0:00:24 > 0:00:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:32 > 0:00:36Hello, and welcome to QI.
0:00:36 > 0:00:40Now, what do vegetarian goatsuckers eat?
0:00:40 > 0:00:43LAUGHTER
0:00:43 > 0:00:46- Right, I thought... Wow. - Can you show that on television?
0:00:46 > 0:00:48I think that's taking vaping too far.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53- Is that a goat bagpipe? - It is a goat bagpipe.- Oh.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55He's done something odd to his hair.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Yeah, his hair, that's the problem with that picture!
0:01:00 > 0:01:02So vegetarian goatsuckers, what do they eat?
0:01:02 > 0:01:04He must eat the rest of the goat, surely,
0:01:04 > 0:01:06before it becomes his instrument?
0:01:06 > 0:01:09It's a vegetarian goatsucker. So...
0:01:09 > 0:01:11- Not goats! - There's no use saying that...
0:01:11 > 0:01:13What's a goatsucker?
0:01:13 > 0:01:16- It's a kind of bird, it's an order of birds called goatsuckers.- Oh.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18And they were named because there was an ancient belief
0:01:18 > 0:01:21that they lived nocturnally, sucking the milk from the teats of goats,
0:01:21 > 0:01:24- which sent them blind.- Oh, God! - Oh, I know.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27- It feels like a fun-size owl. - Well...
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Like, if you're like, "Oh, I want to get an owl,
0:01:29 > 0:01:30- "but I haven't got the space."- Yeah.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32"I'll get one of these."
0:01:32 > 0:01:36They're called oilbirds, also known as guacharo.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39And they are the only vegetarian species of goatsuckers.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Most goatsuckers eat insects, these oilbirds eat fruit.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Sorry, you said that like it's like a huge surprise to us.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47- What?- We've only just heard they existed and you went,
0:01:47 > 0:01:49"These are the only ones that are vegetarians!"
0:01:49 > 0:01:50Well, I've just found out.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52I mean, I literally couldn't care less.
0:01:52 > 0:01:53LAUGHTER
0:01:53 > 0:01:56And I'm speaking on behalf of everyone in the room when I say,
0:01:56 > 0:01:58"No, really, these are the only vegetarian ones?
0:01:58 > 0:02:00"Wow, let's get this down."
0:02:00 > 0:02:04What are you talking about? You've lost your mind!
0:02:07 > 0:02:09They live in caves in the northern part of South America.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Well, no wonder they're vegetarian, what is there to eat in there?
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Well, the thing about them is they get so fat
0:02:14 > 0:02:19from the fruit that they eat, that they become incredibly plump and
0:02:19 > 0:02:23there's an annual oil harvest where people take the plump babies in
0:02:23 > 0:02:26their thousands, the local people, and they render them for the oil.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Because apparently it's excellent for fuel and also for cooking.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32- Do they still suck the goats? - Nobody sucks goats, it's...
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Do you remember when Sandi had a breakdown on television
0:02:35 > 0:02:38and she was talking about goatsuckers?
0:02:38 > 0:02:40And then we just gave up. We asked about three times,
0:02:40 > 0:02:42"What has this goat got to do with anything?"
0:02:42 > 0:02:44And she just went, "Oh, it's a bird."
0:02:44 > 0:02:46But then she kept on talking about goats for ages before,
0:02:46 > 0:02:49- but then we just let it go. - People will look back on it as the tipping point.
0:02:49 > 0:02:50They'll say it was one show too many,
0:02:50 > 0:02:53and she explained to everyone, "It's the only vegetarian goatsucker,
0:02:53 > 0:02:55"but it doesn't suck goats, doesn't even do it."
0:02:55 > 0:02:57- And she thought it made sense. - Yeah, yeah.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00It was an ancient belief that they sucked the teats of goats
0:03:00 > 0:03:02for the milk, but they don't.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Sometimes in the old days they got things wrong.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07LAUGHTER
0:03:07 > 0:03:10- I'd quite like to live in a cave. - Would you? Why?
0:03:10 > 0:03:13I don't know, I always like being in a cave.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15LAUGHTER
0:03:15 > 0:03:18Whenever I'm in a cave, I feel quite relaxed.
0:03:18 > 0:03:22This is the weirdest therapy session of all time.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26I went into some really big caves once, and it was great in there.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28LAUGHTER
0:03:29 > 0:03:32I'd say whatever Sandi's got is catching.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36And do you know what...?
0:03:36 > 0:03:39If my calculations are correct, I think the wind's blowing that way.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42I don't think Jason's got much hope.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46OK, I've got some descriptions of perfumes
0:03:46 > 0:03:49and I want you to guess which celebrity they come from, OK?
0:03:49 > 0:03:53"Focused on the topic of decisiveness and persistence.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56"Its composition is based on sophisticated shades of spices,
0:03:56 > 0:03:59"which are blended with citruses over a masculine, elegant heart
0:03:59 > 0:04:01"and a woody, leathery base."
0:04:02 > 0:04:04# Smell the roses. #
0:04:04 > 0:04:07- Is it David Beckham?- It is!- What?!
0:04:07 > 0:04:09APPLAUSE
0:04:11 > 0:04:14Well done, two to go.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17- So it's called Beyond Forever. - I love it.- By David Beckham.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20OK, here's the next one. Ready?
0:04:20 > 0:04:22"The perfect accessory for the confident man determined to
0:04:22 > 0:04:25"make his mark with passion, perseverance and drive.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28"For those who aspire to create their own empire through personal
0:04:28 > 0:04:31"achievement, this dynamic scent is both compelling
0:04:31 > 0:04:34"and leaves a lasting impression. Bold notes..."
0:04:34 > 0:04:36ROSS'S BUZZER
0:04:36 > 0:04:38- Ross?- Is it Rory Bremner?
0:04:40 > 0:04:43Rory could probably do this person, I would imagine.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45- Donald Trump...- Yes! Yes!
0:04:45 > 0:04:49LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:04:53 > 0:04:55I'm very, very pleased to actually have a...
0:04:55 > 0:04:59- BUZZER TRUMPS - ..a trump sound.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03It's called Empire, by Donald Trump.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Right, last one. Ready?
0:05:05 > 0:05:09"Base notes are leather, peat fire, highland mud, burned rubber
0:05:09 > 0:05:11"and white truffle."
0:05:11 > 0:05:14- # Smell the... # Yes, Nish?- Is it Ross?!
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Have you not got your own perfume in the...?
0:05:19 > 0:05:22I've released many scents.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25But not one that people would pay for.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29I quite like the idea of a perfume called Noble Gas.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32- LAUGHTER - Oh, yeah.
0:05:36 > 0:05:37OK.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40I'm going to carry on with this one.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44"Heart notes are sharp and tempting with cigar, heather, fir and rubber.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46"Top notes complete the fragrance with fresh,
0:05:46 > 0:05:50"spiced notes of bergamot, black pepper, pine and whisky."
0:05:50 > 0:05:52# Smell it too... #
0:05:52 > 0:05:53David Dickinson?
0:05:54 > 0:05:58I would have to say "creosote" if it was David Dickinson.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00- It's a boy. - Is it George Clooney?
0:06:00 > 0:06:03No, it's the best name for a perfume ever, I think.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06It is Cumming, by Alan Cumming.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09LAUGHTER
0:06:12 > 0:06:15And there are lots of words called orphaned negatives.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17So these are words that have the opposites,
0:06:17 > 0:06:19but nobody uses them, they are now obsolete.
0:06:19 > 0:06:23So, what would be the opposite of ineffable?
0:06:23 > 0:06:26- Eff...- Effable.- Effable. But nobody ever uses it,
0:06:26 > 0:06:28- it's a perfectly good word, isn't it?- I've heard people say that.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31- Effable - it's not effable?- "Oh, he's got nice trousers on today.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33"He's totally f-able."
0:06:33 > 0:06:36- LAUGHTER - It makes sense...
0:06:38 > 0:06:40I mean, that could be acceptable, in polite company.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45- Have you ever played the spoon game? - What's the spoon game?
0:06:45 > 0:06:50The spoon game is, you put a spoon in your mouth, a bit like that...
0:06:50 > 0:06:52- Yeah.- Put your head down, put your head down, it won't hurt.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56- Put my what?- Your head. - Head down, right.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59And you go like that.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02- Right.- M-hm?- Then... David, you can get up now.- Thank you.
0:07:04 > 0:07:08And then David will put the spoon in his mouth and I'll put my head down.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11- Yeah?- And then a third person behind me will hit me
0:07:11 > 0:07:13with incredible force with another spoon.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16- And it really, really hurts. - Yes!
0:07:16 > 0:07:18So when you come up, you're enraged.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20And then you put the spoon back in your mouth
0:07:20 > 0:07:23and you really, really try as hard as you can.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25And then they say, "Right..." And then the third person goes...
0:07:25 > 0:07:28And it took me three goes before I thought,
0:07:28 > 0:07:32"Hang on a minute, you're not doing that with a spoon in your mouth!"
0:07:32 > 0:07:36What worried me is how compliant David was.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38You had no idea.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41I was just trying to look fun.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43LAUGHTER
0:07:44 > 0:07:47- I've known you a long time, David, it's a new look.- Yeah.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52The important thing, although oestrogen is the primary
0:07:52 > 0:07:54female sex hormone, of course men have it as well -
0:07:54 > 0:07:56the same as women have testosterone.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59And if men didn't have oestrogen, what would happen to them?
0:07:59 > 0:08:01It's the light, it's the light. Everyone is looking at that picture,
0:08:01 > 0:08:04it's the light. It's not what you think!
0:08:04 > 0:08:07It's just the light.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Why would you have swimming trunks made out of silk?
0:08:09 > 0:08:12That's the most... I think those two women are going,
0:08:12 > 0:08:15- "If you could just leave us two alone...."- Yeah.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18So, men have to have oestrogen, and if they don't have oestrogen,
0:08:18 > 0:08:20- what happens to them? Do we know? - They become ladies.- No!
0:08:20 > 0:08:23Well, they get a male menopause is the thing.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26They start putting on weight and have a diminished libido.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28It's like babies, when you're breast-feeding them,
0:08:28 > 0:08:31at the beginning, little baby girls can have periods in the first
0:08:31 > 0:08:34month, because they've taken your oestrogen.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36- I did not know that. - Yeah, that's true...
0:08:36 > 0:08:39- Is this the first time you've ever had that experience?- What?
0:08:39 > 0:08:41Not knowing something?
0:08:41 > 0:08:43LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:08:49 > 0:08:53Our perception of sharks is apparently shaped by footage
0:08:53 > 0:08:57in nature documentaries, which tends to be accompanied by ominous music.
0:08:57 > 0:09:01So the thing that really scares you in it is ominous music.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03So here's one with silence.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Hello, my friend!
0:09:09 > 0:09:10"Aaaah."
0:09:11 > 0:09:14"Am I going to be on TV?"
0:09:14 > 0:09:17Da-da-da-da-da!
0:09:17 > 0:09:22"Aaaaawwwww!"
0:09:22 > 0:09:25"Awwwww."
0:09:25 > 0:09:26LAUGHTER
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
0:09:30 > 0:09:34Do you know what? There's a whole show for you, Alan,
0:09:34 > 0:09:36in just doing fish impersonations.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40We had the trout faking her orgasm last series.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42We've done that.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44LAUGHTER
0:09:49 > 0:09:52Different orgasm, same trout.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Can you do a shark who then has an orgasm?
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Can you combine...?
0:10:00 > 0:10:02"Aaah."
0:10:02 > 0:10:04"Ah, oooh!"
0:10:08 > 0:10:10- Mildly surprised.- Yeah.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13Because they don't know they're going to have an orgasm,
0:10:13 > 0:10:16they haven't learnt about orgasms or experimented with themselves,
0:10:16 > 0:10:20I imagine. And then when they have an orgasm the first time,
0:10:20 > 0:10:23- it must be very alarming. - My worry is, watching you do them,
0:10:23 > 0:10:26that you haven't seen someone have one before.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31"Ooooh. Ooh, uh-oh!"
0:10:34 > 0:10:37And then they go... When they do it for the second or the third time,
0:10:37 > 0:10:42then they're much more, "Ooooooh, aah, aaah!"
0:10:44 > 0:10:46"Aaaahhh!"
0:10:47 > 0:10:50Is... Is everything OK at home, Alan?
0:10:53 > 0:10:57What is the point of a tap in the ocean?
0:10:57 > 0:10:59That's not a real picture.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01LAUGHTER
0:11:01 > 0:11:04It isn't a real picture, because in Britain
0:11:04 > 0:11:08- you'd have two taps for no reason at all.- Yeah.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10- OK, I don't understand this.- What?!
0:11:10 > 0:11:12- So you have a hot tap and you have a cold tap, right?- Yes.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Yes, well, how is that? So you're trying to wash your hands,
0:11:15 > 0:11:18and what happens, you put it under the hot tap, you think, "Argh!"
0:11:18 > 0:11:20And then you go for the cold tap, and go, "Argh!"
0:11:20 > 0:11:23- "Oh, hoo, hoo, hoo! Argh!" - Yeah.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25How is it the British haven't discovered there's a mixer tap?!
0:11:25 > 0:11:28- What...?- It's the only excitement we get.- Oh, is that...?
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Did you find that baffling when you arrived?
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- I still find it baffling.- Yeah, no. - And I don't understand radiators.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37Why you want to heat an entire house with a small hot metal
0:11:37 > 0:11:40- plate in the corner. It doesn't work!- What would you do instead?
0:11:40 > 0:11:44We have forced air in Canada, otherwise you freeze to death.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46- What do you have? A forced what? - What?
0:11:46 > 0:11:48- Forced air, just the same as air-con. You know...- Forced air-con?
0:11:48 > 0:11:52- Yeah.- Yeah. I've never heard the term, I'm 40... Late forties.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54LAUGHTER
0:11:54 > 0:11:56I genuinely didn't know how old I was then!
0:11:56 > 0:11:58But I've never...
0:11:58 > 0:12:00I'm not going to bother sitting here working it out,
0:12:00 > 0:12:03but, I mean, I'm 50 soon and I've never heard the term "forced air".
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Well, not in that context.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09I love the fact, Rhod, that I'm asking you some
0:12:09 > 0:12:14quite complicated science questions and you don't know how old you are.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17- I'm about 49.- You're about 49. Have you just worked it out?
0:12:17 > 0:12:18Yeah.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22I'm so used to saying I'm 50 in a few years.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24I'm so used to saying that, that for a moment it stumped me.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27No, but the thing is, though, it is quite good to know how old you are,
0:12:27 > 0:12:31and the producer has just told me in my ear, Rhod, that you're 48!
0:12:31 > 0:12:34LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:12:41 > 0:12:46OK, so for this I'm going to ask Aisling, please, to channel
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Carol Vorderman for me, if you wouldn't mind.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51- Oh!- So here is a pen.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53- So you've got to hold it up so that everybody can see.- Yes.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55So maybe Alan can help you with that.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58- Well, I think I'm all right. - No, no, I mean hold it up
0:12:58 > 0:13:01so that the audience can see what you're writing.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03- Oh, I see what you mean.- Yes.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06LAUGHTER
0:13:06 > 0:13:09- AMERICAN ACCENT:- Thank God I got this big strong man with me
0:13:09 > 0:13:11to help me carry this heavy old board.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16There's a gentleman wearing a T-shirt that says
0:13:16 > 0:13:19"Love Is..." Something. Any random number, please.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22- Just a single-digit number.- Eight.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25- It wasn't a difficult question. - Eight.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28- Not that many of them. Right, eight. Write that down, please.- OK.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31Just to warn you, you're going to write a three-digit number
0:13:31 > 0:13:34- and there's going to be quite a lot of numbers.- So, eight.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Oh, dear God!
0:13:37 > 0:13:39LAUGHTER
0:13:43 > 0:13:45- Could you just start again? - OK.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49- That was just me having a gentle laugh, Sandi.- I love it.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51There is... Let's go right up the back,
0:13:51 > 0:13:52the first row at the very back.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55- The blue shirt at the end.- Two.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58- Two. Number two.- OK. - OK, there we go.
0:13:58 > 0:14:02- Oh, squeaky! - Shut up, Debbie McGee!
0:14:02 > 0:14:05- And let's go over here, lady with a patterned top.- Seven.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07- Seven. 827. OK.- Whoa.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11So what I want you to do now is reverse the digits underneath.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Oh, yes.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17Oh, but that's always going to be two in the middle.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Yeah, that's fine, that's fine, keep going.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21- That's still an eight. - Put it upside down.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24- It's not really complicated, what I'm asking you to do.- Yes, yes, yes.
0:14:24 > 0:14:28Could you now subtract the smaller number from the larger?
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Right, yeah.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35OK, so we're going to do this now.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37So we take eight from seven,
0:14:37 > 0:14:38just not possible,
0:14:38 > 0:14:40I think we all know that.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44- OK.- Yes, so we're going to do... - Wow!
0:14:44 > 0:14:48- I mean, I'm in the arts, you see, so...- Yeah.- It's just...
0:14:48 > 0:14:52- Nine, nine, nine!- What, stop saying "no" at me in German
0:14:52 > 0:14:55and tell me what the answer is. Nine.
0:14:55 > 0:14:59- Yeah, and then it's going to be... - And then this one comes down here...
0:14:59 > 0:15:01- It's going to be nine again. - So it's three from nine.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03So I need to have three numbers, so put a zero now, please.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07So you have three numbers. OK. Now reverse those digits, please.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09- Zero...- Always 9.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12..9, 9, and please could you add them together?
0:15:12 > 0:15:13Oh...
0:15:16 > 0:15:18- So 18?- No.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20So, so...
0:15:21 > 0:15:23- So 9 and zero... Start again. - Oh!
0:15:23 > 0:15:25- 9 and zero is 9.- 9.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27- 9 and 9 is 8, carry 1.- 18.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29- So the answer is?- 1089.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31OK, so we've come to 1089.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33- OK, thank you very much. - How exciting.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Wow, that was painful. Really painful.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37APPLAUSE
0:15:39 > 0:15:42So, what was the number that we had? We had 1089.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44So, Noel, I'm going to pass you a copy
0:15:44 > 0:15:48of 1,342 QI Facts To Leave You Flabbergasted.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52- Noel?- Yes?- I feel really stressed.
0:15:52 > 0:15:57Could you, let's see, 1089, take the tenth word on page 89
0:15:57 > 0:15:58and tell me what it is?
0:15:58 > 0:16:01- Yeah.- What is it?- French.- French.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05Here is the envelope that I did earlier.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07And there is the word French.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09- APPLAUSE - No!- RUSSELL BRAND: That's magic.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Number four? Let's have a quick look.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20- The horns are the giveaway. - Is it a goat?- Goat?
0:16:20 > 0:16:22No, much smaller. Smaller than a goat.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Reindeer.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Yes, those famous small reindeer.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31- Muntjac.- No, it's called a dik-dik.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33- Oh, yeah, yeah.- A dick pic?
0:16:33 > 0:16:36A dik-dik. Not a dick pic.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39I'd rather get one of those than a dick pic, to be honest.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Do you know why they're called dik-dik?
0:16:41 > 0:16:44- Cos they've got two... - So good they named it twice.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Because they've got two what, darling?
0:16:46 > 0:16:47Er...
0:16:49 > 0:16:50No, it's just I thought...
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Sorry, the rest of the class want to hear it now.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56- I sort of... I just... - What was it, Nish?
0:16:56 > 0:16:57Well, I was just saying.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00It seemed very important that you wanted to interrupt Sandi.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02You have to say it.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05I was just... I was just saying that maybe they have two dicks.
0:17:07 > 0:17:08Yeah, no.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13It's the sound they make. It's a sort of a warning cry.
0:17:13 > 0:17:14- Dick! Dick!- Yeah.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Dick! Dick!
0:17:21 > 0:17:24The thing I like about them, they are incredibly efficient with water.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26They have the driest poo
0:17:26 > 0:17:29and the most concentrated urine of any ungulate.
0:17:29 > 0:17:30- Right.- Wow.
0:17:30 > 0:17:35Well, clearly you've never spent a night in Wetherspoon's.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38And an extra point for that, cos that's true too.
0:17:41 > 0:17:46Now, it's time to wrap our presents in the great QI wrapping race.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49OK, so under your respective desks you're going to find paper
0:17:49 > 0:17:51and scissors and tape.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53And I would like you to beautifully wrap the things you've got.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57So, Romesh, you need to wrap the game that we've got there for you.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59And if you could find the best way....
0:17:59 > 0:18:01LAUGHTER
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Wrap that for me.
0:18:03 > 0:18:08And, Alan, if you could wrap yours. There we are, that's lovely.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11And what have you guys got to wrap up?
0:18:11 > 0:18:12Lovely.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14So, what do we reckon?
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Best way to wrap these things up?
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Are you going to say, "Ready, steady go," or something?
0:18:18 > 0:18:21Ready, steady, go. Whoever does it best...
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Wow! Jason, that's... Yeah.
0:18:36 > 0:18:37That looks good.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40- I think I've finished, Sandi. - OK, let me see, let me see.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Alan is the winner, I think, got there first.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45APPLAUSE
0:18:45 > 0:18:47OK.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51So, awkward items, what you need is a life-hack, OK,
0:18:51 > 0:18:52to wrap something awkward.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55So I've got here a small American football and a single piece
0:18:55 > 0:18:58of paper, and what you actually do, and you could have done it with
0:18:58 > 0:19:02any of your items, is you take your paper and you fold it like this.
0:19:02 > 0:19:07And then put some tape down the middle like this.
0:19:07 > 0:19:13And then you need to fold the piece of paper like this, and fold it in.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18And then put some Sellotape on that, like this.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22This is like Blue Peter, isn't it?
0:19:23 > 0:19:26It's a really brilliant way to wrap an awkward thing.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29It is basically a bag with a gusset that you can make
0:19:29 > 0:19:33out of a single piece of paper and you make it like that, and you
0:19:33 > 0:19:36stick your awkward thing inside and you have a very neatly wrapped gift.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39- Oh, my God.- Oh, my God!
0:19:39 > 0:19:41APPLAUSE
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Here's a collection of odd-sounding O words,
0:19:45 > 0:19:48and I'd like you to pick one and use it in a sentence, please.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50A cum-spliff, what the f...?
0:19:55 > 0:19:57"Oh, ja, a cum-spliff.
0:20:00 > 0:20:04- "Ja, cum-spliff, ja."- He doesn't take long, he doesn't take long at all.- No, no.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06"Oppenchops, cum-spliff."
0:20:06 > 0:20:10- Are you doing Oojah-cum-spliff? - Yeah...- Is that your one?
0:20:10 > 0:20:11Cum-spliff...
0:20:11 > 0:20:13What is your sentence, please, Alan?
0:20:13 > 0:20:14"Oh, ja, a cum-spliff."
0:20:14 > 0:20:15It's a...
0:20:16 > 0:20:19It's a Dutchman having a joint in a brothel.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26- Cum-spliff?- I don't want it, I don't want it.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Get it away from me, man.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33You'd be no fun in a brothel, would you?
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Oh, look at Rom, he doesn't want the cum-spliff, what a prude!
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Oojah-cum-spliff means all fine and dandy.
0:20:42 > 0:20:43Yeah, I bet it does.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48- It's a glimpse of the future.- Yeah.
0:20:48 > 0:20:49Him just talking to his chameleon.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52Well, if you've got one, it doesn't do anything else, does it?
0:20:52 > 0:20:54What are you going to do with it? You can't take it for a walk.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57Well, it's like the first ten minutes you have with your chameleon.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00"Barry? Barry! Barry!"
0:21:00 > 0:21:02He's there! He's just there.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Oh, shit, it's there.
0:21:04 > 0:21:09He went on a two-tone suit once and nearly had a heart attack.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12Do you have this on Strictly? All you want to do is talk about the foxtrot and people are going,
0:21:12 > 0:21:15- "Rumba, I want to talk rumba." - No, I never want to talk about the foxtrot.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18- No, this is good.- What's it like? I was asked to go on it and I...
0:21:18 > 0:21:21- I wish you would.- I said...- You could dance with the pipe, chatting.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23They said, "Who do you want to...?" I said "I want to do it in character."
0:21:23 > 0:21:26And they said, "Who do you want to be?" I said, "Abu Hamza."
0:21:26 > 0:21:27And they said no.
0:21:49 > 0:21:50Is anybody good at origami?
0:21:50 > 0:21:53- I did that thing, the only thing I've done is...- Oh, yeah, that one.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56- That thing where he goes, pick a number, Josh? Oh...- Three.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58- Pick a colour.- Red.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00Hmm, hmm, hmm, he fancies you. That's all I've done.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03How is it so accurate?
0:22:07 > 0:22:09But I've got some very good ones for you.
0:22:09 > 0:22:13- So, Josh, you can have... There we have a little jumping frog. - Oh, a frog.- Frog.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17And, Rich, you have a jack rabbit. There's a jack rabbit for you.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20And, Susan, you've got an elephant.
0:22:20 > 0:22:21Oh.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23And, Alan, what's this?
0:22:23 > 0:22:24It's a blue whale.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35- No, this is a blue whale. - Oh, God.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39All these years, still don't recognise it.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41There we are.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46The modern hi-tech racing catamarans have taken this one step further.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48They don't even have a floppy sail any more,
0:22:48 > 0:22:50they have much more like an aeroplane wing.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53So if you have a look here, the AC72 catamaran, it has a rigid thing,
0:22:53 > 0:22:57the same size of wing as the Boeing 747.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00So using the aeroplane technology and the fact they lift out of water
0:23:00 > 0:23:04onto hydrofoils, they have speeds of up to 2.79 times the speed of wind.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06So, unbelievably fast.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08ALAN BLOWS RASPBERRY
0:23:09 > 0:23:12LAUGHTER
0:23:14 > 0:23:17Do you know, people often say to me,
0:23:17 > 0:23:19"What did Stephen say to you as he left?"
0:23:19 > 0:23:22And the truth is, he shook his head and went, "You have no idea."
0:23:22 > 0:23:26LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Boats sailing across the wind can go much faster than the wind itself.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32- Indeed there is... - Oh, stop going on about the boat!
0:23:36 > 0:23:37Come here.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41They're so awful.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46- I just...- Oh, thank God you're here. Right.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Can you name a female outlaw?
0:23:51 > 0:23:53- Well, not Jesse James.- No.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56Bonnie out of Bonnie and Clyde.
0:23:59 > 0:24:00Strictly speaking,
0:24:00 > 0:24:04there is no such thing as a female outlaw in British law.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07Outlawry is when an individual was placed outside
0:24:07 > 0:24:08the protection of the law.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11And females denied protection of the law were called something else,
0:24:11 > 0:24:13they were called waived women.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Isn't that awful?
0:24:15 > 0:24:17So their right to any protection was said to be waived,
0:24:17 > 0:24:19so left out or not regarded.
0:24:19 > 0:24:23Can you name a male outlaw of the Wild West?
0:24:23 > 0:24:24- Of the Wild West?- Yeah.- Oh.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26- Billy the Whatsit? - Billy the Whatsit?
0:24:26 > 0:24:29- Billy the Kid.- Yeah.- Billy the Kid. - Billy the Kid.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34- Sundance Kid? - You know, What's-Her-Name.
0:24:40 > 0:24:41Butch Cassidy?
0:24:42 > 0:24:44It could go on and on.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47- So, again, there were no outlaws as such in the Old West... - Oh, you amaze me.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49..male or female.
0:24:49 > 0:24:53So in the original meaning, an outlaw is merely somebody
0:24:53 > 0:24:56- who's been put outside the law, so denied its protection.- Right.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59HE SINGS THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN THEME That's a fantastic film, isn't it?
0:25:02 > 0:25:04So these were, so none of them were outlaws.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07In order to be an outlaw, you had to be set outside...
0:25:07 > 0:25:09LAUGHTER
0:25:09 > 0:25:12- Are you trying to hum the theme tune to The Magnificent Seven? - Yeah.- Yes.
0:25:12 > 0:25:13That's not the theme tune to The...
0:25:13 > 0:25:16Do you know The Magnificent Seven? HE SINGS THEME
0:25:16 > 0:25:18- No, that's Bonanza. - Oh, that's Bonanza!
0:25:21 > 0:25:23- Oh, I liked Bonanza. - I thought Bonanza was...
0:25:23 > 0:25:25- SHE SINGS NOTES - Bonanza!
0:25:25 > 0:25:28- GRAYSON PERRY:- Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that was right. I think we need...
0:25:28 > 0:25:30- What's The High Chaparral? - I demand...
0:25:30 > 0:25:33- BILL BAILEY: That's The Muppets. - Someone Google it.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36Does anybody know the bloody theme tune?
0:25:36 > 0:25:41HE SINGS TUNE, ALAN JOINS IN
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Come on, everyone.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Anybody join in.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50THEY ALL JOIN IN
0:26:00 > 0:26:03- BILL BAILEY:- Oh, no, no, it's not that.
0:26:03 > 0:26:04It's not that!
0:26:08 > 0:26:10How many hills was Rome built on?
0:26:11 > 0:26:14- Seven.- Seven.
0:26:17 > 0:26:18Six, six, five.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20- Five.- Four, three.
0:26:20 > 0:26:21- Eight. - Seven and a half.
0:26:21 > 0:26:25- Oh, no, you've done it again! - Yes! Da-da, da-da-da...
0:26:25 > 0:26:28It's always been known as seven, but it seems to be a misunderstanding.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31In fact, they used to have a big festival called the Septimontium,
0:26:31 > 0:26:34which means seven hills, and they used to celebrate the whole thing.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36But, actually, when you look at the ancient list of the hills
0:26:36 > 0:26:40involved that they're celebrating, there are eight.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43And Mary Beard, who's a wonderful classicist, says,
0:26:43 > 0:26:46"Something has got confused there somewhere along the line."
0:26:46 > 0:26:48But there's about 75 cities in the world that claim
0:26:48 > 0:26:50to have been built on seven hills.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52There are two Romes, two Athens.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55There's a Seven Hills in Ohio, which is rather aptly named.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57About a quarter of Europe's capital cities claim to be.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00- Bath, where I grew up, that's supposed to be based on Rome.- Right.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02- The seven hills, but, you know... - The seven hills.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04- ..I don't know.- Lisbon's very hilly.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07What's that?
0:27:07 > 0:27:09They have a funicular railway.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12It's like the worst TripAdvisor review.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15No, on the contrary, it's a very good tip about Lisbon.
0:27:15 > 0:27:19It's very hilly, it's what you need to know more than anything else.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22"They said it was hilly on TripAdvisor."
0:27:22 > 0:27:25You need to be warned about it, you're absolutely right.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27- Edinburgh's hilly.- Yeah.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30OK, let's stop doing places that are hilly.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32- Dublin's not very hilly.- No.- No.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34OK, moving on from hilly.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36Holland's completely flat, no hills at all.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39Amsterdam, no, barely an incline.
0:27:39 > 0:27:40Nothing at all.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42No, there's no crime in Holland or Belgium
0:27:42 > 0:27:46- cos you can see people coming from miles off.- Cos you can see everyone.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48Do you know, I can imagine you in a home, somehow.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE
0:27:54 > 0:27:55Will you come and see me?
0:27:55 > 0:27:57Yeah, no.
0:27:57 > 0:28:00I'll bring you some mashed banana. Uh...
0:28:00 > 0:28:03- Argentina, that's really hilly. - Shut up!
0:28:04 > 0:28:07I'll be in the next bed.
0:28:07 > 0:28:08What was that, Alan?
0:28:09 > 0:28:13- Vancouver, but it's not a capital, don't count.- Yeah.
0:28:13 > 0:28:15- Fiji, is that hilly?- Shut up!
0:28:16 > 0:28:19Do you think this is sharp enough to kill somebody?
0:28:19 > 0:28:22Yeah, if you have enough intention behind it.
0:28:22 > 0:28:23- Yeah.- Oslo.
0:28:24 > 0:28:25Oslo is hilly.
0:28:25 > 0:28:29- That's true.- They've got a funicular railway, and don't deny it.
0:28:31 > 0:28:32That's right.
0:28:32 > 0:28:34- OK.- Yeah?
0:28:35 > 0:28:39- On the subject of Rome...- Yes.
0:28:39 > 0:28:41- That is hilly, it's famous. - That's really hilly.
0:28:41 > 0:28:44You thought it was seven, but it turns out it's eight.
0:28:44 > 0:28:45Eight, we know that.
0:28:45 > 0:28:49- Does this qualify as entertainment?- No.
0:28:49 > 0:28:52When I'm in the company of men in a group like this, I feel happy about my life choices.
0:28:52 > 0:28:53And so...
0:28:53 > 0:28:56APPLAUSE
0:28:59 > 0:29:03CHEERING