0:00:23 > 0:00:26APPLAUSE
0:00:31 > 0:00:34Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening
0:00:34 > 0:00:38and welcome to QI, the show that knows that it knows nothing.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Tonight is a litter of landmarks, learning and larceny.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44And joining me are, the larksome David Mitchell.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46APPLAUSE
0:00:48 > 0:00:50The laudable Colin Lane.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52APPLAUSE
0:00:54 > 0:00:56The ladylike Jo Brand.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59APPLAUSE
0:00:59 > 0:01:02And the live-in, Alan Davies.
0:01:02 > 0:01:06APPLAUSE
0:01:06 > 0:01:09So let's hear their buzzers. David goes...
0:01:09 > 0:01:13GALLOPING AND GUNFIRE
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Oh. And Colin goes....
0:01:16 > 0:01:18WHISTLING
0:01:18 > 0:01:20CRASH
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Oh, very larky. And Jo goes...
0:01:22 > 0:01:24BOING, BOING, BOING
0:01:24 > 0:01:26SPLASHING
0:01:26 > 0:01:28And Alan goes...
0:01:28 > 0:01:30SAWING
0:01:38 > 0:01:40SAWING CONTINUES
0:01:50 > 0:01:52SAWING STOPS
0:01:52 > 0:01:54LAUGHTER
0:01:57 > 0:01:58That's it, good.
0:01:59 > 0:02:03Well, if you've enjoyed QI, do tune in again next week.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07But don't forget that you have Spend A Penny cards.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09There is almost certainly...
0:02:09 > 0:02:11MUSIC PLAYS
0:02:11 > 0:02:14TOILET FLUSHES
0:02:14 > 0:02:16..going to be a question that is lavatorial.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20And if you Spend A Penny when I ask the question, you get extra points.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23What about if we actually want to go during the recording?
0:02:25 > 0:02:28Well, you should find a little bottle and funnel underneath.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Anyway. Now, last question first.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33Why don't you do some of the work for a change?
0:02:33 > 0:02:35You can talk about one of two things.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37What about the death of the last American Civil War pensioner,
0:02:37 > 0:02:41or the last thing you'd like to see on the London Underground?
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Choose.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Jo?
0:02:45 > 0:02:48The last thing I'd like to see on the Underground is a dying
0:02:48 > 0:02:50American Civil War.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Well, that would, that would put it all into one, wouldn't it?
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Yes. Just trying to make it easy.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59A dying American Civil War, or a dying American Civil War pensioner?
0:02:59 > 0:03:02No, a dying American Civil War... pensioner.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Yeah, all right, fair enough.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07If you can give me a date as to when you will be able to see
0:03:07 > 0:03:10- the last pensioner from the American Civil War. - Well, it was in the 1860s.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13- Well, it finished in 1865, didn't it, the American Civil War?- Correct.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16- I'll give you a point for knowing the date of the end of the Civil War.- Do I?
0:03:16 > 0:03:18- Yeah.- So, more than 100.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22And a lady as well! Ooh.
0:03:22 > 0:03:27More than 100 years after that is unlikely, so I'm going 1962.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Well, that's not correct.
0:03:29 > 0:03:33That's very... Because that was... He'd have to have been
0:03:33 > 0:03:36a toddler during the American Civil War, and...
0:03:36 > 0:03:38He might be 115, I'm thinking.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Well, we're talking about pensioners, not veterans.
0:03:40 > 0:03:46The last veteran to die, amazingly, died in 1956, aged 109.
0:03:46 > 0:03:51- There he is, Woolson his name was. - And there's the toddler.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53And there is a great-great-great-grandchild,
0:03:53 > 0:03:56I'd imagine. A lot of them did live well into the 20th century,
0:03:56 > 0:03:58because they were teenagers during the war.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00So he was the last veteran to die.
0:04:00 > 0:04:04But pensioners could have received a pension from the United States Government,
0:04:04 > 0:04:08because of their fathers they would still get a pension.
0:04:08 > 0:04:09So it might still be ongoing then.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13Well, that's the answer. Still alive.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15And here tonight!
0:04:15 > 0:04:16If only we could say that.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Yee-ha!
0:04:20 > 0:04:24It's only 876 a year, but it's still a pension.
0:04:24 > 0:04:28And the last widow of a Civil War soldier died in 2008.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31- Wow.- The last widow of a soldier.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34- Yeah. In 1934, Maudie Hopkins... - Shut the front door.
0:04:34 > 0:04:38..married an 86-year-old veteran, called William Cantrell,
0:04:38 > 0:04:39who had fought as a teenager.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42How old was Maudie Hopkins?
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Well, she was pretty old when she died, but um...
0:04:44 > 0:04:47- No, when she got married. - Oh, she was young. Very young.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50- Really?- Yeah. - She was a toddler.
0:04:53 > 0:04:58Alberta Martin, who died in 2004, she married aged 21, in 1927,
0:04:58 > 0:05:02an 81-year-old Confederate veteran, who died in 1931.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04She then married his grandson.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07That's rather peculiar, isn't it, to marry the grandson of your husband?
0:05:07 > 0:05:10How would you feel if you were the son, though?
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Yeah, you'd feel cut out, exactly.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14- She skipped a generation.- I know.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18- She was 21 and she married... - Yes, step-grandson.- I see.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20It would be odd if she married her own grandson.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23Right. OK.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27So pretty surprising that these things can be that close.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31On a TV show once in England, I sat two spots away from Alan Davies.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33- God!- Yeah.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36- That's a connection that you're going to boast about in years to come, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38It's pretty incredible.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41And he played with his pen for the whole programme.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49- I can't get it off. - Oh, dear. Yeah.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52So, that's the Civil War answer, the last pensioner who's still alive.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55What about, now the London Underground?
0:05:55 > 0:05:58There was something, which is pretty grisly, that I imagine
0:05:58 > 0:06:00if you're a decent person wouldn't want to see,
0:06:00 > 0:06:03but which was seen by people who travelled on the Underground.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05It was the last of its kind to happen in Great Britain.
0:06:05 > 0:06:09And it's quite odd to imagine something relatively
0:06:09 > 0:06:12modern like an Underground system overlapping with this.
0:06:12 > 0:06:16- Somebody not looking at their phone. - No, no.
0:06:16 > 0:06:202,000 people turned up to watch this event and many of them went by Tube.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22- Oh, a public execution. - Was it a hanging?
0:06:22 > 0:06:25It was a public execution, the last ever public execution in Britain.
0:06:25 > 0:06:29- Well, let's say, you know, the most recent.- Yes.
0:06:29 > 0:06:33- We live in dark times. - We do. They may well return.- Yeah.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37Well, this one was in Newgate, which is now the Old Bailey, essentially.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39The Old Bailey is built on the ruins
0:06:39 > 0:06:42and the old cellars of Newgate are still there.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44And the walk that the dead man used to have to take,
0:06:44 > 0:06:46through archways of diminishing size.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49And there would be baying and crying outside,
0:06:49 > 0:06:52and then he'd go across and there'd be a little patch of blue sky,
0:06:52 > 0:06:56and then he'd ascend the steps and then the rope would be straight around him.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59And he was a Fenian, an Irish nationalist.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01He was called Michael Barrett.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03Many people believed he was actually innocent.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05A bomb was placed outside Clerkenwell Prison
0:07:05 > 0:07:08in order to blow a hole in it to free a Fenian prisoner.
0:07:08 > 0:07:12So it was probably a Fenian who did it and presumably a gang.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14He was the only one arrested and hanged,
0:07:14 > 0:07:16but on very slender evidence.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19But I think the fact of the matter is, you know,
0:07:19 > 0:07:23if hanging came back again, you'd get thousands of people going to watch it.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25It would be like a football match, wouldn't it?
0:07:25 > 0:07:28- Of course. If it was open to the public. - It would go viral.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32I don't think it's going to be that long before they have hanging on Big Brother.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Well there you are,
0:07:34 > 0:07:37the death of the last American Civil War pensioner is unusual
0:07:37 > 0:07:40because it hasn't yet happened, at least at time of going to press.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42And the last thing you'd probably want to go
0:07:42 > 0:07:45and see on the London Underground was the last public hanging.
0:07:45 > 0:07:46Now we move on to L for larceny.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Would you rather get an e-mail from a Spanish prisoner
0:07:49 > 0:07:51or a Nigerian Prince?
0:07:54 > 0:07:55Well...
0:07:55 > 0:07:58CRASHING
0:07:58 > 0:08:02- A Nigerian Prince. - Why is that, please, pray?
0:08:02 > 0:08:03- What?- Why is that, please?
0:08:05 > 0:08:08- I have no reason. I... - Oh, I see.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10- I'm using the 50/50 rule. - Oh, fair enough.- Yes, yes.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13I mean, they're both pretty bad options, to be honest.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Yes, can you trust a Nigerian Prince?
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Have you never had one of those e-mails?
0:08:17 > 0:08:19No, no, actually I don't. No.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23Of course Australian internet connection is so slow you probably don't even get e-mails.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25You certainly can't...
0:08:25 > 0:08:27You certainly can't download movies or anything.
0:08:27 > 0:08:31No, look, I mean I love the country. It's not your fault.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:08:39 > 0:08:41- Listen, Colin... - He's only going over there
0:08:41 > 0:08:44because that's the only place he can get Wi-Fi.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46It's not your fault.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50I love the country, but I do love so much to hang shit on it...
0:08:50 > 0:08:52as much as I possibly can.
0:08:52 > 0:08:53BUZZER
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Yeah?
0:08:55 > 0:08:59I had a letter from a Nigerian person and it said,
0:08:59 > 0:09:03- ring this number and the number was in Spain, so what about that?- Ah.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07And it went to a house where I no longer lived,
0:09:07 > 0:09:10addressed to the person who owned it before I owned it.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12That's pretty weird.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Saying, you have won four million euros, or something like this.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Ring this number.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19- So I rang the number and I said... - Why did you ring the number?
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Because, you know, what if it was true?
0:09:22 > 0:09:24LAUGHTER
0:09:25 > 0:09:28I said, "I just wanted you to know
0:09:28 > 0:09:31"that the person you've sent this to doesn't live here any more.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34- "I don't know where he lives." - And how did they respond?
0:09:34 > 0:09:36They said, "According to the terms of the win,
0:09:36 > 0:09:41"the winnings can be passed on to the next owner of the house."
0:09:43 > 0:09:45So I said, "Oh, well, that would be me."
0:09:45 > 0:09:50- I said, "This is, this is beginning to sound like a scam."- Did you?
0:09:50 > 0:09:53And then he said, in a really thick Nigerian accent,
0:09:53 > 0:09:59in feigned indignation, how dare I suggest such a thing.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02And I said, "Well, then send me four million euros forthwith."
0:10:02 > 0:10:05And he said, "Well I'll need your bank account details."
0:10:05 > 0:10:08- "I don't think so, sonny Jim," and that was the end of that.- Yeah.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11Though some people do actually string them along,
0:10:11 > 0:10:12they're called 419 baiters.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15You bait them by pretending that you're really interested
0:10:15 > 0:10:17and you waste their time.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19And it's called 419, does anyone know the reason why 419
0:10:19 > 0:10:20is attached to it?
0:10:20 > 0:10:22CRASHING
0:10:22 > 0:10:24No.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28It's because under the penal code of Nigeria,
0:10:28 > 0:10:30419 covers that type of fraud.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32The penal code of Nigeria!
0:10:32 > 0:10:34All right, OK.
0:10:34 > 0:10:35Now, now, now.
0:10:36 > 0:10:41You see what I love about those scams is the enormous sums of money, you know,
0:10:41 > 0:10:43they don't just put like six grand,
0:10:43 > 0:10:47- which most people, let's be honest, might be quite pleased with.- Yes.
0:10:47 > 0:10:52- But they put sort of 500,000 billion.- Yes.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55And so the thing is, like you know, that really cuts,
0:10:55 > 0:10:57- I'm just giving them some advice here...- Yes.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00That completely cuts down the number of people who will believe
0:11:00 > 0:11:02- something like that.- Yeah.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06Well, unfortunately, they, like all con artists, prey on the most
0:11:06 > 0:11:10weak and the most vulnerable, and of course, I suppose, the most greedy.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13There's an old rule in conning, in grifting,
0:11:13 > 0:11:16is that you can never con someone who isn't greedy.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19You know, all the great cons require people to want money.
0:11:19 > 0:11:20Can I just point out, I was not conned.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24- No, you weren't conned. - I was just curious to see who this person was.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27- I wasn't referring to you.- I thought I might get some material out of it.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30- Yeah. But...- But the only way I could make it funny was by doing
0:11:30 > 0:11:33an appalling Nigerian accent, which is apparently racist.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36- ADOPTS ACCENT:- And that would be inappropriate.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39This you must not do. That wasn't it, for example.
0:11:39 > 0:11:40- Yeah. And I can't do that.- No.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43One of the things Nigerians do, which is very pleasing,
0:11:43 > 0:11:47is they put the stress in very odd places on English words.
0:11:47 > 0:11:48So "I am not in that cat-EG-ory,"
0:11:48 > 0:11:51they will say, and things like that, which I find very endearing,
0:11:51 > 0:11:54and I hope that's not patronising, it's not meant to be.
0:11:54 > 0:11:55- Er, but they...- It is.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59- They use, deliberately... - Australia, Nigeria...
0:12:01 > 0:12:04I'm patronising to everyone in equal measure, I assure you, Colin.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08Excellent, excellent. That makes me feel so much better.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11- ADOPTS ACCENT:- What we just sent is, is a scam.- So... Nice one.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Things like that.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16They deliberately use spelling mistakes and bad grammar.
0:12:16 > 0:12:17Why would they do that?
0:12:17 > 0:12:19To attract Australians.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21You are basically right.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:12:23 > 0:12:25You got it.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Ah now then!
0:12:31 > 0:12:34That's my one!
0:12:34 > 0:12:35No, you can't touch it.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
0:12:37 > 0:12:40- See.- We already know what Australians are like at losing,
0:12:40 > 0:12:42we've known three times out of four.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45APPLAUSE
0:12:48 > 0:12:49- Colin's possessions.- Yeah.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51What's the most recent result, though?
0:12:51 > 0:12:54- The most recent... Three out of four we'll take.- Yes. Yes.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57But the reason, sadly, that they tend to use deliberately bad grammar
0:12:57 > 0:13:00and spelling is to get rid of people who will spot it
0:13:00 > 0:13:02and think it's not real,
0:13:02 > 0:13:04it's obviously not from a lawyer.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06But people who are more vulnerable,
0:13:06 > 0:13:08less educated are more likely to fall for it.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11So it is all the crueller and meaner for that reason.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Like that word "refund" there, for example.
0:13:13 > 0:13:17It's really, really cruel, like all cons of that nature.
0:13:17 > 0:13:18- "Refvund..."- Yeah, exactly.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21Have you had the one where you get an e-mail
0:13:21 > 0:13:24supposedly from a friend saying, "Oh, I'm stuck in Malta..."
0:13:24 > 0:13:27- Yes, very much so. - I always send money to those.
0:13:27 > 0:13:28Actually I got one from a friend of mine
0:13:28 > 0:13:32and he really was in trouble and I thought it was a scam and he died.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37But, you know, you can't win 'em all.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41- That's not true. - That's not true, no.- No.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44Now, the first part of the question was about the Spanish prisoner,
0:13:44 > 0:13:47- does that phrase mean anything to you? Does it ring a bell of any kind?- No.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50The Spanish prisoner principle was really the same thing.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52It was a letter going all the way back, you're going
0:13:52 > 0:13:55hundreds and hundreds of years, from someone who claimed to be
0:13:55 > 0:13:56imprisoned by the Spanish,
0:13:56 > 0:13:58"Please send me money, I will pay you back
0:13:58 > 0:14:02"a thousandfold and you can marry my beautiful daughter," and so on.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04It was a very early con trick.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08And in 1914, which was the year Nigeria was founded,
0:14:08 > 0:14:10the British Ambassador to Spain wrote to the Nigerian
0:14:10 > 0:14:13colonial officers warning them about the Spanish prisoner tricks,
0:14:13 > 0:14:16saying, "It appears that perpetrators of this fraud
0:14:16 > 0:14:20"are still endeavouring to victimise residents of the British colonies.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22"The public in Nigeria should be warned to be upon their guard."
0:14:22 > 0:14:25So it's possible that Nigerian criminals got this
0:14:25 > 0:14:27from their British colonial officers, in fact.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29It's a very ancient one.
0:14:29 > 0:14:34Now, describe the aviation techniques of the Concrete Arrows.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Well, concrete can't really fly, Stephen, can it,
0:14:36 > 0:14:38because it's very heavy.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Well, are you saying a jumbo jet isn't heavy?
0:14:42 > 0:14:43Good point.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47- But they didn't make... - It needs a lot of thrust.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50When you're in an aeroplane, you can hear that noise,
0:14:50 > 0:14:52which is them filling it with helium.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55- I'm assuming that's what the noise is and that's how it works. - Yes, exactly.- Yeah.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57We're just waiting for the cabin to fill with helium
0:14:57 > 0:15:01and then we will float gently up and then across the sea.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05Imagine the conversations you'd have in the plane if it was filled with helium.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08HIGH-PITCHED: "All right, yeah. "Can I have a cup of tea please?"
0:15:08 > 0:15:11It does stuff to your ears, so that's what you are hearing.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13- But it sounds normal. - Oh, yes. Good point.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16We look to you for all this information,
0:15:16 > 0:15:18we're very grateful for it.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Well, of course, you are quite right in the sense
0:15:20 > 0:15:23that there have never been any flying vehicles built of concrete.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27But there have been concrete arrows that have a great deal to do with aviation.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30And we go back to the early days of aviation, in a country that
0:15:30 > 0:15:33was expanding perhaps more rapidly than any economy has ever expanded.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35- And that was? The place... - America. America.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37The United States of America, yes.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40And there's a large landmass and they had...
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Arrows to show the way across it?
0:15:42 > 0:15:45Well, yes, they had, but this was even faster.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48- Is that how big the arrows were? - No. No, those would be huge.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50- But they were... - They would be huge.
0:15:50 > 0:15:51They were big enough.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54And they had 70-foot long concrete arrows
0:15:54 > 0:15:55every ten miles across the USA.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58And there's one that still exists.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00In 1933 they stopped the programme, because radio advances
0:16:00 > 0:16:03and so on had meant they were unnecessary for navigation.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06But before that they really needed to find a way that aeroplanes
0:16:06 > 0:16:09didn't have to dive down into towns to look
0:16:09 > 0:16:12- and see where they were, which before that...- Ask for directions.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14- Yeah, basically! - Go down along the high street.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18And what was common was that the towns that actually paint
0:16:18 > 0:16:20the name of the town on a large roof.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Is that what those big, you see roofs with "TEAS" written on it.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26- Yeah, well, maybe.- Is that for pilots who fancy a scone?
0:16:26 > 0:16:30- Yes, maybe, maybe. - Teas but no airport nearby, sorry.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34But there, yes, the arrows, straightforward.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Really simple and it worked.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Speaking of things visible from the air,
0:16:38 > 0:16:40can you imagine something that the French made
0:16:40 > 0:16:44visible from the air to try and win the First World War?
0:16:44 > 0:16:48Or at least to try not to be utterly crushed by the First World War.
0:16:48 > 0:16:52- Something for the German spotter planes to see?- Yes.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55The fake weaponry, something like that? Wooden tanks or something.
0:16:55 > 0:16:59- Was it a great big baguette? - It was a fake something.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02- Fake Eiffel Tower? - Well, and more.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04- Fake guillotine, fake Paris. - Fake Paris.
0:17:04 > 0:17:08A fake Paris, Colin, well done. Finally. Finally!
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Come on, Aussie, come on.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13CHEERING
0:17:15 > 0:17:17And now you've had the pleasure of a whole audience being
0:17:17 > 0:17:19- patronising to you.- Yes.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23Come on, Aussie, come on. Yes, you're absolutely right.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26The French were very worried, as bombing technology was
0:17:26 > 0:17:28improving towards the end of the war,
0:17:28 > 0:17:31that their beloved Paris was going to go up in smoke
0:17:31 > 0:17:32and all the wonderful buildings.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36So 15 miles to the north, on a stretch of the Seine,
0:17:36 > 0:17:40they built lots of buildings, including a Gare du Nord and even
0:17:40 > 0:17:43moving lights to suggest the railway tracks and other such things.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46Unfortunately, it was never completed, because they only
0:17:46 > 0:17:49had the idea in 1918 and by November of course the war was over.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52- Was it to scale? - From the air, yes. I think it was.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55- Not like that London in Legoland. - No, not like that.
0:17:56 > 0:18:01Now, which military leader does this mighty Norfolk oak commemorate?
0:18:01 > 0:18:03- SPLASHING - Yes, Jo?
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Nigel Farage?
0:18:05 > 0:18:07ALARM SOUNDS
0:18:12 > 0:18:14Well, well.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16- It's not a very big oak. - No, it isn't mighty, is it?
0:18:16 > 0:18:19- So, it's... - So it's not that old, in fact.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22- Yeah, it could be... - It's about 80 years old, not quite 80.- Not quite 80.
0:18:22 > 0:18:26- It was a sapling.- Kitchener? - It was a sapling 78 years ago.
0:18:26 > 0:18:30- So, no, it would be too late for Kitchener.- Not Mosley?
0:18:30 > 0:18:34You're in the right ball park, but even more of a military leader.
0:18:34 > 0:18:35Not Hitler?
0:18:35 > 0:18:39Adolf, as you rightly say, Hit, as you pointed out, ler.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42- Yes, he's...- There's a commemorative oak tree in Norfolk?
0:18:42 > 0:18:47The fact is, everybody who won a gold medal in the 1936 Olympics
0:18:47 > 0:18:51in Berlin was presented with a sapling of an oak tree.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53- And they're known as... - Our oak trees, Stephen?
0:18:53 > 0:18:56- Ah, well...- You mean they've got oak trees in Germany?
0:18:56 > 0:19:00Yes, I'm afraid the German for oak is eich, so Eichmann is oak-man.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02- Is it really?- Hmm, yes. - I feel soiled.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Some of the oak trees are on the German side.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Yes, our word acorn and oak come from the eich.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10- Stout proud English oak, why are we always going on about...?- I know.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Anyway, the Hitler oaks, there are none left in Britain
0:19:12 > 0:19:16except the one in Norfolk, which is surviving, as you see.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19You would assume that it's not going to really last that long,
0:19:19 > 0:19:21once people watch this.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23- Well, no, they might go and hack it down.- Yes.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27A lot of Americans didn't keep theirs for that reason. Jessie Owens actually did keep his.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29He won, how many gold medals at the...?
0:19:29 > 0:19:30- Four.- Four, quite right.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34And one of his Hitler oaks survives in his old training school in Cleveland, Ohio.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36He gave another to his mother.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39- Some US athletes threw theirs away, as I say.- What a lovely present.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42It was handed out by the committee, rather than Hitler himself,
0:19:42 > 0:19:45but they were, of course, associated so much with his regime.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48I gave my mum a pair of Saddam Hussein's pants for her birthday.
0:19:50 > 0:19:51Anyway, there you go.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53Congratulations to all those who did win.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Let's see how good your history is.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Who can you see here? Let's have a look.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00It was filmed in 1902.
0:20:00 > 0:20:04Who is the august gentleman in the beard?
0:20:04 > 0:20:05George V?
0:20:05 > 0:20:07ALARM SOUNDS
0:20:08 > 0:20:11No, isn't it, it looks... It's Edward VII.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14It looks exactly like Edward VII. On the other hand, it isn't.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16ALARM SOUNDS
0:20:18 > 0:20:21- It's not Edward VII?!- No. - It looks...
0:20:21 > 0:20:24- I know, it looks so like him. - It's Father Christmas.
0:20:24 > 0:20:25And it took place in 1902,
0:20:25 > 0:20:28which was the year of Edward VII's coronation.
0:20:28 > 0:20:33You could have played a Spend A Penny bonus, but I'll let you
0:20:33 > 0:20:37get extra points if you can spot the lavatory attendant in this?
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Is he going to the lavatory in the film?
0:20:42 > 0:20:44It's the man sitting down in the throne.
0:20:44 > 0:20:48The man you thought was Edward VII is in fact a lavatory attendant.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50He doesn't look so much like Edward VII now.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52- No, that's because he's in profile now.- Ah, I see.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55- He did look a bit like him full-on. - It's not HD either, is it?
0:20:55 > 0:20:59No, it's not HD. It's the early days of cinema and the early days of cinema were
0:20:59 > 0:21:01dominated by one nation more than any other, really.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03- And they were?- France.
0:21:03 > 0:21:04The French, yes, exactly.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07And in 1902, a French film-maker called George Melies,
0:21:07 > 0:21:08decided to film the coronation,
0:21:08 > 0:21:11but he wasn't allowed in Westminster Abbey,
0:21:11 > 0:21:14as soon as they heard how loud the film camera was when it was being cranked.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16They said, "We will have none of that nonsense here."
0:21:16 > 0:21:20So he decided to restage it, in France, and in a studio.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22And he found this lavatory attendant,
0:21:22 > 0:21:25who had a nice beard, who was the right size,
0:21:25 > 0:21:29big adipose deposit, a tubby chap in other words.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31And he, basically, went through all the, you know,
0:21:31 > 0:21:34elements of the coronation as happened.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37And so it was the first filmed simulacrum of a coronation,
0:21:37 > 0:21:39but it wasn't the real thing.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41In fact, Edward was ill for the real day,
0:21:41 > 0:21:42so he was able then to go to England
0:21:42 > 0:21:46and film the carriages arriving and cut that into the footage.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48And so that was the only real part, the rest of it was made up.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50- And it put... - What was the catering like?
0:21:50 > 0:21:53- Probably wonderful, if it was French, I should imagine. - Yes.- What else?
0:21:53 > 0:21:55The film went more smoothly than the real thing.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58In the actual ceremony the very elderly and almost blind
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Archbishop of Canterbury put the crown on backwards.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04- He then couldn't get up. - He shouldn't put it on at all.- No!
0:22:04 > 0:22:07LAUGHTER
0:22:08 > 0:22:10- He was larking about.- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13He also had to kneel down to swear fealty to the King
0:22:13 > 0:22:16and then he couldn't get up again. So the King had to help him up.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Well, that's what royalty should be,
0:22:18 > 0:22:21a blind Archbishop of Canterbury and a great big fat king
0:22:21 > 0:22:26who keeps getting terrible constipation and being unable to turn up at his own coronation.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Exactly. But the film, you'll be pleased to know, was a huge success.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32It briefly made that lavatory attendant one of the most
0:22:32 > 0:22:34famous film stars in the world.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37In 1902 there weren't many to compare him with, but he was huge.
0:22:37 > 0:22:41- He was one of the biggest film star of the world.- Yeah, exactly.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44And the King saw it when it came out, and he enjoyed it hugely, apparently.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47According to a letter sent to us by Pauline Melies,
0:22:47 > 0:22:50who is the great-great-granddaughter of the film maker.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52Thank you, Pauline, for sending us that.
0:22:52 > 0:22:56Do you think Edward thought it was real? He watched it and said, "I think I've lost weight."
0:22:56 > 0:22:57Possibly. Possibly.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00So, in the film, The Coronation Of Edward VII,
0:23:00 > 0:23:02the man on the throne is a lavatory attendant.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05Now it's time for a bit of General Ignorance, so fingers on buzzers please.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07Where is the Duchy of Cornwall?
0:23:07 > 0:23:09BUZZER
0:23:09 > 0:23:10Yes?
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Devon?
0:23:12 > 0:23:13- You're right.- Is it?
0:23:13 > 0:23:14That's to say...
0:23:21 > 0:23:23That is to say, more of it is in Devon than is in Cornwall.
0:23:23 > 0:23:27- It's mainly in Waitrose now. - Yes, you're quite right.
0:23:27 > 0:23:28You know, in terms of value,
0:23:28 > 0:23:32one packet of those biscuits would buy you a farmhouse.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36Somebody from Australia, what's a duchy?
0:23:36 > 0:23:39Is it something you'd pass to the left-hand side, or...?
0:23:39 > 0:23:42A duchy is just another word for a dukedom.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44One of the titles that was given to the Prince of Wales
0:23:44 > 0:23:47when he was invested as Prince of Wales, in 1973,
0:23:47 > 0:23:49was the Duke of Cornwall, which is typical.
0:23:49 > 0:23:50There he was getting invested.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53- That's the Cornish flag. - And that's the Cornish flag.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57And that's pretty much all that can be said on that subject, I think, but you got it right.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Now, what does a cowboy call his rope?
0:23:59 > 0:24:01GALLOPING AND FIRING
0:24:01 > 0:24:02A lasso.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04- ALARM SOUNDS - Oh, what a shame!
0:24:08 > 0:24:10I don't think that's usual.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12- Does he call it a rope? - He does. You're on fire!
0:24:12 > 0:24:13- Come on!- Yeah.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21Lassos and lariats and so on, if you used that word, it would be a
0:24:21 > 0:24:23dead giveaway that you are, you know, like Billy Crystal,
0:24:23 > 0:24:25a city slicker in the world of the Wild West.
0:24:25 > 0:24:29They weren't invented in the Wild West, of course, obviously they'd been used before.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33Ancient Egyptians used to them to capture antelopes and wild oxen.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35However, they didn't use horses, the ancient Egyptians.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Oh, look at that, they're catching a hippo with one.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41- That's very impressive. - Hippos are nasty aren't they?
0:24:41 > 0:24:45- Oh, gosh, yes.- They kill lots of people, even though they're vegetarians.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48Yeah, yeah. Usually by attacking boats and things like that.
0:24:48 > 0:24:52But NASA is planning to use a lasso to capture what, would you imagine?
0:24:52 > 0:24:55Stuff in space that's flying around dangerously, a bit like in Gravity?
0:24:55 > 0:24:58Well, it's not dangerous stuff, it's an asteroid,
0:24:58 > 0:25:01- it plans to lasso an asteroid, would you believe.- Oh, God!
0:25:01 > 0:25:02And drag it into orbit around the moon.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05- Why are all their ideas so ridiculous?!- I know.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08They're going to choose a small one, it's only about seven metres across.
0:25:08 > 0:25:12A specific type which would break up harmlessly in the Earth's atmosphere, in case it...
0:25:12 > 0:25:15I think they should send Sandra Bullock to do it.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17Which wonderful country is that there?
0:25:17 > 0:25:19- Yes, look at it.- Hi.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23It's about to be obliterated.
0:25:26 > 0:25:30Last question. Which company makes the most tyres in the world?
0:25:32 > 0:25:33Goodyear.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35ALARM SOUNDS
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Oh!
0:25:37 > 0:25:39I had a very good year, thank you. But no, no, not Goodyear.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Harry Hill used to do that joke.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44So who used to play Bet Lynch in...? What's the character, Julie...?
0:25:44 > 0:25:47- Julie.- Julie, um... - Goodyear.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50Yeah, not bad thanks.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53It's like the... Who was that Austrian racing driver Niki, Niki?
0:25:53 > 0:25:54Lauda.
0:25:54 > 0:25:55WHO WAS THAT AUSTRIAN?
0:25:58 > 0:26:03Did you know that that actress was stabbed, sad story,
0:26:03 > 0:26:06that actress who was stabbed, she was in Legally Blonde, Reese?
0:26:06 > 0:26:08Witherspoon?
0:26:08 > 0:26:09No, with a knife.
0:26:09 > 0:26:10Hey! Oh!
0:26:12 > 0:26:14Who's that actress who was in Friends?
0:26:14 > 0:26:17Courteney, Courteney...? What was her name?
0:26:17 > 0:26:18Cox.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21Caught any cock? No, not lately, you're supposed to say.
0:26:21 > 0:26:25No, silly. Silly, silly, silly, silly, silly. Sorry.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27- A good one to finish on. - Yeah, a very good one.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30So who makes the most tyres in the world? It's not Goodyear.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33- A major tyre manufacturer? - Dunlop?- Yes. It's not Dunlop.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35Hankook? Hankook?
0:26:35 > 0:26:38- Firestone. - Firestone. No, not Firestone.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40Pirelli.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42If we get the right one, do we get points?
0:26:42 > 0:26:47- Yes, you'll get... - Pirelli?- Not Pirelli, no.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49- Tyres, you know...- Continental?
0:26:49 > 0:26:51< SHOUT FROM AUDIENCE: Lego!
0:26:51 > 0:26:53Oh, audience gets the answer.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55- Oh, Lego.- It's Lego. - Lego. Very good.
0:26:55 > 0:26:56Very good, aren't they?
0:26:57 > 0:26:58Hey!
0:27:00 > 0:27:04- It sort of depends how you define a tyre, doesn't it?- It does.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07They're not pneumatic, it must be said, but then tyres,
0:27:07 > 0:27:09there were tyres before pneumatic tyres.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11And they're not the same.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14Well, there you are, on that interesting Lego note,
0:27:14 > 0:27:15that's all for tonight.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18Leaving only the little matter of the scores.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20How interesting they are.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23I'm afraid to say, in a rather convincing last place,
0:27:23 > 0:27:27with minus 48, it's David Mitchell.
0:27:27 > 0:27:31APPLAUSE
0:27:33 > 0:27:36And a full 30 points ahead, with minus 18, Jo Brand.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38APPLAUSE
0:27:41 > 0:27:45Most impressively, skating on nil points, Alan Davies!
0:27:45 > 0:27:47APPLAUSE
0:27:52 > 0:27:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:57 > 0:27:59Say what you like about them...
0:28:05 > 0:28:07Every cliche proven.
0:28:07 > 0:28:13Bad losers, bad winners, graceless, but unquestionably
0:28:13 > 0:28:15nearly always victorious,
0:28:15 > 0:28:19- our winner, Colin Lane with two points.- Yes!
0:28:19 > 0:28:21APPLAUSE
0:28:25 > 0:28:29So, it's good night from Colin, David, Jo, Alan and me.
0:28:29 > 0:28:33And I leave you with the last words of British politician Henry Fox.
0:28:33 > 0:28:37"If Mr Selwyn calls again, show him up.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39"If I am alive, I shall be delighted to see him.
0:28:39 > 0:28:42"And if I am dead, he would be delighted to see me."
0:28:42 > 0:28:43Good night.
0:28:43 > 0:28:46APPLAUSE