0:00:02 > 0:00:10This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:29 > 0:00:33Well, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening,
0:00:33 > 0:00:36good evening, good evening,
0:00:36 > 0:00:40and to some extent, good evening, and welcome to QI,
0:00:40 > 0:00:43where tonight, the joint is jumping!
0:00:43 > 0:00:47Lots of hoops to get through, so let's meet our jumpers.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50A classy thoroughbred, Julian Clary.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52APPLAUSE
0:00:57 > 0:01:00Fit as a flea, Ross Noble.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02APPLAUSE
0:01:05 > 0:01:08The human pogo stick, Bill Bailey.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10APPLAUSE
0:01:12 > 0:01:16And a nice, warm, woolly top, Alan Davies.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Very kind.
0:01:18 > 0:01:19APPLAUSE
0:01:19 > 0:01:22There we are.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25So, they're all got buzzers, and Julian goes...
0:01:25 > 0:01:28MUSIC: "Jump Around" by House of Pain
0:01:31 > 0:01:34- I'm not happy. - LAUGHTER
0:01:34 > 0:01:38Something to do with jumping in there, I believe, in the pop music sphere.
0:01:38 > 0:01:39Ross goes...
0:01:39 > 0:01:42MUSIC: "Jump (For My Love)" by the Pointer Sisters
0:01:43 > 0:01:44Good overbite.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46That also had "jump." Bill goes...
0:01:46 > 0:01:48MUSIC: "Jump" by Van Halen
0:01:54 > 0:01:57I've no idea what that means.
0:01:57 > 0:01:58That was a Van Halen!
0:01:58 > 0:01:59Alan goes...
0:01:59 > 0:02:02MUSIC: "Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport" by Rolf Harris
0:02:02 > 0:02:03LAUGHTER
0:02:03 > 0:02:07Aw. A little jumpy thing, too.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09So, it's "jumpers."
0:02:09 > 0:02:15First tonight, I'd like you all to give me your impression of some Mexican jumping beans.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18MEXICAN VOICE: "Hello there, we are jumping beans. LAUGHTER
0:02:18 > 0:02:20"We like to do the jumping, we cannot help ourselves."
0:02:20 > 0:02:22"Higher!"
0:02:22 > 0:02:24# La cucaracha, la cucaracha. #
0:02:24 > 0:02:26I have to say, there is...
0:02:26 > 0:02:27They're not jumping.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30- ..A slight embarrassment here. - What's happened?
0:02:30 > 0:02:34We ordered the Mexican jumping beans over the internet,
0:02:34 > 0:02:38and they arrived in fully jumping form...
0:02:38 > 0:02:40but they have since died.
0:02:40 > 0:02:41LAUGHTER
0:02:42 > 0:02:46I think you've been had. This is a hazelnut.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Yeah.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50It looks like...I know it looks like a hazelnut.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Here they are.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54They're more like "Mexican fidgeting beans."
0:02:54 > 0:02:55LAUGHTER
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Yeah.
0:02:57 > 0:03:02- Can I just say that, in a wildlife documentary, that's a pretty poor excuse, isn't it?- Yeah, it is.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04"We had some snakes earlier, but when they came in the post..."
0:03:04 > 0:03:07LAUGHTER
0:03:07 > 0:03:11- "DHL tried to wedge them through the..." - I know. It's deeply shaming.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15How were they mistreated, then? What's happened? Well...
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Because Springwatch will hear of this!
0:03:17 > 0:03:19- I know. - LAUGHTER
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Can we revive them with some powdered Doritos? LAUGHTER
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Play some Mexican music and they'll be up and running again.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27STEPHEN HUMS LA CUCARACHA
0:03:27 > 0:03:29- I've cracked one open, there's something in it.- There is.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31- A tiny battery.- Yes.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34LAUGHTER There's a creature.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37There IS a creature in there, there's a larva.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40- A larva which has now sadly died.. - They've hatched. They've become...
0:03:40 > 0:03:44Is it a flea of some kind? Is it a Coleoptera? Is it from the Coleopteras?
0:03:44 > 0:03:46You're wanting to say "beetle", aren't you?
0:03:46 > 0:03:50- I want to say "beetle". I said "Coleoptera".- Which is even... - To try and do my best.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52..A really smart way of saying "beetle".
0:03:52 > 0:03:56Yeah, because this is that sort of programme, isn't it? It's not BBC Breakfast,
0:03:56 > 0:03:59where they have pin-heads who wouldn't know a...
0:03:59 > 0:04:01I want you to say not "Coleoptera", but "Lepidoptera".
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Oh! You mean butterflies?
0:04:04 > 0:04:06- Well...moths.- Moths?
0:04:06 > 0:04:09- Yes. They're the larva of a moth. - Ah, right.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13And to be fair, they are seeds, not beans.
0:04:13 > 0:04:19Up to 20 million of them are exported from Mexico, every year,
0:04:19 > 0:04:21around the world, as a novelty...
0:04:21 > 0:04:23For comedy purposes.
0:04:23 > 0:04:28Yeah, for comedy purposes. Anyway, the "Mexican jumping bean" isn't really a bean, but it does
0:04:28 > 0:04:31jump and it does come from Mexico.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34- From the Sonoran Desert, in fact. - Oh, right.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36In Sonora, we're going to stay.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39What's unusual about Bailey's pocket mouse?
0:04:39 > 0:04:41LAUGHTER
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Wait a minute!
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Obviously, Bailey's pocket mouse doesn't look like that.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48No.
0:04:48 > 0:04:53If you take away the handsome features, that's it - Bailey's pocket mouse.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Is it some sort of desert mouse that doesn't drink, or something?
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Well, you're almost right. You're very close.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Oh, it does drink, but only Bailey's.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02LAUGHTER
0:05:02 > 0:05:04That's right.
0:05:04 > 0:05:08It shins up the bottle, like that. And it brings its own miniature parasol.
0:05:08 > 0:05:12There is a particular oil-bearing plant in Mexico...
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Jojoba.
0:05:14 > 0:05:15Yes!
0:05:15 > 0:05:16APPLAUSE
0:05:16 > 0:05:20And it was thought for many years that the Bailey's mouse
0:05:20 > 0:05:23was the only one that could tolerate eating it,
0:05:23 > 0:05:27because it is, basically, disgusting to all other animals.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29So they can survive on shampoo?
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Well, that's the point, yeah. It has then become a useful oil.
0:05:32 > 0:05:38Since whaling stopped, it has some of the same properties as whale oil.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40A lot easier to apprehend.
0:05:40 > 0:05:46Yeah, than a whale, exactly. You just get hold of a jojoba plant and it gives off this oil.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49But very few animals eat it. And very few animals are tolerant of it,
0:05:49 > 0:05:52because it is a disgusting oil.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55But not if you're a Bailey's mouse, it's not.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59Exactly. And it was thought to be the only animal that could eat it,
0:05:59 > 0:06:01and, in fact, three others have since been discovered
0:06:01 > 0:06:04that are also capable of surviving on jojoba.
0:06:04 > 0:06:05Pete Burns.
0:06:05 > 0:06:06LAUGHTER
0:06:06 > 0:06:10Pete Burns is one. Shaun Ryder is another.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Yes.
0:06:12 > 0:06:16- Bez.- And Bez, yes. That's your three go-to jojoba guys.
0:06:16 > 0:06:21As an oil, it's a laxative, and so some people use it as a frying oil,
0:06:21 > 0:06:23except that when you fry things in it,
0:06:23 > 0:06:25it just runs through you.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28So it's just a good way of keeping on a diet.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30But mostly Jojoba is used for?
0:06:30 > 0:06:33- Shampoo.- Your skin.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Your skin, shampoo, cosmetics and things.
0:06:35 > 0:06:36Yes.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40- Who was it who made jojoba famous? - Billy Connolly.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44Billy Connolly, exactly, did a famous routine about...
0:06:44 > 0:06:47- BILLY CONNOLLY VOICE:- "Jojoba. What's that? What the fuck's that, jojoba? Jojoba?!"
0:06:47 > 0:06:49LAUGHTER
0:06:49 > 0:06:52He has a way of repeating words, Billy Connolly,
0:06:52 > 0:06:54that I remember many years ago,
0:06:54 > 0:06:57when, for the first time, he was elected President of Israel,
0:06:57 > 0:07:00- and I got this phone call... - Billy Connolly was?!- No.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02LAUGHTER
0:07:02 > 0:07:03I may have...
0:07:03 > 0:07:07BILLY CONNOLLY VOICE: "Mate, I'll tell you what. Israel, it's a lovely place."
0:07:07 > 0:07:10I may have phrased this the wrong way, but this particular person had been,
0:07:10 > 0:07:14and the phone rang and it was Billy Connolly. He didn't introduce himself, he just went,
0:07:14 > 0:07:17"Benjamin Netanyahu?!"
0:07:17 > 0:07:18LAUGHTER
0:07:18 > 0:07:23And I said, "What?" He said, "Benjamin Netanyahu?!"
0:07:23 > 0:07:27And I said, "Sorry, who is this?" He went, "Benjamin Netanyahu?!
0:07:27 > 0:07:33"What's that about? For fuck's sake, Benjamin Netanyahu?!"
0:07:33 > 0:07:34And then he put the phone down.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36LAUGHTER
0:07:36 > 0:07:41It was Billy Connolly riffing on the name "Benjamin Netanyahu."
0:07:41 > 0:07:44Yeah, and he would have done the same with "jojoba."
0:07:44 > 0:07:46- "Jojoba."- "Jojoba."
0:07:46 > 0:07:49- "The month before November," that was the joke, wasn't it?- Exactly.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Sometimes Paul O'Grady phones me up and just goes...
0:07:52 > 0:07:54- PAUL O'GRADY VOICE:- "Ooh, ah, ah, fucking shite..."
0:07:54 > 0:07:56LAUGHTER
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Then hangs up.
0:07:59 > 0:08:05"What's that, get that, no, stop it. No, don't."
0:08:05 > 0:08:08- He doesn't say, "No, don't."- Doesn't he?- No, that's Frankie Howerd.
0:08:08 > 0:08:09Oh, damn!
0:08:09 > 0:08:11LAUGHTER
0:08:11 > 0:08:12So easily confused.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14That was your jojoba.
0:08:14 > 0:08:19Now, who put jolly jumpers on their skyscrapers?
0:08:19 > 0:08:24Is it Cockney rhyming slang? "Jumpers on your skyscrapers."
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Doesn't rhyme with anything, how could it be? LAUGHTER
0:08:26 > 0:08:30It makes no sense at all. Cockney not-rhyming slang.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33COCKNEY VOICE: "I'll put a jumper on the skyscraper." "What's a skyscraper?"
0:08:33 > 0:08:35It rhymes with "rapers," that's all I can...
0:08:35 > 0:08:38Oh, stop it. Stop it right now. No.
0:08:38 > 0:08:39They swoop out of the sky and have you.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42- COCKNEY ACCENT:- "A horrible bunch of skyscrapers."
0:08:42 > 0:08:47Go back in time, go back in time, before tall buildings.
0:08:47 > 0:08:51- What was a skyscraper before there were such things?- A tree?
0:08:51 > 0:08:53- No. - LAUGHTER
0:08:53 > 0:08:57- A hut.- Was it an erection? - LAUGHTER
0:08:57 > 0:09:01No. No, it wasn't that.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Some sort of plane or aviation device, was that it?
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Look at the picture, and think...
0:09:08 > 0:09:10- A sail, a mast...!- Oh!
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Yes. The top one was called the skyscraper,
0:09:12 > 0:09:15but above it, there would be another one,
0:09:15 > 0:09:17which was called the jolly jumper.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21And the jolly jumper was the highest sail on a boat.
0:09:21 > 0:09:26So, it would be a sailor who would put a jolly jumper on a skyscraper.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Ah!
0:09:28 > 0:09:30- Isn't that pleasing? - That is quite...
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Yeah. I'm glad you're interested.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Crow's nest - vest!
0:09:34 > 0:09:36LAUGHTER
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Spinnaker... Spinnaker...
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Football commentator!
0:09:41 > 0:09:43LAUGHTER
0:09:43 > 0:09:46So, erm, anyway, talking on skyscrapers and jumping -
0:09:46 > 0:09:48and jumping is of course our theme -
0:09:48 > 0:09:52there's a famous kind of jumping that originated in Polynesia.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56- Bungee?- Bungee? - Bungee jumping - how did that begin?
0:09:56 > 0:09:59- It was the tribesmen with the twines, tying themselves up.- Yes.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03- They used vines. - Yeah. Vines, twines... Yeah.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06- Rhyming slang, wasn't it? - Vine, twine...
0:10:06 > 0:10:09- Swine, bine... Yeah. - No, no, vines. So, they tie it round, and then they jump,
0:10:09 > 0:10:12- but they didn't sort of go like that. - They'd tie it round their ankle.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15- It would go into the mud, their head, right into the mud.- Exactly.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18And we have film of precisely that. Here you are - it's pretty scary.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Woah!
0:10:22 > 0:10:25- That's... - What an idiot! Ha-ha-ha!
0:10:25 > 0:10:26LAUGHTER
0:10:26 > 0:10:29Look at them, laughing their heads off!
0:10:29 > 0:10:32That's the Pentecost Islands, in the South Seas,
0:10:32 > 0:10:34where it was first observed.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36And do you know who brought it to the world's attention?
0:10:36 > 0:10:39- Butlins.- Er, no. - LAUGHTER
0:10:39 > 0:10:42It was David Attenborough, 50 years ago,
0:10:42 > 0:10:44did a documentary in which he showed this,
0:10:44 > 0:10:47and then Oxford Dangerous Sports Society started doing it
0:10:47 > 0:10:49- off Clifton Suspension Bridge... - Yes.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52But the first official bungee jumping
0:10:52 > 0:10:56- was done by AJ Hackett in New Zealand. - New Zealand, Queenstown.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59Near Queenstown. There's the bridge.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02And you're about to see a superhero -
0:11:02 > 0:11:04a man of astounding courage and bravery -
0:11:04 > 0:11:08do a bungee jump off the original AJ Hackett bridge.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11There he is. Can you see him there? He's fat,
0:11:11 > 0:11:14he's... It's... It's me!
0:11:15 > 0:11:17- ALL: Whoah!- Ooh, ow!
0:11:17 > 0:11:20There I am. That was me bungee jumping,
0:11:20 > 0:11:23just last...earlier this year, in fact.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25- Goodness me! - And do you know, the weird thing is,
0:11:25 > 0:11:29I am the biggest coward in the world. The moment... The moment
0:11:29 > 0:11:31I was picked up by the relief boat,
0:11:31 > 0:11:34I said, "I want to do it again!"
0:11:34 > 0:11:37The adrenalin surge is so enormous,
0:11:37 > 0:11:41it is the biggest fun I've ever had.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Does it...does it pull at your ankles?!
0:11:43 > 0:11:47The major problem usually is detached retinas, actually.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49- Yes. - People get pop-eyed.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52What about when we went scuba-diving and your mask was too tight?
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Oh! No, no, no.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57- His eyes nearly came out of his head!- Oh!
0:11:57 > 0:11:59LAUGHTER
0:11:59 > 0:12:02Inside the mask, these massive eyes!
0:12:02 > 0:12:05We're all going, "Look at Bill!
0:12:05 > 0:12:08"Check he's all right!" When we found out he was all right,
0:12:08 > 0:12:11I laughed...I laughed my head off!
0:12:11 > 0:12:13- No, wait...- The thing is,
0:12:13 > 0:12:16Wait, wait, wait, wait! Rewind!
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Can we just go back to the bit where you said,
0:12:18 > 0:12:21when you checked I was all right, you laughed your...
0:12:21 > 0:12:25You were laughing from the minute my face came out of the water.
0:12:25 > 0:12:26LAUGHTER
0:12:26 > 0:12:30There was blood pouring out of my eyes,
0:12:30 > 0:12:33- and every...- You had no idea at all! - I had no idea.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36I was going, "What?" And people were going, "Oh, my...!"
0:12:36 > 0:12:38- "Aaagh!"- "Oh, my god!"
0:12:38 > 0:12:42I went, "What? What?" Like Carrie or something, with blood
0:12:42 > 0:12:45- streaming from my eyes. - These huge great eyeballs -
0:12:45 > 0:12:48- it took quite a long time for them to recede as well.- Yes, it did.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50And lot of laughing was going on.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54I thought you had some sort of magnifying mask on,
0:12:54 > 0:12:57- but when you took the mask off, they were still enormous!- Enormous.
0:12:57 > 0:13:01- Oh!- Anyway, there's an even more extreme form of jumping,
0:13:01 > 0:13:04which is bungee in the dark,
0:13:04 > 0:13:06- where you can't tell how far you've fallen.- Bungee in the dark?
0:13:06 > 0:13:09< That's a cocktail!
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Bungee In The Dark, please!
0:13:11 > 0:13:14You have no idea how far you're going to fall!
0:13:14 > 0:13:17What are bungee ropes usually made of?
0:13:17 > 0:13:20- Elastic.- Erm, latex, yeah.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23- Oh, I've got a suit in latex! - Have you?
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Just had it made.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28I would like a photograph sent to me of that, please.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32- LAUGHTER - In 2008, one Carl Dionisio
0:13:32 > 0:13:37used one made from 18,500 whats
0:13:37 > 0:13:40- joined together? - Socks.- Also latex...
0:13:40 > 0:13:42- Elastic bands?- Tights?- Condoms?
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Condoms is the right answer.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47That's the greatest condom bungee of all time.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50If they all inflated, it would be like the scene from Up
0:13:50 > 0:13:52- when the house turns... - LAUGHTER
0:13:52 > 0:13:56- It would indeed.- And was there just loads of really tired women?
0:13:56 > 0:13:59- Just...just in his garden?- Yes!
0:13:59 > 0:14:03Anyway, so jumping off a bridge turns out to be as easy as
0:14:03 > 0:14:06falling off a log. Now, how could these weights
0:14:06 > 0:14:10give you an extra 6.5 inches?
0:14:10 > 0:14:13Hang 'em from your cock.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16BELL RINGS AND ALARM SOUNDS
0:14:16 > 0:14:19APPLAUSE
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Oh, dear.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28- Wow.- Is it to do with stretching out your
0:14:28 > 0:14:30- spine?- No.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33- There's some sort of inscription on here.- Yes - in what language?
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Sort of...San...Greek, I'd say.
0:14:36 > 0:14:37- If we put... - Greek is the right answer.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Ah, right. This is the new Greek currency.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Er... LAUGHTER
0:14:45 > 0:14:48APPLAUSE
0:14:51 > 0:14:54Hang on a second, I'll just get Wilma.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Erm...
0:14:56 > 0:14:58You had it the wrong way up!
0:14:58 > 0:15:02- I got no signal, nothing! - Just do it that way.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04No, the other way up - that's it.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07The mad thing is, if Bill and I were to put these two things together,
0:15:07 > 0:15:10we would unleash the apocalypse.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13- So, you're not allowed to, yeah. - Keep them away.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16They're called halteres, they're Greek,
0:15:16 > 0:15:20and they gave you an extra 6.5 inches advantage
0:15:20 > 0:15:23- at a sporting event.- Yeah?- Yeah.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Punting with rocks.
0:15:25 > 0:15:29Is it that if you're hurling them with the other hand,
0:15:29 > 0:15:31- and that weight gives you more of a spin?- That's a thought.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35It's certainly an event in which you are judged
0:15:35 > 0:15:39by the greatest distance you have covered.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41- Well, the long jump is... - Long jumping.
0:15:41 > 0:15:45You use these. At first, when people found them, they thought
0:15:45 > 0:15:48they might be used as a handicap system
0:15:48 > 0:15:52for people who were better at long jumping, to hold them back,
0:15:52 > 0:15:56but actually, you wind it up, you wind it up and wind it up
0:15:56 > 0:16:00and then you jump, and it gives you an extra 6.5 inches advantage.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03And also, you look like that.
0:16:03 > 0:16:08You can see them depicted there, a pair of them hanging on the plate.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Is there some sort of checking system in the Olympics
0:16:11 > 0:16:13to check that people aren't, you know,
0:16:13 > 0:16:16- giving themselves an advantage? - Well, nowadays,
0:16:16 > 0:16:19you would not be allowed to do that, to use these.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Metal implants in their knuckles.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24LAUGHTER You get nipples, and then, you know,
0:16:24 > 0:16:27the piercings - big magnet at the other end...
0:16:27 > 0:16:30Urrrgh!
0:16:30 > 0:16:33You go knockers first across the line.
0:16:33 > 0:16:37Standing long jumps existed until 1912 in the Olympics.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40You didn't run up, you just went, yagh!
0:16:40 > 0:16:44And the record is 12ft 2".
0:16:44 > 0:16:46- No way.- And it so happens...- What?
0:16:46 > 0:16:50..that the distance between there and there
0:16:50 > 0:16:53is exactly 12ft 2".
0:16:53 > 0:16:56Have you heard of Fierljeppen?
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Leppen. It sounds Scandinavian.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00It exists in East Anglia and Frisia,
0:17:00 > 0:17:02mostly in Holland, though.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05Oh, jumping, jumping the...
0:17:05 > 0:17:06- Jumping the canals. - ..the dykes.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09Jumping between the dykes using a pole. It's a big sport.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11We do it in Norfolk, where I come from.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14You know they've got bridges now?
0:17:14 > 0:17:16It's so much less fun.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18And you can actually see some...
0:17:18 > 0:17:19LAUGHTER
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Mock ye not.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24Watch some film of some splendid Fierljeppen performers
0:17:24 > 0:17:26and you will be impressed.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Here you are. Big run.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31Whoa! And...
0:17:31 > 0:17:34Yes! And didn't even fall over.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36Oh, look at that.
0:17:36 > 0:17:37Less fortunate.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Just to prove it's not as easy as you think.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43And...oh...
0:17:46 > 0:17:47There you are. Fierljeppen.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Oh... That's a good one.
0:17:49 > 0:17:53Yeah. You could watch that forever, couldn't you?
0:17:53 > 0:17:56They should do that instead of straightforward pole dancing,
0:17:56 > 0:17:59they should just have a loose brass pole,
0:17:59 > 0:18:01then a woman in her pants runs out.
0:18:01 > 0:18:06"Wahey!" And then it's less sexual, you know,
0:18:06 > 0:18:09- you can watch her arcing. - I think it is sexual, mate.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12You're in desperate, desperate need of help, Ross.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16How about jumping camels?
0:18:16 > 0:18:18- What?- Jumping camels?
0:18:18 > 0:18:19- Jumping camels?- Yeah.
0:18:19 > 0:18:24What, do you mean without any kind of a chit-chat before, just...?
0:18:26 > 0:18:28"Jump the beast."
0:18:28 > 0:18:31- Just straight in.- In the Yemen. - In the desert as well.- In the Yemen.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35- I don't believe a camel can jump. I don't think it can lift itself. - It's not the camels jumping.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38- Do you jump from one camel to another?- It's more than that.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41- Think Eddie Kidd. - Oh, jumping over, right.- Yeah.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Stunt bikes.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45- Stunt, not bike, though.- Oh.
0:18:45 > 0:18:50- Just simply by your own human power, leaping over camels.- What?!
0:18:50 > 0:18:52The record is six.
0:18:52 > 0:18:58One human being can run up and leap over six dromedaries.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01- With a trampoline or something? - No, there's a small amount of dirt
0:19:01 > 0:19:06laid up as a kind of jumping-off point, but no trampoline.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09So, now, what did the environmentalist say to the camel?
0:19:09 > 0:19:12"Stop farting." Isn't it they produce a lot of methane?
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Yes, they do. Where in particular?
0:19:14 > 0:19:17Out of their arse?
0:19:17 > 0:19:20- Why did I ask?- Just a guess.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22APPLAUSE
0:19:22 > 0:19:27- But no, there is a particular place where camels are...- Known for it.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31- ..extremely numerous.- Egypt. - Yes, but this is a place where...
0:19:31 > 0:19:33Australia, is it Australia?
0:19:33 > 0:19:35- Australia.- They've got more wild camels in Australia
0:19:35 > 0:19:37than anywhere else on the planet.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Exactly, they have the highest number of feral camels.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41In fact, they have 1.2 million of them.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44- They're like rats, they're vermin. - Yeah.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46- They get in your house, it's a nightmare.- And you can see...
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Only that sign could be Australia, couldn't it? Look at it.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51Camel, wombat, kangaroo.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55But the fact is, they export them to Arabia,
0:19:55 > 0:19:57- for meat and for racing. - That's right.
0:19:57 > 0:20:01Because they're a finer, a finer sort of species of camel.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04They were brought over originally as a pack animal to Australia.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06They seemed very natural because Australia is a dry country
0:20:06 > 0:20:09and camels survive well, obviously, in dry climates.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13People thought, "perfect". But of course, they bred and bred and bred
0:20:13 > 0:20:17and suddenly you've got these million point two camels.
0:20:17 > 0:20:22And they do an enormous amount of anal wind expulsion.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24They were on at Download, actually.
0:20:25 > 0:20:2645...
0:20:28 > 0:20:32- It's actually...- They supported Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark!
0:20:32 > 0:20:35- To be fair to them, it's not so much anal as oral.- Oh, yeah.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38It's 45 kilograms of methane a year.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42It's quite extraordinary. It's a sixth the amount of the average car.
0:20:42 > 0:20:47So, now there's a company called North West Carbon,
0:20:47 > 0:20:50which has set up a thing where you offset your carbon footprint,
0:20:50 > 0:20:52if you're an Australian car driver,
0:20:52 > 0:20:55by paying this company to go and shoot camels.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Which is...
0:20:58 > 0:21:00basically a bit unfair,
0:21:00 > 0:21:01because, let's face it,
0:21:01 > 0:21:06Europeans with cars are as unnatural to Australia as camels are,
0:21:06 > 0:21:08and it seems a bit unfair.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11- Why shouldn't the camels shoot the humans?- Yes.
0:21:11 > 0:21:12Here's a thing, though.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16While we're talking about all this whole business of ecology,
0:21:16 > 0:21:20Sainsbury's, the supermarket chain, very useful supermarket chain.
0:21:20 > 0:21:24The great thing about Sainsbury's, it keeps the scum out of Waitrose.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28APPLAUSE
0:21:30 > 0:21:34- All right, here's an initiative announced by Sainsbury's.- Go on.
0:21:34 > 0:21:39By reducing the diameter of the tube of a loo roll
0:21:39 > 0:21:44from 123mm to 112mm,
0:21:44 > 0:21:47right, just 11mm reduction,
0:21:47 > 0:21:51they will be able to fit more rolls into the same lorry.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54Given the scale of the loo roll market -
0:21:54 > 0:21:58we use 45 to 50 rolls a year each!
0:21:59 > 0:22:01And that's including you.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03I do that of a weekend.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Yes, all right.
0:22:05 > 0:22:10This will mean 500 fewer lorry trips a year,
0:22:10 > 0:22:12just by doing that,
0:22:12 > 0:22:16by reducing the centre tube by 11mm.
0:22:16 > 0:22:20- Wow.- This is the principal difference between men and women, in my view.
0:22:20 > 0:22:24The amount of loo roll that women use is unbelievable.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27I mean, a roll can go in one visit.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30- Really?- To be fair, though...
0:22:30 > 0:22:31Just wrapping it round.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33What's that?
0:22:35 > 0:22:39At least women don't pee all over the floor.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42You know that's not true.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44APPLAUSE
0:22:44 > 0:22:46Ah, a lot of women clapping there.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48Obviously, they do use more loo roll
0:22:48 > 0:22:51but it's a lot harder for them to shake than it is for us,
0:22:51 > 0:22:53do you know what I mean?
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Cheeky flick, everything's fine.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58For a woman to do that, she's got to get on a swing.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03Or one of those power plates, you know, the ones that go...
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Right.
0:23:06 > 0:23:07Just, go like this.
0:23:07 > 0:23:08One of those.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12You wouldn't need a power plate. All you need is a vibrating loo.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Oh, that's it, there you go.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16You sit on it, you have a wee, press a button...
0:23:16 > 0:23:21Trouble with that is, they'd never get off it.
0:23:21 > 0:23:22"Where is she?"
0:23:22 > 0:23:24APPLAUSE
0:23:24 > 0:23:28"Are you coming out of there?" "I'm nearly there!"
0:23:28 > 0:23:29Oh, God. Oh, God.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31"I think I've got diarrhoea."
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Now here's the question, here's...
0:23:34 > 0:23:37The Shake n' Vac. Drink and leave the water.
0:23:37 > 0:23:41I have to tell you, I have to tell you that the little baby Jesus,
0:23:41 > 0:23:44whom I have never believed in, until this minute,
0:23:44 > 0:23:46has told me to change the subject.
0:23:46 > 0:23:50- So...- Aw!- All right. We're going to jump.- I was just getting started.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52- We're going to jump to Spain. - We're on a roll.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54We're on a roll! We're on a roll!
0:23:54 > 0:23:58- We're on a roll!- Come on! Come on!
0:23:58 > 0:24:02APPLAUSE
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Why do these babies have nothing to fear?
0:24:05 > 0:24:09There are men jumping over them, but why have they nothing to fear?
0:24:09 > 0:24:13- Yes.- It's a real event that happens in Spain.
0:24:13 > 0:24:14Baby jumping?
0:24:14 > 0:24:17Baby jumping, it's the baby jumping festival, El Colacho.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19- El Colacho!- Yes.- Yes, of course.
0:24:19 > 0:24:25Near Burgos in Northern Spain, in the Castrillo de Murcia.
0:24:25 > 0:24:30The reason is that these babies have been purged of their original sin
0:24:30 > 0:24:35in this ceremony, so that if they die, they won't go to hell.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Burgos has the largest cathedral in Spain.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41- It's absolutely enormous. - It's a very huge cathedral. Yeah.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43I love the concept of original sin.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46It's like you go to confess and you go in and the priest goes,
0:24:46 > 0:24:49"That's not original enough."
0:24:49 > 0:24:52- It's derivative sin. - "All right, then, I got a transit van
0:24:52 > 0:24:54"and then pushed it into a bouncy castle."
0:24:54 > 0:24:58"Yep, I haven't heard that before. You can have a blessing."
0:24:58 > 0:25:02The Catholic Church is slightly embarrassed about this festival...
0:25:02 > 0:25:03I was thinking, on the vibrating loo,
0:25:03 > 0:25:06you'd have different speeds, wouldn't you?
0:25:08 > 0:25:09Like a dial.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12Like side to side, forwards and backwards, round and round.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14But basically...
0:25:15 > 0:25:18Al, then one like the waltzers that goes like that.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28There are no reports of injured babies.
0:25:28 > 0:25:29Oh, all right.
0:25:29 > 0:25:33So you may prefer to indulge in a Japanese ceremony
0:25:33 > 0:25:35called the Hadaka Matsuri.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38It's the Naked Festival.
0:25:38 > 0:25:42- Raw baby eating.- Yeah, it takes place in Okayama. There they are.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44A 500-year-old event.
0:25:44 > 0:25:49It culminates in 9,000 men in loincloths, wrestling in mud.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51Are they all men? Some of them look like women.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54- They're all men.- There's a woman in the middle there, surely.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56No, she's a man. He's a man.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01And in the end, the lucky man
0:26:01 > 0:26:06gets thrown a pair of sticks by a Shinto priest at around midnight
0:26:06 > 0:26:10and the winner thrusts the sticks into a wooden box filled with rice
0:26:10 > 0:26:12and is granted a year of happiness.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16It seems a perfectly normal way to behave, to me, don't you think?
0:26:16 > 0:26:18So run me through it again.
0:26:19 > 0:26:24- You get a pair of sticks... - 9,000 naked men wrestle in mud.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28And then eventually...
0:26:30 > 0:26:32..a Shinto priest throws two sticks to the winner,
0:26:32 > 0:26:36who sticks it in some rice and is granted happiness.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39- OK.- Yeah.- I love rice.
0:26:40 > 0:26:44Five stars on Trip Adviser, this, wouldn't it? Yeah.
0:26:44 > 0:26:48All right, we're now going to have something incredibly exciting -
0:26:48 > 0:26:51at least, I hope it's exciting. It's a jolly jape.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54- I do love my jolly japes. - I love a jolly jape.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56I've got here a little...
0:26:56 > 0:27:00What I'm going to try and do is try and create something
0:27:00 > 0:27:03that will make you think, "No!
0:27:03 > 0:27:06"No, Stephen, this is not possible!
0:27:06 > 0:27:09"Stephen, I will now bow down and worship you forever."
0:27:09 > 0:27:12I'm going to try and create...
0:27:12 > 0:27:15a square bubble.
0:27:15 > 0:27:19- No!- "Shut up, Stephen!"
0:27:19 > 0:27:22- I'm on the verge of worshipping you forever.- Yeah, exactly.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25How would you not be? A square bubble.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27- Shut the front door. - So I've got this here,
0:27:27 > 0:27:29can you see that bubble there?
0:27:29 > 0:27:30- Oh!- Wow!
0:27:30 > 0:27:33It's not yet square,
0:27:33 > 0:27:34but if I blow...
0:27:37 > 0:27:38Look at that!
0:27:38 > 0:27:39No way!
0:27:39 > 0:27:41- Square bubble.- Oh!
0:27:41 > 0:27:43Square bubble!
0:27:43 > 0:27:48APPLAUSE
0:27:49 > 0:27:51How amazing is that?
0:27:51 > 0:27:52Very cool.
0:27:52 > 0:27:56On television, virtually live, as live, as we say,
0:27:56 > 0:28:02it's probably the only interesting and important thing I've ever done in my life.
0:28:02 > 0:28:06But I'm proud, and thank you for enjoying my square bubble.
0:28:06 > 0:28:08Well, that's the jolly jape.
0:28:08 > 0:28:12And on that bubble-shell, I jump over to the scoreboard.
0:28:12 > 0:28:16I suppose I have to begin at the bottom.
0:28:16 > 0:28:17- Julian...- No!
0:28:17 > 0:28:20Unfortunately, you scored minus seven points.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23APPLAUSE
0:28:25 > 0:28:28- Alan, you are at third place, with minus four.- Thank you.
0:28:28 > 0:28:30APPLAUSE
0:28:33 > 0:28:35In second place, with five points,
0:28:35 > 0:28:37Ross Noble.
0:28:37 > 0:28:38APPLAUSE
0:28:40 > 0:28:42And just one point ahead,
0:28:42 > 0:28:45on plus six, is Bill Bailey.
0:28:45 > 0:28:47APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:28:53 > 0:28:56Well, that's all from Julian, Ross,
0:28:56 > 0:29:01Bill, Alan and me. Be adorable to each other always. Good night.
0:29:01 > 0:29:04APPLAUSE
0:29:23 > 0:29:27Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd