0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains some strong language
0:00:30 > 0:00:31Hello.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33APPLAUSE
0:00:33 > 0:00:36Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening.
0:00:36 > 0:00:40Welcome to QI, where we are having a veritable chimp's tea party
0:00:40 > 0:00:43with jam, jelly and juice.
0:00:43 > 0:00:48Joining me for my midnight feast, we have the jam-smothered Jo Brand...
0:00:48 > 0:00:51APPLAUSE
0:00:52 > 0:00:56..the jelly-slathered Liza Tarbuck...
0:00:56 > 0:00:58APPLAUSE
0:01:02 > 0:01:04..the juice-bedribbled Sue Perkins...
0:01:10 > 0:01:13..and - don't do that on the floor, please - Alan Davies.
0:01:13 > 0:01:17APPLAUSE
0:01:21 > 0:01:22Well, it's a midnight feast,
0:01:22 > 0:01:25and just in case anyone sees Matron coming,
0:01:25 > 0:01:27I've equipped my pals with buzzers. Jo goes...
0:01:27 > 0:01:30HIGH-PITCHED PARTY HORN BLARES
0:01:30 > 0:01:33- ..Liza goes... - LOWER-PITCHED PARTY HORN BLARES
0:01:33 > 0:01:35- ..Sue goes... - RAUCOUS PARTY HORN BLARES
0:01:35 > 0:01:36..and Alan goes...
0:01:36 > 0:01:39# It's my party and I'll cry if I want to... #
0:01:39 > 0:01:40Party time!
0:01:40 > 0:01:46# You would cry too if it happened to you... #
0:01:46 > 0:01:51And what begins with J and appears to be alive?
0:01:51 > 0:01:52HIGH-PITCHED PARTY HORN BLARES
0:01:52 > 0:01:55Is it me?
0:01:55 > 0:01:59You begin with J, and are most magnificently, radiantly alive.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01He's on the turn.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03- LOWER-PITCHED PARTY HORN BLARES - Liza.- James Blunt.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06- Closer, I grant you. - RAUCOUS PARTY HORN BLARES
0:02:06 > 0:02:09- Yeah?- Jeremy Clarkson.- Oh!
0:02:09 > 0:02:13SIREN ALARM
0:02:17 > 0:02:23This is something that appears to be alive and quite obviously isn't.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26Jedward, then. I'm revising my statement.
0:02:26 > 0:02:30SIREN ALARM
0:02:33 > 0:02:37Oh, Sue, so much work to do!
0:02:38 > 0:02:42Yes, in order to find out if the brain is working, there's a machine that is used by doctors,
0:02:42 > 0:02:45an electroencephalograph.
0:02:45 > 0:02:50You can tell if a brain is alive by attaching it. And there is something that quite manifestly
0:02:50 > 0:02:54isn't alive, but if you attach that same machine to it,
0:02:54 > 0:02:56will give off the same signals as a brain.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Is it jelly?
0:02:58 > 0:03:00- Yes.- Fucking hell!
0:03:01 > 0:03:06LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:06 > 0:03:11I can't quite believe how intelligent I am sometimes.
0:03:11 > 0:03:12- I know...- How did I get that?
0:03:12 > 0:03:13It was wonderful.
0:03:13 > 0:03:17You're a genius. Is it any type of jelly, or is it...?
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Sort of large jelly in a mould on which you could fit the electrodes of an EEG.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26- That kind of jelly, right. - From its EEG results alone,
0:03:26 > 0:03:28it would not qualify as sufficiently dead
0:03:28 > 0:03:30to have its life support removed.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32That's the point. I know that seems insane.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35All the other jellies sitting round the bedside weeping!
0:03:35 > 0:03:37- Yes! - LAUGHTER
0:03:37 > 0:03:41"He's still alive, he's still alive! You can't turn it off!"
0:03:41 > 0:03:44Comforting one another. There's one outside having a fag...
0:03:44 > 0:03:47"One wobble for yes, two wobbles for no!"
0:03:48 > 0:03:52Neurologist Edwin Upton examined the electroencephalography
0:03:52 > 0:03:54of gelatine desserts, as he put it,
0:03:54 > 0:03:56to make a serious point about brain death.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Because what happens is,
0:03:58 > 0:04:02the jelly picks up extraneous electrical signals in the room
0:04:02 > 0:04:05from sources like respirators, IV drips, even ringing telephones.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07The implication is that a brain
0:04:07 > 0:04:11apparently generating similar signals may in fact be quite dead.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14On the other hand, it may well be quite alive.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17It isn't enough to use an EEG to tell whether someone's alive.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20- A jelly is always wobbling just a little bit.- It's always wobbling a little bit.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22But it is rather extraordinary,
0:04:22 > 0:04:25an amazing thought - at least, I think it is.
0:04:25 > 0:04:26Lovely thought.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30It doesn't mean EEGs are useless, they just have to be considered with other things
0:04:30 > 0:04:33to suggest whether or not someone is conscious or alive.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Is that an excitable jelly that's suddenly flatlined?
0:04:37 > 0:04:39That's probably enough jelly for the moment.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40There may be more, you never know.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43Jelly's made from boiled-up pigskin.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Name as many uses for a pig as you can.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49- Erm...- Bacon. - HIGH-PITCHED PARTY HORN BLARES
0:04:49 > 0:04:51- Bacon is one.- Truffle snuffling.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54SUE: Medicine stuff? Medicine cases for tablets?
0:04:54 > 0:04:55LIZA: Oh, for women in pregnancy.
0:04:55 > 0:04:59Doesn't it bring on...? For inducing pregnancy.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02- It's pig's hormones.- It does if one runs through your front room.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08"Ah!" Pft!
0:05:09 > 0:05:14- Absolutely staggering, what you can get out of a pig. - Yoghurt.- Yes! I have a list.
0:05:14 > 0:05:19Christien Meindertsma wrote a book called Pig 05049,
0:05:19 > 0:05:21which was an anonymous pig,
0:05:21 > 0:05:24and beyond the obvious foodstuffs,
0:05:24 > 0:05:27she found the different parts of this animal offered the following pork derivatives.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31From the skin alone, safety gloves, cosmetic surgery.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33- Collagen comes from pig skin.- Oh.
0:05:33 > 0:05:37Energy bars, which also have collagen in, low-fat butter,
0:05:37 > 0:05:39chewing gum, X-ray film,
0:05:39 > 0:05:42drug capsules, bread-flour improver, made from pig hair,
0:05:42 > 0:05:44would you believe?
0:05:44 > 0:05:48- Wow.- The skin is also used for tattoo practise.
0:05:48 > 0:05:49And ballistic gelatine.
0:05:49 > 0:05:54That's just the skin. Then there's the internal organs. Pet food...
0:05:54 > 0:05:57Tambourine skins are made from a pig's bladder.
0:05:57 > 0:05:58For the old tambourine.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00I knew those folkies were evil.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06There are many thousands of people who are alive because of a pig's valve from their heart.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09From the bones, cheap wine corks, would you believe?
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Stabilising propellant in bullet-making,
0:06:12 > 0:06:14inkjet paper, concrete,
0:06:14 > 0:06:18match heads, bone china, train brakes, yoghurt,
0:06:18 > 0:06:21- which you correctly mentioned. - What's a train brake? - It's for stopping a train.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24- Like where you go to Scotland for the weekend?- For stopping it.
0:06:24 > 0:06:28Just a trotter out. He just leans forward.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Fabric softener. Who knew? Beer,
0:06:30 > 0:06:32wine, ice-cream.
0:06:32 > 0:06:36From the fat, biodiesels, soap, shampoos, crayons.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39From the blood, cigarette filters, amazingly,
0:06:39 > 0:06:41toothpaste and paintbrushes.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Chemical-weapons testing - the ears are used
0:06:44 > 0:06:46in chemical-weapons testing. Don't ask me why.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52I should hasten to add that not all toothpaste and not all yoghurt contain it.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56But if you are a Muslim or Jewish, you've got a problem discovering what's got pig in it.
0:06:56 > 0:07:00- Have your work cut out. - You have your work cut out, like a silhouettist.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04According to Bloomberg, there are 42 major areas of manufacturing
0:07:04 > 0:07:06that entirely rely on pork products.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10It's quite astonishing what one animal can do.
0:07:10 > 0:07:14It's the only farmyard animal, if you discount truffle hunting,
0:07:14 > 0:07:16it is only useful when dead.
0:07:16 > 0:07:21Oh, you say that, you've never gambled with a pig, come on!
0:07:21 > 0:07:24They're terrible gamblers. Poker, blackjack...
0:07:24 > 0:07:27But obviously, ducks and geese and hens lay eggs
0:07:27 > 0:07:30and goats and cows give milk and sheep give...
0:07:30 > 0:07:33- Companionship. Love.- I know they do offer those, it is true.
0:07:33 > 0:07:37My brother's got a pig, and that's very true of that one.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39They are very endearing animals.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43Tell her to be careful, though, because I knew a farmer that had a heart attack
0:07:43 > 0:07:45while he was feeding his pigs, and they ate him.
0:07:45 > 0:07:46Oh, yes, well, I'm afraid...
0:07:46 > 0:07:49You don't want to get into a pen with one
0:07:49 > 0:07:50that's approaching sexual maturity,
0:07:50 > 0:07:52as I know to my cost.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55- Really?- Yes. It's basically like... - How are the piglets?!
0:07:59 > 0:08:01They've got names, Alan! It's like...
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Porky and Perkins!
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Pinky and Perkins!
0:08:12 > 0:08:14It's scary, it's like a pork piano,
0:08:14 > 0:08:17because they breed pigs very long now, cos everyone likes chops.
0:08:17 > 0:08:18So you get incredibly long pigs.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20With a huge row of udders you can see on the sow, can't you?
0:08:20 > 0:08:23And it just runs at you in a sort of matey way.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26- This was obviously the boar, the male.- Yes, she wasn't interested.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Although I was trying to catch her eye.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30A lovely thought. Anyway, there you are.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32From jelly to juice.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35I've got jumbo wrists and I'm covered in tit juice.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37What have I been up to?
0:08:37 > 0:08:40HIGH-PITCHED PARTY HORN BLARES
0:08:41 > 0:08:43You've changed!
0:08:43 > 0:08:46Is it a night out with Tarbuck and Perkins?
0:08:46 > 0:08:49Jumbo wrists and covered in tit juice.
0:08:49 > 0:08:53Sounds like a milk maid to me.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Do you mean tit juice as in bosoms or as in a bird?
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Nor, indeed, neither.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00It's an occupational hazard.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03- Fishing?- Fishing. It's a fisherman's occupational hazard.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05- There is a fishing boat. - There's Lara covered in tit juice.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08- Yeah.- Awash with it. Yeah.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10You get jumbo wrist simply from
0:09:10 > 0:09:12repetitive strain injury from gutting the fish.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15But tit juice conjunctivitis, to give its proper name, is
0:09:15 > 0:09:19the acute swelling of the eyes caused by the juice of tits -
0:09:19 > 0:09:21which are sometimes called duffs,
0:09:21 > 0:09:23but tits is the most common name -
0:09:23 > 0:09:26which are described in the Ship Captain's Medical Guide as
0:09:26 > 0:09:31marine growths that look like suet dumplings with finger-like growths
0:09:31 > 0:09:32protruding from them.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35When they get caught in fishing nets, they explode,
0:09:35 > 0:09:38releasing millions of tiny silicon needles,
0:09:38 > 0:09:40which go into the fisherman's eyes.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43- Oh, God.- So that's what causes the swelling.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Is this the sort of stuff just generally in lakes and oceans?
0:09:46 > 0:09:50Well, if you work every day amongst fish,
0:09:50 > 0:09:53there's all kinds of stuff on there aside from the fish you're trying to catch.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57For example, there's a thing called Dogger Bank itch.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59I'm guilty as charged!
0:10:01 > 0:10:03- You do, don't you? - You got Dogger Bank there!
0:10:03 > 0:10:05All I said was...!
0:10:05 > 0:10:07You can also get haddock rash.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09- Haddock rash? - Why are you looking at me?
0:10:13 > 0:10:16That's an inflammation between fingers from gutting wet fish.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19I do often take a fish to bed with me, then I can say to my husband,
0:10:19 > 0:10:22"Not tonight, dear, I've got a HADDOCK."
0:10:24 > 0:10:25APPLAUSE
0:10:25 > 0:10:28That's very good.
0:10:28 > 0:10:32It does sound like when you've just given birth as well,
0:10:32 > 0:10:35with all those fittings, you do have swollen bits.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Oh, yes, a lot women, when they give birth, can't take
0:10:39 > 0:10:42their wedding ring off ever again, can they?
0:10:42 > 0:10:44No, and they're pissed off about it.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48APPLAUSE
0:10:51 > 0:10:55Tit juice conjunctivitis, jumbo wrist and Dogger Bank itch are
0:10:55 > 0:10:57occupational hazards of fishermen.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Now, describe Marie-Antoinette's breast cups.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05Oh, yes, I know the answer to this, cos I've seen one.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Not her bosoms, but...
0:11:08 > 0:11:13They modelled various plates and cups and things
0:11:13 > 0:11:15on breasts, on boobs.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18I hate the word breasts. Let's just say jugs. Tits.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20- I like titties.- Norks. Do you?
0:11:20 > 0:11:25You heard it here first! LIZA: Will you say that again?
0:11:25 > 0:11:26No, as a word, titties.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28"I like titties"!
0:11:28 > 0:11:31- It's official!- It is!
0:11:31 > 0:11:32# In the morning... #
0:11:34 > 0:11:36# A lovely bunch of titties! #
0:11:36 > 0:11:40I'm rather old-fashioned. Titties. I like titties.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43- One of them had a little nipple, as well.- Absolutely right.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46It was during that phase she had, which was started by Madame de Pompadour,
0:11:46 > 0:11:48which was pretending to be a peasant.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51She lived in the most sophisticated, glittering palace in the world,
0:11:51 > 0:11:53in Versailles,
0:11:53 > 0:11:55but she liked to pretend to be a milkmaid.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58She had gold churns hanging off her and things like that.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01- This was considered to be incredibly...- That's a massive cow!
0:12:01 > 0:12:05- Look at the size of it!- Or a very small little girl, one or the other.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09Anyway, the great porcelain works of Sevres, in France,
0:12:09 > 0:12:14made for her at the command of King Louis XVI,
0:12:14 > 0:12:18these extraordinary cups, which were like breasts - there you can see the nipple -
0:12:18 > 0:12:20out of which she would drink milk.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22- That's the kind you're talking about.- Yeah.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26They're on display in Petit Trianon, which was her little farmyard,
0:12:26 > 0:12:28her play farmyard,
0:12:28 > 0:12:31and you can buy replicas if you wish to have one in your own house.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33- I'm sure...- I do.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37- I want two!- You know where to go.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40- I want the pair!- You should have a pair, to be honest.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43- A matching pair, ideally.- No-one wants to drink out of a lone boob.
0:12:45 > 0:12:50There is a bra makers who say they can tell what size you are
0:12:50 > 0:12:52just by looking at you.
0:12:52 > 0:12:56Which I think is quite impressive, so I had to go along and find out.
0:12:56 > 0:13:00And they usher you into a room and get you to take everything off. This woman looked at me and went,
0:13:00 > 0:13:03"Hmm, not quite as bad as I'd expected."
0:13:03 > 0:13:05Bloody cheek!
0:13:05 > 0:13:07- What a nerve!- I know.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10I had the same thing, you know, you go down and you have to
0:13:10 > 0:13:13gurge yourself up for these things, you're showing your...
0:13:13 > 0:13:15titties off...
0:13:15 > 0:13:18And this woman's just come in, with three people that she's training,
0:13:18 > 0:13:20gone like that with the curtain, looked at me and went,
0:13:20 > 0:13:22"Can't help you," and shut it again.
0:13:24 > 0:13:25I was like that...
0:13:25 > 0:13:28- Shocking.- Yeah, really was shocking.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30"I'll make you a bra, but I can't help you."
0:13:32 > 0:13:35We don't get this problem from our underpanters, do we?
0:13:35 > 0:13:36We certainly do not.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Mr Klein will hand over his pants to you
0:13:40 > 0:13:42without any opprobrious comments.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44How extraordinary.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47- The things you girls go through. - Poor us!
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Brr! It's been...
0:13:52 > 0:13:54There are those titties again!
0:13:54 > 0:13:56APPLAUSE
0:13:59 > 0:14:01LIZA: "Brr!"
0:14:04 > 0:14:07Tonight's the night you turn!
0:14:07 > 0:14:09What's the other myth about Marie Antoinette's breasts
0:14:09 > 0:14:11that has persisted to this day?
0:14:11 > 0:14:13To do with another drink.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15- They lived on after her death. - No!- Champagne?
0:14:15 > 0:14:19Champagne comes in either a flute or tulip glass or in a...?
0:14:20 > 0:14:22- In a nipple, kind of... - A coupe, it's called a coupe.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26And there was this idea that the coupe was based on
0:14:26 > 0:14:29the size and shape of Marie Antoinette's breasts.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33But the standard coupe, it appears, would make her a 36B,
0:14:33 > 0:14:36and paintings show she was likely to be a little bigger than that.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39- I love it that someone's done that research!- Yes.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42You know those fantastic massive china cooking bowls
0:14:42 > 0:14:44that have a lip on the edge of them?
0:14:44 > 0:14:45Oh, yes.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48They're based on my titties.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51- Are they?! - You know an ironing board?
0:14:51 > 0:14:53- They're based on mine.- Oh, stop it!
0:14:53 > 0:14:55No, no, no, no.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57I'm saying nothing!
0:14:57 > 0:14:59You've all got lovely, lovely...
0:14:59 > 0:15:00I've seen St Paul's!
0:15:04 > 0:15:05APPLAUSE
0:15:09 > 0:15:13Wouldn't it be dull if every street had exactly the same frontage everywhere?
0:15:13 > 0:15:16It would be dull if all girls had the same the same frontage.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18You've all got lovely frontages.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21Now, some milk. Milk and the fad for dairy was
0:15:21 > 0:15:23very popular amongst French nobles,
0:15:23 > 0:15:26right up until the point when the guillotine cured
0:15:26 > 0:15:28all their problems permanently.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31So, what's the smallest thing that you can milk?
0:15:31 > 0:15:35It's got to be a mammal, hasn't it? Cos only mammals produce milk.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38- That's not strictly true.- Uh-oh!
0:15:38 > 0:15:40- An insect?- It's an insect, yes.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42- Cockroach?- It ruins the lives of thousands.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44- Mosquito?- Not quite as bad as a mosquito,
0:15:44 > 0:15:46- which ruins the lives of millions. - Tsetse fly.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Tsetse fly is the right answer.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50The tsetse fly is unique.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52They're very ugly and unpleasant,
0:15:52 > 0:15:55and if you've been bitten by one, it's horrible.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58- It's disgustingly painful. - Have you been bitten by one? - Yes, very painful.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01In Kenya somewhere. Really, really unpleasant.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Fortunately, I did not get sleeping sickness,
0:16:04 > 0:16:07which kills about 48,000 people a year.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09But this is unique.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12The female fly keeps her eggs and larvae inside her uterus,
0:16:12 > 0:16:15where she makes a liquid rich in fats
0:16:15 > 0:16:17called intrauterine milk.
0:16:17 > 0:16:21She eventually gives birth to one larva at a time,
0:16:21 > 0:16:23so it's genuinely suckled by its mother.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25So, it's sucking from, like, a milk sack?
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Yes, this intrauterine milk.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Extraordinary, isn't it?
0:16:29 > 0:16:32But otherwise, it's a vicious creature and much unwanted.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36They're also host to a symbiotic bacterium called Wigglesworthia,
0:16:36 > 0:16:41named after, someone called, of course, Jones. No!
0:16:41 > 0:16:42No, Wigglesworth.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45He was an expert on kissing bugs,
0:16:45 > 0:16:48which are blood-sucking insects that kiss you around the mouth and lips, very unpleasant.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51- I've had a few of them.- Ha, yes!
0:16:51 > 0:16:53They bite humans on the face and lips,
0:16:53 > 0:16:55and as they feed, they also defecate, annoyingly.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58And as they defecate, the parasite inside their faeces causes...
0:16:58 > 0:17:00I've been out with blokes like that.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02I don't know why you're looking at me!
0:17:02 > 0:17:03Not you!
0:17:03 > 0:17:07Causes something called Chagas disease, which is extremely unpleasant.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09- Cheggers?- Not Cheggers, no!
0:17:09 > 0:17:11It makes you strip off.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13It makes you take your clothes off on Channel 5.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15No, it's Chagas, not Cheggers.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17But the Wigglesworthia is interesting
0:17:17 > 0:17:20as it has the smallest genome of any known living thing.
0:17:20 > 0:17:24So it's very important in genetics to discover it as an organism
0:17:24 > 0:17:29to see what the absolute minimum genome necessary is for life.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32We've got some quite small gnomes in our garden, as well.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34No, GENOME... Oh, no...
0:17:34 > 0:17:36You've got the fishing genome,
0:17:36 > 0:17:39crossing-the-bridge genome...
0:17:39 > 0:17:41- The G is silent.- The IT genome!
0:17:43 > 0:17:46What's interesting and might save hundreds of thousands
0:17:46 > 0:17:50of African lives is that, without that particular Wigglesworthia,
0:17:50 > 0:17:52female tsetse flies are sterile.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54So, we could eradicate them as a problem in Africa,
0:17:54 > 0:17:56which would be a good thing.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Anyway, that's the tsetse fly.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01It's only a centimetre long, not even a mammal,
0:18:01 > 0:18:04but it gives birth to live young, which it feeds on milk.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06It's party-treat time now.
0:18:06 > 0:18:07Isn't this exciting?
0:18:07 > 0:18:10I've got something really interesting for you to try.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12It's powdered Miracle Berry.
0:18:12 > 0:18:16You should have a little cup like this.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20If you instantly put that pill in your cup in your mouth...
0:18:20 > 0:18:23- Promise it's not going to hurt you. - We don't even question!
0:18:23 > 0:18:25- Don't swallow it.- We're just doing it! "Yes, Stephen!"
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Please do it, don't swallow it.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29"Show me your titties."
0:18:29 > 0:18:31We've been down this road before, mister!
0:18:31 > 0:18:33- It's from fruit.- It's in.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36"Only bite it when you see the whites of the eyes!"
0:18:36 > 0:18:39Don't bite it, don't bite it, just roll it round your mouth and tongue.
0:18:39 > 0:18:40It's quite sweet.
0:18:40 > 0:18:44It takes a little time to work, but when it does, it's rather extraordinary.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47It's like a dead Refresher. LIZA: Is my head just going to open like that?
0:18:47 > 0:18:49But just try to do a bit of action on it,
0:18:49 > 0:18:51just so you can get it to dissolve...
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Spread it all over your tongue.
0:18:53 > 0:18:57It is quite miraculous. It's why it's called the Miracle Fruit, it's rather exciting.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59- I slightly crunched mine. - Don't swallow it.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01SHE CHOKES Why not?!
0:19:01 > 0:19:02Keep it in your mouth.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05There's a good reason, I want for it to cover all of your tongue,
0:19:05 > 0:19:07cos it does something extraordinary to your tongue,
0:19:07 > 0:19:10that's what you're going to discover. So keep sucking.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12I must remember this speech!
0:19:14 > 0:19:15Can you look away?!
0:19:19 > 0:19:21If you made them swallow...
0:19:21 > 0:19:23"It does something extraordinary to your tongue!
0:19:23 > 0:19:25"Don't swallow it!"
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Do you feel you've more or less coated yourself in it?
0:19:29 > 0:19:33What it does, it gets rid of your tongue's ability
0:19:33 > 0:19:34to detect sour and bitter,
0:19:34 > 0:19:36so I want you to take a bite on this lemon.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39You'll find when you bite on the lemon, it's not exactly sweet,
0:19:39 > 0:19:42but it really takes away 90% of its sourness.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45I'm going in.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49LIZA: I've done it. I've done a lot of coating.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51SUE: Oh, that's delicious!
0:19:51 > 0:19:52- Extraordinary.- That's good, isn't it?
0:19:52 > 0:19:54None of you has really pulled an "Agh" face.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57That's like a really sweet orange.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Exactly. It's bizarre.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02- I'm going to regret it later.- It is a most extraordinary experience.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05That'll last about half an hour, 20 minutes, half an hour.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08I'm going to have chronic gastritis in 20 minutes.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11It was very populous, Miracle Fruit.
0:20:11 > 0:20:15They used to have parties where they had a rainbow of different flavours
0:20:15 > 0:20:17that would occur because it takes away
0:20:17 > 0:20:19your ability to taste the bitter or the sour,
0:20:19 > 0:20:21or, indeed, the salt,
0:20:21 > 0:20:24so everything becomes sweet but retains a little of its own flavour.
0:20:24 > 0:20:25- But it does work.- Amazing.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28- It is.- Although it is vitamin C,
0:20:28 > 0:20:30so internally, I'm rebelling.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34Just the fact it might have been slightly healthy!
0:20:34 > 0:20:38A friend of mine used to go and feed the horse
0:20:38 > 0:20:41at the bottom of his garden when he was a kid
0:20:41 > 0:20:44bits of lemon, because it used to make brilliant faces when he...
0:20:47 > 0:20:49- That's just naughty!- It is cruel.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51- That's very naughty. - Very entertaining.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54I'm going to save mine for later, I'll give one to a friend.
0:20:54 > 0:20:55I'm sure you are!
0:20:58 > 0:21:00APPLAUSE
0:21:00 > 0:21:03It's just so bad!
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Makes it taste so much nicer!
0:21:05 > 0:21:08- It's just...- We've witnessed something big tonight!
0:21:08 > 0:21:11- LIZA: It's all over. - "It tastes lovely for half an hour."
0:21:13 > 0:21:16LIZA: "My favourite word is titties!"
0:21:18 > 0:21:22It's not sour anymore, is it? Not sour anymore.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24You are so bad! Honestly, honestly.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27LIZA: "It does amazing things to your tongue."
0:21:27 > 0:21:29You are so naughty tonight. I'm very, very disappointed.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33I thought the girls would be well behaved, but I'm just so wrong.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35We are! You said, "Put it in your mouth."
0:21:35 > 0:21:37We just put it in our mouths.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40That's what girls are so good at, it's the innocent, wide-eyed...
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Ooh. Anyway, Miracle Berries have
0:21:46 > 0:21:49the miraculous property of making sour things taste sweet.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51So, now,
0:21:51 > 0:21:55which international institution had one man and his dog as members?
0:21:55 > 0:21:57That was it?
0:21:57 > 0:22:01- No, they had lots and lots of other members. - But they weren't men, presumably?
0:22:01 > 0:22:03All the others were women. And human.
0:22:03 > 0:22:04The WI?
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Yes, the WI.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08- Really?- And Lassie.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10The WI... It wasn't that particular man -
0:22:10 > 0:22:12this is an example, in case you're stupid,
0:22:12 > 0:22:14of what a man and his dog look like.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Cos you might not know.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19He's literally blowing smoke up its arse.
0:22:21 > 0:22:25"Bloody dog moved!" "Well, we'll have to use it, we're out of film!"
0:22:28 > 0:22:31When the WI was formed, the nascent WI, this particular man,
0:22:31 > 0:22:34Colonel Richard Stapleton-Cotton, was an enormous fan,
0:22:34 > 0:22:36a great admirer, and so...
0:22:36 > 0:22:40- Popped a frock on! - He and his dog Tinker were both members and paid their annual fees.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42But they were the only males ever to be members.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45Guess which country the WI was started in.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48- Canada.- Yes, good God! How did you do that?
0:22:48 > 0:22:50I'm on a roll, I just know WI stuff! I don't know!
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Started in Canada, absolutely right.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55It was the Women's Department of
0:22:55 > 0:22:57the Farmers' Institute of South Wentworth,
0:22:57 > 0:23:00with the aim to promote that knowledge of household science which will lead to
0:23:00 > 0:23:02improvement in household architecture,
0:23:02 > 0:23:04with special attention to home sanitation.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07Though then, of course, it broadened its horizons.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10It was said that the WI should be grave and gay, which is nice.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12SUE: Yep, that sounds like me.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15And should explore the world together and learn as much about
0:23:15 > 0:23:19growing roses in your garden or trimming hats as about
0:23:19 > 0:23:21darkest Africa or Bolshevism.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23Which is why they're also famous for
0:23:23 > 0:23:25having lecturers coming to address them.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27They absorbed knowledge.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30And they do an extraordinary amount of charity work.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33They donate 24 million hours of their time
0:23:33 > 0:23:36to community work every year in the UK.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39There's a double J association with the WI,
0:23:39 > 0:23:42as it's our letter J. It's a sort of nickname for them.
0:23:42 > 0:23:43- Jam and Jerusalem. - Jam and Jerusalem.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45Jerusalem is their anthem
0:23:45 > 0:23:47and jam-making is what people think they do.
0:23:47 > 0:23:51Obviously, their remit is wider, and they were very patriotic during the war,
0:23:51 > 0:23:53did all kinds of things, especially with rabbits.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57"Turning bunnies into bombs" was their slogan,
0:23:57 > 0:23:58as they tried to breed rabbits for food.
0:23:58 > 0:24:02That picture we saw earlier, I wish I'd been born in that time.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04- You like those dowdy hats? - I like those.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06I wouldn't have had to make any effort whatsoever.
0:24:06 > 0:24:10- It looks great.- IN COCKNEY ACCENT: But everybody spoke like that.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12They talk like that all the time.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15Look at those berets. Amazing. They don't look very cheerful,
0:24:15 > 0:24:17and one of them's knitting.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20One-handed, which is really saying something.
0:24:21 > 0:24:22There's Arthur Askey on the end!
0:24:22 > 0:24:27They're voting, "Shall we allow the Colonel and his dog to become members?," and they all voted yes.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29"Who's been felt up by the Colonel?" "I have.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33"Dirty little bugger.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36- "That dog, always sniffing around." - Oh, dear.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39Anyway, Colonel Stapleton-Cotton was his name, and his dog, Tinker.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41They're the only two non-females
0:24:41 > 0:24:43ever to be admitted to the Women's Institute.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46I've got something interesting to show you now.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48So, I want you to tell me what it is.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Quite simply, what's the name for one of these?
0:24:51 > 0:24:52Well, it's a Toby Jug.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54This is known as a character jug.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57If you want to know what a Toby Jug looks like...
0:24:57 > 0:24:58it's that.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01- Wow, isn't that pretty! - A Toby Jug is the whole person.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04If it's a head, it's called a character jug.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07But I've got something more interesting, I think,
0:25:07 > 0:25:09which I hope you're going to like.
0:25:09 > 0:25:10It's got water in it.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13All you have to do is drink the water without spilling it.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16It's got holes in it. And so if you lift it...
0:25:16 > 0:25:19SHE SLURPS
0:25:21 > 0:25:25It's got holes in it, so that's not going to work.
0:25:25 > 0:25:26Do you see? No!
0:25:26 > 0:25:28It's gone down my sleeve!
0:25:30 > 0:25:32So you've got to try and work it out.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35Right, I'm going to hollow out this biro and use it as a straw.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38- Like that?- I'm evolving.
0:25:38 > 0:25:41Ah, you're getting there. What are you doing?
0:25:41 > 0:25:44No, don't pour it, cos the water will come up. Look at the handle.
0:25:44 > 0:25:48The handle is connected to the bottom, so if you could suck one of those tubes...
0:25:48 > 0:25:50Cover the holes.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52- The other hole. - And then suck through there.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54But there's a secret hole you've got to cover, too.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57Hole there. Get those two.
0:25:57 > 0:26:01Look under the handle, look under the top of the handle.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03- Oh.- There's a hole there.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06If you cover that and the other two holes,
0:26:06 > 0:26:07then you release...
0:26:07 > 0:26:10- Bit of a palaver.- Yes!
0:26:13 > 0:26:14Oh, Sue!
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Just an electrical hazard waiting...
0:26:16 > 0:26:18- Go like this. - That's it, now you can suck it.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20Don't tip it!
0:26:21 > 0:26:23Bollocks!
0:26:23 > 0:26:25APPLAUSE
0:26:28 > 0:26:30Liza got there first.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32- You got the principle straight away. - It's like evolution.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35Now I know how to do it, I want to have a go.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38Couldn't we just have some sandwiches?
0:26:38 > 0:26:41- I've got every hole covered! - No, you haven't.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44Don't drink from the top! You have to suck from... Look.
0:26:44 > 0:26:45- Suck from there?- Show her.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47Are you sucking from there, right?
0:26:47 > 0:26:49I'm sucking from there and holding there.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52- And have you found the other hole? - Yes.- Now suck it.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54No, don't tip it!
0:26:54 > 0:26:56Suck without tipping!
0:26:56 > 0:26:59It's a hollow handle. The point is the handle is hollow.
0:26:59 > 0:27:00It's a wet T-shirt competition!
0:27:00 > 0:27:03If you hand it to me here, I'll try and show you.
0:27:03 > 0:27:07"An awful thing about how to drink and not to spill will try
0:27:07 > 0:27:09"the utmost of your skill."
0:27:09 > 0:27:14And this one says, "To drink and not to spill will try the utmost of your skill." Exactly...
0:27:14 > 0:27:17Mine says, "You're an idiot, Perkins."
0:27:17 > 0:27:21So, this is a hollow, this is hollow, there's water in the bottom,
0:27:21 > 0:27:22it's got a little stop, like a flute
0:27:22 > 0:27:25or a recorder here, so you've got to cover that up,
0:27:25 > 0:27:28and it's got a hole here and a hole here.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31If I do that, I can now just simply suck.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33But it's a little puzzle jug,
0:27:33 > 0:27:36we thought you might have a little fun with it.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39Which brings us to the sticky end of the scores.
0:27:39 > 0:27:40And my word!
0:27:40 > 0:27:45I've never seen anything like it in my all my born puff.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47In last place, with a magisterial...
0:27:47 > 0:27:50She did start with two minus tens in a row,
0:27:50 > 0:27:54so she didn't do that badly after, but she ended with minus 22,
0:27:54 > 0:27:56Sue Perkins!
0:27:56 > 0:27:58APPLAUSE
0:28:04 > 0:28:07And on a highly-creditable minus five, Liza Tarbuck!
0:28:07 > 0:28:10Thank you very much. Thank you. APPLAUSE
0:28:14 > 0:28:17Well! Well, well, well, well, which one, which one, which one?
0:28:17 > 0:28:20One of you got four points. Four whole points.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23- Four plus points.- Please, for the feminists, let it be a lady.
0:28:23 > 0:28:26- It's Jo Brand!- Oh, it is!
0:28:26 > 0:28:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:29 > 0:28:33Which can only bring us to the astonishing news
0:28:33 > 0:28:37that tonight's winner, with plus 11, is Alan Davies!
0:28:37 > 0:28:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:49 > 0:28:53Women on television has failed!
0:28:53 > 0:28:55Well, we can call him a jammy bugger.
0:28:55 > 0:28:59And that's all from Liza, Sue, Jo, Alan and me.
0:28:59 > 0:29:00Goodnight.
0:29:20 > 0:29:23Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd