0:00:24 > 0:00:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Hello, and welcome to QI,
0:00:35 > 0:00:40which tonight is an omnibus of Oddballs.
0:00:40 > 0:00:44Let's meet our obliging odd-fellows. An odd bod, Jason Manford.
0:00:44 > 0:00:48- APPLAUSE - Odd? Odd bod?
0:00:48 > 0:00:51An odd fish, Jimmy Carr.
0:00:51 > 0:00:52APPLAUSE
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Really? Odd fish? OK, fine.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58An odd lot, Victoria Coren Mitchell.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00APPLAUSE
0:01:00 > 0:01:02What is an odd lot?!
0:01:03 > 0:01:06And Odds Bodkins, Alan Davies.
0:01:06 > 0:01:07- APPLAUSE - Hello.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16Right, let's hear their Odd Ball buzzers.
0:01:16 > 0:01:17Jason Manford goes...
0:01:18 > 0:01:20TABLE TENNIS BALL BOUNCES
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Very good.
0:01:22 > 0:01:23Jimmy goes...
0:01:23 > 0:01:24BALL BOUNCES HEAVILY
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Oh.
0:01:27 > 0:01:28Well, my apologies.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30A Mexican lunch.
0:01:30 > 0:01:31Victoria goes...
0:01:31 > 0:01:33PINBALL MACHINE PINGS
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Oh, you... And Alan goes...
0:01:37 > 0:01:38# Bouncy bouncy
0:01:38 > 0:01:40# Bouncy bouncy
0:01:40 > 0:01:41# Bouncy bouncy
0:01:41 > 0:01:44# Bouncy bouncy. #
0:01:44 > 0:01:48Oddly enough, we start with Oddball games.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51So you've each got a selection of odd balls under your desks.
0:01:51 > 0:01:52Odd balls coming up.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56Kindly invent a new ball game, and I would like you to use your heads.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59LAUGHTER
0:01:59 > 0:02:01- That was funny. - What did you do, just...?
0:02:01 > 0:02:02I threw it at his head, look.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Not the baseball!
0:02:10 > 0:02:12OK, can we get the orange one back again?
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Can we have it thrown back by somebody?
0:02:14 > 0:02:17- Somebody will throw it to us, I'm sure. Come on.- Oh, whoa!
0:02:17 > 0:02:18- That was terrifying! - Do you know what?
0:02:18 > 0:02:20If you can't throw, don't volunteer.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23- Unbelievable! Unbelievable. - Underarm, as well.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25If it comes over here again, I'll put a bloody knife through it!
0:02:29 > 0:02:30- Curmudgeonly old man.- OK.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33There is a German game called Headis,
0:02:33 > 0:02:35and it is ping-pong played without a bat,
0:02:35 > 0:02:38where you just hit it with your head.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41So, it was invented by a sports science student.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43- Push.- But don't forget the net.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46- The net?!- Yes - so, there's a net in the way, right?
0:02:46 > 0:02:49OK, are you ready? Try now.
0:02:49 > 0:02:50Yes!
0:02:50 > 0:02:51APPLAUSE
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Can you get that?
0:03:00 > 0:03:02- Result. - APPLAUSE
0:03:02 > 0:03:04He caught the ball.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08It was in 2006, his name is Rene Wegner,
0:03:08 > 0:03:10and he invented this game Headis.
0:03:10 > 0:03:11It is now played internationally.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15It is on the official sports programme of 15 German universities,
0:03:15 > 0:03:18and have a look a this, because the top players are extraordinary,
0:03:18 > 0:03:20and they use sort of noms-de-guerre -
0:03:20 > 0:03:24like, well there's things like "the Sausage Seller", "Leek Face",
0:03:24 > 0:03:28- and "Bob Der Headmaster", which I'm...- Wow.- ..very pleased with.
0:03:28 > 0:03:29And they have astonishing rallies.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31So they're replaced the bat with their heads.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34I suppose it's better than the ball.
0:03:34 > 0:03:35Oh!
0:03:35 > 0:03:36ALL: Ooh!
0:03:36 > 0:03:37APPLAUSE
0:03:40 > 0:03:43I can't help thinking of the corners of the table.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45I know, yes.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Another ball game we've discovered is a Swiss game
0:03:47 > 0:03:51called Hornussen, and this is one of Switzerland's national sports.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53You have two teams, but there seems to be no limit
0:03:53 > 0:03:55to the size of the team, or the size of the pitch,
0:03:55 > 0:03:58and there is a ball, which stands on this little thing like this,
0:03:58 > 0:04:01and then what looks like a bendy golf club, right?
0:04:01 > 0:04:04And you hit the ball and it goes out into a field,
0:04:04 > 0:04:07and then the opposition have these enormous sort of placards.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09So here's the guy who hits the ball.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13It's a bendy golf club, yeah -
0:04:13 > 0:04:18and then a guy with a placard... LAUGHTER
0:04:18 > 0:04:21..tries to stop the ball, OK?
0:04:21 > 0:04:23And yes, a lot of shouting...
0:04:23 > 0:04:27..and then - oh, there they are - and there seems to be no limit.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29- That is good.- It's good! - That is brilliant.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31It's been around since the 17th century,
0:04:31 > 0:04:33and it evolved from the ancient tradition
0:04:33 > 0:04:38of hitting burning logs down the mountainside to expel evil spirits.
0:04:38 > 0:04:39LAUGHTER
0:04:39 > 0:04:42But the ball can go up to 306km per hour -
0:04:42 > 0:04:43I mean, it's a fantastically fast thing.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Ah, well, that explains why that fellow in the video
0:04:46 > 0:04:48- didn't have many teeth left. - Yeah, I think that's the thing.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51- 300km an hour?- Yeah, yeah.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53- That's really fast, isn't it? - It's really fast.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56It would tell us a lot about the human mind
0:04:56 > 0:04:58to know exactly when in history
0:04:58 > 0:05:01people went from, "Well, it's very important
0:05:01 > 0:05:03"that we hit this burning thing down the mountain
0:05:03 > 0:05:04"to ward off evil spirits,"
0:05:04 > 0:05:06to, "Let's just make a massive game of it."
0:05:06 > 0:05:08It's a huge, hilarious game.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10This game I like the look of,
0:05:10 > 0:05:11although I would not be able to play it.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14It's called Cycle Ball, it was invented in 1893,
0:05:14 > 0:05:16it is enormously popular in Germany.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Anybody work out how you play it?
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Is it not like polo, but they're on bicycles?
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Yes, and you have to use the front wheel of the bicycle -
0:05:22 > 0:05:26and, again, just extraordinary skill that the players have with this.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29Obviously it's tremendously exciting.
0:05:29 > 0:05:30- Wow!- Ooh, what a goal. Oh, nice.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33- Yeah, yeah. Look.- Ooh, he's lobbed him.- He's lobbed him...
0:05:33 > 0:05:36- Ooh, ooh!- Crikey O'Reilly. - Oh, this is a good show reel.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38- Yeah, that's, I mean... - I would actually watch that.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40- It's quite exciting, don't you think?- Yeah.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42- I would totally watch that.- Yeah.
0:05:42 > 0:05:43This is, I think, I seem to...
0:05:43 > 0:05:45- For - I mean, for a bit.- Yeah.
0:05:45 > 0:05:46LAUGHTER
0:05:48 > 0:05:49One I like is a game called Pushball.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51So, there's a guy called Moses Crane, in the 1890s,
0:05:51 > 0:05:54who watched a lot of American football, and he got confused.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57You know in American football they always have sort of like a scrum?
0:05:57 > 0:05:59They couldn't find the ball, so he invented this game.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01- "It's so big!"- It is.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04It's a six foot ball that weighs 50 pounds.
0:06:04 > 0:06:05Wow.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08- So those guys are about to die. - Yeah!
0:06:08 > 0:06:11No, the idea is you have to either get it across the line,
0:06:11 > 0:06:13or you have to get it across a crossbar.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16People played it on horseback.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20Is that the... Is that the American remake of The Prisoner?
0:06:22 > 0:06:25OK, balls away, please.
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Balls away.
0:06:26 > 0:06:27Now here's an odd question.
0:06:27 > 0:06:31How can I persuade you to do what I want using only my thumb?
0:06:31 > 0:06:33- Er...- Ah, well, now, well...
0:06:35 > 0:06:38- I can think of a couple of possibilities.- Yeah.
0:06:39 > 0:06:40- Just...- Yes?
0:06:40 > 0:06:42- No, I've got nothing that isn't filth.- Nothing.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44- Nothing, no? - Nothing that isn't filth.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47It is known as the "thumb of power" and it's a hand gesture
0:06:47 > 0:06:50used very widely by modern politicians when they make speeches.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Oh, it's to stop you doing this, isn't it? To stop you going...
0:06:52 > 0:06:54- Yeah.- "You!" - Apparently it's more powerful -
0:06:54 > 0:06:56don't do that, because people don't like it,
0:06:56 > 0:06:58- but if you do that you look like you're a powerful person.- Yeah.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00- Never do that as a politician. - No.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05There's a science of oratorical hand gestures,
0:07:05 > 0:07:06and it's called chironomia,
0:07:06 > 0:07:10and it was set out in precise detail in 95AD, so a really long time ago.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Quintilian's Institutio Oratoria.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15It says here, "One of the commonest of all the gestures
0:07:15 > 0:07:19"consists in placing the middle finger against the thumb
0:07:19 > 0:07:21"and extending the remaining three.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23"It is suitable in the statement of facts,
0:07:23 > 0:07:25"but in that case the hand must be moved with firmness
0:07:25 > 0:07:26"and a little further forward
0:07:26 > 0:07:29"while, if we are reproaching or refuting our adversary,
0:07:29 > 0:07:32"the same movement may be employed with some vehemence and energy,
0:07:32 > 0:07:35"since such passages permit of greater freedom of extension."
0:07:35 > 0:07:38- You know, I'll tell you who does it...- Yes?
0:07:38 > 0:07:40I think, Paulie Walnuts in the Sopranos.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42- Does he?- And Spider-Man.
0:07:42 > 0:07:43LAUGHTER
0:07:45 > 0:07:47But the study of oratory and rhetoric
0:07:47 > 0:07:48dates back a really long time -
0:07:48 > 0:07:51and there's all sorts of rules about classic rhetoric
0:07:51 > 0:07:54based around the rule of three, which is the same as in comedy.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57So, tricolon, "I came, I saw, I conquered."
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Or veni, vidi, Visa - "I came, I saw, I shopped."
0:08:00 > 0:08:04Molossus, so that's three stressed syllables.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06"Yes, we can."
0:08:06 > 0:08:08And epizeuxis, so, "Location, location, location,"
0:08:08 > 0:08:10when you repeat the same word over and over again -
0:08:10 > 0:08:12but it hasn't changed, it hasn't changed.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14So you get ethos, logos and pathos,
0:08:14 > 0:08:17those are the three modes of persuasion.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20So, ethos is how you establish the credibility of the speaker.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23So, "Watch QI, I'm on it."
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Logos, you present the logical argument.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27"Watch QI, it's really good."
0:08:27 > 0:08:29And pathos, appeal to the emotions.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31"Watch QI or we shoot this kitten."
0:08:31 > 0:08:32LAUGHTER
0:08:34 > 0:08:37I was just using it as a rough example.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40There have been manuals about how you gesture
0:08:40 > 0:08:41since there have been speeches.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44- This is a wonderful one. - Oh, I've done this on a stag do.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47- LAUGHTER - It's brilliant.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51- Zorb - zorb football, it's called. - You run downhill.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55It's a right laugh, 12 of you, "Boing, boing..."
0:08:55 > 0:08:58We didn't dress like that.
0:08:58 > 0:08:59Hob, dob, do.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Hob, dob, do.
0:09:04 > 0:09:05Hob, dob, do.
0:09:05 > 0:09:06Ao.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08LAUGHTER
0:09:09 > 0:09:11I think he might - I think he might be learning the Macarena.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13LAUGHTER
0:09:13 > 0:09:14I'm totally sure.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18And politicians can't help but use them.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20My favourite example is Richard Nixon
0:09:20 > 0:09:24on the day that he was made to resign as President,
0:09:24 > 0:09:26that's what he chose to do as he left.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Clearly hadn't got the message it hadn't gone all that well.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31I think I could play a young Nixon.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34- Yes, actually, that's slightly terrifying, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38And Angela Merkel always holds her hands like that.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40In fact, in Germany, it's known as the Merkel-Raute,
0:09:40 > 0:09:43the Merkel diamond, that's just how she always holds her hands.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Trump, also, lots of signature hand signals.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48When Donald Trump took to office, little did he know.
0:09:49 > 0:09:50LAUGHTER
0:09:50 > 0:09:51APPLAUSE
0:09:53 > 0:09:54- JASON:- Very good.
0:09:56 > 0:09:57- VICTORIA:- I like Angela Merkel's one -
0:09:57 > 0:10:00it's like she's going to go, "Open the door, see all the people."
0:10:00 > 0:10:01It does look like that!
0:10:01 > 0:10:04GERMAN ACCENT: "I have ze steeple and zen - oh, look.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07"Ah, zere's no British people."
0:10:07 > 0:10:08LAUGHTER
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Don't you think, Victoria, when you have your photograph taken,
0:10:14 > 0:10:15it's awkward to know what to do with your hands?
0:10:15 > 0:10:17If you're a woman, especially.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20- You can't put your hands in your pockets, can you?- No, yes, terrible.
0:10:20 > 0:10:21I've read things that say, you know,
0:10:21 > 0:10:23if you put one foot forward, you look thinner.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25I like the idea of the one foot forward.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27- Just do that. Always just do that. - Why is that?
0:10:27 > 0:10:30Because people will always remember you.
0:10:30 > 0:10:31LAUGHTER
0:10:35 > 0:10:36"Remember that man
0:10:36 > 0:10:38"that thought there was a robbery going on all the time?"
0:10:38 > 0:10:40"Yeah, I remember him, yeah."
0:10:40 > 0:10:41- VICTORIA:- Am I alone in this?
0:10:41 > 0:10:43When you see great-looking women at premieres,
0:10:43 > 0:10:45and they have a picture and they're looking over...
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Whenever I see a picture like that, I don't understand how they do it.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51- No.- They used to have a pose they did on Page 3
0:10:51 > 0:10:53where it got the tits and the bum in the same shot.
0:10:53 > 0:10:54Really?
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Tits and the bum in the same shot?
0:10:59 > 0:11:00AUDIENCE CHEERS
0:11:02 > 0:11:04I think I've got it.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09- Yeah?- You be the bum, you be the bum, and I'll...
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Bend over, be the bum, like that.
0:11:12 > 0:11:13There we go.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15APPLAUSE
0:11:18 > 0:11:20Enough Oratory.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24How did this man's bare bottom help Britain win World War I?
0:11:24 > 0:11:26He looks really different with his suit off, doesn't he?
0:11:26 > 0:11:28LAUGHTER
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Like, you wouldn't even know that was him.
0:11:30 > 0:11:31Give us a clue about the man -
0:11:31 > 0:11:34- did something go into his bottom or come out of it?- Well...
0:11:36 > 0:11:39- The man is called William Lawrence Bragg...- Oh!
0:11:39 > 0:11:42..he was a physicist. He was a Nobel laureate.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45In fact, he remains the youngest recipient of the Nobel Prize -
0:11:45 > 0:11:49he received it in 1915, along with his father, a famous physicist.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52In 1915, he was serving as a subaltern in Flanders,
0:11:52 > 0:11:56trying to find out ways to use sound to locate enemy artillery.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59So, one day he was sitting on the latrine
0:11:59 > 0:12:00at the house where he was billeted -
0:12:00 > 0:12:03it was a tight little closet, with no window at all,
0:12:03 > 0:12:04and he'd shut the door,
0:12:04 > 0:12:06and so there was no other opening to the outside world
0:12:06 > 0:12:07apart from the one that he was sitting on -
0:12:07 > 0:12:10and he noticed that when there was gunfire nearby,
0:12:10 > 0:12:13his backside momentarily lifted off the seat.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Even when he didn't really hear the explosion,
0:12:15 > 0:12:17there was a sort of a thing, like this -
0:12:17 > 0:12:19and meanwhile, another physicist he was working with,
0:12:19 > 0:12:21a man called William Tucker,
0:12:21 > 0:12:22was billeted in a tar paper hut,
0:12:22 > 0:12:26and he noticed that by his cot there were just a couple of little holes,
0:12:26 > 0:12:28and even on a day when there was no wind,
0:12:28 > 0:12:30little puffs of air were blowing through,
0:12:30 > 0:12:32and they compared notes, the two of them,
0:12:32 > 0:12:34one from the loo and one from these two little holes,
0:12:34 > 0:12:37and they deduced that this was the result
0:12:37 > 0:12:40of inaudible low frequency sounds of artillery,
0:12:40 > 0:12:43and they set about devising detectors,
0:12:43 > 0:12:44and by 1917 it was so advanced
0:12:44 > 0:12:47that the allies had a really devastating advantage
0:12:47 > 0:12:48in locating and targeting enemy guns...
0:12:48 > 0:12:49- Wow.- ..and it all came about
0:12:49 > 0:12:52- because his backside lifted off the lavatory.- Ooh!
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Is this maybe the most inspiring story I have ever heard...
0:12:54 > 0:12:57- About a lavatory.- ..about a men's toilet and holes in a wall.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59LAUGHTER
0:13:00 > 0:13:03- Normally these end super differently.- Yeah, yeah.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05Normally it's, "Then they had to shut down that garage."
0:13:05 > 0:13:07LAUGHTER
0:13:07 > 0:13:10And did they have to use his specific arse on all of this?
0:13:10 > 0:13:11No, I don't...
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Did he have to go round the whole - "Oh, it's over there."
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Yeah, but that's how he discovered it.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17- Wow.- There are still 40,000 outside lavatories in the UK.
0:13:17 > 0:13:21I'm surprised they've not all been turned into cereal cafes or summat.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24That's the sort of thing people keep doing now,
0:13:24 > 0:13:25turning toilets into bars.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27- Yeah, there's one not far from here. - Yeah?
0:13:27 > 0:13:29- It's a toilet. - That turned into a bar?
0:13:29 > 0:13:31It's called The Toilet, I think.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33I think it is, actually, that's right!
0:13:35 > 0:13:36Where you go to the loo, God knows.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39You can go out on the street and do it up the side of a pub, like...
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Well, there used to be a thing,
0:13:41 > 0:13:45when people were peeing up the sides of buildings, boys, let's be honest.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47- Let's be honest, yeah. - Boys peeing outside buildings.
0:13:47 > 0:13:48And talented girls.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51Yeah, and talented - very talented girls
0:13:51 > 0:13:52who were straight from Page 3,
0:13:52 > 0:13:54showing their arse and their tits at the same time.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57Lots of London buildings had special tilted metal bars,
0:13:57 > 0:13:59so that if somebody did pee against it,
0:13:59 > 0:14:02the pee would splash back on the person's shoes.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06The most southerly public loo in Britain
0:14:06 > 0:14:08is on the island of the Minquiers.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10Here is a picture of it. It says, "This toilet has the distinction
0:14:10 > 0:14:13"of being the most southern building in the British Isles.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15"Please use with care as the nearest alternative is in Jersey,
0:14:15 > 0:14:17"which is 11 miles away."
0:14:17 > 0:14:18LAUGHTER
0:14:18 > 0:14:21It looks like those rocks are leaning against the toilet.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24It looks like they're queuing up, doesn't it?
0:14:24 > 0:14:27It does look like a queue, doesn't it, and they've solidified waiting.
0:14:27 > 0:14:28LAUGHTER
0:14:30 > 0:14:32"Oh, hello, we're the Minquiers.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35"Is there anyone in there?"
0:14:35 > 0:14:37That's a great title for a band.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39"Hey, hey, we're The Minquiers."
0:14:39 > 0:14:40"Hey, hey, we're The Minquiers."
0:14:40 > 0:14:44On a lighter note, who takes their mother-in-law to a lunatic asylum?
0:14:44 > 0:14:46- LAUGHTER - Ooh...
0:14:46 > 0:14:49- Terrible picture.- Look at us there. - VICTORIA:- What's...?
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Is that meant to be us as mothers-in-law in a lunatic asylum?
0:14:51 > 0:14:54- JASON:- Yes, that's exactly what it is.- I think that is the general...
0:14:54 > 0:14:57- That's the look we're going for. - That's definitely the weirdest idea
0:14:57 > 0:14:58- for a picture of us.- Yeah.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00- I'm just thinking of mother-in-law jokes now.- Go on, then.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02Well, the Les Dawson one is the best mother...
0:15:02 > 0:15:05AWOOGA Ah!
0:15:05 > 0:15:08- I haven't even told a joke! - APPLAUSE
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Damn you! That's not fair!
0:15:13 > 0:15:14He had the classic,
0:15:14 > 0:15:18I was walking down the street with my wife
0:15:18 > 0:15:20and I saw my mother-in-law,
0:15:20 > 0:15:22and she was being beaten and robbed by six men.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24And my wife said, "Aren't you going to help?"
0:15:24 > 0:15:27- I said, "No, six should be enough." - LAUGHTER
0:15:28 > 0:15:30- AS LES DAWSON:- I knew the mother-in-law was around,
0:15:30 > 0:15:34- because all the mice were throwing themselves on the trap.- Yeah!
0:15:35 > 0:15:38- He's amazing, amazing. - Fantastic comic.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40- Is this the old school... Like, the day out?- Yeah.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42- Like you would take...- Yeah. - ..to watch.- Absolutely right.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45- It was just down the road from here, wasn't it? Bethlem Hospital.- Yeah.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47You could go and they had a viewing gallery,
0:15:47 > 0:15:49- when you used to go and watch the crazy people.- Yeah.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52In 19th-century America, if you could afford a honeymoon,
0:15:52 > 0:15:54you would go on a grand tour, like you'd go to Niagara Falls,
0:15:54 > 0:15:57but you would also take an excursion to an insane asylum, prisons,
0:15:57 > 0:16:00battlefields, homes for the deaf and dumb, orphanages -
0:16:00 > 0:16:04and it was normal practice to take your new in-laws along with you.
0:16:04 > 0:16:05Can you imagine?
0:16:05 > 0:16:08It's funny how, like, there's a part of you that hears about that,
0:16:08 > 0:16:11and you suddenly think, "Oh, well, I'm glad we've moved on,"
0:16:11 > 0:16:14and then you think, "Isn't Big Brother still on the telly?"
0:16:14 > 0:16:17- Yeah, yeah. - And Britain's Got Talent auditions.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20- Yeah, I know! - It's pretty much the same thing.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22I only actually watch those at the beginning,
0:16:22 > 0:16:25when you've got the nutters. "Where are you from?" "Hull."
0:16:25 > 0:16:26"Where are you from?" "Carlisle."
0:16:26 > 0:16:27"Where are you from?" "Narnia!"
0:16:27 > 0:16:29"Right, you're in, right to the front."
0:16:29 > 0:16:31LAUGHTER
0:16:31 > 0:16:34So, odd outings, and odd days out, if you were interested -
0:16:34 > 0:16:37- sewage treatment works, for example. - Oh, yeah.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39The Sha Tin sewage works in Hong Kong
0:16:39 > 0:16:42offers, "Thematic tours, display panels,
0:16:42 > 0:16:44"model exhibitions and game booths,"
0:16:44 > 0:16:45as well as "stage performances,
0:16:45 > 0:16:48"a fun area for kids and photo-taking corners."
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Can you see the guy in the bottom right?
0:16:51 > 0:16:52LAUGHTER
0:16:54 > 0:16:56That really, that's very much like, "Oh, this is a terrible..."
0:16:56 > 0:16:58- Yeah!- "I thought it was a funny idea,
0:16:58 > 0:17:00"and now I'm here and it's bad."
0:17:00 > 0:17:02There's a treatment plant in New Zealand.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06"Sturdy, flat-soled and closed-in shoes are required,
0:17:06 > 0:17:07"and rain coats are recommended."
0:17:07 > 0:17:09AUDIENCE GROANS
0:17:09 > 0:17:10That sounds like they need a redesign,
0:17:10 > 0:17:12- if you've got to wear a raincoat.- Yeah.
0:17:12 > 0:17:13Going on a log flume.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15LAUGHTER
0:17:21 > 0:17:24Yeah. "Close your mouth!"
0:17:27 > 0:17:30The Dubbo Sewage Treatment Plant in New South Wales,
0:17:30 > 0:17:34their open day includes "spectacular drone footage plus a free barbecue."
0:17:34 > 0:17:36As the man in charge said, "I would be surprised
0:17:36 > 0:17:39"if we didn't have at least dozens of people through."
0:17:39 > 0:17:40LAUGHTER
0:17:42 > 0:17:46Now, what do vegetarian goatsuckers eat?
0:17:47 > 0:17:49LAUGHTER
0:17:49 > 0:17:51- Right, wow... - Can you show that on television?
0:17:51 > 0:17:54I think that's taking vaping too far.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Is that a goat bagpipe?
0:17:57 > 0:17:59It is a goat bagpipe.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01He's done something odd to his hair.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Yeah, his hair, that's the problem with that picture.
0:18:03 > 0:18:04LAUGHTER
0:18:06 > 0:18:09So vegetarian goatsuckers, what do they eat?
0:18:09 > 0:18:11He must eat the rest of the goat, surely,
0:18:11 > 0:18:12before it becomes his instrument?
0:18:12 > 0:18:14It's a vegetarian goatsucker.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16- VICTORIA:- So...
0:18:16 > 0:18:17- Not goats.- It's no use saying that.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19What's a goatsucker?
0:18:19 > 0:18:22- It's a kind of bird, it's an order of birds called goatsuckers...- Oh.
0:18:22 > 0:18:23..and they were named
0:18:23 > 0:18:26because there was an ancient belief that they lived nocturnally
0:18:26 > 0:18:28sucking the milk from the teats of goats,
0:18:28 > 0:18:29- which sent them blind. - Ooh, God!- Ooh, hello.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32- Feels like a fun-size owl.- Well...
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Like, if you're like, "Oh, I want to get an owl,
0:18:34 > 0:18:35- "but I haven't got the space."- Yeah.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37LAUGHTER
0:18:37 > 0:18:39"I'll get one of these."
0:18:39 > 0:18:42They're called oilbirds, also known as guacharo,
0:18:42 > 0:18:45and they are the only vegetarian species of goatsuckers.
0:18:45 > 0:18:46Most goatsuckers eat insects.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48These oilbirds eat fruit.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51Sorry, you said that like it's like a huge surprise to us.
0:18:51 > 0:18:52- What?- We only just heard they existed,
0:18:52 > 0:18:55and you went, "These are the only ones that are vegetarians."
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Well, I've just found out. I mean, I literally couldn't care less.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59LAUGHTER
0:18:59 > 0:19:01And I'm speaking on behalf of everyone in the room
0:19:01 > 0:19:04when I say, "No, really, these are the only vegetarian ones?!
0:19:04 > 0:19:06"Wow, let's get this down."
0:19:07 > 0:19:10What are you talking about? You've lost your mind!
0:19:13 > 0:19:15They live in caves in the northern part of South America.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18Well, no wonder they're vegetarian - what is there to eat in there?
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Well, the thing about them is they get so fat
0:19:21 > 0:19:25from the fruit that they eat, that they become incredibly plump
0:19:25 > 0:19:27and there's an annual oil harvest,
0:19:27 > 0:19:29where people take the plump babies in their thousands,
0:19:29 > 0:19:32the local people, and they render them for the oil.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35Because apparently it's excellent for fuel, and also for cooking.
0:19:35 > 0:19:36Do they still suck the goats?
0:19:36 > 0:19:40Nobody sucks goats, it's... There is no goat-sucking.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43- How do you get the oil out of the bird?- This is like a...!
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Well, you can render any bird for its fat.
0:19:45 > 0:19:46If you've ever cooked a duck,
0:19:46 > 0:19:48you can get an enormous amount of duck fat out of it.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51- Imagine a world where I've never cooked a duck.- OK.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53- LAUGHTER - Imagine - I mean, it's...
0:19:55 > 0:19:56I mean, it's like...
0:19:56 > 0:19:59We're not really on the same wavelength here at all.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02But fat runs off a chicken.
0:20:02 > 0:20:03Have you cooked a bird of any kind?
0:20:03 > 0:20:06- You'll have a drip tray.- Yes. Yes, you have a drip tray.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08- You've got one under your bed.- Yeah.
0:20:08 > 0:20:09LAUGHTER
0:20:11 > 0:20:13APPLAUSE
0:20:16 > 0:20:19Do you remember when Sandi had a breakdown on television
0:20:19 > 0:20:21and she was talking about goatsuckers?
0:20:21 > 0:20:23And then we just gave up, we asked about three times,
0:20:23 > 0:20:25"What has this goat got to do with anything?"
0:20:25 > 0:20:27and she just went, "Oh, it's a bird,"
0:20:27 > 0:20:30and then she kept on talking about goats for ages, before,
0:20:30 > 0:20:31but then we just let it go.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33You could look back on it as the tipping point,
0:20:33 > 0:20:35they say that was it, it was one show too many -
0:20:35 > 0:20:36and she explained to everyone,
0:20:36 > 0:20:38"It's the only vegetarian goatsucker,
0:20:38 > 0:20:39"but it doesn't suck goats, doesn't do it,"
0:20:39 > 0:20:42- and she thought it made sense. - Yeah, and then...and then she was...
0:20:42 > 0:20:45..she was someone's mother-in-law, and then she ended up in an asylum.
0:20:45 > 0:20:46LAUGHTER
0:20:46 > 0:20:48And we went to visit her. Yeah.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51It was an ancient belief that they sucked
0:20:51 > 0:20:54the teats of goats for the milk, but they don't.
0:20:54 > 0:20:58Sometimes, in the old days, they got things wrong.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01I'd quite like to live in a cave.
0:21:01 > 0:21:02Would you? Why?
0:21:02 > 0:21:05I don't know, I always like being in a cave.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10Whenever I'm in a cave, I feel quite relaxed.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13This is the weirdest therapy session of all time.
0:21:13 > 0:21:17I went into some really big caves once, and it was great in there.
0:21:18 > 0:21:19LAUGHTER
0:21:21 > 0:21:24I'd say whatever Sandi's got is catching.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26LAUGHTER
0:21:26 > 0:21:27And do you know what?
0:21:27 > 0:21:30If my calculations are correct, I think the wind's blowing that way.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33I don't think Jason's got much hope.
0:21:33 > 0:21:34But you talk about the things that -
0:21:34 > 0:21:37you say they're called goatsuckers and you don't believe me,
0:21:37 > 0:21:39- there are... - Oh, we're back to this, are we?
0:21:39 > 0:21:42I mean, God bless Alan for taking one for the team,
0:21:42 > 0:21:46but you really... Oh, yeah, no, back to the goatsuckers, yeah,
0:21:46 > 0:21:49let's pull this round, because this lot can't believe it.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52That is a thing, but it's also known as an oilbird,
0:21:52 > 0:21:55but the type of bird it is is a goatsucker.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57That's just the - what they became called
0:21:57 > 0:21:59even though it isn't actually the...
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Hundreds, thousands of years ago somebody went,
0:22:01 > 0:22:05- "I bet they suck the teats of goats."- Yes, exactly.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07- "Let's call them goatsuckers." - Yes, and it stuck.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Everyone else went, "But they don't do that."
0:22:09 > 0:22:11- "I've named them now!"- Yes.
0:22:11 > 0:22:15"OK? I've written it down in the bird book!"
0:22:15 > 0:22:16LAUGHTER
0:22:18 > 0:22:20It's like that joke, "You shag one sheep..."
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Yeah, exactly.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25One of them mistook a goat's nipple for a berry...
0:22:25 > 0:22:29..and the whole species was named.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Right, moving on.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34The oilbird is the only vegetarian goatsucker.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37It eats nothing but fruit. Right.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Let us move on to the outer limits of knowledge,
0:22:39 > 0:22:41the odd world of General Ignorance.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43Fingers on buzzers, please.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46How many time zones are there in China?
0:22:46 > 0:22:47Ooh.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Yes, Jimmy?
0:22:49 > 0:22:50One.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53- Yes.- Come on! - You're absolutely right, one.
0:22:53 > 0:22:54APPLAUSE
0:22:57 > 0:23:00- So...- No, no, no, don't even explain, let's just...
0:23:00 > 0:23:01Let's just enjoy that moment for a second.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03I mean, I've never got anything on this bloody show.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06- You're absolutely right.- It's one, actually.- Why do you think that?
0:23:06 > 0:23:09Well, do you know what? That's not important. What matters is...
0:23:09 > 0:23:10LAUGHTER
0:23:10 > 0:23:12- ..there's one time zone in China. - Yeah.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14- You can take that to the bank.- Yeah.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17I imagine the Communist Party decided what the time was
0:23:17 > 0:23:19- and that was it.- Yeah. You're absolutely right.
0:23:19 > 0:23:20So, given the size of the nation,
0:23:20 > 0:23:23- you would think that it would be many different...- At least four.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25At least four - but it's always Beijing time,
0:23:25 > 0:23:27no matter where you are. So, if it is noon in Beijing,
0:23:27 > 0:23:29then 3,000 miles away, it is also noon.
0:23:29 > 0:23:30It was standardised, time, in 1949,
0:23:30 > 0:23:33following the revolution and the civil war.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Is there people in the middle of the night like forcing lunch down them?
0:23:35 > 0:23:38- Yes.- "Ooh, lunch time again."
0:23:38 > 0:23:40HE YAWNS Yes.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42In the summer, there are places where the sun sets
0:23:42 > 0:23:44in the middle of the night, and then in the winter
0:23:44 > 0:23:47the sunrise might not come until ten o'clock in the morning.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49First adoption of standard time in Britain?
0:23:49 > 0:23:51- Why did we adopt it? - Was that wartime?
0:23:51 > 0:23:54No. 1847, so we're talking about the railways.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57It's because there's no point in having the railways
0:23:57 > 0:23:58- if you're all on different times. - Oh.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01You say that, but I don't know if you've used Southern Rail...
0:24:01 > 0:24:02LAUGHTER
0:24:04 > 0:24:06GMT. You start to get it -
0:24:06 > 0:24:081855, about 98% of the country is using it,
0:24:08 > 0:24:11and then it became Britain's legal time in 1880 -
0:24:11 > 0:24:13but there were still places,
0:24:13 > 0:24:16some British clocks have got two minute hands,
0:24:16 > 0:24:18so there is a still working public clock
0:24:18 > 0:24:20over the old Corn Exchange in Bristol,
0:24:20 > 0:24:22and it has a black minute hand for GMT
0:24:22 > 0:24:26and it has a red minute hand for what was known as Bristol Time,
0:24:26 > 0:24:28and it's ten minutes behind,
0:24:28 > 0:24:29and that clock is still working.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Ten minutes behind!
0:24:31 > 0:24:33- I've done some gigs in Bristol, that makes sense.- Yeah.
0:24:33 > 0:24:34LAUGHTER
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Sometimes they don't get it straight away.
0:24:36 > 0:24:37RENEWED LAUGHTER
0:24:39 > 0:24:40I think they might be in.
0:24:42 > 0:24:46- That reaction.- What should I do if my child has got flat feet?
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Oh, store them on a flat surface.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50LAUGHTER
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Why would I mind?
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Ah, well, you're absolutely right, it doesn't matter.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56- Nothing, nothing. - It doesn't matter in the slightest.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59- I've got very flat feet. - Yes, it doesn't matter.
0:24:59 > 0:25:00I mean it doesn't matter to me.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02I don't give a damn about your feet. LAUGHTER
0:25:02 > 0:25:04You've... You've really changed.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06You were super friendly earlier.
0:25:06 > 0:25:07Why has it ever mattered?
0:25:07 > 0:25:09You used to be able to get out of military service.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12- Yeah.- Pike in Dad's Army - it was his feet, wasn't it?
0:25:12 > 0:25:14- Yeah.- That and his stupidity.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16LAUGHTER
0:25:16 > 0:25:18It's an old wives' tale, and we have no idea
0:25:18 > 0:25:20why both the medical and the military establishment
0:25:20 > 0:25:22decided to adopt it as something that was important -
0:25:22 > 0:25:25and you could indeed be given exclusion from service
0:25:25 > 0:25:27in the Armed Forces because you had flat feet.
0:25:27 > 0:25:28- Not any more. - Those are nice little feet.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31- They're so... I love babies' feet. - Mm.- They're just so...
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Like little slices of rare roast beef.
0:25:33 > 0:25:34LAUGHTER
0:25:34 > 0:25:36OK, that wasn't where I was going, but, yes.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38LAUGHTER
0:25:38 > 0:25:41- JASON:- I've got a feeling the wind's blowing the other way now.
0:25:41 > 0:25:42LAUGHTER
0:25:43 > 0:25:45It's really, it used to be seen as a disability.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48Some people thought it needed treatment, even surgery,
0:25:48 > 0:25:50- but nowadays it's...- That would feel like taking the piss,
0:25:50 > 0:25:51if you parked in a disabled bay
0:25:51 > 0:25:53and went, "Yeah, I've got..."
0:25:53 > 0:25:55- Flat feet, mate.- Flat feet. - "I've got very flat feet."
0:25:55 > 0:25:58What we think now is that feet just come in different shapes and sizes.
0:25:58 > 0:25:59- That'll be it.- Like ears and noses,
0:25:59 > 0:26:02they come - you know, there's no right or wrong.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04It's possible that the whole concept of arched feet
0:26:04 > 0:26:05is just a cosmetic ideal.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07People thought it was rather beautiful.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09I don't really get the foot fetish thing.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11- Do you not? - Like, how did that start?
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Well, there was a goatsucker and...
0:26:13 > 0:26:14LAUGHTER
0:26:14 > 0:26:16APPLAUSE
0:26:19 > 0:26:22The best treatment for flat feet is no treatment at all.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25When a boa constrictor squeezes its prey,
0:26:25 > 0:26:26what is the cause of death?
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Oh, that's so horrible.
0:26:28 > 0:26:29No, snakes are brilliant.
0:26:29 > 0:26:30It'll be something creepy.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33- Yeah.- Snakes are real murderers.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36Is the answer, you're beaten to death with a candlestick?
0:26:36 > 0:26:39Oh! In the library by the boa constrictor.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42They are the absolute Agatha Christie of killers.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44Do you know, I normally quite like snakes,
0:26:44 > 0:26:47- but that one is just rude.- Yeah.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Don't they, don't they sort of trigger a heart attack?
0:26:49 > 0:26:52- Yes, that is exactly right. - Is that their thing?- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54It used to be thought that they squeezed so hard
0:26:54 > 0:26:55that the victim couldn't breathe,
0:26:55 > 0:26:57and that each time the prey exhaled,
0:26:57 > 0:26:58the snake would tighten its grip
0:26:58 > 0:27:00until they couldn't breathe any more -
0:27:00 > 0:27:01but what they've now discovered
0:27:01 > 0:27:04is it's stopping the blood flow to the vital organs.
0:27:04 > 0:27:05They've done these studies
0:27:05 > 0:27:07to know how the snake knows when to stop squeezing.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10Dickinson College in Pennsylvania, they gave their boa constrictor
0:27:10 > 0:27:15dead rats into which little robot hearts had been inserted.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18So, although the rat was dead, it still had a heartbeat,
0:27:18 > 0:27:19and the snakes didn't relax their grip
0:27:19 > 0:27:21until they turned off the heartbeat.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24They seemed to have the ability to work out, to monitor the heartbeat.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27They're like a, they're like a demon blood pressure cuff.
0:27:27 > 0:27:28LAUGHTER
0:27:28 > 0:27:30Listen to the things people have done,
0:27:30 > 0:27:31you haven't even cooked a duck!
0:27:31 > 0:27:33LAUGHTER
0:27:33 > 0:27:35APPLAUSE
0:27:41 > 0:27:45That's told me! That's told me.
0:27:45 > 0:27:46Time to look at some odd numbers.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49It is the final scores -
0:27:49 > 0:27:52and our winner, with minus four, this is very exciting,
0:27:52 > 0:27:54is Victoria.
0:27:54 > 0:27:55Oh, fair play.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57APPLAUSE
0:28:00 > 0:28:03In joint second place, with minus eight,
0:28:03 > 0:28:04it's Jason and Alan.
0:28:04 > 0:28:07- APPLAUSE - Oh!- That's good.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09We came second.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12I've never even cooked a duck!
0:28:12 > 0:28:14Or sucked a goat.
0:28:14 > 0:28:15In...
0:28:15 > 0:28:16- LAUGHTER - Well...
0:28:18 > 0:28:20- Too much information. - I had a fabulous gap year,
0:28:20 > 0:28:21I don't want to discuss it.
0:28:21 > 0:28:25With minus 23, last place goes to Jimmy!
0:28:25 > 0:28:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:33 > 0:28:37So, it's thanks to Victoria, Jimmy, Jason and Alan -
0:28:37 > 0:28:40and we leave you with a memory of Winston Churchill,
0:28:40 > 0:28:42who was not only a great orator, but a great student of oratory.
0:28:42 > 0:28:45He used to rehearse his speeches constantly
0:28:45 > 0:28:46to make them sound natural.
0:28:46 > 0:28:48He'd practise in the bath, for instance,
0:28:48 > 0:28:50and it's said that the first time his valet heard him doing this,
0:28:50 > 0:28:52he asked, "Were you speaking to me, sir?"
0:28:52 > 0:28:55"No," said Churchill, "I was addressing the House of Commons."
0:28:55 > 0:28:56Goodnight.
0:28:56 > 0:28:57APPLAUSE