0:00:31 > 0:00:35Goo-ood evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37Good evening and welcome to QI,
0:00:37 > 0:00:44where we have an ill-assorted imbroglio of interesting items initiated by I.
0:00:44 > 0:00:49So, when was the First World War first named as such?
0:00:51 > 0:00:56At the outbreak, the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand.
0:00:56 > 0:00:57You think they called it the First World War straightaway?
0:00:57 > 0:01:00Before it started.
0:01:00 > 0:01:05It would be an act of a pessimist to call it the First World War that early, surely?
0:01:05 > 0:01:09It's going to be some point after 1939, isn't it?
0:01:09 > 0:01:10A realist, surely.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13There's going to be more of these.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16BUZZER AND BELL RINGS
0:01:16 > 0:01:22Excuse me, I think what I said, people in the box, is after 1939.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Which may contain 1939 but does not mean it.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27BUZZER AND BELL RINGS.
0:01:30 > 0:01:320K, no-no-no.
0:01:32 > 0:01:38After 1939 and after the Second World War are not synonymous.
0:01:38 > 0:01:43Now, this is just giving you time to type.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46BUZZER AND BELL RINGS
0:01:49 > 0:01:52Why don't you just type Mitchell is a cock.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59I'm going to an offer you a reward,
0:01:59 > 0:02:04I've got a plate here of insect related foods, Sarah, and you can choose your award.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06This is a lolly which has got ants in it.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09This is a scorpion brittle, like a peanut brittle
0:02:09 > 0:02:10and it's got a scorpion in it.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12I don't know if you can see it?
0:02:12 > 0:02:15Or just some dried bugs here. Would you like one of those?
0:02:15 > 0:02:17And where's the treat part?
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Chocolate ant, would you like chocolate ant?
0:02:19 > 0:02:21I'll suck it.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23- Would you like...- No.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27- Are you sure, are you going to risk any one of these?- I'll have a look at them.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30If I had a chocolate ant would you have one?
0:02:30 > 0:02:31I'll let you go first.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34- I've eaten it.- I'm not really bothered, to be honest.- No.
0:02:34 > 0:02:38You made me eat it.
0:02:43 > 0:02:47According to PR Week, the magazine, the bible of PR people.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50- I've done the PR Week awards. - Have you?- I have indeed.
0:02:50 > 0:02:54- I'm sure you went down very well. - Oh, yes, I did.- Well, everyone said you did.
0:02:54 > 0:02:59- Did you make merry with them? - I did, I was a little bit cheeky.
0:02:59 > 0:03:04- I just did a really good, clever joke.- What was it, sorry? - Oh, I don't know.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07I wouldn't put that much pressure on it, Alan.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09- I heard it.- I'm sorry.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Well, you know did the PR Week awards.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Did you go down well, and I said, "Everyone said he did."
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Oh, right.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Very good.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23They all went, "Excellent, excellent, excellent."
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Do it again.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28I actually presented the PR Week Awards.
0:03:28 > 0:03:32- Oh, was it a success, did you go down well?- Everyone said he did.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35Get out of town. Get out of town.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40I actually filled in for one of you.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43I was called as your replacement
0:03:43 > 0:03:47and they didn't have time to reassign the hotel room
0:03:47 > 0:03:49- and my...- My boy.
0:03:51 > 0:03:55Only one? One?!
0:03:57 > 0:04:01I opened up the minibar, oh, there's a couple of boys.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03A mini boy.
0:04:03 > 0:04:07No, there were no boys, but...
0:04:07 > 0:04:11There's your boy on a rope in the shower.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13I don't know what you think of me,
0:04:13 > 0:04:16you've got it all wrong.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19The thing was they didn't realise, the staff in the hotel didn't realise
0:04:19 > 0:04:21the room had been reassigned.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24So, somebody phoned up and my wife answered
0:04:24 > 0:04:28He went, "Hello." And she went,
0:04:28 > 0:04:33"Yes, hello, could I order some coffees? She doesn't speak like that, I don't know why...
0:04:33 > 0:04:36She's like the Queen, "Hello, could I have some coffee?"
0:04:36 > 0:04:38No, she said, "Hello, can I have some coffee, please?
0:04:38 > 0:04:42And the bloke, he said, "Certainly, Mrs Fry."
0:04:46 > 0:04:49As if to say, "Well done, sir. Finally seen sense."
0:04:52 > 0:04:55STEPHEN COUGHS
0:04:55 > 0:04:56Are you OK?
0:04:56 > 0:04:57Excuse me.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Take a moment.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02How's that ant working out?
0:05:04 > 0:05:09Oh, no, they're delicious they could solve the problems of starvation by killing us.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12I have got a problem in my throat.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16Look at that man looming over you. "At last,
0:05:16 > 0:05:18"I got you, Fry."
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Maybe that was a mistake.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25One brave ant, what we're going to do, we're going to cover you in chocolate.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28We're going to put you in front of Stephen Fry. You're going to go down there,
0:05:28 > 0:05:30you're going to sort things out.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Once you're inside, release it.
0:05:32 > 0:05:37They've got a terrible bitter aftertaste the smoked insects, the little ants.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39I had them at Bug World in Liverpool.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42Were you supposed to eat them because isn't that..?
0:05:42 > 0:05:43You can eat them at the end.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46Exactly, is it shut now because you ate everything?
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Going to the National History Museum just lifting the cases.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59I've also got acid reflux, I have to say.
0:05:59 > 0:06:05One little ant, and here am I supposed to be advertising it as the future of humanity,
0:06:05 > 0:06:08and I have to say I feel like shit at the moment.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13That has not gone down well
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Did you hear that when the Pope was in England,
0:06:19 > 0:06:24did you hear about the Irishman who went to visit the Holy Father, he said,
0:06:24 > 0:06:27"I need a miracle, can you do something about my hearing?"
0:06:27 > 0:06:31And the Pope grabbed him by the ears and just pressed really hard,
0:06:31 > 0:06:34"In nomine, et fili, et spiritus, sancti, amen."
0:06:34 > 0:06:36He said, "How is your hearing now?"
0:06:36 > 0:06:39"I don't know, it's not till Wednesday."
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Sorry, I'm very sorry.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50I'm going to give an ingenious interview now
0:06:50 > 0:06:54because I wonder if you know about shape-memory alloys?
0:06:54 > 0:06:56You know we have one. This is called titinol.
0:06:56 > 0:07:00This is a spoon, as you can see, it's a perfectly normal spoon.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04Did I say titinol, sorry, that's the Frankie Howerd in me.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07It is called Nitinol.
0:07:09 > 0:07:13Because of its nickel and titanium
0:07:13 > 0:07:19and I've got the glass of cold water here just to show you this.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21You pop it in the glass of cold water,
0:07:21 > 0:07:24don't expect anything to happen, nothing does, it's a spoon.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27But it's a double crystalline structure which was only discovered in 1962.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29If I put it into a glass of hot water
0:07:29 > 0:07:33it instantly reverts to a memorised shape, like so.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36I should put it here so the camera can see it.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Like that, just like that.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41I have not bent it, I have not done a Uri Geller trick.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44That's rather weird.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46What do you mean a memorised shape, though?
0:07:46 > 0:07:50Under hot conditions that is its structure.
0:07:50 > 0:07:55Under cold conditions, I mean I can straighten it. Like that. There it is.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58If somebody put you in cold water, would you be straight?
0:08:05 > 0:08:08It seems strange, when you were talking about it earlier, a shrimp,
0:08:08 > 0:08:10- it is an insect but we'll quite happily eat that.- Yes.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13Pick the legs off it, take the head off and delicious.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15I know, and lobsters and things, as you say,
0:08:15 > 0:08:17we'll happily eat them as a treat.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19But these, oh, God.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23It's not done me any favours.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26I felt so confident, I was going to have the scorpion as well.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28I'm not now.
0:08:28 > 0:08:29I'll have the scorpion.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Do you want the scorpion?
0:08:31 > 0:08:34Oh, my dear fellow, there you are.
0:08:34 > 0:08:35I've had those.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38The aftertaste of them is just horrendous.
0:08:38 > 0:08:42It is there for hours. I'll have that.
0:08:42 > 0:08:43Are you going to eat it now?
0:08:43 > 0:08:45If I put all mouth it might...
0:08:45 > 0:08:47- I'll break it in half. - That's a good idea.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50Make it manageable.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Half the poison, half the fun.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04That's God telling me something, isn't it?
0:09:04 > 0:09:07It is. Wow, that is one tough...
0:09:07 > 0:09:10I think the scorpion might be alive. I think it might be like Han Solo.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13Not any more, it's not.
0:09:13 > 0:09:14Tail end, or front?
0:09:14 > 0:09:18I would go for the front, the tail end might have a sting in it.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21Always ask a lady.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27Ohh, James Carr.
0:09:30 > 0:09:34- Oh.- Well, you could hardly break the thing so...
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Come back in nine hours.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40You're having one too, good for you, excellent.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43Well, I've been licking the brittle. I thought I'm going to be here all night.
0:09:43 > 0:09:47I was eating like a Club biscuit. Just to get all the chocolate off.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51- Is it quite sweet in there, it's basically sugar?- It's horrible.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Can't feel my toes.
0:09:53 > 0:09:54Oh, dear.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59It's like hemlock, it just works all the way up.
0:09:59 > 0:10:04It's like bonfire night with death.
0:10:04 > 0:10:05Go on, Sarah, you know you want to.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08- You've got to be joking. - Have a lick, anyway.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Is this why you had the chocolate ant?
0:10:10 > 0:10:14What if we all develop superpowers as a result of this?
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Oh,
0:10:18 > 0:10:20Alan had the ant.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23How could you eat that?
0:10:23 > 0:10:25You saw what it did to me.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28He has the problem of nausea?
0:10:28 > 0:10:31- That is a repellent. - It is, isn't it?
0:10:31 > 0:10:35- As soon as you break the chocolate it whiffs.- I know, it's not nice.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37Hang on, hang on, something's happening.
0:10:40 > 0:10:45Hurray.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49Oh, my God.
0:10:54 > 0:10:55Johnny the scorpion.
0:10:55 > 0:11:00Are scorpions known for forward rolls?
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Definitely.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Now, I'm going to hand out some more toys.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08- So, there's even more fun to be had. - Quoits.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11I ought to tell you the winner gets the teddy bear.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14- Well, the fluffy toy should I say. - You've got to be joking.
0:11:14 > 0:11:18- Oh, you've really raised the stakes, now.- You will get the fluffy toy.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20We'll start with, Dave. Good luck.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Who says this shows been dumbed down?
0:11:23 > 0:11:25ALL: Oh.
0:11:25 > 0:11:26ALL: Oh.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30- It's like being on a fairground. - For the pride of it. Come on.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32I've got a bit of dirt on my poor kit.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35Let's have a read?
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Oh, the tension.
0:11:46 > 0:11:47ALL: Oh.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Did you see that?
0:11:49 > 0:11:53I saw it.
0:11:53 > 0:11:54I was there.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56He'll be unbearable.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59It's all right, he's already unbearable.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03I was only joking before, I've got my own dirty mags in the dressing room.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05- Don't let him get it. - Watch out for the bloke.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Don't let him get it.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11ALL: Yes!
0:12:18 > 0:12:20And you get the cuddly toy.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Oh, no.
0:12:22 > 0:12:23And here it is.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Oh, it's like the fairground.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29I never said it would be that one.
0:12:29 > 0:12:33Anything off the bottom, anything off the bottom.
0:12:33 > 0:12:37If Lee was a nice man, he'd give that to you, Ronnie, but...
0:12:37 > 0:12:39That's true, I would.
0:12:40 > 0:12:44We have here a list of job interview questions you shouldn't ask
0:12:44 > 0:12:46if you are on this side of the table, as it were.
0:12:46 > 0:12:50If we're the panel. You're not supposed ask "Are you a smoker?" I don't know why.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Are you originally from the OK...
0:12:52 > 0:12:54From the UK, is a no.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00If you're interviewing for a cowboy, that's...
0:13:01 > 0:13:05I was going to say it's not OK to say are you from the UK. I just screwed it up.
0:13:05 > 0:13:09Do you have children who need to be looked after, you shouldn't ask.
0:13:09 > 0:13:14In the event of a fire, will you stop working? Can't ask that.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Do you plan to have children in future, you are not supposed to ask.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Then, what are your weaknesses, is a common question.
0:13:20 > 0:13:24The temptation, of course, is to attempt to subvert it
0:13:24 > 0:13:27by naming a weakness which is actually a strength.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30Oh, my trouble is I'm just a terrible perfectionist.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33I just can't stop working at things until they are completely perfect.
0:13:33 > 0:13:34I'm so punctual.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38Yes, my problem is I'm really nice, I think I'm too nice.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41And that is transparent, so don't do that.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43So you're supposed to say one that is not terrible,
0:13:43 > 0:13:48like I tend to get bogged down in details but I'm making a real effort about that.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50I'm a terrible thief.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57I love other people's stuff.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00I also can't conc... Oh, look there's a squirrel.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02What are your weaknesses?
0:14:02 > 0:14:06Heroin and masturbating, not necessarily in that order.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10What are your strengths? Now, here's another one.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13I've got an odour, I've got a powerful odour.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16It will only get stronger as the day goes on.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25You're still wearing your "I don't want a bloody job" hat, aren't you?
0:14:25 > 0:14:26These feet stink by four o'clock.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33- I've tried a scorpion and an ant. - Well done.- That's it.
0:14:33 > 0:14:37That's like the start of a really bad musical.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39# I tried a scorpion I tried an ant. #
0:14:39 > 0:14:40# Tried an ant. #
0:14:41 > 0:14:43# That's it! #
0:14:43 > 0:14:45# Try a bug Try a bug.
0:14:45 > 0:14:46- # No. # - Jimmy Carr, what have you eaten?
0:14:46 > 0:14:50- I haven't tried anything. - # Now, I'm an insect sycophant. #
0:14:52 > 0:14:54It's like that terrible joke I'm sure you must have been told
0:14:54 > 0:14:59about the couple who adopt a German baby.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01- Ha-ha-ha.- You know it, yes? You must know it.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05Is there only one joke that involves a German baby?
0:15:06 > 0:15:10It doesn't speak. You know the one where he doesn't speak?
0:15:10 > 0:15:13Until he's about five. Then they go and take him to be tested.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Cos they think is he stupid? Is he deaf and dumb?
0:15:16 > 0:15:20Everything functioning normally, he's fine and then one day.
0:15:24 > 0:15:29- Go home.- They give him, he has some apple strudel and he says...
0:15:29 > 0:15:31- (WITH A GERMAN ACCENT)- This Apfel Strudel is a bit tepid.
0:15:31 > 0:15:36And they say, "Wolfgang? You've never spoken before.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38"After all these years, now you finally speak.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40"Why haven't you spoken before?" He says...
0:15:40 > 0:15:45Up until now everything had been satisfactory.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51It's a great joke.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57- Very pleasing.- Like a relay joke.
0:15:57 > 0:16:02This is the most fun a Danish person has had with a German since 1943.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07- So have you had anything?- No. - You should try an ant, really.
0:16:07 > 0:16:12- I think you should have an ant. - No, well, you're not me mum, so...
0:16:15 > 0:16:17You might all end up with super powers,
0:16:17 > 0:16:19but, you know, you'll need somebody to save.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23- Oh, that's true. - We'll need someone to push us round.
0:16:23 > 0:16:27- We'll need some home help, once we get our super powers.- We will.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30- We'll all be delirious. - Oh, goodness.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33Remember, never put anything in your mouth that hasn't been boiled.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36I thought that was an old mother's thing.
0:16:36 > 0:16:37My mum said,
0:16:37 > 0:16:40"You don't have to put anything in your mouth you don't want to."
0:16:40 > 0:16:41- Well.- That was my sex chat.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44You're talking to a man with a scorpion lolly.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47- JIMMY:- That was your sex chat? - Yeah.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53Didn't mention your vagina, then, just your mouth.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Well..
0:16:55 > 0:16:56Oh, no.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00I don't know what came over me.
0:17:01 > 0:17:06- This is my first time on the show. - I know.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08Don't make me put a scorpion up my nunny.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15Anyway, we've got this little example of a, sort of,
0:17:15 > 0:17:16optical illusion here.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19If you photograph it in the right way, as you're about to see,
0:17:19 > 0:17:22the eye plays extraordinary tricks on you.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25So there it is. This is Einstein. There he is in profile.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28And there's the inverted bit, but hello.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32Your eye tells you that's poking outwards, and yet it isn't.
0:17:32 > 0:17:33That's the inside bit,
0:17:33 > 0:17:37and your eye refuses to believe it until...
0:17:37 > 0:17:38you get to that.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41- Oh, you're twisting my melon, man. - Isn't that extraordinary?
0:17:41 > 0:17:44- Why does it do that? - Well, it does that
0:17:44 > 0:17:47because your brain is programmed to recognise human faces,
0:17:47 > 0:17:49and it's one of the first things babies do, is look at faces.
0:17:49 > 0:17:54And you expect to see a face, and even though you know it isn't a real face,
0:17:54 > 0:17:56your brain fills in the gaps.
0:17:56 > 0:18:01Do it again. And does this, Stephen, does it only work with Einstein?
0:18:01 > 0:18:03- No. - Would it work with another man?
0:18:03 > 0:18:05- It would work with any human being. - Aa-aah.
0:18:05 > 0:18:09- It is really creepy, it's amazing, isn't it?- But it's done it...
0:18:09 > 0:18:11I can't believe it did the same trick twice.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14We're not going to fall for it this time.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16No way, not three times on the run.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19- OK, outside, outside, outside, outside.- Outside, outside.
0:18:19 > 0:18:25- This is going to be inside, Lee. - Inside, inside, inside, inside, inside.- Aaah, aaah.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31- How'd it do it?- It's so clever, isn't it? We literally filmed this.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35- I mean, you can see, that's all it is.- This is a great trick.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38I might cut my head in half and scoop out my brain.
0:18:42 > 0:18:43What a wonderful thing!
0:18:43 > 0:18:46It would make the most wonderful blancmange or something, wouldn't it?
0:18:46 > 0:18:50Are we going to bother with the rest of the show? Cos I could happily...
0:18:50 > 0:18:53- Watch it go.- I'm... It's lovely chatting and everything,
0:18:53 > 0:18:57- and I love what we do, but let's just...- You're hypnotised.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00Shakespeare coined over 1,000 new words,
0:19:00 > 0:19:02but not all of them caught on.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Here are some of the ones that didn't.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06See if you can put them into a sentence for me.
0:19:06 > 0:19:11- Swoltery. Quatch.- Quatch.- I've got a swoltery quatch at the moment.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Already we're there, aren't we?
0:19:20 > 0:19:23It wappened when I put my kickie-wickies on.
0:19:23 > 0:19:28- Your foxship, what wappened, cockled boggler?- Carlot?
0:19:28 > 0:19:31- That's a thing - that's where people sell second-hand cars.- That's a sexy garage.
0:19:31 > 0:19:37- Well, that's true, actually. - A boggler is a very clumsy burglar.
0:19:37 > 0:19:38Urr-rrgh.
0:19:38 > 0:19:42A burglar that can't believe the stuff he's getting his hands on.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Look at this DVD player!
0:19:46 > 0:19:51What is a kickie-wickie? Is that like Russell Brand's version of a football or something?
0:19:51 > 0:19:56- It's an affectionate term for a wife.- Aw.- Ah, my dear kickie-wickie.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58A kickie-wickie is not an affectionate term for a wife!
0:19:58 > 0:20:01- Kickie.- Domestic violence was a lot more acceptable.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Ah, the old smashie-washie.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07The old battery-wattery.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Punchie-wunchie.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13Well, you've all done very well. So you can have some balloons as a reward.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15You should find some balloons down there.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18They're modelling balloons, and all I want to do is to see what you can make
0:20:18 > 0:20:20in as quick a time as you can.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Stop it.
0:20:26 > 0:20:27Behave.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30- There's an example behind you. - Excuse me,
0:20:30 > 0:20:33but I have never, ever seen brown balloons before.
0:20:34 > 0:20:40- It is a first.- What sort of...? What are you celebrating with...?
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Ah, they've put out the brown balloons!
0:20:42 > 0:20:47- It is an usual colour, I'll grant you.- Starfish.
0:20:47 > 0:20:48A starfish, well done.
0:20:49 > 0:20:53- Oh, hello. Oh, something's happening there.- Sausages.
0:20:53 > 0:20:54Sausages. Excellent.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00I'm still scared of balloons banging, ever since I was a kid.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03These balloons are special, kind of, balloonable...
0:21:03 > 0:21:04That's a condom, this one.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11It looks...
0:21:11 > 0:21:16- Yes.- Oh, very good. Brian's having the most trouble, I'd say.- Yes.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20No, you're on, you've got two together, you've done well.
0:21:20 > 0:21:24- Oh, Alan!- It's a three-legged dog. - It's excellent!
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Alan! Triumph!
0:21:26 > 0:21:28It's a three-legged dog with an erection.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33A three-legged dog with an erection. That may be a first.
0:21:34 > 0:21:38You know, in America, there are two... Oh, hello! Very fine!
0:21:44 > 0:21:48That'll be a joy at Ascot. That's superb, superb.
0:21:49 > 0:21:50That's the, er... That.
0:21:50 > 0:21:54- Yeah?- That's the gonorrhoea molecule.
0:21:57 > 0:22:01- Very fine.- Kids love it at parties.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05"Can you get us another one of them molecules?
0:22:05 > 0:22:07"With venereal diseases?"
0:22:08 > 0:22:11Of all these moons... Like, this is the one thing I wanted to ask you.
0:22:11 > 0:22:17Of all these moons, which one's most likely to be the home to ewoks?
0:22:18 > 0:22:21It would be, er, Titan.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24- Titan, yeah?- Titan, it's got a thicker atmosphere than the Earth.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28So, you'd need to be furry.
0:22:30 > 0:22:31Good answer.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42We just have to destroy the one that has Jar Jar Binks on it, though.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45It's very important when you're learning,
0:22:45 > 0:22:49- studying, to know which notes to take. Not just to take any old notes.- Exactly. I saw that.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Intelligence at work. Now...
0:22:51 > 0:22:55There is something unique as well about the Brazil nut.
0:22:55 > 0:22:59As you probably know, there are people who are allergic to nuts,
0:22:59 > 0:23:03but the Brazil nut, uniquely, amongst all the nuts,
0:23:03 > 0:23:06this is really unfortunate,
0:23:06 > 0:23:11you can sexually transmit Brazil nut to a partner.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14That is to say, if a male has eaten a Brazil nut
0:23:14 > 0:23:18and they inseminate a person who is allergic,
0:23:18 > 0:23:24that person's allergy will... they will be affected by it.
0:23:24 > 0:23:28- That's a good murder plot.- Isn't it?
0:23:31 > 0:23:32It is amazing.
0:23:34 > 0:23:39I actually feel right in the middle of an episode of House now.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42Cos that is... How on Earth has that been found out?
0:23:42 > 0:23:45Surely, the woman would feel the Brazil nut.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51I think you may have slightly misunderstood.
0:23:51 > 0:23:52A man would too, really.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56May contain nuts.
0:23:58 > 0:23:59Can you imagine the circuit of Saturn's moon, Titan?
0:24:00 > 0:24:04- That's so cold that it's got liquid methane.- Hold on, I know a Titan.
0:24:04 > 0:24:08Titan's the one where the ewoks live!
0:24:08 > 0:24:12- Titan, yes.- Yeah! - That place.- Go on.- You see.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14So, hang on, I've got it, I've got it.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17- So, basically, you're saying you can shatter an ewok?- Yes.
0:24:17 > 0:24:22- Because it got lakes of liquid methane because it's so cold.- Wow!
0:24:22 > 0:24:24And the methane behaves exactly like water on Earth.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26So, you get rain, methane rain.
0:24:26 > 0:24:30You get methane snow, methane ice and lakes of methane.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33- There's a lake there which is as large as Lake Superior.- Of methane?
0:24:33 > 0:24:37- Which is essentially a fart. Liquid fart?- Yeah, exactly.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39I don't want to go there, strike it off.
0:24:39 > 0:24:43If I could stand on a planet and throw an ewok
0:24:43 > 0:24:45into a lake of fart, that'd just be...
0:24:45 > 0:24:48- that'd be like... - Smash it into a fart.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Well, you couldn't because it would shatter.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Even better!
0:24:54 > 0:25:00So, right. So, I could be tossing ewoks into a lake of fart. Ah.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03That's your heaven. Everyone has their own heaven - that's yours.
0:25:03 > 0:25:08- That is, ah...- When you say tossing ewoks into a lake of fart?- Steady.
0:25:08 > 0:25:12- No. That's exactly what I meant.- Ooh.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15You know what, after this show finishes,
0:25:15 > 0:25:18I'm off, I don't care, you'll never see me again.
0:25:18 > 0:25:22"Where is he?" "He's off tossing ewoks again.
0:25:22 > 0:25:26"Into his lake of fart on a pedalo made of smoke."
0:25:28 > 0:25:30The fact is, there was so much promise with robots
0:25:30 > 0:25:33and a lot of artificial intelligence research.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36And the fact is... Sorry, is it just this atmosphere? Are you thirsty?
0:25:36 > 0:25:39I could do with... Can we have a drink? Thank you.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41I've got a friend, here, that's going to bring me a drink.
0:25:41 > 0:25:45- It's not that YO! Sushi, is it? When the thing comes round.- No, no. Here we are.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55- ROBOT: This is for you. - Thank you.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01That's very kind of you. Welcome to QI, Asimo.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Thank you, Stephen. It is great to be here.
0:26:05 > 0:26:10- Isn't he marvellous?- Here I am, brain the size of a planet...
0:26:10 > 0:26:11opening doors.
0:26:13 > 0:26:17So, you're the most advanced humanoid robot on the planet,
0:26:17 > 0:26:23- is that right? - That is what they tell me.- Why don't you show us what you can do?
0:26:23 > 0:26:25I would love to.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27- Is it going to kill me?- Honestly.
0:26:27 > 0:26:32I promise you, you're going to be impressed.
0:26:32 > 0:26:38I mean, this is... It's this movement that is so simple to us.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41You know, they can do calculations we could never dream of doing.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44Any computer. But this movement he's doing, he's going to go down a step.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46Right?
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Give him time.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51If he falls over, that's 20 million quid up the Swanee, isn't it?
0:26:53 > 0:26:55Now.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04Now he's going to do something that I think no-one in this room will ever have seen,
0:27:04 > 0:27:07which is, I think, truly miraculous.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10Studio audience killed by runaway robot.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13No, he is going to run. I'd like you to run, Asimo.
0:27:13 > 0:27:18And this takes him a bit of time, but both feet will leave the ground, and he will run.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20Here he goes.
0:27:20 > 0:27:21Oh!
0:27:23 > 0:27:25Isn't that amazing?
0:27:26 > 0:27:29Isn't that incredible?
0:27:31 > 0:27:33Well done.
0:27:33 > 0:27:37Well done, Asimo. I think it's only fair that you get some points.
0:27:37 > 0:27:42Thanks, but what I would really like is a dance with Jo.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49I think that can be arranged.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54He wouldn't say that if he'd met me.
0:27:57 > 0:28:02- Hi, Jo.- Hi, Asimo. I'm married. Sorry.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06FUNKY MUSIC
0:28:09 > 0:28:11Oh, yes.
0:28:39 > 0:28:42Well done, everybody.
0:28:43 > 0:28:45And bowing!
0:28:47 > 0:28:49STEPHEN LAUGHS
0:28:49 > 0:28:51Amazing.
0:28:51 > 0:28:55- I've scored.- Thank you. Thank you very much, Asimo.
0:28:55 > 0:28:57Goodbye, then.
0:28:57 > 0:29:00- What's the battery life on one of these?- Love you.
0:29:13 > 0:29:16Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:29:16 > 0:29:20E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk