0:00:28 > 0:00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:32 > 0:00:37Well, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening,
0:00:37 > 0:00:40and that's the fewest times I've ever said good evening,
0:00:40 > 0:00:41and welcome to QI,
0:00:41 > 0:00:46where tonight we'll be journeying to jestinations beginning with J.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49And joining me are the jet-skiing Sandi Toksvig...
0:00:54 > 0:00:56..the jet-setting Susan Calman...
0:00:58 > 0:01:02..the jet-engined Bill Bailey...
0:01:04 > 0:01:10..and, still being probed by Gatwick security, Alan Davies.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19Now let's hear your buzzers. And Sandi goes...
0:01:19 > 0:01:20RACING CAR
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Susan goes...
0:01:24 > 0:01:25JET ENGINE
0:01:27 > 0:01:28Bill goes...
0:01:28 > 0:01:30FAST VEHICLE ENGINE
0:01:31 > 0:01:33And Alan goes...
0:01:33 > 0:01:35CAR ENGINE CHOKES
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Try that again.
0:01:38 > 0:01:39CHOKES AGAIN
0:01:39 > 0:01:43- No, it's never going to work, is it? - Flooded it.- Yeah, absolutely.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Well, let's have an easy one to start with.
0:01:46 > 0:01:50Strictly speaking, where does the phrase Chariots Of Fire come from?
0:01:50 > 0:01:53- It's a film.- It's a film. - Where did it originate?
0:01:53 > 0:01:55It's something to do with this.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58Where does the phrase originate?
0:01:58 > 0:02:01- It's a quotation. - SANDI: It's a quotation.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04- From what?- Shakespeare, must be Shakespeare.- No.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06BILL: Oh, the Chariots Of Fire.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09Wordsworth, Jerusalem, the hymn Jerusalem.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11ALARM BELLS
0:02:12 > 0:02:16- You fell finally into our trap. - Finally! It took a while. Sorry, it's the first question.
0:02:16 > 0:02:21It was slightly embarrassing how long it took you to get the wrong answer.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Yes, I did start by saying "strictly speaking".
0:02:23 > 0:02:27Strictly speaking it comes from a poem by William Blake, called...?
0:02:27 > 0:02:29- Chariots Of Fire.- No.
0:02:32 > 0:02:33I'm ashamed of you.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36You must know the first line of...
0:02:36 > 0:02:39I must, but I can't be arsed to tell you.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42- Well, you're not English, that's fair.- Fair.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44- And...- And did...
0:02:44 > 0:02:47- BILL & SANDI: Those feet in ancient times.- Thank you!
0:02:47 > 0:02:48Finally we got there.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50- Oh, I know that!- Yes!
0:02:50 > 0:02:53That's the name of the poem
0:02:53 > 0:02:56- from which the line "chariots of fire" comes.- Oh.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58The tune is called Jerusalem.
0:02:58 > 0:02:59# And did those feet... #
0:02:59 > 0:03:01And it's referred, mistakenly as a hymn.
0:03:01 > 0:03:02# In ancient times... #
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Thank you for starting in my key.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07# Walk upon England's la la la... #
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Come on!
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Bring... oh, clouds unfold.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Yes, really what I'm after is, what does it mean? And whose feet?
0:03:17 > 0:03:21- Jesus, surely.- Right. So what is the story of Jesus coming to England?
0:03:21 > 0:03:24- Is there a film about it?- Yes.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26- Not to my knowledge. - SANDI: And then they all...
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Well, then, I'm in trouble. I am, as they say, out of...
0:03:29 > 0:03:34This is what people say now when they don't know the answer, they say, "I'm out of my comfort zone."
0:03:35 > 0:03:37You have been the equivalent of
0:03:37 > 0:03:40- sitting on spikes for the last ten years, Alan.- Yeah!
0:03:40 > 0:03:44I have yet to discover your comfort zone.
0:03:44 > 0:03:48- OK, listen, there is a legend that Jesus came to England.- Yes.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52And he was said to have gone to a particular place.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55- SANDI: Was it Glastonbury?- The audience know. Ah, thank you.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57- Glastonbury. - Glastonbury. Glastonbury Tor.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01- And he went with his uncle. What was his uncle's name?- Bob.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04- Uncle Bob Christ? - Bob's your uncle.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Yeah, they were a bit more...
0:04:09 > 0:04:13Surely they were more informal in those times, surely. Bob Christ.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16- His uncle's name was the same as his father's name.- Joseph.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Joseph. And he was named after a place.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21Is it like working with very slow children, Stephen?
0:04:21 > 0:04:24- BILL: Arimathea.- Thank you!
0:04:24 > 0:04:27- Say it again so the camera can get it, clearly.- Right. Oh, OK.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30- This is a new thing we're doing.- Hang on a second.
0:04:30 > 0:04:31ALAN'S BUZZER
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Hey, hang on!
0:04:33 > 0:04:35You had your chance.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37- I was just composing my face. - Joseph of Arimathea.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40No, I said it! I said it!
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Joseph of Arimathea.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45I'm going to throw cold water over you both in a minute.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Joseph of Arimathea.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48ALAN'S BUZZER
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Joseph of Arimathea!
0:04:50 > 0:04:53It was the first ever Glastonbury Festival, if you will.
0:04:53 > 0:04:57It was that Jesus supposedly came with his uncle, Joseph of Arimathea,
0:04:57 > 0:04:59who is mentioned in the Gospels,
0:04:59 > 0:05:03although, it has to be said, Arimathea is only mentioned once,
0:05:03 > 0:05:06and that is in relation to the place Joseph came from.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10No-one knows where it is, where it was, where it could have been. Anyway...
0:05:10 > 0:05:13It could have been a falafel tent. Nobody knows.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Jesus was effectively the first act, then.
0:05:15 > 0:05:19- He was the first act ever to appear at Glasto. - He was the first on at Glastonbury.
0:05:19 > 0:05:24Was he a juggler? Did he have bongos? Was he doing the diablo thing?
0:05:24 > 0:05:25He did holistic balancing.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Three rooms of banging scripture.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29All right, OK.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32So there was a myth that Jesus and Joseph of Arimathea came...
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Supposedly, Joseph of Arimathea was after tin,
0:05:35 > 0:05:39and he came with Jesus, went to Glastonbury Tor and there's a tree.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43SANDI: Tree, isn't there, the Glastonbury tree. Did Mary come?
0:05:43 > 0:05:45- Supposedly, it was planted... Sorry?- Mary, the mother.
0:05:45 > 0:05:49- I just wondered if Mum came as well. - I don't think she did. - Boys' weekend.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51We don't know. Boys' weekend!
0:05:51 > 0:05:56But I will give you 20 points each if you can mention the two other places the myth says they went to.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Glastonbury is one, but they were said to have gone to two other places.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01- Wait! I know this.- Torquay?- No.
0:06:01 > 0:06:05Because there's a group called the Aetherius Society, and they believe...
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Oh, they're your neighbours, aren't they?
0:06:07 > 0:06:09They're my neighbours in Devon,
0:06:09 > 0:06:13and they believe that Christ appeared to them on the top of this hill,
0:06:13 > 0:06:18and the founder of the Aetherius Society said he was doing the washing up in his flat,
0:06:18 > 0:06:20and he heard a voice say,
0:06:20 > 0:06:26"You have been chosen as the planetary representative of Earth."
0:06:26 > 0:06:30So, immediately, he went, "Oh, right. I'd better do that, then."
0:06:30 > 0:06:35- So he left the drying up?- He left the drying up to someone else. - And the putting away?
0:06:35 > 0:06:38Can I just ask how much Bill knows about washing up?
0:06:38 > 0:06:42Cos you do it like you're typing. You did that for washing up.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46It's just a little, gentle caress of each thing.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49And then that to get rid of the plates.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52- He eats his dinner off old keyboards.- Yeah.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54That's my life.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56- Anyway, the places were, in fact, Penzance was one.- Oh!
0:06:56 > 0:06:58And the other was Falmouth.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00- Oh, I see. - And I'm sure he had a lovely time.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04- A pasty, did he have a pasty? - He would have had a pasty.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Now, why might my pockets smell of fish?
0:07:19 > 0:07:22They've done that thing where they take my body
0:07:22 > 0:07:25- and put it on the head of someone who looks a bit like me.- Ah, yes.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27I hate when they do that.
0:07:27 > 0:07:31God, that's like a dream I had last night! This is so weird.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33It's not like a dream I've ever had.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38But I mean, obviously, if you're a fisherman...
0:07:38 > 0:07:40But if you were a person of a high rank in society,
0:07:40 > 0:07:43a particular society, your pockets might smell of fish.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46- Oh.- The Fishmongers' Society. - Well, no.
0:07:46 > 0:07:50That's what I mean. Aside from the obvious professional reasons why you might smell of fish.
0:07:50 > 0:07:56- Oh, right.- It's a society in which it was considered polite not to eat,
0:07:56 > 0:08:00- but to pocket the fish at a banquet. - Is it Japanese, cos...?- Yes!
0:08:00 > 0:08:02- Cos fish, fish, they love fish. - Japanese is exactly right.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Medieval Japanese society, at weddings and banquets
0:08:05 > 0:08:09and other such things, it was right to drink the drink you were given,
0:08:09 > 0:08:13but that you should take the fish, bring it up to your mouth and then tuck it away into your pocket.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16- I know it seems very odd.- What?
0:08:16 > 0:08:18It's just a social...
0:08:18 > 0:08:21I've done that with sausage rolls for the dogs later.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23We've all done it with certain things, I agree.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27But it is an interesting thing, and they still have a tradition in Japan,
0:08:27 > 0:08:28when a baby is 100 days old,
0:08:28 > 0:08:32is to take food, sea bream and beans and soya and rice,
0:08:32 > 0:08:37and wave it in front of the baby's face, but not let the baby eat it.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Wait a minute. So there's people dangling fish in front of babies?
0:08:42 > 0:08:46This is... Right, OK. What, on a fishing line?
0:08:46 > 0:08:49No, no! From the food cupboard or the fridge,
0:08:49 > 0:08:54which in Japan would be filled with all kinds of different fish, as you can imagine.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58- I see, I see. Sashimi. - Sashimi and sushi and all kinds of other such things.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01- In fact, while on the subject of sashimi...- BILL: Weird, weirdos.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04- What is the difference between sushi and sashimi?- Sashimi is raw fish.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07And sushi is rice and seaweed and that kind of thing.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Yes, it's rolled in rice.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13And the particular thing about sashimi is not just that it's raw fish, but that it's...?
0:09:13 > 0:09:15- It's sliced. - It's sliced at an angle.
0:09:15 > 0:09:19Those huge knife skills are incredibly important in Japanese cuisine.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23This particularly used to be true in the medieval period.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25And in carp, for example,
0:09:25 > 0:09:28there were at least 47 different ways of cutting carp,
0:09:28 > 0:09:32which represented different aspects of human life or activity.
0:09:32 > 0:09:37For example, there was "departing for battle carp".
0:09:37 > 0:09:41So soldiers would have carp carved in a certain way before they went to battle.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44If they weren't told they were going to battle, the carp was the giveaway.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48Yeah, exactly. There was "celebratory carp".
0:09:48 > 0:09:51- There was "taking a bride carp". - Ooh!
0:09:53 > 0:09:56- "Flower viewing carp". - No! Really?
0:09:56 > 0:09:59BILL: "Warning carp". Look out, carp!
0:09:59 > 0:10:01"Moon viewing carp".
0:10:01 > 0:10:06So it was a very important part, obviously, of Japanese life, the way they prepared fish.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08It's a wonderful art, obviously,
0:10:08 > 0:10:11and it's a very popular cuisine now around the world.
0:10:11 > 0:10:15I have an amusing joke that I always say when I'm in a Japanese restaurant -
0:10:15 > 0:10:17bring me a various selection of things to drink, waiter,
0:10:17 > 0:10:19and don't get all sake.
0:10:19 > 0:10:20Oh, you see! Hey!
0:10:20 > 0:10:23But what actually is sake? What is sake?
0:10:23 > 0:10:27- Rice...?- Rice wine.- Rice wine, you said, Alan?- Yes, rice wine?
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Alan came in first with rice wine.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31- He said it!- Yeah.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34- It is not rice wine.- Oh.- No.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37The actual word sake simply means alcoholic drink.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41But the sake we think of as sake is in fact a kind of beer.
0:10:41 > 0:10:46The word they use for the drink we call sake is "Nihonshu",
0:10:46 > 0:10:49which means Japanese liquor. Nihon, as in Nippon.
0:10:49 > 0:10:53Anyway, originally, people would just chew rice
0:10:53 > 0:10:55and spit into a large container,
0:10:55 > 0:11:00and the enzymes from the spittle would cause the breakdown of starch into sugars,
0:11:00 > 0:11:03which would cause the fermentation, which would make the sake.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06So it is actually a strong beer, not a wine.
0:11:06 > 0:11:10A wine is a fruit-based drink, usually grape, obviously.
0:11:10 > 0:11:16What other kinds of particularly Japanese things can you do to food to make it Japanese?
0:11:16 > 0:11:17- You can put it in tempura.- Tempura.
0:11:17 > 0:11:22Funny you should say that cos tempura was actually introduced to Japan,
0:11:22 > 0:11:25and I will give you ten points if you can tell me which nation
0:11:25 > 0:11:29taught the Japanese to batter things, which is essentially what tempura is.
0:11:29 > 0:11:30ALL: Scottish.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32You'd think, wouldn't you? You would think.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35Surely there's a ginger-haired man somewhere,
0:11:35 > 0:11:38in one of those medieval scrolls, just going...
0:11:38 > 0:11:42- "Do you want to deep-fry that?" - Yeah. "That would be magic, it really would."
0:11:42 > 0:11:44- "Have we got any eggs?" - Oddly enough not, no.
0:11:44 > 0:11:48- It was the Portuguese. - Portuguese!- The Portuguese.
0:11:48 > 0:11:52Also, the name vindaloo is originally from Portuguese origin, from Goa.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Is it? I thought that was a French...
0:11:54 > 0:11:58- Vin de loo - toilet water. - Goa, as you know, was...
0:11:58 > 0:11:59But there you go.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03Anyway, so lots of interesting things about Japanese food.
0:12:03 > 0:12:07Now, I'm having a senior moment. The famous volcano near Java?
0:12:07 > 0:12:09- Krakatoa.- Krakatoa.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12What's the name of the movie?
0:12:12 > 0:12:13- Krakatoa...- Erupts?
0:12:13 > 0:12:16- SANDI: Krakatoa East of Java. - East of Java, yes.
0:12:16 > 0:12:20- And oddly enough, it's actually west of Java.- West of Java, yes.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22It is an odd thing, but it was one of the first
0:12:22 > 0:12:25big Cinerama kind of movies, called Krakatoa East of Java.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28It was just a bizarre lie, because Krakatoa is west of Java.
0:12:28 > 0:12:32So some producer must have thought, "I don't like the sound of West of Java."
0:12:32 > 0:12:36"It's not going to sell. What can we do? We can take it north. North, south?
0:12:36 > 0:12:38"East! East, it's going to be fantastic."
0:12:38 > 0:12:43So, within ten years, tell me when this great huge explosion?
0:12:43 > 0:12:45- 1883.- 1883.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50Erm, 1882.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Right.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Ladies and gentlemen, viewers at home,
0:12:57 > 0:13:00- brace yourselves.- Oh, hello.
0:13:01 > 0:13:05The explosion, the great enormous, gigantic eruption of Krakatoa
0:13:05 > 0:13:07was in 1883.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09I thank you.
0:13:11 > 0:13:15- I saw a documentary about it. - May I just say...
0:13:17 > 0:13:19W-T-F?
0:13:19 > 0:13:23There was a documentary about it on the BBC and they re-enacted it.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27Well, well remembered! I mean, it's not an easily, not particularly...
0:13:27 > 0:13:29I don't normally remember anything.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32It was the loudest sound, apparently, that has ever existed,
0:13:32 > 0:13:35or at least as far as we know, certainly within human reckoning.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38So, four atomic bombs is sort of the average...
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Oh, no, no! It was 13 times greater than the Hiroshima bomb.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Oh, was it? Wow!
0:13:42 > 0:13:46Five cubic miles of rock was spewed into the air,
0:13:46 > 0:13:48and it was heard 3,000 miles away.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51You could actually hear it 3,000 miles away.
0:13:51 > 0:13:52- Pop.- And it... Yes!
0:13:52 > 0:13:54LAUGHTER
0:13:54 > 0:13:57That's what it sounded like in Australia.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01It reverberated around the world, the ripples of it, seven times.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03It was a most extraordinary...
0:14:03 > 0:14:07Wasn't Krakatoa... Was that the first global event
0:14:07 > 0:14:11that sort of was... the news of which spread around the world?
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Exactly. We can see behind us, Harper's Weekly.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17- It was a media event for the first time.- Yeah.
0:14:17 > 0:14:21- "The island and volcano of Krakatoa Strait of Sunda, submerged during the late eruption."- Yes.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24When eventually a human party of people
0:14:24 > 0:14:28arrived at the site, they found one living creature.
0:14:28 > 0:14:32And I will give you ten points if you can tell me the species.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34- Was it a spider that they found?- Yes!
0:14:34 > 0:14:38- It was a spider.- What's going on?! Everybody's brilliant.
0:14:42 > 0:14:46Absolutely marvellous. Everybody's on cracking form here.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48You really are doing superbly well.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Was the spider going, "Ooh, it's hot"?
0:14:51 > 0:14:52It was indeed.
0:14:52 > 0:14:56It was using two legs at a time.
0:14:56 > 0:14:57- Anyway...- BILL: Like this.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01Ooh, ah! Ooh, ah! Ooh, ow! Oh, ah! Ooh, ow! Ooh, ow!, Ooh, ow!
0:15:01 > 0:15:04- So it was doing the washing up! - Yes, it was.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Anyway, moving on.
0:15:06 > 0:15:10So, what was the most hurtful thing Rambo's boyfriend did to him?
0:15:12 > 0:15:16Right. I've seen this film. It's a bootleg, it's very different from...
0:15:16 > 0:15:19- Rambo's boyfriend? - Well, I'm being very naughty.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22Of course, the picture is being very naughty.
0:15:22 > 0:15:26- When I say Rambo, I really mean Rimbaud.- Rimbaud!
0:15:26 > 0:15:29So when I say Rimbaud, who do I mean?
0:15:29 > 0:15:32- You mean, of course, him. - But who is he?
0:15:32 > 0:15:35- Rimbaud. Somebody French.- SANDI: He looks off his head on something.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37- "Somebody French."- Arthur?- Arthur.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39- Arthur.- Rimbaud.- Rimbaud.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42- Arthur Rimbaud, who was?- He was a great writer, wasn't he?- A poet.
0:15:42 > 0:15:46- He was a great poet, but very rare inasmuch as...- Got that right! Can't believe it.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50We're used to Beethoven and Mozart, and other musicians,
0:15:50 > 0:15:52being extraordinarily prodigious at an early age.
0:15:52 > 0:15:53It's very rare for a poet.
0:15:53 > 0:15:57The greatest work that Rimbaud wrote, and he was a great poet,
0:15:57 > 0:15:59was between the ages of 17 and 21.
0:15:59 > 0:16:04He was extraordinarily beautiful. According to a school friend,
0:16:04 > 0:16:08"He had eyes of pale blue, irradiated with dark blue,
0:16:08 > 0:16:11"the loveliest eyes I've ever seen. He was a brilliant student.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13"He won a regional poetry competition,
0:16:13 > 0:16:17"in spite of sleeping through the first three hours of the exam."
0:16:17 > 0:16:20- SANDI: Oh, I've done that.- At 16, he ran away from home with no money,
0:16:20 > 0:16:24and then between the ages of 17 and 21, just four years,
0:16:24 > 0:16:26he had this extraordinary flowering as poet.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29But, in doing so, he shared his life with someone.
0:16:29 > 0:16:33He had a passionate, tumultuous affair with dot, dot, dot.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35Katie Price.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39His dates were 1854 to 1891.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42So he died at 36, 37.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45- And he was of a homosexual persuasion? - A child prodigy, he was gay.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Oh, well, don't know anything about those people.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50And in fact there is a blue plaque to him in London,
0:16:50 > 0:16:53where he shared a short-ish time with his lover,
0:16:53 > 0:16:56who was also a poet, a famous poet.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59- Oh. Gerard de Nerval.- No.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02- Gerard de Nerval was a fascinating man.- He was.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06- I very much enjoyed the way you said that.- Je suis le veuf,
0:17:06 > 0:17:10- l'ancontre. Le tenebreux.- And he also famously had a pet lobster...
0:17:10 > 0:17:14- He did indeed.- ..that he used to take for walks on a lead. - Vite, vite, monsieur!
0:17:15 > 0:17:19- Monsieur Clicky. - Stay with it! Stay with it!
0:17:19 > 0:17:20Alors!
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Stay with it, because it's ...
0:17:22 > 0:17:24Non!
0:17:24 > 0:17:26- J'ai fatigue.- Non! Allez vite.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29ALAN CHOKES
0:17:29 > 0:17:33- L'eau, s'il vous plait. L'eau!- Non.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38Non, pas de l'eau. Non. Le artichoke.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47I never thought I'd see the day when
0:17:47 > 0:17:51Bill Bailey force-fed Gerard de Nerval's lobster with an artichoke,
0:17:51 > 0:17:53and yet the day came.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Anyway, let's just return to this other poet,
0:17:55 > 0:17:59who was the lover of the young Verlaine.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Oh, sorry, Verlaine!
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Did I ever give that away! No.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Now, there, on the left is Verlaine,
0:18:11 > 0:18:14- the one who looks slightly like John Malkovich.- Oh.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16- In the middle is the boy wonder. - Rimbaud.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20Rimbaud, and on the right is... Erm, I can't remember his name.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22- That's Robert de Niro, isn't it? - It is Robert de Niro, yes.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24It is a bit, isn't it, on the right.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26It's Robert de Niro, that's who it is.
0:18:26 > 0:18:31It's like a 19th century ad for a hairdressers, of all the different styles you can have.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34Is that the same person in that picture as it was in the one before?
0:18:34 > 0:18:37- It is.- Jeez. Air-brushing.- I know.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40But they went to live in Camden for a short while
0:18:40 > 0:18:43and there is a blue plaque in Camden that says,
0:18:43 > 0:18:47"Arthur Rimbaud and Paul Verlaine, poet and lovers, lived here."
0:18:47 > 0:18:51It was the first blue plaque ever to celebrate a gay couple, which is rather sweet.
0:18:51 > 0:18:55Anyway, that's the story of these two. We thought you'd like to know about it, but why...
0:18:55 > 0:18:57BILL: Yes, quite interesting.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00The question was how did the lover hurt Rimbaud?
0:19:00 > 0:19:03- Shut his fingers in the door.- Yeah.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06- Worse than that, he had a tumultuous...- Oh, it does nip.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10- ..passionate, jealous rage and shot him in the wrist.- In the wrist?- Yes.
0:19:10 > 0:19:11Whilst he was masturbating.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15I'm going to move on, because you're just simply misbehaving.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19- Yeah, move on.- Yeah. - It's for the best.- Anyway.
0:19:19 > 0:19:20I am so out of my comfort zone.
0:19:22 > 0:19:26It's all good information that is well worth knowing.
0:19:26 > 0:19:30Arthur Rimbaud was shot in the arm by Paul Verlaine.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Now, on to one of the delicacies of Jamaican cuisine,
0:19:33 > 0:19:35I think we all know how to make cock soup,
0:19:35 > 0:19:38but how would you make mannish water?
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Sorry, I don't know how to make cock soup.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43- I don't like cock soup. - I don't know what...- Cock-a-leekie.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Oh, right! Oh, OK.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Cock-a-leekie.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51- It's good, chicken soup. - Oh, I see. Is that what it is?
0:19:51 > 0:19:54- A cock is a chicken. - Cock is a chicken, yeah.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56What can you have been thinking?
0:19:56 > 0:20:00I don't know, I thought it was some terrible euphemism.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02What, a euphemism for pheasant?
0:20:02 > 0:20:05I don't... Yes! Yes, that's it, pheasant.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08Well, cock soup is chicken soup. Cock-a-leekie.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10- Cock-a-leekie soup.- You've had cock-a-leekie in Scotland.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13- I've had cock-a-leekie.- Yes, you've had a leaky cock. Hey, hey!
0:20:13 > 0:20:15No, shush and because...
0:20:15 > 0:20:18No, listen, now. Mannish water...
0:20:18 > 0:20:19SANDI LAUGHS UPROARIOUSLY
0:20:19 > 0:20:23It's like Frankie Howerd was in the room.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26- BILL & STEPHEN AS HOWERD: No, no. - No, don't.- Oh, no.- Stop it.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28- Shush! No.- Don't.- No.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30- Missus!- No.
0:20:31 > 0:20:37Big belly laughs from all men with big bellies and we'll have little titters from... No!
0:20:37 > 0:20:40- All right. Don't you remember that one?- Oh!
0:20:40 > 0:20:43Stop it! Mannish water... Come on, we're in Jamaica.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45- Mannish water.- Yeah.
0:20:45 > 0:20:49- Is it some kind of a soupage of some kind?- Yes.- It's a soupage. - Mannish water.
0:20:49 > 0:20:50It's Jamaican, is the point.
0:20:50 > 0:20:54- Right, so Jamaican food is what you're looking for?- Yeah.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56- Coconuts, plantains. - It's mannish, though.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58The point is they want to be male, so eat male animals.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Oh, OK, so it's a...
0:21:00 > 0:21:03- And what food is common in... - Rice and peas.- Yes.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06- Rice and peas, flying fish. - Anything else?
0:21:06 > 0:21:07- Goat and...- Goat! Yes.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09- Entails of goat.- That's it.
0:21:09 > 0:21:13So all the male parts of a goat - and a male goat is the important thing - makes mannish water.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15It's also called goat's head soup.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18Does the phrase goat's head soup mean anything to you?
0:21:18 > 0:21:21Er, yes, that I'm not hungry, is what it means.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23- Anything else? - It's an album, isn't it?- Thank you.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26Goat's Head Soup, by what's his name?
0:21:26 > 0:21:28- It's not his name, their name.- Oh, God!
0:21:28 > 0:21:33- The greatest rock 'n' roll band in the world, they call themselves. - The Proclaimers.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38And you can walk another 100 miles for...
0:21:38 > 0:21:39Oh, I love the Proclaimers.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42No, I'm very fond of The Proclaimers, but The Rolling Stones...
0:21:42 > 0:21:47- Rolling Stones! Rolling Stones. - In 1973, produced an album called Goat's Head Soup,
0:21:47 > 0:21:49because they recorded the album on Jamaica.
0:21:49 > 0:21:53And do you know why they recorded the album on Jamaica?
0:21:53 > 0:21:55- Island Records.- SANDI: Because they were mad for the soup.- No.
0:21:55 > 0:21:59Because it was about the only bloody country on earth where they weren't banned from.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02It was around the time of a lot of the drugs and all the rest of it,
0:22:02 > 0:22:06so they were allowed in Jamaica and made an album called Goat's Head Soup,
0:22:06 > 0:22:08which is another word for mannish water.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12And its ingredients, should you wish to make it, are goat's head,
0:22:12 > 0:22:15feet and intestines, served with bananas and spices.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18It's supposed to be an aphrodisiac. It's supposed to man you up,
0:22:18 > 0:22:20that's the point. Hence mannish soup.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23There's also cow cod soup, made of bull's penis,
0:22:23 > 0:22:25chilli peppers and bananas, cooked in white rum.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27- Which sounds rather nice. - That is nice.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Yeah. I like the sound of that.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32- I'll pop to Lidl in the morning. - Yeah.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Anyway, that's mannish water for you.
0:22:34 > 0:22:38Now, here are two towns behind me. They both begin with J. Why are they blue?
0:22:38 > 0:22:41- Oh! Now, I know this.- Yes?
0:22:41 > 0:22:44- Well, I know one of them. - Go on, then.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47I've got a Smurf collection, I've had it many years.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51When I was younger, I used to collect Smurfs, it was my hobby.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54I've got a Smurf village, I created when I was younger,
0:22:54 > 0:22:56it's still there, reminds me of the bad times.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59- And the good times.- Right.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02Now, and if this is wrong, I'm going to look like a total twat.
0:23:02 > 0:23:07- The thing is, you'd look like a twat even if you're right.- Yeah. - Carry on, yeah.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12No, because knowing this is so deeply sad. Yeah, carry on.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15OK, so I love Smurfs and everything about Smurfs
0:23:15 > 0:23:17- and Smurfettes and everything else. - Yeah.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20When they did the premiere of the Smurf film,
0:23:20 > 0:23:22they painted a town somewhere -
0:23:22 > 0:23:25I think it was Spain, near Marbella, or something like that -
0:23:25 > 0:23:27blue, for the premiere of the film.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30And then afterwards they said, "We'll paint it back,"
0:23:30 > 0:23:32and the residents had had such a lot of tourism,
0:23:32 > 0:23:37and they dubbed the mayor Papa Smurf, which he was delighted about!
0:23:37 > 0:23:41But they had a referendum to see if they wanted to keep their town blue,
0:23:41 > 0:23:43because they thought it was quite cool.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45And, cos that's Smurf, because it was Smurf town,
0:23:45 > 0:23:48which sounds amazing, cos I love the Smurfs.
0:23:48 > 0:23:49You are 100% correct!
0:23:49 > 0:23:51- I like it. It's that one on the right.- Come on!
0:23:56 > 0:23:59The only thing that would add 20 points was
0:23:59 > 0:24:02- if you knew the name. - BILL: 20 points? Oh!
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Will you not destroy the set?
0:24:10 > 0:24:12Yes, you've broken it.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15- Just tell me the name of the town. - Juarez, was it Juarez?- No.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18No, that's in Mexico. We're talking about Spain.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21- Jojoba.- Jerez. - No, that's...- Jerez.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24- That's...- Jomin?- Juan.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27All right, it begins with "J". I'll give you that.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30Is it Jipswich? SANDI: Is it Jerusalem?
0:24:30 > 0:24:32It's not Jerusalem.
0:24:32 > 0:24:33Ji... Jiby.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36- No, it's called Juzcar.- ALL: Oh!
0:24:36 > 0:24:38SANDI: The next thing I was going to say.
0:24:38 > 0:24:42Juzcar, spelt J-U-Z-C-A-R, Juzcar, with an accent on the U.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45Was the other town Jaipur?
0:24:45 > 0:24:47- Yes! Well done.- A point!
0:24:47 > 0:24:51No, no. No. Sorry. Whoa! I misheard you.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54- SANDI: It's Jodhpur. - Jodhpur is the answer.
0:24:54 > 0:24:59I still said it before Sandi, I still said Jodhpur before Sandi!
0:24:59 > 0:25:02- You did, you said the wrong thing. - No, no! I said Jodhpur, I still said Jodhpur.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04You're quite right, it's Jodhpur.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07So we're going to go back to a picture of Jodhpur. Why is Jodhpur blue?
0:25:07 > 0:25:10- SANDI: It's to do with the caste system.- Yes.- It's to do with indigo,
0:25:10 > 0:25:13indigo being the colour of the Brahmin and...
0:25:13 > 0:25:16The Brahmin, which is the highest caste.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19It was to distinguish their houses and everybody thought it a good idea.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22There is also a pink city. Can you name a pink city?
0:25:22 > 0:25:24- Jaipur.- Yes!
0:25:26 > 0:25:28There you go.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31And there it is. There we are.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34Now, d'you know the capital of Alaska?
0:25:34 > 0:25:37- SANDI: Yes, you just said it. - Exactly. Thank you.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40Very good! Juneau is the capital of Alaska.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42- J-U-N-E-A-U.- Ah, Juneau.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45But there's something unique about it.
0:25:45 > 0:25:49- It rains all the bloody time, I know that.- Well, it's not accessible by road.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52You can only get there by air or water. There is no road to Juneau.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56- Sarah Palin can get there by walking on the water.- Well, yes.
0:25:57 > 0:26:01Can you tell me the biggest joke ever to come out of Alaska?
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Sarah Palin, who can walk on...
0:26:03 > 0:26:07Ohhh! Dear, oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14We're not forfeiting you that,
0:26:14 > 0:26:17it was so obvious that we weren't even going to forfeit it.
0:26:17 > 0:26:18Isn't she lovely?
0:26:18 > 0:26:22- If I had forfeited, I would have refudiated.- We would have refudiated.
0:26:22 > 0:26:26Anyway, the point is, there is actually a famous practical joke,
0:26:26 > 0:26:28an April fool's joke that came out of Alaska.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31It took a lot of preparation and was rather extraordinary.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Here's a photo that might give you a hint.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36I mean, it's not going to be easy, but what's in the background there?
0:26:36 > 0:26:39- This is a volcano-based practical joke.- Yes.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42And it's one that I read about and it very much impressed me
0:26:42 > 0:26:45because if you do a practical joke which is, you know,
0:26:45 > 0:26:48clingfilm over the toilet, something simple...
0:26:48 > 0:26:52But the person who did this practical joke...
0:26:54 > 0:26:57It's a good one. It doesn't work for women necessarily,
0:26:57 > 0:27:00cos we tend to notice when we sit down that there's something,
0:27:00 > 0:27:02but for men, I tell you, it's a hoot.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06There was a volcano, and a gentleman,
0:27:06 > 0:27:09- and I can't remember his name, I apologise.- Don't you worry.
0:27:09 > 0:27:14Decided to try and make it seem as if it was erupting, so took loads of tyres...
0:27:14 > 0:27:18- You are class.- ..and set fire to it and then everyone came out of their houses and went,
0:27:18 > 0:27:19"The volcano's erupting!"
0:27:19 > 0:27:23- Yes.- Cos it was so good. - You're absolutely right.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26He waited three years until there was a clear April 1st.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28He took kerosene and smoke bombs and tyres,
0:27:28 > 0:27:31and he dropped them down the crater and set fire to it.
0:27:31 > 0:27:36But, in 50-foot letters, he did say, "April Fool"
0:27:36 > 0:27:38and he warned the federal authority.
0:27:38 > 0:27:42He called them up, but he forgot to call the coastguard, who did panic a bit.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44But it was, fortunately, all taken in the right spirit.
0:27:44 > 0:27:48- And his name was Porky Bickar. - Porky.- Porky?
0:27:48 > 0:27:50Porky - that was his nickname.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53- He was American, so he was called Porky.- Porky Bickar.
0:27:53 > 0:27:57And that is, aside from Sarah Palin, the greatest joke ever to come out of Alaska.
0:27:57 > 0:27:58It is a good one. I mean, it is a good one.
0:27:58 > 0:28:01I have to say I am very impressed again with your knowledge.
0:28:01 > 0:28:04And that's the end of tonight's questions.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06Let's see how our journey has panned out.
0:28:06 > 0:28:10Well, it's astonishing! Her first ever appearance, on plus 15,
0:28:10 > 0:28:12a clear winner - Susan Calman.
0:28:15 > 0:28:21And only four inches behind on 11 -
0:28:21 > 0:28:22Sandi Toksvig.
0:28:26 > 0:28:29Impressively, the digitally endowed,
0:28:29 > 0:28:31still in the black, plus four - Bill Bailey.
0:28:35 > 0:28:36I'm delighted.
0:28:36 > 0:28:40Well, perhaps the best we can say is, bless him, he did try.
0:28:40 > 0:28:42Minus eleven - Alan Davies.
0:28:49 > 0:28:52That's all from Sandi, Susan, Bill, Alan and me.
0:28:52 > 0:28:55Thank you, goodnight and be wonderful to each other. Bye-bye.
0:29:17 > 0:29:20Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd