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0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains some strong language

0:00:24 > 0:00:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:00:32 > 0:00:35Hello! Thank you very much!

0:00:37 > 0:00:42Hello, and welcome to QI, where tonight everything is new.

0:00:42 > 0:00:44Please welcome the new faces.

0:00:44 > 0:00:46New kid on the block, it's Jimmy Carr.

0:00:46 > 0:00:48APPLAUSE

0:00:50 > 0:00:52The new-fangled Clive Anderson.

0:00:52 > 0:00:56- APPLAUSE - Oh, thank you.

0:00:56 > 0:00:58The brand-new Jo Brand.

0:00:58 > 0:01:02APPLAUSE

0:01:02 > 0:01:05And the ruddy nuisance Alan Davies.

0:01:05 > 0:01:06APPLAUSE

0:01:11 > 0:01:12Let's hear your news.

0:01:12 > 0:01:14Jimmy goes...

0:01:14 > 0:01:16# New York, New York. #

0:01:18 > 0:01:20Clive goes...

0:01:20 > 0:01:24# Happy New Year Happy New Year. #

0:01:24 > 0:01:25Jo goes...

0:01:25 > 0:01:29# Poppa's got a brand-new bag. #

0:01:29 > 0:01:31And Alan goes...

0:01:31 > 0:01:36# You won't find another fool like me. #

0:01:36 > 0:01:37The New Seekers.

0:01:39 > 0:01:42- So much better than the old seekers.- Absolutely.

0:01:42 > 0:01:44So, a nice easy one to start with.

0:01:44 > 0:01:48What is this island called?

0:01:48 > 0:01:49Newfoundland.

0:01:51 > 0:01:52No.

0:01:52 > 0:01:54I'm going to have to shoot you now.

0:01:54 > 0:01:56Eh, no.

0:01:56 > 0:01:58It isn't the correct pronunciation.

0:01:58 > 0:02:00NOOf'nd-lund.

0:02:03 > 0:02:05Hey, hey, hey, enough violence on this show.

0:02:05 > 0:02:07Noof'nd-LAND is the correct pronunciation

0:02:07 > 0:02:09and in 1876 a man was killed

0:02:09 > 0:02:12during a brawl over the correct pronunciation.

0:02:12 > 0:02:15Well, we were lucky, weren't we? We got off lightly.

0:02:15 > 0:02:18It was two mill workers, William Atchison and John Davis.

0:02:18 > 0:02:22One thought it was NewFOUNDland and one thought it was NewfoundLAND.

0:02:22 > 0:02:25Atchison threw a punch, Davis drew his gun and killed Atchison.

0:02:25 > 0:02:28He got away, Davis, and he spent 37 years on the run,

0:02:28 > 0:02:29so it's a really...

0:02:29 > 0:02:30- Davies?- Yes, Davis.

0:02:30 > 0:02:32Any relation?

0:02:32 > 0:02:34- Possibly.- John Davis.

0:02:34 > 0:02:37- Dangerous man.- I have a great uncle who emigrated to Canada.

0:02:37 > 0:02:39- Did he go to NewfoundLAND? - Noof-ndLAND.

0:02:39 > 0:02:41I think he went to Quebec, actually.

0:02:41 > 0:02:42Noof'ndLAND.

0:02:42 > 0:02:46- And you inherited your shirt from him?- Yes.

0:02:46 > 0:02:49Anyway, just to finish this story, Davis, who killed Atchison,

0:02:49 > 0:02:52he ran away for 37 years and then, on his deathbed, 1912,

0:02:52 > 0:02:56he's in a hospital in Peoria in Illinois and he felt so bad about it

0:02:56 > 0:02:59that he confesses on his deathbed

0:02:59 > 0:03:01and then recovered and had to go on the run again.

0:03:05 > 0:03:08I think he said, "I did that murder in NEWfoundland."

0:03:08 > 0:03:09"No, it's NewFOUNDland."

0:03:11 > 0:03:13Actually, both men were right, because at the time,

0:03:13 > 0:03:15both pronunciations were perfectly acceptable.

0:03:15 > 0:03:17It's only fairly recently that people have got a bit...

0:03:17 > 0:03:19What's it now? Without looking.

0:03:19 > 0:03:21- Noof'ndLAND.- Noof'ndLAND. - Noof'ndLAND.- OK.

0:03:21 > 0:03:24Presumably if people are watching this in Newfoundland,

0:03:24 > 0:03:25they're shouting at the television.

0:03:25 > 0:03:28- Yes, they probably are. - They're all idiots.

0:03:28 > 0:03:31Some fantastic names in Newfoundland.

0:03:31 > 0:03:34Conception Bay South is the second-largest town.

0:03:34 > 0:03:35Conception Bay South is, yeah...

0:03:35 > 0:03:37Conception Bay South, maybe there's a North.

0:03:37 > 0:03:40That's what I call it, she doesn't like it.

0:03:40 > 0:03:41She thinks it's too formal.

0:03:44 > 0:03:48Come on love, let's have a look at Conception Bay South.

0:03:48 > 0:03:52I bought you dinner, we saw the movie you wanted, come on.

0:03:52 > 0:03:54Before moving on to Conception Bay North, I suppose.

0:03:54 > 0:03:57Well, that's a special treat for birthdays.

0:03:58 > 0:04:00- It's possible... - Which way up is she? Hang on.

0:04:04 > 0:04:08It's possible that a girl may prefer the Newfoundland town of Dildo.

0:04:09 > 0:04:10Or Eastern Tickle.

0:04:12 > 0:04:14- Which I like very much. - Do you?- Yeah.

0:04:16 > 0:04:21- Thanks for sharing. - Not bad for me age.

0:04:21 > 0:04:23Newfoundland, what's interesting about it,

0:04:23 > 0:04:25the very first part of the British Empire, 1583.

0:04:25 > 0:04:29It's the very first bit of England's first overseas territory,

0:04:29 > 0:04:33Sir Humphrey Gilbert claimed Newfoundland in 1583.

0:04:33 > 0:04:37Now, here is a chance for some easy points.

0:04:37 > 0:04:40When Europeans first arrived in New York, what did they call it?

0:04:40 > 0:04:42PAPA'S GOT A BRAND NEW BAG PLAYS

0:04:42 > 0:04:44- Jo.- New Amsterdam.

0:04:44 > 0:04:47KLAXON

0:04:47 > 0:04:49But it's an Elvis Costello song, it must be right.

0:04:49 > 0:04:51And that's why I said it.

0:04:51 > 0:04:53I think either the Spanish or the French were there first,

0:04:53 > 0:04:56so it was either New Madrid or New Paris or nouvelle

0:04:56 > 0:04:58cuisine or something like that.

0:04:58 > 0:05:01It was the French and it was New Angouleme.

0:05:01 > 0:05:02Well, there you go.

0:05:02 > 0:05:05It was Giovanni da Verrazzano who first named it.

0:05:05 > 0:05:09A Florentine working for the French crown and he absolutely wanted to

0:05:09 > 0:05:10favour the French king.

0:05:10 > 0:05:13Francis I, who was originally Francis of Angouleme,

0:05:13 > 0:05:14that's where he came from.

0:05:14 > 0:05:16He must have been very pleased when he got there

0:05:16 > 0:05:18that he could buy a stick of rock to take home.

0:05:19 > 0:05:22It's got New Angouleme all the way through it.

0:05:23 > 0:05:26The weird thing about him, Verrazzano,

0:05:26 > 0:05:28there's loads of things in New York named after him

0:05:28 > 0:05:30and every single sign has his name misspelled.

0:05:30 > 0:05:32It's supposed to be double Z.

0:05:32 > 0:05:35And nobody quite knows whether they didn't have enough Zs in the

0:05:35 > 0:05:36sign-making department.

0:05:36 > 0:05:38They've misspelled park way and bridge as well,

0:05:38 > 0:05:40so they're obviously not very good.

0:05:40 > 0:05:43- So, here's a fact about New York... - Go.- ..which is quite interesting.

0:05:43 > 0:05:45Gotham, I think I know the history of Gotham.

0:05:45 > 0:05:48Because, it's a small village outside Nottingham.

0:05:48 > 0:05:49Where local idiots would live

0:05:49 > 0:05:52and someone wrote this book called The Merry Men Of Gotham.

0:05:52 > 0:05:54So, then, about 100 years later,

0:05:54 > 0:05:56there's a writer in New York and he compares New York,

0:05:56 > 0:05:59he says they're all mad here, it's like Gotham City here.

0:05:59 > 0:06:01- Ah, OK.- They're all idiots. - I didn't know that.

0:06:01 > 0:06:02Do you know why it's called Manhattan?

0:06:02 > 0:06:05Is that a local Amerindian name?

0:06:05 > 0:06:09It's a native Lenape American... It's actually quite a nice story.

0:06:09 > 0:06:12So, 1609, Henry Hudson met a group of native Lenape Americans

0:06:12 > 0:06:15and they were fishing and he offered them alcohol,

0:06:15 > 0:06:17for the very first time, and there was a warrior

0:06:17 > 0:06:19who swallowed the whole lot to test it and passed out

0:06:19 > 0:06:22and everybody thought this is marvellous, and he then brought more

0:06:22 > 0:06:25alcohol and they ended up getting fantastically drunk together

0:06:25 > 0:06:28and the word, the native Lenape word, Manahactanienk,

0:06:28 > 0:06:30means "the place we all got drunk".

0:06:32 > 0:06:34I think the story is that it was also one of those places

0:06:34 > 0:06:37that was sold for a few beads and so a few beads

0:06:37 > 0:06:39were handed over and the Indians took those.

0:06:39 > 0:06:42But they had the last laugh because they weren't even from that local area.

0:06:42 > 0:06:45- They weren't from that area. - They didn't even own the place in the first place.

0:06:45 > 0:06:48They just took the beads and said "Thanks, OK, good luck with that."

0:06:48 > 0:06:50Here is something that was fantastically new in New York

0:06:50 > 0:06:53in 1909 at Coney Island, which is a glorious place to hang out.

0:06:53 > 0:06:56They ought to bring this back, because it's a really fantastic thing.

0:06:56 > 0:07:00This is one stretch of track running multiple trains and if the two meet

0:07:00 > 0:07:02while travelling in opposite directions,

0:07:02 > 0:07:05so the passengers are in the lower part, I think you can just see,

0:07:05 > 0:07:06it goes up over the top.

0:07:06 > 0:07:09I think you can just see the arms of some of the passengers and it carries on.

0:07:09 > 0:07:14I'm sorry, but that's like a very well engineered train crash.

0:07:14 > 0:07:18They should have that on the Northern Line, that'd be fantastic.

0:07:18 > 0:07:20I think it's absolutely brilliant, I love that.

0:07:20 > 0:07:23Yes, indeed, New York was originally New Angouleme.

0:07:23 > 0:07:25Where would you find the most pyramids in the world?

0:07:25 > 0:07:27PAPA'S GOT A BRAND NEW BAG PLAYS

0:07:27 > 0:07:28- Yes.- Egypt, fuck it.

0:07:28 > 0:07:29KLAXON

0:07:35 > 0:07:37I'm sure I've heard Mexico,

0:07:37 > 0:07:39but I bet that's wrong as well, isn't it?

0:07:39 > 0:07:41- KLAXON - Yes.- Yes, Mexico.

0:07:41 > 0:07:44In the spirit of... I've seen one. I've seen one in Las Vegas.

0:07:44 > 0:07:46Yes, there is one in Las Vegas.

0:07:50 > 0:07:52- Let's go for it. - # New York. #

0:07:53 > 0:07:56- Switzerland.- Yes. Let's try Switzerland.

0:07:56 > 0:07:58- Switzerland's... - PERSON LAUGHS LOUDLY

0:08:01 > 0:08:04That's so sweet. One man appreciates you.

0:08:05 > 0:08:09So, wait a minute, so Jo, Alan and I have all been penalised,

0:08:09 > 0:08:12but you come out ahead by saying Switzerland.

0:08:12 > 0:08:14- Brilliant.- Is it the United States?

0:08:14 > 0:08:18- Are there more pyramids in the United States? - No, it's nearer to Egypt.

0:08:18 > 0:08:19Libya? Algeria? Tunisia?

0:08:19 > 0:08:22It is... You've got it, you're in the right part of the world.

0:08:22 > 0:08:25- Sudan?- It is Sudan, absolutely right.

0:08:25 > 0:08:28In fact, bizarrely, this is a photograph I took myself

0:08:28 > 0:08:31of the Sudanese pyramids. There's about...

0:08:31 > 0:08:34You do your preparation for this show, don't you?

0:08:34 > 0:08:36Sorry, what is the travel budget for this show?

0:08:36 > 0:08:40Where's the licence fee money going? Hang on.

0:08:40 > 0:08:42You went all the way over there to take this photo?

0:08:42 > 0:08:46I made a long documentary about Sudan and I'd really recommend this,

0:08:46 > 0:08:48because you go and there is nobody there.

0:08:48 > 0:08:50- It is amazing.- The massive civil war could be part of the reason.

0:08:50 > 0:08:52Yeah. I did go... LAUGHTER

0:08:52 > 0:08:54I did go before the civil war.

0:08:54 > 0:08:59In Egypt, between 118 and 138, in Sudan there are about 220.

0:08:59 > 0:09:01They're all in the Meroe area.

0:09:01 > 0:09:05This was ancient Nubia and you can climb them, you can go inside.

0:09:05 > 0:09:08There's fantastic writing, they had the Meroitic handwriting.

0:09:08 > 0:09:11- Incredible carvings. - Are they houses, these ones, or are they burial things?

0:09:11 > 0:09:14No, they're burial things and what's really interesting about them,

0:09:14 > 0:09:17the Egyptians' were clearly for the pharaohs and for the great and the good,

0:09:17 > 0:09:20they were much more of a meritocracy, and so you get not such wealthy people

0:09:20 > 0:09:24who had pyramids of their own, and what you can't see here is there

0:09:24 > 0:09:26was an entire civilisation.

0:09:26 > 0:09:29From the air, you can see the irrigation of tens of thousands of people

0:09:29 > 0:09:32living there and then completely destroyed.

0:09:32 > 0:09:37Now, on to nudity, newlyweds and New England.

0:09:37 > 0:09:40Who got married in the Emperor's new clothes?

0:09:40 > 0:09:41Oh, that is a fabulous wedding.

0:09:41 > 0:09:45- The Emperor.- I want it to be that.

0:09:45 > 0:09:48He doesn't do very much in the story, he just parades around.

0:09:48 > 0:09:50He's a bit of an idiot, isn't he?

0:09:50 > 0:09:52- I think that's the point of the story.- I believe it is.

0:09:52 > 0:09:56The thing I like about that story is that two swindlers come,

0:09:56 > 0:09:59and this idea that there were swindlers who would go

0:09:59 > 0:10:00from town to town swindling people.

0:10:00 > 0:10:03And that's sort of died out, really, hasn't it?

0:10:03 > 0:10:05- Social media's killed the swindling industry.- It has.

0:10:05 > 0:10:10- Have you never had the e-mails? - Do you get many e-mails? Yeah.

0:10:10 > 0:10:13- The swindlers are online. - You can trust everybody now.

0:10:13 > 0:10:16There was a period of time when people got married naked in New England.

0:10:16 > 0:10:18The 1700s. Why might they do that?

0:10:18 > 0:10:21- Was it to do with witches? - To prove you were a women.

0:10:21 > 0:10:24It's not to do with witches and not to prove that you're a woman.

0:10:24 > 0:10:25Do you know there's still a thing with Popes?

0:10:25 > 0:10:29- The chair.- Where they have to carry the chair over the Cardinals

0:10:29 > 0:10:31to check if they had a female Pope,

0:10:31 > 0:10:33which is obviously a disaster.

0:10:33 > 0:10:36They carry him over the top so they can check out his junk.

0:10:36 > 0:10:38Sadly, it's a myth, unfortunately.

0:10:38 > 0:10:41- It's a myth?- It's a want it to be. - Do you know what, this is my issue with QI,

0:10:41 > 0:10:46you say it's a myth, but I've heard it in a pub.

0:10:46 > 0:10:48I'm pretty sure that's the case. Fact.

0:10:48 > 0:10:50So look, the bridegroom and the bride are both naked?

0:10:50 > 0:10:53- No, just the bride. - Is it to do with the Bible?

0:10:53 > 0:10:55It isn't to do with the Bible. It's to do with debt.

0:10:55 > 0:10:57They were known as smock marriages,

0:10:57 > 0:10:59sometimes just in their underwear,

0:10:59 > 0:11:01and if the bride clearly has no assets,

0:11:01 > 0:11:04if she's got nothing, then the groom is not liable for her debts or,

0:11:04 > 0:11:07more importantly, if she's a widow, for her husband's debts.

0:11:07 > 0:11:09- Wow.- They didn't have to be visible, they just had to be naked.

0:11:09 > 0:11:12So, there's a wonderful wedding that's talked about, February 1789,

0:11:12 > 0:11:14a man called Major Moses Joy

0:11:14 > 0:11:17and he married a widow called Hannah Ward

0:11:17 > 0:11:19and she was starkers inside a closet

0:11:19 > 0:11:22and basically she reached her arm through a hole in the door

0:11:22 > 0:11:24to clasp his hand and then they got married

0:11:24 > 0:11:28and then he'd left some clothes very nicely for her in the cupboard and then she came out fully dressed.

0:11:28 > 0:11:31That's a bit like if a tree falls in a forest.

0:11:31 > 0:11:33If you're naked and nobody can see you...

0:11:33 > 0:11:36- It doesn't really count, does it? - You don't need to be naked, do you?

0:11:36 > 0:11:39I'm sure Lady Gaga would argue she was wearing a wardrobe.

0:11:41 > 0:11:42Just a hell of a dress.

0:11:42 > 0:11:44Did her head stick out the top of the wardrobe?

0:11:44 > 0:11:46It was just her arm out, that was it.

0:11:46 > 0:11:47- So it's a naked arm. - That's it, just the arm.

0:11:47 > 0:11:49It might not have been her arm, in fact.

0:11:49 > 0:11:51Could have been anyone's arm.

0:11:51 > 0:11:53Was yours a nightmare, Jo, your wedding?

0:11:53 > 0:11:54- Yeah.- Oh.

0:11:56 > 0:11:59I couldn't fit in a wardrobe, I had to go in a marquee instead.

0:12:04 > 0:12:07- No, it was lovely. - It's stressful, though, isn't it?

0:12:07 > 0:12:09I was having a look at the planning nightmare that is a wedding.

0:12:09 > 0:12:17If you have 17 guests and two tables of ten that has 131,702

0:12:17 > 0:12:20possible seating arrangements.

0:12:20 > 0:12:22A wedding with 100 guests and ten tables has

0:12:22 > 0:12:2665 trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion

0:12:26 > 0:12:28possibilities as to where you want to seat people.

0:12:28 > 0:12:31Crikey. I had a very little wedding.

0:12:31 > 0:12:34I'd said to my friends, don't tell anyone or talk about it

0:12:34 > 0:12:38and one of my friends stayed at a local hotel and called a cab

0:12:38 > 0:12:41to pick her up to take her to our wedding,

0:12:41 > 0:12:44and she got in the cab and he went, "Where do you want to go?"

0:12:44 > 0:12:46and she went, "I'm not telling you."

0:12:48 > 0:12:51That's fabulous. They have a great tradition in Sweden,

0:12:51 > 0:12:53here's a randy Scandi fact,

0:12:53 > 0:12:56if the bride leaves the reception to go to the bathroom

0:12:56 > 0:12:59then all the women in the room kiss the groom.

0:13:01 > 0:13:05And if the groom leaves, all the men may kiss the bride.

0:13:05 > 0:13:06And that is how chlamydia started.

0:13:09 > 0:13:11- It's a fine name for a child.- Yeah.

0:13:14 > 0:13:18What's the biggest news item ever?

0:13:18 > 0:13:22Has it got anything to do with the Kardashians?

0:13:22 > 0:13:24I'm not even really sure who they are, so no.

0:13:25 > 0:13:27When was the golden era of the newspapers?

0:13:27 > 0:13:30When was the biggest circulation? Would it be Titanic?

0:13:30 > 0:13:34So, it's not an actual news item that we are looking for.

0:13:34 > 0:13:36Not like the moon landing, which is a very big...

0:13:36 > 0:13:39It's not a story. It's the actual news.

0:13:39 > 0:13:43Did they do a live broadcast for like 36 hours or something?

0:13:43 > 0:13:45Is it the size of the headline you're looking for?

0:13:45 > 0:13:47- Yes.- The size... - In fact, you can help me,

0:13:47 > 0:13:49because I have a copy of what we are looking for,

0:13:49 > 0:13:51but I can't manage it on my own, so Alan and Clive,

0:13:51 > 0:13:53if you could come and help me.

0:13:53 > 0:13:58What I'm talking about is the largest newspapers ever published.

0:13:58 > 0:14:02These were... This is called the Universal Yankee Nation.

0:14:02 > 0:14:05- There you go.- Oh, tiny print.

0:14:05 > 0:14:07- Yes.- Yes. You seriously had to have...

0:14:07 > 0:14:10- I mean...- Is this helping your presentation skills?

0:14:10 > 0:14:11You all right, Sandi?

0:14:11 > 0:14:14I don't want to hurt your feelings, but if Stephen was here,

0:14:14 > 0:14:17his head would be poking over the top.

0:14:17 > 0:14:20If I was good, I could've gone underneath, but I didn't want to play limbo with the newspaper.

0:14:20 > 0:14:21Why did they design those?

0:14:21 > 0:14:24Maybe there was a tax on each page of newsprint.

0:14:24 > 0:14:25- That's exactly right.- Oh, right.

0:14:25 > 0:14:27They were known as blanket sheets

0:14:27 > 0:14:29or mammoth newspapers or leviathan newspapers.

0:14:29 > 0:14:31It was the introduction of the cylinder printing presses that

0:14:31 > 0:14:34made them possible. It was the fact that it was possible.

0:14:34 > 0:14:36This particular newspaper was only published

0:14:36 > 0:14:39for about a year-and-a-half from 1841 to 1842,

0:14:39 > 0:14:42but it was called the largest paper in all creation.

0:14:42 > 0:14:46Would have been very useful if you're an extremely fat tramp

0:14:46 > 0:14:47that was sleeping out.

0:14:47 > 0:14:51Yes. Except it was only one page thick, so it wasn't...

0:14:51 > 0:14:55- In the summer. - In the... Sleeping out.

0:14:56 > 0:14:59What if you're two tramps having a liaison?

0:15:01 > 0:15:03Yes, but they were designed for sharing.

0:15:03 > 0:15:05But you said about the duties, it's why we had broadsheets.

0:15:05 > 0:15:08- Yes, yes, there was a tax, wasn't there?- Yeah. There was a tax.

0:15:08 > 0:15:10With a tax, there'd be people trying to avoid it, wouldn't there?

0:15:10 > 0:15:13- I would imagine, yeah.- They would have ways of trying to get round it.

0:15:15 > 0:15:17I guess. I guess some people would,

0:15:17 > 0:15:20but I mean they'd be morally bankrupt, is what they'd be.

0:15:20 > 0:15:23Getting their papers from Jersey or somewhere,

0:15:23 > 0:15:25so it would be just crazy.

0:15:25 > 0:15:27- Yes.- Is that... Would that work?

0:15:29 > 0:15:31So it was a bit like modern fizzy drinks tax.

0:15:31 > 0:15:33It was to discourage people from buying newspapers.

0:15:33 > 0:15:36Because they were so critical of the Government and so...

0:15:36 > 0:15:39- We'll tax them out of existence. - Yeah. For a really long time.

0:15:39 > 0:15:401712 till 1855.

0:15:40 > 0:15:43And then when they took off the tax, all of the Daily Mails,

0:15:43 > 0:15:45Daily Mirrors, popular press came in.

0:15:45 > 0:15:46Because, you know, relatively poor people

0:15:46 > 0:15:49- could afford to buy the news and find out what was going on.- Yes.

0:15:49 > 0:15:51Anyway, moving on.

0:15:51 > 0:15:54What's so good about eye of newt?

0:15:54 > 0:15:57- So, this is Macbeth, is it? Is that what you're quoting? - It is in the Scottish play.

0:15:57 > 0:16:00- But what's so great about eye of newt?- Medicinal properties.

0:16:00 > 0:16:02I think we studied this at school.

0:16:02 > 0:16:04There's a whole list of things that sound like disgusting things,

0:16:04 > 0:16:08but they're not really. They're references to plants or something.

0:16:08 > 0:16:09Well, that is absolutely true.

0:16:09 > 0:16:11But the thing about the eye of newt that is extraordinary,

0:16:11 > 0:16:14they did a study where they kept removing the lenses

0:16:14 > 0:16:17- from the eye of a newt... - I bet it annoyed him.

0:16:17 > 0:16:20Well, he systematically replaced it.

0:16:20 > 0:16:24They did it for 16 years and they keep just replacing the lens.

0:16:24 > 0:16:27They are able to regenerate new lenses.

0:16:27 > 0:16:29That's brilliant. Why can't we do that?

0:16:29 > 0:16:32- I don't know. It's so clever. - In some animals, the teeth replaces itself.

0:16:32 > 0:16:34Specsavers' worst nightmare.

0:16:34 > 0:16:37And what's extraordinary about them, the lenses that are replaced

0:16:37 > 0:16:39are just as good as the very first ones that they had

0:16:39 > 0:16:41and they're able to continuously regenerate.

0:16:41 > 0:16:44Are you sure he didn't have just insurance or something?

0:16:44 > 0:16:46- Maybe.- So, sorry, that's one newt?

0:16:46 > 0:16:49- That's one newt.- I'm not a big fan of animal testing at the best of times.

0:16:49 > 0:16:53- No.- But 16 years, this poor newt's thinking, "Oh, him again."- Yeah.

0:16:54 > 0:16:56"He's going to pull my bloody eye out.

0:16:56 > 0:16:58"I'll grow it back, dick."

0:16:59 > 0:17:0115 years in, is he not thinking,

0:17:01 > 0:17:03"Are you not getting the message here?

0:17:03 > 0:17:05"These grow back."

0:17:05 > 0:17:09Presumably, there were periods when he couldn't see him coming.

0:17:09 > 0:17:11- LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - Of course. Of course.

0:17:13 > 0:17:15Did you know that they're not actually called newts?

0:17:15 > 0:17:17- Did you know that? - What, newts aren't called newts?

0:17:17 > 0:17:19- No, they're not.- They are, I tell you how that you know,

0:17:19 > 0:17:21- they're called newts. - They are ewts. It was an ewt.

0:17:21 > 0:17:23- It's like an orange, isn't it?- Yes.- Yeah.

0:17:23 > 0:17:25A nickname was an ickname.

0:17:25 > 0:17:28It became nickname and newt is just because we're lazy.

0:17:28 > 0:17:30- An ickname.- Ickname, yeah.

0:17:30 > 0:17:32- It's an extra name. - An additional name.

0:17:32 > 0:17:34There are lots of words like that. Apron is one.

0:17:34 > 0:17:36In fact, orange is the other way round, isn't it?

0:17:36 > 0:17:39It was a norange was the word and we call it an orange.

0:17:39 > 0:17:40Yes. My favourite...

0:17:40 > 0:17:41It's not quite the same thing.

0:17:41 > 0:17:45Apple pie order. Which is French for nappe pliee, neatly folded linen.

0:17:45 > 0:17:49And we just called it apple pie order because we don't speak French.

0:17:49 > 0:17:52The thing about the witches brew you mentioned about the Scottish play.

0:17:52 > 0:17:55- Yeah.- So you're absolutely right, so the eye of newt and toe of frog,

0:17:55 > 0:17:56wool of bat and tongue of dog,

0:17:56 > 0:18:00probably wild mustard seed and buttercup leaves and moss and hound's-tongue.

0:18:00 > 0:18:02Isn't that pretty? Hound's-tongue on the right.

0:18:02 > 0:18:05And what herb was liver of blaspheming Jew, then?

0:18:05 > 0:18:07Was that a particular...

0:18:07 > 0:18:09I'm not sure that was entirely a herb.

0:18:09 > 0:18:11- Is that marjoram?- Marjoram.

0:18:11 > 0:18:15It's the worst Welsh rarebit they've ever had.

0:18:15 > 0:18:16The plant on the right stinks,

0:18:16 > 0:18:19it's also known as mice and rats due to its smell.

0:18:19 > 0:18:22People used to put it in their shoes to keep dogs away from their shoes.

0:18:22 > 0:18:24Apparently it stinks.

0:18:24 > 0:18:26They used to put it in their shoes because it stinks?

0:18:26 > 0:18:28To keep dogs away. You know, dogs do love...

0:18:28 > 0:18:30- Steal their shoes.- Keep your shoes. - Shoes, exactly.

0:18:30 > 0:18:32And that's why to this day dogs don't wear shoes.

0:18:32 > 0:18:33Goodnight.

0:18:35 > 0:18:38And toe of frog, not sustainable at all.

0:18:38 > 0:18:41There is a terrible decline in the world frog population.

0:18:41 > 0:18:42They're absolutely plummeting.

0:18:42 > 0:18:46In fact, it's now illegal to catch frogs for human consumption in France.

0:18:46 > 0:18:51And India, which has been the biggest exporter to France of frogs, has just ceased exporting.

0:18:51 > 0:18:53I have a pond in my garden which used to be full of frogs,

0:18:53 > 0:18:56they used to come and have orgies every year.

0:18:56 > 0:18:58They're not there. All been replaced by newts now.

0:18:58 > 0:19:01This sounds like an angry letter to the Daily Mail.

0:19:01 > 0:19:05These frogs, coming over here, having sex in our ponds.

0:19:07 > 0:19:10The most extraordinary newt, just want to show you this.

0:19:10 > 0:19:13Unbelievable, it's called the rough-skinned newt.

0:19:13 > 0:19:20It has enough toxins to kill 25,000 mice and it's so toxic, this thing,

0:19:20 > 0:19:23that the Native American tribes used to force-feed them to their enemies

0:19:23 > 0:19:24to kill them.

0:19:24 > 0:19:27And the really incredible thing about them is that whatever

0:19:27 > 0:19:32eats one dies before the newt dissolves in its stomach.

0:19:32 > 0:19:35- That's how toxic it is and then it hops free.- Ergh.

0:19:35 > 0:19:36I know! Ergh! Ergh!

0:19:36 > 0:19:39But newts are fantastic, they can regrow their eyes,

0:19:39 > 0:19:40they can kill...

0:19:40 > 0:19:43Why's the measure of how toxic it is that it kills 25,000 mice?

0:19:43 > 0:19:46That was such an odd end to that sentence.

0:19:46 > 0:19:49- Well, it's poison. - Just four dogs would be a better...

0:19:49 > 0:19:51How many humans can it kill, that's what we want to know.

0:19:51 > 0:19:55It's usually things like a mouse the size of Wales it can kill.

0:19:55 > 0:19:57What about the Spanish newt? They are extraordinary.

0:19:57 > 0:20:01When threatened, they can shoot their ribs out of their body

0:20:01 > 0:20:03and stab their enemies with poison.

0:20:03 > 0:20:04Oh, I can do that.

0:20:06 > 0:20:08That seems counter-productive.

0:20:10 > 0:20:12I feel like if an enemy's coming towards you, I mean,

0:20:12 > 0:20:15by all means defend yourself, but shooting a rib out...

0:20:15 > 0:20:19Even if they don't attack, you're going to have to go to A&E.

0:20:21 > 0:20:25Now, it's time for a fresh new batch of general ignorance.

0:20:25 > 0:20:28Although, I think we've done quite well so far.

0:20:28 > 0:20:29Fingers on buzzers.

0:20:29 > 0:20:32How long is New Zealand's Ninety Mile Beach?

0:20:32 > 0:20:35- Oh.- Oh, come on. You know you want to!

0:20:35 > 0:20:38- I think it is 90 miles long. - Go for it!

0:20:41 > 0:20:44Well, are they going to exaggerate or...?

0:20:44 > 0:20:46- What do you reckon? - I say it's 75 miles.

0:20:46 > 0:20:48You're getting closer. Any more for any more?

0:20:48 > 0:20:51I say it's six miles.

0:20:52 > 0:20:54Completely miscalculated.

0:20:54 > 0:20:55It's 55 miles long.

0:20:55 > 0:20:58And one of the theories is that the mistake was because

0:20:58 > 0:21:03missionaries knew that it took a day to travel 30 miles and it took three

0:21:03 > 0:21:06days to travel the beach and so they made the calculation of 90 miles,

0:21:06 > 0:21:10but in fact they forgot that you travel much slower on sand.

0:21:10 > 0:21:13- So, do people go and walk up it and ask for their money back? - I don't think so.

0:21:13 > 0:21:15Or drown at the end because they just walk into the sea

0:21:15 > 0:21:18thinking there's another 30 miles to go here.

0:21:18 > 0:21:19Now, let's have a look at this.

0:21:19 > 0:21:23OK. So, going to set this up.

0:21:25 > 0:21:26- Quite good. Like that.- Wow.

0:21:26 > 0:21:29My question is, who invented this?

0:21:29 > 0:21:31Isn't it Winston Churchill?

0:21:31 > 0:21:33I want it to be Winston Churchill.

0:21:33 > 0:21:37You're so epically wrong there that the buzzer didn't even go off.

0:21:37 > 0:21:40Well, we normally call it Newton's balls, don't we?

0:21:40 > 0:21:44- I think Newton's cradle would be... - I think Newton's cradle there.

0:21:44 > 0:21:46Sorry. I'm afraid...

0:21:46 > 0:21:48I'm afraid I went to a rougher school than you did.

0:21:50 > 0:21:52I think if Newton had that many balls,

0:21:52 > 0:21:54it's no wonder he discovered gravity.

0:21:54 > 0:21:56LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:22:00 > 0:22:03- Who actually invented it? Do we know?- Galileo.

0:22:03 > 0:22:06- It's not quite as...- Was it like a toy manufacturer in the '50s?

0:22:06 > 0:22:08- Sylvia Pankhurst. - I can't remember who it is.

0:22:09 > 0:22:12Is it JFK? Is it Marlon Brando?

0:22:12 > 0:22:14- It's earlier than that. - Is it Delia Smith?

0:22:14 > 0:22:16Roughly how long?

0:22:16 > 0:22:18It's a French priest in the 17th-century...

0:22:18 > 0:22:19- Charlemagne.- Abelard.

0:22:19 > 0:22:23- Called Abbe Edme Mariotte. - And then he started the hotel chain?

0:22:23 > 0:22:27Yes, that's right. That's right, exactly.

0:22:27 > 0:22:29He was an amazing thinker, Mariotte.

0:22:29 > 0:22:32Do we have to guess which one he is there?

0:22:32 > 0:22:34He's the one at the back thinking, "If I put chocolates on pillows,

0:22:34 > 0:22:36"people will stay here."

0:22:37 > 0:22:40I stayed at a hotel where they did that

0:22:40 > 0:22:41and I wished somebody had told me.

0:22:41 > 0:22:43I woke up in the morning, honest to God,

0:22:43 > 0:22:45I thought I'd had a brain haemorrhage.

0:22:48 > 0:22:50Terrifying thing.

0:22:50 > 0:22:54I made some red lentil and tomato soup the other week.

0:22:54 > 0:22:57- And my daughter... - This is going to end in tears.

0:22:57 > 0:22:59..really liked it.

0:22:59 > 0:23:02Going, "Oh, this is lovely. Lovely. Really delicious."

0:23:02 > 0:23:03And it was.

0:23:03 > 0:23:06And then some virus was going round the school.

0:23:06 > 0:23:10Anyway, middle of the night, I could hear some wailing and screaming

0:23:10 > 0:23:13and I went into her bedroom and there she was in her white nightie

0:23:13 > 0:23:15with white sheets and she'd barfed up.

0:23:15 > 0:23:18And, honestly, it looked like she'd been disembowelled.

0:23:21 > 0:23:23One of the most alarming things I've ever seen,

0:23:23 > 0:23:25just a sea of red everywhere.

0:23:25 > 0:23:28All in her hair. It was like Carrie, you know Carrie?

0:23:30 > 0:23:33I had to pick her up at arm's length and put her in the bath

0:23:33 > 0:23:34and then I didn't know what to do with her.

0:23:34 > 0:23:36She's just covered in lentils.

0:23:38 > 0:23:41I was going to start hosing her down and she was going...

0:23:41 > 0:23:43HE WAILS

0:23:43 > 0:23:46- I could never have done that. - Hosing her down!

0:23:46 > 0:23:48It was very, very, very funny.

0:23:53 > 0:23:55I could not have done that. My bath's full of gin.

0:23:56 > 0:23:59When's the parenting book coming out?

0:23:59 > 0:24:00The very first modern...

0:24:00 > 0:24:04What we call Newton's cradle was created by an actor called Simon Prebble, he was called.

0:24:04 > 0:24:06And he sold it to Harrods in 1967.

0:24:06 > 0:24:10He wanted to promote it and so he made a giant version which had to be

0:24:10 > 0:24:13taken down after one of the balls knocked out a child.

0:24:19 > 0:24:22Not good to laugh, people. Not good to laugh.

0:24:25 > 0:24:28These chrome ones were created by a sculptor and film director

0:24:28 > 0:24:30called Richard Loncraine.

0:24:30 > 0:24:32Newton was an extraordinary boy, though.

0:24:32 > 0:24:33Massive Pink Floyd fan.

0:24:36 > 0:24:39He came 78th out of 80 at school.

0:24:39 > 0:24:42- He used to wander off... - Who else was at school?

0:24:42 > 0:24:43Einstein was there...

0:24:43 > 0:24:47The bloke on the right thinks it's a lightsabre.

0:24:47 > 0:24:50"Bloody hell, Newton, I think you're on to something."

0:24:50 > 0:24:54He made a very strange list of his sins when he was 19, Newton.

0:24:54 > 0:24:57It included making pies on Sunday night,

0:24:57 > 0:25:00using Wilfred's towel to spare my own,

0:25:00 > 0:25:03threatening my father and mother Smith to burn them

0:25:03 > 0:25:05and the house over them.

0:25:06 > 0:25:08Wishing death and hoping it to some.

0:25:09 > 0:25:11There's a fantastic...

0:25:11 > 0:25:13They've tried to make big Newton's cradles.

0:25:13 > 0:25:15Here's one made with 15-pound bowling balls.

0:25:15 > 0:25:18Oh, that child's for the chop.

0:25:21 > 0:25:24You'll get £250 for that on You've Been Framed in a minute.

0:25:24 > 0:25:26The child that must be punished there.

0:25:26 > 0:25:29The guy with a beard, is that a baby dangling from him?

0:25:29 > 0:25:31Or is that the whole baby with a beard on it?

0:25:41 > 0:25:43The biggest Newton's cradle ever built

0:25:43 > 0:25:46was for the US television show Myth Busters,

0:25:46 > 0:25:49they used five one-tonne steel and concrete wrecking balls

0:25:49 > 0:25:51hung from a steel truss.

0:25:51 > 0:25:55It was incredibly difficult to make and it didn't work.

0:25:55 > 0:25:58So, I'm going to put that away.

0:25:58 > 0:26:00Pop that down.

0:26:00 > 0:26:02Now, fingers on buzzers, name the part of Canada

0:26:02 > 0:26:05that Britain and America's most popular dog comes from.

0:26:08 > 0:26:09Labrador.

0:26:11 > 0:26:14Are you saying it's pronounced in a different way or there's a different dog?

0:26:14 > 0:26:16No, they don't come from Labrador is the thing of it.

0:26:16 > 0:26:21So, it is the province of Newfoundland and Labrador.

0:26:21 > 0:26:23Newfoundland.

0:26:23 > 0:26:26They are the most popular dogs in the UK and the US, the labrador retrievers.

0:26:26 > 0:26:30They have held the top spot for 25 years running and are exhausted.

0:26:33 > 0:26:38But they come from Newfoundland and not from Labrador.

0:26:38 > 0:26:40But what happened was when they arrived in the UK,

0:26:40 > 0:26:45there was already a dog called a Newfoundland.

0:26:45 > 0:26:47Also known as a St John's water dog.

0:26:47 > 0:26:49So, they needed to find another name.

0:26:49 > 0:26:52So... They are so gorgeous!

0:26:52 > 0:26:54And they've got a thing... They don't stop eating,

0:26:54 > 0:26:57they've got a genetic mutation.

0:26:57 > 0:26:58I had a labrador and he was a nightmare.

0:26:58 > 0:26:59An absolute nightmare.

0:26:59 > 0:27:02Good for training them, it turns out. They can't help it.

0:27:02 > 0:27:04I hope they find that in humans soon.

0:27:06 > 0:27:09Maybe you're part labrador.

0:27:09 > 0:27:13- Maybe I'm all labrador. - All labrador, baby.

0:27:16 > 0:27:19Do you shake yourself like that after a bath?

0:27:19 > 0:27:21- I don't have baths.- Oh, sorry.

0:27:21 > 0:27:23So, labradors aren't from Labrador.

0:27:23 > 0:27:25- Was it...? Is it close to...? - It is absolutely close to.

0:27:25 > 0:27:30So, the province of Newfoundland and Labrador comprises the large island

0:27:30 > 0:27:32of Newfoundland and the mainland of Labrador.

0:27:32 > 0:27:34And Labrador is extraordinary.

0:27:34 > 0:27:36It's three times as large as the island,

0:27:36 > 0:27:38but only 10% of the population live there.

0:27:38 > 0:27:42It is rather bleak. And that brings us to the scores.

0:27:42 > 0:27:44Well, this is fantastic.

0:27:44 > 0:27:47In first place, with a magnificent minus -5,

0:27:47 > 0:27:49it's Jimmy!

0:27:49 > 0:27:52- APPLAUSE - Can't believe my luck.

0:27:53 > 0:27:57In second place with -16, it's Clive!

0:27:57 > 0:28:00- APPLAUSE - Think I got some points from you.

0:28:00 > 0:28:03And in third place with -19,

0:28:03 > 0:28:04Jo!

0:28:04 > 0:28:07APPLAUSE

0:28:07 > 0:28:10Which means a triumphant -25,

0:28:10 > 0:28:11in final place, it's Alan.

0:28:11 > 0:28:12APPLAUSE

0:28:21 > 0:28:23So, it's thanks to Clive, Jimmy, Jo and Alan.

0:28:23 > 0:28:26I leave you with this, Parkham WI.

0:28:26 > 0:28:28The speaker at the April meeting

0:28:28 > 0:28:31was Captain Colin Darch, who talked about piracy.

0:28:31 > 0:28:35Embarrassingly, the WI all dressed as pirates for the evening,

0:28:35 > 0:28:38not realising that Captain Darch was going to be talking about

0:28:38 > 0:28:42his experience of being held hostage by Somali pirates.

0:28:42 > 0:28:44Rather than piracy in general.

0:28:44 > 0:28:45Goodnight.