0:00:24 > 0:00:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:33 > 0:00:38Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to QI,
0:00:38 > 0:00:40where this week the name of the game is Naming Names.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42There's an old Chinese proverb that says,
0:00:42 > 0:00:46"The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names."
0:00:46 > 0:00:49So let's get off on the right foot by naming my guests.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52A household name - Romesh Ranganathan.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:57 > 0:01:01A rose by any other name - Cariad Lloyd.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03- Ahh! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:06 > 0:01:09A name to conjure with - Phill Jupitus.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:14 > 0:01:16And old what's-his-name -
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Alan Davies!
0:01:18 > 0:01:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:24 > 0:01:28So, this week, their buzzers are their porn names, OK?
0:01:28 > 0:01:30So that's... If you've not played that game,
0:01:30 > 0:01:34it's the first pet's name and mother's maiden name.
0:01:34 > 0:01:35So Phill goes...
0:01:35 > 0:01:37BASS RIFF
0:01:37 > 0:01:40- GRAVELLY MALE VOICE: - 'Hi, it's Schroeder Swan.'
0:01:44 > 0:01:46That's quite sexy. Very sexy.
0:01:46 > 0:01:47I don't know how much you paid that bloke,
0:01:47 > 0:01:50but I'd have done that for nothing.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53- And more convincingly. - Well...- That sounded like you found
0:01:53 > 0:01:56an asthmatic tramp on the South Bank out there.
0:01:56 > 0:01:57Cariad goes...
0:01:57 > 0:01:59BASS RIFF
0:01:59 > 0:02:02- SULTRY FEMALE VOICE: - 'Hello. I'm Snuffy.
0:02:02 > 0:02:03'Snuffy Storey.'
0:02:06 > 0:02:09- And...- It does, though, mean you can now...
0:02:09 > 0:02:11You can access my bank account, I think.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17- That is a very, very specific kind of porn right there.- Mm-hm. Yeah.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Romesh goes...
0:02:19 > 0:02:20BASS RIFF
0:02:20 > 0:02:24- REEDY VOICE:- 'Oh, hello. It's Goldie Silveragi.'
0:02:26 > 0:02:29- CARIAD:- Why didn't you get a sexy voice?
0:02:29 > 0:02:31- Why've- I- been given that one?
0:02:31 > 0:02:33It's quite camp.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35And Alan goes...
0:02:35 > 0:02:37MUSIC: You're the First, the Last, My Everything by Barry White
0:02:37 > 0:02:40- NORTHERN VOICE:- 'Ey up, it's Nobby Stiles!'
0:02:40 > 0:02:42LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:02:46 > 0:02:50I have to say, Nobby Stiles is a very good porn name, isn't it?
0:02:53 > 0:02:56- It suggests a certain...- It's very farming-specific, isn't it?
0:02:56 > 0:02:59I'm not really good with my hands but... "Nobby" Stiles!
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Now, here's my first, very simple question.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Who is offended by what?
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Oh, God, everybody by everything.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Yes, well, there is that.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16Anybody who reads a tweet and doesn't understand it immediately
0:03:16 > 0:03:18- is offended by it.- Yeah.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21- Do you tweet? - I do tweet. Yeah, I do.- Right.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25But I'm often scared to tweet about anything that's, you know...
0:03:25 > 0:03:27- controversial.- What do you do?
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Just the colour beige, or...?
0:03:29 > 0:03:32No, just like Emojis and, like, GIFs of Japanese girls
0:03:32 > 0:03:35- cutting hairs with crab hands. - Right.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37- ROMESH:- Well, that's...
0:03:37 > 0:03:40The problem is with Twitter, even if you choose something, like,
0:03:40 > 0:03:44that you think is really innocent and can't be offensive, it can be.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46You tweet about porridge and somebody goes,
0:03:46 > 0:03:49"Well, actually, I had a porridge-related incident
0:03:49 > 0:03:51"many years ago and actually I find it highly offensive.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54"I can't believe you'd even not bother to consider the feelings
0:03:54 > 0:03:56"of people that had Ready Brek-related incidents
0:03:56 > 0:03:57"in their childhood."
0:03:57 > 0:04:01- Is that, then, @ThreeBears? Is that the sort of...?- Yeah.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06APPLAUSE
0:04:08 > 0:04:12It's not Twitter-related, so it's more to do with who.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14- "Who is offended by what?"- Yes.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17Um...Doctor offended by Daleks.
0:04:17 > 0:04:18Er, doctor is the right area.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21- But not Doctor Who.- Oh.
0:04:21 > 0:04:22It is to do with doctors.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Generally medical practitioners?
0:04:24 > 0:04:26It is a large organisation.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Think of it as an acronym.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30World Health Organization.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32The World Health Organization. Absolutely right.
0:04:32 > 0:04:37They are worried that scientists are naming diseases that offend people
0:04:37 > 0:04:39and that, indeed, we've done this too much in the past.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43So, for example, Spanish flu would be a good example.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46It affects people in Spain, possibly, and tourism.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49People might think, if you go to Spain, you'll get Spanish flu.
0:04:49 > 0:04:50Legionnaires' disease.
0:04:50 > 0:04:51There's not a legionnaire in the world
0:04:51 > 0:04:54not been distressed by the thought.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Oh, I know one, Essex wind.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02It's awful, innit, Phill?
0:05:02 > 0:05:05Terrible. It blows right up your Thames corridor.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, which I imagine...
0:05:08 > 0:05:11I don't know who that would offend. People called Creutzfeldt?
0:05:11 > 0:05:14Jakob Creutzfeldt, I would imagine, very offended.
0:05:14 > 0:05:15Swine flu, apparently.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18Very offensive to people who work with, I don't know, pigs.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20- Mrs Swine.- Mrs Swine? - Mrs Swine is upset about it.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24The kind of idea is you're trying to minimise unnecessary distress.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27So, for example, if you call something sudden death syndrome,
0:05:27 > 0:05:28that's just too frightening.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Hold on a sec. If you're about to die imminently,
0:05:31 > 0:05:34you can't just say something cuddly so they're not offended.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36- No.- If they're going to die in the next 20 minutes,
0:05:36 > 0:05:38- you can't just go, "You've just got the chills"...- Yeah.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40..because you don't want them to be upset.
0:05:40 > 0:05:41No, but here's the thing,
0:05:41 > 0:05:43doctors have certain acronyms, and I love these.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45There's SBI,
0:05:45 > 0:05:46which is "something bad inside".
0:05:46 > 0:05:48And it means the doctor knows there's something wrong,
0:05:48 > 0:05:50not entirely sure what it is.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53SVBI - "something VERY bad inside".
0:05:54 > 0:05:57Again, don't know what it is, but it'll definitely kill you.
0:05:57 > 0:05:58Which I like.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00There's loads for fat people. There's CBT,
0:06:00 > 0:06:02which is "chronic biscuit toxicity".
0:06:05 > 0:06:08The other best one for fat people is BW.
0:06:08 > 0:06:09"Beached whale".
0:06:09 > 0:06:12AUDIENCE GROANS
0:06:12 > 0:06:14And my favourite acronym, PRATFO.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16"Patient reassured and told to F off".
0:06:17 > 0:06:20APPLAUSE
0:06:22 > 0:06:25There used to be loads of occupational diseases.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Certain diseases that were entirely...
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Miners' cough.
0:06:29 > 0:06:30Yeah, miners' lung.
0:06:30 > 0:06:31Joggers' nipple.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Joggers' nipple, yes.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36The very first one ever was chimney-sweep's scrotum.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41- What?!- Yep. Chimney-sweep's scrotum. - What...?
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Well, he should put the fire out!
0:06:43 > 0:06:45- LAUGHING:- Bagpiper's fungus! Bagpiper's fungus!
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Bagpiper's fungus is a terrible thing.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50It's apparently if you don't clean the bagpipes,
0:06:50 > 0:06:52you can get a sort of horrible microbe.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56Imagine getting a fungus from an instrument that makes that noise.
0:06:56 > 0:06:57Do you know what I mean?
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Sounds like it's trying to kill you anyway, doesn't it?
0:07:00 > 0:07:04I've seen all these things listed outside a flat in Amsterdam.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09Is chimney-sweep's scrotum because once they're up there
0:07:09 > 0:07:12and if you poke the sweep up...?
0:07:12 > 0:07:14I'm just guessing.
0:07:14 > 0:07:15Poor Dick Van Dyke.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20- AS DICK VAN DYKE:- "Oh, Mary Poppins,
0:07:20 > 0:07:24"me scrotum's playing me up something rotten.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27"Step in time!
0:07:30 > 0:07:32"ARRRRGH!"
0:07:32 > 0:07:35That was the subplot they never managed in the film.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37# A spoonful of... #
0:07:37 > 0:07:42That's why they're all doing that! That's why they're all doing that!
0:07:42 > 0:07:45APPLAUSE
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Do you think he was in too much pain to do the accent properly?
0:07:54 > 0:07:59So, anyway. Can you tell me what this bird's name is?
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Is it a wagtail?
0:08:02 > 0:08:03It is not a wag...
0:08:03 > 0:08:05What I really want is I want its actual name.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08Is it Phillip, Jeremy, Mabel?
0:08:08 > 0:08:11Well, to assist you, you have some bird whistles beside you.
0:08:11 > 0:08:12- Ooh!- Yeah.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15See if you can come up with the actual name.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17HE PLAYS A TRILL
0:08:17 > 0:08:19Oh. That's better than mine.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21SHE PLAYS LIKE A CLANGER
0:08:21 > 0:08:24Oh, here we go. "..said Tiny Clanger."
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Oh, you've got lots of different ones.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28CARIAD CONTINUES PLAYING
0:08:28 > 0:08:29ALAN PUFFS
0:08:29 > 0:08:30HE LAUGHS
0:08:33 > 0:08:36The famous calling sound of a goose with asthma.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40THEY PLAY A CLANGER CONVERSATION
0:08:40 > 0:08:41What is going on?
0:08:43 > 0:08:44What are you doing?
0:08:44 > 0:08:46It's just my ears popped.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51HONKING CALL
0:08:51 > 0:08:52Is that a duck call?
0:08:52 > 0:08:54It's supposed to be a duck. A duck call. Sounds like a...
0:08:54 > 0:08:56HALF-HONK AND PUFFING
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Try the littlie.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02HONKING CALL Hang on!
0:09:02 > 0:09:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Well... THEY ALL PLAY AT ONCE
0:09:10 > 0:09:11..it could be any one of these tunes.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Here is the extraordinary thing.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15This bird is called - and this is such a lovely name -
0:09:15 > 0:09:18it's called a superb fairy-wren.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20- Ah! - Isn't that the sweetest thing?
0:09:20 > 0:09:22And every single nest has a family name.
0:09:22 > 0:09:26So it's like it has a surname, and the surname is given to the mother
0:09:26 > 0:09:27when the kids are all in the eggs
0:09:27 > 0:09:28and what she does is she lays the eggs
0:09:28 > 0:09:31and she waits for nine days and then she sits by the eggs
0:09:31 > 0:09:34and she starts singing a unique tune. So it might be...
0:09:34 > 0:09:35GASPING TWEETS
0:09:35 > 0:09:37..better than that.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40What beautiful song does she sing, Sandi?
0:09:40 > 0:09:43UPBEAT TWITTERING
0:09:43 > 0:09:45THEY ALL PLAY AT ONCE
0:09:59 > 0:10:00Can I...?
0:10:01 > 0:10:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:08 > 0:10:11Basically, she sings the same tune every four minutes,
0:10:11 > 0:10:13over and over, for a week.
0:10:13 > 0:10:17Now, I would imagine this drives the chicks in the eggs completely barmy.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19My daughter does that with Let It Go.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Oh, I hate that song. I can't be doing with it.
0:10:21 > 0:10:25I didn't used to but, holy smokes, it's a test.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Anyway, what happens is the chicks in the egg,
0:10:27 > 0:10:29they actually hear it and they commit it to memory,
0:10:29 > 0:10:32and Mum and Dad and eggs, they all know the tune. It's a unique tune.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34# Waterloo... #
0:10:40 > 0:10:42I don't think there are lyrics.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45What happens is she goes away and gets food,
0:10:45 > 0:10:48when she returns to the nest, she sings this particular tune
0:10:48 > 0:10:50that they all know and they have to sing it back to her
0:10:50 > 0:10:52and that way she can be absolutely sure
0:10:52 > 0:10:54there isn't a cuckoo in the nest.
0:10:54 > 0:10:58So, they have, as it were, a surname just for that nest.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00- That is amazing. - That really is amazing.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02- But if they were people...- Yeah.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04..how annoying would they be to have round for dinner?
0:11:04 > 0:11:05Unbelievably irritating.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07"Andrew, shall we do our song?
0:11:08 > 0:11:11"We all know this song, we've sung it from when we were children.
0:11:11 > 0:11:12"Let's do it, shall we?"
0:11:12 > 0:11:14They're not even real, and I'm going to leave!
0:11:14 > 0:11:15I knew a family that did that.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18They had a whistle and in the supermarket,
0:11:18 > 0:11:20the mum would do a certain whistle and the kid would whistle back.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23No, darling, that's the Von Trapps. That's a film.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26They did, they had a whistle in the supermarket in case they got lost.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28My mum would summon me home by whistling.
0:11:28 > 0:11:29- Seriously?- Yeah.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31She taught me how to do it with the two fingers.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33HE WHISTLES LOUDLY
0:11:33 > 0:11:37- Wow.- Now, I could hear that, er...
0:11:37 > 0:11:38three miles away.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41So me and me brother would be playing with mates
0:11:41 > 0:11:43and we'd be out all day and then, at tea-time,
0:11:43 > 0:11:45my mum would go out the back door and go...
0:11:45 > 0:11:46HE WHISTLES LOUDLY
0:11:46 > 0:11:48- And then we would...- Wow. That is a seriously good whistle.
0:11:48 > 0:11:52- We would come back.- One time, do you remember, we were in Manchester...
0:11:52 > 0:11:55- Oh, yeah, yeah. - ..and I had to get a train...- Yeah.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58..and a taxi went by and I went, "TAXI!" like that,
0:11:58 > 0:12:00and he ignored me and it went about 50 yards
0:12:00 > 0:12:02and he did that and it braked.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- PHILL IMITATES SQUEALING BRAKES - And he did a U-turn and came back.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08- ROMESH:- Oh, was the taxi driver your mum?
0:12:08 > 0:12:10APPLAUSE
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Here is the thing about the birds which is extraordinary,
0:12:15 > 0:12:17it isn't just birds who do this.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Horses also do this. They have a signature whinny.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Wow.
0:12:24 > 0:12:25Serious.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29- Has the picture budget been slashed? - Yeah.- Why...?
0:12:29 > 0:12:32That's from Horses And Orthodontistry.
0:12:33 > 0:12:34I'm so allergic to horses
0:12:34 > 0:12:37- that I just sneezed at the sight of that picture.- Seriously?
0:12:37 > 0:12:41I don't think it's an allergy. That photo is terrifying.
0:12:41 > 0:12:46He's going, "WHERE ARE MY EYES?! WHERE ARE MY EYES?
0:12:46 > 0:12:48"THE CROWS HAVE GOT MY EYES!
0:12:50 > 0:12:52"AAAAARRRRGH!"
0:12:54 > 0:12:55That's the mother horse going,
0:12:55 > 0:12:58"WHERE ARE YOU?! COME HOME!"
0:12:58 > 0:13:00"KIDS, BRING MY EYES BACK!"
0:13:02 > 0:13:06That overbite reminds me of my games teacher at school.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09So, here's the thing. Horses have signature whinnies.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12So, say, for example, you have a horse - shall we call it Alan? -
0:13:12 > 0:13:16in a stall, and another horse called Shergar walks by
0:13:16 > 0:13:18and goes out of sight behind a barrier.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Alan notices that and...
0:13:20 > 0:13:21You're being Alan the horse?
0:13:21 > 0:13:24..goes back to eating. If, when Shergar is behind the barrier,
0:13:24 > 0:13:26scientists play his identifying whinny,
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Alan won't really pay any attention.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32If they play the identifying whinny of a different horse,
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Alan gets really freaked out because he knows
0:13:34 > 0:13:38that the horse he saw walk past wasn't the one that he's just heard.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41This is on the list of things scientists can be arsed to do.
0:13:43 > 0:13:48Now, who sold seashells on the seashore?
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Is it someone who's got no idea
0:13:50 > 0:13:53of the laws of sort of supply and demand?
0:13:55 > 0:13:57APPLAUSE
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Interestingly, there were plenty of seashells,
0:14:02 > 0:14:05and lots of people who wanted to buy them. So who...?
0:14:05 > 0:14:07- The answer is "she", isn't it? - KLAXON
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Yay!
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Er, well, it is in the rhyme. Can you do the rhyme?
0:14:12 > 0:14:15- Do you know the rhyme?- She... No, I can't, because I've got a lisp.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Ah!
0:14:17 > 0:14:20What a fantastically mean thing to do to you.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Make him do it, Sandi! Make him do it!
0:14:22 > 0:14:25- She sells seashells on the seashore. - Mm-hm.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28And though she goes home again. I don't know the second bit.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31The shells she sells are seashells, I'm sure
0:14:31 > 0:14:33For if she sells seashells on the seashore
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Then I'm sure she sells seashore shells.
0:14:36 > 0:14:37- Wow.- Is the full rhyme.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40AUDIENCE OOHS Thank you very much. Oh, yes.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42APPLAUSE Oh, yes.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45- That is not...- I know, I know!
0:14:45 > 0:14:48That is the first time I've heard that typical British reaction
0:14:48 > 0:14:51to a tongue twister.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53And it is "Ooooh!"
0:14:55 > 0:14:58That's what we think of articulate people.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00"Ooooh!"
0:15:04 > 0:15:07I didn't know we had that in our make-up.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09So "she", but who was "she"?
0:15:09 > 0:15:11The woman who sold seashells?
0:15:11 > 0:15:15Was she a Cockney woman who some white Victorian man
0:15:15 > 0:15:18made up a nice rhyme about, but actually, she was probably
0:15:18 > 0:15:20a prostitute who died of syphilis?
0:15:23 > 0:15:24Well...
0:15:25 > 0:15:29That turned Dickens really quickly.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32- That was...- I wonder why they didn't include that bit in the rhyme.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34- "..and then she got syphilis." - It's like those nursery rhymes...
0:15:34 > 0:15:37What a dark place your head is, Cariad.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42It was an actual woman, she worked in Lyme Regis.
0:15:42 > 0:15:43It was the Dorset lady.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45- She's a killer! Look at the weapon! - There she is.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48She found the first dinosaur in the UK, didn't she?
0:15:48 > 0:15:50- The first whole...?- She was the inspiration for the tongue twister.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53She's a Victorian fossil hunter called Mary Anning.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55- Mary Anning. - Oh, she's the fossil hunter -
0:15:55 > 0:15:57- she's all over the Natural History Museum.- Yeah.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00All over the Natural History Museum, and she's incredible.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02She was very brave, because it's very dangerous.
0:16:02 > 0:16:03That is a picture of her with her dog, Tray.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07- She's about to kill it and put it in that bag.- Well...
0:16:07 > 0:16:08I can't tell if the dog is already...
0:16:08 > 0:16:10"And now I shall make a fossil!"
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Bang! Bang!
0:16:15 > 0:16:20"Finish your painting, please, before the dog wakes up."
0:16:24 > 0:16:26I don't know if the picture shows the dog already dead.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29It died in a landslide, and she was very fond of it.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32In a landslide caused by...?
0:16:33 > 0:16:35Well, it is... I don't know if you...
0:16:38 > 0:16:40- She found HUGE fossils.- Yeah.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42She is really an extraordinary woman.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44And her findings absolutely made important changes
0:16:44 > 0:16:47in scientific thinking because, up until the 1820s,
0:16:47 > 0:16:50lots of people didn't believe extinctions could happen,
0:16:50 > 0:16:53cos it would imply that God's creations were less than perfect.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55But she, in fact, discovered the very first
0:16:55 > 0:16:57ichthyosaur skeleton correctly identified,
0:16:57 > 0:17:00the first two plesiosaur skeletons
0:17:00 > 0:17:03and the first pterosaur skeleton outside Germany.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06She also found... I'm going to give you some examples. She found these,
0:17:06 > 0:17:09and she is the very first person who worked out what they are.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12So I'm going to pass you one there for you to share.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Do you know what that is?
0:17:14 > 0:17:15Oh. This is...
0:17:15 > 0:17:18£9.50 in a Cornwall gift shop.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Is this dinosaur shit?
0:17:21 > 0:17:24It is. It is absolutely that.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26OK. Now I feel weird.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30These have been tumbled to prove you can, in fact, polish a turd.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32But, um...
0:17:34 > 0:17:35That's amazing.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38People thought they were bezoars, so stomach stones,
0:17:38 > 0:17:41something from the inside of the stomach, but what she did,
0:17:41 > 0:17:43she cracked one open and she discovered...
0:17:43 > 0:17:44PHILL LAUGHS
0:17:45 > 0:17:47- Oh, God!- It's science, it's science!
0:17:47 > 0:17:49She discovered fish scales and teeth,
0:17:49 > 0:17:52and she's the first person who realised that, in fact, coprolites -
0:17:52 > 0:17:54which is the correct term for them - is in fact dinosaur poo.
0:17:54 > 0:17:55Isn't that extraordinary?
0:17:55 > 0:17:58To have a dinosaur's bit of poo in your hands, I think it's incredible.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00I feel a bit sorry for her, that, you know,
0:18:00 > 0:18:02she's done all these amazing things
0:18:02 > 0:18:04and when they decide to come up with a rhyme about her
0:18:04 > 0:18:07they made up one about she used to knock out seashells.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09Well, here's the thing. That's how she made a living.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11She was very poor. Her father was a cabinet-maker,
0:18:11 > 0:18:13he died when she was 11. And so she had to make a living.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15And actually, people selling fossils
0:18:15 > 0:18:17has been a big thing on the Lyme Regis coast...
0:18:17 > 0:18:19She did start finding them when she was 12 or 13, didn't she?
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Yeah. She could sell them to tourists.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23It was one of the very first...
0:18:23 > 0:18:25So your £9.50 for a coprolite is probably about right.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27She really sort of pains me slightly,
0:18:27 > 0:18:29because she sold things to men
0:18:29 > 0:18:31who then wrote scientific articles about them,
0:18:31 > 0:18:33and she didn't get the credit. She wasn't allowed to join,
0:18:33 > 0:18:35for example, the Geological Society of London.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38They didn't admit women until 1904.
0:18:38 > 0:18:42She didn't get full credit until, 163 years after her death,
0:18:42 > 0:18:46the Royal Society included Anning in a list of the ten British women
0:18:46 > 0:18:48who have most influenced the history of science.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Was she not allowed to join the society because she was a woman?
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Or because she killed that dog?
0:18:53 > 0:18:57I think the dog didn't help, if I'm honest with you.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Right, time for a look in Mother Toksvig's
0:18:59 > 0:19:02Bumper Book Of Neological Novelties, I think.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Here are some new names for things.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07But can you tell me what any of them are?
0:19:07 > 0:19:09- Adorkable?- Adorkable. Do you know what it is?
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Is that when somebody's, like, really into comic books,
0:19:11 > 0:19:14but it's quite cute? It's manic pixie dream girl syndrome.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18Adorably dorkish, so socially inept but charming with it.
0:19:18 > 0:19:19Are these...?
0:19:19 > 0:19:22These are new words that have recently... What's happening here?
0:19:22 > 0:19:24They're what's known as neologisms,
0:19:24 > 0:19:27so they are new terms that have entered the language.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30- Oh, I see.- Al desco is having your lunch...
0:19:30 > 0:19:32- Having your lunch at your desk. - Yeah.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34A belfie, I can't remember what a belfie is.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37A belfie is where you take a selfie, but you have a bell.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42- Really? - No, it is a selfie, but what of?
0:19:42 > 0:19:43What part of you is a belfie?
0:19:43 > 0:19:44- Oh, my God!- Yes.
0:19:46 > 0:19:47- Oh! - Really?
0:19:47 > 0:19:49- Your bell end?- It's...
0:19:50 > 0:19:53APPLAUSE
0:19:54 > 0:19:55I thought that was a dick pic.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58- It's your bottom.- Oh, your bottom?
0:19:58 > 0:20:00- Yes, it's a picture of your... - That's a bumfie!
0:20:00 > 0:20:01A bumfie?
0:20:02 > 0:20:04How is "belfie" bum?
0:20:04 > 0:20:06I don't... Darling, I didn't write them.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08I'm just telling you. These are all examples
0:20:08 > 0:20:10that have been included in the OED in recent years.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12The OED have got to stop adding now.
0:20:12 > 0:20:13- Stop adding.- Those are just...
0:20:13 > 0:20:16It's like the OED has been taken over
0:20:16 > 0:20:18by a 14-year-old boy who's bored.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21- BREAKING VOICE:- "Yeah, we'll put 'em all in! Ha-ha!
0:20:21 > 0:20:22"And I'll make up 12."
0:20:22 > 0:20:23I like that one, stoor-sooker.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25- What is that?- Is that Scottish?
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Yes. It's to do with sucking. It's to do with sucking.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29- Really? - Oh, it's something nasty again.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31- I think I'll lead the quiz now. - No, no, it's fine.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33It's a Scottish neologism for a vacuum cleaner.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36It's a stair-sucker, a stoor-sooker. PHILL LAUGHS
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Oh, right. What's honkenbonkers?
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Honkenbonkers, it just means amazing.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Is that the one you were thinking,
0:20:43 > 0:20:45"That's the one I might take from this"?
0:20:45 > 0:20:46Yeah.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49"What am I just going to throw into casual conversation?"
0:20:49 > 0:20:50The good thing about any of these words,
0:20:50 > 0:20:52is if I hear someone using them,
0:20:52 > 0:20:56I can beat them to death with the OED, which is quite a hefty book.
0:20:56 > 0:21:00Wabsteid is another Scottish one for website.
0:21:00 > 0:21:01What's cauldpress?
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Cauldpress is a Scottish neologism for a fridge.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06These are just Scottish words!
0:21:06 > 0:21:08Does anybody know where the word "quiz" comes from?
0:21:08 > 0:21:10As we're doing a kind of quiz.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13I feel like I do know, but I can't remember.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16- I feel like that. - Do we get a point for that?
0:21:18 > 0:21:21Alan can have a point for that, I'm fine with that, yeah.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23So when you say it, I'm going to go...
0:21:23 > 0:21:24"Oh, yeah..."
0:21:26 > 0:21:29- You watch. Watch, watch.- OK.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31- We don't really know.- Oh... Oh!
0:21:34 > 0:21:37So it used to mean a sort of eccentric person.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40How it has come to mean asking people questions for points,
0:21:40 > 0:21:42we don't really know. There's a story that Richard Daley,
0:21:42 > 0:21:45who was a proprietor, a theatre proprietor in Dublin in 1791,
0:21:45 > 0:21:47made a bet that, within 48 hours,
0:21:47 > 0:21:49he could get a word into common parlance.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51And he distributed the word "quiz"
0:21:51 > 0:21:53to be put up on walls all over Dublin,
0:21:53 > 0:21:56and it became part of the language.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58So really, when they say the police are quizzing the suspect,
0:21:58 > 0:21:59that's wrong, isn't it?
0:21:59 > 0:22:03No, that's from inquisitive. And inquisition.
0:22:03 > 0:22:04So that's a separate...
0:22:04 > 0:22:07You've got it, you're in the right chair.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10I had a little cold feeling then!
0:22:13 > 0:22:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Right, OK.
0:22:27 > 0:22:32A new word is created in English every 98 minutes or so.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36Now, would you rather be in a non-routine operation
0:22:36 > 0:22:38or a mass deposition event?
0:22:38 > 0:22:41Well, I don't like the sound of a non-routine operation.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43- I'd prefer a non-routine operation. - Do you?
0:22:43 > 0:22:45- I just think, if it's routine... - It's a better story.
0:22:45 > 0:22:46Well, if it's routine,
0:22:46 > 0:22:48the person's more likely to be a bit blase about it
0:22:48 > 0:22:49if you've done it loads of times.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Where, if it's non-routine, he'll think,
0:22:51 > 0:22:53"I probably should stay awake while I'm doing this."
0:22:53 > 0:22:56If it's non-routine, they're going to have the book open.
0:22:56 > 0:23:00Exactly. Like they're doing it for the first time.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02- I imagine it being like a chef. - If it's routine, they'll go,
0:23:02 > 0:23:05"Just for a game, I'm going to do it with my blindfold on."
0:23:06 > 0:23:08I can tell you that the non-routine operation
0:23:08 > 0:23:12is a phrase used by Trans-Florida Airlines.
0:23:12 > 0:23:13OK. Crash landing?
0:23:13 > 0:23:16- It is. It is their word for a plane crash.- Oh-ho!
0:23:16 > 0:23:18"Notice to passengers..."
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Must be in the lead!
0:23:20 > 0:23:21"..in case of a non-routine operation,
0:23:21 > 0:23:25"we'd like you to be familiar with the location of the airplane exits."
0:23:25 > 0:23:27- You'd hope they'd call that non-routine, wouldn't you?- Yeah.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30What a damning indictment of the airline if they don't.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Can I show you my favourite airport sign?
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Cos you know you never get proper information.
0:23:34 > 0:23:38I think this is absolutely fantastic. There we go.
0:23:45 > 0:23:46It kind of says everything, doesn't it?
0:23:46 > 0:23:48- It's fair enough. - Loses something in translation.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50- It's honest.- It's absolutely fine.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53The other thing is, a mass deposition event is, in fact,
0:23:53 > 0:23:54a huge pile of poo.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56In fact, it's a rather specific pile of poo.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58It's a euphemistic term given by archaeologists
0:23:58 > 0:24:01to the discovery of a thick layer of horse dung
0:24:01 > 0:24:04at a site called the Col de la Traversette,
0:24:04 > 0:24:05and it's believed to be associated
0:24:05 > 0:24:10with Hannibal's crossing of the Alps into Italy in 218 BC.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13I love this. The team analysing the poo, OK,
0:24:13 > 0:24:16are hoping to find signs of elephant droppings.
0:24:16 > 0:24:17Here's a quote from one of the team.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20"There's even the possibility of finding an elephant tapeworm egg.
0:24:20 > 0:24:24"This would really be the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow."
0:24:26 > 0:24:29And so we reach that round that dare not speak its name.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32Fingers on buzzers, please, for General Ignorance.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Name the cause of the first mass extinction?
0:24:35 > 0:24:36Oh, now this is a trick one,
0:24:36 > 0:24:39because you're trying to get us to do the dinosaur one,
0:24:39 > 0:24:41but there was one before that, wasn't there?
0:24:41 > 0:24:44After 14 years, he understands the format!
0:24:47 > 0:24:49APPLAUSE
0:24:53 > 0:24:54Is it ice? Ice?
0:24:54 > 0:24:57- It is not ice, no. CARIAD:- Baby!
0:24:59 > 0:25:02- Very good.- They had a problem, but they didn't solve it.
0:25:02 > 0:25:03There was a massive extinction.
0:25:05 > 0:25:10It's sea anemone greed and, really, the invention of the mouth.
0:25:10 > 0:25:11So what happens is...
0:25:11 > 0:25:14So many problems come when we invent the mouth!
0:25:14 > 0:25:16These are ediacarans,
0:25:16 > 0:25:20and ediacarans are the very first complex life forms on earth.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24And they hung around on the sea floor for about 37 million years.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26They didn't have a mouth, they didn't have an anus.
0:25:26 > 0:25:27They just lived through osmosis.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29They got along fine!
0:25:29 > 0:25:32They were just fine. And then, what happens is, the Cambrian explosion,
0:25:32 > 0:25:36so that's - give or take a Tuesday - about 542 million years ago.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39You suddenly get life forms suddenly rocketing
0:25:39 > 0:25:41cos there's more oxygen around,
0:25:41 > 0:25:43and you get sea anemone-like creatures, they have a mouth.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45- And do you know what they did? - They ate them.- They ate them.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47Absolutely right. They ate the lot of them.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49And the terrible, tragic thing
0:25:49 > 0:25:51was that they couldn't tell each other what was happening.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53- Oh, don't! That's so sad!- Yeah. - No mouth.
0:25:55 > 0:25:59- Just lying there being eaten and not being able to...- Or warn each other.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02I've had boyfriends like that, and I understand how they feel.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Nothing you can do. Just let them get on with it.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12It's been a learning experience being with you, Cariad.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15That's why I'm adorkable!
0:26:15 > 0:26:17I thought for a moment you meant you'd had boyfriends
0:26:17 > 0:26:19with no mouth or anus.
0:26:19 > 0:26:23- It felt like that, Alan. - They can't cry for help.- No.
0:26:23 > 0:26:24Can't speak.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Now, name a self-confessed Nazi.
0:26:29 > 0:26:30- Self-confessed...?- Um...
0:26:30 > 0:26:32All those guys. They're like, "Me! It's me!"
0:26:32 > 0:26:35They didn't call themselves Nazis, did they?
0:26:35 > 0:26:37Absolutely right. There are none.
0:26:37 > 0:26:38Because they didn't call themselves Nazis.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40You are just doing brilliantly.
0:26:42 > 0:26:43Absolutely right.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47APPLAUSE
0:26:50 > 0:26:53All this time, all this time you've been intimidated
0:26:53 > 0:26:56to say what you know.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59Now you can just speak. It's lovely, Alan.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01No, indeed.
0:27:01 > 0:27:02Hang on, I'll throw him off his game.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04- AS STEPHEN FRY:- Maa! Maa!
0:27:06 > 0:27:10- I like that Churchill called them "Nazzies".- "Nazzies", yeah.
0:27:10 > 0:27:14And he referred to the Gestapo as the "Jester-po".
0:27:14 > 0:27:16That's very good. You are absolutely right.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19No self-respecting Nazi ever called themselves a Nazi.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21It was the German exiles who called them that.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24So our panellists emerge at the scores,
0:27:24 > 0:27:27but let's see who has made a name for themselves,
0:27:27 > 0:27:30and who has a black mark next to theirs.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34In fourth place, with a magnificent -2,
0:27:34 > 0:27:36it is Phill!
0:27:36 > 0:27:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:41 > 0:27:43- Yes!- In third place, with 4 points,
0:27:43 > 0:27:45it's Romesh!
0:27:45 > 0:27:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:49 > 0:27:52OK, I don't know if you're going to be able to guess who wins
0:27:52 > 0:27:55if I tell you who's in second place. With 5 points,
0:27:55 > 0:27:56it's Cariad.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:58 > 0:28:00Alan! Oh, my God!
0:28:00 > 0:28:03And the winner is Alan, with 7.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05EXCITED CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:13 > 0:28:15It only remains for me to thank...
0:28:15 > 0:28:17I'm going to be UNBEARABLE!
0:28:17 > 0:28:19SANDI LAUGHS
0:28:19 > 0:28:20I shall bear with it.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23It only remains for me to thank Cariad, Phill, Romesh and Alan.
0:28:23 > 0:28:27Finally, let me leave you with this Neolithic newspaper nugget
0:28:27 > 0:28:28from the Johannesburg Star.
0:28:28 > 0:28:31The Sunday morning quiet of the city centre was shattered
0:28:31 > 0:28:33when a man went berserk in Plain Street.
0:28:33 > 0:28:36He smashed about 4,000 rands' worth of shop windows
0:28:36 > 0:28:38before being shot in the thigh
0:28:38 > 0:28:39by a passing churchgoer.
0:28:41 > 0:28:42Goodnight.
0:28:42 > 0:28:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE