0:00:28 > 0:00:30APPLAUSE
0:00:30 > 0:00:34Goo-oo-oo-ood evening, good evening, good evening, good evening,
0:00:34 > 0:00:36good evening, good evening, good evening,
0:00:36 > 0:00:39and welcome to the Quite Interesting world of Kitsch,
0:00:39 > 0:00:43where tonight everything is in the worst possible taste.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46Let's meet those '70s icons,
0:00:46 > 0:00:50the girl off the Athena tennis poster, Sue Perkins.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53APPLAUSE
0:00:55 > 0:01:01And complete with medallion and chest wig, it's Reginald D Hunter.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03APPLAUSE
0:01:06 > 0:01:11Our man on the water bed in black satin pyjamas, Jimmy Carr.
0:01:13 > 0:01:14That is a troubling image.
0:01:16 > 0:01:20And not really giving a flying duck, Alan Davies.
0:01:20 > 0:01:21Thank you very much.
0:01:21 > 0:01:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:25 > 0:01:30Now, if you want to avail yourself of my avocado bathroom en-suite
0:01:30 > 0:01:33with all the trimmings, all you have to do is call.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36- Sue goes... - DING-DONG!
0:01:36 > 0:01:41- Reginald goes... - THEME FROM "THE STING"
0:01:41 > 0:01:45- Jimmy goes... - CAR HORN PLAYS "LA CUCARACHA"
0:01:45 > 0:01:48- Brilliant.- And Alan goes... - QUACK QUACK
0:01:48 > 0:01:50There we are.
0:01:50 > 0:01:55So, here's a load of old tat that includes
0:01:55 > 0:01:57everything but the kitsch sink.
0:01:57 > 0:01:58Have a look.
0:01:58 > 0:01:59LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYS
0:01:59 > 0:02:01A flowery chair.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04A cute balloon.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06A Tiffany lamp.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10And a donkey cigarette dispenser.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12LAUGHTER
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Now, which is kitsch?
0:02:14 > 0:02:16See, I don't know where kitsch becomes tacky,
0:02:16 > 0:02:18there's a sort of hinterland, isn't there?
0:02:18 > 0:02:22Hmm. We're going, unusually for QI, by dictionary definition.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25It's a quality, something that a kitsch thing must have
0:02:25 > 0:02:29- in order to be kitsch. - Ubiquity?- No.- Popular?- Ordinary?
0:02:29 > 0:02:31Ordinary. Worthless.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33- Yes.- Worthless.- It would be that chair, wouldn't it?
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Well, the Tiffany lamps, I saw a Tiffany lamp in a store,
0:02:36 > 0:02:38in the Kings Road, and I thought, "Oh, it's kind of
0:02:38 > 0:02:40"a kitschy kind of thing, but it's all right."
0:02:40 > 0:02:42And it was like 80 grand or something ludicrous.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44- Oh, yes.- So you bought it! - They sold a very...
0:02:44 > 0:02:46- So I bought three.- Yes, quite.
0:02:47 > 0:02:52There was one from the 1890s that was sold for 2.8 million.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54They are far from worthless, the originals.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57But as you know, there are many imitations, which would,
0:02:57 > 0:03:00I suppose, count as kitsch, because essentially
0:03:00 > 0:03:04it's a stained-glass Art Nouveau lamp, with a bronze fitting.
0:03:04 > 0:03:072.8 million and then you can just very easily knock it over,
0:03:07 > 0:03:09- can't you?- That would be...
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Just come in pissed and you'd knock it over.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14But that's true of Ming china, I suppose, as well.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16So what about the balloon animal, is that...?
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Is that not the one, that's not a balloon animal, is it?
0:03:19 > 0:03:21That is... What's the guy called?
0:03:21 > 0:03:23- The American artist. - The Pop Art guy.- Yes.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26The guy who makes...who was dating La Cicciolina, Jeff Koons, is it?
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Jeff Koons is the right answer,
0:03:28 > 0:03:31and his work goes for a huge amount of money, vast.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35I mean, one of his pieces went for 38 million.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37It really did look like a dog.
0:03:37 > 0:03:42Yes, he just does stuff that is kitsch in every sense,
0:03:42 > 0:03:44but the worthless sense.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47Now, the chintz armchair.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Chintz has become somewhat unfashionable,
0:03:49 > 0:03:53but when it first arrived from - do you know where it first came from?
0:03:53 > 0:03:54Bournemouth.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58- LAUGHTER - Originally... I think it comes from John Lewis.
0:04:00 > 0:04:01Let's move a little bit away.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03- China.- India is the answer.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06- Oh.- It arrived as early as the 1680s in Europe,
0:04:06 > 0:04:11and was so successful and so remarkably popular
0:04:11 > 0:04:14that in the court of Versailles, Louis declared
0:04:14 > 0:04:17that it should be illegal everywhere, except in his court.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20because it was ruining the French textile industry.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24And the same happened in Britain in 1720 - all chintz was banned
0:04:24 > 0:04:26because our own weavers were going out of business,
0:04:26 > 0:04:29because it was considered such a luxury item.
0:04:29 > 0:04:30So there's a chintz chair.
0:04:30 > 0:04:35And finally we had on our conveyor belt, this lovely object here.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38- Oh, my God, you're so lucky! - Oh, I want that!
0:04:38 > 0:04:40You put...yeah, out comes a cigarette.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42- Wouldn't want to smoke it though. - It poos a cigarette.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44I think, instead of going,
0:04:44 > 0:04:46"Oh, we're going to get rid of all cigarette advertising,"
0:04:46 > 0:04:50- I think they should say they all come out of donkeys' arses.- Yes!
0:04:50 > 0:04:53This would be kitsch, because it's worthless.
0:04:53 > 0:04:54Well, it's £6.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57And it's pretty kitsch, to be honest, isn't it?
0:04:57 > 0:04:59I like it. I'll buy it for a fiver.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02- It's yours.- Oh, you are a darling. - There, yours to cut out and keep.
0:05:02 > 0:05:03Hello!
0:05:03 > 0:05:05LAUGHTER
0:05:05 > 0:05:06Isn't anything coming out there?
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Get off! He's just prolapsed!
0:05:08 > 0:05:10You've prolapsed my donkey!
0:05:10 > 0:05:13- Did you just finger her ass?- Yes.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15- I literally did. - LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:05:18 > 0:05:19Well, you're not to.
0:05:19 > 0:05:24Yeah. I'm putting that away from your roaming anal fingers.
0:05:25 > 0:05:30So, let's look at some things that may or may not be kitsch,
0:05:30 > 0:05:31like the fluffy dice.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34I like the way we can go from like heavy, you know,
0:05:34 > 0:05:37obscure depthful meaning words to donkeys' ass-holes in the same...
0:05:37 > 0:05:40That's what we like to think of as the QI difference.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44- Uh-huh. Range.- Fluffy dice. Is there a word for that?
0:05:44 > 0:05:47- Tacky is the word I would probably use. Is that wrong of me?- Yeah.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49But they're used ironically now, aren't they?
0:05:49 > 0:05:50That's what's so interesting.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53When they first came out, it would have been a tacky thing to have
0:05:53 > 0:05:55in your Cortina in the late '70s, and now it's an ironic thing.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59Ditto those things behind me that are also on the screen, lava lamps.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01- Yeah.- And those... - I've got a lava lamp.
0:06:01 > 0:06:02- Have you?- Yeah.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Excellent. And the word one tends to use of that is?
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Arsehole?
0:06:07 > 0:06:08LAUGHTER
0:06:08 > 0:06:09Hippy.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11I was going to suggest retro.
0:06:11 > 0:06:12Oh, sorry.
0:06:12 > 0:06:16- QUACK QUACK Retro.- Yeah.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21- So, have you got any of these, Reg? - Any of...? No.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24In fact, I can say safely that I've never had any of those things.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Not one? No gnomes in your garden?
0:06:27 > 0:06:29- No, man. - Are they kitsch, or just...?
0:06:29 > 0:06:33- They're, again, postmodern ironic now, aren't they?- Yes, they are.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Gnomes seem to suggests something,
0:06:35 > 0:06:37and I don't know what they suggest, but I know for years
0:06:37 > 0:06:39when people see gnomes, they go, "Oh, you've got a gnome."
0:06:39 > 0:06:41and you're like, "What does that mean?"
0:06:41 > 0:06:44"Oh, man, ha-ha-ha!" And you don't know what that means.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Do Americans have gnomes in their gardens?
0:06:47 > 0:06:50- I mean the fake ones, right? - Yes. Yeah, obviously.
0:06:54 > 0:06:55I don't know whether...
0:06:55 > 0:06:59Sometimes you see them and you don't know if it's like
0:06:59 > 0:07:01- an Irish offshoot or something, or...- Yes.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03On the end there, that doll with the, er...
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Do you know what that is?
0:07:06 > 0:07:09Well, my aunt had one and it was supposed to obscure the fact
0:07:09 > 0:07:11that you are a person who owns toilet paper.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14That's it, explained, well done. It is indeed.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16- You're not that type of person. - No, I don't.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18I don't have a bottom and I don't push things out of it every day
0:07:18 > 0:07:21and therefore I would have no need
0:07:21 > 0:07:23for any sort of paper to wipe that residue.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25The donkey shit pusher would have been horrified.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31So kitsch is really in the eye of the beholder.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33Now, stop me now when you know what I'm talking about.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Originally made out of shower curtains,
0:07:35 > 0:07:38could be used as wallpaper, works as a burglar alarm,
0:07:38 > 0:07:41prevents sweaty toilet syndrome,
0:07:41 > 0:07:43covered Farrah Fawcett when she modelled for Playboy,
0:07:43 > 0:07:49good for stress relief and wraps things up so they don't break.
0:07:49 > 0:07:50Nylon. Lino.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52What was the toilet syndrome?
0:07:52 > 0:07:55don't worry about that, that's quite hard to guess.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57- Rubber?- It wraps things up and...
0:07:57 > 0:07:58- Plastic, cellophane?- Cling film.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01- CAR HORN - Bubble wrap. - Bubble wrap! Yes.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03APPLAUSE
0:08:03 > 0:08:05I'll tell you a few things about bubble wrap.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08It was invented in... Guess what year it was invented.
0:08:08 > 0:08:14- 1947.- It was 1957, in 1957 by Alfred Fielding and Marc Chavannes,
0:08:14 > 0:08:18who put two shower curtains together hoping to find some use for it,
0:08:18 > 0:08:19and it wasn't until they...
0:08:19 > 0:08:22- What?! - That's how they invented it?!
0:08:22 > 0:08:25That's a crazy shot in the dark, isn't it?
0:08:25 > 0:08:27I'm just going to put a couple of pencils together
0:08:27 > 0:08:30and see if we come up with anything.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33- Does this... What? - They were clearly covering the bed...
0:08:33 > 0:08:36- Yeah.- ..to protect the mattress... - Oh, now! They thought it...
0:08:36 > 0:08:39..and as they lay there, they heard, pop pop pop!
0:08:39 > 0:08:43"Was that you?" "No, it wasn't me." "We might be on to something here."
0:08:43 > 0:08:44Must be the shower curtains.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47They thought it could be sold as wallpaper, it didn't work.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50Nor did greenhouse insulation, which they also used it for.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52And it wasn't until 1960, three years later,
0:08:52 > 0:08:55they hit on the idea of wrapping up components for IBM.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57And, since then, the Sealed Air Corporation
0:08:57 > 0:09:00now makes enough every year to encircle the world ten times.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02That's pretty impressive, isn't it?
0:09:02 > 0:09:04That's good if we ever have to send the world anywhere.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Unfortunately, you'd send it Royal Mail
0:09:07 > 0:09:09and it would get lost, so...
0:09:09 > 0:09:12The thing about that is, where does it all go then?
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Because it just goes in the bin, doesn't it, bubble wrap?
0:09:15 > 0:09:20- Once you've popped it. - Or you sit in front of the telly relieving yourself.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23LAUGHTER
0:09:24 > 0:09:27You know what I mean.
0:09:27 > 0:09:28Yes.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31But let's get back to the bubble wrap.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35If you put it in the bin, where does it all go?
0:09:35 > 0:09:38It goes in that sort of whirlpool, between...in Hawaii.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41- Oh, the great Pacific gyre. - Yeah.- The size of Texas.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44That vast eddy which is full of bin liners.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47The sweaty toilet thing, you stick it inside of a cistern,
0:09:47 > 0:09:49because in hot tropical countries,
0:09:49 > 0:09:53the toilet cistern sweats and it apparently cures that.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57Now, I've got this little test for you. Here we are.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00And, with any luck, the audience might have some bubble wrap, too.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03They're waving their bubble wrap. Thank you, audience.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Do not pop it. This is a really important exercise.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09- What do you mean don't pop it? - Don't pop it, do not... No!
0:10:09 > 0:10:12No! No! This is really important.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14- Why?- OK.- No problem.- Why not though?
0:10:14 > 0:10:16This is a test of your worthiness. Don't pop it yet.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18One of mine's already popped, I didn't do it.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20That's all right, as long as you didn't,
0:10:20 > 0:10:23because in 2013, a group of Yale psychologists,
0:10:23 > 0:10:25they found another use for bubble wrap,
0:10:25 > 0:10:28which was to measure aggression, all right?
0:10:28 > 0:10:32They showed pictures of "cute" animals, all right?
0:10:32 > 0:10:35- Ooh!- Oh, now, now, wait, wait, wait.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37- Oh, the two little chicks! - Ooh!- Stop it.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41People were told to pop bubble wrap as they watched.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44They thought that it was a test for their motor activity and memory.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48But in fact it was a test for what's called "cute aggression".
0:10:48 > 0:10:51If you see something very cute, you start popping more and more.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Not because they wanted to hurt the animals, but because they were
0:10:53 > 0:10:56frustrated at not being able to touch them and cuddle them.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59And this is called cute aggression.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02It's when you kind of go, "Oooh!" like that.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04So, audience, hold your bubble wrap,
0:11:04 > 0:11:08we're going to show you some very cute animals and it's all up to you.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Let's start with the cuteness.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14- Oh, dear!- That's not. Come on, that's not that cute.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17- Oh, it is. - He looks sort of dead.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20He's not that cute, yeah, I think he's been shot.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24- Oh! That's horrible. - He does look like he's been shot.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Oh, the blue-eyed one!
0:11:26 > 0:11:28No, not that cute, not worth a pop.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32THEY ALL POP BUBBLES
0:11:32 > 0:11:35- You did it!- Definitely.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Yeah, that's getting quite a few pops.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40- Look at his little eye. - No, I'm not gone yet.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43I want a dog and then I'm going to pop my load.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47That's the first time I've heard that phrase since last night.
0:11:48 > 0:11:49- Oh, there...- Oh!
0:11:49 > 0:11:51- That's pretty cute. - That was the last one.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Not cute, ginger.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59All right. You can put away your bubble wrap now.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01That kitten is basically saying,
0:12:01 > 0:12:04"Help me, they're about to close the lid on this box."
0:12:04 > 0:12:06- He's probably the Schrodinger's cat. - Yeah, he is.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09- He's about to do the experiment. - I'm not going to exist in a minute.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12You may like to know that the last Monday in January
0:12:12 > 0:12:14is Bubble Wrap Awareness Day.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16- Oh, good.- It's the appreciation of bubble wrap day.
0:12:16 > 0:12:20- That's in my diary.- I'm sure they have a website.- Yeah.- They must do.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23And Rhett Allain of Wired magazine calculated that you need
0:12:23 > 0:12:28to wrap yourself in 39 layers of bubble wrap
0:12:28 > 0:12:32in order to survive falling out of a sixth floor window.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35- DEADPAN VOICE:- Oh, please, don't try that at home.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40- So...- Because you don't have a six-storey house?
0:12:40 > 0:12:44- It may be that.- So if you wrapped yourself in bubble wrap six times,
0:12:44 > 0:12:47- you could jump out of a building and you'd be...- No, 39 times.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50- 39.- Oh, thank God we clarified! - Yeah.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52LAUGHTER
0:12:52 > 0:12:55- So you're going to go up to the sixth storey of your house...- Yeah.
0:12:55 > 0:12:59I'm going up to the 39th storey and wrapping myself six times.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Which, by my calculations, I should be fine.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Anyway, so, here are tonight's specials.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10There we are.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13See if you can read that. They're on the board, as well.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Plats du jour. Sea kittens.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18- Sea kittens. - Sea kittens is a madey-uppy phrase,
0:13:18 > 0:13:20by people who don't want us to eat fish.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Oh, so they try to make us go into a bubble wrap mode,
0:13:23 > 0:13:25by calling it sea kitten instead of cod.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28So that would be a group of people who are very against anything
0:13:28 > 0:13:31to do with any kind of aggression or beastliness to animals.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33- Vegans.- Which would be vegetarians.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35No, an actual specific organisation.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38- PETA?- PETA, or... - PETA is the right answer.
0:13:38 > 0:13:39The People's... Oh, what is it?
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Something for Ethical Treatment of Animals.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Something for Ethical Treatment of Animals.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. I assume.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51And so they thought that if they called all fish sea kittens,
0:13:51 > 0:13:54people would say, "I wouldn't want to put a hook in a sea kitten."
0:13:54 > 0:13:56- So that was the idea. - A lake puppy.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59I think, if anything, it would make me want to try kittens.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02And we've also got Nymphs of Dawn.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05- Nymphs of the Golden Dawn. - I know one thing there.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07- Yes, go on?- I've certainly had the Nymphs of the Golden Dawn.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10- Which are Nymphs of the Golden Dawn? - Which are they?- Yes.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Are they oysters?
0:14:12 > 0:14:14- They're not oysters, no. - Then I was mis-sold!
0:14:14 > 0:14:17They were first served for the Prince of Wales...
0:14:17 > 0:14:20- Sounds like a strip club.- ..in 1908.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23They were served for the Prince of Wales in 1908,
0:14:23 > 0:14:26who would have been the future George V.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29They were actually a creation of one of the great chefs,
0:14:29 > 0:14:32- or THE great chef, really, of the 19th...- Auguste Escoffier.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Very well said.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37And he persuaded the British to eat this dish, specifically
0:14:37 > 0:14:43the Prince of Wales, by calling it Cuisses de Nymphes de l'Aurore!
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Thighs of the nymphs of dawn.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48- Frogs' legs.- Yeah. - Frogs' legs is the right answer.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50And there's a picture of frogs' legs.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53And they are now a standard dish, which people eat very happily.
0:14:53 > 0:14:57Tastes like chicken, as everything does that you're a bit scared of.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00We've got a couple left. Mendip Wallfish.
0:15:00 > 0:15:04Is that what PETA calls kittens, so we wouldn't harm them?
0:15:04 > 0:15:06No, where are the Mendips?
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Is it between your bum and your testicles?
0:15:08 > 0:15:10LAUGHTER
0:15:13 > 0:15:14Mendips, men dip.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Are they sort of Gloucester area?
0:15:16 > 0:15:18- A bit further south, yes, Somerset.- Somerset.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Like the Quantocks. The Mendip Hills.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22- I know where my Quantocks are. - Yes, they all sound rude,
0:15:22 > 0:15:24don't they, like the Trossachs?
0:15:24 > 0:15:27But this was served in the Miners' Arms in Priddy in Somerset.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30And they served it as Mendip Wallfish because,
0:15:30 > 0:15:31like frogs' legs,
0:15:31 > 0:15:34it's one of those things that British people tend to go yuk!
0:15:34 > 0:15:37- Snails.- Snails?- Snails is the right answer. Somerset snails.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39And it's a Mendip Wallfish.
0:15:39 > 0:15:43Rocky Mountain Oysters, I think are testicles.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46You're absolutely right, bulls' testicles, can be sheep or pigs.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48- They're prairie oysters. Yeah. - Prairie oysters, yeah.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Also called prairie oysters.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53There are lots of names for them, some of which are quite amusing.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56- Ball sack. - How did you get that photo?
0:15:59 > 0:16:02They're pretty good, aren't they? They're called Cowboy Caviar...
0:16:02 > 0:16:05- Oh, God!- ..Montana Tender Groins...
0:16:06 > 0:16:08I had that once.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10..Dusted Nuts, Bull Fries...
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Dusted Nuts is quite on the nose, isn't it?
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Plate of knackers.
0:16:17 > 0:16:18- Bull's bollocks.- Yeah.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21- Bull fries.- Cream of bollock soup.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25- Wow!- They're also called Swinging Beef.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Which is a good title for them.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Swinging Beef is what I'm calling my autobiography.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34Or they're sometimes called criadillas or huevos de toro,
0:16:34 > 0:16:38- which is...- Huevos de toro. - Huevos de toro is bull's eggs. Yeah.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40What are they called in English?
0:16:40 > 0:16:44- Plums on a plate.- Very good. - It's not sweetbreads...
0:16:44 > 0:16:47- Sweetmeat.- Sweetbread. That's the thymus gland, isn't it?
0:16:47 > 0:16:49- You're very right.- It's pancreas. - Spot on.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52The pancreas or the thymus gland is sweetbreads.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55The testicles are sweetmeats. Very good.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57We found our way through those unusual foods.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01Now, I'll put the blackboard away, and it's time to ask you this.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03What is Kaninhoppning?
0:17:03 > 0:17:08Kanin is, I think may be related to the English word "coney".
0:17:08 > 0:17:11- Does that help?- Rabbit, like a... - Rabbit.- OK.- So rabbit hoppning.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13So hopping like a bunny. Bunny hopping.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Hopping like a bunny, but it's a sport.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17- Rabbit.- Oh, for sure it is. - Show jumping.
0:17:17 > 0:17:21Show jumping for rabbits is the right answer.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23- LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - Sure, sure.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Ahh!
0:17:28 > 0:17:31- Argh! - POPPING
0:17:31 > 0:17:33- It's not that big a sport in Britain...- Cute.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36..but in Denmark and the Scandiwegian countries
0:17:36 > 0:17:37they take it pretty seriously,
0:17:37 > 0:17:40and they have world records and championships and...
0:17:40 > 0:17:42Who's winning? Who's the current world champion?
0:17:42 > 0:17:46Well, I can tell you the world record holder for the long jump
0:17:46 > 0:17:48is Yaboo, who is Danish.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51- Three metres. - With Flopsy a close second.
0:17:51 > 0:17:55Tosen has the high jump record, at 99.5 centimetres.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58They haven't yet broken the metre, on the high jump.
0:17:58 > 0:18:02But there are nearly a thousand rabbit show jumpers in Sweden alone.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05And the sport is also practised in the UK, Denmark and the US.
0:18:05 > 0:18:09And Lisbeth Jansson has written two books about the sport.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11Do they dope test them afterwards?
0:18:12 > 0:18:15She does say that the sport will allow a rabbit to live
0:18:15 > 0:18:18twice as long, up to 10 or 12 years,
0:18:18 > 0:18:22as compared to the average five years that one in a hutch will live.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Yeah. It's very important to take care of your rabbit properly,
0:18:25 > 0:18:29you've got to bathe them in hot water with potatoes and onions.
0:18:29 > 0:18:30Oh, now!
0:18:30 > 0:18:33Let's have some footage of some working show jumping.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36- Large footage.- Here they go. - Sure, OK.
0:18:36 > 0:18:37Oh, cute. Oh, it's cute!
0:18:39 > 0:18:41Oh, I can't bear it.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44That's a big one. Oh!
0:18:44 > 0:18:46Oh, he's going to refuse. No, he's up.
0:18:47 > 0:18:48- Oh!- Just shattered now.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Over he goes!
0:18:53 > 0:18:55- Oh, he's had enough. - And a final little one. Bravo!
0:18:55 > 0:18:57APPLAUSE
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Well, as you could see, they weren't being led, the human is not allowed
0:19:03 > 0:19:06to get ahead of the rabbit, or that's a forfeit.
0:19:06 > 0:19:07So the rabbit has to lead the human,
0:19:07 > 0:19:09I don't know if you noticed in that footage.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11The human was just behind.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14OK, so, solve this one for me, will you, please?
0:19:14 > 0:19:18- I'm going to give you all muddled-up...- Oh, doom!
0:19:18 > 0:19:21- Can you do these? Oh, there we go. - It smacks of bullying at school.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24- Bullying at school?- Yeah, anyone who couldn't do this got bullied.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26How many combinations do you think there are?
0:19:26 > 0:19:29- I think there's... - Too many for my small brain.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32- It's actually 40...- One thousand. - 43.25 quintillion.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35Shall I tell you how we did it in Croydon? We just picked them off.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38- There you go. - Wahey! Jimmy's done it.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40APPLAUSE
0:19:40 > 0:19:41Alan!
0:19:41 > 0:19:44Alan, you're so close. Oh, you almost had it.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47- No, no, I've forgotten... - You've messed it up.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49- Oh!- Just start picking them off.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51Do you know what's completely tragic?
0:19:51 > 0:19:55We told Jimmy and Alan how to do it with six moves.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Jimmy remembered, but Alan, unfortunately...
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Oh, he's done it! Have you? Yay!
0:20:02 > 0:20:04APPLAUSE
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Any luck, Reginald?
0:20:07 > 0:20:10Well, I didn't receive that instruction.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12- You didn't get the benefit... - You and me, exactly.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14- It was unfair on you two. - It's fun.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17- It is fun, isn't it?- It just brought back a lot of bad school memories.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19I was obsessed with them in the '80s.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22As I say, it is a staggering number.
0:20:22 > 0:20:23It is more possible combinations
0:20:23 > 0:20:27- than light travels inches in a century.- God!
0:20:27 > 0:20:29There's the number up on the screen,
0:20:29 > 0:20:32it is such a huge number. it's inconceivably vast.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35But you can make it impossible, do you know how to do that?
0:20:35 > 0:20:36Take the stickers off?
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Yeah, you sort of replace the stickers one with the other,
0:20:38 > 0:20:42so that it's actually never do-able, which would drive people insane.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45- But there are these.- The other way you can make it impossible
0:20:45 > 0:20:46is to break someone's fingers.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49- Yeah, really nice.- They'll come and shove a bone in your face.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51There's the 4 x 4, and you can imagine
0:20:51 > 0:20:53the combinations are even more gigantic.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55It's probably 8 or 9, I imagine.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58In 2010, which is quite a long time after the Rubik Cube became popular,
0:20:58 > 0:21:02science and computing finally came up with the minimum
0:21:02 > 0:21:05number of moves from any combination that it takes to solve the cube.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Can you imagine how many that might be?
0:21:08 > 0:21:10- I bet it's 12.- 19.- Six. - It's 20.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14It's called God's number and it's just extraordinary.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16You say you were obsessed when you were a child.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19- Under pressure, can we see if you can do it now?- Oh, gosh!
0:21:19 > 0:21:22- Come on, under pressure.- I can do the first two rows, but that's it.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25- That's pretty messed up. - Oh, God!- OK, come on.
0:21:25 > 0:21:26- Look, look... - You're on the clock.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28We've got a lot of time ahead of us,
0:21:28 > 0:21:31I've got to decide which colours... All right, so that's going to be...
0:21:31 > 0:21:34We need a backing track for this really. This needs...
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Let's get green and...
0:21:36 > 0:21:38- SUE HUMS A TUNE - Oh, stop it!
0:21:38 > 0:21:41Um... Oh, stop, stop!
0:21:41 > 0:21:45- CONTINUES HUMMING - You are being so unkind.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48And you're out of time and I've had a birthday.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Stop it. Blue goes there.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53- We could do one of those fade out, fade in...- Yellow goes there.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55Let's get some beers. Can we get some beers?
0:21:55 > 0:21:58- Yeah, some time later, yeah, yeah. - Stop it.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Right, so I've got all the middle ones here.
0:22:01 > 0:22:02Now we do the corners.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05Might kick back, go to the bar, come back in a couple of hours.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09That's it, so I've got those four there and those two middle ones.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11You should be able to do it within 20 moves, Stephen.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Yeah, I know that!
0:22:13 > 0:22:16- But I can't. - It's God's number, you know.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Yeah, don't be mean to me.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21- It takes an atheist a lot longer. - Yeah.
0:22:23 > 0:22:27Anyway, there's the first layer. Yeah. Thank you.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29- APPLAUSE - That's pretty impressive.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32It gets quicker after that, but anyway...
0:22:32 > 0:22:33So, there's your Rubik's Cube.
0:22:33 > 0:22:38Now, I'd like to take a picture as a memento of this lovely evening.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44- LAUGHTER - Oh, they're in love.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46What, what...?
0:22:46 > 0:22:49Reg, it was a fantastic weekend we spent. What?
0:22:49 > 0:22:52- That mohair look is working for you. - Yeah, it really is.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55- That softer knit. Sexy. - Reggie takes Jimmy to Georgia.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57That's so disturbing, in so many ways.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01Oh, there you are. Oh, don't you look lovely!
0:23:03 > 0:23:06- Yeah.- There we are. Now, what's the quickest way to develop it?
0:23:06 > 0:23:09- What should I do to develop it? - Shake it, shake it, baby.
0:23:09 > 0:23:13- HOOTER - Oh!- Oh, Sue!
0:23:13 > 0:23:14Oh, no, I'm a buffoon.
0:23:14 > 0:23:18The quickest way to develop it is to take it to Boots, the chemist.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20No, it isn't. That would take a lot longer.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22It's quicker to do an oil painting.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25It does take a bit of time. Let's have you two, as well.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28Smile. Aaah. That's so cute.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Now, what they used to do, the old pros, when they took
0:23:34 > 0:23:38photographs with proper film, they used to do a little Polaroid first.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40Oh, yeah, always do a Polaroid first.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42- They used to put it under their arms.- Their arse cheeks usually.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46I'm sorry? Arse cheeks?! Fair enough.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48We had different photographers.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52I think Polaroids, it's sort of a slippery slope, though,
0:23:52 > 0:23:55- because photography used to be... - Between your arse cheeks, go on.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57It used to be you went on holiday, took photos, then you got back.
0:23:57 > 0:23:58Don't shake it.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01You went to the chemist, put them in, and it took a week.
0:24:01 > 0:24:05LAUGHTER
0:24:07 > 0:24:08I want to see that shot.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12I didn't realise you were pulling that face, Reg.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16- I didn't realise you was pulling your face.- Nothing.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19What I'm saying is, you used to get photos from a holiday,
0:24:19 > 0:24:22the last two shots were of the dog, because you hadn't taken enough,
0:24:22 > 0:24:25then you'd go to the chemist, then you'd remember the holiday.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28- Now we reminisce instantly and it's ruined it.- It's true.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31You go, "Oh, look at us, we were so young four minutes ago."
0:24:31 > 0:24:35And you go to one of those rock gigs, where people perform,
0:24:35 > 0:24:38and everybody watches them through their cameras,
0:24:38 > 0:24:40- instead of watching the real people. - I like that.
0:24:40 > 0:24:44When I do a stand-up show, someone will be taping it on their phone.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46As if like, "Now is not a good for me."
0:24:46 > 0:24:50I'm going to take this and enjoy it later on in this supreme quality.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52- They just can't enjoy the moment. - It's so bizarre.
0:24:52 > 0:24:53You used to get your pictures back
0:24:53 > 0:24:56- and they'd have a sticker on sometimes, wouldn't they?- Yes.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Saying, "This picture is shit."
0:25:00 > 0:25:04- Those old disc cameras.- Or this picture has been sent to the police.
0:25:04 > 0:25:05A copy of it.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08Well, can you tell me who invented the Polaroid photograph?
0:25:08 > 0:25:11- Do you remember his name? - Mr Roid.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14- He had a brother named Haemor. - Very good.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Was it Eastman or Kodak or...?
0:25:18 > 0:25:20It wasn't Eastman or Kodak, no.
0:25:20 > 0:25:21"Fuji!"
0:25:21 > 0:25:24No, it wasn't Fuji.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27Land, his name was Land, was his name.
0:25:27 > 0:25:28And he made polarised sunglasses
0:25:28 > 0:25:31and that's why he called it Polaroid.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33- There he is, Mr Land. - "I feel the need!"
0:25:33 > 0:25:35I feel the need for speed. Indeed.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38- Oh, you can ride my tail any time. - Yeah.- Yeah.
0:25:38 > 0:25:41And then the Polaroid camera was launched in 1948.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Because the company was already called Polaroid,
0:25:43 > 0:25:44he called it a Polaroid camera.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47It used to be Polaroids were always a bit grimy, weren't they?
0:25:47 > 0:25:50- Absolutely.- If you ever found a box of Polaroids in your parents' room,
0:25:50 > 0:25:53- it was worth leaving those alone. - Hello!
0:25:53 > 0:25:56That's a mental scarring right there.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59- Oh, years of... - Hang on, what's that? Oh, no!
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Well, anyway, the point is,
0:26:02 > 0:26:05shaking a Polaroid had no effect on how quickly it developed.
0:26:05 > 0:26:11And lastly, to wrap up our kitsch-fest, here's some karaoke.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14What is the world's most dangerous song?
0:26:14 > 0:26:18Is this the song that's playing most often during traffic accidents?
0:26:18 > 0:26:20No, it's not that, this really is a karaoke issue,
0:26:20 > 0:26:22- at least six people in the Philippines...- My Way.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25- ..have been murdered for singing? - My Way.- My Way!
0:26:25 > 0:26:28- Exactly.- Sorry, murdered for singing My Way?- Yes.
0:26:28 > 0:26:32What, because they didn't do it right? They did it their way!
0:26:33 > 0:26:35They murdered My Way and were murdered as a result.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38So singing, "And now the end is nigh..."
0:26:38 > 0:26:42- Yeah, exactly. "At last I face the final curt..."- Argh!
0:26:42 > 0:26:45But in Thailand, the song to be wary of is even more dangerous.
0:26:45 > 0:26:49In 2008 a gunman shot dead eight of his neighbours
0:26:49 > 0:26:52after becoming enraged at the noise from karaoke parties,
0:26:52 > 0:26:57at which they sang this American song, by a good old mountain boy.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00From West Virginia, Take Me Home...
0:27:00 > 0:27:03- Oh, John Denver.- Yes, that's it, Take Me Home, Country Roads
0:27:03 > 0:27:06became the song that killed eight people.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09- And thus they were taken home. - Thus they were taken home, exactly.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12Most people credit the invention of karaoke to a Japanese fellow
0:27:12 > 0:27:15- called Daisuke Inoue in 1971. - Oh, he's to blame.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18Well, yes, but he didn't make any money out of it whatsoever.
0:27:18 > 0:27:22But he has patented a cockroach killer which is specifically
0:27:22 > 0:27:25designed to kill cockroaches that live in karaoke machines.
0:27:27 > 0:27:31- Presumably by playing them Peter Andre.- Yes, presumably.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Well, you'll be excited to know that we come now to the scores,
0:27:34 > 0:27:38and how fascinating they are.
0:27:39 > 0:27:43In first place, with a towering plus 9, is Jimmy Carr.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45Oh, come on!
0:27:45 > 0:27:48Yes! Finally. I've never won this before, it's brilliant.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51APPLAUSE
0:27:51 > 0:27:57In second place, with a very impressive plus 6,
0:27:57 > 0:27:59is Alan Davies!
0:27:59 > 0:28:03- APPLAUSE AND CHEERING - Wow!
0:28:05 > 0:28:09In third place, with a highly respectable zero,
0:28:09 > 0:28:11is Reginald D Hunter.
0:28:11 > 0:28:14APPLAUSE
0:28:16 > 0:28:20And I'm afraid sweeping up the dead karaoke cockroaches tonight,
0:28:20 > 0:28:22with minus 8, is Sue Perkins.
0:28:22 > 0:28:25APPLAUSE
0:28:29 > 0:28:33My thanks to Sue, Jimmy, Reginald and Alan, and goodnight.