0:00:23 > 0:00:25APPLAUSE
0:00:30 > 0:00:35Goooood...evening! Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening!
0:00:35 > 0:00:40Welcome to QI, the quiz show that glows in the dark.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Tonight, we're peering through the gloom
0:00:42 > 0:00:46at subjects of illumination and invisibility.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Joining me under the covers with a torch, a packet of crisps
0:00:49 > 0:00:51and the latest edition of The Gentleman's Magazine,
0:00:51 > 0:00:55- we have the enlightened Jack Dee! - APPLAUSE
0:00:58 > 0:01:02- The illuminating Chris Addison! - APPLAUSE
0:01:04 > 0:01:08- The incandescent Rich Hall! - APPLAUSE
0:01:10 > 0:01:15- And that bright spark, Alan Davies! - CHEERING
0:01:19 > 0:01:23Now, should any of you wish to draw attention to your brilliance,
0:01:23 > 0:01:25you can light up my life in this manner...
0:01:25 > 0:01:30- Jack goes... - LIGHT SABER WHIRRS
0:01:30 > 0:01:34- Chris goes... - BOMBS EXPLODE
0:01:34 > 0:01:37- Rich goes... - LIGHTNING
0:01:37 > 0:01:41- And Alan goes... - TICKING
0:01:41 > 0:01:44BOOM!
0:01:44 > 0:01:49Good. Now, each of you should have a set of cards.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53During the course of the game, I want you to see if you can find out
0:01:53 > 0:01:57what these international symbols stand for.
0:01:57 > 0:01:58You can decide for yourself.
0:01:58 > 0:02:03You can write underneath each... On top, beside.
0:02:03 > 0:02:09They are all recognised international symbols for some very real...
0:02:09 > 0:02:11That's Lady Gaga!
0:02:11 > 0:02:14You've already made your mind up.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17You've also got a question-marked joker card.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21One of the questions I ask tonight
0:02:21 > 0:02:23has the answer "nobody knows".
0:02:23 > 0:02:25- If you can guess... - FANFARE
0:02:25 > 0:02:29- "Nobody knows!"- There you are. - LAUGHTER
0:02:29 > 0:02:31That caught you by surprise.
0:02:31 > 0:02:36If you guess which question it is to which nobody knows, you'll get extra points.
0:02:36 > 0:02:41In 1879, the Blackpool Illuminations began.
0:02:41 > 0:02:46They were visited by up to 100,000 people from all over Britain
0:02:46 > 0:02:49and were so bright that they were described as "artificial sunshine".
0:02:49 > 0:02:54My question simply is, how many lamps did they use?
0:02:54 > 0:02:57I love that the people of Blackpool consider this to be sunshine.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00- Are you saying we don't know? We do know.- Ahh!
0:03:00 > 0:03:03- We know precisely how many they used.- Damn!
0:03:03 > 0:03:06- Hang on. 1879?- Yes.
0:03:06 > 0:03:11So, this is before the invention of the bulb?
0:03:11 > 0:03:16Well done! Certainly before the invention of the filament bulb by Thomas Alva Edison, yes.
0:03:16 > 0:03:22He didn't have the idea for the bulb, he had an idea for something else. He went, "Bing! Oh!"
0:03:22 > 0:03:27- "Hey!"- That's very good! - "I'll do that instead!"- Yes!
0:03:27 > 0:03:33- But it, isn't it?- It wasn't light bulbs as we know them. They were carbon arc lamps.
0:03:33 > 0:03:37They were still used by the film industry up until the 1980s.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39100,000 people visited.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42How many lamps did they use to draw that many people?
0:03:42 > 0:03:46- 12.- 12 lamps! You're damn close. It's eight.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49- Is it?!- Yes! That's what's so extraordinary!
0:03:49 > 0:03:52Eight, at a distance of 370 yards apart,
0:03:52 > 0:03:56it was still astonishing enough, no-one had ever seen anything like it, to draw crowds.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59Back then, there wasn't much to do, was there?
0:03:59 > 0:04:03Everything else was gaslight, which this was a different sort of light,
0:04:03 > 0:04:06and this was a white, bright daylight sort of light.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09What did moths do before?
0:04:09 > 0:04:14Why don't moths come out during the day if they're so fond of the bloody light?
0:04:14 > 0:04:17- I'm mean, really! - They could just sit still and go,
0:04:17 > 0:04:22"Wow! This is amazing!"
0:04:22 > 0:04:24It's very peculiar!
0:04:24 > 0:04:28Blackpool were keen to attract people and it worked,
0:04:28 > 0:04:31as you probably know as a lad from the northwest.
0:04:31 > 0:04:36In fact, from all over Britain people go, every September, just as the season is ending,
0:04:36 > 0:04:39the Illuminations go up and attract millions of people.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43Fabulous celebrities come to turn on...
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Can you name some of the...?
0:04:45 > 0:04:48- I think Jayne Mansfield did it. - Very good, Chris!
0:04:48 > 0:04:52- Way, way back.- There she is. Jayne Mansfield came.- Whoo-hoo!
0:04:52 > 0:04:55And then the lads from Top Gear, so they've maintained...!
0:04:55 > 0:04:59The bloke on the left can't believe it!
0:04:59 > 0:05:01- That's the mayor, I think. - "This is terrific!"
0:05:01 > 0:05:05- Even the mayoress is delighted! - She is rather!
0:05:05 > 0:05:08But other people have opened. Red Rum.
0:05:08 > 0:05:14They made a special pedal so that when he trod on it, it turned on. That was in 1977.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16And then they electrocuted him.
0:05:16 > 0:05:22Michael Ball in 1997 and in 2006, Dale Winton.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26- They should've electrocuted him. - They've peaked! Where can they go from there?
0:05:26 > 0:05:29- Dale's definitely peaked. - They've reached the top.
0:05:29 > 0:05:33- It cost them £50,000 worth of electricity -- To get Dale Winton?
0:05:33 > 0:05:37No! Of electricity to run the Illuminations.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Not any more. They use low-energy light bulbs.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44There's no point going for the first 15 minutes.
0:05:44 > 0:05:49You have to wait for it to warm up. "Three, two, one...!" "Oh."
0:05:49 > 0:05:52"I'll come back in 15. They'll be lovely."
0:05:52 > 0:05:56The original Blackpool Illuminations consisted of eight bulbs.
0:05:56 > 0:06:00Today, they're six-miles long and use 200 miles of wire and a million bulbs.
0:06:00 > 0:06:05Now, if you can dispel the shadows on this one for me, I'd be very grateful.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08What is this man about to do?
0:06:11 > 0:06:13LAUGHTER
0:06:13 > 0:06:15It's to do with our theme, one of our "I" words.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17- Invisible.- Yes.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21I mean, if I said, "They're going to turn invisible"
0:06:21 > 0:06:24you'd imagine they're going to disappear completely.
0:06:24 > 0:06:29Nonetheless, it is technology that is on the way to invisibility.
0:06:29 > 0:06:34It certainly creates a transparent coat, as you will see.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40- Oh!- That's not a post effect.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44That is happening in real time and is being filmed.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47And that's the coat and that's it being filmed.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50- There are two cameras, aren't there? - Yes. What's happening?
0:06:50 > 0:06:55- Superimposing the front camera onto the picture on the back camera. - That's the technique.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59It has interesting applications that are beginning to be developed,
0:06:59 > 0:07:04allowing pilots to see through the floors of their planes, for example.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Why, to scare the shit out of them?!
0:07:06 > 0:07:10"Ugh! Got to keep my mind on my job! Holy shit! Keep looking up!"
0:07:10 > 0:07:13That could be the reason!
0:07:13 > 0:07:15It's quite a good effect, isn't it?
0:07:15 > 0:07:21He's called Professor Susumu Tachi and the cloak is made of a material called retro-reflectum.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25As Jack rightly spotted, it projects an image into itself of what is behind the wearer.
0:07:25 > 0:07:30The computer generates the image projected, so the viewer, effectively, sees through.
0:07:30 > 0:07:35- That would really screw them up at airports.- Wouldn't that be odd?! - Going through security!
0:07:35 > 0:07:40It'd be great for talking to boring people. You could look at what's going on behind them.
0:07:40 > 0:07:45Cloaking technology, as we know, is at its... It's at an early stage.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48- The Romulans have it, I believe. - Harry Potter.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52Ron Weasley's car can go invisible, his dad's Ford Anglia.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54- Yes.- It can go invisible. - That's true.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58- But that does wear the battery out. - Yes! Exactly.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01- And Harry has an invisibility cloak. - Invisibility cloak!
0:08:01 > 0:08:06There are interesting technologies that make things invisible, which have limitations.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08One is, it's only infrared.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11Or one is on objects which are so small,
0:08:11 > 0:08:14they are already invisible to the naked eye!
0:08:14 > 0:08:19"You see that thing you can't see? Ta-da! I just made it invisible!"
0:08:19 > 0:08:21That doesn't work, does it?
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Interesting, of course, in nature,
0:08:23 > 0:08:27they've got round this problem, not exactly of invisibility but...
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Well, there is camouflage.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32- Chameleons can change... - I saw an octopus
0:08:32 > 0:08:36- and it appears to change the colour of its skin and just looks like a rock.- Yes!
0:08:36 > 0:08:38It's amazing to watch.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41Other cephalopods, notably the Hawaiian bobtail squid,
0:08:41 > 0:08:44like your octopus, can camouflage itself.
0:08:44 > 0:08:49But the one thing that might give you away if you camouflage yourself is your shadow.
0:08:49 > 0:08:53This clever chap can even make his shadow invisible.
0:08:53 > 0:08:58- He's got iridescence that he can use to light behind him.- Yes!
0:08:58 > 0:09:00You're very quick-minded!
0:09:00 > 0:09:04He ingests bioluminescent food that goes into his stomach
0:09:04 > 0:09:06and his stomach controls, by the use of oxygen,
0:09:06 > 0:09:10how much the bioluminescent food in his stomach shines,
0:09:10 > 0:09:15and it shines out and casts a light over his shadow, thus dispelling it.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17It's a lot of bother to go to, isn't it?
0:09:17 > 0:09:20It's a magnificent piece of evolution, really.
0:09:20 > 0:09:25- Jim Lovell, who was a... - The astronaut.- Apollo 13.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28All his instruments died - he was a naval pilot.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32He was at sea in complete blackness, I think there was no moon that particular night.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35How could he find his aircraft carrier?
0:09:35 > 0:09:40And he could just see this very faint phosphorus wake
0:09:40 > 0:09:42of the aircraft carrier, which was over the horizon.
0:09:42 > 0:09:48So he followed it and, eventually, he got to the aircraft carrier and landed on it.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51There is a lot of luminescent life at sea. It's quite beautiful.
0:09:51 > 0:09:56It was a very rare occurrence. That luminescence happened every so often.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59When it happened to Lovell, it was a coincidence.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01It wouldn't always have happened.
0:10:01 > 0:10:05- So a doubly lucky man.- Very lucky. - Surviving 13, as well.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08- So, you knew the story already? - I did. The moon is my thing.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11I'd forgotten that! You're very much a moon chap.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Extra points all the way to Chris Addison.
0:10:13 > 0:10:18- We're beginning to get a little bit humiliated by him! - Yeah, I might as well...
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Chris, do you know what these mean?
0:10:21 > 0:10:23I think I've got a guess!
0:10:23 > 0:10:28During the Indonesian Confrontation, as it was called, in the early '60s,
0:10:28 > 0:10:33the British Army were very puzzled as to how the Indonesians could travel in the darkest forest
0:10:33 > 0:10:36and they'd all stay together in single file.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40They would tuck a rotting leaf into the back of their hats
0:10:40 > 0:10:44and it gave off just enough phosphorescence for them to see the person ahead
0:10:44 > 0:10:46and they could stay in absolute line.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49- Is that any rotting...- I don't think it's any rotting thing.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52I think they knew which leaves to pick.
0:10:52 > 0:10:56What do these people do for a living?
0:10:56 > 0:10:59This thing's going to go off, isn't it? Ninja.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01ALARM WAILS
0:11:03 > 0:11:06- Are they not ninjas? - No, they're not ninjas.
0:11:06 > 0:11:10The darkest clothes ninjas have ever worn have been blue, possibly at night.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12But ninjas never wear black. The reason -
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Why? It's so slimming!
0:11:15 > 0:11:18I always thought ninjas might be fat and that's why they...
0:11:18 > 0:11:22- Yes, they want to look better. - "Is that better for me?" - It's a sort of odd thing.
0:11:22 > 0:11:26There is a tradition in Kabuki Theatre
0:11:26 > 0:11:28that if anything is black, you can't see it.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31So people can move furniture around,
0:11:31 > 0:11:34because they're wearing black, they are stagehands.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37And then, as a rather wonderful surprise in Kabuki,
0:11:37 > 0:11:41they might have a stagehand suddenly kill someone!
0:11:41 > 0:11:44They'd be a ninja, because ninjas were the secret assassins!
0:11:44 > 0:11:48And so this pop association appeared
0:11:48 > 0:11:51that ninjas wore black, but they never did.
0:11:51 > 0:11:57Stay with Japan for a moment. Tell me something quite interesting about the original geishas.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59- They were all men.- Yes!
0:11:59 > 0:12:02Oh, God. LAUGHTER
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Absolutely right!
0:12:04 > 0:12:07- APPLAUSE - Bravo!
0:12:07 > 0:12:11Until 1751, all geishas were men.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14Originally, geishas were almost like court jesters.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17They were not courtesans, as they're considered to be now.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21It took about 100 years before it was an even number,
0:12:21 > 0:12:25and then female geishas overtook and now they're all female.
0:12:25 > 0:12:29How about an ingenious interlude?
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Have a look at this glass tank behind me
0:12:31 > 0:12:35and tell me how many balls there are in there.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37One...
0:12:37 > 0:12:42- Two, three.- Well done, Alan. - Four.- So far, so good.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44Yep, five. Yep.
0:12:44 > 0:12:45Five.
0:12:45 > 0:12:49This is the worst episode of the National Lottery ever!
0:12:49 > 0:12:52So, how many are in there, would you say?
0:12:52 > 0:12:55- Five?- Five. - It looked like five, didn't it?
0:12:55 > 0:12:57ALARM WAILS
0:12:57 > 0:13:00But you might be rather surprised to know
0:13:00 > 0:13:03- that there are actually over 1,000 in there.- Fail. Fail.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07We can show you a better view of how many there are.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10- ALL: Ahh!- They're all invisible.
0:13:10 > 0:13:15In fact, we have an example of precisely these kinds of...
0:13:15 > 0:13:19- There they are. - They're gooey.- They're weird. They're called hydrogel beads.
0:13:19 > 0:13:23- I can see them.- We've deliberately allowed them to be visible.
0:13:23 > 0:13:28- But in large glass tanks, they wouldn't be visible.- If I push it underwater, it goes invisible.
0:13:28 > 0:13:33- They have the same refractive index as water.- Light can pass through at the same angle.
0:13:33 > 0:13:37So they appear to be invisible in water.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40- I can't see it! - LAUGHTER
0:13:40 > 0:13:43- Quick, a hairdryer! - It's gone down the set.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47You're going to start floating away!
0:13:47 > 0:13:50- Is there a use for them? - I've got a glass there...
0:13:50 > 0:13:52- Are they worth £500 each? - Are they edible?
0:13:52 > 0:13:58- I wouldn't want to take responsibility, but I don't think they'll do you any harm.- Try one.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00What are they used for?
0:14:00 > 0:14:02- They have a commercial use - - I broke it!
0:14:02 > 0:14:05- Oh, no. Is it burst?- It burst.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09- It's sort of gone into pieces. - It's rather strange material.
0:14:09 > 0:14:14- Can you guess their commercial use? - Packing things. - No. Flower arranging is one.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18- Is it for packing goldfish? - LAUGHTER
0:14:18 > 0:14:21Why aren't they making battleships out of it?
0:14:21 > 0:14:25- All kinds of new uses may be found. - Make a submarine!
0:14:25 > 0:14:28- This feels gorgeous. - It's quite good, isn't it?
0:14:28 > 0:14:30It's quite addictive.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34There's something quite gorgeous about that.
0:14:34 > 0:14:39- I might have a play around with that later.- Yep! You might!
0:14:39 > 0:14:42- Another use is the manufacture of... - LAUGHTER
0:14:42 > 0:14:45- Behave!- You're disgusting.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48- Another use... - LAUGHTER
0:14:48 > 0:14:52Jack's going to put his willy in it.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56- Oh, dear! - I've already put it in that one.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01It's weird because when he put it in, he couldn't see it!
0:15:01 > 0:15:04- Ohh!- That's the refractive index -
0:15:04 > 0:15:08"Think of a comeback!"
0:15:08 > 0:15:11The other use, apart from flower arranging,
0:15:11 > 0:15:13is the manufacture of contact lenses.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17You'd really freak people out if you put them in your eyes!
0:15:17 > 0:15:22- Yes. Not necessarily in the round... - Marty Feldman's contact lenses!
0:15:22 > 0:15:26- Any of these coming up in any of this?- Not yet, no!
0:15:26 > 0:15:31My next question is this, why can't blindfolded people walk in a straight line?
0:15:31 > 0:15:33They can't see where they're going.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Next question.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42- Because - - I'm afraid the chance has passed.
0:15:42 > 0:15:46- The fact is, nobody knows! - THEY GROAN
0:15:46 > 0:15:51There you go. Although it is a recognised phenomenon and people have theories,
0:15:51 > 0:15:54nobody's really quite sure why it should be
0:15:54 > 0:15:58that one's ability to walk in an absolutely straight line is completely compromised.
0:15:58 > 0:16:04Even in short distances, people don't just go off straight, they actually curve.
0:16:04 > 0:16:09It was discovered by a fella who saw it in amoebas and thought, "I wonder if it's true of humans?"
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Who's blindfolded amoebas?
0:16:11 > 0:16:14- How do you do it? They're so small! - How do you do such a thing?
0:16:14 > 0:16:18"Come here, you bastard! It's gone again."
0:16:18 > 0:16:20He was called Asa Schaeffer.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22He asked a friend of his, who he blindfolded,
0:16:22 > 0:16:28he instructed him to walk in a straight line across a field and he plotted his track,
0:16:28 > 0:16:32which was a clockwise spiral until the man happened to stumble into a tree.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35But it was a complete spiral. This is what people do.
0:16:35 > 0:16:40We've covered this before, but more research has been done and we have a little film.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43Someone made a cartoon. We didn't. We don't have the budget.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46This is what he told him to do, walk in a straight line.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49- Is that how he walks?- Apparently.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52- He was practicing to be a zombie. - This is exactly it.
0:16:52 > 0:16:58He was convinced he was going straight. Spiral, spiral, spiral, till he hit the stump.
0:16:58 > 0:17:03And that is how we will all do it. We will swear, "I'm going straight!"
0:17:03 > 0:17:05We hold our hands up, as if that helps,
0:17:05 > 0:17:09and for some reason, we need a visual cue, a mountain or the sun,
0:17:09 > 0:17:12but nobody knows why that should be.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14- Could it be, and I'm being quite serious...- Yes.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17Well, as you'll see, it's not funny what I'm about to say.
0:17:17 > 0:17:21Could it be a preservation thing, er,
0:17:21 > 0:17:24so that we have an inbuilt device
0:17:24 > 0:17:28that makes us go in a huge circle, and we can't see where we're going,
0:17:28 > 0:17:31so you always get back to where you know where you are?
0:17:31 > 0:17:34- I think I've cracked it. - That's a very good point!
0:17:34 > 0:17:36- I like it! - APPLAUSE
0:17:36 > 0:17:39- I mean, it's - - Can we make a bonfire, please?
0:17:39 > 0:17:42It's as convincing as anybody else's theorem.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Further proof that the world is flat!
0:17:45 > 0:17:50- Maybe that's what it is. - Preservation device to stop you walking off the edge.
0:17:52 > 0:17:56Now, what happened when Colonel William Rankin
0:17:56 > 0:17:59got stuck for 30 minutes in one of these?
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Ohh!
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Oh, it was a puzzle and he had to try and solve it.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07You haven't got one of those.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11But that is an example. You've got international symbols.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14- Is it a diving bell?- It's not.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17- It is an international - - It's an expired parking meter.
0:18:17 > 0:18:22- Any other thoughts?- Kaiser's helmet? - An igloo with a loft conversion?
0:18:22 > 0:18:25These are all good answers.
0:18:25 > 0:18:30When I say it's the tallest structure that we know on the planet...
0:18:30 > 0:18:32- Manmade?- No.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35- Is it beneath the ocean?- No.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38It's in the other direction.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41- It's in the sky?- Yes.
0:18:41 > 0:18:45- A cloud.- Yes! It's a particular kind of cloud.
0:18:45 > 0:18:46That kind of a cloud,
0:18:46 > 0:18:50- if that was its symbol. - A fluffy cloud.
0:18:50 > 0:18:55It's a Cumulonimbus. It's an anvil-shaped.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58- He was stuck in there for half an hour?- He was, yes.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01He was a US pilot and he ejected.
0:19:01 > 0:19:06- He'd opened his chute, then? - Yes, but it was half an hour inside this thing, being buffeted about.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10So, how tall was the pole this sign was on?
0:19:10 > 0:19:12LAUGHTER
0:19:16 > 0:19:20You may've missed the point, Jack!
0:19:20 > 0:19:25They get up to about 23,000 metres high, which is fantastically high.
0:19:25 > 0:19:30He was buffeted about in it. He did survive. His eyes and ears were bleeding.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32He was pelted with hail. He was in a terrible state!
0:19:32 > 0:19:39But he's the only person to have fallen through one of these structures and survived.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Anyway, listen, while we're with clouds,
0:19:41 > 0:19:44what use to a pilot is a morning glory?
0:19:44 > 0:19:48- Ah, now... - If your joystick fails...!
0:19:48 > 0:19:51LAUGHTER
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Oh, dear! He's smiling, isn't he?
0:19:54 > 0:19:57I think it was the co-pilot's joystick!
0:19:57 > 0:20:01That's why they always sound so relaxed. "Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04"Welcome on board."
0:20:04 > 0:20:09- Aside from the possibility - - It'll be something to do with the sunlight coming over the horizon.
0:20:09 > 0:20:14It's an annual event that takes place in Northern Queensland, Australia, called the Morning Glory.
0:20:14 > 0:20:18It's a remarkable cloud system. It's really amazing.
0:20:18 > 0:20:23We've got a picture of it. It can be up to 600 miles long. It's as long as the United Kingdom.
0:20:23 > 0:20:28Look at that. It's over Burketown, which has a population of 178.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30But lots of people come.
0:20:30 > 0:20:35The reason is, if you're a gliding pilot, you get the ride of your life.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37It can go at 35 miles an hour,
0:20:37 > 0:20:41and inside, it's the most exciting thing you can experience.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44Then you bump into a bloke with a parachute. "Get off!"
0:20:44 > 0:20:49- His eyes are bleeding! "Help me!" - "Didn't you see the sign?"
0:20:49 > 0:20:52APPLAUSE
0:20:52 > 0:20:56- Oh, dear!- And that's the only place where a cloud like that forms?
0:20:56 > 0:20:59Yes. It's the mother of them all.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02Apparently, soaring along it is the greatest experience.
0:21:02 > 0:21:06Indian Granny Clouds... What can you tell me about them?
0:21:06 > 0:21:08- Did it win... - LAUGHTER
0:21:08 > 0:21:12Did "Indian Granny Cloud" win the 2.30 at Kempton Park?
0:21:12 > 0:21:13The, er -
0:21:13 > 0:21:16Is it a fart in a restaurant?
0:21:16 > 0:21:19LAUGHTER
0:21:19 > 0:21:24- Oh, I'm so disappointed in you! - When an old lady does a pump in curry house!
0:21:24 > 0:21:28Do they go up in the sky and can't remember what they went up for?
0:21:28 > 0:21:30- Now... - LAUGHTER
0:21:30 > 0:21:35Think of cloud in the 21st century. What other use has "cloud" been put to as a word?
0:21:35 > 0:21:37- It's a computer thing.- The internet.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40This is a scheme whereby grannies in England,
0:21:40 > 0:21:43using Skype or similar technology,
0:21:43 > 0:21:49teach and educate and inform and enlighten children in India all the way from England.
0:21:49 > 0:21:53- It was started by Professor Sugata Mitra.- "How To Make Jam".
0:21:53 > 0:21:55"How To Make Jam", possibly!
0:21:55 > 0:21:59They tutor Indian classes where they're short of teachers. It's an enormous success.
0:21:59 > 0:22:05- Why grannies?- They've got time on their hands and because they care!
0:22:05 > 0:22:07"Drop one, purl one."
0:22:07 > 0:22:10Imagine the exports of Werther's Originals to India!
0:22:10 > 0:22:16- They're all listening to Michael Ball records!- Yes!
0:22:16 > 0:22:19What we're looking at with your symbols
0:22:19 > 0:22:25are part of what is known as the International Cloud Atlas.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29- And can you tell me what they are? - Do they represent countries?
0:22:29 > 0:22:33- No, they represent -- On an atlas. - No, no!
0:22:33 > 0:22:37- God! - I don't really listen enough, do I?
0:22:37 > 0:22:42- They represent types - - I bet you're a teacher! "He reminds me of all my kids!"
0:22:42 > 0:22:45They represent a type of cloud.
0:22:45 > 0:22:49- It looks like simpleton snap. - It does! I know.
0:22:49 > 0:22:53- What did you think they were? - I had this one. - Had you written anything on them?
0:22:53 > 0:22:57I thought they were things to help traumatise children.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00"Tell me what you think."
0:23:00 > 0:23:05- I have "Elderly Use Handbrake". - Yes! "Elderly Use Handbrake".
0:23:05 > 0:23:07- That's fantastic!- Very good.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10"You call that pregnant? This is pregnant!"
0:23:12 > 0:23:15Very good!
0:23:15 > 0:23:19That's actually ET being quite rude. LAUGHTER
0:23:20 > 0:23:25- You don't know what it means, but it's rude!- Absolutely!
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Well, there you are, the International Cloud Atlas.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31- There were three forms, the cumulus...- The stratocumulus.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34- The stratus.- Nimbus. - And the cirrus, the fluffy one.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37And then they're all the mixtures of those in between,
0:23:37 > 0:23:39the altocumulus, the stratocumulus, and so on.
0:23:39 > 0:23:45It's that time when we grope our way towards general ignorance at the end of the tunnel.
0:23:45 > 0:23:50Fingers on buzzers, please. Name the largest black body in the solar system.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Oprah Winfrey.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56Whoa! Ohh! Ohh, Rich!
0:23:56 > 0:24:00Ohh! Ohh!
0:24:00 > 0:24:04LAUGHTER
0:24:04 > 0:24:06- Within the solar system. - The Black Hole?
0:24:06 > 0:24:08ALARM WAILS
0:24:08 > 0:24:12- If there was a black hole in the solar system, we'd be in real trouble.- We would.
0:24:12 > 0:24:16I don't know any other black things in the solar system.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19- The strange thing is, it's the sun. - I see.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22A black body, in cosmology, is something that doesn't reflect,
0:24:22 > 0:24:25and the sun only radiates,
0:24:25 > 0:24:28so it is the blackest body in the solar system.
0:24:28 > 0:24:32- That's cheating.- It seems to be a little bit of a cheat question,
0:24:32 > 0:24:35but had you known the answer, it wouldn't have been.
0:24:35 > 0:24:40If you were to shine a light on the sun, which would be pointless, I accept that...
0:24:40 > 0:24:41It wouldn't reflect off it.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45In the solar system, there is no other body so unreflective.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47The moon is nothing but reflective.
0:24:47 > 0:24:51- It gives off nothing, but reflects all the light.- The same as us.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53But the sun reflects nothing.
0:24:53 > 0:24:58How long does light from the centre of the sun take to reach the earth?
0:24:58 > 0:25:01- EXPLOSIONS - Yes?
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Now, I know this.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05- LAUGHTER - Right!
0:25:05 > 0:25:10It might not be the centre, it sounds like a trick, but the light from the sun takes eight minutes.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13- Mm... - ALARM WAILS
0:25:13 > 0:25:17Ahh! Oh, dear.
0:25:17 > 0:25:22The thing is, it actually takes 100,000 years
0:25:22 > 0:25:26to get from the centre of the sun to the surface...
0:25:26 > 0:25:29..to the surface of the sun.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31Eight minutes!
0:25:31 > 0:25:35But he was absolutely right. From the surface of the sun...
0:25:35 > 0:25:38..to the earth takes eight minutes.
0:25:38 > 0:25:42- I added that qualifier! - You did. You were right.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44It's eight minutes 26 seconds, roughly.
0:25:44 > 0:25:50The photons have an enormous amount of work to do right in the middle of this gigantic system.
0:25:50 > 0:25:54How many earths could you fit in the sun, were you able to do so?
0:25:54 > 0:25:56Four.
0:25:56 > 0:26:00- Easily!- Easily, yes, you could.
0:26:00 > 0:26:04That's quite true! I can't deny that.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07- 400,000. - The maximum number is 1.3 million.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09Three million earths!
0:26:09 > 0:26:12It's responsible for 99.8 percent
0:26:12 > 0:26:15- of the mass of the solar system. - Really?
0:26:15 > 0:26:18- Cor!- That's extraordinary! - It is. There's a lot of it.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21What happens to alcohol when you boil it?
0:26:21 > 0:26:25- Ah, you boil it off, don't you, Chef?- Yes, you do. You waste it.
0:26:25 > 0:26:29- ALARM WAILS - Whoa!- That's his.
0:26:29 > 0:26:33It's nothing to do with me. I didn't touch it!
0:26:33 > 0:26:38There's this idea that it all evaporates and so on. In fact, it takes a very long time,
0:26:38 > 0:26:41three hours, at least, before you get rid of it.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44Flambeing only gets rid of... If you like a crepe Suzette,
0:26:44 > 0:26:49if you light the brandy, that only gets rid of a quarter of the alcohol.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51So the idea that you're burning it off...
0:26:51 > 0:26:56It's not particularly important, unless you're drinking carefully so that you're under the limit,
0:26:56 > 0:27:00then you have a crepe Suzette and drive and are surprised that you're over the limit.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02We've all been there!
0:27:02 > 0:27:06The same goes to a Christmas pud when you put the brandy on,
0:27:06 > 0:27:09- give it to the kids and say, "There won't be alcohol."- Exactly!
0:27:09 > 0:27:13- That's right.- And a 20-pence piece that might choke them to death!
0:27:13 > 0:27:19- Could you get done for eat-driving? - Yes, if you had enough of it!
0:27:19 > 0:27:21Eat-driving! It's a heck of a thought!
0:27:21 > 0:27:24Interestingly, if you add alcohol to a recipe
0:27:24 > 0:27:28and you don't heat it at all, just leave it uncovered overnight,
0:27:28 > 0:27:31it will get rid of more alcohol than by flambeing it.
0:27:31 > 0:27:3430 percent of it will go just by natural evaporation.
0:27:34 > 0:27:38- So, if you leave a glass of wine out at night, the alcohol will evaporate?- Some of it.
0:27:38 > 0:27:42Or someone will come down and drink it.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44LAUGHTER DROWNS OUT SPEECH "..it's gone."
0:27:44 > 0:27:48And so from the caliginous shadows of general ignorance,
0:27:48 > 0:27:52we emerge into the unforgiving light of the scores.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54My goodness me, aren't they interesting?
0:27:54 > 0:27:57Well, tonight's indisputable illuminatus,
0:27:57 > 0:28:01with three whole points, is Rich Hall!
0:28:01 > 0:28:03APPLAUSE
0:28:04 > 0:28:09Burning brightly in second place with minus one, Jack Dee!
0:28:09 > 0:28:12APPLAUSE
0:28:14 > 0:28:17Despite his stunning knowledge in so many areas,
0:28:17 > 0:28:20he did fall into a few of our little Heffalump traps,
0:28:20 > 0:28:24so in third place, guttering and spluttering a little on minus nine,
0:28:24 > 0:28:27- Chris Addison! - APPLAUSE
0:28:27 > 0:28:31But cast forever into outer darkness,
0:28:31 > 0:28:34with minus 45, Alan Davies!
0:28:34 > 0:28:37CHEERING
0:28:41 > 0:28:45That's all for this frankly brilliant edition of QI.
0:28:45 > 0:28:49It's lights out and good night from Chris, Rich, Jack, Alan and me.
0:28:49 > 0:28:53I leave you with this from Steven Wright: "Light travels faster than sound
0:28:53 > 0:28:57"and isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?"
0:28:57 > 0:28:59- Good night. - APPLAUSE
0:29:02 > 0:29:06Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:29:06 > 0:29:10E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk