0:00:31 > 0:00:35Gooooooooooood evening, good evening, good evening,
0:00:35 > 0:00:37good evening, good evening, good evening
0:00:37 > 0:00:41and welcome to an episode of QI that's all about inventions
0:00:41 > 0:00:44and discoveries, in fact anything that's "just the job".
0:00:44 > 0:00:48They say that the greatest of all inventors is accident.
0:00:48 > 0:00:52With that in mind, let's meet the tremendously timely, Jason Manford.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55APPLAUSE
0:00:55 > 0:00:59The consistently coincidental, Jeremy Clarkson.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03APPLAUSE
0:01:03 > 0:01:07The stupefyingly serendipitous Sandi Toksvig.
0:01:07 > 0:01:11APPLAUSE
0:01:11 > 0:01:16And an accident waiting to happen, Alan Davies.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18APPLAUSE
0:01:21 > 0:01:25So, let's hear your Alexander Graham Bells.
0:01:25 > 0:01:26Jason goes...
0:01:26 > 0:01:28OLD-FASHIONED PHONE RINGS
0:01:28 > 0:01:29- It's all right.- Jeremy goes...
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Is it going to be a car horn?
0:01:31 > 0:01:32MODERN PHONE RINGS
0:01:32 > 0:01:34- No.- Surprising. Sandi goes...
0:01:34 > 0:01:36I want something trim.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38ELECTRONIC PHONE RINGS
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Good guess. And Alan goes...
0:01:40 > 0:01:44MUSIC: "Ride Of The Valkyries" By Wagner
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Oh.
0:01:48 > 0:01:49Oh.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52- I could listen to this for ever. - He loves this one.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56It's a 14 and a half hour...
0:01:56 > 0:01:58- Orgasm.- It's a Wagner ring tone.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Isn't that wonderful? I could listen to that for ever.
0:02:02 > 0:02:06Anyway, so, let's begin with an interesting question.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09What were chainsaws originally invented for?
0:02:11 > 0:02:12Proctology.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18- Wow! That's scary. - SANDI: Yeah, that's a...
0:02:18 > 0:02:21- Slicing an arse in half.- Yeah.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24- Well, do you know, you were in the right area.- SANDI: Really?
0:02:24 > 0:02:27- I have to say. I mean... - Circumcision.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32What I mean is, you began straight away with medicine.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35You didn't say trees or, you know, cutting down, you know, buildings.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37- Oh, cutting off legs. - So, like bones and...
0:02:37 > 0:02:39Bones is the right answer.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42Yes, in particular it was a rather unpleasant procedure.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Oh, don't, it'll be a boy thing against a girl thing. It will be.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47- Well, not against, in order to... - Well no, no, but it...
0:02:47 > 0:02:49It was doctors trying to help.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Oh, I know what it is. I know what it is.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54It'll be a boy thinking a woman's taking far too long over labour
0:02:54 > 0:02:56going, "Oh, I can't stand all that panting, I know,
0:02:56 > 0:02:59"we'll get a chain saw and just cut that baby out." That's what it is.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03Do you know, you're absolutely right.
0:03:03 > 0:03:04APPLAUSE
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Oh, my God!
0:03:09 > 0:03:13It was in...it was in 1783.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15That's no excuse.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19It was two Scots doctors called John Aitken and James Jeffrey,
0:03:19 > 0:03:22and it was called a symphysiotomy and it was a procedure
0:03:22 > 0:03:26to widen the pelvis if the baby's head was too large to pass through.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Oh, can you hear the high tone of all those sighs in the audience?
0:03:29 > 0:03:32- What I like about this picture... - It's a bit eye-watering.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35It's a ladies' ward, so of course there is some baking going on
0:03:35 > 0:03:37- on the left-hand side.- Yes.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Oh, that's right, there is.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42A little cake display case of buns in the oven, Stephen,
0:03:42 > 0:03:45- you see what I did there. - Buns in the oven!
0:03:45 > 0:03:48- They didn't really, darling? - I'm afraid they did.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50When I say chain saw, it was literally a chain,
0:03:50 > 0:03:53- it was like a watch chain in fact. - Ah, right.- It was an up and down...
0:03:53 > 0:03:55JASON: So it wasn't a full lumberjack giving it...
0:03:55 > 0:03:58IMITATES CHAIN SAW NOISE ..it's a boy!
0:03:58 > 0:04:00They hadn't yet invented the internal combustion engine.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02And caesarean sections, they were...
0:04:02 > 0:04:05- Caesarean sections have replaced the same idea, that the...- Phew.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Yes, quite, exactly. It's a bit of a relief.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10It would have been easier to do the caesarean section, I think.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Sawing the pelvic bone in half is not as easy as maybe just
0:04:12 > 0:04:15- a small incision in...- I know, you would have thought they have...
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Pop it out of the sun roof.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19But this was before antiseptic surgery
0:04:19 > 0:04:22and of course it was before any kind of anaesthetic.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Was there not a meeting? You know what I mean?
0:04:24 > 0:04:27There was not a meeting where someone goes, "I've got it."
0:04:27 > 0:04:30And they go, "What?" And they go, "Chain saw, isn't it?"
0:04:30 > 0:04:33Well, they looked at a watch chain and they said, you know, if you can,
0:04:33 > 0:04:38we could sort of ease away the bone like that, rather than using a saw.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40I know, everyone's wincing.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Have we got another question that isn't about that?
0:04:42 > 0:04:46Would it heal? Presumably not very well.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Well, they then went on to use the same thing, for example,
0:04:48 > 0:04:52if someone had a bit of diseased bone, they would do the same thing,
0:04:52 > 0:04:55they would sort of take it and they'd go up and down like that,
0:04:55 > 0:04:59and then they'd do it lower down and the two bits would fuse together,
0:04:59 > 0:05:02and they'd have a stiff arm, but it would get rid of the diseased bone.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04It was called an osteotome.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07It eventually became like a chain saw, you can see one here.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10- That is more like a chain saw. - My God! You don't want that...
0:05:10 > 0:05:12- But pretty unpleasant.- You don't want that coming at you.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14You really don't. You really, really don't.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17I remember my wife had a baby, I remember it well...
0:05:17 > 0:05:20- I was going to say.- Yeah... - Kind of thing you wouldn't forget.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22It was a grand day, but when she had a baby,
0:05:22 > 0:05:25and there's a point where you go in to see the fella
0:05:25 > 0:05:27- who's going to sort it out on the day.- Obstetrician?
0:05:27 > 0:05:30That's him, yeah, he's got an official title.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33And you go and see him, and as the husband, he says,
0:05:33 > 0:05:35"Right, you sit there on a chair."
0:05:35 > 0:05:38And then he pulls the curtain across
0:05:38 > 0:05:40while him and your wife are in this thing,
0:05:40 > 0:05:42while he has a little dabble, or whatever he's doing.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45- It's a bit intimate, isn't it? - You go, "I've seen it, mate."
0:05:45 > 0:05:48Do you know what I mean? There's nothing...this is why we're here.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Well, you don't look when that happens though, do you,
0:05:52 > 0:05:55at the moment of conception? Do you actually have a look?
0:05:55 > 0:05:57You're looking into...
0:05:57 > 0:06:01Surely... Surely... Sorry.
0:06:01 > 0:06:02I think I was watching...
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Stephen doesn't need to know, Jason, he doesn't need to know.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Well, I thought you were gazing lovingly into her eyes while...
0:06:08 > 0:06:11Gazing lovingly...gazing lovingly at the Bourne Identity,
0:06:11 > 0:06:12which is still on the television.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18- As you reach for your drink. - Oh, I'm...
0:06:18 > 0:06:22What do you think, darling, that he's got a periscope at the moment of...?
0:06:22 > 0:06:23I'm sorry, I'm sorry, look...
0:06:23 > 0:06:26I don't know why you and I are having this conversation.
0:06:28 > 0:06:29It's true.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31APPLAUSE
0:06:33 > 0:06:37After the invention of the internal combustion engine,
0:06:37 > 0:06:40where we're getting Jeremy to his home territory now,
0:06:40 > 0:06:42eventually by 1920 they were small enough
0:06:42 > 0:06:45- to be able to have a hand-powered... chain.- Cut down trees.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47- And then they cut down trees. Exactly.- Yes.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Well, anyway, there you are.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Chainsaws were originally invented for midwives.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Staying in that general area, unfortunately,
0:06:54 > 0:06:57explain how an electric jockstrap works.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Is there going to be a demonstration?
0:07:01 > 0:07:04- Do you know, I kind of wish there were.- JASON: Is that what this is?
0:07:04 > 0:07:09- No.- Argh, oh! That's what this is.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Is it a warming thing, or...?
0:07:12 > 0:07:14An electric anything takes us into a period of time.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17- Galvanism. It's Victorian, galvanism.- Galvan, exactly.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20Everybody thought electricity would cure everything,
0:07:20 > 0:07:22stimulate everything and achieve everything.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25And so at the back of every newspaper there was an electrical
0:07:25 > 0:07:29something, a galvanic bath, but these were electric jockstraps.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32Well, presumably, because they had all sorts of things to stop boys
0:07:32 > 0:07:34playing with themselves, it must have been...
0:07:34 > 0:07:36that would stop you, wouldn't it? It would stop you, wouldn't it?
0:07:36 > 0:07:39- If you had a shock in your pants. - No, I'm thinking it might be nice.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42- Yes.- Oh, really?- You're spot-on. We men know that.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47Because there are certain code words in Victorian English.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51"Nervous and general debility, lost vigour, decline,
0:07:51 > 0:07:53"and the whole train of gloomy attendants,"
0:07:53 > 0:07:56was standard code for impotence.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Enter the Heidelberg electric belt.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02There it is.
0:08:02 > 0:08:03- It's a bit high up, isn't it?- Yes.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Oh, I see, so actually there's the thing down there.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09That's really kind of buzzing away in the important area.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13And that is actually going to cause you to, well, I'm afraid
0:08:13 > 0:08:18the phrase is probably embarrassing, they advise seminal economy.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21- They're advising against... - Is that with easyJet?- Yeah.
0:08:22 > 0:08:23They're advising against
0:08:23 > 0:08:28"wantonly jettisoning too much nervous substance."
0:08:28 > 0:08:31- Which basically... - Is that what they called it?
0:08:31 > 0:08:34That's code for semen. In other words, it's essentially a sex toy.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36- "Wantonly jettisoning."- It is...
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Don't wantonly jettison your nervous substance.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42I like the idea of nervous semen just coming out going...
0:08:42 > 0:08:44"Woaaah."
0:08:44 > 0:08:46SANDI: He's quite camp.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Perhaps he's having problems with his virility
0:08:48 > 0:08:51- cos he's sleeping with the wrong sex. - Well, it might be that.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54But there genuinely was an item, as you can see, hugely advertised,
0:08:54 > 0:08:56there were lots of different...
0:08:56 > 0:09:00So is it designed then to lift the dormant chap or to de-nervify
0:09:00 > 0:09:03- the semen?- It's basically designed saying,
0:09:03 > 0:09:07"Would you like to enjoy the experience of a little bit
0:09:07 > 0:09:10"of a tingling down there that maybe has disappeared?"
0:09:10 > 0:09:11But it probably was just like,
0:09:11 > 0:09:14"That's a damn good thing to take to a hotel room."
0:09:14 > 0:09:16- Why have they gone out of fashion? - I know.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17Are these still for sale?
0:09:17 > 0:09:20I feel like if Ann Summers did them, you could see,
0:09:20 > 0:09:23not in the upstairs bit, the downstairs bit of Ann Summers...
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Tell me about this, Jason, because I...
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Upstairs is like, just like chocolate willies and that.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Downstairs...someone's going to get hurt, Stephen.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36Really? I've never been in an Ann Summers. You'd think it would be
0:09:36 > 0:09:39- the other way round, you'd have to go upstairs...- No, you come in
0:09:39 > 0:09:42at ground floor level. I'm only going off our nearest twelve branches.
0:09:42 > 0:09:43Yes, right.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47But, yeah, that's the normal one.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50And then you sort of pop downstairs, you know, anniversary, or whatever...
0:09:50 > 0:09:51Good gracious.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54But the other thing about that is you got ten days free trial.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57- Wow!- I don't know if you can see, but it's actually printed there.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59What if you send it back and it goes to somebody else?
0:09:59 > 0:10:01That's what I'm worried about with the free trial.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04I know, exactly. You're using a used one.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07It is going to get much more acceptable and decent,
0:10:07 > 0:10:10this programme, I promise you, as we move on. So anyway,
0:10:10 > 0:10:13what was your great-grandmother doing down the back of the sofa?
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Was she, was she a Borrower?
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Was she a Borrower? No, she wasn't a Borrower.
0:10:19 > 0:10:20I come from a particularly small family,
0:10:20 > 0:10:23and we lost many, in various pieces of furniture.
0:10:25 > 0:10:29I had an aunt went through a cane chair, we never saw her again.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31JASON: Was she dead and been cremated and you spilt it?
0:10:31 > 0:10:34What was happening around the time of one's great-grandmother,
0:10:34 > 0:10:38- what sort of...?- They were using the elderly to stuff sofas.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44About a hundred years ago families began to do a thing in order to
0:10:44 > 0:10:48register their lives and formalise their existences, after weddings.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50- Photographs.- Photographs, exactly. - So Victorian...
0:10:50 > 0:10:51And particularly their babies,
0:10:51 > 0:10:54they liked to have their babies photographed,
0:10:54 > 0:10:57but exposure times were quite long and how do you keep a baby still?
0:10:57 > 0:11:01- Oh, I've seen this! This is this weird thing.- Heroin.
0:11:01 > 0:11:02There's loads of pictures of them.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04- They've got like sheets over their head.- Yes.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07- And they're sort of holding the child in place.- Exactly.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09They're called "hidden mother photographs".
0:11:09 > 0:11:11- They're terrifying, there's a website of them.- Yes.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14- And they're terrifying, yeah. Look at that.- Look, there's one.- Oh, wow!
0:11:14 > 0:11:17- That's horrible!- It's like a woman in a burqa.
0:11:17 > 0:11:18Yes. It's horrible. Extraordinary.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22There's the mother pretending to be a sofa or an item of furniture,
0:11:22 > 0:11:24keeping her baby quiet and still enough
0:11:24 > 0:11:26for the exposure time of the photograph.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29We've got another one where the mother looks a bit like a carpet.
0:11:29 > 0:11:30I mean it's really. There...
0:11:32 > 0:11:36- That's not even a baby! - I know, it's a young girl.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39- There is a whole class of these. - Yeah.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41"Don't move, you bitch, don't move."
0:11:42 > 0:11:44And you, Jason, definitely get the points there
0:11:44 > 0:11:48- for having known about them.- It's terrifying.- They are rather peculiar.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50It's brilliant though, there's hundreds
0:11:50 > 0:11:53and they're all sinister, like, rather than just let the kid
0:11:53 > 0:11:57- stand by itself, you've gone, "Go and stand with that ghost."- Yes.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59- It's weird.- Well, the mother will be talking to the child,
0:11:59 > 0:12:02saying, "It's all right, darling, sit still, I'm going to hold you."
0:12:02 > 0:12:04The chair's talking!
0:12:04 > 0:12:08"I am a sofa, ha-ha-ha!"
0:12:08 > 0:12:11We have for you probably the first ever photograph of a human being,
0:12:11 > 0:12:13which is rather exciting.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16It's from the 1840s and it's by Louis Daguerre himself.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19He took a photograph, in those days very long exposure,
0:12:19 > 0:12:22and all the people who were there would have moved through as a blur,
0:12:22 > 0:12:24you wouldn't have seen, but there is a boot boy
0:12:24 > 0:12:27with a customer with his leg up as it were, and you can see that
0:12:27 > 0:12:30and we can probably circle it for you and give it a little bit of a...
0:12:30 > 0:12:31And that is the first human being,
0:12:31 > 0:12:34or pair of human beings, ever photographed.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37- It's rather wonderful, isn't it?- How long's he take doing them shoes then?
0:12:37 > 0:12:38Yeah, I know. It's surprising.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41- It was a ten-minute exposure, in fact.- Oh, OK.
0:12:41 > 0:12:42That's not too bad then.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45- It was in 1838, that's how long ago it was.- Wow.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48And we have a photograph for you and you have to identify
0:12:48 > 0:12:52who the person is in the photograph, which... Who's that?
0:12:52 > 0:12:53Is that Bruce Forsyth?
0:12:55 > 0:12:57- It's not Bruce Forsyth, no. - SANDI: In the early years.
0:12:57 > 0:12:58It's quite surprising,
0:12:58 > 0:13:01it's someone you would not imagine there would be a photograph of.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03- OK. Can you give us a country? - He's British.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06He was Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.
0:13:06 > 0:13:07Oh, Prime Minister of Britain.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10But he was from an Irish family. Actually the Duke of Wellington.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13- Wow!- Duke of Wellington. - Yeah. The victor of Waterloo.
0:13:13 > 0:13:18As an old man. He looks surprisingly benign, considering his reputation.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20- But isn't it amazing there is a photograph of him?- I had no idea.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23- Yeah. It's rather fabulous. - That's a great picture.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25- It is actually a lovely picture, isn't it?- It is, yeah.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28Anyway, let's move onto something very, very different.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32Name something interesting you can do with a Slinky.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35- Well, it's a... - Well, you can't untangle it.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37That's certainly... Oh, God, I got through so many as a child.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39- They're the most, it is the most... - Wasn't it? Oh.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43You go to the top of the stairs, and go, "Look at this, it's, oh, no!"
0:13:43 > 0:13:46- And then that would be it and your toy.- We've given you some stairs,
0:13:46 > 0:13:48you can take your stairs and your Slinky out and demonstrate.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50- Oh, wow.- There may be young people in the audience
0:13:50 > 0:13:53- who've never had the excitement. - You're going to love this.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56- You can attach it to your...- This is, I'm going back, look at that!
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Yeah!
0:13:58 > 0:14:00- Isn't that fun? - They're the best things.
0:14:01 > 0:14:05Oh, dear, you may have pointed it in the wrong direction.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08- I'm literally the happiest man in the world.- Brilliant.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10Hey! That was a beauty.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13But he invented this out of, he was a suspension designer, wasn't he?
0:14:13 > 0:14:15He was a naval officer, his name is Richard James.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17And it was in 194...
0:14:24 > 0:14:27It's called the Alan Effect.
0:14:27 > 0:14:32No! You don't do it like that.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35You lift the top.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Somebody go and get him a Raleigh trike.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41How can you not work a Slinky?!
0:14:41 > 0:14:42How can you not do that?
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Yeah!
0:14:44 > 0:14:46APPLAUSE
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Can you imagine giving this to a child now and going,
0:14:52 > 0:14:56"That's it, that's your gift. Have a toy, happy Christmas."
0:14:56 > 0:14:58JASON: Whatever you do, don't attach it to your electric jockstrap.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02- No, absolutely.- Didn't he invent it by accident?- Yes.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04He was making coiled springs and he invented...
0:15:04 > 0:15:06He was an American naval officer and he literally knocked over
0:15:06 > 0:15:09a spring, and it went for a walk, and he thought,
0:15:09 > 0:15:12"Oh, that's interesting." And so he developed and he experimented
0:15:12 > 0:15:15- and he came up with the Slinky. And more than...- Look, to be fair,
0:15:15 > 0:15:18- it was his wife who thought it would make a good toy.- Yes, it's true.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21Let us remember that sometimes women get overlooked in these things.
0:15:21 > 0:15:25More than 300 million were sold, which is an incredible number.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27All to me, because I kept breaking them.
0:15:27 > 0:15:31Yeah, I know, because they tangle up. Now if you'll put them away...
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Do you mind if I keep the stairs?
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Because there's a few shelves in the kitchen that I still can't reach.
0:15:36 > 0:15:37You're very welcome.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43But what we do have is a very extraordinary effect that happens
0:15:43 > 0:15:47if you drop a Slinky, which is that when you let go of it,
0:15:47 > 0:15:49the bottom does not move.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Watch the film and you'll see what I mean.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54It's actually really astonishing.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56It's a very peculiar effect.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59Watch the bottom of the Slinky, as it actually happens,
0:15:59 > 0:16:01in very high speed camera.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05- The bottom is completely still. Isn't that amazing?- Oh, wow.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07- Wow!- That is a really bizarre effect.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10And they can't really explain quite why that happens.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Oh, I bet James May could.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14LAUGHTER
0:16:14 > 0:16:16APPLAUSE
0:16:18 > 0:16:22"No, no, you see, the thing is..." Oh, God!
0:16:22 > 0:16:23Is there a use for this discovery?
0:16:23 > 0:16:26Maybe Jason's idea of crossing it with
0:16:26 > 0:16:28the Heidelberg electric jockstrap
0:16:28 > 0:16:31may result in a really quite remarkable experience.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34- You'll see me on the next series of Dragons' Den.- Yeah.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37"I have jettisoned wantonly, but it hasn't hit the floor."
0:16:40 > 0:16:43It is a great phrase, wantonly to jettison, isn't it?
0:16:43 > 0:16:45It really is marvellous. Anyway.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Now, we've got more toys to play with, so put the Slinky away.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50I'm going to ask you, basically this simple question,
0:16:50 > 0:16:54- why are jerries better than flimsies?- Jerry?
0:16:54 > 0:16:57- When we say a jerry, there are jerries, jerry...?- Jerry cans.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Jerry cans. Jerry cans.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02- And what were jerry cans? - Well, it's for petrol.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04- It's a thing that was used in the war, wasn't it?- By whom?
0:17:04 > 0:17:06Well, presumably by the Germans.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09That's... We eventually used them, but firstly by the Germans.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12And we had something else called the flimsy.
0:17:12 > 0:17:16And unfortunately, the flimsy was absolutely cack.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18But didn't the name give it away?
0:17:18 > 0:17:20We only won the war by nicking all their ideas.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23Yeah. On the left is a jerry can.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25And there on the right is a flimsy.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28And General Auchinleck, who was the predecessor of Montgomery
0:17:28 > 0:17:32in the Eighth Army, actually said this about the flimsy. He said,
0:17:32 > 0:17:35"The flimsy is an ill-constructed container for carrying fuel,"
0:17:35 > 0:17:38he said, "leaked 30% of its fuel between base
0:17:38 > 0:17:41"and consumer, with huge consequences in lost lives,
0:17:41 > 0:17:42"battles and shipping."
0:17:42 > 0:17:44So British soldiers basically spent their life
0:17:44 > 0:17:46trying to steal the jerry can.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49To the extent the Germans started booby-trapping them,
0:17:49 > 0:17:51cos they knew that the British wanted to steal them,
0:17:51 > 0:17:53cos they were the most desirable object, the jerry can.
0:17:53 > 0:17:54I have two of them for you.
0:17:54 > 0:17:58They are absolutely astonishing, incredible inventions.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01Basically they're a single weld, like this.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03They have this fabulous cap, they have an inner lining,
0:18:03 > 0:18:06which means they can carry water or petrol.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09This thing opens and what's called a donkey dick comes out.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12- It was nicknamed the donkey dick. But rather cleverly...- So similar.
0:18:12 > 0:18:16It's been a hell of a show for me, I tell you.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18But even, I mean they have this little indentation here.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21- What do you think that does? - Strength.- It strengthens it,
0:18:21 > 0:18:24- but also in heat, it...- It allows it to expand.- It allows it to expand.
0:18:24 > 0:18:29And the handles are absolute genius, because if you have two empty ones,
0:18:29 > 0:18:33you can hold them together using the handles.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36- One here... I'm going to stand up like so...- Standing.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38So you simply hold them like that, using that, but also,
0:18:38 > 0:18:41when you're holding it, you hand it to someone else, there's a handle.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44- You simply take it, like that. - Oh, I see.- And they are...
0:18:44 > 0:18:47Getting the donkey's dick out now, sir.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51You won't be able to, it's really, really stiff.
0:18:51 > 0:18:52APPLAUSE
0:18:52 > 0:18:54God!
0:18:54 > 0:18:57It's amazing! It's a real talent.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59- I'm so sorry. How do I do it? - I don't know how you do it.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01- It's amazing.- I love it.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04But that is genuinely one of the most brilliant designs ever made.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07- It's never been improved.- But they still lost.- They still did lose.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09One of the reasons they lost is that by the end of the war,
0:19:09 > 0:19:13we produced 21 million of the jerry cans, and I will quote
0:19:13 > 0:19:16President Roosevelt, who said, "Without these cans, it would
0:19:16 > 0:19:21"have been impossible for our armies to cut their way across France
0:19:21 > 0:19:25"at a lightning pace which exceeded even the German blitzkrieg of 1940."
0:19:25 > 0:19:29So basically we won the war by stealing the Germans' jerry can,
0:19:29 > 0:19:32because the movement of vehicles
0:19:32 > 0:19:34and therefore of petrol, is absolutely essential in war.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37- So is that where the word, so the word flimsy has come from that?- No.
0:19:37 > 0:19:38- No. Flimsy existed as a word.- OK.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41They were called flimsies because they were just so shite.
0:19:41 > 0:19:42Oh, I see, right.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45They were just square metal boxes that rotted and leaked
0:19:45 > 0:19:46- and were useless.- OK.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49And these designs were, I mean almost every aspect of them...
0:19:49 > 0:19:53and not only that, they floated, which the British ones didn't do.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55So the Germans could drop them at sea or in rivers,
0:19:55 > 0:19:57I mean, they were kind of the iPod of the day,
0:19:57 > 0:20:00they were just the most perfect design imaginable.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03On the other hand, what's the least promising invention in history?
0:20:03 > 0:20:06Something that people thought wasn't going to be a success?
0:20:06 > 0:20:09Yeah, least welcomed and then turned out to be most successful.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11It wasn't the energy-saving light bulb?
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Because that's one, that's an invention that for me...
0:20:13 > 0:20:15- Yeah, but that's been forced upon us, hasn't it?- Yes.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17And it's the worst invention.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20- "I need this room to be light in about an hour."- Yeah.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23I leave them on 24 hours a day so that I can read a book
0:20:23 > 0:20:24when I go to bed at night.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27This was invented by a man called Sylvan Goldberg,
0:20:27 > 0:20:29but you wouldn't think of it as an invention
0:20:29 > 0:20:31and yet I suppose it is, and it's the shopping trolley.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34And men thought it was effeminate to walk around a shop
0:20:34 > 0:20:36pushing a trolley, and women thought it was an insult
0:20:36 > 0:20:38to their ability to carry a basket.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41"Perfectly capable of carrying baskets, I don't need you to do it."
0:20:41 > 0:20:43So he invented it in 1938, and for two years
0:20:43 > 0:20:47he paid people basically just to wander round supermarkets.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50Or the early shops wheeling them, so people got used to the sight of it.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53- And then he died in 1984.- Did he pay them to wear those clothes?
0:20:53 > 0:20:56Someone must have paid her to wear that outfit, I would have thought.
0:20:56 > 0:21:00Sylvan Goldberg died in 1984 worth 400 million.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02- That's a lot of pound coins. - So, he kept the... Yes.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06- Very good.- It's a lot of clogged canals, is what it is.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09It's a lot of clogged canals as well, yes. So it did work.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11Another example was bubble gum,
0:21:11 > 0:21:14which was invented by a man called Frank Fleer in 1906.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16He called it "Blibber-Blubber."
0:21:16 > 0:21:19But unfortunately, his particular recipe meant that once
0:21:19 > 0:21:23the bubble had burst, you had to use turpentine to get it off.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26- Which is in itself toxic anyway. - JASON: That's brilliant.
0:21:26 > 0:21:30So if you've ever got any form of gum, particularly nicotine gum...
0:21:30 > 0:21:33- In your hair?- No, on the screen of an iPhone.- Oh, no. Is that...?
0:21:33 > 0:21:36That's what I want an invention for, I've just decided.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38If you get the gum on the front of an iPhone,
0:21:38 > 0:21:40there is no way of removing it. Hammer, chisel.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42There must be an app.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47APPLAUSE
0:21:47 > 0:21:51- The nicotine gum removal app. - Very good. Very good.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54And I think Sandi will approve of this as well,
0:21:54 > 0:21:56we ought to hear it for Mary Anderson. 1903.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58- Ah, Mary Anderson.- Do you know about Mary Anderson?- I do.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01- Tell me about her.- She invented the windscreen wiper.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03You're absolutely, you are a fountain of...
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Well, what I love about that is that it had to be a woman who
0:22:05 > 0:22:07invented the windscreen wiper, because up until then
0:22:07 > 0:22:11men had been going, "Don't be silly, dear, I can see perfectly well."
0:22:11 > 0:22:13So, of course it was a woman who invented it.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Unfortunately, yes, she noticed tram drivers,
0:22:15 > 0:22:18street car drivers, having to stop and move snow away
0:22:18 > 0:22:20and she invented it in 1903,
0:22:20 > 0:22:22and really there just weren't enough cars.
0:22:22 > 0:22:26And by the time it was useful, her patent had elapsed,
0:22:26 > 0:22:28- so she made not a cent from it.- Oh.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31It's the same as Dorothy Levitt, who invented the rear view mirror.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34So women enabled you to see where you were going and where you'd been.
0:22:34 > 0:22:38Oh, they did it to do their lipstick, come on.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41Dorothy Levitt recommended that you take your compact mirror
0:22:41 > 0:22:43and place it on the dash so that you could see behind you
0:22:43 > 0:22:46and she was the person who invented the rear view mirror.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48But again, she didn't make any money out of it,
0:22:48 > 0:22:50because there was no patent available for it.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53- I'm very impressed you knew about Mary Anderson.- Thank you very much.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55And we should indeed pay due courtesy to her.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58Anyway, what about the dry-ear ear dryer?
0:22:58 > 0:23:01It's a machine to dry your ears. OK.
0:23:01 > 0:23:05"Drying your ears has never been simpler or more effective,
0:23:05 > 0:23:08"the device blows hot air into your ear."
0:23:08 > 0:23:13Although the instructions advise you to dry your ears first with a towel.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18- Is this contemporary, this is modern?- Yes, it's a real invention.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20- All you need is a tube, don't you? - But it's modern?- Modern, yeah.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23- You just need a tube.- Yeah. Or a hairdryer would do the job.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25You don't even need that, Stephen, you just need a tube.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28- But most people have hairdryers. - Yeah, but a tube, just a tube!
0:23:28 > 0:23:30A tube would do it. I know, you're right.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Anyway, here's a marvellous question,
0:23:32 > 0:23:36what was wrong with the first sound recording device?
0:23:36 > 0:23:38- Didn't work?- Didn't have any speakers?
0:23:38 > 0:23:41Well, it was that it recorded sound perfectly well...
0:23:41 > 0:23:43- But you couldn't play it back. - Yes.- Play it back.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45You couldn't play it back. A man called Martinville,
0:23:45 > 0:23:46he was a Frenchman,
0:23:46 > 0:23:49he used burnt soot and it registered sound waves on it.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51But they sort of scratched it out, didn't they?
0:23:51 > 0:23:54But recently it was reverse engineered and engineers
0:23:54 > 0:23:58managed to get the sound back of him singing Au Clair de la Lune.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01Is that the thing they played on Radio 4 and Charlotte Green
0:24:01 > 0:24:04- cried with laughter, was it?- Would you like to hear that moment?
0:24:04 > 0:24:06It was one of my favourite moments of all time.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Unfortunately, she had to announce the death of Abby Mann
0:24:08 > 0:24:10and she couldn't help corpsing, bless her.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13So listen to this, because you'll hear the oldest-ever sound recording
0:24:13 > 0:24:16plus the unfortunate event that followed.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19Charlotte Green: 'American historians have discovered what they think
0:24:19 > 0:24:22'is the earliest recording of the human voice, made on a device
0:24:22 > 0:24:26'which scratched sound waves onto paper blackened by smoke.
0:24:26 > 0:24:31'It was made in 1860, 17 years before Thomas Edison first demonstrated
0:24:31 > 0:24:35'the gramophone, and featured an excerpt from a French song,
0:24:35 > 0:24:37'Au Clair de la Lune.'
0:24:37 > 0:24:40DISTORTED WARBLING
0:24:42 > 0:24:47WARBLING CONTINUES
0:24:47 > 0:24:50SUPPRESSING LAUGHTER: 'The...the award-winning screenwriter,
0:24:50 > 0:24:53- 'Abby Mann, has died at the age of 80.'- Oh, no.
0:24:53 > 0:24:57'He won an Academy award in 1961 for Judgment at Nuremberg.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00'Excuse me, sorry.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03'Abby Mann also won several Emmys, including...'
0:25:03 > 0:25:08SUPPRESSING LAUGHTER: 'Including one in 1973 for...
0:25:08 > 0:25:10'For a film which featured a...'
0:25:13 > 0:25:15SUPPRESSING LAUGHTER: 'A police detective called...'
0:25:15 > 0:25:17SHE LAUGHS UNCONTROLLABLY
0:25:17 > 0:25:20'The character, on whom a long-running TV series
0:25:20 > 0:25:22'was eventually based.'
0:25:23 > 0:25:25Charlotte Green's great contribution.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28There's somebody in the corner of the room going...
0:25:28 > 0:25:29HE WARBLES
0:25:29 > 0:25:33"We haven't got it, we're going to have to go with the item anyway.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35"I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it, I know what it sounds like."
0:25:35 > 0:25:38HE WARBLES
0:25:38 > 0:25:41"They'll never know, they'll never know. Don't laugh."
0:25:41 > 0:25:43HE WARBLES
0:25:44 > 0:25:48- So this one you could record into it, but then nobody could hear it?- Yes.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51Could you not just get that for Jedward, like for their next album?
0:25:53 > 0:25:56- They have a lovely day out, that's fine.- Everything would be perfect.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59- Nobody has to suffer.- You're right. You're absolutely right.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01OK, so now we're going to go for a jolly jape,
0:26:01 > 0:26:05and I have an extraordinary pendulum swing that my friends here
0:26:05 > 0:26:08are going to bring on and I'm going to show you a remarkable action.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13It's handmade by our chief science elf, Will Bowen,
0:26:13 > 0:26:16who's a bit of a genius, and it's an effect that was first noted
0:26:16 > 0:26:19by Galileo, that's how old it is. But you don't see many of these
0:26:19 > 0:26:21and I think it would make a great executive toy.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23So I'm going to lay this down here,
0:26:23 > 0:26:25and push it and let go.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27And it will start to go in this rather beautiful...
0:26:27 > 0:26:29- Look at that, isn't that lovely? - Oh, wow.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32But, it's better than that, because then it starts to get a bit,
0:26:32 > 0:26:34get a bit ordinary.
0:26:34 > 0:26:38And then it starts to move into a different sort of rhythm
0:26:38 > 0:26:42and then they start to get in step, like that.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45Ooh, look at that, they're starting to move together again.
0:26:45 > 0:26:49But then something really amazing happens as well,
0:26:49 > 0:26:51which is they go back into their wave formation,
0:26:51 > 0:26:52which is about to happen.
0:26:52 > 0:26:56It's a whole long process, but it's utterly predictable
0:26:56 > 0:26:59and it follows very specific laws of physics.
0:26:59 > 0:27:04And here it goes back into its waves again.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Look at that.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09I think that's pretty amazing, isn't it?
0:27:09 > 0:27:11APPLAUSE
0:27:14 > 0:27:16And it will carry on doing that, and as you can see,
0:27:16 > 0:27:18it will carry on going through those cycles behind us,
0:27:18 > 0:27:21and it's a principle, as I say, that Galileo worked out.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24The central bob makes 60 swings in a minute.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27The one to its left does 59 in 60 seconds, and so on.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30And it means after one minute they're back to where they started.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32It doesn't matter how far you push a pendulum,
0:27:32 > 0:27:34it still takes the same amount of time
0:27:34 > 0:27:36to swing from one side to the other.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38And it's using that that makes it go in and out of sync
0:27:38 > 0:27:41in these different ways. There it is. It's the Galileo Pendulum
0:27:41 > 0:27:44and wouldn't it make a great executive toy?
0:27:44 > 0:27:46Well, that's all the inventions we've got time for this week,
0:27:46 > 0:27:48except of course for the scores.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50And believe me, these are not invented,
0:27:50 > 0:27:53much as though people may believe it, the scores are rigorously
0:27:53 > 0:27:54and scientifically worked out.
0:27:54 > 0:27:57And in first place, with an extraordinary plus 13
0:27:57 > 0:27:59is Sandi Toksvig.
0:27:59 > 0:28:01Wow!
0:28:01 > 0:28:02APPLAUSE
0:28:04 > 0:28:08And only ten points behind in second place with plus three,
0:28:08 > 0:28:11- Jeremy Clarkson.- A plus!
0:28:11 > 0:28:12APPLAUSE
0:28:12 > 0:28:13Why am I clapping?
0:28:15 > 0:28:20And very impressive from Jason Manford, with plus two! Wow!
0:28:20 > 0:28:21I don't know how I got that.
0:28:21 > 0:28:22APPLAUSE
0:28:25 > 0:28:29And I'm afraid the smallest swing of the pendulum, minus eight,
0:28:29 > 0:28:31Alan Davies.
0:28:31 > 0:28:33APPLAUSE
0:28:39 > 0:28:44And that's all from Jason, Jeremy, Sandi, Alan and me.
0:28:44 > 0:28:48Thank you, be extremely kind to each other for ever and good night.
0:28:52 > 0:28:55Subtitles By Red Bee Media Ltd