0:00:03 > 0:00:10This programme contains some strong language
0:00:24 > 0:00:29APPLAUSE
0:00:29 > 0:00:31CHEERING
0:00:31 > 0:00:35Hello! Welcome to QI
0:00:35 > 0:00:37where, today, I'm sifting through an oubliette
0:00:37 > 0:00:40of ologies, ographies and odoxies.
0:00:40 > 0:00:44I'm joined on this ontological outing today by an ologist.
0:00:44 > 0:00:48It's Bill Bailey. CHEERING
0:00:49 > 0:00:53An ographer, it's Phill Jupitus.
0:00:53 > 0:00:57CHEERING
0:00:57 > 0:01:00An osopher, it's Claudia Winkleman.
0:01:00 > 0:01:05CHEERING
0:01:05 > 0:01:07And oggy, oggy, oggy.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09AUDIENCE: Oi, oi, oi!
0:01:09 > 0:01:10It's Alan Davies.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14CHEERING
0:01:16 > 0:01:18And the buzzers are, oh, so logical.
0:01:18 > 0:01:19Bill goes...
0:01:19 > 0:01:23# Oh, oh, oh, it's magic! #
0:01:23 > 0:01:25- PHILL:- # You know... #
0:01:25 > 0:01:27And Phill goes...
0:01:27 > 0:01:29# Oh, Carol. #
0:01:29 > 0:01:31You are a mover.
0:01:31 > 0:01:32And Claudia goes...
0:01:32 > 0:01:35# Oh, what a night. #
0:01:35 > 0:01:37- This is good.- And Alan goes...
0:01:37 > 0:01:42- "Oh, no!" - LAUGHTER
0:01:42 > 0:01:44OK. Let us start with this.
0:01:44 > 0:01:50How might the CIA win the Cold War with this?
0:01:50 > 0:01:52OK, so I've got one for each of you.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54- You should have one sitting there. - Yes, yes, yes.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56It's like the old arcade game.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59One of you presses the thing to try and fox the other,
0:01:59 > 0:02:02that's it, and one of you has to grab.
0:02:02 > 0:02:03That's it. Grab the thing.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07Oh, Bill, very good. Have you got that?
0:02:07 > 0:02:10CLATTERING
0:02:10 > 0:02:12That's it. Harder, harder.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Oh!
0:02:14 > 0:02:15LAUGHTER
0:02:15 > 0:02:17- Are you regretting giving us these?- I am now. Yes.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20It's not like Kazak lottery or something...?
0:02:20 > 0:02:22No, it's not a lottery. What other bits of the game
0:02:22 > 0:02:24might you use if it wasn't the balls for the lottery?
0:02:24 > 0:02:26- The grabber.- The grabber, yes.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28The CIA. What would they use it for?
0:02:28 > 0:02:29- ALAN:- Torture.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31Grabbing the balls of a spy.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33- Oh!- Torture. Torture.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35No, it's not that at all.
0:02:35 > 0:02:36We're going to head to an "O" area.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39- We're going to go to oceanography... - Oceanography.
0:02:39 > 0:02:40..OK? And using...
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Getting submarines.
0:02:42 > 0:02:43Yes.
0:02:43 > 0:02:44- Shut up!- Yes! Yes!
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Absolutely right. LAUGHTER
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Yes. That is absolutely right!
0:02:48 > 0:02:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:51 > 0:02:55The CIA used the biggest claw grab ever constructed
0:02:55 > 0:02:59to get hold of a Soviet strategic ballistic missile submarine
0:02:59 > 0:03:01which had sunk in the Pacific.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04So, 1968, they began Project Azorian
0:03:04 > 0:03:08and the aim was to recover the Soviet sub K-129
0:03:08 > 0:03:11and they got a ship called the Hughes Glomar Explorer
0:03:11 > 0:03:13and, from the outside, it looked just like any other ship -
0:03:13 > 0:03:15but, in the middle,
0:03:15 > 0:03:18the major portion of the hull could be opened up underwater
0:03:18 > 0:03:20to reveal a vast... ALAN CACKLES
0:03:20 > 0:03:22- Oh, my God. - It really is like a movie.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25- Look at that.- Wow. - To reveal a vast internal...
0:03:25 > 0:03:26They called it a moon pool.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Does the boat not sink at that point?
0:03:28 > 0:03:30LAUGHTER
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Apparently not. They put down the largest...
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Exactly like you've got in the game.
0:03:34 > 0:03:35The largest grabbing claw...
0:03:35 > 0:03:38- Like one of these? - Yep. Nicknamed Clementine.
0:03:38 > 0:03:39And they put it right over the wreck,
0:03:39 > 0:03:41but what always happens in these arcade games
0:03:41 > 0:03:43- when you grab something? - There's no grip.
0:03:43 > 0:03:44Then it's immediately released
0:03:44 > 0:03:46- and you get the bunny you didn't want.- Yes.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48That is exactly what happened.
0:03:48 > 0:03:49- They got a bunny?- Well...
0:03:49 > 0:03:51an underwater rabbit.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53"Oh, thank God!
0:03:53 > 0:03:55"I thought no-one was going to come!"
0:03:55 > 0:03:59I thought you were going to say that nobody on the boat had any change.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01LAUGHTER
0:04:01 > 0:04:04- "Oh!"- No, halfway up, they dropped it.
0:04:04 > 0:04:05Two thirds of it actually broke away,
0:04:05 > 0:04:07so they did manage to get a third of it,
0:04:07 > 0:04:09which, fortunately, had two nuclear torpedoes on it.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12Oh! They nearly dropped those, then.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14- That would have been... - That would have been bad. Yeah.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16- Where was this, then? - In the North Pacific.
0:04:16 > 0:04:17Wait a minute, is this true?
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Yes, it's absolutely true, happened in 1968. Yes.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21This is an amazing show.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23LAUGHTER
0:04:23 > 0:04:24And then there was another experiment
0:04:24 > 0:04:26where they had both nuclear silos
0:04:26 > 0:04:28and they kept popping...
0:04:28 > 0:04:31They didn't know which missile the silo was going to come out of,
0:04:31 > 0:04:33so they got a giant hammer and they just tried to...
0:04:33 > 0:04:35LAUGHTER
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Tried to whack it,
0:04:38 > 0:04:39and it was called the Whack-A-Nuke.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42LAUGHTER
0:04:42 > 0:04:43Talking about amusement arcades,
0:04:43 > 0:04:45the claw machines, in March 2017,
0:04:45 > 0:04:48a three-year-old Irish boy called Jamie Bracken-Murphy,
0:04:48 > 0:04:49he SO wanted a furry dinosaur
0:04:49 > 0:04:52that he climbed up the dispensing shoot and into the machine.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56LAUGHTER
0:04:56 > 0:04:58- IN FAUX IRISH ACCENT: - "They got a child."
0:04:58 > 0:05:00"There's a child there! There's a child!"
0:05:00 > 0:05:02- They'll have to grab him out. - LAUGHTER
0:05:02 > 0:05:04He wouldn't come out without the dinosaurs.
0:05:04 > 0:05:05He'd got two furry dinosaurs.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08So, in the end, he was rescued by a passing fireman
0:05:08 > 0:05:10and he was allowed to keep the dinosaurs,
0:05:10 > 0:05:12but I think... So he should be.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15I think they should replace the current adoption system with this.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17LAUGHTER
0:05:17 > 0:05:20The toys are always a little bit rubbish, aren't they?
0:05:20 > 0:05:21- They're always a little bit cheap.- Yeah.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24Did you know that there are sort of disposable submarines now?
0:05:24 > 0:05:2680% of the cocaine which leaves Colombia
0:05:26 > 0:05:28does so in something called a "narco sub"
0:05:28 > 0:05:31and it is a cheaply made submarine that's made out of fibreglass.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33And what they do is they take the submarine as far as the US coast
0:05:33 > 0:05:36where they get rid of the cocaine and just dump the submarine.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Apparently the coast is absolutely littered with...
0:05:38 > 0:05:40- No!- Yeah.- Did you know this?
0:05:40 > 0:05:41I did know this, yeah.
0:05:41 > 0:05:42How do you know this?
0:05:42 > 0:05:44- I don't know, I just... - He owns one.
0:05:44 > 0:05:48- I've got one. - LAUGHTER
0:05:48 > 0:05:52Bill uses it to smuggle hummus out of Morocco.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54I've just... I've got an interest in the...
0:05:54 > 0:05:56- In the Mexican drug trade.- Right.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58LAUGHTER
0:05:58 > 0:06:01- When you say an "interest"... - A natural interest.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06A lot of cocaine gets put into these pallets and, if the police turn up,
0:06:06 > 0:06:08they just dump it over the side.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11And a massive paletts of cocaine washed up on a beach in North Devon
0:06:11 > 0:06:14and a local dog walker found it.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17- Yeah.- And the dog, you know, sniffed at it and went,
0:06:17 > 0:06:19"Oh, there's something up here."
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Dog wanted a 48-mile walk and then...
0:06:21 > 0:06:25LAUGHTER
0:06:28 > 0:06:30- Right, games away, please. CLAUDIA:- Sorry!
0:06:30 > 0:06:32Thank you very much.
0:06:32 > 0:06:33So, that was, of course, oceanography,
0:06:33 > 0:06:36but I have some more ologies here for you.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38What do these mean?
0:06:38 > 0:06:39- Anyone want to pick one? - Enterology.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41You want to do enterology?
0:06:41 > 0:06:44It's the science of going in... Indoors.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46LAUGHTER
0:06:46 > 0:06:50I like that. Enterology, what do we think it is?
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Entero? Isn't it something up your guts?
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Absolutely right, it's the study of your intestines,
0:06:54 > 0:06:55but it's also something else.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57So, the guts are sort of twisted,
0:06:57 > 0:06:59so it's to do with twisting.
0:06:59 > 0:07:00It's an actual...
0:07:00 > 0:07:02It's a study of Chubby Checker.
0:07:02 > 0:07:03Yes.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05It is a Vaudeville act usually.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07- Balloon modelling? - No, I like that, though.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Balloon modelling with your intestines!
0:07:09 > 0:07:11LAUGHTER
0:07:11 > 0:07:12Yes, of course! Of course!
0:07:12 > 0:07:15- Imagine that if you were having your guts operated on.- Like a giraffe.
0:07:15 > 0:07:16Yes, no.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19It's making yourself into a balloon animal.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22- Oh, a contortionist. - A contortionist is exactly right.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24It is the act of squeezing yourself
0:07:24 > 0:07:27into a tiny little space, like a box, that kind of thing.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29- ALAN:- Someone turned it on when they got in it?
0:07:29 > 0:07:32OK, this is an American enterologist called Rick Maisel
0:07:32 > 0:07:35and he combines enterology with escapology,
0:07:35 > 0:07:37so what he does is he climbs into a washing machine
0:07:37 > 0:07:41wearing five pairs of handcuffs and two pairs of leg irons.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43He gets somebody to switch the machine on
0:07:43 > 0:07:47and then he escapes while being tumbled in soapy water.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49And I hope that he cleans the filter out after.
0:07:49 > 0:07:50LAUGHTER
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Apparently contortionists tend to specialise in different things.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55So, frontbenders have...
0:07:55 > 0:07:58LAUGHTER
0:07:58 > 0:07:59Settle down, people.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01They've got spines which flex forward,
0:08:01 > 0:08:03so backbenders have the opposite.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05Splitters have got flexible hips,
0:08:05 > 0:08:07and dislocators can dislocate joints at will.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09CLAUDIA SHUDDERS
0:08:09 > 0:08:12- I've seen a dislocator.- Have you? - Have you?- Don't like it.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15- He can get through a tennis racket.- No!
0:08:15 > 0:08:16- The head of a racket?- I've seen it.
0:08:16 > 0:08:17Yeah, horrible.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19Not a... One of those big ones, either.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21A normal-sized one.
0:08:21 > 0:08:22Table tennis.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25LAUGHTER
0:08:25 > 0:08:28- I like oology, whatever that is. - Oology. What do we reckon?
0:08:28 > 0:08:30That is the study of
0:08:30 > 0:08:33how much nans think you've grown.
0:08:33 > 0:08:37LAUGHTER
0:08:37 > 0:08:40APPLAUSE
0:08:40 > 0:08:42"Ooh!"
0:08:42 > 0:08:44- "Ooh!"- "I say!"
0:08:44 > 0:08:46"Come here, I've got a hanky."
0:08:46 > 0:08:47SANDI MIMICS SPITTING
0:08:47 > 0:08:49It's something to do with stones.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52- Is it stones?- No, it's something that comes out of birds' bottoms.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55- There we are.- Is it?- It's the study or collection of eggs.
0:08:55 > 0:08:56ALL: Oh!
0:08:56 > 0:08:58- Yeah.- They come out of the anus, the eggs?- Yeah. Oology.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Don't they have their own tube, eggs?
0:09:00 > 0:09:01You know about birds.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03I don't do that bit of it.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05LAUGHTER
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Disgusting. I'm the beak end, I'm at the beak end.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09- PHILL:- "I'm the beak end"? - Plumage.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11Worst ornithologist ever!
0:09:11 > 0:09:14"No, not that nasty business."
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Anyway, oology is the study or collection of eggs.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18It's, of course, been illegal to possess a wild bird's egg
0:09:18 > 0:09:21in the UK since 1954, so it's not a thing, really.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23OK, eggs - oology. Anybody? Agnoiology.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25- Top right.- Sheep, lambs.
0:09:25 > 0:09:26Sheep and lambs?
0:09:26 > 0:09:29- I like that. BILL:- Study of sheep.- No.
0:09:29 > 0:09:30- Study of...- A word that sounds a bit...
0:09:30 > 0:09:32- The study of agnosticism. - Yes, same route.- Agnostic?
0:09:32 > 0:09:34From the Greek agnosis.
0:09:34 > 0:09:35So, it's the study of...
0:09:35 > 0:09:37not really knowing one way or the other.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39- Yes, it's the study of things we don't know.- Ah!
0:09:39 > 0:09:42That's it. LAUGHTER
0:09:42 > 0:09:44So, the term was coined by James Fraser,
0:09:44 > 0:09:46he was a professor of Moral Philosophy at St Andrews,
0:09:46 > 0:09:481808 to 1864,
0:09:48 > 0:09:50and it's the theory of ignorance.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Basically, he said there is more ignorance than knowledge.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55So, he said, "The fact of our extreme ignorance is undeniable.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58"It is therefore necessary to examine and fix what ignorance is,
0:09:58 > 0:10:00"what we are and can be ignorant of."
0:10:00 > 0:10:02- So it's the study of...- I love that.
0:10:02 > 0:10:03- I like that a lot.- Yes.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Right, any more? Let's see.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07- OK, heterology.- Heterology.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09It's one of a pair, which do you think it goes with?
0:10:09 > 0:10:11- Autology.- Autology. Absolutely right.
0:10:11 > 0:10:12Heterology and autology.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14It's basically men and motors.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16LAUGHTER
0:10:16 > 0:10:18They go together.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Yeah. A word is autological if it is self-descriptive.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24So, polysyllabic is autological
0:10:24 > 0:10:26because it is, itself, polysyllabic.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28But conversely, heterology is the attribute of a word
0:10:28 > 0:10:30not being self-descriptive.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33So, for example, if you regard "misspelt" with a T
0:10:33 > 0:10:35as British English
0:10:35 > 0:10:37as opposed to the American English "misspelled" -
0:10:37 > 0:10:39which is spelt with a D -
0:10:39 > 0:10:41then "misspelt" with a T would be autological in America
0:10:41 > 0:10:44because it is misspelt and heterological in the UK...
0:10:44 > 0:10:47- cos it is...not misspelt. - Right, my head's just exploded.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51APPLAUSE
0:10:54 > 0:10:56OK, let's try Piphilology.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58Piphilology...
0:10:58 > 0:11:00All the pies that Phill likes.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02LAUGHTER
0:11:02 > 0:11:04So, the important bit is pi.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07- What is that in science? Pi? - The number.- The number.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11Yes, the number. So, it is the use of mnemonic sentences
0:11:11 > 0:11:13to record the digits of pi.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16So what you do is, you use words with the same number of letters,
0:11:16 > 0:11:18so this would be a review, for example, of an episode of QI.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20"Now I need a think,
0:11:20 > 0:11:22"knowledge of clever ideas was aptly conveyed,
0:11:22 > 0:11:24"including General Ignorance."
0:11:24 > 0:11:26If you remember that sentence,
0:11:26 > 0:11:28you will remember what the very first bits of pi are.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30The easiest one to do for the first nine.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33"How I wish I could recollect pi easily today."
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Is this a proper thing?
0:11:35 > 0:11:38- It is a proper thing. It's how... - So, people go and they could do...
0:11:38 > 0:11:40They study... This is what they do.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42Well, here is the really worrying thing about it, Claudia.
0:11:42 > 0:11:48OK, somebody wrote a 10,000 word novel using piphilology.
0:11:48 > 0:11:49All right?
0:11:49 > 0:11:52It's called Not Awake, and I think you aren't by the end.
0:11:52 > 0:11:53LAUGHTER
0:11:53 > 0:11:55It was written by, surprise-surprise,
0:11:55 > 0:11:57a software engineer called Michael Keith.
0:11:57 > 0:11:58- Really?- Is Michael here?
0:11:58 > 0:12:01- No, sadly.- I want to mount him. - Do you know what I love?
0:12:01 > 0:12:03LAUGHTER
0:12:03 > 0:12:04I'm proud of him.
0:12:04 > 0:12:09So, that's your ologies and here's another - ophthalmology.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12What has a U, two Ts and three eyes?
0:12:12 > 0:12:15And here we are in its habitat.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18What I'd like, just before we continue,
0:12:18 > 0:12:19is some sort of deal
0:12:19 > 0:12:21that you're not going to make the klaxon noise.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24- You don't like that?- I think I'll jump and it will be nerve-racking.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26I'll jump and you won't like it.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28- None of it's good. - All right, so what I'll do...
0:12:28 > 0:12:31LAUGHTER
0:12:31 > 0:12:34KLAXON BLARES
0:12:36 > 0:12:39LAUGHTER
0:12:48 > 0:12:51OK, I am looking for something...
0:12:51 > 0:12:54with a U, two Ts and three eyes.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56- BILL:- Is it a creature with three eyes?
0:12:56 > 0:12:57It is a creature.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59There is the beginning.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01- A tuatara.- A tuatara. Yes. Very well done.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04APPLAUSE
0:13:05 > 0:13:07It does have three eyes.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Do you know anything more about it? Have you seen one or...?
0:13:09 > 0:13:11- I have held one, yes. - At gunpoint.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13LAUGHTER
0:13:13 > 0:13:15It does have a, sort of, a third...eye.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Yes, it does, at the very top of its head.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20It's what's called a parietal eye,
0:13:20 > 0:13:22or possibly a pineal eye.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24But it can't actually see particularly well out of it.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Mostly it can distinguish light, darkness.
0:13:27 > 0:13:28Phill.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30There is a red circle around nothing on that lizard.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32LAUGHTER
0:13:32 > 0:13:35- This is a classic...- That's his eye.- ..QI Trump-like ruse.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37LAUGHTER
0:13:37 > 0:13:40- It's there.- Where? - You can see it there.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43- That's a freckle!- No, it's not! - LAUGHTER
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Fight, fight, fight!
0:13:45 > 0:13:48If that's an eye, is that its old fella?
0:13:48 > 0:13:51LAUGHTER
0:13:51 > 0:13:53It doesn't have six penises, if that's what you're saying.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55LAUGHTER
0:13:55 > 0:13:58- Do you know what the weird thing is?- What?- That's his arse.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01LAUGHTER
0:14:01 > 0:14:02It's got...
0:14:02 > 0:14:04It's got eight arses.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06It's going to upset you, Phill,
0:14:06 > 0:14:08but most lizards have a third eye
0:14:08 > 0:14:11to a greater or lesser extent.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13As do lampreys, a lot of frogs.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Oh, I see!
0:14:15 > 0:14:17- Can you see?- That is an eye.- See? There.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19That's it there. There it is.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21There is an eye there.
0:14:21 > 0:14:22There's another one there.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24- PHILL:- Look, I've got one!
0:14:24 > 0:14:26LAUGHTER
0:14:26 > 0:14:29On my arm, there. Unbelievable!
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Many animals have a third eye.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35Now, oenology. Blindfolds on, please.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Ring-a-ding-ding. Here we go.
0:14:38 > 0:14:39Everybody got blindfolds on?
0:14:39 > 0:14:42- Yes.- So, we're going to place something in front of you.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44It's nothing dangerous at all.
0:14:44 > 0:14:45It's actually rather pleasant.
0:14:45 > 0:14:46Is it a kitten?
0:14:46 > 0:14:48It is even nicer than a kitten.
0:14:48 > 0:14:49So, we're just going to put your hands...
0:14:49 > 0:14:51There we go. Thank you.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54Right, so, we're going to do one at a time, please.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55So, Bill, I would like you to taste
0:14:55 > 0:14:58what you have in front of you and tell me what it is.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00OK. All right, then.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02OK.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04What do you think that is?
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Oh, it's a wine.
0:15:06 > 0:15:07Yes, what kind of wine?
0:15:07 > 0:15:09- A red or white?- Yes, please.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11- Red.- You're going to go red, are you?
0:15:11 > 0:15:14KLAXON BLARES
0:15:15 > 0:15:18OK, Phill. Phill, have a glass, have a sip.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20It's right in front of you.
0:15:20 > 0:15:21What? I'm looking for the cheese.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23LAUGHTER
0:15:23 > 0:15:25- OK, all right.- What have you got?
0:15:26 > 0:15:28- Red or white?- That's a red.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Red, OK. And, Claudia?
0:15:30 > 0:15:32What do you reckon it is?
0:15:32 > 0:15:34We've had white and red, what else could it be?
0:15:34 > 0:15:35- I've given you a clue.- Rose!- Yes.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Rose? KLAXON BLARES
0:15:38 > 0:15:40LAUGHTER
0:15:40 > 0:15:42OK, Alan.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44What do you reckon yours is?
0:15:47 > 0:15:48Disgusting.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50LAUGHTER
0:15:50 > 0:15:52It's a low budget.
0:15:52 > 0:15:53What do you reckon it is?
0:15:53 > 0:15:54- Don't look, don't look!- Red.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Red, you're going to go with red. KLAXON BLARES
0:15:57 > 0:16:00This is to do with our inability, actually, mostly,
0:16:00 > 0:16:01to taste what it is.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03So, Bill, yours is a room temperature white.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05So, most people would think it was red
0:16:05 > 0:16:07- because it is at room temperature. - It's confusing.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09- Phill, you have a chilled red. - A chilled red.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12Sometimes it's difficult to tell and, I have to say, Claudia,
0:16:12 > 0:16:14yours is the most difficult because it's a mix of white and red.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17So when you said Rose, I actually think you got it the nearest.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19And, Alan, yours is a white wine
0:16:19 > 0:16:21with red food colouring because we thought you might cheat.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25LAUGHTER
0:16:25 > 0:16:29APPLAUSE
0:16:29 > 0:16:32But there was a Californian wine grower called Robert Hodgson
0:16:32 > 0:16:35and he was upset by how inconsistently
0:16:35 > 0:16:37his wine fared in competitions
0:16:37 > 0:16:38and he thought that maybe the experts
0:16:38 > 0:16:40don't really know what they're doing.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42So, he did an experiment in which he served the same wines
0:16:42 > 0:16:44to the same experts
0:16:44 > 0:16:45at different times,
0:16:45 > 0:16:47and the findings,
0:16:47 > 0:16:50they were absolutely stunning as far as the wine industry was concerned.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Only 10% of the judges were consistent in any given year
0:16:53 > 0:16:55and none of those were consistently consistent.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57So, if you made a good judgment one year,
0:16:57 > 0:16:59maybe you didn't make a good judgment the next year.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01And he found that, in California,
0:17:01 > 0:17:02all the medals given out for wine
0:17:02 > 0:17:04were effectively distributed at random...
0:17:04 > 0:17:06- No!- ..because really even the experts weren't sure.
0:17:06 > 0:17:10It can even be difficult to tell red from white in a blindfold test.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Now, time for a bit of optology.
0:17:12 > 0:17:16Look at this picture of a fire engine, tell me what colour it is.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18# Oh-oh-oh! #
0:17:18 > 0:17:19Yes, Bill?
0:17:19 > 0:17:20Red!
0:17:20 > 0:17:24KLAXON BLARES
0:17:24 > 0:17:26No. If you hide the rest of the picture
0:17:26 > 0:17:29so that only the red bit can be seen,
0:17:29 > 0:17:31what you'll see is that the whole...
0:17:31 > 0:17:33There's the colour spectrum. In fact, the whole thing
0:17:33 > 0:17:35- is actually grey-green.- No!
0:17:35 > 0:17:38So it's called retinex effect or the land effect.
0:17:38 > 0:17:39It's named after Edwin Land,
0:17:39 > 0:17:42the man who invented Polaroid cameras and such.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44The colour we see isn't just dependent
0:17:44 > 0:17:47on the wavelength of light entering the eye,
0:17:47 > 0:17:49it is also to do with all the adjacent areas
0:17:49 > 0:17:52and the brain takes the information and decides what colour it is.
0:17:52 > 0:17:53Basically, it is an optical illusion
0:17:53 > 0:17:56and the thing we are actually looking at is grey-green.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58And there are lots of other optical illusions.
0:17:58 > 0:17:59Have a look at this. I love this.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02This is the same effect, the one we've just been having a look at.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04It's called the splitting colour illusion.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06So, have a look. We've got two identical
0:18:06 > 0:18:07flickering coloured stripes.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10These are not going to change throughout the demonstration.
0:18:10 > 0:18:11You can see that they are identical.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14We're going to bring in colours on both the top and bottom,
0:18:14 > 0:18:16different colours, and as they go across,
0:18:16 > 0:18:17keep your eye on those flickering stripes
0:18:17 > 0:18:19and you see that they totally change colour.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21What?!
0:18:21 > 0:18:23So that the colour of something is dependent on its surroundings.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26- That's what we learned from that. - That is brilliant.- Isn't it?
0:18:26 > 0:18:28But the fire engine is red.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31A real fire engine is red, your brain knows it's red,
0:18:31 > 0:18:33but the one you were looking at was grey-green.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35It's an optical illusion. Have a look at this,
0:18:35 > 0:18:38it's also an optical illusion. The Fraser spiral illusion.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41First described by James Fraser in 1908.
0:18:41 > 0:18:42He was a British psychologist.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45So, the overlapping black arcs
0:18:45 > 0:18:46appear to form a spiral,
0:18:46 > 0:18:49but they are, in fact, a series of concentric circles.
0:18:49 > 0:18:53So, if we bring in some coloured lines and put them over the top,
0:18:53 > 0:18:55you can see these are just circles.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58You can see that, actually, what we were looking at was just circles,
0:18:58 > 0:19:00- but it became...- Cor! - Our brain made it into a spiral.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02It's a famous optical illusion.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04PHILL CACKLES
0:19:04 > 0:19:05- These are good.- They are good.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Now it's time to go straight over to the wordy shambles
0:19:08 > 0:19:10that is General Ignorance.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Is this a sardine or a pilchard?
0:19:13 > 0:19:15# Oh-oh-oh! # Bill.
0:19:15 > 0:19:16Pilchard.
0:19:16 > 0:19:20KLAXON BLARES
0:19:20 > 0:19:22Try again. Yes.
0:19:22 > 0:19:23# Oh, what a night! #
0:19:23 > 0:19:24- Sardine.- Sardine. Yes!
0:19:24 > 0:19:27KLAXON BLARES
0:19:27 > 0:19:28# Oh, Carol! #
0:19:28 > 0:19:30- Yes?- Dolphin!
0:19:30 > 0:19:33LAUGHTER
0:19:33 > 0:19:36If it were an optical illusion, it would be red.
0:19:36 > 0:19:37It would therefore be a red...
0:19:37 > 0:19:38Snapper!
0:19:38 > 0:19:40LAUGHTER
0:19:40 > 0:19:43Easy, easy, easy.
0:19:43 > 0:19:47- That is a ringtone. - "Snapper!"- "Snapper!"
0:19:47 > 0:19:49- Or a text. - LAUGHTER
0:19:49 > 0:19:51I am aroused.
0:19:51 > 0:19:52That is fantastic.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54- Wow.- We need that as a gif.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56- Whoa, Nelly!- Snapper!
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Again, again, again,
0:19:58 > 0:20:01- but right in my face. - Can we do it one more time?
0:20:01 > 0:20:03LAUGHTER
0:20:03 > 0:20:06Right in my face. Come on.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08- Ready?- I am ready.
0:20:08 > 0:20:09Yeah. Go on.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12If it was an optical illusion, it was red, it would be a red...
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- Snapper! - SHE LAUGHS
0:20:17 > 0:20:18Sorry.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21What I was actually looking for was herring.
0:20:21 > 0:20:22It would be a red herring. LAUGHTER
0:20:22 > 0:20:25That makes more sense.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27- Now you've said it. - Now I've said it.
0:20:27 > 0:20:28So, the terms sardine and pilchard
0:20:28 > 0:20:31do not relate to specific species.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33They are describing ways of packing fish.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35So, the UN and the World Health Organization
0:20:35 > 0:20:37cites 21 different species
0:20:37 > 0:20:39that could be classed as sardines.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Nobody knows for sure how to separate the sardines
0:20:41 > 0:20:42from the pilchards.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44OK, in theory,
0:20:44 > 0:20:47how fast can this boat sail?
0:20:47 > 0:20:49OK. Oh, the jib's broken.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Oh, hang on a minute. Wait, wait, wait.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53- There we are. OK. - Is it dependent on the wind?
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Yes, one moment, hold that thought.
0:20:55 > 0:20:56I'll do it again. OK.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59Nobody knows for sure how to separate the sardines
0:20:59 > 0:21:00from the pilchards.
0:21:00 > 0:21:01In theory, how fast...
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Something about wind!
0:21:03 > 0:21:06LAUGHTER
0:21:08 > 0:21:11APPLAUSE
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Oh, how unusual, a boy who came before I was ready.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17LAUGHTER
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Come on!
0:21:23 > 0:21:26- Sorry! Sorry!- Sorry!- Sorry!
0:21:26 > 0:21:27LAUGHTER
0:21:27 > 0:21:30- Put your glasses on...- Sorry, it's happened again. Sorry.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32I'll see you tomorrow, same time.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35LAUGHTER
0:21:38 > 0:21:40I'm going to do it again.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42OK, baby!
0:21:42 > 0:21:45LAUGHTER
0:21:45 > 0:21:48APPLAUSE
0:21:48 > 0:21:51You know what to do.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53I'm ready, I'm ready, come on.
0:21:57 > 0:22:01All right, then. I'm ready, I'm ready, baby.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03- LAUGHTER - Say the words, lady.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06Bill, shut the fuck up.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10LAUGHTER
0:22:10 > 0:22:13CHEERING
0:22:14 > 0:22:17Claudia, I'm going to bring out a yacht...
0:22:17 > 0:22:18I'm excited about it.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21..and you're going to say, "Is it something to do with the wind?"
0:22:21 > 0:22:24I'm going to do it!
0:22:24 > 0:22:26I'm going to do it. Snapper!
0:22:26 > 0:22:28- LAUGHTER - Go ahead.- Shush!
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Put the wine away. Put your wine away.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32God, it's just like being at school.
0:22:32 > 0:22:33LAUGHTER
0:22:33 > 0:22:35"Put your wine away!"
0:22:35 > 0:22:38LAUGHTER
0:22:41 > 0:22:43- "Shut up, put your wine away!" - "Shut up, put your wine away!"
0:22:43 > 0:22:45- I'll tell you what. - Happiest days of our lives.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Bloody hell.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Bobbington Gurney Primary was rough!
0:22:49 > 0:22:52School of Hard Knocks, I'm telling you.
0:22:52 > 0:22:56"Here, Bailey, put your wine away and shut the fuck up!"
0:22:56 > 0:22:57LAUGHTER
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Right, quiet!
0:22:59 > 0:23:03LAUGHTER
0:23:03 > 0:23:04Right, here we go.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07Nobody knows for sure how to separate the sardines
0:23:07 > 0:23:10from the pilchards. In theory...
0:23:10 > 0:23:12LAUGHTER
0:23:12 > 0:23:13..how fast can this boat sail?
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Claudia, what do you think?
0:23:15 > 0:23:17- Is it...? - # Oh, what a night. #
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Has it got something to do with the wind?
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Yes!
0:23:21 > 0:23:24LAUGHTER AND CHEERING
0:23:25 > 0:23:28LAUGHTER
0:23:41 > 0:23:44We've got wine over here!
0:23:44 > 0:23:47You've been whining for two hours! Come and sit down.
0:23:47 > 0:23:48LAUGHTER
0:23:48 > 0:23:51- Come and sit down.- Come on, and I'll say, "Snapper."
0:23:51 > 0:23:53- Yeah, sit.- Sit down.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56LAUGHTER
0:23:57 > 0:24:00LAUGHTER
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Stupid game anyway.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Snapper!
0:24:04 > 0:24:07# Oh, what a night! #
0:24:07 > 0:24:08# Oh, oh, oh. #
0:24:08 > 0:24:11- Has it got something to do with wind?- No.
0:24:11 > 0:24:12LAUGHTER
0:24:12 > 0:24:15- OK.- Stupid game, anyway. - HE MUMBLES
0:24:15 > 0:24:18- It is to do with wind.- Really? - How fast can it sail?
0:24:18 > 0:24:21Oh!
0:24:21 > 0:24:24It's difficult because, after a while,
0:24:24 > 0:24:25the wind will blow you quite fast,
0:24:25 > 0:24:28but then it'll suddenly going into a spiral and take you up into the sky,
0:24:28 > 0:24:30so does that count?
0:24:30 > 0:24:32How many times have you been sailing?
0:24:32 > 0:24:34LAUGHTER
0:24:34 > 0:24:36So, there must be a maximum speed.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39- What would you say, maximum...- 13, 14?
0:24:39 > 0:24:41- 15, 15 knots.- Don't have the number.
0:24:41 > 0:24:42Is it faster or slower than the wind?
0:24:42 > 0:24:44Slower than the wind.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46Oh... KLAXON BLARES
0:24:46 > 0:24:48You fell right into that.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50LAUGHTER
0:24:50 > 0:24:53OK, so, imagine that the wind is coming from here,
0:24:53 > 0:24:55so you're sailing directly downwind,
0:24:55 > 0:24:57- it's known as running. - Yes.- So the wind...
0:24:57 > 0:24:59LAUGHTER
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Sorry.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03- The wind...- Sorry, Miss!
0:25:03 > 0:25:05The wind will simply fill the sail
0:25:05 > 0:25:06and it won't be able to go as fast as the wind
0:25:06 > 0:25:09because, of course, there's resistance from the water.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12However, if you are sailing across the wind,
0:25:12 > 0:25:14the wind blows across the sail and this generates lift.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16So it's a bit like an aeroplane wing.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18So, it's sucked along as well as pushed along,
0:25:18 > 0:25:20and if you add those two forces together,
0:25:20 > 0:25:22you can sail faster than the wind.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25The modern hi-tech racing catamarans have taken things one step further.
0:25:25 > 0:25:29They have speeds of up to 2.79 times the speed of wind.
0:25:29 > 0:25:30Unbelievably...
0:25:30 > 0:25:32ALAN BLOWS RASPBERRY
0:25:32 > 0:25:35LAUGHTER
0:25:38 > 0:25:41Do you know, people often say to me,
0:25:41 > 0:25:44"What did Stephen say to you as he left?"
0:25:44 > 0:25:47And the truth is he shook his head and went, "You have no idea."
0:25:47 > 0:25:51LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:25:51 > 0:25:54Boats sailing across the wind can go much faster than the wind itself...
0:25:54 > 0:25:57Oh, stop going on about the bloody...
0:25:57 > 0:26:00LAUGHTER
0:26:02 > 0:26:04LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:26:04 > 0:26:06It's so awful.
0:26:09 > 0:26:10Oh, thank God you're here.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12LAUGHTER
0:26:12 > 0:26:15A boat sailing across the wind can go much faster than the wind itself.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18Indeed there is no theoretical limits to its speed.
0:26:18 > 0:26:22OK, which of these are there more of?
0:26:22 > 0:26:26Trees on earth, stars in the Milky Way or neurons in your brain?
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Yes, Bill?
0:26:28 > 0:26:30Neurons in your brain!
0:26:30 > 0:26:33- Ah! - KLAXON BLARES
0:26:33 > 0:26:34# Oh, Carol... #
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Stars!
0:26:36 > 0:26:38KLAXON BLARES
0:26:38 > 0:26:39Yours has to be really clever!
0:26:39 > 0:26:41- Wait, wait, wait!- No. Claudia's go!
0:26:41 > 0:26:43# Oh, what a night! #
0:26:43 > 0:26:44- Is it trees?- Yes!
0:26:44 > 0:26:48LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:26:49 > 0:26:52In 2015, a paper by Yale researchers
0:26:52 > 0:26:56estimate the number of trees on earth is 3.04 trillion.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58That is, rather pleasingly, 7.5 times more
0:26:58 > 0:26:59than was previously thought.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01So, they used a combination of satellite imagery
0:27:01 > 0:27:03and forest inventories
0:27:03 > 0:27:05and super computer programmes, and that's a huge number.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07Stars, obviously quite tricky to count.
0:27:07 > 0:27:08Nasa do their best.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11They don't really know the number of stars in the Milky Way,
0:27:11 > 0:27:13but probably between 100 and 400 million,
0:27:13 > 0:27:15but that would be ten times fewer
0:27:15 > 0:27:17than the trees on planet Earth.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19So the wind blows across the sail...
0:27:19 > 0:27:23LAUGHTER
0:27:23 > 0:27:26Brain cells, estimated number of neurons,
0:27:26 > 0:27:28and that is your brain cells in the human brain,
0:27:28 > 0:27:32it varies between 83 and 200 billion.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34If you count the number of synapses,
0:27:34 > 0:27:36so the connections between the brain cells,
0:27:36 > 0:27:38you're looking at as many as a thousand trillion
0:27:38 > 0:27:39or one quadrillion -
0:27:39 > 0:27:42so 300 times as many synapses in your brain
0:27:42 > 0:27:43as there are trees on Earth.
0:27:43 > 0:27:46- Wow.- That's not every brain.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49LAUGHTER
0:27:49 > 0:27:53APPLAUSE
0:27:53 > 0:27:56And at the end of that onomnasiological obfuscation,
0:27:56 > 0:28:00we reach the scores and I've never been more pleased in my entire life.
0:28:00 > 0:28:03LAUGHTER
0:28:03 > 0:28:05APPLAUSE
0:28:08 > 0:28:11In last place, with -35,
0:28:11 > 0:28:12- it's Bill.- Yes!
0:28:12 > 0:28:16CHEERING
0:28:16 > 0:28:18In third place, with -19, it's Phill.
0:28:18 > 0:28:19CHEERING
0:28:19 > 0:28:22Where's my cheese? I want my cheese.
0:28:22 > 0:28:25Second place, with a magnificent -16,
0:28:25 > 0:28:27it's Alan!
0:28:27 > 0:28:29APPLAUSE
0:28:29 > 0:28:33And the winner, with a really breathtaking five full points,
0:28:33 > 0:28:34it's Claudia.
0:28:34 > 0:28:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:43 > 0:28:47It only remains for me to thank Claudia, Phill, Bill and Alan,
0:28:47 > 0:28:49and I leave you with this.
0:28:49 > 0:28:51The great conductor Sir Thomas Beecham
0:28:51 > 0:28:52described a musicologist
0:28:52 > 0:28:55as somebody who can read music but can't hear it
0:28:55 > 0:28:58and a gentleman as someone who can play the bagpipes
0:28:58 > 0:29:01but doesn't. LAUGHTER
0:29:01 > 0:29:03That's all from QI this time. Thank you very much.
0:29:03 > 0:29:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE