0:00:28 > 0:00:30APPLAUSE
0:00:30 > 0:00:32How very nice.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Hello!
0:00:34 > 0:00:38Good evening, and a very warm welcome to the next episode of QI.
0:00:38 > 0:00:42Next to me tonight are the next best thing, Ross Noble.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44APPLAUSE
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Who's next? Lucy Porter.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49APPLAUSE
0:00:51 > 0:00:52Whatever next? It's Frankie Boyle.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54APPLAUSE
0:00:56 > 0:01:00And, better luck next time, Alan Davies.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02APPLAUSE
0:01:04 > 0:01:08Next, let's hear their buzzers. Ross goes...
0:01:08 > 0:01:13# I wanna get next to you. #
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Ooh. Cocktails, half price.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Frankie goes...
0:01:17 > 0:01:22- # And the next step is love - The next step is love. #
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Aww. Lucy goes...
0:01:24 > 0:01:27# For 24 years I've been living next door to Alice. #
0:01:29 > 0:01:31- Alice...- And...
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Alan goes...
0:01:35 > 0:01:37- BELL DINGS - 'Next!'
0:01:40 > 0:01:45Right, what's the difference between the next big thing and a turkey?
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Well, a turkey is sometimes a disaster.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50Yes, it's an American show business term for a flop.
0:01:50 > 0:01:51- A terrible show.- Yeah.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54So, the difference between the next big thing and abject failure.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57It can be the length of the first half of the show.
0:01:58 > 0:02:02By the interval, the next big thing was a turkey.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05So, how can we tell? How can we tell that something is going to be
0:02:05 > 0:02:07a big thing, or it's going to be a failure?
0:02:07 > 0:02:08- Well, we don't know.- Yeah.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Till the curtain goes up and the audience comes in, who knows?
0:02:10 > 0:02:13- But maybe you can know...- Well, here's the extraordinary thing.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16There are certain people, consumers,
0:02:16 > 0:02:20who systematically buy products that go on to fail.
0:02:20 > 0:02:25And their lack of popular taste is unerringly reliable.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28And they are called "harbingers of failure."
0:02:30 > 0:02:31But they did some research,
0:02:31 > 0:02:33the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35They analysed ten million transactions
0:02:35 > 0:02:38at a chain of convenience stores, and what they discovered was,
0:02:38 > 0:02:40people who buy the nail polish that fails
0:02:40 > 0:02:44are also the people buying the ice cream that fails.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46And there's some fantastic products that have been snapped up
0:02:46 > 0:02:50by harbingers in the past. Watermelon-flavoured Oreo biscuits.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54This is my favourite, there was a range of ready meals
0:02:54 > 0:02:59made by a toothpaste manufacturer called Colgate's Kitchen Entrees.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01- ROSS:- Oh, that, I would've bought that!
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Would you have bought that, cleaned your teeth
0:03:03 > 0:03:05- while you're eating? - You're eating the spaghetti
0:03:05 > 0:03:07and flossing at the same time. That's genius!
0:03:07 > 0:03:09But if you can find these people who've got what they call
0:03:09 > 0:03:13a "flop affinity", then it's fantastic for market research.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16- I'll tell you two things those harbingers have bought.- Yeah.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19My book and my last DVD.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23APPLAUSE
0:03:25 > 0:03:28Well, I've got both those, so I feel terrible now!
0:03:28 > 0:03:3090% of all new products fail,
0:03:30 > 0:03:33and there is a Museum of Failed Products in Michigan.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36It was meant to be a reference library of consumer goods,
0:03:36 > 0:03:39but the vast majority are failures, and there's some fantastic things.
0:03:39 > 0:03:40This is one of my favourites.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Pre-scrambled eggs in a cardboard tube,
0:03:42 > 0:03:44designed to be eaten in the car.
0:03:47 > 0:03:48I'll have that!
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Breath mints that look like crack cocaine.
0:03:53 > 0:03:54This is very good.
0:03:54 > 0:03:58100% recycled pillow-soft "Shit Be Gone" loo paper.
0:04:01 > 0:04:02"Shit be gone!"
0:04:02 > 0:04:05You have to do that when you use it.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07"Whack Off insect repellent."
0:04:10 > 0:04:11We've all done that!
0:04:13 > 0:04:15It's a funny way to get rid of insects!
0:04:15 > 0:04:18Can I just say, I have got some fabulous information about turkeys
0:04:18 > 0:04:21which is not totally relevant. But you know when you learn something,
0:04:21 > 0:04:23and you just think, "I totally have to share this," OK?
0:04:23 > 0:04:27So, in the 1950s, they discovered that males would mate
0:04:27 > 0:04:31with a lifelike model of a female turkey as eagerly
0:04:31 > 0:04:34as they would mate with the real thing. So, of course,
0:04:34 > 0:04:37they decided to try and find out what was the minimal stimulus
0:04:37 > 0:04:39that would get a turkey going, OK?
0:04:41 > 0:04:45They gradually stripped the model of its tail, its feet and its wings.
0:04:45 > 0:04:49This did not deter the male bird in any way.
0:04:49 > 0:04:54When there was just a head left on a stick, they were still up for it!
0:04:55 > 0:04:58That is why my range of turkey sex toys never took off.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00They were too lifelike.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Yes, well...
0:05:02 > 0:05:05A freshly severed head on a stick was the most effective,
0:05:05 > 0:05:06like, the sexiest thing.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11That was followed by a dried male head.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14And in third place, a two-year-old withered female head.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18And in last place, but still eliciting a sexual response,
0:05:18 > 0:05:20a plain balsa wood model of a head.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25I don't know if you've ever taken a turkey to a Punch and Judy show.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27It's horrific.
0:05:29 > 0:05:30Unbelievable.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33- That's all I want to do now.- Yeah!
0:05:33 > 0:05:37Anyway, the last people you want to buy your next big thing
0:05:37 > 0:05:39are the first people to buy it.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42Which of these would be nice next-door neighbours?
0:05:42 > 0:05:47Galaxies, hyenas, newlyweds, octopuses or burglars?
0:05:47 > 0:05:50That's more of a mime artist than a burglar.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52It is, yes.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54I imagine that burglars don't burgle their neighbours?
0:05:54 > 0:05:57- Yes, that's absolutely right. - They go further afield?- Yeah.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59- They're nice.- I won't do the neighbours.- They're not lazy,
0:05:59 > 0:06:01- that's something in their defence. - No.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03- FRANKIE:- It could be selfishness, though, couldn't it?
0:06:03 > 0:06:05It could be that they just don't want to put
0:06:05 > 0:06:07their own insurance premium up.
0:06:08 > 0:06:09That's a very good point.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11But you are right. Burglars are very good neighbours,
0:06:11 > 0:06:13in that they're not going to burgle you.
0:06:13 > 0:06:14Galaxies are bad neighbours.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16So what happens, when they reach a certain age,
0:06:16 > 0:06:18a galaxy stops spawning new stars
0:06:18 > 0:06:20and they just swallow smaller galaxies.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24So our own home galaxy, the Milky Way, is expected quite soon,
0:06:24 > 0:06:29this is in astronomical terms, four billion years from now,
0:06:29 > 0:06:33to eat two of its neighbours, the large and small Magellanic Clouds.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35And then about a billion years after that,
0:06:35 > 0:06:37the Milky Way will get eaten itself by the Andromeda galaxy.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39- Andromeda, yeah.- Yeah. What about hyenas?
0:06:39 > 0:06:42- Good neighbours, bad neighbours? - All that laughing.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45When Mrs Brown's Boys is on, it's probably a nightmare.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51That's actually what they do in the studio audience.
0:06:51 > 0:06:55They don't use canned laughter on that show, they have live hyenas.
0:06:55 > 0:06:56The trouble with hyenas is,
0:06:56 > 0:06:59- you spend days and days stalking your deer.- Yeah.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01And then they just come and rob it off you.
0:07:01 > 0:07:02So I bet they're terrible neighbours.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05Terrible neighbours. Any more for any more, Frankie?
0:07:05 > 0:07:10I just think, although you'd know that they weren't laughing at you,
0:07:10 > 0:07:12- it'd be hard not to be a little paranoid.- Yeah.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16They're extraordinary creatures, they're so aggressive.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18There's so much testosterone in a hyena
0:07:18 > 0:07:21that when a baby hyena is born, the first thing it does
0:07:21 > 0:07:23is it turns around and tries to kill the next one
0:07:23 > 0:07:26that's trying to be born. So, they're really aggressive.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28- However, very good neighbours.- Ah.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Most people who live in hyena-prone areas, in fact encourage hyenas,
0:07:31 > 0:07:33because they control pests
0:07:33 > 0:07:35and they clear up all diseased animal carcasses.
0:07:35 > 0:07:39And they don't attack humans as much as that photograph might suggest.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41That one's wearing a John Lydon wig.
0:07:45 > 0:07:46What about newlyweds?
0:07:46 > 0:07:48What do you think, good neighbours, bad neighbours?
0:07:48 > 0:07:51Well, I enjoy hearing other people making love.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56I so rarely do it myself these days.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Since my husband got a turkey's head on a stick
0:07:58 > 0:08:00he's not interested any more but...
0:08:00 > 0:08:02They did a survey in Colorado,
0:08:02 > 0:08:04and they found that people are much happier if they think
0:08:04 > 0:08:06they're having more sex than their neighbours.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09That's a thing. And so, having a honeymoon couple move in next door
0:08:09 > 0:08:12makes you feel depressed.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15What about gloomy octopuses? Good neighbours, bad neighbours?
0:08:15 > 0:08:18- FRANKIE:- They'd have lovely gardens.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Well, yes and no is the weird thing.
0:08:20 > 0:08:24It's the common Sydney octopus, but it's known as the gloomy octopus.
0:08:24 > 0:08:28What it does is, it throws rubbish at its neighbours.
0:08:29 > 0:08:33It lives in Jervis Bay in Australia, and it gathers debris into its arms,
0:08:33 > 0:08:37and then it uses the jet propulsion siphons on the sides of its body
0:08:37 > 0:08:39to hurl it at the neighbours.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43It's really unusual to find projectile weapons in animals.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46So it may just be over-enthusiastic housework, I don't know.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50- Is it cos the octopuses next door are having more sex?- Yeah.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52- LUCY:- The sound of the suckers... - SHE MAKES SUCKER SOUNDS
0:08:52 > 0:08:55OK, that thought is never going to leave me now.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Now, the next question isn't a next question,
0:09:01 > 0:09:03it's a NECKS question.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05So, I have...
0:09:05 > 0:09:07I think that would look nice on you.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10- And you can have this one here. - Lovely.
0:09:10 > 0:09:11And there we go.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16This one there. Right, make yourselves a prat.
0:09:18 > 0:09:19Now, who knows how to make a prat?
0:09:20 > 0:09:23What have you done, darling, what knot have you done?
0:09:23 > 0:09:25I don't know. It's what I used to do at school.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28Did you ever have that thing called "peanutting" at school?
0:09:28 > 0:09:30- When people pull your tie tight? - They pull it really tight
0:09:30 > 0:09:32- and then you can't get it undone. - Yes, that happened a lot.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35OK, do you know the answer to stop that happening?
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Oh, I wish you'd been around in 1976!
0:09:38 > 0:09:40If you put a 2p coin inside the knot,
0:09:40 > 0:09:43then it's impossible to peanut somebody.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45- I shall tell my boys.- Pass it on.
0:09:45 > 0:09:49So, the prat, basically you have to have it back to front,
0:09:49 > 0:09:51like this, in order to tie it.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54I haven't worn a tie since I gave up the pipe. Erm...
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Like this.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01And this is a self-releasing version of the prat,
0:10:01 > 0:10:02it's called a Nicky knot.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04And the reason it's self-releasing,
0:10:04 > 0:10:07is that when you pull it out like that, you can just let it go.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09And it won't end up in a knot.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11APPLAUSE Thank you very much!
0:10:15 > 0:10:18- FRANKIE:- I sort of think the minute you get a really depressing job,
0:10:18 > 0:10:21the one thing you have to wear is a sort of suicide kit.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Anybody know how long we've been wearing ties for?
0:10:27 > 0:10:31- How long they've been around? - About five minutes, now.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34We've had ties since the Thirty Years' War, which was 1618.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37It was the Croatians who first brought the notion
0:10:37 > 0:10:40of wearing something. They wore a little small, knotted...
0:10:40 > 0:10:41Am I a time traveller?
0:10:43 > 0:10:44Just turn sideways. Turn this...
0:10:48 > 0:10:50APPLAUSE
0:10:53 > 0:10:58- That is quite spooky.- My God, they've found out my secret!
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Fire up the machine, we must travel back!
0:11:00 > 0:11:03It's where we get "cravat" from. It's from the Croatians.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Then it took off, and the Parisians loved it.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07King Louis XIV was so obsessed with his cravats,
0:11:07 > 0:11:12he had a cravateur who used to lay out cravats for him to choose.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14God, I've put on a bit of weight, haven't I?!
0:11:20 > 0:11:24We could do a show with you just being characters from history!
0:11:25 > 0:11:28While we're doing knots, now, I've been practising this,
0:11:28 > 0:11:30and I can do it about one in three.
0:11:30 > 0:11:34So, you've all got an opportunity to give this a go.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37There we go. That was pretty cool!
0:11:37 > 0:11:39APPLAUSE
0:11:42 > 0:11:46OK, so, it is just a length of chain,
0:11:46 > 0:11:48and then you place the ring up in like this...
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Now, if you hold it with your thumb,
0:11:51 > 0:11:55and then hold it with one of your fingers, and what you need to do,
0:11:55 > 0:11:58you just let the finger go and not the thumb.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Just try and let the... Yeah, Ross has got it!
0:12:00 > 0:12:02APPLAUSE
0:12:04 > 0:12:07- Just a few more goes... - All right, you're determined.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Put the chain... OK.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Don't make me get up and show you!
0:12:13 > 0:12:17So, make your hand wide like this, OK?
0:12:17 > 0:12:20And then, hook your thumb like this, but don't hook the chain.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Just hold that like that and only let your finger go.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27APPLAUSE
0:12:33 > 0:12:34I feel like a teaching assistant.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37And where can you get one of those, this time of day?
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Oh, yes! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:12:45 > 0:12:48I feel my time here has been worthwhile.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52Right. Is this the neck verse thing?
0:12:52 > 0:12:55CHORAL SINGING
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Isn't it beautiful?
0:13:11 > 0:13:13It's not worth losing your nuts for though, is it?
0:13:18 > 0:13:21Well, you might lose more than that...
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Really? Is it about hanging?
0:13:23 > 0:13:26It is about dying, certainly.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29It's known as the neck verse. Does anybody know why?
0:13:29 > 0:13:31- FRANKIE:- The neck verse is how a German doctor tells you
0:13:31 > 0:13:33you have whiplash.
0:13:37 > 0:13:38- I do know this.- Yes?
0:13:38 > 0:13:41- There used to be a thing called benefit of clergy.- Yep.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44Where if people could prove that they were in the clergy
0:13:44 > 0:13:46- by reciting a verse of the Bible... - Yep.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49..then they were tried under ecclesiastical law
0:13:49 > 0:13:52instead of normal law, where they'd be more likely to get hung.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Yeah, you're absolutely right, it's brilliant.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56APPLAUSE
0:14:00 > 0:14:03It's Psalm 51 and it was known as the neck verse,
0:14:03 > 0:14:05and you had to be able to recite it in Latin.
0:14:05 > 0:14:06"O God, have mercy upon me,
0:14:06 > 0:14:09"according to thine heartfelt mercifulness."
0:14:09 > 0:14:11And, the benefit of the clergy, it existed for about 600 years,
0:14:11 > 0:14:14from about the 12th century to 1841.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18And some crimes, the clergy would get lesser sentences.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21And so it used to be you had to prove you were clergy.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23But over time, it was enough to prove you were literate,
0:14:23 > 0:14:26so, obviously, in Latin, and this created a loophole.
0:14:26 > 0:14:30So, illiterate people could learn that verse by heart,
0:14:30 > 0:14:33and the courts were happy to go along with this legal fiction
0:14:33 > 0:14:35because there were many crimes which it was felt
0:14:35 > 0:14:38that the punishment was too harsh. So, they would allow this fiction
0:14:38 > 0:14:40that you were a member of the clergy,
0:14:40 > 0:14:42and therefore you could get away with it.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44In fact, Ben Jonson, the playwright, in 1598,
0:14:44 > 0:14:47he avoided being hanged for killing an actor in a duel,
0:14:47 > 0:14:50an actor called Gabriel Spenser, by pleading benefit of clergy.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52I know a bit about Ben Jonson.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55He murdered someone that he acted in a play with,
0:14:55 > 0:14:57the play was called The Isle Of Dogs.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01And it was so offensive that it was suppressed so completely
0:15:01 > 0:15:03nobody's ever worked out what it was about.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05- We don't even have a record of the script or anything?- No.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08- And then you released it on DVD! - Yeah!
0:15:08 > 0:15:10APPLAUSE
0:15:13 > 0:15:16So, what's the best thing about clickbait?
0:15:16 > 0:15:20There's nothing good about it at all, it's horrifying.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22Why would you think it's horrifying?
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Because there's nothing about me taking a quiz
0:15:24 > 0:15:27saying which Game Of Thrones character I am
0:15:27 > 0:15:31that suggests that I am in the market for a brand-new Lexus.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35But why do you do it? That's the question, why do you do it?
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Boredom. I think it's also the internet tries to sell itself as,
0:15:38 > 0:15:40oh, it's connective, you're connecting with people
0:15:40 > 0:15:43and you're not. The other day I saw a thing about the FA Cup final
0:15:43 > 0:15:47on the BBC website, and at the bottom it said "Get involved".
0:15:47 > 0:15:49What, in the FA Cup final?!
0:15:50 > 0:15:52How?!
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Can somebody describe clickbait for anybody who doesn't know what it is?
0:15:55 > 0:15:57- LUCY:- The worst ones are the...
0:15:57 > 0:16:00"23 things you never knew about ducks.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02- "Number 12 will astonish you!"- Yeah.
0:16:02 > 0:16:03They call them "listicles",
0:16:03 > 0:16:07which is portmanteau of "list" and "testicles" cos...
0:16:08 > 0:16:10..they're all complete bollocks.
0:16:10 > 0:16:11So, here's the weird thing.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13The research suggests that the pleasure we get
0:16:13 > 0:16:15from cute and funny or shocking videos,
0:16:15 > 0:16:17the ones that do the rounds on the internet,
0:16:17 > 0:16:19we get the pleasure from anticipating them
0:16:19 > 0:16:21and not from actually seeing them.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23There's also a thing called the spoiler paradox,
0:16:23 > 0:16:26which has a similar effect. People enjoy a story more,
0:16:26 > 0:16:28when they know how it's going to turn out.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31And we think maybe the story's easier for the brain to process,
0:16:31 > 0:16:33without the distraction of wondering how it's going to end.
0:16:33 > 0:16:37So, spoiler alert, Alan's going to come last today.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Already, the audience having a much better time!
0:16:43 > 0:16:47Looking forward to something is more than half the fun, it seems.
0:16:47 > 0:16:51And the next question is absolutely fantastic!
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Who has green sponge balls?
0:16:56 > 0:16:59- FRANKIE:- Is it...?- AUDIENCE MEMBER: - SpongeBob SquarePants!- Ah...
0:16:59 > 0:17:01KLAXON
0:17:01 > 0:17:04APPLAUSE
0:17:08 > 0:17:10That's why you're sitting over there!
0:17:10 > 0:17:13- ROSS:- Can you imagine that bloke, for the rest of his life,
0:17:13 > 0:17:16he's going to go, "And I knew the answer, and I shouted it...
0:17:16 > 0:17:20"Oh, God!" Who was it? Hand up, hand up, who was it?
0:17:20 > 0:17:22- Welcome to my world. - Let's have a clear shot of you.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26- What's your name?- Nick! - You're going to be so sorry. OK.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30You're a harbinger of failure, Nick.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35- Anybody else know? OK. So... - Green sponge balls...
0:17:35 > 0:17:37- Green sponge balls.- ..is what they have on a snooker table
0:17:37 > 0:17:39in a tinnitus clinic.
0:17:43 > 0:17:49So, who has, in the UK, who has green sponge balls?
0:17:49 > 0:17:52- LUCY:- Erm...- Is it a medical thing? - No, it's a species.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Would it be a sponge?
0:17:54 > 0:17:56- It's not a sponge, but is in the sea.- Seaweed?
0:17:56 > 0:17:59It is seaweed. It is a kind of seaweed.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01APPLAUSE
0:18:03 > 0:18:06But, you know, what's sad is that there isn't any any more.
0:18:06 > 0:18:07It's all gone,
0:18:07 > 0:18:10but it used to be one of the must-have species
0:18:10 > 0:18:13in the mid-19th century for seaweed collectors.
0:18:13 > 0:18:14So there was a brief craze,
0:18:14 > 0:18:17it gripped the daughters of Victorian well-to-do.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21In fact, even Queen Victoria herself had a seaweed album.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23- FRANKIE:- Before TV, people were just so bored.
0:18:23 > 0:18:24They were just sitting there going,
0:18:24 > 0:18:26- "Collect some seaweed, invade India..."- Yeah.
0:18:26 > 0:18:30"Let's just try and get through this."
0:18:30 > 0:18:31That's true. Yeah.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34And what happened, it's a bit like egg collecting and butterflies,
0:18:34 > 0:18:37it caused the depletion of certain species.
0:18:37 > 0:18:38Some of which still have never recovered,
0:18:38 > 0:18:41and the green sponge ball was thought to be extinct
0:18:41 > 0:18:43because of that, at least in the UK.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46Now to the NEST question.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Why would your mum have you for breakfast?
0:18:51 > 0:18:53- Is there a species that eats its young?- Yes.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56- Not all of the young, I presume? - Some.- It would be short-lived.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58But why might that be?
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Is it that the babies are just particularly delicious?
0:19:01 > 0:19:03You think they just can't resist that.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05Yeah, exactly, like a little quail or something.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07You go, "Ooh.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09"Ooh, lovely. Lovely bit of butter on that."
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Yeah, it's lucky that chickens don't like eggs, really, isn't it?
0:19:12 > 0:19:13- Yeah, that's true.- Yeah.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16They're all sitting there eating omelettes and dying out.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Maybe it's that thing where you sniff your own baby
0:19:20 > 0:19:23and they seem to you so delicious, you almost want to eat them.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25- Yeah.- Maybe insects just go,
0:19:25 > 0:19:28"There's no society to hold me back, I'm going to follow through."
0:19:28 > 0:19:30I often say I could eat my son with a spoon.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33- I don't mean it but... LUCY:- Yeah. It's the knees.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35I could just eat babies' knees all day long.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38- I really could. Just the knees. - They are just gorgeous.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40- They could have the rest.- Yeah. Even their feet are...
0:19:40 > 0:19:41- Oh, yeah.- Delicious.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45No, we are talking about a burrowing beetle and its larva.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48And it chooses to make its life in a rotting corpse
0:19:48 > 0:19:51of some kind or other, and that's where it has its babies.
0:19:51 > 0:19:56And it has to adjust the size of the brood to the size of the carcass.
0:19:56 > 0:19:57There's got to be enough food.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00And so, researchers at the University of Edinburgh
0:20:00 > 0:20:02have established that she will choose to eat the ones
0:20:02 > 0:20:04that nag her most.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09- This is great parenting.- Yeah. - This is what we all need, isn't it?
0:20:09 > 0:20:12So, the burrowing beetle baby that keeps going, "I want a snack,
0:20:12 > 0:20:14"I want a snack..." Gone.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19- Finished.- If my children are watching, I am learning a lot.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Your children aren't watching,
0:20:22 > 0:20:24they're in their bedrooms with their knees missing.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29APPLAUSE
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Any of you boys do half the housework in your homes?
0:20:37 > 0:20:39Don't be stupid!
0:20:41 > 0:20:42Because here's an extraordinary thing.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46In heterosexual relationships, even if the man does half the housework,
0:20:46 > 0:20:49it's usually the woman who's in charge of allocating the tasks,
0:20:49 > 0:20:50and making sure it gets done.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53So, in other words, nagging itself,
0:20:53 > 0:20:57yet another job about the house which women are expected to do,
0:20:57 > 0:21:00and men wriggle out of.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03Moving on now. All the way from Pennsylvania,
0:21:03 > 0:21:06the marvel from Philadelphia, Euphonia!
0:21:06 > 0:21:08What's her act?
0:21:08 > 0:21:11She removes her legs...
0:21:11 > 0:21:15and hovers above a man on a knitting machine.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18Well, you're not far off. It is a machine.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20She looks rather hirsute, doesn't she?
0:21:20 > 0:21:22She's called Euphonia, she's from 1845.
0:21:22 > 0:21:26- FRANKIE:- Were they trying to do the turkey experiment with a human?
0:21:27 > 0:21:30It's heading more and more towards the head.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32So, 1845, a German inventor called Joseph Faber
0:21:32 > 0:21:34exhibited this incredible machine.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37It could talk, it had bellows for lungs,
0:21:37 > 0:21:40a tongue and a larynx made of wires and reeds and levers,
0:21:40 > 0:21:42and it was operated by a piano-like keyboard.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45So there were 16 keys, plus one to open the glottis, the vocal cords,
0:21:45 > 0:21:48and foot pedals, and sounds came out of her mouth.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51She could laugh, she could whisper, she could sing God Save The Queen.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54But the fundamental problem with her is that she scared people.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57- Yeah, she's scaring me now! - Yeah. She had...
0:21:57 > 0:21:58Urgh!
0:21:58 > 0:22:00The turkeys have kicked off!
0:22:02 > 0:22:03"That's the one."
0:22:03 > 0:22:05HE IMITATES AN EXCITED TURKEY
0:22:08 > 0:22:11It's like a frustrated turkey was in the room!
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Apparently her tongue lolled about in her mouth
0:22:14 > 0:22:16- and her voice was awful...- Oh, no.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18..it was as if it came from the depths of a tomb.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20It was very, sort of, hoarse and hideous.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22And Faber, who made it,
0:22:22 > 0:22:25twice he destroyed the Euphonia out of frustration.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27And the first time he rebuilt it and the second time, well,
0:22:27 > 0:22:30- he took his own life. - So it's basically like Siri.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32It is a kind of Siri.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35Now, fingers next to buzzers, please,
0:22:35 > 0:22:36for the General Ignorance round.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39Why are dock leaves good for nettle stings?
0:22:39 > 0:22:41# Next to you. #
0:22:41 > 0:22:42- Ross?- They're not.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44You're absolutely right.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47The fact is, we don't even know why nettle stings hurt quite so much,
0:22:47 > 0:22:49or last so long. What we do know
0:22:49 > 0:22:52is that nettles are covered with tiny little hollow hairs,
0:22:52 > 0:22:54which break off when you touch them and they act like needles
0:22:54 > 0:22:58and they inject, oh, it's a cocktail of unpleasantness into your skin...
0:22:58 > 0:23:01But yet, delightful as soup.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04Very good as soup, and in theory, very, very good medicine.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06So, there's a thing called urtification,
0:23:06 > 0:23:07- do you know what that is? - I don't, no.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10It's beating yourself with stinging nettles, fundamentally.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13And the Romans used to do it in Britain because there was damp
0:23:13 > 0:23:14and it gave them arthritis.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17And so urtification apparently got rid of it.
0:23:17 > 0:23:18And they did a study in 2000,
0:23:18 > 0:23:21and the Royal Society of Medicine confirmed it is a safe
0:23:21 > 0:23:24and effective treatment for rheumatic pain, so you can use it.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27- Not many people know that the actor John Nettles...- Yes.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29..you shake his hand, burns your skin.
0:23:29 > 0:23:33- It's horrible, horrible.- But if you throw yourself against him,
0:23:33 > 0:23:36it gets rid of your rheumatism.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39Very much so. Romans can't help themselves.
0:23:39 > 0:23:43Getting John Nettles to smack himself against them.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45Old ladies, he's like a faith healer.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48You know when they're like... "Have you got rheumatism in your body?
0:23:48 > 0:23:50"I want you to come down."
0:23:50 > 0:23:52John Nettles slaps you on the knees.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Your kids would like him.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59The longer I work with Ross, the more I believe him...
0:23:59 > 0:24:01LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
0:24:01 > 0:24:05Now, what kind of questions are barristers never allowed
0:24:05 > 0:24:07to ask the witness?
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Leading questions.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11KLAXON
0:24:16 > 0:24:17# Next door... #
0:24:17 > 0:24:19- Lucy?- Multiple choice?
0:24:22 > 0:24:24APPLAUSE
0:24:27 > 0:24:31"Did you A, kill them, B, have a takeaway, C...?"
0:24:31 > 0:24:34"Oh, mostly Cs, you're a Gemini!"
0:24:36 > 0:24:38So, you can sometimes have leading questions.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40They are allowed in cross-examination.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42So, when you're questioning the other side's witness,
0:24:42 > 0:24:45it's absolutely fine. They're not allowed in what's called
0:24:45 > 0:24:48evidence in chief. So, that's when you're questioning your own side.
0:24:48 > 0:24:49You couldn't, for example, say,
0:24:49 > 0:24:54"And did the accused hit you about the buttocks with the cucumber?"
0:24:54 > 0:24:56You're not allowed to say that...
0:24:57 > 0:25:01- "Or, did he B..."- Yeah.- "..put the cucumber between the buttocks?"
0:25:01 > 0:25:05"Or, was it C, the actor John Nettles,
0:25:05 > 0:25:08- "who was just trying to help?" - Yeah, you're not allowed to do that.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11You have to say "what happened next", is basically the thing.
0:25:11 > 0:25:12But, in cross-examination,
0:25:12 > 0:25:14you're not only allowed to ask leading questions,
0:25:14 > 0:25:16most people say you SHOULD ask them.
0:25:16 > 0:25:22Is the fellow on the right, by any chance, saying "tattyfilarious"?
0:25:22 > 0:25:25"Oh, lovely day, a lovely day for committing murder."
0:25:28 > 0:25:30That's why I didn't become a lawyer,
0:25:30 > 0:25:32there's not enough funny voices in the law.
0:25:33 > 0:25:37Now, what kind of evidence isn't going to get you convicted
0:25:37 > 0:25:39under any circumstances?
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Circumstantial.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44KLAXON
0:25:45 > 0:25:47And that was a leading question!
0:25:49 > 0:25:52We think it's the case that you can't use circumstantial,
0:25:52 > 0:25:56but in fact most convictions depend entirely on circumstantial evidence.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59Because fingerprints and DNA samples and phone records,
0:25:59 > 0:26:02credit card receipts, bloodstains, lack of an alibi,
0:26:02 > 0:26:05that can all be circumstantial evidence,
0:26:05 > 0:26:09stuff from which you can infer that somebody was present at a crime.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12And finally, a male black widow spider
0:26:12 > 0:26:17and a female black widow spider have just finished having sex.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19What happens next?
0:26:19 > 0:26:21- # Next to you. # - Yeah, Ross?
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Tiny cigarette.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27APPLAUSE
0:26:27 > 0:26:30- Oh, no, no! It wouldn't be a tiny cigarette, would it?- No.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32It'd be eight tiny cigarettes. Like that.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43"Shall we do it again?"
0:26:44 > 0:26:47Maybe she could try and kill him in that way, rather than by eating him,
0:26:47 > 0:26:50which I think is the answer that we were being led towards.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52Ah, she eats him.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54KLAXON
0:26:59 > 0:27:02No, she does not, if she's a black widow.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05So, there is once species in the widow group in which the female,
0:27:05 > 0:27:07let's say, routinely eats the male...
0:27:07 > 0:27:09- Scottish widows? - The Scottish widow!
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Yes, but at least she's insured.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19It's the redback spider of Australia, it's the only one.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22There are three species found in North America
0:27:22 > 0:27:26and post-coital cannibalism in one of the three is rare
0:27:26 > 0:27:28and in the other two it's completely unknown.
0:27:28 > 0:27:29And they get their name "widow"
0:27:29 > 0:27:32probably because people have watched their behaviour in captivity,
0:27:32 > 0:27:35when they're not behaving normally, I think.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38Post-coital cannibalism amongst black widows is the exception,
0:27:38 > 0:27:41not the rule. OK, next, it's the scores, and in first place,
0:27:41 > 0:27:43with a magnificent 6 points, it's Ross!
0:27:43 > 0:27:45APPLAUSE
0:27:48 > 0:27:52And in second, just one point behind with 5, it's Frankie!
0:27:52 > 0:27:54APPLAUSE
0:27:56 > 0:27:59In third place, with -4, Lucy!
0:27:59 > 0:28:01APPLAUSE
0:28:01 > 0:28:04APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:28:04 > 0:28:08And in fourth place with -10,
0:28:08 > 0:28:09it's the audience!
0:28:15 > 0:28:19Which means that in last place of the next show, is, was,
0:28:19 > 0:28:21or will be, with -25, Alan.
0:28:21 > 0:28:23APPLAUSE
0:28:29 > 0:28:31My thanks to Frankie, Ross, Lucy and Alan.
0:28:31 > 0:28:34I leave you with this news from the Western Daily Press,
0:28:34 > 0:28:38concerning what people plan to do next, after they retire.
0:28:38 > 0:28:42A survey of 1,000 over-50-year-olds found that many
0:28:42 > 0:28:45intended to travel more, write a book, do a parachute jump,
0:28:45 > 0:28:48or take up a new hobby when they reach 60.
0:28:48 > 0:28:50Some of those polled said they wanted to become a volunteer,
0:28:50 > 0:28:52or raise money for charity.
0:28:52 > 0:28:55While others just wanted to eat more cakes, and have more sex.
0:28:55 > 0:28:57Until next time, goodbye.
0:28:57 > 0:29:00APPLAUSE