0:00:29 > 0:00:32APPLAUSE
0:00:32 > 0:00:37Hello, and welcome to a show dedicated to the naked truth.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39Joining me, and full of naked ambition,
0:00:39 > 0:00:41are tonight's skinny dippers.
0:00:41 > 0:00:42In the buff, Richard Osman!
0:00:42 > 0:00:44- APPLAUSE - Hi.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48In the altogether, Lee Mack!
0:00:48 > 0:00:51- APPLAUSE - Hello.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54In her birthday suit, Lolly Adefope!
0:00:54 > 0:00:56APPLAUSE
0:00:58 > 0:01:00And indescribable Alan Davies!
0:01:00 > 0:01:02APPLAUSE
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Right, let's hear their buzzers.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Lolly goes...
0:01:10 > 0:01:12MUSIC: The Stripper
0:01:15 > 0:01:16Richard goes...
0:01:16 > 0:01:20MUSIC: The Stripper
0:01:22 > 0:01:23Lee goes...
0:01:23 > 0:01:26MUSIC: The Stripper
0:01:29 > 0:01:31And Alan goes...
0:01:31 > 0:01:32MUSIC ENDS
0:01:34 > 0:01:38TRICKLING
0:01:43 > 0:01:45What the...
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Well, I need to go now. Don't you?
0:01:50 > 0:01:52- Yeah.- So, Alan, we're going to start with you.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54- Oh, OK.- Are you normal or weird?
0:01:57 > 0:01:59I think I'm normal, Sandi.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01KLAXON
0:02:01 > 0:02:03- All right, weird.- Feel bad.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Yes, you are weird.
0:02:05 > 0:02:06Anybody here normal?
0:02:06 > 0:02:09I would say, uh, I'll go weird.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Yes. Normal, do you feel normal, Lolly?
0:02:12 > 0:02:13I feel very much at home here.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17OK. You must have a strange house, but there we are.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19What about you, Richard? Normal?
0:02:19 > 0:02:20I'm going to go out on a crazy limb.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22- Yeah.- And say maybe I'm a little bit weird.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Yes. The fact is, nobody is normal.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28So, say you took an average of every single person here in this room,
0:02:28 > 0:02:32and we took height and shoe size and collar size and all those things,
0:02:32 > 0:02:35you won't find anybody who's average in all respects.
0:02:35 > 0:02:36It just doesn't exist.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38And it's called the jaggedness principle.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41And it really matters. In the 1940s, the US Air Force, they thought,
0:02:41 > 0:02:44"I know what we'll do. We'll design a cockpit that fits absolutely
0:02:44 > 0:02:47- "everybody." OK?- The cockpit has yet to be designed...
0:02:47 > 0:02:50- Yes, that is...- ..that will fit my proportions.
0:02:50 > 0:02:51In what way?
0:02:51 > 0:02:53- Oh, in a plane?- In a plane.
0:02:53 > 0:02:54Oh, I'm sorry!
0:02:57 > 0:02:59How embarrassing, I thought you were talking about...
0:02:59 > 0:03:02Yes, I try so hard with you boys.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05So they took the measurements of over 4,000 pilots and they designed
0:03:05 > 0:03:09this cockpit seat based on these ten different body measurements.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12And it didn't fit a single pilot.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Because there isn't any such thing as normal,
0:03:14 > 0:03:18and in the end they had to develop the adjustable seat for aeroplanes,
0:03:18 > 0:03:20because of the jaggedness principle.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23So trying to find an average person's unbelievably difficult.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26The Australian Bureau of Statistics used the national census to try and
0:03:26 > 0:03:27find an average Australian.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30So here's what they announced. She was a 37-year-old woman.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33She had a son and daughter, he was six and she was nine.
0:03:33 > 0:03:34The woman is five foot four and 11st.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37She's got a three-bedroom house with about £200,000 left
0:03:37 > 0:03:40on the mortgage. Her family came originally from the UK.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42That is the average Australian.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46And then they couldn't find a single person in the entire country who
0:03:46 > 0:03:48- matched it.- I think it's me.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50- Are you five foot four?- Yeah.
0:03:50 > 0:03:51Are you Australian?
0:03:53 > 0:03:55So close!
0:03:55 > 0:03:57OK, try this one, all right?
0:03:57 > 0:03:59So this is a 2014 dating site.
0:03:59 > 0:04:00They surveyed 2,000 London men.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03So the ideal London woman, here's what she looks like.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Five foot six.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07- Five foot four.- Five foot four, OK.
0:04:07 > 0:04:099st. 34C bust, drinks white wine,
0:04:09 > 0:04:12has no tattoos and supports Tottenham.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Oh!
0:04:14 > 0:04:16No wonder she's single.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Yeah, well... I've got more on her.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20I've got more. Brown hair.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24Brown hair. She drove an Audi TT, she was either a nurse or a teacher.
0:04:24 > 0:04:25She liked roast dinners.
0:04:25 > 0:04:29She had an exotic foreign accent.
0:04:29 > 0:04:30She loved Dirty Dancing the movie,
0:04:30 > 0:04:33and the top television show was Friends.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35- Oh, she sounds like an idiot. - She does!
0:04:36 > 0:04:39That's what a man's really looking for in a woman,
0:04:39 > 0:04:40somebody who likes Dirty Dancing.
0:04:40 > 0:04:41They're so rare to find.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44- I know.- I don't think I have any of those...
0:04:44 > 0:04:47- Don't have...- ..qualities. - You've got brown hair.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48- It's kind of black.- OK.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51So, if you're not normal, you could be weird.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54In fact, we are all at the table weird.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57It stands for Western educated from industrialised rich democratic
0:04:57 > 0:05:00countries. So why might that be a problem?
0:05:00 > 0:05:03- That be an issue?- The problem is because they're missing the C off
0:05:03 > 0:05:04the end of WEIRD. Yeah, countries.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06- Oh, I see.- So the acronym works pretty well.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10- Doesn't really scan though, does it? - No.- WEIRDC.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13The problem is that whenever we do sociological research or
0:05:13 > 0:05:16psychological research, 96% of the people who participate
0:05:16 > 0:05:19in these kind of studies, they're usually students, are weird.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Even though that only represents 12% of the world's population.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Surely NORMAL could be an acronym for something?
0:05:25 > 0:05:26- Yes.- Yes, what could it be?
0:05:26 > 0:05:28It ends in "Arsenal loving," I know that.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30I'm just trying...
0:05:30 > 0:05:33Yeah, C's for something else there, isn't it?
0:05:33 > 0:05:35LAUGHTER
0:05:39 > 0:05:43Anyway, none of us is normal, but we might just be weird.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Now, let's look at some naked apes.
0:05:45 > 0:05:50What did the Neanderthal take with him when he went clubbing?
0:05:51 > 0:05:55Are you meaning a club to club things with?
0:05:55 > 0:05:57KLAXON
0:05:58 > 0:06:02Over the years I thought I'd get better at this.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06We've all been hoping, Alan.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Given that Alan got a klaxon for saying clubs.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11- Yes.- I'm guessing he didn't use clubs.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13- Very good.- Or she.- No, he or she did not use...
0:06:13 > 0:06:14See, that's how to do it.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16They lived above the tree line.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19They lived in the desert. There weren't any trees.
0:06:19 > 0:06:20Otherwise you'd use a branch!
0:06:20 > 0:06:22Yeah, but they had spears and arrows
0:06:22 > 0:06:24which had presumably got wooden shafts.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26They couldn't get near enough to club anything.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29- It was too dangerous.- For all we know, they didn't have clubs.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31I mean, the main thing about it is that we've never,
0:06:31 > 0:06:33ever seen anything shaped remotely like a club.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36No artefact anywhere.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38I base all my knowledge of Neanderthal men
0:06:38 > 0:06:39from the Wacky Races.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42The Flintstones, obviously, which is incredibly accurate.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44All those people living with dinosaurs.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46- Running in the cars.- Yeah, exactly!
0:06:46 > 0:06:47To be fair, we've got Wacky Races,
0:06:47 > 0:06:49we've got Flintstones and we've got Captain Caveman.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51So that's three separate bits of evidence
0:06:51 > 0:06:53that suggests they did have clubs.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56- Yeah.- Unless they're all making it up.- Yeah.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58So they didn't take clubs but they took cameras?
0:06:58 > 0:06:59Yes.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02That's one of the earliest photographs.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04That's incredible. They couldn't say cheese, though,
0:07:04 > 0:07:07- because they didn't have cheese. - Cheese?
0:07:07 > 0:07:09- For the photograph.- Oh, I see.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11I wonder what they said.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15Bison's quite good. "Bison."
0:07:15 > 0:07:18To be fair, you are just saying bison and then smiling.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22- Bison.- Yeah.- You could say anything, couldn't you?
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Stick of rock.
0:07:26 > 0:07:27But we've never ever...
0:07:27 > 0:07:29There's never been a painting, there's never been an artefact.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32To be fair, most wooden artefacts will rot.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35So you'd get paintings of spears and we get spearheads that you find,
0:07:35 > 0:07:36but you don't actually get the wooden...
0:07:36 > 0:07:38- You don't get the wooden pole, right?- Yeah.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40So they might have had clubs that rotted away.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43I understand that you don't want to go too near an animal with a club.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45But if you're fighting neighbouring tribes...
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Probably you would just pick up a stick.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50- But a stick is a club.- Well, it's not shaped like a club,
0:07:50 > 0:07:52- that's the point.- When is a club a stick?
0:07:52 > 0:07:53- Yeah.- When you cover it in chocolate.
0:07:56 > 0:07:57I'm sorry, Lolly.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59- I apologise.- No, I'm really learning a lot.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01You're learning? That's good.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04Because I feel like knowledge is draining from me as we speak.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Now a question about the bare necessities of life, such as shelter.
0:08:07 > 0:08:08So who lived here?
0:08:10 > 0:08:12- Massive bats.- Massive...? - No, I said massive.
0:08:12 > 0:08:13OK. And what did you say?
0:08:13 > 0:08:15And I said "not bats".
0:08:15 > 0:08:19- Not bats, OK.- So between us the answer is massive not bats.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22It's a type of not bat, the massive not bat.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25We could go through a long list of things that didn't live there.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27I can tell you they're in Brazil...
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Brazilians.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Is not correct.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34They sometimes went as deep as 70 feet, they had multiple chambers.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38Is it some sort of massive animal?
0:08:38 > 0:08:39- Yes.- Is it termites?
0:08:39 > 0:08:42No, but that would be huge, wouldn't they?
0:08:42 > 0:08:44That would be massive. An army of termites.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Yeah, like a load of termites going, "Go!"
0:08:46 > 0:08:47And then making a massive tunnel.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49I love that. Little tiny hard hats, running.
0:08:49 > 0:08:53They'd build like a little cart, and then they all ride down it together.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Whee!
0:08:55 > 0:08:58Suddenly my answer not anywhere near as interesting, if I'm honest.
0:08:58 > 0:08:59Is it a burrowing mammal?
0:08:59 > 0:09:03It is. It's a giant ground sloth.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06They lived from about 2.8 million years ago to about 10,000 years ago,
0:09:06 > 0:09:09and some of them were as big as an adult elephant.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12The largest species, the megatherium,
0:09:12 > 0:09:13weighed up to four tonnes.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16And it was 20-foot long from nose to tail.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19So they still have some living relatives today, which is the tree sloths.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21The difference in scale, I mean...
0:09:21 > 0:09:22Say imagine me and Richard.
0:09:22 > 0:09:26To be comparably larger, Richard would need to be about 50 foot tall.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29So I'd need to be three foot taller than I currently am?
0:09:29 > 0:09:30Yes.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33What's the largest burrowing animal today?
0:09:33 > 0:09:35Oh, that would be the giant "not bat".
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Badgers are quite big.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Wombats, do they go under?
0:09:41 > 0:09:44- Giant badger?- I like the question, "Do wombats go under?"
0:09:44 > 0:09:47- Is it wombat?- No, it's not a wombat.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49- Two bats.- Two bats!
0:09:51 > 0:09:53I'm going to go with Lolly. It's not bats, OK?
0:09:53 > 0:09:54It's not bats.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Is it humans?
0:09:56 > 0:09:58- No, it's the polar bear. - The polar bear burrows?
0:09:58 > 0:10:01- Yeah, they dig...- Hang on, Alan, I don't think humans burrow either.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03- You said humans! - We made the Channel Tunnel.
0:10:03 > 0:10:04Well, they made the Tunnel, yes.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Actually I think you should win that.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08That's very good. But it's not the largest animal, is it?
0:10:08 > 0:10:10The polar bear, they dig a maternity den.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Either in the snow, or in the earth.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14So they are the largest burrowing animal.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Speaking of caves, anybody been to Nottingham?
0:10:16 > 0:10:18I've been to Nottingham, yeah.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20Hey. Whoa, so have I, mate. Come on.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22- LOLLY:- I actually went to university really near Nottingham.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25- Did you?- So let's all chill out, actually.- This is a small world!
0:10:25 > 0:10:26- Alan?- Yeah, I've been there.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28No way! Alan's been as well, Sandi.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31I made my professional debut at Nottingham Playhouse.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33- Did you?- I did.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Anyway, the city centre was once known as Tiggua Cobaucc,
0:10:36 > 0:10:38which means "the place of caves".
0:10:38 > 0:10:41So from as early as the 11th century, people lived in caves in Nottingham.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Under the Nottingham Inclosure Act of 1845,
0:10:44 > 0:10:48it is still illegal to rent out a cave to anybody in Nottingham.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51They were trying to stop unscrupulous landlords renting them
0:10:51 > 0:10:54out to the poor. I'd quite like to live in a cave, though.
0:10:54 > 0:10:55Don't you think it would be fine?
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Um, no.
0:10:57 > 0:10:58No? Oh.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00What's your reservation?
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Wi-Fi.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07If you had a good hub?
0:11:07 > 0:11:11That picture on the right, at the back, is that a downstairs toilet?
0:11:11 > 0:11:14It does look awfully like some kind of font, doesn't it?
0:11:14 > 0:11:17Or like a sundial but no light.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22The world's worst sundial.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25The classic underground sundial.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28"Where do we put the sundial?" "In the basement."
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Do you know what the original name for Nottingham is?
0:11:32 > 0:11:35- Is it Ingham?- It's got Nottingham in it.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38No, but it's not just Ingham and then they changed it to "Not-Ingham"?
0:11:38 > 0:11:40- No.- Nottinghampton.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43Nottingham is the shortened version of its original name.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46- Snottingham?- Exactly right.
0:11:46 > 0:11:51- Come on!- It was ruled by a Saxon chief named Snot.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54And it was literally "the homestead of Snot's people."
0:11:54 > 0:11:58It was Snottingham and then, I don't know why they dropped the S because
0:11:58 > 0:12:01- I think it's perfectly charming. - I think they should put it back.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04Now, your ancestors could make fire using things that they found.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07You have something on a tray and I will give you 20 points to anybody
0:12:07 > 0:12:12who can start a fire with the things you have got there.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Can I use my lighter that I've got in my pocket?
0:12:15 > 0:12:19Oh, now, look, can't you put that in the lemon, won't that work?
0:12:19 > 0:12:22- Supposedly doesn't.- Can't you get a charge out of citrus fruit?
0:12:22 > 0:12:26- You can.- Am I about to?
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Not enough to upset yourself, I don't think.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Meanwhile, I'm going to use this to look for a match.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Does it matter if we open that? Would that help?
0:12:40 > 0:12:44You don't want to open it but you can actually use a can of soda.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46Is that what it is, just a can of fizzy pop?
0:12:46 > 0:12:48It is a can of fizzy pop, yeah.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50If you look at the base of your tin,
0:12:50 > 0:12:52you can see that it is a concave shape.
0:12:52 > 0:12:56If you polished that, you would be able to reflect enough sunlight
0:12:56 > 0:12:58in order to be able to make fire.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00And, in fact, we can demonstrate this in the studio,
0:13:00 > 0:13:03but obviously we're going to need experts so we have with us our
0:13:03 > 0:13:06friends from the Festival of the Spoken Nerd.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08The science comedy phenomenon,
0:13:08 > 0:13:11they tour all over the UK and have brought one of their experiments
0:13:11 > 0:13:14from their show, please welcome, Matt, Steve and Helen, the nurse.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17APPLAUSE
0:13:21 > 0:13:24I was right, wasn't I, that the tin of pop is a kind of...?
0:13:24 > 0:13:28Yes, it's almost the right shape to focus light in.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31This is a natural paraboloid which is the perfect shape,
0:13:31 > 0:13:34so we can use this to set fire to something.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36Don't just point it at me.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43We've got a graphic here of the two dishes we've set up and if you cut
0:13:43 > 0:13:46one in half, so we can swivel one around, and if you unpeel it, it's
0:13:46 > 0:13:50just a parabola, and the amazing thing about a parabola is that any
0:13:50 > 0:13:51line which comes directly down,
0:13:51 > 0:13:55parallel with the axes, will go through exactly the same spot,
0:13:55 > 0:13:58the focal point. And the same thing works in reverse so if something
0:13:58 > 0:14:01emits from the focal point it'll be sent out as a parallel...
0:14:01 > 0:14:04That's how the Death Star works, isn't it?
0:14:04 > 0:14:07That's essentially the cleverest thing that's ever been said near
0:14:07 > 0:14:08you, Lee, isn't it?
0:14:10 > 0:14:12We're going to give this a go but, please, can you put your
0:14:12 > 0:14:15- sunglasses on?- Because these are going to protect us, aren't they?!
0:14:15 > 0:14:17So about 200 years ago,
0:14:17 > 0:14:20this was a party trick where they would put a super hot cannonball at
0:14:20 > 0:14:23one focal point and gunpowder at the other.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25We thought we wouldn't try that.
0:14:25 > 0:14:30We asked and apparently we're not allowed because it's no longer the past.
0:14:30 > 0:14:36But they have let us bring a heat lamp and nitrocellulose so that's flash cotton.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39This will be the past one day, you know.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Not on Dave.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43APPLAUSE
0:14:46 > 0:14:48- OK. Are we ready?- Yeah.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51- LEE:- Don't worry, it's not right in my eye!
0:14:55 > 0:14:58ALL: Oh!
0:14:58 > 0:15:00APPLAUSE
0:15:01 > 0:15:05Fantastic. Fantastic, guys, thank you so much.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13And now a question about naked ambition.
0:15:13 > 0:15:18Do you know what this man does faster than anyone in the world?
0:15:18 > 0:15:19It's actually amazing.
0:15:19 > 0:15:24- Hair growing?- Oh, yeah, hair growing, because I want to see that.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26What's the thing that we talk about, it's always impressive,
0:15:26 > 0:15:28you go, wow, he's the fastest in the world at that?
0:15:28 > 0:15:30- Running.- Running, yes.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32He's not faster than Usain Bolt, you're not going to say that?
0:15:32 > 0:15:37In a way. He ran the mile faster than the current world flat record.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39So downhill runner?
0:15:39 > 0:15:40He's a downhill runner.
0:15:40 > 0:15:44He's a British athlete, and when he was a 16-year-old schoolboy,
0:15:44 > 0:15:47he ran the fastest mile ever.
0:15:47 > 0:15:51In 1996, the Meltham Maniac Mile,
0:15:51 > 0:15:55so it's one mile down a fantastically steep hill just outside
0:15:55 > 0:15:59Huddersfield. The course drops 400 feet,
0:15:59 > 0:16:01it has since been banned, this race.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04For health and safety reasons.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06But he completed it in three minutes and 24 seconds.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08- Do you have to keep running? - You can't stop.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10- You can't roll?- No, you can't roll.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14This is the most British race, I think, of all time because it says
0:16:14 > 0:16:17that the course started at the cattle grid by Tinker Lane.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Did they stop it after a terrible injury,
0:16:21 > 0:16:23or just because something COULD happen there?
0:16:23 > 0:16:26We can find out because Craig Wheeler,
0:16:26 > 0:16:29fastest man over a mile, is in the audience.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31APPLAUSE
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Can you go to the top of the steps and run down?
0:16:38 > 0:16:43- So, Craig, why did they stop it?- No idea, obviously this day and age,
0:16:43 > 0:16:47- health and safety in anything.- And they ran it the other way as well,
0:16:47 > 0:16:50in the opposite direction, didn't they? It was called the murder mile.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52- That's the one.- We've got a VT actually, Craig, of you,
0:16:52 > 0:16:55I don't know if you can talk us through it but was there
0:16:55 > 0:16:58any moment when you were running that you actually thought you were
0:16:58 > 0:17:01just going to do what Lolly suggested and roll down?
0:17:01 > 0:17:04Most of the race I thought I was going to go flat on my face.
0:17:04 > 0:17:08- LEE:- Did we actually see him stop then or does he just carry on?
0:17:08 > 0:17:10"I can't stop!"
0:17:14 > 0:17:1720 seconds faster than the world record for the flat mile.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Was it Record Breakers that you were doing?
0:17:19 > 0:17:23Yes. I went back the following year to try to break the record with
0:17:23 > 0:17:26Record Breakers and I fell two seconds short.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30Which is still the second fastest time ever.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33So you're first and second?
0:17:33 > 0:17:34- Yes.- There's a proper champion.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37That was Craig Wheeler, the fastest man ever.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42Now, what's the best thing anyone's ever done in the nude?
0:17:44 > 0:17:45Running downhill?
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- That would hurt, wouldn't it? - If you were a woman,
0:17:48 > 0:17:50it could take your eye out.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52If you're me it could take your eye out.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58So one day you're able to sit as comfortably as you are, Lee.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01Someone discovered something?
0:18:01 > 0:18:04Was Alexander Fleming in the nude when he discovered penicillin?
0:18:04 > 0:18:07It's something that's absolutely extraordinary,
0:18:07 > 0:18:09it was mostly done in the nude. It is, if I'm frank with you,
0:18:09 > 0:18:11it's for the purposes of this question.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13They did it for the purposes of this question?
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Well, the answer is for the purposes of this question.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18It's World War II was won in the nude,
0:18:18 > 0:18:21so who might have been in the nude winning World War II?
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Adolf Hitler?
0:18:23 > 0:18:25And on the other side?
0:18:25 > 0:18:29- Coronation Street.- On the less grumpy side?
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Are you talking about our very own Winston?
0:18:31 > 0:18:35- Winston Churchill, yes.- I don't think Winston would be called less grumpy.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38I thought Hitler was actually quite upbeat even though he was
0:18:38 > 0:18:42- a terrible guy.- You can say what you like about him,
0:18:42 > 0:18:46at least he was always starting the day with a smile on his lips.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49He would wake people up and go, "D'you know what,
0:18:49 > 0:18:51"this morning I was thinking Poland's lovely."
0:18:54 > 0:18:56It looks like he's just thrown a dart, actually.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Like he's got a dart board at the end of the bath.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01That's like you're perfect... Having a dartboard at the end of your bath...
0:19:01 > 0:19:04- That would be great, wouldn't it? - Imagine how clean you would be.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07- That would be fantastic.- Then you would have one of those targets in
0:19:07 > 0:19:11a rifle range where you wind it up and get them out again and then wind it back.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14Is it a boy thing? Can you imagine having a dartboard at
0:19:14 > 0:19:16- the end of your bath? - Yeah, definitely.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18- Love it.- Just me, then.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21You had something to do with dartboards.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24Something that he invented whilst in the bath?
0:19:24 > 0:19:26He loved to be naked.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29In fact, he so often received people while he was in the bath that his
0:19:29 > 0:19:32ministers and staff officers were nicknamed "companions of the bath".
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Oh, that old chestnut.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37That's when he got out.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48Chief Usher at the White House, a man called JB West,
0:19:48 > 0:19:51and he wrote about Churchill, "In his room,
0:19:51 > 0:19:54"Mr Churchill wore no clothes at all most of the time during the day."
0:19:54 > 0:19:57And there's a story that when Churchill was staying at the White House,
0:19:57 > 0:20:00President Franklin Roosevelt called on him in his rooms,
0:20:00 > 0:20:02and Churchill was nude, and Roosevelt said, "I'm sorry,"
0:20:02 > 0:20:05and Churchill said, "The Prime Minister of Great Britain has
0:20:05 > 0:20:09"nothing to conceal from the President of the United States"!
0:20:09 > 0:20:13And the President later told his secretary that "You know, Grace,
0:20:13 > 0:20:16"he's pink and white all over."
0:20:16 > 0:20:18What colour was he expecting, just out of interest?
0:20:18 > 0:20:22I think he wasn't expecting to know any colour, is the truth of it.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25Other famous nudists, Enid Blyton was a famous nudist.
0:20:25 > 0:20:30- Oh.- Apparently she liked to play naked tennis with her friends.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32She didn't write that in any of the books.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35No, she didn't. But until 1938 in America,
0:20:35 > 0:20:37it was illegal for a man to be topless in public,
0:20:37 > 0:20:39and that included on the beach.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42And they used to monitor women's bathing suits as well, so in the 1920s,
0:20:42 > 0:20:46there were special deputy sheriffs sworn in on some beaches in New York.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48They were all women, they were called sheriffettes,
0:20:48 > 0:20:51and their job was to measure the distance between the bottom of
0:20:51 > 0:20:54a woman's swimsuit and her knees.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56And, actually, when I was at boarding school,
0:20:56 > 0:20:58at the beginning of every year, you had to put your skirt on,
0:20:58 > 0:21:01and then you had to kneel in front of Matron,
0:21:01 > 0:21:04and the top of your hem had to touch the floor, and if it didn't,
0:21:04 > 0:21:06you had to go and get a new skirt.
0:21:06 > 0:21:07Or a bigger pen.
0:21:08 > 0:21:12- Bigger pen?- Just get a bigger pen, and then you can have a shorter skirt.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Bigger pen, you see, so it reached the...
0:21:14 > 0:21:17It was hem, it was hem, Lee.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20- There's the problem.- Oh, I thought you said pen!- Hem.- I wondered why
0:21:20 > 0:21:23everyone was looking at me, going, "What are you talking about?"
0:21:23 > 0:21:25I love that Lee has such confidence if he's thinking,
0:21:25 > 0:21:27there is no way that joke didn't work.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Yeah, must be a technical error on that,
0:21:30 > 0:21:32because this is gold, this stuff!
0:21:33 > 0:21:34Oh, a hem!
0:21:35 > 0:21:36Yeah.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39Now, while we are in that area,
0:21:39 > 0:21:42what can't you do to a naked Osman in Kyrgyzstan?
0:21:45 > 0:21:47I genuinely turned round, then,
0:21:47 > 0:21:49because I thought Alan's head was blocking something else...
0:21:50 > 0:21:54I thought you were going to say, "I remember that horse", then!
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Two wonderful weeks with her!
0:21:59 > 0:22:01She looks exhausted.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04OK, so it's not a person, I can tell you, a naked Osman.
0:22:04 > 0:22:08- Kill it, eat it.- You can't eat it any more, but you used to be able to.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11- It's in the water.- Catch it.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13It's a trout-like fish.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16It used to be the most populous fish in Lake Issyk-Kul in north-east
0:22:16 > 0:22:19- Kyrgyzstan.- And it's called an osman?
0:22:19 > 0:22:22- It's called a naked osman.- Oh, a naked osman.- Why is it called the naked osman?
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Something to do with the way it looks.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27Whoa, whoa, come on!
0:22:27 > 0:22:30But it's been overfished, so by 1986 was almost wiped out.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33There has been a total ban, you'll be very pleased to know,
0:22:33 > 0:22:36you can no longer catch a naked osman in Kyrgyzstan.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39That is terrific news, although if you do want to catch a naked osman...
0:22:39 > 0:22:40No, forget it...
0:22:40 > 0:22:43It's a fantastic lake, Lake Issyk-Kul,
0:22:43 > 0:22:45it's the second largest mountain lake in the world,
0:22:45 > 0:22:47obviously after Titicaca.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50And what is extraordinary about it is that it is endorheic,
0:22:50 > 0:22:52and that means it has got no outlets other than evaporation,
0:22:52 > 0:22:55so it's much deeper now than it was in medieval times.
0:22:55 > 0:22:59It used to be a fantastically popular stopping route on the Silk Road,
0:22:59 > 0:23:01and there is, as far as we know,
0:23:01 > 0:23:04a 2,500-year-old city at the bottom of the lake.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07- Oh, wow.- Cool.- So they've found all sorts of archaeological finds
0:23:07 > 0:23:10round there. All of which brings us to the place that isn't wearing a
0:23:10 > 0:23:12stitch of general knowledge, it's General Ignorance,
0:23:12 > 0:23:14so fingers on buzzers, please.
0:23:14 > 0:23:18First of all, how many shades of grey are there?
0:23:21 > 0:23:22MUSIC: The Stripper
0:23:22 > 0:23:24One.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Is not right.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Is it 49.9?
0:23:34 > 0:23:37- Unlimited?- No, well...
0:23:38 > 0:23:40Limited.
0:23:45 > 0:23:50For a very weird moment, I felt like Gypsy Rose Lee.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Compelled to take my clothes off.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56The Pantone colour chart lists 104 shades of grey.
0:23:56 > 0:24:01There are 71 of white, and there are 110 of naked or nude, i.e.,
0:24:01 > 0:24:04skin coloured, but that one is really weird,
0:24:04 > 0:24:07because you can buy nude tights, you can buy naked shoes,
0:24:07 > 0:24:10naked sticking plasters, but they all presume that somebody's white.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12- All of those colours.- I used to get that when I used to go in,
0:24:12 > 0:24:15and I'd ask for like a nude lip gloss,
0:24:15 > 0:24:19and they'd give me a chalk white lip gloss!
0:24:19 > 0:24:23There are 104 shades of grey, which is quite frankly plenty.
0:24:23 > 0:24:27Now, name an extinct animal with teeth-like sabres.
0:24:27 > 0:24:28MUSIC: The Stripper
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Is it the saw-toothed cat?
0:24:36 > 0:24:39Is it the rapier-toothed panther?
0:24:39 > 0:24:42- Any more for any more?- Is it the sabre-toothed tiger?
0:24:42 > 0:24:44KLAXON
0:24:45 > 0:24:48It isn't that, why isn't it that?
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Because they didn't actually have teeth like sabres?
0:24:50 > 0:24:53Because no such animal ever existed.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55- That's what I said. - That's exactly right.
0:24:55 > 0:24:56No wonder it's extinct.
0:24:56 > 0:25:01There's never been a sabre-tooth tiger or a lion.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03- Never been a lion?- Sabre-toothed lion.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Oh, I see, I thought you said there'd never been a lion, full stop.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08I thought, have I just been falling for this?
0:25:08 > 0:25:10It's a man in a costume at the zoo?
0:25:10 > 0:25:13Yeah, it's a lion with the hem of his skirt, no...
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Pen, what's he doing with a pen?
0:25:16 > 0:25:19There's never been a sabre-toothed tiger or a lion.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Sabre-toothed cats are not closely related to either tigers or lions,
0:25:22 > 0:25:25in fact, they weren't even cats, strictly speaking.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27They were kind of stocky and bear-like.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30- It looks like a sloth.- It does look in the sloth area, doesn't it?
0:25:30 > 0:25:34And they ranged in size from the large pet cat to one the size of the
0:25:34 > 0:25:37horse that you took on your holidays.
0:25:37 > 0:25:41When you say took...
0:25:41 > 0:25:43- To a thing.- Yeah.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45There was a sabre-toothed trout,
0:25:45 > 0:25:47that there was, six and a half feet long.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50- Wow.- Shut the front door.
0:25:50 > 0:25:54Yes. But there's no such thing as a sabre-toothed tiger and there never
0:25:54 > 0:25:57has been. What is this noise?
0:25:57 > 0:25:59GROWLING
0:26:04 > 0:26:07- Yes.- Is it Winston Churchill taking a meeting?
0:26:09 > 0:26:13That's his bath when they heard about the invasion of Poland!
0:26:13 > 0:26:17"Me, nervous? No, I'm not nervous."
0:26:17 > 0:26:20It is the noise of the small intestine
0:26:20 > 0:26:23cleaning itself in preparation for food.
0:26:23 > 0:26:27The noise is called bor-boring... borro-borrow...bub...
0:26:27 > 0:26:29The noise is called borborygmus, borborygmus.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32- What's it called? - It's your tummy rumbling.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35And it's one of the few physiological processes that we can
0:26:35 > 0:26:37hear with the naked ear.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39Is that the one where, when you're with your wife,
0:26:39 > 0:26:41and you don't know who's done the noise?
0:26:41 > 0:26:42- Yeah.- That's true, isn't it?
0:26:42 > 0:26:45If you're close to somebody and someone's tummy rumbles,
0:26:45 > 0:26:47- it's impossible to work out whose. - Yeah.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50You would think if it was inside you, you'd be able to work it out, right, Lee?
0:26:50 > 0:26:53- Yeah.- But you want to say that next time, "I believe that was you,
0:26:53 > 0:26:55"that borborygmus."
0:26:55 > 0:26:58I mean, you can't read it, so I'm not going to be able to say it, am I?
0:26:58 > 0:27:01Finally, I'll give you 100 points if you can pat your head while
0:27:01 > 0:27:04rubbing your stomach. Anybody?
0:27:04 > 0:27:05- Pat your head...- And rub your stomach.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07And rub your stomach.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09KLAXON
0:27:09 > 0:27:10Not there, not there.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13- I didn't do it, Sandi.- You didn't do it, give it a go.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Look at you, teacher's pet, "I didn't do it, can I have the points?"
0:27:15 > 0:27:18Only cos you couldn't reach, it's quite high up, isn't it?
0:27:18 > 0:27:21No, listen, currently I'm one point up on everybody.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24- Have you worked it out?- No, but if I don't do anything at all,
0:27:24 > 0:27:27I make up a point on everybody, because you all did it wrong.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Why did they do it wrong, Richard?
0:27:29 > 0:27:31Because the stomach was in the wrong place.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33- And where is it?- I don't know.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38- It's much higher up than most people realise.- Here.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40No.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43It's just under your pecs, really.
0:27:43 > 0:27:44So it's not down here, it's up here.
0:27:44 > 0:27:47And did you know, this is the most extraordinary thing,
0:27:47 > 0:27:49the stomach lining blushes when you blush.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52I don't think I can blush.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56That will be all that naked foundation you're wearing!
0:27:56 > 0:28:01I tell you what, it's a challenge for us though, isn't it, if you can't?
0:28:01 > 0:28:04I bet Lee could make you blush.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06I like a challenge.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09So, to the scores, well, Richard was exactly right,
0:28:09 > 0:28:12with a magnificent one point, this week's winner, in first place,
0:28:12 > 0:28:13it's Richard!
0:28:13 > 0:28:16- APPLAUSE - Thank you.
0:28:16 > 0:28:21Second place, with a fantastic debut of -8, Lolly!
0:28:24 > 0:28:27In third place with -20, it's Lee!
0:28:28 > 0:28:32Thank you. I'm happy with that.
0:28:33 > 0:28:38And with -35, it's Alan!
0:28:38 > 0:28:40APPLAUSE
0:28:46 > 0:28:48My thanks to Lolly, Lee, Richard and Alan,
0:28:48 > 0:28:52and I leave you with this Neolithic newspaper nugget from The Sun,
0:28:52 > 0:28:55"This woman walked very close to me and it was obvious that underneath
0:28:55 > 0:28:58"her clothing she wore little or nothing."
0:28:58 > 0:29:00Goodnight!