0:00:25 > 0:00:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:31 > 0:00:37Oh! Hi-de-hi-de-hi-de- hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-hi,
0:00:37 > 0:00:41and welcome to QI. We're off on our H for holidays this evening,
0:00:41 > 0:00:44leaving behind Hertford, Hereford and Hampshire
0:00:44 > 0:00:47in favour of Hong Kong, Honduras and Hawaii.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50Hitching a ride along the way are the globetrotting Rich Hall!
0:00:50 > 0:00:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:55 > 0:00:57The jet-setting Rob Brydon.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:03 > 0:01:05The wanderlusty Bill Bailey!
0:01:05 > 0:01:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:10 > 0:01:13And the itchy-footed Alan Davies.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:20 > 0:01:23Now, before we set off, let's hear a bit of world music. Rich goes...
0:01:23 > 0:01:26BANJOS PLAY
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Lovely. Rob goes...
0:01:28 > 0:01:30HARP PLAYS
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Ah, I suppose it's a Welsh harp, probably.
0:01:33 > 0:01:34Bill goes...
0:01:34 > 0:01:36MORRIS DANCE MUSIC
0:01:36 > 0:01:38LAUGHTER
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Aw, and Alan goes...
0:01:40 > 0:01:42TIN WHISTLE JIG
0:01:42 > 0:01:43LAUGHTER
0:01:43 > 0:01:44Ah, tremendous.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Right, now, settle down.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49The holidays are over and it's time to hand in our homework.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52I've been rather fed up with basically having to say things
0:01:52 > 0:01:55that are quite interesting to you and I thought it was time
0:01:55 > 0:01:57- that you said things to me that are quite interesting.- Right.
0:01:57 > 0:02:02I want you to interest me. I have sent you all off on your holidays,
0:02:02 > 0:02:04as you will remember, not at the expense of the BBC,
0:02:04 > 0:02:07at my own personal expense I have sent you.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09So there's a special prize of a half day holiday if you can report
0:02:09 > 0:02:15on the most interesting thing in the country that I've sent you to visit.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18Rob, you should start. Where did I send you, where did you go?
0:02:18 > 0:02:20- You sent me to Hungary.- Hungary.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Because it had to begin with an H.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Had to begin with an H, that was the fiendish plan.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28Very fiendishly clever. And I went to Hungary, Stephen.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31- Were they wearing trousers as tight as that?- They...
0:02:31 > 0:02:34- LAUGHTER - I was, interestingly enough. - You did?
0:02:34 > 0:02:36- Good. - I wore trousers very much like that,
0:02:36 > 0:02:38with the long sock, of course.
0:02:38 > 0:02:39- Ooh! - LAUGHTER
0:02:39 > 0:02:43- I went...- We know about your long socks, woah!- Don't we just.
0:02:43 > 0:02:47- I went to Hungary and I'll tell you what I brought back for you.- Yes.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52- Curious. Interesting. What am I showing you?- No gloves?
0:02:52 > 0:02:56- No gloves. Jazz hands?- I know, you're a really bad glove puppet.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58LAUGHTER
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Glove puppeteer who really has lost the plot.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04- Yeah. Naked glove puppetry. - No, no. Very clean hands.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07- Oh, clean hands and Hungary?- Yes.
0:03:07 > 0:03:12Have they jumped up in the corruption tables? Is that a euphemistic thing?
0:03:12 > 0:03:16- No, it's very literal. Very literal.- Ooh!
0:03:16 > 0:03:18- They don't wipe their bums?- Oh!
0:03:18 > 0:03:22- Then they wouldn't be clean.- I don't think there's a need for that, Alan.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Obsessively washing... OCD.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27I do think there's a need to wipe your bottom. What I was saying
0:03:27 > 0:03:31is I don't think there's a need for you to say "wiping bottoms".
0:03:31 > 0:03:37No, clean pair of hands. Think, if you will, of medicine for a moment.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Where might I be going with this? Medicine?
0:03:40 > 0:03:44- The operation is very helpful. - Surgeons.
0:03:44 > 0:03:48The importance of surgeons having clean hands...
0:03:48 > 0:03:50- Scrubbing up, they call it. - Thank you, Stephen.
0:03:50 > 0:03:55- Scrubbing up, as Stephen says, yes. That's it, opening doors and taps. - Doing the taps like that.
0:03:55 > 0:04:00Before you know it you've got a Eurovision act, haven't you?
0:04:00 > 0:04:03- Especially if you've got these on! - For a long time they didn't realise,
0:04:03 > 0:04:07doctors and surgeons didn't realise that it was actually very important
0:04:07 > 0:04:10to wash your hands before you operate,
0:04:10 > 0:04:13cos they weren't aware of the transference of germs.
0:04:13 > 0:04:18It was Ignaz Semmelweis, the Hungarian.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20He came up with this theory,
0:04:20 > 0:04:22because he was at the Vienna Infirmary, you see...
0:04:22 > 0:04:26- I've never sounded this knowledgeable on this show. - It's very impressive!
0:04:26 > 0:04:31- He started this whole idea of the important of cleanliness and hygiene.- You're absolutely right.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34There is a museum in Budapest, to which I have been,
0:04:34 > 0:04:37called the Semmelweis Museum, which is where he lived.
0:04:37 > 0:04:41He died in poverty and insanity, in fact. I think he died in an insane asylum.
0:04:41 > 0:04:46- No-one recognised the absolute truth of what he said.- So excessively clean hands actually drive you mad.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50Well, no, what drives you mad is telling you truth and having nobody believe you.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53Doctors couldn't face the fact that he was basically saying that
0:04:53 > 0:04:57the thousands and thousands of deaths that took place in hospitals
0:04:57 > 0:04:59were probably the fault of doctors.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01- It implied they were a little unclean.- Yes, exactly.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03What else has Hungary given us?
0:05:03 > 0:05:07- Goulash.- Goulash. What does goulash mean, do you know?
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Goulash means stew of some kind.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13- LAUGHTER - In Hungarian it actually means...
0:05:13 > 0:05:14HARP PLAYS
0:05:14 > 0:05:17It actually means cowboy.
0:05:17 > 0:05:18- I learned this...- Cowboy?
0:05:18 > 0:05:22- Cowboy.- Cowboy, you're right. - Ride 'em, Goulash.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26It's quite seductive when you press that harp button,
0:05:26 > 0:05:29- it's like we're going back in time. - Yes!
0:05:29 > 0:05:31Well, tell us, Rob.
0:05:31 > 0:05:32HARP PLAYS Tell us, tell us...
0:05:32 > 0:05:34LAUGHTER
0:05:34 > 0:05:39- It's 1974 and Goulash means cowboy. - You're quite right.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42- Rubik's Cube, of course, also comes from...- Yes!
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Erno Rubik was a Hungarian. What do they drink in Hungary?
0:05:45 > 0:05:48- They drink...- Bull's blood.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Bull's blood, you're right, and bull's blood was responsible
0:05:51 > 0:05:54for one invention which was not credited.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57They very word tells you who we think invented it. Pasteurisation.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59It was not Louis Pasteur who first thought of that,
0:05:59 > 0:06:03it was an Hungarian, but he wrote a paper on it that was in Hungarian
0:06:03 > 0:06:04and nobody else in the world read it.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08Because it's a very, you know, almost a unique language.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11The other thing that Hungary is famous for is Laszlo Biro.
0:06:11 > 0:06:16- The ball point pen.- He actually, he also invented the automatic gearbox.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Yes, he sold it to the Ford Motor Company, didn't he?
0:06:19 > 0:06:23- That's right. Biro.- There's a lot more to Hungary than meets the eye,
0:06:23 > 0:06:25so why not visit when you get the chance.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Hungary, there's so much going on.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30- My grandfather was born in Hungary. - Really?
0:06:30 > 0:06:33He used to say a Hungarian is the only man who can follow you
0:06:33 > 0:06:36into a revolving door and come out first.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Isn't there something about the language that is uniquely odd?
0:06:38 > 0:06:42Well, it's unlike almost all European languages.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45But it's related to a language that's miles away?
0:06:45 > 0:06:47- Finnish. Finnish and Estonian. - Suomi?
0:06:47 > 0:06:50Suomi, yes, the Finnish language.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52I thought you said, "You owe me."
0:06:52 > 0:06:55You owe me that, yeah!
0:06:55 > 0:06:58When you say Finnish, do you mean the people or the dishwasher tablets?
0:07:00 > 0:07:04- That's got a language all its own, hasn't it?- It is, you're so right.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07- I prefer the liquid.- Powerball. You get all the Powerballs out...- Yeah.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10You can sell them to teenagers at a disco for ten quid.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14APPLAUSE
0:07:14 > 0:07:16- Powerball.- Wow!
0:07:16 > 0:07:21They don't get high but their insides are fantastically clean.
0:07:21 > 0:07:22Yes, absolutely!
0:07:22 > 0:07:25- Wow.- Yeah, when they go to the toilets they clean them.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27LAUGHTER
0:07:27 > 0:07:32Well done, Rob. That's excellent, I'm going to give you a lot of points for that!
0:07:32 > 0:07:33APPLAUSE
0:07:33 > 0:07:36Yup, Rob went to Hungary where they invented washing your hands,
0:07:36 > 0:07:40pasteurisation, the Rubik's Cube, which you mentioned, and, arguably,
0:07:40 > 0:07:42the word hello, did you know that?
0:07:42 > 0:07:45- Because of the telephone.- Yes. - Edison's...- One of his assistants.
0:07:45 > 0:07:49- Went "hallom". - Hallom.- Hallom. Hallom.
0:07:49 > 0:07:53Hallom. Means "I can hear you", in I hear you.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56- I'm not so sure, I think that sounds a bit fanciful to me.- Yes.
0:07:56 > 0:08:01- Not what it means, but the fact it then bastardised...- Caused us to use the word hello on the phone.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04- I'm not buying that.- OK.- Which is why I didn't bring it up.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Yeah, fair enough.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09- I used to collect stamps for about six months when I was 11.- Mm.
0:08:09 > 0:08:15- And you could send off for packets of stamps.- Yes, I remember that.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19About 40p, or something. You would get lots and lots of...
0:08:19 > 0:08:21Triangular ones and strange shapes.
0:08:21 > 0:08:25- I called Magyar stamps but apparently they're...- "Modjur".
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Those ones. You'd always get loads of those.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30They must have printed a lot of stamps,
0:08:30 > 0:08:33or no-one was sending any letters there, or...
0:08:33 > 0:08:37I collected stamps for a very brief period, like you,
0:08:37 > 0:08:40I was in my early teens, and I gave it up. I thought to myself,
0:08:40 > 0:08:42"Philately will get me nowhere."
0:08:42 > 0:08:44AUDIENCE GROAN
0:08:44 > 0:08:46LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Rob, press this!
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Go back in time!
0:08:50 > 0:08:52HARP PLAYS
0:08:52 > 0:08:56I collected stamps for a period when I was an early teenager. I loved it.
0:08:56 > 0:08:57Yes, good, isn't it?
0:08:57 > 0:08:59APPLAUSE
0:08:59 > 0:09:00Phew!
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Well done, well done.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Good news.
0:09:04 > 0:09:09Hungary, great success, lots of points. Bill, where did I send you?
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Well, I went to the Kingdom of Bhutan.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Which is in the Himalayas.
0:09:14 > 0:09:19It's actually the only country in the world which is a carbon sink.
0:09:19 > 0:09:24Which means that it actually absorbs more CO2 than it actually gives out.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28- So the greenest country on Earth? - It's the greenest country on Earth.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32It's written into the constitution
0:09:32 > 0:09:36that the forest area of Bhutan shall never dip below 60%.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39- Wow.- And the cows are not allowed to fart.- No.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41LAUGHTER It's a Buddhist country,
0:09:41 > 0:09:44and the national sports are archery and darts.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48But not darts as we know it. Jocky Wilson style, many lagers
0:09:48 > 0:09:50and shouting.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53They're huge, they're quite big darts. Quite lethal.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57That's the archery. That's the big dart he's chucking.
0:09:57 > 0:10:01- It's obviously miles away. It's not like the oche.- Yes.
0:10:01 > 0:10:02Or he's rubbish at it.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Yes... It's not a target, it's actually a hunting skill.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10He's trying to bring down a seagull there.
0:10:10 > 0:10:16A beautiful, green country. And its main export is hydroelectric power.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18So it's even exporting renewable energy.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20So it's a wonderful paradise.
0:10:20 > 0:10:24The general state of Bhutan is measured not in money,
0:10:24 > 0:10:25but in happiness.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28- Oh!- It's sort of their equivalent of currency.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30It's gorgeous.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Well, I have to say, Bill, that is fantastic.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36It makes me want to go there, I've never been. Thank you!
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Bill Bailey and Bhutan.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40APPLAUSE
0:10:42 > 0:10:43Yeah.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47- Yes?- Can I take this off? I'm getting a rash.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49- OK.- Thank you. I'm allergic to souvenirs.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Anyway, Bill Bailey was in Bhutan
0:10:53 > 0:10:56where they have the world's only carbon sink.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59Dance is the national sport and they pursue Gross National Happiness
0:10:59 > 0:11:02- by painting huge phalluses on them. - I have been to Hawaii.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06- Hey!- Yeah. - What can you tell us... Aloha!
0:11:06 > 0:11:10OK, I'll tell you many interesting things about Hawaii.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14It was discovered by Captain Cook after he discovered Sydney Harbour.
0:11:14 > 0:11:18And then moved to New Zealand, met very friendly people
0:11:18 > 0:11:20and he got to Hawaii and they ate him.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22It's true, isn't it?
0:11:22 > 0:11:23Yeah, very happy...
0:11:23 > 0:11:25..cannibals.
0:11:25 > 0:11:31- I have here an outrigger canoe. - Oh, yeah. I've been on one of those.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33This part keeps it afloat, the outrigger part.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37You tear through the waves, when you come back you ride the waves.
0:11:37 > 0:11:38- Basically, it's surfing.- Yeah.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41This wood is called wiliwili.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44- Excuse me? - Which means...wili twice.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46Because Hawaiians like to repeat stuff a lot.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49- Yes!- They only have 12 letters, so...
0:11:49 > 0:11:52I know a word beginning with W they repeat that is one we use a lot
0:11:52 > 0:11:56- on the internet.- Wikipedia. - Wikipedia. Wiki is...
0:11:56 > 0:12:00Wikiwiki means quick quick. There's also a word...
0:12:00 > 0:12:03- If you can't think of a word in Hawaii just say "Da kine".- Right.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05That means any word you can't think of.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08It's a fantastic way of communicating.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12- The majority of land is owned by the Doyle pineapple company.- Dole.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14- Dole.- Yeah, Dole.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17I thought they'd sold out, cos I was there a year and a half ago,
0:12:17 > 0:12:20and they'd closed down some of the pineapple plantations.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24- They bought it back.- Oh, have they? - Just after you left.
0:12:26 > 0:12:30- And the highest mountain on the planet is in Hawaii.- Yes!
0:12:30 > 0:12:34Why do we say it's higher than Everest?
0:12:34 > 0:12:38Because the island of Maui is actually...
0:12:38 > 0:12:42The mountain itself is called Mauna Loa. And from the...
0:12:42 > 0:12:46- If you count from the base...- It is the highest mountain in the world.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49Excellent. Surfing, what can you tell us about surfing?
0:12:49 > 0:12:53Surfing was invented by the Polynesians.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56I've never surfed... You may be surprised to know.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58- I've seen some surfing moves. - You've crowd surfed!
0:12:58 > 0:13:01- At Blackadder recordings. - Oh, yes, naturally.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03There was a mosh pit there.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07It's really, really hard. I surfed when I was younger.
0:13:07 > 0:13:12It's very hard to get out behind the waves, so that you catch 'em.
0:13:12 > 0:13:16It's very tiring. I took some lessons in Bondi in Australia,
0:13:16 > 0:13:18the getting up is very hard.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21You know, that chap seems to have got the hang of it.
0:13:23 > 0:13:28Then when the moment comes, you've got to hop up in a fluid motion.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30- I go surfing in Devon.- Do you?
0:13:30 > 0:13:33- It's great.- Oh, right.- In the winter, it's hardcore, surfing.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35You have to wear a wetsuit, hood, gloves,
0:13:35 > 0:13:37- you know, the whole bit.- Overcoat.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Sometimes. Sometimes you're in up to your waist.
0:13:42 > 0:13:46So how good are you? Could you do something like that?
0:13:46 > 0:13:47Oh, yeah.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Seriously, though, can you do it?
0:13:49 > 0:13:52I've got up on the board.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55That's more than most of us can do.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58It's very hard to get up on the board.
0:13:58 > 0:14:02I stood on the board and I was so excited about it,
0:14:02 > 0:14:04I immediately fell off.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07I went, "Look..." Oh.
0:14:07 > 0:14:08Have you done it, Alan?
0:14:08 > 0:14:11I've been on those boogie board things,
0:14:11 > 0:14:13- where you go on your tummy.- Nah...
0:14:13 > 0:14:16It's good fun.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18In Australia, I couldn't, like Rich was saying,
0:14:18 > 0:14:20I couldn't get past the waves.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24We did a bit of splashing and got a bit tired.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27They get a guy on a jet ski to tow you out. That's the way to do it.
0:14:27 > 0:14:33Well, wonderful. Thank you, Rich Hall, with your gems on Hawaii.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35APPLAUSE
0:14:35 > 0:14:39Now, unfortunately, Alan didn't get a holiday this year
0:14:39 > 0:14:41because, well, he was in detention,
0:14:41 > 0:14:43- but well done, everybody else. - APPLAUSE
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Let's get hydrographical.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50How would you like to spend two weeks lying on a pile
0:14:50 > 0:14:52of parrotfish droppings,
0:14:52 > 0:14:57covered in phenylbenzimidazole sulfonic acid?
0:14:57 > 0:15:00- Does that sound like a good... - Is that sun cream?
0:15:00 > 0:15:03Oh, very good. Excellent.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04APPLAUSE
0:15:06 > 0:15:09So that may not be such a bad thing after all.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12- That's lying on a beach covered in sun cream.- Yes.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Parrotfish droppings is a special kind of beach,
0:15:14 > 0:15:17- the kind we most like.- White sand?
0:15:17 > 0:15:21Soft, white, coral island sand is parrotfish droppings.
0:15:21 > 0:15:25It's called a parrotfish because it has a beak like a parrot's
0:15:25 > 0:15:27and it scrapes away and eats at coral.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30And it excretes this white sand.
0:15:30 > 0:15:35And each fish will excrete over a ton of it in a year.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37- Good work.- And lots of them.
0:15:37 > 0:15:41That builds up as the white soft sand that is the particularly prized sand
0:15:41 > 0:15:44of such a beautiful island as that, for example.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Each fish excretes a ton of...
0:15:46 > 0:15:48What?!
0:15:49 > 0:15:52- A little parrotfish like that?- Yeah.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Every single day, it's eating it, a ton a year.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57I suppose, if you're constantly processing.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00How much does your average man excrete in a year?
0:16:00 > 0:16:02I don't know why I'm looking at you. Why would you know?
0:16:02 > 0:16:04I'm afraid I don't.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Your classical education has failed you again.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Stephen'd knock that up in an afternoon.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18The average man will excrete the Isle of Sheppey.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20By lunchtime.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23And the sun cream?
0:16:23 > 0:16:27What's the maximum sun protection factor, the SPF...?
0:16:27 > 0:16:31- 50, isn't it?- 50, yes. What does it mean when it's SPF 50?
0:16:31 > 0:16:35You can stay 50 times as long in the sun as you would do
0:16:35 > 0:16:37if, say, for example,
0:16:37 > 0:16:40the sun was so hot, you were going to burn in one minute,
0:16:40 > 0:16:43- if you put that on, you can stay 50 minutes.- That's right.
0:16:43 > 0:16:47Or if you put it on in England, you can stay for a lifetime.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53Well, well done. There we were, somehow, talking about sand,
0:16:53 > 0:16:56and coral, and how lovely it all was.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Sand of coral beaches is made from the excrement of parrotfish.
0:16:58 > 0:17:02Now what was the largest steam engine of all time used for?
0:17:02 > 0:17:03I know that one.
0:17:03 > 0:17:04BUZZER
0:17:04 > 0:17:07The SS Great Britain.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10No. Again places beginning with H.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13- Oh... A HUGE boat.- Holland.- Holland.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16I said Holland before! LAUGHTER
0:17:16 > 0:17:20- Will it be reclaiming land? - Yeah, you're absolutely right.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23- Tugging the sea back.- Exactly.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Reclaiming land. The Polder Land they call it
0:17:25 > 0:17:29- in Holland. Some might say that the Haarlemmermeer...- Yeah.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33..is the largest man-made structure, if you can call it man-made, on earth.
0:17:33 > 0:17:37It's obviously nature, but... Schiphol Airport is on reclaimed land.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40First to go when the old Polar Cap melts.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43- Blub, blub...- I'm afraid it will have a...- Yeah.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46It's a constant battle against nature.
0:17:46 > 0:17:47Schiphol. Crazy place.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50Yeah, I went through Schiphol Airport and I had a guitar with me
0:17:50 > 0:17:52and the bloke said, "What is in the case please?"
0:17:52 > 0:17:55I went, "Here we go. Anything to do with drugs."
0:17:55 > 0:17:58I opened up and I went, "It's a guitar. It's a guitar."
0:17:58 > 0:18:01They're so cool. The guy's there, I went, "It's a guitar".
0:18:01 > 0:18:04He went, "That's no guitar, that's a Gibson 71 with a flying pickup!"
0:18:04 > 0:18:06LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:18:06 > 0:18:11- Oh that's funny.- So I went, "You guys, you guys are cool, yeah?"
0:18:11 > 0:18:14"Hey let's jam a little bit."
0:18:14 > 0:18:16"No, I've got to go. You're weird!"
0:18:16 > 0:18:17LAUGHTER
0:18:17 > 0:18:21- "Get off!" - Charming English friendliness!
0:18:21 > 0:18:26"Hey, we have an amplifier system in the Customs Office. Come on, guys!"
0:18:27 > 0:18:32The Dutch indeed reclaimed a lot of their land because it's low lying, it's the Low Countries.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34They're called that not by accident.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37One of the flattest places in the world, Holland. Very, very flat.
0:18:37 > 0:18:38Yes.
0:18:38 > 0:18:43All of which aimless rambling brings us to the tourist trap of general ignorance.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45So fingers on buzzers if you please.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49Which country contains the most of the River Nile?
0:18:49 > 0:18:51BUZZER
0:18:51 > 0:18:54- Egypt.- Oh! - HOOTER AND BELL
0:18:54 > 0:18:56- Anybody else?- Is it Uganda?
0:18:56 > 0:19:00Not... It is... The Nile does go through Uganda, but that's not the most of it.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03- Most of the River Nile is in... - Chad.- No.- Belgium.
0:19:03 > 0:19:04LAUGHTER
0:19:04 > 0:19:07- You're groping.- Buying time, I'm buying time. Romania.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10- Djibouti.- Sudan is the right answer.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13If you look at a map you will see it is massively the most.
0:19:13 > 0:19:14It is the largest country in Africa.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16Look how much of the Nile goes through Sudan.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18It nearly decides to come back again.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21It does. It goes up and then back down again all the way through to Uganda.
0:19:21 > 0:19:25So why...? Does Egypt have the sponsorship deal?
0:19:25 > 0:19:29Like when Pepsi sponsor The Rolling Stones. Is there some kind of...?
0:19:29 > 0:19:32It's the fertility from the delta down through there.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34- Is a lot of Sudan desert?- Yeah.
0:19:34 > 0:19:35- Pretty much I fear.- OK.
0:19:35 > 0:19:40But it's huge. It is the biggest country in Africa, Sudan, in fact.
0:19:40 > 0:19:45- But the bottom is called...? - Lake Victoria.- Victoria, yes.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48And where is the source of the Nile?
0:19:48 > 0:19:51- It's not the um...- It's Rwanda, in fact, though it was thought to be
0:19:51 > 0:19:54where it ends in Uganda -
0:19:54 > 0:20:00the green one there. Jinja, the north of Lake Victoria.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03- The source of The Nile is Rwanda. - It's now determined to be Rwanda.
0:20:03 > 0:20:07A bit controversial because it goes into the Lake and out the other side.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10But apparently that's what riverologists, as it were, now claim.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13So we're currently now,
0:20:13 > 0:20:16not giving too much away, in a studio in London.
0:20:16 > 0:20:21Where is the nearest piece of American soil to us here?
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Grosvenor Square?
0:20:23 > 0:20:26- No! - HOOTER AND BELL
0:20:26 > 0:20:30A pity, but the fact is that most people wrongly think...
0:20:30 > 0:20:34You're right that the American Embassy is in Grosvenor Square - at the moment.
0:20:34 > 0:20:39They're about to move it. But an embassy is not considered the sovereign soil of the nation
0:20:39 > 0:20:44whose embassy it is. It belongs to Britain, the soil there. It's not American soil. This is a myth,
0:20:44 > 0:20:47this idea that the moment you step foot you're on American soil.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50They wanted to buy the lease. Who owns Grosvenor Square?
0:20:50 > 0:20:52The Duke Of Westminster I expect.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55The Grosvenor family, yeah, the Duke Of Westminster.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57They asked for the freehold, and do you know what he said?
0:20:57 > 0:21:02He said, "Yes, if you give my family back the State Of Virginia which you confiscated from us...
0:21:02 > 0:21:04LAUGHTER
0:21:04 > 0:21:08- So...- Yeah!- ..they decided not to.
0:21:08 > 0:21:12- Um...- Good work, the Duke Of Westminster. I like him already. - Very funny.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15But there IS American soil in Britain. The nearest to us is in Surrey.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17It's a tiny area. It's a memorial,
0:21:17 > 0:21:21a place in Surry famous for an extraordinary British event in 1215.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24- Do you know what that is? - The signing of the Magna Carta.
0:21:24 > 0:21:25BILL BAILEY: I know where it is. BUZZER
0:21:25 > 0:21:28- Runnymede.- Runnymede. - Runnymede?- Yes.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31- But what is the memorial in Runnymede?- There's a JFK memorial.
0:21:31 > 0:21:35- It's the memorial to John F Kennedy. - I've been there. I've been there.- Yeah!
0:21:35 > 0:21:40And it's deliberately this sort of isometric, or whatever the word is, asymmetric steps,
0:21:40 > 0:21:43higgledy-piggledy, to suggest a journey of pilgrimage towards him
0:21:43 > 0:21:46and it is officially American soil. Anyway, what might
0:21:46 > 0:21:50land on your head if you live under a flight path?
0:21:50 > 0:21:52I know what you get if you sit under a cow.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54LAUGHTER
0:21:54 > 0:21:56- Right.- A pat on the head!- Heyyy!
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Very nice.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02Urine, frozen urine.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04- Frozen urine. - HOOTER AND BELL
0:22:04 > 0:22:08Nay! No! That won't happen.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11They do not jettison their pooh or their pee.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14- Is this the blue ice?- I think that's loo water that's frozen.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17But it just doesn't happen. It's completely sealed in.
0:22:17 > 0:22:22- Is it pollution? - You might get ordinary ice from the wings because...
0:22:22 > 0:22:27- Wings, yeah.- From the engines and the wings, but you will not get pooh or pee water,
0:22:27 > 0:22:32- but some trains still however do, just when you flush...- Do they?
0:22:32 > 0:22:35- ..it goes onto the track.- Is that why they say don't do it
0:22:35 > 0:22:37while waiting in the station?
0:22:37 > 0:22:40I thought that was because they might be changing the barrel.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43Like in a pub with beer? Goodness me! What a thought.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Taking a barrel out at Crewe.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48So aeroplanes don't dump their waste while in flight.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51If some ice falls off a plane it probably came from the wings.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Which country has the lowest age of consent in Europe?
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Kazakhstan.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58In Europe. In Europe.
0:22:58 > 0:22:59BUZZER
0:22:59 > 0:23:02- Holland.- No. Not Holland.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04- Is it a H?- No, it's not.
0:23:04 > 0:23:08Well there's... The person who runs it is a double H.
0:23:08 > 0:23:14- Oh, er, Holiness?- Yes!- His Holiness? - Yes.- The Vatican.- The Vatican City
0:23:14 > 0:23:19has the lowest age of consent. Age of 12 is the age of consent in the Vatican City.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22- Gasp!- Yes, quite!- 12? - It's for peculiar reasons.
0:23:22 > 0:23:26- It's because...- I think we know what the reasons are, Stephen.
0:23:26 > 0:23:27LAUGHTER
0:23:27 > 0:23:32It's to do with the Lateran Treaty in which the Vatican City became a sort of sovereign state.
0:23:32 > 0:23:36So they elected to choose the laws of Italy from 1924
0:23:36 > 0:23:39and it so happened that then Italy
0:23:39 > 0:23:42changed its consent from 12 to 16
0:23:42 > 0:23:45and the Vatican didn't and they've never bothered to change it since.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48It also has the highest crime rate.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52Yeah. By a long way as I... What would you say its population is?
0:23:52 > 0:23:53Five.
0:23:53 > 0:23:54LAUGHTER
0:23:54 > 0:23:58- Five... I'd say 800. - 500 is the answer.
0:23:58 > 0:24:03- Yes.- 500, but there are 600 offences per year.- What sort of offences?
0:24:03 > 0:24:05- Well.- Family. A really bad family.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08They've got tyres out in the front drive.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10If you knock on the door they knock you out.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Proportionately, per capita, it has the highest rate in the world.
0:24:13 > 0:24:18- A lot of 11 year-olds getting married.- That's what it is exactly.
0:24:18 > 0:24:22But it has the most helipads and TV stations per capita in the world as well.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25- It's a strange place.- Nuts.- Yeah.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27The Vatican City has the lowest age of consent and the highest crime
0:24:27 > 0:24:29rate anywhere in Europe.
0:24:29 > 0:24:34But alas our holiday romance is nearly over. Let's see who's scored.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Uh. Ah! We have a clear winner.
0:24:36 > 0:24:40A clear winner with plus seven it's Rob Brydon!
0:24:40 > 0:24:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:42 > 0:24:44APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:24:47 > 0:24:52And...only 12 points behind on minus five, Rich Hall.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:57 > 0:25:01In third place on minus 22, Bill Bailey.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:25:04 > 0:25:07And with minus 28 is Alan Davies.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:25:15 > 0:25:18So all that's left for me to do is to thank Rich, Rob,
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Bill and of course Alan, and I leave you with this.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23The extremely fragile jazz singer Billie Holiday said,
0:25:23 > 0:25:26"Mom and Pop were just a couple of kids when they got married.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29"He was 18, she was 16, and I was three."
0:25:29 > 0:25:31Goodnight.
0:25:31 > 0:25:32APPLAUSE
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd