0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Gooooood evening! Good evening, good evening,
0:00:34 > 0:00:36good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening,
0:00:36 > 0:00:38good evening and welcome to QI,
0:00:38 > 0:00:41where tonight is a khaotic klutter of K-words.
0:00:41 > 0:00:46Let's klock the kontestants. The kind-hearted Sara Pascoe.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:51 > 0:00:53The kallipygian Jack Whitehall.
0:00:53 > 0:00:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:58 > 0:01:00The knowledgeable David Mitchell.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:04 > 0:01:08And knock me down with a kangaroo, it's Alan Davies.
0:01:08 > 0:01:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:14 > 0:01:18And this week's call signs are all K creatures. Sara goes...
0:01:18 > 0:01:20BIRD SCREECHING
0:01:20 > 0:01:21Do you know what that is?
0:01:23 > 0:01:25- Is it a bird?- Yes.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28OK. It's a bird.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Famous movie, kind of British, wonderful.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32The man who was in love with a kestrel.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34- Shorten kestrel to the... - JACK:- Kes.
0:01:34 > 0:01:35- Kes, yeah. - Oh, that was my question!
0:01:35 > 0:01:38But that was the film. Very good. And Jack goes...
0:01:38 > 0:01:40BIRD CACKLES
0:01:40 > 0:01:42You probably know that.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45OK, that is Kevin Bacon getting into really hot water.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49I'd know that sound anywhere.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52- He likes it lukewarm.- He does.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54- Kookaburra.- Is the right answer. It's a kookaburra.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56- Oh, yeah, yeah.- David goes...
0:01:56 > 0:02:00BUZZING
0:02:01 > 0:02:04Is that a Klingon spacecraft?
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Killer bee.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10- Killer bee?- Exactly, there you go.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12And Alan goes...
0:02:12 > 0:02:16GROWLING
0:02:18 > 0:02:21That's a genuine animal recording.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23- Kangaroo?- No.- Koala?
0:02:23 > 0:02:25- Yes!- Yes, come on!
0:02:25 > 0:02:28It's a koala. Who'd have thought that a koala sounded like that?
0:02:28 > 0:02:29Anyway, there we go.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Just before we start, I've got a bit of very good news for you, David,
0:02:32 > 0:02:35cos your old nemesis Colin, the QI scorer,
0:02:35 > 0:02:37has been replaced by a new scorer called Murray,
0:02:37 > 0:02:39who happens to be a huge fan of yours.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41So I think that bodes well for this evening.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44- Well, I'm very glad to hear it, yes. - Excellent, yeah.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46You've told me too late to bribe him.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50What happened to Colin though? Why isn't he...?
0:02:50 > 0:02:51He's been promoted, actually.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53He's now probably counting votes in the House of Lords.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Or something similar.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57We're one step away from the House of Lords.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Yes, we are, exactly.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02I think this programme would be an excellent house of reform.
0:03:02 > 0:03:03It would, wouldn't it?
0:03:03 > 0:03:05You know, just let all the legislation come before us,
0:03:05 > 0:03:08we'll fiddle with it. Hopefully, you know, gag it up a bit.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10- Yeah.- Send it on to the Queen.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Exactly.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16"My government...will find six penises on this particular insect."
0:03:18 > 0:03:20That's what it tends to be about on QI.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Anyway, let's kick off. What is this?
0:03:22 > 0:03:24It's a noise, listen out carefully.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26KLAXON SOUNDS
0:03:26 > 0:03:28And beginning with K.
0:03:28 > 0:03:29BIRD CACKLES
0:03:29 > 0:03:30- Yeah?- A klaxon.
0:03:30 > 0:03:31Oh!
0:03:31 > 0:03:33KLAXON SOUNDS
0:03:33 > 0:03:34Ha-ha!
0:03:37 > 0:03:41In a strange sort of way, pop just ate itself, didn't it?
0:03:41 > 0:03:42A klaxon gave a klaxon.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45We call it the klaxon, it's not actually a klaxon.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48- Is that a brand name?- Brilliant. - Like with a Tannoy or a Hoover?
0:03:48 > 0:03:49- You're absolutely right.- Oh, OK.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52- Just like Tannoy or Hoover. - So what is it, an alarm?
0:03:52 > 0:03:55- It's basically a siren, a noise, an alarm noise, exactly.- OK.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57A Klaxon has a very specific sound which belongs to a company
0:03:57 > 0:04:00called Lovell-McConnell Manufacturing.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02They were first fitted to cars.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05And they were the first electric thing ever to be attached to
0:04:05 > 0:04:07- an automobile, the Klaxon. - So what is...?
0:04:07 > 0:04:09So they needed an alarm before a light?
0:04:09 > 0:04:11The sound we heard was just,
0:04:11 > 0:04:12you'd just call it some general word,
0:04:12 > 0:04:15but technically it's not a Klaxon. Now, automobiles, America.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17The land of the free, the land of the automobile,
0:04:17 > 0:04:20as you can imagine in places like Pennsylvania
0:04:20 > 0:04:23they must have welcomed them when they arrived, yes?
0:04:23 > 0:04:24No. No.
0:04:24 > 0:04:25Is the right answer.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Alan, you're really getting the hang of this.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31- I've played this before.- Yes.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33- You have to intuit. - You would be astounded
0:04:33 > 0:04:36by the Farmers' Anti Automobile Association of Pennsylvania,
0:04:36 > 0:04:39with its list of impractical requirements for motorists.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Automobiles travelling on country roads at night
0:04:41 > 0:04:43must send up a rocket every mile.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48And then wait ten minutes for the road to clear.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51The driver may then proceed with caution, blowing his horn
0:04:51 > 0:04:55and shooting off roman candles.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57If the driver of an automobile sees a team of horses approaching,
0:04:57 > 0:04:59he is to stop, pull to one side of the road...
0:04:59 > 0:05:01- And kill himself.- Almost.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04..cover his machine with a blanket or dust cover,
0:05:04 > 0:05:06which is painted or coloured to blend into the scenery.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11In case a horse is unwilling to pass an automobile on the road,
0:05:11 > 0:05:14the driver of the car must take the machine apart
0:05:14 > 0:05:18as rapidly as possible, and conceal the parts in the bushes.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23They really didn't want motorcars in Pennsylvania.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26Honking the horn, is that a sensible safe thing to do,
0:05:26 > 0:05:29- does it avoid accidents? - No, it'll frighten the horses.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Well, obviously, let's assume we're talking about now,
0:05:32 > 0:05:34- when there aren't any, or very few. - Wouldn't it raise aggression,
0:05:34 > 0:05:37hearing a loud noise makes you probably release adrenaline,
0:05:37 > 0:05:40and then your instincts would be flawed, I would have thought.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43- I think you're absolutely right... - Have you ever driven in Italy?
0:05:43 > 0:05:48- Oh, yeah.- I've been on tour in Italy and the word "go" is "die" in Italy.
0:05:48 > 0:05:49- Avante.- Die, die, die!
0:05:49 > 0:05:51You're like, "Fuuuck!
0:05:51 > 0:05:53"We're all 19 and I'm not a driver."
0:05:53 > 0:05:56No, but you're absolutely right, there is no evidence
0:05:56 > 0:05:58that using the horn contributes to safety.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01There's something interesting with police sirens, isn't there?
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Because they... It's two different notes,
0:06:03 > 0:06:06- and the reason is...- Yeah. - If you hear one note for a long time,
0:06:06 > 0:06:09- you can't tell where it's coming from.- That's exactly right,
0:06:09 > 0:06:11you genuinely can't tell.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13You say, "Is that in front of me, or is it behind me?"
0:06:13 > 0:06:15You just don't know. In America, they have a very good rule
0:06:15 > 0:06:19when you hear a siren, on the road, you just simply stop driving.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22- Yeah. Absolutely. - And go and have a meal.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25But it somehow works out incredibly well
0:06:25 > 0:06:27and the emergency vehicle weaves through.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30- DAVID: But they have wider roads. - They have much wider roads.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32But it does work fantastically, and everybody does it.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35I usually try and see which of the emergency services it is
0:06:35 > 0:06:36and then decide.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Oh, it's only an ambulance, they don't count. Or it's only a fireman.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45- What is that? Fire engine. - DAVID: If it's the police,
0:06:45 > 0:06:48there's something sort of vaguely right wing about it.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50- I don't know. - So where were we? Yes.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Horn sounding does not, it seems,
0:06:52 > 0:06:54contribute to the safety of drivers at all.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56In Britain, we're actually,
0:06:56 > 0:06:58we have almost zero tolerance of hooting your horn.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01But even more intolerant were the Nazis.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03And in 1936, they started putting...
0:07:03 > 0:07:05They're not known for their intolerance!
0:07:05 > 0:07:07No, I know, it's quite surprising.
0:07:07 > 0:07:08But we thought we knew...
0:07:08 > 0:07:11- GERMAN ACCENT:- "This whole thing has become intolerable.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13"A new camp, I think."
0:07:13 > 0:07:15We thought we knew everything they were intolerant of,
0:07:15 > 0:07:17but it turns out even hooting your horn,
0:07:17 > 0:07:20they would punish the driver by putting yellow dots on their car.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22It was like a sign, like, "He is a hooter,
0:07:22 > 0:07:24"he sounds his horn," and people would turn their back.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27I've completely changed my opinion of the Nazis.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30I thought they were a pretty reasonable bunch of guys,
0:07:30 > 0:07:32but this yellow dot business!
0:07:32 > 0:07:35It is just, they're shocking, aren't they? Anyway, there you go.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38So the QI klaxon isn't a Klaxon at all.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Now everyone knows what knees, knuckles and kidneys are,
0:07:40 > 0:07:44but what's the point of these less familiar K-parts of the body?
0:07:45 > 0:07:50Kiesselbach's plexus. The valves of Kerckring. The end-bulbs of Krause.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52The pores of Kohn.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55That is the best nickname for someone's balls ever.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Behold the End-Bulbs of Krause!
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Kneel before the End-Bulbs of Krause.
0:08:02 > 0:08:03Kneel before them!
0:08:05 > 0:08:07Are these not all Star Trek movies?
0:08:07 > 0:08:09No, I know, it does. Star Trek 19.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12- Down the years.- The Valves of Kerckring. Kiesselbach's Plexus.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16They are magnificent names. They are all parts of the human anatomy.
0:08:16 > 0:08:21The valves of Kerckring are actually folds. Would that help you at all?
0:08:21 > 0:08:23- Where do we have lots and lots of folds?- Intestines?
0:08:23 > 0:08:26- Yes. Well done. Get in there! - Yes!
0:08:26 > 0:08:29You got in there with our smaller gut.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31There it is, the valves of Kerckring.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33This is like the QI version of that game Operation.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Yes. Bzzzz!
0:08:35 > 0:08:38So what had Kerckring done that someone named disgusting,
0:08:38 > 0:08:41shitty bits of the body after him?
0:08:41 > 0:08:43He was a 17th century Dutch anatomist, who was a friend
0:08:43 > 0:08:45and co-evil of the philosopher Spinoza.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48And, as you know from those wonderful Rembrandt paintings,
0:08:48 > 0:08:51anatomy was a big subject in Holland,
0:08:51 > 0:08:52they were fascinated and curious.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Some fantastic discoveries being made,
0:08:54 > 0:08:56and one of them was this lower intestine,
0:08:56 > 0:08:59which is 22 feet long and a few inches wide.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01But if unfolded, it would cover a tennis court.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03- Just yours. - DAVID: But surely that's...
0:09:03 > 0:09:05A tennis court! And mine.
0:09:05 > 0:09:06Well, two tennis courts.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08The whole of the tennis court, or just the lines?
0:09:08 > 0:09:11No, the whole of the tennis court. Including for doubles play.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13It's pretty astonishing, isn't it?
0:09:13 > 0:09:15What's interesting about the intestines,
0:09:15 > 0:09:18we used to be herbivores, which is why we have so much intestine.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21Because when you only eat plants, you have to take a really
0:09:21 > 0:09:23long time digesting them to get everything out of them.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26- Absolutely.- Now we're carnivores, and this is sometimes why
0:09:26 > 0:09:28we have digestive problems, in terms of dairy and stuff.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31But giant pandas, who are carnivores, they have very...
0:09:31 > 0:09:32- Are they?- They were carnivores.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35- Were they?- We're one of only three species that have changed over,
0:09:35 > 0:09:38one to the other. It's us, pandas and a squirrel.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Squirrels used to be carnivore?
0:09:41 > 0:09:43- A kind of squirrel that I can't remember.- Oh, right.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Giant pandas, that's why they have so much problems,
0:09:46 > 0:09:47cos they have a short intestine,
0:09:47 > 0:09:49without these flaps, so they only eat bamboo, which goes
0:09:49 > 0:09:52straight through them, meaning they have to eat it all day long.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55- It's so boring for them. - That's why they never have sex.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57- Yeah, exactly.- As we all know, you cannot have sex on indigestion.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59It's impossible.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02You definitely get points for that. It's completely true.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04DAVID: What happened that the pandas gave up on meat?
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Evolution and their circumstances, their environs.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09I mean, it's not working very well for them, evolution.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11You're going to get ecologically cross with them now.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13- I mean, it seems... - They took a wrong step.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15..idiotic.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18They can't... There's like 25 minutes a year they can have sex
0:10:18 > 0:10:21and it will work, if they can be bothered, which they never can.
0:10:21 > 0:10:25- They look ridiculous. - Oh, they're gorgeous!
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Let's not bring looks into this.
0:10:27 > 0:10:28I'm not saying they're not sweet,
0:10:28 > 0:10:30but they're not dignified, are they?
0:10:30 > 0:10:32That's what makes them so lovely.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34You're not going, ah, they're the wise panda.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36Never mind what the panda thinks, the panda's an idiot.
0:10:37 > 0:10:38Maybe they eat it...
0:10:38 > 0:10:41If you want to make Bungle in Rainbow seem high status,
0:10:41 > 0:10:42bring on a panda.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45I'm with David on this. If you're in danger, you eat what you get.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47Like, if a rhino turned round and was like,
0:10:47 > 0:10:51"Sorry, no carbs before Marbs," then it deserves to die.
0:10:51 > 0:10:52Young person reference.
0:10:52 > 0:10:56I think they probably used to eat things that don't exist any more.
0:10:56 > 0:10:57DAVID: Oh, like dinosaurs.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01- Little dinosaurs. - Yeah. Lovely little crunchy ones.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Who really liked pandas.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06They used to go up and go, "Ah, look, really... Oh!"
0:11:07 > 0:11:09That would, that would be evolution -
0:11:09 > 0:11:13- you evolved to look cute to something you want to eat.- Yes.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15- Like, you know... - Anyway, back to parts of the body.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Those are the Valves of Kerckring.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19What about these, then, the pores of Kohn.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23- The bell ends of...- No, we're going to come to the bell ends, Alan.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26Wait for the bell ends. They will come, but the pores of Kohn.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:11:33 > 0:11:35I don't know what's going to come out.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39I never know what's going to issue from me.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41It's another ring tone, I can't wait.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46That is Twitter in a nut shell.
0:11:46 > 0:11:50I'm so sorry. Aye, aye, aye.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53The pores of Kohn are incredibly important. We need them deeply.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56- But they're not pores...- They are holes in the surface of the skin.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Not in the skin, those are where we have, obviously, millions of pores.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02- DAVID: They're an internal pore. - They're internal pores.
0:12:02 > 0:12:03- Sara: Is it on bones? - No, not in bones.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05They're in order to equalise pressure.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08- DAVID: In the lungs. - As a backup system, in the lungs.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11Named after a German pathologist who was expelled by the Nazis in 1933,
0:12:11 > 0:12:13but there they are.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15- Sara: Did he blow his horn? - Yes, he did.
0:12:15 > 0:12:16ALAN MAKES HORN NOISE
0:12:16 > 0:12:18I've found some pores in the lungs!
0:12:18 > 0:12:21CONTINUES TO MAKE HORN NOISE
0:12:21 > 0:12:25- I wish it were, for such a nice, good reason.- Out, get out!
0:12:25 > 0:12:26There you go.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29And amazingly they form an emergency backup system,
0:12:29 > 0:12:33along with the canals of Lambert and the fenestrations of Boren.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36I thought you were going to say Butler, that would have been perfect.
0:12:36 > 0:12:40Fenestration... De-fenestration is chucking someone out of a window.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42A fenestration is presumably chucking someone in.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44It's just a window shaping... A window making thing.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47The de-fenestration of Prague, wasn't it, was a historical event?
0:12:47 > 0:12:49I don't quite know what happened there, but...
0:12:49 > 0:12:52- People got thrown out of windows. - Out of windows, yes.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54- The whole city wasn't thrown out of a window.- In Prague?
0:12:54 > 0:12:55Yes, in Prague.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58The de-fenestration of Amsterdam was a historical event
0:12:58 > 0:13:01that happened on a stag do that I attended.
0:13:01 > 0:13:02I'm sure it did.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04"These prostitutes do not like getting touched."
0:13:04 > 0:13:06- Oh, stop.- Not me!
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Oh, right, phew!
0:13:08 > 0:13:09- You mean the window ones?- Yes.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12Sorry, I've got you. Yes, just for a minute I was really disturbed.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14- I'm not there. - No, no, of course not.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16By the way, if I was, that's how I'd do it.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21You'd never be out of work, I promise you.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24The end-bulbs...
0:13:24 > 0:13:26LAUGHTER
0:13:26 > 0:13:28- We're coming to the end-bulbs. - A work...
0:13:28 > 0:13:31The end-bulbs of Krause. Now, what could they be?
0:13:31 > 0:13:32The helmet.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35We have them on the genitalia in mulberry-like clusters,
0:13:35 > 0:13:38- as a matter of fact. - Mulberry-like clusters?
0:13:38 > 0:13:39We have a lot of them on the genitals.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41The little funny bits on the...
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Pimple bits on the... On the right, that are all...
0:13:43 > 0:13:46LAUGHTER
0:13:46 > 0:13:47Don't do that!
0:13:49 > 0:13:51They're those bits, there.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54Those middle bits. Those middle bits there and there.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Here.
0:13:56 > 0:14:00You know when you take it out to go to the loo, right?
0:14:00 > 0:14:02And then you get the winch down.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06- Stop it!- I have to take a step ladder to go to the loo.- Behave!
0:14:06 > 0:14:07No, they're smaller than that,
0:14:07 > 0:14:10but they are incredibly sensitive to a particular condition.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12- A lady.- To what ladies?
0:14:12 > 0:14:14- To a particular lady. - A particular lady. No.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17We also have them all over the skin, but they are very concentrated
0:14:17 > 0:14:19on the genitalia, for a particular reason,
0:14:19 > 0:14:22particularly the male genitalia are very sensitive to the...
0:14:22 > 0:14:23your swinging...
0:14:23 > 0:14:25- Don't do that! - Sara: What did he do?
0:14:25 > 0:14:28- Are you having a look? - Is that cheating?- Yes!
0:14:28 > 0:14:30You have a special isolated camera above you,
0:14:30 > 0:14:32- just thought I'd warn you. - Oh, really?
0:14:32 > 0:14:35- Well, I do. Anyway.- Sorry, Colin.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40But no, as you know, the survival of spermatozoa
0:14:40 > 0:14:44is very dependent on a very narrow range of what?
0:14:44 > 0:14:46- DAVID: Temperature. - Temperature, exactly.
0:14:46 > 0:14:47- That's why we've got balls.- Yeah.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50- Because they have to be kept separate from the...- Precisely.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52- It's like hanging milk outside a student room...- Yes.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54..to keep it cold.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56So, if it's very, very warm, they sort of tend to droop down,
0:14:56 > 0:14:59- and sort of swing a bit and get the air round them.- Yes.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01If it's very cold, they shrink up and keep...
0:15:01 > 0:15:03- They tend to head home. - Yeah, exactly.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05And snuggle up, to the blood supply.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Or if you're watching Loose Women.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Maybe. Yes. I should imagine that would...
0:15:09 > 0:15:11- In a cold room. - Yes, in a cold room.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13So, yes, these end-bulbs of Krause
0:15:13 > 0:15:15are tiny little bits all over the skin,
0:15:15 > 0:15:17not just the genitalia, they're not as big as...
0:15:17 > 0:15:19- Whose willy's that? - No, no, they're not just...
0:15:19 > 0:15:21I have to make it clear they're all over the body.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23- DAVID: They're goose pimples. - He needs to see a doctor.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26They're not the goose pimples themselves. They're tiny
0:15:26 > 0:15:28- and they sense cold.- Could you see an end-bulb of Krause?
0:15:28 > 0:15:30- I don't think so. - They're too small to see.- Yeah.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32- But they're there, working out if it's cold.- Yes.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35- If it's hot, they knock off. - Yeah, absolutely right.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38They're activated by temperatures lower than 20 degrees Celsius.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40- Oh, they're pretty busy in this country then.- Yeah.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42They certainly are, they certainly are.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45And so that leaves us with Kiesselbach's plexus.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49And plexus as in complex is a sort of network.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Sara: So it's a nerve-endings thing, is it?
0:15:51 > 0:15:53DAVID: The brain.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56No, actually, it's a network of connected arteries.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58- The heart?- No.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01I'm just going to say things. And that's it, I've completely...
0:16:03 > 0:16:04No, it's in the nasal septum.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Yeah, it's a little network of arteries.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09It's around the point where we're most likely to have a nosebleed.
0:16:09 > 0:16:10We've covered this before, Alan.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13When you have a nose bleed, Alan, you should pinch your nose and lean?
0:16:13 > 0:16:15- Forwards.- Well remembered.
0:16:15 > 0:16:16- Lean back.- Ah! No.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19- No. Forward.- Oh, well, just in time. - Yeah. Just in time.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Because if you lean back, the blood might go down your throat. Anyway.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24This picture you've got of Tara Palmer-Tomkinson
0:16:24 > 0:16:26with her make-up off is amazing.
0:16:26 > 0:16:27LAUGHTER
0:16:28 > 0:16:32That's terrible. Now, why do doctors hit your knee with a hammer?
0:16:32 > 0:16:34- To test your reflexes.- Oh, oh.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Sara: Yes.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38- Oh, oh.- That's correct, but what reflexes are they?
0:16:38 > 0:16:40- What?- The reflexes of the...
0:16:40 > 0:16:43I was convinced!
0:16:43 > 0:16:45- It's a muscle... - You know the scorer.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48You so know Murray.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51It's always a really cold hammer, so maybe they're testing
0:16:51 > 0:16:54the end-bulbs of Kurchel-bircher-koucher-butcher.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58- Just checking.- No, it's not the end-bulbs of Krause.
0:16:58 > 0:16:59- Cos they don't like you.- Yes.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02There's nerves that run from the thigh upwards to the...?
0:17:02 > 0:17:04- Head.- No. No, you would think that.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06Sara: It's something to do...
0:17:06 > 0:17:08The expression is a knee-jerk response.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11- A knee-jerk reaction, yeah. - Because it doesn't go to the brain.
0:17:11 > 0:17:12You're absolutely right.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14It communicates amongst itself, somehow.
0:17:14 > 0:17:15It goes up to the spinal column.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17- It doesn't go all the way up to the brain at all.- Yeah.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19So it is unmediated by the brain entirely.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22- It is absolutely a knee-jerk reflex. - And it only happens in two times.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25One is when you get hit on the knee with a little hammer like that,
0:17:25 > 0:17:28and the other is when you're asleep on a crowded train and you...
0:17:29 > 0:17:30So many times.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34And you never see a doctor rushing off with a little hammer.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36What are they hoping to see, doctors,
0:17:36 > 0:17:37when they tap you on the knee?
0:17:37 > 0:17:40They want you to do that, they want you to kick.
0:17:40 > 0:17:41Though actually, if it's too big,
0:17:41 > 0:17:43- it could be a sign of really bad things.- Oh.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46So, that is a pretty healthy one.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48- Sorry, is this on a loop? - It's on a loop, yes.
0:17:48 > 0:17:49Oh, sorry.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51This is the worst medical ever.
0:17:52 > 0:17:53It's painful.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Just stop with the bloody knee!
0:17:55 > 0:17:58Grab my balls, I'll cough and then let's leave.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01No, it's the relative strength of the twitch that is really important.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05Too much of a twitch might indicate a brain tumour, stroke,
0:18:05 > 0:18:08liver disease, multiple sclerosis or tetanus.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10And too little might mean botulism,
0:18:10 > 0:18:13damaged nervous system or an infected spine.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15And none at all could well be an index or a sign of...
0:18:15 > 0:18:16Or wooden leg.
0:18:16 > 0:18:17LAUGHTER
0:18:19 > 0:18:20Wooden leg.
0:18:20 > 0:18:21Or death.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23- Sara: You're dead, yeah. - Or, death, or?
0:18:23 > 0:18:24Syphilis.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Oh, of course, the old syphilis.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28You don't get much of that any more...
0:18:28 > 0:18:30"Oooh!" As if that was tonight's star prize.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Forget gonorrhoea, go for syphilis.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34You keep the chlamydia, that's yours.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37No-one can take that away, the chlamydia's yours.
0:18:37 > 0:18:38The genital warts are yours.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Don't point at me, I haven't got any of them.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42- I'm pointing at both of you.- I think the whole point with chlamydia
0:18:42 > 0:18:45- is people can take it away from you. - Yes, you're so right.
0:18:45 > 0:18:46Anyway, yeah.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48DAVID: What if you did a murder with your reflex?
0:18:48 > 0:18:51If someone sort of attacked your knee and then the reflex,
0:18:51 > 0:18:53you had a knife attached to your shoe or something.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55You broke their neck.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57And you killed them, would you be able to say, ah,
0:18:57 > 0:18:59but the reflex, it didn't go to my brain,
0:18:59 > 0:19:02it only went to the bottom of my spine, so I didn't really do it.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04- Yes.- But it does happen if you're driving,
0:19:04 > 0:19:07you have an automated response, it's called, like, murder by auto...
0:19:07 > 0:19:09but you don't go to prison. So if you sneeze
0:19:09 > 0:19:12- and then you run someone over... Someone sneezed, literally.- Yeah.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15Literally at that moment. Talk about a reflex!
0:19:15 > 0:19:16DAVID! That means there's been a murder!
0:19:16 > 0:19:18There's a killer!
0:19:18 > 0:19:21They've just murdered someone!
0:19:21 > 0:19:23- Sara: Now they know they'll get away with it.- Wow.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25It's something like...
0:19:25 > 0:19:28DAVID: So, if I walk into a room with a gun cocked, sneeze, it goes off,
0:19:28 > 0:19:30you kill someone, you're in the clear?
0:19:30 > 0:19:32So, if you want to kill your wife, what you do is,
0:19:32 > 0:19:35you drive down to Dover, you get her right up against a cliff,
0:19:35 > 0:19:38and then you put your leg behind her and then get a doctor to tap a knee.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40- Off she goes. - That I'm afraid would...
0:19:40 > 0:19:42The doctor would go to prison.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44- That would act up. - The doctor would go to prison?
0:19:44 > 0:19:47- And you.- What if he was sneezing as he tapped her knee?
0:19:47 > 0:19:48LAUGHTER
0:19:48 > 0:19:50The perfect crime.
0:19:50 > 0:19:51Yeah.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54- Broadchurch series two sorted. - Yeah.
0:19:56 > 0:20:00I love this imaginary super-compliant wife you've found.
0:20:00 > 0:20:01Who allows herself to be taken...
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Just come all the way here and stand there.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05What are we doing here?! It's freezing.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Sara: And why has the GP come with us?
0:20:07 > 0:20:11DAVID: Isn't it a lovely view, my love? Stand still.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15So, when you're hammered, a knee-jerk response
0:20:15 > 0:20:17is a total no-brainer. Ha! Ha! Ha!
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Now, what's a knocker-uppers' knocker-upper?
0:20:19 > 0:20:23DAVID: That would be the person that wakes the person
0:20:23 > 0:20:26that went round the streets waking people by bashing their windows
0:20:26 > 0:20:28with a long stick.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32Is completely utterly and entirely the right answer. Absolutely, yes.
0:20:32 > 0:20:33APPLAUSE
0:20:36 > 0:20:38It seems obvious, when you think about it,
0:20:38 > 0:20:41that after the beginning of the industrial revolution,
0:20:41 > 0:20:42as people flocked into cities,
0:20:42 > 0:20:45they didn't work the usual daylight hours they had worked
0:20:45 > 0:20:49in the countryside, and there were no such things as alarm clocks.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52So, they had to be woken up for getting to t'mill
0:20:52 > 0:20:54by a tap on the window by a man with a long stick.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56So, do these guys stay up all night?
0:20:56 > 0:21:00That's the point. A knocker-uppers' knocker-upper,
0:21:00 > 0:21:03as David rightly said, was someone who did stay up all night.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06And then their last act was to wake up the sleeping knocker-uppers.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09And then they'd go to bed and be on the night shift, as it were.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12There was a famous Limehouse knocker-upper called Mary Smith,
0:21:12 > 0:21:14but she had a fantastic technique,
0:21:14 > 0:21:17which was shooting peas out of a pea shooter at the windows.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19- Isn't that cool? - SARA: Ooh, that's very cool.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21- And doesn't she look a marvellous sight.- Yeah.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23- Mary is my kind of woman.- Yeah?
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Put it this way, if Mary was round mine,
0:21:25 > 0:21:28she would not be getting up at four o'clock in the morning, Stephen.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32But it's a wonderful photograph, the way she's got her hand on her hips.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35But anyway, there you are, a knocker-uppers' knocker-upper
0:21:35 > 0:21:38was a human alarm clock's human alarm clock.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41Now, what colour is a red kite?
0:21:41 > 0:21:44- Blue!- Is it black?
0:21:44 > 0:21:45- Red. White. - KLAXON SOUNDS
0:21:45 > 0:21:48- Oh, thank you, Alan. - Somebody had to do it.
0:21:48 > 0:21:49Very good of you.
0:21:49 > 0:21:50The thing is they were named...
0:21:50 > 0:21:51Is it a bird?
0:21:51 > 0:21:54They were named before the English language had a word for orange,
0:21:54 > 0:21:57we just used the word red for anything that was orange as well.
0:21:57 > 0:21:58We had the word orange for a fruit,
0:21:58 > 0:22:00but didn't use it for the colour till the 16th century.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03SARA: We always think it was the colour that named the fruit,
0:22:03 > 0:22:05- and it's the fruit that named the colour.- Exactly right.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08So it's true of a robin red-breast, which is clearly orange, not red.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11We call it a red-breast. Same with the red squirrel,
0:22:11 > 0:22:13there we are, that's orange. No two ways about it.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15And indeed red-headed people. It's not red, if they had red hair,
0:22:15 > 0:22:18I mean, some people do through modern use of dyes, don't they?
0:22:18 > 0:22:20- Some of your young friends, I expect.- Yes.
0:22:22 > 0:22:23Absolutely.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26And red deer, similarly, are not red.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28But they were all named before the word orange
0:22:28 > 0:22:29existed as a colour choice.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31In those days people would say,
0:22:31 > 0:22:34- "What's the name of that red fruit? Oh, the orange."- Yes.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37- "Yeah, yeah, pass me one of them." - Exactly.
0:22:37 > 0:22:41It could have been that, not the orange that made it catch on,
0:22:41 > 0:22:44but the front of a robin. So we could all have,
0:22:44 > 0:22:47you know, "front of a robin" brand phones, where you sort of go,
0:22:47 > 0:22:50"What colour is it? Oh, it's front of a robin."
0:22:51 > 0:22:54- It would be confusing. - "I'm just eating an orange.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57"It's such a bright shade of front of a robin."
0:22:57 > 0:22:59And when people were getting bullied in the playground
0:22:59 > 0:23:00it would be way less offensive.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03"Oi, front of a robin pubes," like that.
0:23:05 > 0:23:09But why is a robin associated with Christmas?
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Oh, is this something to do with Jesus?
0:23:11 > 0:23:12I know he's very Christmassy.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16- Is Jesus Christmassy? - Do you know, I don't think he is.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Considering he started it all,
0:23:18 > 0:23:20I don't think he's all that Christmassy.
0:23:20 > 0:23:21He's not the least bit Christmassy.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23I don't think you can hold it against him...
0:23:23 > 0:23:26- No, it's not his fault.- ..that he's not entering into the spirit
0:23:26 > 0:23:28- of Christmas. - I'm not saying I hold...
0:23:28 > 0:23:31"Cheer up, watch Morecambe and Wise and have some Quality Street.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33"You're bringing everyone down!"
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Well, I'm just saying, I'm not surprised he's lost control
0:23:35 > 0:23:40of the festival, to commercialism and Father Christmas,
0:23:40 > 0:23:42because he's not putting the effort in.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44He is at Easter time, but we're not that into Easter.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Yeah, he's losing that to bloody eggs and bunnies.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48That's true, that's true.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50I was thinking about Jesus, because isn't there a story where
0:23:50 > 0:23:53the robin takes thorns out of his hands and then gets its red breast.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55It's a lovely idea, there may well be.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57They may have tried to post-connect the robin.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Because it's obviously only in Britain that there's,
0:23:59 > 0:24:02there wouldn't be as much snow around the Mediterranean,
0:24:02 > 0:24:04- certainly not in Palestine. - Oh, yeah, of course.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06- DAVID: Again, not Christmassy, is it? - No.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09- Where Jesus lived wasn't very Christmassy.- No, it really wasn't.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11I love the fact you're so angry about this.
0:24:11 > 0:24:12- I actually know this.- Yes?
0:24:12 > 0:24:15A robin is associated with Christmas because it's the only bird
0:24:15 > 0:24:18within the natural world that round the period of December flies back
0:24:18 > 0:24:21to its original nest with its robin parents,
0:24:21 > 0:24:23gives them a little bit of alcohol,
0:24:23 > 0:24:25and then has to sit there as they're a little bit racist.
0:24:27 > 0:24:28I learnt it in biology.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Well, that's very good.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33The actual reason is because we associate Christmas
0:24:33 > 0:24:36with Christmas cards and Christmas cards were delivered by postmen
0:24:36 > 0:24:38wearing red, bright red uniforms,
0:24:38 > 0:24:40who were known as red breasts, or robins.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43That was their nickname. The robins come round for Christmas.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45So people started putting on Christmas cards a robin
0:24:45 > 0:24:48to show that a robin would be delivering it. It was that reason.
0:24:48 > 0:24:49- That's amazing.- Which is unusual.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51- It is amazing. - But to return to our red kites,
0:24:51 > 0:24:54- do you know anything about red kites in Britain?- No.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57I think they were reintroduced, they'd gone extinct in England
0:24:57 > 0:24:59- and they were reintroduced successfully.- That's right.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02- Now there's loads of them in the south of England.- There are.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04In medieval times, it was the law that you had to kill one
0:25:04 > 0:25:06if you saw one. You actually had to.
0:25:06 > 0:25:07- Had to kill it?- Yes, you had to.
0:25:07 > 0:25:11If you were seen observing a red kite without trying to kill it,
0:25:11 > 0:25:13- you were breaking the law.- Wow. - That was really absurd.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15So the numbers drastically reduced.
0:25:15 > 0:25:19Fortunately there now are 1,800 breeding pairs of red kites,
0:25:19 > 0:25:22it's been a hugely successful reintroduction.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25And lastly, how did the monkey wrench get its name?
0:25:28 > 0:25:30I'm nervous of this,
0:25:30 > 0:25:34because this was a fact that came up on the Unbelievable Truth.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36- Uh-oh.- The marvellous Radio 4 quiz shows they do.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39It has happened before that facts we've asserted
0:25:39 > 0:25:42on the Unbelievable Truth have been...
0:25:42 > 0:25:46I think the word is "mocked" on this programme,
0:25:46 > 0:25:48for being factually incorrect.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50And you know, I'll be honest with you,
0:25:50 > 0:25:52I don't do all the fact checking.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54- Ditto, ditto, ditto, I have to say. - Yeah.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57But on that show, what was given to me
0:25:57 > 0:26:00on a piece of paper to read out, was the fact that the monkey wrench
0:26:00 > 0:26:04was named after a person, whose name was something like Moncka.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07And he was some kind of, I don't know, technical...
0:26:07 > 0:26:09KLAXON SOUNDS
0:26:09 > 0:26:10That's so unfair.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12You could not have parenthesised it more,
0:26:12 > 0:26:14but nonetheless, we are beastly rivals of yours,
0:26:14 > 0:26:17and you did mock us in your last series, when you...
0:26:17 > 0:26:20Yeah, again, the person that handed me the piece of paper put on it
0:26:20 > 0:26:22a piece of QI fact error mockery.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24We... Exactly. We had said...
0:26:24 > 0:26:26It's turning into war! And all I want is peace.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28I know, you're right. From now on it is peace.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31But we're like, in this war we're like the Southern States,
0:26:31 > 0:26:32we haven't got the resources
0:26:32 > 0:26:35and we're going to turn to racism as a result.
0:26:38 > 0:26:42"That Jew boy Fry said..." I hope you don't go that far.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45But no, we incorrectly said that Descartes, Rene Descartes,
0:26:45 > 0:26:47believed that monkeys could speak,
0:26:47 > 0:26:50but didn't because, if they did, it would put them to work.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53In fact Descartes reported that he had heard this belief,
0:26:53 > 0:26:55and you correctly said that and then mocked us, correctly.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58It was a rap over the knuckles.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00But there you go, that's minus 50 to David, of course.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02So what is the truth?
0:27:02 > 0:27:07The answer actually... It's a kind of rather gigantic not quite sure.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10- So we might be right! - The Americans claim it.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13No, we know that it isn't Mr Moncky, because there was an article
0:27:13 > 0:27:18written in the 1880s, said that the true inventor, Charles Moncky,
0:27:18 > 0:27:20was dying in poverty,
0:27:20 > 0:27:22despite inventing this incredibly useful thing.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25The problem here is the term monkey wrench was used in England
0:27:25 > 0:27:28as early as 1807, and these articles were written in the 1880s.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31So it's just obviously completely impossible for that to be the case.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34It's generally believed that the face of it reminded people
0:27:34 > 0:27:36of the jaws of a monkey, you know.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39Or that a monkey version of something in the navy
0:27:39 > 0:27:40is a sort of rigging up of something.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42But it's not all bad news for Mr Moncky,
0:27:42 > 0:27:45because he is the originator of the phrase "spank the moncky."
0:27:47 > 0:27:49So, you know, he didn't die in vain.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Exactly. Well, there we go.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53So, I'm sorry about that minus 50.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56Nobody knows how or why a monkey wrench is so-called,
0:27:56 > 0:27:58though we do know that it wasn't for the reason given on David's
0:27:58 > 0:28:01otherwise excellent and superb radio show.
0:28:01 > 0:28:04- Which brings us to the matter of scores.- Oh, dear.
0:28:04 > 0:28:05Goodnessly graciously...
0:28:05 > 0:28:09Murray can't help me now, can he?
0:28:09 > 0:28:11I'm afraid it's pretty inevitable that in last place,
0:28:11 > 0:28:13with minus 41 is David Mitchell.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16APPLAUSE
0:28:19 > 0:28:21That means... It means I was on nine!
0:28:21 > 0:28:23Yes, it does, you were on plus nine.
0:28:23 > 0:28:27And you saved Alan from ignominy, who is on minus 20 in third place.
0:28:27 > 0:28:28Thank you very much.
0:28:28 > 0:28:31APPLAUSE
0:28:33 > 0:28:36A magnificent second place for Jack Whitehall, minus seven.
0:28:36 > 0:28:39APPLAUSE
0:28:41 > 0:28:43But what a QI kind of mind, what an incredible score,
0:28:43 > 0:28:47what an amazing debut from Sara Pascoe, with plus 28!
0:28:47 > 0:28:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:51 > 0:28:52Superb!
0:28:55 > 0:28:57Well, that's all for this week,
0:28:57 > 0:29:00so it's good night and thank you from Sara, Jack, David, Alan and me.
0:29:00 > 0:29:02Good night.
0:29:02 > 0:29:05APPLAUSE
0:29:05 > 0:29:09Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd