0:00:31 > 0:00:33GOOD evening, good evening, good evening, good evening,
0:00:33 > 0:00:36good evening, good evening and welcome to QI,
0:00:36 > 0:00:40where this week I shall be messing with your minds.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Joining me on the psychiatrist's couch,
0:00:43 > 0:00:45we have the open-minded Sarah Millican.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48APPLAUSE
0:00:49 > 0:00:52The sharp-minded Josh Widdicombe.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54APPLAUSE
0:00:56 > 0:00:58The broad-minded Tommy Tiernan.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00APPLAUSE
0:01:02 > 0:01:04And...
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Oh, never mind, it's Alan Davies.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09APPLAUSE
0:01:12 > 0:01:15So, let's be mindful of their buzzers.
0:01:15 > 0:01:16Sarah goes...
0:01:16 > 0:01:21MUSIC: You Were Always On My Mind by Elvis Presley
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Josh goes...
0:01:23 > 0:01:27MUSIC: I've Got My Mind Set On You by George Harrison
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Tommy goes...
0:01:31 > 0:01:34MUSIC: Making Your Mind Up by Bucks Fizz
0:01:36 > 0:01:37And Alan goes...
0:01:37 > 0:01:43- TRAIN RATTLES - 'Mind the gap. Mind the gap.'
0:01:43 > 0:01:45LAUGHTER
0:01:45 > 0:01:46Good.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51So, it's time to get down to minding our own business.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54Alan, we've been working together now for 13 years,
0:01:54 > 0:01:56playing together, I like to think of it.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58- But of course.- Quite wrongly.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00And we get on like a, like a mouse on fire.
0:02:02 > 0:02:03Was it love at first sight?
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Oh, yeah, absolutely, Stephen.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07CLAXON Oh!
0:02:09 > 0:02:11That's such a shame.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12No. No, it wasn't.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15Well, it's about the mind and another capacity of the mind,
0:02:15 > 0:02:19one of its most important capacities, that begins with M.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21- Memory. - Memory is right, yeah. Absolutely.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Can we really remember things?
0:02:23 > 0:02:2513 years ago, emotional states,
0:02:25 > 0:02:27do we remember them accurately?
0:02:27 > 0:02:30Things like falling in love at first sight.
0:02:30 > 0:02:36But isn't there a difference between fact and truth?
0:02:36 > 0:02:39- Right.- So... - JOSH:- 13 years of QI saps us.
0:02:39 > 0:02:40- That's good... - Keep going, we like this.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43This could really help me on this show, you know.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46So, I would remember stuff from my childhood that my father says
0:02:46 > 0:02:50didn't happen, but there's truth in the memory.
0:02:50 > 0:02:54- Yes.- I have a memory, he would suggest that it never happened,
0:02:54 > 0:02:57of him holding me by the ankles over the side of a ship.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00LAUGHTER
0:03:02 > 0:03:03And he says he...
0:03:03 > 0:03:05So, he thinks that's a false memory syndrome event.
0:03:05 > 0:03:10He questions it, but I know that the feeling of being held by the ankles
0:03:10 > 0:03:15over the side of a ship by my father speaks a truth of my childhood.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18- Right.- That the facts may not support.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21- It doesn't mean...- Is your dad...? - It's very profound and correct.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23So there's truth in the feeling of the memory,
0:03:23 > 0:03:25so the feeling is nothing to do with facts.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27You wouldn't fail a lie detector test
0:03:27 > 0:03:29if you explained that memory to a polygraph.
0:03:29 > 0:03:33- Much to my father's chagrin.- Right.
0:03:33 > 0:03:34I think I've got the opposite,
0:03:34 > 0:03:38cos I think my first memory is something that I've been told
0:03:38 > 0:03:43so many times happened, that I don't think I do remember it.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46- I did...- Yes, so that's the opposite of what happened to Tommy.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49- You've had yours reinforced by your family.- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52Does that make you worry that you might be a robot?
0:03:52 > 0:03:54And like they've just been,
0:03:54 > 0:03:57all these memories have just been uploaded.
0:03:57 > 0:03:58Well, we're all a bit like that.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Certainly in terms of falling in love at first sight, there was
0:04:01 > 0:04:05a survey of 10,000 people in long-term relationships
0:04:05 > 0:04:07and half of the men in that survey
0:04:07 > 0:04:10said they fell in love at first sight.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13A quarter of the women said they fell in love at first sight.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15So a lot of men were fooling themselves.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18No, what that is though, I think that's just the law of averages,
0:04:18 > 0:04:22because say like you're a single man, I think when I've been single,
0:04:22 > 0:04:26I fall in love with women 20 to 30 times a day.
0:04:26 > 0:04:27LAUGHTER
0:04:27 > 0:04:29- I think...- So, the law of averages,
0:04:29 > 0:04:31eventually the one I get together with,
0:04:31 > 0:04:34she'll be one of the 400,000 I fell in love with.
0:04:34 > 0:04:38There is a sense in which many people would say
0:04:38 > 0:04:42that despite this view of women's sentimental literature
0:04:42 > 0:04:46and the rest of it, men are far more sentimental than women.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Women are practical and less sentimental
0:04:49 > 0:04:51- and they probably have a clearer... - Because women...
0:04:51 > 0:04:53LAUGHTER
0:04:53 > 0:04:57- There, see.- Why has he got it facing away from him though?!
0:04:59 > 0:05:00That's so rude!
0:05:00 > 0:05:03On the other side of it though, it's a picture of Stephen.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Bound to be.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09APPLAUSE
0:05:09 > 0:05:10Oh, dear.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13He's looking at the back of your head.
0:05:13 > 0:05:14Yeah, maybe that's what it is.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17That's rather, you see there he's all dreamy-eyed
0:05:17 > 0:05:20- and maybe you're clear-eyed. - Well, women are more practical
0:05:20 > 0:05:22because they've got more shit to get done.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24- Yeah. Yeah.- That's what it is.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Do you know that story about the journalist who interviewed
0:05:27 > 0:05:30a busy sort of woman and said they were doing this
0:05:30 > 0:05:33survey about who makes the important decisions in your household.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36She said, "Oh, my husband makes all the important decisions, I make all
0:05:36 > 0:05:40"the trivial decisions, like what the children should wear and what they
0:05:40 > 0:05:43"should eat and how much we should spend on our household budget, and
0:05:43 > 0:05:47"where we should go on holiday and what sort of car we should drive.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51"But my husband makes all the important decisions, like whether
0:05:51 > 0:05:54"there should be a United Nations presence in Bosnia for example."
0:05:56 > 0:06:01That sort of sums up basically men fantasising about political things,
0:06:01 > 0:06:04where women get on with the real business of life, maybe.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07- I don't think I fell in love at first sight.- You didn't?
0:06:07 > 0:06:10I don't think so. I don't think, that makes it sound...
0:06:10 > 0:06:11I've never been so hurt in my life.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Yes, well, we'll do an experiment actually with memory
0:06:15 > 0:06:17a little later on.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20So there we are. I can't remember what kind of point
0:06:20 > 0:06:22I was trying to make there.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24But fortunately, neither can you.
0:06:24 > 0:06:29Now, how much sleep does a paradoxical insomniac get?
0:06:29 > 0:06:32TOMMY'S BUZZER
0:06:32 > 0:06:33Paradoxical, lots?
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Well, yes. He does.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39- More than he thinks.- Yes.
0:06:39 > 0:06:44It's like a paradoxical kleptomaniac who leaves things in shops.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49What a wonderful thing to be.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51APPLAUSE
0:06:51 > 0:06:55Oh, look, he's left a DVD on the teabags again.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59Yeah, it's a very rare condition, but essentially your body sleeps
0:06:59 > 0:07:02very happily and all the scientific equipment that goes onto the
0:07:02 > 0:07:06brain to check that you're sleeping shows that you are sleeping,
0:07:06 > 0:07:10but you're awake, and you remember where you are and what's going on.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12But you're refreshed.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14- Are you doing stuff, like are you driving a bus or something?- No.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17No, absolutely not. No, they're definitely asleep in bed.
0:07:17 > 0:07:22So are these people, do they...? Sorry, I don't really understand
0:07:22 > 0:07:25and I think you're lying, but anyway.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Are these people the sort of people, do they say,
0:07:27 > 0:07:30"I've had a good night's sleep," or, "I haven't slept a wink"?
0:07:30 > 0:07:32How do they feel? They feel refreshed?
0:07:32 > 0:07:35- They feel refreshed, they feel fine. - How do they know they haven't slept?
0:07:35 > 0:07:38- Cos they've been awake all the time. - They've slept, haven't they?
0:07:38 > 0:07:40In their mind, they've been awake all the time.
0:07:40 > 0:07:44Is this when you have to be awake at ten to five,
0:07:44 > 0:07:46and miraculously you are awake at ten to five.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48That's an alarm clock, love.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50LAUGHTER
0:07:50 > 0:07:52- No, I have that too, I do definitely.- Yeah.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55- It's extraordinary.- So is that the same kind of...- It works very well.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58At school when we, if we were going on a, you know,
0:07:58 > 0:08:01a little dawn raid, or something like that, you'd, they'd say...
0:08:01 > 0:08:02Sorry?
0:08:02 > 0:08:06Well, you know, to do a raid on the kitchens and steal jelly
0:08:06 > 0:08:08and things, you know. So...
0:08:08 > 0:08:11I forgot you grew up in an Enid Blyton novel.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13LAUGHTER
0:08:13 > 0:08:16To get your catapult back from the teacher.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20You would do this onto the pillow, you would go,
0:08:20 > 0:08:22"One, two, three, four,"
0:08:22 > 0:08:24like that, and you'd wake up at four in the morning.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26- And it always seemed to work.- No.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29- Honestly, I can't remember a time when it didn't.- That is bullshit!
0:08:29 > 0:08:31- No...- OK.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33I totally agree.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36It's maybe a false memory I've got, but it's a very clear one.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38It all changes when you get an enlarged prostate.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41LAUGHTER
0:08:49 > 0:08:52And do you have to hit it four times on the pillow?
0:08:52 > 0:08:54This is something that Blyton didn't cover much.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58She didn't, did she? Not lashings of enlarged prostates, no.
0:08:58 > 0:08:59Oh, dear.
0:08:59 > 0:09:03Anyway, how well you sleep is really all in your mind.
0:09:03 > 0:09:08Now, how much would you pay for a machine that can print money?
0:09:08 > 0:09:10TOMMY'S BUZZER
0:09:10 > 0:09:17Nothing, because the person you bought it from wouldn't need cash.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19- Oh, clever.- Very good.- Clever.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21Well, I'm going to put it up for offers, because I've got
0:09:21 > 0:09:25a machine which I hope you will see is able to print money.
0:09:25 > 0:09:30What I've got is a piece of paper,
0:09:30 > 0:09:31which is the right size.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34And my printer, which is pretty accurate.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37- At least if I print it well. - Ah, very good.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Well, there it is.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41- Oooh.- There you go.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43- Blimey!- What do you think?- Eh?
0:09:43 > 0:09:45APPLAUSE
0:09:45 > 0:09:48There you are.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51So, how much would you pay for that machine?
0:09:51 > 0:09:53I'd pay a tenner, because...
0:09:53 > 0:09:55LAUGHTER
0:09:55 > 0:09:59And then I'd go out onto the South Bank and make loads of money.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01We'll keep that.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04We'll keep that, we'll keep that ten and maybe we'll see
0:10:04 > 0:10:06if we can make more money later on.
0:10:06 > 0:10:11Tell me this, which do you find most convincing, the IKEA Effect,
0:10:11 > 0:10:14the Rhyme As Reason Effect
0:10:14 > 0:10:16or the Frequency Illusion?
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Is the IKEA Effect just arrows on the floor?
0:10:19 > 0:10:20Is that what that is?
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Just not being able to get out of anywhere ever.
0:10:22 > 0:10:23That, if you can...
0:10:23 > 0:10:25Is that prison? Is that prison?
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Prison with tea lights.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32It may be better understood by saying things like
0:10:32 > 0:10:38if you make crab apple jelly, say, or jam, in my case apricot jam,
0:10:38 > 0:10:41I made last year, it's just the best apricot jam there ever was.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43I knew this, it's a fact.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46It's the best apricot jam anyone's ever tasted.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49But I'm told that it's part of the IKEA Effect. In other words,
0:10:49 > 0:10:53if you've made it yourself from your own ingredients, you just think it's
0:10:53 > 0:10:56better than anything else that you can buy in a shop or anything else.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59- Is that why people are really smug about their babies?- Yes.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01LAUGHTER
0:11:01 > 0:11:02Basically, they are an IKEA Effect.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05APPLAUSE
0:11:07 > 0:11:11Well, let's move on to the second in our list then, which is
0:11:11 > 0:11:13the Rhyme As Reason Effect.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15What do you think that can be about?
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Is that like, no pain no gain?
0:11:18 > 0:11:22- Yes.- Or treat them mean, keep them keen, would be another.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24- Yes.- Oh, like, there's loads of alcohol ones,
0:11:24 > 0:11:27isn't there, like if you drink wine you'll be fine, and...
0:11:27 > 0:11:29- Oh, yeah, yeah. - Beer you'll be queer.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Only shots, yeah.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33But that did work, didn't it, Stephen?
0:11:33 > 0:11:34It did, yeah, yeah. It worked on me.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37- Only shots, you'll get the trots, that sort of thing.- Yeah.
0:11:37 > 0:11:38Yeah, all the boozy ones.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41- Yeah, isn't there one with grape and grain?- Yeah.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Never the twain with... No.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46- LAUGHING:- ..with the grape and grain.
0:11:46 > 0:11:50They do seem to work, in as much as, if you suggest a kind of rhyming
0:11:50 > 0:11:55piece of advice to someone, and to another group of people you put the
0:11:55 > 0:11:59same sentiment that doesn't rhyme, they'll believe the rhyming one.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02So, for example, they gave "wealth makes health,"
0:12:02 > 0:12:05to a group of people, and almost all of them agreed with it.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09They then said, "Financial success improves medical outcomes."
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Catchy. It's catchy.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14And they didn't agree at all, despite it meaning the same thing.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17So it shows there is a strange quality that a rhyming phrase has.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19It's easier to remember as well,
0:12:19 > 0:12:21- so you might want to pass it on to somebody else.- That's right.
0:12:21 > 0:12:22If it rhymes.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25And it seems just to have some sort of authority or imprimatur,
0:12:25 > 0:12:28that an ordinary phrase doesn't. It's also the Keats heuristic,
0:12:28 > 0:12:31because it's beautiful, it must be true.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34Beauty is truth and truth beauty, is the idea.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36You may remember OJ Simpson's defence lawyer,
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Johnnie Cochran, do you remember him?
0:12:39 > 0:12:41- Oh, it doesn't fit. - If the glove doesn't fit...
0:12:41 > 0:12:44- If the glove doesn't fit... - ..you must...- Acquit.- Acquit.
0:12:44 > 0:12:45That's it, yeah.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47That seems to be one of the things that got OJ...
0:12:47 > 0:12:48That's quite specific as well,
0:12:48 > 0:12:52you can't use that, like, every day, can you?
0:12:52 > 0:12:54It's not going to come up a lot, that one, is it?
0:12:54 > 0:12:57No. It worked on the day though.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00The Frequency Illusion, does that mean anything to you?
0:13:00 > 0:13:03No.
0:13:03 > 0:13:04No reason why it should.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07When I used the word heuristic, it may be that you didn't know
0:13:07 > 0:13:10the word, but it's quite likely that in a couple of days you might
0:13:10 > 0:13:13see it in a magazine or hear someone else using it on the radio or
0:13:13 > 0:13:15TV and you go, "That's weird, I only just heard that word
0:13:15 > 0:13:19"for the first time two days ago, and now it keeps cropping up everywhere."
0:13:19 > 0:13:22- Have you ever had that experience? - Yeah. I was talking to Richard Osman
0:13:22 > 0:13:25about this, cos he was complaining about people saying there's always
0:13:25 > 0:13:26- tennis questions on Pointless. - Oh, yes.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28And the moment you think
0:13:28 > 0:13:30that there's tennis questions on Pointless,
0:13:30 > 0:13:31if you see one, you think,
0:13:31 > 0:13:34- "Well, that completely reinforces everything."- Yes, that's right.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38All these things are called a sort of cognitive bias, they push
0:13:38 > 0:13:42you into a way of thinking, some different ways of thinking.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45So, you can tell the most appalling lie,
0:13:45 > 0:13:48if it rhymes or it's featured on QI.
0:13:48 > 0:13:53What did the amnesiac say when the doctor asked him his name?
0:13:53 > 0:13:55TOMMY'S BUZZER
0:13:55 > 0:13:57I don't know the answer to that question.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00Oh! CLAXON
0:14:00 > 0:14:02No, no, I was telling you that...
0:14:02 > 0:14:05- That you didn't know the, very clever.- Right...
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Very clever, give him his points back.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09He didn't know the answer to the question.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Did he just say his name,
0:14:11 > 0:14:13because it was written on the inside label of his knickers?
0:14:13 > 0:14:17That would be the contortionist amnesiac.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Yeah.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22There's the guy that they said, "What's your name?" and he
0:14:22 > 0:14:25asked for a pen and paper, and he drew a piano and they brought him
0:14:25 > 0:14:28a piano and he wouldn't speak to them, but he'd just play the piano.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30- Do you remember this guy?- I do.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Yeah, and then it turned out, I think, that he was a con artist.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35- Yeah, he was. - He didn't have amnesia at all.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Because, if you have amnesia, you don't forget your name
0:14:37 > 0:14:39and you don't forget your past life.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41What you're not capable of doing
0:14:41 > 0:14:43is remembering new things that happen to you.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46- That's the point. - You've just ruined loads of films.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48I know, you're absolutely right.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51It's films in particular that relish this idea that you
0:14:51 > 0:14:54might have a trauma and you lose all memory of who you are
0:14:54 > 0:14:56and you become a fresh, new, empty person.
0:14:56 > 0:15:00And very often as well a second clump on the head
0:15:00 > 0:15:02will bring your memory back.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05And all this is utterly unknown to medical science.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08- It's completely made-up.- A very rudimentary psychiatric hospital in
0:15:08 > 0:15:11the west of Ireland would use that as a technique.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13LAUGHTER A clump on the back of the head.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15If it was a thump on the head that got you sick,
0:15:15 > 0:15:18it'll be a thump on the head that'll make you better.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22Yeah, we're back in Memory Lane and now it's time for our memory test.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25All right, I want the audience and you four,
0:15:25 > 0:15:30if you'd be kind enough, to listen to and remember these words.
0:15:30 > 0:15:34Bed. Rest. Awake.
0:15:34 > 0:15:38Tired. Dream. Wake.
0:15:38 > 0:15:42Snooze. Blanket. Doze.
0:15:42 > 0:15:43Slumber.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46Snore. Nap.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Peace. Yawn.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Drowsy.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52All right?
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Remember those words, if you'd be so kind.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Good. Well, I think we've earned ourselves
0:15:57 > 0:16:00- another money-making moment, yes? Go on.- Excellent.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03Because I've got another machine. Well, it's not a machine
0:16:03 > 0:16:07in this case, it's just an ordinary blotter and a piece of paper.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10This is a, see, there you are.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12It's all pretty straightforward.
0:16:12 > 0:16:17The blotter is to blot out all the excess ink as we try
0:16:17 > 0:16:20and print out this, we try and print it out, there we go.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Oh, let's have a go. Oh.
0:16:23 > 0:16:27- Oh, yes, that's worked.- Now that is good.- That's good.- That is so good.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30APPLAUSE
0:16:30 > 0:16:33There you are. More money for us.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35Isn't that pleasing?
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Are you going to show us how they work later on?
0:16:37 > 0:16:39- Of course!- Good.
0:16:39 > 0:16:40Before I kill you.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44- I don't mind. I don't mind. No. - Oh, you don't mind, good, no.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46- It's just...- If you do any... - What a way to go,
0:16:46 > 0:16:47that's a trade-off I'll take.
0:16:47 > 0:16:52Now for some multiple choice, listen carefully. True or false?
0:16:52 > 0:16:57True or false questions are more likely to be true than false.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05- I'm going to...- I need an answer.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07JOSH'S BUZZER
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Oh, I love George Harrison.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12I'm going to go...true.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14- Is the right answer.- Oh!
0:17:14 > 0:17:16APPLAUSE
0:17:16 > 0:17:18Very good. Yeah.
0:17:20 > 0:17:2150/50 ball, as they say.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24And you did well, that's right. Yeah, it's...
0:17:24 > 0:17:28But there isn't a vault or a bank where all the true or false
0:17:28 > 0:17:30questions in the world were ever asked
0:17:30 > 0:17:35and somebody decides to count which are more true or more false.
0:17:35 > 0:17:39That's like saying, when you're given directions, is the first
0:17:39 > 0:17:42direction more often likely to be turn left or turn right?
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Depends where you're going.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46- Left.- Yes.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49But you can analyse a huge bank of questions, which is what was done.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52American exam questions, in this instance.
0:17:52 > 0:17:56And they found that it was 56% of them the answer was true,
0:17:56 > 0:17:58- and 44% the answer was false.- Right.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01And it seems the reason is that the examiners, of course,
0:18:01 > 0:18:04have to think of the questions all the time, and it's a lot
0:18:04 > 0:18:07easier to think of a true question than it is to think of a false one.
0:18:07 > 0:18:12When I did my GCSEs, they said as a tip,
0:18:12 > 0:18:14if you're doing a multiple choice, A, B, C, D,
0:18:14 > 0:18:20and you don't know the answer, go B or C, because the lazy examiners
0:18:20 > 0:18:24are more likely to put the answer in the middle than on the edge.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27Would have been better if they just taught us the answers.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30- Yes, I was going to say. - Just important to...
0:18:30 > 0:18:34Don't worry about learning about science, just go C.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36All right, I'll give you another chance then, OK.
0:18:36 > 0:18:43If question one is true in an exam, what is question two likely to be?
0:18:43 > 0:18:45True.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Oh! CLAXON
0:18:47 > 0:18:50No, true, false, true, false is more prevalent.
0:18:50 > 0:18:51Oh, that's so boring though.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54It's not absolutely guaranteed, of course,
0:18:54 > 0:18:56but the chance the next answer will be different
0:18:56 > 0:18:59from the present one is 63% though, so it's quite a high amount.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01So if question two the answer was true,
0:19:01 > 0:19:04question three, 63% that it will be false.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07The way therefore to optimise your scores, if you're doing a true
0:19:07 > 0:19:13or false, is to answer all the ones you know the answer to, obviously.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Then the ones next to them, put the opposite.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20And then all the rest that are left over put true.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22And then you've got your best chance of a good score.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25- Oh, that's, I like it.- Yeah. - Or just revise more.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Or just revise more.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Yeah, you are everything that is wrong with British education.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32LAUGHTER
0:19:32 > 0:19:36So, pay attention now, it's time for another magical money-making moment.
0:19:36 > 0:19:37Oh.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40Yes. I've got a proper, proper printing press here.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43It's very, it's a rather exciting one,
0:19:43 > 0:19:46and as you can see, it's got all the bells and whistles.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48And it's even got a little calibration here.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51I'm going to, let's, can you see it's on ten, I'm going
0:19:51 > 0:19:54to move it up to 20. Because I've got a 20-sized one here.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56This may, I hope this works.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58It takes a long time to fill it with ink,
0:19:58 > 0:20:00so if it doesn't work, I'm not going to do it twice.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02Oh, yes, that works. Oh, good, there you are.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04- Oh, wow.- There you are. APPLAUSE
0:20:06 > 0:20:07Oh, there we go.
0:20:07 > 0:20:11Stephen, hold on, one of the options is 100.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13I just want to see what one of them looks like.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15OK. OK.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Oh, oh, there we go.
0:20:18 > 0:20:22And, oh... Oh, it's a 50. It should be 100.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25Oh, it is 100. There you are!
0:20:25 > 0:20:26That's good.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28APPLAUSE
0:20:28 > 0:20:30There we are.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34So, yeah, we've made a, made a proper amount of money today.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37Just shows, with a little application
0:20:37 > 0:20:41and a little skill, you can make money pretty easily.
0:20:41 > 0:20:42- That's amazing.- Yes.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45But I feel guilty about it, so I'll probably give it away,
0:20:45 > 0:20:47to a bookmaker.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49LAUGHTER
0:20:49 > 0:20:54Now, how would you swear like a pre-pubescent supercomputer?
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Bum, bum, wee.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58- Bum, bum, wee.- And poo.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01- Pretty close.- They're the main, they're the main ones?
0:21:01 > 0:21:02The big three.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05It's a supercomputer, we've called it pre-pubescent
0:21:05 > 0:21:09because it's about 11 years old now. And...
0:21:09 > 0:21:11And it swears?
0:21:11 > 0:21:12Well, it's called Watson
0:21:12 > 0:21:15and it is one of the smartest supercomputers around.
0:21:15 > 0:21:19It was first trained to win at the American quiz game Jeopardy,
0:21:19 > 0:21:22which you may have seen if you've ever been in the United States,
0:21:22 > 0:21:23it's on every single day.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25They give an answer and you say the question.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Exactly. So this actor played Jonathan Creek.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30The answer is, on Jeopardy, Who is Alan Davies?
0:21:30 > 0:21:33- Yes.- It's been going for 40 years or something on American TV.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36Does the supercomputer do proper swearing or swearing like
0:21:36 > 0:21:39- "mother funster," or... - Melon farmer!- Yeah, exactly.- Yeah.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41What they did was, they fed it an online dictionary
0:21:41 > 0:21:44and I think you can guess which one it was, if it was swearing.
0:21:44 > 0:21:45Urban Dictionary.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48- Urban Dictionary, yes, which is a rather naughty dictionary.- It is.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50It has bad M words.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53I don't know what, I really, what's motorboat?
0:21:53 > 0:21:54Am I, am I the only...?
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Oh, OK. I've got this one,
0:21:57 > 0:21:59- I've got this one! - APPLAUSE
0:21:59 > 0:22:01I'm not going to do it, it's where you
0:22:01 > 0:22:04put your head in between there and then do that...
0:22:04 > 0:22:08Oh, yes, that's right. "Brrr." It's rather sweet, that, isn't it?
0:22:08 > 0:22:09- Rather sweet?!- Well...
0:22:09 > 0:22:11LAUGHTER
0:22:11 > 0:22:12Well, I don't know.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Nicer than minger, or muffin top? Milkshake.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17Where's your man cave?
0:22:19 > 0:22:21That's not... Oh, no, is that, have I got a man... No?
0:22:21 > 0:22:22LAUGHTER
0:22:22 > 0:22:26- No. Is that what...? - Is it like a den where you...
0:22:26 > 0:22:27Oh.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29LAUGHS
0:22:29 > 0:22:31That sounded like you'd suddenly got a catchphrase,
0:22:31 > 0:22:32where's your man cave?
0:22:34 > 0:22:36It's Sarah 'Where's Your Man Cave' Millican.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38It's Sarah Millican, Where's Your Man Cave!
0:22:38 > 0:22:41- TOMMY:- Sarah, you definitely have one man cave, the question is,
0:22:41 > 0:22:42do you have two?
0:22:42 > 0:22:44Ah, yes.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47LAUGHTER
0:22:47 > 0:22:48No?
0:22:50 > 0:22:52- Was that the right answer? - I don't know.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54I'm still recovering from motorboat.
0:22:56 > 0:23:01So, that's Urban Dictionary and it was popped into Watson,
0:23:01 > 0:23:05this IBM computer and unfortunately, he learnt too much from it
0:23:05 > 0:23:09and so when they were testing it, before it went on Jeopardy,
0:23:09 > 0:23:12it was just saying bullshit to every question that you posed
0:23:12 > 0:23:16to it, like a stroppy pre-pubescent, basically.
0:23:16 > 0:23:17It's now...
0:23:17 > 0:23:20The question he asked was never, "Where's your man cave?"
0:23:20 > 0:23:21No, it never was.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24We just gave you some M's just because it's the M series,
0:23:24 > 0:23:25but there are plenty of others.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28Are they all like new words, because milkshake's been around
0:23:28 > 0:23:31for a long time, but has it got a new meaning that I need to learn?
0:23:31 > 0:23:33- Yeah.- You're young.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35- Um, well...- What is it?
0:23:35 > 0:23:39Well, Kelis sung, "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,"
0:23:39 > 0:23:42- didn't she?- Yes, because she had like a van that sold milkshakes.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47If that's what you want to think she meant, that's what she meant.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50My dormitory at school had a milkshake club,
0:23:50 > 0:23:51but we won't go into that.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56It wasn't all like Enid Blyton, then, was it?
0:23:56 > 0:23:58No, no.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Ooooh, where were we?
0:24:02 > 0:24:03Oh, yes. Good.
0:24:03 > 0:24:07And so we glide from the canyons of our minds into the clueless
0:24:07 > 0:24:08depths of General Ignorance.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11Fingers on buzzers, if you would.
0:24:11 > 0:24:15Do mushrooms prefer to grow in the light or in the dark?
0:24:15 > 0:24:17SARAH'S BUZZER
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Well, the thing's going to go off if I say in the dark,
0:24:20 > 0:24:21so I'm going to say in the light.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23- CLAXON - Oh, bugger!
0:24:26 > 0:24:28The answer is they don't prefer either.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31They grow just as well in dark, half light.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34They rarely express a preference. What would you like?
0:24:34 > 0:24:37Would you like the light on, or shall I leave it?
0:24:37 > 0:24:40Maybe a little bedtime story, be tucked in.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43But going by how much they thrive, it clearly doesn't make any
0:24:43 > 0:24:46difference, so why is it traditional to grow them in the dark?
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Because it's a dirty secret?
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Like if you have them in your house,
0:24:50 > 0:24:52it's not something you tell everybody.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54I've got mushrooms in the back bedroom.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59It's simply cheaper. We don't have to turn the light on.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01So you just shove them in a cellar or a dark room,
0:25:01 > 0:25:03somewhere you've got and they'll grow.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05- It's that simple.- Oh.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Not very exciting, but quite interesting.
0:25:07 > 0:25:12Magic mushrooms, double M, they have psychotropic,
0:25:12 > 0:25:15or at least hallucinogenic qualities, I believe, don't they?
0:25:15 > 0:25:18- Good Lord! - Is that, we're now seeing that?
0:25:18 > 0:25:19That's horrible.
0:25:21 > 0:25:22But they have a disadvantage,
0:25:22 > 0:25:25which is that you get a terrible tummy ache,
0:25:25 > 0:25:29and what did people do in order to obviate this disadvantage?
0:25:29 > 0:25:32- I'm afraid...- They'd make themselves sick, would they?
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Well, no, what they did is,
0:25:34 > 0:25:37they'd give the mushrooms to the village idiot.
0:25:37 > 0:25:41And he'd then have a pee and they'd drink the pee, which had all the...
0:25:41 > 0:25:44- No!- ..had all the psycho-active properties.- Wow.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46Who is the idiot in that scenario?
0:25:46 > 0:25:47I don't know. No.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49It is very unfortunate.
0:25:49 > 0:25:53Are we the only creatures who are affected by eating magic mushrooms?
0:25:53 > 0:25:58Like, if a cow went into a field full of magic mushrooms, and ate
0:25:58 > 0:26:01them all, will it have some moments of insight
0:26:01 > 0:26:05that it would be impossible to share with us,
0:26:05 > 0:26:07the whole town would gather round him there.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10Moooo!
0:26:10 > 0:26:12"I don't get it, I don't get it."
0:26:12 > 0:26:13Moo!
0:26:14 > 0:26:16- And there was a... - Are you trying to tell us something?
0:26:16 > 0:26:20There was a theory that Jesus Christ...
0:26:22 > 0:26:25..was a magic mushroom.
0:26:25 > 0:26:26He actually was a mushroom?
0:26:26 > 0:26:30I mightn't have remembered this entirely correctly, but...
0:26:30 > 0:26:31LAUGHTER
0:26:31 > 0:26:34Does your dad deny this story?
0:26:34 > 0:26:40There's a thing called the Amanita muscaria, which is the,
0:26:40 > 0:26:46it's the notion of using mushrooms as a means to transcendence.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48- Right.- And I don't know the rest of the story.
0:26:48 > 0:26:53Oh! You heard it here first, ladies and gentlemen.
0:26:53 > 0:26:57Yes, mushrooms are grown in the dark to save electricity.
0:26:57 > 0:27:01So, with that we stagger dazed and confused into the most
0:27:01 > 0:27:06mind-numbing and mind-bending subject of all, the QI scores.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09Oh, how interesting they are. My goodness me.
0:27:09 > 0:27:13In fourth place, with a very respectable -22,
0:27:13 > 0:27:14is Josh Widdicombe.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17APPLAUSE
0:27:17 > 0:27:22In third place, with a splendid -18 is Sarah Millican.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25APPLAUSE
0:27:27 > 0:27:30He's achieved heights that may require oxygen,
0:27:30 > 0:27:32on -6, it's Alan Davies.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35- Thank you very much. - APPLAUSE
0:27:37 > 0:27:40What a debut, Tommy Tiernan on 2!
0:27:40 > 0:27:42Plus 2!
0:27:43 > 0:27:47MUSIC PLAYS
0:27:48 > 0:27:50Thanks to Sarah, Josh, Tommy and Alan.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52Oh, I nearly forgot our memory test.
0:27:52 > 0:27:56Oh, how ironic. Can we turn the cameras onto the audience?
0:27:56 > 0:28:02Let's see by a show of hands which words you remembered me saying.
0:28:02 > 0:28:03Who remembered the word bed?
0:28:05 > 0:28:07Oh, most of you, that's pretty good.
0:28:07 > 0:28:08Snooze?
0:28:10 > 0:28:12Pretty good.
0:28:12 > 0:28:13Sleep?
0:28:14 > 0:28:17CLAXON Oh, audience.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21No, I didn't say sleep,
0:28:21 > 0:28:24I said words so closely connected to it that it was easy to force
0:28:24 > 0:28:27yourself into the memory of thinking that I did say it.
0:28:27 > 0:28:30So you all encountered a sort of false memory planting there.
0:28:30 > 0:28:31If you don't believe me,
0:28:31 > 0:28:34you'll just have to watch the show all over again, won't you?
0:28:34 > 0:28:38So, from me, from all of us, thank you and goodnight.
0:28:38 > 0:28:41APPLAUSE