, and you can do it with your hands
0:12:04 > 0:12:07or a bit of rope - this, to me, looks a little severe...
0:12:07 > 0:12:11- There it is.- And you basically take their top lip and they won't move.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14- They just go into a state of almost trance-like...- Yeah.
0:12:14 > 0:12:20And it's a bit like the old rabbits in the headlight freeze. It makes them go completely...
0:12:20 > 0:12:23- And then you can...- Yeah, like that. - You can administer...- He's gone.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25Alan is a horse.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Give me the drugs now, give me the drugs.
0:12:32 > 0:12:37- You don't need them now.- Actually, with some you can take their ear and it has the same effect.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41How did they find that out?! Must have been a lot of experimentation.
0:12:41 > 0:12:45"I suppose we'll try the... That went badly, let's try the lip now."
0:12:45 > 0:12:47LAUGHTER
0:12:47 > 0:12:50It was thought originally that it was a distraction,
0:12:50 > 0:12:54that if you did that, it couldn't concentrate on something else happening to it,
0:12:54 > 0:12:59but it was discovered that it released endorphins. It just gets blissed out.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01It's rather nice to know, cos it looks...
0:13:01 > 0:13:04- LAUGHTER - It looks a bit cruel.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08- I'm fine, I'm fine.- Oh, good.
0:13:09 > 0:13:14There's another thing you may like to know. That's when you calm a horse down, but, sometimes,
0:13:14 > 0:13:19you might want to get a horse more active. For example, if you're a horse dealer
0:13:19 > 0:13:24and you've got a knackered old nag, you might want them to look coltish and spring-like.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27How do you do the opposite, then? How do you...?
0:13:27 > 0:13:29What, just hit 'em in the nads?
0:13:29 > 0:13:31A little bit further back, even.
0:13:31 > 0:13:32- We're talking bottoms.- Really?
0:13:32 > 0:13:37- Yes, but what in the bottom? That's the key.- Well, anything really!
0:13:37 > 0:13:39LAUGHTER
0:13:39 > 0:13:43- Ice cube.- Ice cube? That would be good.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46- The favourite thing... - Or a popsicle!
0:13:46 > 0:13:49Sounds like there might be a story there, Alan!
0:13:49 > 0:13:52- LAUGHTER - Goes back to the hot summer of '76.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54LAUGHTER
0:13:54 > 0:13:57What were the milk ones called? I loved the milk ones?
0:13:57 > 0:14:00You know, the milk ones, you know the one I mean.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03But for purely normal consumption, Clare.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05LAUGHTER
0:14:05 > 0:14:09In the normal way? Clare, Clare, in the normal way, you like them?
0:14:09 > 0:14:11- Yes.- Yes, good. Just checking.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14I really don't think flavour is a major issue
0:14:14 > 0:14:17when you're talking about the ones to shove up your arse.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19I'll tell you what is an issue - the Calippo.
0:14:19 > 0:14:20LAUGHTER
0:14:20 > 0:14:24It's thick in the wrong way. It comes out thick and then goes thin.
0:14:24 > 0:14:28It depends which way you start your Calippo. You novice!
0:14:28 > 0:14:31LAUGHTER
0:14:31 > 0:14:34Let's... It's disappointing to discover that, in fact,
0:14:34 > 0:14:38it's nothing to do with any kind of ice cream confection whatsoever.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41But we are in the right channel, the right passage.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44- And it is a foodstuff.- Ginger?
0:14:44 > 0:14:48- Ginger is the right answer. - Oh, I didn't know that, I guessed.
0:14:48 > 0:14:52- I just thought it was a bit hot. - You pop ginger out the bottom
0:14:52 > 0:14:55and they spring about and look lively and it takes 10 years off 'em.
0:14:55 > 0:15:00It's a really good episode of How To Look 10 Years Younger...
0:15:00 > 0:15:03Yes, exactly!
0:15:03 > 0:15:07- That woman with the glasses, I don't like her...- Ginger snaps.
0:15:10 > 0:15:14- No, no, don't eat him.- Someone up there likes a ginger snap!
0:15:14 > 0:15:17"I love ginger snaps!"
0:15:17 > 0:15:19Is it legal in horse-racing?
0:15:19 > 0:15:24If you were at the Derby or whatever, or the Grand National,
0:15:24 > 0:15:27- could you just throw some ginger... - I think that would count as nobbling.
0:15:27 > 0:15:32- I don't know if it's on the banned list.- Really?- I don't know, I'll have to check it.- Please do.
0:15:32 > 0:15:37- What about Calippos?- Calippos probably have...- A ginger Calippo, that's going to change...
0:15:37 > 0:15:40LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
0:15:40 > 0:15:43So, yes, you can calm a horse down by grabbing hold of its upper lip
0:15:43 > 0:15:48then rev it up again by sticking a bit of ginger up its rectum, which is nice.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50What is this sound?
0:15:50 > 0:15:52GUTTURAL GROWLING
0:15:52 > 0:15:54I'm going to say it's that bear.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57KLAXON
0:15:57 > 0:16:04What?! In the conventions of TV, if you show a picture of something...the noise over the top.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07We showed a black bear and as you know, black bears don't roar.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Oh, no, of course.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11So it can't have been that bear making that noise.
0:16:11 > 0:16:17It's probably a wolf or a lion which is what Hollywood, and documentary makers to their eternal shame,
0:16:17 > 0:16:22sometimes will put on. You see them open their mouth and you expect a roar and it makes it convincing.
0:16:22 > 0:16:26But they don't roar. They barely growl.
0:16:26 > 0:16:27ALAN SQUEAKS
0:16:27 > 0:16:30- Yeah, that kind of noise, probably. - That won't do at all.
0:16:30 > 0:16:35I don't think I find it less frightening, it's relatively frightening anyway
0:16:35 > 0:16:38but I would be perplexed. That would stop me in my running away.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41If the bear went... HE MOUTHS
0:16:41 > 0:16:45- You'd wait to see what it had to say.- A bear miming?!
0:16:46 > 0:16:50Many of their defenders would say they are pretty harmless.
0:16:50 > 0:16:54There's a hunting season for black bear in America, that's the species.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57They don't really attack people. Not like grizzlies which can be tricky.
0:16:57 > 0:17:03Though they can climb trees and they say you know the difference between a black bear and a brown bear,
0:17:03 > 0:17:07it's not always the colour, if you climb a tree. The black bear will climb after you,
0:17:07 > 0:17:12if it's a grizzly, it will pull the tree down and then eat you that way.
0:17:12 > 0:17:13So you'll know which one has eaten you.
0:17:13 > 0:17:18The other way of stopping them attacking you is just put a pane of glass in front of them.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22That's miming! We were talking about their mime skills...
0:17:22 > 0:17:25Have you got a bear walking against the wind?
0:17:27 > 0:17:30They don't eat us. They eat fruit.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34They really love insect larvae, grubs and ants and all kinds of stuff like that.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38- It is lovely, though, isn't it?- Yes! Oh, fabulous, absolutely.
0:17:38 > 0:17:42Their strength is not in order to wrestle us or bite us, and their claws,
0:17:42 > 0:17:47it's to upturn stones and bark to get at these woodlice and things.
0:17:47 > 0:17:51There you are. Black bears don't actually roar so their vocal parts
0:17:51 > 0:17:54in films are usually given to lions and wolves.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56One million British forces were sent to the First World War front.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59What happened to the ones that survived?
0:17:59 > 0:18:04They settled in the South of France and opened a caravan park.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07They couldn't learn the language, ended up moving back.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11- What they didn't do is move back. - Did the French eat them?
0:18:11 > 0:18:16Lots of people ate them. They were turned into food or rendered into products.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18The point is one million horses, that's a heck of a lot,
0:18:18 > 0:18:20but almost none came home.
0:18:20 > 0:18:25- Some did cos in War Horse, he did. - Yes.- He came back.- Really?
0:18:28 > 0:18:30- He did come back.- One million horses?
0:18:30 > 0:18:33- Went to the First World War?- From Britain, yeah.- That's extraordinary.
0:18:33 > 0:18:37If you think about the logistics of getting one million horses across the Channel,
0:18:37 > 0:18:40- they're not all David Walliams. - Exactly.
0:18:40 > 0:18:44According to Michael Morpurgo, who wrote that book, War Horse,
0:18:44 > 0:18:488-10 million horses died in the First World War.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51They didn't have a nice time of it even if they did survive.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54They thought they'd be diseased when they came back as well.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58So they just didn't want them. It was a very sad chapter
0:18:58 > 0:19:00- in our story.- Yes.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02It's a bummer, isn't it? I've silenced you.
0:19:02 > 0:19:06It's like when they play the Black Beauty music, I just start crying.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10You know the bit where Ginger dies? It's really, really sad.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12You know why they call him Ginger.
0:19:15 > 0:19:20I would have that music at my funeral, definitely. Black Beauty music.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23- It's a deal. I'll arrange it. - Thanks.- We'll make sure it happens.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26How fast is that coffin going to be moving?
0:19:26 > 0:19:28At quite a lick, by the sounds of things!
0:19:28 > 0:19:32One of the most popular ones to have now with the coffin going is the Countdown theme.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36Do-do-do-do-do-do-BOONG! Like that.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39It is bizarre the way people go crazy for horses though.
0:19:39 > 0:19:44I remember in primary school, a really weird thing which stuck in my head.
0:19:44 > 0:19:48There was a little girl in our primary school class, we were six years old,
0:19:48 > 0:19:51and she was just in floods of tears, bawling her eyes out,
0:19:51 > 0:19:52we went, "What's the matter?"
0:19:52 > 0:19:55And she went, "I just love horses so much."
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Ohh! Is that how you were?
0:19:58 > 0:19:59I don't see why that's strange.
0:20:01 > 0:20:06You know, sometimes they ask you to write things for, you know, your first love.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09Genuinely, my first love was Frank and he was a pony.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13He wasn't very handsome. He had brown ears and a spotty neck and really bad sweet itch,
0:20:13 > 0:20:17so his mane just kind of stood up in sections and my mother always said
0:20:17 > 0:20:21if you could love Frank, everything in the world would always be beautiful
0:20:21 > 0:20:24- cos you thought he was beautiful and I did.- That's so touching!
0:20:24 > 0:20:26He was lovely, he understood me.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28He DID understand me.
0:20:28 > 0:20:33Why little girls? Little boys don't care about ponies.
0:20:33 > 0:20:38I know families who move for the sake of having more space so they can maybe get a horse.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41CLARE: We're emotionally mature a little earlier.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44- Yeah.- About 50 years earlier.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47I would never move for a child's hobby.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51"But Dad, I like ponies." "Yeah, well, I like this house.
0:20:53 > 0:20:58"When you pay for the mortgage, you can stick a pony in every room."
0:20:58 > 0:21:00"Thanks, Dad(!)
0:21:00 > 0:21:02"All right, I'm only asking, God!"
0:21:02 > 0:21:04You're Dad, all right?
0:21:04 > 0:21:08All right. Thank you.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11So, the fact is very few horses, sadly, made it home from the front.
0:21:11 > 0:21:16If they weren't killed in action, they were likely to be fed to prisoners or turned into fertiliser.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19What are these horses thinking? Picture is behind you there.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21From left to right.
0:21:21 > 0:21:25- What is it we're after here? - The one on the right's thinking, "Clare Balding."
0:21:25 > 0:21:28"She loves me!"
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Yeah, the one in the middle's going, "I'll be Frank!"
0:21:31 > 0:21:35- It's something to do with the ears, is it?- It's the ears.
0:21:35 > 0:21:39The language and moods of the horse are often interpreted by its ears.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42Are you...what's your sense on the one on the left, then?
0:21:42 > 0:21:47The one on the left is very alert and has seen something that's slightly startled it...woo!
0:21:47 > 0:21:50- That's straight up, a kind of...yeah.- Slightly startled.
0:21:50 > 0:21:54The one in the middle is eager, keen, wanting to go forward, sees something it likes.
0:21:54 > 0:21:58- You can do the position... - Fantastic. Thank you so much.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01So, that'll be...I'm a bit alarmed.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03- Right.- That, I'm...
0:22:03 > 0:22:05DARA: Before we're accused...
0:22:05 > 0:22:08The only woman on the panel is the one wearing the bunny ears.
0:22:08 > 0:22:13Can Jimmy wear the ears? Just for...
0:22:13 > 0:22:16He doesn't know the horse ear language whereas you do.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18I'm not sure about sideways, actually.
0:22:18 > 0:22:23- Sideways, we have written down... - Flat back is very scared or very angry.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26That could mean it's moving at quite a pace.
0:22:26 > 0:22:30- Wind tunnel, horse in a wind tunnel. - Or going under a door.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32- Or going in a door.- It's amazing. If you watch racing,
0:22:32 > 0:22:36you watch how many horses prick their ears as they get to the winning post.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39- Yeah.- Cos they think if they just get the ears over quickly,
0:22:39 > 0:22:42- it'll be...- They'll break the tape.
0:22:42 > 0:22:47Apparently, flopping sideways means knackered or "I surrender," to another horse or person.
0:22:47 > 0:22:52- Then there's flicking...- Yeah, and one back and one forward.
0:22:52 > 0:22:56- What does that mean? What does flicking mean?- Left, left!
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Panic, supposedly.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02Panic. Then back, you mentioned, is angry, aggressive, upset...
0:23:02 > 0:23:06- Is this ALL horses?- Yes. - The universal language of horses?
0:23:06 > 0:23:09- Putting their ears back is a bad sign.- I think I've broken this now.
0:23:09 > 0:23:14- You have!- Violence, there. - Permanently sad.
0:23:14 > 0:23:18- You look very sweet. - Just permanently confused.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21Drooping sideways, one down, one up, the way you are there,
0:23:21 > 0:23:23it could be that you're on drugs, apparently.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28I can absolutely assure you that I'm not.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31- Doped with depressants or stimulants...- One up, one down?
0:23:31 > 0:23:34No, whether it's completely rigid or flat down.
0:23:34 > 0:23:38Rigid would be stimulants, I think.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Horses do use a lot of body language. They talk with their ears.
0:23:43 > 0:23:47Now we plunge head-long into the dung heap of General Ignorance
0:23:47 > 0:23:51to see who comes up smelling of roses. Put your fingers on the buzzers.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53What colour is this horse?
0:23:53 > 0:23:54Grey.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57KLAXON
0:23:59 > 0:24:01- Yeah?- White.- It's white.
0:24:01 > 0:24:07It's a white horse. You said grey because almost all white horses
0:24:07 > 0:24:11- are, in fact, known as greys to people.- And they're born very dark.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14All those horses that you see at the Spanish Riding School
0:24:14 > 0:24:19- that become beautiful and white, I've been to see them as foals... - Lipizzaners.- Yeah.
0:24:19 > 0:24:24- ..they're born almost jet black. - Are they?- They go grey and if you ever get the chance...
0:24:24 > 0:24:28You must know that. You must have seen Crimson Tide with Gene Hackman
0:24:28 > 0:24:30- and Denzel Washington...- Oh, yes...
0:24:30 > 0:24:32It's a whole thing, a big a-ha-ha-ha!
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Does Denzel Washington go white?
0:24:35 > 0:24:39The thing is, "But they're born black! Da-da-da!"
0:24:39 > 0:24:43- It's a big twist. - So, yes, white horses.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46If it's a Thoroughbred grey, what do you know about it?
0:24:46 > 0:24:48It's a bit snobby.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51A bit self-important. Thoroughbreds...
0:24:51 > 0:24:56- All Thoroughbred greys are descended from one grey.- Jesus.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59LAUGHTER
0:24:59 > 0:25:00No. No.
0:25:00 > 0:25:05It was a wild stab in the dark. If it had come off, my God, you would have got points.
0:25:05 > 0:25:10It would have been so impressive. But unfortunately, it wasn't the answer on this occasion.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13Alcock, is the answer. Alcock Arabian.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17All Thoroughbred horses around the world are descend from...
0:25:17 > 0:25:18Three.
0:25:18 > 0:25:19Three. Can you name them?
0:25:19 > 0:25:23Darley Arabian, Godolphin Arabian and the Byerley Turk?
0:25:23 > 0:25:26- Absolutely right, you must have points for that. - Yes, that's correct.
0:25:26 > 0:25:31- Thank you.- Three Arab stallions came over in the late 17th century
0:25:31 > 0:25:35and they are the origins of all Thoroughbred horses in racing.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38So, horsey people call most white horses grey.
0:25:38 > 0:25:43But the ones in our picture, well, that one was an honest-to-goodness white horse.
0:25:43 > 0:25:47Now a story of horror and hostility, a shoal of piranhas
0:25:47 > 0:25:49meets a dolphin. What happens next?
0:25:49 > 0:25:51Does the dolphin eat the piranhas?
0:25:51 > 0:25:54Yes! You're learning. That's good.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57I only said that cos it was the opposite of what I thought.
0:25:57 > 0:26:02The fact is, the whole idea that piranhas are these aggressive, flesh-eating creatures
0:26:02 > 0:26:04is pretty nonsensical, actually.
0:26:04 > 0:26:08It really goes back to Teddy Roosevelt, it seems, that's maybe one of the first times
0:26:08 > 0:26:12that people who'd never travelled to South America, he'd been there
0:26:12 > 0:26:16and they'd put on a display for him and he rather exaggerated this idea.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20He'd said if you put your arm in the water, it'd be stripped to the bone.
0:26:20 > 0:26:23The fact is, they just don't do that. They're frightened of humans.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26If you're swimming with piranhas, they'll go away.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29They scavenge on dead things, mostly. Contrary to their reputation,
0:26:29 > 0:26:32piranhas are scavengers, not predators.
0:26:32 > 0:26:36They're actually eaten by dolphins, not the other way round.
0:26:36 > 0:26:40So, what weapon did 19th century whalers use to kill whales?
0:26:40 > 0:26:43Are you looking for a harpoon?
0:26:43 > 0:26:44KLAXON
0:26:44 > 0:26:47OK, not a harpoon.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50No, the harpoon is used for...
0:26:50 > 0:26:51Dragging it in.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53It's tiring it out, really.
0:26:53 > 0:26:57You fire or they threw a harpoon, with rope attached,
0:26:57 > 0:27:01it's barbed so it would stick in to the flesh of the beast
0:27:01 > 0:27:04and then what was called a Nantucket Sleighride would take place,
0:27:04 > 0:27:07where this whale would drag the whaling boat,
0:27:07 > 0:27:10which was quite small, as you can see, and eventually,
0:27:10 > 0:27:14the whale would tire out. You just keep on and you don't let go.
0:27:14 > 0:27:15Then when it's tired out,
0:27:15 > 0:27:17lances finish it off.
0:27:17 > 0:27:21- It was a pretty extraordinary industry.- There's a lot of it still going on, isn't there?
0:27:21 > 0:27:25I fear there is. Most nations are signatories of a ban on whaling...
0:27:25 > 0:27:28- That's all changing...- Notably, Norway and Japan are not.
0:27:28 > 0:27:33Japan say it's all for research - researching the perfect whale sandwich.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36- Yes.- And they won't stop until they've got it!
0:27:36 > 0:27:39Mmm, delicious.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42So, yes, 19th century whalers used lances to kill whales,
0:27:42 > 0:27:47harpoons were used to catch them before they were killed, which brings us to our final scores.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50Oh, my goodness! An interesting one today.
0:27:50 > 0:27:54Falling at the first fence, I'm sorry to say,
0:27:54 > 0:27:57with minus 13 in fourth place, it's Jimmy Carr!
0:27:57 > 0:28:01APPLAUSE
0:28:03 > 0:28:07And a very relieved Alan Davies has only made a slight foal of himself,
0:28:07 > 0:28:08on minus six.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11APPLAUSE
0:28:11 > 0:28:15And just beaten in the final furlong, with four points,
0:28:15 > 0:28:17Dara O'Briain.
0:28:17 > 0:28:20APPLAUSE
0:28:20 > 0:28:24Oh, who would believe it? It's maiden stakes for her, her first race,
0:28:24 > 0:28:28and she's galloping away as a winner, five points, Clare Balding!
0:28:28 > 0:28:30APPLAUSE
0:28:35 > 0:28:40It's good night from Clare, Jimmy, Dara and Alan and I leave you with this thought from Rita Mae Brown.
0:28:40 > 0:28:45"If the world was truly a rational place, it would be men who rode side saddle."
0:28:45 > 0:28:47Thank you and good night.
0:28:56 > 0:29:00Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:29:00 > 0:29:03Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk