0:00:23 > 0:00:24APPLAUSE
0:00:25 > 0:00:27CHEERING
0:00:29 > 0:00:36Well! Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening,
0:00:36 > 0:00:41and welcome to QI, which tonight is a wholesale homage
0:00:41 > 0:00:43to all that is horrible.
0:00:43 > 0:00:47Queasily hunched over the handrail with me tonight are
0:00:47 > 0:00:49the disgusted Dara O'Briain.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:00:52 > 0:00:55The appalled Chris Addison.
0:00:57 > 0:01:01- The shuddering Sean Lock. - Thank you.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05And the slightly disturbed Alan Davies.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:01:10 > 0:01:14Their buzzers are a hideous foretaste of the loathsomeness to come.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17- Chris goes... - 'Ugh!'
0:01:18 > 0:01:21- Dara goes... - MAN: That is disgusting!
0:01:22 > 0:01:25- Sean goes... - VOMITTING NOISE
0:01:25 > 0:01:27AUDIENCE GROAN
0:01:29 > 0:01:31- And Alan goes... - 'Hello, I'm Piers Morgan.'
0:01:33 > 0:01:34APPLAUSE
0:01:34 > 0:01:36So...
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Pass the sick bag, Alice, let's plunge in.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44Where do you think this little chap lives?
0:01:45 > 0:01:47I bet it's about your person, is it?
0:01:47 > 0:01:51Mm, it's certainly... Let's just say it is parasitical.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54- It's...- It looks like it fits on the top of a pencil.
0:01:56 > 0:02:01- Like a gonk.- A good-luck charm for your exams.- Like kids have on their pencils. One of those.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04Or has someone's head been removed? Is it a massive thing?
0:02:04 > 0:02:06- Ah!- No, it's not that.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09Looking at it, I think it lives in the dark.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14It's black all around it.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18That's it in its natural environment.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22No, it's got that translucent, I'm not worried about how I look feeling.
0:02:23 > 0:02:28Actually, it's a mouthpiece. It's a mouth part that it latches on to.
0:02:28 > 0:02:29- The tongue.- The tongue.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32- A tongue mite? - The tongue of a particular fish.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35It is indeed. It's called the tongue-eating louse.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Is it the tongue of the thwh-thwh-thwh fish?
0:02:41 > 0:02:43It developed fins like that.
0:02:43 > 0:02:48Really? And fish have tongues? I have never heard of a fish...
0:02:48 > 0:02:50- Yes!- Yes!- What? Really? Why?
0:02:50 > 0:02:54Why? How else are they going to whistle?
0:02:55 > 0:02:59- This is the African blacktail. - That's not it's actual size, is it?
0:02:59 > 0:03:02Yes, it's a big fish. It's the African blacktail.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04The really gruesome thing about this louse
0:03:04 > 0:03:08is that it latches onto the tongue - you can see how big it is -
0:03:08 > 0:03:11and it sucks the blood out of the tongue
0:03:11 > 0:03:15such that the tongue disappears and it replaces the tongue.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19- GROANING - The animal thinks its tongue is actually this louse
0:03:19 > 0:03:21and it lives in there quite happily
0:03:21 > 0:03:24and breeds and its children live in the gills
0:03:24 > 0:03:26and it just colonises the head.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30So when the fish sees that photo, it'll be really embarrassed.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35"No wonder everyone was looking at me oddly at that party."
0:03:35 > 0:03:39So the fish goes without a tongue, the louse gets free food.
0:03:39 > 0:03:43On the plus side, it looks like it's on a massive space hopper.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49- Does it die, the fish?- No, no, it carries on with a false tongue.
0:03:49 > 0:03:53- Parasites keep their host alive, don't they? - Yes, it's to their advantage.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56The point is the food that passes into the mouth.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59It's probably not that bad. There's worse things happen to a fish,
0:03:59 > 0:04:02like being caught, as it has been there.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06Caught by a human. It probably finds the human more disgusting than the louse.
0:04:06 > 0:04:12There's a flatworm that sort of inserts itself into crabs
0:04:12 > 0:04:15and then grows through all the parts of the crab
0:04:15 > 0:04:18until it pops out the top and drives the crab around.
0:04:18 > 0:04:19Yes.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21"Get out of the way!
0:04:21 > 0:04:24"I'm after some seaweed."
0:04:24 > 0:04:28You're absolutely right. There are other animals you might like to know about.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31What's covered in snot and eats whales?
0:04:32 > 0:04:34I don't know. Some sort of nose parasite?
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Well, it's a parasite that eats whales.
0:04:37 > 0:04:42- What, whole?- No, it feeds on the bones of whales.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46- It has evolved...- Is there a creature I don't know about, a massive creature that eats whales?
0:04:46 > 0:04:48- Oh...- The snot monster?
0:04:50 > 0:04:53This gigantic green thing that I've never seen?
0:04:53 > 0:04:56- It would be big, wouldn't it? - Eats them like peanuts.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Everyone has a bit of a whale when it dies.
0:05:02 > 0:05:07It takes months for it to get... Gradually, it all gets consumed by the creatures of the deep.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10And the bits that fall right down to the bottom are the bones
0:05:10 > 0:05:13- and there's this extraordinary... - Snotty little bugger.
0:05:13 > 0:05:19Yeah, it latches into the bones and it brings out feather-like plumes
0:05:19 > 0:05:21and it feeds off the nutrients
0:05:21 > 0:05:24and it's covered in mucus, so it's called a snot flower or mucoflora.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27I've coughed something like that up.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30That looks a bit like KFC.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35- It's tempura.- Yeah.- It does a bit.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Tempura. That's so middle class.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Not if you're from Japan.
0:05:40 > 0:05:45"No, actually, it doesn't look like KFC, it looks like tempura."
0:05:45 > 0:05:48Two other parasites worthy of mention. Tapeworms.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50How would you know if you had a tapeworm?
0:05:50 > 0:05:52You'd eat more than usual?
0:05:52 > 0:05:55- No.- I know a fact about tapeworms,
0:05:55 > 0:05:59that 80% of the people in this country have got tapeworms,
0:05:59 > 0:06:01which makes them more popular than dogs.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06There you are. The most popular pet.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09I heard a very interesting programme on the radio the other day
0:06:09 > 0:06:13about a man who was told that having a tapeworm gets rid of asthma and eczema.
0:06:13 > 0:06:14He caught a tapeworm
0:06:14 > 0:06:18and it's got rid of his crippling asthma and eczema conditions.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21- Completely got rid of it. - Goodness gracious.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24He doesn't want to get rid of this tapeworm. He said he eats more...
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Well, no, you don't eat more. That's not true at all.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30I added that bit on. You're right.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33- I put that in on purpose. - It's a misapprehension.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36People think it eats your food, therefore you'll be hungry.
0:06:36 > 0:06:43In fact, it makes you nauseous. It eats a small amount of your food but you lose appetite.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47Someone told me that to get rid of the worm, you have to starve yourself
0:06:47 > 0:06:49and then wave a steak in front of your mouth.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53- I was 16, I was chatting up this girl...- Not your mouth.
0:06:53 > 0:06:58Yeah, well, she was all about then it would come up and bob out and you know...
0:06:58 > 0:06:59Sweet idea.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02I was 16, she was saying this, I was trying to chat her up and...
0:07:02 > 0:07:05You were chatting her up with tapeworm stories?
0:07:05 > 0:07:07- It was her tapeworm story. - Oh, I see.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10So what sort of length would you expect a tapeworm to be?
0:07:10 > 0:07:138 metres.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16- 14 miles.- 14 miles is perhaps a little long.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19- A good half marathon. - But thank you for joining in.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25- 50 feet is not... - 8 metres isn't bad, is it?
0:07:25 > 0:07:278 metres isn't bad at all, no.
0:07:27 > 0:07:31But they can stay in you for 20 years,
0:07:31 > 0:07:33- a long, long time. - That is a long time.
0:07:33 > 0:07:34They're not pleasant.
0:07:34 > 0:07:39And they are segmented - flat but in little segments to make them even creepier.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41There's one that comes out of your leg
0:07:41 > 0:07:44and it takes three or four weeks to come out of your leg
0:07:44 > 0:07:48because the only way of getting it out is to wind it round a pencil.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51You go to the doctor every day and he'll do about an inch a day.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53It's incredibly painful.
0:07:53 > 0:07:58But there's a theory that that's where the medical sign of a serpent wrapped round a staff comes from.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00That's a nice thought.
0:08:00 > 0:08:05I like this kind of atmosphere of scout camp where everyone keeps each other awake
0:08:05 > 0:08:07saying, "And apparently there's this thing
0:08:07 > 0:08:11"and they had these spiders came out and ate them."
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Hopefully that's prepared you all for the horrors ahead.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17You might need a drink after all those disgusting animals.
0:08:17 > 0:08:22What's the key ingredient, then, in the world's nastiest cocktail?
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Is it Malibu?
0:08:24 > 0:08:25ALARMS GO OFF
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Oh, dear!
0:08:27 > 0:08:29APPLAUSE
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Hey!
0:08:31 > 0:08:35- Yeah.- I reckon you've got someone who's a really quick typist.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40We're after a nasty cocktail.
0:08:40 > 0:08:45- Is it a genuine drink? - It's a genuine cocktail that is served in a genuine bar
0:08:45 > 0:08:47in a genuine place in a genuine country.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49- One place?- One place.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51- Give us a clue. - It's part of the body.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55We're in a country that is sort of known for its cleanliness, probably.
0:08:55 > 0:08:59- Japan.- Switzerland.- Canada.- Oh.
0:08:59 > 0:09:03As they say of Toronto, it's New York run by the Swiss, so it's that kind of a place.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07- Some sort of moose? - But this is in the Yukon in a mining bar,
0:09:07 > 0:09:09the Downtown Hotel, Dawson City.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12It's a part of a human being.
0:09:12 > 0:09:13- An eye?- Toenails.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Well, toenails is good enough. It's a toe.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18- A toe?- Toe. Yeah.
0:09:18 > 0:09:22The Sourtoe cocktail is the specialite de la maison
0:09:22 > 0:09:24in the Downtown Hotel.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27- Where do they get the toe? - Well, there's a whole story.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29- AUDIENCE GROANS - Yeuck!
0:09:29 > 0:09:32It started in the 1960s
0:09:32 > 0:09:35when a figure called Captain Dick Stevenson -
0:09:35 > 0:09:39he'd been everything from a male stripper to a miner to a lumberjack,
0:09:39 > 0:09:42- you know the way that manly men are...- The usual.- Exactly.
0:09:42 > 0:09:47And he found himself in an old cabin and there was a pickled toe
0:09:47 > 0:09:51that had belonged to a rum runner back in the prohibition days
0:09:51 > 0:09:54and for some reason he thought it would be amusing
0:09:54 > 0:09:57to offer as a challenge to put it in alcohol
0:09:57 > 0:10:01and the idea was you drank it and it became a very popular drink.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04You kept the toe, though. It moved from glass to glass.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06There's a little rhyme, which is the key.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09"You can drink it fast, you can drink it slow
0:10:09 > 0:10:11"But the lips have got to touch the toe."
0:10:11 > 0:10:13- So the toe has to touch... - GROANING
0:10:13 > 0:10:16But unfortunately, there was a series of accidents.
0:10:16 > 0:10:21In 1980, Garry Younger, a local miner, accidentally swallowed the toe,
0:10:21 > 0:10:22so they found another one.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25This very nice lady called Mrs Lawrence of Alberta,
0:10:25 > 0:10:29whose middle toe was amputated due to an inoperable corn,
0:10:29 > 0:10:31- donated... - GROANING
0:10:31 > 0:10:36So you're now drinking a toe that not only was amputated but had a hideous corn on it.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41And people... That lasted well. It didn't have to be alcohol.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43I've drunk worse than that.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46I remember being at a party once, no glasses,
0:10:46 > 0:10:48drinking Tia Maria out the dog bowl.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52No glasses. Wahey.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55That, that's chicken, it's fine.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59They've gone through a lot of toes.
0:10:59 > 0:11:04They have a collection. People donate their toes if they're going to be amputated
0:11:04 > 0:11:06so they have some packed in rock salt.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08You can choose your toe to have with...
0:11:08 > 0:11:15He looks like he finds it hilarious. I can imagine him going, "Hee-hee! You're gonna have to drink the toe!"
0:11:15 > 0:11:17"He-hey! He-hey!
0:11:17 > 0:11:21"This guy is gonna drink the toe. I love that."
0:11:21 > 0:11:27It's only 5 a shot. They reckon 35,000 people have done it.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29- Yeah.- It's quite popular.
0:11:29 > 0:11:34I mean, you're likely to pass on germs, though, aren't you? All those people touching the same toe.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Is the toe supposed to retain any flavour?
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Has it been pickled in a way that makes the drink more interesting
0:11:40 > 0:11:45- or is it just for the...? - I think it's just so you can say you've done it.
0:11:45 > 0:11:49It's leather now, I would imagine. Leather and a hint of nail varnish.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Anyway, there we are.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55That's the Downtown Hotel in Dawson City in the Yukon
0:11:55 > 0:11:57and it offers its patrons the Sourtoe cocktail,
0:11:57 > 0:12:00the liquor of your choice garnished with a severed human toe.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03If that's made you feel ill, answer me this.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05What's the best way to get rid of a leech?
0:12:06 > 0:12:09- Well, you don't want to rip them off. - Why not?
0:12:09 > 0:12:12Doesn't do more damage and leave bits of them in you?
0:12:12 > 0:12:13It will be ripping them off.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17- ALARM GOES OFF - Ohhhh, yes!
0:12:17 > 0:12:19All right, burn it off.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21- You want to burn it off? - ALARM GOES OFF
0:12:22 > 0:12:27Douse it in some sort of vodka, whisky spirit thing.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29You're safe with that one.
0:12:29 > 0:12:33- Actually, the answer is simply just leave it.- Ignore it?- Yeah.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35- It fills up and then goes? - Yeah, yeah.
0:12:35 > 0:12:39If you pull it off, you won't leave a bit of it behind but nor will it help.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42It's difficult to ignore when it's right there on your nose.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44Having to... Sorry...
0:12:44 > 0:12:46They're usually on the legs.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49There are many of misapprehensions about leeches.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52One is that they've evolved to drop down onto your neck.
0:12:52 > 0:12:56They're nearly always on your legs because they're in the water.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59If you pull them, they don't leave bits of themselves behind
0:12:59 > 0:13:03but their anticoagulant means that you will bleed for a time.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07Whereas if you let them finish it off, they seal off the wound nicely
0:13:07 > 0:13:10and you'll only lost about a teaspoonful of blood.
0:13:10 > 0:13:15Aren't they experimenting with the anticoagulant to find ways of stopping haemophilia?
0:13:15 > 0:13:18That's right. Wales was the capital of British leech farming,
0:13:18 > 0:13:20you'll be please to know.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22There's still one left.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25- So they're called lleeches. - Lleeches. Two Ls, that's right.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28- Does it hurt?- Not really, no.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31I've had a leech on me. You don't notice. Someone points it out.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34It hurts if you pull it off, so just leave it.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37- How did you get yours off? - I was told just to leave it.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40- They said, "You've got a leech," - Is it still there now?- No, it's not.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Five years later. Huge great leech.
0:13:44 > 0:13:48- Given it a name, read it stories. - Nurturing it.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51- How long before it's filled? - Oh, not very long.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54It'll be there for ten minutes or so.
0:13:54 > 0:13:58- And it doesn't leave you a sting, like a mosquito?- No, no.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00If you burn one, it will come off, won't it?
0:14:00 > 0:14:04It will but it's bad for it. It will make it vomit, which is a bad thing
0:14:04 > 0:14:07because other blood it's got in it may go into you.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09It's just unnecessary. Leave it be.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12It's nothing like as annoying as a tsetse fly, for example.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15- Or a human.- Or a human that bit you, for example.
0:14:15 > 0:14:20When people farmed them, people stood around in pools of water
0:14:20 > 0:14:24and get them all over their legs and presumably they took them off.
0:14:24 > 0:14:28They'd wait for them and peel them off as they finished,
0:14:28 > 0:14:30pop them into buckets and sell them.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33- Who to?- Well, to doctors.
0:14:33 > 0:14:37Another name for a physician was a leech. That's what you called the doctor.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41One of the most popular cures for anything was blood letting
0:14:41 > 0:14:44and leeches were the least harmful.
0:14:44 > 0:14:49Those are the worst kind, a phlebotomy, the cutting of a vein,
0:14:49 > 0:14:54and there, huge bowls of blood, I mean constant... Terribly bad for people.
0:14:54 > 0:14:58But that was considered to be the cure for almost any fever,
0:14:58 > 0:15:01whereas a leech... Mind you, they'd use about 50 of them,
0:15:01 > 0:15:03they'd cover you in leeches.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05They're used today in surgery.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08The NHS buys thousands of leeches a year. There's some.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11- What surgery do they use it in? - Well, in microsurgery.
0:15:11 > 0:15:16It repairs the blood vessels quite well, seals them up properly.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18It's really very helpful, it seems.
0:15:18 > 0:15:23I hope the leech guy in the surgery dresses differently to the rest of the staff.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27I wonder if when the leech guy arrives it's like the Child Catcher,
0:15:27 > 0:15:30he has a fancy hat with leeches hanging off it.
0:15:30 > 0:15:34And then he arrives in. "Hello! I'm the leech man."
0:15:34 > 0:15:39So leeches won't do you much harm if you just let them finish their meal.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Now, how can you tell if you've got Bonnie and Clyde syndrome?
0:15:42 > 0:15:46Is those people who have one half, they're dressed as a man
0:15:46 > 0:15:49and the other half, they're dressed as a woman?
0:15:49 > 0:15:52And they go and do variety shows,
0:15:52 > 0:15:55probably somewhere like Albania these days.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58- It's not...- Has the gentleman on the left got it?
0:15:59 > 0:16:01No, I don't think so.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Peculiarly enough, Bonnie might have had it
0:16:03 > 0:16:05but Clyde certainly didn't.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08It's a paraphilia. Do you know what a paraphilia is?
0:16:08 > 0:16:12It's an erotic attachment to something wrong.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15Yes, a fetish or a taboo or something like that.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17- It can be for a physical... - Bank robbery.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20Not necessarily bank robbery.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24It's one of the few paraphilias that more women have than men,
0:16:24 > 0:16:25this particular one.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28It's called hybristophilia.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32- Women who fall for very dangerous, violent criminals.- Right.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36In Britain alone, there are estimated to be at least 100 women
0:16:36 > 0:16:40who are engaged to Americans on death row.
0:16:40 > 0:16:44- People who've corresponded with them.- British women who've not even been there.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47Not just corresponding but engaged to.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50- Not to mention the wives of Tory MPs.- Well, quite.
0:16:50 > 0:16:57It's an erotic, sort of fetishistic, strange love that people have
0:16:57 > 0:17:01for violent criminals, real wrong 'uns, not just like, "Oh, he's a naughty boy,"
0:17:01 > 0:17:04but murderers of the worst possible kind.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07She appears to be going, "Lose weight!"
0:17:08 > 0:17:10That's the real Bonnie and Clyde.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13- Yeah, the casting was quite favourable to them.- It was.
0:17:13 > 0:17:19- I've never seen a picture of them. - They were no Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty in real life.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22No. The real Clyde Barrow was an institutional criminal,
0:17:22 > 0:17:25a really violent, unpleasant man who murdered a lot
0:17:25 > 0:17:26and killed many people
0:17:26 > 0:17:29but Bonnie might have had this.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32A lot of the gang members said she never raised a gun or killed anybody
0:17:32 > 0:17:37and that she was fond of poetry, she was privately educated, she was intelligent
0:17:37 > 0:17:41and maybe she had hybristophilia for Clyde.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44So why would men not find them as appealing?
0:17:44 > 0:17:45There are various theories.
0:17:45 > 0:17:51The glamour of notoriety, vicariously gratified propensity for violence themselves.
0:17:51 > 0:17:55Religious fervour - sometimes evangelical Christians think they can convert...
0:17:55 > 0:17:59There's a very sad case of two Christian sisters from Australia
0:17:59 > 0:18:00called Avril and Rose
0:18:00 > 0:18:02who left marriages they were already in,
0:18:02 > 0:18:06so-called boring marriages, for two criminals in Australia.
0:18:06 > 0:18:11Avril was battered to death with a hammer by her husband as soon as he was let out of prison,
0:18:11 > 0:18:13having married him when he was in jail,
0:18:13 > 0:18:17and Rose's husband went back in prison after he tried to cut her ear off
0:18:17 > 0:18:18and pull her teeth out with pliers.
0:18:18 > 0:18:23- So these were not nice people. - Bad choices.- Bad choices.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Yeah, they are bad choices.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27There's another paraphilia called harpaxophilia.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30That's someone who gets off on being robbed.
0:18:30 > 0:18:35It exists. Well, there you are. That's the Bonnie and Clyde syndrome. Hybristophilia.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39It's an attraction to people who have committed terrible crimes or atrocities.
0:18:39 > 0:18:43Name a pizza topping that eats insects.
0:18:46 > 0:18:52- Dara!- What, do I get to be Mario in this week's episode?
0:18:52 > 0:18:54- Anchovies. - Oh, dear me, no.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56- ALARMS SOUND - Not anchovies.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58- Olives.- Sorry?- Olives. - Not olives.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00- Spiders. - No. Is that a pizza topping?
0:19:00 > 0:19:03- You can put anything on a pizza.- Pineapple.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05- ALARMS SOUND - Pineapple? No.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10It's no more ridiculous than pineapple on a pizza, spiders.
0:19:10 > 0:19:15If someone said to me, "Do you want spiders on that?" I'd go, "Yeah, all right."
0:19:15 > 0:19:21- If you're gonna have a chicken tikka pizza, I think spiders is a small leap further.- Do you?
0:19:21 > 0:19:24- Peppers?- Not peppers. - I've forgotten what the question is.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27- A pizza topping...- Tomatoes. - Tomatoes is right!
0:19:27 > 0:19:30- 50 points!- Er... maybe.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32- Some points. - APPLAUSE
0:19:32 > 0:19:37- Tomatoes eat insects.- Do they? - Tomatoes eat insects.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39It's not their only diet, as we know.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Tomatoes grow like a lot of fruits and vegetables.
0:19:42 > 0:19:46They draw nutrients out of the soil and can be grown hydroponically
0:19:46 > 0:19:49but also they have another way of ingesting nutrients
0:19:49 > 0:19:54and that is trapping insects in the furry, the hairy stems
0:19:54 > 0:19:58and they die and they absorb their nutrients.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00So they are insectivorous.
0:20:00 > 0:20:04- Not while they're on a pizza, though. - Not while they're on a pizza.- Ah.
0:20:04 > 0:20:09What about if you were wanting your spider pizza and they get eaten by the tomato?
0:20:09 > 0:20:13- Fortunately... - That's how you get that lovely spidery, tomato flavour.
0:20:13 > 0:20:17They trap them and so they fall down into the ground
0:20:17 > 0:20:19and are absorbed through the soil.
0:20:19 > 0:20:24It enriches the soil by filling it with dead insects, you see?
0:20:24 > 0:20:28OK, very good. Tomatoes trap insects in a deadly embrace on their hairy stems
0:20:28 > 0:20:31and use their decaying bodies as fertilizer.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35One horrible thing all of our panel, I suspect, has experienced,
0:20:35 > 0:20:36is heckling.
0:20:36 > 0:20:40- So where did the first hecklers come from?- Jongleurs.
0:20:40 > 0:20:45- What did they do for a living? - Houses of Parliament?- No. It wasn't.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48A heckle is a word meaning a comb
0:20:48 > 0:20:54for dividing two types of fabric of flax for making yarn
0:20:54 > 0:20:57and people who did that were called hecklers.
0:20:57 > 0:21:01- Where was the capital of the jute industry?- Scotland. Dundee.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03In Dundee. Absolutely right.
0:21:03 > 0:21:07And the Dundonian heckler was known to be a troublemaker,
0:21:07 > 0:21:08a rabble-rouser.
0:21:08 > 0:21:12Violent harangue and ferocious debates, they were known for.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14And so to publicly question, to shout, to harangue
0:21:14 > 0:21:16was like being a heckler.
0:21:16 > 0:21:21It was a back formation. You were a heckler and so what you did was to heckle.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24- I thought you'd like to know that. - It's interesting, yeah.
0:21:24 > 0:21:28- Have you been heckled much? - No. I didn't used to get heckled.
0:21:28 > 0:21:33If people didn't like me, they'd just start talking amongst themselves.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35I remember two girls at the Comedy Store.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38One turned to the other and went, "He's lost it."
0:21:40 > 0:21:42That's very disturbing.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Really gets under your skin.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47I have to go to them to get them to talk.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50I was in Liverpool and I was talking about dreams
0:21:50 > 0:21:53and about having a dream about a famous person
0:21:53 > 0:21:56and some bloke shouted out that he'd had a dream about Kate Winslet.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59And I said, "Oh, was it a sexy dream?"
0:21:59 > 0:22:01and he goes, "No, she turned me down."
0:22:06 > 0:22:07In his own head.
0:22:09 > 0:22:13- I had a dream about Kate Winslet. - I said to him, "Were you disappointed?"
0:22:13 > 0:22:17and he goes, "No, I didn't hit her with me best stuff."
0:22:17 > 0:22:19- That's very strange.- Yeah.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22I had a dream about Kate Winslet
0:22:22 > 0:22:26and in my dream it didn't quite work out either.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Wow, she's like the Freddy Krueger of dreams.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32Well, thank you very much.
0:22:32 > 0:22:37Yes, hecklers were originally people who split the fibres of flax and hemp to spin into yarn.
0:22:37 > 0:22:38And so with a cough and a retch,
0:22:38 > 0:22:42we bring up the bolus that is General Ignorance.
0:22:42 > 0:22:46So fingers on buzzers. Where does a snake's tail begin?
0:22:48 > 0:22:50LAUGHTER
0:22:50 > 0:22:52After its bottom.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55- Is the... - VOMITTING
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Is the right answer. After its bottom.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00- Absolutely right. - APPLAUSE
0:23:01 > 0:23:06- How simple.- Well, as you know... As you know, Stephen,
0:23:06 > 0:23:08I studied snakes for many, many, many years.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12I'm one of the world's leading snakeatologists.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15- Herpetologist?- Snakeatol...
0:23:15 > 0:23:19- Herpetologist, yes. We don't call ourselves that.- Don't you? Oh.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21- Not since the rebranding.- Yeah.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25It's called a cloaca and after that is where the snake...
0:23:25 > 0:23:28- After this are ribs... - We call it the body.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Ribs...
0:23:30 > 0:23:34Ribs and spine. It's got vertebrae. It's got a lot of vertebrae.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37- And, yeah... - That other bit's the head,
0:23:37 > 0:23:39up the other end there.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42You might want to write that down, Stephen. The head.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46You weren't kidding, were you? You really are an expert and you get your points.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48- Snakes...- No legs on a snake, Stephen.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52- No.- You won't find any legs on a snake.- Not a one, not a one.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56Snakes might look like they're all back end but they have surprisingly short tails.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59What are the dimensions of a piece of two by four?
0:24:00 > 0:24:02- VOMITTING - Yes?
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Oh, thanks.
0:24:04 > 0:24:05Four by two.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07- ALARMS SOUND - Oh!
0:24:10 > 0:24:11Two by four. Two by four.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13- ALARMS SOUND - No!
0:24:14 > 0:24:19You've lost all the points you've made with your expertise on snakes.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22- You've leached them. - I'll win them back.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25- It is... What is two by four? - It's a plank of wood.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28Yeah. But it's not two by four.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30It's about 1.5 by 3.5 inches.
0:24:30 > 0:24:34It's based on a dimension block which was originally itself two by four
0:24:34 > 0:24:38but it's then shaved and planed so it's smaller.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41But even now the original dimension block is smaller or larger.
0:24:41 > 0:24:46It doesn't actually matter. It's still called a two by four even though it no longer is.
0:24:46 > 0:24:50Now, we've saved the most disgusting, the most horrible thing, for last.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52What am I describing?
0:24:52 > 0:24:57Allegedly, it can cause birds to fall dead from the sky
0:24:57 > 0:25:01and it's banned by airlines but it's quite good on toast.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Will your...? Oh, no!
0:25:05 > 0:25:08- No wonder you've not been getting points. - VOMITTING NOISE
0:25:08 > 0:25:12- Oh, that's typical.- That's unfair. Chris, you can answer.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14Er... What was the question?
0:25:16 > 0:25:17Is it gentleman's relish?
0:25:17 > 0:25:21No. I have some here. I have a can of it.
0:25:21 > 0:25:26But... And this is a genuine can of it.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29- Caviar.- No.- It's something rotten, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:25:29 > 0:25:33- Scandinavian rotten food. - It's Scandinavian rotten fish.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35They have it on midsummer's night, don't they?
0:25:35 > 0:25:38- I've always wanted to try that. - Surstromming.
0:25:38 > 0:25:42I've actually been told, and you may say, "Oh, go on, Stephen," that I cannot open this
0:25:42 > 0:25:46and if I did, the audience... Probably the audience at home would go away.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49It is apparently so disgusting, it would never leave the studio
0:25:49 > 0:25:54- and I think we'd be sued by the studio. - By the Graham Norton Show.
0:25:54 > 0:25:55Yeah, by the Graham Norton Show.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58It's called surstromming. It's herring.
0:25:58 > 0:26:02What happens is, they put the herring in a barrel first of all
0:26:02 > 0:26:05with about half the amount of salt you need to cure it,
0:26:05 > 0:26:09so instead of being cured, it ferments, it putrefies.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12And then after it's been like that for a month or so,
0:26:12 > 0:26:13you then put it in a can
0:26:13 > 0:26:16but the can is designed, as you can tell,
0:26:16 > 0:26:19to swell up slightly, so it's continuing to ferment.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21- They buckle, don't they?- They buckle.
0:26:21 > 0:26:26And it is absolutely unbelievably disgusting, the smell.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29There is nothing, apparently, as revolting on the face of the earth.
0:26:29 > 0:26:34- A friend of mine lives in Sweden and he says that is something you have to be Swedish to eat.- Indeed.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36They consider it a delicacy.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38Often, they open the can underwater
0:26:38 > 0:26:43because the way to eat it is to rinse it and cover it with onions.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45It's got a best before date.
0:26:49 > 0:26:53- I'm going to move this away... - Best before we canned it.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56Apparently, in the 16th century, there were...
0:26:56 > 0:26:59You can have a look but please don't open it.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02- There were Swedish sailors... - LAUGHTER
0:27:02 > 0:27:06No! Who ran out of salt and they had this rotting fish
0:27:06 > 0:27:09and they found some Finnish islanders that they sold it to,
0:27:09 > 0:27:13thinking they were idiot foresters who knew no better.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16And then a year later, they came back and met them again
0:27:16 > 0:27:19and they said, "Can we have some more of this rotten fish, please?"
0:27:19 > 0:27:23So they tried it themselves and apparently, it is tasty,
0:27:23 > 0:27:26even though it smells beyond anything else.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28I'm glad to say the can is holding up.
0:27:28 > 0:27:33So there you are. Surstromming. Baltic herring fermented in cans
0:27:33 > 0:27:37with foul smelling and explosive but allegedly delicious results.
0:27:37 > 0:27:41So we head now staggering towards the bucket
0:27:41 > 0:27:45and there only remains the horrible embarrassment of the scores.
0:27:45 > 0:27:49And, well, I have to say, totally repulsive as they all are,
0:27:49 > 0:27:51it's pretty impressive.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53In first place, repulsing all comers,
0:27:53 > 0:27:56with a positive 2 points, Dara O'Briain.
0:27:56 > 0:27:57APPLAUSE
0:28:00 > 0:28:05In second place, with a reasonably bad taste in the mouth with 13.8 points
0:28:05 > 0:28:08- it's Chris Addison. - APPLAUSE
0:28:11 > 0:28:13Gagging slightly from time to time,
0:28:13 > 0:28:15Sean Lock with minus 33!
0:28:15 > 0:28:17- APPLAUSE - What?
0:28:18 > 0:28:20What?
0:28:20 > 0:28:24And just behind him taking an early barf,
0:28:24 > 0:28:27on minus 35, Alan Davies.
0:28:27 > 0:28:28APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:28:33 > 0:28:37That's all from this stomach-churning edition of QI.
0:28:37 > 0:28:40It's goodnight from Chris, Sean, Dara, Alan and me
0:28:40 > 0:28:41and one final word of advice.
0:28:41 > 0:28:46If you can't be a good example, try to be a horrible warning. Goodnight.
0:28:46 > 0:28:48APPLAUSE
0:29:08 > 0:29:09Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:29:09 > 0:29:11Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk