0:00:24 > 0:00:26APPLAUSE
0:00:26 > 0:00:29CHEERING
0:00:29 > 0:00:34Hey, hey hey hey, hey hey, hey, hey, hey,
0:00:34 > 0:00:39hey hey hey hey, and welcome to the QI H-anatomy lesson,
0:00:39 > 0:00:43where we're discussing heads, hands, hips, hearts,
0:00:43 > 0:00:45and indeed any other part of the body beginning with H.
0:00:45 > 0:00:50And joining me with scalpels at the ready are four prime specimens of the human body.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52So give a big hand for Sue Perkins!
0:00:52 > 0:00:56APPLAUSE AND CHEERS
0:00:56 > 0:01:00And a hearty cheer for Bill Bailey.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03APPLAUSE AND HEARTY CHEERS
0:01:03 > 0:01:07And a hip-hip-hip replacement hooray for Gyles Brandreth!
0:01:07 > 0:01:09- AUDIENCE:- Hip, hip, hooray!
0:01:09 > 0:01:14Wahey! Very good. And a hair-raising scream for Alan Davies!
0:01:14 > 0:01:17- AUDIENCE SCREAMS - Wow.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19I like the way it stopped dead.
0:01:19 > 0:01:23That was good. And now, thanks to the handiwork of my audio elves,
0:01:23 > 0:01:25your buzzers should be ready. And Sue goes...
0:01:25 > 0:01:29- APPLAUSE - Ooh!
0:01:29 > 0:01:31I think it was a round of applause. And Bill goes...
0:01:31 > 0:01:34- CHEER - And Gyles goes...
0:01:34 > 0:01:37- HIP-HIP-HOORAY! - And Alan goes...
0:01:37 > 0:01:40- SCREAM - Oh!
0:01:40 > 0:01:44- We recorded, cleverly, the audience. - GYLES: Isn't that clever? Wow.
0:01:44 > 0:01:48- So, let's start with H... - This is already one of the weirdest shows I've ever been on.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52- LAUGHTER - We try and do our best.
0:01:52 > 0:01:57- This sounds like a pensioner sitting on a bag of Rice Krispies. - APPLAUSE
0:01:57 > 0:01:59- LAUGHTER - You're right!
0:01:59 > 0:02:00APPLAUSE
0:02:00 > 0:02:04It's certainly not someone under 65 sitting on Rice Krispies, is it?
0:02:04 > 0:02:08Or somebody putting their fingers in a socket. Do it again.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12APPLAUSE Slow way to go, but nice!
0:02:12 > 0:02:14- Ooh, lovely.- Easy, tiger.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17- Easy.- Careful.- Pleasure delay, remember?
0:02:17 > 0:02:22Well. Let's start with H for h-h-h-hands.
0:02:22 > 0:02:26What can I tell about you by looking at your palms?
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Sorry, Stephen, why did you say that in that very strange way? H-h-hands!
0:02:29 > 0:02:31Just to emphasis it begins with H.
0:02:31 > 0:02:36Like we were under any illusion that "hands" started with anything else.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39- "HANDS!" - I was just trying to be helpful!
0:02:39 > 0:02:43- Subtitles for the hard of thinking. - Remember who you're sitting next to.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45- Oh, yes, of course. LOUDLY:- Hands, dear!
0:02:45 > 0:02:47ALL: Hands!
0:02:47 > 0:02:49- Hands?!- Yes, look! At the end of your harms!
0:02:49 > 0:02:50LAUGHTER
0:02:50 > 0:02:56So, settling down, what... What can you tell about someone from their palms?
0:02:56 > 0:03:00- How long they're going to live, whether they'll get married, children...- BILL: The future.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02KLAXON
0:03:02 > 0:03:05I didn't say "the future"! He said "the future"!
0:03:05 > 0:03:07I just joined in!
0:03:07 > 0:03:10Maybe we'll halve the forfeit between you.
0:03:10 > 0:03:11Oh, I can't believe I get...!
0:03:11 > 0:03:16But no. Empirically and obviously it's never been proved that any such thing
0:03:16 > 0:03:19could ever be demonstrated, but there are things you can tell.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22- GYLES: Forgive me. When you say it's never been proved...- Yeah.
0:03:22 > 0:03:27- But there are people who feel they've done it.- Feeling you've done something is not quite the same
0:03:27 > 0:03:30as empirical... Thank God you're not in the government.
0:03:30 > 0:03:35LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:36 > 0:03:38They sweat, that's all they do.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41- To varying degrees. - But they have ridges.
0:03:41 > 0:03:46We'll ignore the lines of palmistry for the moment, but there is such a thing as palm diagnosis.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48There is a way of finding out predispositions towards
0:03:48 > 0:03:53- rather important and life-threatening...- Oh, good God. - ..happiness-threatening illnesses.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56- Oh. It actually will spell something? - LAUGHTER
0:03:56 > 0:03:59- "You're going to..."- Alphabetic! "You're going to d..."
0:03:59 > 0:04:01- GYLES: And where do we see this? - Do they swell up? Go red?
0:04:01 > 0:04:04It's the ridges of the palms.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07Who was responsible for discovering fingerprints?
0:04:07 > 0:04:09- No.- It was a very famous scientist called Francis Galton,
0:04:09 > 0:04:14whose name was rather ruined by the fact that he believed in eugenics,
0:04:14 > 0:04:17- which was rather discredited. - That's always a shame.- It is.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21But he also noticed the ridges and whorls on the palm,
0:04:21 > 0:04:25and 30 years later in the 1920s it was discovered that those with Down's Syndrome
0:04:25 > 0:04:27have completely different palms from anyone else.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30And then by the 1960s, at least 20 conditions
0:04:30 > 0:04:33were shown to present themselves on the palms.
0:04:33 > 0:04:34How gullible are we?
0:04:34 > 0:04:38We're just like this, Gyles and I, like that. "Heal us!"
0:04:38 > 0:04:41- "Make us whole again!"- There are also indications...- "Tip us!"
0:04:41 > 0:04:44- LAUGHTER - "We work for food!"- Yeah.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Going back, if I may, to the palmistry,
0:04:46 > 0:04:50all I will say is this. That you dismiss palmistry,
0:04:50 > 0:04:52but there were people 100 years ago,
0:04:52 > 0:04:56perhaps the wisest people of the time, who consulted palmists.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Indeed there were. Including, of course, our mutual hero...
0:04:59 > 0:05:03Our mutual friend, Oscar Wilde. And Mark Twain did. Queen Victoria, I think, did. Edward VII did.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06- Gladstone.- And they...- Who was the palmist they consulted?
0:05:06 > 0:05:11They consulted a man... Oscar Wilde certainly consulted a man called Cheiro,
0:05:11 > 0:05:14- based on...- Called "cheiro" from... - From the Greek meaning hand. - But his real name was?
0:05:14 > 0:05:18- His real name was William Warner. - You're right. There he is.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22- He was Irish.- He was Irish, and his great-great-grandson's brother
0:05:22 > 0:05:25married Elizabeth Taylor - Senator Warner.
0:05:25 > 0:05:30- But that's just incidental. - No, it's good to know. He also called himself Count von Hamon.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33That's a really good answer on William Warner and superb to hear.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Splendid answers all round. Thank you very much.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38The fact is, palmistry won't tell you your future,
0:05:38 > 0:05:40- but it can tell you your past... - RIPPLE OF LAUGHTER
0:05:40 > 0:05:45in the form of genetic markers that were set down while you were in the...womb...
0:05:45 > 0:05:47There's somebody playing with me...
0:05:51 > 0:05:53It sort of looks funny with what you're doing.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55There is a piece of wire.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57LAUGHTER
0:05:57 > 0:05:59APPLAUSE
0:05:59 > 0:06:02I've been goosed by the palm of a skeleton.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06I've been sitting for ten minutes thinking "When shall I do it?
0:06:06 > 0:06:09"They're talking about palms! It should be now! It should be now!"
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Wahey!
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Oh! Oh!
0:06:14 > 0:06:15You see?
0:06:15 > 0:06:18It had to end...
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23GYLES: You just don't know your own strength!
0:06:23 > 0:06:25"Sorry!"
0:06:25 > 0:06:28BILL: Keith! Keith, man, me head's come off.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32- GYLES: Oh, my heavens! - That'll do it!
0:06:32 > 0:06:34- Carry on, carry on. - LAUGHTER
0:06:34 > 0:06:37They actually look a little bit like the Cheeky Girls.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40LAUGHTER
0:06:40 > 0:06:43They do. Yes. Er... answer me another question.
0:06:43 > 0:06:48- Marcel Proust. - BILL: A La Recherche Du Temps Perdu.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52Very good. Now why did Marcel Proust have such a limp handshake?
0:06:52 > 0:06:54There he is. There's Marcel.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57- He hasn't slept for five years. - APPLAUSE
0:06:57 > 0:07:01- I feel bad saying this, but he was a known homosexual.- He was well gay.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Now I don't... He was well gay. But I don't want to say
0:07:04 > 0:07:07that he had the limp handshake because he was gay...
0:07:07 > 0:07:12It's like saying he... loved to buy scatter cushions and throw them around the gaff.
0:07:12 > 0:07:16I mean, it seems a really reductive thing to say. But I don't know if...
0:07:16 > 0:07:19There are types of gay who go round in muscle vests and are very butch,
0:07:19 > 0:07:24and there are types of gay, like Marcel, who are rather limp-wristed and who like ornament and design.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28He famously wrote only in a cork-lined room, he was very sensitive.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30- But...- BILL: He was very buoyant.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32- Buoyant... - LAUGHTER
0:07:32 > 0:07:35- Exactly! He was very buoyant. - He could go cruising at any time.
0:07:35 > 0:07:39- He could set sail. - He could write anywhere in the world. Oceans, anywhere.
0:07:39 > 0:07:40- HIP-HIP-HOORAY! - Yes.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43- I'm going to offer a thought.- Yeah. - OK?- Right.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47He, being gay, spent a lot of time in North Africa.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50- BILL: Tangiers? - North Africaaaah.
0:07:50 > 0:07:54- One of the things that I discovered when I spent time in Africa... - Are you coming out?
0:07:54 > 0:07:56Is this a coming-out statement?
0:07:56 > 0:08:00Cos if it is, that'll be the picture, so just watch out.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Why not? Tonight could be the night, you're right.
0:08:02 > 0:08:06- I know your party's behind you. - Indeed. LAUGHTER
0:08:06 > 0:08:10APPLAUSE
0:08:10 > 0:08:13- It's time.- Yes, Gyles.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16I'm going to suggest this. When I went to Africa,
0:08:16 > 0:08:19I was quite disconcerted to find that traditionally, the African handshake
0:08:19 > 0:08:23is not simply very soft, but it lingers.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26- Shake my hand.- Oh, this is just an excuse. Again!- No, no!
0:08:26 > 0:08:30- The injunction, Gyles!- In Europe we shake hands... BILL: Don't touch him!
0:08:30 > 0:08:33In Europe we shake hands like that. I think in Africa, you shake hands
0:08:33 > 0:08:38- like this...and we hold there.- Stop. - I have a lot of experience of this.
0:08:38 > 0:08:42Stop it... He's glued me! I can't get out.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46I don't wish to name-drop, but I went to interview Archbishop Desmond Tutu
0:08:46 > 0:08:50- and he held my hand like this for a long, long time.- Did he?
0:08:50 > 0:08:54BILL: And he was saying to his aides, "Who is this again?"
0:08:54 > 0:09:00I'm thinking that Marcel Proust spent time in North Africa and rather liked this tradition,
0:09:00 > 0:09:03and brought it back with him to Paris.
0:09:03 > 0:09:08It's an interesting idea, I have no evidence that proves it. I know that Andre Gide went to North Africa...
0:09:08 > 0:09:10That's who I'm thinking of!
0:09:10 > 0:09:13APPLAUSE
0:09:15 > 0:09:17You sweated on my hand for that?
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Andre Gide was out and proud.
0:09:20 > 0:09:25He was probably the man who invented the word "homosexual", as it were, in his book Corydon.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27And he was out. Marcel was not out.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Marcel was embarrassed and ashamed of being gay
0:09:30 > 0:09:33and indeed, he went to brothels to try and cure himself.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36Oh, we've all tried that.
0:09:36 > 0:09:37LAUGHTER
0:09:37 > 0:09:40You heard it here first, folks.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43"The North Africans hold their hands like that, my darling."
0:09:43 > 0:09:46It's a sort of double-bluff is the only way I can explain it.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49He had a friend, a Romanian count, who said to him,
0:09:49 > 0:09:54"Look, I can teach you how to do a more manly handshake, then people wont think you're an invert."
0:09:54 > 0:09:56- As the word was then.- Invert? - An invert.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58- That was the gayer.- A gayer, yeah.
0:09:58 > 0:10:03And Marcel Proust said, "No, if I do that, people will think I'm trying to look straight."
0:10:03 > 0:10:08- Whereas, if I, confidently am all limp...- It's a double-bluff! - A double-bluff.
0:10:08 > 0:10:13Now, to handshakes. We said that palms don't reveal personality, do handshakes?
0:10:13 > 0:10:15I don't like a feeble handshake, gives me the creeps.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18- BILL: It's not right, is it? - I don't like a sweaty hand.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21I don't like when there's something left on your hand after...
0:10:21 > 0:10:25- Residue!- I don't like the other hand coming in to clasp, either.
0:10:25 > 0:10:26That's a power thing.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Isn't that like a dominance thing?
0:10:28 > 0:10:33- Is it?- When you see people holding hands, the dominant figure, when you see them walking down the street,
0:10:33 > 0:10:37the dominant figure is the figure with the hand on the outside. Hold my hand.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40- Oh, is that right?- Close your eyes and hold my hand.- Not again, Gyles!
0:10:40 > 0:10:43It's over in a moment, just take my hand.
0:10:43 > 0:10:44- I'm looking away.- All right.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46You do it, you've got to take my hand.
0:10:48 > 0:10:49Oh! You let me dominate you.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51You've let me dominate you.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54- Oh, Sue, you've let the sisters down!- You chose, you chose!
0:10:54 > 0:10:56You chose! I just...
0:10:56 > 0:11:00Please tell me what you... You want to be submissive or dominant? I mean, with...
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Stop stroking me on the thing...
0:11:02 > 0:11:04LAUGHTER
0:11:04 > 0:11:09Who does that? Who does that? He did...he did inverted crab.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12- Earlier you said you liked it. - No...- You said you liked it!
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Oh, God. Oh, God. They're having a row.
0:11:16 > 0:11:21- I've now got two soiled...- Did it tickle?- It did tickle!- The crazy spider.- He did do the crazy spider.
0:11:21 > 0:11:26Handshakes do tell us a lot, don't they? Individually we instinctively respond, as we've just show.
0:11:26 > 0:11:30- I don't like a cruncher.- Handshakes that repel us. Exactly. Paul Flynn,
0:11:30 > 0:11:35a Labour MP in Wales, actually suggested that people who gave really strong handshakes
0:11:35 > 0:11:36should be charged for assault.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39- He's not a busy man, is he?- No.
0:11:39 > 0:11:44So anyway, Marcel Proust used a limp handshake because he wanted to conceal the fact that he was gay
0:11:44 > 0:11:46in an elaborate double-bluff.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49I want you to imagine you've been transported to the 19th century
0:11:49 > 0:11:51and the trip has given you a banging headache.
0:11:51 > 0:11:58You want to have a hole drilled in your head to get rid of the pain and the pressure.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00So where's the best place to have it?
0:12:00 > 0:12:03- Umm...- The trepanning?- Germany?
0:12:03 > 0:12:05KLAXON
0:12:07 > 0:12:11APPLAUSE
0:12:11 > 0:12:14I'm slightly worried they can now read my mind, these people.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Yes, that's amazing!
0:12:16 > 0:12:18- It is new each series, I suppose. - It basically is.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Germany, you said, no. Germany probably not the best place.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25- The top, they trepan in the top. - Literally, where is the best place to go?
0:12:25 > 0:12:28It's the 19th century. Should it be Europe, should it be America?
0:12:28 > 0:12:29GYLES: Harley Street.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Harley Street was a very bad place to go.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33- They would go to...- Margate.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35- France.- France?
0:12:35 > 0:12:39- Didn't they, in Africa, they trepan. - Africa, probably a better bet than Harley Street.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42But it seems that Papua New Guinea would be the best place.
0:12:42 > 0:12:47- In the 19th century, if you had this, what's the word?- Trepanning. - Trepanning, yeah.
0:12:47 > 0:12:5178% of those who had it done in London in the west died.
0:12:51 > 0:12:52From blood poisoning?
0:12:52 > 0:12:56But in Papua New Guinea... Yes, from cross-infections.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Why did people keep going? Eight out of ten people die. "I'm up for it."
0:12:59 > 0:13:02It wasn't because they had a hole drilled in their head, it was because they got infected.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04What was it for, the trepanning?
0:13:04 > 0:13:07To relieve pressure, supposedly.
0:13:07 > 0:13:14It's the original form of surgery, as far as we know from archaeology, the oldest form that ever there was.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18And we know that it was, well, I wont say "successful", we know that it wasn't a failure.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22As a way of knowing that it didn't kill people which is...?
0:13:22 > 0:13:24- Some of them survived. - A little bit of tissue grows.
0:13:24 > 0:13:29You see the skull has re-healed, because people have lived for years afterwards.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Didn't they used to put coins in the hole and stuff like that?
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Because you're left with a big, gaping hole...
0:13:34 > 0:13:39- You are...- You could put a dispenser in and turn your head into a Pez machine.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41LAUGHTER
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Just press your ear.
0:13:43 > 0:13:49Originally, in older cultures, you clamp the victim's head between your legs,
0:13:49 > 0:13:53and you just get a stone, a sharp piece of obsidian or flint,
0:13:53 > 0:13:59and you'd scrape on to the scalp. until it grooves and grooves. You can see this in old skulls,
0:13:59 > 0:14:02- and here, even there...- He's not happy about that.- He's not happy.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06The point is, in New Guinea, they used found sharp things to do the hole
0:14:06 > 0:14:09and then poured coconut milk over it, which is sterile.
0:14:09 > 0:14:14In the 19th century in Britain, they were in hospitals where all kinds of cross-infections were possible,
0:14:14 > 0:14:16and it was a lot more dangerous for that reason.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19Do you know about open craniotomies?
0:14:19 > 0:14:23Open-brain surgery where someone is conscious.
0:14:23 > 0:14:28- Why would you want someone to be awake?- So you know that they can use their fingers...- That's right.
0:14:28 > 0:14:32So you're not... Because we still know so little about the brain,
0:14:32 > 0:14:34there is every chance you're an inch out
0:14:34 > 0:14:38in where you're operating and you can ruin the speech or motion centre.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40There's a man called Eddie Adcock,
0:14:40 > 0:14:45I think his name was, he's quite a senior figure in the world of bluegrass music.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49He had a hand tremor and they decided to do one of these conscious craniotomies on him
0:14:49 > 0:14:52- and we have a film of it. He plays the banjo...- No!
0:14:52 > 0:14:56..while they're operating on his brain to check they're not interfering
0:14:56 > 0:14:58with his... Can we see Mr Adcock? There he is.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01How about now? No problems?
0:15:03 > 0:15:06ADCOCK SINGS
0:15:13 > 0:15:15That's pretty astonishing, isn't it?
0:15:15 > 0:15:21- That is mental.- I saw in Star Trek, they took Spock's brain clean out
0:15:21 > 0:15:26and replaced it with another one. They did it all...
0:15:26 > 0:15:30He lay on his back and they put a board over his head
0:15:30 > 0:15:35and a man stood behind, going... "The brain's out now.
0:15:35 > 0:15:40"The new brain's in." They took the board up and his head was absolutely fine!
0:15:40 > 0:15:43The fact is, trepanning IS the oldest known form of surgery.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47In the 19th century, you were better off having it done in Papua New Guinea
0:15:47 > 0:15:52than in the hospitals of London. How would you know if you had a shrunken head? Ah.
0:15:52 > 0:15:53I'm going to give you...
0:15:53 > 0:15:55LAUGHTER
0:15:55 > 0:15:57- Oh!- Oh!- Oh, yeah.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Is it real?
0:15:59 > 0:16:03That's my question. How can you tell whether you have an authentic shrunken head?
0:16:03 > 0:16:07Oh, I see. How can you tell if you actually have a shrunken head yourself?
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Does it come with a certificate?
0:16:09 > 0:16:11ALL TALK AT ONCE
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Is one of these real?
0:16:13 > 0:16:18What do you know about shrunken...? Where would you get one? There are some real ones.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21- Ecuador.- Ecuador is exactly right. This is brilliant.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25You're on fire. That is impressive.
0:16:25 > 0:16:30- Do you know the name of the tribe? - No.- The Shuar people. - Shuar?- Shuar people.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34- They are a clan... - Bush monkeys.- Bush monkeys!
0:16:34 > 0:16:38Oh, look, you put this in the back of your car!
0:16:38 > 0:16:43- Yes!- So you think this is an early nodding dog?- Yes.
0:16:43 > 0:16:47- That feels like horse hair or something to me.- It doesn't feel...
0:16:47 > 0:16:51- It smells.- Are they still doing it? - Well, no, not officially. It's against the law.
0:16:51 > 0:16:55But in every Ripley's Believe It Or Not! museum, there's at least one.
0:16:55 > 0:16:5729, by our count.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Oh, that's lovely!
0:16:59 > 0:17:01SCREAM
0:17:03 > 0:17:06- How would you do it? - SCREAM
0:17:06 > 0:17:08How would you shrink a head?
0:17:08 > 0:17:12Put it in the washing machine at a very high heat.
0:17:12 > 0:17:17So I mean, it's a normal human head, but it's reduced to the size...
0:17:17 > 0:17:21- Those are real size.- You'd have to take all the skin off someone.
0:17:21 > 0:17:26You take all the skin off in one go, including the hair. You throw away the skull and the eyes
0:17:26 > 0:17:30into a river, if you're Shuar tribe. So you've got the skin, this whole skin.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34Then you turn it inside out and you scrape it.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37SCREAM
0:17:37 > 0:17:38I didn't invent this.
0:17:38 > 0:17:43- Get it back the right way, keeping the features as perfect as you can...- Like skinning a rabbit.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46Yeah. You bind the lips together, you sew them together,
0:17:46 > 0:17:54- and sew the eyelids, right? Then you pop in hot stones and sand.- Mmm.
0:17:54 > 0:17:59- To give it shape?- I'm making note of this.- Then you simmer it.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02- How long do you simmer it for? - Boiling water.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06- Gas mark 2, my darling. - Bay leaf?- Yeah.
0:18:06 > 0:18:10And then you kipper it, you smoke it, essentially.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12- Voila.- To what purpose?
0:18:12 > 0:18:15They're a pretty ferocious group of people, these Shuar.
0:18:15 > 0:18:19- They're the ones who are famous...- Oh! For the man with the molten lava.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22Are these the cruellest people in the history of the world?
0:18:22 > 0:18:25- They're certainly...- I remember the teacher who taught us this.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27He was pretty vicious himself.
0:18:27 > 0:18:32- And there was a Spanish general who tried to tame this Shuar tribe...- Yes.
0:18:32 > 0:18:37They had the last laugh. They took him, they pulled open his mouth,
0:18:37 > 0:18:43they poured molten gold down his gullet until his bowels burst.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47- Right. Sounds like a good repayment for his greed for gold.- Indeed.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49- That's why they used gold.- Indeed.
0:18:49 > 0:18:55- Why are they so unpleasant? - They're the tribe famous for dipping darts in curare, the poison beloved
0:18:55 > 0:19:00- of detective writers.- That's the one that gets your central nervous system?- Absolutely.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03- They've got lovely hats, though. - It's a good look.
0:19:03 > 0:19:08Yours are not human, they are goat or alpaca.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11These are available in Ecuador as tourist knick-knacks.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13So that's a goat's face?
0:19:13 > 0:19:18Goat skin. You can usually tell, one that's done by someone imitating
0:19:18 > 0:19:21the tribesmen has lips too neatly sown up.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24In the originals, they were pretty basic.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Is it to preserve relatives?
0:19:26 > 0:19:30It's a kind of gleeful, joyous, gloating, "I own you."
0:19:30 > 0:19:33- Take the spirit out of you. - But it's not a compliment,
0:19:33 > 0:19:37- it's not, "Granny's gone, let's keep her at the end of the bed."- Oh, no.
0:19:37 > 0:19:41- What do you really think about Uncle Bill, Grandma?- I hated him!
0:19:42 > 0:19:45If you hand them back, I've got another little experiment.
0:19:45 > 0:19:49I've got something else to give you. All we want you to do,
0:19:49 > 0:19:51I'm going to hand these blank £2 coins.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55Just try and draw the Queen's head as she is on the coin.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57- The Queen's head on the coin?- Yeah.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Is she wearing a crown, is she... An outline.
0:20:00 > 0:20:01Which way does she look?
0:20:01 > 0:20:03No-one knows.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06No, don't ask for help! Oi!
0:20:06 > 0:20:10Alan Davies, I'll take points away if you cheat.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13How do you think I got through school without asking for help?
0:20:13 > 0:20:17- Everyone done?- She looks like Lenny Henry in mine.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Well, that's all right.
0:20:20 > 0:20:21OK, done.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24Oh, Alan's done. You...
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Mine looks like a triceratops.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Let's look at yours there.
0:20:28 > 0:20:29LAUGHTER
0:20:29 > 0:20:32And yours? Extraordinary.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35The point is, you've all, especially Bill,
0:20:35 > 0:20:38you've all made the fundamental error that everybody makes
0:20:38 > 0:20:41in thinking she faces left. She faces right.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43KLAXON
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Yeah, because most people think that.
0:20:49 > 0:20:5288% of people think the Queen faces left on her coins.
0:20:52 > 0:20:57On every coin that ever was stamped since she was Queen,
0:20:57 > 0:20:59it's always face to the right.
0:20:59 > 0:21:00Never ask for help.
0:21:00 > 0:21:01Do they take it in turns?
0:21:01 > 0:21:04- Did her father face the other way? - Yes.
0:21:04 > 0:21:08- And Prince Charles.- He's straight on, with the ears, like that.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11They've alternated since Charles II.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15But does she not face the other way on the paper money?
0:21:15 > 0:21:18No, on the stamp. That's one theory.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20Whoa!
0:21:20 > 0:21:24One theory as to why 88% of people seem to think she faces left
0:21:24 > 0:21:28is because she does on the definitive edition of the stamps.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30We're all familiar with that image.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33On the other hand, that's true in Denmark,
0:21:33 > 0:21:37Queen Margrethe, they also think she faces left, but on the stamp
0:21:37 > 0:21:40she looks out, and on the coin she looks to the right.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44But if you ask a Dane which way she faces, they will say left.
0:21:44 > 0:21:49It's something to do, probably, with right-handedness. We just picture a profile that way.
0:21:49 > 0:21:53It's really strange, cos we handle these things every day,
0:21:53 > 0:21:58unless you're Gyles, when you have someone to do it for you.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01It's bizarre that we just don't notice.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05- That's all coins, is it?- All coins with the Queen's head on.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07- How long has that been? - Since the beginning of time.
0:22:07 > 0:22:11It alternates between monarchs, so her father faced left.
0:22:11 > 0:22:12Oh, I see.
0:22:12 > 0:22:17And his father, George V, not counting the abdication,
0:22:17 > 0:22:18George VI.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22If you could get all the coins of all the monarchs together,
0:22:22 > 0:22:25alternating monarchs, and could just flick through them, they'd be...
0:22:25 > 0:22:29It would. It would be like a tennis match. It'd be exhausting.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32Which brings us to the unappealing nether regions of our show,
0:22:32 > 0:22:34the place that we call General Ignorance. Hands on horns,
0:22:34 > 0:22:36if you'd be so kind.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39What should you do with your head if you have a nosebleed?
0:22:39 > 0:22:42HIP-HIP-HOORAY!
0:22:42 > 0:22:43Yes?
0:22:43 > 0:22:45You have to answer.
0:22:45 > 0:22:46I'm doing it.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49You should do that with your head?
0:22:49 > 0:22:51- Pressing...- Your lip.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54No, pressing the bit below the nose.
0:22:54 > 0:22:55No.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Because the nose...
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Actually, not worry. A nosebleed won't harm you.
0:23:00 > 0:23:04OK, you might stain your clothes.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07You might stain your clothes, but a nose bleed is all right.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09- You could lie back.- No!
0:23:09 > 0:23:11KLAXON
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Oh, you're so angry, so competitive, I like it.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18- The point is, most people think... - No, I remember this.
0:23:18 > 0:23:23- Because, do you know. No! - And you can get it in the lungs.
0:23:23 > 0:23:24Worse than that,
0:23:24 > 0:23:27this is why I should've remembered this. You lie back, it goes into you,
0:23:27 > 0:23:30but you can also have a nosebleed through your eyes.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33It is possible to have a nosebleed that comes out of these bits.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35- An eyebleed?- Yes,
0:23:35 > 0:23:39but it's a misdirected nosebleed. Wrong to call it an eyebleed,
0:23:39 > 0:23:42- cos it's coming out from the nose part.- Just tilt your head forward
0:23:42 > 0:23:44from now on, love.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46So the point is, forwards, not back.
0:23:46 > 0:23:52If it lasts longer than 20 minutes, it is very much recommended to seek medical advice.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55And if you've caused it from anything other than the most common causes, which would be...
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Bouncy castle.
0:23:57 > 0:23:58LAUGHTER
0:23:58 > 0:24:01- Classic.- Inevitable.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04Another one is being punched in the face. That's one, yep.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07That can bring it on. There you are.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10That would do it. Tilt your head forward.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14- Can you name them? I think that's Larry Holmes and...- Spinks, is it?
0:24:14 > 0:24:17Ray Mercer. Merciless Ray Mercer.
0:24:17 > 0:24:22There are various others. Blowing your nose too hard, picking it.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Yeah. You shouldn't tilt your head back if you have a nosebleed,
0:24:24 > 0:24:28it can be dangerous. Tilt your head forwards and pinch your nose,
0:24:28 > 0:24:31then eventually, after 12 minutes or so, it'll clot naturally.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34What might happen if you swallow your tongue, however?
0:24:34 > 0:24:36HIP-HIP-HOORAY!
0:24:36 > 0:24:40Nothing. I don't believe you can swallow your tongue.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42Is the right answer.
0:24:42 > 0:24:43Absolutely.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45APPLAUSE
0:24:45 > 0:24:50That sort of busybody person who says "lots of hot, sweet tea"
0:24:50 > 0:24:53when someone's fainted or had a seizure and say "do this"
0:24:53 > 0:24:57and they pull the tongue down cos they might swallow, it's nonsense.
0:24:57 > 0:25:01- What do they mean then?- It might obstruct an airway, possibly...
0:25:01 > 0:25:05- It's very rare.- If you have a bash and you bite it or something...
0:25:05 > 0:25:07You can bite it, yeah, but you can't swallow it.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10There was literally this idea that it goes backwards, down your throat,
0:25:10 > 0:25:14causes you to choke. That cannot happen. And, finally!
0:25:14 > 0:25:16Why shouldn't you crack your knuckles?
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Ooh.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Can you do lasting damage?
0:25:20 > 0:25:22- The bone... - HIS KNUCKLE CRACKS
0:25:22 > 0:25:25- Oooh!- Oh, no!
0:25:26 > 0:25:29There's a... I think it's an old wives' tale,
0:25:29 > 0:25:32that if you do that, it causes arthritis.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Because there was a famous doctor
0:25:34 > 0:25:36called Dr Unger,
0:25:36 > 0:25:39who believed that it did, and for 50 years, this doctor, every day,
0:25:39 > 0:25:42cracked the knuckles on his left hand
0:25:42 > 0:25:46- and didn't on his right. - But the story is that his mother,
0:25:46 > 0:25:49when he was very young, he cracked the knuckles on both hands,
0:25:49 > 0:25:53his mother said, "You do that, you'll get arthritis."
0:25:53 > 0:25:56And he thought, being of a scientific turn of mind...
0:25:56 > 0:25:58- REDNECK VOICE:- You gon' get arthritis!
0:25:58 > 0:26:03He thought, "I'll test this by only doing it on the left hand."
0:26:03 > 0:26:06I ain't gettin' no arthritis, and I'll show you how!
0:26:06 > 0:26:11So he did it on his left hand only, and for 60 years he cracked,
0:26:11 > 0:26:15and then he had various tests and there was no suggestion of arthritis
0:26:15 > 0:26:18on the left hand more than the right. Apparently he shouted,
0:26:18 > 0:26:23- "You were wrong, Mother, you were wrong!"- "I wasted my life."
0:26:23 > 0:26:25- You were wrong!- Well, there we are!
0:26:25 > 0:26:28That is indeed the answer. You can't get arthritis
0:26:28 > 0:26:31from cracking your knuckles. At worst, you could end up
0:26:31 > 0:26:35with a limp handshake, and goodness knows what impression that'll give people(!)
0:26:35 > 0:26:39Which handily brings us to the heart of the matter - the scores.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41And the winner, who really used his head...
0:26:41 > 0:26:44They're two heads, because, ladies and gentlemen,
0:26:44 > 0:26:46we have a tie for first place.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49On -8, it's Gyles and Sue!
0:26:49 > 0:26:52APPLAUSE
0:27:00 > 0:27:06Oh, but missing out on a hair's breadth with -12, Bill Bailey!
0:27:06 > 0:27:08APPLAUSE
0:27:10 > 0:27:15Throwing his hands up in the air on -25, Alan Davies!
0:27:15 > 0:27:19APPLAUSE
0:27:24 > 0:27:29So all that's left for me is to thank Sue, Gyles, Bill and, of course, Alan.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31And I leave you with this. It's an anatomy lesson.
0:27:31 > 0:27:36In order to accustom medical students
0:27:36 > 0:27:40to the business of getting used to dead human flesh,
0:27:40 > 0:27:43an anatomy professor basically said to the class,
0:27:43 > 0:27:47"Look, you've got to get used to doing this, I need one of you to come forward."
0:27:47 > 0:27:50They were first year. Stood him by the body, said, "Do what I do."
0:27:50 > 0:27:53He put his finger up the rectum of this dead body,
0:27:53 > 0:27:56like that, and then just sucked it.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58- AUDIENCE GROANS - He said, "I know, I know,
0:27:58 > 0:28:00"but you've got to learn how to be a doctor."
0:28:00 > 0:28:03So this medical student puts the finger up like that.
0:28:03 > 0:28:08He said, "The other thing about being a doctor is you must be observant.
0:28:08 > 0:28:13"I put my middle finger up the rectum and sucked my index." Thank you and goodbye.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16APPLAUSE
0:28:20 > 0:28:23Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:23 > 0:28:26E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk