0:00:23 > 0:00:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:32 > 0:00:36Good evening and welcome to QI.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Tonight we are heading Overseas,
0:00:38 > 0:00:41and helping me to oversee proceedings
0:00:41 > 0:00:43are the Maharaja of Mirth, Bill Bailey.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:47 > 0:00:50The Sultana of Swing, Desiree Burch.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:54 > 0:00:58The Grand Vizier of Gags, Colin Lane.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:02 > 0:01:05And on his "gap yahh", Alan Davies.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:11 > 0:01:14Right, let's OVERSEA their buzzers. Bill goes:
0:01:14 > 0:01:20# Over the hills and far away... #
0:01:20 > 0:01:23That's lovely. Desiree goes:
0:01:23 > 0:01:28# It's a long way to Tipperary... #
0:01:28 > 0:01:29Colin goes:
0:01:29 > 0:01:32# I come from a land down under... #
0:01:34 > 0:01:35Alan goes:
0:01:35 > 0:01:39# Show me the way to go home
0:01:39 > 0:01:44# I'm tired and I wanna go to bed... #
0:01:44 > 0:01:46That's like the ultimate drunk song, isn't it, that?
0:01:46 > 0:01:53- Yeah.- Now, which Australian icon is regularly smeared in olive oil?
0:01:53 > 0:01:55- # Go home... # - Oh, Alan was in.
0:01:55 > 0:01:56Colin Lane.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59KLAXON BLARES
0:02:04 > 0:02:06And it's not a good look.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08So, I need an Australian icon regularly smeared in olive oil.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12Well, would it be an animal of some kind?
0:02:12 > 0:02:13A beast, a thing?
0:02:13 > 0:02:15- No, it's not an animal. - Sydney Harbour Bridge is...
0:02:15 > 0:02:17- OK, you're getting close.- Ooh.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20- Opera House?- Yes, the Opera House is absolutely the right answer.
0:02:20 > 0:02:21- Why did you say that? - It's 200 metres
0:02:21 > 0:02:23- from the Sydney Harbour bridge. - Yeah, exactly.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25And you said that was close when he said...
0:02:25 > 0:02:29So there was a Greek migrant who arrived in Sydney in 1964,
0:02:29 > 0:02:33Steve Tsoukalas, and he loved the building immediately.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35It was being built, he decided he wanted to work there.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38He is still working there, he's the longest-serving employee,
0:02:38 > 0:02:41and he was inspired by his own Greek heritage.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43So he said, "Olive oil for the Greeks means a lot of things,
0:02:43 > 0:02:47"the Greeks used olive oil in the Olympic Games to rub on the body.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49"Olive oil protects from the sun."
0:02:49 > 0:02:52And he decided that the building needed to be rubbed in olive oil.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55The fact is, it doesn't protect it from the sun, at all,
0:02:55 > 0:02:57but it stops the railings and the door frames
0:02:57 > 0:02:59- and the windows from getting rusty.- Ah.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01He's still working there more than 50 years later.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04And does it not deter people from clambering on it,
0:03:04 > 0:03:07- I'd imagine, as well?- Because you'd slide off because of the olive oil.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10I love the design of it, I think the design of it is extraordinary.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13Apparently the Danish architect, Jorn Utzon...
0:03:13 > 0:03:14SHE CHUCKLES
0:03:14 > 0:03:17He got the idea when he was peeling an orange.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19It's the segments of an orange, and then the 14 shells,
0:03:19 > 0:03:22if you put them together, would make a perfect sphere.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25What I love about it is his design was recovered from a reject pile.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28It was a competition and he got £5,000 for winning the competition.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31There are lots of different ways of cleaning buildings.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34York Minster found covering the building in a paint made from olive oil
0:03:34 > 0:03:36can also help to protect it from rain damage.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38So one of the components of olive oil is an acid
0:03:38 > 0:03:40that reacts with limestone surfaces,
0:03:40 > 0:03:43and it creates a barrier and stops water getting into the stone.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45So actually it is a wonderful thing, olive oil.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47It's a panacea, for buildings.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49I remember, we had this neighbour once, who hated squirrels,
0:03:49 > 0:03:54and he painted all the trees with anti-climb paint.
0:03:56 > 0:04:01And... Which was, obviously I don't know whether that's cruel or what,
0:04:01 > 0:04:04- I don't know, but it was hilarious to watch.- Quite funny, yeah.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08The cat would chase the squirrel, and the squirrel would go,
0:04:08 > 0:04:10"Hey, I'm out of here!"
0:04:12 > 0:04:13There are other things you can do with...
0:04:13 > 0:04:18I don't think I can say this - other things you can do with olive oil!
0:04:18 > 0:04:19Cover opera houses.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23- Yes.- Well, in Turkey, oil wrestling is the national sport.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26They have an annual world series, it's called the Kirkpinar.
0:04:26 > 0:04:2840 Springs. It's the oldest
0:04:28 > 0:04:31continuing sporting event in the world.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34There are 13 weight categories, from Best Beginner,
0:04:34 > 0:04:37all the way up to Chief Wrestler, and taking in Big Medium,
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Small Medium Big and Small And Sweet.
0:04:40 > 0:04:41Which I like.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44You are allowed to put your hand down your opponent's trousers.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47- Hmm, there you go.- But it is explicitly against the rules
0:04:47 > 0:04:52to grab your opponent's testicles or invade his rectum.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56That was going to be the one, right there.
0:04:56 > 0:05:00- Just, ooh!- You can, if you want, you can put a squirrel down there.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02- And that's...- Yes.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06This looks like an instructional video of a pickpocket.
0:05:06 > 0:05:07It's like, do's and don't's.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Do aim for the pocket.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Yes.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14The one on the right really looks compliant.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20He's saying, "You can invade it if you like.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25"I won't say a word!"
0:05:25 > 0:05:29"It's not an invasion if I invite you in there."
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Right, moving on, um...
0:05:33 > 0:05:36What did the Romans think the Britons had ever done for them?
0:05:36 > 0:05:39I'm going to give you a clue, it begins with O.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42Orienteering. They just went in straight lines,
0:05:42 > 0:05:45whereas we could go from point to point over all terrain.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47- Via a youth hostel.- Yes.- Yes.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50- They've got nothing to eat.- Octopus.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Orally.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55THEY ALL MUMBLE SLOWLY
0:05:55 > 0:05:56Ovaltine!
0:05:56 > 0:05:59- Oysters.- Oysters.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03When they came to Britain, they fell in love with our oysters.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06The first century BC Roman historian, Sallust, he said,
0:06:06 > 0:06:09"Poor Britons, there is some good in them after all.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11"They have produced an oyster."
0:06:11 > 0:06:13So, do you like oysters? I love oysters.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16- Yes.- Yeah, they're fantastic. - I think they are just delicious.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18- I'll tell you what is nice.- Yeah. - Fish paste.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22Innit, though? Fish paste on toast.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24- Oh, it is, yeah. - Can you still get that?- Yeah.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Yeah, you can get that.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28And Salisbury Cathedral is covered in it.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34It stops the pigeons from landing.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37I just made that up, I don't know, it could be true, I don't know.
0:06:37 > 0:06:38It sounds plausible.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41They used to transport the oysters from here all the way
0:06:41 > 0:06:45over the Alps in carts filled with snow and ice.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48The wealthier Romans used to have salt water tanks in their gardens,
0:06:48 > 0:06:50so they could keep them fresh for parties and that sort of thing.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Oysters aside, I have to say,
0:06:52 > 0:06:54the Romans viewed the British as uncultured and backwards.
0:06:54 > 0:06:59They mocked their abundance of tattoos and lack of clothing.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04- Nothing's changed. - Nothing's changed.- No!
0:07:04 > 0:07:07The second century historian, Herodian, he reported the reason
0:07:07 > 0:07:09they didn't wear clothes was to show off their tattoos.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Oysters have been popular in this country for a long time.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14There's a horrible story of William Thackeray.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17He tried one the size of a dinner plate when he was in New York,
0:07:17 > 0:07:20in 1852, and he described it,
0:07:20 > 0:07:22"Like swallowing a live baby."
0:07:24 > 0:07:27In the 19th century, London was plagued by a man called Dando,
0:07:27 > 0:07:29the celebrated oyster glutton.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32This man was constantly sent to prison for overeating oysters
0:07:32 > 0:07:38and not paying the bill. And he became a sort of folk hero.
0:07:38 > 0:07:39And every time he left prison,
0:07:39 > 0:07:43he went back out and immediately started eating oysters again,
0:07:43 > 0:07:45not paying for them, and then back in again.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47There's a wonderful story about him leaving Brixton prison,
0:07:47 > 0:07:52still in the prison garb, he eats 13 dozen oysters,
0:07:52 > 0:07:54and washes it down with five bottles of ginger beer,
0:07:54 > 0:07:59because he was, "troubled with wind in the stomach."
0:07:59 > 0:08:02You'd think he'd eat a quieter food if he'd been thrown in jail.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04It's all that slurping. Eat marshmallows.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06- Yes, something.- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08He once ate 240 oysters in one sitting.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10GASPING I know, that is really...
0:08:10 > 0:08:13- Audible gasps!- Yes. So, anyway.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17On the screen we have some anagrams of country names.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19I want you to see how many you can work out.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21And you've got just a few seconds.
0:08:21 > 0:08:22Write them down, please.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25- What are we working out, sorry?- What countries these are anagrams of.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Well, I've got the first two.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29After that I'm in trouble.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32OK. Who got all four?
0:08:33 > 0:08:35# Down under... #
0:08:35 > 0:08:36Oh, Colin.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39KLAXON BLARES
0:08:39 > 0:08:42- "I did." I did is wrong? - Yes, it is wrong.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45It's not possible to get all four, how many did you get?
0:08:45 > 0:08:46Only the two.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49- Just two?- Yeah.- Colin, what did you think they were, darling?
0:08:49 > 0:08:50- Well, Wales.- Yes.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52- France.- Yes.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54- Angola.- Ah, there you go.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56And Kazakhstan.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Yeah, it would be Kazakhstan, except there is an extra E.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01So the fourth one is not possible.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Here is the thing.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06It's not good that you thought you'd got all four,
0:09:06 > 0:09:10because what they now know is that you are more likely to act immorally
0:09:10 > 0:09:11if you spend time abroad.
0:09:11 > 0:09:15Yes, I just thought that I was right, but I wasn't.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17So I didn't actually purposely lie.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20No, no. So they did a study of this.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23They got people to solve anagrams, and what they've discovered is,
0:09:23 > 0:09:24that people who spend time abroad
0:09:24 > 0:09:27are more likely to say that they've done something correctly.
0:09:27 > 0:09:3148% of people who spent a year in a foreign country cheated on the test,
0:09:31 > 0:09:32compared with 30% of the others.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35The idea is that your moral compass loses some of its precision.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37The further from your home country?
0:09:37 > 0:09:41Yeah. So a fifth of people admitted to stealing while they've been in a foreign country.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43So, what you're saying is that you go abroad,
0:09:43 > 0:09:46you live abroad for a bit, and you sort of, kind of, almost have
0:09:46 > 0:09:49a bit of licence to re-invent yourself a little bit,
0:09:49 > 0:09:51- and become a different person... - Be a bit naughty.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53..who would do things you'd not normally do?
0:09:53 > 0:09:56Yeah. So 20% of people admitted to urinating in public when abroad,
0:09:56 > 0:09:57but wouldn't dream of doing it.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00- Oh.- Although, the first time I came over to Europe,
0:10:00 > 0:10:01everyone was pissing everywhere.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04Out along the streets, it was like, this is the way of the Europeans.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07- Everyone...- Oh. Whereabouts in Britain were you at this point?
0:10:07 > 0:10:11So, lots of people do that. 5% of people who did the survey,
0:10:11 > 0:10:14drinking too much has led to a naked escapade in public,
0:10:14 > 0:10:15but only when abroad.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18I've never, have you had a naked escapade abroad?
0:10:18 > 0:10:20I don't know why I'm looking at you, Bill.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Um, no, well, no. Well, all right, well...
0:10:23 > 0:10:24Yeah, I have. Yeah.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28I got locked out of a room once.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32The thing I don't understand, Expedia, a travel company,
0:10:32 > 0:10:35they did a survey in 2002, and the British were voted
0:10:35 > 0:10:37the worst tourists in the world.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Yeah!
0:10:39 > 0:10:44- Champions!- Number one! In your face, Europe!
0:10:45 > 0:10:46Well, because Europe,
0:10:46 > 0:10:49your liquor laws make everything close at midnight,
0:10:49 > 0:10:52and then you go to these places where you can drink until 4am.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54You don't know how to pace or control yourselves.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57- No, that's true.- It's like, "Lads! Lads! Lads!" Everywhere.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59And people are like, really, it's OK, you can...
0:10:59 > 0:11:02There's more to drink tomorrow, stop for now.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Guess who's the best tourists in the world?
0:11:06 > 0:11:08No, darling, it's not the Australians.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10- Japanese? - Japanese, yeah, absolutely.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13The most polite, quietest, cleanest, least likely to complain.
0:11:13 > 0:11:17- Yeah.- And by the way, as far as alcohol is concerned, Australia,
0:11:17 > 0:11:18we never touch the stuff.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21They never touch your shitty lager, that's for sure.
0:11:26 > 0:11:30Well, we...we don't touch it either,
0:11:30 > 0:11:32that's why we sent it all over here.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36My favourite story about people getting drunk abroad
0:11:36 > 0:11:38happened in 2012, with two Welsh holiday-makers.
0:11:38 > 0:11:42They drank a litre and a half of vodka, right?
0:11:42 > 0:11:44So this is like two wine bottles, basically, of vodka.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47- Bloody hell.- They were in Queensland and they woke up to find
0:11:47 > 0:11:51they were sharing their apartment with a fairy penguin called Dirk
0:11:51 > 0:11:55they had obtained by breaking into SeaWorld the night before.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59They're the smallest species of penguin, about 13 inches high.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01They had apparently also swum with the dolphins
0:12:01 > 0:12:04and let off a fire extinguisher in the shark pool.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09They then tried to care for the penguin by giving it a shower.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14I feel like this is a plot to a Hollywood film,
0:12:14 > 0:12:17like, they've had the best vacation they'll never remember.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19No. Yes, you're absolutely right.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21And then they tried to put it in a canal,
0:12:21 > 0:12:24because they didn't know what to do with it.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26- What a night.- Yeah, seriously.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29- Top night out.- Yeah.- Once you've put out a shark that's on fire...
0:12:31 > 0:12:35But can you imagine waking up drunk and there's a penguin right there?
0:12:37 > 0:12:40How did they find out it was called Dirk?
0:12:40 > 0:12:43- I think SeaWorld said, "Where the hell is Dirk?"- Oh, OK.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46- Dirk's always out with the Welsh lads.- Yeah.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52Now, we all know who was overpaid, oversexed and over here.
0:12:52 > 0:12:56But who was overpaid, undersexed and over there?
0:12:56 > 0:12:59- Well, these are GIs we're talking about.- OK, GIs. Yeah.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02- But you're saying there was an equivalent?- Yes.- Oh, OK, undersexed.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Oh, all the women who were left behind waiting,
0:13:04 > 0:13:07- although they weren't overpaid, were they?- No.- Well, it depends.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09So, during the Second World War,
0:13:09 > 0:13:12the wives of the American servicemen who'd been sent to fight abroad,
0:13:12 > 0:13:14they got an allotment. It was known as an allotment,
0:13:14 > 0:13:17and it was 50 a month for their husband's tour.
0:13:17 > 0:13:22And if the husband died in battle, they got 10,000 life insurance.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Some of the women thought, "That's a marvellous idea."
0:13:24 > 0:13:27So they married as many men as they could.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29So they were bigamists.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31They were known as Allotment Annies.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34There's a fabulous story about one of them, Elvira Taylor,
0:13:34 > 0:13:37she was 17 years old, and she had married two men,
0:13:37 > 0:13:41and she was caught out by the most unbelievably unlucky coincidence.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43There were two American sailors in a pub, this is not them,
0:13:43 > 0:13:45this is just us showing two American sailors.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48And they both showed a photograph of their wife...
0:13:50 > 0:13:54..to the other, and it turns out she was in fact married to both of them,
0:13:54 > 0:13:56as well as four other sailors.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Oh, hashtag role models.
0:14:00 > 0:14:04In fact, the practice was considered so widespread that warnings against possible bigamists
0:14:04 > 0:14:07were printed in every civil notice of every single marriage.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10There was even a film, Allotment Wives, released about them.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Hundreds of women were convicted after the war
0:14:12 > 0:14:14of having been Allotment Annies.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16- Wow.- Allotment Annies.- I know, it's a great phrase, isn't it?
0:14:16 > 0:14:18- It is, yeah.- OK.
0:14:18 > 0:14:23Who am I talking about? A great beauty, pouty lips, long legs,
0:14:23 > 0:14:27good posture, firm ears, and spits in your face when you annoy them?
0:14:27 > 0:14:29- Camel.- It is a camel, indeed.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31- Yeah.- Pouty lips?
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Pouty lips, yes. There you are, look,
0:14:33 > 0:14:35they have naturally pouty lips.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Every year the government of which country,
0:14:38 > 0:14:40it's the only one in the world begins with O?
0:14:40 > 0:14:44- Oman.- Oman, runs a camel beauty contest.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46So I've got the guidelines for a beautiful camel.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48"Well-proportioned body and face."
0:14:48 > 0:14:51- Essential. - Essential. "A long gharib."
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Anybody know what the gharib is?
0:14:53 > 0:14:55- Gharib.- The penis.
0:14:57 > 0:14:58Is it their neck thing?
0:14:58 > 0:15:02It is the area between the hump and the neck, is the gharib.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05- Oh, OK.- "Long body, firm ears, pouty lips.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08"Broad cheeks, big whiskers, a long, straight neck,
0:15:08 > 0:15:11"long straight legs and fur shimmer."
0:15:11 > 0:15:12A shiny coat, I guess.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Yeah. And the most important thing is it's got to be large.
0:15:14 > 0:15:18There are no hybrid breeds, no fur dying, colouring, tattooing,
0:15:18 > 0:15:20that kind of thing. The natural look is what they want.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22But there are other animal beauty contests,
0:15:22 > 0:15:25and one of them is held here in the UK.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28It's an annual tarantula beauty contest.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31So we are going to have a look to see how beautiful tarantulas are.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Please welcome zoologist, Mark Amey.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35APPLAUSE
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Thank you, Mark. Now, here is the thing,
0:15:42 > 0:15:47is that we don't in any way want to upset the tarantulas, obviously.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50- COLIN:- Don't open the lid, don't open the lid. Don't open the lid.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53So only one person is going to handle.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55This is Rosie, the tarantula.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57And Bill's volunteered, haven't you, Bill?
0:15:57 > 0:16:01- Yes, I have. - COLIN:- Ah, yes, ah, yeah.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04- And what is this one?- That's a Mexican redknee tarantula.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07- Right.- And this one is a Chilean rose tarantula.
0:16:07 > 0:16:08She is called Rosie, isn't she?
0:16:08 > 0:16:10- Yeah.- OK. How dangerous are they?
0:16:10 > 0:16:12I mean, some people are afraid of them.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Their venom is very mild.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16- Right.- So it's equivalent to a... - COLIN LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
0:16:19 > 0:16:21- Completely natural. - Venom is mild?
0:16:21 > 0:16:23It's similar to bees' and wasps' stings.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26So it's a neurotoxin, but it's a low-level neurotoxin.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29- Oh, that's all right, then. - But tell me about the...
0:16:29 > 0:16:31a nettle sting that they can give off from their abdomen,
0:16:31 > 0:16:33- is that right? - Yeah, it's called urticating.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35And those hairs are like little javelin spears
0:16:35 > 0:16:38that go in an upward direction, and they're all barbed.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41So when they hit something like eyes or skin, they stick in.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44It comes from the Latin for nettle, so it feels like a nettle sting?
0:16:44 > 0:16:45- Is that the sensation?- Yeah.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47- Oh.- And do they mind being handled?
0:16:47 > 0:16:49No, this one's quite used to it and quite enjoys it.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51Have you known Rosie from, I don't, from...?
0:16:51 > 0:16:53I've had her for over 20 years, but that...
0:16:53 > 0:16:55I don't know how long they'll live.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58- She could live another 20 years? - Yeah.- It's very sweet.- But the boys,
0:16:58 > 0:17:00the boys reach sexual maturity and then what?
0:17:00 > 0:17:02- Then they're pretty doomed.- Right.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04They stop feeding and their whole purpose in life
0:17:04 > 0:17:05is to try and find females.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08- Yes.- And then they'll usually die of starvation.
0:17:08 > 0:17:12If not, the last female that they mate with generally kills him.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Well, I think they're both super. Thank you so much, Mark,
0:17:14 > 0:17:17for bringing them in and thank you to Rosie.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Thank you very much.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25Now, why would you keep your brother in a cage?
0:17:26 > 0:17:28If he was a bit like my brother,
0:17:28 > 0:17:31who used to like to pin me down and dribble into my mouth...
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Ah, yeah.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36- Oh!- Ugh.- It's a funny relationship with brothers, isn't it?
0:17:36 > 0:17:39So, my brother and I, we used to play this game at night.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41We'd turn out the lights and roll up a pair of socks
0:17:41 > 0:17:44and throw them, and if you hit each other, then you got a point.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46And I always won. And that is because
0:17:46 > 0:17:48he had a luminous dial on his watch.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53And I never told him, right,
0:17:53 > 0:17:55until his 50th birthday.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59And he's still cross about it!
0:18:03 > 0:18:05I had a big brother who used to bully me,
0:18:05 > 0:18:06and I had a little brother as well.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09And he was one day in the bathroom, and he was nude,
0:18:09 > 0:18:14came out of the bathroom and just went, "I am a robot, I am a robot."
0:18:14 > 0:18:16We thought that was pretty funny. And then he turned around
0:18:16 > 0:18:18and he had a battery sticking out of his bum.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Actually, we're going right back to Ottoman times.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25So, as the Ottoman Empire expanded,
0:18:25 > 0:18:28it was decreed that when a Sultan ascended to the throne,
0:18:28 > 0:18:31he should kill all his brothers, to prevent sibling rivalry and that kind of thing.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35And then this guy pitched up, Sultan Ahmed I.
0:18:35 > 0:18:371603, and he said, "I don't want to kill my brothers,"
0:18:37 > 0:18:40he's a nice guy, so he made this very special pavilion
0:18:40 > 0:18:42and it was called The Cage. And they were cut off from the world,
0:18:42 > 0:18:44all his brothers, they were accompanied by eunuchs,
0:18:44 > 0:18:46and concubines past child-bearing age,
0:18:46 > 0:18:50so they couldn't have any progeny to mess up with the thing.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53And they spent all their time doing macrame.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55Ah, how lovely.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57- I know.- In the shape of a noose.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Yeah. And then if a Sultan died without a son,
0:18:59 > 0:19:03one of the brothers would be taken from the cage and made Sultan.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06Right, so is this a way of protecting the line, the lineage?
0:19:06 > 0:19:07- Yeah.- Right.- It is exactly that.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09But the one who came from the cage,
0:19:09 > 0:19:12that wasn't just whoever's the oldest, there was terrible fighting.
0:19:12 > 0:19:161622, Sultan Osman II died by,
0:19:16 > 0:19:20"compression of the testicles at the hands of an assassin,
0:19:20 > 0:19:22- "Pehlivan the Oil Wrestler."- Ah!
0:19:24 > 0:19:26They had quite a lot of strange rules.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29One of my favourites, if a grand Vizier of the Ottoman Empire was
0:19:29 > 0:19:34sentenced to death, he could have the sentence commuted to banishment
0:19:34 > 0:19:37if he beat the head gardener, who was also the chief executioner,
0:19:37 > 0:19:39in a race around the royal palace.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42So the Vizier would be summoned by the gardener,
0:19:42 > 0:19:44and he would be handed a cup of sherbet.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47If it was white, it was all fine, if it was red, it meant death.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50And he had to run 300 yards from the palace to a place
0:19:50 > 0:19:52called the Fish Market Gate,
0:19:52 > 0:19:55and if he survived, then he could carry on living.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58And this carried on quite well into the 19th century.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00It's such an interesting period of history.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03So 1517, they had one of their most famous victories
0:20:03 > 0:20:05over the Mamluks of Egypt.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07And it's largely down to the fact that
0:20:07 > 0:20:10the Mamluks considered guns beneath their dignity.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13- Huh.- They refused to use them, and that's how they were...
0:20:13 > 0:20:14- Idiots.- Yeah, exactly.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Totally wiped out.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18- Yeah.- Now we arrive at the slippery individual
0:20:18 > 0:20:20that we call General Ignorance. Fingers on buzzers, please.
0:20:21 > 0:20:25Where are most of the world's obelisks?
0:20:25 > 0:20:27# Go home... #
0:20:27 > 0:20:29- Alan?- London.
0:20:29 > 0:20:33- No.- Oh, come on, we've got one.
0:20:33 > 0:20:34We've got one!
0:20:34 > 0:20:35# Down under... #
0:20:35 > 0:20:38- Tasmania.- I want that to be true.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40But no, they are in Rome.
0:20:40 > 0:20:44There are twice as many obelisks in Rome as there are in Egypt.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46So 13 in Rome, six in Egypt.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49They were nicked by... Oh, five of the ones in Rome are home-grown,
0:20:49 > 0:20:51but the rest were taken from Egypt.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53And the Egyptians call them tekhenu.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56We call them obelisks because Herodotus, the Greek traveller,
0:20:56 > 0:20:59was the first one to write about them, so we get the Greek name.
0:20:59 > 0:21:00So you said Britain has one.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03- What is the name of the one that we have?- I don't know.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05- There it is. - It's Cleopatra's Needle, right?
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Yes! The American gets the point!
0:21:08 > 0:21:10APPLAUSE
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Of course, as soon as you say it, of course!
0:21:14 > 0:21:19Yes! Now, name an endangered mammal that eats bamboo.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22- Panda!- Panda.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25- KLAXON BLARES - Panda!- He-e-ey!
0:21:25 > 0:21:28- DESIREE:- Glad you said it! Yeah. - Not so, why?
0:21:28 > 0:21:32- Bill, any idea? - Well, they're not that endangered.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35- They are no longer endangered. - No.- Oh, they're all over the place.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37- They're vulnerable.- You can't go in any shopping centre in London
0:21:37 > 0:21:40without them taking up all the seats.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43- Yeah.- Elephants eat bamboo, is there a right answer?
0:21:43 > 0:21:44There is, but it isn't panda,
0:21:44 > 0:21:46because they are no longer designated as endangered.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49- Tree sloths.- It's a golden bamboo...
0:21:49 > 0:21:51- Eater.- Lemur.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54- There, look, how cute is that? - Look at his little face!
0:21:54 > 0:21:56Look, cute! And then a bird of prey!
0:21:56 > 0:21:59- Argh! - HE SCREECHES
0:22:01 > 0:22:03"There's only the two of us left now!
0:22:03 > 0:22:07"Phone the World Wildlife Fund. Stop eating the bamboo!
0:22:07 > 0:22:09"That's why they're upset."
0:22:16 > 0:22:19"We're making the same mistakes again and again and again!
0:22:19 > 0:22:21"We need to adapt to new habitats!"
0:22:21 > 0:22:24"Shut up, I'm eating all the bamboo before the bird comes back."
0:22:26 > 0:22:28I love bamboo, I bloody love it!
0:22:28 > 0:22:30You can do so much with it.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33You can grill it, you can fry it. You can chop it up and it's good.
0:22:33 > 0:22:37You can make scaffolding out of it, for building a lemur house.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40It's a very flexible plant, everyone knows that!
0:22:40 > 0:22:42You can make a xylophone out of it, for God's sake!
0:22:42 > 0:22:45There's loads of it, why are we dying out?!
0:22:45 > 0:22:46We should be thriving.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48We're not having enough sex.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50No.
0:22:50 > 0:22:51It doesn't really look like bamboo.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53It looks like he's crimping the end of a joint.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00"Yeah, let's crimp it, here we are, that's that.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02"Right, OK, come on, everyone."
0:23:03 > 0:23:05The Camberwell Carrot.
0:23:05 > 0:23:06Yeah!
0:23:06 > 0:23:09That's why they're dying out, they're just not doing anything.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Best job ever, I think, in 2014,
0:23:12 > 0:23:15China's Giant Panda Protection and Research Centre
0:23:15 > 0:23:17started recruiting panda nannies.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19- Awww!- Oh, my.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23- Oh, my gosh.- You get paid the equivalent of £28,000 a year.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25You get free meals, travel, accommodation.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28And you get to hug pandas all day.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30What are any of us doing with our lives?
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Some basic knowledge of pandas is required,
0:23:33 > 0:23:35as well as the ability to take pictures.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37The work has only one mission,
0:23:37 > 0:23:39spending 365 days with the pandas
0:23:39 > 0:23:42and sharing in their joys and sorrows.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45Aw. I don't think they have any joy or sorrow though, do they?
0:23:45 > 0:23:49- Yeah, what are panda sorrows? - They're just pandas, aren't they?
0:23:49 > 0:23:50I like the little one in the middle.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53"I may be small, but I'll take any of you.
0:23:53 > 0:23:54"I can take on any of you."
0:23:54 > 0:23:57- He's a tough one. - They're about to drop that one.
0:23:57 > 0:23:58And ready... Go!
0:24:01 > 0:24:05- Argh!- It would just be the softest crash in the world, though.
0:24:05 > 0:24:06This one, this is my favourite.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09Yeah, this one. That's the best. "Show business!"
0:24:10 > 0:24:13# There's no business like... #
0:24:13 > 0:24:16A panda with jazz hands, you don't see that very often, do you?
0:24:16 > 0:24:19Now, how many hills was Rome built on?
0:24:19 > 0:24:22- Seven.- Seven!
0:24:22 > 0:24:24KLAXON BLARES
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Six, six, five.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30- Five.- Four, three.- Eight. - DESIREE:- Seven and a half.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32- Eight.- Eight! - Oh, no, you've done it again!
0:24:32 > 0:24:34COLIN SINGS HAPPILY
0:24:34 > 0:24:37It's always been known as seven, but it seems to be a misunderstanding.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40They used to have a big festival called the Septimontium,
0:24:40 > 0:24:42which means seven hills, they celebrated the whole thing.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45But actually, when you look at the ancient list of the hills involved
0:24:45 > 0:24:48that they are celebrating, there are eight.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51And Mary Beard, who's a wonderful classicist,
0:24:51 > 0:24:55says, "Something has got confused there somewhere along the line."
0:24:55 > 0:24:59There's about 75 cities in the world that claim to have been built on seven hills.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01There are two Romes, two Athens.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04There's a Seven Hills in Ohio, which is rather aptly named.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06About a quarter of Europe's capital cities claim to be.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09Bath, where I grew up, that's supposed to be based on Rome.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11- Right.- The seven hills, but, you know. I don't know.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Lisbon's very hilly.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15What's that?
0:25:16 > 0:25:18They have a funicular railway.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20It's like the worst Trip Adviser review.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24No, no, on the contrary, it's a very good tip about Lisbon.
0:25:24 > 0:25:28It's very hilly, it's what you need to know more than anything else.
0:25:28 > 0:25:32"They said it was hilly on Trip Adviser."
0:25:32 > 0:25:34You need to be warned about it, you're absolutely right.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36- Edinburgh's hilly.- Yeah.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39OK, let's stop doing places that are hilly.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Dublin's not very hilly.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43- No. OK, moving on from hilly. - Holland!
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Holland's completely flat, no hills at all.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48Amsterdam, no, barely an incline.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51Nothing at all. No, there's no crime in Holland or Belgium.
0:25:51 > 0:25:55- You can see people coming from miles off.- Because you can see everyone!
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Do you know, I can imagine you in a home, somehow.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03APPLAUSE
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Will you come and see me?
0:26:05 > 0:26:06Yeah, no.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09I'll bring you some mashed banana.
0:26:09 > 0:26:10Argentina, that's really hilly.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Shut up!
0:26:13 > 0:26:16I'll be in the next bed.
0:26:16 > 0:26:17"What was that, Alan?"
0:26:18 > 0:26:21Vancouver, but it's not a capital, doesn't count.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23- Yeah. Fiji, is that hilly?- Shut up!
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Do you think this is sharp enough to kill somebody?
0:26:28 > 0:26:31Yeah, if you have enough intention behind it.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33- Yeah.- Oslo.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35- Oslo's hilly.- That's true.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37They've got a funicular railway and don't deny it.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42That's right.
0:26:42 > 0:26:43OK!
0:26:44 > 0:26:46On the subject of Rome...
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Yes.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50THAT is hilly, it's famous for it.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54- They thought it was seven, but it turns out it's eight. - Eight, we know that.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56- COLIN:- Does this qualify as entertainment?
0:26:56 > 0:26:58No.
0:26:58 > 0:26:59The seven hills...
0:26:59 > 0:27:02..the seven hills of Rome are actually eight.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04There are many other places in the world that are also hilly
0:27:04 > 0:27:06and I can't be arsed to tell you about them.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10When I am in the company of men in a group like this,
0:27:10 > 0:27:12I feel happy about my life choices. And so...
0:27:14 > 0:27:16APPLAUSE
0:27:21 > 0:27:24And so, our international odyssey is over,
0:27:24 > 0:27:26and it's time to work out what it's cost us.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29Let's have a look at the scores.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31In last place, we have, with...
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Ah, this is magnificent. Minus 57, it's Alan.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:38 > 0:27:41A very creditable minus 3, Bill.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:44 > 0:27:49Considering it was her very first show, she got a full 3 points, Desiree.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:53 > 0:27:56Colin, 16 points, you are the winner.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:04 > 0:28:09# Australians, oh, let us rejoice
0:28:09 > 0:28:12# For we are young and free... #
0:28:12 > 0:28:14- No, you're not...- Colin...
0:28:14 > 0:28:19# Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours... #
0:28:19 > 0:28:22And the suburb where they make Neighbours is quite hilly.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27Quite hilly.
0:28:27 > 0:28:30The winner takes home this week's objectionable object,
0:28:30 > 0:28:34and it is this lovely souvenir spider.
0:28:34 > 0:28:35Awwww!
0:28:35 > 0:28:37- There you go.- Aww! - There you go.- Wow.
0:28:40 > 0:28:44It only remains for me to thank Desiree, Bill, Colin and Alan.
0:28:44 > 0:28:46And to end this Overseas show,
0:28:46 > 0:28:49I leave you with this story about travel.
0:28:49 > 0:28:50Muhammad Ali was on a flight
0:28:50 > 0:28:53when a hostess asked him to put on his seat belt.
0:28:53 > 0:28:56"Superman don't need no seat belt," said Ali.
0:28:56 > 0:28:59To which she replied, "Superman don't need no plane."
0:28:59 > 0:29:01Thank you, goodnight.