0:00:25 > 0:00:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:31 > 0:00:34Welcome, welcome, and thrice welcome
0:00:34 > 0:00:38to the home of highbrow know-how that we call QI.
0:00:38 > 0:00:43Tonight, we'll be groping down the back of the great sofa of history
0:00:43 > 0:00:47to find those tasty morsels that other historians have so carelessly discarded there.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50And to accompany me on my quest, I have the postmodern Rob Brydon.
0:00:50 > 0:00:54THUNDEROUS CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:56 > 0:00:59The pre-classical David Mitchell.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01MORE CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:02 > 0:01:04The Pleistocene Sandi Toksvig.
0:01:04 > 0:01:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:08 > 0:01:12And our very own bowl of primordial soup, Alan Davies.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:17 > 0:01:21Each panellist is equipped with a suitably historic buzzer.
0:01:21 > 0:01:26- Sandi goes... - MELLOW NAUTICAL MELODY
0:01:26 > 0:01:29- David goes... - GRANDIOSE FANFARE
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Quite long.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38- Rob goes... - AMERICAN-STYLE MILITARY FANFARE
0:01:38 > 0:01:41- And Alan goes... - HORN SQUEAKS
0:01:41 > 0:01:42Of course.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45So, as we stroll off into the mists of time,
0:01:45 > 0:01:49let's start with something nice and easy - name a henge.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Now, look, come on...
0:01:54 > 0:01:55- Seahenge.- Aaah!
0:01:55 > 0:01:58KLAXON
0:01:58 > 0:02:01- There is a Seahenge, but it's not a henge.- Oh, right.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04It's a word with the word "henge" in it,
0:02:04 > 0:02:08as "spigot" has got the word "pig" in it, but it isn't a pig. You see?
0:02:08 > 0:02:12So, the word "henge" in it, that's wrong?
0:02:12 > 0:02:15I think you're wary enough, for good reasons.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18- Yeah, you didn't get me there. - A henge is a specific thing.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20What is a henge?
0:02:20 > 0:02:23You have two of them on the side of a door, or on the top of a window.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27- WEST COUNTRY ACCENT: - I'll do you a nice henge, sir, yes.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31A hedge bent on revenge, that's what it is.
0:02:31 > 0:02:36- Good.- It's a very old form of economic investment - a henge fund.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39Wahey! It's not that either. It's one of those archaeological words.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42There's a specific meaning, an embanked area outside
0:02:42 > 0:02:46with ditches on the inside, right?
0:02:46 > 0:02:49And Stonehenge is the other way round, so it's not a henge.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53Even though the name henge comes from Stonehenge.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56A henge is a word for something that's like Stonehenge,
0:02:56 > 0:02:59but not including Stonehenge?
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Basically, yes.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05- It was just Stonehenge.- Was the word "stone" named after Stonehenge?
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Yes, you're safe with the stone.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11Maybe Stonehenge was just a noise they came up with for Stonehenge,
0:03:11 > 0:03:15which luckily gave them a word for two common sorts of things.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18Probably the noise when they put those top ones up.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21GROANS AND SQUEALS
0:03:21 > 0:03:26People right up until the 20th century were quarrying it. They would actually set fires
0:03:26 > 0:03:30on the lintels, the top bits, to crack the stone and take it off and build things with them.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33- Nowadays it's cordoned off. - Yes, it is, rather, isn't it?
0:03:33 > 0:03:35- Except the Druids. - They can do what they want.
0:03:35 > 0:03:40- How long have Druids been celebrating religious services there?- 1970.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43The beginning of the 20th century. There's no evidence
0:03:43 > 0:03:46that Druids had anything to do with Stonehenge.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49So why did they get all these concessions of access to Stonehenge?
0:03:49 > 0:03:53In 1905, when they started doing it, Stonehenge was private property.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56It didn't belong to anybody except the owner of it,
0:03:56 > 0:04:01and then Chubb in 1915, who worked in a lunatic asylum nearby, bought it in 1915...
0:04:01 > 0:04:03- For his wife.- You're quite right.
0:04:03 > 0:04:08- Yes, he bought it for his wife at auction.- Yeah, and three years later she gifted it to the nation.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Re-gifted?
0:04:10 > 0:04:14- Yes, re-gifted.- Well, it must have been hell to clean. Those top bits.
0:04:14 > 0:04:20So, the Druids have access to it, so presumably, I mean, they can't all have parked miles away.
0:04:20 > 0:04:25They must have little stickers in their windows with a little Druid sign on it,
0:04:25 > 0:04:28which also gets them into Klu Klux Klan meetings.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Yes, they've just got to straighten up their headdresses.
0:04:30 > 0:04:35There was a mention you made there of Seahenge. What is Seahenge?
0:04:35 > 0:04:40- So that's not a proper henge either? - No.- Seahenge, isn't it some bits of old and knackered wood
0:04:40 > 0:04:43that occasionally become visible when the tide is out.
0:04:43 > 0:04:48That's it, 55 bit of old oak in Holme-Next-The-Sea in Norfolk coast
0:04:48 > 0:04:50which was only discovered quite recently.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53Carhenge, does that mean anything to you?
0:04:53 > 0:04:56- Yes, I do know what that is.- Yes? - Well, I'll guess.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58It's that... AUDIENCE TITTERS
0:04:58 > 0:05:00You started really confident,
0:05:00 > 0:05:02then it just slid away from you there.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06It's probably not right, I'll give it a go. I think I know what it is.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10It was featured on the inner liner notes of Bruce Springsteen's album
0:05:10 > 0:05:13The River, in particular reference to the song Cadillac Ranch,
0:05:13 > 0:05:15it's all these Cadillacs that have been... It's not, is it?
0:05:15 > 0:05:18- Yes, it is.- It is, it is!
0:05:18 > 0:05:20All these cars have been stuck in the ground.
0:05:20 > 0:05:21And sprayed with grey paint.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24- Yes, it's in Nebraska. - It's interesting, though.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27That obviously looks quite a lot like Stonehenge,
0:05:27 > 0:05:31considering it's made of cars, but you can't help feeling
0:05:31 > 0:05:33he could have made it look more like Stonehenge
0:05:33 > 0:05:36if he'd used something else to make it with.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39- It was a memorial to his father. - Was he killed in a car accident?
0:05:41 > 0:05:45Does the name Alfred Watkins mean anything to you?
0:05:45 > 0:05:48He wrote a book called the Old Straight Track
0:05:48 > 0:05:53in the 1920s, and he posited something that he called leys.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55They're spiritual lines...
0:05:55 > 0:05:59Yes, people, apparently wrongly, call them ley lines.
0:05:59 > 0:06:05They're wrong to do that. Whereas people who allege they exist aren't wrong to do that.
0:06:05 > 0:06:09But we can show you some ley lines which may make you think again.
0:06:09 > 0:06:13If each one of these letters represented a stone circle or a henge of some kind,
0:06:13 > 0:06:16it would be quite a coincidence, because you would need to get
0:06:16 > 0:06:19above the ground to get them that shape, but actually,
0:06:19 > 0:06:24this map was drawn by someone who was deliberately poking fun at ley lines,
0:06:24 > 0:06:30because this is nothing less than a representation of Woolworths stores in Britain.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34As he says, you can't rule out the possibility that Woolworths
0:06:34 > 0:06:38used aliens to get so exact and perfect a geometrical shape.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42- It does look like if you folded it one more time you'd get a frog.- Yes!
0:06:42 > 0:06:46- It looks quite origami. - Surely there are more, or were.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48There are 800.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51So he's been very selective in his choice of Woolworths stores.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Whereas people who believe in ley lines aren't?
0:06:54 > 0:06:59According to archaeologists, Stonehenge isn't really a henge at all.
0:06:59 > 0:07:04Here's a very famous image, so you can bank a few points.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06How was it made, what is it?
0:07:06 > 0:07:10- It's not a tapestry.- You've learnt. Firstly, it wasn't made in Bayeux.
0:07:10 > 0:07:14Bayeux is in France, this was probably in Kent. Do we know who by?
0:07:14 > 0:07:20The Normans commissioned it, but sort of Saxon embroiderer ladies did it.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Yes, absolutely right.
0:07:22 > 0:07:26It's one example of why women's history has completely disappeared,
0:07:26 > 0:07:29because women tended to make things like this phenomenal piece of work,
0:07:29 > 0:07:32but they didn't sign it. So we don't know the names.
0:07:32 > 0:07:37We know the name of the man who commissioned it, but we don't know the names of the women who made it.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41The lack of signature is one of the reasons why women's history has disappeared.
0:07:41 > 0:07:46It's remarkable. You're right to say it's an embroidery, It's absolutely not a tapestry.
0:07:46 > 0:07:51A tapestry is all one material with the different colours woven in at the weaving stage.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54This is a woven piece of cloth that is then embroidered.
0:07:54 > 0:07:59- It's so typical. The women do all this embroidery and the man goes, "Nice tapestry."- I know.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02- It's very absurd.- "Couldn't make us a cup of tea, could you?"
0:08:04 > 0:08:07"My hands are raw."
0:08:07 > 0:08:13Is the word "tapestry" named after the Bayeux tapestry but they decided to make it mean something...
0:08:14 > 0:08:17LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:08:18 > 0:08:22Can you tell the British from the French in that picture?
0:08:22 > 0:08:26Are the British the four-legged ones at the top?
0:08:26 > 0:08:29I should say English rather than British.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31The English would be the ones not on horses.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34That's pretty much true. The other giveaway is moustaches.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Some English fighters were on horses. But the British...
0:08:37 > 0:08:40The English - I'm allowed to say English, I'm unused to
0:08:40 > 0:08:42saying English - had the moustaches.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Harold's housecarls,
0:08:44 > 0:08:49plus they tended to have battle-axes rather than the lances and things.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51- Great comedy hats. - They're rather extraordinary.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55They're like party hats, they've got a bit of elastic under the chin.
0:08:55 > 0:09:01- It was done by the same person that did Mr Benn. It's a very similar style, isn't it?- Yes.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05- "Suddenly the shopkeeper appeared." - I wonder if they are specific blokes
0:09:05 > 0:09:07that the women doing the embroidery knew.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09"Who you doing?" "I'm doing Reg."
0:09:11 > 0:09:16"Look at the way he held his axe. He was lovely before they cut him to bits."
0:09:16 > 0:09:20Their mail, their suits of reinforced defensive clothing,
0:09:20 > 0:09:23Harald Hardrada had a long one which apparently
0:09:23 > 0:09:26couldn't be penetrated by a spear and was known as Emma.
0:09:26 > 0:09:30Was that based on a particularly aloof woman who couldn't be penetrated?
0:09:30 > 0:09:34APPLAUSE
0:09:37 > 0:09:39One's bound to wonder.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42I didn't know until someone told me this recently
0:09:42 > 0:09:44that quite a lot of the names that we use,
0:09:44 > 0:09:47or Christian names, we call them,
0:09:47 > 0:09:51came from the Normans and that invasion. They completely changed the country.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Yes, including William, and the first few kings.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57- John, Richard.- Robert, lots of them.
0:09:57 > 0:10:02Is it not when we start to change the language completely, is it not when we get beef instead of cow?
0:10:02 > 0:10:06Because we had two words each time, exactly. We could use the English
0:10:06 > 0:10:10word for the animal, cow, and the French word, boeuf, for the food.
0:10:10 > 0:10:15The British word sheep, and mouton, mutton, can become what you eat.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18You eat the mouton, you eat the beef, but the animal is the cow.
0:10:18 > 0:10:22- But why?- The Saxons herded them and knew them as animals,
0:10:22 > 0:10:25and the Normans just feasted and ate them because they were
0:10:25 > 0:10:27the upper class, so would use their word for it.
0:10:27 > 0:10:31The only time they saw a cow was when it was on a plate in front of them.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34Quite a lot of what we know about the Bayeux Tapestry,
0:10:34 > 0:10:38we don't know, because it's not from Bayeux and it isn't a tapestry.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41But how can you tell which one Harold is in the Bayeux tapestry
0:10:41 > 0:10:43that's not a tapestry or from Bayeux?
0:10:43 > 0:10:48Isn't there a bit of a dispute about whether he's the one with the arrow in his eye, or someone else?
0:10:48 > 0:10:53Is it like on Facebook, when you run the cursor over it, you get tagged.
0:10:53 > 0:10:57And it says, "You are also in this photo,"
0:10:57 > 0:10:59and it'll have the other people.
0:10:59 > 0:11:00It's not dissimilar.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02There are three tags, all meaning him.
0:11:02 > 0:11:08"Harold Rex interfectus est," which means Harold the King is killed.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12They tell the story narratively from left to right.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16They could all be Harold, or only one of them could be Harold.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19It's impossible to tell. We don't know that he'd an arrow in his eye.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21It's a much later story.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25So is it like a cartoon? Like one of those books you used to flick.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28- Exactly.- Although not successful in embroidery, I think.- No...
0:11:28 > 0:11:30It's a cross between that and Where's Wally?
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- Yes, there's a hint... - A hint of Where's Wally?
0:11:33 > 0:11:36So the one with the blue shield, he's got an arrow in his eye...
0:11:36 > 0:11:39He has. People have always ASSUMED that was Harold.
0:11:39 > 0:11:44So if it's a journey, it's, "Got an arrow in my eye, I'll just get on this horse for a rest..."
0:11:44 > 0:11:48- Continuity! "Where's my shield?" - ..and then the horse has disappeared! "I'm dying."
0:11:48 > 0:11:51- And they've cut his head off on the right...- Yeah.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53I can't see the arrow in the eye.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57It's not come out very well. I blame bad embroidery.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59You can see him holding the end of it...
0:11:59 > 0:12:04He can't have been that ill though, because he seems to have had time to change his socks.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06- It probably is... - "I'm dying, get the death socks!"
0:12:06 > 0:12:08LAUGHTER
0:12:08 > 0:12:13Stephen, can I point out... Can I give the seal of approval to his wonderfully LONG socks?
0:12:13 > 0:12:16LAUGHTER
0:12:16 > 0:12:17Rob Long-Socks(!)
0:12:17 > 0:12:20- APPLAUSE - Oh, dear... They are long.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25Yes - it's probable that it's NOT the same person repeated.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27The other theory is that he's only one of those
0:12:27 > 0:12:30and maybe he's the last one - under the horse, almost,
0:12:30 > 0:12:34cos that's where "interfectus est" - "is killed"... The point is, we just don't know.
0:12:34 > 0:12:38That's good. So we know how we spot the Englishmen, by their moustaches,
0:12:38 > 0:12:41the Bayeux Tapestry isn't a tapestry - isn't from Bayeux -
0:12:41 > 0:12:44and you shouldn't believe anyone who tells you they know how Harold died.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47However, you can spot the Englishmen by their moustaches.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50On the subject of English gentlemen with moustaches,
0:12:50 > 0:12:54could you give us your impression of the average World War II British...
0:12:54 > 0:12:55LAUGHTER
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Oh, dear. ..the average British World War II fighter pilot?
0:13:00 > 0:13:02You look hilarious on the end!
0:13:02 > 0:13:04LAUGHTER
0:13:06 > 0:13:09That is a character...
0:13:09 > 0:13:13Someone has got to write a sitcom around David Mitchell's character.
0:13:13 > 0:13:20You look like you're posing with a very successful team of kind of...novelty Air Force -
0:13:20 > 0:13:24you've just agreed to have your photograph taken with them, for your birthday.
0:13:24 > 0:13:30I know you're not, but if they'd invented gaydar instead of radar...
0:13:30 > 0:13:31LAUGHTER
0:13:31 > 0:13:34..I'm sorry to say that would mark high.
0:13:34 > 0:13:35LAUGHTER
0:13:36 > 0:13:41"I'm ordering these helmets for my wife's birthday..."
0:13:41 > 0:13:47I think in this war film, I think I die about two-thirds of the way through.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51It breaks the heart of the audience, and inspires the hero.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54Everyone goes and kills a load of Germans as revenge for my death.
0:13:54 > 0:14:01And I'm the old First World War hero with a gammy leg who runs and watches them come back, and cries...
0:14:01 > 0:14:04- I don't think Alan dies. I think you make it through. I think- I- die.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08You think I'm going to live, and then right near the end, I die.
0:14:08 > 0:14:12Like Von Ryan's Express - as I'm running towards the train, I get shot at the end.
0:14:12 > 0:14:18I'm the plucky woman who was just supposed to do the radio, who's been forced to fly one of the planes.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20You look as if you could, with your sergeant stripes.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24- I look rather fine.- But how did the pilot talk? That's the thing.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26- Erm...- ROB: Er...
0:14:26 > 0:14:29HE HOLDS HIS NOSE AND MAKES DISTORTED WORDS
0:14:29 > 0:14:34..we've got a lovely team today who will be furnishing you with the easyKiosk...
0:14:34 > 0:14:36LAUGHTER
0:14:36 > 0:14:39Scratchcards... Minstrels...
0:14:39 > 0:14:41"Clean up in aisle three." Yes.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43LAUGHTER
0:14:43 > 0:14:45- But what sort of people?- Well...
0:14:45 > 0:14:49- What sort of people?- Yes. - Quite posh...
0:14:49 > 0:14:51KLAXON
0:14:51 > 0:14:54I think you'll find you're wrong. LAUGHTER
0:14:54 > 0:14:56That's the odd thing - they so weren't.
0:14:56 > 0:15:01Only 30% of all British fighter pilots in the Battle of Britain went to public school.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04And of that 30%, they were mostly minor public schools,
0:15:04 > 0:15:07and of the Eton, Harrow, Winchester or the top 13, there was only 8%.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11- Just the actors that played them were posh, then?- That's the point!
0:15:11 > 0:15:13In the war films during and after the war -
0:15:13 > 0:15:16your Kenneth Mores and your David Nivens and so on - they spoke like that.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20Did the Germans know we were sending up the lower classes(?)
0:15:20 > 0:15:22LAUGHTER
0:15:23 > 0:15:28- "GERMAN" ACCENT: - "Here comes someone who has got no manners vatsoever!"
0:15:28 > 0:15:30LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:15:35 > 0:15:38But there's your Richard Todd on the left, who's playing...
0:15:38 > 0:15:41- Your actual Richard Todd. - ..Guy Gibson I think,
0:15:41 > 0:15:45and there's David Niven from A Matter Of Life And Death, by the look of it.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48And that's how people thought of them, with the moustache and...
0:15:48 > 0:15:50I mean, 30% of them having gone to public school
0:15:50 > 0:15:52is more than the percentage of the population.
0:15:52 > 0:15:56- Yes, you're absolutely right... - So they're a bit posher than...
0:15:56 > 0:15:59But "posh" is the first word that comes to mind,
0:15:59 > 0:16:03when 70% were state-educated, not privately educated.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05But they didn't speak like Jordan or something, did they?
0:16:05 > 0:16:08- LAUGHTER - No, nobody did then. No.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11ROB MIMICS JORDAN "There's no way we're gonna drop the bombs
0:16:11 > 0:16:13"over that lot!" LAUGHTER
0:16:13 > 0:16:15"It's a real bloody mess dahn there!"
0:16:15 > 0:16:18LAUGHTER "Right, let 'em go...
0:16:18 > 0:16:19"Look at that!"
0:16:19 > 0:16:21LAUGHTER
0:16:23 > 0:16:25- APPLAUSE - Oh, dear...
0:16:29 > 0:16:3520% of all the pilots were in fact not even British...
0:16:35 > 0:16:39- Polish?- Quite a few were Polish and Czechoslovakian, but also from
0:16:39 > 0:16:41the Dominions, the Empire and the Commonwealth.
0:16:41 > 0:16:46Canada and New Zealand and Australia particularly of course. And South Africa also.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50There's one sitting on the plane at the end there, he's obviously hoping for a ride.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52LAUGHTER
0:16:52 > 0:16:53"Is this right...?
0:16:53 > 0:16:56- "Is this where you go?"- "I'm ready!"
0:16:56 > 0:17:00"I find you get a better view from here..."
0:17:00 > 0:17:05What about modern pilots? Is it any advantage for THEM to posh up their accents?
0:17:05 > 0:17:10- Yes - isn't it something that it's more reassuring for people?- Yeah...
0:17:10 > 0:17:12The classic British Airways pilot is...
0:17:12 > 0:17:14CLIPPED, POSH VOICE: "Welcome aboard..."
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Nowadays, you've got your Virgin, Buzz and Go,
0:17:16 > 0:17:19- and those guys sound like they're on Radio Top Shop...- They do!
0:17:19 > 0:17:21LAUGHTER
0:17:21 > 0:17:23DJ VOICE: "Good morning to you, ladies,
0:17:23 > 0:17:25"gonna get this little baby airborne soon as I can...
0:17:25 > 0:17:28"First of all, check out Lily Allen." LAUGHTER
0:17:28 > 0:17:31And they tell you the Christian names of the other...
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Why?! You don't need to know that.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36I was on a British Airways flight about six weeks after 9/11,
0:17:36 > 0:17:39and everybody was a little bit tense about flying out of New York -
0:17:39 > 0:17:43and tragically, the plane directly in front of us took off and crashed.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46I don't know if you remember, it was a flight going to the Dominican Republic.
0:17:46 > 0:17:53Anyway, we all deplaned...and after about 12 hours we were allowed back
0:17:53 > 0:17:56on to the flight. Anyway, the pilot came on and he said,
0:17:56 > 0:18:00"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this is the delayed flight to London.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03"I know many of you are seasoned travellers
0:18:03 > 0:18:06"and probably don't watch the safety briefing, but perhaps today..."
0:18:06 > 0:18:07LAUGHTER
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Usually Australians get it right -
0:18:15 > 0:18:19I was on an Ansett flight from Perth to Adelaide, and he started off by saying,
0:18:19 > 0:18:22"We're on our way to Adelaide. If Adelaide is not your
0:18:22 > 0:18:26"final destination, now would be an ideal time to deplane."
0:18:26 > 0:18:30He started talking about the safety, then "But that's enough yakkety-yak from me.
0:18:30 > 0:18:35"It's time to push some service down the aisles and some scenery past the window."
0:18:35 > 0:18:36LAUGHTER
0:18:38 > 0:18:41I thought that was very good. Australians are good at that kind of thing.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Now, accents... You're right, people do like
0:18:43 > 0:18:48what they consider to be an authoritative and reassuring voice from a pilot.
0:18:48 > 0:18:5172% of people interviewed felt at ease if a pilot had a what accent?
0:18:51 > 0:18:55- People like Scottish accents... - Right. Edinburgh in particular.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58- HE TALKS LIKE BILLY CONNOLLY - "I don't think that would be very good..."
0:18:58 > 0:19:00But a nice, respectable Edinburgh would make you feel...
0:19:00 > 0:19:03- Miss Jean Brodie. - That's right. That would be fine.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05You could sit down on the plane, hear "Ding-dong..."
0:19:05 > 0:19:09HE MIMICS RONNIE CORBETT "Ha-ha... This is not the one about the aeroplane..."
0:19:09 > 0:19:10LAUGHTER
0:19:10 > 0:19:13"..that crashes in the river, it's not that one..."
0:19:13 > 0:19:14What about a Geordie accent?
0:19:14 > 0:19:1865% of people said a Geordie accent would make them feel more or less comfortable?
0:19:18 > 0:19:20He can serve the drinks.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23"He can serve the drinks"?! Ooh...
0:19:23 > 0:19:26- I don't want him flying the plane. - Well, funnily enough...
0:19:26 > 0:19:31Very friendly... But they're likely to be chatting too much and then they'll just crash into Earth.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34..65% said they don't mind a Geordie, they'd like a Geordie.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Very popular for a call centre.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40- What about Brummie? 76% said they would or wouldn't...- ROB: Oh, no.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43I'm afraid to say that they would not like...
0:19:43 > 0:19:46It's easy to sort of think, "Sounds like a victim..." You know.
0:19:46 > 0:19:50"Doesn't sound incompetent - sounds unfortunate."
0:19:50 > 0:19:52LAUGHTER
0:19:52 > 0:19:55- And I think...- I don't want a skilled pilot, I want a lucky pilot(!)
0:19:55 > 0:20:00Exactly! The posh voice... Could be an idiot, but he's lucked his way through life.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02LAUGHTER
0:20:03 > 0:20:08Bet he screws all the stewardesses, and his wife never finds out...
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Yeah, I want him flying. LAUGHTER
0:20:10 > 0:20:15And 83% of men and women polled said they'd be more likely to trust a male or a female pilot?
0:20:15 > 0:20:16- Oh, male. Must be.- Male.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18I'm afraid so. Yeah. I'm sorry to say.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21There we are. So that's your flying done for the moment.
0:20:21 > 0:20:25Despite the stereotype of the Battle of Britain pilots being posh young chaps
0:20:25 > 0:20:27fresh from the better public schools and varsities,
0:20:27 > 0:20:29the great majority were in fact state-educated.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32Now, what might you use these for?
0:20:32 > 0:20:34- Oh, those are fantastic. - Aren't they great?
0:20:34 > 0:20:39If they're mobile, they look like giant tubas...
0:20:39 > 0:20:44- Tubas is the word that was used, they were called war tubas... - Sirens? Air raid warnings?- No.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Is it an over-large hearing aid?
0:20:46 > 0:20:48- Yes.- What?!- Yes.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50LAUGHTER
0:20:52 > 0:20:54APPLAUSE
0:20:54 > 0:20:57- Was it for hearing enemy aircraft? - It's like an ear trumpet.
0:20:57 > 0:21:01You can hear enemy aircraft coming towards you. And by setting the angles,
0:21:01 > 0:21:04they could determine not just the distance but the direction.
0:21:04 > 0:21:08- Wheel it down to Dover, you can hear 'em in France.- That's the idea - like sound mirrors.
0:21:08 > 0:21:13They had sound mirrors as well, which were not made of metal but usually of concrete.
0:21:13 > 0:21:18These are Japanese, as it happens. The Japanese used them to detect aircraft coming in.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21We had nothing quite as enormous as that,
0:21:21 > 0:21:25but there have been yokes you put on your shoulders... Look at that.
0:21:25 > 0:21:29And it's extraordinary how much they did give you a slight advantage.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33Well, it looks silly, but I find myself more and more, as I enter my 30s now...
0:21:33 > 0:21:35LAUGHTER
0:21:35 > 0:21:36- ..doing that.- Yes.
0:21:36 > 0:21:40And it makes a hell of a difference. ..Take them away, David.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42- Now - hello, Da... Not yet! - LAUGHTER
0:21:42 > 0:21:45Hello, David, it's lovely to see you. Now try them.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47Sorry, what...? LAUGHTER
0:21:47 > 0:21:50- Put them there.- OK, yeah...
0:21:51 > 0:21:52- Hello, David...- Ouch!
0:21:52 > 0:21:54LAUGHTER
0:21:54 > 0:21:59- You see? Practical proof. - He's misunderstanding for comic effect, but it's...it's true.
0:21:59 > 0:22:00LAUGHTER
0:22:00 > 0:22:04- Hello, David, lovely to see you... - It does quite genuinely work.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07- ALAN:- It makes it sound different.
0:22:07 > 0:22:11- ROB: It sounds much better.- If you do it... Now, that's very disorienting.
0:22:11 > 0:22:15That's quite nice. And when you talk to yourself with them, you almost fall over.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19- So don't talk to yourself like this. Also, you look like an idiot.- Yeah...
0:22:19 > 0:22:22- I feel like I'm in front of myself. - ROB: Yes...
0:22:22 > 0:22:25I think what's nice is it also has a nice warming effect on the ears.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27LAUGHTER
0:22:27 > 0:22:29It's really a win-win-win-win-win, isn't it?
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Yes, I find it very comforting.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35And also it means you can't hear all the horrible things people behind me are saying.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37You'd have to reverse it, like that...
0:22:37 > 0:22:41Shut up, shut up, shut up! LAUGHTER
0:22:41 > 0:22:45Miaow! Get back in the knife drawer, Mrs Sharp!
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Perhaps the really clever thing is the fact that you can
0:22:47 > 0:22:52get the range and elevation from the slight difference in time, like what we were saying about clocks.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Our own ears receive the same sound,
0:22:54 > 0:22:58but at slightly different times, cos one is nearer than the other.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00I mean, it's minuscule. It's enough for the brain to process it
0:23:00 > 0:23:03and know that the sound is coming from there, not there.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06Some animals, like the barn owl, have this to an extraordinary degree.
0:23:06 > 0:23:12Their ears are actually inside a kind of sound dish - that's what the round shape is in the owl's face -
0:23:12 > 0:23:16and they've got one high, looking down, and one low, looking up,
0:23:16 > 0:23:19and they're able therefore to tell with extraordinary precision
0:23:19 > 0:23:21something they hear, exactly where it is.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24So nature, as always, gets there first.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27So - yes, Japanese war tubas were mobile acoustic locators
0:23:27 > 0:23:30that helped to find enemy aircraft in the days before radar.
0:23:30 > 0:23:36And so time's winged chariot glides us gracefully towards the crack of doom that is General Ignorance,
0:23:36 > 0:23:40or in this case Generals Ignorant - let's see what we really know
0:23:40 > 0:23:44about some of the greatest military leaders from history. Fingers on buzzers.
0:23:44 > 0:23:51What animals did the Carthaginian general Hannibal use to defeat King Eumenes of Pergamon in 184BC...
0:23:51 > 0:23:54- MELLOW NAUTICAL MELODY - Elephants.- Oh...
0:23:54 > 0:23:57KLAXON
0:23:57 > 0:24:01- ..did he use to defeat who? - King Eumenes of Pergamon.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03- Right... Him!- Him, there he is.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05- Is he defeated(?)- Horses?
0:24:05 > 0:24:07Tigers, lions, leopards, mice...
0:24:07 > 0:24:09- Bacteria.- Birds, eagles... - LAUGHTER
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Snakes!
0:24:11 > 0:24:15Snakes... I don't think of that as an animal, really.
0:24:15 > 0:24:19He put them in earthenware pots, threw them at the enemy and onto their ships.
0:24:19 > 0:24:24- Really? What a great idea. - Snakes On A Plane, almost the first example of it.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27How did Snakes On A Plane come about...? Do you know?
0:24:27 > 0:24:30- ROB: Snakes On A Plane? - Yes, the film.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32People had more money than sense, and er...
0:24:32 > 0:24:34- LAUGHTER - Maybe...
0:24:35 > 0:24:40Supposedly a group of scriptwriters were trying to think up the stupidest names - like a pub game -
0:24:40 > 0:24:45and someone said, "Snakes On A Plane!" and they said, "Do you know, that's so crap, it's good."
0:24:45 > 0:24:49It would be scary to be on a plane with lots of snakes, though.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51- I liked the film... - Is it good?- Quite scary.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54The key would be whether the plot that leads to the snakes
0:24:54 > 0:24:56being on the plane is believable or not.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Well, they get out of a thing in the hold.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00- Oh, well, that sounds all right to me.- Yes!
0:25:00 > 0:25:05- And they're snakes, so they can get through tiny cracks. - They come up the loo!- Oh...!
0:25:05 > 0:25:08- Ooh... Anyway. Yes... - LAUGHTER
0:25:08 > 0:25:13Hannibal defeated the Pergamese by bombing them with pots full of snakes.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16Now, who succeeded Harold as King of England in 1066?
0:25:16 > 0:25:20- Is there a trick to it? - No - it's just you need to name the person who succeeded Harold
0:25:20 > 0:25:23- as King in 1066.... - DAVID: Don't trust him!
0:25:23 > 0:25:28- The trick is to know the answer. - I don't trust you. At all.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Is it the bastard, then?
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Who's the bastard? Oh, dear...
0:25:32 > 0:25:36- KLAXON - See? You see?!
0:25:36 > 0:25:40- It wasn't a trick. - Did England cease to exist in some way, or was it changed in name?
0:25:40 > 0:25:45There was another Saxon claimant who was nominally king for 45 seconds, or something...
0:25:45 > 0:25:47Well, for a few months, yes. Yes.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49- Edgar Atheling.- ROB: Ah.
0:25:49 > 0:25:54And er, he was 15 years old. But Saxon kings were...
0:25:54 > 0:25:58- How did you become a king if you were a Saxon? - Did you have to be nominated?
0:25:58 > 0:26:03You had to be from one of the five or six families... and then you'd be elected.
0:26:03 > 0:26:07- By what, by votes? They would vote for you?- Yes.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10Edgar the Aetheling. 15 years old. But of course William had won the battle,
0:26:10 > 0:26:15and so he came after him and he tried to fight - he couldn't raise an army, he went abroad...
0:26:15 > 0:26:19- He didn't live a very successful life.- He was 15, so he wouldn't have been able to do anything.
0:26:19 > 0:26:23Edgar the Aetheling was proclaimed king after the death of Harold,
0:26:23 > 0:26:25and reigned for two months before William was crowned.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28Why did Julius Caesar wear a laurel wreath?
0:26:28 > 0:26:30GRANDIOSE FANFARE Was it because he was bald?
0:26:30 > 0:26:35Yes, is the right answer! Absolutely right. He was very vain.
0:26:35 > 0:26:39According to Suetonius, his baldness was a disfigurement of which he was deeply ashamed,
0:26:39 > 0:26:45and so he chose the laurel wreath as one of the things he had a right to wear, and wore it all the time.
0:26:45 > 0:26:49"The laurel wreath is going to do wonders for you, Julius...
0:26:49 > 0:26:53"What it's going to do is take attention away from your baldness.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56"Now, they come in a variety of colours and styles -
0:26:56 > 0:26:59"we're going to start you off with a very simple, traditional one."
0:26:59 > 0:27:03He was also supposed to have invented the comb-over, cos Suetonius...
0:27:03 > 0:27:05He invented the comb-over?! LAUGHTER
0:27:05 > 0:27:10I shall quote you Suetonius in translation. "He used to comb forward the scanty locks
0:27:10 > 0:27:13"from the crown of his head, and of all the honours voted for him
0:27:13 > 0:27:16"by the Senate and people, none did he receive more gladly
0:27:16 > 0:27:19"than the privilege of wearing a laurel wreath at all times."
0:27:19 > 0:27:23He must have looked like a '60s footballer who'd come through a hedge!
0:27:23 > 0:27:24LAUGHTER
0:27:24 > 0:27:28It would be like leaving your Christmas cracker hat on all year.
0:27:28 > 0:27:29LAUGHTER
0:27:29 > 0:27:34So, with that display of general incompetence, we reach the end of recorded history.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37All that remains to see is who has learnt its lessons,
0:27:37 > 0:27:42and who is condemned to repeat its mistakes endlessly...on Dave.
0:27:42 > 0:27:43LAUGHTER
0:27:43 > 0:27:45And taking their place in history tonight
0:27:45 > 0:27:48with a magnificent plus 2 points
0:27:48 > 0:27:51- is Rob Brydon! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:55 > 0:27:58Happily dancing to the music of time in second place with minus 4,
0:27:58 > 0:28:01- it's David Mitchell! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:03 > 0:28:07Hanging grimly on to past glories with minus 27
0:28:07 > 0:28:11- is Sandi Toksvig! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:13 > 0:28:17And finally, sadly no more than a forgotten obscure footnote...
0:28:17 > 0:28:20- with minus 29, Alan Davies! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:26 > 0:28:29Well! That's all from this historic edition of QI,
0:28:29 > 0:28:31so it's goodnight from Sandi, Rob, David, Alan and me.
0:28:31 > 0:28:35I leave you with Winston Churchill's remark to Stanley Baldwin in the House of Commons.
0:28:35 > 0:28:38"History will say that the right honourable gentleman was wrong",
0:28:38 > 0:28:42he remarked. "I know it will - because I shall write the history."
0:28:42 > 0:28:43Goodnight.
0:28:43 > 0:28:45APPLAUSE AND WHISTLING
0:29:04 > 0:29:06Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:29:06 > 0:29:08E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk