0:00:04 > 0:00:12This programme contains some strong language
0:00:23 > 0:00:27APPLAUSE
0:00:30 > 0:00:33Goooooood evening,
0:00:33 > 0:00:35good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening,
0:00:35 > 0:00:37and welcome to QI,
0:00:37 > 0:00:40where, tonight, we're mixing and matching
0:00:40 > 0:00:44a medley of things beginning with M.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Now, let's meet our makers.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48The matchless James Acaster.
0:00:48 > 0:00:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:52 > 0:00:54The match-fit Jo Brand.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:57 > 0:01:01The match made in heaven, Bill Bailey.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:04 > 0:01:08And match abandoned, Alan Davies.
0:01:08 > 0:01:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:13 > 0:01:15So, let's hear you mix.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17James goes...
0:01:17 > 0:01:20EGG BEING BEATEN
0:01:20 > 0:01:22- That's mixing.- Is it?
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Yeah, you're beating an egg, I think.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28- Beating something. - LAUGHTER
0:01:28 > 0:01:29Now.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32You're on your first warning. LAUGHTER
0:01:32 > 0:01:33Jo goes...
0:01:33 > 0:01:37ELECTRIC WHISK MIXING
0:01:37 > 0:01:40Yes, that's masturbation as I know it.
0:01:40 > 0:01:44LAUGHTER
0:01:44 > 0:01:48I'd love to know what the machine is, wouldn't you?
0:01:48 > 0:01:50LAUGHTER
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Bill goes...
0:01:52 > 0:01:55TURNTABLE SCRATCHING
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Ah, yeah. I like it, yes.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59That's masturbation as I know it.
0:01:59 > 0:02:04LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:02:04 > 0:02:07So, three mixes and Alan goes...
0:02:07 > 0:02:11MATCH OF THE DAY THEME PLAYS
0:02:11 > 0:02:13- Ah, you see.- A match.- Yeah.
0:02:13 > 0:02:14So, on with the game.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Now our first "M" tonight is "M" for metals.
0:02:17 > 0:02:22Can you see anything on this board, here, that does not contain metal?
0:02:22 > 0:02:24- Oh.- You've got a mushroom,
0:02:24 > 0:02:27the balloon, a stack of coins,
0:02:27 > 0:02:30a monkey, a star, an Alan Davies...
0:02:30 > 0:02:32- of some kind.- An Alan Davies.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Well, bodies do contain metal, so it can't be...
0:02:35 > 0:02:37- They do.- It can't be you...
0:02:37 > 0:02:40- Alan, you contain metal. - Yes.- You do.- I do.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42- Enough iron to make a nail. - Alan specifically?
0:02:42 > 0:02:44LAUGHTER
0:02:44 > 0:02:46- Yeah, just Alan. - Just Alan. He can make a nail.
0:02:46 > 0:02:47But no, that's right, isn't it?
0:02:47 > 0:02:50The body contains enough iron to make a nail -
0:02:50 > 0:02:53phosphorus, carbon, water...
0:02:53 > 0:02:55- Magnesium.- Lime.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57- Gold, actually.- A person...
0:02:57 > 0:02:59You could boil it down to a half-decent kids' party.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01LAUGHTER
0:03:01 > 0:03:04You could get a paddling pool, some fireworks and a tequila slammer.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07- All inside us, churning away. - All inside. So, it can't be Alan.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10No, it's not me. And I don't... I'm...
0:03:10 > 0:03:12- Now, look...- Now.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14- Things that grow probably have got metal in them...- Yes.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16- ..that's my thinking.- Yeah.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19The fact is, you've brilliantly avoided everything
0:03:19 > 0:03:21cos all those things contain metals.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23When the universe was created...
0:03:23 > 0:03:244,000 years ago...
0:03:24 > 0:03:27- 4,000 years ago, as it says in the Bible.- ..by our Lord.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29LAUGHTER
0:03:29 > 0:03:31..only two elements were created at that time.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Gold and silver.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35- LAUGHTER - Yes.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37- It was...- Frankincense and myrrh.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Cheese and pickle.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42- They are still the most abundant elements in the universe.- Helium!
0:03:42 > 0:03:4499% of the universe is composed of?
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Helium and sarcasm.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49LAUGHTER
0:03:49 > 0:03:50Helium and...
0:03:50 > 0:03:51Hydrogen?
0:03:51 > 0:03:53- Hydrogen is correct.- Yes.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56And then the first two elements to be created,
0:03:56 > 0:03:58after hydrogen and helium,
0:03:58 > 0:03:59which are both gases,
0:03:59 > 0:04:01were both metals.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Imagine God was rather depressed by having created the universe.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07- A knife.- I should think he bloody well was. I would be.- Yeah.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09So, if you're depressed, what's the metal you'd go for?
0:04:09 > 0:04:10- Lithium.- Lithium.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13Lithium was one of them and the other was beryllium.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16- Oh, beryllium.- Beryllium, I love that one.- Beryllium.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18And how were they created? What was the process?
0:04:18 > 0:04:19It was in the stars.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21- Fusion?- Fusion.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23- You're on fire.- Crikey!
0:04:23 > 0:04:24Like the stars, very good.
0:04:24 > 0:04:28APPLAUSE Yeah.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31And in that fusion, EVERYTHING was made.
0:04:31 > 0:04:35And we are, as Carl Sagan famously said, we are made of star stuff.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38We are made of the stuff that was created in those fusion moments.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Yes, we are.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42And astronomers call anything
0:04:42 > 0:04:44that isn't the first two,
0:04:44 > 0:04:46hydrogen and helium, a metal -
0:04:46 > 0:04:48even if it's oxygen.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Are some people made of heavy metal?
0:04:51 > 0:04:52LAUGHTER
0:04:52 > 0:04:53- Yeah.- Lemmy.- Lemmy.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Lemmy from Motorhead.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Death metal. That's a good one.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Yeah. Thrash metal.
0:04:59 > 0:05:00Nu metal, when I was a teenager.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02What's nu metal?
0:05:02 > 0:05:04It was rap and metal together.
0:05:04 > 0:05:05It went very badly.
0:05:05 > 0:05:06LAUGHTER
0:05:06 > 0:05:09- Yeah, there was quite a lot of... - TURNTABLE BUZZER
0:05:09 > 0:05:10Quite a lot of that in it, yeah.
0:05:10 > 0:05:15There was one I was told about that was a mixture of techno and disco...
0:05:15 > 0:05:17and it was called Tesco.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19LAUGHTER
0:05:19 > 0:05:20Then there was Valium metal
0:05:20 > 0:05:22and Tesco's own brand metal.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24LAUGHTER
0:05:24 > 0:05:28Yeah, the human body contains a lot of metal, even gold.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30How many human beings
0:05:30 > 0:05:32would you need to extract the gold from
0:05:32 > 0:05:36before you could make, of them, a gold coin?
0:05:36 > 0:05:37Just Mr T.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39LAUGHTER
0:05:39 > 0:05:40Yes, just that, yeah.
0:05:40 > 0:05:41Very good, that's true.
0:05:41 > 0:05:42Normal humans.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44- One million humans.- No.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46- One billion humans.- No, it's...
0:05:46 > 0:05:4847.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50- Six. - LAUGHTER
0:05:50 > 0:05:52This could take a long time. 40,000.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54And how many different metals have we got inside us?
0:05:54 > 0:05:5672.
0:05:56 > 0:05:5747.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Very close, it's 48!
0:05:59 > 0:06:01APPLAUSE
0:06:01 > 0:06:03- Whoa!- On fire!
0:06:03 > 0:06:05- Amazing.- On fire!
0:06:05 > 0:06:07In your face!
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Did you just point at Alan and say, "Eat it"?
0:06:09 > 0:06:11No.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13No, I pointed at him and went, "On fire!"
0:06:13 > 0:06:14- Oh, "On fire."- "On fire!"
0:06:14 > 0:06:15It's most impressive.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17And you're all right, in many ways.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21To astronomers, anything that isn't hydrogen or helium is a metal.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24Even apparently normal metals can be quite deceptive,
0:06:24 > 0:06:26as this trick shows.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28I'm going to get a glass of water
0:06:28 > 0:06:31and I'll get a teaspoon.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35- Right.- Oh, I'll just... To prove that it is water, I'll drink it.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37That just proves it might be vodka.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39LAUGHTER
0:06:39 > 0:06:43- It proves at least that it's not sulphuric acid or something...- Yeah.
0:06:43 > 0:06:44..because what I'm going to do
0:06:44 > 0:06:47is try and make this teaspoon disappear.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51It may not work.
0:06:51 > 0:06:52I'm not a good magician,
0:06:52 > 0:06:54I'm a great magician.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56And so we stir it here and I...
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Oh, don't, Oh, no...
0:06:59 > 0:07:02Oh, it might not work, it might work, I don't know.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05I'm, oh...
0:07:05 > 0:07:07- Yeah, it seems to have worked.- Ooh.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09AUDIENCE GASPS
0:07:09 > 0:07:10APPLAUSE
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Wow!
0:07:12 > 0:07:15There you are. Thank you.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17That's rather good, isn't it?
0:07:17 > 0:07:18- Rather good.- That's good.- That is.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21In fact, on this occasion, it wasn't a magic trick
0:07:21 > 0:07:22and it's something you can do.
0:07:22 > 0:07:26I'll give you your water and you'll notice the water is rather warm.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28- Oh, it's warm. - It's warm water.- Warm water.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30And I'll give you a couple of spoons.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33They are metal, they're metal spoons, but the metal...
0:07:33 > 0:07:34Are they made out of Alka-Seltzer?
0:07:34 > 0:07:36LAUGHTER
0:07:36 > 0:07:38They might as well be, they're made out of gallium.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41And gallium is a metal...
0:07:41 > 0:07:43A very useful metal.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46- Let's have a look.- ..but it has the quality that it melts,
0:07:46 > 0:07:49- as Alan is showing, in water. - Good lord.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Oh, you wouldn't want that of your teaspoon, would you?
0:07:52 > 0:07:54No, it wouldn't make a practical teaspoon.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57- That's lasting less time than a biscuit.- Yeah.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59- That's it.- Look at that.
0:07:59 > 0:08:00Now, if you stir it,
0:08:00 > 0:08:02it'll happen more quickly.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05- Oh, good lord, look at that. - Ah, jeez.- That is...
0:08:05 > 0:08:07That would be the most annoying teaspoon in the world.
0:08:07 > 0:08:08It really would, wouldn't it?
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Now, oh.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12But it's, like, Terminator's teaspoon.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15Yeah, exactly. Terminator 2, it should be said.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Yes. Terminator two-spoon.
0:08:17 > 0:08:18Hey!
0:08:18 > 0:08:21- Well, I hope you're impressed with that.- Wow.- I'm very impressed.- Yeah.
0:08:21 > 0:08:25- It's not poisonous, gallium, so you can drink it again.- I shan't.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28LAUGHTER OK. You can put your glasses away.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30There you are, top man.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32"Mmm, delicious."
0:08:32 > 0:08:33LAUGHTER
0:08:33 > 0:08:35OK, pop away.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Now, why would you spread mustard on your lawn?
0:08:38 > 0:08:42So you can... Like, if you stick roast beef on yourself
0:08:42 > 0:08:45- and you slide across the lawn... - LAUGHTER
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Somebody's made a graphic of a man mowing some custard.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50LAUGHTER
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Imagine you wanted to conduct
0:08:54 > 0:08:57a worm census of your lawn,
0:08:57 > 0:09:00you wanted to find out how many worms there wah... "There wah"?
0:09:00 > 0:09:02- ..in your lawn.- Make them come up out of the earth
0:09:02 > 0:09:04with washing-up liquid.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06- Is that what you'd use?- Yeah.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08That really works a treat, actually.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10What, do you put the washing up liquid...?
0:09:10 > 0:09:13You just spray washing up liquid on the lawn and they all come up,
0:09:13 > 0:09:15"Oh", like that, to help you with the washing up.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17LAUGHTER
0:09:17 > 0:09:18And it doesn't harm them?
0:09:18 > 0:09:19Oh, it kills them.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21LAUGHTER
0:09:21 > 0:09:22This...
0:09:22 > 0:09:25This is where your system and mine differ
0:09:25 > 0:09:27because my system is just about counting them and not harming them.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29- Right.- Because it does...
0:09:29 > 0:09:31But you can still count them when they're dead.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33LAUGHTER
0:09:33 > 0:09:35- Easier, really.- It is easier. - It's true, you're right.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39- Dry them out.- But they're good for aerating the lawn, aren't they?
0:09:39 > 0:09:40- So is a pitchfork.- Yeah.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42LAUGHTER
0:09:42 > 0:09:44Well, anyway, it irritates them slightly,
0:09:44 > 0:09:45but it doesn't kill them.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47And, in fact, they did this in America
0:09:47 > 0:09:52and discovered that 100% of North American worms are non-native.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56All the worms of North America
0:09:56 > 0:09:59were wiped out a long time ago.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01- Washing up liquid.- Must have been.
0:10:01 > 0:10:0210,000 years ago,
0:10:02 > 0:10:05- before washing up liquid.- Ice age?
0:10:05 > 0:10:07Ice age is the right answer.
0:10:07 > 0:10:08Yeah, they were wiped out.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10He's on fire, you're both on fire.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13APPLAUSE
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Yeah, the European worms arrived
0:10:15 > 0:10:17in the root balls of plants
0:10:17 > 0:10:20that were exported to the Americas.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22But what else do we...?
0:10:22 > 0:10:23Help me with mustard.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26You can spread it on your hands if you're trying to give up smoking.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28LAUGHTER
0:10:28 > 0:10:31Yes, apparently a friend of mine did that, to try and, you know,
0:10:31 > 0:10:33- give up smoking.- Did it work?
0:10:33 > 0:10:34Um... No.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36LAUGHTER
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Gas, lethal gas.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Yes, mustard gas.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43What was mustard gas? Did it have mustard in it?
0:10:43 > 0:10:45It stank, poisonous.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47It didn't actually contain mustard.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51Nothing to do with mustard, called it only because of the colour of it.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53- Well, the colour and the smell. - And the smell of it.
0:10:53 > 0:10:54Sulphur mustard, it was called.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57And rather like too much mustard, it could cause blistering.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59And there were mustard baths.
0:10:59 > 0:11:00A bath of mustard?
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Is that a Comic Relief thing?
0:11:02 > 0:11:04LAUGHTER No, you'd think it was.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06But, funnily enough,
0:11:06 > 0:11:09we British have mustard baths all the time, didn't you know that?
0:11:09 > 0:11:10- No?- No.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14According to the National Museum of Mustard,
0:11:14 > 0:11:15which is in Middleton, Wisconsin.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18I was going to say, it's got to be in America.
0:11:18 > 0:11:19- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22They have a National Museum of Mustard and I...
0:11:22 > 0:11:23Just be careful,
0:11:23 > 0:11:26- because Norwich has a very famous mustard museum as well.- Uh-oh.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28- Mr Coleman?- Coleman's, exactly.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30This museum in Middleton, Wisconsin,
0:11:30 > 0:11:34it asserts that "bathing in mustard is an English custom
0:11:34 > 0:11:35"to this very day."
0:11:35 > 0:11:38LAUGHTER
0:11:38 > 0:11:41There you are, that's what they think.
0:11:41 > 0:11:45- FAUX-AMERICAN ACCENT:- That's right, over in England, at night they...
0:11:45 > 0:11:49Everyone in England asks their butler to draw them a mustard bath.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51LAUGHTER
0:11:51 > 0:11:53And you spoke of Coleman's of Norwich...
0:11:53 > 0:11:56- Norwich.- ..the great mustard company of Norwich.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59They provided quite a lot of mustard for Robert Falcon Scott
0:11:59 > 0:12:02- and his Discovery Expedition. - To the South Pole.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05As you can see there, he has pots of Coleman's Mustard.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07- That's a genuine real photograph... - Yes, of course.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10..not in the least bit touched-up. LAUGHTER
0:12:10 > 0:12:14How much did Coleman's, of Norwich, give...
0:12:14 > 0:12:17to Captain Scott's team in the 1901/02...?
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Two enormous barrels of mustard.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22- Actually, they gave them one and a half tonnes...- Tiny jar?
0:12:22 > 0:12:25- One and a half tonnes?! - ..of mustard.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27"TONNES" of mustard.
0:12:27 > 0:12:28Excellent.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30That's enough for a lot of baths, as well as a lot of food.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Now, from counting worms
0:12:32 > 0:12:34to monkeys that count.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37What job can even a monkey do?
0:12:37 > 0:12:39ELECTRICAL WHISK BUZZER
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Yes, Jo?
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Is it quantity surveying?
0:12:43 > 0:12:46LAUGHTER
0:12:46 > 0:12:49- They might be able to.- Apologies to all quantity surveyors watching.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52- That includes my brother. - Is your brother...?- Oh, is he?
0:12:52 > 0:12:55- He is a quantity surveyor, yes. - Does he survey quantities all day?
0:12:55 > 0:12:57- Yeah, sadly for him.- Do you get tired of surveying quantities?
0:12:57 > 0:13:00I mean, how many quantities can you survey in one day?
0:13:00 > 0:13:04- He can survey 47 quantities in a day.- 47 quantities?
0:13:04 > 0:13:06That's a lot of quantities.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Wow. Well, no, I don't think monkeys can survey quantities.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11- They can count.- Yes.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14The person who counts how many people are on the plane
0:13:14 > 0:13:16before you take off, that could be a monkey.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18LAUGHTER
0:13:18 > 0:13:20That would instil us all with confidence, wouldn't it?
0:13:20 > 0:13:22LAUGHTER
0:13:22 > 0:13:23Just before take off,
0:13:23 > 0:13:27a small primate comes down the aisle with a clicker.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30LAUGHTER
0:13:30 > 0:13:32And he also does the duty frees because no-one ever buys anything.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Yes.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36In Thailand, there is a school.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38- A monkey school?- Yep.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40They have between three and six months of training -
0:13:40 > 0:13:42the pig-tailed macaques -
0:13:42 > 0:13:47and they end up working on a plantation,
0:13:47 > 0:13:52where they can pick between 800 and 1,000 whats a day?
0:13:52 > 0:13:55- Bananas.- Not bananas cos they'd eat those, wouldn't they?- They would.
0:13:55 > 0:13:56- Coconuts.- Coconuts!
0:13:56 > 0:14:00Between 800 and 1,000 coconuts a day, they can pick.
0:14:00 > 0:14:01There they are.
0:14:01 > 0:14:02But it's very useful.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04So, a lot more than a human could, probably.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06But they do they count them as well?
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Well, I don't... Those don't, no.
0:14:09 > 0:14:10Clicker in one hand.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12LAUGHTER
0:14:12 > 0:14:15In the US, they use capuchin monkeys
0:14:15 > 0:14:17for a charity called Helping Hands,
0:14:17 > 0:14:19which assists people with disabilities,
0:14:19 > 0:14:21and they help with feeding,
0:14:21 > 0:14:22retrieving dropped items,
0:14:22 > 0:14:24changing compact discs,
0:14:24 > 0:14:26- turning lights on and off.- Wow.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29And in Tokyo, there's a tavern where...
0:14:29 > 0:14:31A traditional sake house,
0:14:31 > 0:14:33where macaques are employed
0:14:33 > 0:14:35to bring customers hot towels.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38I don't want a hot towel off that fella, I'll tell you that.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40LAUGHTER
0:14:40 > 0:14:42That is horrible.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Imagine that at the end of your bed at night.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Oh, God!
0:14:46 > 0:14:48"Hot towel, sir?" Oh, fuck off!
0:14:48 > 0:14:49LAUGHTER
0:14:49 > 0:14:52Now, from smart monkeys to smart aleck kids.
0:14:52 > 0:14:56Which of these would an ancient Mexican use
0:14:56 > 0:14:58to teach children manners?
0:14:58 > 0:15:00You've got chocolate, chilli...
0:15:00 > 0:15:02A monkey with a baseball bat seems pretty effective.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04You definitely would.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07You've got to say "please" or you get the monkey with the bat.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09I, personally, would use a cactus.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11- Yeah.- What would you do with it?
0:15:11 > 0:15:12Throw the child at it.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14LAUGHTER
0:15:14 > 0:15:17Then you are pretty much on a par with those ancient Mexicans.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19Oh, am I?
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Yeah. The Aztec or the... SHE MOUTHS
0:15:21 > 0:15:23..Mexica.
0:15:23 > 0:15:24LAUGHTER
0:15:24 > 0:15:26- The Mexica, as they were called...- Yes.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28From which, we get our word Mexico.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31..did have a firm, but fair, way of treating their children.
0:15:31 > 0:15:32That means "very cruel".
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Yeah, I know.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36And the Codex Mendoza was written by someone
0:15:36 > 0:15:39observing the practices of the Aztecs,
0:15:39 > 0:15:41and this is what he found.
0:15:41 > 0:15:45Basically, they were taught to be humble, hard-working and polite,
0:15:45 > 0:15:47just like British...
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Oh, no, what am I talking about? LAUGHTER
0:15:49 > 0:15:51So this is how it went.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53It begins with an eight-year-old boy
0:15:53 > 0:15:56- being threatened with the spines of a cactus.- Wow.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58The following year, he's stripped, bound and pierced
0:15:58 > 0:16:01in his neck, side and thigh.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Next year, he's bound and beaten with a pine stick.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07The year after that, aged 11, his father holds his son,
0:16:07 > 0:16:11bound and weeping over a fire of burning chillies -
0:16:11 > 0:16:13as you can see, top right, there.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15- All practices carried on in English boarding schools.- Yes.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17LAUGHTER
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Finally, a stroppy 12-year-old is bound and dumped
0:16:19 > 0:16:22in a damp vegetable patch for a day
0:16:22 > 0:16:23to reflect on his conduct.
0:16:23 > 0:16:27By the time he's 13, he's dutifully gathering reeds, as you can see.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Yeah, bearing a terrible grudge.
0:16:29 > 0:16:30LAUGHTER
0:16:30 > 0:16:32- Which he will take out on his child.- Yes.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34Unfortunately, that's the way it works.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37- So, it's a sort of a meme of cruelty.- It is, yeah.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40But the Huichol Mexicans - and you'll like this, I think, Jo -
0:16:40 > 0:16:42they had an interesting practice,
0:16:42 > 0:16:44which was, when a woman was pregnant,
0:16:44 > 0:16:45she would lie and,
0:16:45 > 0:16:47in the room above,
0:16:47 > 0:16:49her husband would lie
0:16:49 > 0:16:51and he would have strings
0:16:51 > 0:16:53attached to his testicles,
0:16:53 > 0:16:55which would drop down into the room below -
0:16:55 > 0:16:56where his wife was, pregnant.
0:16:56 > 0:16:57I'm loving this so far.
0:16:57 > 0:16:58She would have...
0:16:58 > 0:17:01She would hold the strings and, when she had a contraction,
0:17:01 > 0:17:04she would pull... AUDIENCE GASPS
0:17:04 > 0:17:06..so that he was forced to share her pain...
0:17:06 > 0:17:08LAUGHTER
0:17:08 > 0:17:11He, cunningly, slipped the string off, tied it onto the...
0:17:11 > 0:17:13boards of the bed and went to the pub.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15LAUGHTER
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Tied it to the dog.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19"Tied it to the dog"!
0:17:19 > 0:17:20BILL BARKS
0:17:20 > 0:17:21Or his 12-year-old son.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23- "Argh!" - LAUGHTER
0:17:23 > 0:17:25It's possible.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27- Oh, we're... Sorry, go on. - No, carry on.
0:17:27 > 0:17:28No, I was going to say a terrible
0:17:28 > 0:17:31and a very embarrassing story about testicles, but you carry on.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33- Oh, I want your testicle story. - All right, then.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35Well, we had this dog and it got into the bed
0:17:35 > 0:17:37and it started to lick...
0:17:37 > 0:17:39the wrong set of testicles.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43- That's all I'm saying. - LAUGHTER AND GASPS
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Surely everybody wins?
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- Everyone's a winner. - LAUGHTER
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Not everyone, Stephen.
0:17:50 > 0:17:51I haven't been back.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54LAUGHTER
0:17:54 > 0:17:59APPLAUSE
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Yeah, the Mexica people of Mexico
0:18:02 > 0:18:05used a very hands-on variety of tough love.
0:18:05 > 0:18:09And speaking of hands, what's this man doing with his other hand?
0:18:09 > 0:18:10LAUGHTER
0:18:10 > 0:18:12- Oh, Lord!- It's M, it's M...
0:18:12 > 0:18:15- It begins with M. - It begins with M.
0:18:15 > 0:18:16He could be doing anything, Stephen.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Is it something beginning with M?
0:18:18 > 0:18:20If that was me, it would be me trying to work out how the...
0:18:20 > 0:18:23- Scratching? - ..bloody thing works with a printer.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25- Well, it does begin with M. - Massaging something?
0:18:25 > 0:18:28- If I tell you that he's a professor. - He's got a massive mouse on his leg.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31- Milking, mousing.- "Massive mouse."
0:18:31 > 0:18:33You're right to think of an animal cos he's a scientist -
0:18:33 > 0:18:36a professor at the University of Kentucky.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39Has he got his finger stuck in a moose?
0:18:39 > 0:18:42LAUGHTER
0:18:42 > 0:18:44He's a Mexican, he's a Mexican man,
0:18:44 > 0:18:47and he's pressing a child against a cactus under the desk.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49LAUGHTER
0:18:49 > 0:18:50He's a cruel man.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52He is Professor Grayson Brown
0:18:52 > 0:18:55and he's an entomologist of a particular kind.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58A culicidologist, if that makes any sense to you.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00- Molluscs?- Not molluscs.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02- Oh.- An entomologist.- Mosquitoes.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Mosquitoes is the right answer.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:06 > 0:19:09- Wow!- On fire.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10Sorry.
0:19:10 > 0:19:11That's brilliant.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14He's very serious in his study of mosquitoes
0:19:14 > 0:19:16and he was allowing 1,000 mosquitoes -
0:19:16 > 0:19:17as he does every morning,
0:19:17 > 0:19:19while he carries on doing his e-mails -
0:19:19 > 0:19:22to feast on his arm.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25His body is so used to it they no longer leave a mark, apparently.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27It's most bizarre.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Asian mosquitoes are very picky,
0:19:29 > 0:19:32they only, ONLY, feast on humans...
0:19:32 > 0:19:34They won't eat the blood of any other animal.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36..and, in order to keep them happy,
0:19:36 > 0:19:38obviously they need a big supply of blood.
0:19:38 > 0:19:39So, he and his fellow workers...
0:19:39 > 0:19:42And some animals, it has to be said, in his lab,
0:19:42 > 0:19:46also supply the blood for other breeds of mosquito -
0:19:46 > 0:19:49but, for the Asian ones, it's just humans.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52And, of course, they have to keep them breeding.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Now, they're odd, these Asian mosquitoes,
0:19:54 > 0:19:56cos they're really a bit lazy.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58I suppose they produce so many thousands...
0:19:58 > 0:19:59What's he trying to find out?
0:19:59 > 0:20:01I mean, what is there left to know about these creatures?
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Well, given how many millions of people they kill every year,
0:20:04 > 0:20:06it's kind of... You can't know enough.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09Cos they kill more, as you know, than wars.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11But in order to get them to mate, to force-mate them.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14Play some Barry White, give them some wine.
0:20:14 > 0:20:15LAUGHTER
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Well, that's what I thought but, in this case,
0:20:17 > 0:20:19- they decapitate the male... - Oh, that's different.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21- No, no, that wouldn't work. - Good so far.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24LAUGHTER ..they anaesthetise the female.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26They then insert the male's genitals
0:20:26 > 0:20:29into his unconscious partner.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Despite the lack of the male's head,
0:20:31 > 0:20:33and the lack of the female's consciousness,
0:20:33 > 0:20:35the insects lock together,
0:20:35 > 0:20:36sperm is transferred
0:20:36 > 0:20:38and the female becomes pregnant.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Does that happen with humans? SHE MOUTHS
0:20:40 > 0:20:43- Yes?- Well, if you have enough Jagermeister,
0:20:43 > 0:20:45- I suppose it will, yeah. - LAUGHTER
0:20:45 > 0:20:48And a skilled entomologist can do this without a microscope.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51That's nothing to brag about though, is it?
0:20:51 > 0:20:52No, it probably isn't.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55"Oh, I can make mosquitoes bang without a microscope."
0:20:55 > 0:20:56LAUGHTER
0:20:56 > 0:20:59We had a pair of preying mantis once in the kitchen,
0:20:59 > 0:21:02In a... You know, in the tank, obviously.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05And I came home one night and the male praying mantis
0:21:05 > 0:21:06was on the kitchen floor
0:21:06 > 0:21:08walking across, like, towards the door.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11And I went, "Oh, no, he's got out of the t... Oh, what a shame."
0:21:11 > 0:21:12And I carefully scooped him up
0:21:12 > 0:21:14and I placed him back in the tank, very gently,
0:21:14 > 0:21:17and the female pounced and bit his head off and...
0:21:17 > 0:21:18LAUGHTER
0:21:18 > 0:21:20..he was clearly making a break for it.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23- Oh, because they do.- The whole time, "No, don't put me back there. Oh."
0:21:23 > 0:21:25- The females do eat the males, don't they?- Yes, they do.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28- So, they must have just mated. - They must have just...
0:21:28 > 0:21:30- And he was off. - Yeah. Oh, dear, oh, dear.
0:21:30 > 0:21:31But now it's time to move on
0:21:31 > 0:21:32to the low-hanging fruit
0:21:32 > 0:21:34of General Ignorance.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37What do magpies like to steal?
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Shiny things.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41KLAXON BLARES
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Of course, everyone knows that! Come on!
0:21:43 > 0:21:46Oh, Alany, Alany, Alany-walany, Alany-walany-woo.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48- No. We think they do, but they don't.- Oh.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51- We've done tests. Well, we haven't, people have.- Have you?
0:21:51 > 0:21:54Out of 64 of them, magpies picked up a shiny object only twice
0:21:54 > 0:21:56and then immediately dropped it.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58They're not interested in shiny things.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Like all animals, they're interested in things that look like food or...
0:22:01 > 0:22:03that they can shag. LAUGHTER
0:22:03 > 0:22:06The... It's folklore surrounding them seems to be just that -
0:22:06 > 0:22:08folklore, anecdotes.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11But the Italian for magpie...
0:22:11 > 0:22:13leads to an interesting thing.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14- FAUX ITALIAN ACCENT:- Magpie-o.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16LAUGHTER
0:22:16 > 0:22:18That's an awfully nice thought.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Do you know the Rossini opera, The Thieving Magpie?
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Called "La Gazza Ladra".
0:22:22 > 0:22:24"Gazza" is a magpie
0:22:24 > 0:22:27and a little magpie, "gazzetta".
0:22:27 > 0:22:30- Oh, it's the newspaper. - Called the "gazzetta".
0:22:30 > 0:22:32A newspaper - gazette.
0:22:32 > 0:22:33And that's it, the gossipy chatter,
0:22:33 > 0:22:35- like a magpie.- Ah!
0:22:35 > 0:22:37That's where we get that word, "gazette".
0:22:37 > 0:22:41- I like... I quite like that one. - Yeah, me too.- Yeah.- Yeah, certainly.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44Also, if I were to say that the magpie's real name is a pie,
0:22:44 > 0:22:46it's a pie.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48Then where does the "mag" come from?
0:22:48 > 0:22:50- Margaret.- Yeah.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52- Margaret.- Was it?
0:22:52 > 0:22:56- Yeah.- "Margaret pie?" - APPLAUSE
0:22:56 > 0:23:00Where did that come from?
0:23:00 > 0:23:01"Margaret pie"?
0:23:01 > 0:23:03In medieval England, it was common
0:23:03 > 0:23:06to give birds a Christian name, sometimes,
0:23:06 > 0:23:09and the ones that have survived have included magpie.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11- Which other ones can you...? - Robin.- Robin.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13- Robin redbreast. - Robin redbreast.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16Robin's the only one where the first name is the one that's kept...
0:23:16 > 0:23:18- Dave Starling.- Sorry? LAUGHTER
0:23:18 > 0:23:20- Joseph Starling? - No, big Dave Starling.
0:23:20 > 0:23:21LAUGHTER
0:23:21 > 0:23:23Joseph would have been funny.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Joseph Starling is good, yeah. I like that. I prefer that.
0:23:25 > 0:23:29- Not as funny as Dave, but it's better.- Yeah.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31- Tomtit. Jenny Wren.- Tomtit, yeah.
0:23:31 > 0:23:32Charlie Crow.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35- Jackdaw.- Jackdaw. - Oh, jackdaw.- Yeah, yeah.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37So there are a few of them.
0:23:37 > 0:23:38Christopher Chaf-finch.
0:23:38 > 0:23:42LAUGHTER
0:23:42 > 0:23:45- We had an injured bird in the garden yesterday...- Oh.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47..and it looked like a magpie, and it couldn't take off,
0:23:47 > 0:23:50and I was watching it for ages. I didn't know what to do with it,
0:23:50 > 0:23:52so I opened the back gate and shooed it out.
0:23:52 > 0:23:53LAUGHTER
0:23:53 > 0:23:57- Oh, dear.- What do you think it was, then? What make?- "The back gate."
0:23:57 > 0:24:00- I think it was a young crow...- Yeah.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03..that was having a bit of trouble with flight
0:24:03 > 0:24:05- because it flew into a bush... - Oh, dear.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07..and I presume it's dead by now.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09LAUGHTER
0:24:09 > 0:24:12- That's it, you...?- And that's the end of tonight's Springwatch.- Yes.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15LAUGHTER
0:24:15 > 0:24:19APPLAUSE
0:24:19 > 0:24:22What could you have done with it?
0:24:22 > 0:24:25- I don't know, what are you going to do with a bird?- Shoot it, shoot it.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27- Take it out.- Shoot the...
0:24:27 > 0:24:29- Sniper's rifle, through the brain. - I could have gone after it
0:24:29 > 0:24:31because it was in the garden and couldn't get out.
0:24:31 > 0:24:35- I could have easily got it with a tennis racket.- Yeah, exactly. Yeah. - AUDIENCE GASPS
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Just scoop it up with a tennis racket
0:24:37 > 0:24:39- and hit it with a frying pan... - LAUGHTER
0:24:39 > 0:24:41..and chuck it over the wall. That's what I would do.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44And then its parents would have come and ate it, wouldn't they?
0:24:44 > 0:24:47- Yeah, that's right.- Let's face it, it is the wild.- Yeah.- Exactly, yes.
0:24:47 > 0:24:48Even if it is Hampstead.
0:24:48 > 0:24:49LAUGHTER
0:24:49 > 0:24:51It's wild for them, though.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53They've have had it in a coulis.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56LAUGHTER
0:24:56 > 0:24:58A crow couscous.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00With some quinoa.
0:25:00 > 0:25:01LAUGHTER
0:25:01 > 0:25:03I wonder what its name was.
0:25:03 > 0:25:04Clive, I expect.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06No, I think it was Vel.
0:25:06 > 0:25:07- Vel?- Vel-crow.- "Velcro."
0:25:07 > 0:25:11APPLAUSE
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
0:25:14 > 0:25:18So, magpies aren't particularly interested in shiny objects.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20How many paintings did Vincent Van Gogh -
0:25:20 > 0:25:23or "Goch," or "Gough," or "Go"...
0:25:23 > 0:25:25How many did he sell while he was alive?
0:25:25 > 0:25:26Don't say none.
0:25:26 > 0:25:27TURNTABLE BUZZER
0:25:27 > 0:25:29None! I'm going to say none.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32KLAXON BLARES
0:25:32 > 0:25:34- D'oh!- D'oh!
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Really, I'm afraid...
0:25:36 > 0:25:38- One.- A few, maybe?
0:25:38 > 0:25:40KLAXON BLARES
0:25:40 > 0:25:41"A few".
0:25:41 > 0:25:44It was lots. He sold hundreds of paintings.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46- Hundreds?!- Yeah, when he was 15,
0:25:46 > 0:25:48he used to work in an art gallery.
0:25:48 > 0:25:49- Oh, shut up! - LAUGHTER
0:25:49 > 0:25:51It's true.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53I just asked you how many paintings...
0:25:53 > 0:25:56This is the closest I've come to walking out of this show!
0:25:56 > 0:25:58I'd like a recount on those two.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00It was a horribly mean question,
0:26:00 > 0:26:03but the fact is he did sell hundreds -
0:26:03 > 0:26:04they just weren't his own.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06He was very good at selling them too,
0:26:06 > 0:26:08he did extremely well and
0:26:08 > 0:26:09it was a big French company
0:26:09 > 0:26:11and his brother, Theo,
0:26:11 > 0:26:13ran the Montmartre branch,
0:26:13 > 0:26:17and Vincent relocated, after a while, to the London branch.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20And he spent two years in London, living in Brixton,
0:26:20 > 0:26:23and he called it the happiest time of his life.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25Yeah, he did really well and he loved it.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28- Good fun in Brixton.- It's great. - It was good fun, it's a good place.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30- Brixton Village.- Brixton Village.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32He would have gone and got some chicken from CHICKENliquor,
0:26:32 > 0:26:34that's real nice.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36- Yeah.- Is that your manor?
0:26:36 > 0:26:38I used to live in Brixton and...
0:26:38 > 0:26:39do you know what I nearly did then?
0:26:39 > 0:26:42- I nearly called you "man" and then I stopped myself.- Thank you.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46- I just want you to appreciate that. - I really do. Thank you.
0:26:46 > 0:26:50- Anyway, perhaps the most surprising thing we'll all learn today...- Yes.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52..is that, after Brixton,
0:26:52 > 0:26:56he came back to the UK in 1876,
0:26:56 > 0:26:57and Vincent Van Gogh...
0:26:57 > 0:26:58worked...
0:26:58 > 0:27:01as a supply teacher in Ramsgate.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03- Oh!- Isn't that wonderful?
0:27:03 > 0:27:04Wow.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06- That's a big surprise, isn't it? - It is. It is, yeah.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09I wonder if the children remembered him for years afterwards...
0:27:09 > 0:27:12- Mr Van Gogh?- ..as a flame-haired figure.- Moody sod.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14- Yeah.- Yeah.- Then he became a painter, supported financially
0:27:14 > 0:27:17and, indeed, emotionally by his brother, Theo.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20He suffered from tinnitus, vertigo and, of course, depression
0:27:20 > 0:27:22and he killed himself aged 37.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25Only one of his 900 paintings
0:27:25 > 0:27:27was sold in his lifetime.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30Sold to a remarkable woman called Anna Boch,
0:27:30 > 0:27:31who was, herself, a painter.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34- One. You said one! - I said one.- You said one.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36I asked how many paintings, not how many of his own paintings.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38BILL GROANS
0:27:38 > 0:27:40I know, I'm sorry, but, look, I did say...
0:27:40 > 0:27:42Chairman of the Pedantic Association.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44LAUGHTER
0:27:44 > 0:27:47"It's actually the Society of Pedantics, but I'll let that go."
0:27:47 > 0:27:50Yes, exactly, in fact. LAUGHTER
0:27:50 > 0:27:52Anna Boch paid 400 francs
0:27:52 > 0:27:55for a painting of his called The Red Vineyard,
0:27:55 > 0:27:56which is rather beautiful.
0:27:56 > 0:27:59And with that, the final whistle has blown and...
0:27:59 > 0:28:00STEPHEN LAUGHS
0:28:00 > 0:28:02..the match has come to an end.
0:28:02 > 0:28:06It's actually a very extraordinary series of scores.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09In first place, with plus eight...
0:28:09 > 0:28:12Yes, she was on fire, Jo Brand.
0:28:12 > 0:28:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:17 > 0:28:20In second place...
0:28:20 > 0:28:22with minus seven, it's James.
0:28:22 > 0:28:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:25 > 0:28:27In third place...
0:28:27 > 0:28:30with minus 32, is Bill Bailey.
0:28:30 > 0:28:34- Minus, how...? - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:34 > 0:28:35In fourth place...
0:28:35 > 0:28:37with minus 41, Alan Davies.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:39 > 0:28:40Thank you very much, thank you.
0:28:44 > 0:28:46So, all that remains for me
0:28:46 > 0:28:48is to pull up the corner flags,
0:28:48 > 0:28:50thank James, Bill, Jo and Alan,
0:28:50 > 0:28:53and to leave you with this classic piece of Ron Atkinson.
0:28:53 > 0:28:55When asked about what made the perfect match,
0:28:55 > 0:28:58"Well, Clive, it's all about the two M's -
0:28:58 > 0:29:00"movement and positioning."
0:29:00 > 0:29:01Goodnight.
0:29:01 > 0:29:05APPLAUSE