0:00:24 > 0:00:27APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:31 > 0:00:33Good evening!
0:00:33 > 0:00:36Welcome to QI.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40Tonight, we have a show that promises to be
0:00:40 > 0:00:42an outright omnishambles,
0:00:42 > 0:00:44and trying to stay on top of it all,
0:00:44 > 0:00:47we have the cack-handed Josh Widdicombe.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:50 > 0:00:53The ham-fisted Stephen K Amos.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:56 > 0:00:58The butter-fingered Cally Beaton.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:01:02 > 0:01:04And the...Alan Davies.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:01:08 > 0:01:11And their buzzers are going all over the place. Josh goes...
0:01:11 > 0:01:15BARKING, MOOING
0:01:16 > 0:01:18That doesn't sound good, does it?
0:01:18 > 0:01:20No. It went on far longer than I'd expected, as well.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Stephen goes...
0:01:22 > 0:01:25BARKING, NEIGHING, GALLOPING
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Wow, that's terrifying. Cally goes...
0:01:28 > 0:01:31BARKING, CLUCKING
0:01:31 > 0:01:33And Alan goes...
0:01:33 > 0:01:37BARKING Listen! Listen! Listen!
0:01:38 > 0:01:40APPLAUSE
0:01:43 > 0:01:46OK, what's this all about?
0:01:47 > 0:01:48A disgrace!
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Dangerous!
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Not a very edifying spectacle!
0:01:52 > 0:01:55Wretched women! What...?
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Is this about women on panel shows?
0:01:57 > 0:02:01Ah, yes. Only last year, in fact, I think!
0:02:02 > 0:02:05- Horrified.- Yeah.- Yeah, a bit horrifying to be here.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09So panel shows, it's to do with games of some kind.
0:02:09 > 0:02:10Is it women playing sport?
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Yes, women doing sport.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15It was thought to be one of the most shocking things in the world.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18These are descriptions of the women's 800 metres
0:02:18 > 0:02:20at the 1928 Olympics, OK?
0:02:20 > 0:02:23So women had been allowed to compete in the track and field events
0:02:23 > 0:02:25for the very first time, and the media reported
0:02:25 > 0:02:28that it was a disaster. According to these reports,
0:02:28 > 0:02:31out of the 11 runners, five collapsed before getting to the end.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35Five fainted at the finish line and only one was still standing,
0:02:35 > 0:02:38and she passed out in the dressing room moments later.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42Some of the women took 15 minutes to regain consciousness.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Those who hadn't won sobbed hysterically.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48And as a result, the 800 metres race was deemed to be just too injurious
0:02:48 > 0:02:52to these women and it was dropped from the Olympics for 32 years.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56In reality, there were nine women runners,
0:02:56 > 0:02:58they all completed it, no-one collapsed,
0:02:58 > 0:03:02no-one became hysterical and six of them beat the existing world record.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08This wasn't the first Olympics women competed in, though, was it?
0:03:08 > 0:03:10- No.- They'd competed before. - Only in some sports.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13So the founder of the modern Olympics, Pierre de Coubertin,
0:03:13 > 0:03:15he vehemently opposed female participation,
0:03:15 > 0:03:16he absolutely wasn't having it.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18That's Rowan Atkinson!
0:03:21 > 0:03:23It does look like him, doesn't it?!
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Anyway, him, Pierre de Coubertin,
0:03:25 > 0:03:27he vehemently opposed female participation.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30He said it would be, "impractical, uninteresting, unaesthetic
0:03:30 > 0:03:31"and improper".
0:03:31 > 0:03:35He said, women's primary role should be, "to crown the victors,
0:03:35 > 0:03:38"since they were, above all, a companion to men".
0:03:38 > 0:03:39But you're absolutely right,
0:03:39 > 0:03:42they had been allowed to compete from 1900, but only in five sports,
0:03:42 > 0:03:45- and they were considered the kind of easy ones.- Sewing.
0:03:45 > 0:03:46Sewing, yes, was a big one. LAUGHTER
0:03:46 > 0:03:49It was tennis, croquet, golf, sailing and equestrian.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51And the women got fed up with this.
0:03:51 > 0:03:55So in 1922, they held their own Olympics in Paris.
0:03:55 > 0:03:5720,000 people attended.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00- Oh, wow!- There were 18 world records set.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02One of the more unusual events is that one on the right,
0:04:02 > 0:04:04it's the two-handed javelin.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07And athletes had to throw once with their right hand, then once
0:04:07 > 0:04:10with their left hand, and the score was the combined distance
0:04:10 > 0:04:13- of the two throws. - So a sort of ambidextrous javelin.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16- Yes, yes.- Yeah.- And then your team-mate had to catch it!- Yes.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18I wouldn't want to be the one who had to measure it
0:04:18 > 0:04:21when people were throwing the javelin left-handed.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23But one of the great...
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Is that two together that you're doing?
0:04:27 > 0:04:30That's two, that's getting the javelin and throwing them.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33- Quite difficult, I'd have thought. - I would think it was quite tricky.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36I think she's going too far up, that one, it's going to go straight up
0:04:36 > 0:04:38- and down in front of her. - Her trajectory is all wrong.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41One of the reasons why women wanted to take part in the Olympics was the
0:04:41 > 0:04:44incredibly restricted clothing that they wore in the traditional games.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48So, up until the mid 1900s, female swimmers had to wear blouses
0:04:48 > 0:04:49and bloomers in the pool.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52They used to play tennis in dresses that covered the ankle
0:04:52 > 0:04:55and multiple petticoats and corsets, and so on. Shoes with heels.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58But I think that's why it took so long for women
0:04:58 > 0:05:02to get involved in sports, because I run, and it's all about two bras.
0:05:02 > 0:05:03- Yeah.- Keeping... Nothing should move.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06Because otherwise, honestly, take your eye out.
0:05:06 > 0:05:07Yeah. Yeah.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09I feel like giving tips out at race days,
0:05:09 > 0:05:12sometimes to middle-aged men, to be honest.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18I was not a really big sports fan at school at all, because I come
0:05:18 > 0:05:21from quite a big family, and all my stuff was hand-me-downs.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24So I'd be the only boy on the sports field with a training bra.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28So I know what you're talking about, yeah.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31Anyway, moving on.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34When is it cool to wet your pants?
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Is it when it's, like, in a hot situation?
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Obviously, we're going to be, yes, somewhere hot.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Somewhere where your wee is cooler than everything else around you.
0:05:43 > 0:05:44OK. It's...
0:05:44 > 0:05:48Or if you've had a really cold drink and you get it out quick.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Is it to do with, um, jellyfish, you know,
0:05:51 > 0:05:52when you have to pee on a...
0:05:52 > 0:05:55- Because my daughter got stung by a jellyfish in South Africa.- Right.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58And she was crying, really upset, and so I pulled my tankini -
0:05:58 > 0:06:01which is what older women wear instead of a bikini -
0:06:01 > 0:06:04I pulled it to the side to pee, and the sight
0:06:04 > 0:06:07of my pulled-to-the-side gusset fully stopped her crying.
0:06:07 > 0:06:08I would imagine.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10It worked really well.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12And she begged me not to pee on the sting.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14- No.- Is it to do...? No.- Does she still have dreams about this?
0:06:14 > 0:06:17- She does. We're working on it. - It's best.- We're working it through.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19I think we're all going to have dreams about it, aren't we?
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Is it in space?
0:06:23 > 0:06:24It is not in space.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26We're not doing people at all,
0:06:26 > 0:06:27and "wet their pants" is more of a...
0:06:27 > 0:06:30What's another expression for pant?
0:06:31 > 0:06:34- An animal panting.- Oh.- An animal panting. It is ostriches, in fact.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Ostriches have a phenomenal capacity for water.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40They can swallow up to ten litres of water in one go.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43And then what they do is, they pant really quickly,
0:06:43 > 0:06:45so that the air that they bring into their bodies evaporates
0:06:45 > 0:06:47the water, and it works exactly the same way as us
0:06:47 > 0:06:51evaporating sweat on our skin, in order to keep us cool.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53And they have to avoid getting too much oxygen
0:06:53 > 0:06:55into their bloodstream while they do this, and so,
0:06:55 > 0:06:58as they pant, their windpipe redirects the air away
0:06:58 > 0:07:00from the lungs. Essentially, they pant without breathing.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Did you know this? They're the only birds to have a bladder.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Birds do not wee, because they'd be too heavy to be
0:07:05 > 0:07:07carrying around a big bladder, and so on.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09But the flightless ostrich can cope with the extra thing.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12So there's a little takeaway for you - birds don't wee.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14- Who knew that?- Wow!
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Any creature that's got an eye here
0:07:16 > 0:07:19- and an eye there that goes that way, nah.- Yes.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22It's not right!
0:07:22 > 0:07:24I really do think they're quite creepy.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28Would you like them more if they could fly? Can you imagine that?
0:07:28 > 0:07:29This thing in the sky, argh!
0:07:29 > 0:07:32- Ugh!- Do you think they'd fly with their necks up,
0:07:32 > 0:07:34or would they just put their necks forward?
0:07:36 > 0:07:39Or their neck up, looking behind them.
0:07:39 > 0:07:40"WHOA!
0:07:42 > 0:07:46"Whoa-ho! Ho-ho-ho!"
0:07:46 > 0:07:48I imagine they'd do that all the time.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50The first one that went up would do that.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52I'd like to have an ostrich, though,
0:07:52 > 0:07:55because one scrambled ostrich egg is the same as 25 chicken eggs,
0:07:55 > 0:07:58so you'd only have to go and collect the one. That would be...
0:07:58 > 0:08:01And that would save you time, because normally you have to make
0:08:01 > 0:08:0225 chicken eggs in the morning.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04I know. It's a nightmare.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07The other thing about them is, their legs go the wrong way.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11So, when they're running, if you show an ostrich running
0:08:11 > 0:08:13and reverse the film, it looks like a person.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15It looks like Bernie Clifton.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19There, you can see, right, if you look at it,
0:08:19 > 0:08:22it looks like it's running that way, but its body is on backwards.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24- Yeah. Yeah.- Do you get it, are you seeing it now?!
0:08:24 > 0:08:27- So if it was running that way, you'd think, "Yeah."- "Yeah, fair enough."
0:08:27 > 0:08:30- Yeah.- That's like, that's Bernie Clifton, right.
0:08:30 > 0:08:31But Bernie's got to get his...
0:08:31 > 0:08:34- If he'd had major surgery in about 1972.- Yeah.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Alan, it sounds like you've done quite a lot of research on this.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40I did, I shared a dressing room with Bernie Clifton at the recent
0:08:40 > 0:08:42- Royal Variety Performance.- Did you?
0:08:42 > 0:08:45- Did you?- Oh.- Me, Bernie Clifton and the Chuckle Brothers.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50- I swear to God, it was...- Talk about knowing your place in showbiz.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54- I'll tell you what... - I'm 51 now, right...
0:08:54 > 0:08:57I've been doing stand-up for a very long time, nearly 30 years,
0:08:57 > 0:09:00and I was such a junior person in that room.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02- Aah.- I was in heaven.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06I like to think that they totally ignored you for the whole time.
0:09:06 > 0:09:07They had no idea who I was.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13But you're right about the legs,
0:09:13 > 0:09:16and look at the extraordinary feet of the ostrich, they're amazing.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18So the scientific name is Struthio camelus,
0:09:18 > 0:09:21so it's from the ancient Greek, it literally means "camel sparrow".
0:09:21 > 0:09:24And the Greeks considered it similar to the camel because if you look
0:09:24 > 0:09:27at the hooves of the ostrich and you look at the hooves of the camel.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Hang on, what's what? The ostrich is on the left?
0:09:29 > 0:09:31The ostrich is on the left, the camel on the right.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35- Look at those toes.- That toenail, that needs bringing in, doesn't it?!
0:09:36 > 0:09:39He's getting through some socks with that, isn't he?
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Right, moving on.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44What's the wrong way to get out of a car?
0:09:44 > 0:09:45Sunroof.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Yeah, that's not good, is it?
0:09:47 > 0:09:50But let's all imagine we're driving in the UK.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52So let's all do driving.
0:09:52 > 0:09:53Can I do MY driving, please?
0:10:01 > 0:10:04- Driving, we arrive... - I drive like this.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07- I'm going to park, brake...- Yeah. - OK, brake now.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09So you're in a right-hand drive.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11Brake, yeah. So now I want you to open the door.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14- Open the door.- Yeah.- You've done it like that. What have you done?
0:10:14 > 0:10:15Like that. So, none of that...
0:10:15 > 0:10:17HOOTER
0:10:18 > 0:10:21And if you never learn anything else from this show,
0:10:21 > 0:10:24learn this thing, which I think is wonderful.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28You should always do what is called the Dutch Reach.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30You have to open with the hand... Exactly that.
0:10:30 > 0:10:31Furthest from the door.
0:10:31 > 0:10:35And it makes you automatically look over your shoulder.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38It's to spot, particularly, oncoming cyclists.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40So, in the Netherlands it is required
0:10:40 > 0:10:41as part of the driving test,
0:10:41 > 0:10:44and it prevents what's called "dooring", which is basically
0:10:44 > 0:10:46just hitting a cyclist with your car door.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Do you not think it's the simplest...
0:10:49 > 0:10:51It's brilliant, it's brilliant.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54But it suggests that when people get out of their car this way,
0:10:54 > 0:10:56- that they just go... - And they do. They do.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58So, out of the car and into the closet.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01What's the most exciting thing you can do in a cupboard that
0:11:01 > 0:11:04begins with O?
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Orlando Bloom.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10APPLAUSE
0:11:12 > 0:11:14I organise my pants.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17- Organising is a good one, yes. - Organising, yeah, I enjoy that.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20- Yeah.- Do you organise your pants, Josh?- Not my pants, but you know.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22- What?- What would you organise?
0:11:22 > 0:11:23Well, just like a soiree.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29Are you saying you put your pants in a cupboard?
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Well, you can do, darling, it's not that weird.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35No, I thought a cupboard was like, you know, in the kitchen.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39- So, it's a new thing, you sometimes have cupboards in bedrooms.- Yeah.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43It's never going to take off, you're absolutely right.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Because my girlfriend, who I live with, has got too many...
0:11:46 > 0:11:47She's in a cupboard?
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Oh, I understand that, I spent years in the closet.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53I totally understand that.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55APPLAUSE
0:11:56 > 0:12:00When you say...exciting, do you mean...?
0:12:00 > 0:12:03- Yes, something exciting, yes. - Like physically...
0:12:03 > 0:12:06- Unbelievably physically exciting. - So orgasming in a cupboard.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08It is an orgasm in a cupboard, but it's a very specific one.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10- So...- Oh, not that Woody Allen film, the Orgasmatron.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13It is exactly this sort of thing.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15So, in 1940 there was an Austrian psychologist called
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Wilhelm Reich, and he started building... There he is.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21- Doesn't look bonkers at all. - Ooh, look at him.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24He's got Chris Packham's haircut.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27He wanted to harness the power of a force that he called "orgone" -
0:12:27 > 0:12:31an amalgam of orgasm and ozone. And he said other people call it God.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34He believed it was all around us, that it was what made the sky blue,
0:12:34 > 0:12:38for instance. So, the idea was that you had one of these compartments,
0:12:38 > 0:12:40you climbed naked into his special cupboard - this
0:12:40 > 0:12:43is for illustration purposes only, but ideally she should be naked.
0:12:43 > 0:12:47- No way.- And you absorbed the concentrated orgone within it,
0:12:47 > 0:12:49to reach a state of sexual satisfaction.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53And that could cure anything from, I don't know, cancer to blisters.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55- It was really, it was a full-range thing.- So...
0:12:55 > 0:12:59But are the people in that box, are they volunteers or hostages?
0:12:59 > 0:13:02- No, people wanted to do this. It was hugely popular.- Oh, OK.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04- What year was, when was this? - So, 1940.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07He believed that sexual repression was responsible for almost
0:13:07 > 0:13:10all physical and psychological and emotional problems, and so on.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13- I think that's fair.- He was a slightly strange fellow. So...
0:13:13 > 0:13:15- No shit!- Yeah.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18Does it clean itself, like one of those toilets?
0:13:18 > 0:13:22- GROANING Well, none of it's... - "I've finished!"
0:13:22 > 0:13:25It was very, very popular, lots of celebrities owned these cupboards.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28JD Salinger, Norman Mailer, Sean Connery had one.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31- AS SEAN CONNERY:- "Sure, let's go into the cupboard."
0:13:33 > 0:13:36The vibrator was developed by Victorian doctors, you'll know this.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39- Yeah, I do.- It was, wasn't it to stop women being hysterical?
0:13:39 > 0:13:40You're absolutely right.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43So it's widely believed that it was very damaging to women
0:13:43 > 0:13:46- if they didn't orgasm enough.- Yeah. - And I think that's entirely true.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50They had steam-operated vibrators, the first ones.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52- Yes.- So I'm just wondering why,
0:13:52 > 0:13:55he's a bit late to the party with this cumbersome vibrator.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58Well, this doesn't actually touch your pudenda in any way.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01- But how's it...?- It's this thing called orgone,
0:14:01 > 0:14:02which he believed was in the ether
0:14:02 > 0:14:04and that it would accumulate within the cupboard,
0:14:04 > 0:14:07- and this would make you feel... - Oh, so that's a mask?
0:14:07 > 0:14:09No, it's just to go into the cupboard, it's an orgone shooter.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12I can't... I'm trying to make it more sensible than it really is.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14- Right.- Does it work?
0:14:14 > 0:14:17No. The US courts formally declared that orgone doesn't exist
0:14:17 > 0:14:20and all of the cupboards were ordered to be destroyed,
0:14:20 > 0:14:22all of the literature, and in fact...
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Destroyed? You could just convert it into a pant cupboard, couldn't you?
0:14:25 > 0:14:26Yeah, you could have done.
0:14:26 > 0:14:30Reich was imprisoned for not complying with the ban,
0:14:30 > 0:14:32and so he actually ended up dying in prison.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35But you're absolutely right, this whole thing about orgasm,
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Victorian doctors, it was not uncommon, women with hysteria,
0:14:38 > 0:14:40that they needed to get rid, they thought it was anxiety,
0:14:40 > 0:14:43irritability, bloated stomach, any of these things could be got rid of.
0:14:43 > 0:14:48And the prescription was to have a pelvic massage.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50And it was a routine part of doctors' work.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53LAUGHTER
0:14:53 > 0:14:55That's a water jet, is it?
0:14:55 > 0:14:57It looks like one of those Olympic sports.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01And now...
0:15:01 > 0:15:0435 feet. Personal best.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Only 35 feet, Alan?
0:15:08 > 0:15:10I think I can do better than that.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13OK, moving on.
0:15:14 > 0:15:19Now, what definitely won't happen to you when you sneeze?
0:15:19 > 0:15:22You won't have a 16th of an orgasm.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24- Isn't it a tenth? - Is it a tenth?
0:15:24 > 0:15:26But that might be inflation, I don't know.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Is there a, is there a little thrill to be had from sneezing?
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Apparently, well, that was the myth,
0:15:31 > 0:15:33- that if you sneezed, you'd go... - HE SIGHS
0:15:35 > 0:15:39But you can't physically sneeze with your eyes open, isn't that right?
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Yeah, well, we did say that sneezing with your eyes open can't
0:15:42 > 0:15:45make them pop out, but in fact, that is not entirely correct.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48If you have something called floppy eyelid syndrome,
0:15:48 > 0:15:52a sneeze can in fact force your eyeball out of your socket.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54And we're all going to have a go!
0:15:55 > 0:15:57So, like this.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00So, it would be like that, and then you... Atchoo!
0:16:00 > 0:16:02And out they pop. So that's so you can see.
0:16:03 > 0:16:04Atchoo!
0:16:08 > 0:16:10So there's a technical name for it.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13So if your eyeball actually pops out, spontaneous...
0:16:13 > 0:16:14ATCHOO!
0:16:17 > 0:16:20GROANING
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Spontaneous globe luxation is what it's called.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26So, mostly obese men get this syndrome where your eyelid
0:16:26 > 0:16:29can pop out. So the upper eyelid becomes very floppy
0:16:29 > 0:16:31and it's easily turned inside-out.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34What would the medical advice be if your eyeball popped out?
0:16:34 > 0:16:36- Oh...- Pop it back.- Put it on ice.
0:16:36 > 0:16:37Get it back in as quickly as possible, yeah.
0:16:37 > 0:16:41No, don't put it on ice, darling, it's still attached, most likely.
0:16:41 > 0:16:42If it's still attached,
0:16:42 > 0:16:45look round corners that you couldn't previously look round.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48That's a good idea. Yeah.
0:16:48 > 0:16:49Keeping an eye on you.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52I think the main advice is to get a medical person to do it, don't you?
0:16:52 > 0:16:55And apparently they use a tool that looks a bit like a bent paperclip,
0:16:55 > 0:16:57which I think would be...
0:16:57 > 0:16:58GROANING Yes.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00There was an American basketball player
0:17:00 > 0:17:02called Akil Mitchell, in early 2017.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06- No!- He got poked in the eye during a game, he fell to the ground,
0:17:06 > 0:17:08he was clutching his face.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11And he described afterwards that he knew something was wrong because he
0:17:11 > 0:17:15could feel his eyeball on his cheek, and could still see out of it.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17GROANING
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Oh, my God!
0:17:19 > 0:17:20And they popped it back in all right?
0:17:20 > 0:17:22They popped it back, he's absolutely fine now.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25Can you just do it with your finger? Do you need the paperclip thing?
0:17:25 > 0:17:27- No, my advice is to... - If it happens.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29Honestly, this is a moment for a doctor.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34If you have a child and one of their eyeballs fall out, don't go,
0:17:34 > 0:17:36"Darling, stop fussing," and...
0:17:36 > 0:17:38There. I don't think that's...
0:17:38 > 0:17:43Now, who would like to see a seriously eye-popping demonstration?
0:17:43 > 0:17:45As long as no-one's eye is coming out.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47I don't like this whole area.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49No, it's not that. So, what we're going to do...
0:17:49 > 0:17:51- If you get out a hoover now... - Have a look at this.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53So, let me just put this here.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56And hopefully I'm going to get this the right way round.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59- Then I have...- Is that a steam-powered vibrator, Sandi? No?
0:17:59 > 0:18:01No, it's adapted. OK.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04So we can see that we have got a mirror here,
0:18:04 > 0:18:06and if you look at this one, you can see squares,
0:18:06 > 0:18:08and if you look in the mirror, you can see circles.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11And if I take this one and I turn it, you can
0:18:11 > 0:18:15see a square up here and a circle down here.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17And if I then carry on turning it,
0:18:17 > 0:18:23and we keep going round like this, you will see that this one at the
0:18:23 > 0:18:25bottom will turn into a square
0:18:25 > 0:18:28- and that one will turn into a circle.- Witchcraft!
0:18:28 > 0:18:32It is. I'm going to move that out the way, so I can get my hand in.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34You can see the square, and you can see the circles in there.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37And as I turn, and I keep turning it like this,
0:18:37 > 0:18:43you'll see it change and the one in the mirror becomes the square,
0:18:43 > 0:18:46- and this one here becomes the circles.- Oh, I don't like this.
0:18:46 > 0:18:51- Ooh!- And the same with this one here, as I turn it... It is
0:18:51 > 0:18:55faintly astonishing, isn't it, you can see it becoming the circles.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57- Oh, wow!- And then the squares. - That's amazing.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00- What's happening?!- I know! It is called
0:19:00 > 0:19:03the Ambiguous Cylinder Illusion. It is designed by a man...
0:19:03 > 0:19:06- Catchy name.- Yeah. - It is a catchy name.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09Designed by a man called Dr Sugihara Kokichi.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13And from one angle, the shapes look circular,
0:19:13 > 0:19:16while in the other angle they look like cuboids. And in fact,
0:19:16 > 0:19:17they are a cross between the two.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Squircles, or rather, squircle prisms.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23And if you want to make this at home, you absolutely can.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Just look up "Ambiguous Cylinder Illusion cut-out"
0:19:25 > 0:19:27and there's a template for a paper version.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30So you can work out how to do it. So I'm just going to put that one
0:19:30 > 0:19:32- away.- That's amazing.- It IS amazing.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Do give it a go, because I think it's really extraordinary.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37And the fact that our brains are flawed in this way is what
0:19:37 > 0:19:38distinguishes us from robots.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Robots won't be fooled by optical illusions,
0:19:40 > 0:19:42only human beings are fooled by optical illusions.
0:19:42 > 0:19:46There's a very famous thing called the Adelson chequerboard illusion.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49And if you look at it, you would imagine that there are light
0:19:49 > 0:19:51squares and there are dark squares.
0:19:51 > 0:19:52But in fact, what's happened is,
0:19:52 > 0:19:55the green cylinder there has cast a shadow.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58And what happens is, our eyes correct.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02What is the truth of that is A and B are exactly the same colour.
0:20:02 > 0:20:03- So if you see...- No!
0:20:03 > 0:20:06If we join them together, so just those squares,
0:20:06 > 0:20:07but because we have understood
0:20:07 > 0:20:10there's a shadow from the green cylinder,
0:20:10 > 0:20:14we have, in our minds, made B a lighter colour.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16But actually, A and B are exactly the same colour.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19- And...- Oh, is this how the robots are going to finally defeat us?
0:20:19 > 0:20:22- Well, this is certainly...- They'll chase us into a Escher painting.
0:20:22 > 0:20:26Yes! But it's how computers may eventually be able to distinguish
0:20:26 > 0:20:29a bot from a person, because you could give a test like this.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32If you get the answer wrong, then you're human.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Because, even though I've told you A and B are the same colour,
0:20:34 > 0:20:36when you look back to the one on the left,
0:20:36 > 0:20:39you believe that they are different colours.
0:20:39 > 0:20:40- Yeah.- I still don't believe you.
0:20:40 > 0:20:45Now, what's a little bit orange and very over-sensitive?
0:20:47 > 0:20:48Donald Trump.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51HOOTER, APPLAUSE
0:20:57 > 0:21:02- Someone had to say it, didn't they?! - Cally, I might be looking at you.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05- Something to do with being ginger. - It is to do with being red-headed.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08So are there any particular characteristics that are
0:21:08 > 0:21:10- more associated with redheads than...?- Fiery.- Fiery.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13- They're fiery, aren't they? - We're very attractive.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16Very, very attractive. The fact is, multiple studies have shown
0:21:16 > 0:21:19that redheads are more sensitive to pain than the rest of us.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22- So, unfortunately, you are more susceptible to pain.- Do you know,
0:21:22 > 0:21:24I think there are studies that say the opposite. I'm just saying,
0:21:24 > 0:21:27I've also seen studies that say we've got a higher pain threshold.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Well, they worked out that, typically,
0:21:29 > 0:21:3120% more anaesthetic is needed by a redhead.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34And the way they work this out, researchers administered
0:21:34 > 0:21:37electric shocks to redheads, while giving them
0:21:37 > 0:21:40increasing amounts of painkiller until they stopped feeling pain.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44And the reason is that having red hair is usually
0:21:44 > 0:21:47caused by a mutation on a gene called MC1R.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49And that is also involved in pain modulation.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52And it explains why redheads are twice as likely to avoid
0:21:52 > 0:21:55going to the dentist as the rest of us. Because you feel more pain.
0:21:55 > 0:21:59I don't believe any of this. I don't want to cry in the face of QI,
0:21:59 > 0:22:01but, no, I don't believe it.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Fair enough. Where do you think the most common red-hair gene
0:22:04 > 0:22:07first appeared in the world? Where does it come from?
0:22:07 > 0:22:08- Scotland.- Ireland.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11HOOTER
0:22:11 > 0:22:13I think...
0:22:14 > 0:22:15It's got to be Scotland.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19- Scandinavia.- No, it isn't - it's Asia, in fact. It's Central Asia.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22But it's very common in various parts of the UK. Why do you think that might be?
0:22:22 > 0:22:25- Surely it's the lack of sun. - Yeah, it's got to be the climate.
0:22:25 > 0:22:26In places like Scotland.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29I mean, look at our Scottish cousins, but their skin isn't just
0:22:29 > 0:22:32sheet-white from the lack of sun, but their hair has turned red,
0:22:32 > 0:22:34as it attempts to start its own fire for warmth.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE
0:22:42 > 0:22:45Is it about people desperately wanting to procreate
0:22:45 > 0:22:48with other ginger people, because we're so deeply attractive?
0:22:48 > 0:22:52STEPHEN ROARS WITH LAUGHTER It's, the fact is...
0:22:53 > 0:22:55- Sorry.- The fact is, it's a recessive gene,
0:22:55 > 0:22:59so it excels in relatively closed communities, I'm afraid.
0:22:59 > 0:23:03- Ooh.- It requires a level of inbreeding. That's the truth.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05My friend, she's got red hair
0:23:05 > 0:23:09and she went on holiday to the Philippines, and people were
0:23:09 > 0:23:12getting, stopping her in the street to have their photo taken with her.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15- Because they just love...- They just couldn't believe that she existed.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Like she was a celebrity.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21I was in mainland China for the first time ever, doing gigs,
0:23:21 > 0:23:24and I could not tell you how many people stopped me
0:23:24 > 0:23:27in the street, asking to take a selfie with me, right.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30I mean, it was as though they'd never ever seen a tall person before.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35So, can you imagine if I was ginger as well?
0:23:35 > 0:23:38They'd be carrying me out of the building!
0:23:39 > 0:23:42Obviously I don't speak Mandarin or Cantonese, I'm in a packed lift
0:23:42 > 0:23:45in China, all these people - I'm not even joking -
0:23:45 > 0:23:48the only phrase I could decipher was this...
0:23:48 > 0:23:49"..pube-head."
0:23:53 > 0:23:56You absolutely need to put that on your posters.
0:23:56 > 0:23:57I think that should be...
0:23:58 > 0:24:01Now for the oddly shambolic omnishambles that we call
0:24:01 > 0:24:03General Ignorance.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06Fingers on buzzers, please. What did the Nazis call this?
0:24:06 > 0:24:09- Um...- Aaah...
0:24:10 > 0:24:12Aah. Who's going to go for it?
0:24:12 > 0:24:13Stephen?
0:24:13 > 0:24:15The future.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE
0:24:24 > 0:24:26Not... I'm told they didn't call it a swastika.
0:24:26 > 0:24:27They did not call it the swastika.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30They called it the Hakenkreuz. It's the German for "hooked cross",
0:24:30 > 0:24:33and in Germany, in fact, it's still referred to, except when discussing
0:24:33 > 0:24:36it in a neo-Nazi context, in which case, it's called the swastika.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38But Hitler was mad for it.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40And after his party adopted the swastika, he actually
0:24:40 > 0:24:42changed his signature to S Hitler,
0:24:42 > 0:24:44because the shape of the S mimicked...
0:24:44 > 0:24:47There, you can see there, it mimicked the shape of the swastika.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49- Sadolf.- Yes, Sadolf.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53Sadolf Shitler.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE
0:25:00 > 0:25:05Anyway, who was the last monarch to be crowned
0:25:05 > 0:25:06at the abbey in Westminster?
0:25:08 > 0:25:10Has there been one since the Queen?
0:25:10 > 0:25:13HOOTER
0:25:13 > 0:25:15- That's wrong, then, is it? - So it's not her.- Not her.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18- So it's not her. - Oh, was it Queen Latifah?
0:25:22 > 0:25:25Here is the thing, it's not actually an abbey.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27And that is what makes it a trick question.
0:25:27 > 0:25:28So Henry VIII is the answer,
0:25:28 > 0:25:31because since his dissolution of the monasteries, it is
0:25:31 > 0:25:35no longer technically an abbey, so if it's not an abbey, it's a...?
0:25:35 > 0:25:37- Church. - It's called a Royal Peculiar.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39- A Royal Peculiar. - It's called a Royal Peculiar.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42So it's a church subject to the direct jurisdiction of the monarch.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44And that is what it is today.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47It's the Collegiate Church of St Peter at Westminster.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49How many species of camel are there?
0:25:51 > 0:25:52Two.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54HOOTER
0:25:57 > 0:26:01- More than that...? - More than that. Yes.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03We used to think it was two, so Carl Linnaeus,
0:26:03 > 0:26:06he named the dromedaries and the domestic Bactrians, back in 1758.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09120 years later, the Russian geographer
0:26:09 > 0:26:13Nikolay Przhevalsky, discovered wild Bactrians.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15So the truth is that there are actually three of them.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17They used to think wild Bactrians were
0:26:17 > 0:26:21a subspecies of the Bactrians, but we now know from recent DNA analysis
0:26:21 > 0:26:23they're a totally different species.
0:26:23 > 0:26:27- Beautiful, aren't they?- Aren't they stunning? I think they ARE stunning!
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Who was it said a camel is a horse designed by committee?
0:26:32 > 0:26:33Have you been on a camel ride?
0:26:33 > 0:26:35- I have.- It's glorious.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38I have been on a camel ride. It doesn't go well.
0:26:38 > 0:26:39Oh.
0:26:39 > 0:26:43I did a... I did a magic show once, where I was asked
0:26:43 > 0:26:45to "magically" appear on a camel.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48And you know my feelings of beasts like this.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51- Hmm.- Why did you point at me when you said that?
0:26:52 > 0:26:54Don't, she's very sensitive to pain!
0:26:54 > 0:26:56And it was one of those one-hump ones.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58I'm not sure - what's the big difference
0:26:58 > 0:27:00between the two humps and the one hump?
0:27:00 > 0:27:03- It's the number of humps. - Is that it?
0:27:03 > 0:27:06LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE
0:27:09 > 0:27:12- OK, so I was on the one with the one hump.- Right.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15- And they put this sort of square seat on the hump.- Yeah.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17- I'm like, "How am I going to get on the hump?"- Yeah.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20And I had to have a man... and give me one of those, like...
0:27:20 > 0:27:22- But you get a ladder. - They don't like it.- No.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24- They don't want you on their backs! - And they turn around and look at you
0:27:24 > 0:27:26with their faces, like...
0:27:28 > 0:27:30It's too much.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32There's a couple of them in London Zoo
0:27:32 > 0:27:35and they're great big things, and they look at you with contempt.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38You know, "What, are you back again?" "I'm a member, all right?!
0:27:40 > 0:27:41"I've got a family membership.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44"So why don't you just, for once, just change your whole attitude?"
0:27:44 > 0:27:46"I don't like you. I don't like you."
0:27:46 > 0:27:48There are three species of camel,
0:27:48 > 0:27:50but sadly, the third doesn't have three humps.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52Which brings us to the scores.
0:27:52 > 0:27:53This week's winner,
0:27:53 > 0:27:55with minus 12, it's Josh.
0:27:55 > 0:27:58APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:28:00 > 0:28:03In second place, with a magnificent debut,
0:28:03 > 0:28:05minus 14, Cally.
0:28:05 > 0:28:06APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:28:09 > 0:28:11Third place, minus 18,
0:28:11 > 0:28:14Stephen. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:28:15 > 0:28:20And, with a truly marvellous minus 69, Alan.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:28:29 > 0:28:32So Josh takes home this week's objectionable object prize,
0:28:32 > 0:28:34which is this hilarious comedy eyeball.
0:28:34 > 0:28:37There you go, there you go, fantastic.
0:28:37 > 0:28:38APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:28:38 > 0:28:41So, it's thanks to Cally, Josh, Stephen and Alan,
0:28:41 > 0:28:44and I leave you with this advice from La Code Gourmand,
0:28:44 > 0:28:46a book of etiquette written in 1828.
0:28:46 > 0:28:48"When you are seated next to a lady,
0:28:48 > 0:28:50"you should be only polite during the first course.
0:28:50 > 0:28:52"You may be gallant in the second,
0:28:52 > 0:28:54"but you must not be tender till the dessert.
0:28:54 > 0:28:57"When you have the misfortune to sit next to a child,
0:28:57 > 0:29:00"your only plan is to make him drunk as soon as possible."
0:29:00 > 0:29:01Goodnight.
0:29:01 > 0:29:05APPLAUSE AND CHEERING